Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex &amp; Love

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

023 - Parenting While In Recovery (Part 2) Oct 24, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

As a parent in recovery, how do I start the conversation about sexual health with my kids?
Is there anything about a teen brain that is different from an adult when it comes to struggling sexually or emotionally?
How can I help my kids who struggle? (not just boys, but girls struggle too)

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

022 - Parenting While In Recovery Part 1 Oct 17, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer the following questions:

As a parent in recovery, how do I start the conversation about sexual health with my kids?
Is there anything about a teen brain that is different from an adult when it comes to struggling sexually or emotionally?
How can I help my kids who struggle?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

021 - Trading Addictions Oct 10, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

If we struggle with addictions, why can’t we just quit cold-turkey?
How long will it take to fully recover from addictive behaviors?
How can the Three Circles tool help?

Resources

Three Circles Tool

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

020 - Women, the Church, and Shame Oct 03, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:

I went to my church for help and left feeling more confused and ashamed. What should I do now?
If I’m a woman who struggles, how do I know if I can go to my church for help?
What can churches do to create safe environments for women who need help whether it's their own sexual struggles or betrayal from someone else?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

019 - I Relapsed Last Weekend Sep 26, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex & Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:

I relapsed last weekend and feel so much shame. How do I pick myself up off the floor?
Who do I tell about my relapse?
What tools can I use to get back to restoration?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org or simply reply to this email. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources

(All tools are free on our website - https://puredesire.org/tools/ )

FASTER Scale

Crash Site Analysis

Recovery Action Plan

Three Circles

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

018 - My Marriage Is A Facade Sep 19, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer the following questions:

Everyone thinks he’s the ideal husband, but I’m miserable. Where do I find help if nobody sees the problem?
Why is it so hard to walk away from someone causing me pain?
My husband and I are in counseling, and the counselor thinks I’m the one overreacting. What can I do?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

017 - Mom Life - Part 2: As a Struggling Mom Sep 12, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex & Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

How much do I share with my kids?
If I tell people about my struggles, will I look like a bad mom?
How do I avoid hurting my kids while I’m recovering?
Will I be able to raise secure kids when I’m such a mess?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources

Full Episode On YouTube

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

016 - Mom Life - Part 1: As a Betrayed Mom Sep 05, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

Since discovery, I can’t seem to function like I did before. I’m crying one minute and angry the next. How long will this last?
As a betrayed mom, what steps can I take to begin healing and ensure I don’t take out my pain on my kids?
How much do I share with my kids?

P.S. If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

015 - Sex & Single Aug 29, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer these questions:

What does it mean to be sexually healthy as a single?
What type of boundaries should I have for dating?
I’ve heard of the “love cocktail” of chemicals people experience when falling in love. Can a person actually experience withdrawals from feeling in love?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

014 - Understanding My Thoughts, Feelings, & Behaviors Aug 22, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

What comes first: thoughts, feelings, or behaviors?
I grew up in a home where we didn’t talk about feelings. How can I learn more about feelings, so I can teach my kids about feelings?
I struggle with talking about feelings, especially to my husband. What can I do to get better at communicating my feelings?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

013 - Sex After Betrayal Aug 15, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

I could go the rest of my life without sex. Is this normal?
My husband is sexually anorexic. What does this say about me?
Does the Bible really tell us we can’t withhold sex from our husbands?

Resources

The Great Sex Rescue, by Sheila Wray Gregoire

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

012 - Is this Normal? Aug 08, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On this episode, we answer the following questions:

I’m five days post disclosure and I’m clueless how to handle this. How should I feel? Can I sleep with my husband if I want and be so angry and hurt at the same time? It’s a weird place to be. He didn’t have an affair but lots of acting out online in chat rooms, fantasy too. I think I’m still numb, is that normal? I’m also a therapist so I feel like I know the answers to these questions but it's different when you are on this side of the fence. a little. maybe a lot, I dunno. Does that help?
Why do things like violent sex scenes and nude women arouse me?
We are trying to recover from my husband's SA [Sex Addiction]. He is getting counseling and I know our intimacy needs to be restored one day at a time. Is it wrong within our marriage for him to say explicit words to me? I feel like he's trying to make me feel safe but at the same time these words trigger me.

