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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

Latest Episodes:

Mom Rage Jun 01, 2022

Show notes

"Mom rage" is a thing, and it feels shameful because it feels so far from where we are supposed to be as mothers and as women. Writer Anne Lamott called it "a closely guarded secret, as if the myth of maternal bliss is so sacrosanct that we can't even admit these feelings to ourselves." But it's more universal than we admit, and its triggers more predictable. There are also practical ways we can all recognize it sooner when it might be building within ourselves.

In this episode, we discuss:

how a "sequence of provocations" can dramatically increase anger
why lack of sleep is a major cause of mom rage
things that work to lengthen our fuses

If you found this episode useful, here are some other episodes of ours you might listen to next:

Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg Tells Us How To Stop Losing It With Our Kids (May 2021)

Sometimes We Lose It (Dec 2018)

Yelling Less (May 2017)

Here are links to some of the resources we mentioned in the episode:

@momuninterrupted on Instagram: "Nighttime Parenting"

Anne Lamott for Salon: "Mother Rage: Theory and Practice"

Pallavi Pundir for Vice: ‘It’s Like I Was Possessed’: Women Reveal the Deepest, Darkest Moments of Their ‘Mom Rage’

Minna Dubin for The New York Times: "The Rage Mothers Don’t Talk About"

Minna Dubin for The New York Times: ‘I Am Going to Physically Explode’: Mom Rage in a Pandemic

NBC Boston: What Is Mom Rage? Why Are So Many Women Feeling It?

Mairead Heffron for Image: The secret rage of motherhood: ‘I never imagined that my child could be both the trigger and target of my anger’

Special thanks to our sponsors for this month:

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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

BEST OF: Handling the News With Our Kids May 27, 2022

Show notes

This episode was first recorded in July 2021, before the recent mass shootings in Buffalo and Uvalde, not to mention the ongoing horrors of war in Ukraine. We hope it might be useful for a relisten right now, as many of us struggle with what to tell our kids, how much, and when. If we don't give the kids any context, some older kid in the cafeteria might become their primary source of (mis)information.

We discuss what age is old enough for difficult topics, what to do when the story is close to home, and how we can always lead with reassurance– plus the best ways to consume the news with, and in front of, our kids.

GoFundMe has established an online hub of verified fundraisers supporting victims and loved ones affected by the shooting in Uvalde, Texas, which you can find here.

Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Paul Underwood for NYT: Is the News Too Scary for Kids?

NPR Parenting: What To Say To Kids When the News Is Scary

Liz Gumbinner: No, I Don't Know. Please Don't Tell Me

Common Sense Media: Best News Sources for Kids

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Introverts vs. Extroverts (and Making Room for Both in Your Family) May 25, 2022

Show notes

What makes us introverts or extroverts– and why do so many of us choose our total opposites for our parenting partners? In this episode we talk about the myths of introverts and extroverts, why opposites attract, and how to parent kids who arealso your total opposites.

In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:

The ways that introverts and extroverts solve problems
How they navigate being the opposite of their partners
How to advocate for your kids depending on their social orientation

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Natalie Arroyo Camacho for Well & Good: "3 Obstacles To Expect From an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship—Plus Whether It Can Work at All"
Rodney B. Lawn et al: "Quiet Flourishing: The Authenticity and Well-Being of Trait Introverts Living in the West Depends on Extraversion-Deficit Beliefs"
Healthline: "Are You an Extrovert? Here’s How to Tell"
R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Tips For Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids
R. L. LaFevers for Wired: Are You Raising An Introvert?
Are You an Introvert? Take this assessment

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.

Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.

Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.

Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.

Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!

Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.

KiwiCoprojects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.

Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.

Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.

Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.

Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.

Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.

StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Amy: My Kid Is Screaming Like a Banshee All of a Sudden May 23, 2022

Show notes

A listener posted this on our Facebook page:

What is up with my 5-year-old? All of a sudden she is talking back, yelling at the top of her lungs, not listening, kicking and screaming, throwing tantrums, throwing things at me, and giving me teenager vibes. (I do not allow any of this behavior in my house.)

I’m at a loss for what to do. Is this boundary-seeking behavior? Is something happening at school? Is it because I’m working more? Is it a phase?

