Hosts: Tom Vann, Dan Dennis | Guest: Ross McCoy (comedian, The Orlando Talk Show)
Sponsors / Ad Reads -
Cold open: cool dude character. The Bart ad read was framed around a revived "cool dude" character that Bart likes. Afterward the hosts argued over how to sign off after a sponsor read.
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Cruise update: $20 bump. Dan debuted a new "Yachty" sound effect. The first block of balcony cabins sold out, and Tony from Ahoy Cruises got a second block at $20 more, which he was angry about for the listeners' sake. Inside cabins are still at the original price, but another block could cost more. Deposits are fully refundable until a couple of months before sailing. The hosts mocked anyone who cancels.
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Falcons and Garth tonight. Tom was still wound up after the Falcons game, where a rough first quarter gave way to a strong performance. Moe DeWitt invited the crew, Ross included, to the Garth Brooks show at the Kia Center that night. They joked about how many people dropped out before Tom and Dan got invited, and guessed Buzz Stecker would skip it. Crystal had been playing Garth's greatest hits on Amazon Music (the audio quality got panned), and a host's daughter caught him in "Garth mode." Favorites included "Callin' Baton Rouge" and "Friends in Low Places."
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Billionaire musicians quiz. A report that Garth considered selling his catalog, valued around $2 billion, led into a guessing game about the six billionaire musicians. The crew landed Jay-Z, Beyonce, Paul McCartney, Taylor Swift, and Rihanna. Rihanna got an asterisk because most of her money comes from her cosmetics line. Ross also floated "A billion is a lot" as a T-shirt.
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Chris Gaines deep dive. Dan went down the Chris Gaines rabbit hole:
- Gaines was written as a fictional Australian rock star from Brisbane, with a made-up back catalog.
- The album was meant to set up a movie called The Lamb, a thriller about a fan trying to prove Gaines was murdered. The character was written as a sex addict, and Garth would have needed an Australian accent.
- The album sold about 2 million copies and became Garth's only Top 40 pop hit.
- The SNL episode where Garth hosted and introduced Gaines as the musical guest confused a host's dad.
- The hosts compared the idea to Borat and to found-footage horror. A host remembered seeing a found-footage film at the Enzian with its UCF filmmakers and believing it was real.
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Caller Cara: nanny stories. Cara was a nanny for a top makeup artist who worked with Garth, Faith Hill, Reba and others. She said Garth's team went along with the Gaines look because nobody told him no. She lived on the artist's property in her early 20s and fried okra and chicken at Faith Hill's Southern-style baby shower. The artist's husband played in Barbara Mandrell's band. The hosts brought up Tom's childhood nanny again. They also recalled the Gaines album ending up in bargain bins once record stores over-ordered.
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Garth, music rights, and yes-men.
- Garth fought used-CD stores in 1995, resisted iTunes, and launched his own download service, GhostTunes, later absorbed into Amazon Music.
- The hosts roasted his naming choices: GhostTunes, The Lamb, a fake Gaines album called "Fornicopia," and his production company Red Strokes.
- Tom created the "Castleberry Garth" bit about rich stars who won't take notes from employees.
- Claims from a 2013 lawsuit by an ex-business partner: Garth supposedly passed on Twister (the Helen Hunt role) and Saving Private Ryan to avoid sharing the spotlight.
- His Padres spring training stint was for charity (a donation to Boys & Girls Clubs), not a real tryout. Dan admitted arguing with Claude about it before conceding. Pre-internet news coverage made stunts like this confusing.
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Caller Charles: concert parking. BDM Charles was taking his wife to the Garth show for their 23rd anniversary and asked for parking tips. The hosts first gave joke advice: tip a random guy in a construction vest to valet your car. Then came real tips about the Kia Center lots and a gate most people don't know about. Dan's partner Andrea has a secret back-alley parking route. The crew planned crispy tavern-style pizza downtown and Uber rides home.
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Ross's Uber nightmare. After Wu-Tang Clan at the MidFlorida amphitheater in Tampa, Ross and his wife could see their Hard Rock hotel balcony but had I-4 in the way. Rideshare signs led them nowhere, and the app's pickup point was a slab of concrete in an empty fairgrounds field. The driver stayed in a different lot and stopped answering, while black SUVs kept offering rides. They ended up walking toward a distant Hampton Inn. Chat and hosts piled on about Uber's decline (rider-rating filtering, cancellations) and a Waymo that got stuck in traffic.
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Break: ska block. The Family Business Limited's "Still a Jamaican" (new album out today) and the Barstool Preachers' "Want to Know" (pick of the week), followed by the Trail of Terror read.
