Ask Christopher West

Latest Episodes:

Incontheivable Teachings | ACW114 Mar 08, 2021

Show notes

What is your advice to someone who feels thrown away? Why is it a sin for me to cut myself but ok for St. Francis to flog himself? What hope can Theology of the Body give for my daughter who struggles with same sex attraction?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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Q1: Thank you for all your amazing work on the podcast! I have heard Christopher talk about the dangers of Manicheism and Puritanism. I understand that we should never blame the good things that God created for our misuse of them. Which brings me to my dilemma. I think that my boyfriend broke up with me because he was too attracted to me. He is a devout Catholic and seems to avoid many things that could lead him to the near occasion of sin. Although he cited a different reason for breaking up (not enough time for a relationship), I suspect that he broke up because he could not control his desires around me. We broke our physical boundaries twice during the relationship. What is your advice to someone who feels thrown away? How should I learn from this experience, pray for him, or what else would you suggest?

Q2: I’ve been told by a few priests that to cut or self-injure is a sin and even a grave one and reframing the struggle that way has helped me to resist the temptation with more success. But. . . I was wondering if you could speak to why it is a sin for me to cut myself but ok for say St Francis to flog himself? Like, what is the difference and does the Theology of the Body speak to this?

Q3: Our 17 year old daughter thinks she may be "gay" and I know the better term is "same sex attraction." She didn't tell me this but told my husband. I am not sure why she thinks that so I don't know if she really has same sex attraction or if she is afraid of getting close to guys because of father wounds. She says "she knows she is a girl" when there is all this talk everywhere about transgender people. She also thinks the Catholic Church doesn't like gay people but I have told her it's not the inclination or the person but the acting on it that is wrong. I have said all of us are called to be chaste. I love the Theology of the Body teachings and try to get her to read the books. I have many fears now for her and I am asking whether there is hope for her and what can you share of the teachings of the Theology of the Body that can give her and me hope?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

The Heart of Female Same-Sex Attraction by Janelle Hallman

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

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Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

The Nitty Gritties of Discernment | ACW113 Mar 01, 2021

Show notes

How should I counsel someone who wants to follow the Church's teaching while his wife wants to use contraception? Should I break up with my girlfriend since we've been falling to sexual sin? How can I discern between cellibacy and marriage when those around me are convinced of my path?

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Q1: As a priest, I have been trying to help someone who is struggling within his marriage about contraception – specifically, he wants to follow the Church's teaching, but his wife does not. What advice can you give me about how to counsel him?

Q2: My girlfriend and I have been struggling to live out the church's teaching on pre-marital sex and have fallen into sin a few times. Sometimes this leads to arguments between us where I voice how I feel like I have to choose between her and God when we sin. However, I also recognise our relationship isn't just about our struggles with sexual sin and she does inspire me in many other ways to grow closer in my relationship with the Lord. I'm unsure whether it's God's will for me to break up with her or continue to struggle to be chaste with her.

Q3: Hello Christopher and Wendy! First, thank you so much for the joy and witness you bring as a married couple. Your example has brought so much healing to my view of marriage so from the bottom of my heart thank you. For my question: I had been discerning religious life for a long time but recently felt the call to start discerning marriage instead. Whenever I tell my friends this, they typically say something along the lines of, "Well, God is probably just calling you to marriage with Him." This language has truly been so painful because I feel like I can no longer even read about the beauty of what marriage can be because I am constantly told it's not for me. Could you please speak to this?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body Institute Course Schedule

TOB Virtual Conference

VADEMECUM FOR CONFESSORS CONCERNING SOME ASPECTS OF THE MORALITY OF CONJUGAL LIFE

Good News about Sex & Marriage

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Married to Mary-Wendy? | ACW112 Feb 22, 2021

Show notes

Should I think of Mary when I kiss my wife? What's the difference between repressing something and the self-discipline? What books on TOB should I recommend to my young-adult daughters?

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Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute and receive ongoing formation? Join our Patron Community!

Q1: Last November, a priest suggested me to intensify my love to our Mother Blessed Virgin Mary. The idea that came up to my mind is: each time I kiss my wife, consider that I am kissing Mary, and receive her kisses like Saint Joseph. It really works but sometimes I feel kind of embarrassed, and I am not sure if this idea is good or not.

Q2: I don't understand the difference between repressing something and the self-discipline which our faith encourages us to practice. Can you please explain? Thank you both immensely for the show!

