The Save The Marriage Podcast

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Getting Better or Getting Bitter Sep 10, 2025

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I often watch people move toward one of two possibilities when a marriage is in trouble: Getting Better or Getting Bitter. One letter difference, but what a difference in destination. One leads a couple to a rewarding and loving relationship, improving and stabilizing: Better. The other leads to more anger, more resentment, more distance, and further deterioration: Bitter. Here is the irony: many times, the person proclaiming a desire to work on the marriage, to get it turned around, is the one holding onto bitterness. And bitterness has a tendency to grow, unless the person chooses to make a shift. A shift to Better. Over the years, I have watched people who proclaim a desire to save their marriage. They start taking steps, start connecting, start the healing... and when a spouse begins to turn, the one putting in the work suddenly turns... away. The bitterness gains ground. It eats away at all progress. And in the process, the couple proves the marriage was "too far gone," "too hurt," or "too damaged." In reality, bitterness set in and disrupted any possibility of healing. So, there is a choice: Getting Bitter or Better? Let's talk about the roots of bitterness and how to let it go. Listen to the podcast below. RELATED RESOURCES: Don't Let Emotions Choose Forgiving in Marriage Showing Up Empathy and Connection Save The Marriage System The Daily Better Workbook

Getting Your Spouse to Agree?? Dangerous! Sep 03, 2025

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I know. You want to convince your spouse to see things your way. So, you set out to "get" your spouse to agree with you. ...And you have now begun walking down a very dangerous path. (I bet you didn't think so, did you?) Almost always, trying to get your spouse to agree will backfire -- and even make things worse. Sometimes, much worse. Can I share with you why this can be so dangerous and how to avoid this problem? This is something you want to fully understand. (If you want a better way, GRAB THIS and get started.) RELATED RESOURCES: Break Your Agreements! You See Things Differently Dealing with Disrespect Save The Marriage System The Lone Ranger Toolkit

The 3 Layers of Connection Aug 20, 2025

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Connection is the lifeblood of marriage. In fact, we are wired for deep connection. And while the connection works best within the marriage relationship, it is not singular. Many couples find connection in only one or two areas, missing that second or third layer of connecting. Often, over time, this begins to eat away at the connection a couple shares. Disconnection tends to breed disconnection. When there are areas missing, they begin to chip away at the other areas. But connection tends to breed connection. As you work to reconnect, and as you focus on all three layers, there is a multiplying effect. Connection deepens and broadens, leading to more and more connection. Listen to this week's podcast to discover the 3 Layers of Connection. RELATED RESOURCES Save The Marriage System Why Connection Matters The Pause Button Marriage My Books

How Steep? Aug 13, 2025

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“How hard is it to save my marriage?” the email started. The writer wanted my opinion on whether my System would work. There was a problem, though. The problem was… I had no details about her marital problems. I didn’t know what she was facing. When I was a kid, the rubik’s cube came out. There was this book that promised to solve the cube, no matter how bad the cube was arranged. I just kept trying to turn and twist the cube to find a solution. My neighbor friend got the book. My neighbor followed the guide. And that cube was, sure enough, solved. Mixed up cube, follow the solution, solved cube. Easy-peesy. Let’s just say that your marriage is NOT like that rubik’s cube. There are some reasons why your efforts might be harder (or easier) than someone else’s. In fact, there are 3 major complicators to saving your marriage. Before jumping in to save your marriage, you want to be clear about the complicators — the obstacles — on your path. They make a difference in what you do, how you do it, and how much effort is required. Listen below to find out how steep your climb is, due to the 3 obstacles. RELATED RESOURCES How Bad is it? Should You Give Up? Can It Be Saved? Grab the Save The Marriage System Get Tools for the Climb

Can It Be Saved?? How to know… Aug 06, 2025

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Can you save your marriage?? That is, to be honest, probably the biggest "speed bump" for someone who wants to save their marriage. They wonder if it is even possible to save their marriage. And that fact keeps them from taking action. Or to be more direct, may be what is keeping you from taking action. Many people have said that if I could guarantee that they could save their marriage, they would get started. I have often pointed out that NOT trying pretty much guarantees it can't be saved. But I don't have a crystal ball... or even a Magic 8 Ball that will tell me whether it can/can't be saved. And so, far too often, they don't take action. And their marriage fails. But what if there were a way to get clarity... to get more understanding of what might be involved in saving your marriage? What if there was some GPS that could give you direction on the possibilities and what is involved. Well, there is. And I discuss it on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. I've created a new assessment, called The Growth GPS Assessment. You can grab it for just a dollar. GO HERE to take advantage of the offer... and gain clarity. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System The Growth GPS Assessment

