Helping Couples Heal Podcast

Welcome to the Helping Couples Heal podcast. If you have lost hope around healing your relationship due to infidelity, relational or betrayal trauma you have come to the right place. Helping Couples Heal is an ongoing podcast designed to help couples recover and heal from the impact of betrayal trauma on their relationships. We cumulatively bring over two decades of experience and expertise in the field of betrayal. Throughout this podcast series, we will offer resources and support and teach you the tools and skills necessary to heal your relationship. You will also hear from recovered addicts, partners, and couples who will share their stories, as well as from experts in the field of betrayal. With compassion, love and fierce commitment, we will guide you and walk beside you as you navigate this journey of recovery, hope, and healing. Thank you for inviting us into your world; we are honored to support you.

Latest Episodes:

114. The Empathy Gap: Why Feeling It Isn’t the Same as Showing It with Dr. Stevie Cotet Hall Nov 11, 2026

Show notes

Featured Group: Women’s Betrayed Partner’s Group

Tuesdays, 3:30–5:00 pm Pacific | Facilitated by Susan Rankin

If betrayal has turned your world upside down, you may be carrying fear, anger, grief, and questions that can feel impossible to explain to people who have not been through it.

The Betrayed Partners’ Group is a place for women to talk honestly, feel understood, and connect with others who get it. You will have space to process what has happened, rebuild trust in yourself, and receive support as you find your way forward.

Learn More About the Betrayed Partners Group.

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie welcomes Dr. Stevie Cotet, LPC-S, CSAT-S, to talk about empathy after betrayal. For many betrayed partners, there can be a feeling that the person who hurt them simply does not care about their pain. Yet, as Dr. Cotet explains, having the capacity for empathy and being able to express it in the moments that matter most are not always the same thing.

Marnie and Stevie explore why someone may show compassion and care in other areas of life, but become defensive, shut down, dismissive, or focused on their own distress when their partner is hurting. They discuss the role that shame, emotional flooding, and nervous-system dysregulation can play in blocking empathy from being felt and received.

Dr. Cotet explains that empathy is a skill that can be developed through intentional practice, internal work, and a willingness to keep showing up, even when it feels uncomfortable. Together, Marnie and Stevie discuss how partners who have betrayed can move from reactive responses to more connected and meaningful repair, and how betrayed partners can recognize genuine empathy attempts while continuing to hold boundaries and honor their own needs.

Dr. Cotet also shares about the Relational Empathy Assessment, a research-informed tool that can help identify specific barriers to empathy and provide a clearer path for growth.

To learn more about Dr. Stevie Cotet and the Relational Empathy Assessment, visit relationalempathy.com.

Want to connect with us?

Book a free 15-minute call with Helping Couples Heal.

Join our private Facebook group.

113. Why Stopping the Behavior Isn't the Same as Repairing the Harm Oct 28, 2026

Show notes

Featured Group: Men’s Intimacy Group

Thursdays, 6:00-7:30 pm Pacific | Facilitated by Susan Rankin

Building connection and learning to show up differently in relationships takes practice. Helping Couples Heal’s Men’s Intimacy Group offers a space for men who have betrayed to connect with others, strengthen their relational skills, and develop greater intimacy.

Learn More About the Men’s Intimacy Group

Upcoming In-Person Couples Workshop

November 5-6, 2026 | San Diego, California

Understanding the impact of betrayal is an important part of rebuilding safety, trust, and connection. In this two-day workshop, couples have the opportunity to learn more about betrayal trauma, develop a shared understanding of its impact, and explore what relational healing requires.

Learn More and Enroll in the Couples Workshop

In this episode, Marnie sits down with longtime colleague Jaclyn Schwartz, LMFT, to explore why understanding the trauma caused by betrayal is essential to relational healing. They discuss how betrayal can disrupt a partner’s sense of safety, trust, and reality, and why the impact often extends far beyond the original discovery.

Marnie and Jackie talk about the role of empathy, accountability, and co-regulation in helping a betrayed partner begin to feel safe again. They also explore how shame, defensiveness, emotional withdrawal, and continued violations of trust can keep couples stuck, even when the acting-out behavior has stopped.

This episode highlights why the person who caused the harm needs to develop a genuine understanding of the trauma their partner is experiencing, rather than expecting their partner to explain it or hurry toward healing. Together, they examine the relational skills that make repair possible, the importance of a shared understanding, and what it means to build a new relationship rather than trying to return to the one that existed before betrayal.

Healing together requires more than an apology or a change in behavior. It requires not just willingness, but a genuine desire to understand the harm, take responsibility, and show up differently.

Want to connect with us?

Book a free 15-minute call with Helping Couples Heal.

Join our private Facebook group.

