The One You Feed | Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience & Purpose

Latest Episodes:

Scott Barry Kaufman on Living a Transcendent Life May 12, 2020

Show notes

Scott Barry Kaufman is a cognitive scientist interested in the development of intelligence, creativity, and personality. He applies a variety of perspectives to come to a richer understanding and appreciation of all kinds of minds and ways of achieving greatness. In this episode, he and Eric discuss his book, Transcend: The New Science of Self Actualization. They discuss many ways in which we can go beyond coping and, instead, set our sights a bit higher to thrive in our day to day life, regardless of the circumstances. Scott Barry Kaufman shows us how the ordinary life is always, at its heart, the extraordinary life.

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

The wisdom and practice of self-compassion is a foundational principle that Eric teaches and helps his private clients learn to apply through the 1-on-1 Spiritual Habits Program. To learn more about this program, click here.

But wait - there's more! The episode is not quite over!! We continue the conversation and you can access this exclusive content right in your podcast player feed. Head over to our Patreon page and pledge to donate just $10 a month. It's that simple and we'll give you good stuff as a thank you!

In This Interview, Scott Barry Kaufman and I discuss Living a Transcendent Life and…

His book, Transcend: The New Science of Self Actualization
That the way you frame a question can influence how you feel
How to take the leap towards growth so that your focus is no longer on simply coping
The idea of spending our days in transcendent ways
What it means to cope
The detrimental path of Experiential Avoidance
The importance of integrating everything that’s happening right now within yourself
How to view your personal growth opportunities while others are suffering
The difference between those who are creative amidst uncertainty and those who struggle to be creative in the same conditions
Being open to embracing new experiences by letting go of the need for control
Going right to the heart of the fears that you have so that you can make peace with them
That we don’t grow all at once and in a linear way

Scott Barry Kaufman Links:

“Demons on the Boat” Video

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Skillshare is an online learning community that helps you get better on your creative journey. They have thousands of inspiring classes for creative and curious people. Get 2 FREE months of premium membership at www.skillshare.com/feed

Best Fiends: Engage your brain and play a game of puzzles with Best Fiends. Download for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play.

If you enjoyed this conversation with Scott Barry Kaufman on Living a Transcendent Life, you might also enjoy these episodes:

Mark Nepo

Linda Graham

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Sue Monk Kidd on The Longings of Our Heart May 05, 2020

Show notes

Sue Monk Kidd was raised in the small town of Sylvester, Georgia, a place that deeply influenced the writing of her first novel, The Secret Life of Bees. Her 1990 book, When the Heart Waits, has become a touchstone on contemplative spirituality. Sue serves on the Writers Council for Poets & Writers, Inc and is well known for her work in feminist theology. Her new book is a novel called, The Book of Longings.

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

For a free video in which Eric teaches you 3 perspectives you can take to help you navigate these challenging times, go to www.spiritualhabits.net

Need help with completing your goals in 2020? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

But wait – there’s more! The episode is not quite over!! We continue the conversation and you can access this exclusive content right in your podcast player feed. Head over to our Patreon page and pledge to donate just $10 a month. It’s that simple and we’ll give you good stuff as a thank you!

In This Interview, Sue Monk Kidd and I discuss Longings of our Heart and…

Her book, The Book of Longings
That what you pay attention to will either devour you or save you because we become what we pay attention to
The particular genius that dwells in every person
How she first decided that she wanted to write fiction when she was in her 40s
Asking the prayer that’s at the bottom of your heart
How being visible and being audible in the world is a choice to express the largeness that’s inside each of us
That we can nurture the largeness in another person, even if the largeness is inconvenient for us
God as an essence that lives everywhere, the being-ness in our midst
The many ways we conceptualize and thereby connect with God
Why suffering results in increased kindness in some while it hardens others
The role of vulnerability in our personal growth
When her therapist told her that the pain won’t kill you but the running from it might.
What it means to “let life be” when both beautiful and terrible things happen
Radical acceptance
How the path to healing is right through the wound
Facing our pain so our soul can metabolize it and we can move through it and move on
What it means to be a mother beyond having actual children
The middle places in life where the waiting and the work happens
Her writing process
The silence beneath her words
Her life as a prayer
How letting go is not a one-time thing
That life is like a spiral

Sue Monk Kidd Links:

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If you enjoyed this conversation with Sue Monk Kidd on the Longings of our Heart, you might also enjoy these other episodes:

Parker J. Palmer

Tara Brach

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Henry Shukman on Paths of Spiritual Awakening Apr 28, 2020

Show notes

Henry Shukman is a poet, writer, and Associate Zen Master who lives in New Mexico where he teaches at Mountain Cloud Zen Center. He has published eight books to date of fiction, poetry, and non-fiction. He writes regularly for Tricycle, The New York Times, and other publications. In this episode, Eric and Henry discuss his beautifully written book, One Blade of Grass: Finding the Old Road of the Heart, a Zen Memoir.

