Anxiety, Aging, and Emotional Autonomy: I Was "This Many Years Old" When I Learned My Parents Were Regular People Oct 28, 2024

Have you ever wondered why your aging parent suddenly needs to arrive an hour early for everything? Or why, after knowing them your entire life, they suddenly appear to be trying to exert control and order at a level that you’ve never experienced? In today’s episode of The Virtual Couch podcast, Tony Overbay, LMFT, takes us on a fascinating journey through the human brain, starting with the incredible story of Phineas Gage - the man who survived an iron rod through his head and lived to tell the tale (though he wasn't quite the same person afterward).

From there, he dives into something most all of us are impacted by, either directly or through someone that we care about - anxiety. But not just any anxiety - we're talking about why our caveman's brains are still trying to protect us from tigers in the parking lot and how this shows up differently as we age. Tony breaks down the fundamental differences between normal aging, dementia, and Alzheimer's in a way that finally makes sense.

Tony then breaks down a listener's email about their father’s increasingly anxious behaviors. Tony unpacks powerful tools for handling these delicate family situations. Tony introduces the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) principle of psychological flexibility (think yoga for your emotions) and shares David Schnarch's “4 Points of Balance” to becoming more differentiated, which helps you maintain your sanity while staying connected to those you love.

Tony explains Schnarch’s 'crucible' as the transformative space where relationships grow or crack under pressure. Whether you're dealing with an aging parent, a challenging relationship, or just trying to understand why people do what they do, this episode offers the “why” behind our anxious and controlling behaviors and practical ways to navigate life's complicated relationships without losing yourself.

00:00 The Incredible Story of Phineas Gage

04:04 Introduction to the Virtual Couch

05:38 Listener's Email: Concerns About Aging Parent

07:40 Understanding Anxiety and Its Evolution

14:57 Distinguishing Dementia and Alzheimer's

17:33 Coping with Aging and Anxiety

24:50 Practical Advice for Managing Anxiety

24:59 Reframing Perspectives

25:09 Empathy and Understanding

25:25 Intentional Conversations

25:55 Meeting Halfway

26:12 Choosing Your Battles

26:54 Boundaries vs Ultimatums

27:12 Psychological Reactance

30:22 Differentiation and Emotional Autonomy

32:57 Four Points of Balance

38:30 Constructing Your Crucible

44:43 Final Thoughts and Takeaways

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Navigating Societal Expectations, Faith Crisis and Personal Growth - the Allegory “Off the Beaten Path” Oct 23, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT explores themes of faith journeys, parental expectations, communication, differentiation, and self-discovery through an allegorical story titled 'Off the Beaten Path: Finding Love and Self in a World of Conformity.' The narrative follows a young man named Ansel, who grapples with societal expectations, familial pressures, and his journey toward self-acceptance. Through meaningful encounters and introspection, Ansel learns to embrace his individuality amidst traditional, religious, and cultural norms. This episode also highlights the importance of personal integrity the challenges of navigating faith and family systems, and encourages listeners to explore their unique talents and values. Tony invites the audience to share their stories and questions about their own faith and family journeys for future episodes.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

01:17 “Not My Job” song by: Riley Hope

02:48 The Power of Writing and Poetry

05:26 Exploring Allegories

06:44 Off the Beaten Path: Ansul's Journey Begins

12:14 Ansul's Struggles and Self-Discovery

16:17 Meeting Maris: A New Connection

17:52 Seeking Guidance: Ansul's Dilemma

18:31 Ansul's Realization and Self-Acceptance

19:00 Building a Relationship with Maris

20:42 Themes of the Allegory: Individuality vs. Conformity

22:32 Exploring Faith and Doubt

22:53 Coming of Age and Self-Discovery

23:30 Truth, Knowledge, and Intergenerational Expectations

25:34 Curiosity, Love, and Acceptance

26:38 Personal Growth Through Discomfort

27:19 Diversity of Thought and Self-Acceptance

29:24 Navigating Difficult Journeys of Faith and Family

31:00 Encouragement for Personal Growth and Authenticity

33:02 Conclusion and Call to Action

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Navigating Life's Curveballs: Mackie Overbay on Hashimoto's, Health Challenges, and Embracing Uncertainty Sep 23, 2024

McKinley “Mackie” Overbay, host of “The Mind, the Mirror, and Me,” and Tony Overbay, LMFT, return after a significant hiatus to discuss numerous life updates, including their recent move to Arizona and Mackie's health journey with Hashimoto's disease. They delve into the struggles and triumphs of losing 55 pounds, the importance of self-love, and the necessity of balancing mind and body health. The conversation touches on the challenges of diet, exercise, meditation, and maintaining consistency. It's a candid look at personal transformation, resilience, and the importance of understanding and caring for oneself amidst life's unpredictable challenges.

00:00 Introduction and Opening Banter

00:25 Welcome Back and New Beginnings

01:18 Social Media and Personal Updates

03:21 Discussing Past Episodes and Themes

05:25 Weight Loss Journey and Health Challenges

07:25 Understanding Hashimoto's Disease

11:21 Reflections on Self-Worth and Body Image

14:20 Diet Changes and Lifestyle Adjustments

24:18 Thyroid Health and Medical Insights

27:56 Understanding Perimenopause and Hormonal Changes

28:16 Unexpected Balloon Incident

28:54 Recognizing and Addressing Health Issues

30:39 The Journey to Diagnosis

32:13 Lifestyle Changes and Their Impact

34:21 The Importance of Consistency and Motivation

35:51 Managing Inflammation and Dietary Adjustments

37:21 Exercise and Weight Loss Strategies

39:37 The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness

48:14 Embracing Self-Worth and Positivity

53:02 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Pathological Kindness: When Caring, Trying, and Empathizing Too Much Can Be Bad For Your Health Sep 11, 2024

Do you find yourself constantly putting others' needs before your own? Have you ever wondered if being "too kind" could actually be harmful to your relationships and well-being? In today’s crossover episode - Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explores the complex concept of pathological kindness in relationships. Through a listener's letter from 'Cleo,' Tony delves into the challenges faced by those who prioritize others' needs to their detriment, often rooted in childhood experiences of being the family peacemaker. Cleo's story highlights issues with her emotionally inconsistent partner, Ray, unveiling the struggles of living with someone emotionally immature or narcissistic. Tony discusses recognizing these patterns, including the role of cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding in maintaining unhealthy relationships. He explores how highly sensitive people (HSPs) may be particularly vulnerable to these dynamics. The episode emphasizes the importance of developing a stable core identity, setting boundaries, and balancing kindness with self-care. Tony also touches on the challenges of breaking free from intermittent reinforcement in relationships and recognizing and trusting one's own perceptions. He stresses the role of therapy and self-awareness in breaking free from unhealthy cycles and fostering emotionally mature relationships while also offering hope to those who recognize themselves as the emotionally immature partner and want to change.