112. The First Glance vs. The Second Look: Objectification and Rebuilding Visual Safety Oct 16, 2026

Show notes

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie explores the difference between normal visual awareness and objectification, and why that distinction can become especially important after betrayal.

For a betrayed partner whose nervous system has been shaped by secrecy, pornography, infidelity, or other forms of betrayal, a partner’s lingering glance or wandering attention can trigger a powerful sense of danger. Marnie explains why these moments are not simply about jealousy or being controlling, but can be connected to broken relational safety and a nervous system that has learned to stay alert for signs of danger.

Marnie breaks down the difference between the involuntary first glance and the second look, exploring how attention, objectification, entitlement, and conditioned behavior can affect a relationship. She also addresses some of the most common defenses and minimizing statements that can arise when a betrayed partner brings up concerns about a partner’s visual behavior.

Most importantly, Marnie offers practical ways for a partner in recovery to begin rebuilding visual safety, including practicing visual discipline, physically re-engaging with their partner, and taking proactive ownership rather than waiting to be confronted. She also speaks directly to betrayed partners about hypervigilance and the ways consistent, accountable behavior over time can help the nervous system begin to settle.

Get the free worksheet: 3 Tools for Building Visual Safety After Betrayal

Connect with Helping Couples Heal

Book a free 15-minute call with Helping Couples Heal.

Join our private Facebook group.

111. Why the Past Won't Stay in the Past (And That’s Okay) Sep 21, 2026

Show notes

In this episode, Marnie explores a common experience for many betrayed partners: returning to the betrayal again and again, revisiting details, asking the same questions, and trying to understand what happened.

Marnie explains why this process is often a normal and necessary part of healing, especially when your sense of safety and reality has been shattered. She talks about how this process actually helps move relationships forward rather than cause further harm.

Using insights from neuroscience and her years of experience supporting couples impacted by betrayal, Marnie discusses how betrayal can disrupt a person's sense of reality and why the brain naturally works to make sense of new and painful information. She uses the metaphor of a filing cabinet to illustrate how healing often involves reorganizing your understanding of the relationship and your story in light of what has been discovered.

Marnie also shares why healing does not require leaving the past behind and how the willingness of the betraying partner to revisit difficult conversations, answer questions, and stay present with their partner's pain can support both individual and relational healing.

If you find yourself repeatedly thinking about the betrayal, searching for understanding, or wondering why you cannot simply "move on," this episode offers validation, perspective, and an understanding of what healing after betrayal can look like.

Want to connect with us? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute call.

110. The Abandonment Wound, Betrayal, and the Road to Healing Sep 01, 2026

Show notes

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal Podcast, Marnie welcomes Scott back to the podcast to explore a personal part of recovery: the abandonment wound.

Scott shares how an early fear of being unwanted, not mattering, or not being good enough shaped the way he experienced relationships, fueled perfectionism and external validation, and ultimately complicated his ability to show up for Laura after his betrayal was discovered. While Laura was navigating the pain of betrayal trauma, Scott was confronting an intense fear of being rejected and left, creating a painful cycle of pursuit, anger, distance, and repair.

Together, Marnie and Scott explore why abandonment wounds can become especially complicated after betrayal, how they can distort our perception of a partner's boundaries and behavior, and why healing requires more than therapy, meetings, or simply understanding where the wound came from. Scott shares what helped him develop greater emotional regulation, take responsibility for his behavior, separate his abandonment wound from his relationship with Laura, and begin learning something he had struggled to believe for most of his life: that he matters simply because he is.

This conversation is an honest look at the uncomfortable work of recovery, including accountability, self-awareness, learning to tolerate discomfort, and recognizing when old wounds are driving present-day reactions. Scott also shares what his relationship with Laura looks like today and how developing the ability to care for himself has changed their relationship in profound ways.

Visit Scott’s Website and Learn More about Trident Healing Here.

Click Here to Schedule a Free 15-Minute Call with Helping Couples Heal.

109. When Needing Feels Unsafe: Understanding Dependency, Shame, and Healthy Interdependence Aug 25, 2026

Show notes

In this episode, Marnie explores the often misunderstood topic of dependency and how our early experiences shape the way we relate to our needs, our relationships, and ourselves. Drawing on the work of Pia Mellody and the foundations of shame resilience, she examines why asking for help can feel so difficult and how shame can keep us disconnected from the very support we need.

Marnie unpacks three common dependency stances: over-dependency, anti-dependency, and the "needless/wantless" adaptation. She explains how each develops as a survival response, how each impacts intimacy and connection, and why these patterns often leave people feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or unseen.

She also explores the difference between needs and wants, the role of self-care in emotional health, and what it means to move toward healthy interdependence. Through practical examples and reflection questions, Marnie offers a framework for identifying needs, communicating them more clearly, and building deeper, more authentic relationships.