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

Need help with completing your goals in 2020? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Henry Shukman and I discuss Paths of Spiritual Awakening and…

His book, One Blade of Grass: Finding the Old Road of the Heart, a Zen Memoir
How to work with the 3 poisons that we all have: Greed, Ill Will, Delusion
Opening up to pain (rather than turning away from it) so that we can heal
His experience with dysthymia
The awakening experiences he has had in his life
Learning how to be with his pain and wounds in order to heal
A major myth of meditation
How he knew he was ready to work with a spiritual teacher
His realization that awakening experiences are doorways and we must then step onto the paths they open up to in order to continue our spiritual growth
The value of community in spiritual growth
The trouble with thinking you have to do things alone
Discovering for ourselves the deep experience of the ordinary moments of our lives
The wisdom of cherishing the normal and finding beauty in ordinary things
Poetry as the practice of paying very close attention to things
The different levels of love

Henry Shukman Links:

Mountaincloudzencenter.com

Facebook

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Best Fiends: Engage your brain and play a game of puzzles with Best Fiends. Download for free on the Apple App Store or Google Play.

If you enjoyed this conversation with Henry Shukman on Paths to Spiritual Awakening you might also enjoy these other episodes:

Loch Kelly

Ryan Oelke

Norman Fischer

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Special Episode: Tips for Living in Close Quarters Apr 21, 2020

Show notes

Many of us are staying at home right now because of the COVID-19 pandemic and if you live with people, chances are you have had moments of feeling irritated, frustrated, or annoyed as a result of being cooped up in close quarters together. This special episode has all-new interviews with 5 previous guests of the show, each offering you tips to help you navigate the difficult feelings and situations that come with spending so much time at home with loved ones. The guests of this special episode are Susan Piver, Lodro Rinzler, Rosalind Wiseman, Ralph De La Rosa, Rick Hanson

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

You can also access a free video in which Eric teaches you 3 perspectives you can take to help you navigate these challenging times by going to www.spiritualhabits.net

In This Episode, We discuss Tips for Living in Close Quarters and…

That we are all subject to unbidden moods in these circumstances
How to grow closer through experiencing the ups and downs together
Resisting the urge to solve the “problem” of difficult feelings
To be with each other we need to be comfortable being with ourselves
Strategies to help you avoid snapping at your loved ones
Turning towards your feelings rather than your thoughts
How we’re face to face with our own minds right now
Feeling what we feel without judgment and without a storyline
What to do when you feel highly triggered
The simple question we can ask ourselves before acting on a feeling
What to do to prepare before having a difficult conversation with someone you live with
How humor can help
Ways to cultivate a warmer heart
That listening is being prepared to be changed by what you hear
A helpful structure for family or household meetings
How we can prepare for difficult emotional experiences
Taking ownership of our own emotions
How to relate to our irritation
Remembering the people you live with are suffering, too
The phrase, “Like me, you, too, ____”
How to reduce the way we take things personally
The neuroscience of why tuning into internal bodily sensations works

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Links to Other Episodes:

Susan Piver

Lodro Rinzler

Rosalind Wiseman; ‘Rosalind’s “Tiny Habits:

Ralph De La Rosa

Rick Hanson

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Dr. Christian Conte on Radical Anger Management Apr 14, 2020

Show notes

Dr. Christian Conte is one of the country’s most accomplished mental health specialists in the field of anger and emotional management. He specializes in working in the prison system with people convicted of violent crimes. In this episode, he and Eric discuss his book, Walking Through Anger: A New Design for Confronting Conflict in an Emotionally Charged World. If this conversation about radical anger management rubs you the wrong way in the beginning, we invite you to get curious about your reaction and stay with the conversation – you may feel and think differently by the end of the episode.

