Where Do We Go From Here?

I've got Questions for Erin Moon Jan 22, 2026

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess sits down with Erin Moon, writer, podcaster, and author of I've Got Questions, for a deeply honest conversation about purity culture, faith deconstruction, curiosity, and what it looks like to stay tethered to God while letting certainty fall away.

Erin reflects on growing up fully immersed in evangelical purity culture, including the long-term impact it had on her body, marriage, and sense of self. She shares candidly about why deconstructing purity culture can take decades, how shame keeps so many people silent, and why asking questions is not a failure of faith but an expression of it.

Together, Jess and Erin explore why curiosity was discouraged in many evangelical spaces, how political power and Christian nationalism accelerated Erin's own deconstruction, and what it means to be "suspicious of certainty" while still loving scripture. Erin also discusses her work as Resident Bible Scholar on Faith Adjacent, the shift from The Bible Binge, and why humour, humility, and community matter when navigating heavy theological terrain.

This episode is for anyone who feels unmoored by faith questions, is re-examining purity culture, or is trying to stay connected to God without suppressing their doubts. It's also for parents, partners, and loved ones who want to better understand the deconstruction journeys happening around them.

In this episode, we cover:

Growing up "all in" on purity culture and its long-term effects
Why sexual shame doesn't magically disappear after marriage
How asking questions can deepen faith rather than destroy it
The role of politics and power in evangelical disillusionment
Being curious without demanding certainty
Reading scripture with humility and openness
Why community matters, both online and in real life
Erin's book I've Got Questions and the companion guided journal

Resources & Links:

Erin Moon's website: https://www.erinhmoon.com
I've Got Questions by Erin Moon: https://www.erinhmoon.com/book
I've Got Questions: Guided Journal: https://www.erinhmoon.com/journal
Faith Adjacent podcast: https://faithadjacentpod.com

If you've ever felt afraid to ask questions about faith, sexuality, scripture, or God, this conversation offers permission, honesty, and hope.

Rage Bait, "Childless" and the Gender Blame Game Jan 15, 2026

What happens when algorithms profit from our outrage?

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess is joined by Emily and Kristen to unpack a piece of viral rage bait that sparked intense online reactions around dating, loneliness, and gender. Using a widely shared clip from a Diary of a CEOinterview as a case study, the hosts slow the conversation down and ask a different set of questions.

Rather than reacting, blaming, or feeding the algorithm, they practice what they call their No Hard Feelings muscle:

noticing emotional responses without immediately responding
fact-checking claims and statistics
zooming out to full context
questioning binaries like men vs women, single vs partnered
and sitting with nuance instead of certainty

The conversation explores how statistics can be used as authority without accountability, how loneliness is often conflated with relationship status, and why phrases like "childless women" are emotionally loaded and culturally shaming. The hosts challenge the idea that romantic partnership is the primary solution to loneliness and ask whether community, friendship, and social structures deserve more attention.

They also examine how social media incentives reward division, why rage bait spreads so effectively, and how engagement itself becomes a vote for more of the same content. Along the way, they discuss dating apps, emotional labour, shifting gender expectations, declining birth rates, and the difference between correlation and causation when it comes to health outcomes and relationships.

This episode is not about defending or cancelling anyone. It's about learning how to engage thoughtfully in a culture that thrives on outrage, and asking what kind of social, economic, and relational conditions actually make connection feel safe and chosen.

If you've ever felt angry, defensive, or exhausted after watching a viral clip about dating or gender, this episode invites you to pause, breathe, and think again.

From Purity to Power: Sex, Innocence, and the Legacy of White Christianity Jan 06, 2026

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess is joined by scholar and author Sara Moslener to discuss her latest book, After Purity, and the deeper political, racial, and theological forces behind evangelical purity culture.

Sara argues that purity culture was never only about sex. It was about power. Drawing on years of academic research and firsthand stories from the After Purity Project, she traces how purity culture trained white women to equate obedience, self-denial, and innocence with moral authority, patriotism, and faithfulness. These ideals, she explains, are inseparable from Christian nationalism, white supremacy, and the politics of "innocence" in the United States.

Together, Jess and Sara unpack how purity culture relied on the myth of innocence while simultaneously hyper-sexualising girls and young women. They explore how evangelical movements claimed their work was "not political" while actively shaping national policy, sexual norms, and racial hierarchies. The conversation also examines the limits of white feminism, the problem of disembodiment, and why healing from purity culture requires more than reclaiming sexuality alone.

This episode is for listeners who want to understand why purity culture caused so much harm, how it intersected with race and power, and what it means to reckon honestly with faith, feminism, and national identity after deconstruction.

Topics include:

Purity culture as a political and racial project
Innocence, power, and Christian nationalism
White feminism and its limits
Disembodiment and bodily shame
Evangelicalism, race, and sexual ethics
The After Purity Project and lived experience

Core Readings Referenced in This Episode

After Purity — Sara Moslener
Pure — Linda Kay Klein
Making Chastity Sexy — Christine J. Gardner
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl — Harriet Jacobs
White Tears / Brown Scars — Ruby Hamad
The Myth of Colorblind Christians — Jemar Tisby

Learning to Trust Yourself to Deconstruct and Date Dec 30, 2025

In this episode of Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ reflect on the year that's been and wade into some of the most tender questions facing Christians who are rethinking faith, sex, and dating after purity culture.

Drawing from listener submissions and Christian Reddit threads, they explore what happens when the old rules no longer work. How do you choose a partner without a checklist? What does consent look like in Christian dating? Is celibacy still meaningful if it's chosen freely rather than enforced by shame? And how do you stay anchored in faith while deconstructing long-held beliefs?

The conversation moves between personal stories, cultural critique, and pastoral honesty. Jess and EDJ unpack how purity culture shaped women's bodies, desire, and self-worth, including the overlap between sexual repression and diet culture, modesty, and shrinking oneself to feel "safe." They talk candidly about dating privilege, power dynamics in church spaces, and why "waiting for the right one" can sometimes be a way of avoiding real connection.

The episode also addresses grief and solidarity in the wake of violence, reflecting on the Bondi attack and the courage and humanity displayed in its aftermath. As always, Thoughts & Prayers closes with a communal prayer, holding space for listeners wherever they find themselves on their faith journey.

This episode is for anyone navigating Christian dating after purity culture, wrestling with deconstruction without wanting to lose their faith, or trying to rebuild a sexual ethic rooted in consent, agency, and love rather than fear.

Topics include:

Christian dating after purity culture
Consent, agency, and sexual ethics
Celibacy as choice vs obligation
Deconstruction without deconversion
Dating privilege and power in church spaces
Purity culture, diet culture, and women's bodies
Faith, grief, and communal prayer

Christmas, Closets, and Consent: A Happiest Season Rom-Com Recap Dec 23, 2025

This Christmas Eve, we're unwrapping a special gift for everyone.

Normally, our Rom-Com Recaps are exclusive to our Patreon partners, but for December we're sharing this one on the main feed as a thank-you and a holiday treat.

In this episode, Jess is joined by Bri from our Patreon community to recap and unpack Happiest Season. The 2020 holiday rom-com starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis set out to be a festive queer love story, but left many viewers divided.

We dive into:

The central relationship between Abby and Harper and why it frustrated us more than it warmed our hearts
The emotional cost of closeting a partner and where consent breaks down
Why Dan Levy's character delivers the most honest moment in the entire film
The chemistry that arguably should have changed the ending
Whether this movie was made for queer audiences or about them
How family pressure, image management, and unspoken expectations shape holiday dynamics

This conversation goes beyond a simple movie review. We talk honestly about coming out, family roles, emotional labour, and why "happily ever after" sometimes feels unearned.

If you love rom-coms, have complicated feelings about Christmas, or have ever watched a holiday movie and thought "wait… this isn't actually okay," this episode is for you.

🎁 A Christmas gift from us to you. Enjoy.

