Your Kickstarter Sucks

Latest Episodes:

Episode 317: Diablo Mindmeld Aug 21, 2023

Show notes

Old Navy slammed my debit card! That’s just one non-sequitur featuring a name of a company we have no relationship with, which will nevertheless be auto-populated as a sponsor on dogshit AI websites around the net. Here’s some more: Linus Tech Tips, Husqvarna, and the government of the People’s Republic of China. Let’s see what kinda discount code we can cook up with that. On today’s show, our very own Mike goes Spooky Boy mode, we learn a lot from Motivational Speaker Instagram Bald, and we fire everyone who works for us and doesn’t have a six pack (doesn’t apply to co-owners). Plus, we’re membering stuff, tracking our, uh, treasures, and proving the existence of psychic abilities once and for all, with Google Docs. You can hear all that and more by grabbing our RSS feed, asserting a relationship with us, and becoming unresponsive to emails – right now – on an all-new YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium is where you’re gonna wanna go for more YKS, if you’re into that sort of thing. Beach Party, Jessuary, Miketober, and of course all the episodes where we literally have no idea what we are doing and just sort of flail around for an hour (those are our most popular ones) await you!

This episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine sponsors:

Factor - “Hell, I could eat”. We’ve all said it. But when the rubber meets the road, sometimes we have a hard time figuring out what, exactly, it is we are supposed to slug down! Well that’s why Factor got invented: It’s food that you eat! Why not, if it’s hot and you like it? Get 50% off your order at Factormeals.com/yks50

Athletic Greens - Yooooooo!! I love taking AG1 in the AM. And that’s a fun mnemonic device to remember it as well, which I’m throwing in for free. Get 5 free travel packs and 1 year of Vitamin D, which many are saying is “the goated vitamin”, at AthleticGreens.com/YKS

NordVPN - EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/yks Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 316: A55-MAN Aug 14, 2023

Show notes

YKS 3:16 says I just downloaded your ass! I forgot to say that in the episode so putting it here will poopsimply have to do. On today’s show, we’re joining Club Cool with Jukebox Ron and sending a tribute to J. Lo. Plus we got a coffee product that somehow is not intended for everyone on Earth to drink, a probably-illegal brain scam, some guys who would fall for a brain scam, a Christian TV show so bad I don’t think even Christians would watch it, and more. It is at this point that I catch a couple of seltzer cans out of the air, crack them open, pour them all over my head, and kick Producer Dan right in the belly. I have won the title, and am the Big Champion of Whatever. A crazed fan slides into the studio and attempts to remove my jean shorts before being tackled by DB in a clown suit. It’s just another day taping YKS.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium! That’s basically where we live. Come and say hello to us, and give us a small treat. In return we may perform one of our famous tricks (having a great guest like Kevin Banner on, or sitting there going “uhhh” until one of us remembers a joke we heard in 1st grade). $5 a month for all that, and we won’t even charge you tax (actually I do think it charges you tax).

This episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands:

HelloFresh - In the old days, having some guy come by and toss a big thing of spaghetti carbonara on your front porch would mean you pissed off the wrong neighbors. But now it means you’ve got delicious, nutritious meals from HelloFresh waiting to get cooked up and eaten! So get with the times and sign up today – Get 50% off plus free shipping at hellofresh.com/50yourkickstartersucks with that classic code, 50yourkickstartersucks

FastGrowingTrees - Plants…who needs ‘em, right? Well, wrong. The Earth needs them, and luckily I’ve got a plan. I’m going to go get the plants that are right for my zone, tap some experts for help in taking care of them, and then, oh yeah, breathe in some of that wonderful element known as oxygen. But first, I’m gonna save a little money….Get 15% off at fastgrowingtrees.com/yks

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 315: A Lean Two Hours Seven Minutes Aug 07, 2023

Show notes

Would you like to play a game? As kids, we sure did! But you’ll be surprised to learn that Mike and I grew up a little bit differently. Smirk. I’m so inexperienced in classic gaming I thought Escape From Monkey Island was a Jane Goodall biopic. But I digress. On today’s show, Producer Dan poops in a Gatorade bottle (just seeing if he reads these), we confirm the existence of a freaky mail carrier, and we move to Ireland to avoid income tax. Plus, we’re keeping our Altoids safe on the beach (coulda used that last month!), we’re picking up puke, and we’re finally revisiting the amazing world of South Park. I wonder what they’d say if they were still producing episodes today! Ah! Probably something like “My pronouns are Cartman.” I have now been hired for the show. Enjoy.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

Well, folks, we had one hell of a month on YKS Premium. We were joined by Stuart and Dan from The Flophouse, Will Menaker, Charles, Alex, and Andrew from E1, and Zach Cherry for a month of roughly beach-adjacent films and some very roughly recorded parody songs. And this month presents a brand new challenge: how to STOP talking about the beach! Wish us some good luck and nab the archive of hundreds of similarly themed episodes at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks.

