According To An Idiot

I Dream of Jinn: A Beginner's Guide to Genies Feb 11, 2025

So you've rubbed a mysterious lamp and unleashed an ancient trickster demon. It happens to the best of us! Allow us to guide you through this paranormal predicament. Stick with us as we chronicle the origins of "genies", and present the proper way of dealing with these dastardly demons!

Where do Jinn come from? Why do they grant wishes? And how the heck did they turn into comical, blue buffoons? A word of advice: be careful what you wish for... because you might just get it.

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My Immortal: A (Horrible) Harry Potter Fan Fiction Dec 22, 2024

Happy Holidays! To celebrate, we're giving you a gift that keeps on giving, whether you like it or not. While a tad out of character from our usual content, this cackle-filled reading of one of the internets most notorious "fan fictions" should delight all fans of the pod!

If you were an emo tween in the 2000s with a love for the Harry Potter series, you've likely heard of this notorious fanfic. Written by a (seemingly partially-literate) teenage author, "My Immortal" borrows all of your favorite characters from the 'Potterverse' and transforms them into gothic teenage outcasts. The singular original character in this piece, Ebony Dementia Raven Way, is the quintessential goth/emo/scene girl who serves as an obvious avatar for the angsty author. She's a vampire witch-in-training whose love of early 2000s emo-rock is nearly as great as her love for a certain troubled Slytherin student.

When Ebony's romance with fellow Hogwarts alum Draco Malfoy is challenged by an old flame, all hell breaks loose at the wizarding school. A familiar classmate nicknamed "Vampire" (formerly known as Harry Potter) enters Ebony's life and inadvertently sends her down a path of heartbreak and dark arts. Chaos only amplifies when the Dark Lord Voldemort tasks young Ebony with an impossible demand... MURDER!

Can our protagonist navigate a minefield of furious professors perverted suitors, or will the forces of evil - and unreadable prose - conquer all?

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Strange Appalachia: Folktales & Superstitions Nov 09, 2024

After a horrifying election season, we invite you to join us as we distract ourselves with horrors that dwell far beyond the halls of power!

The Appalachian Mountains are some of the oldest mountains on Earth. For centuries they have enchanted all those who have settled in the shadow of their towering peaks. Native Americans and European settlers alike had found profound beauty in the region we call "APPALACHIA".

Alongside the natural splendor, a mysterious energy also inhabits the vast forests and abandoned mines. The locals have known it by many names: ghosts, faeries, monsters, etc. To cope with the seemingly haunted world around them, the mountain folk developed a set of rules for survival. Some of these superstitions include:

- Never whistle at night.

- If a familiar voice calls to you in the woods, do NOT answer it.

- When visiting a home, always exit through the door you entered.

What is it about Appalachia that has inspired so many legends and superstitions? Join us as we examine the history and culture of this paranormal hotspot!

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Double Death: The Art of Posthumous Executions Jun 25, 2024

Kill me once, shame on me. Kill me twice... that's a "posthumous execution"!

We're back with yet another bizarre history lesson. This episode covers a grim ritual practiced by our twisted forefathers. In previous episodes we've discussed public executions - a disturbing tradition that combined capital punishment with live entertainment. For centuries, executions were performed before captivated crowds to remind the masses that crime never pays. But what if one execution wasn't enough?

Join us as we investigate the gruesome history of posthumous executions and the poor souls who were unlucky enough to die twice!

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The Hammer of Witches: Sorcery & "The Great Hunt" Mar 28, 2024

Where my witches at??

We're back with another bizarre history lesson. This episode covers a broad topic that we will undoubtedly return to in the future - WITCHCRAFT! It ain't all broomsticks and cauldrons, ya know.

Join us as we discuss the underrated weirdness of Scandinavian witchcraft, then explore the long and treacherous road that lead to the bloody witch trails of post-medieval Europe! Grab your pitchforks and torture manuals, its gonna be a bumpy ride...

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The Queen Mary Jan 10, 2024

This is one spooky ship.