Q3: I have two daughters, age 22 and 24, who both have boyfriends. I was recently introduced to TOB and find that had I known certain truths, my marriage may not have suffered the way it did. I'm wondering which book of yours would be best for me to give them. You are truly gifted & blessed with the TOB knowledge and I am interested to get to know more myself.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

The Anti-Mary Exposed: Rescuing the Culture from Toxic Femininity by Carrie Gress, PhD

A Meditation on Givenness by Pope John Paul II

Good News about Sex & Marriage

Theology of the Body for Beginners

The Cry of the Heart

Theology of the Body Institute Course Schedule

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Discernment, Beauty, and Infertility | ACW111 Feb 15, 2021

Show notes

I believe God is calling me to marry a man whom I dated this summer but he has discerned that it is not the right time for him to have a relationship. What would you advise me to do? Does God delight in a person's beautiful outward appearance? If so, what if you don't have good looks? My husband I learned that we are infertile and the grief is hitting us hard. Could you speak some life into this darkness?

Free Word Made Flesh Lenten Sunday Mass Companion!

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute and receive ongoing formation? Join our Patron Community!

Q1: I believe God is calling me to marry a man whom I dated this summer and fall. He has discerned that it is not the right time for him to have a relationship, and now we only see each other in groups. He is a devout Catholic and says he wants to focus on his work as a religious education director right now. God keeps giving me little hints that maybe I should not give up hope for this relationship to happen in the future.
You have previously shared that Wendy hoped to marry Christopher for 3 years even while he was interested in someone else. What would you advise me to do? How do I pray for his best interest - it is really hard! I don't want to give up hope, but I also want to stay open to any other possibilities God has for me.

Q2: I have a question about exterior beauty. God is beauty itself, and he delights in it. And I know beauty goes way beyond just outer appearance, but there is something to be said for a beautiful looking man or woman. And it's pretty obvious that some people are simply better looking than others. People are drawn to good looking people in a certain way. So my question is, does God delight in a person's beautiful outward appearance, and if so, what if you don't have good looks? Did God just not want you to have outer beauty?

Q3: Hi Christopher and Wendy!
About a year and a half into our marriage, we went to see a wonderful Catholic doctor to find answers for our experience of infertility. All the tests and follow ups told us that my husband is not making sperm, and there is absolutely nothing that can be done. This news is hitting us both very hard. I have read that the grief of infertility is as if one has been handed a terminal diagnosis. It has felt like a death in so many ways.
Before we can move into whatever God has for us next, I want to understand our bodies deeper. I feel like God is taking us into the emptiness; empty testicles and empty womb. Can you help us understand who we are in this? Could you speak some life into this darkness?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body Institute Course Schedule

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Discerning the Weeds | ACW110 Feb 08, 2021

Show notes

How can a painful past become a source of love and bonding? Can the Catholic faith be reconciled with the theories of evolution? Should we reject Bruce Springsteen for blasphemy?

Free Word Made Flesh Lenten Sunday Mass Companion!

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute and receive ongoing formation? Join our Patron Community!

Q1: I am 33 and waiting for responsible love and marriage. My boyfriend, a practicing Catholic, recently disclosed his past to me — and it is very overwhelming. He has caused and experienced so much pain and suffering that I feel no longer physically attracted to him at this moment. I have forgiven him, but somehow my natural attraction to him has faded. Do you think this feeling will pass? How can a painful past become a source of strength, healing and somehow mysteriously, love and bonding?

Q2: I love the endless depth of Genesis, especially through the lens of Theology of the Body. Could you share a bit about how you reconcile the deep truths found in Genesis with the science of evolution? I know Genesis isn't intended literally so it's not quite that I'm asking. I'm more wondering things like - did humanity evolve to a certain point as animals without souls and then God breathed his life into Adam and Eve, making them human?

Q3: In one of your recent podcasts you spoke of your affinity for the music of Bruce Springsteen. Like you, I am a big fan and even though I do not have one musical fiber in me, I greatly enjoy his art and am very grateful that he has shared his talent with the entire world. He has a song called, “If I Were a Priest” that was written long ago but recently released. In this song, he seemingly blasphemes the Blessed Mother and the Holy Spirit. I say “seemingly” because different people will interpret these words and the entire song differently, but it sure seems very irreverent to me. The 1st Saturday devotion was established by Jesus and Mary to counter attacks against her Immaculate Heart. In support of this devotion, it seems that we should reject the attacker (no matter how talented he is) in some way. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body II: Into the Deep (Online, March 1-12, 2021)

Theology of the Body Institute Course Schedule

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

We Live Ruptured Lives | ACW109 Feb 01, 2021

Show notes

Can experiences of sexual desire be an invitation to intercession? My wife and I recently had a miscarriage and I feel that I lost my purpose as a father. Do you know of something that I could do to help with this struggle? Am I wrong to believe that anyone with same-sex attraction can reorder their eros if they truly want to?

