Chaos Monster

Midnights Part 3 (aka The Glitch) Dec 14, 2022

We think there's been a glitch (or two or five) in this third installment of our Midnights review. Listen as we try to navigate brief interruptions and slight malfunctions!
Plus:
Archie explains Paris word for word.

Midnights Part 2 Nov 25, 2022

In this highly anticipated follow-up, Archie and Zara discuss three more songs from Midnights! Also included: Mexican food, villains, and panties. Stay tuned for one more installment (part 3) in the series, coming to you ASAP.

Taylor Swift's MIDNIGHTS Part 1 Nov 11, 2022

Archie and Zara discuss the first half of Taylor's newest album, friendship, and revenge. Listen to hear our rankings so we can fight about them!

Jenette McCurdy: I'm Glad My Mom Died Oct 31, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by podcast BFF Jessica Zaleski to discuss Jenette McCurdy's best-selling, highly controversial novel I'm Glad My Mom Died.

Chris Medina: Psychic Medium Oct 25, 2022

For our first episode of the new season, we talked with wildly accurate psychic and medium Chris Medina, who told us harsh truths and delivered eerie albeit comforting messages (from beyond?)

The Game (with Archie and Zara) Aug 22, 2022

Archie and Zara play a game, but the game has no name...and no rules. Which makes you wonder, is it actually even a game, or just a conversation?

Astrology With Ally Part 1 Aug 04, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by comedian, writer, actress, and overall delightful human being, Ally Weinhold, to discuss something Zara knows nothing about: Astrology.
Ally can be found on IG and TIKTOK @notallinfluencers--go follow for updates on her latest shows!

Taylor Swift's Ex Boyfriends Part 2 Jul 26, 2022

In which Archie admits to not liking Alice In Wonderland, as well as writing most of our reviews that refer to him as "hot" or "a good kisser."
Listen to hear our final reviews and rankings of Little Miss Swift's long list of ex lovers!

Taylor Swift's Exes PART 1 Jul 21, 2022

Archie and Zara discuss what is on EVERYBODY'S minds lately: Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends.
Bonuses include: the girl who made the mistake of attacking Holy Swift, fuck boys vs. hopeless romantics, and a legal battle with DC comics.
Part two drops next week!

Pure Chaos With Mark Lipson Jul 14, 2022

This episode is more chaotic than usual, which means we did a good job.
The thing is, it features Zara's dad, who is a match for Archie when it comes to intellectual-adjacent tangents and astrological aptitude.
So go ahead and listen if you want to learn too much information about Zara's dad's astrology chart, alien architects in the desert, the type of sex JFK had, and Archie's innovative ideas about abortion...
You will also learn the answers to:
•Who influenced David Lynch?
•Did a blowjob in the Oval Office lead to the overturning of Roe V. Wade?
•Does Archie have what it takes to be a reality star? (What do you think?)
•Who is Zara's dad's favorite Chris?
•What is that new movie with a gun?
•Does Archie know who Joni Mitchell is? I can't tell.
Enjoy!(?)

Drag Queens With Puff and Dalt Jun 16, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by drag queens Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Dalt Flowers who mostly use the time to educate Zara on all things drag, despite the fact that she lives in West Hollywood.
In addition to the history and political implications of drag, you can also expect to hear:
1. Archie still loving comic books
2. Zara's hypothetical drag name
3. TONS of audio glitches
4. Advice on friendship breakups, which really just doesn't belong in this episode.
please follow:
•@muacolby and @puffkween for Colby
•@daltflowers for Dalton
you will legit not be disappointed.
Enjoy the chaos!

The Depressive Episode Jun 09, 2022

This time around, Archie and Zara are joined by Zara's sister, Natasha, to discuss depression, eating disorders, ADD, OCD, panic, death, and trauma. The fun stuff, mostly.
As always, you'll get
1.Wallmart
2.The boy from Casper
3.Zara's Dad
4.The Little Drummer Boy
PLUS: Did Zara and Natasha switch bodies while Natasha was still in utero?
Find out now!!!
"The OC is no fun without the D." -Archie the prophet

OnlyFans With Kaleb Kevins Jun 02, 2022

*For a couple of very important visuals, go to Instagram: @chaosmonsterpodcast*
Archie and Zara are joined by renaissance man, Kaleb, to discuss his adventures as a performer on Only Fans.
Inevitably, they often get sidetracked and explore other fascinating topics such as: the genus and species of foxes, the likelihood of Archie getting murdered, and the fictional Only Fans accounts of several Glee characters.
Plus, when you listen to this episode you will receive some very exciting bonuses, such as:

Loopholes: how to get into heaven even if you kill yourself
At least 10 gasps from Kaleb and twice as many shrieks
Archie and Kaleb's thorough reenactment of a scene from Glee (you're not gonna want to miss this)
Real life spirals and main character moments
AND special cameos from both Archie and Zara's dogs