For access to the RomCom Recap of Saved! simply sign up as a free or paid member at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Can You Deconstruct Without Losing Your Faith Dec 10, 2025

Summary: In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess, Emily, and Kristen take on one of the most timeless questions for Christians navigating doubt and deconstruction: Can you question your beliefs without losing your faith?

Jess shares reflections from making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye with Joshua Harris and a recent conversation with her boss who's struggling not to "throw the baby out with the bathwater." Emily walks us through James Fowler's Stages of Faith Development and Kohlberg's Moral Development, offering a developmental lens for understanding why deconstruction can actually be a sign of growth rather than loss. Kristen brings warmth and honesty to the emotional fallout of leaving evangelical spaces, exploring how community, inclusion, and re-reading Scripture through a "Jesus lens" can help rebuild faith on new foundations.

Together, the trio asks: What is the "baby" we're trying to keep? Is it Jesus? Love? Mystery? The creeds? And can we learn to hold uncertainty as a form of faith itself?

Timestamps: 00:00 — Intro: What even is the baby and the bathwater? 04:00 — Jess on Joshua Harris, Josephine Butler, and modern deconstruction 13:00 — Emily explains Fowler's Stages of Faith and what they reveal about deconstruction 30:00 — Where we are now: bouncing between Stage 4 and 5 35:00 — Kristen's story of leaving church and finding belonging again 48:00 — So what is the baby? Defining what's worth holding onto 57:00 — Ancient creeds, mystery, and rediscovering Jesus 1:02:00 — Closing reflections: curiosity, courage, and faith that grows up

Links Mentioned:

I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye documentary
James Fowler, Stages of Faith (1981) https://www.ngumc.org/files/fileslibrary/james+fowlers+stages+of+faith.pdf
"Religious Deconstruction: The Process, Themes, and Psychosocial Dynamics…" (academic dissertation) https://www.proquest.com/openview/ba405ff9b1a90e17f43a39de1ddf40b3/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y
Josephine Butler biography (When Courage Calls by Sarah C. Williams)
Patreon community: patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Keywords for SEO: faith deconstruction, Fowler stages of faith, Joshua Harris, evangelical deconstruction, progressive Christianity, exvangelical podcast, Christian faith development, Kohlberg moral development, losing faith, reconstructing faith, deconstruction without deconversion, No Hard Feelings podcast

Starved of Desire: How Purity Culture and Diet Culture Intertwine Dec 03, 2025

In this special interview, EDJ sits down with writer and cultural critic Anna Rollins, author of Famished, to talk about the haunting overlap between purity culture, diet culture, and the ways women learn to shrink themselves — in body, desire, and voice.

With honesty and nuance, Anna speaks about her own story, the systems that shaped her, and the practices she's now reclaiming. This is an episode for anyone who grew up equating holiness with self-erasure, or who has ever sensed that controlling the body is often a proxy for controlling sexuality, worthiness, and belonging.

In this conversation, we explore:

✨ The shared logic between purity culture and diet culture — and why both teach women that their bodies are a threat ✨ How thinness, obedience, and "good girl" energy become spiritualised ✨ Anna's journey through disordered eating and recovery ✨ Why evangelical spaces often reward self-denial but punish desire ✨ The shame-fear cycle that forms when food, sex, and worth collapse into each other ✨ How Anna rebuilt a relationship with her body, appetite, and autonomy ✨ The theological stories that keep harmful systems alive — and the better ones that can replace them

EDJ and Anna also dig into the deeper question this podcast always circles back to: What happens when we stop starving ourselves — physically, spiritually, and emotionally — and start living as whole people?

⚠️ Content warning: This episode includes discussion of diet culture, disordered eating, and a reference to sexual assault. Take care of yourself as you listen.

On Premarital Sex Part 4: Sin or Not a Sin? Nov 26, 2025

In Part 4 of our On Premarital Sex series, Jess and Devi wrap up the conversations that have taken over your DMs and headphones all month long. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts, vocational celibacy with Peter Valk and Dr. Dani Treweek, and abstinence as a chosen path, this final episode brings everything together.

This is the debrief: ✨ What the history of contraception has to do with Christian sexual ethics today ✨ Why the church's teachings rarely match the actual behaviour of Christians ✨ Staggering data on premarital sex among churchgoing Christians ✨ How purity culture still shapes even our "deconstructed" ethics ✨ Why a one-size-fits-all sexual ethic has never really existed ✨ How listeners describe their experiences of pressure, shame, freedom, and discernment

Jess shares vulnerably about realising she had carried old purity-culture assumptions about sex into her adult Christian life — even long after "deconstructing." Devi traces how the invention of reliable contraception changed human sexuality forever, and why these shifts make blanket church rules harder to justify.

You'll also hear how the early church understood celibacy (hint: it simply meant "unmarried"), why the Reformation reshaped the entire Western view of singleness, and how modern Christians are reclaiming celibacy, abstinence, and ethical sexuality in wildly diverse ways.

On Premarital Sex Part 3: Making Sexual Decisions with Wisdom — Not Fear Nov 25, 2025

In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast's early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you've left purity culture behind?

This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack:

✨ Why "premeditation" isn't sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset.

Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers.

This episode doesn't tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom.

For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias' Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

On Premarital Sex Part 2: Reimagining Celibacy Nov 25, 2025

In Part 2 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie turn the conversation toward the other side of the sexual ethics spectrum: celibacy.

After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts in Part 1, this episode asks a different set of questions:

What does celibacy really mean?
How is celibacy different from abstinence?
Can celibacy be a dignified, intentional Christian calling—not just the default for "other people"?
And what does celibacy look like for straight Christians, queer Christians, divorced Christians, widows, and everyone in between?

Jess and Debbie speak with two remarkable guests:

Peter Valk

A licensed professional counsellor, director of Equip, and co-founder of the Nashville Family of Brothers—a Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. Peter shares:

What vocational celibacy is (and isn't)
How he discerned his call
Why celibacy can be an expression of sexuality, not a suppression
How celibate Christians cultivate intimacy and family
Why discernment should be part of every Christian's vocational life

Dr. Dani Treweek

Theologian, Anglican deacon, and director of Single Minded. Dani reframes celibacy through church history and Scripture:

The difference between lifelong celibacy and present-moment abstinence
How Western Christianity lost its theological grounding for singleness
Why celibacy is a fully human expression of sexuality
The grief, ambiguity, contentment, and spiritual depth involved in choosing abstinence
How eschatology ("we will be like the angels") changes everything

Together, these conversations reimagine celibacy as beautiful, purposeful, communal, and deeply Christian—not a failure, not a holding pattern, not an afterthought.

You'll also hear listener stories on abstinence, asexuality, unexpected celibacy, and why some Christians feel more freechoosing sexual abstinence after leaving purity culture.

✨ PLUS: A bonus Patreon-only episode where Peter and Dani go deeper into monastic rhythms, family beyond the nuclear norm, and the theology shaping their choices. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

Equip Your Community – Peter Valk
Nashville Family of Brothers
Dani Treweek — Single Minded Ministry
Dani's doctoral work: The End of Singleness
Marriage, A History – Stephanie Coontz
Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood
Survey link for the upcoming listener episode on premarital sex (anonymous submission)

On Premarital Sex Part 1: What are the rules when there are no rules? Nov 24, 2025

In this re-release of one of our most downloaded series, Jess and Debbie revisit a conversation listeners return to again and again: What does a Christian sexual ethic look like after purity culture—especially when it comes to premarital sex?

Joined by psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), Jess explores the shift many Christians face when leaving the purity culture framework behind. If you've ever wondered:

How do I make sexual decisions without the old rulebook?
What counts as "sexual sin" if I don't use purity-culture categories?
How do I navigate shame, desire, and discernment?
What does open, healthy communication look like when dating or considering sex?

…this episode is for you.

Mathias unpacks the role of shame, the paradoxes of sex, how to discern your own ethics, and why "What do I actually want?" is a surprisingly essential spiritual question. Jess shares candidly about her own late-in-life first kiss and the untangling that followed.

