The Ugly Truth of Divorce

Latest Episodes:

25: Your Vacation Clause Is a Dumpster Fire and Nobody Told You Apr 30, 2026

Show notes

If you have never tried to use your vacation clause yet just wait because that shit is about to show you exactly how screwed you really are.

In this episode I am breaking down four vacation clauses that I see written into real parenting plans all the time and every single one of them is trash. Not kind of problematic. Not a little vague. Trash. And somebody charged you money to write them.

"Reasonable vacation time" means I think two weeks and your ex thinks ten and now you have a fight and nothing in your plan to resolve it. "Parents will cooperate" means your ex just says no to every date you propose because you handed them that power when you were still being nice to each other during the divorce. "Mutually agreed upon" means I don't even need to send the email because the answer is already no and it will always be no. And "reasonable notice" means your ex texts you four days before your scheduled trip and calls it sufficient because technically it is and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.

Every single one of these clauses sounds fine until you actually try to use it. And then it blows up in your face and you are back on the phone with your attorney spending money you did not budget for over a vacation that should have already been yours.

I also walk you through everything a vacation section should actually include because it is not one sentence. It is not one paragraph. It is specific, it is detailed, and it is written so clearly that your ex cannot wiggle out of it no matter how hard they try.

Share this with every divorced parent you know. They need it more than they realize.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

"Reasonable" Is Not a Rule -- It is a placeholder word that means nothing, enforces nothing, and will cost you a fight every time you try to use it.
Cooperation Clauses Are a Gift to Your Most Difficult Co-Parent -- Any language that requires both parents to agree hands the more combative one total control over the outcome.
"Mutually Agreed Upon" Is Just Legalese for No -- Your ex does not have to say yes, and with that clause in place, they probably never will.
A Number Beats "Reasonable" Every Single Time -- Thirty days. Sixty days. Any specific number eliminates an entire category of future argument.
Not Every Trip Is a Vacation -- Traveling on your own parenting time without disrupting the other parent's schedule is not a vacation. It is just Tuesday. Go.
Do the Hard Work Once -- Have every uncomfortable conversation about travel, passports, and communication now so you are not slowly renegotiating your freedom for the next 15 years.
Vague Parenting Plans Are a Revenue Stream -- For someone. And it is not you.

The Truth Bombs

"I think two weeks is reasonable. My ex thinks ten is reasonable. That word does nothing for either of us and everything for our attorneys."
"You wrote 'parents will cooperate' during the part of your divorce where you were still being nice to each other. That era is over. And now your ex runs your vacation schedule."
"Mutually agreed upon. Are you kidding me. I do not even need to send the email. I already know the answer and the answer is no."
"Your attorney is either dumb or they want your money back. Anyone with two functioning brain cells knows that vague language in a parenting plan means you will be back."
"You should not have to ask your ex for permission to take your own children on a vacation. Somebody did you real dirty and you probably paid them to do it."
"Rip the bandaid off once. Stop torturing yourself slowly by avoiding hard conversations now and then bleeding out over them for the next decade."
"A vacation only happens when you interrupt someone else's parenting time. During your own time? That is just your life. Go live it and stop asking for permission."

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24: Stop Sitting There and Taking It: What to Actually Do in Mediation Apr 28, 2026

Show notes

Your ex is about to call you a liar, a cheat, and an unfit parent in front of a mediator who isn't going to do a damn thing about it.

And if you walk in unprepared, you will sit there for hours getting obliterated and agree to things you never should have agreed to just because you were exhausted and emotionally done. I've seen it too many times and it. makes. me. feral.

Here's what nobody tells you: mediation with a narcissist is not designed to work in your favor. It's a $13 billion industry and some mediators will happily let your ex run their mouth for twelve hours while the clock ticks and your wallet bleeds. That is not an accident. That is by design.

But I spent years as a mediator and I know exactly how to flip it.

In this episode I cover why mediation almost always fails with a high-conflict person, what your ex's playbook looks like the second they walk in, why marathon sessions are a straight up cash grab, how to use the whole thing as an intel mission for your court case, and exactly when to get your ass up and leave.

