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Barjory Buffet: The Cruise Detective — Comedy Fiction
Barjory Buffet: The Cruise Detective

Cruises are the murder capital of the sea and the sea is the murder capital of the world. One human has jurisdiction over international waters and she’s here to tame the seas and water the skis.

Copyright: ℗ & © 2020 Barjory Buffet: The Cruise Detective

Latest Episodes:

Neil's Reel Oct 09, 2023

Hey look! A bonus episode to prove we're still alive!
As Bidge recovers from surgery that was elective for her but forced on the doctors, Neil uses her hospital stay to show off his big showbiz reel. No one is surprised he's bad at press tours, except for Pigi who is surprised by everything. And while you're killing time til Season Three which we swear is coming, you can also:
Check out our Patreon
and our new podcast Book Fair, where we review books from our childhood that we made up.
Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe
Edited by Brad Beideman
Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet
Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg
Elijah Katz as: Rodge Badgebeach
Kelsey Buckley as: Fally Jimmels, Bob Eubanks, Joe Sabia, DJ Neetfreek
Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Pigi Podiatrist, Sean Evans

Rated M For Movie Nov 22, 2021

Criming soon to a theater near you: It’s a red carpet but from blood when a film premiere is intermissioned by an attack on a Hollywood elite! Now Barjory must pour herself a tall glass of popcorn and investigate the too many theaters of the movie cruise The Gigaplex! Presented in glorious Barjor-Y-Scope, the Smell-o-Vision of the ears.

(And this is our finale before the hiatus, so check out our Patreon for weekly content in the meantime because the meantime’s usually a lot of time: patreon.com/bbthecd)
Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg

Lyndsey Kempf as: Melora Galore

Brian Fitzgerald as: Shuck Dox

Jake Hess as: Bryler Velveeto

Kelsey Buckley as: Dava C. Schwimmer

Allie Wittner as: Westlin Justinly, Janine Greg

Marcos Gonzales as: Chaz Casper

Katie Bowman as: Amby Canterlope

Jordan Wold as: Niles Greg

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Pigi Podiatrist

A Hottie in the Cold Nov 08, 2021

Barjory heads down south, VERY down south, for a South Pole sleuthing. The only living things in Antarctica are her ex lovers and penguins, and we don’t even include any penguins or maybe we do but they’re just quiet and keep to themselves!
(Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)

Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad Beideman

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Vera Drew as: Dr. Rosacia Stone

Pablo Escabosa as: Captain Lyle P. Dolphay

Mark Gallagher as: Skapper

Branson Knowles as: Fred Christ

Kelsey Buckley as: Wendily

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator

Wide Berth for a Water Birth Oct 25, 2021

It's you vs. us vs. uterus when Barjory is kidnapped by pregnant pirates aboard a gigantic ship in a bottle. Now she has to get a mysterious treasure to Captain Stuffbeard, the pirate with stuff in his beard, and the only craving she's got is for justice! And also sugar and liquor!
(Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)

Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad Beideman

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg

Hannah Jones as: Captain Mildreadful

Pablo Escobosa as: Jack Sbarro

Mark Gallagher as: Stuffbeard the Pirate

Marcos Gonzales as: Nicoleast Apartheid

Damon Howard as: Captain Stroganoff

Katie Bowman as: Blondebob

Kelsey Buckley as: Shipwreckecca

Jake Hess as: Drent Dickridge

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Pigi Podiatrist

Between The Scenes With Brad and Rachel Oct 10, 2021

https://www.patreon.com/bbthecd

What a surprising treat! As a fun midseason intermission, join Brad and Rachel for the making of an episode and if you like it, keep joining us over at our Patreon!

Stormhaver Sep 27, 2021

This rain check just bounced! Bidge must stop an ultrastorm from hitting a weatherman convention, which they especially should’ve seen coming but let’s just say it these guys don’t always nail the weather!

(Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)

Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg

Yesi Rego as: Lizzlie Drizzle

Kevin McCarthy as: Cycloney Tony

Nako Narter as: Blanche Avalanche

Branson Knowles as: Anchor

Julia Lebow as: Game Show Contestant

Kelsey Buckley as: Game Show Announcer

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Pigi Podiatrist

Look! It's The Future! Sep 13, 2021

The tomorrowyear of yesternow becomes the fornever of last Smunday when a World’s Fair Cruise is attacked by Barjory’s old octopedal nemesis Seth LePod! Now this adult science fair is between a wet genius, a drunk genius, a third genius trying to uninvent crime, a bunch of other ones, and then Neil.
(Check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd)
Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg

Pierce Campion as: Seth LePod

Kyle McCormick as: Marv Morrow

Danielle Shvartsman as: Eelixandra Phibious

Kevin McCarthy as: Dr. Krillian Salmonelli, Beefcake

Julia Lebow as: Dr. Pirhonda Sandoller

Nako Narter as: Dr. Amandatee Crabagail

Kelsey Buckley as: Dr. Marliny Fishgerald

Yesi Rego as: Hologram

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Pigi Podiatrist

One Man's Trash is Another Man Aug 30, 2021

Barjory climbs out of a watery grave and into the trash to stage a rematch with her nefariousest foes! Now she must navigate three villains, The Great Pacific Garbage Patch, flashbacks to her first case, former Vice President Al Gore, and a whole lotta Neil in this epic-poem-length episode!!
Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad Beideman
Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg

Kaylin Mahoney as: Dr. Kelpsy Quarium

Will Stryker as: Aloejandro van Alvess

Greg Goodness as: The Satin Seagull

Eli Lutsky as: King Al Gore

Melissa Strype as: Marjomin Buffet

Joey Pleasants as: Benjory Buffet

Jordan Wold as: Niles Greg

Elijah Katz as: Rodge Badgebeach

Nako Narter as: Lenny

Kelsey Buckley as: Benny

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator

And check out our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, postcard club, and more(?!) on our Patreon: patreon.com/bbthecd

Season Two Trailer Aug 15, 2021

Wait what?? Barjory Buffet season two is starting in two weeks? But that’s all, right? No???

Check out our Patreon for our Between the Scenes podcast, early episode releases, and, sorry what else? Much much more??? Aaahhh!!
https://www.patreon.com/bbthecd

If You Lived Here, You'd Be Neil By Now Aug 04, 2020

With all the best places (cruises) closed, Barjory is forced to go to the worst place (Neil's house), and solve a crime that he honestly won't stop bugging her about.
Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe
Edited by Brad Beideman
Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet
Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg
Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Neighbor
We also have masks now! You'd better wear a mask and if you want it can be OURS!
https://www.redbubble.com/i/mask/Barjory-Buffet-The-Cruise-Detective-Hawaiian-Shirt-Mask-by-bradbeideman/51808070.9G0D8
https://www.redbubble.com/i/mask/Barjory-Buffet-The-Cruise-Detective-Mask-by-bradbeideman/51807982.9G0D8

The Woman Who Pretended to Be Her Own Twin Apr 27, 2020

Before Barjory Buffet became the only anybody to have jurisdiction over international waters, she was an asshole in her 20’s who had no idea how to live. Barjory’s first foray into crime solving is classic story of a landlocked woman following her own horniness to bring about justice.

Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet, Woman Speaking

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator

Caricature Assassination Jan 23, 2020

Produced in response to an angry voicemail, this verbatim reading of a Dame Drewzel Scream short story is sure to please diehard fans and her son who left the voicemail. Barjory solves a crime by looking at a cartoon in a really smart and good story by the matriarch of a smart and good family. Don’t sue us please!
Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe
Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator

All the World's a Lot: LIVE! Oct 11, 2019

Recorded LIVE from the Pack Theater, Bidge takes the stage to investigate an understudy who was upstaged by her own death. But can Bidge solve it before murder comes back for an encore and really hams it up this time??

Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Magi Calcagne as: Maude Yonkers, Narrator, Background Voices

Kevin McCarthy as: Alvin O’Calvin, Background Voices

Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg, Background Voices

AND, vote for us in the Audio Verse Awards if you want!

https://audioverseawards.net/vote/

We’re nominated for Lead Actor, Supporting Actor, Audio Play Production, Writing for an Audio Play Production, and Action Sound Design in a Production.