Having Hope Jul 30, 2025

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Your spouse thinks it’s hopeless. You may even be wondering that, too. But is it? Is it hopeless? Or is the problem that your spouse is hopeless — not the situation? Let’s be honest: if you give up hope, it may become a hopeless situation. Sometimes, having hope is not based on seeing the way. We find the way because we hold onto hope. In one of my books, Beyond the 3 Barriers, I note that one barrier for your spouse is hopelessness. I also note that one way to move beyond your spouse’s barriers is by having hope. Holding onto hope. Maintaining hope while waiting for space to make a shift. Hope has 3 core components… all within your control and choice. But you do need to know the components in order to choose. When you do, you choose hope. Remember that hope is not about waiting for a spouse to hope… or even to shift. It comes from within you, a choice you make. Hang on to hope! Listen to the podcast episode below. RELATED RESOURCES Beyond The 3 Barriers Book Hope vs. Hopelessness Episode Staying Stuck in the Negative Episode 3rd Biggest Mistake People Make Episode Save The Marriage System The Hope System Guide

5 Reasons Why Your Plan is Stalled Jul 23, 2025

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Are your efforts to save your marriage getting stalled? Maybe we should take a look at your plan. You do have a plan, don't you? Let's talk about 5 reasons your plan (or lack of plan) may be the trouble -- and what we can do to make a switch. To be crystal clear, all 5 reasons are in your control. YOU can choose how you move forward in each of these issues. You may not have control over your spouse's reaction, but you do have choices in your planning and execution of your plan. RELATED RESOURCES: Points of Failure Your Reasons Why How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps The Save The Marriage System Save The Marriage Toolkit

Are You Getting Dragged Under?? Jul 16, 2025

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Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual. As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis. Have you ever tried to save a drowning person? This can be kind of like that. Get too close, and they will drag you under with them. Their desperation will overcome any sensible decision. Running purely on terror, they will flail, grab, and pull at anything that is nearby... and anyone. And when someone is in crisis, it can certainly feel like drowning... even with no water (other than tears). The desperation is there. The flailing is there. And if you aren't careful, you can get pulled under. One person in crisis is enough. Two people multiples the complications and difficulties in recovering the relationship. Don't allow yourself to get pulled under. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss 4 rules to keep from getting pulled under. RELATED RESOURCES Your Spouse Is Not The Enemy Conflict In Marriage Control What You Can Save The Marriage System What To Do When You Are Trying Alone

What Makes A Marriage Great? Jul 09, 2025

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What makes a marriage work? What makes a marriage GREAT? Maybe you are trying to save your marriage, and aren't sure if that even matters. Maybe you are trying to aim your marriage in a better direction, and aren't sure what that even looks like. Or maybe you are considering getting married, but aren't sure if you have what it takes. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I'll give you the 5 core ingredients to have a great marriage. I'll tell you what they are, and how to get them. Then, if you have special garnishes and additions, great! Problem is, many people think the extra additions are the core ingredients! And when that doesn't work, they think they just don't have what it takes. Turns out, they were just trying to make a recipe with the wrong ingredients. No wonder it doesn't work out! After over three decades of focusing on relationships and marriage, the five core ingredients stand out, time after time. So, let's make clear what they are, how to get them, and how that makes a difference. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System Save The Marriage Toolkit Why Connection Matters Does Communication Matter?

Are You Dragging a Spouse to Therapy?? Jul 02, 2025

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The email said, “I talked my spouse into going to therapy.” Another one asked, “How do I drag my spouse to therapy?” Oof. The first person was proud of the “convincing.” The second person got my response: You Don’t! (Unless, of course, you want to damn the process from the very beginning… and in that case, drag away!) Marriage therapy tends to be the default response to a marriage crisis (although the stats would not support this as the preferred action). If there is a problem, time to head to therapy! First task: get a spouse there. By pressure, if necessary. I think there is a (false) belief that if you can just get them there, the therapist will work some magic and convince the spouse to work on the marriage. The therapist won’t/can’t. And your spouse won’t. Fail/fail. But why? There are some Therapy Traps that you fall into when you try to drag a spouse into therapy (I cover the Traps in the podcast episode below). And in the process, you actually cause further entrenchment on the part of your spouse that things won’t work out. Yep, it makes things worse. I explain why in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Therapy Problems Can You Save It Alone? Can Your Marriage Even Be Saved? Book: Beyond the 3 Barriers Program: Save The Marriage System Toolkit: When You Are Working Alone

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