Again With This: Dawson&#8217;s, Melrose, 90210

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BH S10.E02: Let’s Eat Cake Feb 04, 2019

Show notes

Steve has noticed that Janet's busting out of her bodices while also spending less time with him, and jumps to the conclusion that she's acquired some breast implants in anticipation of dumping his ass. Eventually she gets sufficiently annoyed with his hostility to admit that she's pregnant...whereupon Steve disappoints both Kelly's expectations and ours by acting like a real dick about it. It's also David's birthday, and for obvious reasons, Donna's left Gina off the guest list for the surprise party she's planning for him. (One suspects that Donna's come up with the idea of a surprise party at the club in order to force Noah to talk to her about logistics, if nothing else, but he's as sick of her shit, and her apologies, as we are.) When Gina finds out about the party, she assumes Dylan will also be sitting it out, and is stunned to learn that while the gang is punishing for boning him, they're not punishing HIM for boning HER. She develops a scheme to derail the party plans, which we assume Dylan wouldn't twig to even if he weren't caught up being a sponsor (lol) to Lucy, another current drug abuser who grew up in the hotel. Matt is still trying to reassure Kelly that he doesn't feel different about her since her rape, without seeming to understand that she feels different about her, and therefore that sex with him is not at the top of her to-do list (as it were). We discuss it all in our podcast on "Let's Eat Cake"!

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BH S10.E01: The Phantom Menace Jan 28, 2019

Show notes

Time for the payoff of the Season 9 finale cliffhanger: yes, some of the bullets Kelly shot actually ended up in Joe, and he is dead. Everyone springs into action: Matt starts defending Kelly against possible homicide charges; Dylan starts getting defensive, somehow, about his choice to give Kelly an unlicensed, unregistered firearm that went on to be used to kill someone; and Steve and Janet start bickering about whether Kelly's rapist really deserved incarceration or death. The drama surrounding Kelly's arrest hasn't distracted David from his anger at Dylan, which leads him to kick Dylan out of their house and back into the Beverly Royale Hotel -- you know, where we all remember Dylan living in high school? When everyone sees Gina on a TV news report referring to Kelly as her roommate who killed someone (which is...literally what Kelly is), Donna adds that to her resentment of Gina for sleeping with Dylan again -- way to tattle, David -- and kicks her out of the beach apartment. Does Kelly get charged with murder? Does Dylan let Gina move into his phat hotel pad? And what is making Janet so moody? We discuss it all in our podcast on "The Phantom Menace"!

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BH S09.E26: That’s The Guy Jan 21, 2019

Show notes

Kelly continues pushing down her anger and fear following her sexual assault, though it apparently helps her cope to keep the gun Dylan gave her in her purse. (And let's face it: if a mishap took out a Peach Pit After Dark patron, would it really be the worst thing?) At least Dylan and Matt are managing not to hold their pissing contests about which of them is better qualified to help her through this ordeal in her presence. Dylan's efforts at helping track down Kelly's assailant are interrupted by his conflicted feelings about the closeness growing between Gina and David, which he handles as expected, which is to say, poorly and immaturely. She doesn't exactly cover herself with glory either, but she does cover herself with...something! Noah finally figures out that Donna's hiding something from him and dumps her ass. While she's ignoring his calls, Wayne makes himself available, and one lobster dinner later, Donna's putting a third notch on her bedpost. The next morning, she's barely had a chance to come to terms with the news that Wayne is still leaving town as planned when Noah shows up to discover her with an unbuttoned Wayne and throw a shit fit about it. Finally, learning that the Beat is in the black only revives Janet's doubts about whether she's shaming the field of journalism by working there. We'll take you through all the explosive events of the Season 9 finale in our podcast on "That's The Guy"!