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

Need help with completing your goals in 2020? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Christian Conte and I discuss Radical Anger Management and…

His book, Walking Through Anger: A New Design for Confronting Conflict in an Emotionally Charged World
Working with our own anger
The relationship between our ego and our anger
Anger management
That our expectations influence our experience of the world
Hindsight bias
How anger is a wonderful motivator
That if we loosen our grip on being right, we can humble ourselves to receive other perspectives
The metaphor of only being able to see one side of the box
Switching to a position of curiosity
That certainty is an emotion, not a cognition
Leading humility and curiosity lessens the intensity of a situation
By saying, “here’s what I’m seeing, please teach me about what you’re seeing”, you can change the energy of the conversation
How we can drain our own limbic system in the midst of feeling angry
What it means that our mind wants to match our body
Why he recommends that we go to bed angry (instead of following the old adage that says otherwise)
That when we understand something intellectually, we think we’ve mastered putting it into practice in our lives
That extreme language produces extreme emotions
How we’re not disturbed by things – we’re disturbed by our view of things
That certainty is at the heart of a lot of anger

Dr. Christian Conte Links:

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If you enjoyed this conversation with Dr. Christian Conte on Radical Anger Management, you might also enjoy these other episodes:

Special Episode: How to Work with Anger

Liz Fosslien

Hilary Jacobs Hendel

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Mini Episode: Allowing Yourself to Feel Everything and Post Traumatic Growth Apr 11, 2020

Show notes

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

In this mini episode, Eric shares helpful advice and many suggestions on how to deal with strong emotions during this global pandemic. He also offers a hopeful message about the personal growth that can come from such challenges.

Allow yourself to be where you are
Lower your expectations if you need to
Be kinder to yourself and practice self compassion (see Kristin Neff episode)
Journaling can be a helpful practice
Post traumatic growth - turning adversity into something better
Allowing ourselves to explore thoughts and feelings can help not only cope, but create meaning in our lives
7 areas of growth that can come from adversity
The importance of routine and structure in our days

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Mark Nepo on Connecting to What Matters Apr 07, 2020

Show notes

Mark Nepo is a poet, philosopher and cancer survivor who has taught in the fields of poetry, health, and spirituality for 40 years. Mark is a New York Times #1 selling author who has published numerous books and audio projects. In this episode, Eric and Mark discuss his book, The Book of Soul: 52 Paths to Living What Matters. This episode is a tonic to the suffering that we are facing right now in the midst of a pandemic. This conversation offers some of the most liberating wisdom that, when connected to, releases us from the grip of fear so that we are living from a place of presence, peace, and connecting to what matters.

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

Need help with completing your goals in 2020? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Mark Nepo and I discuss Connecting to What Matters and…

His new book, The Book of Soul: 52 Paths to Living What Matters
The value in cooperating, listening and working with things (rather than trying to bend them to our will)
That “sin”, as literally translated, is the same as “opaque” or, “not seeing”
That when we lose sight of the vastness to which we belong, succumbing to our narrow condition, we paint everything with the color of our trouble
How the surface of the ocean is what’s choppy and as we go down below the surface, we connect with the depth that is less tumultuous
“Rightsizing” our perspective on troubles by putting them in a larger perspective of vastness and wholeness
How to move at the pace of what is real: synchronizing the moving pace of mind, heart, and body
That the power of reading out loud is like the difference between reading sheet music and hearing it in our heads vs. actually playing the music
That we meditate not to be great meditators, but to be clear vessels
How we’ve become “addicted to the noise of things falling apart”
That things are always simultaneously falling apart and coming together
We are challenged to honor what we’re going through while at the same time remembering that what we’re going through doesn’t define us
Asking “What is actually happening?” so we might identify right action
Waiting for the cloud of fear to pass so that you can decipher what is actually dangerous
How in the modern world we have catastrophized our relationship to the unknown
That the unknown can produce love and beauty just as it can produce difficulty and hardships
The truth that there is no “there”, there’s only “here”
That often, when you can’t leave a difficult situation, you realize that everything you need is right here
The menacing assumption that life is somewhere other than where we are
That out of fear, we make a god of survival. But without thriving, what’s the point?

Mark Nepo Links:

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If you enjoyed this conversation with Mark Nepo on Connecting to What Matters,you might also enjoy these other episodes:

Mark Nepo (2016 Interview)

Lama Surya Das

Sharon Salzberg

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Adreanna Limbach on Befriending our Difficult Feelings Mar 31, 2020

Show notes

Adreanna Limbach is a head-teacher at MNDFL Meditation Studios in New York City. Adreanna’s work has been featured in the New York Times, Women’s Health, Refinery 29, and Yoga Journal. Her new book is, Tea and Cake with Demons: A Buddhist Guide to Feeling Worthy. In this episode, Adreanna and Eric talk about how to be more skillful in the ways in which we relate to our “demons” – in other words, how we can go about befriending difficult feelings.

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

Need help with completing your goals in 2020? The One You Feed Transformation Program can help you accomplish your goals this year.