Join us as we set sail into the dark waters of history! We'll be chronicling the fascinating story of a high class ocean liner turned haunted warship. Now moored in Long Beach Harbor, the RMS Queen Mary serves as a hotel and event center. While grand and elegant in appearance, the nautical titan has checkered past filled with conflict and bloodshed.

Today the Queen Mary offers lodging and fine dining, but the ship hosts a crew of bothersome ghosts just below deck! It might just be the most haunted ship in the world...

Is there any truth to its haunted legacy? Come aboard and find out...

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Yule: A Very Pagan Christmas Dec 24, 2023

Ho ho ho! Happy Solstice!

We're throwin’ back the egg nog and getting in the holiday spirit to tell you the TRUE story of Christmas! That’s right, it ain’t just a bunch of gingerbread men and reindeer - Xmas has a far stranger origin.

Join us as we look at the ancient festival of Yule, the true inspiration for Christmas. Along the way we’ll uncover the reason for the season as well as bizarre holiday customs from across the globe!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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Alchemy For Dummies Nov 21, 2023

Alchemy: the ultimate life hack.

Want infinite wealth and immortality? Stop wasting money on savings accounts and lousy vitamins. It's time for you to harness the mysterious power of Alchemy! Join us as we take a trip back in time to unearth the strange origins of alchemy and its ties to the occult.

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The Vanishing Hitchhiker Oct 30, 2023

Need a lift?

We're hitting the road to investigate the legend of the Vanishing Hitchhiker! We've all heard the old tale of a weary motorist giving aid to a stranded stranger on the side of dark road.

In these twice-told legends, the driver offers the hitchhiker a ride home... only for the strange passenger to VANISH before arriving at their destination - which is often revealed to be a long-abandoned home or spooky graveyard. This story is nothing new. Long before our modern era of automobiles, travelers on horseback have crossed paths with lost souls in need of transportation.

Is there any truth to this urban legend? Buckle up and find out...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

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Creepypasta: Jeff the Killer (Patreon Exclusive) Oct 14, 2023

Please enjoy this FREE episode from our Patreon Exclusive series "Creepypasta", where we read and discuss your favorite internet-born horror stories! If you've spent any time on the worldwide web, you've likely encountered Creepypasta.

Emerging in the late 1990s, the world was first introduced to the genre when text from horror-themed email chains were reposted to internet forums. The movement quickly grew, spawning a new era of urban legends!

This episode tells the popular story of "Jeff the Killer", a homicidal maniac whose ghoulish image has haunted the internet for over a decade. As we quickly discovered after reopening this viral classic, not all creepypasta's have aged gracefully. This was a blast to record.

For more Creepypasta stories, join the Patreon gang and get access to a treasure trove of exclusive content! We'll see you on the other side...

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An Alien Affair: The Antônio Vilas-Boas Abduction Sep 25, 2023

We're back with an EXTRA close encounter of the Third Kind!

...

In 1957, Brazilian farmer Antonio Vilas-Boas was plucked from his tractor and brought aboard an alien spacecraft. Unlike other tales of alien contact, Antonio's account centers around an experiment in hybrid breeding. You know what they say: one man's traumatic event is another man's x-rated Star Trek fanfiction.

Join us as we dig through the salacious details of a benchmark alien abduction story. Was Antonio's experience an exotic fantasy or otherworldly nightmare? You be the judge!

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The Fresno Nightcrawlers Sep 12, 2023

Walkin' pants. What more is there to say?

Greetings earthlings! Unlike our typical minisodes that run rather girthy - this puppy is an easy-breezy 20 minutes! Consider it an appetizer for the other content we've got in the chamber coming soon.

Have you seen the Nightcrawlers?

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The Montauk Project Aug 22, 2023

We're back with a new episode that covers two interweaving government conspiracy theories about secret military experiments. First, the testing of a controversial new cloaking device leaves a WW2 battleship in uncharted waters.

This event known as the "Philadelphia Experiment" would bring about bizarre consequences that inspired a decades long study into electromagnetism and psychic powers. That rumored military study was known colloquially as the "Montauk Project". Set in the coastal New York town of (you guessed it) Montauk, this tale of obscene human experimentation borrows heavily from our favorite tropes about shadow governments and psychic phenomena.