You'll also hear real listener advice about navigating dating, boundaries, and sex after purity culture — from Christians just like you who are rebuilding their sexual and relational lives with honesty and hope.

Whether you're dating, single, celibate, married, queer, questioning, or somewhere in the messy middle, this episode offers tools rooted in self-knowledge, faith, and compassion.

✨ Part 2 on reimagining celibacy is coming next month ✨ Hear our Patreon-only deep dive on Mathias' "Four Paradoxes of Sex" at wheredowegopod.com/partner

Beyond Shame by Mathias Roberts
MathiasRoberts.com
Instagram: @mathiasroberts

What We Can Learn from a Somatic Sexologist Nov 19, 2025

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica sits down with somatic sexologist Lydia Adéla to explore how embodiment, safety, and self-awareness can transform our experience of sexuality.

Lydia shares her journey from believing she was "broken" and unable to feel pleasure, to becoming a practitioner who helps others reconnect to their bodies and experience intimacy without shame. Together, Jessica and Lydia unpack how religious conditioning, purity culture, and unrealistic media portrayals shape our sexual disconnection—and how we can begin to heal.

This is a powerful and grounding conversation for anyone learning to listen to their body again and move from performance to presence.

In this episode:

Why pleasure is a learnable skill and not something we're "born good at"
How shame, modesty culture, and disembodiment block arousal and connection
The role of safety, breath, and sensory awareness in rediscovering pleasure
Why orgasm isn't the end goal—and how slowing down brings deeper intimacy
What somatic sexology and body-based healing can teach us about faith, freedom, and love

Resources Mentioned:

Lydia Adéla's website
Bonnie Bliss — Somatic Sexuality Educator Training
The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire
Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch

Keywords: Lydia Adéla, somatic sexology, embodiment, sexual shame, purity culture, Christian sexuality, faith and the body, orgasm gap, consent, pleasure education, sexual healing, women and faith, Jessica Vanderwyngaard

Faith, Feminism & Pleasure: Rethinking the Christian Story of Sex Nov 12, 2025

In this month's Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ dive into what's been stirring in our community conversations — from purity-culture myths about "saving sex for marriage" to what it means to reclaim feminine wisdom in a patriarchal church.

The hosts reflect on the latest No Hard Feelings discussion about abstinence and sexual compatibility, explore how our theology has shaped women's bodies and pleasure, and unpack insights from Edie J's interview with Angela J Harrington, author of Embracing the Odd Witch in the Woods.

They also take listener questions from Reddit — tackling Christian dating, women initiating relationships, and setting boundaries with partners navigating addiction.

And, as always, the episode closes with a moment of prayer in the spirit of the Anglican Prayers of the People, holding space for our world, our bodies, and our courage to question.

In this episode:

Does abstinence before marriage really equal better sex?
Re-educating ourselves about desire, consent & female anatomy
Deconstructing patriarchy and reclaiming feminine wisdom
Addiction, boundaries, and compassionate love
Women leading with courage in politics & faith communities
A prayer for grace in uncertainty and hope in the waiting

Keywords: purity culture, Christian sexuality, feminist theology, Angela Harrington, deconstruction podcast, consent education, female embodiment, patriarchy in the church, women's leadership, deconstruction and faith, Where Do We Go From Here podcast

Angela J. Herrington — Website: angelajherrington.com angelajherrington.com+1
Angela Herrington — Book: Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy by Angela J. Herrington Google Books
Sheila Wray Gregoire — Bare Marriage blog/article: "Are Obligation Sex and Marital Rape the Same Thing?" Bare Marriage
France legal reform on consent — Article: "France's Assemblée Nationale backs bill adding consent to rape law" (Le Monde) lemonde.fr+1

Deconstructing Christian Patriarchy and Reclaiming Feminine Energy Nov 05, 2025

In this episode, EDJ talks with Angela Herrington, author of Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Decolonizing the Sacred Feminine and Reclaiming Your Power. Together, they explore what it means to reconnect with feminine wisdom in a world shaped by patriarchy and Christian purity culture.

Angela unpacks:

The witch as a metaphor for women's ancestral wisdom and strength
How patriarchy and colonialism vilified feminine power and indigenous knowledge
Why rage and pleasure are essential parts of healing
The truth about Christian teachings on submission and mutuality
How epigenetics reveals generational trauma—and the science behind healing it
The difference between equality and equity in feminist theology

This conversation dives deep into spirituality, sexuality, and self-trust, inviting listeners to rediscover the sacred feminine in themselves—no matter their gender.

📘 Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods is available wherever you buy books. Follow Angela Herrington on Instagram and visit angelaherrington.com.

🎧 Listen to Where Do We Go From Here? wherever you get your podcasts, and follow @where_do_we_go_pod for more.

Does Saving Sex for Marriage Set People Up for Better or Worse Sex? - A No Hard Feelings Chat Oct 29, 2025

In this month's No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen take a deep dive into one of purity culture's biggest promises — that saving sex for marriage leads to better, holier, and more satisfying sex. Spoiler: the data (and lived experience) tell a different story.

They explore:

The "sexual prosperity gospel" and why it set so many up for shame and disappointment
Sheila Wray Gregoire's landmark Great Sex Rescue study of 20,000 evangelical women
The "flip-switch myth" and how lack of education and consent led to painful first experiences
The 47% orgasm gap and how theology often reinforces it
How purity culture erased queer people entirely — and the lasting impact of that
What Christians can teach instead: consent, embodiment, mutuality, and choice
A surprisingly wise bit of secular sex advice: "Don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't hand your unlocked phone to."

Whether you waited for marriage or not, this episode dismantles the shame, misinformation, and silence that shaped so many of our sexual stories — and offers a better, kinder path forward.

Referenced:

The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex
Dr. Camden Morgante's "Flip Switch Myth"
Santification and Sexual Satisfaction:
- https://ematerials.ulethbridge.ca/server/api/core/bitstreams/51cab0e8-67d7-48c5-923d-543a9873ff0b/content
- https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-19407-001
Guys We F**ed* podcast

Nobody Wants This Season 1 Recap Oct 23, 2025

In this fun and thoughtful Where Do We Go From Here? conversation, Jessica and Devi revisit one of their favourite RomCom Recap episodes from Patreon — a deep dive into the Netflix hit Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody.

They explore why this show hit such a cultural nerve, how it portrays the complexity of love between two people from different faiths, and what it teaches us about emotional honesty, boundaries, and belonging.

From the "hot rabbi" to the spiral-inducing unanswered text, Jessica and Devi unpack how Nobody Wants This manages to make relationships feel real — messy, beautiful, and worth fighting for.

If you've ever wondered what healthy love looks like after religious conditioning or purity culture, this one's for you.

In this episode:

Why Nobody Wants This resonates so deeply with modern audiences
How pop culture is reimagining "good men" through characters like Noah
The parallels between religious devotion and emotional integrity
Why our culture is hungry for models of honest, emotionally mature relationships
The power of female introspection in romcom storytelling

Mentioned in this episode:

Nobody Wants This (Netflix)
Fleabag (Amazon Prime)
The Faith Adjacent Podcast

Why 'Waiting on God's Timing' Keeps Women Stuck and other thoughts Oct 15, 2025

In this reflective and wide-ranging Thoughts & Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ explore the intersection of politics, faith, and deconstruction — from the rise of Christian nationalism in the U.S. to the way purity culture still shapes dating and marriage expectations today.

Together, they talk about:

How Christian nationalism differs between Australia and the U.S.
What the Charlie Kirk controversy reveals about polarization and online discourse.
Learning when to disengage from unproductive debates — and how that can be an act of wisdom, not defeat.
Why waiting for "God's timing" in dating can keep women passive and disconnected from their own agency.
Reflections on The Myth of Good Christian Parenting and the need to unlearn harmful discipline models.
Jessica's bittersweet announcement about stepping back from Where Do We Go From Here? and what's next for the show.
A closing prayer for peace, courage, and connection.

