The Mortal Path

79) Punts and Problems Aug 25, 2021

What? An episode the day it's meant to drop? Vilten must be in retrograde and Gudal in its ninth house of the evening! Join our fearsome three as the mind, soul, but not body melded duo of Nat and Taro take things to a truly existential level and decide to kick it, while Nerium finally gets out of bed and starts doing stuff again. But punts in the dark have strange consequences...

See also: What the fuck happened to your voice, don't take it all in, a pyramid scheme of voring, thrrrrobbing, it's all Jackal, and I didn't know Firbolgs could explode like that.

CW/TW: audio distortion, mashing up of names briefly results in one accidentally sounding close to 'pedophile', dick jokes, semi-reanimation / animated dead references, gore references, corpse and death references, mentions of the impact of death and the aftermath.]

78) Pest Control Aug 11, 2021

An episode is never late, dear listener, nor is it early. It arrives precisely when it means to, which just happens to be tonight! If you remember what the hell's been going on, give yourself a pat on the back and a middling sized reward of your choice. In this episode, Nerium continues to sleep and weep in the face of her horrors, and Nat and Taro set about changing the very course of time, fate, and history...

See also: Stream of consciousness, Google Allergies, sand, if you come home with a pet Jackal..., High Density Unrefined Magic, and you fucked up a perfectly good Jackal!

[TW/CW: Body sharing, animalistic cannibalism concept, discussion of genetic modification]

77) Fast and Furious Jun 16, 2021

Here we are! We're back after a little break and ready to cause some serious trouble in the world of Alfallen! With a terrifying, invisible, interdimensional creature now tearing up the ghostly realm of the Sanitorium, it's up to Taro and Nat (Nerium's taking a gosh dang NAP) to sort out this mess. But the Jackal is a slippery eel thing indeed and tries every trick to escape our hapless heroes. But when it goes beyond the veil, it's going to take some innovative thinking to track it further...

See also: A lot of people have watched Narrrruto, that's fucked up man, I've not dropped that in several years, no not by the horns!, the jetpack, people always wanna talk about the horns, and I'm not sure I trust him.

TW/CW: Graphic murder, gore, body horror, eldritch / cosmic horror, eye talk, body sharing / possession.

76) Pestilence May 12, 2021

Yubi might be good at spinning a yarn, but they're not so good at time keeping! Never fear, our episode is here, and it's a wild one! Taro and Natalia battle with the results of Nerium's spell gone wrong, and Nerium does the only sensible thing: go to bed. But with a jackal running wild in the Sanitorium, can Nat and Taro keep the peace in Hopewell...?

See also: Fuckths'd, do a magic!, it's primal, DRAIN ME!, respect the hat pin, I rub the mud over my face, you introduced invasive species, and that was actually quite helpful.

[CW / TW: Violence, mild peril, monsters, bodily functions, depressive episode / anxiety spiral, invasive species / pest talk, mould / fungus spores talk, possession, injury.]

There's also no middle bit this week, so a huge thank you to Rachel Graff for our theme song and some other show music! You can check out her website at www.rachelgraff.com

75) From The Depths Apr 21, 2021

We're back! We're here! We (Yubi) got SUPER BUSY and did not upload this episode in a timely manner, but here we are! Once more we delve into the trials and tribulations of Natalia, Taro, and Nerium as they cut away at the mysteries surrounding the violet drop, Rupert, and what the heck is going on around here. Nerium isn't feeling herself, Taro's conversing with knives, and Natalia's discovered the world is maybe dying...

See also: That's me now, I hate that I know what you referenced, Dogbum, is your dagger bigger or..., Lich please, and you're not gonna believe this, this is not a bit.

[TW/CW: Mentions of supernatural monsters, forced transformation, drug use innuendo, mild peril.]

74) Feast Mar 17, 2021

Here we go again! Taro and Nerium leave the prison with a spring in their step, only to find Rupert may have done a little more damage than previously anticipated. Attempts to talk only bring up more questions than they answer, and Nat searches for answers of her own out by the caves. But a series of unfortunate rolls and a slightly more awakened knife lead to a bit of a pickle at the end of the day...

See also: What does THAT mean Rupert?, Gary shut the HELL up, a lateral jiggle, kanye pepper, Mr Mungus, Frackin' Nat, and Rupert's a bit jumpy.

[TW/CW: Illness and injury, death, ethics of animal consumption.]

73) Next Steps Mar 03, 2021

We're here once more, offering you nowt but an 'umble episode to delight your senses with. Our intrepid trio are starting to finish up their current business in Hopewell and look to new horizons in order to finish old business. With the guards hot on the heels of the mysterious, potentially dangerous magic user, things are getting a little spicy in the lower lanes. Nat decides some practice might be in order, and Nerium and Taro visit Pelleth to discuss how to solve her problem...

See also: They can't sue me, I'll be held, you've been round the cat, wish I were pregnant, that got my uncle, it's not jumping, and the good kush.

[TW/CW: Police raids, pee talk, talk of past murders, jail visits, arson, mention of illness and supernatural creatures.]

72) Magic and Mishaps Feb 17, 2021

Hello! We're back with a brand new episode of merriment, magic, and mishaps! Nerium finishes her plan to dispose of the necklace with unusual panache, but when her powers surge she ends up in a slightly different state to how she started. Nat and Taro accompany her to the house of Dalynda to learn more about her missing sister, and some more magics sets off a perilous situation...

See also: Corolorolory, size of the utensils, oh words!, number juicy, a graveyard smash, maybe you're right about magic, and Elden John.

[TW/CW: medication mention, bodily emissions and poor hygiene mention, mild peril, mention of people turning into small dead animals.]

7) Books and Bodies [Legacy of Heroism] Jan 27, 2021

This week we're back with another episode of our Quest playthrough, where our wonderful Gary GMs us through Tenbren. Groundswell, Agnes, and Iago head to the eternal labrys for more info re: scary swords, and Agnes makes a new friend...

See also: I've never squirmed in my life, ooOOoooOo, ass of Jesus, does it indeeeeed?, from there it's just learning all the words, and you little shit!

[CW / TW: Ghosts, dead body mention.]

71) Remade Plans Jan 13, 2021

New year, old us! The Good Choices gang is back again to complete tasks in a timely and sensible manner with absolutely no fucksy-wupsies at all! Not a one! Nat bargains her way from between a rock and a hard place and sees a glimpse of an old enemy while Taro reframes his success regarding the Tundraskan relic he's definitely correctly stolen. Kitty wasn't recording for a chunk of the episode, but she joins us with a cunning, well thought-out, sensible plan to deal with their problems...

See also: Actually where exactly--, a bitless door, just like Ocean's 12, bone whistlers, I'll just press record now, a big herring paella, and Naruto Baggins.

[CW / TW: Trapped in some rock, claustrophobia, people disintegrating into dead animals, catacombs, and organised religion.]

All EDited Out Vol VII Dec 31, 2020

Well, 2020 sure happened, didn't it? And it just kept on happening. And will keep on happening into a bit of 2021. I can't believe orbital cycles don't adhere to narrative arcs! But never fear, for we are here to kick out the old year and cheer in the new with a hearty bundle of bloopers, gags, jokes, weird noises, and scraps on the proverbial cutting room floor.

Enjoy, and thank you all for another year by our sides! We are so, so grateful for your support and love.

Bring on 2021!

70) Failed Successfully Dec 30, 2020

Can you believe it, we're here and on time? Incredible. Such raw power. Join us as our favourite three continue to wreak gentle havoc across Hopewell, delving deeper into their magics with... mixed results. Taro definitely remembers all of the parameters of the necklace job, Nat definitely knows how to get herself out of the pickle she's in, and Nerium definitely knows how to save Pelleth without giving away too much about herself...

See also: What's happening?, do you have the medal, some crepes, Mikasa, there was a decoy?!, and external stimulus.

[TW / CW: Getting trapped in rock, claustrophobia of the Junji Ito 'That's my hole' variety, mention of truth spells.]

[We also have no middle bit this episode! As always a huge thank you to Rachel Graff for our theme song and other musics, to Orion and his transcribers for their amazing work, and to DNDice and The Secret Cat Shop for their support! Don't forget to grab their codes from one of our eps with middle bits for some amazing discounts!]

69) Favours Dec 16, 2020

It's the most blessed day of the fortnight, new episode day! And what a nice day it is for a nice episode with absolutely no expectations, in which we are all perfectly behaved and nary a raunchy quip passes our lips. Like usual. Join our terrible three as they split up across the city of Hopewell to finish up some favours and call in some of their own. Nat heads back to Hafez to strike a few deals, Nerium delves back into the upper circle to the House of Morgaine, and Taro has a date with the opera...

See also: Remembering things, Clean Mind, plumage, the Ralphus Morgaine route, moon's wet, Gary you lowered the tone, and take me to the opera.

