horizontal with lila

View Top 200 Chart

Back to Rankings Page

Relationships
**horizontal with lila**

Horizontal with Lila is the podcast of intimate conversations about sex, love, and relationships that’s entirely recorded while lying down. Many of the episodes are recorded in bed at Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Others are recorded while horizontal elsewhere.

Latest Episodes:

Positively Sex! with Lila {an iHeart Podcast Trailer!} Oct 06, 2022

SUBSCRIBE to the new "POSITIVELY SEX! WITH LILA" podcast on APPLE PODCASTS

(or wherever you like to get your podcasts)

& never miss an episode!

Get ready for a 46 episode season of Sex Ed, with Pleasure!

Host Lila, Intimacy Specialist & founding member of the premier sex-positive intentional community in New York, explores intimacy of all kinds in this sex-positive talk show on timely, titillating, tender, & taboo topics.

Her guests are pro-Dommes, therapists, kink masters, sex coaches, non-monogamous people, & folx on the street with opinions.

Positively Sex! celebrates intimacy & our ability to design our own relationships.

PS! talks about all those sex things you want to know, but might be hesitant to ask.

PS! lays it all out for you.

PS! is sex ed, with pleasure.

Darling, that is Positively Sex!

129. Introducing “Positively Sex!” Sex Ed, with Pleasure Sep 03, 2021

Hello horizontal lover.

This is horizontal with lila, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down. Usually, the first part of our conversation is available wherever you listen to podcasts, and the last part is available exclusively to my patrons on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.

Navigate yourself on over to Patreon for 50+ exclusive horizontal episodes!

Season 4, however, is my Season of Experiments. The experiment of this episode... introduces you to my brand-new live show, Positively Sex! Sex Ed, with Pleasure.

Clubhouse pioneered a new form of media: interactive social audio. It’s like a podcast you can participate in...

I joined the app in late February and promptly became deeply infatuated. Really. Full-on limerence. NRE: New Relationship Energy.

I hardly slept! I barely ate! I talked about it to anyone who would listen! I fell asleep at wee morning hours in Clubhouse rooms, the phone half under the pillow next to me. It was, if you will, horizontal with clubhouse.

It began by ‘raising my hand.’

Then Alec Murphy began making me a co-moderator, and passing me the mic to offer intimacy advice & sexual education.

I started saying, “Just a sex ed moment here!”

As I moved from infatuation to bonding, I met other beloved favourites, like De’Andre Sinette & Shane Cottle & my Clubhouse wife Annie Block & my Clubhouse mistress Dani & Brittany Michalchuk & Angus McColluch & & & & … I became a regular in Angus’s club MATE. I found communities of people who shouted my name with joy when I entered a virtual room.

These relationships feel tender and warm and deep, playful and tasty and delightful. And real. I haven’t met these people in person (yet). But I know their voices. And I can feel them. They are a real part of my real life.

Clubhouse is the app of the zeitgeist.

We are the most connected, and the loneliest we have ever been. Facebook Image Crafting & comparing and despairing on Instagram has most of us feeling so much less intimate. There is something unbelievably wholesome and grounding and genuine about dialing our digital connection to its very first form: a phone call — with the addition of a few bells & whistles.

It’s free. It’s global. It’s live. And it’s just, voice.

I think that’s marvelous.

I starting co-hosting rooms, like:

“Ask Men Anything” with Alec.

“The Sex-Positive Room” with De’Andre.

And then I opened rooms of my own:

Ladies of the Sex House (with my former housemates from the Villa)

I Just Found My Poetry Stash (which I actually did, from 10 years ago, when I was doing a page a day writing practice, and there is some glorious stuff in there!)

Then I formed my own club: The Sex-Positive Club, and began gathering about me wise, compassionate co-mod to carve out a space for sex-positivity.

My second week on the app, I happened upon the last few minutes of Abraxas Higgins’s “Apply to the Creator First Program” room. He was doing his very last reset — giving the information about the room for the last time before closing it. I snagged that link & stayed up 'til 4am working on the application, very horizontal, laptop resting on my thighs. At 4am, I fell asleep under my computer. At 7am, I woke and kept working. That was the due date. I submitted around 1pm.

I was chosen as a finalist.

There were 5,000 entries. 53 finalists each made a pilot episode (this episode), and 25 shows were chosen as the inaugural Creator First Class of 2021… and mine, mine was one of them.

YESSSSSSSSSSS.

This is basically the first time I’ve won something in 20 years.

Positively Sex! Sex Ed, with Pleasure airs a new live episode every Sunday night through September at 9pm EST / 6pm Pacific.

Catch it live, or become a patron of the horizontal arts on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila (that’s P-a-t-r-E-o-n.com / horizontalwithlila) for exclusive patron access to the entire 12-episode season.

Prepare for SENSUAL CONTESTS…

Like "Best Sext”

DELECTABLE PRIZES…

Like a deck of “Let’s Talk About Sex” cards from Games for Humanity’s Erin Hickok aka The Connectress. (By the way, all of her fabulous question card games are 10% off with the discount code: HORIZONTALITY, in all caps.)

FUN & SPICY AUDIENCE POLLS…

Sexted lately? Got a Clubhouse crush?

TENDER, TABOO, & TIMELY TOPICS…

Such as the pilot theme, the theme of this episode: Sex @ a Distance, which included:

* noods

* sexting

* aural sex (phone sex, er0tic hypnosis, described video p0rn)

* video sex & sex on video

* virtual play parties

& BRILLIANT THOUGHT LEADERS.

This pilot episode features special guest Cindy Gallop, one of the most brilliant extemporaneous speakers I've ever heard. The Michael Bay of business (because she blows shit up!) creator and CEO of Make Love Not Porn introduced us to the concept of social sex.

We were joined by a few of my former housemates from Hacienda Villa, the sex-positive intentional community I used to live in, as a founding member:

Mirelle, polyamorous woman, purveyor of sensuality, & horizontal’s very first guest, of episode number 1. feed your delight, which is my most downloaded episode of all time, treated us to her unerring taste for pleasure & a voice that positively drips with sex.

Tiger, former Villan & former lady, him of many trades, Trans & gynecological educator and horizontal guest of episodes 16. kiss me I’m jew-witch, and 17. professional cuddling, gave us a taste of erotic hypnosis that left us with our mouths agape.

Theia made us all aware that described video porn is a thing, Shane brought his soulful sensuality, Fiona tallied our very important polls, & my Creative Producer & Social Media Maven Natalia Sketch helped me sjuzz the episode, then sat behind me in the tiniest focus room at the co-working space, calling the show & managing the backchannel.

The episode begins with my working definition of sex & concludes with showering at a virtual play party.

Join my club on Clubhouse so you don’t miss an episode.

I have always been a Creator First, and now, finally, again, I am being recognized as such.

And DAMN it feels good.

P.S. Which is, of course, a double entendre, meaning both Post Script and Positively Sex! … Welcome to social audio.

Come get positively sex with us, all across the globe, through the magic of the interwebz.

128. sex parties done right: lila x that sex chick Jun 27, 2021

Hello horizontal lover. Intimacy investigator. Horizontalist.

Typically, horizontal is the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down. The first part of our conversation is available wherever you listen to podcasts, and the last part is available exclusively to my patrons on Patreon.

But this: is Season 4, my Season of Experiments.

And this experiment is an installment of Alexa Martinez’s that sex chick podcast, which was, full disclosure, recorded while in bed, but (gasp!) sitting upright. For that sex chick, it’s episode 34, and for horizontal, episode 128. I’m told it’s the longest Alexa has ever gone with a guest, so, here’s to horizontal stamina. *wink*

In this episode, sex parties done right, I share the orientation I lead at my last play party — which is a Facebook-safe euphemism for a sex party — in its entirety.

Alexa’s super-connected sex-positive crew of curious kittens, a collective on Facebook called That Sex Group, have been really curious about these parties. Both of us have found it’s what a lot of people want to know about when they find out it’s a) something we’ve got a fair amount of experience with, and b) something we’re willing to talk about publicly.

So here! We made you an episode.

This contains the lion’s share of wisdom I’ve gathered about play parties during my 7 years in the sex-positive community. What can happen at a play party, how you prepare for it, how to communicate with your partner or partners about it, some points of etiquette, and some of my personal tales of play parties past.

I first met Alexa at a Future of Sex panel, curated by the podcast host and sextech expert, Bryony Cole, who was my guest for episodes 28. future of sex, and 29. sexual attitude readjustment day. This was also the very same event at which I met Bryan Stacy (who was on said panel) & Dominick Q., champions of men’s work and co-hosts of The Great Man Within podcast, who were also my guests for a Season Threesome on episodes 76. the discerning dick, and 77. post-sex choice. (In Season Three, I got horizontal with two guests at a time, who were in some kind of relationship with one another. Hence: the season threesome!)

Recently, I guested on The Great Man Within, and we did a deepdive into The Stoplight Game. It’s episode #220, titled, “How To Ask For What You Want in the Bedroom.”

This to say that… in the not-so-distant future, when I have Alexa on my podcast AT LAST, we will all have been guests on each other’s shows, and isn’t that a particularly pretty podcaster-polycule?

Yes. Yes I think it is.

Alexa is my kindred. She approaches sex, love, & relationships with the same kind of voracious curiosity I do, tickled through with playfulness. She was one of the first to encourage me to set up shop as an Intimacy Coach, and now, three years later, I finally have. She sometimes has purple hair and is always up for a frolic and a photo opportunity and a deep conversation. You can hear her smiling when she talks, and the way she shares her vulnerable relationship realizations with the world are both an affirmation and an inspiration to me. I love her. I hope you will too.

Come get figuratively horizontal with us, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia, and Austin, Texas.

126. you spilled your hot come on my hot girlfriend: horizontal with the king of cuckolding [1 of 2] Apr 10, 2021

Hello my horizontal lovers, my intimacy investigators, my horizontalists!

horizontal is the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down (and usually, while wearing robes).

With few exceptions, our conversations are languorous, meandering, and long-form, as though post-coital, or stargazing, or staring out onto the open road in the wee hours of a very long road trip. It’s a private conversation made public. It’s consensual eavesdropping.

Typically on horizontal, each conversation is between 3 and 5 hours long, and divided into two to four parts. The former half is available to all horizontalists, and the latter, is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. During this season, I’m investigating form and format, length and structure, context and content. Playing aurally. Trying things I haven’t tried yet. Thus far, Season 4 has seen a mash-up with Devin Person’s “this podcast is a ritual” show, episodes with more-or-less intrusive narration (you decide), and a session with a matchmaker in which I get interviewed, as the client.

you spilled your hot come on my hot girlfriend, this episode, is from my very first recording spotlighting a single sexy topic!

In episodes 126 & 127, I lie down with Dallas King, L.A. native, global hedonist, director, filmmaker, hot professor, model, and profoundly experienced bull. He is writing the book on cuckolding. Literally. That’s what he’s in Bali to do.

It’s called GASM.

For images featuring such highlights as Dallas’s rippling abs, brooding fashion sense, and graphic tattoos, witness his Instagram @dallasking1

In this first half of our recording, we talk about:

craigslist personals
what cuckolding means
“the lifestyle” versus sex-positive culture
working as a massage therapist in L.A. & becoming a bull
his first time pleasing another man’s wife & being watched while doing it
grappling with professional, mental, and religious inhibitions
homophobia & sexual performance
how being a bull can affect your romantic relationships
humiliation & emasculation
agreeing on where to come
navigating couple dynamics
dealing with your own expectations
cuckqueens, and …
my desire to be a female bull.

For access to the spicy second half of this conversation, as well as 50 other exclusive episodes, navigate yourself directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Make sure you click the link or type that in exactly, because, as a creator who is considered “adult,” my profile isn’t searchable on Patreon. (!)

Other than that, Patreon is great. It’s like the love child of crowdfunding and a subscription service. You can become a patron for $7/month on up, and the rewards get more and more sumptuous. For instance, at the $100 level, you get a 30-minute one-on-one Intimacy Guidance session with me every month...

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury of IGrecording.com. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, from 99designs. This intro music is a remix by acapella beatbox musician kidmental, whose motto is “theme songs for everyone.” Support a Black creator, and get a catchy jingle of your very own by hiring him on Fiverr or becoming his patron on Patreon.

Upcoming in Season 4, I have a recording from my guest spot on Dominick Q & Bryan Stacey’s “The Great Man Within” podcast, a couple of episodes with the journalist Sue Jaye Johnson, in which she interviewed me for her project “The Pleasure Report,” a 5-part mini-series with Jet-Setting Jasmine, who you must know — a badass Black therapist & porn star, and her incredible Dom husband, and a daughter that gives me hope for the future of humanity, as well as shows with segments, a la NPR, among other explorations.

Until next time: May you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

I’m looking forward to scripting and rehearsing my first TED-style talk, and the event I curated around it to celebrate the 4-year podcast-aversary on May 21st, 2021! It’s gonna be called “Hot Love Talks.”

Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.

Now, come lie down with us, in Seminyak, Bali, Indonesia.

125. like a vagina wrapped around a pole: quickie with a bisexual femme poet ladyboss Mar 13, 2021

Hello my horizontal lovers, my intimacy investigators, my horizontalists! horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down, and usually, while wearing robes.

If you’ve listened to either one of my ‘between two wizard’ episodes, 85. well-hung psychedelic sex wizard / no hookups or 86. you’re trying to porn sex me, or my most magical recent horizontal mashup episodes, 123. this ritual is horizontal, or 124. this horizontal is a ritual, you’ve become acquainted with my Wizard friend, Devin Person.

During both of our horizontal recordings (one in-person, in his former wizard bed in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and the other virtual, mediated by the magic of the interwebz, between Louisville, Kentucky, and Canggu, Bali, Indonesia) a remarkable fact about his relationship surfaced: he and his partner (now fiancé) don’t text. Ever. It’s one of their cherished relationship agreements, a social norm within the co-creation of their dyad. They just don’t text. If they want to communicate with one another, they need to actually pick up the phone, and dial their partner.

Well, that fiancé he doesn’t text with… is our storyteller today.

Typically on horizontal, each conversation is between 3 and 5 hours long and divided into two to four parts. The former half is available for all horizontalists everywhere, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. With few exceptions, our conversations are languorous and long-form, as though post-coital, or stargazing, or staring out onto the open road in the wee hours of a very long road trip. I consider it consensual eavesdropping.

When you become a patron you receive a key to the horizontal city, unlocking access to over 50 exclusive episodes. Become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila ... You must click on or type in that link directly, because sex-positive creators are still in quite a bind with social media these days. You can’t just go to Patreon and search my name, or the name of my show, because the search engine pretends all of its mature content doesn’t exist! I guess that makes Patreon sort of like the boyfriend who doesn’t want the world to know that we are dating, but it is the best crowdsourcing subscription service that I know at this moment. So. I take it as an indicator of just how far we still need to go to eradicate sex-negativity, stigma, shame, and taboo.

Usually, my Patreon tiers begin at $7 per month, but this month I’ve opened up ten $5 a month spots for access to The Full Horizontal. Two spot already got snagged before this announcement, so as of this recording there are 8 left. Claim one, and all the horizontality shall be yours.

At the end of each long-form recording, I ask my guest to tell me a story. It can be any tale that falls under the broad umbrella of intimacy. My only requirement is that they have a burning desire to share it with me. Because these stories usually take place in the part twos (or fours) of our recordings, most of you horizontalists never get to hear such tales as being carried down a mountain on the shoulders of a hunky guide, or donating your father’s body to science and then insisting on a connection with the medical students who studied him, or getting married every year — to the same person.

Occasionally, in pre-pandemic times, I’d host horizontal storytelling pajama parties. My launch party in May of 2017 was a pajama party! This quickie was recorded live during Pride Month in June 2019 at horizontal storytelling: the summer pride edition. We all donned rainbow pajamas, noshed on milk and cookies, and curled up together, horizontally, all 50 of us, to listen to the tales of five storytellers from across the LGBTQIA+ community, one after the other.

In this particular quickie, I lie down with Lisa Ann Markuson, also known as LAMARKS, queer cis femme bisexual woman boss, founder + CEO of creative agency Ars Poetica, (which provides, among other things, experiential poetic entertainment for events and happenings). Her woman-owned, inclusive and sustainable business model celebrates the multitalented nature of her artists across entertainment, activist, consulting, and literary landscapes.

She was the co-host, along with Taz, of the National Poetry Month podcast, A Daily Dose of Poetry. I appeared on the show as their April 18th guest, and they wrote me poetic prescriptions for what ailed me in my romantic relationship. LA and her 35 artists have written poetry for celebrities & created a series of handmade poetic talismans to benefit Planned Parenthood.

You can find her, and them, on the interwebz at @arspoetica.us on Instagram.

Come lie down with us at a pajama party in the before-time, at Hacienda Studio in Bushwick, Brooklyn, as LA tells us a tale titled, “In Fact, a Switch Hitter.”

123. this ritual is horizontal: mash-up with a wizard podcast [1 of 2] Feb 14, 2021

Hello horizontal lovers & ritualists,

horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down. this ritual is horizontal is part of my Season 4, the Season of Experiments.

Usually, I have a guest or two reclining next to me, sharing a pillow, but This Season in the Era of Covid, my guest is often lying down across the world from me, as Devin is here... and we have an intimate, vulnerable, long-ranging and long-form conversation that unfolds over the course of 3 - 5 hours, and gets divided into 2 - 4 episodes. Typically, the first half of our conversation is available in all the podcast places, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

In the latter part of our conversation, which will be episode 124 on horizontal, we discuss a bit of ghosting wizardry, dating reviews, self-holds, and parenting our inner child. Then I tell Devin a story about being photographed nude in a nest, and the most miserable sexy dance party, and Devin conjures a 3-point spell for alchemizing connection across distance. One way to gain access to episode 124 is to become a patron of the horizontal arts on Patreon.

Patreon is a portal to the work of the modern-day independent artist, like the love child of crowd-funding and a subscription service. A monthly contribution to my Patreon unlocks over 50 exclusive episodes, and a monthly contribution to Devin’s Patreon offers you access to magical rituals centered around numbers of, shall we say, modern-day interest — one of which I participated in. The number: was 69, and the episode is titled “How to Pleasure Yourself and Others.” Last night, I listened back to it (for the first time since the recording) and got turned on! so I highly recommend it. To become a patron, navigate directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila or Patreon.com/thispodcastisaritual

The other way is this — as a rare gift in honor of our collaboration, you can gain access to the full episode if you head over to Devin’s this podcast is a ritual feed, even if you aren’t a patron of the horizontal arts! Which means, if you are listening to this on Devin’s feed, you get the whole thing right now.

The experiment of this episode, as Devin described, is a mash-up, and this is my very first mash-up episode. When I think about mash-ups, I think of some intrepid songstress like my friend Meghan Tonjes and the way she puts two pop songs in a blender on YouTube and makes something creamily delicious — both capturing the infectious joy and the hook-iness of the original songs, and somehow also more than that, the alchemy of two entities enjoined, creating something that does not exist before they are enmeshed. In other words: Magic.

In this part of our conversation, I tell Devin the story of Hamilton & the Hondalorian, and we talk about connecting across distance, phone calls vs. video calls, charting-new-territory friends and rerun friends, the nutrients of digital communication & joy of sexting, the Seamlessification of dating, resilience, rejection, & confidence, & icing on Tinder.

This mash-up was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury of IGrecording.com. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can hire on 99designs. The remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, whose motto is “theme songs for everyone.” You can both support a Black creator, and get a theme song of your very own by supporting him on Fiverr or on Patreon.

Until next time, my horizontal ritualists, my ritual horizontalists:

May you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to assembling my camera kit with 4K video capabilities and proper studio lighting... and finally shooting my Master Class-style course on connection! If you want information on that, and future horizontal endeavors, follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram, or sign up for my email missives on horizontalwithlila.com

And now, through the Magic of the interwebz, come lie down with us in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia, Louisville, Kentucky, and wherever you find yourself horizontal.

121. how to suck tits (properly): horizontal with an oversexed kinkster [1 of 2] Dec 28, 2020

Hello horizontal lover.

This is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds that’s entirely recorded while lying down.

Usually, I aim to make every recording more of a long-form conversation and less of an interview, but the world is topsy-turvy, and so is Season 4, my Season of Experiments.

This episode is a traditional interview (albeit, an explicit one) mostly presented in the style of NPR. Instead of my usual horizontal conversation, in which I share as openly and vulnerably as my guest, for this episode I’ll be your narrator, guiding you through the life of an oversexed little Italian boy who grows up to be an oversexed British man, utilizing choice clips from his tales.

In this and the following episode, I lie down with Iena: vast lover of womankind, kinkster, rope aficionado, photographer, former porn producer, and sadist extraordinaire. I met him through the Shibari community in Canggu. He once suspended me from a piece of bamboo in a pose that looked kind of like a praying mantis.

The first half of our interview is available in all the podcast places for all of you horizontalists, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. So, if you want to hear Iena’s extreme tale of a bewildering sexual exploit involving a gorgeous Scandinavian woman on top, and something that he did not consent to, become a patron to listen to the second part of this interview. $7 a month gives you access to over 50 episodes not available to the general public, as well as contributing to keep horizontal independent, uncensored, and ad-free.

In this part, we traverse from:

* Iena’s 4 year-old erections through

* nudie mags in the crib

* his obsession with full bush, newsstands, and porn

* 10 years of sexual mentoring

* an abiding love of tits,

* foreplay & the orgasmic platform

* the first time in his life he felt like he was one cock short, and

* his first sexual experience, which includes a cruise, a crew, a short black bob, & some bushes

Now come lie down with us in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia.

120. climaxes & denouements: quickie with lila Dec 10, 2020

Hello horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds, entirely recorded while lying down.

Usually, I have a guest or sometimes two (and on one notable occasion, nine!) reclining next to me, or, This Season in the Era of Covid, my guest is sometimes lying down across the world from me ... and we have an intimate, vulnerable, long-form and far-ranging conversation that unfolds over the course of 3 - 5 hours, and gets divided into 2 - 4 episodes.

horizontal is Slow Radio. A kind of stargazing, or post-coital, or loooong road trip sort of conversation. And that’s what horizontality is to me. A relinquishing of pretense. A deepening of voice. A languor that inspires revelation. An invitation to unzip to our tenderest. It’s like consensual eavesdropping. We invite you in to lie down next to us, as we share our secrets in your ears.

Typically, the first half of our conversation is available in all the podcast places for all of you horizontalists, and the latter half is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. Occasionally I’ll do a quickie episode, which consists of a single intimate story, usually recorded live at one of my horizontal storytelling pajama party events.

This is Season 4, however, my Season of Experiments. In it, I intend to be playful with form and format, interspersing surprises and dancing with theme and time.

The experiment of this episode, 120 is … poetry. I hadn’t written poetry in several years, and then three months ago I went to this Open Mic here in Canggu. The upswelling of personal expression, and the prospect of being on stage again, which is a rush my body craves, so inspired me that I started writing the first of these poems during intermission! You may recognize the subject (and the love affair) of the piece titled “climaxes and denouements” from my part two with Bevin, episode 62. we can be benefits, but not friends. The second poem, “exquisite cupboards,” was inspired by a disappointing young lover here in Bali. Does he know he’s the muse? Yes he does. I read it to him...horizontally, in bed.

They are both love poems, or, shall I say, lost-love poems.

For access to The Full Horizontal, plus monthly intimacy tips like the Fears / Boundaries / Intentions / Desires exercise, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Navigate to www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila to join. You must go to that link directly, because creators considered “adult” will not show up on Patreon’s search engine! (Which lets us know just how far we have to go in creating a sex-positive world, eh?) Sigh.

If you are a non-poetry person, I hope you’ll still allow this episode to wash over you with the same receptivity as you do other horizontal installments. In fact, I’ve heard from multiple not-poetry-people (including my dear friend and guest of episodes 59 & 60, Samia) that they don’t like poetry, but they like my poetry ... which is basically how I feel about dogs, and Kristi Ann’s dog Stella. Please don’t hold this against me.

And now darlings, come lie down with me, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia.

118. probably the slowest sex i’ve ever had: horizontal with radical self love (3 of 4) Oct 23, 2020

Hello horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down.

You’re listening to Season 4, my Season of Experiments. During this season, I’m playing with form and format, length and structure, context and content. I’ll be including mash-ups with other podcasts, themed episodes, crossovers, and shows with segments, among other things. Unlike the first three seasons, most of Season 4 will be recorded remotely, so I’m often horizontal across the world from my guest … which is a grand experiment in itself.

This is part three of my 4-episode arc with Kelsey Grant: Love Educator, boundaries expert, writer, singer, witchy woman, & creatrix of various kinds… known on Instagram as @radicalselflove.

Usually, my horizontal recording sessions are between 3 and 5 hours long, and divided into two parts (if 3 hours) or 4 parts (if 5). The first installment — or the first two installments — are available in all the podcast places for all horizontalists, and the second half — or the latter two parts — are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. One of my experiments with Kelsey’s arc is to divvy things up a bit differently. In this case, my first and third episode with Kelsey (which are episodes 116, and this installment, 118) are available to everyone, and the second and fourth are available exclusively to patrons.

There’s also a bonus sort of grab bag stream-of-consciousness episode we recorded that I’m considering releasing in full as a bonus episode for patrons, or, also in two parts. To be determined, horizontal lovers…

For access to The Full Horizontal, which includes all the part twos (or in this case, twos and fours) going back to the beginning, become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Use that link precisely because creators dubbed “adult” are hidden by Patreon’s search engine. When you become a patron, I also send you a personal thank-you video (with a Happy Dance).

In part one, episode 116. planet friendship (my first episode that’s almost entirely about platonic intimacy) we talked about her nourishing female friend pod and 6-month vetting process, mother-wounds, getting kicked out of the house, emotional release, resisting the codependent parental undertow, & how Kelsey and her best friend heal by re-parenting each other.

In part two, episode 117. an emotionally safe connection (a patron-only episode), we discussed my best friend Marghe, inner circle friendship, virtual and in-person connection, the ability to hold simultaneous conflicting emotions, Harry Potter and nerding out, & the masterful, loving way Kelsey expressed her boundaries to me.

In this, part three, we deliberately got horizontal to talk about sex. We explored cervical, g-spot, and clitoral orgasms, devotional presence and the lack thereof, fantasizing about women during sex, self-reverence, Kelsey’s sexual evolution, from getting kicked out of the house to her Huntress phase to exploration with a virgin to going off the pill to kink to cervical orgasms & betrayal, to self-exploration & crystal dildos.

If you’d like one-on-one guidance from me on your intimate struggles, I now offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions: 60-minute sessions with a takeaway plan. In other words, sex-positive, judgement-free, compassionate support for what ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of all kinds.

To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com. If you desire ongoing support of your intimate growth, join the $100 Patreon tier on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and receive a 30-minute coaching session every month!

In next week’s patrons-only episode with Kelsey, we delve into sex that disturbs the neighbors, woundmates and heartmates, the runner & the chaser, dating with intention, the fantasy of her former relationship, overfunctioning & underfunctioning, losing sexual desire, and whether woundmate relationships can become healthy.

Until next time, may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to the Wednesday night public speaking club I’ve been attending, and getting put on the spot.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.

Now come lie down with us again, in Canggu, Bali, Indonesia, and Vancouver, BC, Canada.

116. planet friendship: horizontal with radical self love (1 of 4) Oct 01, 2020

Hello, horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.

This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. This season marks the first time I’ve ever recorded remotely. So, many times, I’m no longer in the same bed as my guest— which is already a grand experiment in itself, as every single episode of my first three seasons was recorded in person, lying down, wearing robes, shoulder-to-shoulder, right next to my guest. As though stargazing, or post-coital, or in the deep hours of a very long road trip.

I’m always saying that I want to expand people’s notion of what intimacy is, and can be. Remaining overseas during a global pandemic has encouraged me to expand my own notion of intimacy. I used to disparage the value of virtual connection... and suddenly, that’s most of what most of us have. And we must figure out how to make it nourishing for us… or go hungry.

My mission holds steady: To make the world a more intimate place. One episode, one conversation, one essay, one video, one session, one workshop, one course, one talk at a time. So here is my current pursuit: to weave the kind of empathetic cocoon that I cultivate in person, in bed, to inspire a blossoming conversation full of raw, revealing, vulnerable, genuine intimacies, with someone who is horizontal literally across the world.

In this, and the following three episodes, I lie down with the delicious Kelsey Grant, known on Instagram as @radicalselflove. She is my new friend. And I feel very proud to say so. Apropos of this season’s overarching intimacy-across-distance motif, we have not yet met in person. I look forward to the day when I can put my arms around Kelsey and squeeze. Kelsey is a Love Educator, an incisive writer, a boundaries expert, a singer and creatrix of various mediums, and a powerfully tender woman. She has a generous laugh, and her wisdom is free of bullshit. She’s in it, she doesn’t pretend to be otherwise, and that’s what makes her a whole, human, and a great leader. I have much to learn from her, and I imagine you will, too.

Half of our episodes will be available in all the podcast places for all horizontalists, and the other episodes will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

You can become a patron right this instant for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

When you become a patron, I send you a personal thank-you video (with a Happy Dance).

If you seek guidance for your intimate struggles, I offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions: 60-minutes of judgement-free, sex-positive guidance… with a takeaway plan (your roadmap)! What ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of all kinds? To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com and I’ll send you a fun form to fill out (well, I think it’s fun; I made it) so I can best prepare for you. One of my happy clients said, “I’ve had a lot of therapy. But you give advice a therapist cannot give.” Bam!

Here, in my first experiment with Kelsey, we scrap the structure, and instead of starting at the very beginning (a very good place to start), as a classic horizontal episode does, we start from the very right now (also a very good place to start) with the question, “What is alive in you?” And that is how this episode came to be all about nourishing female friendship, envy, & backstabbing, the 6-month inner circle vetting process, mother-wounds, getting kicked out of the house as a teenager, emotional release & worrying about the neighbors, swamping, resisting the codependent parental undertow, & how Kelsey and her best friend heal by re-parenting each other.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury of IGrecording.com. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. The remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, an acapella beatbox musician, and a Black creator you can support right now on Fiverr or Patreon.

In next week’s exclusive, patrons-only episode, we talk about my best friend, the defining factor of a tier one inner circle friendship, virtual and in-person connection, the ability to hold simultaneous conflicting emotions, nerding out, my weekly Covid-era ritual of Escapist Animated Movie Night, & how Kelsey’s ability to express loving boundaries with me, marks the beginning of a beautiful friendship. To gain access to the next episode (and all the other part twos, or threes and fours going back to the beginning), navigate to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and become a patron of the horizontal arts!

Now come lie down with us, in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia, and Vancouver, BC, Canada.

113. other people’s love: horizontal with a global matchmaker (2 of 4) Sep 10, 2020

Hello my horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.

This is Season 4, my Season of Experiments. I’ll be playing with form in all sorts of ways: with coaching sessions and mash-ups and crossovers, happenings and themes and advice sessions, horizontality in unexpected places, and other intimate surprises.