✨ Whether you're deconstructing purity culture, politics, or parenting, this episode offers grounded honesty, laughter, and a gentle invitation to keep growing.

Mentioned:

The Myth of Good Christian Parenting by Marissa Franks-Burt & Kelsey Kramer McGinnis
April Ajoy interview episode
Prayer by Dr Lisa Hancock

Grace for Parents, Healing for Kids - Chatting to the authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting Oct 10, 2025

Guests:

Marissa Franks-Burt – Instagram | Substack
Kelsey Kramer McGinnis – Instagram | Substack | Writer at Christianity Today

About the Episode: In this episode, EDJ sits down with Marissa Franks-Burt and Kelsey Kramer McGinnis, authors of The Myth of Good Christian Parenting: How False Promises Betrayed a Generation of Evangelical Families. Together they trace how James Dobson's Dare to Discipline shaped decades of Christian parenting and why authoritarian, fear-based models continue to echo in today's influencer culture.

They explore:

How "good Christian parenting" emerged from post-1970s evangelicalism
Why the focus on control and obedience took hold
The theology behind corporal punishment and gender hierarchy
How religious parenting ideals became social media aesthetics
What it looks like to move toward empathy, autonomy, and grace

Trigger warning: Discussion of spanking, strict discipline, and religious trauma.

Book release: The Myth of Good Christian Parenting releases October 14, 2025. Pre-order bonuses include downloadable resources making the Christian case against spanking.

April Ajoy on Christian Nationalism and Star-Spangled Jesus Sep 24, 2025

This week on Where Do We Go From Here? EDJ sits down with content creator, podcaster, and author April Ajoy to talk about her new book Star-Spangled Jesus: Christian Nationalism in America.

April grew up in purity culture as a pastor's kid, surrounded by the metaphors we all know too well—chewed-up gum, licked cupcakes, torn roses. But as her journey unfolded, she began creating satire on TikTok, co-hosting the Tim and April Show, and now writing a book that helps us understand how Christian nationalism took hold in America.

In this conversation, you'll hear:

April's personal deconstruction journey, from purity culture to politics.
What Christian nationalism actually is, and how it has shaped American evangelicalism.
Why purity culture and Christian nationalism often go hand in hand.
How April and her non-binary spouse live out a faith that embraces authenticity and hope.
Why she still chooses to ground herself in the words of Jesus.

EDJ also reflects on the contrasts between voting in Australia and the United States, and how compulsory voting changes the landscape of politics and faith.

This episode will help you name the forces shaping the evangelical church in America, and it offers hope that change and healing are possible.

Find April Ajoy online:

TikTok & Instagram: @aprilajoy
Podcast: The Tim & April Show
Book: Star-Spangled Jesus (available now wherever books are sold)

No Hard Feelings about Charlie Kirk Sep 16, 2025

Responding to the Assassination of Charlie Kirk

The assassination of Charlie Kirk has shaken Christian communities across the U.S. and beyond. In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess (Melbourne), Emily (Texas), and Kristen (Tennessee) sit with the grief, confusion, and deep polarization surrounding Kirk's death.

Together, we ask: how do we resist letting tragedy harden us into tribalism? How do we hold the tension between condemning violence and naming the real harm of Kirk's rhetoric? And what does it mean to choose love over retaliation in an age of outrage?

In this conversation, we explore:

Why reactions to Kirk's death split so quickly into polarized "camps"
The role of social media algorithms in fueling anger and division, with insights from Jonathan Haidt (The Coddling of the American Mind).
Mark Noll's critique of evangelical anti-intellectualism in The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind.
A pastoral response from Kristin Mockler Young, reminding us that empathy in the face of enmity is a supernatural calling
Reflections on collective grief, generational impact, and the temptation to idolize or demonize leaders.
Why stepping away from online debates and reclaiming in-person conversations might be our best path forward.

This is not an easy conversation — but in No Hard Feelings fashion, we try to hold complexity, honor grief, and root ourselves in love.

Sources:

https://jimrigby.substack.com/p/my-prayer-today-in-a-liberal-church

https://tialevings.substack.com/p/evangelicals-are-venerating-charlie

https://www.straightwhiteamericanjesus.com/episodes/political-violence-before-and-after-charlie-kirks-murder/

https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/ladies-we-need-to-talk/misogyny-sexism-ai-ladies-we-need-to-talk/105775024

https://turningthegem.substack.com/p/one-pastors-response-to-the-effect

https://www.aei.org/society-and-culture/the-unraveling-how-political-violence-reveals-americas-fraying-social-fabric/

Devi's Back for the Dr James Dobson Autopsy Sep 09, 2025

In this special one-off reunion episode, Jessica is joined by former co-host Devi Abraham to do a kind of "Dobson autopsy." When Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, passed away last month, his legacy sparked heated debate. Was he the warm fatherly voice who helped parents raise families—or the architect of purity culture and harmful teachings?

📻 Dobson's global reach — Focus on the Family aired in 164 countries, translated into more than a dozen languages, and reached *200+ million daily listeners (Britannica, Radio Hall of Fame).
🧬 Eugenics roots — the surprising connection between Dobson's mentor Paul Popenoe, a eugenicist, and the framing of Dare to Discipline (Baptist News Global).
⏱ The 72-Hour Rule — teaching couples not to go more than three days without sex, widely critiqued as unscientific and harmful (Bare Marriage).
🏫 Purity culture & adolescence — how Preparing for Adolescence shaped generations and linked teenage sexuality to loss of faith (Dobson Family Institute blog).
✋ Masturbation — Dobson's contradictory teaching that it was "not much of an issue with God," leaving many adolescents confused (Evidence Unseen).
🪓 Corporal punishment — "Some strong-willed children absolutely demand to be spanked…" (Dare to Discipline, 1970), making spanking mainstream in Christian homes.

👉 Listen in as Jessica and Devi unpack the paradox of Dobson's life: the man who created a global empire of evangelical family teaching, and the movement that shaped—and scarred—millions.

🔗 Sources & Further Reading

Encyclopaedia Britannica – Focus on the Family
Radio Hall of Fame – Focus on the Family
Baptist News Global – Dobson's eugenics connection
Bare Marriage – Critique of the 72-Hour Rule
Dobson Family Institute Blog
Evidence Unseen – Biblical Ethics of Masturbation
Religion Dispatches – "I Will Always Be Afraid of James Dobson"
Focus on the Family – Jim Daly tribute

Kristin Kobes Du Mez on Purity Culture, Patriarchy & Power Sep 02, 2025

We're bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of the last 5 years — and for good reason. This riveting conversation with Dr. Kristin Kobes Du Mez, author of Jesus and John Wayne, explores how white American evangelicals came to embrace a model of masculinity rooted not in Jesus, but in militarism, patriarchy, and cultural conservatism.

Jess and Devi unpack how purity culture intersects with Christian nationalism and gender roles, and how evangelical ideals of "biblical masculinity" and "feminine purity" were shaped more by cultural warriors than the gospel. Plus, listeners will hear powerful voice memos from men who saw themselves in this book — and whose lives were changed by it.

Why listen (again): If you've ever wondered how we got from the church youth group to Donald Trump, or if you've struggled to reconcile your faith with the gender roles you were raised with, this episode is a must-listen.

What We Cover:

The history behind evangelical support for Donald Trump
How Christian masculinity became militarized
Why "biblical manhood" and "biblical womanhood" aren't biblical
The deep links between evangelicalism, nationalism, and patriarchy
Why so many men found healing in Jesus and John Wayne
The real impact of evangelical "enemy culture"
How power, fear, and authority are used to control communities
What it means to resist the us-vs-them narrative in faith communities

Listener Stories Included: Throughout the episode, you'll hear from men around the world whose experiences with evangelical masculinity echo the findings in Du Mez's research. These voice memos are raw, honest, and unforgettable.

