Show notes
Rizz shows up sporting a mysterious bandage under his eye, so naturally Lern, Moon and Rafe respond with compassion, maturity and absolutely none of the above. After theories involving shaving accidents, discount Nelly cosplay and possible violence, Rizz reveals what actually happened: he went to the dermatologist expecting to have a skin tag removed. Instead, the doctor took one look under magnification, decided it needed a closer look, removed it and sent it off for a biopsy.
So obviously the show handles this delicate situation with dignity.
Just kidding. Within minutes we're discussing solidarity Band-Aids, ribbons, Aquaphor, garlic carcinoma and whether Rizz can technically start calling himself a survivor. Nothing brings friends together quite like an unexpected medical procedure and the immediate weaponization of it for content.
King Scott sends us into CPR, new-parent panic and the revelation that properly installing a child car seat apparently requires more training than anyone in the room expected. A firefighter calls in, King Scott gets some actual useful information, and Rizz remembers the time his son started choking on bacon — prompting Dad Instinct Rizz to spring into action before apparently returning to his omelet like he'd just completed a minor household chore.
Lern has also researched emergency procedures for cats, because of course she has.
Then Lern returns from Table Rock Lake and the crew settles an important semantic argument: was this a “vacation” or merely a “trip”? Her family getaway included Table Rock, Top of the Rock, an expensive golf-cart cave tour, fake rocks, Branson energy, a canned cave cocktail and enough nickel-and-diming to make you wonder if the scenery charges a convenience fee.
The review? Roughly three out of five stars. Nature: beautiful. Family bonding: great. Branson sneaking into the cave like it owns the place: inevitable.
That leads perfectly into “popcorn brain,” the term for what happens when our attention starts bouncing between notifications, videos, headlines and entertainment like somebody dumped a bucket of mental popcorn into our skulls. Rizz has watched it happen with his kids, Rafe admits it happens to him during the show, and suddenly everybody realizes this isn't just a teenager problem. We're all cooked.
Rafe also celebrates his 3,000th comedy set, which is legitimately impressive and therefore cannot be discussed for long without everyone confusing Mr. 3000 with Mr. Baseball. Congratulations, Rafe. Three thousand performances and you're still voluntarily sitting in this studio. Incredible commitment. Questionable judgment.
A St. Louis story that's bizarre for all the wrong reasons: a regional Amber Alert, a supposedly stolen Dodge Charger and a missing child who investigators ultimately determined had never been inside the vehicle. The crew gets into the false report, the massive police response it triggered and the uncomfortable fact that this wasn't the first high-profile false child-abduction report the area has dealt with recently.
You'd think we'd stay serious after that. You must be new here.
Moon finally saw The Odyssey in IMAX, which means it's time for a completely reasonable film review that immediately becomes a referendum on whether human beings still know how to behave inside a movie theater. Talking, climbing over people, premium ticket prices and seats close enough to the screen to personally inspect Tom Holland's pores—moviegoing truly is magical.
Then comes an argument guaranteed to make somebody angrily talk to their dashboard: which bands followed a killer debut album with a disappointing sophomore effort? Guns N' Roses, Garbage, Weezer, Bush, Hootie and the Blowfish, Boston, The Darkness, The Strokes, Meat Loaf and Vanilla Ice all enter the conversation, and not everybody leaves with their dignity. Moon also brings an actual musician's perspective to why that second album can be such a nightmare when your first record becomes a hit. Welcome to our funny podcast, where suddenly we're discussing artistic pressure like responsible adults before immediately ruining it.
Crap on Celebrities arrives carrying the usual bag of entertainment nonsense. Geddy Lee has a strange encounter with a bird that raises questions about Neil Peart and spiritual visits. Josh Homme reportedly gets expensive while looking irritatingly cool doing it. The crew digs into the renewed conversation surrounding Hilary Duff's teenage relationship with Joel Madden, along with other music and celebrity stories.
Then things somehow expand to burglary, stolen treasure and grudges.
There's celebrity break-in news, plus Rizz's firsthand visit to the Louvre room connected to an enormous jewel heist—which naturally leads to the discovery that museum security apparently has some surprisingly Walgreens-adjacent rules about chasing people. The show also gets into Jon Hamm, Matthew Lillard facing a fan who held onto a grievance for years, Hollywood's biggest directors and a debate over the greatest movie sequels ever made. Terminator 2, Aliens, The Empire Strikes Back, The Dark Knight, The Godfather Part II and even Paddington 2 get dragged into the arena because this funny podcast respects cinema almost as much as it respects wasting everyone's time.
And then suburbia gets interesting.
Emily and Nathan from Double Lives of Suburban Wives join The Rizzuto Show to talk about the St. Louis-based reality series centered on women balancing suburban family life with major success creating digital adult content. It's the kind of premise that makes you realize the person standing next to you at soccer practice may have a considerably more interesting LinkedIn than you do.
They were looking for an extra $150–$300 a month for groceries… and somehow that turned into hundreds of thousands of dollars, reality TV, and a conversation about monster toys before most people finished their morning coffee.
Emily and Nathan from TLC’s Double Lives of Suburban Wives join The Rizzuto Show, and we have approximately 47 questions — several of which probably should not be asked before lunch.
Emily’s story starts in a place a lot of families know all too well: trying to make the bills work. She and Nathan were working opposite shifts to avoid daycare costs, running a woodworking business, and looking for a way to bring in an extra $150–$300 a month.
Nothing crazy. Just grocery money.
Then Nathan floated the idea of Emily making adult content.
Fast-forward four years, and “grocery money” has become a full-blown business spread across multiple platforms. Emily explains how she started cautiously, why showing a real body with stretch marks and cellulite mattered to her, and how one of her earliest subscribers turned out to be what the industry calls a “whale.”
Emily and Nathan also explain why they decided to put their lives on TLC’s Double Lives of Suburban Wives, what it’s like having cameras follow them around the St. Louis area, and why they haven’t experienced the massive hometown backlash some people might expect.
The conversation gets more serious as Emily discusses body positivity, the stigma surrounding mothers who create adult content, and how she and Nathan have handled conversations about their work with their family. Their position is pretty simple: they’re happy, safe, providing for their family, and not particularly interested in living according to somebody else’s expectations.
Which is probably healthier than reading the comments section. Nobody has ever emerged from there improved.
Then we get into the reality-TV side of things.
Emily admits the women featured on Double Lives of Suburban Wives aren’t necessarily one giant happy friend group. Different personalities, different levels of success, different struggles and — because television producers enjoy remaining employed — plenty of drama.
Is some of it ego-driven? Is there competition? What happens when someone enters an already selective group? And could a second season crank things up even further?
Emily gives us a glimpse without spoiling the show, while Nathan delivers perhaps the most efficient response to critics imaginable: if people don’t approve of the business, maybe they should tell their husbands to stop subscribing.
The conversation also covers how creating content changed Emily and Nathan’s relationship, whether their views on monogamy have evolved, the truly astonishing variety of things people will pay to see online, and whether Rafe or Lern could theoretically find their own bizarre niche.
From woodworking and reptile shows to reality television, body positivity, internet entrepreneurship, suburban gossip and some VERY specific customer requests, this funny podcast is essentially the American dream after somebody accidentally left the parental controls off.
And underneath all the jokes is a surprisingly interesting conversation about money, marriage, judgment, family and what “normal” actually looks like when your side hustle becomes more successful than anybody expected.
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