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

011 - When will my Husband Learn about Betrayal Trauma? Aug 01, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group and it’s teaching me so much about emotional awareness and health. My husband is in a Seven Pillars group and he’s not learning anything about emotional health or betrayal trauma? Why is this?
When/How will my husband learn to be empathetic and take responsibility for the pain he’s caused me, if it’s not in the Seven Pillars work?
My husband has been in group for months and I’m not seeing any changes in his attitude or behaviors. Can I talk to his group leader to find out if he’s actually doing the work?

Show notes:

Help Her Heal, by Carol Juergensen Sheets

Help Them Heal, by Carol Juergensen Sheets

Worthy of Her Trust, by Stephen Arterburn

Pure Desire Counseling

Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)

The Compassionate Warrior (Men's Recovery Resource)

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

010 - Good Sex, Bad Sex Jul 25, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

Can my husband rape me?
Can I say no to my husband?
I feel disconnected when we don't have sex, but when I have sex with my husband I feel used. What can I do to change this pattern?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

009 - Orgasm…That’s Right, We Said It Jul 18, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:

My question is how do you know if you are actually having an orgasm?
I don’t know that I have ever enjoyed sex. I can orgasm but I don’t know how to wake my body up. Sex was shamed in my Christian home then I was supposed to enjoy it after marriage but for so long, sex was used as a tool when my husband was in his addiction. We are doing so much better, relationally, after PD but I don’t know how to start liking sex.
How are the brain and orgasm connected?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

008 - Sex and Shame Jul 11, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:

My husband went to a “massage parlor” for a hand job about every two weeks until I discovered what he was doing 13 months later. How do I get over the shame?
My question is, after a 33-year marriage, where I trusted my husband, I found out he was having a long-term affair with a married woman. I suspected porn and seeing some of the pictures on his phone, he was into some very devious stuff. I’m now divorced, and I’m wondering if I can trust another man again to love who I am and not feel like I have to be a woman of the world to grab a man’s attention again. I’m doubting that I’m someone desirable in bed anymore.
After having sex with my husband, I feel so much shame and often cry. Why is this? We’ve been through the healing process, but I can’t seem to shake these feelings after sex.

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

007 - Lying, Gaslighting, and the Truth Jul 04, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer the following questions:

Since discovery, it's been hard for me to know when my husband is telling me the truth. Should I trust my gut intuition even though he’s telling me I’m being paranoid?
What is gaslighting? Can you give examples of what this looks like?
What are the best ways to respond if I think someone is gaslighting me?

Show Notes:

The Betrayal Bind, by Michelle Mays

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

006 - When Anger Shows Up Unannounced Jun 27, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

Why am I so angry?
My husband betrayed me; why am I taking it out on my kids?
Growing up, it was implied that being angry was sinful. I know I'm hurt but how do I know if I'm dealing with anger?

Show Notes

Anger Test

Resources

Full episode on YouTube

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

005 - Is Sexual Addiction Legit? Jun 20, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

Is calling a sexual sin “addiction” just excusing the behavior?
Is sex addiction real?
People who struggle with sex addiction, why can’t they just stop the behavior?

Show Notes

Resources

Full episode on YouTube

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

004 - D-Day: Discovering Sexual Betrayal Jun 13, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:

What is betrayal trauma?
My husband says I'm overreacting but the pain and foggy-headedness I'm feeling seem uncontrollable. Is it possible to heal from betrayal trauma?
Women I’ve been with in group use phrases like "before Pure Desire and after Pure Desire.” What are they referring to?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

003 - Fantasy Jun 06, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

Is fantasy ever okay?
Should my husband share his fantasies with me?
I can’t be intimate with my husband unless I fantasize. How can I practice being more present?

Show Notes

The Fantasy Fallacy, by Shannon Ethridge

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

002 - Sex, Sex, and More About Sex Jun 06, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

I quit drinking and now I don’t enjoy sex. How can I learn to like sex again?
I am afraid to re-engage with my husband sexually after quitting porn. How do I learn to become aroused by my husband instead?
My husband and I are doing well with our recovery and healing but I’m still afraid to engage sexually, because I can’t get the images of his porn use and affairs out of my head. Will this ever go away and what can I do to help this process?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

001 - Where to Turn after Sexual Betrayal Jun 06, 2024

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

In this episode, we answer these questions:

I’m nervous about telling anyone what’s really happening in my marriage. Where can I find safe people?
Since discovery, I feel like I’m going crazy! Where can I find help?
Is this long, expensive process going to fix anything, when I’m not the one with the problem?

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

Follow us on Instagram

Follow us on X (Twitter)

Intro - Why We Talk About Sex & Love Unfiltered Jun 06, 2024

Resources

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma