Abject Suffering

Latest Episodes:

Episode 427: Max Payne (GBA) Nov 01, 2021

Show notes

Funny enough, it was the most misguided port I could think of. Which isn't to say that the mini version of Max Payne isn't impressive in its own way... It's just frustrating to always get killed by enemies who are off-screen.

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Episode 426: Deer Avenger Oct 25, 2021

Show notes

Crass, classist humor can't paper over a thin game long enough for us to not find another truly depressing internet phenomenon. And we can't stress enough: be cool.

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Episode 425: Monster Garden Oct 18, 2021

Show notes

This game isn't bad, but it's really not for us. You play as a monster who wants to grow his garden, which means going into little pocket dimensions to make friends to bring back home. This turns into a message game about how to be a better friend to yourself... but it's all very basic, and the writing clangs on our taste. So instead, we talk about some strange encounters Gary recently had in Portland.

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Episode 424: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Oct 11, 2021

Show notes

We've only made this mistake once before, but there was a calendar whoopsie. So while we primarily talk about Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, we also get a little bit of Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom. A minor misunderstanding gives way to discussions of frightening produce and the ravages of age.

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Episode 423: Peasant's Quest Oct 04, 2021

Show notes

Kole may not be able to convince Gary that Homestar Runner is funny, but at least we can both agree that the porn game that's also named Peasant's Quest is gross as heck.

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Episode 422: Eyeballs are your ENEMIES! Sep 27, 2021

Show notes

We got burned by a name again. But can you blame us? "Eyeballs are your ENEMIES!" is a really tempting name for an Abject Suffering game. So we took the bait, realized we don't really have any eyeball digressions, and flounder for a while. Damn you, asset flip games!

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Episode 421: Pandmeonium Sep 20, 2021

Show notes

A clown, his horrible stick, and a very normal woman end the world and have to try to un-end it. But we mostly end up talking about sex toys and weird Captain Planet villain eggs.

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Episode 420: Pringles: The Game Sep 13, 2021

Show notes

Throw another entry onto our list of games about snacks. But Pringles: The Game isn't an official product... it's a Sega Genesis ROM created by a hobbyist in the 21st century. This is a labor of love, made only out of enthusiasm for those pressed salty shavings.

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Episode 419: Heroes of Might and Magic: Quest for the Dragon Bone Staff Sep 06, 2021

Show notes

An episode where, admittedly, neither of us can remember a specific aspect of the Heroes of Might and Magic universe... but it doesn't matter, because this is actually just King's Bounty! So you can't trick us with your lies.

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Episode 418: I.Q.: Intelligent Qube Aug 30, 2021

Show notes

This is actually a good game, but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about Forbidden Cubes. If you're familiar with this, it's probably because of a demo disk that came with your PlayStation, or from buying the PlayStation Classic mini-console. Its austere, frankly creepy presentation wraps up a satisfying puzzle game that gives us plenty of geometry-based digression material.

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