00:00 Introduction and Podcast Promotion

01:19 Introducing Cleo's Story

03:16 Cleo's Relationship Struggles

10:38 Understanding Pathological Kindness

16:28 The Impact of Pathological Kindness

21:36 Balancing Kindness and Self-Care

25:09 Exploring Self-Reliance and Its Pitfalls

25:24 The Dual Nature of Optimism

25:40 Understanding Humility and Self-Deprecation

26:26 The Complexities of Honesty

27:09 Patience vs. Passivity

27:24 Competence and Arrogance

28:00 Cleo's Relationship with Ray

29:04 The Struggle of Highly Sensitive People

29:48 The Challenge of Leaving Toxic Relationships

33:23 The Cognitive Dissonance and Trauma Bonding

45:04 The Importance of Self-Care and Boundaries

46:03 Encouragement for Personal Growth

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com

And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that g

Finding Harmony in Uncertainty: Musician Ian McConnell on Navigating a Faith Transition, Acceptance, and Self-Discover Aug 14, 2024

Tony talks with musician Ian McConnell. Ian kicks off his “Primary Source” tour this Thursday, August 15th, in Dallas, TX, and will visit 25 more spots around the country (tickets for Ian’s “Primary Source” tour can be purchased through his website https://www.ianmcconnellmusic.com). Ian opens up about his journey in the music industry, touring experiences, and personal struggles. They discuss everything from car troubles and pandemic life to faith deconstruction and mental health therapy. Ian shares his approach to writing meaningful songs that resonate with listeners, his views on human purpose, and the emotional highs and lows of social media success. The episode offers a deep dive into Ian's creative process and the challenges of maintaining authenticity and self-care in a demanding industry. Tune in for an introspective and engaging conversation on living a good life, mental health, and the power of music. You can find Ian on all popular social media platforms.

00:00 Introduction and Casual Conversation

00:38 Desert Life and Moving to Phoenix

01:20 Touring Experiences and Plans

02:59 Existential Crisis and Songwriting

04:09 Faith Deconstruction and Personal Growth

06:45 The Pursuit of Happiness and Validation

15:41 Nashville and Country Music Journey

24:09 Pandemic Challenges and TikTok Success

25:35 Diving into Music and Social Media

26:30 Navigating Roommate Tensions and Relationships

27:26 Exploring Emotional Immaturity and People-Pleasing

30:50 The Rush of Social Media Fame

31:40 Creating Music Independently

34:02 Reflecting on Mental Health and Therapy

35:23 Releasing Music Like a TV Show

37:34 Analyzing Lyrics and Personal Experiences

45:56 The Joy and Nerves of Performing Live

46:57 Wrapping Up and Future Plans

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com

And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Shame: The Self-Absorbed, Selfish, Uninvited Guest at Your Self-Esteem Party (and how to get them to leave!) Aug 07, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, tackles an emotion we've all felt but rarely discuss: shame. Have you ever wondered why shame feels so personal, so all-consuming? Could it be that shame is actually... selfish?

Inspired by a pivotal scene from the Apple TV series 'Presumed Innocent', Tony unravels the tangled web of shame and guilt. He asks: What if our shame is holding us back more than we realize? Is it possible that by focusing on our shame, we're actually being self-absorbed?

Tony dives deep into the origins of these complex emotions and their surprising impacts on our personal growth and relationships. He offers practical strategies for recognizing and overcoming shame, emphasizing the power of self-awareness and acceptance.

But here's the kicker - what if shame isn't just about you? Tony explores how understanding shame can transform our empathy and support for others. He challenges listeners to question: Are we using shame as a shield when it's actually a barrier to genuine connection?

Whether you're grappling with your own feelings of shame or trying to support someone who is, this episode promises insights that could change how you view yourself and others. Ready to unmask shame and discover a path to authentic self-esteem?

In this episode of 'The Virtual Couch,' host Tony Overbay shares his transformative epiphany from watching the Apple TV series 'Presumed Innocent.' He dives into the profound distinctions between shame and guilt, using a key scene from the show as a focal point. Tony explores how these concepts relate to personal growth and therapy, offering practical tools and insights to help listeners better understand and manage their own experiences with shame. This episode aims to foster a healthier relationship with oneself and promote emotional awareness and self-compassion.

00:00 Introduction and Epiphany

00:51 Setting the Stage: Presumed Innocent

01:53 The Epiphany: Guilt vs. Shame

02:39 Exploring Discomfort and Reactions

04:20 Understanding Shame and Its Origins

07:38 The Selfishness of Shame

19:30 Implicit Memory and Thought Patterns

25:59 Transforming Negative Thoughts

26:24 Creating Space for Positive Experiences

27:30 The Journey of Changing Your Internal Landscape

29:36 Understanding and Managing Discomfort

32:01 The Concept of First and Second Darts

32:49 Stages of Growth and Self-Awareness

39:12 The Role of Shame and Guilt

42:42 Applying Compassion and Empathy

45:13 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Breaking Free from the Mirror: Developing a Secure Sense of Self Jul 12, 2024

Who are you? How do others view you? And why do we care so much about what others think of us, especially when they probably aren't spending as much time thinking about us as we think they are? When they do think about us, they see us through their own lens. It’s time to discover who you are. So, how exactly do you do that?

Tony Overbay, LMFT, reads a heartfelt letter from a long-time listener, Jamie, who struggles with issues in her marriage and recognizes patterns from her childhood that affect how she interacts with her spouse and children. Tony explores the concept of the 'Looking Glass Self' by Charles Horton Cooley, discussing how our self-identity is shaped by our perceptions of how others view us. He uses examples from listeners and clients to explain how these early experiences impact our self-esteem and relationships. Tony introduces the modern-day concept of the 'reflected sense of self' from David Schnarch's theories of differentiation and provides practical advice on overcoming the need for external validation, forming healthier attachments, and developing a stable self-identity.

Join Tony as he navigates these deep psychological concepts and offers insights into creating more emotionally secure and fulfilling connections.

00:00 Listener's Heartfelt Letter

02:31 Introduction to Episode 424

03:10 Exploring the Concept of the Mirror

03:29 Charles Horton Cooley and the Looking Glass Self

09:00 Real-Life Examples of the Looking Glass Self

16:16 Differentiation and Emotional Independence

16:57 Balancing Connection and Individuality

18:47 The Reflected Sense of Self

27:00 Understanding Identity and Self-Worth

27:55 The Role of External Validation

29:25 Parent-Child Dynamics and Conditional Love

30:53 Emotional Neglect and Its Impact

33:21 Attachment Styles and Emotional Support

40:13 The Concept of Shame and Guilt

46:26 Overcoming Childhood Wounds

49:35 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Shame, Certainty, Memory and Healing: An Updated Approach to Treating Betrayal Trauma Jun 05, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, and Marla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, dive deep into the complexities of betrayal trauma, focusing on the emotional and cognitive challenges faced by both partners. They explore how the betrayer's shame and fragmented memories often lead to staggered disclosures, which can further traumatize the betrayed partner. Over time, understanding the flawed nature of memory, the impact of shame, our desire to alleviate discomfort at almost any cost, and the human need for certainty is crucial. By developing emotional regulation, better communication skills, and a deeper understanding of oneself and each other, couples can approach the formal disclosure process with less pain, more intention and compassion, and potentially more realistic expectations. This discussion highlights the importance of patience, education, and therapeutic support in healing betrayal trauma.

Tony shares the continuing evolution of his therapeutic approach for working with betrayal trauma, building off of his work with hundreds of couples over the past decade. Tony emphasizes the need to intentionally delay full disclosure until a strong foundation of emotional skills and mutual understanding is built. He explains how therapists must remain differentiated and confident in their methods to guide couples through this challenging process. By focusing on the concepts of memory, certainty, emotional immaturity, and effective communication, Tony and Marla offer valuable insights for anyone navigating the painful path of betrayal trauma.

If you are interested in contacting or working with Marla, reach out to her at marlachristensencounseling@gmail.com

00:00 Welcome Back to the Virtual Couch

00:24 Understanding Dual Licensing

01:50 The Licensing Exam Experience

02:31 Introducing the Controversial Theory on Betrayal Trauma

03:39 The Concept of Formal Disclosure

06:34 Personal Experiences with Staggered Disclosure

09:15 Confabulation and Memory Mechanisms

15:55 Therapeutic Approaches to Betrayal Trauma

19:03 Recognizing Signs of Discouragement

20:48 The Two-Choice Dilemma

22:46 Understanding Memory and Its Challenges

27:10 The Quest for Certainty in Relationships

34:39 The Concept of Lying and Its Implications

36:19 Final Thoughts and Reflections

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Expectations and Emotions: A Ballet of Balance and Bliss May 28, 2024

Understanding the interplay between expectations and emotions can not only help you stay more grounded, but it can also significantly impact your relationships in a positive way. In this episode, Tony delves into the art of managing expectations and emotions to foster healthier connections with others.

Tony explores the detrimental effects of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as pornography, food, or overworking and provides valuable resources for those struggling, including his Path Back recovery group and upcoming emotional maturity courses.

He breaks down the intricate relationship between expectations and emotions, explaining how they influence our reactions and interactions. Tony emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, flexibility, and clear communication in navigating these dynamics.

Through engaging narratives, Tony illustrates how expectations and emotions can either work in harmony or clash, offering practical advice on emotional regulation and psychological flexibility. Tune in to learn how to manage your inner experiences better and cultivate more fulfilling relationships.

00:00 Introduction to the Virtual Couch Podcast

00:36 Exploring the Path Back Recovery Group

01:02 The Complex Dynamics of Shame and Relationships

01:44 Navigating Emotional Needs and Relationship Dynamics

04:24 Understanding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

08:09 The Importance of Emotional Maturity and Tools for Growth

09:42 Expectations vs. Emotions: A Deep Dive

23:17 Navigating Discomfort and Unmet Expectations

23:48 The Healing Dialogue: Emotions Meet Expectations

25:08 Personal Journey: From Tech to Therapy

27:39 Embracing Discomfort for Growth

35:39 Managing Expectations to Foster Emotional Well-being

38:17 The Power of Acceptance and Psychological Flexibility

41:16 Emotional Regulation: Techniques and Tools

43:50 Concluding Thoughts on Growth and Self-Compassion

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Having the Courage to Connect: How to Develop Independence Within a Relationship Apr 24, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, discusses the critical role of differentiation in personal development and relationship growth. Sharing the story of a couple, Lisa and Mike, Tony illustrates how unresolved childhood dynamics can lead to emotional stagnation and superficial interactions in adulthood. He delves into the concepts of differentiation and emotional maturity, drawing on the theories of psychologists Murray Bowen and David Schnarch to explain how individuals can maintain their sense of self while fostering deep, meaningful connections with others. Tony offers actionable insights on embracing individuality, managing emotional reactivity, and the importance of self-soothing for achieving a balanced and fulfilling relationship dynamic.

00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: Introductions and Announcements

01:20 Unpacking Emotional Baggage: Lisa and Mike's Story

04:27 The Dynamics of Disagreements: Analyzing Conflict Patterns

07:40 Embracing Discomfort for Growth: A Therapeutic Perspective

12:59 Understanding Differentiation: A Deep Dive into Emotional Maturity

18:52 From Bowen to Schnarch: Exploring Theories of Differentiation

22:20 Applying Differentiation: Real-Life Implications and Strategies

24:20 Breaking Familial Patterns and Emotional Systems

25:00 The Impact of Parental Emotions on Children

27:05 Exploring Schnarch's Concepts on Differentiation

28:19 Applying Differentiation in Relationships

32:24 The Importance of Emotional Maturity and Self-Work

35:24 Navigating Relationship Dynamics and Individual Growth

39:47 Embracing Differentiation for a Fulfilling Relationship

43:22 Practical Takeaways for Personal and Relationship Growth

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

From Therapy Couch to Moving Trucks: A Tale of Change Through ALL the Uncomfortable Feelings! Apr 12, 2024

Tony shares his recent experiences with change, moving, and personal growth. Tony discusses the unexpected lessons learned from moving out of his home after 25 years, selling items on Facebook Marketplace, dealing with moving trucks, and the psychology of facing unknown challenges. He reflects on how accepting and navigating through the discomfort of change has provided opportunities for growth and understanding. Tony emphasizes the importance of mindfulness, making decisions amidst uncertainty, and the value of experiencing life's twists and turns. This episode encourages listeners to embrace change as a pathway to self-discovery and personal development. Tony references the article "Your Brain Thinks Change is a Good as Rest" by E. Paul Zehr, Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/black-belt-brain/202210/your-brain-thinks-change-is-as-good-as-rest

00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: A Dive into Change and Personal Growth

00:39 The Therapist's Couch: More Than Just Furniture

01:59 Embracing Change: Personal Stories and Professional Insights

02:20 The Move to Arizona: A Catalyst for Reflection and Growth

06:41 Understanding Fatigue: Physical and Mental Aspects

22:47 The Power of Discomfort in Personal Growth

25:03 Procrastination and the Promise of Change

25:24 Exploring Fatigue: Internal vs. External Causes

27:16 The Personal Journey of Embracing Change

28:06 The Power of Meditation and Mindfulness

30:19 Moving Adventures: Decluttering and Preparing

34:26 Navigating the Real Estate and Moving Process

39:14 Learning from the Unexpected: Sales and Acceptance

46:53 Reflections on Growth, Decisions, and Mental Health

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Death By a Thousand Cuts VII - The Rise of the Emotionally Mature! Mar 20, 2024

In the 7th installment of the "Death by a Thousand Cuts" series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, presents a compelling crossover episode between The Virtual Couch and Waking Up to Narcissism. This episode delves into the complex journey of healing and empowerment for individuals who have survived relationships characterized by emotional immaturity, narcissism, and controlling behavior. Through a blend of personal narratives and expert analysis, Tony shares the nuanced and significant harm inflicted by the 'Death by a Thousand Cuts' phenomenon—a metaphor highlighting the cumulative effect of repeated emotional injuries from narcissistic and emotionally immature partners.

