Show notes
“Trust your partner. Trust the mom. They know things better than you do.”Meagan’s husband, Ric, joins the podcast today as they celebrate their VBA2C baby’s 8th birthday! Ric gives the perspective from the partner’s side of things as they both share details of Webster’s birth story. He talks about some not-so-proud moments and is the first to admit how little he knew about how to support a VBA2C labor– especially one that went over 40 hours! But through it all, Ric came to understand the importance of doulas and how magical it can be to have not one but five doulas! He agrees that the births of each of their children ultimately was a special journey and brought the two of them closer together. Needed WebsiteHow to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for ParentsFull Transcript under Episode Details 01:17 Review of the Week04:10 Deciding to birth out of the hospital06:35 Agreeing on a birth center10:57 PROM for the third time15:05 Laboring loudly20:23 Relying on the doulas28:33 Navigating doubt and transition on the toilet34:25 Pushing Webb out in three pushes37:08 Passing out after birth40:37 It takes a village42:45 Ric’s advice to other dadsMeagan: Today is my VBAC baby’s birthday. I cannot believe that it has been 8 years since that little boy joined our family and today I wanted to share or reshare his story. I know I’ve done it in the past, but I invited my husband, Ric, to share the story again for you and maybe I might just give him a couple of questions and see how he felt about it from his perspective. When we were going through pregnancy and preparing for me, it was just like, This is what I want to do. This is what I want to do. I would always go and say, “Hey, these are my thoughts”, and to be honest, I don’t know if I even gave him a ton of opportunity to share his exact thoughts because I was so driven and just wanted to get this.We are going to dive more into his thoughts and his perspective on the birth because we know so many dads out there are also a little hesitant when it comes to the idea of VBAC because the world as we know it talks about VBAC in a very poor manner and it can be a very scary thought. So we will be diving into that today in just one moment.01:17 Review of the WeekMeagan: We have a Review of the Week so I wanted to get to that before we get into Webster’s birth story. This is from Katiewarren11. It says, “I wish I would have found this sooner.” It says, “I love the show. I wish I would have heard these before my last baby. I was planning for a VBAC 7 years after my first baby and just thought it would happen. I didn’t realize I might have to fight for it.” That just gave me the chills. It says, “I got to the week of my due date and my body didn’t seem at all ready. Then they were estimating her to be 9 pounds, 12 ounces, and the doctor told me, ‘No option. You are getting a C-section.’ After listening to these stories, I now know that there were other options.”Thank you, Katiewarren11, for sharing your review. I want you to know that you are not alone. There are so many of us who get to the point at the end of our due date. We are being told that our babies are too big or our bodies aren’t working because they are not dilated yet or whatever it may be. There are lots of scenarios that people are told, but there are options. You have options and that is definitely what this podcast is about is helping you learn and grow and know your options. So thank you, Kate, again, and as always, if you have one moment, we would love to hear your review of the show. It really does help the show grow. It helps other Women of Strength find these stories and help them know their options as well. You can do that on Apple Podcasts. You can even Google “The VBAC Link” and leave us a review there or if you would like, you can email us a review and let us know what your thoughts are. We always throw those into our spreadsheet as well. Thank you so much. 04:10 Deciding to birth out of the hospitalMeagan: Okay, you guys. As I mentioned, I have my husband, Ric. Hey, hon. Ric: Hello, everyone. Meagan: I’m sure he is just so excited that he is here. But really, I wanted to go through the experience from your perspective on VBAC and not only just the birth but also before and us deciding to birth out of the hospital. I was already kind of a crazy pants when we were trying to conceive because we really wanted a boy so I was really dialed into that. Then once we found out we were pregnant, I really, really just wanted to find someone to help me through the journey of VBAC. I interviewed many, many, many providers in fact, even before I was pregnant. We know on the show, I have talked about it, that it is really important to interview and look for providers before you are pregnant if you can but I ended up finding a provider actually just right after I found out I was pregnant or right before I found out I was pregnant. We went in and it seemed like a really great fit. Ric, you seemed like you were pretty on board with the provider shift at that point. ric: Yeah, I mean those who know Meagan know that when she is passionate about something, it is very unlikely that she will be turned away. Meagan: Convinced otherwise. Ric: Convinced otherwise so I just kind of went with the flow. But yeah, the provider seemed great. You seemed happy which was most important. Meagan: Yeah. And just kind of a quick little back summary, how did you feel about the C-sections? Did they bug you at all? Did they affect you at all? Did they just seem normal?Ric: Yeah, I mean, I didn’t know anything other than the C-sections so it was normal. It was just that you were very unhappy with them which was hard for me. It was hard because I was stoked that we had the babies and you were upset with yourself, with the provider, and I didn’t share those feelings because I didn’t know. Meagan: Yeah, It was hard because like you said, we were so happy that we had our baby but I was in this cloud of doom and just and unsettled cloud. Ric: Dissatisfied. Meagan: Yeah, I was dissatisfied. 