[CW / TW: Sexual innuendo, ponzi schemes / MLM mention, cursed magic items.]

68) Admissions and Admonishments Dec 02, 2020

We're a week late due to Yubi having some pretty tough deadlines, but we're here now and we present you an episode stuffed full of mishaps, mayhem, and many, many laughs. After a successful mind-knife surgery, Nerium and Taro decide to catch a snooze, but Nat has other ideas. Despite best efforts things start to go wrong when lies are told, secrets and spilled, and certain persons are caught in compromising situations...

See also: We're not the same person, Wooz, why did I say that?!, everything is going wrong, the thing is..., heh heh, and go feed the ducks.

(Content / Trigger warnings: Being caught, mild threats, innuendo.)

67) Problem Solving Nov 11, 2020

We're here! We're a week late! Yubi got ill (again)! But they're back, they're better, they're weirder than ever as we dive into this week's episode. Our dearest darling Findex has gotten himself into a sticky situation, and a bit of sleuthing reveals what they left in the Fallen City might not have been left completely behind. Taro, Nat, and Nerium must work together to help out their friend, and definitely not accidentally harm him with their actions...

See also: The last remaining media, the prooze, a hot night, you can't say 'semen demon' on this podcast, the wizard from the coast, with your miND?, and why do we keep doing surgery.

[CW / TW: Body horror with magic, magic as a mutating and invisible thing, innuendo, magical surgery]

66) Souls and Knives Oct 21, 2020

We're here, we're back, and we're ready to cross new dimensions and ask all sorts of spooky questions! With the rescue mission complete, Taro, Nat, and Nerium are left to pick up the pieces of their evening. With a captive to interrogate, a god to question, and a hungry knife which seems to be needed, our three resident weirdos are left to create some new sense of normality. But they're not the only ones having magical mishaps...

See also: Good news and bad news, Taro can't pull out, what are you rolling?, imagine something you can't imagine, Jesus, and it's stuck.

[TW / CW: house fire, surgery and amputation talk, interrogation, body horror mention, corpses turning into rats.]

[The Kandinsky Plane.]

[Check out our two amazing affiliates (and listen to our middle bit for the special discount codes): https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/, https://dndice.co.uk/, and check out our fantastic Rachel Graff and pick up some Mortal Path music! https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/ ]

6) Legacies [Legacy of Heroism] Oct 07, 2020

We're back in Tenbren with Agnes, Groundswell, and Iago as we momentarily forget the troubles and woes of this town in order to play a carnival game! It's definitely a carnival game! It's not some sort of recruitment drive! Oops!

See also: What if a Tiefling... but better, massive bajongos, one Gary tall, how is the shaft, fuck off, and elf.ao3.org.

[TW / CW: Dick talk. So much penis and dick talk.]

65) Rescues and Realisations Sep 30, 2020

We're back after our dive into Qillion with more wild shenanigans from our terrible trio. Our rescue mission is ongoing, and danger lurks on every layer of existence. Friends become foes, foes become friends, and Nat, Nerium, and Taro test out some new skills and powers in the dark woods around Hopewell...

See also: flying lady with a flaming sword from behind, I can't believe I'm bait, I think I have a type, a graveyard smash, and you gooped me.

[CW / TW: Show typical violence, death by fire, wills, burning buildings.]

This episode doesn't have a middle bit. A huge thank you to Rachel Graff for her fantastic music (https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/), to Orion and the Transcribers for their amazing work (https://themortalpath.com/transcripts/), and to all of you for listening!

2) Myth and Legend [What Is Here?] Sep 16, 2020

Here we have it, friends! The second and final part of our What Is Here? game! Come and join us as we dive back into the lives of the sea-elves on Qillion, and whatever strange forces are at work. Trees turn weird, something comes across a bridge, and we make connections like never before...

See also: I got it weeb, a literal seal?!, I remember the witches... hrk!, or even Yubi, oh I'm sorry everyone, a clamity, and the silence of the clams.

[CW / TW: Sudden disappearances, body / tree horror.]

1) Myth and Legend [What Is Here?] Sep 09, 2020

This week we bring you a very special first episode of a two-part special where we play Yubi's game 'What Is Here?' and definitely don't make it really weird like we usually do. Definitely not.

Join us as we shift through time and space to Qillion, original home of the Fallen City and Tan Karill, and dive back into the choppy waters of our elven friends on their watery world, asking the age old question: what is here...?

See also: Who said that!?, who has the most blood?, Birmingham, I'm all about clams, Kitty I need you to try, that's very sad, and witches.

[CW: Sexual innuendo, minor injury in deep water, minor injury to a child, alluded death of a child, natural disasters (tsunami), amputation, alluded witch burnings.]

64) Complications Sep 02, 2020

Things just keep happening as our fateful three plunge deeper into the night and also plunge blades into those who really did think they had their shit together until Nat, Taro, and Nerium showed up to wreck their whole lives - and deaths. With Nerium at the mercy of the mercenaries (or the mercenaries at her mercy, perhaps...), Taro stuck in spirit-vision, and Nat kicking ass and taking no names, our "heroes" continue to dig into this mysterious group while trying to rescue their friend...

See also: Since when?!, puppy, is this a soul?, Taro's good out there, nyaa, you're probably dead, say hewwo to my little friend, and oh I get it!

[TW / CW: Threats, character restrained, stabbing, show typical violence and gore, death from a fall, ghosts]

5) A Question of Questions [Legacy of Heroism] Aug 26, 2020

We return once more to Tenbren, eager to unravel the mysteries of the blade causing havoc and distress to the poor people of the Jackal-infested city. Secrets are shared, plans are made, kwepes are had, and Iago, Groundswell, and Agnes have questions aplenty...

See also: Gripping shafts, boning, I'm not allowed cellulitis, that's the agony noise, a defensive slumber, and Wood Turner.

[CW / TW: Sexual innuendo, fantasy illness, leeches and maggots in medicine talk, illness and infection, amputation.]

63) Stolen Aug 19, 2020

Back into danger and action we plunge, dear friends! Our terrible trio continue their night of crimes as a bad situation escalates from aaaa to AAAAAAA. We put our new system to the test as shit kicks off, and when one of the party members is suddenly grabbed and magically yeeted into the hands of Avriel's companions, Nat, Taro, and Nerium are in a desperate race against time and up against some deadly, and pissed off, foes...

See also: Came in chuffed, shove me off, your swole is actively terrible!, I keep rolling things I'm bad at, are you for real?, and Nerium's awful goop.

[TW & CW: Show-typical violence and gore [including: dead body, interrogation, mild choking, decapitation, eye injury, stabbings], kidnapping.]

[If you'd like to add content warnings you'd like us to include should they come up, you can anonymously submit them here: https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/DP7H96F]

62) Loose Ends Aug 05, 2020

Join our merry band of morally dubious 'heroes' as we once more strike at the heart of Hopewell, making more enemies than friends and getting ourselves into a right pickle. We've thrown 5e aside and taken up arms with our own system, and Nat, Nerium, and Taro push it to the limit as they ask difficult questions in secretive places...

See also: The crime corner, Yubi starts a clock, bad BDSM, wooden bricks, his personal situation, roll me a nat 20, and like a piñata.

[CW: Show-typical violence, sexual themes [bondage], and gore.]

[Check out our two amazing affiliates (and listen to our middle bit for the special discount codes): https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/, https://dndice.co.uk/, and check out our fantastic Rachel Graff and pick up some Mortal Path music! https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/ ]

61) Visitations Jul 22, 2020

Once more we leap onto the streets of Hopewell, our merry trio here to cause trouble and smooth ruffled feathers. Join us as Nerium faces off against an old frenemy - twice? - and Taro gets down to some soul weaving business in the back alleys. Nat heads to her favourite haunts for more information on the mysterious Flame card held in evidence storage, and someone they've been looking for makes an opportunistic appearance...

See also: Getting Pelleth off, one does not simply..., ed's turn, wow this is awful, just like wetting yourself, and it's not arson.

[CW: dead animal]

[Check out our two amazing affiliates (and listen to our middle bit for the special discount codes): https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/, https://dndice.co.uk/, and check out our fantastic Rachel Graff and pick up some Mortal Path music! https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/ ]

4) Curses and Forgiveness [Legacy of Heroism] Jul 15, 2020

Join us once more as we delve back into Tenbren and the troubles terrifying the city. Beneath the sands in the endless tunnels of the Running, our odd trio face Scattanatto and his cohorts, but a mix of magic and swordplay stop the situation from getting too out of hand. Agnes, Iago, and Groundswell find themselves with more questions than answers...

See also: Imhotep kissy-wissy, beginning the violence, it's a sex thing?, maximum crime points, you've not done anything sexy yet!, and just like Evanescence.