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BH S09.E25: Agony Jan 14, 2019

Show notes

A remarkable photo in the Beat draws the attention of the Chronicle's art critic. And since Steve is the photographer in question, he leans into his new status as an artist to impress Janet, ending up with more grass in his teeth than good shots on his film. Donna continues dithering between her lingering feelings of love (or obligation, depending on your perspective) for Noah and her burning lust for Wayne. But can she actually allow herself to try to separate sex from feelings? This is a question she keeps bringing to Kelly, despite the very obvious signals Kelly is sending that she is going through some serious shit right now. After taking herself to Cedars, talking to a detective, and going through a rape exam, Kelly tries to keep her assault a secret, but eventually cracks under questioning by Dylan. His efforts to support her only arouse suspicion from Gina, for obvious reasons, but also from David, who's now considering taking a run at Gina himself. The latest round of Dylan/Kelly drama distracts Gina from her efforts to get cast in a touring ice show, and pushing her bulimia to a crisis point. We discuss it all (...carefully) in our podcast on "Agony."

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☎️ The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

☔️ Details on RAINN's hotline

BH S09.E24: Dog’s Best Friend Jan 07, 2019

Show notes

As the Beverly Beat's mandate strays further and further from journalism, it seems Steve has stumbled upon a lucrative revenue stream: The Love Fisher, a computer program that matches singles with ruthless efficiency. First Janet gets curious about how much better the Love Fisher is at picking dudes for her than she is at picking them for herself; then it's Steve's turn to find out what kind of lady the computer thinks he should be with. Will Janet decide she's settled for a good enough guy, and will Steve cling to her for dear life? Noah has apparently transitioned into defending his dead father's reputation on a full-time basis, and is still being very snitty about it to Matt. Then Matt produces a fat environmental impact report which, when Noah reads it (lol, sure he does), convinces him that his father was a big scumbag after all. Speaking of scumbags: Donna is growing ever less certain that shacking up with Noah is the right move, so it's probably just as well that he has the lawsuit to occupy his attention. In the wake of his breakup with Gina, Dylan decides to take off for Vegas with David, who is soon disgusted by Dylan's willingness not to have a one-night stand with Mary but to lie to her about how serious a relationship the two of them might potentially have. Mary then clings, which David encourages, leading to an awkward moment on Dylan's doorstep when both his brunettes show up at the same time. Gina's got her own problems, which begin with a lost filling and continue through Mel's correct diagnosis of her bulimia. When Dylan can't convince Gina to give him a fifteenth chance, he calls Kelly with a threat to start using again, summoning her to a bad neighbourhood and into the path of a predator. We discuss it all (with trigger warnings, because: yikes) in our podcast on "Dog's Best Friend."

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BH S09.E23: The End Of The World As We Know It Dec 31, 2018

Show notes

It's April 1999, so Steve has finally gotten around to knowing what the Y2K bug and spectacularly overreacting with his doomsday prepping. Is this a healthy response to a possible technological meltdown or, as Janet suspects, a pretext for putting off planning for their future together? Recovering sex addict Katie decides she wants to take her relationship with David to the next level after fourteen months of celibacy; David is so horny that he goes with it instead of considering the implications of what she's asking of him. An ex-colleague of Matt's dumps a toxic waste cancer cluster case on him, which Matt is able to pursue thanks to Dylan's generous backing -- even after Matt tells him one of the defendants is Hunter Oil & Chemical. Noah's pissed. Then a series of farcical events leads to Dylan and Gina watching a nannycam video of an oblivious Matt and Kelly getting it on. Dylan's pissed. Dylan's attempts to get over his jealousy by staging an over-the-top date for Gina leads her to accuse him of having boned Kelly in Mexico, which he doesn't deny. Gina's pissed. In the background, Donna taps a pro beach volleyball player as her menswear muse, though she should be less worried about his pants than hers, which get increasingly hot for him as the episode wears on. We discuss it all in our podcast on "The End Of The World As We Know It"!