06:35 Agreeing on a birth centerMeagan: Okay, so we found this provider and everything is going really great. This provider at the time was the VBAC provider in Utah. Everybody went to him and he was amazing. He flat-out said after reviewing my op-reports that my pelvis was too small and my baby would probably never come out of my pelvis and that my body didn’t know how to dilate, he really agreed that I probably just wasn’t given a fair chance and he didn’t understand why we wouldn’t be able to go forward.But at 24 weeks, I attended a birth just before that with a midwife out of the hospital that blew me away. I immediately knew that I wanted to go talk to her which was kind of interesting because we never really discussed birthing outside of the hospital, but I went and met with her and I told you, “Hey, I want to birth out of the hospital.” Now, you knew nothing but C-sections. You were okay with me finding a provider, but how did you feel about the idea of birthing outside of the hospital?Ric: I don’t think I was that excited about it. I was okay switching providers, but not being in the hospital was worrisome. I actually think, didn’t you broach the subject on birthing from home? Meagan: I think I did. Ric: I immediately put the kibosh on that. Meagan: You were like, “No.” Ric: So I think when you initially discussed birthing outside of a hospital, you gave a couple of options of a birth center or a birth from home so I completely– that was too big of a jump for me from hospital to home so we went and did we go to multiple birth centers or just one? Meagan: We just went to one and we interviewed with a different provider than the one I met, but it was at the same birth center that the provider I met would have birthed at so we met with another midwife at the birth center. Ric: Right. It was awesome. Meagan: It was awesome.Ric: No, the midwife was cool too. She was great. Meagan: Yeah, she was really awesome. Yeah. So as we were there, did you feel like, Oh, okay. Once you saw it, did you feel more comfortable? Ric: Yeah, because it seemed more medical. I don’t know the word for it, but it just seemed like, Oh, hey. Things looked sterile which was a big deal for me and it just made it seem like, Yeah, it’s not the hospital, but– can I swear on the podcast? Meagan: Yeah, sure. Ric: –if shit hit the fan, then we were in a better circumstance than trying to find gauze and stuff at our home. Meagan: At our home, yeah. Which for those who are birthing at home, typically your midwives would bring all of that to the birth but we didn’t even get there for me to explain that. Ric: I don’t need to know if I would have even let you. Meagan: Get to that point? Ric: Yeah. Meagan: Okay, so then fast forward. Labor begins. Actually, we hired a doula. Ric: A doula? Meagan: Multiple doulas.Ric: You had these two mentors in the doula community here and you said, “I definitely want to hire them,” so we did. Those two mentors were in a group of three. Not only that, your really good buddy who became a doula at about the same time and had gone through the doula course with you wanted to attend, and then your cousin who is about as much of a doula as you can be without being a doula– Meagan: Seriously, yeah. Ric: Also had to attend the birth. Plus the midwife–Meagan: And the assistant. Ric: And the assistant. There were a lot of people in the room. Meagan: There were a lot of people in the room.Ric: Initially when you said, “Hey, look. We are going to hire a doula,” because you were doing the stuff, I was totally on board. I had no idea how many doulas would actually show up. Meagan: Yeah. Ric: But they did and it was fine. Meagan: It was great. And rewinding back, remember back with Lyla when I asked you if we could hire a doula or bridge that, you weren’t super keen on that idea. Ric: I don’t remember that conversation.Meagan: You don’t. Ric: But I remember our nurse being a doula. Meagan: Yes. Ric: And she was awesome. Meagan: She was fantastic. Ric: And that solidified your desire to be a doula. Yeah. Meagan: Absolutely. 