To vote, get a laptop, find us (control-F it maybe), and drag us to the right with whoever else you wanna vote for! It’s that simple! Medium simple!

The Enemy of My Enemy Is Me Aug 27, 2019

Barjory's greatest foes escape the Sail Jail, hungry for a yummy snack called revenge! Oh my god! It's three versus one and a Neil in the season finale to end all episodes this season!
Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet the Cruise Detective

Kaylin Mahoney as: Dr. Kelpsy Quarium

Will Stryker as: Aloejandro van Alvess

Greg Goodness as: CJ Seagulls the Satin Seagull

Brad Beideman as: Neil Greg

Magi Calcagne as: Piggy Podiatrist, Narrator, Nikki McNarkols

Jordan Wold as: Dr. Niles Greg

Melissa Strype: Margamin

Joey Pleasants as: Benjory

Elijah Katz as: Rodge Badgebeach

Blood is Grosser Than Water Jun 21, 2019

When a prince is attacked during a hemophilia gala (the annual Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’), Barjory must solve it before the ocean runs red with wishy washy blood!
Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad Beideman

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Eli Lutsky as: Prince Geraldo

Will Stryker as: Prince Nedwaldo

Kaylin Mahoney as: Queen Winceworth

John Lemelman as: Giaccamo, Wallis

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator

Dunk or Drown Apr 06, 2019

Barjory investigates her wettest crime scene yet, with the help of an old friend, a basketball legend, and a guy named Chris who sets up some plot stuff and then never comes back!

Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Kaylin Mahoney as: Dr. Kelpsy Quarium

Kevin McCarthy as: Abernathy Shark

Will Stryker as: S.A. Dorkfish

Eli Lutsky as: Chris/Mr. Remora

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator/Peg

Brad Beideman as: Neil

Shaquille O’Neal as: Himself (archive audio)

My Bidet or the Highway Feb 15, 2019

Barjory has a normal day serving as a whale bodyguard on Boston’s premiere sushi boat until something pretty unusual mucks it all up!
Written by Rachel Crowe and Brad Beideman

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

John Lemelman as: Puglassie, Pugnasty, Captain Leonberger

Ben Ellenberg as: Lieutenant Harbormaster Gifford Roscoe

Brad Beideman as: Neil

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Piggy

Eat the Hand That Feeds You Jan 31, 2019

Barjory boards a brunch boat and gets served a heaping helping of what’s going on by mysterious competitive eater Ipso Fatso!
Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Allie Wittner as: Frittata McMuffin

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Joan

Probable Claus Dec 01, 2018

Barjory spends her holiday on the Santa Cruz Santa Cruise, where some kinda mean ole Scrooge is killing Santas! Everyone learns a lesson that giving is better than getting (getting killed, that is!!!!!), in this sort of interactive mini mystery!
Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Pablo Escobosa as: Junior Inspector Santa

Will Stryker as: Mean Santa

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator

Put Your Money Where My Mouth Is Oct 31, 2018

Cruise Detective Barjory Buffet is challenged to thwart the cruise casino heist of master thief The Satin Seagull. Can she do it? Maybe with the help of a pizza robot, an obscure impersonator act, and not Neil!

Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet, Buffaloon

Greg Goodness as: CJ Seagulls the Satin Seagull

John Lemelman as: Quig, Vault Guard, and Kidsino Kid

Brad Beideman as: Neil

Eli Lutsky as: Malcolm Gladwell Impersonator, Normal Waiter

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Piggy Pediatrist, Scottish Waiter

SP-Death!! Sep 02, 2018

Barjory Buffet, Cruise Detective, investigates a case of deceit on the seas. Is this murder more than just a murder? No! But murder is bad by itself!!

Written by Brad Beideman and Rachel Crowe

Edited by Brad Beideman

Rachel Crowe as: Barjory Buffet

Eli Lutsky as: Otto Topsy, Blotch

Magi Calcagne as: Narrator, Piggy Pediatrist, Erin Van Alvess

Brad Beideman as: Neil

Will Stryker as: Karaoke Boy, The Governor

Trailer Aug 26, 2018

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