[CW / TW: Body horror, gore, snakes, spitting/saliva, corpse manipulation - Akin to body horror but puppeting a dead body basically]

60) Soul Weave Jul 08, 2020

Welcome once more to Hopewell as we delve deeper into the mysterious murder of Lady Belva, may her soul rest in peace in her tomb and--... who the hell is that!? Join Taro, Nat, and Nerium as they cross the great divide and walk beyond their mortal paths into new powers, new worlds, and new secrets. But those in the living world are equally to be feared...

See also: The Belva Bone Hut, I've warmed him up, MY BOY, can I just do some ghost shit, oroborus, lower gang signs, and I wouldn't be caught dead in THAT grave.

[TW / CW: Body horror, gore, death, ghosts, murder, alcoholism, drowning, burns.]

[This weeks episode also doesn't have our normal middle bit! A huge thank you to Rachel Graff for her fantastic music (https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/), to Orion and the Transcribers for their amazing work (https://themortalpath.com/transcripts/), and to all of you for listening!]

3) Queries [Legacy of Heroism] Jul 01, 2020

We're back in Tenbren with our third episode of the Legacy of Heroism! Join Iago, Groundswell, and Agnes as they delve deeper into the mysteries of Myrtle's strange behaviour, and visit places we really should know better than we do. But violence seems always just ahead of us, and something devious is afoot...

See also: Wagoo, Hesken Vole, behind the dean, oily cats, gangsters, not in the cat café!, I toed the line so let it be, and Zappy Goes Awoooo.

[CW / TW: Body Horror, Murder, snakes.]

59) Connections Jun 25, 2020

Hello hello! We're a day late (sorry) but we're here at last, late but resplendent in our tomfoolery! Join us once again as Nat, Taro, and Nerium take matters into their own hands and make some questionable moral decisions in the process. While some find rest, Taro meets a Big Boss and talks business, but the mysterious murder of Lady Belva still needs solving, and with a ghost-whisperer on the crew, the Mausoleum's the next place to go... [Please be warned this episode starts with some intimidation from people pretending to be guards].

See also: Hard off, gotta find my briefcase, your little ghost boy, animorph hell, a sacred meal, mausoleum houses, and sarcophaguses.

[TW / CW: Police brutality/general intimidation or violence on the part of authority figures, ghosts, death.]

[This weeks episode doesn't have our normal middle bit! A huge thank you to Rachel Graff for her fantastic music (https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/), to Orion and the Transcribers for their amazing work (https://themortalpath.com/transcripts/), and to all of you for listening!]

2) What's Eating You? [Legacy of Heroism] Jun 17, 2020

We're back with episode 2 of our Quest game, the Legacy of Heroism! Join Agnes, Groundswell, and Iago as they delve into the secrets of Tenbren, and what's taking a bite out of the jackals. With strange things happening to friend and foe alike, the mysteries only deepen...

See also: Up in my grill, roll a live, nibble marks, do the commotion with me, you two made such edgy characters, and Moss Eisley.

1) New Faces in Old Places [Legacy of Heroism] Jun 03, 2020

Welcome one and all to the very first episode of our Legacy of Heroism arc! We use the Quest system (https://www.adventure.game/) to revisit the exciting city of Tenbren. With brand new music by the fantastic Rachel Graff (available on her bandcamp: https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/album/the-legacy-of-heroism) to delight your senses, allow Gary to whisk you back to other worlds, guiding Yubi, ed, and Kitty through danger and mystery as we delve into what it means to be a hero...

See also: A mixed result, I know how to say that word, it's not a Naruto, could people get their fucking anime references right?, and my flaw is Megalovania.

The Mortal Path supports the Black Lives Matter movement. We believe that police brutality and the institutionalised racism present in the policing systems in both the USA and the UK must change, and that justice must be sought. We heartily encourage you to check out the following link for ways in which you can donate, sign petitions, support for free, and uplift black organisations: https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

58) The Giant Woman Falls May 27, 2020

Welcome one and all to the latest episode of our jolly adventures! Join us as we once more cause a ruckus and find ourselves facing threats of all kinds. The fight rages on as Nat and Nerium face the guards, Taro maybe went to hell with Halloumi Mint for a hot minute, and it seems like someone might have ratted out our trio...

See also: A little throwback, piss indeed, no I'm good bro, oh no ed, I think we went to hell, S/O to Jezza, Big Jeremennie, and the Meat Puppeteer.

[Check out our two amazing affiliates (and listen to our middle bit for the special discount codes): https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/, https://dndice.co.uk/, and check out our fantastic Rachel Graff and pick up some Mortal Path music! https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/ ]

[Trailer] The Legacy of Heroism May 20, 2020

Greetings, friends. Join us round the fire. Huddle in closer and listen to Yosen, and the tale of Tenbren...

[The Legacy of Heroism begins on 3rd of June 2020 as our next side arc to accompany the main campaign, and uses the Quest system. More info to follow in the first released episode.]

57) Trouble May 13, 2020

We're back at it again at the Squeaky Cheese, friends! Our three heroes face a new danger due to some inter-party snooping, and their meeting with the esteemed Neutral Jing is cut short by the tolling of a bell. Trouble comes knocking, and Natalia, Nerium, and Taro find themselves in a spot of bother...

See also: Blady Blebla, lunch o' clock, cross the i and dot the t, if things go to pooty-poot, my giant wife is here, squeak squeak motherfucker, and what are you?

[Check out our patreon for exclusive content: https://www.patreon.com/themortalpath and don't forget to head over to Rachel Graff's amazing work: https://rachelgraff.com/ ]

56) Curiosity Apr 29, 2020

Once more we leap into the fray of our newest episode! Join our friends Taro (well, not really Taro...), Natalia, and Nerium as they speak with Neutral Jing, head-hunter extraordinaire with a surprising connection to one of the Blood Chuggers. We talk devious plots and eerie mysteries, and when Nerium digs a little too deep, she uncovers a secret which could mean the end of everything...

See also: I would never make fun of your voices, put your headphones back on, your water rate's gone up, mind sync, I need to read the rules, and WHAAAAAAT??????

[Check out our two amazing affiliates (and listen to our middle bit for the special discount codes): https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/, https://dndice.co.uk/, and check out our fantastic Rachel Graff and pick up some Mortal Path music! https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/ ]

55) Lace and Lessons Apr 15, 2020

Welcome one and all to the latest episode in our merry, marvellous tale! Join us as our three heroes, armed to the teeth with plunder beyond their wildest dreams, begin to work out how in the hell they're going to shift this stuff. Deals are made, lace is traded, and lessons are learned. But with their promise to Philomira Brooke and Pelleth, Nat, Nerium, and Taro decide to head to the Squeaking Cheese to meet with the mysterious Neutral Jing...

See also: Least favourite word, the worst intro we've ever done, you're in a cave, Bunch O' Buttons, pant-trees, and how much is that swordy.

54) Beneath the Bones Apr 01, 2020

[CONTENT WARNING: Description of a body from 14:15 to 18:30, in line with previous content on show.]

Welcome back on this merry Wednesday! What better to chase away those mid-week blues than an episode of merry japes, mispronunciations, and thrilling twists! Join Natalia, Taro, and Nerium as they continue to explore the mysterious smuggler's cave, and come across several new and very intriguing pieces of information...

See also: Who's Gary?, smoke and what?, you seem to know too much about this, if you had one message, known gnomes, and we quit Steam.

[Don't forget to check out Rachel Graff's bandcamp at: https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/

And use our code MORTALDICE for 10% off at https://dndice.co.uk/ ]

53) Treasure Mar 19, 2020

We're here! We're back! We're a day late because whoops! But don't worry, we have a slightly-longer-than-normal episode with which we hope to appease you! Join our merry trio as we get stuck into some serious shenanigans! Taro and Nerium scheme and bond on their way to Nat's location, hidden away in the Singing Skull's smuggling caves on the outskirts of Cindarion. But don't worry, she's definitely cleared all the traps, and now there's only treasure beyond the Blood Chugger's wildest dreams to claim! Right...?

See also: Sea Walter, not a morning person, I'm showing vulnerability, slow traps, mould earth, a hoard of anime, and book crime.

(Don't forget to check out https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/ and use the code TheMortalPath10 for 10% off, and come join us on our discord: https://discord.gg/atQDxaq ! We also want to recommend checking out Rachel Graff's bandcamp https://rachelgraffcomposer.bandcamp.com/ as on 20/03/2020, bandcamp is giving 100% of proceeds of sales to the composers! All the music she's written for The Mortal Path is available there, so check it out and grab some sweet tunes!)

52) Reflections Mar 04, 2020

The year marches ever on and here we are again, humbly presenting you with a finely crafted hour of entertainment and Quality Content. Join us as our three "heroes" navigate what it means to be a team, confronting old fears and beliefs, as well as reflecting on the bonds and friendships strengthening them, and confronting some unpleasant memories from the past. Oh, and Nat does some sick stunts...