Addressing key issues such as emotional abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, sexual abuse within the relationship, manipulation, boundaries vs. ultimatums, and the critical need for self-validation, Tony provides listeners with practical coping strategies. These strategies underscore the importance of self-reflection, seeking professional guidance, and engaging with supportive communities as vital steps in shedding the lingering effects of controlling relationships.

This episode aims to reassure listeners that they are not isolated in their experiences of unhealthy relationships. It also serves as a resource for those seeking to support family members entangled in abusive dynamics, offering insight into effective ways to provide meaningful support beyond mere words of encouragement. Tony seeks to empower listeners to recognize their inherent worth and foster healthy, mature connections by advocating for relationships grounded in respect and empathy.

00:00 Welcome to the Crossover Episode: Unpacking Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity

00:37 Why Today's Episode Matters: Exploring 'Death by a Thousand Cuts'

01:58 Moving Week and Virtual Client Opportunities

03:58 Understanding Emotional Cuts and Their Impact

05:58 The Challenge of Seeking Validation and Understanding

09:24 Creating Supportive Spaces for Emotional Growth

12:36 Diving into Real-Life Stories of Emotional Immaturity

23:49 The Frustrating Dynamics of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships

33:57 Navigating the Complexities of Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism

34:54 The Emotional Toll of Unvalidated Feelings

36:07 Navigating Emotional Safety in Relationships

36:19 The Subtle Manipulations of Emotional Abuse

37:00 Parenting Amidst Emotional Manipulation

38:29 Understanding the Impact of Emotional Abuse Through Stories

46:33 The Role of Pornography in Emotionally Immature Relationships

01:00:43 Financial Control and Emotional Abuse

01:07:45 Finding Healing and Empowerment

The Therapist's Guide to Strengthening Relationships Through Self-Discovery (Differentiation) and Connection (EFT/4 PIllars) Mar 14, 2024

Tony navigates the intricate balance that defines successful partnerships: the harmony between deep emotional connections with your partner and the pursuit of individual growth. Drawing from the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Crucible Approach, with an emphasis on self-differentiation, he shares his own growth experience as a couples therapist over the past 15 years as he has learned how these two aspects—often seen as opposing forces—can complement and enhance each other within a relationship and provide therapists with a more robust toolkit to use when working with couples with a variety of attachment styles, and backgrounds.

Tony explains that facilitating relationship growth is akin to performing a delicate balancing act, where maintaining a close bond with your partner and fostering personal development are both crucial. EFT offers insights into creating a nurturing and supportive environment, encouraging couples to open up and strengthen their emotional ties. On the other hand, the Crucible Approach emphasizes the importance of individuality and self-growth, urging partners to preserve their unique identities even as they grow closer together. Tony shares practical advice and strategies for couples at any stage of their relationship, aiming to make the concepts of emotional connection and personal growth accessible and actionable. He shares how to cultivate a relationship that embraces unity and individual strength, leading to a more dynamic, supportive, and fulfilling partnership.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction: The Journey of a Therapist

00:39 Diving Into Emotional Architects: A New Approach to Men's Emotional Growth

01:53 Exploring Healthy vs. Unhealthy Egos in Relationships

05:56 The Evolution of Couples Therapy: From No Secrets Policy to Emotional Honesty

12:19 Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) vs. The Crucible Approach: A Therapist's Perspective

22:09 Blending EFT and The Crucible Approach: A New Paradigm in Couples Therapy

30:57 Attachment Theory and EFT: Understanding Relationship Dynamics

33:05 Exploring Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples

40:19 Deep Dive into Crucible Approach: A New Perspective on Therapy

40:51 Differentiation and Personal Growth: A Crucial Element in Relationships

44:38 The Crucible Method: Transforming Sexual Intimacy and Personal Growth

47:08 Facing Conflict Head-On: The Crucible Approach to Relationship Challenges

49:54 Applying Differentiation to EFT Concepts: A Comparative Analysis

01:08:48 Conclusion: Embracing Growth and Self-Discovery in Relationships

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Spoiler Alert: “NO!” to the question “Is God Disappointed in Me?” — Author Kurt Francom’s New Book! Mar 05, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, welcomes Kurt Francom, the executive director and podcast host of Leading Saints ([Leading Saints](https://www.leadingsaints.org)). Kurt's first book, "Is God Disappointed in Me: Removing Shame From the Gospel of Grace," is available on Amazon ([Amazon Link](https://amzn.to/49BYUCk)). In a candid admission, Tony shares his emotionally immature reaction upon discovering Kurt's book through a third party, revealing the concocted narratives in his head about their relationship, with Kurt unknowingly cast as the villain. The revelation of Tony's oversight in missing a crucial recording sent by Kurt months earlier brings to light the miscommunication that unwittingly altered their friendship dynamic. Peace is restored Through their conversation, and their bond of best friendship is reaffirmed. The discussion then shifts to Kurt's book, delving into the intricate concepts of ego and identity. They explore the notion of a healthy ego, the pervasive quest for validation, and how living for an identity differs fundamentally from living from an identity that has been validated by divine grace.

Kurt highlights the identity paradox, suggesting that receiving grace allows us to extend it more freely. He references Carl Rogers, stating, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can begin to change." This acceptance is seen not as a form of apathy but as a mindful acknowledgment that paves the way for genuine personal transformation. Kurt deepens the conversation by asserting that recognizing our inherent validation from God enables us to cultivate a meaningful relationship with Him. This evolution occurs not because of our deeds but due to our intrinsic value and identity.