If you enjoy crackpot conspiracies, unreliable narrators, and time travel - you are in for a treat!

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The Dark Watchers Jul 03, 2023

"It always feels like somebody's watchin' me." - Rockwell

Have you ever found yourself alone when suddenly you catch the feeling of watchful eyes? It might manifest as an unwanted specter peeking through the crack in the closet door, or the burning stare of some invisible voyeur watching from beyond a darkened window. In these moments of unexplainable panic, we often tell ourselves that it's the mind playing tricks - but for the citizens and visitors of California's central coast, its all too real.

The Dark Watchers are one of Cali's strangest secrets. Be it natural phenomenon or supernatural forces, the one thing that IS known about "Los Vigilantes Oscuros" is that they've haunted Californians for centuries. Starting in the 1700s when Spanish scouts first braved the central mountain ranges, the Watchers were reportedly seen in large numbers staring down from clifftops and waiting along the horizon. Silent, towering silhouettes of men in black shrouds and wide-brimmed hats. Looming, waiting, watching.

Listen as we unravel the mystery of these shadowy guardians. But first: take a good look around. Someone may be watching you...

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The Leviathan: A Biblical Beast Apr 23, 2023

The Bible & Monsters. Name a more iconic duo.

Our latest minisode examines the legend of a beast both apocalyptic and allegorical. The primordial sea serpent known simple as "The Leviathan" appears throughout the Old Testament and serves as the ultimate symbol of godly power and primal evil. Having numerous interpretations and meanings, this monster is as mysterious as it is weird.

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The Flatwoods Monster Apr 22, 2023

Feast your ears on this PARANORMAL ICON!

In this installment we tell the tale of the Flatwoods Monster - a bonafide classic urban legend that came about at the peak of America's "flying saucer fever"...

One evening in 1952, a gaggle of schoolboys followed an earthbound fireball as it crash landed in the little town of Flatwoods, West Virginia. As they approached the crash site they witnessed an otherworldly creature whose baffling image would continue to haunt the small town for over half a century.

Be it alien or animal, "The Green Monster" would go on to become one of West Virginia's quirkiest mascots (2nd only to the legendary Mothman).

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The Betty and Barney Hill Abduction Apr 11, 2023

Look! In the sky - its a bird - its a plane! No, its just an interplanetary aircraft...

For our 50th (whoa!) episode, we're covering a landmark case in alien abduction! The fascinating story of Betty & Barney Hill and their infamous detour into the warped corners of "the unknown" remains to be one of the most convincing first hand accounts of extraterrestrial contact.

Remember: WATCH THE SKIES!

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Houska Castle: Portal to Hell Feb 27, 2023

Welcome to Hell!

Perched upon a steep rocky cliff in the Czech wilderness sits Houska Castle, a 13th-century gothic fortress hiding a dark secret within its unconventional walls. Upon first glance, one would notice the structure's peculiar design - it appears to have been built INSIDE OUT.

While your typical castle is built to defend against outside attack, Houska's defensive walls all point inward. And if that wasn't ominous enough, the castle was built atop a seemingly bottomless pit that local legend claims to be a portal to HELL...

Join us as we take a quick dive into one of Europe's most puzzling mysteries!

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The Legend of Baba Yaga Feb 18, 2023

Move over Grandma, there's a new bitch on the block!

Old ladies are sweet and unassuming, right? WRONG. Across the centuries elderly women have appeared in folklore and fairytales as menacing hags who deal in trickery and evil schemes. Look no further than the classic figure of "The Witch", a black magic wielding villain traditionally depicted as a decrepit old woman who is hideous in both appearance and nature. Sometimes these evil grannies even practice cannibalism, like in the tale of 'Hansel and Gretel'.

But what is it about old ladies that scare us so much? Why do our fairytales demonize GILFs? And where did this negative archetype come from? In this minisode we'll ruminate on these kinds of questions as we look at the legend of "Baba Yaga", a supernatural hag from early eastern European folklore who is the epitome of that old witchy archetype.

