Trashy Royals - Hemlock Creatives

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37. Eleanor of Aquitaine, Queen of France Dec 14, 2023

Show notes

History is not without examples of powerful women, to be sure, but even in that pantheon, Eleanor of Aquitaine is a special case. In this first part of her story, Alicia takes us through her early life in the French province of Aquitaine, where her father was the ruling Duke, and her first, disastrous marriage to the future (it turns out by a matter of days) Louis VII of France. A marriage that would, after many unhappy years, be annulled, allowing Eleanor to create one of history's most audacious political romances: she married the future Henry II of England, son of Empress Matilda, paving the way for Eleanor to have been both Queen of France and Queen of England through separate marriages!

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36. Empress Matilda (But Not Queen Matilda of England) Dec 07, 2023

Show notes

After the unfortunate incident with the boating accident that killed Heir Presumptive William in 1120, King Henry I had a choice to make when it came to succession planning. While he had nephews through his sister and illegitimate children (galore), it was his daughter Matilda, Holy Roman Empress since her arranged marriage at the age of eight, that he tapped to take the throne when he shuffled off his mortal coil. There was a big gathering of nobles to mark the occasion, and in the presence of Henry and Matilda, they all swore fealty to their future lady king, presumably with their fingers crossed behind their backs.

Life went on for everyone for a few years yet. Matilda was re-married to Geoffrey Plantagenet, Count of Anjou, and had a couple of babies, and it was in Ajou that she learned in December of 1135 that her father the king was dead. Long live the lady king!

But not really. Matilda's cousin Stephen acted with swiftness on the news of his uncle's death and, despite having sworn fealty to Matilda in the presence of said uncle back in 1127, got himself crowned King of England, with the support of all those nobles who had also sworn fealty to Matilda back in 1127! And this is how the First Cousins' War - better known as the Anarchy - began!

As you may know, there is no Queen Matilda in England's royal history, but after a protracted and draining conflict, Stephen agreed to pass the crown to Matilda's eldest son, Henry Plantagenet, launching a dynasty that would hold the English throne for centuries.

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35. Henry I of England Nov 30, 2023

Show notes

Today we travel back nearly a millennium to look at three of the sons of William the Conqueror. The first Norman (French) king of England, William of course defeated the English King Harold at the Battle of Hastings in 1066, after which he was crowned King of England, but mostly administered the territory from his duchy in Normandy. An early example of remote work, perhaps.

William I implemented a plan of succession that ended up causing history-making trouble. His eldest son, Robert, with whom he had a difficult relationship, was given Normandy, while his second-eldest surviving son, William Rufus, was heir apparent to the English crown. His youngest surviving son, Henry, was given a hefty amount of money, which in no way satiated his ambition for power. Upon William I's death in 1087, Henry occupied himself by playing his brothers against each other. The situation would culminate in a disastrous hunting party in 1100, in which William II was killed by an arrow and the hunting party scattered to the wind. Younger brother Henry was present for what may have been William's assassination, and raced to Winchester, home of the treasury, to claim the throne in spite of his older brother Robert still living and, under the rules of primogeniture, being the more suitable claimant.

Henry I proved to be a fairly canny politician, and his marriage to Matilda of Scotland (born Edith), daughter of Malcolm III of Scotland, both strengthened his claim and enhanced the cultural status of his court. Everything was on track for a successful dynasty until 1120, when Henry's eldest son and heir apparent threw the kind of rager of a party that no one should ever drive after. To this day, it is illegal to operate watercraft while intoxicated.

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34. Maxine Elliott and the Château de l'Horizon Nov 22, 2023

Show notes

At the turn of the last century, the French Riviera was mostly a winter destination for those in colder climates. It turns out that "fun in the sun" and "playground for the rich" are fairly modern concepts, but in a brilliant real estate move, American actress Maxine Elliott created both. Her waterfront Château de l'Horizon, constructed in 1932, became a veritable clubhouse for the rich, famous, and powerful on both sides of the Atlantic. Alicia takes us through some of the more notable personages, stories, and affairs from the heyday of the Château de l'Horizon, under Maxine Elliott's ownership, and later that of Prince Aly Khan.