See also: I'm very careful with the cloak, don't worry about it Yubes, 13 Cantrip Nat, intell-ajacent, fuck D&D, and wait - you're getting dice rolls?

51) Old Flames, New Sparks Feb 19, 2020

There's something in the air tonight, friends. Maybe it's because we recorded this on Valentine's day, or maybe we're just using that as an excuse, but either way this episode is full of thrills, chills, and anticipation a-plenty! With the whole of Hopewell's Upper Circle on high alert for a mysterious magic user with a 15ft vertical leap, Natalia lays low (badum tsh) while Nerium and Taro meet old friends and make new acquaintances...

See also: Long bones, you have two stats, Jason Gerudo, this is character development! Finally!, WINK WONK, tasteful cream, and oh it's a scam!

50) High Society Hi-jinks Feb 05, 2020

Here we go again! Our friends in Hopewell are mingling with all the right people and sneaking, lying, and scheming their way through high society. They may have gotten past the gates, but the Upper Circle of Hopewell doesn't offer many places to hide. Nerium, Natalia, and Taro are put to the test and must use their skills and quick thinking to avoid everything going wrong before they've barely even started...

See also: Vape With Dead, Oi come from, that's so good on radio, did you see the handwriting?, oh we cou--... No!, and jump.

[Check out and enter our fan-work competition and win a gorgeous set of dice from our new Affiliate http://www.thesecretcatshop.co.uk as well as a specially recorded congratulatory message from a character of your choice in the show! Rules can be found here: https://themortalpath.com/2020/01/09/2020-fan-media-competition-rules/ and make sure to listen to our middle bit for a special discount code for The Secret Cat Shop!]

49) Behind Bars Jan 22, 2020

Friends, if you thought last episode was a horny mess, you ain't seen nothing yet. Join our favourite disasters as they visit the sweetest NPC on the planet in jail, gathering clues and information left, right, and centre. With new leads to follow and tickets (literal tickets) into the Upper Circles of Hopewell, Natalia, Taro, and Nerium must keep their wits about them if they're going to pull off a jail-break and a heist all at once...

See also: I'm just thinking about Avatar, I'm gonna Google that, Quattro Vagina, OH THAT WAS FINDEX, look 'em right in the eye when they come, and an unfortunate tinkle.

(Join our fan-media competition: https://themortalpath.com/2020/01/09/2020-fan-media-competition-rules/ )

(Join our discord: https://discord.gg/e5h5WkM )

48) Plots and Plans Jan 08, 2020

Near Year, New Us! This episode contains none of the following: puns, horny jokes, and references no one gets. This is a serious show for serious people playing serious D&D, now. This is what you wanted, right? Right?

Nah. We neither. Join Taro, Nat, and Nerium as they get up to their usual shenanigans. They may have been away from Alfallen for almost a quarter of a century, but the world's kept spinning, and there are answers to seek, jobs to do, and people in prison to visit...

See also: knees and toes knees and toes, when you say 'north', sleight of hand, a switch job, BMX Bandit, and it's new wave art.

[Please be aware although we reference a joke/skit containing Robert Webb, we absolutely condemn his transphobic beliefs and do not support him in any way.]

For the rules of our Fan-Media competition, please check out: www.themortalpath.com

And don't forget to check out our new affiliate The Secret Cat Shop (https://thesecretcatshop.co.uk/) and make sure to listen to our middle bit for a special discount code!

All EDited Out Vol VI Dec 25, 2019

Ho ho ho! 'Tis the season to be jolly, and we're here to ruin it with another special session of outtakes, bloopers, and general what-the-fuckery. Featuring special guests Beetle and our sadly departed Likki, this is sure to leave you laughing but confused. How we even have enough content for an actual episode of the show is beyond me, but Yubi's caskets of audio mishaps are overflowing and what better way to share the burden of what it's like trying to record the show than this...

(We'll be back with the next actual real episode on Jan 8th!)

47) Missed Connections Dec 11, 2019

Season 3 is in full swing as our merry trio settle themselves in The Laughing Cat. Nerium still has pieces of her old life to pick up, as well as more messages from Melvyn detailing all he's done to find her. Taro and Nat head out into Hopewell and to the library, determined to start to unravel the mysteries they've been unceremoniously dropped into, and Findex is put on the spot to prove his worth. But during an evening of good drink and food, their night is disrupted and soured by an old 'acquaintance' of Nerium...

See also: That sounds weirdly familiar, Jary Jems, which is the most true?, I intimidate the book, and dump-dump-dump-dump-dump.

46) To Hopewell Nov 27, 2019

Welcome one and welcome all to the very first episode of season 3! Wahoo! Wahey! It's a party and you're all invited! Join our three "heroes" with our favourite anxious lizardman as we crash back onto Alfallen. We're stronger, we're smarter, and we're infinitely more fed up with Gods, magic, and it all not being as it should. They may be back, but it seems everything has changed drastically in the meantime...

See also: Our gamer tags, grime-ing, I will fucking punch you Gary, a low corn campaign, this is Taako, and I hope he's paying you well.

Season 2 Recap Nov 25, 2019

As we gear up for Season 3 of our main campaign, take a moment to remind yourself of what's gone on in Tenbren!

Of course many delectable and delightful moments have been omitted or forgotten by yours truly, but if you need a quick reminder of What The Heck Even Happened, this one's for you.

1) Gobblin' Grub: Hopewell Edition Nov 15, 2019

Join us as we storm the innocent streets of Hopewell, terrifying and thrilling the inhabitants with our cunning business skills and invigorating Goblin-ness. Three new heroes, three new foes go toe to toe as we face the showdown of the century. Food, sanitation, and more puns than you can shake a breadstick at lurk in this deeply weird and wonderful episode...

See also: Gary's Unlimited Power, u b knasty, Cookin' and Truckin', I was due to start a sentence, The Shriek, HoNk :0), and I slide my croc seductively across the counter.

[You can find Gobblin' Grub here: https://rocketorca.itch.io/gobblin-grub and follow Amber Marie here: https://twitter.com/rocketorca]

1) Shelter (The Steps of the Prophet) Oct 30, 2019

Hello and welcome to a very special episode, brought to you by the wondrous ed and Gary! We play The Steps of the Prophet and build a society in Alfallen, trading questions and concepts before turning to the cards for the fate of our settlement...

See also: Dash not Dart, we aren't cultured people, fuck that answer!, I refuse to play in this space, let's keep this land boneless, Build-A-Bottom Workshop, now that's what I call corruption, and One Of Us.

[The Steps of the Prophet is a game written by Charlie Dart (https://twitter.com/Charlie_Dart) and you can find it here: https://charlie-dart.itch.io/the-steps-of-the-prophet]
[You can vote in the Audio Verse awards here: https://audioverseawards.net/vote/]
[And you can join our Discord here: https://discord.gg/9x9D4vX]

45) Under Cold Water Oct 16, 2019

Well here we are again, dear friends. Wednesday is upon us, and with it a new episode and the scintillating thrill of a season finale. Join us as Taro, Nerium, and Natalia travel down into the Nightmare Lake, and down even further to face what lurks beneath, or above, or in between. Games are played, promises kept, and once more our three "heroes" plunge toward the unknown...

See also: A dry passage, the final bounce, is it an iPad, Dank-arill, 3 tricks your rhrino will love, sure would be great if we knew that, and the WOOP bit.

[Please vote for us in the Audio Verse Awards here: https://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/5255245/2019-Voting-Ballot and please check out our friends Queer Dungeoneers at: http://queerdungeoneers.podbean.com/)

44) On Nightmare Shores Oct 02, 2019

We're back on our spooky BS, friends! Our three "heroes" venture down toward the nightmare lake, but OSHA isn't in their favour. Some quick spell-casting saves Natalia, Nerium, and Taro from an unpleasant end, but while they might have found some answers to their questions more quickly arise when a body is discovered. With old hopes dashed, our trio must be brave and step out into the unknown...

See also: Pray to OSHA, if there's a key..., not a Bop-It, use Amulet on Orb, I have a job now, Kingdom Hearts IV, and oh fuck off!

2) Over Broken Earth [The Junkyard] Sep 20, 2019

Welcome once more to our play through of The Junkyard, written by Matthew Guzdial for the #sadmechjam. Once more we descend into the dangerous Junkyard with our friends Pigeon, Kosmic, and Re:þ as we discover new mech parts, and what it means to be very small in a big world. Fortune doesn't seem to be on our sides, and our fates entwine - some good, some bad...

[Content / Trigger warnings: alcoholic parent, major character death.]

See also: I promise I'm not cheating, transformer porn, pidGEON, Re:þ's gonna punch God, Junji Ito Bullshit, a Taro reading, and you're gonna make me cry!

