Show notes
I'm Paula Whidden. I've ministered to teens and kids for 30 years, and now I'm helping moms to raise their kids with a Biblical foundation. This podcast is meant to help moms find a place to connect with one another and realize that you aren't alone.
As you listen to the podcast, would you please rate and review it on whatever venue you hear. This is incredibly helpful because when people are searching they scan those reviews to see if this will be valuable to them. I read every one of them.
One review said, "Paula is a smart, entertaining woman who bridges the gap between so many with her open, loving way she approaches important topics. We need more people like her in this world."
Right now, I'm sitting in my home office as the breeze is blowing outside my Southern California home. I'm drinking some mint tea, which is one of my favorites. And, I'm excited to spend this time with you.
During this time of year, I've noticed that people get so tense and I find myself getting tense right alongside them. I'm not sure if it's because there is less light or if it's because we have such high expectations for ourselves and others at this season. For some reason when it's darker longer, I notice that the space around me feels tighter, especially when I'm in the Walmart parking lot.
When I mention loving my neighbor to people I know, they often talk about my next door neighbors. Is that where your imagination went? And in today's world, we are all so busy on so many varying schedules that it's tough to get to know your neighbor. If I'm very genuine, I've reached out and said "hi," to my neighbors. I know most of their names unless they aren't forthcoming. I try to be nice, but we don't hang out and visit regularly. That's not who my neighbors are.
So, then what are we talking about here. If I'm not trying to teach you how to build a friendship in the neighborhood, then what can I possibly bring to the table on the topic of loving your neighbor?
What Does Kindness Look Like In the Bible?
I think we've really limited the view of who our neighbors are.
We know it's important to love our neighbors because Jesus told us in Matthew 22. When He was asked what the greatest commandment was, He responded,
"You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments."
What Jesus is saying here, all those "rules" that people think about when they think about God are summed up in these two things: loving God and loving others. That's the main point of all those rules.
I know you're probably thinking, that's great Paula, I've heard this stuff before, but how do I teach it to my kids? Stick with me mommas, this will connect.
In Luke 10, Jesus told the story of a man who was traveling and got attacked. That man was left to die, and a few people crossed his path without even really looking at him. Then, one man who shouldn't have cared one way or the other noticed him. This is the part of the story most people forget. The man who saw him wasn't from his community. He wasn't part of the "IN" crowd. Actually, he was a bit of an outcast. He was called a Samaritan. Today we have "Good Samaritan" laws based on this story. But the man who was beaten was a Jew, and the helper was a Samaritan, and they were not friends. If they had met in another situation, they would have probably glared at one another. They would have probably avoided one another. Imagine different extreme groups like the Hatfields and the Macoys, the Crips and the Bloods, or the conservative Republican and the LGBTQ Democrat.
That's what these two people were to each other.
And yet, in this situation at this time, the Samaritan didn't see "a Jew" he saw a human in need. So, he helped and fed and made sure he was cared for. He even went above and beyond on kindness.
When Jesus finished this story, He told the people listening to, "Go and do the same."
That's a convicting story from the Bible. It challenges us to rethink who are neighbors are.
If you haven't read the whole thing before, here's a LINK to it.
Who Is My Neighbor?
Whoever...
- the skater
- the conservative
- the liberal
- the President
- the garbage guy
- the Pastor
- the tattoo artist
- the pole dancer
Matthew 5:46 (NLT)
If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.
Our challenge is to really do it even if they don't love you back. Mommas, our kids are watching us. They want to know if we will do it. Because if we do it, then it might be important.
I would love to say that I'm always great at this, but I have struggled. Especially when I'm behind the wheel of my car. I'm seriously tempted to say something harsh about the person who cut me off on the road or took the parking place I waited 5 minutes to claim. 5 whole minutes.
What is Love?
But I've been asking God to help me with this. As a reminder to myself, for a long time, I've had words on my kitchen wall that quoted 1 Corinthian 13. My wall said, "Love is patient, love is kind." I put those words on my wall as a reminder to myself because often I found myself yelling down my hallway at my kids.
Do you do that?
The wall I placed those words on was the one I looked at as I yelled down the hallway. So, I was forcing myself to think before I screamed. I'm apparently a slow learner because there were many times I yelled and then noticed the words. But eventually, I started seeking God's guidance on how I could be firm yet kind with my kids.