Among the luminaries who appear in this episode: Gerald and Sara Murphy; King Edward VII; William Montagu, 9th Duke of Manchester; George Keppel; Alice Keppel; Jennie Jerome Churchill; Winston Churchill; Elsie de Wolfe; Prince George, Duke of Kent; J.P. Morgan; King George V; King Edward VIII and Wallis Simpson; Cecil Beaton; Cimmie Mosley; Picasso; Prime Minister David Lloyd George; the Aga Khan; Clark Gable; George Bernard Shaw; Lady Diana Cooper; Lady Doris Castlerosse; Daisy Fellows; Marion Davies; Edwina Mountbatten, Countess of Burma; The Mitford Sisters (and their brother); Randolph Churchill Jr.; Evelyn Waugh; Gloria Guinness; Kick Kennedy; Prince Aly Khan; Pamela Churchill; Rita Hayworth; Gianni Agnelli; JFK and Jackie Kennedy; Aristotle Onassis; Elizabeth Taylor and Eddie Fisher, just to name a few.

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33. Monaco's Grimaldis and Princess Grace's Scorpio Party Nov 16, 2023

Show notes

The House of Grimaldi has ruled the tiny principality of Monaco since January 8, 1297, when Francois "The Spiteful" Grimaldi disguised himself as a monk and knocked on his uncle's castle door, launching a coup. In the violence that followed, according to legend, a woman - possibly a lover of Francois, possibly a witch he had wronged (can't it be both?) - issued a curse that has resonated across the centuries: "Never will a Grimaldi find true happiness in marriage."

The Grimaldi family was considered scandalous enough in Queen Victoria's time that she forbade any of her close relatives to marry into it, leading Prince Albert I of Monaco to marry an American heiress in 1889 - a precedent that would matter decades later when Prince Rainier III, urged on by none other than shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis, began interviewing Hollywood A-listers for a very special role: Princess of Monaco. Which is how Grace Kelly abandoned the big screen for the Rock of Monaco, and would go on to celebrate her 40th birthday in High Scorpio style.

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Sources

The Grimaldis of Monaco: Centuries of Scandal, Years of Grace, by Anne Edwards (Amazon)

Grace: The Secret Lives of a Princess, by James Spada (Amazon)

Elizabeth Taylor: There is Nothing Like a Dame, by Darwin Porter and Danforth Prince (Amazon)

A Detailed Look at the Many Romances of Prince Albert of Monaco (esquiremag.ph)

Portrait of Princess Caroline: Love and Philanthropy (hellomonaco.com)

Who is Giving Prince Ernst August a little TLC During his Marital Strife? (vanityfair.com)

Is Princess Caroline the Latest Victim of the Grimaldi Family Curse? (vanityfair.com)

A Runaway Princess Bride and Feudal Feuds: Three Insane Royal Weddings (vanityfair.com)

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32. Ernie and Ducky, Part Two (Ernest Louis, Grand Duke of Hesse and by Rhine, and Princess Victoria Melita of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha) Nov 09, 2023

Show notes

Once their grandmother, Queen Victoria, died in 1901, Ernie and Ducky were finally free to do what everyone sorta kinda understood they should: divorce. But sovereigns don't divorce, so the situation became a scandal in the Royal Houses of Europe, and in Russia, Ernie's sister, Empress Alexandra, blamed Ducky for it all. This became a significant issue for Ducky, who had rekindled her romance with Russian Grand Duke Kirill Vladimirovich (another first cousin), whose station and nationality meant that he required Tsar Nicholas II's permission to marry, and Nicky's wife was having none of it, at least until World War I broke out.

Ernie remarried into a happier union with Princess Eleonore of Solms-Hohensolms-Lich, but the decades that followed for Ernie and Ducky were marred by great tragedy, including the death of their daughter Elisabeth at just eight years old.

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Sources

Princess Victoria Melita: Grand Duchess Cyril of Russia, 1876-1936, by John Van Der Kiste (Amazon)

Alice: Princess Andrew of Greece, by Hugo Vickers (Amazon)

Grandmama of Europe: The Crowned Descendants of Queen Victoria, by Theo Aronson (Amazon)

Queen Victoria's Matchmaking: The Royal Marriages that Shaped Europe, by Deborah Cadbury (Amazon)

Marie of Romania: The Intimate Life of a Twentieth Century Queen, by Terence Elsberry (Amazon)

Queen Victoria’s Granddaughters: 1860-1918, by Christina Croft (Amazon)

Queen Victoria's Grandsons (1859-1918), by Christina Croft (Amazon)

