Show notes
A man eats an entire bowl of spaghetti sauce thinking it's chili, somebody in Florida allegedly attacks a store clerk with frozen ribs, and Rafe is about to discover why losing an NFL picks contest is a terrible idea. Happy birthday, Rizzy!
Welcome back to The Rizzuto Show, the St. Louis funny podcast where the headlines sound fake, the fake headlines sound completely reasonable, and even a harmless conversation about nachos somehow becomes a history lesson.
Rizzuto, Moon Valjean, Lern, King Scott, and the gang are celebrating Rizz's birthday with another round of ridiculous food stories, questionable Florida news, listener giveaways, and the kind of sarcastic humor that keeps comedy podcasts interesting.
And today, the state of Florida is doing an absolutely heroic amount of heavy lifting.
A Bowl of Spaghetti Sauce Is Apparently Dinner Now
First up, Rizz shares a viral video about a husband who apparently doesn't understand how spaghetti works.
His wife makes spaghetti and sauce.
Normal dinner.
Perfectly reasonable.
Except the husband grabs an entire bowl of sauce and eats it.
No pasta.
No noodles.
Just sauce.
He finishes the whole thing before asking his wife a very important question:
That wasn't chili, was it?
No, buddy.
No, it wasn't.
The crew immediately starts defending him, because apparently chunky pasta sauce can look a little like soup if you're hungry enough and aren't paying particularly close attention.
Moon understands the mentality.
Sometimes you see a bowl of food, assume somebody has prepared it for you, and start eating.
Questions are for later.
Lern thinks it's hilarious.
Rizz figures this could happen in practically any household.
And somewhere, an Italian grandmother just felt a disturbance in the force.
It's the kind of domestic disaster that reminds us why comedy podcasts don't always need celebrity scandals or elaborate stunts.
Sometimes all you need is one man, one bowl, and absolutely no understanding of dinner.
Rafe's Blind Taste Test Is Already Becoming a Health Concern
Then the crew remembers something very important.
Rafe lost the NFL Pick 'Em challenge.
And because losing a football prediction contest on this show apparently means surrendering your dignity, Rafe now has to participate in a blind taste test.
The punishment is scheduled for Tuesday.
Everybody gets to bring something for him to eat.
And the planning is already concerning.
Rizz wants to establish some basic safety rules.
No onions.
Nothing dangerously spicy.
And preferably nothing that's going to send Rafe to the emergency room.
Lern has other priorities.
She's focusing on texture.
Which is somehow much more terrifying.
Moon starts asking whether he can combine ingredients into something even more confusing.
Rizz reminds everyone that Rafe actually needs to be able to guess what he's eating.
Then the possibility of feeding him frozen raw chicken enters the conversation.
Thankfully, somebody remembers that food poisoning is generally considered bad radio.
The best part?
Comedy legend Yakov Smirnoff is expected to be visiting the show that same morning.
And Rizz thinks it would be wonderful if Yakov helped feed Rafe during the challenge.
Imagine showing up for a perfectly normal radio interview and discovering you're now responsible for putting mystery food into another grown man's mouth.
Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, Yakov.
What a country.
Fake News or Florida: The Headlines Are Getting Worse
Next, it's time for Fake News or Florida, the game where listeners have to decide whether Lern is reading an actual Florida headline or something the show completely invented.
Two correct answers out of three wins concert tickets.
And the prizes are pretty solid: Three Days Grace, Wage War, 311, and Alter Bridge.
The problem?
Florida has made it almost impossible to tell what's real anymore.
The headlines include a man allegedly throwing guacamole at his wife during an argument over chips.
A man supposedly stealing a golf cart because he was too tired to walk his pet parrot.
Someone trying to pay for fast food with a live turtle.
A woman allegedly using a toaster as a weapon during a laundromat dispute.
And a guy riding a motorized cooler down the middle of an interstate.
At this point, the only unbelievable thing would be a Florida resident quietly going about their day without involving a reptile, a kitchen appliance, or a motorized beverage container.
Listeners call in from Hazelwood, Arnold, and around the St. Louis area, hoping to win tickets and avoid the embarrassment of trusting Moon Valjean.
Because Moon is the official lifeline.
And whatever Moon says is binding.
No backsies.
This is a terrible system.
Which, naturally, makes it perfect for a comedy show.
Moon Valjean: The World's Most Confident Wrong Answer
Moon approaches every headline like a detective who has absolutely no evidence but a tremendous amount of confidence.
A man steals a golf cart to walk a parrot?
Moon analyzes the cost of bird ownership, the lifespan of parrots, and the likelihood that a dedicated bird owner could afford a golf cart.
A guy rides a motorized cooler on the interstate?
Moon reasons that Florida police probably wouldn't even bother arresting him.
And somehow, that logic works.
For a while.
Then comes the Key West headline.
A man is allegedly arrested while riding a motorized suitcase down Duval Street and drinking a coconut cocktail.
Moon is suspicious.
Not because of the motorized suitcase.
That's apparently normal.
It's the coconut cocktail that pushes the story beyond credibility.
He delivers a lengthy explanation about why the details don't add up.