10:57 PROM for the third timeMeagan: Okay, so with all three of our kids, I for some reason have PROM. If you don’t know what PROM means, that’s the premature rupture of membranes. My water broke with each kiddo and my body took its sweet old time to kick into labor. They say only 10% of women will experience that, but we are 3 for 3. Ric: Do they know the story about where I was when your water broke with Lyla? Meagan: No, I don’t know. That was another reason why I wish we had a doula. So going back to Lyla’s birth, my second C-section–Ric: Kind of just showing the progress of where Meagan began as a, “Hey, look. I trust my doctors. I’m going to do everything that they say on the first birth.” The second birth opened my eyes as to how Meagan was going to control the situation as much as she possibly could. So yeah, tell them where I was when your water broke. Meagan: So you were in Texas when my water broke with Lyla. As he mentioned, my cousin is pretty much a doula without the doula training and she just is so loving and caring. She was really excited because we wanted this VBAC. I wanted this VBAC really, really badly. So yeah. Ric was out of town and my water broke. I was like, “Uh, you should probably come home.” Nothing was really happening at all really. I was just leaking. Yeah. You got home probably 6-7 hours later. Ric: No, it was about 10. Meagan: Was it about 10? Ric: Yes and I assumed you were going to go to the hospital. Meagan: Yeah, you were not happy when I was not at the hospital when you got home. Ric: I walked in and you were sitting there naked in the bathtub and I’m like, “What in the world are you doing? You are supposed to be in the hospital. Your water broke.” Because for me, your water breaks, you go to the hospital. For Meagan, that’s not necessarily the case. Meagan: Well, yeah. I think going back to what you were saying, a lot of providers actually say, “If your water breaks, come right in,” even if labor is not going on. Through my research with Lyla and the VBAC, I realized that I didn’t necessarily need to just run right into the hospital. I checked my vitals. All was well. Everything was good, so we stayed and labored at home. Plus, I was waiting for you to get in town. Ric: Yeah, but it kind of prepped me for what the next birth was going to look like. Obviously, that birth ended up in another C-section and you were really disappointed after that one. You worked really, really hard. Meagan: I was, yeah. Ric: Then with the next one, when you were going through options of birth centers, doulas, and midwives, that instance where I flew home in an emergency fashion as quickly as I could and came home to find you in the bathtub realizing, Meagan is going to do what Meagan wants to do. Meagan: Yeah, so when I told you, “Hey, let’s birth out of the hospital”, did you feel like, She is going to do whatever she wants to do anyway? Or were you more comfortable with the birth centers? Were you okay with that? Ric: Yeah. It’s hard to tell you no, but when we went to the birth center, I did feel significantly better about having a birth there. Meagan: Yeah. What had you heard about or had you heard anything about VBAC just in general? Ric: Nothing. Meagan: So you didn’t really hear a ton. Ric: Other than what I heard from you. Meagan: So you didn’t hear anything scary. Ric: No. Meagan: Okay, because a lot of dads out there do hear when they say, “Oh, my wife wants to VBAC,” people are like, “Oh my gosh. It’s so scary.” I think that can be really hard especially if their partner is saying, “Hey. I want to birth out of hospital.”15:05 Laboring loudlyMeagan: Okay, so my water broke with Webb at 3:00 AM or something like that. Yeah, what do you remember about that? My water broke in the middle of the night. I don’t even think I told you until I woke up. Do you remember anything about that?Ric: With Web, that was where you labored forever, right?Meagan: Yeah, 42 hours. Ric: I don’t remember that first morning. I remember the next night. Meagan: Yeah. Ric: Didn’t Hillary– Hillary is her cousin, everyone. Hillary showed up at 6:00 in the morning and you guys went out and walked around the neighborhood. Meagan: Yeah, so the night–Ric: The first night?Meagan: No, that was the second morning, yes. My water broke and again, I had PROM so I was so frustrated. I was 40 weeks and 3 days or 4 days. I had him at 40 weeks and 5 days. We had a visit with Danielle and my water had broken. I was sort of contracting a little bit here and there. I asked if you would come up to Park City with me. We went up to Park City and I went in and I did my regular visit and then she said, “You’re going to Christine.” Christine, at the time, was my chiropractor so we went to the chiropractor. You got me a Jamba and we drove back down the mountain and came home. My body just really wasn’t going into labor. It was taking its time so I went and I took a nap which is really hard to do when you are in labor because your mind is so excited and you just want to have a baby, but I needed to nap so I went in and I napped. It’s weird. I can even picture exactly how our room was set up that day. I took a snooze and woke up and I was sort of starting to contract. I actually went out into the driveway and threw a tantrum. Do you remember me throwing a tantrum in the driveway?Ric: No. Was I working? Was I at home?Meagan: You were at home. I threw a tantrum that my water broke. I was triggered. I was like, “This is going to be the same. I’m going to have another C-section.” I was just so upset. I remember our next-door neighbor had this big pine tree and they were watching me throw this insane tantrum in our driveway. But yeah, so then that night, that’s when you said you started remembering. My cousin came over for a little bit and actually, my doula came over and was d…
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