In the first four episodes of this season, I (virtually) lie down with Lemarc Thomas, global matchmaker, relationship expert, sweetheart, psychology-versed purveyor of kindness, native St. Helenian, marriage equality advocate, husband to Michael, and, as he has been dubbed by The Telegraph, “the gentle but determined Cupid.”

Our first two episodes are available in all the podcast places for all my horizontalists. Parts three and four will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

Become a patron for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila !

In our first part, episode 112. broken a few hearts, Lemarc interviewed me as if I were his newest matchmaking client. It’s a particularly revealing and tender episode for me, as I disclose my visions for a romantic relationship, struggles with belief & sexual attraction, past experiences with some of the men I’ve hurt, and some who’ve hurt me, my pattern of choosing unavailable men to love, fear of feeling suffocated, whether I’ve experienced emotional and sexual attraction at the same time, what I love about being me, and what I imagine my future partner will love about being with me.

You could use episode 112 to Think Like Your Own Matchmaker, and get closer to envisioning the core of your heart’s desire. Check the show notes on horizontalwithlila.com for the series of questions Lemarc asked me, and perhaps try journaling on them, or getting together with a beloved friend to ask them of each other. If you do so with a friend, I suggest you record it, so you can listen back and see: am I exploring love in accordance with my values.

This is the second episode of my four-part arc with Lemarc. Our experiment is my very first themed episode. I interview Lemarc all about matchmaking. We discuss:

* the differences between traditional matchmaking and Lemarc’s modern take on the industry

* his 4-step process

* love coaching vs. therapy

* being our full rainbow & sharing our crazy

* how to not to date like a teenager

* non-negotiables & deal-breakers

* cultivating communities that will hold the love that we meet

* The Matchmaking Experiment

* becoming a matchmaker

* how Lemarc keeps his vast network in mind, &

* his signature love advice.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury, IGrecording.com on the interwebz. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. This remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, an acapella beatbox musician, and a Black creator you can support right now.

If you’d like one-on-one guidance from me on your intimate struggles, I now offer Personal Intimacy Roadmap Sessions. They are 60-minute sessions of sex-positive, judgement-free, kink-aware, LGBTQ+ celebratory, gender-affirming support for what ails you in the realm of sex, love, & relationships of any kind. A session includes exercises, techniques, recommendations, homework, & a tailored roadmap of resources to use as you navigate the terrain of your intimacy challenge. One happy client said, “I’ve had a lot of therapy. But you give advice a therapist cannot give!”

To schedule, email lila@horizontalwithlila.com, and I’ll send you my welcome form, so I can best prepare for you. If you desire ongoing support of your intimate growth, become a patron of the horizontal arts at the $100/month level and receive a 30-minute coaching session every month! To peruse all the patron tiers and sign up, navigate directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and thank you for being a part of making the world a more intimate place.

In next week’s patrons-only episode with Lemarc, we explore his childhood as a effeminate boy growing up on one of the most remote inhabited islands in the world, belonging and outsiderness, chameleon-like behavior, and codependency.

Come lie down with us in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia & Stockholm, Sweden.

112. broken a few hearts: horizontal with a global matchmaker (1 of 4) Sep 02, 2020

Hello my horizontal lover. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down.

This is the kickoff of Season 4, my Season of Experiments. I’ll be playing with form in all sorts of ways: with coaching sessions and mash-ups and crossovers, happenings and themes and advice sessions, horizontality in unexpected places, and other intimate surprises.

In all my visions for Season 4, I never considered recording virtually as one of the experiments, let alone the central experiment. But the world changed.

I never wanted to record virtually. I was, in fact, entirely adamant about recording in person, right next to my guest, sharing a pillow, shoulder-to-shoulder, wearing robes. That’s how it went. I felt the vibe depended on it. The depth. The felt intimacy translated from our proximal bodies, through the magic of the recorded sound waves, and into you. I thought the only way you would truly feel as if you were lying down next to us was if we were, in fact, literally lying down next to one another.

But then the world changed. And in this world, recording in person becomes… less of an option. In this world, our intimate struggles have only intensified.

I’ve started giving Free Love Advice on Instagram, and offering Intimacy Roadmap Sessions on Zoom — 60-minute coaching sessions with a takeaway plan.

Our need for nourishing connection remains central to our wellbeing— the difference is: now, pretty much everyone is aware of that. Therein lies the paradox for us to manage, as Esther Perel says. We are more aware than ever that we require intimacy, and Covid times make it exponentially harder to meet those needs.

The struggles people bring to me are so often about distance now. We ask: when will it be okay to hug our friends again? Go to a party? Dance with strangers? Do anything at all in a crowded room? How can we connect across distance? Have sex at a distance? Cultivate intimacy despite distance? Feel nourished by the kinds of intimacy available to us at a distance? How can we date responsibly, in a way that feels real? I grapple with questions like these daily, in parallel to you.

It feels like a test of my superpowers, in a way. But, perhaps this is just the sort of thing I’ve been preparing for. I have a toolbox full of ways to connect, that I’ve been honing for most of my life, and my mission holds steady: To make the world a more intimate place. One episode, one conversation, one essay, one video, one session, one workshop, one course, one talk at a time.

So here is my current pursuit: How can I weave the kind of empathetic cocoon that I cultivate in person in bed, with someone who is horizontal across the world?

I have so many opportunities to find out! Once I embraced the idea of recording remotely, and grappled with the technical learning curve, I became enlivened by the possibilities. I could potentially lie down with anyone on the planet!

In the first four episodes of Season 4, I virtually lie down with Lemarc Thomas, global matchmaker, relationship expert, sweetheart, psychology-versed purveyor of kindness, native St. Helenian, marriage equality advocate, husband to Michael, and, as he has been dubbed by The Telegraph, “the gentle but determined Cupid.”

Our first two episodes will be available in all the podcast places for all the horizontalists. The second two (in which we explore Lemarc’s childhood as an effeminate boy growing up on a very small island, belonging, and his landmark marriage to his Swedish husband Michael) will be available exclusively to my patrons of the horizontal arts.

Become a patron for access to The Full Horizontal by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

In this, my first horizontal experiment with Lemarc, he interviews me as though I were his newest matchmaking client. (Full disclosure: I am the only horizontal one for this episode. Lemarc is in consulting mode, seated in his office in Sweden and I am, in a way, on the matchmaker’s couch, across the world in Bali. And just in case you were concerned, Lemarc does get horizontal with me in our upcoming episodes.)

In this episode, I reveal myself deeply. I share my visions for a romantic relationship, my struggles with belief & sexual attraction, some of the men I’ve hurt, and some who’ve hurt me, my pattern of choosing unavailable men, a fear of feeling suffocated, whether I’ve experienced emotional attraction and sexual attraction at the same time, and what I would need to feel free be all in. At the end of the session, Lemarc asks me what I love about being me, and what I believe my future partner will love about being with me.

Next week, in part two of our four-part arc, I interview Lemarc. Our second experiment is my very first themed episode. The topic? Matchmaking. I have so many questions!

Thank you for listening to this experiment. Thank you for getting horizontal.

And now, come lie down with me for one of the most vulnerable episodes I’ve ever recorded, in Uluwatu, Bali, Indonesia & Stockholm, Sweden.

111. Black men can’t drive: quickie with an actor / writer / singer / director / educator Jul 29, 2020

Hello horizontal lovers. horizontal is the podcast about sex, love, & relationships of all kinds that’s recorded while lying down, wearing robes. A typical recording is long and languorous, and lasts between three and five hours. When I release it, I divide it into two parts (if we recorded for three hours) and four parts (if we recorded for five). The first half of the conversation is available in all the podcast places, and the second is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. For access to The Full Horizontal, and to be a part of eradicating shame, diminishing loneliness, & alchemizing human connection, become a $7+ patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila At the end of each longform conversation, I ask my guest to tell me a story, and the story marks the conclusion of our patron episode together. It can be any personal story that falls under the broad umbrella of intimacy — sex, love, or relationships of any kind. I’ve had stories of being carried down a mountaintop by a hunky guide (episode 10 with Elaine), watching your wife have a miscarriage, giving your father’s body to science (episode 92 with Dr. Alexandra Solomon), a friend breakup, and a particularly epic tale about the Cretan Resistance, thievery, journeying, and a real human skull (episode 31 with Matthew Stillman). One of those stories on its own is a horizontal quickie. My live event, the horizontal storytelling pajama party, is an eveningful of quickies. I get horizontal with my guest just like we do when we record a full episode, wearing robes, sharing a pillow, microphone above us, gazing upward as though stargazing, or post-coital, or whispering into the wee hours of a really good sleepover. At horizontal storytelling, there’s a whole audience getting horizontal with us in their pajamas. When I ask my guest to choose this story, I tell them that it can have any kind of tone or outcome, as long as it’s a story that they truly desire to tell me — because if they have the impulse to tell it, and especially if they’re also a bit trepidatious to do so, it will be the right one: a narrative that others need to hear. This quickie was recorded live in June 2019 at horizontal storytelling: the summer pride edition. We donned rainbow pajamas, noshed on milk and cookies, and curled up together, all 50 of us, to listen to five storytellers from across the LGBTQIA+ community. In this quickie, I lie down with Christopher Burris. Christopher Burris is an actor, director and visionary creative from Asheville, North Carolina. He’s the Director of the Afrofuturistic Queer Sci-Fi Funk musical BRING THE BEAT BACK, by Derek Lee McPhatter. I first met Chris when he directed a reading of "America's Favorite Pasttime," by Dennis A. Allen II, in which I got to play one of my favorite roles of all time, a Dominatrix mother, in a story with complicated issues of race and sex and transaction and correctness and parenthood. The first day I showed up for rehearsal, the guy playing the young white friend of the young black male lead wasn't there yet, and Chris read the part. CHRIS IS A GENIUS. He read that part (the part of a white kid who uses hip-hop slang and the n-word in casual conversation), better than any of the white guys who I saw read that part. He was Hysterical. I basically barely stopped laughing for long enough to read my own part. So not only he is a generous, warm, thoughtful, space-holding director, but his talents as an actor and a mimic can't help but infuse the room with a robust sense of someone who understands the theatre deeply — like a dancer, a partner dancer, who knows both how to lead and how to follow. Any chance I get to work with him, I jump — I LEAP to it, because I know it will confront me with the complexities of being human. And I know that in the rehearsal room, there will be laughter. So much laughter. Christopher is also a patron of the podcast, and when I found out that he became a patron on Patreon, I wrote him this: Dearest Chris. From one artist to another. You have my deepest thanks for your patronage of my work. I am moved to tears by your belief in me. Thank you thank you thank you. You can find Christopher Burris on Twitter @misterburris. In this episode, Christopher tells us a story about driving while Black, his best friend Satchmo, a Sponge Bob car, contact lenses, relationshipping, & really, really seeing. Come lie down with us in Bushwick, Brooklyn, for a story Christopher titled, “Black Men Can’t Drive.” ***

109. love who you love: horizontal with indonesia’s openly LGBTQ+ singer-songwriter [1 of 2] Jul 01, 2020

Hello horizontal lovers.

horizontal is consensual eavesdropping on conversations about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down, wearing robes.

In this and the following episode, I lie down with Kai Mata, Indonesia’s rainbow-toting, openly LGBTQ+ singer-songwriter. She is a thoughtful rock star, an articulate activist, a love advocate, an outspoken woman with a bamboo guitar living a love life of liberation in a country that expects its women to be neither outspoken nor liberated. I love her. And her meter-long hair.

Kai wears maroon and black almost exclusively, right down to her motorbike helmet. She displays or wears a rainbow flag at every single show, at every single gig, and she will continue to do so until all of her people are free to love who they love.

She battles internet trolls, social media harassment, hate messages, homophobia, discrimination, and erasure by her culture of origin on a daily basis. She is publicly out in a country that persecutes its LGBTQ+ citizens. She is out for all of her fellow Indonesians who cannot be yet, in the hopes of a new era in which they all can feel safe to be.

By the way, she’s 22 years-old.

I first encountered Kai through a Facebook post she made, raising awareness of the persecution of anybody with a queer identity in Indonesia, and the government’s attempt to slip their discrimination into law.

These are Kai’s words, posted on February 21st, 2020:

I need your help.

Indonesia is trying to label all LGBTQ+ people as deviants dangerous to society, legally requiring us to go to conversion therapy.

I am one of the only publicly LGBTQ+ Indonesian Women🏳‍🌈🇮🇩. Why are there so few of us?

Because my beautiful country has created a society and laws that ostracize and discriminate against my beautiful rainbow community🥺.

This flaming heart breaks with the new “Family Resilience Bill” draft in Indonesia. I am truly in tears.

This new bill would define any LGBTQ+ Member as a sexual deviant. It would require mandatory reporting to the government of anyone suspected to be LGBTQ+.

Those who are reported would then be forced into conversion therapy to be “treated.”

This draft is supported by four major political parties in Indonesia, who claim gays interfere with the future of humanity. It pains me knowing they choose not to realize the humanity within those of us who might love someone of the same gender.

And so I sit in Indonesia, my homeland, with the thought of fleeing ringing in my mind, fearful for my livelihood and scared as to how Indonesia can be developing so quickly with its economy and middle class, yet degenerating with basic human rights.

What booms even louder than my fear: the recognition of the choice I have to stay, the advantage of an international support, and the privilege of a voice.

These laws, regardless if passed, are meant to silence us. And it’s worked at keeping 99% of the LGBTQ+ Indonesians in the closet, frightened by not just legal implications, but the social suicide of coming out and being viewed as the shame of the family. Had I been born in a different situation, I’d be in the closet too.

And thus, I am rooted in my country with a clear message.

I am Indonesian🇮🇩. I am LGBTQ+🏳‍🌈.

And I am proud of both. They can threaten me and tell me I deserve to die. They can put me in conversion therapy or put me in jail. Nothing will change the fact I am Indonesian and I am flaming gay.

If you’re reading all the way down here, thank you for listening. I encourage you to please share this message to your friends, family, and anyone you know, especially those traveling to Indonesia. This isn’t a solo project. We need a choir of voices singing this message.

Update: please help by sharing (spreads the message for we need the world to recognize what's going on), commenting (it shows support to all the Indonesians like myself who are feeling scared and isolated) and signing this petition: http://chng.it/nGVCh79W2J

That’s the conclusion of Kai’s post from February 2020. This quote “Family Resilience” Bill would require families to turn in their non-heterosexual members for conversion therapy. Let me say that one more time. It would require you to turn in your trans sister, your gay brother, your lesbian aunt, your bisexual daughter, your pansexual cousin — to be tortured by the government, in the name of families.

In this, the first part of our conversation, we talk about the persecution of Chinese Indonesians, Kai’s California childhood, falling in love for the first time (and with a girl), coming out before she was ready, songwriting as emotional awareness, high school in Jakarta, a fateful spring break in Bali, public displays of affection in Indonesia, tourists & nudity in Bali, cultural sensitivity & admitting our privilege, modesty, menstruation, temples, & tampons, the illegality of sex toys, and the fact that our current sexual partners don’t define our sexual orientation.

Each horizontal recording is between 3 and 5 hours long, and divided in two to four parts. My recording with Kai was around 3 hours long, so this episode, 109, the first part of our recording, is available in all the podcast places, and next week’s episode, 110, the second part, will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

Patronage makes it possible for me to share these intimate conversations with the world. Patreon is like the Love Child of crowd-funding and a subscription service. Navigate directly to www.patreon.com/horizontalwithlila (you cannot search for horizontal on the Patreon site, because all adult creators are hidden on the website — letting us know just how far we still have to go), so click the link or type patreon.com/horizontalwithlila in your browser, and become a patron of the horizontal arts. Your patronage keeps horizontal independent and uncensored, as well as unlocking access to all the part twos, the secret patrons Facebook group, & intimacy tips videos like the Inner Mentor visualization.

Here are some of my commitments during this American Revolution, during Pride month, and beyond:

I commit to further amplifying the voices of people with marginalized identities — Black people, People of Color, people in the LGBTQ+ community, and more folx, whose voices are squelched, censored, under-represented, or unheard, in the United States and across the planet.

I commit to loving them fiercely and uplifting them in all the ways that I can.

I commit to showing this love personally, by caring for the beloveds I cherish.

I commit to showing this love at large, through anti-racist action that calls for justice in myriad ways, including, but not limited to—

donating to anti-racist organizations
donating directly to folx in need— such as through The Black Fairy Godmother Official’s Instagram —
using horizontal to express anti-racist and pro-Pride statements
listening to and broadcasting the stories of Black people, Indigenous people, People of Color, and LGBTQ+ folx in all mediums
listening to, reading, watching, and financially supporting work created by and starring marginalized folx
participating in education on anti-racism, led by BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ folx
continuing to unveil and excavate my own racism throughout my life.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury from IGrecording.com.

My cover art is by Shana Shay — find her on 99 designs.

This remix of my original intro music was created by the beatbox musician kidmental. I first came across kidmental when he remixed Ear Hustle’s theme song. He is a self-contained orchestra. He is a Black creator you can support right now. Get a theme song of your very own by commissioning him on Fiverr, or become his patron on patreon.com/kidmental

If you have an LGBTQ+ friend living in an intolerant place, or among people who provide little support for their true identity, would you share this episode with them? They are not alone. People like Kai are fighting for their right to love who they love.

In next week’s episode, the second part of my conversation with Kai Mata, we discuss Kai’s ideal relationship, the Bali cacao ceremony, age discrepancies & the sexiness of power, the dream marriage tour, Indonesia’s proposed “family resilience bill,” how existing laws are currently used to target Indonesian queers, Kai’s intolerance escape plan, turning her adversity into an advantage, & a story about the self-proclaimed greatest dancer in the world.

To listen to next week’s episode, become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

And to find out about all things horizontal, including upcoming workshops, my How to Connect course, and Intimacy Advice sessions, sign up for my email missives on horizontalwithlila.com.

Until next time: may you have someones to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to leading a workshop on 20 Emotional Release Techniques at the Virtual Intimacy Retreat July 10th - 12th!

Now, my horizontal lover, come lie down with us in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.

108. listening about race: horizontalism with lila Jun 16, 2020

In this episode, I lie down with myself.

I share:

* the WOC Podcasters solidarity statement

* my personal commitment to ongoing anti-racist action

* the names of a few of the many Black lives lost to police brutality, and:

* the story of that time I didn't talk about race (for 11 years) and how that is a textbook example of white fragility and privilege

***

I stand with my sisters from the WOC Podcasters Community, lead by Danielle Desir and crafted by change-maker Tangia Renee [TAN-gee]. These are Tangee’s words. These are our words:

We are podcasters united to condemn the tragic murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and many many others at the hands of police. This is a continuation of the systemic racism pervasive in our country since its inception and we are committed to standing against racism in all its forms.

We believe that to be silent is to be complicit.

We believe that Black lives matter.

We believe that Black lives are more important than property.

We believe that we have a responsibility to use our platforms to speak out against this injustice whenever and wherever we are witness to it.

In creating digital media we have built audiences that return week after week to hear our voices and we will use our voices to speak against anti-blackness and police brutality, and we encourage our audiences to be educated, engaged, and to take action.

***

Come lie down with me in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.

105. mom-ogomish: horizontal with expat parents (2 of 4) Apr 23, 2020

Hello horizontal lovers.

horizontal with lila is Slow Radio.

Consensual eavesdropping.

Intimate talks about intimate topics recorded while lying down right next to each other, wearing robes.

This is part two of my four-episode arc with Eri Kardos Patel and Jaymin Patel, recorded in February 2020.

Eri & Jay are world travelers, long-time digital nomads, co-parents of two young children, and American expats in Bali. Eri is the author of the book Relationship Agreements, Jaymin the creator of The Integrated Father.

In part one, episode 104. good kids gone wild, Jay and I told our origin stories, and Eri began hers.

Jaymin’s story involved a strict Indian family, sisters and aunties aplenty, bi-cultural identity, being a model Hindu and a very very very good boy, doing right by his parents, musical theatre, people-pleaser recovery, embracing his weird, Adlerian psych, and positive discipline.

Eri’s involved 3 siblings, constant uprootings, dance, 5 or 6 baptisms, being a very very very good girl, backpacking across the world, youth hostel life, sex addiction worries & Christian counseling, one excellent Sugar Daddy, Seattle, sex-positivity, and her longtime open relating partner Adam.

In part two, we pick up with:

Eri’s sexy Seattle life
BDSM as a highway to vulnerability
the art of submission
aftermath of a fight or regrettable incident
being seen, heard, & loved
reprogramming people’s erotic lives
open relating vs. open relationships
and how the longtime nomad couple finally settled in Bali.

This conversation was recorded over the course of approximately 5 hours.

It’s divided into four parts: the first two, episodes 104 & 105, are available in all the podcast places, and the last two: episodes 106 & 107, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.

For access to The Full Horizontal, including 106, 107, and all the part twos (or in this case, threes and fours), become a patron of the horizontal arts!

Become a Patron!

This is my livelihood for the foreseeable future, so, to all of my current and future patrons:

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank for my subsistence.

And thank you for making the world a more intimate place.

Now come lie down with us again, in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.

104. good kids gone wild: horizontal with expat parents (1 of 4) Apr 13, 2020

Hello horizontal lovers.

horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Welcome in, and welcome back! It’s been a few months since my last episode — This winter, I got mired in a boggy swamp of depression, stared at the ceiling for a while, binge-watched a lot of dystopian TV, and then journeyed to Bali, Indonesia, to get my juju back.

It’s back!

And... I suppose I live in Bali (for) now!

I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.

It’s a whole new world out there. And yet. I am more than ever convinced that we need to make private conversations public. I am more than ever convinced that interdependence is the word of the century. I am more than ever convinced that intimacy is the way.

Connection is my wheelhouse. And so, I renew my vows: to dispel shame, combat loneliness, and alchemize human connection.

Most of us are treading water. We might be back with families we haven’t lived with since we were 17, or spending 24/7 with children we’ve never cared for full full-time, or quarantined with our romantic partner, absent any of our usual letting-off-steam rituals, like work or the gym or matcha with friends or anything literally anything besides constant togetherness.

Humans probably haven’t related this month since agriculture was invented. But probably not even then. They had different tasks on the farm then. Homo sapiens probably haven’t related this much since cave-dwelling times. But perhaps not even then. Somebody had to hunt or forage. Somebody left the dwelling-place for hours at a time.

Compressed in our domiciles by the undeniable force and magnitude of this virus, we might very well be relating more, as a species, than at any time in human history. And if we are quarantining alone, we might be lonelier than ever before in our lives.

Much of our relating has become virtual. We have less kinesthetic & energetic cues, as a large part of our intimacy is mediating by electronic boxes.

We need stronger communication skills than ever before. We need a bigger toolbox. At last, I have something to offer the world that the world at large might finally recognize it needs.

During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time.

In Season 3, I’ve had mostly threesomes: myself plus two guests who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Typically, each recording is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places for all the podcast people, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.

This conversation was recorded over the course of five-ish hours. I’ll divide this conversation into four parts: the first two, episodes 104 & 105, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two: episodes 106 & 107, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.

Become a Patron!

This is my livelihood for the foreseeable future, so, to all of my current and future patrons:

Thank you for my subsistence,

and thank you for making the world a more intimate place.

In this and the following three episodes, I lie down with Eri Kardos and Jaymin Patel: world travelers, long-time digital nomads, co-parents of two young children, and American expats in Bali.

Friends of Mirelle, my housemate and guest of episode 1. feed your delight, Eri & Jay offered me one of their guest rooms in Ubud. I stayed in their home my first two weeks in Bali. Jaymin told me that in their years of travel, they’d been hosted by legions of people. So they were paying it forward. It was a soft place to land. I'm grateful for the lily pad.

Eri is a Relationship Coach (for busy professionals in both traditional and alternative relationships). She is a Public Speaker, and the author of the book Relationship Agreements: A Simple and Effective Guide for Strengthening Communication, Reducing Conflict, and Increasing Intimacy to Design Your Ideal Relationship.

Her new program, Beyond Mom-Mode, intends to nourish the nurturer.

Jaymin is a serial entrepreneur, serial author, Public Speaker, and creator of The Integrated Father. His new venture endeavors to guide men as they design a version of fatherhood that nourishes them, their relationships, their kids, their work, and their creativity.

Many of the parenting skills that Eri & Jay mention in our conversation are not just parenting skills, but parenting-ourselves skills. Human-ing skills. Relating skills.

In this, part one of our conversation, we told our comic-book-style origin stories.

Jaymin’s story (let’s call it “The Young Prince,” or, “Jaymin & the Quest for Authenticity”) involves a strict Indian family, sisters and aunties aplenty, bi-cultural identity, being a model Hindu and a very very very good boy, doing right by his parents, musical theatre, people-pleaser recovery, embracing his weird, Adlerian psych, and positive discipline.

Eri’s story (let’s call it “Ode to a Puerto Rican massage,” or, “Sunshine Likes Sex”) involves Polish Roman Catholic & Swedish Lutheran parents, 3 siblings, constant uprootings, dance, 5 or 6 baptisms, a vacation bible school, being a very very very good girl, backpacking across the world, youth hostel life, sex addiction worries, Christian counseling, one excellent Sugar Daddy, Seattle, sex-positivity, her longtime open relating partner Adam, and creating agile relationship agreements.

Come lie down with us in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.

103. her name was elizaida: quickie with a (polyamorous pansexual) kinky Latinx woman Dec 17, 2019

Usually, our conversation is long and languorous, and lasts between three and five hours. When I release it, I divide it into two parts (if we recorded for three hours) and four parts (if we recorded for five). The first half of the conversation is available in all the podcast places, and the second is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

You can become a patron for access to The Full Horizontal by signing up on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

At the end of each conversation, I ask my guest to tell me a story, and the story marks the conclusion of our final episode together. It can be any personal story that falls under the broad umbrella of intimacy — sex, love, or relationships of any kind. In episode 102. you can’t have dibs on a person, Dennis’s story was about how he met his biological father. In episode 97. let me show you what I can offer, Leidy’s was about the best sex of her entire life. I’ve had stories of being carried down a mountaintop, watching your wife have a miscarriage, giving your parent’s body to science, a friend breakup, and a particularly epic tale about the Cretan Resistance, thievery, journeying, and a skull.

When I ask them to tell me a story, I say that it can have any kind of tone or outcome, as long as it’s a story that they truly desire to tell me — because if they have the impulse to tell it, and they’re also just a bit afraid to do so, it will be the right one: a narrative that others need to hear.

My live event, the horizontal storytelling pajama party, is an eveningful of these stories. I get horizontal with my guest just like we do when we record a full episode, wearing robes, sharing a pillow, microphone above us, gazing upward as though stargazing, or post-coital, or whispering in the wee hours of a really good sleepover.

This quickie was recorded live in June 2019 at horizontal storytelling: the summer pride edition. We all donned rainbow pajamas, noshed on milk and cookies, and curled up together, all 50 of us, to listen to five storytellers from across the LGBTQIA+ community, one after the other.

In this quickie, I lie down with Kaleena. I asked her what I should share when I introduced her that night, and this is what she told me: Kaleena is a pansexual poly kinky Latinx woman, and a first generation Dominican American. She loves 80’s horror movies, powerlifting and dancing. Her favorite author in elementary school was Edgar Allen Poe. She played roller derby for 7 years, skating under the name Sugar Smacks. She was one of the few Latinas in derby when it was making a comeback. She loves dogs, and has a soft spot for the difficult adoption cases. She is a former high school prom queen (although it was completely chosen at random)! She believes food is a great expression of love, and enjoys cooking (although she cannot bake a single thing successfully). She is currently an office manager, and hopes to try and combine her administrative skills with her love of dogs into a career working with both disadvantaged humans and canines.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury, IGrecording.com on the interwebz. My cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. The remix of my original intro music was created by kidmental, an accapella beatbox musician. Get a theme song of your very own by hiring him on Fiverr or becoming his patron on patreon.com/kidmental

Come lie down with us in Bushwick, Brooklyn, for a story called, “If You’re So Proud.”

100. the narcissist tried: horizontal with nine (guests, friends, & lovers) Nov 19, 2019

This is THE 100TH EPISODE OF horizontal!!!

Naturally, this one is a bit different than the others. In celebration, I am releasing a never-before-heard experimental episode, recorded on May 21st, 2019 — the 2 year anniversary of horizontal.

In every other episode, I lie down with one or two people at a time. In this special, I lie down with 9!

I gathered as many previous horizontal guests, patrons, and supporters as I could, and asked my boyfriend at the time to join us. We recorded at Hacienda Studio, the event space of Hacienda Villa, my intentional community. We had three beds and three microphones. None of us were sure how it would go. What would come up when the 9 of us tried to have one conversation?

In this episode, I lie down with:

Kristi Ann, spectacular dancer and movement artist, and my friend who, behind the scenes, has quietly helped me choose between the titles for my episodes.

Mirelle, horizontal’s very first guest! Resident of the Villa, my housemate and friend, and, as you may recall, a consummate connoisseur of delight.

Steve Dean, my friend the Superconnector, dating coach, dating industry consultant, and guest on episodes 82. 200 dating profiles, and 83. you do not have voting rights in this startup (relationship).

Jillian Richardson, creator of The Joy List, author of Unlonely Planet, and my most recent horizontal guest on episodes 98. withhelds & unsaids, and 99. indiana jones is my father.

This 100th episode interrupts my 4-episode arc with Jillian and Dennis, but they will be back next week, and the week after that, with episodes 101 & 102. Those episodes are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts, so for more Jillian & Dennis, plus The Full Horizontal, which includes all the part twos (and in this case, threes and fours) going back to the beginning, become my patron on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — You’ll get all the independent, uncensored, sex-positive horizontality, and you’ll be a part of the mission that I share with Jillian: to make the world a less lonely, more intimate place.

Also in this episode, we lie down with:

Owen Muir, MD, my friend, is a child, adolescent, and adult psychiatrist, half of the team behind Brooklyn Minds, and the audiophile who made the first season of horizontal possible, by somehow mixing & mastering every episode in the midst of fathering, psychiatrist-ing, and running a business that is changing the world of mental health.

Tiana & Orion, my dear friends, poly partners, leaders in the POC (Person of Color) kink community in New York City, and my guests on their own 4-episode arc, episodes 78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks, 79. not gonna be the abusive guy, 80. definition of a primary partner, & 81. sneak attack group sex. These are some of the episodes I am the proudest to have made, and I’m ever-grateful for their bravery and generosity.

Venus & Jason, who have been patrons of the podcast and delightful, avid participants in nearly every horizontal event I’ve produced, including the podcast launch pajama party, 14 Rooms (my immersive Valentine’s experience), The Art of Trust (my connection games workshop), and horizontal storytelling (a live recording of the quickies).

And Patrick, Engineer, fixer of things, fearless explorer of self… my ex-boyfriend.

In this episode, we do a round of “If you really knew me,” which is probably my favorite of all the intimacy games I lead, and then a round of Brags. We discuss the experiences that Jillian and I had with the man that we both dated, disassociation, novelty drive, feelings as puppies, healthy narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, emotions at 110%, opt-ins and opt-outs, normative dating behavior, and needing other minds to support us in not losing ours. Then we conclude with a round of gratitudes. This episode is unlike any other, because, with Owen present, we have the benefit of a psychiatrist’s insight.