I really noticed the changes that were happening in me when I was in a store parking lot recently, and I positioned our minivan to pull out onto the main road. A pale blue, large Ford truck drove around me and pulled out onto the road just as I was pulling out. I took a breath and out of my mouth came, "Thank you VERY MUCH. You LOVELY LADY." At that moment, I was completely unaware that my daughter was sitting in the car. This is what naturally came out of my mouth. I probably wouldn't have thought more about it, except she kept telling people about it.
"You should have seen my mom," she kept saying. "She was so upset she called that woman a LOVELY LADY."
I was just grateful that God had helped me to keep my temper and not verbally vomit on my kid. I'm not above that. This was God helping me to actually be kinder than I would be on my own.
As we're seeking to love our neighbors, knowing what love really is matters. I know you're probably rolling your eyes and thinking. Paula, I know what love is. And maybe you do. But I didn't. That's why I adore 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
It Will Be Awkward
As we train our children, they will encounter mean people or people who are different from them, people who make them uncomfortable. We are still directed by the Bible to love them.
Several years ago, when I was single, I was invited to go to a Halloween event that I had never even heard of. It was a Halloween parade in West Hollywood, which is lovingly called WeHo out here. The friends who invited me were not Christian, but they weren't wacko or mean. They wanted to have some fun and asked me along. I had a feeling it would be a different kind of event, but I had no idea what it would be like. A very vocal Christian neighbor of my friends informed me that I wouldn't be Christian if I went to this event. So, I found myself praying and asking God if I should go. I was pretty clear that God wanted me to go, but I couldn't begin to tell you why. 5 of us hopped into a car and headed to the parade. When I got there, I discovered it was a parade of crossdressers, transgendered men and women, and a bunch of other people. I saw people dressed up for Halloween as baby Jesus, the crucified Jesus, and a squad of men who were dressed and acting as cheerleaders. Needless to say, this is not the regular group I hung out with.
As I walked down Santa Monica Boulevard, it felt as if God was saying. "Now, pray." It seemed as if I was supposed to be there the pray for the people I saw and to remember that Jesus loves them too.
This image and these people have stuck with me many years later.
Being loving can be awkward. It can feel uncomfortable to be kind when someone is outside of your natural community. But that's precisely the challenge.
Teach By Example
As we teach our kids to be kind, it's easy to explain them to be kind to the kid they have a bunch in common with. It's easy to help them to be patient with people who hang out with them regularly. But the challenging and real stuff is when we seek to be kind and patient and not proud or rude or boastful to people who don't like us, who aren't kind back.
Keep Trying
When you are genuinely loving - aka patient, kind, etc., some people will have a problem with it. People who want anger to be everywhere or are used to having anger everywhere will have a problem with it. That's okay, be loving anyway.
Mother Teresa was a fantastic example of loving your neighbor. She moved to a country very different from her own. At a time when people were dying from famine and disease in a community that ignored them because it must be their lot in life, Mother Teresa started a home for the dead and dying. She expanded that to creating a children's home. She built up a large community of people who served alongside her in very uncomfortable situations where there was no obvious reward to be received.
This poem is written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Our babies are watching. They will learn what we do much faster and more than what we say. If we tell them to be kind and respect others and yet they witness our lack of kindness, they are still being taught. They are sponges.
You won't always succeed, so be willing to apologize and learn. Then, try again.
This applies to how you treat your spouse, especially those of you who have been divorced or still connect with your babies daddy who was never your spouse.
This applies to how you treat in-laws.
Romans 12:18 (NLT)
Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
As we train our child, we can make it our mantra to remind them to treat others the way you want to be treated which is one way of saying:
Luke 6:31(NLT)
Do to others as you would like them to do to you.
This is a regularly used expression in our home. When my girls fight, as we talk it out and seek to understand one another I often find my self-reminding them to treat each other the way you want to be treated. This doesn't mean we treat people how we have been treated or how they want to treat us, but how we would want them to treat us.
Go And Do The Same
Mommas, we need to do the same to one another, to people we see on T.V., to people we hear about on the radio or podcasts. We are role models, like it or not. They are watching and learning from us all the time.
I want to be clear, this doesn't mean that we allow people to harm us or abuse us in the name of being loving to them. A drowning person is entitled to want to get out of the water, so please, if this is your situation, get out of the water. Once you are in a safe place, the next step is seeking how to be wise and how to be loving (to the best of your ability).
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