But Not All At Once

Latest Episodes:

What Winning the Lottery Looks Like: April Robson Interviews Anne Smith Sep 03, 2020

Show notes

I can think of no better opener than Michael Scott's, "Well, well, well - how the turntables have..."
In this episode, listener favorite April Robson (episodes 14 & 15) takes the mic to interview ME. She asks about our family's story, what inspired But Not All At Once, and how the hardest things you've lived through bring forth beauty over time.
Today's chat, despite the seemingly heavy topic, was breezy and fun to record. You'll hear a little extra chatter, ice clinking in our tea sweet glasses and a summer storm overhead. Join us for an inter-state conversation about my odd beverage quirks, the wisdom of the Enneagram, and the receipts our sentimental sides make us hoard.
April and I talk through what it means to take care of those around you, how marvelously our brains were designed to keep us going even in trauma, and what a gift it is to hold someone's hand amidst their own hard thing.
Our own family's story, through our newborn daughter's undiagnosed birth defect and emergency surgery; recovery and PTSD; miscarriage; a scary subsequent pregnancy; children with developmental delays and more, is one I've discussed only in bits and pieces throughout the podcast. If you're a way-back Anne Says So blog reader, you may have walked through some of this with us from afar. If not, thank you for listening.
Despite the years of heartache, our four children are "what winning the lottery looks like," as April says, and I'm beyond grateful for the miracles we've seen unfold. That said, I know grief and gratitude often coexist; if that's your story too, you are in good company. One day you'll be able to laugh with a girlfriend again over sweet tea, I promise. In the meantime, you're not alone.
April is an absolute delight; having her back was a joy in every sense. You can find her at @april.robson on Instagram and follow her daughter Charlotte's updates at @charlottesjoy.
To learn more about intestinal malrotation or Mary Brooks' story, visit tinyurl.com/MBsstory. As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce on social media and butnotallatonce@gmail.com. xoxo

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

What is "The Work" and How Do We Do It? Aug 20, 2020

Show notes

Educator and author Charnise Mangle joins us today to talk about "the work" many of us have been doing in recent months - and what plenty of others have been doing for far longer.
In the wake of a summer of headlines, heartache, protests, public outcry and private self-examination, there's plenty to discuss on the topic of becoming anti-racist and supporting those pursuing racial equity.
Charnise's background and passions intersect beautifully to walk us through a conversation on equality, self-education, history and hope. She says there's no room for shame and that the most profound apology is changed behavior.
We unpack how white people can carry our share of the burden by unlearning harmful messages, supporting cultural change and giving our friends of color space to process things as they need to.
Tune in for an honest, encouraging, hope-filled conversation about how we can all change our corner of the world, whether we consider ourselves influencers or not.
You can find Charnise at @cmangle on Instagram or charnisemangle.com, where you can purchase her resource for self-education, "Understanding Race & Racism in America."
Charnise references a sermon by Will Plonk, of Charleston's Grace City Church, that served as a springboard into action for her after George Floyd's murder. You can see that series, based in the book of Micah, at tinyurl.com/WillPlonkSermon.
Have questions? Thoughts? Big hopes Charnise put words to? Let's talk about it at @butnotallatonce on Instagram.

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

Finding Freedom: A Sussexit Book Report Aug 13, 2020

Show notes

Earlier this week, the heavens opened and Amazon dropped off my pre-ordered copy of "Finding Freedom: Harry and Meghan and the Making of a Royal Family."
Today's episode is my virtual book report about the long-awaited, loosely authorized biography of the only British prince not currently known as His Royal Highness - and the wife who joined him for the ride.
Despite seemingly scandalous snippets covered in the media, I didn't find anything too salacious in the biography. I did, however, find confirmation everyone's gut feelings about the couple's quick courtship and even speedier royal exit.
Written by two royal journalists, "Finding Freedom" is chock-full of details and backstory that bring depth to people who would otherwise seem like characters from a fairytale (or a tabloid headline).
Have you read the book yet? What did I miss? Has your feeling on Sussexit changed in the months since everything unfolded?
Find me at @butnotallatonce and let's chat about it!