00:00 Introduction and Casual Banter

00:33 Discussing Kurt Francom's New Book

01:34 Exploring the Concept of Acceptance

02:20 Reflecting on Personal Experiences and Challenges

03:26 The Importance of Validation and Acceptance

04:59 Unpacking the Imposter Syndrome

06:25 The Role of Repentance in Personal Growth

08:13 Understanding the Impact of Misunderstanding God

10:00 The Power of Acceptance in Personal Transformation

12:06 The Journey of Repentance and Turning to God

13:42 Conclusion: The Power of Acceptance and Repentance

22:10 Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms and Their Impact

22:42 The Role of Validation in Our Lives

23:37 The Struggle for Acceptance and Validation

24:42 The Power of God's Love and Validation

25:31 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Differentiation

26:48 The Importance of Embracing Change and Growth

28:03 The Role of Ego in Our Personal Development

28:38 The Power of Grace and Forgiveness

29:40 The Struggle with Validation and Recognition

30:07 The Journey of Writing a Book

31:21 The Power of Curiosity and Openness in Learning

32:20 The Role of Identity in Our Spiritual Journey

34:16 The Importance of Acceptance and Self-Respect

35:35 The Power of Differentiation and Self-Awareness

37:46 The Struggle with Defensive Narcissism

39:42 The Power of Acceptance and Self-Validation

41:44 The Journey of Self-Reflection and Growth

43:14 The Power of Humility and Self-Acceptance

44:06 The Journey of Writing and Publishing a Book

45:17 The Power of Authenticity and Self-Expression

45:55 The Importance of Embracing Change and Uncertainty

46:46 The Power of Self-Acceptance and Self-Love

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Understanding Grief, Loss, Growth, and Rebuilding w/Marla Christensen, AMFT Feb 28, 2024

Marla Christensen, AMFT, APCC, joins Tony on the Virtual Couch to discuss dealing with grief and loss. Marla is a new associate working with Tony. Marla received her master's degree in clinical psychology from Pepperdine University. She shares her passion for her work in mental health counseling and touches on her own personal experience about shifting from being a stay-at-home mom to a counselor following a divorce. Marla discusses her approach to dealing with grief and loss in clients, which she shares as an inescapable human experience. She elaborates on the stages of grief as proposed by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, shedding light on David Kessler’s addition of the sixth stage, 'reconstruction/rebuilding'. Emphasizing the subjectivity of the grieving process, Marla recommends being compassionate, patient, and welcoming toward one's emotions throughout. She also talks about the role of religion and spirituality in helping individuals rebound quickly from grief due to the sense of community they provide.

Marla and her husband, Nate Christensen, APCC, host the podcast “Working Change,” which you can find wherever you listen to podcasts or visit https://blubrry.com/workingchange. Marla has a few openings and can be reached directly at marlachristensencounseling@gmail.com, or you can reach out to Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com

00:00 Introduction and Welcoming Marla

00:22 Getting to Know Marla: Her Journey into Therapy

01:20 Marla's Early Years and Path to Therapy

02:20 Marla's Podcast and Mental Health Advocacy

03:08 Marla's Experience with Grief and Loss

04:11 The Impact of Life Experience on Therapy

05:58 Understanding Grief and Loss

08:50 The Stages of Grief

27:42 The Role of Religion and Spirituality in Grief

30:08 Final Thoughts and Advice on Navigating Grief

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

A New Perspective on Modern Parenting: Living in the Present (aka Herding Cats) Feb 20, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, offers an in-depth exploration of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and The Nurtured Heart Approach (NHA) to provide a fresh perspective on mindful parenting. The discussion centers around the transformative power of NHA's "Stand 1," which advocates for focusing energy on celebrating children's successes rather than engaging in negative behavior. Additionally, Tony explains the ACT principle of "acceptance," emphasizing the importance of embracing our present experiences without judgment to cultivate a compassionate and supportive family environment.

The episode also delves into the Buddhist "First and Second Darts" metaphor, teaching parents how to mitigate distress by managing their reactions to challenging parenting situations. Through practical examples and strategies, Tony demonstrates how these principles can be applied to everyday challenges, such as defiance and fostering positive behaviors. By focusing on these core concepts, the episode aims to empower parents with actionable advice to strengthen their connections with their children, highlighting the critical role of presence and engagement in the parenting journey.

00:00 Introduction: A Letter from a Fan

00:37 The Journey of Parenting: Realizations and Challenges

02:41 The Power of Acceptance in Parenting

03:06 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: Episode 415

03:27 The Overwhelm of Parenting: A Therapist's Perspective

05:19 The Nurtured Heart Approach: A Parenting Model

05:40 The Impact of Social Media on Parenting

12:03 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Parenting

15:52 Practical Scenarios: Applying the Nurtured Heart Approach and ACT

22:11 Embracing the Chaos: Nurtured Heart Approach and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

22:49 Understanding the Concept of First and Second Dart Reactions

23:25 Applying the First and Second Dart Concept in Parenting

27:12 The Power of Mindfulness and Acceptance in Parenting

30:59 The Brain's Desire for Certainty and Avoidance of Discomfort

37:01 Embracing Uncertainty and Accepting Experiences

38:06 The Power of Living in the Present Moment

38:48 Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25 . https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Live Relationship QA w/Sydney Overbay II Feb 16, 2024

This description and the show notes are brought to you directly from AI, Sydney, and I truly wouldn't sound so silly! This dialogue-based presentation dives deep into the complexities of mental health and interpersonal relationships. With therapy experiences, personal observations, and explored topics ranging from narcissism, ADHD, and addiction to marriage and parenting, Tony and his co-host Sydney guide the audience through poignant discussions. Key concerns include asserting oneself in relationships, dealing with alcoholics, recognizing psychopathic traits, and handling personal issues such as adult ADHD and depression. The conversation also delves into the potent combination of medicine and therapy while exploring the nuances of 'emotional baseline' and its elevation through the usage of medication.

00:04 Introduction and Welcome

00:44 Live Relationship Q&A: Narcissism, Marriage, Parenting, ADHD, Addiction

01:17 The Awkward Start of the Live Session

01:28 Casual Conversation: Therapy, Parenting, and Narcissism

02:02 Deep Dive into Narcissism and Relationships

02:41 Exploring the Human Magnet Syndrome

03:10 The Complexity of Narcissistic Relationships

03:25 Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

04:26 Transition to Reading Reddit Stories

04:51 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience

05:11 Humorous Interactions and Casual Banter

05:20 Discussion on ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity

06:35 Reading and Discussing Reddit Stories

07:17 Deeper Conversation on Narcissism and Relationships

08:45 Understanding Differentiation in Relationships

11:55 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion

12:33 Exploring ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

15:36 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 2

17:18 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 2

19:12 Understanding the Dynamics of Narcissistic Relationships

20:51 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 3

22:58 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 3

25:22 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 4

27:14 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 4

28:52 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 5

30:53 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 5

31:37 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 6

33:20 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 6

35:17 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 7

37:10 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 7

37:53 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 8

40:42 Continuation of Reddit Story Discussion: Part 8

42:52 Interactive Q&A with Live Audience: Part 9

36:55 Discussing Alcoholism and Addiction

37:24 Understanding Addictive Behaviors

38:20 The Role of Therapy in Addiction

42:18 Exploring the Concept of Micro Cheating

43:16 The Impact of Micro Cheating on Relationships

43:29 The Role of Authenticity in Relationships

45:08 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Immaturity

47:01 The Connection Between Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Baseline