You can follow Kaleb on
Twitter: @KalebKevins
Instagram: @KalebKevins

Slut, Skank, and Other Compliments May 19, 2022

In this cursed episode, Archie and Zara talk about what it means to be a slut, celebrate all kinds of debauchery, and give listeners permission to make mistakes, take [safe] chances, and leave their high school years in the past.
While listening, keep in mind that we are proponents of
1. safe sex
2. consent
3. sleeping with your friends' teachers, apparently
Also, most importantly, please follow Zara's dog on tiktok @shilohlisbondoodle

That's Not Your Friend May 12, 2022

Join us (Archie and Zara) as we explore what it means to be a friend, and when you know to get rid of the losers who don't deserve you.
Zara's brilliant advice for making new friends: get a dog.
Archie's brilliant advice for making new friends: get a better job in a town where your internet friends live.
For so much more wisdom, listen now!

Your Ex is Trash May 05, 2022

Join us, Archie and Zara, as we rebrand as CHAOS MONSTER!
Experiments in sobriety, sluttiness, and and getting the f*ck over your loser ex. What more could you possibly want from us?
Are we qualified to give you advice? Eh, maybe. But you're here, so we all better make the best of it.
xo
A&Z

S2 E12: Little Mix Mar 17, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by Choreo and Cosplay Queen Tay BoBo to discuss England's second best girl group... LITTLE MIX!
Cancel culture, slut shaming, black fishing, and cyber bulling...this episode is FUN.
PLUS
•A corset made out of skin?
•Archie almost goes a whole episode without mentioning Walmart
•Archie one again reviews his love for Devon Sawa, the man we all know as "Casper the ghost before he died of hypothermia or whatever."

S2 E11 Miley Cyrus Mar 10, 2022

Today, Archie and Zara are joined by writer NATHANAEL to discuss the woman Archie worships and serves...Miley Destiny Hope Cyrus!
Buckle up for a wild (and raunchy) ride ranging from educational pop songs about rollercoasters and pizza that cuts itself, all the way to the everything you EVER needed to know about gay sex. And yes, enough Miley talk to push the episode into the one hour twenty minute range, the longest yet!
Bonuses include:
•Selena Gomez tries to break into Zara's room
•Archie falls in love with The Little Drummer Boy
•Nathanael steals the show
•Lastly: Archie says "velour" instead of "volition" .... which feels fair.

S2 E10: Kristen Stewart Mar 03, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by actress and writer, Emily Robinson, to discuss vampire queen and gay icon Kristen Stewart. Listen as they cover her roles from Bella to Princess Diana, speculate what she'd be like playing a Batman villain, and hypothesize on the dynamics between her and Taylor Swift.
PLUS
•Zara encounters dramatic technical difficulties.
•The Joker's face is ripped off and then he staples it back onto himself.
•Archie talks about the moment Casper becomes a real boy. Again.

S2 E9: Lana Del Rey Feb 24, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by Emmy nominated podcaster, Grant Rutter, to discuss the only It Girl Zara really cares about and the only one Archie has yet to embrace (aside from Michelle Trachtenberg)...LANA DEL REY!
Listen as Zara audibly and obviously sucks on a cough drop, Archie fails to be able to name a single Radiohead song, and Grant says intelligent, educated things such as the term "diametrically opposed."
Seriously, though, Lana is a vibe and a mood and a lifestyle and a dream and a goddess and a poet and an angel and an icon and she WON'T NOT FUCK YOU THE FUCK UP.

S2 E8: Sarah Michelle Gellar Feb 17, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by podcaster Guillermo Flores to discuss the only vampire slayer that ever mattered, Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Kicking ass in red leather pants, snorting coke out of an adorable little cross necklace, getting absolutely slashed up by a fishing hook...is there anything this icon can't do?
Listen as Archie contemplates the blonde to brunette pipeline, the good girl to vixen pipeline, and Freddie Prinze Jr.'s pipeline.

S2 E7: The Spice Girls Jan 27, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by comedian/podcaster/author/former rock DJ, Ken Napzok to discuss The Spice Girls! Yes, that's right, all FIVE Spice Girls.
Spice bus! Elton John! Consent! That time Ginger left the band! All of this was so much fun to talk about because Ken is absolutely delightful.
What part of no don't you understand? Archie wants a man, not a boy who thinks he can.

S2 E6: Mary-Kate Olsen Part 2 Jan 20, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by Holy Swift Podcast host Jessica Zaleski for a SECOND TIME to talk even more about Mary-Kate Olsen. Why not Ashley, you ask? Well she didn't have bowls of cigarettes at her wedding and she wasn't allegedly dating Heath Ledger at the time of his death. Learn everything you need to know about Mary-Kate Olsen both true and/or false HERE!