Resources:

Submission, Agency, and Shiny Happy People S2: Where Do We Go From Here? Aug 26, 2025

In this month's Thoughts and Prayers episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica and EDJ reflect on some of the biggest conversations we've had together:

🎬 Shiny Happy People: Season 2 — what it reveals about evangelicalism, Christian nationalism, and the power of survivors speaking out.
📖 Danielle Taminio Henson on Speaking of Rape — redefining rape, broadening the conversation around consent, and why "agency" may be a better word than "autonomy."
✝️ A New Christian Sexual Ethic — moving away from "premarital sex is a sin" toward a consent-centred ethic for Christians today.
💍 Submission and Gender Roles — do Christians still believe in wives submitting to husbands? How purity culture and complementarianism shaped this teaching.

We close with an Anglican-inspired Prayers of the People, offering space for listeners to process grief, shame, hope, and healing together.

📌 Mentioned in this episode:

Wild Goose Festival (Harmony, North Carolina) where EDJ will be speaking on purity culture and sexual ethics.
Patreon – Where Do We Go From Here for extended conversations, early releases, and community debriefs.
Shiny Happy People on Prime Video
Danielle Taminio Henson's book Speaking of Rape
Instagram - @wheredowegopod

Whether you're deconstructing purity culture, questioning old beliefs, or seeking a faith anchored in consent and equality, this conversation is for you.

Submission: The Church Rule We Subconsciously Deconstructed? Aug 19, 2025

In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jessica, Emily, and Kristen tackle the loaded word submission in Christian culture. What did Paul really mean in Ephesians 5? How has the concept been shaped by history, purity culture, and translation choices? And is submission a word worth redeeming—or should we let it go?

We explore:

The Greek word kephalē (head, source, origin) and how translation choices influence theology.
Historical context: Roman household codes, women's legal status, and why Paul's words may have been countercultural.
Women in the early church: Phoebe (Romans 16:1–2), Priscilla (Acts 18:26), and Lydia (Acts 16:14–15) as leaders and patrons.
Industrial Revolution & Victorian ideals: how cultural shifts reinforced gendered hierarchies.
Modern reframing: mutual submission as respect, humility, and partnership rather than hierarchy.
Contemporary concerns: #MeToo, Doug Wilson's public comments, and the church's ongoing debates about women's leadership.

References & Links

Margaret Mowczko on Ephesians 5 and mutual submission: https://margmowczko.com/pauls-main-point-in-eph-5_22-33/
Christianity Today on Genesis 3:16 translation debates: https://www.christianitytoday.com/2025/02/esv-update-genesis-316-gender-submission-desire-contrary-what-women-want/
John Townsend & Henry Cloud, Boundaries

Consent as a Holy Starting Point: Rethinking Christian Sexual Ethics Aug 12, 2025

After years of believing that premarital sex was a sin without exception, Jessica invites us into a vulnerable, thought-provoking solo episode to explore a different kind of Christian sexual ethic — one rooted not in rules, but in love, consent, agency, and mutual care.

She reflects on her own journey out of purity culture, dives into the historical and biblical context of sexual norms, and challenges the idea that "no sex before marriage" is a core tenet of the faith. Instead, she suggests we build an ethic that teaches emotional maturity, boundaries, and enthusiastic consent — one that honors human dignity in the way Jesus called us to love our neighbor as ourselves.

Whether you agree, disagree, or are still figuring it out, this episode invites honest reflection, open conversation, and courageous rethinking of how we talk about sex in church communities today.

In this episode:

Jessica's personal journey from purity culture to a consent-based sexual ethic
Why biblical sexual norms were rooted in property, patriarchy, and survival — not romance
What "sexual immorality" (porneia) meant in its ancient context
Why the Bible never explicitly calls all premarital sex a sin
How consent, agency, and safety might be more holy than virginity
Moving from fear-based compliance to love-based discernment in our faith

Beyond Consent: Rethinking Sex, Power, and Justice - a conversation with Danielle Tumminio Hansen Aug 06, 2025

Content Warnings: This episode discusses rape, sexual assault, purity culture, childhood sexual harm, and childbirth trauma. Listener discretion is advised.

In this deeply moving and thought-provoking conversation, EDJ is joined by theologian and author Danielle Tumminio Hansen to explore how our language, theology, and justice systems often fail survivors of sexual harm. Drawing from her groundbreaking book Speaking of Rape, Danielle discusses the need to reframe how we talk about rape, the myths of the "perfect victim" and the "obvious perpetrator," and the damaging intersections between purity culture and rape culture.

This episode also tackles the importance of sex education, why impact matters more than intent, how restorative justice offers an alternative to punishment-based systems, and what it means to raise children with justice and empathy in mind. Danielle shares from her own story with remarkable vulnerability, offering theological, psychological, and cultural insight that's both challenging and deeply hopeful.

Topics Discussed:

Why our words around sexual harm often fall short
The myths of the "perfect victim" and "clear perpetrator"
How purity culture contributes to victim-blaming
Redefining rape through agency, power, and desire
The role of sex education in prevention
Restorative justice vs. retributive justice
Why survivors' stories reshape culture
Teaching justice through parenting
Autonomy, agency, and interdependence
Understanding impact over intent

Resources Mentioned:

Speaking of Rape by Danielle Tumminio Hansen
South of Forgiveness by Thordis Elva & Tom Stranger
Know My Name by Chanel Miller
Works by theologian Sally McFague and philosopher Linda Alcoff
Research on contact theory and restorative justice

🇦🇺 Australia

1800RESPECT Australia's national sexual assault, domestic, and family violence helpline.
- 📞 Call: 1800 737 732
- 💬 Online chat: 1800RESPECT.org.au
- 🕒 Hours: 24/7
- 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Counselling, information, and referrals Full Stop Australia FindaHelpline+351800RESPECT+35White Ribbon+35 Health and Ageing Department+31800RESPECT+31800RESPECT+3 NASASV
State-Based Services
- Victoria: Sexual Assault Crisis Line – 1800 806 292 (5 pm–9 am weekdays; 24/7 on weekends)
- Queensland: Sexual Assault Helpline – 1800 010 120 (7:30 am–11:30 pm daily)
- Western Australia: Sexual Assault Resource Centre – 1800 199 888 (24/7)
- South Australia: Yarrow Place – 1800 817 421
- Tasmania: Sexual Assault Support Service – 1800 697 877
- Northern Territory: Sexual Assault Referral Centres – 08 8922 6472 (Darwin)
- Australian Capital Territory: Canberra Rape Crisis Centre – 02 6247 2525
- New South Wales: Full Stop Australia – 1800 FULL STOPOCRCC+2au.reachout.com+2Healthdirect+2 Healthdirect+1au.reachout.com+1 Full Stop Australia

🇺🇸 United States

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline.
- 📞 Call: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
- 💬 Online chat: RAINN.org
- 🕒 Hours: 24/7
- 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Confidential support, referrals, and information OCRCC+5RAINN+5FindaHelpline+5 CSA Centre+12Verywell Mind+12Glamour+12 The Guardian+9The Hotline+9Verywell Mind+9
Other National Helplines
- Love Is Respect: For teens and young adults experiencing dating violence.
  - 📞 Call: 1-866-331-9474
  - 💬 Text: Text "LOVEIS" to 22522
  - 💬 Online chat: loveisrespect.org
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: For domestic violence support.
  - 📞 Call: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  - 💬 Text: Text "START" to 88788
  - 💬 Online chat: thehotline.org
- Crisis Text Line: For general crisis support.
  - 💬 Text: Text "HOME" to 741741