48:59 The Importance of Emotional Connection in Relationships

01:07:37 The Role of Medication in Mental Health

01:10:08 Closing Thoughts and Reflections

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $20. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Unraveling, Unpacking, Understanding The Purpose of Therapy – When to Begin and Is There an End? Feb 14, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into an article by Dr. Richard Friedman titled 'Plenty of People Could Quit Therapy Right Now.' Tony reads the article and comments in real-time, talking about the many different reasons people come to therapy, the importance of the therapist/client relationship, and what to do if you don’t feel a connection with your therapist. He discusses why talk therapy works and provides additional personal insights, bringing in his background in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). He shares some of the challenges he has with the more popular CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy modality. The discussion revolves around concepts like the potentially harmful effects of prolonged therapy when to consider ending therapy, and the possibility of 'therapy vacations'. Lastly, Tony underlines the importance of having a clear treatment plan, addressing the client’s goals, and reinforcing the idea that progress is made when clients implement what they’ve learned in their day-to-day lives.

00:00 Introduction: The Clickbait Phenomenon

01:13 Welcome to the Virtual Couch: Episode 413

01:36 The Power of Numerology: Understanding 413

02:40 The Magnetic Marriage: A Valentine's Special

03:55 The Art of Clickbait: A Deep Dive

04:55 The Case for Quitting Therapy: A Discussion

08:14 The Role of a Therapist: A Personal Perspective

09:43 Understanding Different Types of Therapists

12:01 The Case for Quitting Therapy: An Article Review

16:07 The Role of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

19:50 The End Goal of Therapy: Thriving on Your Own

20:48 Understanding Emotions and Interactions

21:27 The Role of Therapy in Emotional Processing

21:36 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: An Overview

22:00 The Power of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

23:05 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Its Impact

25:39 The Importance of Trust in Therapy

26:28 The Role of Therapy in Dealing with Trauma

28:01 The Long-Term Benefits of Therapy

28:09 The Challenges of Accessing Therapy

28:20 The Potential Risks of Over-Reliance on Therapy

29:51 The Role of Therapy in Personal Growth

31:16 The Importance of Finding the Right Therapist

38:23 The Role of Medication in Therapy

38:52 The Importance of Self-Reflection in Therapy

41:37 The Benefits of Taking a Break from Therapy

42:35 Final Thoughts on the Role and Impact of Therapy

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $20. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Why We Care What Other People Think: Unraveling Our Need for Approval and Validation Feb 07, 2024

Tony Overbay, LMFT, tackles the timeless question, "Why do we care so much about what others think?" Offering insights on halting the cycle of worrying over others' opinions, Tony emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself (and ponders, "Who am I, really?"). He explores finding that sweet spot between valuing the world's input and heeding our inner voice—the one who truly knows us best. Tony illustrates that while the opinions of others can offer some worth, there's a limit to their significance. Ultimately, we have the fantastic opportunity to be captains of our ships, navigating through rough seas and basking in sunny skies alike.

Available NOW Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" only $20. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

00:00 Introduction: The Big Question

00:46 Welcome to the Virtual Couch

00:57 Therapeutic Tools: Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation

01:48 Valentine's Day Special: Mini Course and Game

02:53 Why Do We Care So Much About What Others Think?

11:20 The Power of Projection and Shadow Self

17:06 Understanding and Accepting Your Shadow Self

20:18 Setting Healthy Boundaries

21:40 You Are Not the Center of the Universe

22:16 Understanding Our Place in the Universe

23:04 Exploring the Concept of Solipsism

24:27 The Reality of Other People's Existence

25:45 The Impact of Caring Too Much About Others' Opinions

26:59 The Importance of Authenticity and Individuality

28:48 The Consequences of Worrying About Others' Opinions

30:11 Trusting Your Instincts and Navigating Life

32:56 Balancing External Advice with Internal Compass

35:55 Understanding the Persona and Authenticity

42:38 Embracing Your Whole Self and Authentic Connections

43:34 Conclusion: The Value of Self-Understanding and Authenticity

Live Relationship QA w/Sydney Overbay I Feb 01, 2024

(Description provided by AI, i.e., we’re really not this stuffy) On this TikTok live session, a father-daughter duo - Tony, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and his daughter, Sydney- discuss complicated familial relationships, drawing from a real-life scenario. They elaborate on the perspective of a 15-year-old girl attempting to navigate difficult relationships with her father and his new girlfriend after the death of her mother. The pair extract valuable lessons and give insightful advice about seeking validation, getting emotional support, and making the necessary decisions for one's emotional well-being. They also discuss inherent human behaviors and the importance of emotional maturity and curiosity in handling fraught relationships. The conversation also includes light-hearted banter and comical exchanges that reveal their own relationship dynamics.

Watch the latest Relationship QA's with Sydney and Tony on The Virtual Couch YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/@TheVirtualCouchPodcast

Tony references his daughter Mackie Overbay's Podcast, "The Mind, The Mirror and Me," Please follow/subscribe to the Mind, the Mirror, and Me podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find it on Spotify at https://open.spotify.com/episode/7d4zmbpTEuKqabIjgXFq9N?si=6133f8620d4a41d1 or Apple Podcasts at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mind-the-mirror-me/id1701226687?i=1000639575815

00:02 Introduction and Setting the Stage

00:16 Diving into Relationship Advice

01:02 Discussing the Role of a Therapist

01:10 Analyzing a Real-Life Relationship Scenario

01:51 Understanding Emotional Discomfort and Communication

04:27 Exploring the Concept of Emotional Immaturity

06:01 Exploring the Concept of Control in Relationships

06:35 Unpacking the Impact of Assumptions in Relationships

07:22 Discussing the Importance of Curiosity and Non-Judgment

09:44 Analyzing a Case of Parent-Child Conflict

15:08 Discussing the Importance of Trust and Authenticity

18:55 Understanding the Role of Friends in Relationship Issues

21:10 Dad's New Girlfriend Drama

21:38 Learning New Slangs

21:57 Eavesdropping on Dad's Call

22:16 Feeling Betrayed and Disrespected

22:42 The Struggle of Communication

23:15 Light-Hearted Banter

23:33 Revisiting the Painful Conversation

24:02 Contemplating Leaving Home

24:20 The Role of Parents in Maintaining Relationships

26:26 The Struggle of Being Misunderstood

27:48 Moving to Grandparents' House

28:39 Dealing with Dad's Silence

30:12 Understanding Anxiety and Stress

32:11 The Power of Self-Validation

42:51 Wrapping Up and Saying Goodbye

Tackling Marriage Challenges Head-On - Understanding Relationship Dynamics and Emotional Growth Jan 29, 2024

Tony shares the story of Hudson and Bailey, a couple working towards improving their marriage, particularly around communication patterns and how they deal with conflict. The episode focuses on the couple's struggle with common relationship issues that have resulted in miscommunication and misunderstandings. Tony outlines key behavioral models and strategies such as his Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation, his “pre-pillar” based on the concepts of Marshall Rosenberg’s “Non-violent communication” techniques, he talks about boundaries vs. ultimatums, differentiation (ultimately it’s a “me thing,”) and goes over his way to “hold the assertive frame.” Tony also addresses handling post-argument anxiety and practicing emotional maturity. The episode aims to provide viewers with practical solutions to commonplace marital challenges and ways to navigate through them. This episode is sponsored by Tony’s updated “Magnetic Marriage” course. Sign up for his newsletter at http://tonyoverbay.com for more information.