This week’s episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands:

Factor - When it comes to this time of year, my mind always wanders to one thing: meals. And cooking them in just 2 minutes or less. Luckily, our friends at Factor have figured out a way to combine these twin loves. All you have to do is ask, “Would I like to live deliciously?” If so, Use code yks50 at FACTOR MEALS.com/yks50 to get 50% off!

NordVPN - EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/yks Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!

Athletic Greens - Vitamins are so good to have, but my problem with them is often having to slurp down some kind of nasty goo or choke on a fist-sized pill. Well fear no more because Athletic Greens has concocted a delicious tropical beverage that has more nutrients in it than I could honestly ever name. Which is why I love to Get a 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/yks

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 314: Cookies On The Go Jul 31, 2023

Show notes

Hey free coffee…want any? Yeah, it does suck! Thanks for letting us use this in our commercial!! ← Do you think this scenario could really happen? Well, the boys at YKS don’t, and that’s why they came out with Episode 314 of the program, and not any other contractual, financial, or sheer inertia-based reasons! On today’s show we’re doing a very short and unsatisfying investigation into how fruit flies pork each other, and yes of course buttwiping technology returns as a focal point of the conversation as well. Plus we’re talking old man hobbies, kissing the computer, and rats with PTSD. Do YOU think you can take down the evil Dr. Divisor with your power of exponent multiplicity? Then put it to the test…it’s an all-new YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium! THAT’S what I wanted to talk about. On last Friday’s YKS Premium, we went out to the…movies! In the middle of a movie month?!! Yep, we’re just that crazy. But there was no better way to introduce our newest series, Limited Engagement, where we see the stuff even the movie theater isn’t that excited about. Plus we ate some crap you wouldn’t feed a dog. Next week, we conclude Beach Party 2 with a “radical” throwback…Point Break (one of em)!

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands

Athletic Greens - Vitamins are sooooo good. But everyone wants to eat them. I say drink them, and get some adaptogens to boot! A slightly tropical flavor is just icing on the cake. Get 5 free travel packs and a year supply of Vitamin D at AthleticGreens.com/YKS.

Fast Growing Trees - Ferns. Apple Tree. Olive…branch? Those are just some of the wonderful things that grow on this earth, and doubtless also things I could kill without expert support and guidance. That’s where Fast Growing Trees comes in. So, let’s all put some stuff in the ground, in the good way! Get 15% off your order at FastGrowingTrees.com/YKS.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 313: Jukebox Repair Forum Jul 24, 2023

Show notes

Opening up a recent issue of Business Touch Magazine to see if there are any weird and slightly paranoid guys selling a 75 year old piece of equipment I could shock myself with, and ah! What’s this! A big heavy thing my friends can roast me over? Well, well well, I do believe I have hit the **ZAP**....jackpot.

I’m just kidding. It looks cool.

I don’t want to do any more references to stuff that’s in the episode because the stuff I wrote down is mostly about poop, and I’m 35 years old so that kind of sucks. But the Kickstarters this week are pretty funny and they are basically all huge scams so it’s okay to laugh at them. And we talk about some other stuff as well, in addition to the poop things I mentioned before. Yep that feels bad. Okay, talk to you later.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium - I really think, and I am serious, that this is one of the best shows you can listen to in the entire world. Please do not ask me what other shows there are, if I have heard them, or if I know what this show even is. Last week’s ep was a real banger – our friend Will Menaker from Chapo Trap House joined to do some fucking movie. God, what was it? I can’t remember. Well whatever it was, it was surely about a beach. Since the theme for the month is Beach Party. Next week: a fun surprise that Mike will hate. But you? You will love!

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - “Meals” are now called “X”! Just kidding. But you almost believed it, which says a lot about society. Get fifty-percent off with code yks50 at factor75.com/yks50.