[You can find The Junkyard on itch.io https://mguzdial.itch.io/the-junkyard and follow Matthew on Twitter @Matthewguz]

43) The Call of Shah Sep 18, 2019

The dust is settling in Tenbren, and we leave the political factions to duke it out and catch up with the main trio. What daring exploits, what thrilling adventures have they been on? Saving lives, helping people, settling moral quandaries, and... making crepes? But Tenbren isn't done with Natalia, Nerium, or Taro yet, and once more mystery and something spooky calls...

See also: A nice cold tomb, divine stick-n-poke, Kwazy Kwepes, milkless corn, stinkholes, taking it the wrong way, and Mark!!!

[Also join our discord here: https://discord.gg/e5h5WkM]

42) Politics Sep 04, 2019

Welcome dear friends as we play an exciting, brand new, one of a kind game written by our one and only Gary! Join us as we each take on a Tenbren faction and pit The Firebrands, Hoi and the Polloi, The Cloud Gurus (Resurgent), and more against each other in this exciting, fast-paced game of luck, back-stabbing, conniving, maths, and those sweet d8s we all know and love. Who will win? Who will lose? And what will it cost Tenbren to once more have stability?

See also: 3 toots 1 horn, leave half an inch for God, we're gonna hot-box the church, my assets are ready, I will claw this canon back, and YEAH FUCK YOU!

41) In The Aftermath Aug 21, 2019

The world's turned upside down as the brief but intense fight for Tenbren gutters out, leaving a fractured city to lick its wounds. With the military disbanded and historic Cloudfield Square once more bathed in blood, our three "heroes" must try to pick up the pieces of what they've shattered...

See also: Yelp reviews, his address is 420..., I did not start the fire, we're in the milky stage, and pockets of grief.

[We also have a Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/themortalpath Come and check it out! Most of the content is free to the public after a month, with several posts ready to be viewed by all.]

40) Revolution Aug 07, 2019

We're long past patiently waiting for tomorrow as the threat of revolution hangs heavy in the air. Our three "heroes" have fanned a spark into a flame, the situation fraught with uncertainty and tinged with emerging powers. Can Natalia, Nerium, and Taro bring peace, or are we about to plunge into war that'll tear Tenbren apart...

See also: What's his name?, I was going to do something regrettable, it's a little bit Biblical, smokey sperms, was that the first time I killed a man, and KITTY IT'S A MEME!

39) The Queen's Speech Jul 24, 2019

Welcome dear friends to another Right Royal Mess made by our favourite troupe of troublemakers. With their disguises in place Natalia, Vesper, and Nerium hurry back towards the Fanged Court to discuss their next move. Tenbren is tense, and while Vesper's holding back suspicion for now, it's only a matter of time before ve's found out alongside Natalia and Nerium. Drastic times call for drastic measures, but someone makes an unexpected return at an inopportune moment and kicks events into the highest gear possible...

See also: I like a furry Kobold, I'm in charge of the raws, I got my liST THE WRONG WAY ROUND, and it looks like Sting.

[We also have a Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/themortalpath Come and check it out! Most of the content is free to the public after a month, with several posts ready to be viewed by all.]

38) A Voice in the Midst Jul 10, 2019

Come and see, one and all, where one story ends and another begins. Deep in a sacred chamber in the heart of a volcano, Natalia, "Taro", and Nerium are taking history in their own bloodied hands...

See also: The Boromir-Arrow scale, blood-chuggin' time, you gotta go in there, yoooooo, and that's disGUSTING!

((Once again we'd like to heartily recommend checking out the amazing A Touch More Class kickstarter, which can be found here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/enworld/a-touch-more-class-9-new-5th-edition-classes))

37) Blood on the Altar Jun 29, 2019

It is time, dear friends. The carefully laid plans of Natalia, Nerium, and Taro are made or broken in the Firemouth, under alien skies and over something sleeping deep beneath. It's time to make history...

See also: Nerium's bought a hat, chotto fucking nande, don't roll another 10, this episode brought to you by the number 10, and a rendering sound.

((In a show note completely departing from the previous tone, we'd like to heartily recommend checking out the amazing A Touch More Class kickstarter, which can be found here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/enworld/a-touch-more-class-9-new-5th-edition-classes))

36) The Set Up Jun 12, 2019

Welcome back to the tangled web we're weaving in the city of Tenbren! Our three heroes (?) have their own myriad agendas, and take a little time to do the most important things that need doing - in their opinions. But our gang of misfits can't keep their heads down for long, plotting coming all too easily to Taro, Natalia, and Nerium. Tensions start to bubble over, and plots are made to change the course of history forever...

See also: Tawwo, peepee hole, stop caressing your pearl, Taro's in a safe place now, Costa, and I guess I kinda squawked a bit.

All EDited Out Vol V Jun 09, 2019

Boo! Did we scare you? Oh no! We're sorry! Oops! We won't do that again, promise. Can we offer you an egg in these trying times? And by egg, we mean of course an episode of wondrous out-takes, bloopers, and silliness that didn't make the final cut. With more inane quips and general weirdness than you can quantify, we hope you enjoy the fifth instalment of this very silly thing we do for a very silly show. Thank you for all your love and support!

1) Under Wilder Skies [The Junkyard] Jun 04, 2019

Welcome one and all to a very special two part episode of our play through of The Junkyard, written by Matthew Guzdial for the #sadmechjam.

Join Pidgeon, Kosmic, and Re:þ as we dig through a graveyard of mech parts, searching for greater meaning and building something bigger than ourselves in the process...

See also: Kitty no laughing!, oh come on, delete those tits, it does NOT look like a dick!, rangry, and we're gonna find adventure in the-- AUGH!

[You can find The Junkyard on itch.io https://mguzdial.itch.io/the-junkyard and follow Matthew on Twitter @Matthewguz]

35) Right Hand Woman May 29, 2019

Once more we open the door to Tenbren, the palace, and Euseevius' heart. Join Taro, Nat, and Nerium as friendships on all sides are forged stronger than ever, deals are done, rewards are earned, and deaths are plotted. It's like Macbeth meets Basil Fawlty up in here, and it's only getting more intricate...

See also: Angry naps, you also have a memory, fashion WAS subjective, ooHHhh nooo, Gary's got a very good sword, the lanyard, and I hit it with a fork.

34) Into the Labrys May 15, 2019

Join us as we step once more into the streets of Tenbren with Natalia, Nerium, and Taro. In a city with the main rule being "don't do a crime", we gear up for the heist of the century and break into the sacred Eternal Labrys. But there are others still pulling the strings behind the curtains, and two new faces step in to join the conversation...

See also: nap-time vapors, don't worry about it, do your research, speral stycase, a key-hole peek, Barry Hotter, and the cat's out of the bag.

33) Dissent May 03, 2019

Once more we delve into Tenbren, fraught with tension, royal welcomes, and a bunch of students who don't really know what they're doing. Join Natalia, Nerium, and Taro as they navigate the turbulent waters of this city, forging new friendships and staying away from Queen Euseevius' watchful eyes...

See also: extended metaphors, Mathgrinder, Furries! Have! Skin!, All women are queens Anakin, and do you know about the Cloud?

There is No Way Out of this Arena Apr 24, 2019

Join Gary and Yubi on a super special one-shot where we play the incredible 'There is No Way Out of this Area' by C. Leary! We present, for your listening pleasure, two striking tales of gladiatorial combat, spanning eons and planets. Stories become legends, but the Arena is always waiting for fresh blood...

See also: Lightweight, fuck the others, don't touch my gems, I'm fucking huge, why are you laughing at my primordial anaconda, and the Shitinous Reserve.

(You can purchase this highly recommended game here: https://corvidcall.itch.io/there-is-no-way-out-of-this-arena and follow corv here: https://twitter.com/corvidcall)

32) Friends and Foes Apr 17, 2019

This week we dive straight into the scintillating action, making difficult decisions right off the bat as Taro is faced with some of the most important series of choices he's ever had to make on this show. With Nerium still in the hands of Queen Euseevius, can Natalia bargain for her freedom, and strike a deal of her own with the blood-thirsty ruler of Tenbren? With our three "heroes" starting to make waves in the city, something else stirs...

See also: is there a cupboard, this is getting extremely twinky, oh hell yeah, there are not BISTROS on the Jackal Run, and Quillberry Queith.

7) Journeys and Endings - Part 3 [An Indefinite Inheritance] Apr 14, 2019

The first chapter of An Indefinite Inheritance comes to a conclusion as our party completes their journey across Alfallen. New flames ignite while others burn out, and new powers manifest themselves.

See also: Bulge senses tingling, what’s a supervillain? Lie! AND THEN!!!! brain flatmates, let’s roll 2 cubes and find out, *SnRRRt*.

31) In the Halls of the Blessed Queen Apr 02, 2019

Join us as we dig deeper into the workings of Tenbren, courting danger at every turn. Our three "heroes" are split across the city and some are in more peril than others. Can Taro, Natalia, and Nerium stick together, or will the politics of this city start to tear them apart...

See also: What was that?, cracking, Findex erasure, they saw you coming, purity wank, and not a boneologist.

6) Journeys and Endings - Part 2 [An Indefinite Inheritance] Mar 27, 2019

Our party’s journey through the plains of Alfallen continues as the caravan begins to come apart at the seams. Halbane visits the town of Greenfist, Bulge dispenses justice and Sigrun gains an unwanted travelling companion.

See also: Try not to get killed, Go on the Apex! The flippin’ train, pancake time, and, make up your own girlfriend.

30) Mistakes Mar 23, 2019

Join our three merry trouble-makers as they celebrate Taro's birthday in an abandoned warehouse at midnight, like you do. But while the drinks go to their heads, Taro, Natalia, and Nerium face some tough decisions and start to delve deeper into the mysterious surrounding Tenbren and its people. And then a reckless decision is made, our three "heroes" scattering to the winds in panic, though not everyone manages to get away...

See also: Wizard Wiki, two-mug Taro, WHAT ARE WE DOING?!, Sexually Transmitted Dream, fuck off, secret friends, and Meredith Burrows?

5) Journeys and Endings - Part 1 [An Indefinite Inheritance] Mar 20, 2019

Once again we travel back to Alfallen’s prehistory to join Halbane, Sigrun, and Ludicrous Bulge on their quest to end the conflict between the lingerers of Ashpit and the village of Midlen. Bulge's plan to save the lingerers from their fate begins in earnest thanks to Halbane's desert discovery, but will everyone make it across the plains in one piece?

See also: Road trip! If I lick it will it stick? Dice pouch, Genuine Nightmare Scenarios, and We Are Never Done With The Bulge.

29) Surprise! Mar 06, 2019

Join us once more as we delve deeper into the city of Tenbren. Our three heroes are on the loose with little cash in their pockets and big plans for their evenings. But even without money Natalia, Nerium, and Taro know how to enjoy themselves and, as always, make a scene...

See also: Alien humour, there IS an exploit here, Gary's bedroom, I'm an Adult, Good Name, and... SURPRISE!

28) Welcome to Tenbren Feb 20, 2019

Welcome one and all to the city of Tenbren! Join our three plucky "heroes" as we strike out from the crumbled Fallen City and head into not only our dear Findex's home turf, but the heart of absolute law. That's not going to be a problem for our protagonists, right? With a whole city to explore and countless new NPCs to befuddle, all Taro, Nerium, and Natalia need to do is follow the rules...

See also: Hexagonical, the Iron Tang, this is a low point for your world building, ISKRA!, flips him two birds, it's all going to plan, and endless name mockery.

Season 1 Recap Feb 15, 2019

Hello and welcome to this non-exhaustive recap of the first season of The Mortal Path! As we gear up to head into Tenbren and explore the delights of our favourite lizard's home turf, take a moment to refresh yourself on what the heck happened during our first year as a podcast. Of course many delectable and delightful moments have been omitted or forgotten by yours truly, but if you need a quick reminder of What The Heck Even Happened, this one's for you.

4) Kaio [The Quiet Year] Feb 09, 2019

As autumn passes the threat of Kaio and the Endless Nights comes closer and closer. We scrabble to finish important projects like securing clean water supplies and... a cat café? But just because winter is coming doesn't mean things get any less weird, and we still have many surprises left in store for Tenbren...

See also: Bone-itis, that sounds a lot like a mass grave Yubi, the seed is plentiful, cat cafés, Magic World, the Tang Lords, and Cchulaí Cchrimsohn.

The Quiet Year is a game system written by Avery Alder. You can find and support her work at www.buriedwithoutceremony.com and her twitter @dreamaskew

3) Autumn Arrives [The Quiet Year] Feb 04, 2019

Summer is fleeting and autumn creeps up on us all in this episode of the Quiet Year. Tenbren takes a slightly darker turn along with the weather as two bodies of power start to battle for the right to rule while mysterious objects and persons appear and disappear. With rumbles coming from the Fire-mouth, our little city must endure, and order must be found...

See also: Academeda, like nyah, draw! the! corn!, Need for Seed, this is a diverse town, Controller Xdos, and Judge Dredge.

2) Summer In The City [The Quiet Year] Jan 20, 2019

Join us for the second episode of our game of The Quiet Year as we continue to construct Tenbren from the foundations up! With spring on its way out and the arrival of summer, we face fearsome foes, tame some beasts, and cope with more mysterious disappearances...

See also: 4chan arrives, Gary loves his troll, Larry Lavidaloca, this is silly, map troubles, his name is..., can you stop laughing at me for one minute, and Saturn Devouring His Son.

1) In The Beginning [The Quiet Year] Jan 16, 2019

Welcome one and all to our season interlude episodes! We're going to be playing 'The Quiet Year', a game written and designed by Avery Alder (@dreamaskew on Twitter). Join us as we stick our hands in the sand of the desert, and pull the city of Tenbren up out of the dunes. With strange clouds, an abundance of gurus, and mysterious objects dropped down wells, this may not be quite such a quiet year after all...

See also: Zerobren, cumulonimbus, is Danny deVito contempt?, fuck Tigrun, card reader, and the Joker of Hearts.

27) Shatter Jan 01, 2019

The battle continues in the Heart of the Learning Chambers with lives on the line left, right, and centre. Our "heroes" grow desperate, spell slots dwindle, and hit points just keep dropping as Natalia, Nerium, and Taro are pushed to the edge in our wild season finale...

See also: What else you got?, next to useless, desiccated or dapper Dekza, Gary come back, walk into the light, swallow on instinct, a bone is an object, and I'm going to kill you in your sleep.

All EDited Out Vol IV Dec 29, 2018

Surprise! Like Saint Nick clambering up from the sooty chute of the chimney, so too does this episode lurch its way towards the light from the dark depths of Yubi's laptop. With more jokes than you can shake your sack at and a lot of technical whoopsie-daisies, we hope you enjoy All EDited Out Vol IV, our humble gift to you this Christmas and New Year. Thank you for your love and support, and here's to a wonderful 2019 together!

26) Unravelling Dec 19, 2018

After having ran, bonded, and battled through their connected subconsciousness, our three "heroes" come face to face with Axen back where it all began. With Findex injured and the aftermath of Axen's eternal hunger strewn around this once great place of magic and learning, Natalia, Nerium, and Taro must save themselves, let alone their new friend, from the ravenous demon...

See also: bad therapy hour, snat, when you eat people they die, how do you like THEM lair actions, button number 2, button number 3, return of the milk, and no no no no no no!

4) Lead By The Flames [An Indefinite Inheritance] Dec 08, 2018

After a slightly tumultuous trip through the forest our ever concerning friends make it to the lingerer settlement at Ashpit, but things there are worse than they might have anticipated. Sigrun sings a song, Ludicrous comes up with a plan, and Halbane contemplates setting the whole place on fire.

See also: Lingerer picnics, bad bedtime etiquette, fire safety, getting higher in the credits, gas from the gods, original religious imagery do not steal.

[TW / CW: References to burning people alive, References to starvation.]

25) Release Dec 04, 2018

Join Natalia, Nerium, and Taro as we (mostly) stand our ground and spill some blood on the streets of Morganfields. But there's something strange in this neighbourhood, and Axen's influence is seeping in through the cracks. With Findex's well-being at stake, can our three "heroes" battle their way back to their new friend and stop the demon's rampage before it takes another life...

See also: Shords, the finger blasters, which Danny DeVito, the what-o-matic?, editing is my passion, down into the mess, The Archers, and door number all.

24) Connections Nov 20, 2018

Once more our three "heroes" must put their heads together and find a solution to the strange situation they're in. But with various members suffering various afflictions, teamwork and trust is paramount. Time is running out, and though the connection between them and wherever Findex is is strengthening along with their friendship, Natalia, Nerium, and Taro must ready themselves for conflict...

See also: sword out, one hug is the deepest, Taro's gun, palm hearts, do they have numbers on, the sofa trap, climbing the ranks, and not a sex puzzle.

(Also we forgot to mention it ENTIRELY including in the middle bit, but they're no longer their child-selves! They're back to body normality.)

23) Nightmares Nov 09, 2018

Join our plucky and unlucky trio as they delve into the darkness of the unknown in a world that's similar but different from what they remember. Taro, Natalia, and Nerium battle to stay together and navigate their way through this nightmare scenario to find Findex, and hopefully rescue him from the clutches of Kaishu. But with time of the essence our "heroes" must face the demons from their pasts, and the literal demon in their present...

See also: Risking books, can you read?, shut the fuck up, Kitty died, clumsy hugs, a bit gammon, oh no, the prod-zone, and the power of love.