Happy 100 episodes to meeeeeee! If you have any ideas for else I might celebrate, reach out through the @horizontalwithlila Instagram or on horizontalwithlila.com

This episode was recorded by Owen Muir, with mixing and mastering by Irving Gadhoury. Find Irving at IGrecording.com on the interwebs, to hire him for your Tri-State Area based audio needs. My cover art was created by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99designs. And this episode features a remix of my original intro music by kidmental, an accapella beatbox musician. I first heard kid’s work on my favorite podcast, Ear Hustle, when he remixed their theme song. He creates theme songs for everyone, podcast or no, and you can snag one by becoming his patron on patreon.com/kidmental

Next week we’ll pick back up with Dennis & Jillian in episode 101, part three of our conversation. To gain access to part three, in which we delve into Jillian’s household growing up, that incident with the vibrator, Dennis’s high school work as a peer-to-peer Sex Educator, his biological brothers, the topography of our friendship lives, and how Dennis used to rely entirely on his long-term relationship to get his intimacy needs met — become a patron of the horizontal arts!

Until next time, dear ones, may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to attending Samia’s anti-wedding, today! Samia, of episodes 59. i’m gonna fuck him forEVER and 60. consexual experiences, is getting married, wearing a skeleton catsuit. I’m gonna be their social media maven, so you better believe there’s gonna be loads of videos! Check my Instagram if you wanna see ‘em!

If you haven’t yet, do me the honor of clicking the Subscribe button in your podcast player of choice. It makes a difference in my world.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for inspiring me to make 100 episodes, and beyond. Thank you for getting horizontal.

And now come lie down with all of us in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

99. indiana jones is my father: horizontal with chosen family (2 of 4) Nov 12, 2019

horizontal is Slow Radio about intimacies of all kinds. I think of it as consensual eavesdropping — we’re lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

In this, the second episode of a four-part series with those who consider themselves chosen brother and sister, I lie down with Jillian Richardson, creator of The Joy List and author of Unlonely Planet & her housemate Dennis E. Sarkozy, Lifestyle Designer and co-lead of Personal Development Nerds.

Each horizontal conversation is typically between 3 and 5 hours long. When it’s 3 hours long, it gets divided into two parts: part one is available to everyone in all the podcast places, and part two is available exclusively to my patrons. When the conversation goes for most of the night, like this one did, it gets divided into four parts: parts one and two are available to everyone, and parts three and four are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

In part one of this conversation, episode 98. withhelds & unsaids, Jillian and I cleared the air after our cancelled event, I shared how I feel about Dennis, and we talked about the difference between being drawn to someone and being attracted to them, The Touch Gauntlet, safeporting, and a distinction between sensual and sexual energy. Then, I made an erotic confession. One that’s still giving me a vulnerability hangover.

In this, part two, we discuss Dennis’s creative family tree, including Indiana Jones, his communal roots, and his mother’s indomitable matriarchal strength. We discuss his biological father who preferred not to be a father, the crush in kindergarten that lead to a bit of violence with a block, and his grade school infatuation with each of the girls in his class, in turn. We discuss passing the torch, becoming the patrons and matrons and caretakers of our families. Jillian presences that she’s feeling distant, and we grapple with my intentions for making our clearing part of the recording. We discuss having a good public image, the Wounded Healer syndrome, and the brief personal essay Jillian shares at the outset of every Joy List email, which often reveals something she is actively struggling with. And then Jillian shared the story of how she induced her parents to attend a 5-day family therapy retreat. I am in awe of it.

To listen to part three, in which we get into Jillian’s household growing up, that incident with the vibrator, Dennis’s high school work as a peer-to-peer Sex Educator, his relationship with his biological brothers, the topography of our friendship lives, and how Dennis used to rely entirely on his long-term relationship to get his intimacy needs met — for access to The Full Horizontal, including part three and four of this conversation, become a patron of the horizontal arts. Be a part of my mission to make the world a more intimate place, continuing to create independent, uncensored, sex-positive work by navigating to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadoury. I highly recommend him for all your audio needs, including live shows! You can hire him on IGrecording.com . My cover art was created by Shana Shay, whose character illustrations you can find on 99 designs. And my intro music was composed by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

If you haven’t yet hit the subscribe button in your podcast player of choice, would you do that? It makes a difference. Thanks!

This is episode 99, and since the next episode is 100, (100! Something to celebrate!) I may have a bit of a surprise experiment coming next week… or maybe just a surprise. I'm not sure.

But until next time: May you have someone to love (I’m especially wishing that for myself right now). May you have something to do. And may you have at least one thing to look forward to.

I’m looking forward to Samia’s wedding! Can you believe it? Samia, of episodes 59. i’m gonna fuck him forEVER and 60. consexual experiences, is getting married to a man on November 19th. The theme of her wedding is death and rebirth. She is wearing a skeleton catsuit, to the great chagrin of her mom. I can’t wait. There will be photos.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.

And now, come lie down with us again in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

98. withhelds and unsaids: horizontal with chosen family (1 of 4) Nov 05, 2019

I love snuggling, sleepovers, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. So I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and made you this podcast. Horizontal is Slow Radio. We’re lying down (usually late at night) wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears. It’s like consensual eavesdropping.

During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time. This is Season 3. Season 3 is mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests in some kind of relationship with one another. The relationships we’ve explored so far are manager/client, play party co-hosts, men’s group leaders, primary poly partners, monogamous married (soul)mates, and a couple of Wizard friends.

Typically, each horizontal conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.

This horizontal conversation took place over the course of five hours. I’ll be dividing it into four parts: the first two: episodes 98 & 99, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two will be available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

To become a patron, go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — at the $7/month tier, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (in this case, threes and fours). You have to click the link or type the exact address into your search engine, because “adult” creators are made unsearchable on Patreon.

I am more committed than ever to independent, uncensored, sex-positive art that makes the world a more intimate place. You can be part of my mission on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.

In this episode, I lie down with my friend Jillian Richardson, anti-loneliness crusader, creator of The Joy List, author of Unlonely Planet, and Dennis, Lifestyle Designer, co-lead of Personal Development Nerds, her housemate, her chosen family, her brother.

Jillian and I share a mission: to make the world a less lonely, more intimate place. She is a kindred in public vulnerability. A gatherer. A connector.

Jillian is in the business of belonging. It is such important work. Soul-saving work. The Joy List is a weekly compendium of events in New York City that you can go to alone, and leave with a new friend. It is one of the few newsletters that I read every week without fail. I suggest that you sign up for The Joy List on joylist.nyc and follow joylistnyc on social media, even if you don’t live in New York.

In each edition of The Joy List, Jillian shares a brief personal essay about something she’s grappling with, or breaking through. She does this because she’s as committed to authentic communication as I am. She doesn’t want to purport that she has it all figured out. I respect that so much. And even so, I sometimes find myself feeling envious — of her productivity, her diligence, her powerful mission-focus, her myriad invitations, and the adoration of her peers, her audience, and pretty much everyone who comes across her work.

What I really want to do with my envy is connect, understand, motivate, collaborate… and lift each other up. Jillian once said that she felt like we were this GIF of women’s hands continually lifting each other up, over and over and over. And that, I am committed to.

Unlonely Planet: how healthy congregations can save the world is her heart-full book about seeking, curating, and creating the kinds of communities that truly nourish us. I have five words for it:

Buy.

Read.

Gather.

Nourish.

Love.

You can find it, of course, in the Amazon.

Jillian & Dennis have been living together with their other two housemates in mini-community for two years.

Dennis is a curator of many kinds. He designs Community & Wellness strategies for large corporations, experiences for multiple groups in New York City, and events for his beloved Personal Development Nerds (PDN for short). Jillian describes him as the most extroverted person she knows.

PDN was one of Jillian’s first communities in New York (but it’s not where they met — you’ll get that story in a later episode). It’s a gathering of lifelong learners, co-lead by Dennis & Juvoni. Their Main Events consist of brief lectures and breakout conversations. Members are encouraged to bring in their works-in-progress, their nascent presentations, their burgeoning projects, their early iterations — to experiment, and activate, to give and receive feedback. They stand for each other’s growth.

And that is the sense I get from Dennis. Dennis stands for everyone’s growth. He stands for potential, and for possibilities. You can find him @desarkozy on Instagram.

In this, the first episode of our four-part conversation, I clear the air with Jillian after our cancelled sleepover event. I also express how I feel about Dennis. We discuss the difference between being drawn to and being attracted to, the difference between sexual and sensual energy, The Touch Gauntlet, an inner tickle, safeporting... and I share a sexual fantasy that I’m pretty sure is gonna make Jillian uncomfortable.

Come lie down with us for the first time, in Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

95. body heat: horizontal with monogamous lovers (2 of 4) Oct 15, 2019

horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down. It’s Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Because I love sleepovers, spooning, secrets, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, I’ve metaphically rolled them up in audio form and made you this.

Each recording is typically between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons. This conversation, however, was recorded over the course of nearly five hours. And so I’ve divided it into four parts — the first two: episodes 94 & 95 are available to everyone, and the next two, episodes 96 & 97, will be available only to patrons of the horizontal arts.

So when you get to the end of this episode, and your mouth is hanging open in a bit of a gasp, and you simply must hear the rest of Leidy’s epic romance (and I do not use the word “epic” lightly), you can sign up on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila for The Full Horizontal (including all the part twos — and in this case, threes and fours — going back to the beginning), plus monthly intimacy tips, and the secret patrons group with behind-the-scenes access. Patreon is the love child of crowdfunding and a subscription service, designed to help us creators earn an income independently of networks, ad revenue, and selling our souls.

My dearest goal right now is to liberate myself from my location and my current job, to be able to support myself as I tour America in 2020, and record episodes, teach trust games, create installations, shoot video, and write about making the world a more intimate place. Patreon is one way you can be a part of happening it. Another way, is if you or your company wants to sponsor a shame-dispelling, loneliness-eradicating, connection-cultivating cross-country tour. I am particularly in need of renting a camper van!

Join me on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila or send me a message with sponsorship propositions through the website, horizontalwithlila.com

In the last episode, 94. i want to make love to my soulmate, part one of this four-part conversation, I got horizontal with Leidy Dahiana and Dino, her husband and lover and soulmate. Leidy is a Licensed Erotic Blueprints™️ Coach, a sexuality sherpa, and one of the most sensual, delicious, effervescent, mischeivous, and delectable humans I’ve ever known. Dino is a former pro basketball player and current Movement Coach, an exceedingly tall, exceptionally calm, present, and grounded person.

In the first part of our conversation, we talked about unspoken Latina rules & and spoken ones, chickenheads, dancing in the middle of the circle at family parties, the porn section of Leidy’s family’s video stores, Dino’s Croatia, the day his mom decided not to give him the sex talk, and his circle of high school friends. We talked about Sven, his best friend / brother, who had just visited them in New York. We talked about not allowing blood family or marriage to keep us unhappy, when people are no longer able to function as a unit. And Dino told us about his first time, and his unshakeable certainty that he would meet his person.

In this episode, we discuss Leidy’s belief that passion always has an expiration date, and how Dino began to change her mind. We discuss making out when you say hello, making out in general, what making out is even, Dino’s first heartbreak and nearly two years of celibacy, and the importance of a connection that goes beyond the physical. Dino talks about the trap of sleeping around and the freedom in monogamy. Leidy tells the tale of her first obsessive teenage love, fondling each other in the living room of her mom’s house, smothering, engulfment, and being loved in a way that feels stifling. We discuss moving towards what feeds you, being able to take space while in the same room as your partner, mindful touch, and the glory of body heat. And then Leidy begins the story of her first big love affair, which involves a large bribe, Club Med, Turks & Caicos, two playing cards, a seduction, a work romance, one Italian mother from the village, and a grand gesture. And that was just the beginning.

Come lie down with us again in Midtown Manhattan, New York, New York.

To hear the rest of the story of Leidy’s first epic romance, become a patron of the horizontal arts on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Be sure to hit the Subscribe button wherever you’re listening to this, because it really makes a difference in this podcasty world. And for intermittent missives with saucy photos, bits of writing, and things of horizontal interest, you can sign up for my mailing list on horizontalwithlila.com

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury. Find him for all your audio needs at IGrecording.com. My intro music was composed by Alan Markley, @plasticcannons on Instagram, and my cover art was designed by Shana Shay, whom you can hire on 99 designs.

Until next time: may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to seeing both parts of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child on Broadway this Wednesday, my birthday, with two of my favorite humans, who also happen to be horizontal guests, and horizontal patrons.

I’m glad to see another year. I’m glad to be alive.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.

94. i want to make love to my soulmate: horizontal with monogamous lovers (1 of 4) Oct 08, 2019

I love sleepovers, and spooning, secrets, sex, storytelling, and stargazing. I’ve metaphorically rolled these things up in audio form and made you this podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. Consensual eavesdropping. Intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but in Season 3, I intend to record as many threesomes as possible: myself plus two guests, who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Usually, each recording is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons.

But this conversation, just like the one with Tiana & Orion, which comprises episodes 78 - 81, was recorded over the course of five hours. It was fueled by a vat of watermelon and several, several pee breaks. I’ll be dividing this conversation into four parts as well: the first two, episodes 94 & 95, will be available in all the podcast places for all the podcast people, and the last two: 96 & 97, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.

For access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (or as the case may be, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips, go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — you have click this link directly though, because, due to the unfortunately lingering prudery of our society, as a quote unquote “adult” creator, I am relegated to an invisible ghetto on Patreon where all the people who dare to talk about sex go, in which our pages are un-searchable, even if you type them in my name.

In this and the following 3 episodes, I lie down with Leidy Dahiana (which sounds, in the mouth of an American, just like the Lady Diana, but is spelled quite differently, and sounds very different in the mouth of a Latina) and Dino, her husband and lover and soulmate.

Leidy is an effervescent. An undulating, curvaceous, mischief of sensuality. She is a Licensed Erotic Blueprints™️ Coach, a sexuality sherpa. Her curiosity about the erotic is capacious, and I always feel a bit more delicious in my body when she’s around. She has been coaching movement for 20+ years, and is one of the most embodied people I’ve ever known. Before becoming an Erotic Blueprints Coach, she spent a few years interviewing couples as research for an Instagram series she called “The Lovers Cafe.” She interviewed me too… sans lover.

Dino is a former pro basketball player. Now he dedicates his days to helping people live a pain-free active life, as a Movement Coach. He is present and clear-eyed and easy and warm, like the cousin you look forward to laughing with when the family gets together.

Leidy & Dino met at a gym where we’ve all worked — but that’s a story for a later episode.

In this one, we talk about unspoken Latina rules (be sexy) and spoken ones (don’t be un cuero / don’t be a slut). We talk about chickenheads, dancing in the middle of the circle at family parties, and the porn section of Leidy’s family’s video stores. We talk about Dino’s Croatia, the day his mom decided not to give him the sex talk, and the depth and longevity of Dino’s circle of high school friends. We talk about Sven, who just visited them in New York, for whom the word “friend” is insufficient. We talk presence, anticipation, and undressing very, very slowly. I tell them the story of my Happy Dance. We talk about not allowing blood family or marriage to keep us unhappy, when people are no longer able to function as a unit. And Dino tells about his first time, monogamy, soulmates, and his unshakeable certainty that he would meet his person.

And now I feel I must give you a disclaimer. This is a disclaimer about how: In the process of leveling up, sometimes you... level down for a moment.

So I've been working on improving my recording quality. I got these two shiny new ElectroVoice radio quality microphones. But it takes me a while to incorporate new technology. Probably because I dislike reading instruction manuals, and even more than that, I am disinclined to learn from the internet. So I skim the manual, and don't watch tutorials, and then.... Well, then I have entirely unsurprising technical difficulties. Since I prefer learning from humans, I should cultivate situations in which knowledgeable humans can teach me about my equipment. Luckily, I did that with Irving Gadoury, my audio engineer, today, and learned more about recording in a 2-hour tutorial with him than I have in the past two years. But! I didn't do that before recording this episode, and it probably shows. This really bugs me, because sound quality is so important. It's the difference between feeling like you're lying down cuddled up right next to us .... And un-listenable.

I really hope this episode is listenable for you, because Leidy is a sensual dynamo and I want the chance for her to tickle your ears.

Come lie down with us on the West Side of Manhattan, New York, New York.

***

Be sure to click the Subscribe button wherever you are listening, because it makes a difference in this podcasty world, and for extremely intermittent missives with saucy photos, bits of writing, and things of horizontal interest, sign up for my mailing list on horizontalwithlila.com

Until next time: may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I’m looking forward to seeing BOTH PARTS of Harry Potter on Broadway with two of my favorite humans on my birthday, in mid-October. (And dressing up.)

Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.

93. keep fucking / infinite love party: quickie with the [boundless artist] behind {my lingerie play} Sep 24, 2019

This is a podcast about intimate relationships of all kinds. It's Slow Radio, consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Each full-length recording is between 3 and 5 hours long, divided into two episodes. Part one: available in all the podcast places. Part two: available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. And at the very end of the part twos, I ask my guest to tell me a story...

Occasionally, I release a quickie episode. A quickie is just the story (or in this case, stories, as she was feeling inspired).

This particular quickie episode was recorded live at my horizontal storytelling pajama party of February 2018.

In this quickie, I lie down with Diana Oh. Diana Oh is a Force.

An instigator, an activist, an actress, a musician, a singer, a creator of myriad kinds. She is an Interpreter, and also, a Maker - a sensual, gutsy, and glorious queer theatre-maker, happening-curator, and music-creator. Since Diana uses both she and they pronouns, I will use them interchangeably.

They are the architect of {my lingerie play}, a series of installations, performances, and concerts profiled in places like Upworthy and The New York Times, which includes public declarations of lingerie, body positivity, and standing for the right to walk down the fucking street without being harassed.

Recently they hosted a series of slumber parties - can you see why she’s a woman after my own heart?! - and called them The Infinite Love Party. I love that. I love that so much.

I’ve had a horizontal sleepover in the works for a while, and this coming Sunday, September 29th from 5-8pm at Hacienda Studio in Brooklyn, I’m hosting horizontal + chill: #notaplayparty.

It’s a 3-hour sleepover! We’ll have connection games, a cheeky film screening, massage toys, a hot tub, and surprises (which may or may not include a serenade or two).

I first saw Diana perform in a staged reading of a musical over a decade ago, in a teeny tiny black box theatre in the very West Village. I don't remember the plot. I don't recall the music. I only vaguely remember who I was with. What I *do* have memory of, vividly, viscerally, is Diana's sensuality. As she sang and flipped her hair to the side and cocked her head, smiled and rocked her body to the beat, her sensuality penetrated every crevice of that space..... and I wondered, "Do I want to be her? Do I want to kiss her?"

I think what I admire the most about Diana is her refusal to color in the lines of your medium. Her whole career seems to say, "Why can't these things go together? Obviously they fucking can. I'm gonna put them together and see what happens."

Is it a play?

Is it a concert?

Performance art?

An installation?

A happening?

Yes. Yes it is.

Find all things Diana at dianaoh.co (It rhymes.)

For the visuals, point yourself to her Instagram: oh yea Diana

(As usual, everything will be linked in the blog post on horizontalwithlila.com)

You can be a part of her multidisciplinary glory by becoming her patron at Patreon.com/dianaoh

And in order to receive access to all the part two episodes of horizontal, as well as a personal Happy Dance video and monthly intimacy tips, become a patron of the horizontal arts by navigating directly to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.

You have to navigate there directly from the link, or type it in perfectly, because unlike Diana (lucky!) I am relegated to the ghetto of sex-positive creators on Patreon.

It doesn't matter if we are providing sex ed. It doesn't matter if our work is not explicit. It doesn't matter if we hide all our content and only make it available to patrons, as I have done, after they froze my account last year - Patreon hides our profiles and makes it impossible to search for our work, because we are categorized as "adult" creators.

So, in order to support our sensual, sensory work, find us on Patreon.com/dianaoh ... And Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila:

In this quickie, Diana tells us stories about queer liberation, reparations, sex in a theatre, and inviting a roomful of NPR subscribers out on a date.

Now! Come lie down with us at horizontal storytelling, in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

***

Until next time: may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. This week, I'm looking forward to experimenting with co-working at The Wing, and seeing some immersive theatre!

Get your tickets for this Sunday night’s horizontal + chill!

And thank you for getting horizontal.

91. loving bravely: horizontal with your marriage 101 professor (1 of 2) Aug 30, 2019

horizontal is Slow Radio about intimacies of all kinds. It is entirely recorded while reclining. I think of it as consensual eavesdropping— we’re lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

In this episode, I lie down with Dr. Alexandra Solomon: clinical psychologist, author of books, Northwestern University Professor, and creator of the internationally-renowned undergrad course “Marriage 101,” which I wish was taught to every incoming freshman in college (and ideally, every outgoing senior in high school) and really, to every adult everywhere who didn’t take that class— across the world.

I read about the course a few years back, long before I met Alexandra in person, in an article in The Atlantic, titled “The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates.” In Marriage 101, she guides students, through both book-learning and experiential means, towards relational self-awareness, guiding them through an understanding of attraction, conflict, sex, and forgiveness. Who doesn’t need this class?! We all need this class! I need this class!

Alexandra’s entire body of work, it seems, is devoted to guiding us to make heathy, conscious choices in love.

Her 2017 book Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, is an ongoing dose of compassion, and I imagine that her forthcoming book, Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationship You Want will be a guide to undoing the shame that most of us were indoctrinated with by religion and our sex-negative society.

You can do a deep dive into her work on dralexandrasolomon.com

Each horizontal conversation is between two and five hours long, and divided into two parts (except for the 5 hour-long one, which was divided into 4).

Part one, like this episode, is available in all the podcast places, and part two is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

Patreon is like the love child of crowdfunding and a subscription service. A great big Happy Dance welcome to my newest patrons — Jacob, Hannah, & Michael. Elisa, Amanda, Becca, & Dominique. Helena, Matt, Farah, Bob, Eric, & Joe. And an extra excited Happy Dance to Rex, for doubling their pledge this month!

Here’s the deal with the Happy Dance:

I come from anxious and depressive stock. I’m also a recovering perfectionist. No accomplishment was ever big enough. I would look at celebrities and compare and despair. Nothing I achieved felt like success. I felt good about it for perhaps half a second, and then re-commenced thinking about other people who had accomplished so much more. Now I’m in the process of rewiring my nervous system for celebration and joy. I decided approximately a year ago to celebrate every accomplishment, no matter how small, no matter how big, with comparable enthusiasm. Hence: the Happy Dance.

Every time I get notified of a new patron, I stop what I’m doing, wherever I am (literally: on the subway, in the hot tub, at the podcast conference) and do an elaborate Happy Dance that lasts for a solid 15 seconds at least, long enough for me to bypass any bit of embarrassment and to viscerally feel the joy rush through my body.

This is what one looks like.

I made a pact with myself when I was in college. I determined that the compliments I think in my head don’t belong to me. And if they don’t belong to me, I need to return them to their rightful owners: the people I think them about. Having this philosophy has spread a lot of joy that would otherwise have never been actualized. So, in much the same way, I think that Happy Dance belongs to my patron. And I’m now making a Happy Dance video for each and every new patron!

Become a Patron!

So for access to The Full Horizontal, all the part twos going back to the beginning, including next week’s episode with Dr. Alexandra Solomon — as well as for your very own Happy Dance video — become a patron of the horizontal arts.

In this, part one of my conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon, I talk a lot. It’s just so lovely to have a capaciously compassionate, therapeutic ear. I’ve missed that.

We talk about:

weddingburn, a microdose & my little secret
compersion, sexual boredom, & novelty drive
choosing nonmonogamy out of fear
the gendering of purpose
how college-age Alexandra met her husband and had to recalibrate her ideas of masculinity
the question: what lies at the intersection of your skills, your passion, and your pain? (this is what I encouraged Patrick to ask himself, in order to seek out his purpose)
the attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, & disorganized
neediness, turn-off, and uncertainty
the difference between separation and shame
her definition of loving bravely
how Alexandra had decided she could only be the smart girl, not the pretty one
how today in her adult life, she holds space for study and scholarship and love and sex all to coexist

Now come lie down with us in Midtown Manhattan, New York, New York.

***

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury. You can find him for all your audio needs — including recording live music — at IGrecording.com. My lovely intro music was composed by Alan Markley, @plasticcannons on Instagram, and my lovely logo was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can hire on 99 designs.

One of my key takeaways from the — phenomenal — Podcast Movement conference in Orlando was the realization that I haven’t been asking you to subscribe!

If you enjoy this episode, would you please take a moment and hit the SUBSCRIBE BUTTON in your podcast player of choice? It makes a difference. Every subscriber helps me toward my mission of making the world a more intimate place.

And if you found this episode with Dr. Alexandra Solomon powerful, would you share it with someone who could use a compassionate voice in their ear?

Thank you.

In next week’s episode, part two of my conversation with Dr. Solomon, we discuss marriage, navigating mismatched libidos, the difficulty of being an academic in the field of sexuality, the faculty Greek chorus in her head, taking sexy back, teaching college kids how to communicate with their lovers, and the societal pressure for women to be beautiful while brilliant.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for getting horizontal.

89. death, sex, & skirts: horizontal with the co-hosts of skirt club (1 of 2) Aug 09, 2019

Season 3 mostly consists of threesomes, and in this episode I lie down with the founder — as well as the New York City host — of Skirt Club, a private women’s club for the curious kind.

Skirt Club is also the name of their sex party, an event designed exclusively for women to explore their bicuriosity. Many of these women are primarily in romantic and sexual relationships with men. Just as I was, when I attended the Rocker Chic-themed edition of Skirt Club a couple of months ago in a mansion-like loft in New York’s Financial District.

If your bunny ears perked immediately, darling, you can apply to be a member at skirtclub.co.uk

Genevieve LeJeune created the Skirt Club enterprise (they currently have parties all over Europe and the U.S.) to give women a space to explore their sexuality, without men present. She felt her bisexuality was being exploited for her boyfriend’s amusement, and wanted a space away from the male gaze, curated specifically for female empowerment, freedom, and sensual exploration. She couldn’t find it anywhere. So she built it. She is a fiercely independent businesswoman and adventurer, a world-traveler, a stigma-challenging, femme-presenting, entrepreneur of the unconventional. And she is also very, very beautiful.

Shelby Nicole is Genevieve’s friend (Genevieve said that she doesn’t work with anyone she wouldn’t want to be friends with, so she is living the maxim “do what you love with people you like”). Shelby is also Skirt Club’s New York City Event Manager and hostess. She greeted me with lingerie and a smile when I arrived in my sequins and leather. Shelby is a creative of many kinds, an actor, a filmmaker, a writer, a model. She can be found in her sex kitten form, resplendent in lingerie on her Instagram @reclusemuse — but you’ll have to request to follow her, because she is Private.

Shelby is a challenging person, as in, she challenges every idea. You may find this conversation to be less vulnerable than my usual episodes, perhaps because I had just come from a funeral, but maybe also because I felt, in a way, a bit on guard. This was interesting. I usually curate conditions for myself to record under which I don’t feel defensive in any way. I don’t usually get horizontal with people I feel the need to verbally parry with — it makes it harder for me to share with you my special self, my soft underbelly. I did my best here, and I was honest about feeling challenged, which is ultimately the the powerful thing I ask of myself.

So in this episode you’ll see what happens when I feel the need to justify and defend my words — I get louder, I talk over them, and I do not cry. I try to live by Brene Brown’s mantra: “Don’t shrink, don’t puff up, just stand your sacred ground.” But. I think I puffed up here.

Still, in this episode we talk about Max’s death and the funeral, magical thinking, how Genevieve was taught nothing about sex growing up, and Shelby learned through books left on her bed. We talked about Shelby’s matter-of-fact-ness and my reaction to it. We talk about British humor, awkwardness, and media, the internet as a safe haven, Shelby’s first period, how none of us want children (and how refreshing that is for me!), the story of how Genevieve married a man when she never wanted to marry anyone, having very little sex, personally, in a life that’s full of it, marital bed death & resensitization, the 4pm masturbation break, a brief history of Shelby’s search for orgasm, my deep envious crushes on girls, the kind of women we’re attracted to, distinguishing bisexual & pansexual, recognizing if we are bisexual and biromantic, and how Genevieve’s ex was repulsed by her interest in women.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury. You can find him for all your audio needs at IGrecording.com. As ever, my lovely intro music was composed by Alan Markley, who is on Instagram as @plasticcannons, and my saucy likeness of a logo was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99 designs.

In next week’s episode, which is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts, we discuss first sexual experiences with women, my desire to voyeur at their Skirt Club party, and, to complete the trifecta of taboo topics, we also talk about: money. To listen to that episode, and for access to The Full Horizontal, which includes all the part twos of every conversation, go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and become a $7+/month patron.

Until next time: May you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. In 3 days, I fly down to Orlando to attend my first podcast conference, so that is what I’m looking forward to!

Thank you, my dear. Thank you for getting horizontal.

And now, come lie down with us in the Financial District of New York, New York.

87. poly by nature: horizontal with an evolutionary psychologist (1 of 2) Jul 26, 2019

In this episode, I lie down with Geoffrey Miller, PhD: evolutionary psychology professor, author of books, out polyamorist, lifelong investigator of human nature.

I met Geoffrey at a dinner party hosted by a Blue Man and curated by an adventuresome scholar of the brain— expressly for the purpose of discussing the future of intimacy. The sex scientist Dr. Zhana was there, our mutual friend and my horizontal guest of episodes 4 & 5. She and the brain scholar invited Geoffrey. In fact, the dinner party was scheduled around his visit to New York.

And then, I knew why.

He would listen and listen, and then say something so incisive, so crystalline-clear, backed by conscientious research and immersion in the topic of human sexuality. He spoke quietly and with a gravitas reserved for someone who has studied their studies and lectured their lectures and doesn’t need to prove any of it to you.

He was also a bit rakish in the way that my first-ever lover was. They have the same je ne sais quoi about the eyes— a mischeivousness, an insouciant uplooking through a fringe of lashes, a Domly-ness that’s only partly concealed by their glasses... but loudly visible, if you know how to look for that sort of thing.

We recorded on a king bed in a mancave in Bushwick, Brooklyn, an airbnb that Geoffrey had rented for his New York stay. There was a fish tank. An enormous leather couch, and a flat screen TV. Because we recorded in my neighborhood: this episode has plenty of local color. If it’s not the overhead train squealing to a stop, it’s the incessant galumphing of the toddler upstairs (uaghhh), or the ice cream truck playing it’s deathly tune in the background. If you add in some planes, cringe-worthy music played at an unholy decibel, and a whole lotta sirens: This is what it’s like to live in Brooklyn. Or at least, in my part of Brooklyn.

