What The If?

Latest Episodes:

BIOLOGICAL New Year's Resolutions! Dec 30, 2025

Show notes

What the if your New Year's resolution became a biological compulsion you literally could not ignore? Imagine waking up on January 1st with the same unstoppable urge that drives salmon to swim upstream, except instead of spawning, you absolutely must get to the gym three times a week. In this world, the darkness of winter triggers something deep in our ancient brain, locking us into whatever commitment we scribbled down at midnight. You'd have to rules-lawyer your own resolutions like a contract with a malicious genie. Society would develop rituals around helping eight-year-olds avoid accidentally resolving to rule the world. Plus, discover a surprising new theory about why Stonehenge exists that has everything to do with cabin fever and nothing to do with astronomy. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Time REVERSAL with Ian Durham! Dec 26, 2025

Show notes

What the if time suddenly started running backwards? Your breakfast un-eats itself, LEGO sets come pre-assembled, and you get younger every day. The dead have unfunerals, your room cleans itself, and teenagers slowly regress through middle school—backwards. Professor Ian Durham of Saint Anselm College stops by to explain the real physics behind time reversal and why photons might start shooting out of your eyeballs. Want to see time reversal in action? Check out The Palindrome Paradox, the mind-bending short film Ian recommends: https://youtu.be/hUcXGv-NzFQ?si=X086RFpXEj0ZNJmX Explore more physics at the Foundational Questions Institute—Ian's top 5 physics stories for 2025 will be out in a week or two on the FQxI Podcast Series: https://qspace.fqxi.org/podcasts And check out FQxI Master Classes, where Ian's course on the nature of time will be out within the year: https://qspace.fqxi.org/qac --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Santa's MEGA Fauna! Dec 20, 2025

Show notes

Listener Anne of Queens got us thinking about flying reindeer for the holidays. Imagine herds of 1,500-pound mammals migrating through your town like Canada geese. Suddenly those goose droppings don't seem so bad. Discover why the classic Santa sleigh makes no aerodynamic sense (eight reindeer in parallel? Your cargo's dragging on the ground) and why the real solution is a reindeer dirigible with forty hovering reindeer and a sleigh dangling underneath. Watch Santa relocate from the North Pole to a Sri Lankan mountaintop, where his reindeer have evolved big fennec-fox ears to vent heat in the tropics. Strap on your hard hat and join us for a holiday flight. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Green SUN Apocalypse! Dec 05, 2025

Show notes

What the if the Sun suddenly turned green? Your pizza now looks like charcoal because all red things go black. Stop signs become invisible. The sky shifts from cheerful blue to permanent dusk. And plants? They absolutely despise green light—they reflect it because green photons are the M&Ms they pick out of the bowl. So with a green Sun, photosynthesis grinds to a halt, oxygen tanks, and everything that breathes is in serious trouble. The only potential survivors might be weird microbes at deep ocean vents who never cared about sunlight anyway. On the bright side, colorblind people might finally see more colors, and whoever figures out the right makeup for green light is about to make a fortune—right before we all suffocate. --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Dr. Kiki Turns Us Into BIRDS! Nov 26, 2025

Show notes

Happy Thanksgiving! We're off this week for the holiday, so we're presenting an encore presentation of an episode that was originally broadcast on September 5, 2018, and remains one of our all-time audience favorites. What the if humans evolved into shrikes - those adorable songbirds that impale their prey on thorns and barbed wire? Dr. Kiki Sanford, neurobiologist and host of This Week in Science, transforms us into gray-and-white birds with natural domino masks, hollow bones, and respiratory systems so efficient they make mammalian lungs look pathetic. Discover why you're literally dinosaur spawn, how shrikes turn thorns into gruesome pantries, and why territorial bird disputes would make parking lot arguments look civilized. Fast forward 10,000 years and watch strike-kind conquer the galaxy, impaling entire planets and building Dyson smores around distant suns. It's the perfect blend of real bird biology and ridiculous speculation - plus you'll never look at songbirds the same way again! Check out Dr. Kiki's podcast This Week in Science at www.twis.org - they broadcast live on Wednesday evenings!Retry —— Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Two BABIES, Two SPECIES! Nov 19, 2025

Show notes

Scientists just discovered ant queens that give birth to two completely different species - not twins, but actual separate species hatching from the same mother. But what the if every animal on Earth reproduced this way? Suddenly every pregnancy becomes a species reveal party, dairy farms need to manage herds where some cows give birth to regular calves while others pop out Ice Age yaks, and your family reunions include relatives from entirely different species sitting around the same table. Pet stores become absolute chaos when golden retrievers randomly give birth to wolves, and nobody knows which species they're getting until it hatches or emerges. Your family tree stops being a tree and starts looking like a biological choose-your-own-adventure book. This bizarre discovery from Science Magazine proves that when biology textbooks try to define species boundaries, nature just laughs and does whatever it wants anyway. Reproduction just got way weirder than anyone thought possible. Based on "Ant Queen Lays Eggs That Hatch Into Two Species" from Science Magazine Read the full article here: https://www.science.org/content/article/ant-queen-lays-eggs-hatch-two-species --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