Free Word Made Flesh Lenten Sunday Mass Companion!

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute and receive ongoing formation? Join our Patron Community!

Q1: In one episode, you mentioned that spouses sometimes physically feel what one another is struggling with that day as a type of intercession or signal that they should pray for their spouse in a certain area. I am an unmarried woman, but I have recently experienced intense feelings of increased sexual desire for no reason, before seeing a friend of mine who I believe struggles with lust. Could this be an invitation to pray for him? How can I cope with these desires that I never had to deal with before?

Q2: My wife and I have recently experienced a miscarriage of our second child at 12 weeks after conception. We named her Amelia. We had a funeral and burial service for her and believe she is with the Lord. Even knowing this I struggle with her loss. I feel as though I lost my purpose as a father as I was not able to take care of her the way that I take care of my son and my wife. I was not able to sacrifice myself f or her. Do you know of something that I could do to help me with my struggle?

Q3: Am I wrong to believe that anyone with same-sex attraction can reorder their eros if they truly want to?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Snowflake close up

TOBI Course Schedule

Theology of the Body for Beginners

Good News about Sex & Marriage

The Third Way: Homosexuality and the Catholic Church

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

The Soul of Woman | ACW108 Jan 25, 2021

Show notes

Can you give some encouragement and advice for men like me trying their best to practice chastity to not fall into self disgust and feelings of uselessness? Are women inherently more integrated than men? What advice can you give to those of us trying to have holy marriages but are really struggling with our own spouse

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute and receive ongoing formation? Join our Patron Community!

Q1: I have really felt God speaking to me through this podcast and it has been such a wealth of knowledge and wisdom.
I am 24 years old and am currently in a serious relationship. My girlfriend is amazing. We’ve been making our way through Love and Responsibility together and I’ve been struggling not to fall into self disgust for myself as a man. I have been growing in chastity over this past year and it has been such a journey that I can only thank God for the Grace He has given me. But I’ve found myself doubting the purpose of the male body. Women seem to have an easier time controlling their thoughts and bodies when it comes to physical desire and sensuality. As a man, it has always been hard. I still get thoughts which I try not to entertain. Is there a purpose to these? Can you give some encouragement and advice for men like me trying their best to practice chastity to not fall into self disgust and feelings of uselessness? How can my sensual desires be a gift rather than just a hindrance?

Q2: Could you explain this quote from Saint Edith Stein?
"The relationship of soul and body is not completely similar in man and woman; with woman, the soul's union with the body is naturally more intimately emphasized... woman's soul is present and lives more intensely in all parts of the body, and it is inwardly affected by that which happens to the body."

Q3: I love your marriage and the way the two of you interact and look at each other. What steps have you both taken to have the marriage you have today? What did you do when you were really struggling (individually and/or together)? What advice can you give to those of us trying to have holy marriages but are really struggling with our own spouse - maybe deep wounds from the past they don't address (and possibly don't want to address with you)?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Heaven's Song: Sexual Love as It Was Meant to Be

Discovering the Human Person: In Conversation with John Paul II

The Cry of The Heart - YouTube Video

Theology of the Body Virtual Conference 2020

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

The Prophet Forrest Gump | ACW107 Jan 18, 2021

Show notes

How do I tell the difference between the experience of love and lust? Is there such a thing as "soul mates"? I've discerned that my girlfriend and I are not called to marriage. How do I have a healthy breakup?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: People in Christian circles talk a lot about chastity but I feel like it all stays at the surface. I still don’t understand the real difference between love and lust at the experiential level! How can I know which I’m feeling?

Q2: Do you believe in the idea of “soul mates” or finding “the one”? What does the Church say? How does that work with free will?

Q3: I am realizing that I may need to breakup with my girlfriend as I’m discerning that we are not called to marry each other. We both truly love each other but I’m realizing we are going separate ways. Do you have any advice?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Why Do You Call Me Good? | ACW106 Jan 11, 2021

Show notes

Do all good people go to heaven? How do I know God's will for my life? Why do Catholics pray to saints?