Schedule 35 - New neural networks in the brain? Hey get these guys working on my wifi! Of course I know those are different things, but I probably couldn’t, like, really tell you why. Get 15% off with code YKS at schedule35.co

Honey - I’m getting my big head stuck in a bucket that has Honey written on the side. But instead of that classic sweet stuff inside, it’s discounts and cash back! Even better! Save yourself some coin at joinhoney.com/yks

Mint mobile - I hate my wireless plan…why did I buy it? Well probably because I am a sucker and didn’t realize I could get the same service for a lot less, with Mint Mobile. Grab a new wireless plan for $15/mo and free shipping at mintmobile.com/yks.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 312: Shape of Shrimp Jul 17, 2023

Show notes

It would have made a lot of sense to stop doing episodes after we made it to 311…such a momentous occasion, such an incredible event, and of course it’s all downhill from there anyway. But according to recent polling, people are loving the slop more than ever before (and also we don’t have other jobs or things to do outside of sitting on the computer) and as a result, we have elected to continue doing the show for the foreseeable future! And as luck would have it, there were approximately 6 new things to talk about this week, including a guy reinventing drinking water, a guy reinventing sleeping, and finally, the discovery of a combination of sex and food that somehow fails to make any sense whatsoever. Looks like this one is coming in at the required length, so pop some pornocorn and let the AI-powered tablet beep and boop at you for a while…it’s time for a new YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

If I were even more YKS content, just where would I hide….Oh yeah! YKS Premium on Patreon! Last week we were joined by our friends from E1 for a trip down Sandler Lane as YKS Beach Party 2 continues. And the only place to hear it, or get an invitation to Alex Branson’s Hawaiian House Party is at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks

This week’s YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - My name is Bub and I love to eat Grub! That’s just my pitch for a character named Bub who loves healthy, convenient meals delivered straight to his front door. Oh and guess what? His dad died in the war so he has a lot of trauma to process. And according to this card here, the show has been canceled. Meanwhile I’m going to FactorMeals.com/yks50 for 50% off my order! Who cares about Bub! I’m glad he’s gone.

Schedule35 - Sometimes you have to think thoughts. I know, I know, I’d prefer not to as well. But it says here microdosing psilocybin can help make thinking thoughts more pleasant by creating new neural networks in the brain which help boost focus, creativity, mood enhancement. Now that’s what I call, eating some stuff that’s good. Get 15% Off with code YKS at Schedule35.co - That’s 15% off at Schedule35.co and use code YKS

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 311: Come Original Jul 10, 2023

Show notes

Oh yeah man, mondo badass episode! Schwing! Sorry it doesn’t really work to try to sound like the boneheaded robbers from 3 Ninjas, textually, and also I’m not sure 311 Guy is in the same ballpark. But, on the other hand, it’s our damn milestone and we can celebrate it however we damn well please! I choose…incoherent, replacement-level episode description. On today’s episode we’ve got a brand new Weird Coffee drink and it’s called the Starbucks Booger! That’s just a complete joke of course but you’re used to that by now, 311 episodes in. What we do have though is a dumbass little kid’s fascist magazine, some cute signs from some old ladies, and 13 pieces of crap in one. And don’t say that’s me and all my friends!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

Son of a BEACH!! This month of YKS Premium is guaranteed to be hot, hot, hot! Join DB, JF, and some very special guests as they feel the sand between their toes and the popcorn between their teeth as YKS Beach Party returns to the YKS Premium Patreon page!

This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - Food. We all know you’re gonna eat it. I’ll be the first one to admit, I’m in on that stuff every day of the week and twice on Sundays. But I don’t feel quite right unless I’m getting my macros and my yumminess quotient and my convenience needs met. That’s where Factor comes in. Get fifty percent off your first box with code yks50 at FACTORMEALS.com/yks50.

Schedule 35 - Microsoding, huh? I know of at least one super hero who would probably get down with that. Way down with it, if you know what I mean. And maybe even his latest movie is evidence that he has! Whoaa dude, I’m like, feeling very calm and stuff...Out of this world! And into my mouth! Get 15% Off with code YKS at Schedule35.co - That’s 15% off at Schedule35.co and use code YKS.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 310: Good Morning Worm Jul 03, 2023

Show notes

Oh my God! It’s almost the Fourth of July! I hope this episode of YKS talks about it instead of being about stuff that happened three weeks ago! Oh my godddddd! I want to talk about the Fourth of July!!! Shaddddddddaappppppp! Nobody cares about that busted ass holiday anyway; we’re already thinking about Augstrember’s Eve. On this week’s episode of YKS, we’re talking about what happened to broccolini, Rube Goldberg masturbation, and going back to the soup. Plus, we got a stupid fuckin bowl, a machine to incentivize wiping your butt at your computer desk, and a mask that will make you go completely insane. That’s good enough for a show but somehow we probably do like 15-20 more things. What will they be? Only one way to find out..

