Show notes
Surviving a Stalker + EMDR to Take Her Power Back with Candice
In this episode, you'll hear:
- How being sexually molested as a toddler manifested later in her life
- The power of EMDR and meditation for healing and managing emotions
- Why is it so hard to get a stalking conviction, and where to start
- The difference between a crazy ex and a stalker: red flags to look out for
When Candice was 16, she started dating a boy who seemed nice enough at first but started to throw up some red flags after a while, like controlling behavior and abnormal jealous reactions. Immediately after Candice broke up with him, he began repeatedly calling her house. Her parents were concerned, but like her, they thought it would end eventually. It didn't take long to realize this was next level with graphic death threats, letters, and unannounced appearances at her house. Eventually, Candice filled her first restraining order and began a journey that would last 23 years.
Candice tells us her childhood was "average." She had loving middle-class parents, but sadly, her babysitter sexually molested her from ages 2 to 3. She knew it had happened but could not remember, so she thought it wasnโt affecting her, but she was wrong. The repressed trauma developed into irrational fears, anxieties, and physical health issues. Mathew opens up about a similar situation he went through, and they talk about how repressed trauma manifests later in life and how they both learned there is light on the other side. Candice has found that daily meditation and EMDR therapy have helped her regain trust in her intuition and have been the most effective tools for her in managing anxiety.
Candice has suffered from c-ptsd, depression, and anxiety, along with a host of other issues, as a result of the stalking and the aftermath of navigating the justice system. However, she tells us she has found hope in healing, growth, and self-discovery through years of EMDR and trauma-focused therapy. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and involves moving your eyes in a specific way while you process traumatic memories to help you heal from trauma. Many of us become โemotional stuffers," but eventually, you or the people around you will have to deal with it. Through EMDR, Candice gained a sense of self-awareness that living in fight or flight isn't normal, that her trauma was impacting her physical health, and that there are tools to help her deal with triggers in a healthier way. When every day is about surviving, no one, not even you, can get the best version of yourself. Her trauma caused her never to feel safe and never feel good enough, but through therapy, she has been able to dig deep, get to the root of those limiting beliefs, and challenge them.
Unfortunately, internal demons are not the only ones she has had to battle over the years. People who stalk are after power and control. Her stalker is mentally ill and has progressively gotten worse over the years. He wasn't like that when she met him, but still, she has experienced a lot of victim blaming around why she dated him in the first place and what she did to him to cause this. She has also found that navigating the criminal justice system is extremely difficult, especially for stalking victims. Candice says meticulously collecting evidence and finally accepting help from the services available are what finally enabled her to get him convicted and sentenced to prison on aggravated stalking charges after ten years. Thankfully, her family and friends have been supportive over the years. However, balancing safety with taking her power back and putting herself first has been a struggle and an ongoing process.
Today, at 40, Candice is here to share her experience with the trauma sheโs been through, her healing process, and the therapies and treatments that have worked for her to give hope to crime victims, victims of domestic violence, and anyone who goes through prolonged trauma. Finally, she feels safe, has taken her power back, and has stepped into her true self.
โIt is not an easy journey, but you don't stay in that place.โ
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