The definition of sexual abstinence is contested and often confused with ‘asexuality’ and ‘celibacy’. Asexuality relates to a sexual identity in which an individual does not feel sexual attraction towards others, whilst celibacy often has religious connotations, whereby an individual or couple do not partake in sexual activity in order to strengthen their relationship with God. Conversely, sexual abstinence is characterised by a willing abstaining from penetrative sex and often its associated activities. So, why are so many young people abstaining?
abstinence can be empowering in and of itself, serving as an eye-opener for individuals practising alone and couples practising together, both in terms of understanding sex and sexual partners in a more holistic light. For Jourdan*, who is in his mid-twenties and has been sexually abstinent for a year, abstinence helps him to remove himself from the hypersexualised world of hook up culture, and a media that perpetuates an omnipresent male gaze. “Technology and media have shifted the perspective of sexual activity,” he says. “because it is so easily accessible, it dilutes the essence of sexual activity. Some people would give their bodies to someone but at the same time, not let them look at their mobile phone.”
Sexual abstinence raises questions about what it means to be sexually liberated. If sexual empowerment is about choosing what to do with one’s body, both being sexually active and sexually abstinent tick that box.
Sex and abstinence have ended up mirroring one another in contemporary society. Where sexual adventuring can improve emotional wellness for some, so can sexual abstinence for others. As abstinence increases sexual self-awareness from an emotional perspective, as it did for Jenny and Jourdan, yoni eggs and crystal dildos can increase sexual self-awareness from a physical perspective. As couples show affection through physical intimacy, they also find novel ways of sharing affection when abstaining. Sex and abstinence are not polar opposites, nor mutually exclusive. Both Jenny and Jourdan are not planning on being abstinent forever; both would engage in sexual
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