The Save The Marriage Podcast

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Zombie-Infected Marriage? Oct 30, 2024

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Is your marriage infected by the "zombie virus?" Do you find your relationship to be the "walking dead?" Are emotions lost and connections missing? Do you and your spouse respond to each other with "zombie grunts?" The infection can be stopped. You can fight the infection and heal the relationship. Don't allow the big 4 symptoms of a zombie infection to overtake your relationship's immune system. Fight back and restore your relationship to the living and the healthy. Okay, to be fair, this is a “tip o’ the hat” to Halloween… but still an important subject! Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES: Pause Button Marriages Dangers of Disconnection "Can This Marriage Be Saved?” The Save The Marriage System

5 Steps to Managing Your Emotions Oct 16, 2024

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It can be an emotional storm in the middle of a marriage crisis. Sometimes, it seems that every little thing blows up into big things... almost without control. A marriage crisis is one of the bigger life stressors. If you are dealing with that, you are already emotionally "tapped out." Which means it might not take much for you to boil over... And undo any progress you have been making. I have frequently been told that "I just can't control my emotions." And in reality, the challenge is not controlling, but managing, your emotions. In this podcast episode, I outline 5 ways for you to manage your emotions in the midst of a marriage crisis. Is it hard? It can be a challenge. But it is do-able. You can do it! Let's talk about how! (Listen Below!) RELATED RESOURCES Getting Perspective You Need A Plan Take Care of Yourself Get Some Support Don't Read Tea Leaves The Save The Marriage System

The Safety Zone?? Oct 09, 2024

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She started the conversation by telling how she was confused… her spouse had confused her. He said he didn’t feel safe enough to share his emotions, didn’t feel safe enough to move back into their bedroom, didn’t feel safe enough to talk through their issues. She told me, “I have never hurt him or threatened to hurt him. How can he feel unsafe?" Safety (and feeling safe) is an interesting thing. There doesn’t actually have to be a real threat in order to feel unsafe. Our brains are always looking for a sense of threat — and it takes very little to trigger the feeling of threat. A look, a tone… a small hint can be perceived as a real threat. We don’t risk connecting when we feel threatened. Connecting requires vulnerability. And vulnerability requires a sense of safety. Again, that is not necessarily tied to reality of threat. So, do you (and your spouse) create spaces of safety? Do you internally communicate safety in your relationship? Learn why this is so important and how to do it in the Save The Marriage Podcast below. RELATED RESOURCES Connection in Marriage Connection and Disconnection Resources Connection or Protection Save The Marriage System

Why You Are Derailed (And What to Do About It) Oct 02, 2024

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When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warming. Things aren't quite so hostile. But then.... They get derailed. Thrown off-course. Lost in the crisis. Not surprisingly, any gains made are quickly lost. Things become even more tense and fractured. Why did they get derailed? Four reasons: Distracted, Distanced, Doubtful, and Discouraged. I go into each of these... as well as how to avoid falling into the trap and getting derailed... in this week's Save The Marriage Podcast. You can listen below. RELATED RESOURCES You Need A Plan Can Your Marriage Be Saved? When Is It Too Late? Your Fail Points Book: The Marriage Fail Point Save The Marriage System

Change: Can You? Can Your Marriage?? Sep 25, 2024

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Is it actually possible for people to change?? For you to change?? For your marriage to change? That question has been asked for millenia. It is a question of theology, philosophy, and psychology. And yet, sometimes, it seems like there is no real answer. As a student of all three arenas, and as a therapist/coach, I have thought long and hard about this question. Sometimes, people ask me this question, about themselves, about their spouse, or about their relationship. Short answer, "Yes, you and your marriage can change. But will you??" Let's talk about the possibility of change, the potential for it, and how to move toward it. That is what we cover in this week's episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES: Why Your Spouse Doesn't See Your Changes What To Do When A Spouse Says, "You'll Never Change!" Save The Marriage System