Mediation is a tool. It is not a prison sentence. And you are not required to sit there and take it. You are also not required to walk in without a plan, without a parenting plan already drafted, and without a time limit already set. The parents who win this thing are the ones who showed up prepared while their ex showed up with nothing but a bad attitude and a list of grievances.

That is going to be you after you listen to this.

Save this one. Play it before you walk into that building. I want my energy behind you when it's go time.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

Mediation Rarely Works With a Narcissist: Go in knowing that mediation with a high-conflict person probably won't produce a clean agreement, and that's okay because you can still get something valuable out of it.
They're Performing. You're Observing: Your ex is there to put on a show for the mediator. You are there to watch the show, take notes, and gather every piece of intel they hand you.
Marathon Sessions Are a Racket: If your mediation runs past two hours, someone is getting paid off your emotional exhaustion and you have every right to shut it down.
Bring Your Parenting Plan: Walking in with a written proposal signals that you're organized, future-focused, and serious. It's one of the most powerful things you can do.
Know When to Walk Out: If the conversation stops being about the future and starts being about the past, you are not obligated to stay and take the abuse.
Everything They Say Is Future Court Gold: The accusations, the tone, the things that set them off. All of it gets passed to your attorney and used to build your case.
Mediation Is a Tool, Not the Only Tool: Stop letting attorneys and mediators make you feel like this is your only shot. It's one option, and there's a whole strategy beyond it for high-conflict situations.

The Truth Bombs

"I'm not going into mediation to convince my ex of anything. I'm going fishing. I'm there to see where all the fish are."
"They walked in with nothing but their mouth. You walked in with a parenting plan. Who's actually prepared?"
"If that mediator's sitting there letting your ex run their mouth for an hour and you get ten minutes to respond... that's not neutral. That's a problem."
"Marathon mediation sessions exist for one reason: money. Not your family. Not your future. Money."
"Your ex is going to spew their entire court case right there in mediation. Let them. Write it all down. That's a gift."
"I would rather eat cat hair than sit in a room with my ex for six hours planning my future while they perform for a mediator who isn't even making decisions."
"This is your future. Not your mediator's. Not your attorney's. Not your ex's. Yours. Stand up and act like it."

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23: No Summer Plan Means Your Ex Wins. Every. Damn. Time. Apr 23, 2026

Show notes

Your ex is already planning to ruin your summer. Is your parenting plan ready?

I'm not being dramatic. Summer break is the number one gap I see in parenting plans and it blows up every single year like clockwork. You think your ex will just go along with the summer camp plan. They won't. You think the school year schedule carries over. It doesn't. You think common sense will prevail. Oh honey, it absolutely will not.

In this episode I'm breaking down the five worst examples of summer parenting plan language I've seen and let me tell you, some of this shit will make your jaw drop. We're talking attorneys getting paid good money to write sentences like "parents will cooperate regarding summer camps" and calling it a day. That's not a plan. That's a disaster waiting to happen with a legal header on it.

Because here's the truth: high conflict people don't plan. They never did. And a parenting plan with no summer section is their favorite playground. Your kid could have been going to the same summer camp for seven years and the second you're divorced, suddenly your ex has a problem with it. No alternative. No suggestion. Just a hard no and zero accountability. That's what no structure gets you.

Summer camp spots fill up in January and February. Not June. Your ex doesn't know that because you were always the one handling it. So when you bring it up in March you look like the controlling one. You're not. You're the parent who actually has their shit together and there is a massive difference.

Stop letting a missing paragraph ruin your entire summer. Get it in writing. Get it in the plan. And stop letting Larry the lawyer convince you that common sense is enough, because it is absolutely not.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

Summer Is Not Covered — Most parenting plans say nothing specific about summer, which means you're walking into a fight every single June.
Vague Language Is Useless — Phrases like "parents will cooperate" and "summer will be shared" are not enforceable and mean absolutely nothing in a high conflict situation.
Plan in Writing, Plan in Advance — Summer camp spots fill up months early, and your parenting plan should require summer planning to happen by a specific date every year.
Details Save You Money — Every gap in your parenting plan is a future attorney fee waiting to happen. Get specific now so you're not paying for it later.
Your Kids Deserve Consistency — Shuffling kids between two different camps or daycares because parents can't agree is not a logistical problem. It's a parenting failure that your plan should prevent.
High Conflict People Don't Plan — They rely on chaos, and a vague parenting plan gives them all the ammunition they need to blow up your summer. Take that power away from them with clear, specific language.

