If you've ever found yourself hurt, frustrated, or emotionally drained because someone didn’t do what you thought they should—especially after you asked—this episode is for you.
In this conversation, I’m talking about a powerful concept I use with my clients all the time, called “the manual.” It’s the invisible rulebook we write in our minds about how other people should behave and what their actions (or lack of action) mean about us.
But here’s the catch: no one else has a copy of that manual. And when people don’t follow our unspoken rules, we end up making it mean something painful—like “they don’t care,” or “they don’t love me.” That pain builds up, and it affects our emotional and physical health, especially when we’re healing after something as life-changing as breast cancer.
So in this episode, I’m sharing how to spot when you’re living by a manual, how to burn it, and how to replace it with something far more powerful: clear, loving boundaries that support your peace and your healing.
💡 In This Episode, You’ll Hear:
- What “the manual” is, and how it silently drives your frustration and disappointment
- Why emotional discomfort often shows up as physical symptoms during healing
- How to shift from “Why aren’t they doing what I need?” to “Why am I not doing what I need?”
- The difference between ultimatums and boundaries—and why real boundaries are loving, not selfish
- A simple 3-step process to help you shift your mindset: Clean up your thoughts, get Curious, and lead with Compassion
- How to stop letting someone else’s behavior define your emotional well-being
🔬 What the Research Says:
I talk about this from both my coaching experience and what the research supports. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches us that our thoughts create our feelings—not just the events that happen. So when someone breaks a rule in our manual, we feel rejected or hurt—but that feeling comes from our interpretation, not the action itself.
There’s also great research on assertive communication and emotional boundaries. When we speak up for ourselves in a clear, calm, respectful way, studies show we have less stress, stronger immune systems, and better self-esteem. That’s especially important when you’re focused on healing your body and creating a healthy life after cancer.
✏️ Want to Go Deeper?
Here’s a simple journaling prompt from the episode: Where in your life are you expecting someone to follow your manual? What emotions are you attaching to it? And what healthy, loving boundary could you set instead?
If you take 15 minutes to write down the rules you’ve created for the people in your life, you might be surprised by what you find—and how much power you have to shift things just by changing your own approach.
💞 Let Me Support You:
This is something we work on a lot inside my Better Than Before Breast Cancer™ Metabolic Health and Mindset Membership. If you're ready to stop waiting for other people to “get it” and start showing up for yourself—with clarity, courage, and compassion—you’ll find so much support inside this space.
You can join anytime at TheBreastCancerRecoveryCoach.com. Inside the membership, you’ll get access to every workshop, every program, and all of our monthly coaching calls focused on mindset, metabolic health, and living a joyful life beyond breast cancer.
Or check out my Becoming You 2.0 program and start getting clarity around what’s stopping you from being the person you want to be and how you can take the first courageous steps in that direction
📌 A Quick Note Before You Go:
You don’t have to keep carrying the emotional weight of everyone else’s behavior. You really can set it down, set yourself free, and create a life that feels so much lighter—and more like you.
Thanks for listening, my friend. I’ll talk to you soon.
Connect with Laura Lummer:
💌 Join my email list for weekly wellness tips & podcast updates → The Breast Cancer Recovery Coach
👩💻 Follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration → @thebreastcancerrecoverycoach
👩💻 Follow me on Facebook → The Breast Cancer Recovery Coach
🎙 Subscribe & leave a review on Apple Podcasts → Better Than Before Breast Cancer with The Breast Cancer Recovery Coach
🎥 Watch on YouTube → @BetterThanBeforeBreastCancer
Our TOPPODCAST Picks 
Stay Connected
