| S14 EP3 | Nat Vikitsreth is a licensed clinical psychotherapist and child development specialist, and host of the Come Back to Care Podcast. She shares her personal journey, growing up in Bangkok, Thailand, and embracing her identity as a trans woman. Nat's work goes beyond therapy; she offers vital support to the queer community by being the "trans auntie of the village, loving up on other parents, especially queer parents." She discusses the importance of self-awareness and being present with our children. Her message reminds parents (especially Jaimie 😜) to give themselves grace as they navigate the complexities of parenting.
"Queer Parents. We got this." - Nat
Key Takeaways:
- Balancing the pressure to protect and prepare our children with the need to be present and connected.
- Self-awareness and recognizing our own patterns and reactions is crucial in being present with our children.
- Slowing down, pausing, and taking a breath can help us respond to our children's needs in a more present and connected way.
- Give yourself grace as a parent and acknowledge that you are doing your best.
Quotes:
- "We tend to put our parenting values in the backseat when worries and fears take over." - Nat
- "The threats are real, but we need to balance being present with our children so that they feel seen, heard, and loved for who they are." - Nat
- "If we're not soothed, we can't soothe our child." - Nat
- "All you parents out there who are doing your damn best. Give yourself grace. We all fuck up." - Jamie
- "That one thing in a day is so important." - Nat
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For a full transcript of this episode and more info about the host visit our website
Chapters:
[0:00:00] Introduction and sponsor announcement
[0:00:12] Nat's desire to be a trans auntie and work with queer parents
[0:01:47] Jamie's introduction and background on previous parenting coaching session
[0:03:19] Nat's email expressing hope to affirm, validate, and uplift listeners
[0:04:12] Recommendation for the "Gaytriarchs" podcast
[0:05:17] Listener message from Dana in Wisconsin
[0:06:48] Jamie's gratitude and call for more listener messages
[0:08:08] Introduction of Nat and conversation begins
[0:08:42] Nat's elevator pitch and focus on love and boundaries
[0:10:42] Nat's work as a decolonized therapist and supporting social justice parenting
[0:11:28] Discussion of Nat's childhood and realization of being trans
[0:12:05] Nat's struggle with understanding and expressing their gender identity
[0:12:52] Nat talks about finding a community at their Catholic all boys school
[0:14:15] Nat tells their parents they think they are a woman
[0:15:06] Nat's parents already knew and accepted their identity
[0:16:12] Nat moves to a different province to finish high school
[0:17:05] Nat finds a chosen family in the sex worker community
[0:18:26] Nat starts transitioning in their first year of college
[0:19:14] Nat gets involved with the sex worker community
[0:21:06] Nat talks about the emotional connection with clients as a sex worker
[0:23:20] Nat and their chosen family do organizing work for safety
[0:24:59] Nat's parents seek therapy to understand and accept their transition
[0:25:44] Nat discusses their parents' education on their journey.
[0:26:23] Nat mentions seeing multiple psychiatrists as a requirement for transitioning.
[0:27:13] Nat talks about initially wanting a traditional family but later changing their mind.
[0:28:09] Nat expresses a desire to be the "trans auntie" and support queer families.
[0:29:21] Nat discusses the influence of patriarchy on their perception of womanhood.
[0:30:46] Jamie introduces the topic of parenting in the current anti-trans climate.
[0:32:00] Nat shares their journey of moving to the US and working with families.
[0:32:51] Nat discusses the challenges of parenting in a hostile world.
[0:34:24] Nat emphasizes the importance of being present with children despite challenges.
[0:36:19] Nat suggests balancing teaching and preparing with being present with children.
[0:38:32] Difficulty of being present with a child's hurt
[0:39:23] Using the SIFT acronym to slow down and pause
[0:39:56] Mama bear instinct to protect child
[0:40:49] Using the SIFT acronym to notice bodily cues
[0:42:40] Sensations may be too overwhelming for some parents
[0:43:18] Noticing thoughts before going into teaching mode
[0:44:27] Checking in with child's feelings and experiences
[0:45:39] Pausing before reacting and breaking the pattern
[0:46:44] Giving oneself grace and apologizing for losing temper
[0:49:20] Sharing alternative actions and modeling emotional resilience
[0:51:27] Research on mothers' ability to meet their babies' needs
[0:53:16] Babies as young as three months can cope with stress
[0:54:08] Different ways to self-soothe and model for children
[0:55:15] Importance of teaching emotional skills to navigate difficult emotions
[0:56:26] Recognizing the need to slow down and pay attention
[0:58:06] Personalizing self-soothing techniques for children
[0:59:29] Core regulation and sitting with children in their emotions
[1:00:57] Being transparent about one's own capacity for regulation
[1:01:51] Giving parents grace and acknowledging their efforts
[1:02:50] Queer parents and allies are doing a great job
[1:03:48] Introduction to Nat and their podcast
[1:04:25] Thank you and closing remarks
[1:05:00] Merchandise and conclusion
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