The Truth Bombs

"Your ex will disagree with everything you're talking about unless it's included in your parenting plan. Everything."
"Parents will cooperate. Cool. Can you just go ahead and tell us what we're actually doing? Because we will never cooperate on our own."
"High conflict people live for finding a detail that wasn't included. They turn it into a 65-text screaming match and it ends up costing you money with your attorney."
"You are not being a controlling freak for bringing up summer camp in March. You're being a parent. There's a difference."
"Your kid could have been going to the same summer camp for seven years but the second you're divorced, suddenly your ex has never liked that camp. Meanwhile they have zero alternative plan."
"Put summer in its own section of your parenting plan. Not as an afterthought. Not as a single sentence. Its own section with real details."

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22: Nesting: The Divorce Trend That Sounds Sweet but Stings Like Hell Apr 21, 2026

Show notes

You're sleeping down the hall from the person who drained your bank account, put cameras in the living room, and told your kids god knows what, and your attorney is calling it a strategy.

That's nesting. Let's talk about why it's bullshit.

Here's what nobody tells you: nesting isn't just the long-term custody arrangement where the kids stay put and parents rotate in and out. It also includes that early disaster phase where neither of you has left yet, everyone's hiring attorneys, and you're still eating dinner three feet from the person you just told you want a divorce. Both versions count. Both versions are a lot.

I get why people do it. The kids stay in their home, the routine stays intact, and it feels like you're protecting them from the worst of it. But what we're not asking is what it does to those kids to watch their parents quietly unravel under the same roof. We're looking at it through adult eyes and telling ourselves it's fine. It is not always fine.

And the attorneys. God. Larry will tell you not to leave that house no matter what. Don't abandon the home, don't take the kids, just stay. Even after you told him last week it wasn't safe. Even after you told him things were getting scary. Stay anyway. I have a massive problem with that advice and I'm going to tell you exactly why.

Here's the truth: nesting works for a very specific type of couple. The ones who still genuinely respect each other, aren't weaponizing anything, and are fully committed to keeping the kids out of it. Those people exist and I love that for them. But that is not most of you. And for the rest of you, especially anyone in a high-conflict situation, nesting is not a co-parenting strategy. It's a slow burn.

Your kids don't need the childhood home. They need you to not be in a war zone. Two safe, calm, separate homes will always beat one chaotic shared one. Always.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

Nesting Has Two Forms: Nesting isn't just a long-term custody strategy; it also includes the chaotic early phase where both spouses are still living together while the divorce is actively unfolding.
Attorney Advice Isn't Always Your Best Advice: Lawyers tell you to stay in the home for legal reasons, but they are not the ones living through the consequences of that decision.
High Conflict and Nesting Don't Mix: When one parent refuses to follow basic cohabitation rules, nesting becomes a breeding ground for manipulation, recorded outbursts, and emotional damage for everyone involved.
Your Kids Need Safety, Not a Specific Address: Children are resilient and adaptable; what they need is stability and calm, not preservation of the physical home at the cost of everyone's mental health.
Structure Saves Everyone: Even when nesting is unavoidable temporarily, a clear written schedule with defined parenting nights, financial agreements, and decision-making boundaries reduces conflict significantly.
Nesting Is a Tool, Not a Lifestyle: At its absolute best, nesting is a short-term transitional measure, and treating it as a permanent solution creates long-term problems for parents and kids alike.

The Truth Bombs

"Nesting works for people who still respect each other, still love each other, and just don't want to be married anymore. That's a very small club, and most of you are not in it."
"Larry is telling me to hunker down and stay in the same home I told him last week was not safe. I have a big problem with that."
"Your kids don't need the childhood home. They need you to not be in a war zone."
"The moment you have a padlock on your bedroom door, you should not be in that home anymore. We are way past nesting."
"At some point you will move on with your life, and you're still in the same house as your ex. That gets really, really messy."
"Your attorney is not paying those bills. Your attorney is not in that house. Your attorney is not questioning their food intake. You are. So you get to make the call."

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21: 6 Biggest Mistakes When Hiring a Divorce Attorney for a Custody Case Apr 16, 2026

Show notes

You are out here letting a Facebook comment section pick the person who is supposed to fight for your kids and you do not even see the problem with that.

This episode is one I needed to make because it is coming up constantly with my clients in real time. People are walking into attorney consultations completely unprepared, hiring the wrong person for all the wrong reasons, and then wondering why their case is falling apart. I have been there. Multiple wrong attorneys, years of my life, and more money than I want to think about. I am not letting you make the same mistakes I did.

In this episode I break down the 6 biggest mistakes people make when hiring a divorce attorney for a custody case. We are talking about crowdsourcing your most important legal decision on social media, hiring your friend's attorney without doing any due diligence, picking someone who dabbles in family law instead of living it, only interviewing one attorney and calling it research, hiring a personality instead of a strategy, and waiting until you are already in full blown crisis mode before you hire anyone. Every single one of these mistakes has a cost and that cost usually shows up in your parenting time and your bank account.

I also walk you through 3 of the 7 questions you need to bring into every single attorney consultation before you sign anything or hand over a retainer. The full list of 7 plus a detailed breakdown of every mistake is inside the newsletter. If you are not subscribed yet, fix that today.

The attorney you hire is not your friend. They are not your therapist. They are the person standing between you and losing time with your kids. You need to walk into that consultation room prepared, clear on what you want, and ready to interview them just as hard as they are pitching you. Hire accordingly.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

Stop the Social Media Search. Posting in Facebook groups for attorney recommendations is one of the fastest ways to end up with bad advice from people who know nothing about your specific situation.
Your Friend's Attorney Is Not Your Attorney. No two divorce cases are the same, and the attorney who crushed it for your friend might completely fail you if your cases don't match.
Family Law Only, Period. You want an attorney who specializes exclusively in family law, not someone who handles estates on Monday and custody on Wednesday.
Interview More Than One. Comparing at least two to three attorneys gives you perspective, leverage, and the ability to make an informed decision instead of an emotional one.
Strategy Beats Personality Every Time. Feeling comfortable with your attorney is nice. Having an attorney who can strategically dismantle the other side in court is what actually wins your case.
Hire Before the Crisis Hits. Waiting until you're in panic mode means you hire fast and wrong. Get ahead of it while you still have the bandwidth to make a smart decision.
Be the Calm One. Your kid is going to remember which parent made the phone a whole dramatic thing and which parent just said, take it wherever you go, I trust you.

The Truth Bombs

"This is not your bestie. This is not your therapist. This is your attorney. You are hiring a strategy, not a friendship."
"Any attorney who sits across from you and tells you they can win your case before they even know who you're divorcing is blowing smoke and wants your retainer check."
"I got completely bamboozled by marble floors and Dove chocolates. Aesthetics are not a strategy."
"My last attorney and I did not like each other. But she made my ex fall apart in court, and that is exactly what I needed her for."
"Stop posting in Facebook groups asking for attorney recommendations. You have no idea who is sitting in that comment section."
"Standard parenting plans are written like two people from the 1950s who still live next door and are best friends. Nobody is best friends. Account for that."
"You walk in emotional, scared, and worried. An attorney makes you feel safe. Great. A therapist can do that too. What you need is someone who will go to war."

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20: Do NOT Put Cell Phones in Your Parenting Plan. Here's Why. Apr 14, 2026

Show notes

Real quick before we get into it. If your ex's name is anywhere near your kid's phone plan, fix that today. I'll wait.

Okay. Now that we've handled that, let's talk about why I stopped putting cell phones in parenting plans and why I will never go back.

This is not an episode about screen time or what age your kid should get a phone. I don't care about that and honestly it's none of my business. What I do care about is what happens when a high conflict ex gets any kind of financial or legal grip on your kid's cell phone. Because I have seen it play out. I lived it. And I am not letting you walk into that trap without a warning.

The second that phone is in your parenting plan, your ex has a reason to be in your business about it forever. Who pays, who decides on the upgrade, who gets to set the rules, whose line is it under. Every single one of those questions becomes a fight. And if you know anything about high conflict people and money, you already know how that goes.