We’ve been sending her to her room to chill out because no one wants to hang with a banshee, but she screams and screams while throwing her stuff everywhere and kicking the walls. She goes immediately into red brain and it’s a 30 minute process for her to calm down and talk to me. Really excited to spend summer break with an insane asylum escapee. It’s starting to rub off on the 2 year old.

If you find yourself saying "What is wrong with this kid?" it's always good to pause and ask if there is actually something wrong. Kids who are having headaches or stomachaches can express that distress in the most baffling of ways.

But as children grow, they alternate between stages of equilibrium and disequilibrium, so it's also possible that your suddenly-banshee child is entering a developmentally appropriate phase. Even if it's driving you batty.

Figuring out what works to address it– at your child's actual level of maturity– is key. Amy gives advice towards how to assess the situation.

Here's the link to the book Amy mentions:

Your Six-Year-Old: Defiant But Loving, by Louise Bates Ames

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Fresh Take: Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships May 20, 2022

Show notes

Matthew Fray is a relationship coach who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes that he did. He's a 43-year-old single father who is best known for his viral blog post "She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink." Fray is the author of the new book "This is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships." Matthew gives us wonderful, poignant insights into how to validate our partners, find out their true needs, and re-establish trust when we've lost it.

In this episode, Matthew, Margaret, and Amy discuss:

Why we may not realize we're betraying our partner's trust
Matthew's hierarchy of needs in relationships
Why couples always have the same fight

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

Matthew's recent article in The Atlantic

Our episode with Eve Rodsky on changing the invisible workload

Here's where you can find Matthew:

matthewfray.com

Buy Matthew's book

FB: @matthewfrayMBTTTR

IG: @frayrelationships

Twitter: @MBTTTR

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.

Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.

Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.

Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.

Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!

Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.

KiwiCoprojects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.

Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.

Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.

Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.

Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.

Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.

StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Unwelcome Surprises May 18, 2022

Show notes

We asked you, our listeners, what unwelcome surprises you've experienced in your parenting journey, and boy, did you deliver! From bodily functions to keeping kids' clothes on to teaching them how to sit in a chair for the hundredth time, we collectively wonder how the human race has survived so long--and whether or not ants have lungs.

Here are links to the WFH episodes we mentioned:

Why Are Our Kids Such Total Opposites?

Fresh Take: Taylor Harris on Motherhood, Genetics, and Facing the Unknown

When To Be 'That Mom'

Here's the link to the original FB thread for this episode

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.

Beam’s Dream Powder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.

Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.

Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.

Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!

Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Indeed is the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.

KiwiCoprojects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.

Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.

Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.

Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.

Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.

Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.

StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Margaret: Should I Force My Kids to Give Hugs? May 16, 2022

Show notes

One of our listeners asked:

How do you navigate responding to family members who demand hugs and kisses from kids? My husband’s family is full of huggy-kissy people. When leaving after a visit, my in-laws lay it on hard with their requests (which feel more like demands) for my 3-year-old to give them a goodbye hug and kiss. Sometimes she doesn't want to, and if she doesn't want to, I don’t force her. But she gets a lot of pressure from the grandparents expecting the physical affection. I want my children to feel comfortable but don’t know how to get all family members on board without hurt feelings.

Margaret discusses how to make a plan for saying goodbye to friends and family that works for your child and doesn't invoke too much objection or conflict from the other party.

Here are the links to the resources Margaret mentions in the episode:

Meghan Holohan for Today: "Why experts say you shouldn't make your kids kiss relatives at Thanksgiving"

Don't Hug Doug by Carrie Finison

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fresh Take: Lynn Lyons and Robin Hutson of "Flusterclux" May 13, 2022

Show notes

Anxiety expert Lynn Lyons and co-host Robin Hutson created the podcast FLUSTERCLUX to help anxious kids and anxious families, which are usually one and the same. Lynn Lyons has trained hundreds of teachers, school nurses, counselors and parents about managing anxiety.

In this episode, Lynn, Robin, and Amy discuss:

Why reassurance doesn't always placate kids' anxieties
Why anxiety craves certainty– and how we can unwittingly "do the disorder" in trying to reassure anxious kids
How to model moving through uncertainty for our kids
How perfectionism feeds anxiety in kids

Here's where you can find Robin and Lynn:

flusterclux.com

@flusterclux on FB and Instagram

Lynn Lyons' book The Anxiety Audit is available for preorder now

"Flusterclux" podcast

Finding Joy Inside and Out Family Retreat

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.