00:00 Introduction and Background of Hudson and Bailey

00:26 The Importance of Effective Communication in Relationships

00:45 Understanding the Dynamics of Hudson and Bailey's Relationship

01:56 A Pivotal Argument: Unpacking the Communication Breakdown

05:54 The Aftermath: Dealing with Post-Argument Anxiety

08:03 The Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation

08:45 Addressing Hudson and Bailey's Specific Concerns

12:03 Strategies for Resolving Arguments and Managing Anxiety

23:06 The Role of Mindfulness in Navigating Relationship Challenges

24:51 The Power of Mindfulness and Meditation

25:34 Understanding the Concept of Differentiation

26:12 The Role of Emotions in Communication

27:52 The Importance of Objective Observations in Communication

33:40 The Concept of Holding the Assertive Frame

34:45 Understanding and Managing Communication Breakdowns

38:01 The Role of Emotional Maturity in Relationships

43:23 The Importance of Self-Reflection and Growth

48:18 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Rewiring Emotions: From Humor to Honesty in Therapy Jan 15, 2024

Tony takes inspiration from Carolyn Steber's article, "Is Everyone Out Here Lying To Their Therapist," https://www.bustle.com/wellness/lying-to-therapist using it as a muse (and explaining what a muse is) to explore the benefits and challenges of therapy from both the client's and therapist's viewpoints. He delves into primary and secondary emotions, highlighting how humor and anger often serve as secondary emotions. Tony also unpacks the origin of the "what's wrong with me" mindset, explaining how children internalize emotions, leading to a reliance on external validation in adulthood. The episode concludes with insightful discussions on neuroplasticity, implicit memory, and the significant benefits of being honest with your therapist.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:41 Engaging with the Audience: Social Media and Live Q&A

01:58 The Power of Muse and Self-Reflection

03:45 Exploring the Article: Is Everyone Lying to Their Therapist?

04:07 Understanding the Role of a Therapist

06:12 The Science Behind Talk Therapy

14:18 The Role of Humor in Therapy

17:47 Understanding Primary and Secondary Emotions

24:32 Understanding Secondary Emotions

24:52 Exploring Anger and Humor as Secondary Emotions

25:31 The Role of Childhood Experiences in Shaping Emotions

26:38 The Impact of Humor as a Coping Mechanism

28:27 The Power of Neuroplasticity and Implicit Memory

29:23 The Influence of Environment on Emotional Tendencies

30:04 The Role of Humor in Therapy Sessions

30:31 The Importance of Honesty in Therapy

32:02 Understanding the Role of Validation in Therapy

37:54 The Power of Neuroplasticity in Changing Emotional Responses

39:57 The Role of Therapists and Coaches in Emotional Growth

40:08 Understanding the Importance of Comfort and Trust in Therapy

44:04 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Growth

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

"Sacred Rest” Author Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith: How to Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, and Restore Your Sanity Jan 04, 2024

Did you know there are several different types of rest beyond just sleeping? Coming from a 'we don’t know what we don’t know' standpoint, today’s episode has the potential to be both a game-changer and life-changing as we unveil how identifying and fulfilling these diverse types of rest can revolutionize your health, happiness, and productivity. Tony Overbay, LMFT, interviews Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith about her book 'Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity' (https://amzn.to/3TFp6GZ). They discuss the critical distinction between sleep and rest, amplified through Dr. Saundra’s 'Seven Types of Rest' framework. Dr. Saundra shares the seven types of rest she has found lacking in the lives of those she encounters in her clinical practice and research - physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, sensory, social, and creative - and explains why a deficiency in any one of these types of rest can have unfavorable effects on your health, happiness, relationships, creativity, and productivity. This episode highlights the importance of self-care and the need to become a personal health advocate. Dr. Saundra shares her experiences with burnout, which led to an emphasis on rest in her life. They discuss issues related to work-life balance and the over-reliance on screens and identify areas for enhancing rest that most people aren’t aware of. Then, Tony took Dr. Saundra’s 'rest quiz' and reviewed the results. You can find the Rest Quiz at https://www.restquiz.com/quiz/rest-quiz-test/

00:00 Introduction and Personal Reflections on Sleep

01:31 Historical Figures and Their Sleep Patterns

02:25 The Misconceptions and Judgments Around Sleep

04:11 Personal Struggles with Sleep and Introduction of Guest

05:21 Taking the Rest Quiz and Discussing the Results

06:29 Introduction to Dr. Saundra Dalton and Her Work

06:36 Debunking Common Myths About Sleep

09:10 The Importance of Different Types of Rest

11:14 The Impact of Sensory Overload on Rest

12:49 The Role of Spiritual Rest in Overall Wellbeing

14:14 The Importance of Emotional and Social Rest

36:21 The Personal Journey Towards Understanding Rest

37:17 Sharing the Secret to Happiness at Work

37:22 Identifying Your Rest Deficit

37:46 Taking the Rest Quiz

38:44 Personal Journey and Motivation

40:17 Navigating the Healthcare System

40:43 Taking Control of Your Health

42:39 Unexpected End of Interview

43:06 Bonus: Taking the Rest Quiz Live

01:08:38 Interpreting the Rest Quiz Results

01:12:57 Conclusion and Recommendations

Please follow Tony’s newest Instagram account for the Waking Up to Narcissism podcast https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/ as well as Tony’s account https://www.instagram.com/tonyoverbay_lmft/

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Yes, We're Talking New Year’s Resolutions (and Goals, and Kale) – But Stick with Me, It's Not What You Think! Dec 28, 2023

Tony addresses why so many New Year’s resolutions don’t last and explores the concept of value-based goals and the importance of aligning them with personal values for the sake of authenticity and lasting change. He discusses the shortcomings of the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goal-setting method. He plays clips from an interview with his friend Neal Hooper about their discoveries on incorporating Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) into the goal-setting process. Neal introduces the elements necessary for genuine progress and fulfillment - the 'why' and 'how' of making SMARTER goals. Drawing from the principles of ACT and illustrating through the story of the client “Jason’s” transformational journey, he emphasizes the significance of acceptance, committed action, and psychological flexibility. The episode also points out the need to view setbacks as opportunities for growth, not pitfalls, and illustrates the importance of flexibility in goal setting.