CHINA vs NASA Nov 14, 2025

Show notes

This week we're trading hypothetical fungi and exploding planets for something scarier: actual government budgets. But don't worry - watching America accidentally hand the space race to China is just as entertaining as any sci-fi disaster scenario, and way more preventable. Think "For All Mankind" but with spreadsheets instead of heroic astronauts. What happens when NASA's budget gets slashed in half while China's space program keeps climbing? Chris Carberry from Explore Mars joins to explore a future where the International Space Station becomes the Chinese Space Station, lunar bases fly red flags instead of stars and stripes, and American astronauts have to hitch rides on Chinese rockets just to get into orbit. From Beijing's plans to build permanent moon bases to their ambitious Mars sample return missions that might beat NASA by years, discover how budget cuts could transform America from space exploration leader to space exploration spectator. Plus, find out why letting China dominate space science means losing more than just bragging rights - it means losing innovations in climate monitoring, planetary defense, and technologies that improve life here on Earth. Fair warning: this one gets into the nitty gritty of space policy and why funding science actually matters. Want more fascinating space content from Chris? Check out his books exploring the unexpected sides of space exploration - from the role of music in cosmic storytelling to humanity's long relationship with alcohol beyond Earth's atmosphere: The Music of Space: Scoring the Cosmos in Film and Television https://a.co/d/fQki9CS Alcohol in Space: Past, Present and Future https://a.co/d/aqCOkUz Alcohol in Space - The Movie https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0DJR1J6F8/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r And learn more about Chris' work advocating for human Mars exploration at Explore Mars: exploremars.org --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Mosquitoes Fall for FUNGI! Nov 05, 2025

Show notes

What the if mosquitoes were helpless against the sweet smell of their own doom? Scientists genetically engineered Metarhizium fungus to smell so irresistibly delicious that mosquitoes can't help but fly straight into deadly traps with a 90-100% success rate. Discover why these bloodsuckers are actually tiny recycling agents in nature (who knew?), learn why we can't just eliminate them without the whole ecosystem throwing a tantrum, and find out why one will inevitably end up on a future space station driving the crew absolutely bonkers. From glowing green fungus-covered mosquitoes that look like tiny Marvel villains to biological pest control that beats slathering industrial chemicals on everything, explore humanity's eternal quest to outsmart bugs that have been annoying us since the dawn of time. Based on "This Genetically Engineered Fungus Could Help Fix Your Mosquito Problem" by Jason Dinh, published in The New York Times on November 1st, 2025. Read the full article here: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/01/science/fungus-mosquitoes-genetic-engineering.html?unlocked_article_code=1.y08.x0jx.9OuE2HKzYyez&smid=url-share --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

FRANKENSTEIN Oct 31, 2025

Show notes

What the if Frankenstein was real and doctors actually tried stitching corpses together to create new people? Forget dramatic lightning strikes and brooding in Gothic towers - the real adventure is managing the world's most complicated pharmacy order when seventeen different immune systems meet for the first time and immediately start fighting. Join us as we explore why creating a functional monster requires less "It's alive!" moments and more "Does this insurance plan cover interdimensional tissue rejection?", discover the eternal question of whose blood type gets to be in charge, and meet today's synthetic biology scientists who figured out you can just build new life from genes like tiny biological LEGO blocks. Turns out whether you're using body parts or DNA, humanity's been enthusiastically playing god for centuries - we've just gotten way better at the paperwork.

The BURPING Lake! Oct 22, 2025

Show notes

What the if all bodies of water on Earth were fizzy like soda? In the real world, Seneca Lake in New York produces mysterious underwater booms called "Seneca guns" that scientists think come from occasional gas pockets, but nobody knows for sure. But in our imaginary world where every lake constantly fizzes like champagne, Chicago would relocate to the mountains as Lake Michigan burps methane clouds all day long. New York and London would move to higher ground, while only brave "soda dwellers" would live at water level like Mad Max characters in vans by the river. Niagara Falls would transform into a methane-harvesting factory with enormous vacuum cleaners shipping gas to Texas for barbecue. Cities would rebuild on mountainsides and clifftops, everyone would construct homes on stilts near shores, and Mentos would become weapons of mass destruction capable of triggering lake explosions. Based on "Why is this lake burping?" published in The New York Times on Oct. 8, 2025: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/08/nyregion/seneca-lake-guns-drums.html?unlocked_article_code=1.vU8.hjhV.kfNyB5WcMwSr&smid=url-share --- Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story! Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected