Try This At Home

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Acceptance Apr 03, 2019

Show notes

Acceptance is defined as a “willingness to tolerate” when we don’t agree or approve of something. It’s more challenging than many of us want to admit for those relationships that are really close to home. While we tend to simply accept that our friends are quirky or different, it’s harder to apply the same liberties to familial relationships because our expectations get in the way.

Leslie and Leslyn share stories and examples of acceptance to demonstrate the challenge and resolution when someone we love engages in behavior that we find difficult to accept. They explain that acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and the lives that we live - as they are.

They conceptualize the term “it is what it is” so that we understand what it means to be more present and based in the reality of what we cannot change. In order to change anything we have the power to change – we must see it clearly AS IT IS – not worse or better than it is – in order to change it accurately and reliably. If we want to turn sadness into something different, we have to stop resisting the sadness and accept its presence. The first step to anything is quite simply, acceptance.

They recommend that the listener think of something that they’ve been challenged to accept, something not within personal control and to sit with it a few minutes each day. The Try This at Home tip is to see it as a part of your life and to actively accept. They remind us of the power of the Serenity prayer - having the serenity to accept…

Stand for Standards Mar 27, 2019

Show notes

When we are challenged with high expectations and when we are inclined to establish high goals for ourselves, it’s possible that we strive for perfection. Even though perfection doesn’t exist, striving for it can push us to go further and reach higher but not always.

Occasionally, striving for perfection indicates that we’ve adopted unrelenting standards; a potentially unhealthy adaptation of internal expectations. Leslyn runs through a list of conditions that may indicate the condition.

Their conversation offers stories and examples of how misplaced expectations can become disruptive unless we become acutely aware of them in our day to day life.

They offer suggestions about mitigating the effects of perfectionism and clarifying healthy internal expectations.

Talk about Expectations Mar 20, 2019

Show notes

An expectation is a belief that is centered on the future and may or may not be realistic. We’re told over and over again to lower our expectations or to release them all together but many of them are subconscious.

Leslie and Leslyn share stories that demonstrate how embedded expectations are in our day to day activities and talk about how to notice them and then what to do with them when they interfere with the quality of our lives. They make the point that not all expectations are problematic and some of us may indeed benefit from keeping them in place.

A big part of this discussion focuses on becoming aware of and communicating expectations in a way that allows your relationships to flourish instead of flounder.

Should You?? Mar 13, 2019

Show notes

SHOW NOTES:

From the moment we develop awareness, rules guide us. We learn about standards, values, and expectations before we learn to talk. These elements become the list of ‘should’s in our life.

These should’s establish the base from which our life is guided and some of them are quite central to ‘who’ we are. The problem with should’s is that many of them fail to make sense outside of the environment in which they were originally established but we continue to hold on to them.

By the time we are adults in our own homes, raising children, working jobs, and trying to maintain our relationships – the list of ‘should’s’ is longer than the day is long. We are striving to meet demands and expectations which have piled up through the years, without questioning their validity for this period of our lives, this day, or this hour.

Of course, we all have responsibilities and obligations that are important to us and we want to accomplish them. However, instead of commanding yourself to do something because you SHOULD…. First examine where it is coming from.

Are you taking down the curtains and washing them because it is important to YOU? Or is it something your mother did because she lived on a dirt road and the windows were open all spring?

Are you making a casserole for your sick neighbor after work today because that’s what the other gals who are at-home moms did? Or because you want to help your friend?

Are you saying no to lunch with a friend because you ‘should’ stay home and get the laundry done?

What is YOUR motivation? What feels authentic to YOUR life? Which of these ‘should’s’ fit with YOUR values, goals, and motivation?

Leslie and Leslyn dissect the idea of shoulds and get you thinking about your day to day life with a free resource you can print to help clarify your motivation.

When Quitting is a Win Mar 06, 2019

Show notes

Look around! It’s everywhere -- “never give up” “don’t quit” “just keep going” “just keep swimming” “persist” . These messages are obviously meant to energize and inspire us when the going gets tough in order that we might keep working towards reaching our goals. There is another side of that argument however.

Nobody talks seriously about the other side of the coin, and that’s when you should give up, or quit. Sometimes, no matter how much persistence or grit or motivation you have, there are instances in when quitting is the better idea. Quitting doesn’t always mean that you’ve failed. Sometimes you give up on one dream because another one comes along. But sometimes quitting is the smart thing to do. It may mean that you stop the bleeding, protect your resources, and redirect precious energy.

Leslie and Leslyn share information about a concept called “escalation of commitment” and it basically just means throwing good money (or time, etc.) after bad. Leslie’s husband is a lead researcher in this arena and she’s learned a lot through osmosis. Their conversation touches on a number of scenarios we all experience from waiting for a bus to running a business.

They challenge listeners to examine the areas in their lives where this so called ‘bleeding’ occurs and reevaluate the time and resource that might be better employed elsewhere.

Toxic People - What to do with Them Feb 27, 2019

Show notes

SHOW NOTES:

Toxic people pop up at unexpected times and in unexpected places. They are manipulative, judgemental unapologetic, don’t accept personal responsibility and rarely ask about you. They are inconsistent and may ask you to pick them over other long-standing relationships.

When you spend time in the company of toxic people you may be affected by their drama, dread being around them or feel exhausted when they leave. They don’t accept your boundaries or respect your values, causing you to check out and disengage from the relationship.

Leslie and Leslyn share thoughts and tips on how to handle those people who may be toxic and how to create distance. They share how you can love people but set boundaries so that the hurt is kept at bay and the toxicity doesn’t continue to contaminate you.

We end the episode with a tip sheet that outlines each of the recommendations we make that you can print and keep in a handy place.

Time Management - Make it Visual Feb 20, 2019

Show notes

In this episode, Leslie and Leslyn inform us that a big part of time management is making sure that there is room in your schedule to have flexibility. It's important to use a planner to write things down – a paper planner has been indicated to be more effective overall. The main idea is to create a visual for your time allocation.

What kind of things go in a planner? Tasks and appointments are designated in your planner but not habits. The discussion illustrates variations of calendar strategies that work for different types of people.

The use of lists is also discussed as it pertains to managing time. Leslie and Leslyn offer suggestions to maximize your time with those pesky tasks that take very little overall time. Multitasking, the two-minute rule and the ‘toaster game’ are reviewed as options to make the time you have, work for you.

Time management doesn’t mean you have to live by an immovable schedule but creating a work flow that allows you to get things done.

Self-Care is First Aid Feb 13, 2019

Show notes

In this episode of Try This at Home, Leslie and Leslyn talk about what self care is and also - what it isn’t. While we all may envision candlelight and a warm bubble bath, self care can also be a day spent doing dishes and running the vacuum cleaner.

We introduce you to Guy Winch - the psychologist who coined the term “emotional first aid” and talk about why people are so inept in the category of self-care.

We spend a bit of time talking about the discipline of self care and how we might fit it into our daily routines so that we don’t end up running on empty so much of the time.

Finally, we offer a downloadable list of self-care activities and talk about how to use the list to motivate you to take care of yourself.

The Power of Thoughts Feb 04, 2019

Show notes

In this first episode of Try This At Home, Leslie and Leslyn start the conversation by discussing the thoughts we think. They identify a few statistics that demonstrate the monstrosity of the topic but zero in on a few elements such as fearful and negative thoughts; mentioning some of the ideas presented by Rick Hanson in his book Hardwiring Happiness.

They also discuss the fascinating story of Martin Pistorius who developed Cryptococcal meningitis and lost his ability to move or talk. Martin’s experience forced him to find a way of coping with his thoughts which, is part of his story in the book Ghost Boy: My Escape from a Life Locked Inside My Own Body.

The conversation leads to a discussion about detachment, a coping mechanism that may be used constructively for those times when fear or negativity is prevalent and potentially disruptive in our daily life. Leslyn, a Professional Counselor in private practice shares her thoughts on this topic.

Leslie and Leslyn share experiences and stories that outline some helpful tips about coping with derogatory thoughts that you can try at home.

For more information on Leslie and Leslyn as well and more great ideas you can try at home, visit the website at TryThisAtHome.com and follow them on Twitter @trythisathome.

Get to Know Us Feb 02, 2019

Show notes

Leslie Sleesman is the founder and mastermind behind Limelife Planners, Inc., a company that designs and produces planners that organize your daily life. She is the mom of two boys and a girl as well as the proud wife of a university professor. Leslie considers herself a Christian woman who strives to balance the responsibilities of entrepreneurship and motherhood alongside being a loving partner and faith community member who never manages to do ALL of it, ALL the time but gets most of it done, most of the time.

She shares the story of meeting Leslyn for the first time and years later, serendipitously discovering that they shared a common friend who ultimately introduced them again; allowing for some great collaboration using their complementary expertise.

Leslyn Kantner is a mental health professional in private practice and the founder and curator of The Elevate Class. There, she is the lead coach for people who are seeking personal coaching for their personal growth journeys. She is also the author of the blog ThisIsLeslyn.com where she offers tips, inspiration, and encouragement for living your best life.

For more information on Leslie and Leslyn as well and more great ideas you can try at home, visit the website at TryThisAtHome.com and follow them on Twitter @trythisathome.

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