Starting Point: Me or WE?? Sep 18, 2024

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What do you do if your spouse decides they need to work on themselves... and then they may (or may not) be willing to work on the marriage? What do you do if your spouse just refuses to work on your marriage? That is the question of the week, asked by Sam. He said his wife wants to better herself. Then, maybe she would address the marriage. As part of my series, answering your questions, I want to address this one. Because it might just be YOUR question, too! (If not, you can SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE.) Many times, when a marriage is in trouble, a spouse (or maybe you) just won't address the relationship issues, insisting they (or you) need to work on themselves (or yourself) before looking at the marriage. The binary question: "work on me or work on WE?" stands out. But does it have to be so binary. Is it really one or the other? Or is there another way to approach this? If you try to force a spouse to work on the relationship, that won't work... and might make things better. So, what CAN you do? Listen to this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast for my response. RELATED RESOURCES Don't Try to Convince Showing UP in Marriage Dealing with Conflict The Importance of Self-Expansion The Save The Marriage System HERE

Principle: Connect, Don’t Crowd Sep 11, 2024

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Connection is so important for a marriage. When connection is cut off, the relationship falters. When a marriage is disconnected, the marriage is at risk. But many people think they are connecting... and they are actually crowding. Crowding, in a struggling marriage, is as toxic as disconnecting. Does it feel like a tightrope? Well, it really isn't. As long, that is, as you understand the underlying principle: Connect, Don't Crowd. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I give you access to one of ten principles I cover in my VIP program (an advanced program for those who have my System, but want to be more effective or need more help). Resources in the VIP program are generally restricted only to VIP members, but I wanted to make sure you don't fall into the "crowding trap." I see it far too often. Especially for people who have realized they hit the Pause Button on their marriage... and are trying to reconnect. Listen in to find how to connect without crowding. Don't fall into the trap! (If you want to grab ALL the Principles of Saving Your Marriage, GO HERE) RELATED RESOURCES: Pause Button Marriage Connection is the Life Blood Connection Tools Save The Marriage System The 10 Principles of Saving Your Marriage

3 Turning Points To Act On Sep 04, 2024

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Many times, people contact me to tell me that their marriage is... well... continuing to spiral down, in spite of their efforts. Over the years, I have noted some "turning points," when things often start turning around. And I want to share 3 of these turning points with you. Here is the good news: all 3 turning points I note are 100% within your control. Yes, there are other events and actions that can also turn things (or at least, start turning things). It is not JUST these 3 turning points. There are others. But these turning points I chose to highlight are ones you can choose at any time and at any point. To be clear, just because you make a change, that does not guarantee that things WILL turn around. (I would be able to retire, if that were the case.) It's just that these actions often are the turning points in the effort to save your marriage. Will making the 3 turns guarantee a saved marriage? No. But they may just make a shift. Playing the odds, doesn't it make sense to give the 3 turning points a chance for change? Listen to the podcast episode below for the 3 Turning Points. RELATED RESOURCES Chasing Won't Work Response-Able Show Up Will YOUR Marriage Be Saved? Your Fail Point Marriage Fail Points Book Save The Marriage System

Get Knocked Down, Get Back Up Aug 28, 2024

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You started working on saving your marriage. Good for you! And then, you hit a bump. You get knocked down. Maybe you discovered an affair, physical or emotional. Maybe your spouse is irritable and upset. Maybe it is anger and resentment, yours or your spouse’s. And it knocks you down. Enough that you think it is over. That you are at the end. But are you? Or do you need to get back up? In most things in life, we think the process is (or should be) smooth. I fall for that myth all the time. I think a project is going to be easy and straightforward. Only to find a complication and difficulty at every turn. And guess what? The same is true in your efforts to save your marriage. We talk about how you might get knocked down… and how to get up again, in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. RELATED RESOURCES Dealing with Discouragement You Need A Plan Not A Wish, A Plan Your Support Team Do You Need Coaching? Coaching Resource Page Save The Marriage System

Is Your Spouse Stuck in the Negative? Aug 14, 2024

Show notes

Several listeners asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative. Why don't they remember the good times or see the good things? Over the years, I have noticed this as a recurring and common issue in your efforts to save your marriage. A spouse's thoughts just stay on the negative. Maybe thinking about what is going on now or remembering what happened then. (Memories are just current thoughts about past events -- not accurate representations of the past.) Since this is such a common phenomenon, I thought it might be good to cover it in a podcast episode. If your spouse is stuck in the negative (or you find yourself stuck in the negative), let's look at the reasons it happens... and what you can do about it! RELATED RESOURCES Book: How To Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps (I have a chapter on changing limiting beliefs) How's Your Attitude? Hope and Stockdale Paradox Where To Focus "The Last Straw" Going Pro Program: Save The Marriage

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