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Oviedo e-bike arrest. A News 6 clip covered an 11-year-old in Oviedo who got a written arrest for riding a Sur-Ron-style electric dirt bike near Sweetwater Park. He bought it with $900 from selling squirrel picnic tables. The charges were an unregistered vehicle, no insurance, no motorcycle endorsement, and no eye protection. His father called it an overreach, and the boy will miss school for court. Tom recalled his brother getting a written arrest for riding a dirt bike on the street.
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Officer interview: e-bike law. A BDM police officer (name unclear in the transcript) called in:
- The crackdown follows a wave of crashes and kids getting hurt, plus newer statutes that classify e-bikes.
- With working pedals it's a bicycle. With the pedals removed it's a motor vehicle. Fake pedals may get riders by some officers.
- Enforcement is at the officer's discretion: a civil infraction with a misdemeanor consequence.
- Registering a Sur-Ron takes blinkers, lights, and a plate. Dan's old scooter has only an antique tag.
- Stand-up scooters are speed-regulated, and OneWheels are unregulated. You can get a DUI on anything motorized.
- Adults can be charged for letting an unlicensed minor drive.
- Traffic court has a hearing officer, not prosecutors. Seminole County is stricter than Orange.
Afterward the hosts wondered how their Miami friend Turkey Leg, who rides one, would react.
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Wu-Tang concert recap. Ross described the night:
- Bone Thugs-n-Harmony opened with medleys, including an Eazy-E tribute and a Biggie and Tupac tribute.
- RZA gave a spoken history of the group, then the set ran through 36 Chambers material and solo spots for Method Man, Ghostface, Raekwon, Cappadonna, and a Mobb Deep member.
- Method Man showed off his physique and hair, which set up the TRT joke.
- There was a memorial tribute to late rappers.
- The reveal: ODB's parts were performed by his son, Young Dirty Bastard. His mother tried to steer him away from music, and RZA didn't cast him in the American Saga series.
- The hosts traded ODB stories and tried, unsuccessfully, to play a TRL clip.
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Seacrest and aging. A host's parents cut cable and now use an antenna for NFL games, which means catching Ryan Seacrest on Wheel of Fortune. The crew discussed Seacrest's changed face, weight loss versus cosmetic work, and his frosted tips at his age. Vanna White came up too. Tom said he's getting gray streaks and would dye his hair, which got jokes about jet-black "magician hair."
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Elizabeth Holmes documentary. Nathan Fielder's secretive Holmes documentary screened at a festival with breathless reviews but no specifics. It's rated R for graphic nudity. The leading theory was that it includes a childbirth video. The crew expected a three-hour absurdist art piece and joked about betting on its reception on Kalshi. They noted a trailer scene where her husband takes the whisk from her while she's making eggs. Ross's theory: the story turns to Holmes cheating on him. That led to a tangent on Italian brainrot videos, Skibidi Toilet being over, "6-7," and how much Fortnite has changed.
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Break: pop punk block. Rivals' "Adrenaline Rush," the Modern PI read, and Cartel.
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"Mother of the Year" video. In a viral Giants broadcast clip, a mom juggles a baby, a carrier, and stacks of food and drinks back to her seat while her husband sits idle, and the announcers roast him.
- Tom defended the dad, saying partners who don't ask for help end up making the other person look bad. The others ribbed him for how he phrased it.
- Dan described Andrea handing off their daughter at Magic and Orlando City games so she could take a break.
- Ross offered a gentler defense, citing $25 concert beers and sending his wife to the beer tent.
- Dan shared Andrea's backhanded compliment that she's glad he drinks less, but "even this one scares me."
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Dripstick product. Ross got a targeted ad after Monday's cruise talk about tampons. The product is Awkward Essentials' Dripstick, a post-sex sponge applicator. The hosts read the instructions, then argued at length about hygiene and peeing after sex. Dan explained his cleanup routine, and Tom compared it to cleaning a paint sprayer or a beer line. The product's FAQ recommends peeing afterward anyway. The punchline was a "69 for $69" deal, which gave the episode its title, plus a joke return address on the "discreet packaging."
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Caller Toad King. Last call of the day: a crude one-liner about the post-sex topic, with nothing substantive.
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Tom's crazy fact: snakebites. The US averages about 5 snakebite deaths a year, and Tom asked the crew to guess India's number. The answer is about 58,000, mostly rural. The crew discussed the colonial snake-bounty story (often called an urban legend), India's "big four" venomous snakes, the Monsters of God documentary, and a story about someone stealing a nearly extinct tortoise breeding population.
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Plugs and wrap. Ross plugged The Orlando Talk Show and the Moe Comedy Jam. The cruise price increase got a reminder, and they announced Villain Roasters' new location with a possible Tom & Dan chicken-and-waffle item and a meetup.
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