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BH S09.E22: Local Hero Dec 24, 2018

Show notes

One of the most convoluted plotlines of the season encompasses the following: a legitimate chance encounter between Dylan and Kelly; the idiotic decision by Kelly, on the phone with Matt when Dylan rolls up, not just to say, "Oh hey, I just ran into Dylan!" and instead to say she's on her way to run errands; a tweaker trying to rob a pregnant woman in broad daylight at fucking Bristol Farms by taking her son hostage; Dylan's foiling of said robbery; Steve's decision to try to infiltrate a sex addicts' meeting to mine content for the Beat; Kelly's even more idiotic decision to tell a real reporter that when the mugger showed up, she was having coffee in her car with STEVE, who went on to save this stranger's life; Gina's need for Matt to represent her in contract negotiations over a commentator job at the Skating Channel. Plus: Noah has a half sister. We'll try to untangle the million knots in these plotlines in our podcast on "Local Hero"!

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🍪 RedRocketLabs's Beverly Hills, 90210 cookie cutter

BH S09.E21: I Want to Reach Right Out & Grab Ya Dec 17, 2018

Show notes

A routine visit to her parents' house leaves Donna on the receiving end of a shocking announcement that, now that she's firmly in her mid-twenties, they feel certain she is strong enough to hear: they're getting a divorce. Like the rest of us, Donna is pretty sure it's Felice's fault, since she's been a nasty rag the entire time we've known her. But when Donna's attempts to pull a holy Parent Trap on them -- seriously, a priest is involved -- Noah journeys to the golf course to find out what's really behind Dr. Martin's restlessness. The complications of the Gina/Dylan/Kelly/Matt love quadrangle continues to metastasize such that this week it entails pool hustling, Olympic gold medalist housesitting, a chimney sweep, a hypnotist, and a mugger. (One of those is fake; try to guess which!) With Claudia returned to Venezuela, David has more time to spend on rehabilitating the career of a has-been DJ whose name is Sonny Sharp but who looks a lot like Shadoe Stevens. And when the Beat's latest freak-show subject is an eleven-year-old child prodigy, Steve makes it his mission to get the kid to relax and be as juvenile as Steve himself is. We discuss it all -- including how easy it would have been for anyone to have looked up the actual lyrics to the Steve Miller Band's "Abracadabra" -- in our podcast on "I Wanna Reach Right Out & Grab Ya"!

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BH S09.E20: Fortune Cookie Dec 10, 2018

Show notes

Last time, Noah's inability to fill the club was pushing him toward financial ruination, but now everything's fine, and he and Dylan are working together amicably to promote an upcoming show by fictional artist Cole Younger with a raffle to win a date with him -- in his hotel room, creepily? Anyway, Dylan's first act as manager of the Peach Pit After Dark is to fix the raffle and award the date to Kelly, only to be outmaneuvered by Gina, who just poses as Kelly to claim it for herself. This causes a variety of issues: Kelly is pissed to have to give up her prize (which she knows is ill-gotten); Matt is pissed that she keeps talking to Dylan about it (and also that her attempts to change his image for an ambulance-chasing TV ad are secretly about her wanting to change him into her ex); Dylan is pissed that Gina spends the night in Cole's hotel room; and Gina is pissed that Dylan's uninvited trip to said hotel room ends in a physical assault. Are emotions running so high to ratchet up the tension for a record-breaking hate-fuck? Claudia and David ignore Matt's advice and pursue plans to commit immigration fraud, despite the fact that both of them seem extremely (and, unusually for these nitwits, appropriately) apprehensive about it. Donna's old West Beverly Big Sister Ashley reappears in her life as both start circling the school's production of Romeo & Juliet; Donna's volunteering to make the costumes, while Ashley is building a bad-touch case against beloved drama teacher Mr. Bigelow. Steve's decision to fire a psychic results in her making the (self-fulfilling) prophecy that he's about to go impotent. We'll discuss how flaccid the plotting gets in our Again With This podcast on "Fortune Cookie"!

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