🇬🇧 United Kingdom

Rape Crisis England & Wales Provides the 24/7 Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line.
- 📞 Call: 0808 500 2222
- 💬 Online chat: rapecrisis.org.uk
- 🕒 Hours: 24/7
- 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Emotional support, information, and referrals NASASV+1Full Stop Australia+1 endingviolencecanada.org+2Verywell Mind+2TAASA+2 survivorsnetwork.org.uk+10Rape Crisis England & Wales+10Sexual Abuse Support+10 Verywell Mind+1324/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line+13Rape Crisis England & Wales+13
Other Support Lines
- Samaritans: Emotional support for anyone in distress.
  - 📞 Call: 116 123
  - 💬 Online chat: samaritans.org
- Childline: For individuals under 19.
  - 📞 Call: 0800 1111
  - 💬 Online chat: childline.org.uk
- The Survivors Trust: For survivors of sexual violence.
  - 📞 Call: 0808 801 0818
  - 💬 Text: 07860 022 956
  - 💬 Online chat: thesurvivorstrust.org

🇨🇦 Canada

Sexual Violence Helpline (Canada) Provides confidential support and referrals.
- 📞 Call: 1-888-933-9007
- 💬 Online chat: sexualviolencehelpline.ca
- 🕒 Hours: 24/7
- 🧑‍⚕️ Services: Support for survivors and their supportersassaultservicesknowledge.org+5thesurvivorstrust.org+5endingviolencecanada.org+5 Verywell Mind+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4Info-aide violence sexuelle+4 CIUSSS Centre-Sud+1Info-aide violence sexuelle+1
Other Support Lines
- Kids Help Phone: For individuals aged 5–29.
  - 📞 Call: 1-800-668-6868
  - 💬 Text: Text "CONNECT" to 686868
  - 💬 Online chat: kidshelpphone.ca
- Trans Lifeline: For transgender and gender-diverse individuals.
  - 📞 Call: 1-877-330-6366
  - 💬 Online chat: translifeline.org
- Victim Connect: For general victim support.
  - 📞 Call: 1-855-484-2846
  - 💬 Online chat: victimconnect.org

Parenting and Re-Parenting Without Sexual Shame with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers Jul 31, 2025

Originally released as episode 52.

This episode is part therapy, part masterclass. Dr. Tina Shermer Sellers joins us to talk about parenting and re-parenting in a world where many of us never got real sex education. If you're a parent wondering how to raise kids free of shame—or an adult figuring out how to parent your younger self—this episode is a warm hug and a roadmap.

Shiny Happy People Season 2: Teen Mania, Radicalisation & the Teenage Holy War Jul 28, 2025

A raw and cathartic conversation about Shiny Happy People Season 2, Teen Mania, the Honor Academy, and the teenage evangelical pipeline.

Episode Summary: Season 2 of Shiny Happy People shifts the spotlight from the Duggar family to Teen Mania Ministries and its high-control youth movement. In this debrief, host Jessica is joined by Kristen (an Acquire the Fire attendee) and Emily (a former Honor Academy intern) to reflect on the docuseries, spiritual trauma, radicalisation of Christian teens, and what it means to deconstruct from inside the movement.

We dive into:

What Acquire the Fire and the Honor Academy actually were
How evangelicalism created a "teenage holy war"
The use of fear, control, and purity to recruit and retain young people
Why teenagers are especially vulnerable to religious indoctrination
What happens when you leave a movement like this
And the long road to healing and reclaiming identity

Whether you were part of Teen Mania or are just processing what you watched, this is your space to debrief.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction to the episode
3:00 – What was Teen Mania & Acquire the Fire?
10:00 – Inside the Honor Academy: unpaid labour and control
20:00 – Radicalisation, binary thinking & purity culture
35:00 – Columbine, martyrdom, and glorifying teenage death
44:00 – From faith to politics: the evangelical machine
55:00 – What happens after you leave the cult?
1:03:00 – Final reflections and advice for healing

Resources Mentioned:

Shiny Happy People Season 2 – Amazon Prime Video
Recovering Alumni blog (archived)
EMDR International Association – Find a Therapist
Patreon: Join the Inner Circle

Join the conversation: Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod Support this work and get bonus content on Patreon

Sex, Consent and the Theology of Harm: What if sin is about harm, not rules? We rethink ethics, bodies, and sacred sexuality Jul 22, 2025

In this episode of Thoughts and Prayers, Jessica and EDJ reflect on three key conversations from the past month — with queer theologian Brandon Robertson and Catholic academic Donna Freitas — while taking a deep dive into the question: Is it time to reimagine Christian sexual ethics?

Join them for a vulnerable, theologically rich, and sometimes hilarious discussion on queerness, purity culture, hookup culture, parenting, masturbation, and what Jesus might really have meant when he talked about lust. We finish the episode with heartfelt prayers for those navigating deconstruction and for peace in the wider world.

In This Episode:

What does it mean to be queer affirming?
Evangelicals vs. Catholics on sex: who talks more and says less?
Deconstructing lust, sin, and abomination
Parenting kids with new sexual ethics
Why Jesus might've been talking about rape not just lust
A buffet of sexual options: beyond purity and hookup culture
The grief and grace in letting go of black-and-white certainty

Mentions:

Brandon Robertson interview
Donna Freitas interview
EDJ's upcoming book Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (Coming soon via Sacrosage Press)
Support us at Patreon.com/WhereDoWeGoPod

"Talking About Sex in Church Broke Us" — Donna Freitas on Healing What Religion Couldn't Jul 15, 2025

Author, scholar, and survivor Donna Freitas joins us for a raw and deeply thoughtful conversation on the ways purity culture, religious silence, and institutional failures around sexuality have left lasting wounds — and where healing might actually begin.

In this episode, we talk about:

📚 Donna's personal story of church trauma and spiritual silence
✝️ The impact of purity culture on desire, consent, and autonomy
🧠 Why Christian spaces still struggle to talk about sex without shame
💔 How writing became Donna's way back to something like prayer
🔍 The difference between sexual ethics and sexual rules
🧎‍♀️ What healing can look like when religion has been the source of harm
👀 The things that don't get said in evangelical and Catholic conversations around sex — and why they matter

This one is for anyone who's been handed shame in the name of God — and is still trying to sort through what's true, what's trauma, and what's worth keeping.

Donna Freitas is an author, researcher, professor, and leading voice in conversations around sex, consent, spirituality, and young adult faith.

Website: www.donnafreitas.com
Substack: @donnafreitas
Instagram: @donnafreitas.writer

Where Do We Go From Here is a podcast by Jessica Vanderwyngaard

For more content and to partner with the show: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Today's Host was EDJ - https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com/

Is It Time for a New Christian Sexual Ethic? Jul 08, 2025

Is it time to reimagine a Christian sexual ethic? That's the big question Jessica, Kristen, and Emily take on in this bold, honest, and expansive No Hard Feelings conversation. Together, we dive deep into the history of Christian sexual ethics—from the Garden of Eden and ancient Israelite practices to purity culture and the modern church.

This isn't just a theology class. We're asking:

What was the biblical sexual ethic really?
How has marriage changed over the centuries?
What role did empire, patriarchy, and purity culture play?
What do we owe to queer theologians in rethinking Christian sexuality?
How can we build a framework that values consent, agency, dignity, and inclusion?

Whether you've left purity culture behind, are raising kids, are single in the church, or just want to better understand how we got here—this episode is for you.

🔑 Plus, Jessica shares a deeply personal vision for a new Christian sexual ethic—available exclusively on Patreon.

Join us for this no-holds-barred conversation. Because when it comes to faith and sex, there are no hard feelings—just open hearts and honest questions.

🔗 Links & Resources

Jessica's solo episode: A New Christian Sexual Ethic? → Patreon Exclusive
Episode with Brandon Robertson on queer theology → Listen now
Follow us on Instagram: @wheredowegopod

Most Downloaded: Sex and Agency Jul 03, 2025

Originally released as Episode 49.

This episode is all about one word: agency. Jessica and Devi revisit their conversation with Sheila Gregoire about what it really means for women to experience pleasure, make choices, and have autonomy in their sexual relationships. From obligation sex to pleasure gaps in marriage, we dissect the ways purity culture erased agency—and what reclaiming it can look like.