3) A Sacrifice [An Indefinite Inheritance] Oct 31, 2018

Welcome back to Alfallen’s storied past as our dubiously named friends begin to dig into the mysteries surrounding “Sustain” and the ever-evasive Toronto Avarice. With a quick diversion for a few rounds of “The Midlen Game”, Ludicrous, Sigrun and Halbane make their way towards the settlement of Ashpit, but peril awaits on the road…
See also: Seven sided septagons, what here is evil?, the full feeling, exuberant pulls, long-form Christopher, bear forgetting, reverse homer gif and a smell of tuna.

[TW / CW: References to amputation, Discrimination/bigotry, gore.]

2) Intruder or Visitor [An Indefinite Inheritance] Oct 14, 2018

Join us once more on our wild romp through wilder times on our beloved Alfallen! After dealing with Halbane's sudden assailant, our three adventurers enter the town of Midlen. With mostly friendly residents and mystery at its heart, what is "Sustain", and who is its keeper? War is on the horizon and Ludicrous, Sigrun, and Halbane must delve deeper to uncover the truth here...

See also: Sorry armadillos, lovely tents, what fuels the flames of your desire?, do a violence, voice troubles, renfaire ryanair, pain noise, and the taint.

[TW / CW: References to starvation, Discrimination/bigotry, Amputation.]

22) Provoke Oct 02, 2018

As two glowing eyes watch our merry "heroes" in the darkness tough decisions are made, tougher questions asked, and suspicions rise - all without the slightest hint of any subtlety. Confronted with missing items and increasingly cranky "adults", several are pushed to their limits as Nerium, Natalia, Taro, and Findex try to find rest within the Archocrypt. But when tempers flare and parenting goes awry, things go downhill very, very quickly...

See also: sock him one, new bone who dis, take a whiff, rats, it's not number 4, rage sleeping, constitution saving throws, rimbo, and NOOOOOO!

All EDited Out Vol III Sep 25, 2018

Like a ghoulish specter clambering from its musty tomb deep inside Yubi's laptop, we once more present a titillating and thrilling episode of goofs, jokes, and general tom-foolery for your entertainment. All EDited Out Vol III is here to kick ass, take names, and show just how ridiculous we are before the magic of editing saves our souls. Enjoy.

1) A Stormy Start [An Indefinite Inheritance] Sep 23, 2018

Join our three new friends as they start their journey as all good journeys should start: in a cave. But when a mysterious figure gives them a magic map and tells them to stop an oncoming war, Halbane, Sigrun, and Ludicrous must work together to defy danger, spout lore, and create new bonds along the way. The future is bright, indefinite, and full of adventure!

See also: Re-re-re-retcon, is the bear a lie, not out of your cage, bad day for the Bulge, say my name, the bird, The Mortal Path B Side, I'm gonna munch, can I ask you a really weird question, and you're doing WHAT?

[TW / CW: Swarms of Insects, Reference to scarring, References to gore.]

0) Foundations [An Indefinite Inheritance] Sep 23, 2018

Hello and welcome to episode 0 of An Indefinite Inheritance, a very special campaign of Dungeon World GM'd by ed and set in the distant past of Alfallen. Allow Yubi, Kitty, and Gary to introduce you to their weird, wild, and wonderful characters as we get our foundations laid out and discuss classes, moves, and set-up.

This episode is our session 0 and details the nature of this side campaign, important character and world lore, and how little we understand the rules. While it does not include any playing of Dungeon World, we recommend listening to it to better understand the Dungeon World system and what the hell we're doing with it. (Also there's one bit where we accidentally imply that genitals = gender, which we don't believe at all! Apologies for the non-clarification in the episode!)
See also: A lot of blanks, ed's constantly scrolling mouse, please try not to fuck up the canon, Dungeon World as therapy, who invented 420, lumpy like a Ken doll, this is a very serious podcast, sausage lore, and kill counts.

21) Hunger Awakens Sep 19, 2018

Join our band of merry "heroes" as they navigate the strange Learning Chambers, and the effects of a certain magical item, with newly rescued Kaishu clinging to their sides. But as Taro, Natalia, Nerium, and Findex head back up towards the Archocrypt and Taeshul, something seems off about the kid, and when the group beds down for the night, things take a strange and unsettling turn...

See also: A light chuck, we failed the water puzzle, big magic energy, clanking up the rear, the hard stuff, healing denial kink, and missing meat.

(Make sure you check out the intermission section for a really exciting update!)

20) The Beating Heart Aug 29, 2018

Join our plucky "heroes" as they dash, dodge, and plummet through the Learning Chambers towards the centre, and home! But life is never as easy as you hope it's going to be, and disappointment mixes with confusion when Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex discover what, or who, has been waiting in the Heart of the Learning Chambers...

See also: 10 made-up names, round-house clocked, this is very goth, a raw 20, Nero, good news and bad news, how not to talk to kids, and just the bits.

19) Into The Darkness Aug 14, 2018

Time is of the essence as our quartet of adventurers have their brains pushed to the limit trying to solve an insidious and deadly puzzle deep in the gloom of the Fallen City. With fortune and some smart thinking on their side, Taro, Nerium, Findex, and Natalia push deeper towards the Heart of the Learning Chambers. Finding themselves at mercy of the strange magic our brave "heroes" discover new aspects to their fellow companions, and contemplate who, or what, is moving the pieces behind the screen...

See also: wet nips, squelch, does my mage hand have a soul?, milk, blink, and revelations.

(Also, Yubi forgot to put a middle bit in this episode. Oops! They'd like to remind you of the Tumblr giveaway [www.themortalpath.tumblr.com] and the Twitter giveaway [simply tweet your favourite line from the show before Aug 31st 2018 with the hashtags #TheMortalPath and #TMPFanDice]. They'd also like to give, as always, a huge thank you to the incredibly talented Rachel Graff for her music [www.rachelgraff.com] and to Orion for his work on the transcripts available on our site [www.themortalpath.com]. A huge thank you also to our affiliate DnDiceUK [www.dndice.co.uk] where you can get 5% off with our code MORTALDICE and flat shipping rates worldwide, and of course to all the amazing listeners of our show who helped us achieve over 10,000 downloads in half a year. Please consider leaving us an iTunes review, and tell a friend, family, or foe about our show! Thank you! Also Yubi would like to apologize for the fact half the cast sound like they recorded in a submarine. They're so very, very sorry.)

18) The Learning Chambers Jul 31, 2018

After uncovering more of Dekza's plans, the party strikes out into the unknown and down to the mysterious Learning Chambers. Though still coming to terms with their own powers, all feel the effects of a magic stronger than they've ever known and some take to it better than others. But Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex's journey through the darkness to the Heart is not going to be easy, and the party soon finds itself separated, with two racing against the clock for their lives...

See also: Glat stacking, does that upset you?, toast's clear, faith: big nut, Busted fanfic, projectile vomiting, a big sheath, and maybe you should examine the shaft.

All EDited Out Vol II Jul 28, 2018

Rising once more from the deep, dark vaults of Yubi's laptop we present a very special gift: All EDited Out Vol II. Are you ready for another round of bloopers, outtakes, goofs, wheezing laughter, and just despairingly awful raunchy innuendo?

Boy, we weren't.

17) What Came From Below Jul 17, 2018

Face to face with foe turned friend, our mighty "heroes" make some strange impressions and discover some striking similarities between themselves. But with warnings of danger and pleas for help, Taro, Natalia, Nerium, and Findex must decide whether or not to venture down to the Heart of the Learning Chambers, or leave the Fallen City before it's too late...

See also: an augmented 20, Thanos? Thigh-show? Thigel? Tyvek? Tyrone?, button 1, same hat, all this fucking magic shit, free-range teacups, and a wesert.

16) The Archocrypt Jul 03, 2018

After awakening from their visions, dreams, and meditations our three "heroes" find themselves imbued with renewed strength and several strange gifts. Diving deeper down into the Fallen City Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex discover a way into the Archocrypt and find records of ancient creatures beneath the waves of the ocean this city has teleported from. But as Nerium discovers some new powers the party hear an odd noise from the next room, and realize perhaps they aren't alone down here after all...

See also: Bonus material, arcana team, Findex knows what a joke is, Dekza's lab, a throw-back, spell wasting, and "it's occupied".

15.3) Taro Jun 29, 2018

Taro has a vision and plays cards...

15.2) Nerium Jun 26, 2018

Nerium dreams and is granted a gift, and an awakening...

15.1) Natalia Jun 22, 2018

Natalia meditates and is given a few new gifts...

15) Under The Altar Jun 19, 2018

Our three "heroes" pick themselves up and dust themselves off after the unpleasant encounter in the Temple of Roosa and find a few moments to catch their breath. But moments of quiet rarely last long, and Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex have a lot to learn about each other...