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

Anne's Pandemic Apology Tour: August Edition Aug 07, 2020

Show notes

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you stop one of my pandemic apology tour. I seemed to semi-skate through the summer, able to compartmentalize the weight of looming school uncertainties and go with the flow in a very un-Anne-like way.
Wednesday night, though, I hit a wall. Pandora's box opened. I was hit by a freight train. Insert whatever cliche you like; it happened. This episode is a stream of consciousness peek into what I learned when my nervous system kept me up until literal dawn sorting through things I'd shoved aside since quarantine started.
Please accept my apologies for tossing out calm, breezy advice when you weren't feeling calm or breezy in the least. Instead of processing bite-sized chunks and along and along, I downed the whole dang supersized meal at once - and this episode is what came from it.
If you too feel the weight of change, uncertainty, COVID, sleeplessness, an inability to keep your brain on task or a frustration at the baggy bodice of Gwyneth Paltrow's post-Shakespeare in Love Oscars dress, this one's for you.
Wishing you sweet white board messages, full nights of sleep and all the sweet tea and sanity walks you can handle. Thanks for being there. Find me a @butnotallatonce and let's talk. I'll do my best not to look you square in the face and ask, "Can I call you back?" xoxo

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

A Student of Hope: Perspective from Brooke Turner in a Pandemic Jul 30, 2020

Show notes

My birthday is tomorrow, and to celebrate I'm rereleasing my favorite But Not All At Once episode yet. My dear friend Brooke Turner passed away six months ago this week, before COVID turned our world upside down. The cancer that took her is not her legacy, though. What she leaves behind is the astounding gift of fancying herself, amidst unexpected widowhood, cancer, infertility and overwhelming change, a "student of hope."
Today's episode was recorded a year ago, cobbled together from multiple conversations as storms flickered overhead. One hour-long stretch of our recordings was lost, and we spent months determining how best to steward this part of her story. Our last texts were about how we'd get her story to you. The morning after she passed, I went back to find her missing file restored.
Brooke's words have a fresh power in light of the pandemic that has made so many of our futures uncertain. The upheaval of work lives, new school decisions on the horizon, families separated for weeks on end - Brooke's own story aligns with what many of us face right now. Her faith as each unforeseen chapter unfolded will stun and inspire you.
It's my hope that this episode gives you a taste of who Brooke was and what she believed, that I've done justice to the story she worked so hard to tell. You can find her support page at fb.com/brooketurnerwrites and see her Instagram posts at @brooketurnersc.
Sam, Selah and Hannah Turner will grow up with their Aunt Liz, Uncle Jon and three cousins in the home their parents moved into during the Turners' "redemption summer." If you'd like to support their ongoing needs, please visit tinyurl.com/givetoTeamTurner.
As always, you can join the conversation at @butnotallatonce on Instagram or reach me directly at butnotallatonce@gmail.com.
My heartfelt thanks, now as in February, to Liz, Brooke's sister and best friend, for encouraging me to share her legacy with the world. What a gift to know this student of hope.

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

A Walk (Down Memory Lane) to Remember: The Movies that Shaped Us Jul 23, 2020

Show notes

If you're between 25 and 45, or just have an affinity for films of the '90s and early aughts, you may have moments of nostalgia today as I dive into the movies that shaped us.
Much to my husband’s dismay, I’ve never seen Braveheart, Die Hard or Pulp Fiction. There’s a whole genre of film I can quote without thinking, though, and many of you love it too.
Join me for hands-down our most conversational episode yet; I needed to distract myself for half an hour, and I’m delighted to have y'all along for the ride.
Last week we chatted in my Instagram stories about the most pivotal movies of our formative years: Clueless, A Walk to Remember, Titanic, Never Been Kissed, Coyote Ugly, Legally Blonde and other classics.
Today we discuss the laughable messages teen films taught us, soundtracks that slap ya straight in the tear ducts, and lines we know by heart even when we can’t recall what day it is.
Enjoy references to Pacey leasing Joey a wall, Heath Ledger's jawline, Jane Austen and Shakespeare plotlines in 1990s scripts, and the bittersweet honor of SAT championships.
Did you catch Britney's oeuvre, Crossroads? How many times did you see Leo sink below the icy water on a big screen? Did Romeo + Juliet send you into seizures? Do you still believe taking off your glasses is a full makeover?
Let’s discuss! Take a listen, and then let me know what I misremembered and what’s worthy of being missed in the age of streaming cinema.
Hop in my way-back machine and let's pretend we're not in a pandemic. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Find me at @butnotallatonce on Instagram. What did I miss? Was your favorite shortchanged? Am I due for a rewatching of 10 Things I Hate About You?