Seven Royal Marriages Almost as Disastrous as Catherine the Great’s | Vanity Fair

Princess Victoria Melita: the British princess who scandalised the royal family (historyextra.com)

Royal divorce: The princess whose divorce scandalised the royal family (express.co.uk)

DUCKY AND THE GRAND DUKE - The Washington Post

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31. Ernie and Ducky, Part One (Ernest Louis, Grand Duke of Hesse and by Rhine, and Princess Victoria Melita of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha) Nov 02, 2023

Show notes

Queen Victoria's efforts to make suitable matches for her dozens of grandchildren was in no way a flawless endeavor. Take today's subjects, for instance. First cousins Ernest Louis, Grand Duke of Hesse and by Rhine (nickname: Ernie) and Princess Victoria Melita of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha (nickname: Ducky), became the subject of intense Royal meddling as Victoria pushed Ernie to propose to Ducky, not realizing that Ernie's interests ran more to the young men employed at his court in Hesse.

But the wedding did eventually happen in 1894, leading to a union so spectacularly unhappy that Queen Victoria swore off the matchmaking game entirely.

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29. Prince Albert Victor of England Oct 26, 2023

Show notes

Before he was King Edward VII, Queen Victoria's son "Dirty Bertie" lived a few different lives. There was his endless womanizing and brothel-patronizing, which prompted that nickname, as well as "Edward the Caresser." But after a particular romantic scandal that Queen Victoria blamed for his father's death, Bertie married and fulfilled his duties to the empire to produce heirs (if not to produce a monogamous marriage).

Prince Albert Victor was the eldest son of Albert Edward, Prince of Wales (the future Edward VII) and Alexandra of Denmark. As such, he was second in line to the English throne. A poor student, even his own siblings developed disdain for him, but for a time he seemed to come into his own in the Navy. This was cut short by his obligation to attend Cambridge, where his lackluster intellect again asserted itself.

All of this was awkward enough for Queen Victoria and The Prince of Wales, but things would only get more awkward for Prince Albert Victor. In 1889, after Metropolitan Police raided a male brothel, rumors swirled that the young man was a patron. While no charges were ever brought and no concrete evidence was provided, the blow to his reputation made finding a suitable bride difficult for his match-making grandmother. Even worse, as the reign of terror known as the Jack the Ripper Murders gripped London in 1888, Prince Albert Victor was floated as a suspect.

Whatever the truth, his story would come to an end in an influenza pandemic when he was just 28 years old, changing the course of the British Monarchy, and leaving his brother to ascend as George V.

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30. Queen Victoria and Hemophilia Oct 26, 2023

Show notes

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert had a plan to use their nine children to unite Europe's various monarchies into one big, happy family. Unfortunately for those royal houses, Queen Victoria herself appears to have spontaneously developed a gene mutation for the inherited clotting disorder hemophilia.

With son Leopold affected, and two of her daughters as unwitting carriers of the disease, royal houses in Spain, Germany, and Russia all found themselves navigating a new terrain where the potential male heir to a dynasty could be at risk every day - with especially dire results in Russia.

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28. Young Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany Oct 19, 2023

Show notes

As we continue looking at the lives and times of Queen Victoria's children and grandchildren, we're going to keep bumping into people who changed the course of human history, often for the worse. But when it comes to Germany's Kaiser Wilhelm II, Queen Victoria's first grandchild, events beginning with his breech birth lend a bit of context to emotional and moral deformities that he would inflict on the world in the form of World War I.

Wilhelm's mother, Princess Royal Victoria, very nearly died in childbirth when he was born in 1859, as did the young prince. The difficult delivery left him with a condition known today as Erb's Palsy, as well as possible brain damage from hypoxia during delivery. Because of his disabled and, eventually, significantly shorter left arm, his childhood was, in part, a series of painful physical ordeals. He was subjected to protracted sessions in binders and braces to try to strengthen or correct the injured arm, as well as folksier treatments like "animal baths." These are not the warm and fuzzy events you may be imagining.

Wilhelm adored his grandmother, and the feeling was quite mutual, but his mother's guilt over his injuries led to a level of estrangement between them as he grew up. The role of English doctors in his own birth, as well as in misdiagnosing his father's ultimately fatal throat cancer, appear to have fully curdled Wilhelm's feelings on England and the English. Add it all up, and by the time he ascended to the throne at 29, he was primed to do real damage on the world stage.

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