Beam’s DreamPowder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.

Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.

Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.

Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!

Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Indeedis the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.

KiwiCoprojects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.

Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.

Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.

Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.

Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.

Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.

StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Will We Ever Get Back to Normal? May 11, 2022

Show notes

As Margaret and Amy both deal with Covid in their households, they wonder how they ever thought it was over and when the "new normal" will feel truly normal, if ever. They give both optimistic and realistic assessments of the future as they try to imagine one that's forever changed, but also better than before.

And they both agree that you should cheer on everyone who is running the New York City Marathon, whether they're your sister, a cop, or a ballerina.

In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss:

Moments they each thought "Covid was ovah"
The third quarter phenomenon
Mourning things they've missed due to Covid

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Brandon Ambrosino for BBC: "Why it will be so hard to return to ‘normal’"

Dan Sinker for Esquire: "If We're Back to 'Normal,' Why Am I Still So Exhausted All the Time?"

Debra Caplan's thread on Twitter

Kate Bowler's book No Cure for Being Human, Margaret's rec

Nathan Smith and Gro Mjeldheim Sandal: "The third-quarter phenomenon: the psychology of time in space"

"When Can We Start Saying Yes?" WFH episode where we talk about said phenomenon

Special thanks to this month's sponsors:

Aura Frame turns your family’s past into the perfect gift, bringing all your favorite photos and videos together in one high-resolution display. Get up to $40 off while supplies last by visiting auraframes.com/FRESH.

Beam’s DreamPowder is their sleep-promoting healthy hot cocoa. 99% of people experience better sleep quality when taking Beam Dream! Get $20 off at beamorganics.com with the code FRESH.

Betterhelp online therapy is affordable, confidential, and effective! Give it a try and see if online therapy can help lower your stress. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/fresh.

Credit Karma helps you find low-interest personal loans that may well have lower interest rates than your credit cards do now! Head to creditkarma.com/loanoffers to see your personalized offers.

Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more, all built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box!

Home.Made. Podcast is a terrific new podcast offering stories about the meaning of home in America. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts!

Indeedis the only job site where you're guaranteed to find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/laughing.

KiwiCoprojects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 30% off your first month plus FREE shipping on ANY crate line with code MOTHERHOOD.

Ladder helps you find life insurance without the hassle! Answer a few questions online to apply for up to $3 million in term life insurance coverage. Go to ladderlife.com/laughing today to see if you’re instantly approved.

Native deodorant and other body care products are paraben-free on the inside, and now plastic-free on the outside! Get 20% off your first order at nativedeo.com/fresh or with promo code FRESH.

Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more.

Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.

Renzo’s Vitamins “melty tabs” taste great and give your kids the vitamins they need- without all the sugar of gummies! Go to renzosmagic.com and use the code FRESH to get $5 off.

StoryWorth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones connect through sharing stories and memories and preserves them for years to come. Save $10 off your first purchase at storyworth.com/whatfreshhell

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ask Amy: Am I a Terrible Person for Being Jealous of My Mom Friends? May 09, 2022

Show notes

A listener asks:

I had my first child (and only child, so far) 18 months ago. It was a really rough experience for me and my husband: traumatic birth, intense breastfeeding struggles, very colicky baby that really did not sleep much, no support due to COVID, and I had PPD. My husband and I are really only just starting to feel sort of okay again in the last few months.

Here's my issue. Within the last six months several of my friends have had their first babies. None of them are having even close to the intense/terrible experience that my husband and I did. Intellectually, I am happy about this because I love my friends, and I don't wish bad things on them!

However, emotionally I seem to be struggling with watching all of them sail through (relatively speaking) something that was 100% the hardest, darkest time of my life. When I hear/see them having such an easy time I sometimes feel angry, or even like I want to cry.

I hate feeling this way, and it makes me feel like a bad person/terrible friend. Has anyone else had a really rough birth/newborn experience, and then struggled when seeing other people have better experiences? Am I a terrible person for not being able to be fully happy for my friends who are having such an easier time?

It's important to give yourself time and space to heal when you've suffered trauma of any kind. Amy kindly helps our listener understand that her feelings are completely justified, she is allowed to give herself a break, and that no, she's not the only one who has ever felt this way.

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