In this, the first part of our voluminous, far-ranging conversation, we talked about his family dynasty (11 aunts & uncles, 28 cousins), growing up with intellectual, activist parents, his Dad’s weekly pre-college briefings about Things That Will Happen in New York (lecture one: prostitutes), an act of sexual altruism, a tale of CPR dummies and lady ghosts of the asylum, the difference between anthropology and evolutionary psychology, 80s cotillions, dating before cell phones, the similarities between Geoffrey and his brother the preacher, heteroflexibility, bisexual stigma, future sex-positive societies, talking to college students about polyamory, how Geoffrey met his first wife and became an Instant Stepdad, struggling with monogamy, stepfathering in prehistory, how marital therapy fails men, psychotherapy solutions vs. manosphere solutions, why most clinical psychologists aren’t well-versed in different relationship styles, and Geoffrey’s coming-out-poly story. Phew. And then I begin the tale of how I met Patrick, which begins with 14 Rooms and culminates at the Love Immersive, with Steve Dean (a recent horizontal guest!) as the catalyst.

In the second part of my conversation with Geoffrey, which will be released next week as episode 88, I dive deep into the massive revelation I had around my own jealousy, and he gives me a broader understanding of my emotions from an evolutionary psych perspective. To listen to that episode, become a patron of the horizontal arts at $7 or more per month (Yes yes! There’s now a $7 tier, by popular demand.)

Patreon is the love child of crowd-funding and a subscription service, and $7 a month gives you access to The Full Horizontal (all the part two episodes, and any bonus episodes which, P.S. One such bonus shall be released sooooon — plus an invite to the secret patrons group and our patron get-togethers!) Go to patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.

Now, come lie down with us in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

***

This episode was mixed and mastered by Irving Gadhoury. You can find him for all your audio needs (including recording live music!) at IGrecording.com. As ever, my lovely intro music was composed by Alan Markley, on the Instagram as @plasticcannons, and my saucy likeness of a logo was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99 designs.

Also, what do you think about this: horizontal listeners as a group, are hozzies… Thoughts Comments? Concerns?

85. well-hung psychedelic sex wizard / no hookups: between two wizards (1 of 2) Jul 12, 2019

Season 3 mostly consists of threesomes. Whereas in Season 1 and 2, I was lying down with a single guest at time, many of my Season 3 episodes will have me lying down with two people at a time — in this case, between two wizards.

These humans are in some kind of relationship with one another. Thus far, I’ve had a manager and his/her trauma specialist client, co-hosts of a sexuality conversation series called the Discerning Dick, primary poly kinky romantic partners, and now, Wizard friends and esoteric collaborators.

In this episode, I lie down with Devin & Kevin. I’ve known about Devin for years. My former housemate Tiger, who you heard from in Season One, used to say, “My Wizard friend,” quite regularly in casual conversation. But it wasn’t until Lola Jean’s Kinky Carnival when we became properly acquainted and made a podcast pact. He fulfilled his part of the pact months ago.

My episode of his series This Podcast is a Ritual is called “How To Take Life Lying Down,” and in it, we talked at a moderate incline, about the origin of my horizontal curiosity, couples therapy, reflective listening, and my working definition of intimacy. Then I made a call for closing rituals, to end romantic relationships.

I also cast you a Spell.

I am truly delighted by my blossoming friendship with Devin. He is impossibly quick-witted and fantastically charismatic, adventurous in spirit, and eternally playful. I get the sense that he could communicate with anybody, anywhere, for any amount of time. His long white-blond beard never fails to make me smile, and I am excited for our friendship to grow, because he’s one of the humans that I wish to bring my conundrums to, just to see what his brain will do with them.

He’s something like your most compassionate therapist, if your therapist were a young handsome Dumbledore proficient in computers who studied improv at Second City for 7 years. If you listen to his podcast, or participate in any of his events, like the Wizarding Hour (a collaboration with Kevin) or the Wizard Walkabout, in which 50 of us took ceremonial gummy bears and went gallivanting about Central Park on 4/20, guided by the Wizard in Person, as well as the Wizard in our Ears — you’ll know that Devin has a thing for numbers.

Not for nothin’, I also took part in a Sex Magick ritual for his podcast, on 6/9, from 6 to 9pm, with between 6 and 9 people.

His fiancee, L.A. Marks, had me on her poetry podcast, A Daily Dose of Poetry, and last week, told a tale of bisexual discovery at my horizontal storytelling: the summer pride edition.

On their mailbox is written: The Poet and The Wizard… (Can you imagine the Glory of Such a Wedding?!)

Kevin is a musician, a Senior UX Designer, and one of Devin’s dear friends. Their friendship has mostly taken place in the ether, in the form of Wizard emails, the record of which form a virtual diary, a correspondence that marks the living of our lives - in much the way, perhaps, that our grandparents wrote to their cousins.

Kevin was formerly the proprietor of Tarot Society, which was a center for the curious to gather in Bushwick and muse about things hidden and obscure. Devin & Kevin used to host a summer series there called New Age & Chill.

I never dropped by when Tarot Society was in existence, so I will have to entice Kevin to give me a reading at a pop-up or a party... His mischievous eyes and delight in getting away with things make me quite curious about the Wizardry of his Tarot.

The day of this recording was the first time I met Kevin, and, since he is a private person by nature, I am grateful that he chose to share, in the service of friendship and intimacy in this way, in this medium, with all of us. Thank you, Kevin.

In this episode, the first half of our conversation, we talk about the origin of the White Collar Wizard emails, middle-school boys and cock-shaming, Devin’s first acid trip, in 8th grade, the grand Bohemia of Olympia, Washington, learning that you aren’t "supposed to" cum too fast if you have a penis, sleep-sexing, learning about sex by asking a sexual partner, “What is your other sex like?”, Devin’s Wizard Tinder profile, 80s Penthouse, imprinting on your first porn, Kevin’s therapist, Ethical Porn for Dicks, shame-y, judgemental sex, and how some fantasies should just remain fantasies.

In the next episode, 86, the second half of our conversation, Devin and Kevin actually read us some of their private Wizard emails, we discuss what it means to be a present-day Tarot Dealer and a modern Wizard, and Devin tells us the truly incredible — as in, if you saw it in a movie you’d say, “That never happens in real life!” — and the incredibly true tale of how his hair turned Wizard White.

To listen to that episode, and for access to The Full Horizontal, which includes all the part twos plus a monthly video containing a pearl of Intimacy Wisdom, become a patron of the horizontal arts. Patreon is the love child of crowd-funding and a subscription service. Find me there!

In next week’s episode, we will be treated to the story of how Devin became a Wizard, and get to hear Devin & Kevin read some of the most pivotal Wizard Emails of their friendship.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Christopher Liang, of Audio Dojo. I’m truly grateful to have him on my team, and have already learned a great deal from him in one week of collaborating! He does Sound Mixing, Editing, and Design as well as original music for TV & Film, and composes under the name Ninjaboy.

My intro music was composed by Alan Markley, who is @plasticcannons on Instagram, and my cover art was designed by Shana Shay, whom you can hire on 99 Designs.

And now, come lie down... between two Wizards.

84. john cusack ruined a lot of things (for my generation): quickie with an actor Jul 05, 2019

Usually, our conversation is long, sensual, and languorous, lasting between two and three hours, and when I release it as horizontal with lila, I divide it into two parts— the first half is available in all the podcast places, and the second is available exclusively to my patrons of the horizontal arts.

You can become a patron for access to the Full Horizontal, plus a monthly video of Intimacy Tips, and an invitation to the secret patrons group:

Become a Patron!

My part two episodes always conclude like this: At the end of each conversation, I ask my guest to tell me a story. It can be any story under the broad umbrella of intimacy — in other words, a tale that is related to sex, love, or relationships of any kind. I ask that my guest choose a story they feel deeply compelled to tell me, and trust that it will be the right one: a narrative that others need to hear.

I’ve had stories of myriad types and tones — stories about the first time ejaculating (episode 2. stuff came out), about friendship and suicide (episode 15. friend death), about having a relationship with a couple (episode 10. his fingers are always hard), about a big freaky wedding (episode 49. bawdy storytelling), etc. As I said. All kinds.

My live event horizontal storytelling, is just these stories, told back-to-back by six different pajama-clad, reclining storytellers. And on this coming Sunday, June 30th, two days from the release of this episode, I’m hosting another one. This time it will the horizontal storytelling pajama party: summer pride edition, and all tales told will be from the lips of LGBTQPIAD storytellers.

LGBTQPIAD stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Pansexual, Intersex, Asexual, and Demisexual. If you’re unfamiliar with any of those terms, check the glossary on horizontalwithlila.com, and while you’re there, sign up for the mailing list, so that you’ll know about all the events.

This weekend’s horizontal storytelling will include tales from folx across the gender and sexuality rainbow, and tickets are sliding scale for anybody in the community — just message me for a personalized discount code. If you are an ally, use the code LILALOVE in all caps, for $5 off.

So... I am broadcasting this quickie episode in honor of Sunday’s upcoming event.

This is one of the never-before-released tales from the last horizontal storytelling, held in February 2018!

In this quickie, I lie down with Bill Demeritt.

Bill is a thespian, which means that he spends a large portion of his life pretending to be someone else. Most of the people who do that exceptionally, are gifted with a formidable sense of compassion, and I believe that Bill is no different in that regard.

He performs on stage and screen (you can see him in the Emmy-winning The Normal Heart and Season Two of the acclaimed Vimeo series The Outs). He narrates audiobooks and longform journalism. He studied acting at Marymount Manhattan and the Yale School of Drama. He’s currently at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival working on Paula Vogel’s play “Indecent.”

Bill is charming and game and playful and handsome and nebbishy and a leetle bit nervous, all at the same time.

You can find all things Bill on WilliamDemeritt.com

I first met Bill while doing a live recording of Carol A. Jantsen’s Help: a podcast for those who need it, in which an agoraphobe character with self-help aspirations begins to get out in the world.

In Season 2 Episode 1: Lila Donnolo and the Double Date, Carol & I, Bill & Celeste go on a fictional double date in a very real Chinese food restaurant. Bill was cast as my “date,” and on the day we recorded, Bill brought me a dozen roses, that’s how committed he was to the scene. (I somehow ended up with 11 and they were sort of a consolation prize, but it’s fine.)

He’s getting married in November, after pulling off one of the most theatrical stage proposals I have ever seen captured on video. Congratulations, Bill. And thank you for showing me how it’s done.

In our quickie, Bill tells me a story about pierogis in New York, a callipygous behind, going to Poland for sex (and love), kohana, the word for sweetheart, a romantic trip to Nice, and the Grand Gesture.

And now, join us on Sunday for the next horizontal storytelling…

And come lie down with us at Hacienda Studio in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

* This episode was mixed and mastered by Christopher Liang at audio dojo.

82. 200 dating profiles: horizontal with a superconnector (1 of 2) Jun 07, 2019

Welcome to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds, recorded while lying down, wearing robes. I know I said that Season 3 would be threesomes all season long, but we will still have the occasional dyad, because, sometimes it just works out best that way.

In this episode, I lie down with Steve Dean. Steve Dean is a dating expert, a MmmmEGAConnector, an adventurer, a perpetual nomad, and an event SuperHost. He’s the founder of the dating industry consulting firm dateworking (which you can find on dateworking.com). He stewards workshops, dinners, coworking sessions, and massive meetups like the food-court-centered Hygge [HOO-GAH] (which means cozy in Danish).

Steve Dean intentionally dates people from all different parts of the social spectrum, including those he would never introduce to his friends, in order to understand their perspective on the world. I think he’s actually an anthropologist at heart, and dating is the Tribe he studies. He’s a quintessential participant-observer. His experiences are research. His research is experiential. His brain incessantly crunches data, and relentlessly seeks for the most optimal of the optimal outcomes. I’ve never met a human machine quite like him.

One week this February, I had the mean blues, and I reached out to my friend Jillian, patron of the podcast, and creator of The Joy List, a weekly compilation of events that one can go to alone, and leave with a new friend. I asked her what she was excited about that week and she rattled off three or so happenings. Then she asked, “How about you?” And I realized that I wasn’t excited about anything that week. I had, in essence, nothing to look forward to. So Jillian decided to fix that. She encouraged me to go to Open Brain, a roving salon for art and ideas that takes place in living rooms and public parks and spaces in-between. This was a living room edition. I almost didn’t go, I was just feeling so blah. But I eventually dusted off a tango song I used to sing, and showed up.

At Open Brain, two things happened in quick succession: I met a man from San Francisco, Michael, who became my lover, and he invited me along to an after-event hang in a hotel lobby in the Financial District. There I would meet Steve Dean, who was orchestrating the event. Everyone kept saying his name. Nobody said his first name on its own. He was Steve Dean to everyone. Jilian said, “You don’t know Steve Dean? Oh. You should know Steve Dean.” That clinched it. And so I went along to talk Burning Man with Michael, and meet Steve Dean. When Steve Dean and I met, I told him, “Jillian said that we should know each other.” Steve said, “What’s your name?” “Lila,” I said. “What’s your last name?” A bit bemused, I said, “Donnolo.” “Yep,” said Steve Dean. “We should know each other.” And then we talked intimacy, dating, and why teenagers are having less sex these days, until the wee hours.

Because I had recently curated my intimate immersive Valentine’s experience at Hacienda Villa, 14 Rooms, Steve consulted me about his love-language-themed townhouse full of intimate encounters, The Love Immersive, set for March 30th, and invited me to be a part of it. Knowing that the environment would be overwhelming — potentially magnificent, but certainly overwhelming, I set up a breather-space. A closet with a cozy mat, blanket, and pillow set-up, like a child’s secret hiding spot, with three headsets programmed with an 11-minute audio experience I pre-recorded, about the upper limits problem, catching it in time, and the radical recalibration of rest.

The day of the Love Immersive, Michael was back in town from SF. I hadn’t seen him in three weeks, and we had ferocious, pounding sex that soaked all the way through my mattress cover. That night, at the Love Immersive, juiced up and well-fucked and sex-haired and satisfied. I met my current partner, Patrick.

Because Steve Dean is a Superconnector, I’m in the most communicative, loving romantic relationship of my life so far.

In this, the first half of our conversation, we talk about VR World, where Steve met Patrick, my tendency to codependency, Steve’s dating habits, whether connection or commitment requires compatibility, optimization the skill of connection, dating across 200 different dating apps, the Sex on Demand app, whether comets are partners, or if they might be growth charts, polyamory as part orientation and part skill-set, how relationships are like start-ups, and the libido-killing cycle that Patrick and I found ourselves in at the outset of our relationship.

In other words, come lie down with us in Chelsea, on the island of Manhattan, New York.

P.S. Cats were drugged in the making of this episode. And by cats I mean: one singular cat. And by drugged I mean: with catnip. Still. I thought it was important to tell you.

79. not gonna be the abusive guy: horizontal with a poly kinky couple (2 of 4) May 10, 2019

Welcome back to part 2 of 4 episodes with my dear friends, primary poly partners, kinky lovers, and entrepreneurs, leaders in the poly / kink People of Color community, Tiana & Orion.

In episode 78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks, we dove into Tiana’s sexual development. We talked about natural musk, her parent’s divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana & Orion’s parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, her first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die!, how Tiana met her husband in middle school by dropping books on him, the story of their marriage, a very good tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana’s first polycule and first triad, and how her ex demolished their relationship by wiping out their accounts on payroll day. And that was just the first quarter of our conversation, and you should listen to it first.

In this episode, we discuss Orion’s family legacy: the violence of his father, his mother’s pattern of dating abusive men, coding love based on what we experienced as children, and how even abuse can be coded as love if it was all you could get from your caregivers, witnessing more than one way to father, poverty & private school, Orion’s interplay with the archetype of the strong black woman, us-against-the-world, compartmentalization, bullying, Orion, The Soldier, and The Beast, going to the Renaissance Faire as a black couple, microaggressions at a white boat party, how Orion is the first black male primary partner that Tiana has had, and Orion’s biggest difficulty being in relationship with Tiana. (I don’t think you’ll guess what it is!)

And this is just part two!

You definitely want to hear part three & four of this conversation.

Tiana and Orion allow us to witness the inner workings of their relationship, talking through the biggest strain that they have have experienced so far, live, involving broken agreements, a communication breakdown, and sex with secondary partner. It’s fresh, and alive. New information is revealed in the conversation: there is hurt, and introspection, and questioning, and loving challenge, and we get to hear — in real time — how they work through the Deep Feels.

They are beyond generous to allow us this true window into their poly life. It is an edge. I am deeply honored that they would navigate that edge and allow us to listen in. This has my aim for the podcast all along— to allow you to eavesdrop on a private conversation, so that we can learn some of the forms that intimate dialogue can take. I feel certain there’s something there for you, poly or not.

In order to listen to part three and four, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Go to Patreon.com / horizontal with lila ... At the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos going back to the beginning (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem.

In keeping with my commitment to myself to rewire my nervous system for joy by celebrating triumphs of any size, I have something to share:

On May 21st, 2019, I will celebrate 2 years of horizontal. A Horizontal-Aversary!

I have never loved a project for so long before. I have never felt so powerfully committed to a mission before. And I have never before had the soul-satisfaction of knowing that my work resonates. I am going to mark this occasion in two ways: first, with another Confetti Project Open Studios photo shoot, and then, on May 21st, with a Horizontal-Aversary party at which the invitees are all previous horizontal guests & current patrons. (Become one in the next 10 days for an invite!)

I plan to attempt the recording of an episode unprecented in the horizontal-verse!

I’d be honored if you’d celebrate this milestone with me in any one of these ways: becoming a patron, sending me a personal message about how a particular horizontal concept or episode has made a difference for you, or by sharing this art I’ve made you with the people you love most in the world.

Thank you for listening.

Come lie down with us again in the The Bronx, New York.

78. surprise surprise he liked black chicks: horizontal with a kinky poly couple (1 of 4) May 03, 2019

My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. I’ve metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

During Seasons 1 and 2, I got horizontal with one guest at a time, but Season 3 will be mostly comprised of threesomes: myself plus two guests who are in some kind of relationship with one another. Typically, each conversation is between two and three hours long, and divided into two parts — the part ones are available in all the podcast places, and the part twos are available exclusively for my patrons. But this episode is something truly remarkable. We recorded for over five hours, and we went both broad and deep. I’ll be dividing this conversation into four parts: the first two, episodes 78 & 79, will be available in all the podcast places, and the last two 80 & 81, will be exclusive to patrons of the horizontal arts.

To become a patron, go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — at the base tier of $10/month, you get access to The Full Horizontal, including all the part twos (or in this case, threes and fours) plus access to the secret patrons Facebook group, and a monthly video of intimacy tips and a love poem.

In this and the following 3 episodes, I lie down with two of the people I love most in the world, Tiana and Orion. I’ve known Orion for 13 years, and Tiana for 1. They are: my people. I cherish them. With great regard. I believe in them. I believe in them like a good parent believes in their kids. I see them.

Orion is a massage therapist, a father, a personal trainer, a polysaturated lover, and a newly-minted kink educator. Orion and I met at the very beginning of my yoga teaching career. We worked at the same gym. I knew him when he had dreads. I knew him when he was married. I knew him when he became a father. For many years, we saw each other every single week — I’d teach him a private yoga class, and he would give me a massage, and we would tell each other all about our lives. He is one of the most overscheduled people I have ever known, but he always always made time for me. It was therapeutic in so many ways. He healed my body when I was training acrobatics. He made space for my moods and did not judge my depression. He knew of every heartbreak, every abandoned project, every new desire, all the plans and all the schemes. He was a primary confidant. He is firmly in my corner.

Tiana is the glittersaurus: the sparkliest, most fabulous human I have ever personally known and loved. She is an entrepreneur with a pet-care business, a professional dominatrix, a model and a stylist for fun, a craft-er, and not for nothin’, one of the most gorgeous women that exists. She is so beautiful, and yet focuses so little on the physical beauty of her lovers, that I joke that she’s like Fleur from Harry Potter, “I am beautiful enough for ze both of us!” She has singlehandedly inspired me to live into the Burning Man principle of radical self-expression with the way I present myself every single day. I think some people might be surprised that before a year ago, I wasn’t fully self-expressed with my clothing. But I wasn’t. I was always concerned about being “too.” “Too too.” But Tiana, because of her willingness to be gloriously bold, to tolerate the attention that that brings (and it brings all kinds), and to go larger, bigger, shinier when she feels challenged, not LESS, she unlocked that for me, and I am so grateful.

Tiana and Orion are polyamorous, which means they have many loves, and they are primary partners, which means that they prioritize their connection, even though they are linked romantically and/or sexually to multiple other partners and lovers and romantic friends.

In this episode, Tiana, Orion, and I talk about natural musk, her parent’s divorce, commuting between the two households, what Tiana & Orion’s parents have in common, face-sitting on teddy bears, first inklings of exhibitionism, being a good girl, then fucking til you die, Tiana meeting her husband in middle school, the story of her marriage, a tip for good anal play, the taint, camming on Chaturbate, looking for threesomes on Feeld, Tiana’s first polycule and first triad, and how her ex ended their marriage by wiping out their accounts. And this is just the first quarter of our conversation. (!)

This podcast was edited by Chad Michael Snavely- he's Chad Michael.com on the interwebz. My intro music was created by Alan Markley, @plasticcannons on Instagram, and my sensual cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, whom you can find on 99 Designs.

Come lie down with us, in the Bronx.

76. the discerning dick: horizontal with dudes who talk to dudes about sexuality Apr 19, 2019

Welcome to the second threesome of Season 3!

Horizontal is still Slow Radio. It’s still consensual eavesdropping. It’s still us reclining, sharing secrets, in your ears. But while the first two seasons had me lying down as though post-coital and stargazing with only one person at a time, in Season 3 I’ll often get horizontal with two people at a time: people who are in some kind of relationship with one another. In this case, they are co-hosts, business partners, and friends.

In this episode, 76, and the following, episode 77, I lie down with Dominick Q and Bryan Stacy of The Discerning Dick, a monthly series focused on generating worthy inquiry and meaningful introspection into the forces that shape a man's sexuality, behavior and intimate relationships.

I attended the first three Discerning Dick events at The Assemblage in Manhattan, and it gave me an echo of the feeling of the day I got to be a fly on the wall during a men’s group meeting in Ashland, Oregon in 2008. Undoubtedly, what I saw and heard was changed somewhat by the fact of my witnessing. But what I heard was still a powerful window into minds and bodies that I wanted desperately to understand.

Dominick Q is a men’s group leader, an executive mentor, a speaker, and a writer. Bryan is a sexual health advocate, a testicular cancer survivor, and the co-founder of the app biem, which is designed to allow people to easily get tested for STI’s and share their test results with partners.

Bryan and I have been planning to produce an event together — look out for TESTFEST 2019!

Dom & Bryan also co-host the “Man Amongst Men” podcast, which they call a “High Achieving Man's Journey to Personal Development.”

They are both men who have spent the majority of their lives focused on standard notions of external success. And now they are focused on what that energy might look like, and what it might eventually do out in the world, if they first focus on their inner world.

They are cisgendered straight white males trying to heighten their self-awareness in order to do better, to be constantly in the process of becoming better men without claiming to have arrived at it, and sincerely making the effort to bring other cis straight white men along with them.

I can think of many men that I would like them to talk to.

Men also suffer from the indoctrination of a culture that shames us for our natural human sexuality yet objectifies women to sell things to nearly everyone. These men aim to be a bridge between a man who doesn’t know that he’s swimming in water… and the sex educators and personal development leaders of the world. They aim to speak directly to men who feel stuck in a lackluster sex life or mired in sexual habits that are destructive or secretive, or both.

Just as it is a white person’s responsibility to educate themselves and other white people about intersectionality, injustice, and the perniciousness of racism, so too is it a man’s responsibility to educate himself and other men about intersectionality, injustice, and the perniciousness of sexism.

I deeply, Heartbreakingly believe that a lack of self-inquiry combined with sexual repression is a direct cause of the lion's share of violence on this planet. They are aiming for the root. And I want to do everything in my power to stand for that.

Dominick and Bryan don't claim to be experts; they just aim to be willing: willing to be educated, to be called-in, to adjust their worldview, and to tell other men what they've discovered, publicly.

Find Dom’s work on dominickq.com and dominickq on Instagram, the Biem app in the app store and Bryan on Instagram as @talkingnut, and you can find their projects together, including the Man Amongst Men podcast, on DoInnerWork.com

On April 27th, The Joy List and I are hosting The Sleepover, which is not a sex party, but an overnight opportunity to indulge in copious playfulness, connection, and joy! There shall be:

Pajamas

SNAX

personal development quizzes

Intimacy games

A sound bath meditation

Sensation Play with car buffers and pinwheels

a giant teddy bear named Tiny

And

Surprises

You can get 20% off of your ticket if you use the secret code: HORIZONTALITY, in all caps.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about erections, the three forces that shaped their early view of sexuality: Faith, Family, & Friends, scrambled porn, an addiction to masturbation, what the Bible actually says about premarital sex, Unitarian Universalism, bargaining with God over sexuality, and how Bryan’s sexual shame kept him from getting tested, and led to a dual diagnosis of testicular cancer and chlamydia.

Come lie down with us in New York, New York.

74. trauma queen(s): horizontal with a manager and her/his client Apr 05, 2019

Welcome to Season 3 of horizontal! This is the podcast of intimacies recorded while reclining. It’s still Slow Radio. It’s still consensual eavesdropping. It’s still us lying down, sharing secrets, in your ears. But while the first two seasons had me lying down with only one person at a time, season three will often add another guest to my pillow. I’ll be lying down with people who are in some kind of relationship with one another. And I intend to encompass as many types of human relationships as I can. They might be friends, family members, teammates, mentors and acolytes, business partners, lovers, exes, metamours, co-parents… You know what this means, right? That’s right: This season is going to be a Lila sandwich. My first two guests of Season 3, Dan and Jimanekia are a manager and her client, as well as friends. Jimanekia is a Sex Educator, Queer media consultant, Sexual Assault expert, and Trauma Specialist. She is widely-studied and deeply-informed. Her work comes from the well of her own transformations, her personal navigation through profound pain and culture shock after culture shock, and the fierce desire to protect others from suffering at the intersection of sexual assault, race, class, privilege, and trauma. She is the host of the podcast Trauma Queen, a mini-series about healing for assault survivors and their allies. She speaks with survivors, therapists, partners, educators, and experts. Her podcast a gift to the world, a resource for survivors and those who love them, and, everyone with a beating heart, really, with each episode providing actionable, practical steps. She teaches without teaching, educates without educating. You’ll see. Find Jimanekia on her website Traumaqueen.love and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @Jimanekia. Dan — also known as Dannielle — Owens is a queer Femmeboy activist, and Jimanekia’s manager. Dannielle also manages two other previous horizontal guests, Stevie Boebi, the go-to lesbian sexpert on YouTube, episodes 42 & 43, and Meghan Tonjes, singer-songwriter and accidental leader of the booty revolution, episodes 24 & 25. Dan uses the pronouns he/him as well as she/her, interchangeably. Let me model how that might go for you: He is the CEO of genderfluid clothing label & inclusive marketplace Radimo, which plays with gender the way I love to see gender played with, and focuses on directly supporting clothing made by queer, trans, black, POC, plus-size humans, women, and disabled small business owners. Radimo’s pieces are modeled by folx with different body types, skin tones, and gender identities. You can find the whole line on the website Radimo.LA … She engages in all sorts of glorious gender fuckery, on Instagram with the handle @boygodking , on YouTube as Dannielle Owens-Reid, and her forthcoming book, “From One Cult To The Next,” is a memoir about ending toxic relationships and the healing thereafter. Many of you know that all the part twos of each episode are available exclusively to patrons of $5 a month and up. I’ve revamped my Patreon tiers with shiny new perks, and the upgrades will all go into effect next Friday, April 12th, alongside the release of part two of my conversation with Dan & Jimanekia. If you become a patron of $5 a month in the next seven days, you will be grandfathered in with access to The Full Horizontal, and my gratitude for being an early patron of the horizontal arts! After April 12th, the first tier of patronage will be $10 a month, and it will include: access to all the part twos & the secret patrons Facebook group with behind-the-scenes access, along with a monthly video with curated intimacy tips! If you adore the love poem of the month, fret not, O patron my patron, it will be part of the video! The perks for $25, $50, and $100 a month are even more delectable, and include my favorite new perk, in which I will plan a monthly date for you! With yourself or with a friend or a family member or a lover. Check Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila for all the saucy details. I’m also running a sweet little special offer. If you become a $10/month patron by the end of April, I’ll send you a handwritten thank you love note and a bit of horizontal swag (maybe a magnet, maybe a bumper sticker, maybe something else) in the actual MAIL. Sigh! I still Love getting mail as much as I did when I used to send bedazzled letters back and forth with my friend from summer camp in 1995. Also, I’ve been told that my handwriting is “ridiculous,” “astonishing,” and “like a font!” These are actual reviews, with no exaggeration. In this first part of this episode with Dan and Jim, we tell our origin stories, which include loneliness, divorce, cancer, sex-positivity, intimacy, braces, bio dads and adoptive dads, relocating 10 times by the age of 9, latchkey kids, alcoholism, bipolar disorder / intervention, manipulation, therapy PTSD / advice columns, gaslighting, inclusivity, gender neutrality / queerness, microaggressions, racism, sluthood, LGBTQIA in the black community, rape, eating disorders, being an empath, burnout, sex ed ….and how we came to possess our superpowers. We cover a lot of ground in this one. We’d better get into it. Come lie down with us in Los Angeles, California. *** Chad Michael Snavely has edited every horizontal episode since the beginning of Season 2. He’s a podcast impresario, and you can find his whole body of work on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed the intro music, and he’s busy being a rock star on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my saucy cover art, and you can hire her on 99 Designs. Next week’s episode, part two of my episode with Dan and Jimanekia, in which we dig into their relationship with each other, is available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts. Remember that if you’d like access to The Full Horizontal for $5/month, you’ll need to become a patron before April 12th, next Friday. And if you become a $10/month patron before the end of April, I’ll send you a handwritten thank you love note in my glorious handwriting, plus a bit of horizontal swag! Until next week: may you have someone (or someones) to love, something to do, and so many things to look forward to.

72. how I met your mother: sitting relatively upright with my dad Mar 15, 2019

This conversation is not like the others. It's still Slow Radio. It's still a conversation about intimacies of all kinds. But this time, to close out Season Two, this time we recorded while sitting relatively upright, because my guest, is my Dad.

We recorded about a year ago, sitting on a somewhat noisy leather couch sectional, in a house that’s perpetually under construction, because my father loves the process of things.

My father’s name is Anthony, but he’s Anthony only to the family, and Tony to his friends. He’s always been “Dad” to me. He was born in Boro Park — at the time a half-Italian, half-Orthodox neighborhood in Brooklyn, New York. It’s also where I was born. He almost became a priest, but become a child psychologist instead. I suppose he would have ministered to souls either way. As far back as I can remember, my father’s greatest love has been carpentry. The house I grew up had a garage that functioned exclusively as my dad’s woodshop. I didn’t share my father’s fascination with building things, but to this day, I love the smell of sawdust, and have a great warm respect for those who craft with their hands.