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

Want more YKS? Then ya gotta get YKS Premium! There are more episodes there than there are grains of sand at the beach! That can’t possibly be true, but we’ll be finding out for sure this July during YKS Beach Party 2! Summer movies and more with some very special guests, only at Patreon.com/YourKickstarterSucks

Athletic Greens - Vitamins is so important this time of year, and when it comes to consuming them, I’m more of a drinker than a chewer. Thank Gaia for Athletic Greens, a beverage I’d drink even if there wasn’t any good stuff in it, but they put a bunch in there anyway. Get a 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/yks

HelloFresh - Meals meals meals, I like to have about 3 a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But it’s quite nice when at least one of them comes from the Kitchen Wizards (they didn’t tell me to write that, I chose it on my own) at HelloFresh. Get 16 free meals plus free shipping at HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks16

Schedule 35 - You all know me. I like to think inside my head because that’s where the thoughts live. But I do understand, at times, it could be useful to expand our horizons a bit. And who doesn’t like a little pick-me-up? Well evidently microdosing mushrooms can help, and I’m not talking about nonna’s sunday gravy. Get 15% Off with code YKS at Schedule35.co

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 309: Foul-Ups, Bleeps & Blunders Jun 26, 2023

Show notes

Lego Brandon!!! That’s the type of thing I’m saying, when I want to express a feeling I think I’m trying to have, but don’t really have the courage or belief in myself to see it through completely. And plus, I’m stupid and my breath stinks and I probably am not that good at wiping my butt so there’s still some “crust” left behind in my shorts. Yeah, that’s the kind of guy I am. I’m thinking…I’m that guy. On today’s show we’re raising a cup to Obama and asking him to protect us from the rise of the funnies. Plus it’s that classic showdown of Porbeagle vs Oncle…Momondo, ladies and gentlemen! Momondo!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium! The place that honestly they should consider shutting down because we are having too much fun over there! And if they do shut it down, I hope they trap me inside and never let me out! I’m stuck in there ha ha ha. Luckily, I have many hundreds of hours of audio and video content to tide me over, and of course I can access the YKS Pisscord with all of my friends who are also trapped in the place that we’re in. I can’t really conceive of what it would be like, but it is a lot of fun and it’s only like five bucks so you know what, let’s all go do it. Right now!!

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor – Now, we’ve all eaten food. But sometimes the food tastes bad or isn’t convenient or even, and yes we’ve heard of this, it can be not that nutritious! Well Factor was tired of all of that and they figured out a way around it! Let’s beat this thing, baby, with Factor! Use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box at Factormeals.com/yks50!

NordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here ➼ https://nordvpn.com/yks

It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! ✌

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 308: Huey Lewis and the Tubes Jun 19, 2023

Show notes

I’m watching one of those David Attenborough-narrated nature documentaries, because it’s my day and I get to do whatever stupid crap I want. I love these shows, especially the ones about the ocean, even if the information goes in one ear and out the other. I think I just like bobbing around in the water with those crazy guys, and marinating in Big Dave’s raspy whispers. He’s definitely a compelling narrator, and I even think he’s probably pretty smart, if only from just actually reading the information I let wash over me like whale guts while researching carpet cleaners on my laptop. But within a few minutes of this one, he dumped out something like “We’ve explored more of Mars than we have the deep ocean, and blah blah blah”, which made me look up from the computer in shock. That’s some dumb shit I would say, not you. You’re British! Do something smart! Anyway enjoy YKS: the show that’s sometimes just as smart as Blue Planet II. And don’t forget to #EatLikeOsama.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

Want more YKS? The only place for it is YKS Premium! Get ad-free episodes and a bunch of other episodes and mainly the draw there is more episodes, I guess. You have to like listening to our show to really get much out of the deal, which is unfortunate really; I think we’d do a lot better if it was, for instance, brand new Apple computers or extra medicine that people didn’t use all of when they were sick or something like that. But as it is, enjoy us talking more on there for about $5/month.

Athletic Greens - Did you know: Vitamins are actually good for you? Yes! Many scientists presumably agree that getting the full alphabet of those bad boys inside ya will help with everything from tip to tail. But forget the big pills and suck ‘em down liquid-style, with Athletic Greens! Get a 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/yks

FastGrowing Trees - It’s time to get dirty! I’ve been out in the yard digging holes and planting stuff and putting water on it. It’s fun, and it looks good, and it probably helps the earth somehow. Join me, won’t you? With 15% off your order at FastGrowingTrees.com/yks, I don’t see how you can afford not to!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected