The Overwhelmed Brain

Latest Episodes:

Trusting Your Gut - Can You Reconcile with Someone You've Hurt - Making Decisions Easier Aug 13, 2017

Show notes

Do you trust your gut? Do you want to? I tell you how in this first segment where I share how I almost got conned by a store clerk. In segment two, high school sweethearts get married then divorced ten years later. After a lot of emotional abuse and healing, he wants her back but she's not ready. Is reconciliation possible? In closing I tell you how to make decisions that allow you to do some time traveling so that you can get an idea of how you'll feel after making them or not. A packed episode brought to you by getoutofthemess.com

Blaming Others for Everything - Does time heal? - The overworking ADD partner - Hanging up on family Aug 06, 2017

Show notes

You will get the results you want as soon as you accept responsibility for your role in every problem in your life. What is your level of success? Segment one will help you measure it and come up with a game plan for you. Segment two talks about the how important relationships are, especially the one with yourself. Almost every relationship issue you have with others needs nurturing in yourself. Nurture you and your relationship will be healthy and toxic-free! In segment three I read a letter from someone who is sick around her partner who has ADD and ignores her most of the time. What do you do when you have a romantic relationship where your partner is more focused on work than you? During the close of the show I talk about the best way to handle the continuously criticizing family member.

Wanting someone who doesn't want you - The price of inauthenticity - When you want someone to get help Jul 30, 2017

Show notes

When you pursue someone you want romantically but they don't want you, the result is often hurt feelings or worse. What about when you love someone so much that you want them to love you back and they won't? Should you continue your pursuit? If you try to convince them that being in a relationship with you will be the best thing for them, it may create a very unstable and probably short union. Love and being in love are two different things - when you learn to love, you learn to release. This release may highlight that the pursuit isn't really about love at all. In segment two, I read an email from a woman who eats out of anger because her husband doesn't want to be with her sexually. Now she's overweight and knows she's going down the wrong path but isn't motivated enough to lose weight. She still wants to be intimate with her husband but their growing anger and frustration with each other is keeping them distant. There is a path to closeness but it may involve taking risks that could lead to the end of the relationship. The upside is that it could also lead to the most powerfully bonding future they could possibly ever have. During the closing of the show, a listener reaches out to me and asks me if it's a good idea to tell her sister to get help. Her sister has already refused her advice but she is watching her sister and her family decline as things seem to get worse and worse. The more she wants to help them, the more they feel judged and like she's interfering. There is a line that you have to draw with yourself when someone doesn't ask for your help. It involves some humility, a whole lot of faith, and your ability to show up as the best version of you. Your best self can lead to someone wanting to learn from you. Today's episode is brought to you by the most affordable legal insurance plan around. Visit getoutofthemess.com for more info.

Criticism and how you are like them - How to start the therapeutic process - The damage to the soul when someone dies Jul 23, 2017

Show notes

You know that feeling you get when someone puts you down? How about when you feel like you're doing everything right but that one person tells you how you're doing it wrong? In segment one, I read an email from someone who gives me some critical feedback about how I communicate my message over the airwaves. He also tells me something I'm doing blatantly wrong. I share my reaction and the emotions I went through, and what you yourself probably go through when someone points out something that you did wrong as well. Sometimes there is truth in what they say. It can hurt and help at the same time. And, more importantly, can we see a bit of ourselves in the critical person? In segment two, I read a message from someone who has no idea how to start a therapeutic process. He isn't sure where to begin with his many challenges and isn't sure how anyone could even help him. I outline the steps to starting a journey of getting help for whatever issues you are dealing with, giving you questions to ask yourself and resources to utilize. In segment three, what happens to you after going through a lot of emotional pain from the death of loved ones? One listener says it's like damage to your soul that can never be repaired. Is it repairable? How can you deal with a lot of death in your life? When does the grieving end? There are always ups and downs to grieving but hopefully after listening to this episode there will be more ups. The soul, or spirit, or psyche, however you want to see it, can feel like it's missing something. It's time to rebuild what's missing. It's not replacing it, it's nurturing that part of you that needs it most. Today's episode is sponsored by Casper Mattresses. Visit casper.com/brain and use the promo code brain for $50 off a mattress today.

So What You're Afraid - Avoiding Unavoidable People - To Start Anew or Wait for the Old Jul 16, 2017

Show notes

Honoring your boundaries can be the hardest step to take in your personal development, and it's also one of the fastest ways to start creating a life without toxicity and dysfunction. But what if you're too scared to do it? Getting to a place where fear goes away isn't easy - it can take a lot of inner growth leading to the confidence and courage to do whatever it takes to let others know what is acceptable and what is not. In this first segment, I talk about boundaries and how there may be a quick, yet completely unorthodox method of getting past the fear. In segment two, what do you do if you're in a relationship with someone who has close ties to someone you don't like? And what if you can't avoid this other person? On top of that, what if this other person is your ex? It's a tricky situation and one that one particular person has with someone they used to date. I read her email on the air and do my best to answer her question on what to do about this. During the close of the show, I read a message from someone who left an emotionally abusive relationship but is wondering if they should get back into it. She thinks that if he heals that things could get better and they could be a couple again. But how long do you wait for someone to heal? Should you wait? Is waiting worse than moving on? It's a great letter and an important subject, especially if you feel like you're in a rut and aren't sure what to do after a breakup. Today's episode is brought to you by the delicious Earth's Brew. Visit earthsbrew.com and using promo code "brain10" when checking out to get a discount.

Feeling Unworthy by Comparison - Your Partner's Controlling Parent - Breakdown of Narcissism - Recycling Dysfunction Jul 09, 2017

Show notes

Comparing yourself to other people is the fastest way to low self-worth and self-esteem. And why do we always compare ourselves to people that are better looking, wealthier, healthier and have more success in areas of life that we are still working on? It seems like a black hole of misery that will never end. In segment one, I talk about one of my good friends who is self-employed and wondering why she isn't succeeding after a few months of what I see has been a very successful time for her. She is comparing her success to those that have been in the business for a long time and it is making her feel down. This segment is for you if you are feeling inferior or less-than someone you know and you're not sure how to get out of that rut. In segment two, I address the concerns of a woman who's boyfriend has a controlling mother that doesn't like her. On top of that, her boyfriend will never let anyone get in between his mother and him. There may be some unhealthy attachment going on here. If his girlfriend comes second to his mom, she may always be second best in his life. Should she stay and hope he changes his mind or get out of the situation before his mom takes over their relationship? In segment three, I talk about my analysis of conversations that a woman recorded with her narcissistic mom. I listened to the conversations carefully and picked apart exactly where healthy behavior stopped and where possible narcissistic behavior started. The source of the recordings themselves can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Zastrow69/videos Who knows? You may be able to spot some narcissistic behavior in someone you know! Or… maybe even in you. During the close of the show, I talk about how your response to a dysfunctional or toxic person can actually create more dysfunction. Even if you honor yourself authentically and say what you mean, their behavior can still be incited and amplified just by you being you. It's time to stop feeding the dysfunctional feedback machine and start to do new behavior that doesn't incite their old behavior. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Legal insurance when you need it.

Handling negative feedback - Stop worrying about everything - Enabling is disabling - Guilt and apologies Jul 04, 2017

Show notes

How do you handle negative feedback? There's a golden opportunity to sink or swim when someone puts you down. Their comments don't have to equal pain and a hit on your self-worth or self-esteem. In fact, maybe it's possible that the one person you remember putting you down is the very impetus you needed to improve something about yourself. It's not fun getting criticized, but it's not always a bad thing either. In segment two, I talk about worrying and overwhelm about everything. Just how much do you worry? Do you feel like you can never get ahead because all the plates are spinning and you really can't find a way to stop them? You might even be getting more plates added to your act. It can be stressful and even downright terrifying… it's time to get out of the overwhelm. In segment three, I talk about the important subject of enabling. Enabling is helping a toxic person stay toxic by behaving in a way that removes their accountability. If they never feel accountable, they continue to stay toxic to themselves and you. Enabling is helping them be helpless and it's time to learn just how bad enabling is for you and your family. During the closing, I bring up the very important subject of just how long is too long to hold on to guilt. You may feel guilty for something that you did long ago but you don't have to hold on to it. In fact, maybe this episode is the release you need from so many months or years of guilt so that you can move on and start living your life again. Today's sponsor is getoutofthemess.com. Connect with quality attorneys at your beck and call at a crazy affordable rate.

