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You Can’t Do That — Hockey
You Can’t Do That

A podcast about hockey from three women who have more opinions than information and LOTS of feelings about the Washington Capitals. These enthusiastically self-righteous idiots aren’t here to win – they’re here to make friends! (And talk about which hockey players are cats and which are dogs.) Join Eva, Kelly, and Rave for jokes and yelling about the latest league headlines, player antics, and more.

Copyright: © Never Not Media, LLC 2023

Latest Episodes:

#115: Acceptance Pod Apr 20, 2021

Show notes

"Oh my god they were co-stars." Your podmoms Eva, Rave, and Kelly have had time to process their trade deadline emotions and are now ready to discuss what happened in a calm, rational way. Mostly. Plus: N1KY-pocalypse, rage! at the Staples Center, and the return of a VERY romantic segment. This episode was recorded on April 18, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (02:57) Syrup Commune | (12:37) Trade talk | (32:12) #ALLCAPS | (51:03) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:06:11) Romancing the Brone

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#114: Beard Benching Apr 13, 2021

Show notes

"No - weird - sex stuff!" Some may say we done goofed by recording this episode before the trade deadline. But is it not enough to revisit a simpler time when Jakub Vrana was still a Washington Capital and Michael Raffl wasn't one yet? Other discussion items on Rave, Kelly, and Eva's docket include the Harry Styles' Tiny Desk Concert Appreciation Crew, a pizza promposal, the death of Yahoo! Answers, and dumb coaches continuing to be just. So dumb. This episode was recorded on April 4, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. P.S. You can get 15% off everything in our merch shop (including brand new SHORT KINGS FIGHT CLUB designs!) today, April 13, through Saturday, April 17.

Timecodes: (05:46) Yahoo! Answers, RIP | (20:23) #ALLCAPS | (51:09) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:16:35) Listener Q: Panda tending

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#113: The McNugget Manscape Apr 06, 2021

Show notes

"A case of the whoopsie sleepies." Do we want to kiss or slap the past week of NHL hockey? Hard to say. Eva, Rave, and Kelly chat about a string of Caps "wins," a range of player motivation "strategies," and whomst is most deserving of the label "coach's kid." Maybe we should dunk this one in a savory sauce and eat it in a single bite like a McNugget Minute instead. This episode was recorded on April 4, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (02:33) Kiss Or Slap? | (10:35) #ALLCAPS | (50:47) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:12:23) What's Your Position?

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#112: Eau du Heterosexuál Mar 30, 2021

Show notes

"I am rigging the game right now." This week, Kelly, Rave, and Eva go long on bad reffing, bad commentary, good coaching, good trades, and - with apologies to our sweet Sabres buddies - the latest miserable lows of the Buffalo beat. Hockey is a cereal aisle and we are filling our cart. This episode was recorded on March 28, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (02:59) Listener Q: Soothing video content | (11:32) #ALLCAPS | (39:01) Elsewhere in the NHL & NWHL | (01:20:58) Short Kings Fight Club

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#111: Eyes Wide Shut For Bros Mar 23, 2021

Show notes

"It is the Smurfs that are wrong." Much hockey occurred in our two weeks away from the mics, some good (Ovi goals!), some alarming (...the Flyers.......y'all...). And yes, Rave and Eva and Kelly discuss those things. More important discussion items, though: Pokemon, vanity abs, potato florets, Smurf villainy, and Home Depot lesbians. This episode was recorded on March 21, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (05:35) Gotta Catch 'Em All | (18:53) #ALLCAPS | (49:49) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:22) Doing Lines

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#110: Debunk THIS Mar 09, 2021

Show notes

"Love to watch a mean teen fight a sun bear." Eva, Kelly, and Rave contribute to the Tom Wilson hitscourse in this otherwise light n frivolous episode. Expect lots of birds, a trio of uninspired Scorpios, a frank assessment of the Napoleonic tactics, a tour of a gentle zoo, and - where you least expect it - a sidebar about human trafficking. Wait, sorry, that part's not light or frivolous either. (But it's not NOT.) This episode was recorded on March 7, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (03:34) Fightless Birds | (11:48) #ALLCAPS | (16:06) The Tom Wilson hitscourse | (35:25) More Caps stuff | (44:33) Rave's Enemy of the Week: Brad Marchand | (47:13) Elsewhere in the NHL | (59:25) NHL Unsolved | (01:11:47) Listener Q: Zoo stuff

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#109: Cruller Of The Month Mar 02, 2021

Show notes

"Short Kings Fight Club. SKFC." Welcome to our anti-capitalist sports podcast, where this week Kelly, Rave, and Eva spend a not-insignificant amount of time picking names out of a hat to cast hockeys in the seminal motion picture Mean Girls. Other stuff: The Caps' mainstream horniness, Jeff "Scratch me one more time and see what happens" Skinner, spawn of TK, the Chicago hockey team, and so very much more.This episode was recorded on February 28, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (04:34) #ALLCAPS | (33:31) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:04) Casting Couch

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#108: Horse Girls Are Face Blind Feb 23, 2021

Show notes

On the discussion docket for Rave, Eva, and Kelly this week: several questionable Caps games, art modeling, Sid's celebration, sinister moose, furries, the Yotes' yikes, Lake Tahoe 'fits, and Rave's Enemy Song. We KNEW the unabated sunshine was a problem!! This episode was recorded on February 21, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that

Timecodes: (02:55) Listener Q: Art modeling | (12:55) Interruption: This Week In Our Cats | (14:37) Art Modeling, continued | (18:05) #ALLCAPS and some Pens | (47:23) Elsewhere in the NHL | (52:46) Coyotes drama | (1:06:02) Bruins did a fun thing

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#107: Canuck Cuck for Tkachuk Feb 16, 2021

Show notes

This week, Eva, Kelly, and Rave grab their metaphorical craft supplies to make a valentine to weird blind dates, weird commentary on the all-Canada division, and weirdly specific warm-up jerseys. They do NOT make a valentine for the NHL. This episode was recorded on February 14, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that

Timecodes: (01:50) Mystery Date | (23:15) #ALLCAPS | (38:55) Elsewhere in the NHL | (49:20) Listener Qs: Line names; warmup jerseys vs. game jerseys

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#106: S*per B*wl S*turday Feb 10, 2021

Show notes

Kelly, Eva, and Rave take a brief pause from talking self-deprecatingly about the Washington Capitals to be weird as hell about topics including high school theater, the Bruins, the Tkachuck Fucker map, and the Big Game (about which we know MANY things). This episode was recorded on February 7, 2021.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothatand check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that
Timecodes: (03:26) Sorry, Eva: The Theater Game | (21:23) #ALLCAPS | (43:12) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:03:53) Listener Q: East/West pairings

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