Purity, Paul, and Pride: A Queer Pastor Reimagines Christianity Jun 24, 2025

Host: EDJ Guest: Rev. Brandan Robertson – author of Queer and Christian, TikTok pastor, theologian, and public speaker.

In this heartfelt and deeply thoughtful conversation, EDJ speaks with Rev. Brandan Robertson about growing up evangelical, discovering his queerness, and finding a theology that held both faith and identity. Together, they unpack:

Brandan's journey from Moody Bible Institute to affirming theology
The trauma of purity culture and conversion therapy
Why "obedience" and biblical literalism can be harmful
What the Bible really says about queerness – including the infamous word arsenokoite
Queer readings of scripture and the radical inclusivity of Jesus
How deconstruction can lead to more honest, expansive faith
What it means to let love—not fear—guide your theology

Whether you're curious, questioning, or walking your own road of reconstruction, this episode offers theological insight, personal stories, and radical grace.

🛒 Buy Queer and Christian: https://QueerChristian.org 📍 Follow Brandan: TikTok, Instagram, and more via QueerChristian.org 🔗 Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Do we still believe in "obedience" after purity culture? Jun 19, 2025

In this Thoughts and Prayers episode, Jessica and EDJ wade into the murky waters of what it means to engage with faith, critique evangelicalism, and still remain spiritually alive. It's part deconstruction, part spiritual therapy — with a side of sass.

They ask: Can you love Jesus but be done with church? What happens when purity culture gives way to embodied faith? And how do you hold grief and hope in the same breath when it comes to faith traditions that shaped you — and hurt you?

This conversation isn't tied up in a bow — and that's the point. If you're craving raw honesty and nuanced faith, this one's for you.

In this episode:

Church trauma and the long shadow of spiritual abuse
"Healing" and the commodification of it in Christian spaces
Why it's okay to say "I don't know"
The spiritual cost of being a "good girl"
Rebuilding a relationship with the divine on your own terms

Join the conversation and let us know your biggest takeaway.

Is Christianity Still Good News for Women? Jun 11, 2025

Is Christianity still good news for women? It's a big question — and in this episode, Jessica is joined by Emily and Kristen for a thoughtful, vulnerable conversation that doesn't shy away from the tension.

Together, they explore:

🧠 How growing up in the church shaped their views on womanhood, sex, and submission
✝️ The parts of Christianity they've kept — and what they've had to leave behind
💔 The difference between Jesus and the institutions that claim to represent him
🧎‍♀️ Whether the "good news" can still be good when it's caused so much harm
🪢 And what hope, faith, and spirituality can look like after the unraveling

This isn't a theological debate — it's an honest look at what it means to be a woman who still wants to engage faith after everything. No easy answers. No hard feelings. Just an open conversation for wherever you're at.

Can You Still Follow God After Church Trauma? A conversation with Brenda Palmer Jun 04, 2025

What happens when saying yes to God means leaving behind everything you built — and trusting Him in the silence?

In this deeply moving episode, Jessica talks with evangelist, author, and podcast host Brenda Palmer about her upcoming book The Journey of Yes. But this conversation goes far beyond the book.

Brenda opens up about growing up in purity culture, losing her church community after choosing to speak out, walking away from a thriving career, and learning to hear God's voice in the wilderness of financial uncertainty and emotional pain.

With wisdom, joy, and radical honesty, she reminds us:

That hearing from God is a process, not a lightning bolt
That obedience isn't about transaction, but transformation
And that our trauma doesn't disqualify us — it's often where God meets us

Whether you've walked away from church, are learning to trust God again, or are somewhere in between, this conversation is a breath of Spirit-filled air.

Where to find Brenda: https://www.iambrendapalmer.com/

Pre-orders: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/762936/the-journey-of-yes-by-brenda-palmer/

Where to find us: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Emotional Affairs & the First American Pope. A No Hard Feelings Chat May 15, 2025

This episode of No Hard Feelings is one for the books: we're tackling two wildly different but surprisingly rich topics — emotional cheating in the age of smartphones, and the global significance of the first American pope, Leo XIV.

First, Jessica, Kristen, and Emily unpack what emotional cheating actually is (spoiler: it's not as cut and dry as you think). From secret texts and blurred lines to purity culture hangovers and relational ethics, we sit in the tension and explore the gray areas of emotional intimacy.

Then we shift gears to talk about the newly appointed Pope Leo XIV — what it means for the global church, the far right's response, and how Catholicism's center of gravity may be shifting away from Europe.

We don't offer all the answers. But we ask the questions with honesty, curiosity, and no hard feelings.

🎧 Support the show and get bonus content at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Pelvic Floors, Pain, Pleasure & Purity Culture with osteopath Rebecca Lovett May 01, 2025

What if your pain isn't just something you have to live with?

In this episode, Jessica talks with osteopath Rebecca Lovett about pelvic floors, vaginismus, body shame, and the impact of purity culture on women's health. They explore how trauma can live in the body, why many women suffer in silence, and what it means to reconnect with your body — not just spiritually, but physically.

This conversation is honest, warm, and deeply practical — and it's here to remind you: your body is not a problem to be solved.

📍 Rebecca Lovett is a Melbourne-based osteopath with a focus on pelvic health and whole-body care. Learn more: rebeccalovettosteopath.com.au

Where Does Deconstruction Go From Here? Apr 16, 2025

In this episode of 'Where Do We Go From Here?', host Jessica van der wyngaard introduces her new co-host EDJ, who shares her journey from Australia to America and her experiences with deconstruction in faith. The conversation explores the themes of grace, purity culture, and the importance of open discussions about faith and relationships. EDJ discusses her background in Bible college and how it shaped her beliefs, as well as her plans for future interviews and topics related to deconstruction and spirituality.

EDJ shares her journey of moving from Australia to America.
The concept of 'Thoughts and Prayers' is redefined in a communal context.
Deconstruction is a long and personal journey.
Bible college challenged EDJ's previous beliefs about faith.
Grace is a central theme in understanding one's relationship with God.
Purity culture has lasting impacts on relationships and self-perception.
Open conversations about sex and faith are necessary.
Deconstruction can lead to healthier perspectives on faith.
Future episodes will include interviews with various authors and influencers.

What Does Safe Sex and Ghosting Have in Common? Apr 08, 2025

Welcome to Where Do We Go From Here's new monthly episode series: No Hard Feelings - where we take on the questions that don't have easy answers. But the answers don't need to be hard and fast. Here we'll explore different perspectives, share our own thoughts and invite you to form your own - because here, there's no hard feelings.

Host: Jessica

Co-hosts: Emily & Kristen

In the inaugeral episode of 'No Hard Feelings', Jessica, Emily, and Kristen delve into the complexities of ghosting and its implications in dating and relationships. They explore whether ghosting is ever acceptable, the nuances of communication in various relationship stages, and the importance of safety and vulnerability. The conversation encourages thoughtful dialogue and diverse perspectives on these often contentious topics. In this episode, the hosts discuss the emotional impact of ghosting in relationships, emphasizing the lack of communication and emotional intelligence often exhibited by men. They transition into the topic of contraception, debating whose responsibility it is and the importance of open conversations about sexual health. The discussion highlights the need for mutual respect and understanding in relationships, particularly regarding contraceptive choices. The episode concludes with a reflection on the challenges of adulting and the necessity of ongoing dialogue in navigating complex issues.

Takeaways:

Ghosting is defined as ending a relationship without explanation.
The hosts discuss the disrespectful nature of ghosting in established relationships.
Safety concerns can justify ghosting in certain situations.
Communication is essential, but not always safe or easy.
Different perspectives on ghosting can lead to more understanding.
Caspering, or friendly ghosting, is a more respectful approach.
The impact of ghosting on emotional resilience is significant.
Generational differences in ghosting behaviors are evident.
The hosts emphasize the importance of vulnerability in dating.
Navigating dating requires balancing honesty and personal safety. Ghosting leaves individuals with an ambiguous loss.
Most men lack emotional intelligence regarding ghosting.
Women often articulate their feelings better than men.
Contraception is a shared responsibility between partners.
Open conversations about sex are crucial for safety.
Condoms should be prioritized to protect both partners.
Purity culture impacts decisions around contraception.
Conversations can prevent misunderstandings in relationships.
Adulting involves navigating difficult conversations.
It's important to keep asking questions about relationships.