Does Authenticity Make You Cringe - Getting Past Your Partner's Past - Building Rapport with People Jun 25, 2017

Show notes

When someone expresses themselves to you, do you cringe at the thought of you doing the same? Does the idea of sharing what they're sharing make you feel uncomfortable? Does it stop you from living life the way you want with authenticity and confidence? If you feel uncomfortable or shy when someone shares something vulnerable with you, that may be a sign that something could use some healing in you, if you want to explore it. It's a great way to tell just what you need to work on in yourself. Full expression can make you feel lighter and stronger at the same time, but it isn't always easy to show up that authentically. In the second segment, I read a letter from someone I call Larry. He said he can't get his girlfriend's two-night stand out of his head. It's a relationship that began and end way before they met but he still has an issue with it. There are some factors involved in thinking about your ex's past and getting jealous or angry or feeling other negative emotions. Those factors are images and thoughts that repeat themselves by staring into the rear view mirror. Where should your focus be? How can you even focus on the present moment when you can't get yourself out of a past that isn't even your own? Finally, during the closing segment, I teach some techniques on building rapport and share how building rapport isn't just something to learn and try out with others, it's also something you can watch people do to you. After all, it's better to be prepared so you can tell when someone is using the very same techniques on you (it doesn't mean they know they're doing it, but it's good to know how it can be done!) Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys answering your questions for a very low monthly rate.

Rekindling with toxic family - The long-term results of honoring yourself - Even the victim plays a role - Contact or no contact your ex Jun 18, 2017

Show notes

How do you go about rekindling with toxic and / or dysfunctional family members? Is it worth "going home" and starting up those old, dysfunctional, family get-togethers again? Is it possible to avoid the toxicity of family past? There is a way to return to a toxic environment but it's going to take some courage to be the person you want to be with the people that have always treated you the way you don't want to be treated. I talk about that in segment one. In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares what it's like honoring yourself. Joshua shares that he's been taking steps to stand up for himself and express his truths to people that he never has before. He is showing up as that authentic person he's always wanted to be and things are happening for him in a way that never have before. I also share what happens when you choose not to express yourself and instead repress what's going on in you instead. I'll give you a hint… it's depression. In segment three I talk about what your responsibility in the relationship is. Even when you're the victim of any type of abuse, as awful as that is, you are still a component in the equation of that environment and therefore have some level of responsibility. It may seem like you have no choice but often the choices you do have you simply won't consider because you fear the consequences of making that choice. The victim in an abusive or painful relationship still plays a role so when he or she takes responsibility, there's a better chance of both of you healing. It's not a "It's all your fault" system, it becomes a "I'll take responsibility and you'll take responsibility, then we can work on this together." That's a nice fantasy and sometimes that happens, but when it goes, it can actually help a relationship. Of course, if there's abuse, it may be time to just get out while there's a chance. During the closing of the show, I read a message from someone asking me if it's too soon to contact his ex. It's been a couple weeks and he just wants to call and apologize and tell her he misses their friendship. There is a way to gauge whether it's too soon or not, and it has to do with your level of attachment to the reuniting. The strong that attachment it, the likelihood that it's too soon to contact. I go over it in lots of detail in the show. Today's episode is brought to you by the gift of someone's life: StoryWorth! Visit storyworth.com/brain and use the code "brain" to get $20 off

All those years wasted with your ex - When hope works against you - Under the stream of negative emotions Jun 11, 2017

Show notes

How can you possibly forget an ex that "wasted" years of your life? How can you possibly forgive them either? In this first segment, I read a letter from someone who married a big problem, and now she is upset at him for "stealing" so many years of her life. She wants to forgive and move on but can't seem to do it. I offer a suggestion that she may not have considered on forgiveness. In segment two, what can you do if you want your ex back but they keep you at arm's length. They want to be with you, but they don't want to BE with you. It's a place of no closure and it can be full of anxiety and lots and lots of waiting with no possible end. Don't waste your life waiting - listen to this segment! During the close of the show, the subject of inner peace comes up. What's it like? Is it in you? Many people think it isn't. There's a stream of negative thoughts and emotions that can flow through you and it can seem like there's no peace, joy or happiness whatsoever. You can feel like life is not going to get any better so why bother? There is a path to peace but it involves some work. The work never ends, but the peace and comfort can appear sooner than later. Visit storyworth.com/brain for $20 off the gift of their life!

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