So here is what I tell every parent who asks me to put it in their plan. Go buy the phone yourself. Get the insurance. Tell your kid it goes everywhere. And never once treat it like a joint decision because it is not. You bought it. You own it. You make the rules.

We talk about what actually happens when your ex bans the phone from their house, why two phones is one of the most selfish co-parenting moves I have ever seen, and why location tracking is so far down my list of things to fight about that I almost didn't mention it. Almost. We also get into the phrase a therapist gave me that I tweaked and still say to my kids to this day when I cannot fight a battle for them at the other house.

Your kid doesn't need two phones. They need one parent who has their head on straight and refuses to make a rectangle the centerpiece of their custody drama. Go be that parent.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

Keep It Out of the Plan. The moment cell phones are in your parenting plan, your ex has a legal and financial grip on your kid's most important communication tool.
Buy It Yourself. You buy the phone, you get the insurance, and you call the shots without needing anyone's agreement or permission.
The Phone Travels. A phone that can only be used at one house is not a safety tool, it is a control tool, and your ex is the one holding it.
Two Phones Is Not a Compromise. It is an ego move that makes your kid manage two identities depending on which house they're standing in.
Location Tracking Is Not the Hill. Your kid's mental health, self-worth, and ability to recognize and stand up to toxic behavior are the only hills worth dying on.
Your Kid Will Find Their Voice. You cannot fight every battle for them at the other house. What you can do is remind them that when they get taller, their voice gets louder, and they will be heard.
Be the Calm One. Your kid is going to remember which parent made the phone a whole dramatic thing and which parent just said, take it wherever you go, I trust you.

The Truth Bombs

"The second your ex has paid for half that phone, they believe they have half the right to hold it hostage. And they will use it."
"Your kid's phone is their lifeline. A high conflict parent knows exactly what they're doing when they take it. They don't care that your kid is suffering. They care that they won."
"Two phones is not co-parenting. It is one unhinged parent refusing to let go of control and making your kid pay for it."
"I don't care if your ex tracks your kid's location at their house. If they want to know where you are in 2026, they already know. That is not the hill."
"Go buy the phone. Get the insurance. Tell your kid it goes everywhere. And then stop talking about it."
"Kiddo, when you get taller and your voice gets louder, you will be heard. And if you're not heard, you will make a point to be heard."
"The hills I'm dying on are my kid's mental health, their self-worth, and their ability to spot crazy from a mile away. A cell phone location setting is not on that list."

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19: The $7,000 Hand Slap: What Actually Happens When You File Contempt Apr 09, 2026

Show notes

Your ex has been wiping their ass with your parenting plan for six months and the court just handed them more toilet paper.

And everyone in that courtroom acted like that was completely normal.

I am done sugarcoating the contempt process. It is broken, your high conflict ex has already figured that out, and every day you walk around thinking a strongly worded motion is going to finally hold them accountable is another day they are out here living their best life consequence free.

Here is what actually happens. Your ex breaks the rules for six months. You document everything like the responsible, exhausted, done-with-this-nonsense person you are. You file contempt in December. Your court date is April. And from December to April your ex transforms into the co-parent of the year. On time. Communicating. Following the plan to the letter. You walk into that April hearing with six months of data and your ex walks in with four months of gold star behavior.

The judge looks at your ex like they just climbed Everest in flip flops. Four months of basic human decency and suddenly they are a changed person. A person of growth. A person of effort. The court is moved. The court is inspired. You are sitting there with six months of documented violations and a lawyer who is already calculating your invoice. You paid thousands of dollars to watch your ex get a gold star for doing the bare minimum they were court ordered to do two years ago. Nothing changes.

That is not a glitch. That is the system working exactly as designed and your high conflict ex figured it out long before you did.

In this episode I get into the contempt timeline trap, why your documentation habit is becoming a full time job that the court barely cares about, what three things actually matter when you walk into that hearing, and what I would do if I ran that courtroom because the current model is not it.

I also talk about why a vague parenting plan is basically a love letter to your high conflict ex and what yours needs to say if you ever want enforcement to mean something.