My Dad’s a Catholic. I am not. The story goes: my parents gave me the choice between Hebrew School and Sunday School, and I chose neither. They didn’t force me to go. As a teenager, I became a Unitarian Universalist. My Dad has always respected my choices and approved of me.

After the age of 12, when my parents got divorced, I didn’t live with my father. My mother moved us down to Florida, and my father stayed in New York. In this conversation, I ask him questions I had never questioned before.

When I was 17, and I moved back to New York to go to college at NYU, my father moved me in and out of the dorms. He came to every play and avant-garde piece I did in college (like the Antigone I did in the fountain at Washington Square Park), and for many years thereafter. He has been free with his affirmation, and has always supported any choice that I enthusiastically made for my life. While my mother questioned the prudence of studying theatre in college, and threatened to pull her support if I persisted, my Dad said that he would support me to the best of his ability. He approved when I wanted to become a yoga teacher. He approved when I wanted to become an AcroYoga teacher. He approved when I wanted to dance Argentine tango in Buenos Aires. He said yes when I asked him to loan me his car for two months in the summer of 2008 to make my first cross-country road trip, teaching AcroYoga all along the way. He didn't mind that I put 10,000 miles on it. He approved when I decided to move to Portland. He approved when I had a Saturn Return crisis and all I wanted to do was travel for a year. He received me when I burned out 9 months into that year and spent a couple of months at my mom’s place, and then flew up to stay a cold winter in his fixer-upper house with him, stacking firewood and nursing myself back to adulthood. He approved when I told him that I lived in a sex-positive intentional community whose mission is to eradicate shame and encourage freedom of expression. He approved when I started a podcast, even though I’m broadcasting my secrets out into the universe, and he is a very private person. And, though a private person, he agreed the moment I asked him to make an episode with me, even though he has no interest in being recorded anywhere else. You see, he still has the capacity to surprise me. But maybe it's exactly true to character. Because this*is my* project. And my father has always, always supported what I mean to do in the world.

So you see, my father has been easy to love.

In this episode, the first part of our conversation, we talk about his father, a grandfather I never met, also named Tony: who battled with the prejudice against Italians, beat his kids with a machine strap, gave a eulogy in Harlem, never told my Dad that he loved him, and raped at least one of his daughters. My father broke the cycle of abuse. It only takes one generation to break a cycle, and that generation can be yours.

We also talk about why my father decided to go to seminary, the ad hoc sex ed that he got by asking priests, and why he decided not to be ordained (it's probably not what you think. At least, it's not what I thought.)

Dad regularly goes on tangents, so we meander a lot here, even more than usual, and there’s a lot of reminiscing. He also uses the word “whatnot” more than anyone I’ve ever heard. Actually, I can't recall hearing anyone else use the word “whatnot.”

***

In just a few weeks, I’ll be transitioning to a very different Patreon model and streamlining my tiers. The lowest tier will be $20 / month, and will give access to x unreleased, raw episodes (with never-before-heard guests) plus other choice, what do the kids call it these days? Premium content.

If you want to be grandfathered in with access to The Full Horizontal, all the part twos at $5, $10 (which includes the monthly love poems), or $15 per month (which includes a ticket to a live event), now is the time to become a patron of the horizontal arts! Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, if you want to be a part of my mission to cultivate intimacy across the globe.

This is the best conversation I’ve ever had with my Dad in my life. And I had it, because I was making something for you.

So: come sit down with us.

***

Chad Michael Snavely is my editor. He’s a podcast maven. Find his full roster on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed my intro music. Seek him on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my cover art. Hire her for graphic design and character illustration on 99 Designs.

This episode comes with a call to action: If they are alive, accessible to you, and you are willing and curious — interview your parents. You don’t how many chances you’ll get. And if you never recorded them, you might wish you did.

In next week's episode, the second half of my conversation with my Dad, we discuss how he met and married my mother in Brazil, the day of my birth, forgiveness, feminist vs. mainstream pornography, how my mother left my father, why my Dad didn’t move to Florida to be close to me, how he feels about the fact that I don’t want kids, and the kind of partner that he seeks now. He also tells me a story about my Grammy and a radio agent. For access to that episode and all the part twos, become a patron of the horizontal arts now, before the tiers go up in a few weeks! Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Until next week, may you have someone to love, something to do, and many many many things to look forward to!

Thank you for being, in this case, relatively upright, with us.

70. tiger mom: horizontal with a recovering perfectionist Mar 01, 2019

My name is Lila, and I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, storytelling, sex, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them up in audio form and called it a podcast. Horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s consensual eavesdropping. It’s us lying down right next to each other, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Each horizontal session with a guest is between 2 and 3ish hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones, like this one, are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available exclusively to patrons of the horizontal arts.

As you might imagine, the part twos go deep, since we’ve been marinating in conversation for over an hour. And at the very very end, my guest tells me a story of some intimacy. For access to The Full Horizontal,go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila, and become a patron of $5 or more per month, because...

Fair warning, horizontal lovers!

When I launch Season 3, (and it is happening Soon) I’ll be shifting some things, revealing a couple of surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you’ve already become a patron, you’ll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes and my gratitude for being an early listener.

In this episode, recorded in a slender little apartment in Brooklyn, New York, I lie down with Lee. Lee is a Pleasure Guide: a Tantrika, a Bodyworker, an Intimacy Coach. She’s a Sensuality specialist.

I first met Lee when she was working with a friend of mine at The Women of Venus (which you’ll hear about in part two, episode 71). I’ve been trying to get her to move in with us at Hacienda Villa for about a year now.

When I’m around Lee, I feel warm and grounded. She is exceptionally supportive and clear-eyed, at the same time. Her belief in the version of me that I love the most, my favorite self, and my potential to embody that self and act beautifully on the world is like … an amulet that she has made by hand. She has her finger on the pulse of the Great Mystery, without being a prig about it. She’s a girl’s girl, a woman’s woman, with a generous dash of humility, and a fierce commitment to stand for her own growth, and for yours.

For all of the information about Lee’s Intimacy and Pleasure Coaching practice, find her on LeeNoto.com

This episode was recorded in Lee’s bed, in another part of Brooklyn, and though you are spared the trains screeching around the bend like they do when I record in my room, there’s a few sonic visitors: an old heating unit, a creaky ceiling that is someone else’s floor, some pretty raucous neighbors, and… a plane or two. City living. Local color.

In this part of our conversation, we talk about slow-going sex and celibacy, plant medicine journeys and masturbation, objectifying yourself and faking orgasms, promiscuity as rebellious self-expression, pushing buttons just to know what they’re for, the glorious practice of bragging, a Tiger Mom, and driving herself to perfection so hard that her face paralyzed itself to get her attention.

To see pictures from this recording session, and get behind-the-scenes access to horizontality and my sex-positive life, follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram, and sign up for my missives on horizontalwithlila.com

And now, come lie down with not one, but two recovering perfectionists, in Brooklyn, New York.

***

Let me give some credit where credit is due: Chad Michael Snavely is my editor. He’s a podcast maven, and you can find his full roster on chadmichael.com. Alan Markley composed my intro music, and his exploits can be witnessed on Instagram as plasticcannons. Shana Shay created my cover art, and you can hire her for graphic design and character illustration on 99 Designs.

In next week’s episode of horizontal, the second part of my conversation with Lee, episode 71, we discuss intentional masturbation, receiving oral sex, fantasies of auto-cunnilingus, giving yourself what you wish for a partner to give you, the indefinable mystery of tantra, red tantra, white tantra, urban tantra, a tantric temple called The Women of Venus, Mama Gena’s practices of Trinities, Swamping, and Spring Cleaning...

And Lee & I do something unprecedented on the podcast, something I’ve never heard recorded anywhere else: we each do a Spring Clean on a topic we’re struggling with in real time, stream of consciousness style, and entirely unedited. I feel a little bit nervous to share it, actually, but that’s when I know I have something really worthwhile to reveal.

Next week’s installment is available exclusively to my beloved patrons of the horizontal arts. Become one and get access to The Full Horizontal catalog on Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

On Saturday, March 16th, Lee is curating an event called Eating Out: an Erotic Feast inspired by oral sex. She calls it an Edible Education. For all the details, visit her at LeeNoto.com and sign up for her mailing list.

On Thursday, March 28th, I’m leading The Art of Trust: an Intimacy Games Workshop. If you’ve seen any of the shots from my Intimacy Warriors photoshoots, you might have an inkling of what this workshop will be like. We’ll play games like Sphinx, Hot Seat, Human Conveyor Belt, and the Touch Gauntlet. Details coming soon.

Until next week, may you have someone to love, something to do, and many things to look forward to!

Thank you for getting horizontal.

69. average-sized penis: quickie with The Sex Hacker Feb 22, 2019

This episode is a little different than the others. It’s a quickie.

If you’ve been listening to horizontal, you know that: at the end of every conversation with a guest, I ask them to tell me a story. Each full conversation is between two and three hours long. It gets divided into two parts and released as two episodes. Part ones are available to everyone in all the podcast places. Part twos are available exclusively to my patrons through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Sign up there for access to The Full Horizontal.

Naturally, our conversations get deeper and deeper as my guest and I drop in together. So when, at the very end of those part twos my guest tells me a tale, (except in the case of Annie Lalla, because we ran out of time!) it is a tale of intimacy of some kind. Any kind. It can be about friendships, lovers, family. It has been about being carried down a mountain on the back of a hunky guide, a literal and figurative friend death, the first time ejaculating where stuff came out, a big fat freaky wedding, and a miscarriage, among many, many other things. I always tell my guest that it can be any story that falls under the umbrella of intimacy, with any kind of tone or outcome, as long as it’s a story that they truly desire to tell it to me.

This quickie episode (which consists of three little stories, rather than one big one) was recorded live at my last Horizontal Storytelling Pajama Party, which was held at Hacienda Studio in Brooklyn. At Horizontal Storytelling, we all donned pajamas, had milk and cookies, got exceedingly cozy, and curled up together, all 50 of us, to listen to just the stories, back to back, by six storytellers, one after the other. I got horizontal with my guest just like we do when we record a full episode, wearing robes, sharing a pillow, microphone positioned above us, gazing upward as though stargazing, or post-coital, or the wee-morning hours of a really good sleepover. I’m planning to host another one (or something like it) in the Spring of 2019, so make sure you’re on the mailing list through horizontalwithlila.com and all the details shall come!

In this quickie I get horizontal with Kenneth Play, my friend, my housemate, and world-renowned Sex Hacker, Sex Coach, Sex Educator, and co-founder of Hacienda Villa, the intentional community in which I live and love, and where I am a founding member. We’ve been living in the same house for four and half years. I introduce him quite fully in the episode, so I’ll just say here that I have been privileged to live in the same house as a Master of Sex. Kenneth taught me how to verbalize specifically the kind of oral sex that I desire. He taught me how to insert and operate my nJoy pure wand dildo. He also taught me the most nourishing technique I've ever come across for grounding with my lover after sex.

And now he's gathered all these tips, tricks, and techniques from his teachers — some of the greatest sex educators and coaches and tantra masters alive — as well as from hours upon hours of, let's call it "laboratory practice," and distilled them into a Sex Ed video series that is accessible to everyone. It focuses on giving pleasure to women and those with vulvas and consists of The Oral Course, The Squirting Course, The Penetration Course, & the Sex Hacker Bundle

This quickie was edited by Mr. Chad Michael Snavely, bearded man, podcast impresario. His roster is available on chadmichael.com. My sensual cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay based on my photograph. Hire this woman through 99 designs. And my intro music was composed by Alan Markley, rock star, and plasticcannons on Instagram.

Speaking of Instagram. Feel free to reach out to me there if you have any questions, ideas for dream guests, or musings spurred by any of the episodes. It’s lovely to know that you’re listening, and pondering.

And if you want access to The Full Horizontal, right now you can still get that when you become a patron of $5 a month and up. Very soon, I’ll be launching Season 3, and with it, I’ll be streamlining my tiers and raising the bar for patronage. But if you lock it in now, baby, you’ll be grandfathered in, with my gratitude for being an early patron of the horizontal arts. I have big dreams, and every single patron helps me happen them. Patreon.com/ horizontalwithlila

In other words, come lie down with us, in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

67. true love or bust: horizontal with a world-class relationship coach Feb 08, 2019

I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. horizontal with lila is Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s us lying down, wearing robes, sharing secrets, in your ears.

Each session with a guest is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. Part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and part twos are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Become a patron of $5+ per month soon, because...

When I launch Season 3, I’ll be shifting some things, revealing a couple surprises, and revamping my Patreon tiers: If you’re already in as a patron, you’ll be grandfathered in with access to all the episodes at the 5 - 15 dollar level. Fair warning, lovers!

***

This Thursday night in Brooklyn, come Valentine’s with us!

Valentine's Day is in less than a week, and I would usually be fretting about what to do.This was especially true if I was single, but it was also very much true when I was part of a couple. What could I do that wouldn't have me feeling lonely? How could I turn this day of forced romance and commerce and couples privilege... into a day that would actually be nourishing for Me?I tried dating myself on Valentine's. I tried friend-time. I tried tango festivals. I tried Galentine’s Day.

But what I actually desired was an intimate, pleasure-focused experience for myself. I desired sensation play, delicious treats (that were safe for me to eat), titillating performance, immersive theatre, and one-on-one connection. I really wanted to make Valentine's day about delighting all of my senses, not about the arbitrary fact of whether I was romantically linked to another person on that day.So I’m curating it.

It's called 14 Rooms, and it will be on Valentine’s night. It’s an event for everyone, whether you’re not in a relationship, in a relationship, in a polycule, in a situationship — no matter what our quote unquote status is, we can gather and explore intimate moments of different kinds.

Together. As a community celebrating pleasure, our senses, and our aliveness. Celebrating Big Love.

Come Valentine's with us. It will be delicious.It's the Valentine's I've always wanted.

P.S.

If you’re short on funds but full of enthusiasm, send me a message through horizontalwithlila.com or Instagram to see about a possible volunteer shift.

***

Apropos of everything - in this episode, I lie down with Annie Lalla, Goddess of Love and world-class relationship coach. Annie stands for true love. She is a gladiator of empathy.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about the correlation between self-esteem and soul mates, how couples cross-train each other, footnoting our parents for the superpowers born on the back of their crazy, optimizing for aliveness, empathy algorithms, integration and differentiation (the inhales and exhales of relationship), the phrase “I’m angry, but I love you more than I’m angry,” and using your creativity to adjust your emotional response to your reality.

I first met Annie when she gave a talk about true love in the Speaker Series I co-lead at Burning Man 2018. The theme was The Year of the Robot, and we had... technical difficulties. The mic was down, so somebody found Annie a little toy bullhorn, and we all gathered round her like children at storytime, to press our burning questions into her hands like love letters. She is one of the most poignant extemporaneous speakers that I’ve ever witnessed on stage.

I took copious notes, because I’d literally never heard anybody speak about love the way that Annie does. These are some of the words I captured:

“cartographer of love”

“kilojewels of energy”

“There’s an I that has to be sacrificed on the altar of us. If you’re not feeling terror, you’re not actually playing the game.”

“the sacred mirror”

And

“Nothing compares to the gymnasium, to the dojo of a true love relationship.”

I imagine by now, you know how I feel about words. I savored Annie’s words, wrote them down in red ink, and fervently hoped that she would get horizontal with me someday. The time wasn’t right at Burning Man.

But when I booked my ticket to Miami, taking a loving risk to go meet a man I’d been communicating with for four months, but had never met in person (a risk I imagined that Annie would approve of mightily) and I found out that Annie was in Miami!

Well!

Come lie down with us on a big white bed with a view of the ocean, in Miami, Florida.

***

For horizontal photos and behind-the-scenes videos (like the one I took of Annie’s glorious red carpet ocean-view apartment), follow @horizontalwithlila on Instagram. I’ve been getting reallly into Instagram lately, and I have a cache of colorful photos to share.

If you are in need of the services of a Love Coach (and really, who isn’t?) you can commune with all things Annie through annielalla.com

This episode was edited by Mr. Chad Michael Snavely, bearded man, father, and podcast impresario. Have a peek through his roster on chadmichael.com. The character illustration and graphic design for my cover art was drawn by Shana Shay. Look her up on 99Designs. And my sweet intro music was composed by Alan Markley, rock star father and @plasticcannons on Instagram.

Next week’s episode, 68, part two of my conversation with Annie, will be available to patrons of $5 a month and up. The Patreon tiers will change in the next month or so, so lock in access to The Full Horizontal at the grandfathered rate by becoming a patron now! Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Welcome to my newest patrons, Bob & Lee! And so much gratitude to Julene for raising her Patreon pledge.

After my trip to Miami, I’m feeling turned on by life. I wish you that! And as always, I wish us someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

Thank you for becoming horizontal.

65. the clitoris and the culture: horizontal with wednesday martin phd Jan 25, 2019

People say “do what you love.” And I love sleepovers, spooning, sharing, sex, storytelling, and stargazing, among other things. So I metaphorically rolled them all up in audio form and called it a podcast. Welcome to horizontal! It’s Slow Radio. It’s intimacies of all kinds. It’s us in your ears, sharing secrets.

If you’ve been listening, you know that each recording is between 2 and 3 hours long, and divided into two episodes. The part ones are available anywhere you get your podcasts, and the part two are available only to patrons of the horizontal arts. Right now, when you become my patron of $5 per month or more, you get access to all the part twos going forward, and going back to the beginning. Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and join in now, because...

In a month or two, some big changes are coming to the podcast and the Patreon. When I launch Season 3, those who already have access to all the episodes will be grandfathered in at the same patronage level, with my deep gratitude for being an early listener. In other words, if you want access to all the episodes for $5+ per month, become a patron Now and lock that down! Fair warning, lovers!

I have an announcement. I’m over-the-moon delighted to share the details of my Valentine’s Day event, a spectacular Spectacular. It’s called 14 Rooms, and it will be an intimate, immersive, sensual Valentine’s experience. I usually don’t like Valentine’s Day very much, for obvious reasons. So I’m throwing a Valentine’s that I would want to attend.

A townhouse full of delights for all the senses, including:

4-handed massages

live erotica readings

the best hot cocoa you've ever tasted

sensual performances

sweet smells from the oven

a hot tub

and a giant teddy bear named Tiny.

And that's not even what's in the 14 rooms...

Each room unlocks a secret: an intimate, sensual, immersive experience.

Your ticket comes with 5 tokens, which you can exchange for delights and experiences. Choose how to spend them — on treats, on libations, on a rendezvous or two. If you wish to collect more experiences (there are 14 rooms of delight, after all!) you may purchase more tokens for $5 each, cash, from someone very prettily dressed. 1 token for a treat, 2 tokens for a rendezvous.

This event is for people not in relationships + people in relationships + people in situationships + people who frankly don't give a damn + everyone, Everyone. Let's celebrate sensuality and loveliness all together! I usually dislike Valentine’s Day, so I’m curating an event that *I* would love to go to!

Buy your tickets here, and come Valentine’s with us!

Okay, here we go.

In this episode, I lie down with Wednesday Martin, PhD, #1 New York Times bestselling author, social researcher, anthropology scholar, and one of the most knowledgeable people about female sexuality on the planet. She would demur, and say that she merely interviewed 31 female sexuality experts across a range of disciplines, but I’ll say that she has integrated, synthesized, and made their work widely accessible. She’s managed to harmonize a vast array of historical, anthropological, scientific, and anecdotal wisdom on the subject.

She is the author of many books, all in some way about quote unquote bad women. Marlene Dietrich, stepmothers, the rich mommies of the Upper East Side, and now, adulteresses. In her new book Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free, she debunks fallacy after fallacy, and highlights the conditions that invite female sexual autonomy to flourish. In other words, a woman after my own heart.

I admire Wednesday’s career immensely. I hope to have that kind of reach and grandiosity, some soon day. She said it’s gonna happen. I’ll just take her word for it, since her words have gotten her where she is.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about social media’s crackdown on sex educators, the dark legacy of abstinence-only education, male attempts to control female sexuality and reproduction, and female counter-strategies, the single worst thing to ever happen to women, how the transition from tribal living to nuclear family homes cost women an important power base, a surefire formula for the uniquely human female dependence on men, and how, for me, living in a sex-positive community provides a counter-formula.

It’s such a rich episode, anthropologically, historically, contextually. Come lie down with us in New York, New York.

63. I love you and I beat you to it: horizontal with an actor-romantic Jan 11, 2019

In this and next week’s episode, I lie down with my college friend, the actor-romantic, Triple Threat, improviser, mimic, voice-over artist, chameleon, ham, and all-around delightful, well-adjusted human, Burl Moseley.

He’s such a phenom that he recently got his own song on the musical TV show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. If I were you, just before listening to this episode, I’d go straight to YouTube and type in “Don’t be a Lawyer.” He sings, acts, and dances the bejeesus out of it, in a full-on bright-pink 90s suit with a chunky tie. I have watched it an embarrassing number of times, I have insisted that my housemates watch it, and when I arrived at Burl’s apartment to record this episode in early December, I danced around his place singing it back to him. I’m reaally into it. And if you’ve ever known a lawyer (and I’ve dated two!) I’m pretty sure you'll be into it as well.

Burl and I both went to NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts for Drama. He was a luminary in my favorite improv troupe, and I always made it a point to show up to their shows and cheer them on. Improv was never my thing, but Burl is a natural improviser … I think that’s part of the reason he’s so good at life-ing.

In this first half of our conversation, we talk about the origins of being such a live wire, the two types of military kids, making as many friends as possible, casual misogyny and male friends, Burl’s “showing out” at school, and my attitude problem, our childhood crushes, how Burl felt about his parent’s PDA, the first kiss ritual, the mom & dad sofa, and trying to undo the damage that Disney has done.

If you enjoy cozying up with us, and want to listen to next week’s episode with Burl (episode 64), become a patron of the horizontal arts. Patreon is the love child of crowdfunding and a subscription service, and you can access all the part twos of every episode by becoming a patron of $5 a month or more.

Welcome to my newest patrons: Michael and Daniel, and an extra joyous thank you to Tiana, Rex, and Donald, for raising their pledges this month!

I’m deeply committed to Intimacy Maven as a career choice, and continuing to create work that diminishes loneliness, dispels shame, and alchemizes human connection, in multiple mediums. You can help me happen it.

Next week’s episode will be released next Friday and available to patrons of $5 and up. In it, we discuss the three C’s of relationshipping, reflective listening, Burl’s first kisses, willyoubemygirlfriendyoucananswermetomorrow, how movie sex and porn sex are like pro wrestling, my theory about why young people are having less sex, relationship takeaways, how Burl feels about marriage now, and a story about emotional release.

I’ve got just a few more episodes in Season Two, and the grand finale is something really special. I can’t wait to share it with you.

And then, I have some exciting twists coming for Season Three, which will start in the next couple of months, and I’ll also be revamping my Patreon tiers then, so if you want to be grandfathered in at the $5 level (meaning that the tier will go up, but you’ll still get access to all the episodes) go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila and become part of my mission to make the world a more intimate place!

For more horizontality in your inbox once a week-ish (okay, full disclosure, lately it’s been once a month-ish), sign up on horizontalwithlila.com for my raw personal writing, photos of me horizontal in unexpected places, images of my guests and links to the show notes, and the occasional bit of additional fabulosity, like a plug for my sex educator housemate’s online course on how to be a great lover.

Here are the humans who helped make horizontal happen: Chad Michael Snavely edits horizontal. Peruse his podcast roster on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew horizontal. Hire her through 99designs. Alan Markley scored horizontal. Find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.

And now, come lie down with us, in a place called Hollywood, in Los Angeles, California.

61. my gender is dolly parton & miss piggy: horizontal with queerfatfemme Dec 28, 2018

I often say that this show is about intimate relationships of all kinds.

Not just romantic and sexual relationships, which tend to be the only ones that our society considers to be under the umbrella of “intimacy,” but also family relationships and friendships and mentorships, platonic love affairs and business partnerships, and all the rest of the meaningful relationships a human can have.

We also deepdive into the one relationship that is intrinsic to all of these, and yet not always named as such: our relationship to ourselves.

The lion’s share of this episode is about self-intimacy. How we think to ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, care for ourselves, how we mother ourselves, and how we pick ourselves up…

In this episode, recorded on my trip to Los Angeles in early December, I lie down with Bevin, aka queerfatfemme, fearless torchbearer of body-positivity and positivity in general, warrior for self-love, creator of Fat Kid Dance Party aerobics, former lawyer, empress of tea, and purveyor of radically colorful fabulosity. She’s also a reiki practitioner and a Life Purpose Coach. Go swimming in all things kind and sparkly and jubilant on queerfatfemme.com

She describes her gender as Dolly Parton and Miss Piggy. I pretty much wanted to talk to her forever. I settled for 3 hours. This is the first half of that conversation. It's a helluvan episode.

In it, we talk about a gender-expansive lifestyle, seasonal affective disorder, self-love, self-compassion, self-care for Future Us, fatphobia, multiple coming-outs, soulmates, and systems of oppression that, in Bevin’s incisive words, “intersect on the body and bloom.”

Next week's episode, 62. we can be benefits, but not friends... contains the second part of our conversation, in which I tell the entire 17-year story of the romance that led to my abortion in October, is available on Patreon to patrons of $5 and up per month.

Patreon is the love child of crowd-funding and a subscription service. When you sign up, you’ll get a special RSS feed (that’s the stream of episodes that are available to my patrons - which includes love poems of the month, for my $10 and up patrons). You add that to your podcast player, and it gives exclusive access to all the episodes, every part two, going back to the beginning. Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Welcome to my darling new patrons this month: Pan, Nick, Louis, Ava, David, Emilee, Donald, Jacob, Charles, Olivia, Sheila, Trep, Renata, Greg, and Taekia, Nicole, Ariana, and an extra happy dance for Christian, who upped his patronage in December!

Patronage begins at $2 a month, and I absolutely cherish every single patron. All patrons are invited to my secret Facebook group, where I share fascinating sex-positive articles, and behind-the-scenes things, and my Feels and goals and musings. I know some friends of mine have been hesitant to be a patron if they could only do $2 a month, but let me assure you: If everybody who was positively impacted by my writing or this podcast became a $2 a month patron, it would change my life. That’s the beauty of this new era of creation.

And here’s an extra special perk from now until the end of the year: When you become a patron by January 1st, I’ll send you a handwritten thank you love note & a saucy horizontal sticker. My handwriting has been described as "perfect!" "ridiculous!" “like a font!” I’m just saying.

For more horizontality in your life, you can receive my words in your inbox once a week(ish). I call them missives, and they are full of my personal writing, bits of the show notes for each episode with links to the whole thing, invitations to my live events, and horizontal photos, often in unexpected places. The last missive was titled “how does it feel to want?” and was all about longing.

Sign up for all that goodness on horizontalwithlila.com and add lila@horizontalwithlila.com to your address book, because email servers are frustrating and strange and sometimes treat my email like Spam, which it is Not. If you used to get my emails and don’t anymore, that might be why! Rescue them, please!

Here are the humans who helped make horizontal happen: Chad Michael Snavely edits horizontal. Check him out on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew horizontal. Hire her through 99designs. Alan Markley scored horizontal. Find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.

Now, dear one, come lie down with us and a Persian squashy-faced cat named Biscuit Reynolds, in Los Angeles, California.

59. I’m gonna fuck him forEVER: horizontal with a polyamorous podcaster of political proportions Dec 14, 2018

Horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down. Think of it as consensual eavesdropping.

Together, we’re making private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize human connection.

Brene Brown, the world-renowned researcher/storyteller and expert on vulnerability, shame, and courage, states that shame (in a petri dish) needs 3 things to survive: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame in a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.

I envision this podcast as a douse of empathy.

In this episode, I lie down with Samia Mounts in my bed at Hacienda Villa, the sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Samia is a singer, actress, voice-over artist, creator of music, and a polyamorous podcaster of political proportions, with a voice built for stadiums and arenas. Currently based in Korea, I was fortunate enough to get horizontal with her when she was in town to sing at the Kennedy Center. She is a bisexual babe, a military kid, a half-Jordanian woman who grew up largely in South Korea, an advocate for nontraditional relationship structures, and a great believer in horizontality.

You may remember that I enthusiastically recommended Samia’s political podcast: Make America Relate Again. In it, Samia did something I'd never heard before in my life — she had respectful conversations about politics with women who voted for Donald Trump. Pretty much all the political conversations I hear between liberals and conservatives are acrimonious and combative. Make America Relate Again is based on the premise that if we can communicate respectfully with people whose viewpoints frustrate, enrage, or sadden us, we can cultivate more compassion in this sorely-divided country of ours. And if we stoke the fire of that compassion, we can work together to create positive change. Samia managed to put the humanity back into politics for me. I am impressed and astonished that she had the reserves of compassion and empathy to engage wholeheartedly in this way for two entire seasons. I find her to be brave in a way that I am lacking, and this had me tuning in.

Now in 2019, lucky for us, she'll be applying those skills to a new podcast called Future Love, one about polyamory and unconventional relationships and and sex and love, in which she aims to help people have more authentic, passionate, longer-lasting romances by forgoing the conventional rules, and instead, writing their own. To be apprised when her new podcast launches, and for all things Samia, including her articles about polyamory for Huff Post and Refinery 29, point yourself to samiamounts.com, and sign up for her mailing list!

Since our episode was recorded in my room, you’ll get a little local color from the Symphony Orchestra of Bushwick, but when you hear the crackling sounds of a Yule Log, that’s Samia, vaping.

In this first part of our episode, we discuss growing up as a horny little beast on a military base, playing lumberjack, dry-humping girls at 8, coming out as bi at 14, the year of the purge, a play I was in called An American Family Takes a Lover, Sex at Dawn, my new fashion friend, ordering food while fucking, Samia’s night with her new 48 year-old lover — we call him “Wild Man,” being multi-orgasmic, and cultivating lifelong sexy relationships. We cover a lot of ground!

To listen to the second part of my conversation with Samia, which will be released next Friday as episode 60, in which she tells me the most epic love story of her life, and the most epic friend-love story of her life, become a patron of the horizontal arts!

Patreon is the love child of crowd-funding and a subscription service. As a $5 month patron, you’ll get a special RSS feed that you can add to your podcast player, and it gives you exclusive access to all the episodes, every part two, going back to the beginning. I’ve made a little video tutorial for it, in case the RSS is confusing. It’s available on my Patreon page. (See what I did there?) Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

And now, come lie down with us in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

***

For more horizontality, you can receive my words in your inbox once a week(ish). I call them missives, and they are full of my personal writing, bits of the show notes for each episode with links to the whole shebang, invitations to my live events, and horizontal photos, often in unexpected places. Sign up for all that goodness on horizontalwithlila.com and add lila@horizontalwithlila.com to your address book, because email servers are frustrating and strange and sometimes treat my email like a message Mr. Jim Carlos who misspells your name as well as several third grade words while asking you to wire money — which I’m pretty sure is not something that people do anymore. Please rescue my thoughtful, well-crafted emails from the depths of folders like “Spam” and “Promotions” and “Updates.” Thank you.