S2 E5: Ashley Tisdale Jan 13, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by TikTok superstar Josiah Gorham to discuss singer/actress/bad bitch Ashley Tisdale. Tangents include: Aaron Carter's penis, the Love Simon show on Hulu (which Archie did not see), and the fact that Archie prefers Skin by Sabrina Carpenter over Drivers License by Olivia Rodrigo (because he is certifiably insane). Bonuses: Plastic surgery, airport sightings, and Disneyland flexes.
Follow Josiah on Instagram and TikTok @disneyrecordguy.

S2 E4: Katie Holmes Jan 06, 2022

Archie and Zara are joined by Best of Friends Podcast host Erin Mallory Long to discuss the LONG and winding career of Katie Holmes. From tomboy to topless and dead in a lake, from high SAT scores to escaping the cult of Scientology, here's everything you need to know about Katie.

S2 E3: Avril Lavigne Dec 30, 2021

Archie and Zara are joined by soft choreo king Jesse Chamblis to discuss Avril Lavigne's chaotic and eclectic career. Influences, feuds, conspiracy theories and...lyme disease? Also, Wallmart shareholder meetings and Archie's dark side.

S2 E2: Michelle Trachtenberg Dec 22, 2021

Archie and Zara are joined by TICKETS PLEASE Podcast host Alexa Conciatori to review the illustrious career of icon Michelle Trachtenberg.
Harriette The Spy, Buffy, Gossip Girl...is there any role she can't absolutely slay? Find out HERE.
PS, what is her deal?

S2 E1: Melissa Joan Hart Dec 15, 2021

Kicking off Now Here's a Story (From A to Z) Season 2, Archie and Zara are joined by Holy Swift host Kelly Doyle to discuss the teenage witch who explained it all!

Episode 10: Mary-Kate and Ashley Part 2 Oct 14, 2021

Archie and Zara are joined by Holy Swift Podcast's Jessica Zaleski to discuss queen of the universe, Mary-Kate Olsen. Journey back to 2004 to learn her pet peeve, celebrity crush, and favorite lipgloss. Plus, find out what Archie does when he's sad.

Episode 9: Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen Part 1 Oct 07, 2021

Archie and Zara welcome their first guest, Holy Swift Pod's Krista Doyle! Listen as they take a deep and unhinged dive into all things Ashley Olsen. Did she graduate college? Does she own the best hiking attire? Is she her sister's sane counterpart? When her boyfriend says he's an artist...what does he mean by that? Find out HERE. And come back next week for all things Mary-Kate.

Episode 8: Lindsay Lohan Sep 30, 2021

Archie and Zara talk about one of their all-time favs, Lindsay Lohan.
When is her tell-all documentary coming out?
Who did she mean when she said she hates 'fake people'?
What do we think about her lip injections?
Find out HERE.

Episode 7: Raven-Symoné Sep 16, 2021

Archie and Zara talk all about Raven-Symoné, including how to pronounce her name (which might surprise you).

Episode 6: Evan Rachel Wood Sep 09, 2021

TW: Domestic abuse and sexual assault.
Archie and Zara discuss the ever-incredible, ever-evolving Evan Rachel Wood. Why does she wear suits on the red carpet? What does it mean to be terminally unique? Find out here!

Episode 5: Amanda Bynes Sep 02, 2021

Archie and Zara discuss the mysterious life and career of Amanda Bynes. Did she fake her own mental illness? Is she a genius in disguise as a teen starlet? WHAT'S WITH THE FACE TATTOO? Also, what is a mirror mantra? Find out HERE.

Episode 4: Alexis Bledel Aug 19, 2021

Archie and Zara try to dig up dirt on Alexis Bledel.

Episode 3: Mandy Moore Aug 12, 2021

Speaking of global warming, how amazing is Mandy Moore!? In this episode, Archie and Zara review the most significant moments of her career. Listen as they try to stay on topic despite many technical difficulties and distractions such as the failure to hit "Record", Zara's barking dog, and Archie's blood alcohol concentration.
Who will they talk about next week? Will it be Lindsey Lohan or Alexis Bledel? Raven Symone or Evan Rachel Wood? Find out next Thursday, August 19th!

Episode 2: Hilary Duff Aug 05, 2021

Archie and Zara review the most significant moments in Hilary Duff's career. Did she set the stage for the TV-Star-to-Pop-Star pipeline? Does she care what Aaron Carter is up to lately? Have you seen her Casey Anthony-esque appearance on Law and Order SVU? Whether you think she's an angel or a nightmare dressed like a daydream, there's a lot to unpack. Let's do it!

Here's A Story (From A to Z)... Meet The Hosts! Jul 19, 2021

Remember the iconic Vanity Fair issue "It's Totally Raining Teens"? Well, Archie and Zara do. Listen as they walk you down the memory lane that is this 2003 phenomenon, and answer unhinged questions that the article asked at least a dozen teen megastars. Come for the nostalgia, stay for Archie's scalding hot takes!

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected