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Episode 347: Saying Hello to a Man on a Boat Mar 18, 2024

Show notes

I have cupcake tummy so I’m gonna make this quick. I want you to listen to the show, alright? And I want you to send an email to yourkickstartersucks@gmail.com that says how many times you wipe your butt. And that’s it! Don’t send anything else in there. Just the butt-wipe thing. I have to throw up a cupcake.

On this episode of the show we’ve got one of those things where the guys are trying to sell you the idea that they’re experts in something, but they’ve failed at doing the thing weirdly! Plus we’ve got some flags for rich guys, a little robot it would be fun to hate, and some fucking BLAST PIPES! Check it out!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium is GOATED when wanting to listen to more Mike and JF is the vibe! Y’all crazy MFs are getting 5 episodes of Farrarch this month! And if that ain’t enough, there’s other stuff too! Check it out today at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - Meals to eat, meals to eat, yes they really are my treat! With Factor, every meal is a treat. And best of all, they come to your house, where you live, so you can eat them more easily! Thanks, Factor! Use code YKS50 to get 50% off. Aww, cmon, please?!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 346: 60 Percent Chips Mar 11, 2024

Show notes

Who won? Who was snubbed? Who got up to go to the bathroom and missed their big debut? I’m not sure, I didn’t watch it. But someone should write an explainer of it and tell me! Meanwhile, I’ll be rewatching the only Oscars preview that matters and thinking, “Yep, we really got it right.” Another thing we got really right? Today’s episode! Featuring some bad ideas to put in your mouth, ears, and on your head, we really run the gamut of poorly-conceived cranial accessories. Plus: what’s the perfect amount of chips to eat in a day? The answer may surprise you! And if not please see a doctor. New YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium! Ding ding ding! Come and get it! It’s Farrarch all month long and we’ve had some great guests. And some bad movies. But those probably balance out (?) Our friends DeadBlossomJesse and Charlie McDonnell have been thus far kind enough to make an appearance. But there are more friends to come. Friends, movies, and more. That’s what makes YKS Premium “God’s gift to content”. Check it out

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 345: The Amityville Hat Mar 04, 2024

Show notes

Don’t be a you-know-what! It’s time to plug them old headphones in or slap em on or listen on speaker while on public transit like a lunatic! On today’s show we have another card game that no one should play for any reason, including on pain of death, or if they’re really bored, a piece of ostensible safety technology that is useless when you think it does one thing, then when you find out it doesn’t even do that, it’s completely incredible, and one that’s actually nice. I won’t say what the nice one is, because basically I’m using a marketing technique to get you to listen to the episode. Studies show this is most effective when you were already going to listen to it anyway, and it’s already on your phone, and you were wasting time reading the rambling episode descriptions for some reason. I read about them. On my sabbatical.

Join us in creating a healthier and more equitable future and help us get our show to all! It’s a new YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

Love it or hate it, Farrarch is back! YKS Premium presents a staggering 5 Fridays, even though it seems like it should only be 4, of sequel-loving madness with some wonderful guest stars. Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!

Factor - I’m about to have a meal my own self, so this may come off as a bit biased…but I love to eat! And with Factor, eating has never been easier. Except for millions of years ago where we all ate algae and stuff like that, I guess. Plus, Factor tastes better than algae! It’s not cheaper. But still, we got a good deal for you. And again, it’s like good food. Not just slime or other cells. Check out FactorMeals.com/yks50 for 50% off your order of good and normal food!

ScentAir -They say that smell is the doorway to the soul. And really, why wouldn’t it be? You smell some stuff and it goes right up into your brain. And your soul’s probably up there, too. And there’s nothing the soul likes more than good scents. Luckily, ScentAir knows all about them. And now, so do you. Go to ScentAir.com/yks to learn how you can save 25% off your first Whisper MAX diffuser and explore other great deals.

RocketMoney - Subscriptions are getting so crazy. TV, Internet, uhhh other forms of entertainment which btw are fine to subscribe to…it’s all too much! Wake me up when I can subscribe to Timothee Chalamet! You know what I’m talking about. Until then, I’m trusting Rocket Money to help me control my monthly budget. I’m coming, Timothee! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/yks.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 344: What If Michael Scott Bought Bitcoin Feb 26, 2024

Show notes

Welcome to Hooterville! That was almost the title of the episode but we already had one with “ass” in it this month and it felt like it would be a little much. Well anyway that’s a little behind the scenes action from your old friends Mike and JF. And as for the Kickstarters this week, well, they’re sure to not disappoint. Sorry this started to sound like ChatGPT a little bit, I’m watching TV and I’m kind of distracted by the bright lights and sounds and stuff like that. On today’s show we’re talking about a pen with a really really really bad name to have, a housing app with another horrible, shitty name, and some kind of fragrance thing with – you guessed it – a name from fucking hell. Didn’t occur to us during the episode that these things are so poorly named, but now having read the entire episode description, you get the benefit of hindsight. And the benefit of hearing the episode! Which you are doing, or will be doing, right now or soon.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium - Farrarch II: All Things Being Sequel. Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks

This week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

NordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here → https://nordvpn.com/YKS It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Link is in the episode description ✌️

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 343: YKS Double Impact Feb 19, 2024

Show notes

Love is in the air! Or it was, anyway, a week or so ago. Because it was that famous day of hearts and candy, Valentine’s. But now we’re celebrating a different kind of love…not romantic love, but rather love for our wonderful presidents of past, present, and future. Which in many ways is even better than finding a partner to share your life and a big box of candy with. Because the presidents are always there, signing documents and so forth. And trust me, a lot of them guys will eat some chocolate with you too.

On today’s show, we don’t talk about that stuff at all because we had no idea what day it was. Instead, we got some idiot who wants to fix up a helicopter on my dime, a couple of pieces of crap to tell you what’s going on with your body like you didn’t already know, and a toilet for the UPS guy. Actually I’m joking about that last one but I think it’s a good idea. Those guys gotta whiz and crap!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium! You’re gonna like what you listen to. I guarantee it. And you can hold me personally responsible if you don’t. - Mr. Mike Hale (official).

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands

ScentAir - Stuff that smells good keeps you around, and stuff that stinks ushers you out the door. That’s the way it is. And if you ask us, it’s high time businesses learnt this inexorable fact and starting making their places smell good! Well that’s where ScentAir comes in. It also comes into your nose. Isn’t that fun? Go to ScentAir.com/yks to learn how you can save 25% off your first Whisper MAX diffuser and explore other great deals!

Factor - I love lunchies I love dinners, Factor Factor please deliver! And they always do. To your door, that is, in a nice box you can do whatever with after you’ve taken the food out. I personally like to jump inside and pretend that none of my problems can get me in there. But it’s really all up to you. Head to FactorMeals.com/YKS50 and use the code yks50 to get 50% off.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 342: Ass Pizza Feb 12, 2024

Show notes

Looks like once again Patrick Mahomes is the Super Bowl MVP! It would be kind of funny if I wrote this in advance of the announcement, and I was wrong, and Kansas City didn’t even win. And then you’re reading this like…what the hell! What are they doing over there! Can they do anything right? Haha. Oh yeah they can, they can make me hella laugh, and just vibe…I actually wrote it well after the game ended, though. Because I have an ego the size of a house and I can never be wrong. On today’s show we have a guy using alien technology to look stupid, some 3-D printed stuff that won’t fill the hole in your heart, and – finally – some anti-woke clothing! Big day. Big ep. I’m going to Disneyworld! Nah, nah, nah.

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium - I never leave home without it. And neither should you. What if your phone flies out of an airplane and someone picks it up and they’re going through it on the local news and they get down to your podcast subscriptions and it’s not there? That would suck. Better sign up today. And maybe take a train or something.

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Rocket Money - Talking to the cable company is cheeks. Let somebody else do it for ya! And reap the rewards – the things I love to reap. Stop wasting money by going to RocketMoney.com/yks.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 341: Carl’s Jr Big Thick Bacon Olive Branchburger with Cheesepology Feb 05, 2024

Show notes

Wait…I thought we just recorded an episode? But that would mean…and if he’s over there…and I’m a notoriously prickly leading man whose tangible lack of enthusiasm for nearly all his work, in combination with rumors of my rather unsavory behavior on set, would be enough to blackball me from the industry? No? Okay well good because we got another in-person 2 hour banger to get through, and I’m not going to let any kind of cyclical karmic time loop stop me! On today’s oddly familiar YKS we got shirts and apples, uncles who shoot, and oh geez, maybe a new segment at the end of the show? I sure hope we have time for it! Plus we got a bible AI app, a reality reprogrammer (just in time) and a strange vacuum cleaner you’ve probably never heard of before. Let your fingers do the talking…to the podcast app, that is, and push them to push it to download it to the phone to listen to the show! It’s a new YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium - It’s the ooooooonly way to see what kind of tea we’re drinking. Sign up today for bonus episode of YKS at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks.