This is the episode I needed when I was in the trenches and nobody was telling me the truth. Consider this me telling you the truth.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

The Court Timeline Is Your Ex's Best Weapon: File in December, show up in April, watch your ex perform four months of good behavior and walk out looking reformed while you're sitting there with six months of violations and a legal bill that would make you cry.
Contempt Consequences in Family Court Are Almost Laughably Soft: Nobody is going to jail. Nobody is getting fined into actually changing their behavior. At best your ex gets a warning and a deadline to do better, which they will absolutely ignore the second the heat is off.
Your Ex Knows Exactly What They're Doing: The person who "can't tell time" for custody drop-offs shows up 45 minutes early to their job every single day. It's not incompetence. It's a choice. And the court keeps treating it like a learning curve.
Stop Documenting Everything. Document the Right Things: Visitation, money, and documented abuse in front of the kids. That's what courts care about. The rest of it is burning your time and your mental health keeping receipts on someone who doesn't deserve that much of your attention.
A Vague Parenting Plan Is a Gift to Your High Conflict Ex: If your order doesn't have specific times and specific language, your ex can claim they didn't know. And legally? They might be right. Lock it down before you ever need to enforce it.
Immediate Consequences Are the Only Thing That Works: The delayed consequence model this system is built on does not work on high conflict people. They need to feel it fast. Until the courts catch up, your parenting plan needs to be built to close every gap they will absolutely try to drive through.

The Truth Bombs

"Your high conflict ex isn't bad at time management. They show up early to work every single day. They just don't respect YOUR time. There's a difference and the court keeps pretending there isn't."
"File contempt in December. Watch your ex become a perfect co-parent by January. Sit in court in April while the judge compliments their growth. That's not a bug in the system. That's the feature."
"The family court system runs on second chances. Your high conflict ex runs on knowing that. Stop being surprised when they use it."
"If your parenting plan says 'parties will later determine' anything, congratulations, you have determined nothing and your ex's attorney is sending a thank you card."
"You need hope, a prayer, a mountain of data, and ideally a judge who spent some time in criminal court before landing in family. That's my actual advice for contempt. I'm sorry."
"The kids suffer for another six months while the court gives my ex time to improve. That's not a justice system. That's just a delay with paperwork."

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18: "Open Communication" Is the Nicest Way to Say You Have No Protection Apr 07, 2026

Show notes

Your ex didn't become unhinged overnight. Your parenting plan just finally gave them the tools to show you.

If you have the words "open communication" sitting in your parenting plan with absolutely nothing else around them, you did not write a rule. You wrote a blank check. And your high-conflict ex has been signing their name to it every single day since you both walked out of that courtroom.

This is the episode nobody wants to have because it means admitting that the document you fought for, paid thousands of dollars for, and cried over might be the very thing working against you right now. The communication clause, or the total disaster that exists where one should be, is one of the most dangerous things I see in parenting plans. No response windows. No platform. No volume limits. No defined hours. Nothing. Just "open communication" sitting there like that means something. It does not mean something. It means everything is allowed. And everything is too much.

When your ex sends you 75 messages before noon they are not out of control. They are on schedule. Because nothing in your plan told them they couldn't. That is the part that should keep you up at night.

I get into what this actually looks like in real life when you are dealing with a high-conflict person. It looks like your phone exploding while you are trying to be present with your kids. It looks like a message thread that opens with a simple question and ends with a custody threat forty-five messages later. It looks like sitting across from a judge being called an unresponsive co-parent because you had the audacity to not answer during your own parenting time.

And I get personal because I lived this. I used to run to that phone like I would get struck by lightning if I didn't answer in time. I set a specific ringtone so I would always know it was him. And I still picked up every single time. I genuinely believed I was being a good co-parent. What I was actually doing was surviving. I was managing his emotions at the expense of my kids sitting right in front of me waiting for me to come back to them. And the worst part is I then watched my kids do the exact same thing when they got their own phones because I set that tone. I trained all of us.

That stops when your parenting plan has actual teeth in it. Not suggestions. Not vibes. Rules.

