Show notes
💬 Got something to share? Text or voice note me
Understanding your wounds is not the same as healing them. You can know exactly why you keep going back to someone who isn't right for you and still feel powerless to stop.
This week on Wisdom Wednesday, I'm joined by Ben Ufana, a neurosomatic breathwork facilitator and meditation teacher who has spent nearly a decade helping people heal from breakups, divorce, abandonment, rejection, and ghosting. Ben trained for 17 years in the internal martial arts, apprenticed with a traditional Kiowa medicine man, and has spent decades studying how the body holds what the mind can't always explain. He shares the story behind the breath-and-awareness practice he developed out of his own childhood and relational wounding, and walks us through how it works: bringing a person and the dynamic between you into your awareness, noticing where the emotion lives in your body, and breathing with it until it moves. We talk about why we can't work with what we aren't feeling, how numbing and suppressing keep us stuck in repeating patterns, why denying a painful feeling is a form of rejecting ourselves, and why this practice is a deep form of self-love. Ben also shares how these tools can be used in the middle of real life, with your eyes open, in conversation with someone you love.
We talk about:
- Why understanding a wound intellectually is important but not the same as healing it
- How heartbreak often reaches back to much older wounds, and why we repeat the same relational patterns
- The body as a place where grief, hurt, anger, and betrayal are stored
- A guided look at Ben's practice: bring the person into awareness, notice the emotion, locate it in the body, and breathe into it
- How emotions often intensify, shift, and move through a progression before they release
- Why avoiding our emotions means rejecting parts of ourselves, and how feeling them is a form of honesty and self-love
- Using the practice with your eyes open: in conversation, with a loved one, or even with a pet
- A note on boundaries: respecting someone else's "no" when you're working with desire
- Why body work, grounding practices, and skilled support can make this work safer and deeper
- How stress and unprocessed emotion build up in the body, and why staying fluid keeps us growing
This conversation is for anyone who has done the thinking, understood the pattern, and is ready to feel their way through it. If you are severely traumatized, Ben notes that working with a psychotherapist or experienced guide can help you build a strong enough foundation.
In This Episode
- Opening — understanding your wounds vs. healing them
- Meet Ben Ufana — breathwork facilitator, meditation teacher, and lifelong student of how the body holds emotion
- Ben's story — from a young fascination with Native American healing traditions, to apprenticing with a Kiowa medicine man, to developing his own practice from his own heartbreak
- Why numbing keeps us stuck — and why "you can't heal what you don't feel"
- The practice, step by step — person and dynamic in awareness, emotion, location in the body, breath
- What to expect — emotions that intensify, move, and progress toward acceptance and letting go
- Honesty and self-love — why feeling your authentic responses means being present with the parts of you that are hurting
- Practicing in real life — with eyes open, in conversation, with loved ones
- Patterns and reenactment — why we keep attracting the same relationships, and how healing shifts that over time
- Support and tools — body work, Ayurveda, acupuncture, skilled healers, and internal martial arts
- Stagnation and fluidity — how stress accumulates in the body and how practice keeps us growing
- Where to find Ben
About Ben Ufana
Ben Ufana is a neurosomatic breathwork facilitator and meditation teacher with 17 years of training in the internal martial arts (Xinyi Quan, Bagua Zhang, Tai Chi, and Qigong) and an apprenticeship with a traditional Kiowa medicine man. His work focuses on helping people become present enough with themselves to digest hurt rather than only understand it, particularly after breakup, divorce, abandonment, rejection, and ghosting.
- Website: benufana.com (contact form at benufana.com/contact)
- Also: teachmetomeditate.com, Heal My Heartache, and Breakup First Aid
- Instagram and YouTube (long-form videos on healing and relationships)
Resources & Links
🌸 Start your self-love journey today — 7 days free on Elevate Me: studio.com/nyomi or elevatemenyomi.com
🌐 The Season of Self Love website: theseasonofselflove.com
📺 The Season of Self Love is now on YouTube — subscribe for videos, episodes, and behind-the-scenes content
This episode is brought to you by Elevate Me Self-Discovery.
Connect with Nyomi
Disclaimer
This episode is for education and inspiration and is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you are experiencing severe trauma or distress, please consider working with a licensed therapist or other qualified professional.
Tags / Keywords
heartbreak, healing after betrayal, breakup recovery, breathwork, somatic healing, neurosomatic breathwork, emotional healing, attachment patterns, abandonment, ghosting, meditation, Ben Ufana, wisdom Wednesday, season 6, self-love, Nyomi Banks, Season of Self Love, guest interview
Elevate Me: Self Discovery App
4-phase self-love journey: meditations, workbooks, coaching chat & journaling.
Goli Ashwagandha Gummies
Daily wellness support for grounding & stress relief. Use code AskNyomi for a discount!
Bodyotics Intimate Wellness
Body-safe pelvic floor & intimate care products for every stage of your journey.
---
## 💬 CONNECT WITH ME
**Text or Voice Note:** Use the link below to send me a message or voice note directly through Buzzsprout. I read and listen to everything!
**Instagram:** @TheRealNyomiBanks | @TheSeasonofSelfLovePodcast
**Website:** theseasonofselflove.com
**YouTube:** Subscribe to @TheSeasonofSelfLove for video episodes, behind-the-scenes content, and more!
---
## 🎯 ELEVATE ME: SELF-DISCOVERY APP
Ready to go deeper with guided support?
**Elevate Me: Self-Discovery** is an AI-powered coaching app with 4 transformation phases, guided meditations, body scans, journaling prompts, and personalized daily practices.
👉 **Learn more:** studio.com/nyomi
Join the mailing list: elevatemenyomi.com
---
## 📋 SHOW NOTES & RESOURCES
All links, templates, exercises, and resources mentioned in this episode are available in the full show notes above.
---
## 🙏 CLOSING
Be good to one another and yourselves, and always keep it sexy.
Love yourself first so you can love others well.
**Have a good one.** 💜
---
...
Our TOPPODCAST Picks 
Stay Connected
