Backwater Bastards: An Actual Play Podcast

Latest Episodes:

S4E02: An eerie presence feat. Fiona K. T. Howat and Hamilton Oct 23, 2025

Show notes

The plan is working, and our crew is aboard the BioLife ship, where wave after wave of guards welcome them. It's the fastest slow going you could hope for, while Boris, Trevor, Dr. Ze, The Nine Blades and Vache fight to clear the halls, and our Cleo fights to stay alive. Every BioLife lackey between the rescue team and Cleo is a bag of extracted blood, a few million nanites, a last minute stalling tactic.

Regardless, our rescuers have boarded, and it's enough work to stay alive. There is no time to stop and consider the small pull at the edge of their minds... An eerie presence somewhere in the ship. There is something more dangerous than just soldiers here.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠

Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra --⁠ ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠ Vache de Mer -- ⁠Fiona K.T. Howat⁠⁠⁠⁠ The Nine Blades -- ⁠Hamilton⁠ Fronn -- Whiskey Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Hamilton⁠

Ambiance sound support by ⁠⁠Jamie Nord⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠⁠

Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠⁠White Bat Audio⁠⁠

Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews

Distributed by ⁠⁠Realm⁠⁠

Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com

Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠⁠

If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠⁠

⁠⁠Join our Discord⁠⁠!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

S4E01: Surprise Surprise feat. Fiona K. T. Howat and Hamilton Sep 27, 2025

Show notes

The Caps, The remaining Bastards, and… Margo’s BioLife escapee friends, are teaming up to bring back Cleo. Vache de Mer and The Nine Blades have been captured by BioLife almost more times than they can count. (They are after all, remnants of experiments failed.) Which is why they’re Margo’s ticket to stealthily finding the BioLife stronghold that’s holding Cleo. The plan is airtight. Set a trap, lay the bait, wait for capture- and send the whole dang team in to infiltrate. All we need is for the right interstellar space corporation to drive by. Sure hope the fish are bitin’.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠

Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠ Vache de Mer -- Fiona K.T. Howat ⁠ The Nine Blades -- Hamilton Fronn -- Whiskey Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠Skia

Ambiance sound support by ⁠Jamie Nord⁠ and ⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠

Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠White Bat Audio⁠

Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews

Distributed by ⁠Realm⁠

Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com

Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠Patreon⁠: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠

If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠

⁠Join our Discord⁠!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Short Stories | Robin Sep 10, 2025

Show notes

Cleo and Robin almost made it. Together they saw the light at the end of the proverbial BioLife hallway. But of course, that was the plan. The scientists bring Robin into Cleo’s cell for one last chat, hoping to wring out the last of their secrets before they eke out the last of her nanites. There can’t be much left, now. Just about a seed’s worth, if anything at all. Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bringing you in smooth! This is the second of a collection of short stories, meant to recap the events up to the opening of Season 4.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠

Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ⁠⁠⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠

Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Whiskey

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Short Stories | Sanctuary Aug 27, 2025

Show notes

After the battle at Garcia Station, many Synths accepted M8’s offer of Sanctuary. They heard the code, and they answered the call- not fully understanding what it might mean to be free. The idea itself was a reshaping. To help them along, M8 regales the Synths with tales and visions of Sanctuary, and the great possibility that awaits them all. But as they pull into view, they find that M8’s wondrous data does not quite match what they find there… Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bringing you in smooth! This is the third of a collection of short stories, meant to recap the events up to the opening of Season 4.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠⁠

Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠⁠

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ⁠⁠⁠⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠⁠

Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Whiskey

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Short Stories | Taxi Aug 13, 2025

Show notes

Back on Prospect Town, our old friend Parter has picked up three rather pompous officers. They’re loud, they’re crass, and they’re bragging in the backseat about destroying the local restaurant "Stu's" (home of “The Everything”!), and discussing their top secret mission to retrieve an "immortal Ursine" from BioLife. They might want to be careful about who they talk around though- because loose lips sink ships, even in space…

Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bringing you in smooth! This is the third of a collection of short stories, meant to recap the events up to the opening of Season 4.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠⁠

Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠⁠

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ⁠⁠⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠⁠

Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Whiskey

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Short Stories | The Art of Getting Caught feat. Hamilton and Fiona K. T. Howat Jul 30, 2025