If your communication clause is vague, your protection is vague. And vague does not hold up in court, does not stop the spiral at 6am, and does not give you your life back. Let's talk about fixing it.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

The "Open Communication" Trap: If your parenting plan doesn't define how, when, and how often communication happens, you've written your ex a permission slip to harass you.
Two Messages Is Already the Limit: Anything past two unanswered messages is not urgency. It's a pattern, and patterns need to be in your documentation.
Business Hours Are Professional, Not Petty: Treating co-parenting like a business transaction is not cold. It is smart, and your parenting plan should reflect structured response windows that protect your time with your kids.
Vague Language Will Cost You: Words like "reasonable" and "open" are not measurable in court. If a judge or attorney can't define it specifically, it will never protect you specifically.
Your Parenting Time Is Sacred: Every message your ex sends while you have the kids is an attempt to pull your attention away from them. A strong communication clause shuts that down before it starts.

The Truth Bombs

"Open communication with no rules is not a co-parenting plan. It's a harassment plan with your signature on it."
"I used to run to that phone like I'd get in trouble if I didn't. That was trauma. That was not co-parenting."
"You don't get a sash for being the parent who answers the most. That award does not exist. Stop chasing it."
"If it's not written in your parenting plan, it's not a rule. And if it's not a rule, your ex will use every inch of that gap."
"Anything past two messages is harassment. I don't care what they're texting about. If I didn't answer the first two, I'm not answering the next twenty."
"They don't message you during your parenting time because they care about the kids. They message you because they can't stand that you're living your life without them."

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17: You Cannot Do This Alone: How to Build Your Avengers as a Single Parent Apr 02, 2026

Show notes

If you are the most put-together person in your friend group, I need you to understand that is not a compliment, that is a warning.

Let me ask you something and I need you to sit with it for a second. The people you are calling when everything blows up, are they actually helping you get through this, or are they just really entertaining to gossip with?

Because I have been there. I had a whole circle. And every single one of them was either a yes man, a pot stirrer, or a straight up mole feeding information back to my ex. And I did not figure that out until the damage was already done in court.

This episode is the one I wish somebody had handed me on day one of my divorce. We are talking about the hard audit. The one where you get honest about who is actually in your corner and who is just there for the show. Because not everyone who picks up the phone when you call is your person. Some of them are picking up because they are nosy. Some of them are picking up because your drama makes them feel better about their own life. And some of them are picking up and then turning around and telling your ex everything you just said.

I also tried the other extreme. I pulled everybody out and went completely solo. Isolated. Just me, my kids, and my chaos. And I am telling you right now that was one of the most dangerous things I ever did to myself. Isolation is not strength. It is just suffering with better branding.

The truth is you need people. Real ones. The kind who show up at your door before a court date with snacks and water and pictures of your kids and a whole plan for after. Not the kind who text you screenshots of what your ex posted on Instagram at 11pm. Those people are not your support system. They are your trigger system.

And if right now you are sitting there saying you have nobody, I hear you and I am not letting you use that as an excuse. I am building new friendships at 47 in a Pilates class. You can find your people. You just have to stop hiding and start showing up somewhere.

This is the episode where we start assembling your Avengers. And yes, I mean that literally. You need a strategic, hand-picked, drama-free crew that helps you function on your absolute worst days. Because those days are coming. And you do not want to be alone when they do.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

Audit Your Circle: If the people around you are keeping you triggered and stuck instead of regulated and moving forward, it is time for a hard edit.
Isolation Is Not Strength: Going it completely alone during divorce is not brave, it is dangerous, and it is not something I would ever recommend based on my own experience.
Yes Men Are Not Your Friends: Someone who just cosigns your rage feels good in the moment, but they are keeping you anchored to the past instead of helping you build what is next.
The Friend Breakup Is Real: Editing people out of your life during this season is not failure, it is protection, and how they respond to your boundary tells you everything.
You Can Build New Friendships at Any Age: I am making real connections in Pilates at 47, so the excuse that it is too late or too hard does not hold up.
Be Strategic, Not Just Grateful: Not everyone who shows up for you is the right fit for this season, and you need people who can actually hold your energy, not drain what is left of it.
Find Your Avengers: You need a crew who shows up practically, protects your energy, and helps you function on your worst days, and that crew is out there waiting to be assembled.