Where Do We Go From Here? is a podcast hosted and produced by Jessica Vanderwyngaard.

Support the work of the podcast at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Where Did Devi Go From Here? Saying Goodbye (for now) Mar 25, 2025

After nearly five years of co-creating Where Do We Go From Here?, Devi Abraham is stepping away from the podcast and Patreon community — and today, Jess sits down with her for one final conversation.

In this emotional and reflective episode, Devi shares what led to her decision, how her life has shifted since 2019, and what she's dreaming about in this next chapter. From parenting and mental health to rest, community, and the surprising role of cake in connecting with teenagers, this episode is full of the warmth, honesty, and depth Devi has brought to the mic every single time.

Whether you've been here since the beginning or are just tuning in, this is a moment to mark. Thank you, Devi. 💛

👉 Stick around to hear what's next for Where Do We Go From Here?, including our new monthly serial No Hard Feelings and Thoughts & Prayers.

🔗 Show Notes:

📬 Subscribe to Devi's writing: deviabraham.substack.com
📸 Follow Devi on Instagram: @devi_writes
💛 Learn more about Prison Network
🧵 Join our community on Patreon: patreon.com/wheredowegopod
🎧 Listen to the episode with Matthias: ["What Are the Rules When There Are No Rules?"]

Devi's got something to share... Mar 06, 2025

Where Do We Go From Here is a podcast hosted, edited and produced by Jessica Vanderwyngaard and Devi Abraham.

Sign up for a 2-month long book club discussing Sarah C. Williams new book: "When Courage Calls: Josephine Butler and the Radical Pursuit of Justice for Women."

Sign up at patreon.com/wheredowegopod for $10 a month, or as a $7 upgrade from our $3 membership level. (Prices in USD.)

Book Club Benefits:

Private Facebook group for online discussions throughout the month
Zoom discussion on the book (month 1)
Zoom conversation with the author (month 2)

You can find out more by going to wheredowegopod.com

You can join the conversation on Instagram @wheredowegopod

149: Radical Activism, Women's Rights, and the Legacy of Josephine Butler Feb 07, 2025

In the 19th century, Josephine Butler defied every expectation of what a woman should be. A privileged, refined Victorian lady, she became a fearless advocate for women on the margins—challenging sexual double standards, fighting the legal system that punished women while protecting men, and leading a movement that changed British law and history. Today, historian Sarah C. Williams, author of When Courage Calls: Josephine Butler and the Radical Pursuit of Justice for Women, joins us to unpack Butler's extraordinary life and the paradoxes that made her so compelling. What does her story have to teach us about faith, justice, activism, and the courage to challenge oppressive systems? And how does her legacy speak to us today, in a world where women's bodies are once again being politicized and controlled? Whether you're deconstructing purity culture, rethinking your faith, or just looking for a story of radical love in action—this episode is for you. Links & Resources: When Courage Calls by Sarah C. Williams (Australia, USA) Subscribe & share this episode with someone who needs to hear it! Book Club

148: Purity Culture's Black & White Thinking Hurt us. Here's What Can Help Nov 14, 2024

For anyone who thought kissing someone you didn't marry would ruin your life and wreck your faith, Dr. Camden Morgante is here to help.

Show Notes:

Partner with us to hear more about how to develop your sexual values Recovering from Purity Culture by Dr. Camden Morgante Instagram (talk to us!) Twitter

Dr. Camden Morgante is a licensed psychologist with nearly 15 years of experience as a therapist and college professor. She owns a private therapy practice focusing on women's issues, relationships, sexuality, trauma, and spirituality, and is a frequent speaker. Dr. Camden's mission is to help Christians heal their faith from toxic beliefs. She is the author of Recovering from Purity Culture. Dr. Camden lives in Knoxville, Tennessee, with her husband and their daughter and son.

Losing Her Religion: Gen Z's Gender Divide in Faith Nov 03, 2024

Jess and Devi are back with a lot of thoughts about why Gen Z men are now more religious than Gen Z women. The episode also features the thoughts of our fabulous partners.

Like this style of episode? Join us in Patreon for a unique News & Views episode every single month.

Show Notes In a First Among Christians, Young Men Are More Religious Than Women (NY Times)

What Comes Next? Apr 27, 2024

In this episode Devi shares what's next for the show.

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'Pure White': The origin story of purity culture Mar 22, 2024

Trigger warning: This episode contains stories of racial violence and sexualized racial violence.

In this episode we deep dive Purity Culture's origin story, and its connection with America's racial history.

Full show notes here. Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter

Want to talk about this episode? Join our partners in The Big Debrief on Tuesday March 26 at 9pm EST and Wednesday March 27 at noon in Melbourne.

Sara Moslener is a lecturer in the Department of Philosophy, Anthropology, and Religion at Central Michigan University where she teaches courses on the history of religious and racial discrimination in the United States. She has been studying evangelical purity culture for over 15 years and has numerous publications including the book Virgin Nation: Sexual Purity and American Adolescence (Oxford University Press: 2015). She hosts the new series Pure White: Sexual Purity and White Supremacy with Axis Mundi Media. Connect with her on Twitter and Substack.

An "Easy Love" After Divorce: Haverlee's Story Mar 09, 2024

In this episode we talk about love after divorce as Haverlee shares her story of a marriage breakdown, living alone, dating, and finding new love. It's part of our three part series. You can find the first two episodes here:

142: What If Marriage Doesn't Make You Happy Or Holy? 143: 7 Signs That Your Marriage Can be Saved

Partner with us for $3/month to hear an uncut conversation before anyone else does. Professor Sara Moslener takes us back to school to uncover the connection between purity culture and white supremacy in the US. She also talks about the recent Alabama Supreme Court ruling on embryos and how that connects to purity culture rhetoric of the past.

Follow us for more on Instagram and Twitter

Full show notes and transcript here

7 Signs That Your Marriage Can Be Saved Feb 27, 2024

There are characteristics and qualities of relationships that lead to better outcomes, and Dr. Camden Morgante joins us to talk about seven of them. If you're concerned about your marriage or have qestions about the person you're dating or engaged to, this episode is for you. Listen to our previous episode to hear more about divorce in the United States.

Full show notes here (including a full transcript of Dr. Camden and Devi's interview). Follow us on Instagram and Twitter to get a recap of the 7 signs.

Partners get to talk about this episode and more on February 27 (9pm EST)/ 28 (1pm AEDT). Join us for $3/month to get last week's romcom recap of Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Dr. Camden Morgante is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 13 years of experience as a therapist, college professor, and supervisor. She owns a private therapy practice focusing on women's issues, relationships, sexuality, trauma, and spirituality. Connect with her on Instagram

What if your marriage doesn't make you happy or holy? Feb 16, 2024

In this episode we deep dive divorce with journalist Lyz Lenz. We talk about:

why it's so hard to tell the truth about difficult marriages
how the labor of women sustains western marriage
political decisions that could make marriage easier for everyone

Follow us on Instagram and Twitter to keep talking. Full show notes here

Partner with us for $3/month (USD) to hear Jess & Devi talk about recent revelations about beloved author Elisabeth Elliot's abusive third marriage.

Lyz Lenz is an author and journalist living in Iowa. This American Ex-Wife is her third book. She also writes the newsletter Men Yell at Me about personhood and politics in America.

Your Body Is Resource Jan 31, 2024

In this episode, Hillary McBride guides us toward how to see our body as a resource, and she gives us practical, free tools to help us reconnect with our bodies.

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