00:00 Introduction: The Struggle with Traditional Goal-Setting

01:27 Meet the Host: Tony Overbay and His Podcasts

03:11 The Problem with New Year's Resolutions

06:48 The SMART Goals Method: An Overview

08:21 Jason's Story: A Case Study in Goal Setting

09:27 The Limitations of SMART Goals: Jason's Experience

14:26 The Shift to Values-Driven Goals

15:00 Jason's Transformation: Embracing a Holistic Approach

22:27 Conclusion: The Power of Mindfulness and Acceptance in Goal Setting

23:01 Challenges and Old Habits

23:24 Acceptance and Compassion in Change

24:10 The Power of Small Victories

24:42 Aligning Goals with Personal Values

25:13 The Pitfalls of Yo-Yo Dieting

25:42 The Pushup Challenge: A Personal Journey

26:25 Embracing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

27:27 The Power of Daily Commitment

29:56 The Importance of Why and How in Goal Setting

30:22 The Role of Shame in Goal Setting

30:56 The Problem with Traditional Goal Setting

31:19 The Importance of Perceived Value and Capability in Goals

34:36 The Power of Smarter Goals

41:58 The Misconception of Committed Action

43:25 The Role of Setbacks in Growth

44:14 Embracing Discomfort and Doubt

44:42 Conclusion: The Power of ACT Principles

Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Please follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

24 Life Lessons From 24 Years: Mackie Overbay's Special Birthday Episode Dec 24, 2023

In this special bonus episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony shares the latest episode of “The Mind, The Mirror and Me,” a podcast he co-hosts with his daughter Mackie Overbay. Mackie shares 24 life lessons she's learned in her 24 years of life in honor of her birthday (today! Wish her a happy birthday at @beautybymackie on Instagram). From discussing the importance of setting boundaries to embracing change and adaptability, she discusses different emotional growth and well-being aspects. The episode encourages listeners to introspect on their lessons and take things in stride, emphasizing that no one has life entirely figured out, and that's alright. Please follow/subscribe to the Mind, the Mirror, and Me podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find it on Spotify at https://open.spotify.com/episode/7d4zmbpTEuKqabIjgXFq9N?si=6133f8620d4a41d1 or Apple Podcasts at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mind-the-mirror-me/id1701226687?i=1000639575815

00:00 Introduction and Studio Banter

00:24 The Reality of Therapy and Emotional Heavy Lifting

01:29 The Irony of Therapy Sessions

01:42 The Unusual Side of Therapy

02:08 The Struggles of Starting a Therapy Session

02:43 The Unexpected Moments in Therapy

02:55 Celebrating Birthdays and Reflecting on Life

04:01 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Growth

06:07 The Importance of Quality Friendships

06:27 The Power of Setting Boundaries

06:31 The Dangers of Comparison

07:28 The Value of Small Victories

08:48 Learning from Failures

09:41 Trusting Your Gut

11:45 Being Present in the Moment

14:22 The Role of Mindfulness in Life

19:46 Embracing the Present Moment

19:59 Outgrowing People and Situations

20:43 Trusting in Destiny

22:39 The Power of Privacy

24:41 Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

27:04 The Importance of Self-Validation

27:34 The Struggles of Being Single

29:40 The Power of Writing Things Down

31:05 Accepting Imperfections

34:47 Finding a Fulfilling Career

35:41 The Futility of Holding Grudges

36:15 Adapting to Change

37:51 The Reality of Human Perception

Does a Partner's Sadness Cast a Shadow on Your Joy Over Time? Dec 19, 2023

What happens when an optimist and a pessimist are in a long-term relationship? According to new research from the article “Can an Unhappy Partner Erode Your Happiness Over Time?”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/202312/can-an-unhappy-partner-erode-your-happiness-over-time by Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D.

they eventually align somewhat in their outlooks, but does this lean toward optimism or pessimism? In this episode, Tony engages in a thorough discussion about emotional contagion in relationships, emphasizing how negative emotions tend to spread more rapidly than positive ones. He draws on various research studies to shed light on 'emotional vampires' - individuals who consistently dampen the mood and thus impact the overall happiness in relationships. Additionally, Tony shares a story from one of his clients, illustrating the significance of self-awareness in fostering a positive approach in relationships. Concluding the episode, he offers practical advice on being aware of your emotional impact and implementing changes for healthier and more positive interactions.

00:00 Introduction and Personal Anecdote

02:01 The Influence of Partners on Each Other's Happiness

02:14 Welcome to the Virtual Couch Podcast

02:36 The Concept of Influence in Relationships

03:44 Upcoming Topics and Magnetic Marriage Course

04:08 The Impact of an Unhappy Partner on Your Happiness

07:06 The Power of Negative Emotions

09:51 The Story of Emily: A Case Study

14:44 The Influence of Happiness and Unhappiness in Relationships

20:03 The Role of Emotional Contagion in Relationships

26:40 Takeaways and Final Thoughts

Find all the latest links to podcasts, courses, Tony's newsletter, and more at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Tony mentioned the Instagram account https://www.instagram.com/thesecurerelationship/

Please follow Tony’s new Waking Up to Narcissism Instagram account here https://www.instagram.com/wutnpod/

Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384

Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage.

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts.

Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ

Embracing Your Unique Self: Making Peace with Imperfection Dec 07, 2023

Tony tackles the misconception of perfection and the fear of making a mistake. He emphasizes the importance of differentiating ourselves, pursuing our genuine passions, and learning to accept the unpredictability of life. Tony guides us to redefine fulfillment and happiness by 'just being ourselves'. He also explores how our minds play tricks on us, particularly our inherent need for approval and certainty, and examines the role of overconfidence. He finally discusses how embracing the beauty of an ordinary life can make us feel more fulfilled. Dive into this insightful talk and learn more about living authentically and finding joy in your journey.

00:00 Introduction and Story Time

00:38 Ted's Story: The Fear of Making a Mistake

01:14 Ted's Career and Passion for Reading and Writing

02:38 Ted's Realization and Struggle with Self-Acceptance

03:15 The Importance of Pursuing Genuine Happiness

04:19 The Struggle with Comparison and the Desire to Stand Out

04:32 Introduction to the Virtual Couch Podcast

06:07 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Acceptance

09:48 The Role of Others in Our Self-Perception

14:54 The Fear of Rejection and the Desire for Certainty

22:03 The Illusion of Certainty and the Power of Open-Mindedness

26:34 Embracing the Beauty of Being Okay

27:47 Conclusion and Farewell