The Truth Bombs

"If you are the best person in the five people you are hanging around with, you are in the wrong group."
"How is it working for you, pushing everybody away and trying to act like the badass you so badly want to be? Aren't you tired?"
"You keep putting negativity out there into the universe, that is the kind of energy that keeps coming back at you."
"Is she here for me or is she here to hear from me? There is a difference."
"The ones who get angry when you set a boundary were never your friend to begin with."
"I changed. Nothing about him changed. I changed. And it started with who I was around."
"You need the friend who packs you a go-box with water, snacks, and pictures of your kids before court. Not the one who asks what he was wearing."
"A friend edit is needed. I know it feels like another breakup. But your circle becoming smaller during divorce is not a loss. It is a filter."

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16: The Clauses That Look Good on Paper and Blow Up in Real Life Mar 31, 2026

Show notes

If your parenting plan has vague language in it, your attorney just handed your high-conflict ex a loaded gun and charged you for the bullets.

Vague is not the same as covered. Anything that can be interpreted WILL be interpreted in whatever way screws you over the most that day. In Episode 16, I'm calling out the catch-all clauses attorneys love to bury in parenting plans that sound great in a conference room and blow up completely in real life. The language that makes you feel protected when you sign it and makes your ex's eyes light up the moment they realize how much room they have to work with.

Here's what pisses me off about this: two people who couldn't agree on anything during the marriage, blew through mediation, and spent days in court with a room full of witnesses and professionals. Someone looked at that situation, saw exactly who these two people were, and still handed them a legal document that only functions if they cooperate. That's not a plan. That's a setup. And every single time it breaks down, you're back on the phone with your attorney trying to get someone to explain what your own document means. Every call costs money. Every argument that could have been avoided with one specific sentence in your plan is now an invoice.

The people writing these plans know what they're doing. Whether it's intentional or just lazy, the result is the same: you stay stuck, you stay in conflict, and you keep paying.

I had this exact plan. I lived this exact nightmare. I was the person who kept thinking if I just tried harder, showed up better, stayed more reasonable, eventually my ex would meet me there. They didn't. And the plan we had gave both of us endless room to keep the fight going for years. The only people who came out ahead were the ones billing by the hour.

Get specific. Lock in the decisions now. All of them. Because a plan full of wiggle room is just handing your ex a weapon and calling it a custody agreement. Your kids deserve better than that. And honestly, so do you.

Here’s What You Can Actually Take Away:

Vague Language Is a Weapon: In a high-conflict co-parenting situation, any clause that can be interpreted multiple ways will be interpreted in whatever way benefits your ex that day.
Feel-Good Plans Don't Survive First Contact With a High-Conflict Ex: A parenting plan that reads beautifully and falls apart in practice is not a good plan. It's a liability.
Specificity Is the Only Real Protection: The more decisions your plan makes upfront, the less you have to fight about later. Dates, times, names, processes, all of it should be written down.
Going Back to Your Attorney to Define Your Own Plan Is a Failure of the Plan: Paying someone to explain what your legal document means means the document didn't do its job.
High-Conflict People Will Not Rise to the Occasion: Stop designing your plan around the hope that your ex will eventually do the right thing. Design it around the reality of who they actually are.
You Deserved a Plan That Actually Works: Not one that made your attorney feel good about wrapping things up and left you holding the mess.

The Truth Bombs

"A parenting plan that sounds good on paper and falls apart in real life isn't a plan. It's a setup."
"Two people who couldn't agree on anything during a marriage, during mediation, or in eight days of court are not going to magically agree on what a vague clause means. Stop writing plans that require them to."
"Every time I had to call my attorney to figure out what my own parenting plan meant, that plan failed me. Full stop."
"Your ex will find every single inch of wiggle room in that document and drive a truck through it. That's not a prediction. That's a pattern."
"The goal of your parenting plan should be to make as many decisions as possible right now so you never have to make them again with someone who hates you."
"I kept trying harder, showing up better, being more reasonable. They didn't change. The plan just gave us more to fight about."
"Attorneys put language in parenting plans that makes clients feel taken care of. That's not always the same thing as actually being taken care of."
"Your kids don't need a plan that sounds good in a courtroom. They need a plan that actually works on a Tuesday night when nobody's watching."

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