CØCKPUNCH

Latest Episodes:

#13: The Great Games May 10, 2023

"He paused. 'You paying attention?'

'Uh, yes, sir! Yes, yes, I am,' I said quickly. I had been staring at the Star.

'I’m kidding, Ty. I thought your eyes might pop out of your head,' He chuckled, 'I had the same look the first time I came here. It’s a special place.' He looked out wistfully over the expanse. Relighting his cigar, he took a few puffs.

'You said you liked Patromir, so let me tell you about one of his fights. I watched it while sitting right here. Patromir versus Lavonai. House Hime versus House Jaqua...'"

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The Legend of COCKPUNCH™ is the tale of a fantastical realm, a universe of the bizarre from the mind of bestselling author Tim Ferriss. Stories are the gateway drug in this Emergent Long Fiction (ELF) project. Characters, maps, artwork, and more will be released over time at cockpunch.com and tim.blog/cockpunch. For other oddities from the world of Varlata, follow @cockpunch and @tferriss on Twitter.

#12: The Free Trade Zone — Part Two Mar 22, 2023

"And with that, the guards stepped aside and let me pass. The suns were high enough now to cast a large shadow under the gateway, and I was temporarily blinded by darkness before emerging on the other side.

I was not at all prepared for what I saw.

My mule whinnied and side stepped as we entered the light. I put my forearm across my face to shield my eyes, confused by what looked like church bells above me. I reined in Harry—I’d given him that name the day before—and we stopped. No bell tolls. All I heard was the traveler behind me.

'Get out of the way, kid!'

I was frozen. It took me a few seconds to realize what was swinging 10 feet over my head—bodies. I’d totally forgotten about the Gallows Greeters..."

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The map of the FTZ Inner City, as best remembered by Tyrolean Larkspur: cockpunch.com/scrolls

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#11: The Free Trade Zone Feb 16, 2023

The FTZ. Oh, the FTZ, The FTZ. It rolls off the tongue with a touch of hope, aspiration, and trepidation.

The Free Trade Zone is where all things mix. It is here, in the center of the realm, that races mingle, merchants trade, musicians entertain, and fighters vie for the championship belt.

To describe the FTZ is one thing, but to experience it is quite another. The best account I’ve found is a famous diary entry from a young lad named Tyrolean...

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#10: The Oracles of the Edge Jan 18, 2023

“To be seen by source, you must first learn to see. To learn to see, you must first learn to notice.”

— The Decree of Dagrún, Scroll Three

“True power has one wellspring: true names.”

— The Decree of Ǫlrún, Scroll One

There are no easy paths to the Oracles of the Edge. That is by design.

On the 10th day of the 10th month of the 10th year of life, each boy in Varlata is called to travel. The Pilgrimage of Osa predates the name Varlata. It predates all of our memories. Perhaps it has always been.

A lad of ten and a half years may be on the cusp of physical maturity, but body alone doesn’t make a man. For that, he needs his true name. And for this, he must journey to the Oracles for the Anointing...

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#9: House Namorha Jan 05, 2023

“Pleasures delayed are pleasures unmade.”

— Namorhan line from the song “The 9 Pleasures of the 7 Seas”

“Man is violence and violence is man. Therefore, the key question is ‘How can we be the best stewards of violence instead of its worst victims?’”

— Fleet Admiral Gossamer of House Namorha

The origins of House Namorha are murky. Once again, it depends on who does the telling. This is particularly true with pirates...

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#8: House Kaimur Dec 30, 2022

“Be the vessel that awaits the sacred. Empty yourself so that you may be filled. Seek the light and become the spark of creation.”

— Oumelion Recital

“Befriend the shadows so that you may stare into the sun. To see the unseen, allow yourself to disappear. The greatest ambitions need no audience.”

— Dalomai Recital

House Kaimur could be the most feared House in the realm, but it isn’t a simple matter. Magic seldom is...

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#7: House Mnemos Dec 28, 2022

“Believe in Mokshanti, for he believes in you. Bow before Mokshanti, for he stands before you.”

— Morning prayer of House Mnemos

“Belief without action leads to impotence. Action without belief leads to regret. Belief with action leads to freedom.”

— The Law of Francippus

Members of House Mnemos sometimes refer to themselves as the Missionaries of Mokshanti. Outsiders mostly call them clerics.

Clerics fill the people of the realm with both hope and terror, for they are the harbingers of resurrection...

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#6: House Jaqua Dec 23, 2022

“Kare bo aquato, kare bo oriboro.” (Life unexamined, life unlived)

— Jaqua festival chant from the Midsummer Burning

“Take out the garbage, or the Jaqua will take you instead!”

— Common warning to misbehaving children in Varlata

House Jaqua is practically a contradiction in terms.

The other Greater Houses use the term for simplicity and in official communication, but the people of Jaqua refer to themselves as the “Jak-wan,” or “Children of the Vine”...

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#5: House Amekawa Dec 20, 2022

“Dragons don’t bark.”

— Warning inscription on the mainland archway of the Bridge of Ten

There is only one clear way to and from House Amekawa: The Odoroki-Bashi.

This brilliant red bridge starts at the northern edge of the island stronghold of Amekawa, and it slowly arches up to the southern high-cliff entrance point of the Free Trade Zone, roughly 750 feet above the crashing waves below. The Odoroki-Bashi is more commonly known as the Bridge of Ten Terrors, or the Bridge of Ten, as it became known…

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#4: House Hallux Dec 15, 2022

“Confidence breeds confidence.”

— Alcedonian proverb

“Two is one and one is none.”

— One of 10 Raider Recitals

House Hallux wasn’t always House Hallux. For thousands of years, they were referred to by race: The Alcedonians. They comprised a semi-nomadic tribe feared for deep intelligence and a ruthless raiding culture. Their rites of passage, religion, and means of existence all revolved around attacking and taking whatever was needed or desired from neighbors…

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