The 2 LADS know only too well that breakups are often painful, yet present opportunities to grow. In this episode, Leggy discusses a particularly traumatic breakup and Daniel talks about his experience in a 12-step program for sex and love. They also get into how we can use the pain as a roadmap to healing; and how we need to determine our “terms” in order to show up better in relationships. As Leggy says, “breakups give you a window of opportunity to reflect on what went wrong and use that to grow and enter into healthier relationships in the future.”
The 2 LADS podcast tackles big topics with brutal honesty and vulnerability; replacing shame and guilt with truth and love in the quest for emotional and spiritual growth. These conversations are unflinching, uncomfortable, funny... and ongoing.
JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:
(02:23) - The breakup that led to Daniel and Leggy’s friendship - “I'd had lots of breakups before, and you had a marriage end, but there's one breakup in your life where you can't avoid the pain anymore.”
(03:46) - Breakups can be an opportunity to learn important lessons about yourself - “Every time we go through a breakup, it means something's not worked. We've got ourselves into a situation. It has ended, right? And there's a window of opportunity at that moment of breakup where you get to reflect.”
(07:09) - Falling into bad patterns in relationships - “I bounced from relationship to relationship and I had always thought, ‘Well it's because I haven't found the right person.’ I'd never asked myself, ‘Why am I attracted to the things that I'm attracted to?’”
(12:12) - How difficult breakups can be - “I've talked to people who were in a lot of different twelve step programs and a great deal of them say of all things to come off of, sex and love is by far the hardest.”
(13:05) - Trying to ignore pain - “I've had all the addictions in my life. I've done extensive research on most addictions. It all comes down to pain management and understanding that pain is part of the game, you know? And we didn't get taught that. I didn't. I got taught that you're not supposed to feel pain. So whenever it comes up, do whatever you can to get rid of it as quickly as possible, rather than understand that that pain is there to teach you something.”
(14:09) - A healthier way to enter into relationships - “If you're a person like I have been that hasn't had a solid sense of self, a strong sense of self, where I'm like, ‘I’m drawing the line here. This is who I am. This is what I believe. These are my values. Let's do it.’ I've never entered into a relationship from that position.”
(15:41) - Leggy’s traumatic breakup - “It is death, but in a weird way, in some ways, worse than death because this person is choosing to be gone from your life.”
(19:49) - Figuring out your terms - “When people say, ‘You can't love somebody until you love yourself,’ I remember just thinking, ‘What a load of bollocks. I don't understand what that means.’”
(25:50) - Love can be more about you than the other person - “I can't even ever know what she felt, even if it was true or not. It doesn't matter. What matters is… me. I felt like I was in love. I also felt like I was in a lot of pain. Everything that I went through was my experience. And it was what I chose to do, unconsciously chose it due to my own place in my life at that time where I was completely unaware of all of these unhealed sections of myself.”
RESOURCES:
Connect w/ Daniel on Instagram, Twitter and IMDB
Connect w/ Leggy on Instagram and Spotify
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The 2 LADS podcast was created and produced by actor Daniel Sharman and music producer Christian 'Leggy' Langdon. With additional editing and production by Katie Sunku Wood and StudioPod Media. Sarah Jade Wilson is the Brand Director. With photography by Diana Mantis. Graphic design/video editing by Aldona Kowal. Music Composed, Mixed and Mastered by Christian ‘Leggy’ Langdon.