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

ScentAir - Smell good, or smell bad? Kind of a no brainer. Especially for businesses! Take the store for instance. Hey, don’t mind if I do! Especially since it smells so good! Go to ScentAir.com/yks to learn how you can save 25% off your first Whisper MAX diffuser and explore other great deals

Factor - Wellness is so good…I just wish I could slurp it down in one go instead of (???) the normal stuff you have to do to get it. And if it came with a side of delicious, easy, healthful meals, I guess that would basically be a dream come true. Well pinch yourselves because your dream is now a reality! All ya gotta do is: enter code yks50 at FactorMeals.com/yks50 to get 50% off your first box and 2 free wellness shots per box!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 340: The Ultimate Calming Egg Jan 29, 2024

Show notes

I am calm. I have my egg. I am calm. I have my egg!!! Ahhh!!!! No! I’m not calm! I put too much salt on my food by using a normal salt shaker or teaspoon, I moved and all my junk mail didn’t follow me to the new place, I can’t read 120 pages of a book in a minute, and my laundry isn’t getting clean in my air fryer. This sucks and there’s no solution – I ran out of essential oils to put on my calming egg, which has also stopped levitating slightly in its cradle. So I’m doomed. I guess the only thing that could make me feel any better is over 2 hours of wacky conversational comedy for 40 year olds. But who would be doing that in 2024 but the boys at YKS…

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

To support the show and get more JF and DB content than could possibly be healthy, sign up for YKS Premium today! For just $5 a month you can push play to your heart’s content, and stick it to “Big Doctor” – the big doctor we all go to and hate!

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

NordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here → https://nordvpn.com/YKS It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Link is in the episode description ✌️

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 339: Now Loading… Jan 22, 2024

Show notes

Now what do ya get when you cross 2 guys who need the internet to work and live and not go insane, and a series of events that results in both of them having their access to the internet become extremely compromised? Well, you get a very long and very funny episode of their collaborative podcast all about crowdfunding and technology, that’s what! On today’s show, which has been edited to within an inch of its life, we’re talking about the movement that’s on the tip of everyone’s tongues: AI! It seems that Artificial Intelligence has been waiting in the wings for its chance in the director’s chair, and so we get a sneak peek at some of the wonderful films sure to be coming our way soon courtesy of this emerging technology. Plus, a mailbox camera and a toy smoking weed. All that, a few crucial edits, and more on this week’s almost-didn’t-get-there episode of YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium - It’s got what listeners crave! Sign up today and hear The Most Beautiful Noise On Earth.

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Rocket Money - Stop wasting money on things you don’t use…Oh but I don’t want to! I love wasting money!! Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/YKS– No! I hate money!I want it all to go away!

Factor- When it comes to eating food, there ain’t too many things better than meals. And when you can get them delivered straight to your door but still with all the good flavors of food in there, it’s like, well, that’s pretty good isn’t it? Head to FactorMeals.com/YKS50 and use code YKS 50 to get 50% off of all the meals it’s good to have.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Episode 338: Millionaire PS5 Challenge Jan 15, 2024

Show notes

What if Steamboat Willie did a drive-by…? It’s an interesting question that we can now answer definitively, with the help of the American legal system and, presumably, AI. Pull up a chair (or take it off the wall) and throw on some hedgephones…it’s an all-new YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.

YKS Premium…it’s the only way you’re gonna get these guys to put out any more episodes! Until they bring back Stitcher Premium, that is.

This episode of YKS sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - I’m snowed in, I’m hungry, I definitely won’t be going to any good food restaurants this week. But with Factor, I could care less! These delicious and nutritious meals have me saying “Restaurant Who?!” Try ‘em yourself at Factormeals.com/yks50 and get 50% off!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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