Here’s the credits: Chad Michael Snavely edits horizontal. Check him out on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew horizontal. Hire her through 99designs. Alan Markley scored horizontal. Find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.

57. fear of intimacy: horizontal with the love (drive) podcaster Nov 30, 2018

Horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down.

I’m really glad you’re here.

You can think of it as consensual eavesdropping.Together, we’re making private conversations public, so that we can dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize human connection.

If you’ve been horizontal for a while, you know that each conversation is about 2-3 hours long, and gets divided into two episodes, released a week apart (by popular demand). For instance, this is episode #57. Next week’s episode, #58. the love drive, will feature part two of my conversation with Shaun.

As I said in the last couple of episodes, I’m making a big shift in the way horizontal is released, and it just went into effect on Wednesday. All the part twos have now disappeared from your apps (unless you downloaded them, as I suggested! Thanks for being an early adopter!).

They are now gated, and available to patrons at $5 a month and up.

This is my first serious step toward making this work a sustainable career path. I intend to untether myself from my bread-and-butter job and continue expanding the horizontality … into videos, books, a TV show. I have big big dreams to SPREAD INTIMACY ACROSS THE GLOBE. And you can help me happen it.

In this episode, I lie down in my bed in Bushwick, Brooklyn, with Shaun Galanos. I live in Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community, and, just like most places on the vanguard, our neighborhood is (still) fairly gritty. So be advised: Bushwick— is a very noisy place. Trains and sirens and construction and unidentifiable buzzings and whirrings… let’s just say, you’re definitely gonna hear some local color in this episode. We’ll call it...verite.

Shaun Galanos is a 30something silver fox, a Canadian, an American, a 12-time burner, a dog dad, and the host of the podcast The Love Drive, which aims to make sex and love less awkward. He’s also a street performer who gives Free Love Advice. He sets up a sign and his recording kit all over the place, in public parks, at Burning Man, while waiting for transportation, and, before he got chased away for soliciting the customers, at the airport. Point yourself towards thelovedrive.com for everything Shaun (including that free advice he talks about).

Shaun and I met on the interwebz and started flirting and brainstorming and podcast-conspiring on Instagram. He’s handsome and charming and skilled in cheeky banter. He makes cute videos in which he talks directly to camera, Ferris Bueller-style. He cares about intimacy! He’s single! So when he came to New York, naturally, we hopped into bed. But only to record. (More on that in the episodes.)

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about cruising chat rooms and cybering, wizard sleeves and uncircumcised cocks, the pics of naked men that turn Shaun on, the pics of naked women that turn me on, self-voyeurism, check-ins, and our level of sexual attraction.

If you want to hear the second part of our conversation, released next Friday, in which we discuss our pheremones, the hierarchy of relationships, touch-starvation, Old Spice, my breasts, and Shaun tells me a story about risky wedding sex, become a patron of the horizontal arts!

And now, come lie down with us in Bushwick, Brooklyn. (whispers) We’re naked.

Let’s do the credits!

Chad Michael Snavely is my editor and a podcast maven. He has a slew of podcasts you can check out on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay is my illustrator and graphic designer. She specializes in good-looking character illustrations from photographs, like the one you see in my podcast cover art. Hire her through 99designs. Alan Markley is a rock star touring musician, and he created my intro music (with a little bit of sex vox from me - those are the breathy sounds). Find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.

Shaun and I also got vertical together. We recorded episode 28 of The Love Drive: how to get invited to a play party in Shaun’s borrowed apartment in Williamsburg. (Despite the title, I make no promises.) But if you’re curious about what a Hacienda sex party is like, well, darlin’, we made you an episode.

At the end of that recording, Shaun asked me if I had a parting thought. I said all I could think of was the E.M. Forster quote, “Only connect.” I don’t think that we will regret any of the time we’ve spent trying to connect with other humans. What I mean is: the time we spent cultivating intimacy in our lives is time worth spending. It is among the worthiest of pursuits.

So thank you, thank you for getting horizontal with us.

To listen to the rest of our conversation, as we unpack our own challenges getting intimate with each other: Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Until next week, I wish you someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

55. touch hunger: horizontal with a professional nurturer Nov 16, 2018

This week and next week’s episodes are the last ones recorded on my horizontal does america tour, which took place in October & November of 2017. Lucid Studios NYC provided a car, and I went on a solo road trip adventure, circumnavigating the U.S., covering 10,700 miles and recording with people in their homes, in their cities.

We recorded this episode in Austin, Texas, in a color-saturated cottage sanctuary filled with art and altars, called the Blue Star Temple.

In this episode, I lie down with Epiphany Jordan. Epiphany is a nurturer by trade, a professional cuddler, aka the Chief Oxytocin Provider of Karuna Sessions, described as the “rolls royce” of cuddling experiences,” a 2-on-1 deepdive immersion in mothering energy and loving touch. Her forthcoming book, Somebody Hold Me: The Single Person's Guide to Nurturing Human Touch. Keep your eye out over the next few months for its release, by going to the website somebodyhold.me

You can also find her on karunasessions.com and bluestartemple.com

She is a reader of the tarot, proprietress of the Blue Star Temple guest house and sanctuary space. We recorded this episode there, and I can attest to the coziness, color therapy, and great good juju of the place.

At Blue Star Temple, Epiphany offers services like Cross-Dress for Success, Design a Ritual, and the iconically-titled Sanctuary. I love that she offers Sanctuary as a service. We could all use some Sanctuary, don’t you agree?

In this part of our conversation, we discuss Epiphany’s Muslim / Jewish / Catholic upbringing, being a sexual rebel in Reno, Nevada in the 70s, the cyclical nature of sexual mores, society’s touch deficit, and my complicated relationship with my mother, and my mother’s touch.

If you enjoy lying down with us, and believe in my mission to spread intimacy across the globe, that’s how you can make sure that this podcast remains ad-free, and remains a podcast. Become a patron of the horizontal arts. Patreon is the love child of a subscription service and crowd-funding. You offer a monthly contribution, and you get a level of special access to me and my work. Beginning in the next couple of weeks, the second part of my conversation with each guest will be gated, meaning roughly every other episode will be free, and every other episode will be paid — but all episodes will always be available to patrons at $5 a month and up. So, download all the episodes while you can, and become a $5 a month patron for full access going forward.

Thanks to my newest patrons: Evyn, Melani, Mark, Christopher, Antonio, and Rex, I’m now halfway towards breaking even on the current podcast expenses! After breaking even, the next goal is to hire a transcriptionist. I’ve been painstakingly transcribing my show notes by hand in order to create gorgeous, informative, accessible to differently-abled folx blog posts. (And pssst, you can get my writing and photos and links to the blog posts in your inbox weekly, by signing up on horizontalwithlila.com and adding lila@horizontalwithlila.com to your address book.)

Since I am both unskilled and extraordinarily meticulous, each set of show notes takes me about 10 - 12 hours to put together. When I hire someone, 90 percent of those hours will be freed up to conduct more interviews, offer more live events, and create more horizontal goodness for you!

Just before we dive into the episode, I want to make this super clear: a lot of friends have told me that they've been hesitant to become my patrons because they feel embarrassed to only be able to give $2/month. Oh My goodness, if everybody who loves the podcast or my writing became a patron at $2 a month, it would CHANGE MY LIFE. Every patron is so incredibly valuable to me, and the beauty of crowd funding is precisely this - when many people give a little bit, it adds up appreciably, and with each new patron, I can feel how many people out there believe in me and my mission to spread intimacy across the globe.

Plus, I do a happy dance every time.

Go to: Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

You can also follow the link in my Instagram bio that reads “patron of the horizontal arts.”

Dear Ones, did you know that I send what I call “missives” to my email list once a week? They include my personal writing, resources from the episodes, links, videos, saucy photos, and other miscellaneous bits of ephemera, like articles about my sex-positive intentional community … To receive all that goodness directly in your inbox, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com and add lila@horizontalwithlila.com to your address book, for good measure. I’ve heard that my missives have gotten buried in some “Updates” in Gmail, or even that they’ve gone to (gasp!) Spam. They are not Spam. Please rescue them.

Season Two has been edited by Chad Michael Snavely. Check out his slew of podcasts on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew my sensual cover art, and you can hire her through 99designs. And the rock star / father Alan Markley created my intro music. He’s plasticcannons on Instagram.

In next week’s episode, the second part of my conversation with Epiphany, we talk about her forthcoming book, Somebody Hold Me, about getting your touch needs met, what exactly is involved in a Karuna Session, and getting together to cuddle your friends.

Now darlin’, come lie down with us in Austin, Texas.

53. sperm control: horizontal with a nonmonogamy consultant Nov 02, 2018

Horizontal is a podcast about intimacy. It's recorded while lying down, wearing robes, sharing a single pillow. I take you into my bed (or in the case of these episodes, recorded while I was on the road across America, someone else's bed), and let your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations. The goal is to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize connection.

In this installment, I lie down with Wry of Wry Polytalks, a nonmonogamy consultant, a clear-talking, thoughtful advocate for alternative relationships and kinky stuff, an entertainer, a Dominant, a consent activist, public speaker, social justice warrior, and the host of many, many a panel.

Wry Polytalks are panel discussions with relationship experts that he moderates on a web of topics related to nonmonogamy. I got to see his showmanship in action when he hosted the Ethical Slut social at Hacienda Studio (twice!), and lead two such panels in our event space. His ringmasterishness sure can command a room!

He's also passionately involved in the movement to destigmatize the conversation around mental health. As the daughter of a woman diagnosed with bipolar disorder who has been fighting for her health nearly all of my life, and as a person who experiences depression myself, along with, or possibly caused by, undiagnosed Seasonal Affective Disorder, this advocacy is very dear to me.

Wry's voice sounds like whiskey and a rec room with burgundy leather armchairs. I like it.

In this part of our conversation, we talk about playing 90210, internalized slut-shaming, choosing heartbreak, relationship anarchy, PREP, and how herpes is really not that big of a deal.

I want to let you know about a change that's coming up. I have big big dreams, like making a pilot for a horizontal TV show, and I realize that I need more freedom to be able to achieve them. And that means finances. I'm deeply committed to making this my career, and I'm still holding to my intention to bring you independent, uncensored, and ad-free radio.

The podcast doesn't yet break even. Patreon covers less than half of the monthly production expenses. And it's time for my project to grow up. I need to experiment with different models of income. Going forward, the second part of my conversation with each guest will be gated, meaning roughly every other episode will be free, and every other episode will be paid. All episodes will always be available to patrons at a certain level and up, and they'll be available for purchase individually as well.

If you enjoy lying down with us, and believe in my mission to spread intimacy across the globe, This is how you can make sure I continue to create independent, uncensored, ad-free radio: Become a patron of the horizontal arts. It’s a cross between a subscription service and crowd-funding for artistic patronage. You offer a monthly contribution, from $2 a month on up, and you get a level of special access to me and my work.

Since in the next few weeks, every other episode will be free, and every other episode will cost a small amount, Patronage will be the way to unlock all the gated episodes. And I just want to make one thing super clear: many friends have told me that they've been hesitant to become my patrons because they feel embarrassed to only be able to give $2/month. Oh My goodness, if everybody who loves the podcast or my writing became a patron at $2 a month, it would CHANGE MY LIFE. Every patron is so incredibly valuable to me, and the beauty of crowd funding is exactly this - that when many people give a little bit, it can add up to something really meaningful, to something that supports me to fulfill my purpose. Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

You can also follow the link in my Instagram bio that reads “patron of the horizontal arts.”

And now, come lie down with us in L.A.

***

I send what I call “missives” to my email list once a week. It’s like lobbing a thousands messages in a bottle out to sea. I share my writing (the most recent missive was about my abortion and the right to choose), I share resources from the episodes, I share saucy photos, and other miscellaneous bits of interest, like that time I was in Playboy … talking about dating outside of your political party in the era of Trump. To receive all this goodness directly in your inbox, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com and add lila@horizontalwithlila.com to your address book, for good measure. We don’t want it getting lost in some “updates” tab or something, do we? Indeed no. No we do not.

Season Two has been edited by Chad Michael Snavely. Check out his slew of podcasts on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew my sensual cover art, and you can hire her through 99designs. And Alan Markley created my intro music. He’s plasticcannons on Instagram.

Next week, Wry and I get deep into kink, BDSM, and a wild FetLife story.

Until then, may you have someone to love, something to do, and lots of things to look forward to.

It’s been a pleasure getting horizontal for you.

52. permission to change your mind: quickie with a sex therapist Oct 26, 2018

This episode was recorded on my horizontal does america tour in November of 2017. I took to the road in a little blue car and drove solo around the country with two intentions: to feel as free as I could possibly feel, and to lie down and record as many episodes with fascinating humans as I could manage.

In this quickie episode, recorded right before she headed in to therapize people in the morning, I lie down with the sex therapist Dr. Cat Meyer. Dr. Cat is a spritely, sensual whirligig, with big green eyes and big brown hair and a slender, bendable body. She’s a yoga teacher, a creatrix, a playful creature, a dancer of her prayers, a licensed relationship therapist, and a reiki practitioner. If you live in Beverly Hills, where Dr. Cat sees people in her private practice, she could be your sex therapist.

Cat’s own podcast, eatplaysex, which just sounds like whipped cream in podcast form, doesn’t it? explores subjects in the very same wheelhouse as this one. On her Instagram, sexloveyoga, which I follow voraciously, and I suggest you do as well, she shares the writing she spins from thoughtfulness, self-inquiry, gentle nudging, and a vision she holds for us all to open the most profoundly to our deepest longing, pleasure, and confidence… her posts are little gifts for us, and each serves as a reminder of her mantra, “I choose myself powerfully.”

Find her on the interwebz at sexloveyoga.com and catmeyer.com.

We first met at a birthday party in Ojai, a 40th birthday extravaganza that was more like a miniature festival than any birthday party I’d ever seen, complete with food trucks, a musical amphitheatre carved of rocks like a miniature Sedona, an elaborate sensual ritual invoking the energies of masculine and feminine to infuse the man we were celebrating, and a giant bathtub truck with a Dr. Bronner’s “foam experience,” like the one at Foam Against the Machine at Burning Man.

The amount of glorious attention and effervescent love paid to this man made me burn with a heady potion of envy, admiration, and inspiration. “I want people to come together over me in this way,” I thought. “I want to facilitate this experience for someone else, too.”

Inside the house by the pool, in a room made for cuddling and love, festooned with pillows and soft things, people were practicing AcroYoga. Having taught for so many years, and drifted away from the practice for many more, I sometimes move away from people who are in the throes of it, the ones who fly people at every opportunity, every park visit and ecstatic dance and house party. But this time I was drawn in. I offered a therapeutic flight to a friend of my friend. His first. That looped me in as one of them and built a bridge for them to talk with me. One of them was an AcroYoga teacher as well. When I told him about the podcast, he said, “Oh my God, There’s someone here you HAVE to know.” And he called Cat over.

Six months later, we were lying on a shaggy rug in her living room, her pet bunny hiding out in the corner, California morning light insistent through the blinds, shaking off sleep and recording this story.

We talk about threesomes and the right to change your mind, delayed emotional responses, how the point of sexual no-return is an illusion, being satisfied before orgasm, asking ourselves if it still feels good, looking for yeses and nos in the body as expansions and contractions, and how meditation and affirmations don’t have to look like what we were taught they look like.

If you enjoy lying down with us, this is how you can make sure I continue to create independent, uncensored, ad-free radio. Become a patron of the horizontal arts. It’s like a subscription service, crowd-funding for artistic patronage. You offer a monthly contribution, from $2 a month on up, and you get a level of special access to me and my work. You know that you are a direct catalyst for making the world a more intimate place. And I do a happy happy dance, and then get horizontal again. Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

I have big plans, big big dreams for what’s next in the world of horizontal, and you can help me happen it.

Also, I send what I call “missives” to my email list once a week. It’s like lobbing a thousand messages in a bottle out to sea. I share my writing (the most recent missive was about my abortion and the right to choose), I share resources from the episodes, I share saucy photos, and other miscellaneous bits of interest, like that time I was in Playboy … talking about dating outside of your political party in the era of Trump. To receive all this goodness directly in your inbox, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com and add lila@horizontalwithlila.com to your address book, for good measure. We don’t want it getting lost in some “updates” tab or something, do we? Indeed no. No we do not.

And now darling, come lie down with us, and a little white bunny.

***

Season Two has been edited by Chad Michael Snavely. Check out his slew of podcasts on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew my sensual cover art, and you can hire her through 99designs. And Alan Markley created my intro music. He’s plasticcannons on Instagram.

On next week’s horizontal, I lie down with Wry of Wry Polytalks, a super-entertainer, a clear-talking, thoughtful advocate for alternative relationships, kinky stuff, destigmatizing conversation around mental health, and the host of many, many a panel.

His voice is like whiskey and a rec room with burgundy leather armchairs. You’ll see.

Until next time, I wish you someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

It’s been a pleasure getting horizontal for you.

50. your pussy is not a sheath: horizontal with a vagina whisperer Oct 12, 2018

Welcome back to horizontal! I missed you. This is the podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down, wearing robes. It aims to make private conversations public in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and alchemize connection.

After a hiatus, during which I went to Burning Man, also known as: surviving a giant art project in the middle of the desert, and then came home and felt very sad to no longer be out adventuring slash surviving said art project in the middle of the desert, and then questioned nearly everything about my life, as is, apparently, rather typical, I’m back on schedule!

This episode marks a couple of horizontal milestones. And because I’m rewiring my nervous system for joy, I’m committed to celebrating successes of every size and volume. So… This is episode number 50! And in a bit of neat numbership, horizontal just surpassed 50,000 downloads. Thank you so much for listening, and for sharing this work with your people. Don’t stop. Keep sharing it. Let’s have a revolution!

For all things horizontal, including photographs of me horizontal-in-unexpected-places, intimacy resources, and my writing (some recent titles have been “the Wednesday night meltdown,” “the right to choose,” and “brave on the rocks, or, choosing to open when you want to shut but you know it would really be better if you opened”), sign up on horizontalwithlila.com

In this episode, I lie down with Pamela Samuelson. Pamela is a bodycare witch, a sex ed teacher, a renegade, an instigator, a libertine. Or perhaps she’s really more of a wizard than a witch. A sexy female Dumbledore minus 50 years. Gravitas and twinkly eyes.

As a bodywork specialist, she is trained in sexological bodywork, holistic pelvic care, and the Arvigo techniques of Maya Abdominal Therapy. This means that she works on the pelvis and the pussy, inside and out. She's a warrior of bodily empowerment, Rosie the Riveter with a speculum.

We first met the day before we were supposed to record, in the gender neutral bathroom at an event called Cycles & Sex, which is about pussies, not bicycles. Pamela was leading roomfuls of women in a campaign called “Take Back the Speculum,” which is part anatomy lesson, part show and tell, and part hands-on practice. Pamela shows the sexual anatomy of her own body, by inserting a speculum, and allowing the participants to see her cervix with a flashlight. Then, the participants are given a speculum, and get to try it on their own. I didn’t do it that day. You’ll find out why in the episode.

In this part of our conversation, we talk about ambiverts, cervical self-exams, femme-drag and bespoke suits, wonder women, moving people’s wombs into a more optimal position, arousal vs. wetness, the husband stitch, and Pamela’s viral rant.

My dear listener. Come lie down with us.

Patronage is what makes it possible for me to continue making independent, uncensored, ad free homemade radio. When my crowd-funding grows, I’ll be able to dedicate myself to intimacy work. I believe that when we make private conversations public, intimacy becomes contagious, and the more intimate relationships we nourish, the happier our lives.

For $10 a month, you’ll get access to the love poem of the month, a private recording of one of my favorites. For $15 a month, you’ll get a ticket to a live show, or access to a secret episode, and so on. Be part of making the world a more intimate place. Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.

Season Two has been edited by Chad Michael Snavely. Check out his slew of podcasts on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay drew my sensual cover art, and you can hire her through 99designs. And Alan Markley created my intro music. He’s plasticcannons on Instagram.

Until next week, may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

48. libertine: horizontal with the doyenne of dirty stories Aug 10, 2018

horizontal is a podcast of intimacies recorded while lying down.

In this episode, I lie down with sexual folklorist Dixie de la Tour. Dixie is the founder, curator, and host of Bawdy Storytelling, the longest-running sex storytelling series in the United States. Samia Mounts, of the “Make America Relate Again” podcast, was the first to mention Bawdy to me in the late summer of last year, and she insisted that I SIMPLY MUST attend the RISK & Bawdy collaboration show at the Bell House last September. I did. I saw. I played Bang-o.

I started courting Dixie immediately.

She is a mesmerizing storyteller. Her Southern lilt, her flagrant nonchalance and nonchalant brazenness, her heart-o-gold, her heaving bosom. She’s not just a Connector, in the Malcolm Gladwell sense of the word, she’s a Super-connector, a Mmmega-connector. Her shows get people laid (it’s happened so often that there’s even a song for that!); her shows spark romance, start relationships, and, I believe may have even been tangentially responsible for a bawdy baby or two.

I was tickled and honored and seam-burst-ing with joy when I finally had the chance to get horizontal with Dixie in her chosen hometown of San Francisco, California. We recorded in the guest room of a 24-ish member intentional community in SOMA. One of my classmates from NYU lives there. It’s like the Parthenon of intentional communities. For tales from the road, like the one about how I got totally infatuated with a guy there and wound up acting like a 13 year-old, for pretty pictures of my adventures and horizontality in unexpected places, for invites to live shows, and my writings about intimacy of all kinds, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com

While I was driving cross-country solo on my horizontal does america road trip, I didn’t listen to music. I just didn’t have the impulse to. I listened to books, I listened to podcasts, I talked to friends on the phone, I talked to myself, I sang to myself, or I drove along in meditative quiet. I listened to episode after episode of Dixie’s Bawdy Storytelling podcast. After a while, Dixie started to feel like a road spirit, an auditory escort, my most frequent aural (a-u-r-a-l) companion. Behind the wheel of my borrowed Honda Civic, while listening to Bawdy, I repeatedly squealed, laughed, teared up, and said OH. MY! all the way across America.

We are so fortunate that Dixie has centered her life around living stories, telling them, and getting other people to tell them. What do they say about living legends? She’s a national treasure. Explore her body of work, pun intended, on Bawdystorytelling.com.

If you enjoy our horizontal storytelling, become a patron of the horizontal arts, darling! You can become a patron for $2 on up, and the rewards get more delectable as you increase. For instance, for $10 a month, you’ll get access to the love poem of the month, a private recording of one of my favorites. For $15 a month, you’ll get a ticket to a live show, or access to a secret episode, and so on. Patronage is what makes it possible for me to continue making independent, uncensored, ad free homemade radio. I believe that when we make private conversations public, intimacy becomes contagious, and the more intimacy we cultivate, the happier our lives. Be part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.

Your patronage helps make the world more intimate.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about Bawdy, Bang-O, craigslist personal ads, the unknown hookup, and being a porn magnet. And Dixie tells me a tale about a porno booth (with glory holes everywhere).

Stick around at the end of the episode for a little treat: a bawdy song by Jefferson Bergey!

And now, come lie down with us in San Francisco, California.

The credits!

Here are the people who made this episode possible. Chad Michael Snavely has edited every episode in Season Two. Check out his roster of podcasts on chadmichael.com. Shana Shay created my cover art, and you can hire her through 99designs. And Alan Markley created my intro music. He’s plasticcannons on the Instagram.

46. 12 ways to say no gracefully: horizontal with the co-founder of cuddle party Jul 27, 2018

horizontal is the podcast of intimacies that’s recorded while lying down.

In this episode, I get the opposite of vertical with Marcia B., co-founder of Cuddle Party, creator of The Good Girl Recovery Program, and co-leader of weekend intensives like “Make Hot Play Happen” and “The Wanted Man,” that teach humans to have more fun, deeper connections, and hotter sex. Her co-teacher for these weekends is Midori, the renowned sex educator and doyenne of Japanese bondage.

Marcia is an educator, a writer, a wild-permission giver, a generator of joy. She's funny and warm and lovely and clear. Marcia is a boundary expert, and the set of rules that she co-created for Cuddle Party have inspired a legion of hosts, including pretty much everyone who hosts an event at Hacienda Studio — the event space housed in Hacienda Villa, the community I live in.

The Cuddle Party rules are so good, so simple and yet so profound, that I am compelled to share them here:

Pajamas stay on the whole time.
You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.)
If you’re a yes, say YES. If you’re a no, say NO.
If you’re a maybe, say NO.
You are encouraged to change your mind.
Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.
Get your Cuddle Party Facilitator or the Cuddle Assistant if you have a question or concern or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
Tears and laughter are both welcome.
Respect people’s privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties.
Keep the Cuddle space tidy

We got horizontal in Kensington, California (Marcia says that I should say Berkeley, because even people from the Bay Area don’t seem to know that there is a Kensington).

My San Francisco stop was right in the middle of my horizontal does america cross-country road trip tour. For synchronicitous stories and pretty pictures, sign up for the missives on horizontalwithlila.com

We are in Marcia’s “Room of Requirement,” a designation borrowed from the world of Harry Potter (which I loooove. I used to re-read all the books every year, for comfort). It’s a space that converts into whatever the seeker needs it for most at that very pressing moment, if they know where to find it. Marcia’s Room of Requirement is a sometime office, sometime guest room, often living room, occasional Cuddle Party space… you get the picture. It’s exactly the opposite of an austere apartment where you feel like you probably shouldn’t touch anything or sit down. In Marcia’s house, you should plop down straightaway. Purrrfect for getting horizontal.

In this first part of our conversation, we talk about Marcia’s coming of age during the AIDS crisis, the some/many/most model of sex information, boundaries boundaries boundaries, the abnormality of “average,” saying no gracefully and… asking for what you want.

***

If you enjoy lying down with Marcia and I, become a patron of the horizontal arts. You could receive monthly love poems, tickets to a live horizontal storytelling show, or horizontal pillows so that you too can get horizontal with lila. Every bit of patronage goes into continuing to make independent, uncensored, ad free homemade radio. I believe that making private conversations public makes intimacy contagious, and the more intimacy we have in all different forms, the happier we are. Be part of my mission to spread intimacy across the globe through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila.

Show me you believe in what I'm doing. Patronage begins at $2 a month, and as it increases, the rewards get more sumptuous.

***

Now, dear ones, come lie down with us in Berkeley, California.

Credits!

Chad Michael Snavely is horizontal’s editor-at-large. He and the rest of his coterie of podcasts can be found at Chad Michael.com. Alan Markley created my intro jams. He’s plasticcannons on Instagram. And Shana Shay drew the sensual me that comprises my cover art. You can hire her through 99designs.

On next week’s episode, Marcia and I discuss the dog/cat/bird model of play party personalities, touch deprivation, what is “queer enough,” bi-erasure, constellations, poly pods, and the post-nuclear family. Also, Marcia reiterates that “if you can’t say no, your yes is worthless.”

Until next Friday: may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

44. don't fuck in my room: horizontal with a (grown-up) child of poly parents Jul 13, 2018

In this episode, I lie down with one of my favorite humans, Lurleen. Lurleen lives in Portland, Oregon. Well, I still think of her that way even though she recently moved to the outskirts. Let's say she's Portland adjacent.

When I first met Lurleen, I thought, "This is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in real life." And just as my envy started to kick in, she made a joke or a funny face and it was as if to say, "You don't have to do that. We can just love each other."I had just moved to Portland in November of 2008 (an ill-advised bit of scheduling on my part) and it was grey and rainy and I didn't own a car and I was biking around without proper rain gear and I was cold and my butt got soggy and damp and that made me very, very cranky. I tried to remind myself that the universe did not owe me a car.... The tango scene was pretty much my only social life in PDX. So I bought the Comme il Faut 3 and a half inch heels, and dove in. My initial joy gave way to the shame and frustration (recognized by partner dancers of uneven skill levels everywhere) of not being as good a dancer as my new boyfriend. I tried to come to grips with the way he chased after dances like a dog with opposable thumbs. I came to abhor the way he would shark around the perimeter of the dance floor, snapping his fingers, smiling vacantly and hunting for a partner good enough for him. Hunting for a partner who was better than him, is what it was. And, more often than not, he'd forget to check in with me in the process. And then whine on the car ride home (after we fit my folding bike in his trunk) about the fabulous visiting dancer who wouldn't accept him yet, and how he was going to be good enough for Mila one day.

One such time, when he was off chasing dances, I sat down with Lurleen and her boyfriend. And I started to rant. They had eyes, after all. They were in the same scene with him. They could see what he was doing. But it was the first time I'd shared openly with them. Lurleen almost smiled at me in my rage."I like you so much," she said.And we've been saying that ever since. Even now, we still say, "I like you so much." It means, of course, I see you. I love you. You matter to me.Lurleen is a giraffe in a gazelle's body. She's a Vogue-colored candy shell with a creamy Saturday Night Live center. Lurleen is a fashion model who had thyroid cancer in her late teens/early 20s, was successfully operated on, and became an aesthetician. She still has the necklace-like scar, a smile across her skin. It serves as a daily reminder of how precious existence is, how crucial it is that we enjoy it, and how fortunate we are to still be able to laugh.I feel utterly at ease in her company. In a way, the fact that she's far more beautiful than I am gives me permission to be as beautiful as I want to be, and as talented as I am. What a gift that is. I never try to diminish my light around her, because she's bright enough that she has nothing to fear. She's never trying to dim anybody else.Lurleen learned at a young age that she could disarm people with her humor. In the acting world, she's what would be called a "rubberface." She learned how to contort her face for other's amusement, make herself momentarily less attractive so that others would feel more comfortable around her.Her steadfast friendship saw me through two narcissists and a kind, coffee-making guy I met on a summer trip back and decided I wanted to marry.I am unmarried.A few days before I left Portland to travel for a year, in October of 2010, I sat down with Lurleen on a bench outside a cafe and said, "There's going to be a time that we lose touch. I won't be living here and I know how you are with the phone. And I want you to know that, even when that happens, I will continue to love you as I do now." And it has. And I do.Whenever I announce that I'm coming to Portland she says, "How long are you staying, and how many days are you staying with MEH?"I love this woman so damn much that I hope you will too. This episode was recorded in Portland, Oregon at Lurleen's old, creaky, cozy apartment. It was recorded in October of 2017, on my cross-country horizontal does america tour, before she moved in with her boyfriend.

In the first part of our conversation, we talk about oversharing, proper boundaries, opening up a marriage to save it, simultaneously experiencing thyroid cancer and her parent’s divorce, and shoulder-checking your sister.

Now, come lie down with us.

***

If you enjoy lying down with us, become a patron of the horizontal arts! You could receive monthly love poems, tickets to a live horizontal storytelling show, or horizontal pillows so that you too can get horizontal with lila. Every bit of patronage goes into continuing to make independent, uncensored, ad free homemade radio. I believe that making private conversations public makes intimacy contagious, and the more intimacy we have in all different forms, the happier we are. Be part of my mission to spread intimacy across the globe through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. Show me you believe in what I'm doing. Patronage begins at $2 a month, and as it increases, the rewards get more sumptuous.

