Absolutely Not

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North Face, Baby Jun 04, 2025

Show notes

On the episode, Heather is fresh off her NYC takeover—including a memorable night at The Beacon. Now she’s back in her basement, recording old-school style and fighting off whatever funk the universe sent as a reminder to sit down and reset. She’s booking check-ups, trying new beauty hacks, and figuring out what’s going on with her wonky wrist. Plus, she shares her run-in with cosmetic consultation scammers, the betrayal of high-calorie coffee orders, and why she’s dreaming of climbing Mount Everest. (Spoiler: she's not.)

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This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wiggin’ Out with Andrea Lopez and Anna Roisman May 28, 2025

Show notes

On this episode, Heather is back in NYC and welcomes two cruising hussies to the pod. Andrea and Anna are hosts of their own pod Big Wigs but are famously known for their impressions. They chat about how they met, the cruise, their favorite Boar’s Head meats, and being related to a serial killer. We also get a surprise appearance from two of their favorite Calabasas characters.

Episode Sponsors:

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Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!

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Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In Her Color Palette with Kelsey Cook May 28, 2025

Show notes

On this episode, Heather welcomes Kelsey Cook to the podcast studio. Kelsey is another fabulous comic that is on tour and has released her new special, Mark Your Territory. They connect on never being to Coachella, the similarities of boomers and millennials, survival jobs and where they stand on Crumbl cookies. Kelsey also finds out that she is actually another race because she is a red head.

Episode Sponsors:

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Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Atlanta is Family May 21, 2025

Show notes

On this episode, Heather is in the studio after a big weekend performing at her home theatre - The Fox. She chats about how doing a show at home can be more stressful than any other cities and how the acquaintances come out of the woodwork to get those free tickets. She tries to relax on Sunday by putting out all her lawn furniture for the summer but the heat index had other plans. She is excited to get to NYC for her show at the Beacon and her week in the city. She gets to take some voicemail about the after party, a lost photo and a hot take on recording comedians.

Episode Sponsors:

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Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Save 20% Off Honeylove at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY

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Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Daaaa Pope May 14, 2025

Show notes

On the episode, Heather is feeling nautical (and musical) in a fully bedazzled ship captain’s hat. She has some hot takes on the newly appointed American pope and shares some of the gifts she received on the cruise. She dives into Robin’s controversial stance on why dining out on Mother’s Day is an absolute no and then provides advice to your voicemails about breakups, cocktails, and short skirts.

Episode Sponsors:

Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.

If you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.

For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.

Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners an exclusive chance to be among the first to try Next Gen—with 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program at ProlonLife.com/absolutely.

Shop SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at SKIMS.com.

Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip. It’s available nationwide at Target and Walmart, plus many other major grocery stores and retailers.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When Life Gives You Lemon Drops May 07, 2025

Show notes

On the episode, Heather is home for a few days and back in the Atlanta studio. She has been enjoying her few days at home, before it’s back on the road. She goes over how Robin’s trip to Portugal has been going and how her own show in Chicago went. She takes on the voicemails to find probably the #1 absolutely not of all time. Can this be the one?

Episode Sponsors:

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This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/absolutely today.

Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is Healing Apr 30, 2025

Show notes

On this episode, Heather is taking it old school and recording live from a hotel room in Miami. No, she isn’t still on the cruise, she is back to working girl life as a corporate girlie. She gives the cruise recap from her perspective and how emotional it made it. She also chats about another milestone-reaching 1 million miles on Delta. She wraps it up with more cruise voicemails from cruisers themselves.

Episode Sponsors:

Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.com/ABSOLUTELY

Head to https://www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY

Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com.

Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Live from the Lido Deck with Tina Tompkins & Raymond Padilla Apr 23, 2025

Show notes

On this truly iconic episode, Heather is coming to you live from the Absolutely Knot cruise. She has a live audience on the deck and two guests to bring you all the on board updates and of course, Absolutely Not’s. If you have all the fomo, you will not want to miss this one.

Episode Sponsors:

Our favorite cookware set will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/ABSOLUTELYNOT you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.

Whether you're gifting to yourself or a loved one, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off any order! Enjoy free shipping when you subscribe. Go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOTGIFT.

Shop SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at SKIMS.com and SKIMS LA Flagship on Sunset Blvd. After you place your order, be sure to let them know I sent you!

Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/absolutely today.

Right now, our listeners get 15% off the Premium Starter Kit by using code ABSOLUTELY at BranchBasics.com

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Masters Sans Scammer Apr 18, 2025

Show notes

On this episode, Heather is physically on the cruise, but has brought you a Master’s recap prior to boarding the ship. She chats about her time at the Par 3, trying to be everyone else’s photographer, and of course the coveted merch haul. She also has a message for the millennial white women's fashion choices.

Episode Sponsors:

Go to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.com/ABSOLUTELY

Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.

Just visit ProlonLife.com/ABSOLUTELY to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.

Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Save 20% Off Honeylove at honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Virgin Cruisers with Rosebud Baker Apr 09, 2025

Show notes

On this episode, Heather is back with Rosebud Baker for a light pregame just in time for The Absolutely Knot Cruise. Rosebud chats about her relationship, becoming a mom, and taking her comedy in a new direction this time around on tour. They also drop some piping hot takes on the Real Housewives and give the scoop on their upcoming cruise shenanigans. It's been a long road and the ladies are at Brat Status - as they should be!

Episode Sponsors:

Pick up GOODLES on your next shopping trip… it’s available nationwide at major grocery stores and retailers.

Absolutely Not is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/ABSOLUTELY today to get 10% off your first month.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/absolutely today.

Head to http://primalkitchen.com/absolutelynotpodcast to save 20% off your next online order with code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Nuuly is a great value at $98 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $28 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY at Nuuly.com

Head over to Addyi’s website — Addyi.com — and see if Addyi is right for you.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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