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

"He Made Us All Feel Like His Favorite" with April Czarsty Jul 16, 2020

Show notes

Dr. April Czarsty is a pediatric dentist who has virtually earned a congressional medal of honor through her work with my four children alone. Today, however, she's talking about entirely different things. If you've needed a warm and fuzzy break from the reality of COVID, her story may turn your week around.
April, the youngest of four, walks us through the legacy her father left in his children. Decades before the "gig economy," he instilled in each an entrepreneurial desire to be their own boss, work hard, and achieve all they could in serving their communities.
As an adult, April and her close-knit family faced two cancer diagnoses: that of her older sister and dental practice partner, Robin, and the one that stole their father from them in a matter of months.
This heartbreak brought April's family closer together and drew her and her sister even more to the work of the All In Team Foundation, Dabo and Kathleen Swinney's non-profit.
Whether you're a parent in need of encouragement, a Clemson fan hoping your team's coach is just what he says he is, a person of faith wondering how your beliefs intersect with grief, or someone who has faced a hard and heartbreaking season of your own, today's episode is for you.
To participate in the All In Foundation's silent auction this year, please visit @dabosallinteamfoundation on social media or dabo.home.qtego.net. Everything kicks off on July 22nd, so mark your calendars!

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

"Diversity is Here and Happening" with Dr. Nika White Jul 09, 2020

Show notes

Dr. Nika White joins us this week to dive into how diversity makes every aspect of our lives - work, school, worship and play - richer.
Nika helps us understand the difference between equity and equality (you can thank me for my genius pancake metaphor later), encourages us to use our voice wherever we have influence, and challenges us to be thoughtful, sensitive and action-focused in our work to become more inclusive.
Learn more about Nika's diversity and inclusion consulting and access her free resources at nikawhite.com or @nikacwhite on Instagram.
As always, you can join the But Not All At Once conversation at @butnotallatonce or butnotallatonce@gmail.com. See you right back here this time next week! xoxo

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

What Comes Next: Moving Forward When The World's A Mess Jun 11, 2020

Show notes

"It just feels like the world is on fire." If I had a dollar for every time I'd heard that sentence this last month, I'd be treating you to an extra-large Chick-fil-A combo meal by now.
The scales on many of our eyes have fallen away in recent weeks; processing what's been revealed has been an overwhelming, heartbreaking, deeply uncomfortable process that won't stop anytime soon. So what comes next?
Whether or not you're, like me, a white woman who hopes to make a difference in her home, her community and the wider world, I have a few thoughts to share. Let's process all this together, shall we?
Join me for a quick walk through what I'm doing now to process the national conversation around systemic racism and social inequality; updates on what But Not All At Once will be doing to broaden our conversations and the voices we share; encouragement for people feeling guilty, hurt or overwhelmed; and a reminder that there's tremendous power in community.
Thanks for being a sounding board, a source of encouragement, and fellow figure-it-outers. There's always discomfort, fear and uncertainty in transition; that's how you know new life is coming.
Doing the hard work is worth it. If you too are unlearning some deeply-ingrained messages and educating yourself to fight racism and live out what you believe, here are some Instagram accounts sharing their years of knowledge and good work:
@theconsciouskid
@beabridgebuilder
@latashamorrison
@austinchanning
@laylafsaad (author of "Me and White Supremacy")
@thediversitygap
@faitthb
As always, you can find me at @butnotallatonce on Instagram, and I hope you'll continue our conversation there. xo

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

A Primer for People Who Care: How to Start Seeking Social Justice May 28, 2020

Show notes

This episode isn't a sermon or a lecture; I'm not qualified to deliver either. Instead, it's a window into what I'm doing and an invitation to join me in learning and listening. It's time for more than a broken heart emoji on a social media post, but what can we do?
Today we'll talk about anti-racism, examining privilege, if good people can carry prejudice, being supporters instead of saviors, setting aside our defensiveness and listening with compassion to experiences we don't understand.
Step one is to start the research ourselves. Let's not expect or ask already-exhausted, marginalized and hurting people to do that for us. It's our job to learn all we can on our own.
Then it's time for step two, listening.We need to hush, learn and DO. Soak up all we can, then support the work already in progress. We're not here for gold stars, but to ensure that everyone on this Earth is treated with the dignity they deserve.
Soon we'll have a legitimate expert speak on this topic, but until then we have tremendous resources at our fingertips to learn how to be allies. I want to point you to these resources and encourage you to spend your dollars, time and attention on organizations and activists who have been doing this work for years.
Please join our conversation at @butnotallatonce and share your favorite anti-racism voices or groups fighting for racial equality.
For now, here are a few places to start. Look on Instagram for folks to follow, books to read and podcasts to listen to as well:
tinyurl.com/resourcesforwhitepeople
dismantlecollective.org/resources
tinyurl.com/75thingstodo
tinyurl.com/antiracismreading
tinyurl.com/whiteallieschecklist
tinyurl.com/rollupsleeves
tinyurl.com/whitefragilitysociology
tinyurl.com/whatiswhiteprivilegereally

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

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