Click here to learn more & join The Healing Room!

Download the Understanding Dependency handout and reflection questions here.

Want to connect with us? Schedule your free 15-minute call.

108. Who Are You Trusting With Your Betrayal Trauma? Aug 17, 2026

Show notes

In this episode, Marnie explores the importance of carefully choosing who you trust with your healing. When you have already experienced betrayal, deception, and a loss of trust, finding the right person to support you through recovery can feel scary and confusing. Marnie discusses the difference between clinical expertise, personal experience, and anecdotal advice, and why it is important to understand where the guidance you receive is coming from.

Marnie also addresses healing timelines and why there is no universal timeline for recovery. She explores how comparing your healing to someone else's can create shame and make you feel like you are falling behind when, in reality, healing is a deeply personal and non-linear experience.

Throughout the episode, Marnie offers practical questions to help you vet therapists, coaches, and other professionals, including specific questions about their training, experience, ongoing education, supervision, and approach to care. She also emphasizes the importance of humility, collaboration, and knowing the difference between evidence, clinical experience, and opinion.

Most importantly, Marnie reminds listeners that the helping relationship should never become another betrayal. You deserve to know who you are trusting with your healing, and you deserve support that honors the complexity of what you have been through.

Want to connect with us? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.

107. Looking Back, Living Forward: What I Didn’t Say Jul 27, 2026

Show notes

In this follow-up to the previous episode, Marnie revisits the conversation about grief, healing, and moving forward after betrayal. Reflecting on what she wishes she had said, she expands on two important ideas that deserve further exploration.

First, Marnie discusses the reality that healing is not dependent on the outcome of your relationship. While rebuilding a relationship after betrayal is possible when both partners are committed to the work, healing and growth are also possible when the path forward leads elsewhere. She explores the fear that often accompanies both staying and leaving, and why reclaiming yourself is an essential part of the healing process regardless of the choices you make.

Marnie also clarifies an important distinction between grief and grieving. While grief is the ongoing experience of loss that accompanies betrayal trauma, grieving is the active process of moving through that loss. Understanding the difference can help create more realistic expectations for healing and offer compassion for yourself as you navigate your healing journey.

If you are struggling to make sense of your grief, wondering what healing might look like on the other side of betrayal, or feeling uncertain about the future of your relationship, this episode offers additional perspective on what it means to honor your losses while continuing to move forward.

Want to connect with us? Click here to book your free 15-minute call.

106. Looking Back, Living Forward Jul 16, 2026

Show notes

In this episode, Marnie explores a painful reality of healing after betrayal: the relationship you thought you had before discovery no longer exists. While it is natural to long for the "before" and wish things could return to the way they were, holding on to that version of the relationship can sometimes keep you stuck in grief and prevent you from moving forward.

Marnie discusses why healing requires grieving the loss of the relationship you believed you had, accepting the reality of what has happened, and creating space for something new to emerge. She explores the role of grief in betrayal trauma recovery, the challenges of letting go, and why acceptance is not the same as approval.

Marnie also shares ways to navigate the grieving process, including identifying specific losses, honoring the version of yourself that existed before discovery, finding healthy outlets for grief, and creating intentional time to process painful emotions.

If you're struggling to let go of the relationship you thought you had before discovery, this episode explores why grief is such an important part of healing and how making space for that grief can help you move forward.

Interested in joining our upcoming support group for betrayed men? Click here to join the waitlist.

Want to connect with us? Click here to book your free 15-minute call.

105. Women Healing Together Jun 25, 2026

Show notes

On this special episode of the Helping Couples Heal Podcast, Marnie and Maddie are joined by Ally, Amy, and Shauna, who attended our first Empowered at Sea retreat. Together, they share honest reflections about what it was like to step away from daily responsibilities, prioritize their own healing, and spend a week surrounded by women who understand the pain of betrayal trauma.

The conversation explores the unique experience of healing in community, the power of being seen and understood, and the relief of no longer carrying the weight of betrayal alone. They discuss the connections they formed, the courage it took to show up vulnerably, and how the retreat created space for both grief and joy to coexist.

From trauma release exercises and group discussions to laughter, dancing, and unexpected moments of delight, this episode highlights an important truth: healing is not only about processing pain. It is also about reconnecting with yourself, reclaiming your voice, and remembering that joy is still possible.

Whether you're feeling isolated in your healing, wondering if you'll ever feel like yourself again, or curious about the healing power of community, this conversation offers hope, validation, and a reminder that you do not have to walk this journey alone.

The second annual Empowered at Sea retreat will take place August 1-7, 2026. To learn more about the retreat and register, click here.

Want to connect with us? Click here to schedule your free 15-minute call.

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