***

Credit Where Credit Is Due:

Chad Michael Snavely edited this podcast. He's at Chad Michael.com. Alan Markley created my intro jam. He is p lasticcannons on Instagram. And Shana Shay drew my cover art. She's at shanashay.com.

***

Tune in next week for the second part of my conversation with Lurleen, in which we discuss the art of masturbation, shapeshifting for boyfriends, the Nazi cuddle, my future man, and Lurleen’s one and only time at a sex club...

42. nipple orgasms: horizontal with youtube’s lesbian sexpert Jun 29, 2018

Welcome to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds. It’s recorded while the opposite of vertical, but you probably know that.

This episode was recorded in October, 2017, on horizontal does america, my 10,000 mile cross-country road trip and recording tour. Through a series of fortunate events which I will call “six laughable fortuities,” in honor of Milan Kundera, I wound up at the house of Dr. Lindsey Doe in Missoula, Montana. And Stevie was there. (Go back and listen to the intro of episode 40: sexplanations, for the full story.) Stevie, like Dr. Doe, is a huge ginormous YouTube star, but they both somehow agreed to put on robes, lie down with a stranger and record a spontaneous podcast.

Stevie Boebi is the creator and host of the first Lesbian Sex Ed video series. She’s also a cat mom. (They make special guest appearances in her videos, including one in which she slightly annoys them for our amusement.)

Stevie... is gorgeous. She has long purple hair. And luscious lips. And a thousand watt smile. And pretty vivacious eyebrows. Detect you some admiration? Indeed. Indeed you do. She’s also hilarious, charming, winsome, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and passionate about dismantling stereotypes, questioning identity politics, and teaching fact-based sex ed. As opposed to the other kind. Which exists in myriad forms, to our great chagrin.

Her full-on commitment to these topics is evinced by her (also ginormous) lexicon of YouTube videos with titles such as, “Lesbian Third Wheel,” “Can Lesbians do butt stuff?” “How to Survive a Breakup,” and “Gay Men Touched my Vagina for the First Time: Q&A and Afterthoughts.” (By the way, I definitely watched - and enjoyed - the “Gay Men Touch Vagina for the First Time” video before I met Stevie and only realized that she was the vagina model when I went to write this intro!) Just to be uber clear though, a vagina refers to the internal anatomy of a pussy, and vulva refers to the external anatomy, so, unless they were fingering her (which it seems like one of them may have been?) they were actually touching: a vulva.

I suggest you fire up her YouTube channel when you wanna go down a rabbithole of loveliness, humor, pussy, and kickass straightforward tell-it-like-it-should-be sex ed. You can find her under Stevie Boebi on Twitter and Instagram, and just plain Stevie on YouTube.

In the first part of our conversation, we talk about getting punished for telling someone what a blow job is, her first girlfriend, daddy issues, the film festival premiere of her “how to eat pussy” video, being bi-romantic, repressed memories, molestation, a two-person game of Spin the Bottle, and the Love Feast.

Come lie down with us! You’re already lying down? Oh good.

Credits!

All of season two is edited by Chad Michael Snavely. He’s got lots of other podcasts on his plate, too. Check them out on ChadMichael.com. The nicest rock star on the planet, Alan Markley, created my intro music. He’s plastic cannons on the Instagram. The lovely little me-drawing (complete with painted toenails!) on my cover art was designed by Shana Shay. Find her on 99 designs. Hire these people if you can!

Tune in next week on horizontal for the second part of my conversation with Stevie, in which I tell her the story of my great unicorn threesome.

40. sexplanations: horizontal with the sex ed teacher you never had Jun 15, 2018

Horizontal is the podcast about intimacy that’s recorded while lying down. Wearing robes.

This episode was recorded on my horizontal does america tour, in October 2017. For two months, I circumnavigated the U.S. in a little blue Honda Civic. It was 10,000 solo miles of adventure with two intentions. 1) to feel free, and 2) to record with as many fascinating people as possible.

I knew that I wanted to go to Montana. I’d missed the entire state on my first cross-country road trip, in 2009. A friend said, “Go to Missoula!” By the grace of my friends, go I. So. I went.

How I came to be horizontal with Dr. Lindsey Doe goes like this: I drove the 6 hours from Billings to Missoula and arrived in a pile of yellow leaves next to a Ghetto Gypsy bus. (That’s what it said on the front.) I didn’t have a plan for Missoula. I didn’t know anyone who lived there or have any recordings lined up or really anything specific in mind at all. I just wanted to see Big Sky Country. After 4 years of living in a room at the Villa the size of a postage stamp, so small that I had to loft my bed in order to turn around, I longed to feel spaciousness. I still long for that.

I drove in around dinnertime and strolled into a clothing shop next to an extremely happening biergarten. A place of microbrews. It felt like Portland. I drink no beers, because of the glutens, but I thought, “Ach! My people!” The next day I went to a yoga class and the instructor gave me a 15-minute walking tour of downtown Missoula. He left me on a street full of local shops. I poked around a store called “Upcycle,” where everything is made out of something that used to be something else. Donovan, the proprietor, was sweet and chatty and we got to talking podcasts. He listens to them as he crafts. It’s his thing. I told him about horizontal, how I’m finally making my own thing and actually putting it out into the world, how I’m actually making good on my mission to cultivate intimacy, seven years after my revelation that this is my thing.

“Oh,” he said. “Are you here to interview my friend Lindsey Doe?”

“No,” I replied, “But I’d like to be!” I only half-recognized the name, but I had a good feeling about this.

Lindsey, or Dr. Doe, is the creator of the wildly popular YouTube series Sexplanations, a doctor of Human Sexuality, and a certified clinical sexologist. She’s the sex ed teacher you never had. She’s the sex ed teacher you wish you’d had in high school. She’s the sex ed teacher you wish you had in middle school! She’s direct and clear, playful and enthusiastic. She’s matter-of-fact, but fun about it, like a medical doctor who gets excited about “cool anatomy.” She’s brilliant at breaking things down in a way we can all understand, without talking down to us, and imbuing it all with a certain kind of Hermione-like, academic, striped-sweater sort of cheerfulness that I find entirely refreshing. In that way, she reminds me of one of my favorite educators of all time, my high school Art History teacher, David Bewley, who would practically dance about while teaching on particularly exciting eras like the Renaissance, and create helpful acronyms like DIC, D.I.C., in order to help us remember the order in which columns were invented — as you can hear, I still remember. (Doric, Ionic, Corinthian)

Lindsey gave Donovan permission to give me her phone number. I texted straightaway. When I didn’t hear back the whole evening, I chalked it up. Figured it was too last minute. Sometimes my spontaneity works in my favor and sometimes, not so much.

I decided to drive up to Glacier National Park the next day, because it was the answer to the question, “What is the most breathtaking place in Montana?” I figured that I’d head across Idaho from there. I treated myself to a hotel in Whitefish, a fancy little ski town, because I was too tired to make it to Idaho that night.

The following afternoon, determined to hit a hot springs on the way, I set my course for Quinn’s. As I was poking around the shops in Whitefish, and buying myself a plaid shirt because I was in Montana so it felt important, the yoga teacher from Missoula messaged to say that I shouldn’t go to Quinn’s because it’s man-made. He told me to go to Jerry Johnson Hot Springs instead. Okay, then. I changed course.

The Maps app routed me back through Missoula.

Forty-five minutes north of Missoula, I got a message from Lindsey Doe asking if she’d missed me! And also, “what is it you’re doing again? What’s this with the robes?” She sounded highly skeptical and yet game at the same time. I felt vaguely worried that she wouldn’t like me. “Stevie Boebi‘s in town right now, too. She’s the go-to YouTuber on lesbian sex. Would you want to record an episode with her?”

YES.

“Okay, I’ll see if she’s interested.”

I drove to Lindsey’s house straightaway, listening to her YouTube videos en route. I arrived back in Missoula after sunset, and recorded these episodes, back-to-back. And that, is the story of how Lindsey Doe came on the podcast.

We have so much to learn from her. In the first part of our episode, we talk about body hair, strong jawlines, Puritan sexuality, cognitive dissonance, the real definition of intercourse, anal sex, puckering, and happy trails. Come lie down with us.

***

If you are educated by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila - if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undiluted work. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!

***

Credits!

All the episodes in season two have been edited by Chad Michael Snavely. Peruse his roster of podcasts on ChadMichael.com. My intro music was created by the nicest rock star on the planet, Alan Markley, plastic cannons on the Instagram. My lovely cover art was drawn by Shana Shay. Find her on 99 designs. Hire these people if you can.

***

Until next week, when Dr. Doe and I discuss the Tinder game, sexual disgust, mate pools, and demisexuality, as well as the matching hypothesis, the t-shirt experiment, chemistry, poly-tana, and sushi on naked bodies… may you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

38. reveal all fear nothing: horizontal with a feminist pornographer Jun 05, 2018

This is a special edition of horizontal, the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations. horizontal aims to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate connections.

This conversation was recorded last week at Hacienda Villa, the intentional community and center for sex education in Bushwick, Brooklyn: my home. In this episode, I lie down with Madison Young. Madison is a performance artist, an author, a sex educator, and a feminist pornographer.

Last week, Hacienda Studio, our event space, hosted three performances of Madison Young’s one-woman show Reveal All Fear Nothing. It is literally like nothing else I’ve ever seen. Reveal All demystifies, illuminates, and celebrates the often-misunderstood worlds of kink, porn, and BDSM, through the words and body of an insider.

It is important work. It needs to be seen. And it needs to be seen by you. I don’t want to reveal too much for her, because you should watch her reveal it yourself, but I must tell you this: I haven’t even seen my own g-spot yet… but I’ve seen Madison’s.

Did you even know that was possible?

You could say, quite accurately, that I was moved. In so many ways. Throughout the night, I laughed, I danced, I gasped, my heart hurt, I ran upstairs during intermission and gave my date a blow job … I cheered, and I was left with this liquid pool of gratitude at the astonishing generosity with which Madison has crafted this piece. She made us a gift. Go enjoy it!

Madison will be performing THIS WEEKEND in a two-night-only limited engagement at The Tank in Midtown Manhattan on Friday the 8th and Saturday of the 9th of June, 2018. Make it your mission to be there. You can get your tickets on RevealAllFearNothing.com - There is radical sexual healing to be had, merely by being a witness to this work.

In the first half of our episode, we talk about Madison’s memoir, titled “Daddy,” saturations, rainbow unicorn bondage, self-aftercare, how a porn star prepares, and the petition that stopped Madison from going to church.

And now you can do something that legions of fans have only dreamed of. You can come lie down with us.

***

If you are moved by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undilutedwork. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!

***

Credits!

Time for some credit. This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast maven. Check out his entire roster by heading to ChadMichael.com. My lovely intro music was created by the nicest rock star in the world, Alan Markley. He's on Instagram as plastic cannons. The horizontal cover art was illustrated by Shana Shay, and her playful, sensual work can be found on 99 designs.

37. not necessarily consensual: horizontal with a sexual assault survivor Jun 01, 2018

This is horizontal, the podcast about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, recorded while lying down. On horizontal, we make our private conversations public, for their shame-dispelling, loneliness-diminishing, and connection-cultivating properties. As listener ghostheart put it in their silver-tongued review, this is the podcast that takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.

In the second part of this episode, recorded in early October on my horizontal does america road trip, I lie down with Kennedy in Omaha, Nebraska. Horizontal does america was a 2-month long, 10,700 mile road trip and recording tour that I enjoyed during October and November of 2017. I miss being on the road!

Kennedy is the young wife of my college friend, Thom. The last time I visited Thom was on my first cross country road trip, in 2009. He was single and frustrated and working as a bartender. Now, he has a two year old, a house, a truly delightful wife, and he teaches carpentry at a magnet high school. It’s like seeing the end of a movie where you were really rooting for the tortured underdog hero, and then you get to see the movie after the credits, where the character makes a life out of what he’s always wanted. I’m so happy that he’s happy.

At 20 years old, Kennedy is a mother, a college student, a giver of care, a seeker, a brave and humble warrior. She is a survivor of sexual assault who would prefer not to use the words “victim,” “assault,” or “survivor.” She doesn't wish to identify with victimhood, or run the risk of people seeing that as her whole identity.

This is a prime example of a great sickness in our society, that a woman who is harmed, is likely to be blamed for having been harmed, and then further judged and blamed for using the term “victim” to accurately describe the role forced upon her by sexual assault. I am appalled and deeply saddened that Kennedy should even had to worry about this. It’s only a small part of the story of Kennedy - but it is a part of that story. And we know that silence doesn't help. We know that silence and secrecy have caused women to suffer more egregiously than their wounds ever necessitated. We know that silence and secrecy has kept many of us from receiving proper treatment for trauma. We know that silence and secrecy degrades our mental health. We don't want this to happen anymore. Not to any girls. Not to any women. Not to any trans folx. Not to any. One.

We want freedom. We want the liberty to express our sexuality in any way that feels right and meaningful and joyous to us. We want the liberty to love and fuck and marry whomever we wish to love and fuck, and marry, whenever we wish to love and fuck and marry them. We have the right to speak aloud about the things that have happened to us. To paraphrase the writer Anne Lamott, and I think about his all the time, “If they wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

My wish for us: is that we continue, unabashedly, to put forth our own stories in the hopes that others may not need to live in shame. I am deeply honored by the generosity required for Kennedy to share her vulnerability with me, and by extension, with all of you. I hope you feel it, and you honor her for it, too.

In the first part of our episode, titled "you can make a human: horizontal with a young mother," we discussed topics that have never before been broached on the podcast — placenta fajitas, childbirth and misogyny, bodily fluids, being a young mother, and marrying a 36 year-old at 18

In this second half of the episode, we discuss sexual assault — I name it that, because that is its name. We also talk about victim-blaming and slut-shaming, trauma, comforting boys, the seven-year itch, sharing your partner, and the desexualization of mothers. Then Kennedy tells me a story about the first time she kissed a girl.

I’m pretty sure you want to lie down with us.

***

Credits!

36. you can make a human: horizontal with a young mother May 25, 2018

This is horizontal, the podcast about intimacy of all kinds that’s recorded while the opposite of vertical. Horizontal aims to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate human connection. To paraphrase my eloquent listener ghostheart, I take you into my bed and let your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.

In this episode, recorded on my horizontal does america road trip, I lie down with Kennedy. Kennedy is the young wife of my college friend, Thom. Thom and I went to theatre school together at NYU. I think he graduated one year before me, in 2002. I had a thing for Thom. I'm pretty sure we had sex. He's pretty sure we didn't. We're friends now. I visited him on my first cross country road trip, in 2009, when he was single and working as a bartender. And I visited him on my second, now that he has a two year old, a house, a wife, and works as a schoolteacher at a magnet high school.

During October and November of 2017, I drove 10,700 miles in a Honda Civic. By myself. Every single mile of it. Oh it was delicious! I circumnavigated the U.S. with two intentions: 1. To feel free, and 2. To record with as many fascinating people as possible.

At 20 years old, Kennedy is a mother, a college student, a giver of care, a seeker, a brave, humble warrior.

She is a survivor of sexual assault who doesn't like to use those words. She doesn't wish to identify with victimhood. She doesn't want people to see that as her whole identity. It is a prime example of a great sickness within our society, that a woman who is harmed, should be blamed for having been harmed, and then further judged and blamed for using the accurate term: “victim” to describe the role she has been forced into.

I am appalled that she even had to worry about this. It is only a small part of the story of Kennedy— but it is a part of that story. And we both know that silence doesn't help. We know that silence and secrecy have caused women to suffer more egregiously than their wounds ever necessitated. We know that silence and secrecy has kept many of us from receiving proper treatment for trauma and our mental health. We know that we don't want this to happen anymore. And that she, like I, wants us to be free. To express our sexuality in any way that feels right and meaningful and joyous to us. To love whomever we wish to love, whenever we love them. To speak aloud about the things that have happened to us. To put forth our own stories in the hopes that others may not need to live in shame. I am deeply honored by Kennedy's vulnerability, and the generosity required of her to share that vulnerability with me.

At first, when I arrived at Thom’s place, I was concerned that Kennedy might not like me. As it turned out, she was concerned that I might not like her. Because due to some disappointingly backwards closedmindedness, more than a handful of Thom's friends, and I say that in quotation marks, "friends," were unkind to both of them when they got together. It is hard for me to understand why a true friend would stand in the way of you loving another consenting adult. But. That's what happened.

I was delighted to see my friend so happy.

In this episode, we discuss topics that have never before been broached on this podcast — childbirth and the sex afterwards, mismatched libidos, being a young mother, and ... placenta fajitas.

Let's get into the episode, dear ones. Come lie down with us.

***

If you are moved by this work, become a part of it through Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila — if you aren't familiar with it, Patreon is a life changer for independent artists with the desire to make lawless, uncensored, and undiluted work. It allows each of you to become a patron of the horizontal arts, and to gain access in various ways to this process of spreading intimacy. You can become a patron at the base level for $2 a month, and the awards get more sumptuous as you offer more!

***

34. that was a big cucumber: horizontal with a gay reiki master May 11, 2018

Welcome in to horizontal, the podcast about intimacy that’s recorded while: the opposite of vertical. My guest and I wear cozy robes and lie down, shoulder to shoulder, with the microphone positioned above us. It’s as though we’ve talked all night, and we’re still stargazing, but the sun is just starting to make itself known in yellows and oranges around the horizon. Horizontal aims to make private conversations public, in order to dispel shame, diminish loneliness, and cultivate connection.

In this episode, I lie down with my friend Josh. Josh and I met at Circling, which is a sort of inter-relational meditation. Whereas in meditation with oneself, I will sit silently with my eyes closed, observing my internal landscape, the sensations In my body, my cloud-thoughts as they pass and my hamster-wheel thoughts as they come back around, In Circling, I have my attention not only on myself, but also on the others around me, how their presence and the shifts in the room affect me, the stories I make up about them (sometimes thought of as assumptions), and what I imagine about their internal landscapes. In Circling, I try to hold an awareness of myself while also endeavoring to be deeply present with others. When it's done right, it seems to me to be a practice of deep empathy, both for what it might feel like to be someone else, but also, empathy and a certain kind of respect for what it feels like to be me in the moment. A reverence for the truth of the moment.

That is the context in which Josh and I met. And at first, I had the story that Josh didn't really like me very much. It is a vibe I sometimes get from particular gay men and from pretty, unkind women. I've never asked him how he felt when we first met, but I was delighted to learn, when he hugged me some months into Circling together at Amy Silverman’s Connection Movement nights in New York City, that he had a positive regard for me.

Josh is a fashion design-trained, floridly creative visual artist of many mediums, baker, cook, and new Circling facilitator. In Circling, he acts as an emotional lightning rod and visionary. He often expresses through sound, vibration, and convulsions, emotions that feel present in the room but latent— that others are either unwilling to express or unaware they exist. When I say that he is a visionary Circler, I mean that he literally has visions. He'll often have his eyes closed and when he opens them, he sometimes shares the images that came to him during someone's expression— there's usually something uncanny and relevant about it. Sometimes an object in the image is meaningful to the person, at otter times her seems to intuit what they desire in the moment but haven't thought to ask for. I often feel awe when he describes these images, and hearing him so bold with his associations has opened a gate for me to be bolder with mine.

We recorded this episode in his trailer at the Omega Institute, an expensive spiritual adult version of short-term sleepaway camp. Josh was towards the tail end of his work commitment there when I came to visit. I arrived late and tired, so we decided to record in the morning, during a rainstorm. The pitter-patter of the rain on the tin trailer is a sweet lulling to me. (I won't be offended if you fall asleep!)

If you enjoy lying down with us, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patronage allows artists like me to make independent, uncensored, ad-free work, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious benefits, ranging from quarterly lullabies to bonus episodes to tickets to live recordings to handwritten postcards! You can become a patron for $2 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous.

In the first half of our episode together, we talk about Josh's first gay stirrings, the right vegetables to put up your butt, spandex guy, porn energy work, and unintentional celibacy.

For some of my favorite yoga people, who have been asking me, “Which episode is the gayest?” Get ready. It is this one. Here. I'll prove it. Come lie down with us.

***

Here’s the moment where I give credit where credit is due: This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely! Peruse Chad’s other podcasts on chadmichael.com. My delectable cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs— she’s such a pleasure to work with. Horizontal’s theme music is by Alan Markley, rock star and newly-minted Dad. You can find him on Instagram as plasticcannons.

32. why we never had sex: horizontal with my dearest high school friend Apr 27, 2018

Welcome back to horizontal, the podcast that makes private conversations public, or, in the words of listener ghostheart, “takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.”

In this episode, I lie down with my closest friend from high school, Joe McCue. I have a couple of guys who went to other high schools that I considered my “older brothers,” whom I'm still in contact with, but you might say that people from that time in my life are few and far between. Which makes my friendship with Joe all the more precious to me. Joe and I went to an arts magnet school at Gibbs, called Pinellas County Center for the Arts, or PCCA for short. His major was Visual Art; mine was Performance Theatre. He was one year ahead of me in school.

Joe is now an osteopath. He spent eight years in undergrad, because he just adored the act of study, and kept starting majors and nearly finishing them, only to become swept away by another major and course of study (or at least, that’s how it seemed to me). Eventually, he decided to become a doctor, and went to school for, I don’t know, 9 more years or so. He’s now finishing out his fellowship in Osteopathic Neuromusculoskeletal Medicine in Bangor, Maine.

This episode was recorded in Joe's sweet old house in Bangor, where he lives with two cats, a wife, a child, and the occasional miscellaneous borrowed pet.

Joe's house was the second stop on my 10,000 mile cross-country road trip, and this episode marks the first release from the series of recordings I made on my “horizontal does america” tour. In October and November of 2017, I, a couple of suitcases, and my recording equipment circumnavigated the United States in a Honda Civic - in order to lie down with people in their homes, in their cities.

Joe and I got horizontal in his guest room — his wife next door making phone calls from their bedroom, baby asleep, cats locked out, dog-sitting dog downstairs, cars going by on the sleepy country street. The next morning we went to Treworgy farm and did a photo shoot among the pumpkins. (For visual aids, such as photos of my Vargas girl-style pinup among the pumpkins, head to horizontalwithlila.com and sign up for the mailing list. You'll get behind the scenes images, special stories, and discounts on live shows delivered directly to your inbox!)

If you enjoy lying down with Joe and I, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patreon is an innovation in the life of the artist. It’s a website that crowdsources income on a monthly basis. It can make it possible for me to continue creating independent, uncensored, ad-free, homemade radio. There are lovely perks when you become my patron. For instance, for $25 a month you’ll recorded love poems (the upcoming poem will be “She Walks in Beauty”). You’ll also get two tickets to a live recording of horizontal, quarterly lullabies, an invitation to my secret FB group, and a post of what I call GPG: Genuine Public Gratitude (or not! If you want to remain a private patron, I will honor you privately!) There’s loads of other perks on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Because I cannot bear to see them go to waste, here are some other titles I considered for this episode:

the paper anniversary

the nose couple

And

the vanilla episode

So you know what you should do, right? You should come lie down with us.

***

Credit where credit is due:

Here’s the moment where I give credit where credit is due: This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely! Peruse Chad’s other podcasts on chadmichael.com. My sinuous cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs - she’s a pleasure to work with. Horizontal’s theme music is by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

30. my heart is broken may it never heal: horizontal with a man separated from his wife Apr 13, 2018

Welcome in to horizontal with lila, the podcast that makes private conversations public. We discuss the details of intimacy while the opposite of vertical, wearing robes.

In this episode, I lie down with my dear friend of 11 years, Matthew Stillman. Matthew Stillman is a genius. Matt’s friendship, ingenuity, sheer breadth of knowledge and depth of compassion, keen interest, curiosity, and the ability to forge connections between seemingly unrelated subjects illuminates exactly what you were trying to unearth in essence but perhaps didn't have the cultural or historical vocabulary for ... He's changed my life. He's made my world bigger many, many times over. I owe my life at the Villa (and thus, this podcast) to his curiosity and insatiable desire to share.

In 2012, Matt loaned me a series of books to read (sometimes I think of it as my independent study / book club of one in human sexuality) and made himself available for all sorts of conversations surrounding those books. Each one vastly expanded my perceptions of what is true and possible. First came Arousal: the secret logic of sexual fantasies. Then Sex at Dawn. Then Esther Perel’s mating in captivity.

For years, Matthew enacted a beautiful social experiment slash performance art piece. He sat in Union Square with a table and two folding jars, and a jar with a sign on it that read, “CREATIVE SOLUTIONS TO WHAT YOU’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT: PAY WHAT YOU LIKE OR TAKE WHAT YOU NEED.” He used his astonishing breadth of knowledge and ludicrous reserves of memory to offer people an expansion around their problems. My book club of one was not the most out-of-the-box creative approach Matthew has ever offered me in my life (that probably had something to do with “sacred rage”), but I didn't know about those books before then, who knows if and when I would have found my way to them if it wasn't for Matthew. They form the beginnings of how I started to live into my purpose.

As a person who knows a little bit about a few things, I had never personally known anyone who knows so much about so many things. Perhaps you are seeking a creative approach to something you’ve been thinking about. If so, get yourself over to stillmansays.com - The reason you should have a creative approach session with Matt, more than anything, more than the knowledge, more than the widsom, is his cavernous capacity for empathy. It is from a landscape of empathy that he will draw on all the reading and all the study and all the discourse that lives within him. Without his empathy, this wouldn't strike the chord that translates through you into action. But with his empathy, the springing forward, the impetus, the desire to shift, is the real gift of this work.

If you enjoy lying down with Matthew and I, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patreon is a great advancement in the life of the artist, a website that crowdsources income. It can make it possible for me to continue creating independent, uncensored, ad-free, homemade radio. For $25 a month you’ll get a monthly recorded love poem, two tickets to a live recording, quarterly lullabies, an invitation to a secret FB group that I curate, and a post of what I call GPG: Genuine Public Gratitude (or not! If you want to remain a private patron, that’s ok too!) There’s loads of other perks on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

And if you want to lie down with us in person, the next horizontal storytelling pajama party will be held in Brooklyn on Sunday, April 29th. Details when you sign up for my lovely mailing list at horizontalwithlila.com

In the first half of this episode with Matthew, we speak of villagemindedness, our elders, orphan wisdom school, Matt’s first great love, his wife, and proceeding as if you are needed.

Come, dear one. Come lie down with us.

***

This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely! Listen to the rest of the podcasts in his catalogue through chadmichael.com. My sumptuous cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs. The theme music is by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

In order to hire Matthew’s brain to help you creatively approach your challenges, find him through stillmansays.com

28. future of sex: horizontal with a sex tech podcaster Mar 30, 2018

Heyyy, Welcome back to season two of horizontal, the podcast that makes private conversations public, or, to paraphrase my listener ghostheart, the podcast that “takes you into my bed and lets your ears watch as I unzip intimate conversations.” We record while the opposite of vertical, wearing robes. It’s a thing, the robes. It makes a difference!

In this episode, I lie down with Bryony Cole. Bryony is the host of one of my hands-down favorite podcasts, Future of Sex, which explores the intersection of the “evolving worlds of sex and tech.” Her work grapples with questions like: how will VR affect relationships? Does sex with a humanoid robot constitute cheating?

Bryony also moderates live panels with some of the most fascinating innovators and radicals in sexuality and technology. She organizes and hosts sex tech hackathons across the globe, seeding innovation in the field. She’s also, I must say, a stunningly gorgeous Australian beach babe, which would be a little difficult to deal with, if she wasn’t also one of the sunniest, most accommodating humans on the planet. Her soft Australian accent makes my brain tingle ...

To follow all things Bryony and Future of Sex, get yourself over to FutureOfSex.org

If you enjoy lying down with us, become a patron of the horizontal arts! Patreon is a website that crowdsources income for artists. It can make it possible for me to continue making independent, uncensored, ad-free, homemade radio. For $10 a month you'll receive quarterly lullabies, sung by Lila. For $20 a month you’ll get two tickets to a live recording! Lots of other perks on patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

For show notes (photos! vocab! resources!) and behind-the-scenes stories from the horizontal does america tour, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com

In the first half of our episode, we talk about catholic school skirts, the time I slapped a girl, being spared sex, and going to the chapel.

We got horizontal in Williamsburg, in Bryony’s bed. It was summertime, and though I asked Bryony turn off her air conditioner, there was nothing to be done about … other people’s air conditioners. At one point, the condensation from an air conditioner above her air conditioner began to drip drip drip … Ah, the sounds of summer in Brooklyn, ladies and gentleman.

If I were you, I’d come lie down with us.

Credit Where Credit Is Due:

This episode was edited by Bryony’s “Future of Sex” editor, Chad Michael Snavely! Thank you, Bryony! Listen to the rest of the podcasts in Chad’s catalogue through chadmichael.com. My sumptuous cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay, whom you can hire through 99designs. The theme music is by newly minted papa Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

May you have someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to.

Thank you, for lying down with us.

26. for people who aren't looking to fall in love: horizontal with a bisexual slut Mar 16, 2018

Welcome to the second episode of the second season of horizontal with lila, the podcast about intimacy recorded while lying down.

In this episode, I lie down with my sweet friend Fiona. Fiona is an architecture student, a first generation Nuyorican, a bisexual woman, and one of the most deliciously sensual humans I’ve ever known. At the time of this recording, she had recently trained as a tantrika and was giving erotic massage at a Tantric Temple, which is where she headed right after we finished recording … she was late!

Since then, has retired that persona, feeling that, while she fully supports the rights of women to do tantric sex work, it wasn’t for her. However, she’s dabbled in educational sex work as well, and really enjoys being a demonstration model in an intimate environment — for instance, showcasing hands-on sexual techniques during workshops given by the sex educator Kenneth Play.

This episode was recorded on a marathon day of podcasting in my friend Owen’s basement — which is far less creepy than it sounds, as his basement is a combined recording studio and mother-in-law suite with a queen-sized bed, making it perfect for horizontal.

Fiona holds the record at the Villa for having sex with the most housemates. It seems that everyone is attracted to her! And, lucky for them, she enjoys many flavors of human. Also ... some of my housemates are— very good at sharing.

In the first part of our episode together, we talk about being child-free, various forms of birth control, swallowing come, tumblebugging, and coming out as poly.

If you enjoy lying down with us, become a patron of the horizontal arts. Patreon, the website that gives artists a platform to crowdsource income, can make it possible for a modern day broadcaster-golightly, such as myself, to make independent, uncensored, and, to this day, ad-free work. For five dollars a month I’ll add you to my secret FB group, where I post behind-the-scenes photos and curate the most fascinating articles about love, sex, and relationships. There are lots of other perks as well, like free tickets to live horizontal storytelling shows, where you can lie down with us in person. Right now, you’ll just have to pretend.

You know how to pretend, right? You just put your mind to it … and come lie down with us.

Credit where credit is due:

This episode was edited by Chad Michael Snavely, podcast impresario. Check out his impressive catalogue on chadmichael.com. My lovely cover art is by Shana Shay, hire her through 99designs.com. And my congratulations to the creator of my theme music, Alan Markley, plasticcannons on Instagram, on becoming a father.

For my show notes, stories from the horizontal does america road trip, and discounts on live shows, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com

24. booty revolution: horizontal with a youtube star Mar 02, 2018

Welcome in to season two. Horizontal is the podcast about intimacy - sex, love, and relationships of all kinds - that’s entirely recorded while lying down. We were on hiatus while I made a 15,000 mile solo road trip, circumnavigating the US on a tour I called “horizontal does america.” I got to lie down with my guests in their homes in their cities. You'll hear those episodes, like one with Dr. Lindsey Doe, of YouTube’s Sexplanations, and another with Marcia B, co-founder of Cuddle Party, later on in the season.

In this episode, I lie down with my dear friend Meghan Tonjes, YouTube sensation, singer-songwriter, accidental leader of the booty revolution, Instagram darling, podcaster, and body positive role model. I first met Meghan when she visited the Villa to interview us as the host of Sex-ish, a documentary TV series produced by Morgan Spurlock’s company, that will hopefully grace your screen … one fine day.

Meghan is a warrior of deep intimacy and vulnerability, sharing so candidly about her internal emotional landscape as well as her external physical landscape, that she clears a path for the rest of us to do the same. For all things Tonjes, including her music, podcasts, and extremely articulate YouTube rants, find her on meghantonjes.com

This episode was recorded while horizontal in Meghan’s bed at her home in Los Angeles, California, about seven months before I went on the road.

In the first part, we talk about sexting, how I met my partner, the feelings ambush, getting disowned, and her grandma, who was her person.

C’mon darling. Come lie down with us.

***

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s theme music was created by Alan Markley, plasticcannons on Instagram. The cover art is by Shana Shay, you can find her on 99designs.com. This episode was mixed and mastered by Chad Michael Snavely - check out his other podcasts, including one of my favorites, Bryony Cole’s Future of Sex, on chadmichael.com

***

The second half will be released next week, by popular demand. In it, we discuss Meghan’s estranged father, the booty revolution, dating in L.A., body positivity, and how she deals with trolls.

You’ll receive exclusive content and discounts on live shows when you sign up on horizontalwithlila.com!

We know it’s been a while since our last episode, but you were ready to hop back under the covers and snuggle. Thank you so much for lying down with us.

22. poly cocktails: horizontal with my hacienda housemate Oct 10, 2017

This intro was recorded in Baltimore, MD because, throughout the month of October, horizontal does america. It’s just me, a Honda Civic, and a backpackful of recording equipment circling the United States together … and you can be a part of happening it.

Patreon.com is a platform for crowdsourcing patronage. Whereas in the olden days, an artist survived on the support of one single patron, now, you can support the horizontal arts with a monthly contribution of any amount whatsoever, from $1 on up. Rewards include handwritten postcards, tickets to the horizontal storytelling live show, behind-the-scenes videos and sensual photos, and having an episode curated to your chosen theme, amongst other perks! Go to Patreon.com/horizontalwithlila. I’m just a few dollars away from filming a video of the elaborate happy dance I do every time I get word of a new patron! This month, I’ll use your support for gasoline, the recording equipment I just bought, and horizontal storytelling, where the quickies are recorded.

You can get horizontal photos (I aim to take one in every city), video postcards, and missives from the road by signing up for the mailing list at horizontalwithlila.com - also check out the website if there are any vocabulary words we use that you don’t know yet - because it has a glossary.

Horizontal’s cross-country tour was sponsored in part by Lucid Studios, a New York-based production company. They’re meticulous and passionate people, and they truly care about how your work affects the audience. Find them on lucidstudiosnyc.com (not ny, as I said last week - oops!)

In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Zed. He’s a sound engineer who works mainly on musicals, and before he moved into the house, he worked on Broadway touring shows for seven years. Our relationship has been fraught in the past, especially during the early months of living together, which we share about in the second half of our episode. Our respect for each other has grown, though. Zed’s motto is, “Always leave it better than you found it.” He often lives up to that. And without Zed’s generosity, this podcast would probably not exist, as, up until two weeks ago, I was borrowing my sound equipment from him. He is fiercely dedicated to his work and our home, Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn. To record this with me was a great act of bravery on his part, and I hope you feel that.

In the first part of our episode, we talk about the sex table, the “poly” house, outsiderness, and being a sex-positive germophobe. Come on. Come lie down with us.

Horizontal’s sensuous cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay - find her on 99 designs.com. My intro & outro music were created by Alan Markley, plasticcannons on Instagram. And every episode is mixed and mastered by Owen Muir, of Self-Disclosure Productions.

On the next episode of horizontal, you’ll hear the rest of my conversation with Zed, in which he allows me to read one of the hardest letters I’ve ever written, a letter that I wrote him.

Follow horizontal around the country by signing up on horizontalwithlila.com

21. unicorning: quickie with a woman who has sex with couples Oct 03, 2017

The intro for this episode was recorded in Burlington, Vermont, because, for the entire month of October, horizontal does america.

Lila is circling the country on a big podcasty solo road trip which began in New York and heads up to Maine, down to Baltimore, across the northern states, down through California, back across the South, up the East Coast … and you can be a part of happening it.

Patreon.com is a platform for crowdsourcing patronage. Whereas in the olden days, an artist survived on the support of one patron, our global web allows everyone who believes in an artist’s work to have a hand in sustaining it. You can support horizontal endeavors with a monthly donation of any amount from $1 on up. There are rewards at every level, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. I cherish every Patreon supporter - each dollar means that you champion my mission of cultivating intimacy around the world. This month, I’ll use your support for gasoline to get across the country, recording equipment, and horizontal storytelling events, where we record our quickies.

If you can’t support horizontal financially just yet, you can still get sensual horizontal photos, video postcards, and missives from the road by signing up for the mailing list at horizontalwithlila.com

And if you know a particularly compelling human with fascinating, raw, vulnerable stories about sex, love, and relationships of all kinds, send me a message through Facebook or the website. I definitely want to know who you think I should lie down with next.

horizontal’s podcasting tour is sponsored in part by Lucid Studios, a New York-based production company that crafts video content, books talent, and produces live events. They are meticulous and passionate people who care deeply about the way your work affects an audience. For your production needs, contact them through the website.

In this quickie episode, recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party, I lie down with Alana Heiss. Alana is a Google product marketing manager … and a sex writer. She is probably the famous-est real-live unicorn - a term used for the (not as mythical and rare as one might think) person who has sex with couples. She wrote an excellent, titillating article about it for GQ entitled “Confessions of a Real-Life Unicorn.” She tells this quickie story at my request, because I wanted more about Unicorn Life. Alana calls herself a “fake gonzo journalist” at the beginning of her story, but I completely disagree. I think she’s a real gonzo journalist. You can find her work on alanaheiss.com.

So you know what you have to do, right? Come lie down with us.

+++

Horizontal’s saucy cover art is by the illustrator Shana Shay - find her on 99 designs.com. My intro & outro, complete with sex vox (did you know that heavy breathing, when it’s used as an effect in music, is called sex vox? I didn’t.), those were created by Alan Markley, plasticcannons on Instagram. And every episode is mixed and mastered by Owen Muir, who you heard at the beginning of this quickie, of Self-Disclosure Productions. You can find Owen on Twitter at @psychdisclosure

19. pet yourself: horizontal with a sensualist Sep 19, 2017

In this episode of horizontal, I lie down with Jackie, aka Anya or, Anyalita. Jackie is a Shibari aficionado - a rope artist. You can follow her adventures in surrender on theropediary.tumblr.com and on Instagram as Anyalita. On The Rope Diary, she introduces herself as “a rope and bondage enthusiast, a sadomasochist, a sensualist, and a switch.” Jackie is also a sex tools educator who works at Babeland, a queer-owned, lady-friendly sex toy shop. I have great love in my heart for Babeland, as it was the first sex shop I ever felt comfortable in.

When we recorded, Jackie had a cold, so she sounds rather snuffly. But I don’t think you’ll mind.

In the first half of this episode, we talk about happy parents, unhappy parents, depression, self-soothing, and a first kiss with a kitchen boy. Come lie down with us.

***

Hey! Exciting news! In October, horizontal does America. Lila will be driving cross-country, recording episodes, and getting horizontal in unexpected places across the United States.

If you know someone who lives in the contiguous U.S., has excellent juju, and would make a fascinating guest for horizontal, contact us through the website.

For exclusive subscriber content, like virtual postcards from the road, sign up on horizontalwithlila.com! And if you’d like to be a part of this cross-country horizontal venture, become Lila’s patron on Patreon! patreon.com/horizontalwithlila Wheeee!

***

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

It’s saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

Horizontal was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure productions, right here in Brooklyn, New York. Stay tuned for Owen’s own podcast, Self-Disclosure, a show where people talk openly for the first time about their own experiences with mental health. You can find Owen on Twitter at @psychdisclosure

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, sexy vocabulary words (really!) and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

18. sex on the subway tonight: quickie with a gonzo journalist Sep 12, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with Grant Stoddard, my first repeat guest! (It's the accent.)

Grant is an experiential journalist who specializes in reporting from outside of his comfort zone (sometimes way, waaay outside). The wild situations he has experienced bodily have appeared in Thrillist, Vice, T, New York Magazine, Penthouse, and Maxim, among many others.

He’s the author of one of my favorite memoirs of all-time, Working Stiff: The Misadventures of an Accidental Sexpert. When I was reading it on the bus, I laughed so hard that I completely missed my stop and had to double back about ten blocks. It follows Grant’s journey from lovelorn small town virgin to sex writer at Nerve.com.

This quickie elaborates on a story from the book and involves a trivia contest, a sex column, and sex on the subway.

This quickie episode was recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party on May 21st, 2017, at Hacienda Studio, a sex-positive event space in Bushwick, Brooklyn. My guests enjoyed reiki, massage, empathy sessions, and cookies upon arrival. After a brief cuddling tutorial from one of my housemates, a professional Cuddler, fifty people in kimonos, flannels, onesies, and short-shorts got horizontal and snuggly on an enormous Megabed the size of three kings put together, while, on a bed-island across the room, my guest and I arranged ourselves as we would for any horizontal recording session - lying on our backs, almost ear-to-ear, sharing a pillow, microphones hanging down above us, with a starry blanket as our backdrop…

You can hire Grant to sling some words for you. Peruse his zillion-article portfolio here.

More horizontality, please:

To become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage! Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule recording tours, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes! You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

For all things horizontal with lila, including show notes, horizontal-inpired writing, and saucy saucy photos, subscribe at http://horizontalwithlila.com

Without whom, it would not be possible:

Badass theme music by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons

Saucy cover art by Shana Shay (hire her!) on 99designs

Mixing and mastering magic and sorcery by Owen Muir of Self Disclosure productions, on Twitter as @psychdisclosure

16. kiss me i'm jew-witch: horizontal with the comedy witch Aug 29, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Tiger.

Tiger goes by many names, but we'll only use two of them here. Tiger is a Professional Cuddler, or, Cuddlist. Her cuddling name is Ellen. You can find her on Cuddlist.com.

She's also a reiki practitioner, a trained yoga instructor, a comedian (check out "The Comedy Witch"), and a cats fanatic. That's the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical theatre version of cats, to be clear. In lieu of performing in the actual musical, Tiger cosplays regularly as feline, and soon plans to host Cat Cuddling events at Hacienda Studio, in which the cats are actually humans in full cat costume because "you could cuddle real cats, but they're unreliable."

She writes and performs funny songs, and last year I saw her in an hour-long one-ish-woman show entitled "Kiss Me, I'm Jew-witch." She sang about celebrity sex dreams and her period. Her parents were there. It was pretty amazing. Tiger is the closest thing I have at this point to a sister. We have deep talks in the kitchen, during which we usually quote the title of her yet-to-be written inspirational memoir, "Breakthrough Junkie." She scrapes me up off the floor when I need it and texts me that there are Puffins in her cabinet for a late-night snack, when I don't. I love her. I hope you will.

Come lie down with us.

More horizontality, please:

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

It’s saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, sexy vocabulary words (really!) and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

15. friend death: quickie with lila Aug 21, 2017

In this quickie episode, recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party on May 21st, 2017, I lie down with my friend Becca and tell her a story.

That series of recordings from the party comprise the first installment of my ongoing series Horizontal Storytelling. We recorded at Hacienda Studio, our sex-positive event space in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

My guests enjoyed reiki, massage, empathy sessions, and cookies upon arrival. After a brief cuddling tutorial from one of my housemates, a professional Cuddlist, fifty people in kimonos, flannels, onesies, and short-shorts got horizontal and snuggly on an enormous Megabed the size of three kings put together.

On a bed-island across the room, my guest and I arranged ourselves as we would for any horizontal recording session - lying on our backs, almost ear-to-ear, sharing a pillow, microphones hanging down above us, with a starry blanket as our backdrop…

In this quickie, I speak about a best friend, a road trip, several fiances, a suicide, and a breakup. I titled my story, Another Word for Breakup." Becca has been my friend for 10 years, and knew much of the story already. I was glad to have her by my side.

Come lie down with us.

More horizontality, please:

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

It’s saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

Horizontal was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure productions, right here in Brooklyn, New York. Stay tuned in August 2017 for Owen’s own podcast, Self-Disclosure, a show where people talk openly for the first time about their own experiences with mental health. You can find Owen on Twitter at @psychdisclosure

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

13. nonsexual naked coconut oil contact improv movement: horizontal at connection camp Aug 07, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with Dr. HazelGrace Yates. In a twin bed. At a summer camp. In the wilds of New Jersey.

HazelGrace is a clinical sexologist, a scholar, and the founder of The Cock Project and The Pussy Project. She holds a PhD in Human Sexuality, and a Masters in Education.

The Cock Project offers those who identify with having a cock the opportunity to speak about their experiences living with it, and their feelings about it, directly to a group of others who self-identify the same way, while being silently and compassionately witnessed by a group that does not identify with having a cock, or would prefer to act as a compassionate witness. The Pussy Project is the inverse. Right after we recorded this episode, I had the opportunity to experience both workshops.

HazelGrace and I were both taking part in Connection Camp, a summer camp for adults that’s centered around activities designed to encourage authentic relating. It is produced by The Connection Movement, which is based in New York and led by Amy Silverman. More info on that in the show notes.

I felt extremely moved by my experience at The Cock Project workshop. Even though I live in a community in which we generally feel comfortable to speak openly about bodies and sex, I had never before heard even one cock owner speak in detail and at length about their experience with their cock. Certainly not more than an anecdote or two from a lover, definitely not to or in front of other cock owners, and decidedly not while witnessed by those who identify with having a pussy. I felt such admiration for their willingness to share. And I felt a kinship with their expressions of embarrassment, confusion, wonder, disappointment, and joy. I also felt a greater surge in my compassion for the challenges of growing up with an assigned male gender, as many of the feelings they expressed were inextricably intertwined with societal expectations of cock owners.

I’ll be inviting HazelGrace to Hacienda Studio to give workshops! You can contact HazelGrace if you'd like The Cock Project and The Pussy Project to come to your town by visiting hazelgraceyates.com.

In the first part of our conversation, we talk about hugging our parents, the touch palette, how intention changes the timbre of the way we touch, the human car wash, and nonsexual naked coconut oil contact improv movement, aka, the Coco Jam …

Come lie down with us.

Horizontal’s theme music was created by Alan Markley. You can find his gorgeous blue eyes and rock star visage on Instagram as plasticcannons.

My saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay - check our her gorgeous character illustrations on shanashay.com

Every episode is mixed and mastered by Owen Muir, of Self-Disclosure productions. Find him on Twitter at @psychdisclosure - Owen’s podcast, Self-Disclosure, in which people speak openly, and often for the very first time, about their own experiences with mental health, is coming soon.

For most things horizontal, head to horizontalwithlila.com and sign up for the mailing list. Detailed show notes with vocabulary words! And articles! And sensual photos! will be delivered right to your inbox.

11. shower-head: horizontal with a primo villan Jul 24, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Rene.

Rene is the most genuinely enthusiastic person I have ever known. When I first met him, I didn’t trust him. I thought, “Is this guy for real? Is he really this happy?” He is! It’s incredible. In response to his tendency to fold other people’s laundry, I coined the in-house hashtag PRIMOVILLAN, and started regularly asking myself, What would Rene do? The question was like a lovingkindness tune-up.

Rene is quite a hunky fellow, and often genderfluid in the way he dresses, rocking skirts and shiny little short-shorts in the same way he rocks a bow tie and a sport coat. He’s the housemate who looks better in your clothes than you do! Rene and his 8-pack can be seen pole-dancing at the House of Yes, often on Pole Play Wednesdays — he actually defies gravity while Horizontal!

You can follow his pole journey on Instagram @The_Renesance, which is a nickname that I made up for him. I’m pretty proud of that.

In the *first half of our episode, we talk about our parent’s relationships, divorces, oral sex in the shower, compartmentalizing emotions, and Rene’s nearly unbelievable cheerfulness.

You’re invited … won't you come lie down with us?

* The second half of this episode has been released separately, by popular demand.

If you’d like to become a patron of the horizontal arts, support me on Patreon, a website for crowdsourcing patronage. Patronage allows artists like me to buy equipment, schedule tours of world domination, and devote my time to creating more horizontal goodness, for you! Becoming my patron has delicious perks, ranging from exclusive photos and behind-the-scenes video content, to handwritten postcards, spring cleaning phone calls, and creative input on future episodes. You can become a patron for $1 a month on up, and the rewards just get more sumptuous. patreon.com/horizontalwithlila

Horizontal’s theme music was created by Alan Markley. You can find his gorgeous blue eyes and rock star visage on Instagram as plasticcannons.

My saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay - check our her gorgeous character illustrations on shanashay.com

Every episode is mixed and mastered by Owen Muir, of Self-Disclosure productions. Owen’s podcast, Self-Disclosure, in which people speak openly, and often for the very first time, about their own experiences with mental health, is coming soon in August 2017. Listen, if you are a person. With Feelings. Owen can be found on Twitter as @psychdisclosure

9. it's my body to give: horizontal with a unicorn Jul 11, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Elaine. Elaine is a consummate world traveler - it’s quite the feat to catch her at home but on one of her brief stays at the Villa I got lucky. In between jaunts to her home country of Taiwan and remote islands, outdoor sailing adventures and the climbing of mountains, running races in Europe and engaging in other extreme sports and endurance activities, as she puts it, “like sex,” we had the chance to don some robes and get horizontal.

Elaine lives in the room across the way from me, a space so tiny that it has only a skylight, and no window. She calls it a closet - but she means it as a good thing. She likes how cozy it is.

Elaine holds a PhD in Biomedical Engineering and has done 10 years of stem cell research and patent prosecution for Biotech Startups. She cooks Taiwanese food that would make you wish she were your wife, and she has a deep and abiding love for turtles - so much so, that she doesn’t travel the world alone, even when she’s by herself - she always brings her stuffed turtle along. The turtle’s name is Dr. Turtle.

I experience Elaine as unfailingly kind, possessing an incredible amount of grit, and her candid explicitness, combined with a voice that sounds like it belongs in an anime cartoon, delights me to no end.

In the first part of our episode, recorded in my loft bed, we talk about how she came to live at the Villa, sex camp, the differences between swingers and poly people, and Elaine’s very first fetish party.

Hey, c’mere. Come lie down with us!

More horizontality, please:

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

It’s saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

Horizontal was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure productions, right here in Brooklyn, New York. Stay tuned in August 2017 for Owen’s own podcast, Self-Disclosure, a show where people talk openly for the first time about their experiences with mental health. You can find Owen on Twitter at @psychdisclosure

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

7. the perfect lover: horizontal with an intimacy start-up founder Jun 26, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with Philip Stehlik, of the sex-positive venture Cambyo.

Cambyo is designed to help people develop their intimate lives. Through their online publication, research, community building, and in-person events, such as a sort of salon / meeting in which people are invited to share their experiences around intimacy, sexuality, and relationships in semi-public, Cambyo aims to cultivate a safer space for people to discuss. On Medium, they publish real stories about people’s intimate lives. If you want to contribute a story of your own to the ongoing, destigmatizing dialogue, please reach out to them!

I first met Philip at a small cocktail party in the West Village - Philip and Cambyo co-founder Matt Hunter were in town for just a few days, and by the strength of their charisma alone, and also a little nudge from Bryony Cole, host of the fabulous sex tech podcast “The Future of Sex,” they gathered a mix of sex tech entrepreneurs, educators, activists, and therapists together for a night of conversation. Philip is German, and now based in San Francisco’s sex-positive nexus. He’s an excellent communicator, a world-class hugger, and somehow his presence simultaneously both calms and excites me - I wish he lived in New York!

This episode, as an experiment, was recorded in the basement event space at Hacienda Villa, called Hacienda Studio. It’s roomy and echo-y, we’re marooned on a little island of a mattress with a purple sheet in the middle of a huge space that spans almost the entirety of the brownstone, and the house itself makes some noise, as if it wants to be a third character in our conversation - but it was worth the experiment.

In the first part of our conversation, we talk about the lack of proper sex ed, the book that taught Philip about being a good lover, condoms, and VR porn. The second half has been released separately, by popular demand.

Won’t you please...come lie down with us.

More horizontality, please:

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as plasticcannons.

It’s saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

Horizontal was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure productions, right here in Brooklyn, New York. Stay tuned for Owen’s own podcast, Self-Disclosure, a show where people talk openly for the first time about their experiences with mental health. Coming in August 2017 @psychdisclosure

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

6. divine pleasure: quickie with a meditation teacher Jun 19, 2017

This quickie episode was recorded live at my podcast launch pajama party on May 21st, 2017, at Hacienda Studio, a sex-positive event space in Bushwick, Brooklyn. My guests enjoyed reiki, massage, empathy sessions, and cookies upon arrival. After a brief cuddling tutorial from one of my housemates, a professional Cuddler, Fifty people in kimonos, flannels, onesies, and short-shorts got horizontal and snuggly on an enormous Megabed the size of three kings put together, while, on a bed-island across the room, my guest and I arranged ourselves as we would for any horizontal recording session - lying on our backs, almost ear-to-ear, sharing a pillow, microphones hanging down above us, with a starry blanket as our backdrop…

In this, the first of many quickies to come, I lie down with Ralph de la Rosa.

Ralph is a highly regarded meditation teacher in New York City. His Rebel Heart Meditation, a weekly class combining meditation, psychology, and neuroscience, was the first - and is still the only - meditation class I’ve ever attended regularly. He’s a punk at heart, a feminist, an anarchist, a raw, utterly honest and relatable teacher, a truthful writer, and his forthcoming book about working with trauma in meditation will be published by Shambhala Publications in 2018. I will be the first to buy it carry it around with me like a talisman.

Full disclosure: Ralph and I first met through on-line dating, went on one date, didn’t talk for six months, meditated alongside each other for three, and then became very dear friends. Ralph is also my birthday twin. Last year we celebrated on a weekend retreat with close friends that I dubbed “the option to fall apart edition.” I think Ralph fell together, while I fell apart, and it worked out beautifully for the both of us.

To keep apprised of his offerings in cognitive behavior therapy, coaching, and meditation, visit ralphdelarosa.com.

In the span of this 20-minute quickie, Ralph manages to share a history of sexual repression, broaching his first sex ed talk, first porn, first time, the celibacy practices of the Hare Krishna, and spiritual sex.

Won't you please ... come lie down with us?

More horizontality, please:

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

It’s saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

To sign up for the horizontal show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com

4. sluthood: horizontal with a sex scientist Jun 05, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with Dr. Zhana Vrangalova.

Dr. Zhana is a sex scientist, researcher, and professor of Human Sexuality at NYU. She has a PhD from Cornell in Developmental Psychology with a focus on casual sex. She co-founded The Casual Sex Project (thecasualsexproject.com), a website that allows people to share stories of real-life hookups - in a science-y, data driven sort of way. (If you listened to episode 3 with Mistress Leigh, this is the website that a dominatrix codes!)

In our event space at the Villa, Hacienda Studio, Dr. Zhana hosts Sex Science Socials, in which she wades through peer-reviewed studies on topics like Infidelity, Squirting, and Bi-Curiosity, and breaks the data down in a way we can all understand.

She believes that popular sex myths ruin lives, and spends her time both debunking those myths on DrZhana.com, and also replacing those messages - by working to make sex ed as accessible as porn. You can read her breakdown of scientific data on Facebook and Instagram. The Dr. Zhana icon, wearing her trademark glasses, is the stamp of “legit sex science.”

As I like to think of it, Zhana makes sex safer, saner, and better-informed. Because she uses her given name, and she's such a well-respected, badass female force for sex-positivity in the world, Zhana's example inspired me to “come out” in a way, to publicly proclaim my sex-positivity, and the fact that I live in a sex-positive community...a choice which led to this very podcast. I’m proud to call Zhana my friend.

In the first part of our conversation, recorded at Zhana’s apartment in Bushwick, we talk about sex ed in Macedonia, liking older boys, the jets at the recreation center pool, my first time, and the cartoon that inspired Zhana's very first masturbation session - and just a little bit about butt plugs. So heeey. *Come lie down with us.

*The second half of this episode will be released separately, by popular demand.

More horizontality, please:

Credits:

Horizontal’s badass theme music was created by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

It’s saucy cover art was designed and illustrated by Shana Shay. Hire Shana for character illustration and graphic design through 99designs.

To sign up for the show notes, exclusive subscriber content, and sensual horizontal photos, head to horizontalwithlila.com.

3. there's a kink for that: horizontal with a professional dominatrix May 29, 2017

In the third episode of horizontal, I lie down with Mistress Leigh, a professional Dominatrix, fetish consultant, educator, and performer. Mistress Leigh went on a BDSM tour in May 2017 (did you know that there was such a thing?! You should probably find out about this on her website.). Keep up with her kinky antics on LeighEntertainment.com

As well as being a pro dom, she’s a performer, a martial artist, and a general badass. She’s full of characters and stories and charisma. This episode of Horizontal was recorded at Mistress Leigh’s apartment, in her little loft nook, in another neighborhood in the land of Brooklyn.

We talk about fetish work, session-ing with disabled clients, dominant women / submissive men, the difference between power play and position, and feefees.

So hey...come lie down with us.

More horizontality, please:

To sign up for the blog, including sensual horizontal photos and extensive show notes, head to horizontalwithlila.com

Credit where credit is:

Horizontal’s intro and outro music was created by rock star musician Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons.

The saucy character illustration was designed by Shana Shay - hire her through 99 designs.

This episode was mixed and mastered by Owen Muir of Self-Disclosure Productions, @psychdisclosure, right here in Brooklyn, New York.

2. stuff came out: horizontal with a sex writer May 21, 2017

In this episode, I lie down with Grant Stoddard. Grant is an experiential journalist who specializes in reporting from outside of his comfort zone (sometimes way, waaay outside). The wild situations he has experienced bodily have appeared in Thrillist, Vice, T, New York Magazine, Penthouse, and Maxim, among many others.

In 2002, Nerve was the very first place where I posted an on-line dating profile, after my friend Marley insisted that it wasn’t a weird and scary thing to do. As a budding sex-positive advocate, I began devouring Nerve’s sexy offerings, including erotica, photography, and Grant’s column, “I Did It For Science!” Last year, he began collaborating with Kenneth Play, our community co-founder, and I met the author of "I Did It For Science" in my hallway.

This episode is the first Horizontal with Lila recorded on the road, in a cozy, creaky, charming airbnb in New Orleans, Louisiana, where Grant and I (along with another writer, her fiance, and my boyfriend Alex) were staying for the weekend in order to attend a Hacienda Maison play party themed “The Year of the Cock.”

Andrew Sparksfire, owner of Hacienda Villa, the sex-positive intentional community in which I live, created Hacienda Maison down in NOLA as a sex-positive retreat center. The Maison is a sumptuously-appointed, several-storied, meticulously-restored plantation house, available to rent out for your sexiest events.

In this episode, we talk about sex parties (dubbed “play parties” in the sex-positive community), the alchemy of attraction, the benefits of having two partners, and Grant’s first experience seeing female pubic hair.

So there. Come lie down with us in New Orleans.

You can hire Grant to sling some words for you. Peruse his zillion-article portfolio here.

More horizontality, please:

For all things horizontal with lila, including show notes, horizontal-inpired writing, and saucy saucy photos, subscribe at http://horizontalwithlila.com

Without whom, it would not be possible:

Badass theme music by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons

Saucy cover art by Shana Shay (hire her!) on 99designs

Mixing and mastering magic and sorcery by Owen Muir of Self Disclosure productions, on Twitter as @psychdisclosure

1. feed your delight: horizontal with a polyamorous woman May 21, 2017

Come lie down with us!

Welcome to the very first episode of horizontal with lila. Horizontal is the podcast of intimate conversations about sex, love, and relationships that's entirely recorded while lying down.

I invite you to eavesdrop on stories that might seem almost too personal for you to hear, which is, of course, exactly why I want you to hear them. Many episodes are recorded in bed at my home, Hacienda Villa, a sex-positive intentional community in Bushwick, Brooklyn.

Sex-positive = dispelling the shame surrounding sex through sexual education, open dialogue, and the celebration of all genders and sexual orientations, and all relationship structures and sexual acts between consenting adults. Intentional community = living together on purpose in accordance with common ideals, in order to offer everyone roots and wings.

I've been inspired, humbled, unburdened, seen, and thoroughly schooled by the everyday conversations we have in this house, and I thought it was a shame that we were the only people who got to hear them.

Hacienda's mission is to bring sex-positive culture to the world. This is my part.

In this episode...

In this episode, I lie down with my housemate Mirelle. Mirelle is a sensual nurturer - sometimes nicknamed the Mama of the Villa, at other times the MVP, and a member of what she calls the Villa Dream Team, a group of my housemates, or, Villans, who provide a kind of fantasy fulfillment service, curating scenes and initiating people into sensations, kinks, settings, configurations, and stories that they've previously only dreamed of. She is profoundly and happily polyamorous - she has many relationships, many loves. She's a bisexual woman, an outstanding cook, a connoisseur of delight, and somehow manages to lovingly sustain an incredibly intricate and extensive web of partners and lovers, with such tender attentiveness to the way people wish to be loved, that I feel deeply impressed by the way that she relates. I think Mirelle could teach a multi-part course on intimacy.

This episode was recorded in my loft bed at the Villa, on a snow day.

We talk about the word "slut," love languages, overcoming shame, feeding your delight, intimacy, polyamory, comets, fantasies, and fear - mine. Come lie down with us, and you'll wish your head was on the pillow next to Mirelle.

More horizontality, please:

To subscribe to the horizontal blog, for the shownotes, horizontal musings and sensual photos, head to https://horizontalwithlila.com

Just pictures? Instagram @horizontalwithlila

Without whom, it would not be possible:

Badass theme music by Alan Markley, on Instagram as @plasticcannons

Saucy cover art by Shana Shay (hire her!) on 99designs

Mixing and mastering magic and sorcery by Owen Muir of Self Disclosure productions, on Twitter as @psychdisclosure