Show notes

While the Bastards and The Caps are busy planning their rescue mission, Margo is busy hunting down her own backup plan. Deep in the jungle on a desolate planet, Margo is tracking down the perpetually-captured duo known as "Nine Blades", (despite having only eight visible), and his precognitive partner Vache de Mer. With their “help”, Margo hatches a scheme to infiltrate BioLife and save Cleo. Her plan? Use Vache and Nine Blades’ unique talent for getting themselves captured by BioLife, as the ultimate Trojan Horse operation. By hiding the Bastard/Cap crew in their stolen BioLife ship and letting themselves get "caught" for the third time, they can infiltrate the facility from the inside and give BioLife "the spicy tickles" they deserve. It's a plan so crazy, it just might work… Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bringing you in smooth! This is the second of a collection of short stories, meant to recap the events up to the opening of Season 4.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠⁠

Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠⁠

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ⁠⁠Daniel Matthews⁠⁠

Vache de Mare -- Fiona K. T. Howat

9Blades -- Hamilton

Episode art by ⁠⁠⁠⁠Whiskey

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Short Stories | The Other Family Jul 16, 2025

Show notes

The gang's all here! Well, all but one. After being scattered across the galaxy, The Bastards finally reunite on the dusty Backwater planet of Daius to prepare for a Cleo rescue- wherever she may be. They meet up with some of Cleo’s old crew, obey to hear their tales about mysterious black nanobots and a BioLife capture! Between Boris's newfound assertiveness, Trevor's questionable ship repairs, and Ze's Ze-ness, the Bastards must team up with Cleo's other best friends- the charming Bortis and Fron- to organize a junkyard full of "good stuff" into a rescue mission. It’s the Bastards against the world once again. The gang is coming Cleo, just hold on. Season 4 is finally here after a big break, and we are bringing you in smooth! This is the first of a collection of short stories, meant to recap the events up to the opening of Season 4.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- ⁠Richard Kimber-Bell⁠

Cleo deCap / M8 -- ⁠Taylor van Biljon⁠

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- ⁠Daniel Matthews⁠

Fron -- Whiskey

Episode art by ⁠Skia

Ambiance sound support by ⁠Jamie Nord⁠ and ⁠Michaël Ghelfi⁠

Synth Music Karl Casey @ ⁠White Bat Audio⁠

Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews

Distributed by ⁠Realm⁠

Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com

Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our ⁠Patreon⁠: ⁠https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards⁠

If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at ⁠www.backwaterbastards.com⁠

⁠Join our Discord⁠!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

S3E13: The split II - Dogs Breakfast Sep 13, 2024

Show notes

Trevor has returned and has brought news of Cleo, but she needs help. So now Ze and Boris must race to finish their business on Garcia station to get to her aid. But just one thing, that business is an intergalactic war.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell

Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews

Episode art by @georginalesaux

Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi

Synth Music Karl Casey @ White Bat Audio

Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews

Distributed by Realm

Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com

Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards

If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at www.backwaterbastards.com

Join our Discord!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

S3E12: The split I Aug 29, 2024

Show notes

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell

Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews

Episode art by @georginalesaux

Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi

Synth Music Karl Casey @ White Bat Audio

Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews

Distributed by Realm

Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com

Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards

If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at www.backwaterbastards.com

Join our Discord!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

BONUS | SideArm Offcuts Aug 14, 2024

Show notes

The bastards have been hit with the most ancient of foes, the scheduling big bad! and have lost. So this week instead of an episode we give you a tasty offcut. Please take this offering and grant us some extra time.

Starring:

DM Dick Dynamite the Dungeon Master -- Richard Kimber-Bell

Cleo deCap / M8 -- Taylor van Biljon

Dr Ze/Doctor Zafrey Elektra -- Daniel Matthews

Ambiance sound support by Jamie Nord and Michaël Ghelfi

Synth Music Karl Casey @ White Bat Audio

Episode Edit / Sound design by Daniel Matthews

Distributed by Realm

Send inquiries and fanart to backwaterbastards@gmail.com

Support the show and gain access to extra content by joining our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Backwaterbastards

If you love what you hear, share us with a friend! Find everything else on our website at www.backwaterbastards.com

Join our Discord!