He confidently calls fake news.
And he's wrong.
Again.
The poor contestant loses his chance at concert tickets.
Moon immediately explains that he can't be expected to do everything for the callers.
Lern points out the obvious:
You were literally the lifeline.
It's a beautiful example of how comedy podcasts can turn a simple trivia game into an elaborate demonstration of misplaced confidence.
Frozen Ribs, Flamingos and a Very Busy Florida Police Department
The game continues with even more absurd headlines.
A man hides from police inside a commercial washing machine.
Someone allegedly hits a store clerk with a frozen rack of ribs over a pricing dispute.
A dog supposedly shifts a truck into gear and sends it crashing into a swimming pool.
An Orlando man allegedly attempts to tame an alligator using a pool noodle and hot sauce.
A woman throws frozen waffles at a cashier because the store ran out of syrup.
And a man breaks into a house, bakes brownies, and falls asleep on the kitchen floor.
Some are real headlines as presented in the game.
Others are inventions designed to fool the listeners.
And somehow, the distinction becomes less important with every question.
Moon briefly redeems himself with a correct call on the brownie-baking burglar.
He celebrates like Babe Ruth calling his shot.
Unfortunately, that confidence doesn't last.
Eventually, Amanda calls in and correctly identifies a real story involving a stolen police vehicle and a fake story about somebody launching plastic flamingos with a leaf blower.
Finally, a winner!
Amanda scores Three Days Grace tickets, and the crew can stop pretending this is a legitimate test of intelligence.
Meanwhile, Rizz, Lern, and Moon also discuss their plans to attend the upcoming 311 show at The Factory.
Rizz explains that he's taking the following day off because he wants to enjoy the concert without worrying about waking up for work.
Honestly, that's probably the smartest decision anybody makes in this entire episode.
The Great Key Lime Pie Debate
One of the fake Florida headlines involves a woman supposedly calling 911 because her grocery store ran out of her favorite key lime pie.
And suddenly, the gang forgets they're hosting a game show.
Because now everybody needs to discuss pie.
Moon considers key lime pie an essential introductory dessert.
Rizz thinks its tartness makes it something of an acquired taste.
Lern agrees that not everybody appreciates the combination of tangy citrus and creamy filling.
Then the crew starts comparing grocery store options.
Costco enters the conversation.
So does the beloved St. Louis name Tippin's.
And Lern considers bringing a key lime pie to an upcoming Thanksgiving gathering.
All because somebody invented a ridiculous emergency phone call about dessert.
That's the magic of this daily comedy show.
The original topic never survives contact with the microphones.
National Nachos Day: Finally, a Holiday Worth Celebrating
After the Florida madness, the crew runs through a collection of unusual national holidays.
National Saxophone Day.
National Basketball Day.
National Marooned Without a Compass Day.
National Jersey Friday.
National Fountain Pen Day.
National Love Your Lawyer Day.
And, most importantly:
National Nachos Day.
Finally, something America can agree on.
Rizz shares the origin story of nachos, tracing the dish back to Ignacio “Nacho” Anaya, who created a quick snack in Mexico in 1943.
According to the story discussed on the show, a group of women arrived at a restaurant while the chef was unavailable.
Ignacio improvised with fried tortilla triangles, cheese, and jalapeños.
The result became known as Nacho's Special.
And the world was never the same.
Lern is delighted to discover that nachos were named after an actual person.
Moon suggests using an old saxophone as a nacho serving container.
Because apparently we can't even celebrate tortilla chips without involving musical instruments.
The conversation also turns briefly to the origins of Caesar salad, leaving the crew impressed by the culinary contributions coming out of Mexico.
Somewhere, Ignacio is looking down proudly.
Probably wondering why a bunch of radio idiots are trying to eat nachos out of a saxophone.
Happy Birthday, Rizzy! Another Year of Questionable Decisions
So what have we learned from this birthday edition of The Rizzuto Show?
Spaghetti sauce is not chili, no matter how confidently you eat it.
Rafe should probably be nervous about Tuesday's blind taste test.
Florida continues to provide headlines that no comedy writer could reliably improve upon.
A live turtle is apparently a possible form of payment in the Sunshine State.
Moon Valjean should never be allowed to make important decisions without supervision.
Key lime pie deserves more respect.
And Ignacio Anaya deserves a national holiday for inventing one of humanity's greatest snacks.
From Florida Man headlines and weird food stories to listener giveaways, concert tickets, St. Louis humor, and ridiculous game-show failures, this funny podcast delivers another dose of daily entertainment from Rizz and the gang.
If you're browsing comedy podcasts on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and want something packed with funny stories, unusual news, sarcastic humor, and the unmistakable chaos of a St. Louis morning show, you've found your people.
And among all the comedy podcasts out there, few are willing to dedicate this much professional airtime to pasta sauce confusion, a stolen lawnmower, and the correct way to serve nachos.
Hit play, celebrate Rizz's birthday with us, and enjoy another funny podcast from The Rizzuto Show.
Just remember:
When in doubt, it's probably Florida.
And whatever you do, don't let Moon be your lifeline.
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