In This Interview, Adreanna Limbach and I discuss Befriending our Difficult Feelings and…

Her book, Tea and Cake with Demons: A Buddhist Guide to Feeling Worthy
How difficult it was for her to write her book
How hard it is to create anything
The value of tenacity
The story her book is based on
How our demons, or difficult feelings, can be very personal but they all look a lot alike
The unskillful ways that we deal with our difficult feelings
Asking our demons “what do you have to teach me?”
How questions open things while answers shut them down
Identifying your “exit” when you’re feeling uncomfortable in your own skin
The 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism

Adreanna Limbach Links:

adreannalimbach.com

Facebook

Instagram

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Special Episode: How to Work with Anger Mar 27, 2020

Show notes

So many of us are feeling angry for a myriad of reasons amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. To help us better understand and work with our anger, Eric reached out to several previous guests of the show to ask them if they would be willing to talk with him for a special edition of The One You Feed Podcast about anger. They all generously agreed at a moment’s notice and this episode featuring 4 “mini-interviews” is the result. These are all new conversations with previous guests, Rick Hanson, Hilary Jacobs Hendel, Ruth King, and David Richo.

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

In This Episode, We discuss How to Work with Anger and…

That anger is a natural and normal response
Utilizing anger rather than letting anger utilize us
How anger can feel good in the moment but it corrodes over time
Finding peace when confronted with the truth of uncertainty
Mindfully noticing and naming our anger
Anger being triggered by perceived danger and it readies us for a fight
The danger of blocking our anger
That we feel anger as energy that wants to get out
Using fantasy to release the energy of anger
When calm, making a list of “state-changers” for yourself
Noticing our coping strategies in the face of things we can’t control
The critical choice of what to do with the energy of anger
Being informed by our anger instead of reacting out of it
Channeling the energy in constructive ways rather than damaging ways
Getting curious about what the anger is trying to tell us – rather than focusing on what it’s saying about other people
Getting fiercely clear about rather than ablaze in the fire of our anger
When we’re in the anger, we lose touch with how it’s impacting our bodies
Setting the intention of doing no harm
That fear is often underneath anger
Not acting out of anger because it can be abusive

Links to Other Episodes:

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Special Episode: Crisis Strategies for Mental and Emotional Health Mar 24, 2020

Show notes

You can find all of the most up to date crisis help & support resources that Eric is making available through The One You Feed by going to www.oneyoufeed.net/help

As the COVID-19 pandemic intensified earlier this week, Eric reached out to several previous guests of the show to ask them if they would be willing to talk with him for two special edition episodes of The One You Feed Podcast. They all generously agreed at a moment’s notice and this episode is the second of those two episodes. These mini-interviews are with 6 leaders in the realms of mental health and spirituality. Eric talks with each of them about how to deal with difficult thoughts and offers practical strategies for emotional health during these challenging times. These are all new conversations with previous guests, Parker Palmer, Mirabai Starr, Lewis Howes, Steven C. Hayes, Scott Stabile, and Sharon Salzberg.

In This Special Episode, We discuss Strategies for Emotional Health and…

Turning our attention to those who are vulnerable and need our help
The connection between anxiety and uncertainty
Accepting the truth that there are many things we cannot control
Being attentive to what we can control
How reflecting on and learning from suffering can be therapeutic
That dissolution is a good thing: You’ve lost an illusion and you’re that much closer to reality
How to abide in a space of not knowing
The paradox of actively helping the situation by doing less, staying put and slowing down
Reorienting to what we really need vs. our tendencies towards overconsumption
How to be mindful and Feed Our Good Wolf during a time of crisis
That constantly seeing crisis media alerts is like seeing a car crash every 2 minutes – we benefit from placing boundaries on how often we consume media coverage
Creating meaning amidst suffering
How psychological flexibility can help us move through difficulty
How to move through a crisis so that you come out of it with post-traumatic growth
Ways to work with your anger towards others during this crisis
Ways to work with your fear about this crisis
The helpful pillars of self-care that can really support us in crisis
Looking for ourself in others to bring empathy
What it means to connect to our hearts and souls
The importance of giving yourself grace and forgiveness during a crisis
How loving-kindness meditation can help us
How staying home can mimic the effects of a reflective retreat
A guided meditation from Sharon Salzberg

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Laurel Springs: An accredited online private school for students K-12. Personalize the learning program and learning schedule for your unique child with Laurel Springs' diverse and enriched curriculum. Register your child at www.laurelsprings.com/wolf and receive a waived registration fee.

Links to Other Episodes:

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