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Q1: I understand that salvation comes through the Church but I cannot accept the idea that there are so many good people being damned because they are not a part of the body of Christ. How does this work with God’s mercy? Shouldn’t all good people go to heaven? Please explain if there’s theology I don’t understand.

Q2: I’m really struggling to discern God’s will for my life. Vocational decisions feel so complicated and there are so many conflicting desires and voices. . . I don’t know how to know the right path. I feel like there should be a simple answer but life is messy. How do you discern God’s will in your life?

Q3: Okay, so my question is about why Catholics pray to saints. It seems to me that this could be a violation of the first commandment: “I Am the Lord your God, you shall have no gods before Me.” Can you please explain why Catholics do this?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Misconceptions of St. Joseph | ACW105 Jan 04, 2021

Show notes

What is the reason for confession if Jesus has already forgiven our sins? What misconceptions about St. Joseph would you like to see cleared up during this year? What is the relevance of Our Lady of Guadalupe to the modern world?

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Q1: What is the benefit or reason of confessing sins to a priest when Jesus has already forgiven our sins “once and for all”?? Is this based in scripture? There must be something I’m missing. . .

Q2: Pope Francis just announced the Year of St. Joseph. What misconceptions about this amazing saint would you like to see cleared up during this year?

Q3: Hello Wests! Christopher, I’ve heard you speak about the mysteries of Our Lady of Guadalupe in talks but I am curious if you could give a recap of this miracle and it’s relevance to TOB and to our current world? Thanks!

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body I: Head & Heart Immersion Course (Online) January 18-29, 2021

[Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion (Winter Park, Florida) February 7-12, 2021

REDEMPTORIS CUSTOS - St. John Paul II

PATRIS CORDE - Pope Francis

Our Lady of Guadalupe: Mother of the Civilization of Love

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Quotes on Joseph:

Although Christ “is born from her like every man ... still Mary’s motherhood was virginal; and to this virginal motherhood corresponded the virginal mystery of Joseph” (TOB 75:2). “In this family, Joseph is the father: his fatherhood is not one that derives from begetting offspring; but neither is it an ‘apparent’ or merely ‘substitute’ fatherhood. Rather, it is one that fully shares in authentic human fatherhood” (John Paul II, Redemptoris Custos 21).
“In taking Mary to his home … Joseph participated in the maternity of his spouse in the measure in which he was vowed to her virginity.… Jesus was truly the issue of their marriage; their virginity was fruitful, their flesh exultant and at peace, in the super-eminent realization of the life-bearing impulse” (Fr. Maurice Zundel, Our Lady of Wisdom).
“The difficulty of accepting the sublime mystery of their spousal communion has led some, since the second century, to think of Joseph as advanced in age and to consider him Mary’s guardian more than her husband. It is instead a case of supposing that he was not an elderly man at the time, but that his interior perfection, the fruit of grace, led him to live his spousal relationship with Mary with virginal affection” (John Paul II, Theotokos, p. 128).
“When one searches for the reasons why Christian art should have pictured Joseph as aged, we discover that it was in order to better safeguard the virginity of Mary. Somehow, the assumption had crept in that senility was a better protector of virginity than adolescence. Art thus unconsciously made Joseph a spouse chaste and pure by age rather than virtue.... To make Joseph appear pure only because his flesh had aged is like glorifying a mountain stream that has dried. The Church will not ordain a man to the priesthood who has not his vital powers. She wants men who have something to tame, rather than those who are tame because they have no energy to be wild. It should be no different with God.... Instead of being a man incapable of love, he must have been on fire with love…. Instead, then, of being dried fruit to be served on the table of the king, he was rather a blossom filled with promise and power. He was not in the evening of life, but in its morning, bubbling over with energy, strength, and controlled passion” (Sheen, The World’s First Love, p. 92).
“Joseph had no suspicion of adultery because he knew the modesty and chastity of Mary. Moreover, he had read in Scripture that the virgin would conceive…. Thus it was easier for him to believe that Isaiah’s prophecy had been accomplished in her than to think that she could have let herself descend into debauchery” (St. Thomas, Commentary on Matthew, I, 117).
“Joseph wanted to leave her for the same reason Peter begged the Lord to leave him, when he said: ‘Depart from me, O Lord, for I am a sinful man.’ …He saw with fear and trembling that she bore the surest signs of the divine presence, and, … as a human being, was afraid of … the profundity of the mystery, and so he decided to leave her quietly” (St. Bernard, In Laudibus Virginis Matris, Sermo II).

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

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