WARNING: this minisode includes discussions of murder, vulvas, and houses with chicken legs.

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Don’t Fear The Reaper: A History of Death Jan 17, 2023

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Greetings mortals! Join us as we discuss the cheery topic of death, in particular the physical representation of death in mythology and folklore. What is death? Why does the Grim Reaper carry a scythe? And who the heck is the god of death? We try our best to answer these gnawing questions (and many more) in this very special episode!

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The Loveland Frogman Oct 31, 2022

Happy Halloween!

We wrap up this very scary Spooky Season with a tale for the ages! In honor of all that is weird, we're covering a cryptid that is straight up wacky. This episode is all about the Frogman of Loveland, Ohio (also known as the "Loveland frog" or the "Loveland Lizard") which has been hopping around the Buckeye state since the 1950s.

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Lunatic Asylums Oct 24, 2022

Wanna get crazy?

This time we wind black the clock to investigate mental health treatment (or the lack there of) in the days of yore! Join us as we explore some of the most terrifying "mad houses" or lunatic asylums across history.

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Haunted New Orleans Oct 11, 2022

America is home to some of the strangest places in the world. Perhaps none is more strange than the city of New Orleans, Louisiana. With a history reaching back centuries before the nation's founding, "The Big Easy" boasts a rich and colorful past forged from triumph and tragedy. Ghosts, ghouls, massacres, and monsters await us this episode! Buckle up, its about to get WEIRD!

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Merfolk! Jun 29, 2022

Don't let the seashell bra fool you, mermaids are treacherous beasts. Throughout time every culture has had its own rendition of aquatic humans, known broadly as "merfolk". Join Moe and Jeremy as they chronicle the history of these mythical creatures, sharing stories of seductive fish-ladies to salty sea hags!

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Edgar Cayce: The Sleeping Prophet May 13, 2022

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The terms "psychic" and "medium" are often used when describing Edgar Cayce. Cayce, a popular clairvoyant who spearheaded both the New Age movement in America as well as holistic medicine, cannot be defined that simply. He was a modest, quirky southern salesman-turned-businessman-turned-paranormal icon.

Until his death in 1945, Edgar Cayce mystified millions with his unconventional mediumship which consisted of him laying on a couch and entering a sleep-like trance state. In this trance state, Cayce was possessed by what he called "The Entity", a mysterious intelligence that allowed him to predict the future and give fortunes to folks curious enough to try...
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Sam the Sandown Clown Apr 26, 2022

Send in the clowns! This minisode takes us to the coastal English town of Sandown in the summer of 1973. Known for its festivals and victorian resorts, the serene seaside community had always attracted strangers to its shores... the strangest of all being a 7-foot tall clown called "All Colors Sam". Join us for the tale of Sam the Sandown Clown, a colorful account presented through the eyes of the two young children who encountered this otherworldly creature in a swampy meadow in May of 1973.

Alien? Monster? Make-believe? Join us as we examine the absurd legend of "All Colors Sam".

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Thanks for listening! We are now available wherever you listen to podcasts! If you enjoyed this, be sure to stay in the loop by following us on Twitter, Instagram, and Youtube. And don't forget to leave us a review on iTunes and/or Spotify! Want in on the fun? Email us your questions and topics to accordingtoanidiot@gmail.com and we'll TALK ABOUT THEM IN A FUTURE EPISODE! Email not your thing? Message us on social media, or RT us @IdiotsAccord. (Intro/Outro music by Visager) SEE YOU IN TIME!

Welcome To Atlantis Mar 06, 2022

Adventure awaits under the sea!

Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code IDIOT at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod

The legend of Atlantis has inspired mankind for centuries with tales of a forbidden undersea kingdom and lost alien technology. First penned by the philosopher Plato nearly 2,400 years ago; scholars insist that the magic civilization chronicled in the dialogues "Timaeus" and "Critias" is mere analogy - but modern prophecies and geological findings paint a far more perplexing picture. Join Moe and Jeremy as they separate the fact from fiction, taking the usual detour down the rabbit hole of outrageous conspiracy! ATLANTIS AWAITS!

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