See also: On-the-go world building, spoiling punchlines, Doone, simply fools and horses, a little bit of woo, a little bit of wah, backstory time, and meditation.

14) In the Belly of the Beast Jun 05, 2018

After spotting movement over by the mysterious Temple of Roosa our curious party make their way out of the manor house, though the strange magic there brings forth more questions than answers. Shrouded in the eerie gloom of the 3rd Layer, Nat, Nerium, Taro, and Findex enter the temple Nerium seems to know more about than she's letting on. But things go wrong very quickly in the desecrated halls when one unlucky "hero" falls in battle...

See also: Gloomsquinter, science, buttered ferrets, the "uh-oh!" zone, roll for suspicion, well-polished worship tools, everyone screams, and the horizontal Simba.

13) Through The Looking Glass May 22, 2018

After a short detour into the land of sleep, our four "heroes" are ready to get what they rightfully deserve. Treasure. But magic items come at a price, and when one plucky plunderer makes a questionable choice, mild panic ensues. Imbued with confidence and loot, Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex unearth Dekza Atanas' mysterious plans concerning the Learning Chambers, blueprints of the Temple, and discover they might not be as alone in the Fallen City as they thought...

See also: Using all available hands, the fucksie-wucksie, what is a sideplate?, S/O to Beyoncé, a lot of D&D is doors, and Taro's impressive instrument.

12) Behind the Curtain May 08, 2018

When a mysterious figure from Nat's past pleads for help, our three "heroes" must quickly decide whether this is friend or foe. With the bonds of friendship strengthened, and an unwise prank pulled, Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex continue to delve into the strange abandoned manor house. But after falling prey to the whims of an unusual tome, one of our adventurers discovers they might not be alone...

See also: dead rat checks, roll for shanking, Taro the never-nude, a daisy-free zone, it's an ensuite, skah-REEE wooo bibblybibblyboop, a mere glat, and where did the trauma go?

11) The Manor House Apr 24, 2018

Faced with a scene of destruction and upheaval, Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex do what they do best: make bad rolls. Though their exploration of the eerie servant's quarters rewards them with magical items, the tension thickens when a suspicious noise is heard from behind a closed door. With determination and a fair amount of fear our four "heroes" approach the room, but none are prepared for who greets them on the other side...

See also: bloodchuggers, take a fuckin' sip, call me by your name 2018, 16 Ronnies, balls, shaft-crossers, poor architecture, and Taro being helpful.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

10) Down Below Apr 10, 2018

After the fateful battle with the Commander, Natalia, Nerium, Taro, and Findex find some much needed rest - as well as some comfort in forces greater than themselves. But when Taro's wound has failed to heal up over night, drastic measures are taken to fix the damage before our three (four?) "heroes" decide to journey down to the third layer and to Atanas Manor. Though the front doors are destroyed, they find their own way in and make some eerie and startling discoveries down in the dark of the abandoned Fallen City...

See also: Don't wake the baby, Joggle, feel the magic, handling big numbers, it's cum!, Zoinks Findex!, centaur real?, and we're all gonna fuckin' die.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

All EDited Out Vol I Mar 31, 2018

Straight from the deep, dark vaults of Yubi's laptop we present our April Fool's special: All EDited Out Vol I. This delightful collection of outtakes contains goofs, minimal editing, and lots and lots of mocking our dearest ed for the bizarre noises he often makes during recordings.

We hope you enjoy!

[This episode has been transcribed!]

9) Thunderstruck Mar 27, 2018

With a cunning plan in mind, Taro, Nerium, and Natalia take negotiations into their own hands and pull off some pretty impressive moves - though not all leave the fight unwounded. While the bonds of friendship are forged stronger, with myriad blood on their hands there are still things to be disposed of, as well as some ill-gotten items to inspect. Now holding a map leading them deeper into the city, our three "heroes" discover there's treasure worth finding down below...

See also: Quippy one liners, de-nutting, AAAAAAHHHHHH, booOOOOnnee, the only swear Nat knows, we're friends now, insigma,
gamer brains, and books.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

8) Dangerous Dealings Mar 13, 2018

After a rough struggle for some up the notorious Fifth Gate, our three "heroes" follow new friend Findex first to a hidden storeroom and then to meet the Commander. Despite a tense introduction Natalia, Nerium, and Taro manage to impress Gehesh. He offers to take them back to Tenbren and to take them treasure hunting so they can meet the mysterious wizard who might just help them return to Alfallen. But after a private discussion, our protagonists decide to take a very different path...

See also: motivational quotes, dick meat, paying props to 50 Cent, dead polar bears, greetings assholes, do not Doxxas, adult brains, longing for goats, the puppet master, and betrayal.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

7) Finders Keepers Feb 27, 2018

Fresh out of combat and with a new friend at their sides, our plucky and unlucky three travel deeper into the Fallen City to meet Findex's Commander. Strange reflections in a mirror awaken some incredible abilities, and while taking a rest in an abandoned house, our heroes find a few very special items abandoned in the rubble. But even after resting the challenge of the climb to the Fifth Gate bests most of the party, and unusual measures to scale it are taken...

See also: No liquids in ass-pockets, normal reactions to being weird, Taro's Very Cool, Findex gets a fright, Erh? Erh?, It's Magic! Looks like Magic, 2 Ronnies 4 Candles, piggybacks, and flexing.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

6) The Fallen City Feb 13, 2018

Once more dragged from everything they know and understand, our three weary and confused protagonists survey the bad new world ahead of them and decide it doesn't look good. A giant structure reveals itself to be some sort of deserted city, seemingly dropped on its side in the middle of nowhere. With no signs of life and a need for shelter, Taro, Natalia, and Nerium head inside the walls of the Fallen City, but after failing to find much of use within the gates beyond shop signs in an unknown language, Nerium and Natalia are unpleasantly surprised and blood is drawn...

See also: A dropped Minas Tirith wedding cake, God-like stealth, live action Harry Potter roleplay, taking back sad groans, bad fight instincts, nudity nuances, scary daggers, and simmering the fuck down.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

5) The Icetooth Ball Jan 30, 2018

With confidence, tacky costumes, and a new fun accent Taro and Natalia face down their most terrifying enemy yet: mingling at a party. With some very interesting and unique approaches to information gathering, our dynamic duo manage to glean some information from the sinister Elden Zugai. Meanwhile back at the town hall Nerium plays detective and conducts a thorough inventory of her strange new companion's belongings. However, when a mysterious figure breaks down into unspeakable horrors and something goes very, very wrong with the final act of the evening, our three "heroes" suddenly find themselves at the heart of a much bigger problem.

See also: The Lord Mayor's Croupier, furniture recognition, Joxas Joxas Troxas, how to please a king, cryptic diaries, Taro's searching for a "mate", mouth mistakes, and two failed constitution checks.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

4) Old Debts Jan 23, 2018

Face to face with the mysterious Marlo our heroes do what they do best: cause confusion and accidentally cast spells. But the tables are turned when Marlo reveals a connection between herself and one of the three, and a large sum of money is seemingly owed to her for past services. Without the coin to pay, Taro and Natalia agree to attend the Icetooth Ball to help Marlo gather some information while Nerium decides to do some digging of her own.

See also: Big medallions, 10 whole Gary pieces, cancelling ed's face, we're really sorry J. Zugai, swords are dangerous, the Merry treatment, how to befriend old men, and Count Talisar Tarovian.

(No, really. We're sorry J. Zugai. We love you and your name is fantastic. Please still love us.)

[This episode has been transcribed!]

Getting Mortal 1 Jan 16, 2018

Welcome to our behind the scenes episode, Getting Mortal! Join us on a giggle-fest as we delve into character creation, the abhorrent use of science by Yubi in the creation of Alfallen, soundscapes, and so much more.

See also: Deep in the geek, ed's "bus voice", Yubi's bad science, accidental homage, and a couple of inches of horn.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

3) On Foot Jan 16, 2018

Our heroes find themselves in a whole different sort of trouble after being accused of a crime they're pretty sure none of them committed. Despite a whole host of bad ideas and various misjudged attempts at escaping their situation, it seems like the mysterious Marlo might be their only hope.

See also: Bed sharing shenanigans, insta-betrayal, I think genuinely like 5 crit fails, and a fascinating game of "I Spy".

[This episode has been transcribed!]

2) Where The Fuck Are We? Jan 16, 2018

After nursing their wounds and their pride, our odd heroes find some sweet loot - though the purpose of the items isn't immediately obvious. Things only get more mysterious in a cavern studded with constellations, and though puzzles are solved, the riddles just keep on coming.

See also: Ass pockets, people being "permanently pissed off", Nat's Naruto run, an unfortunate "I started saying something and cut myself off at a bad place" incident, and lies. So many lies.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

1) Let There Be... Goats? Jan 16, 2018

Welcome to the first episode of The Mortal Path, a 5th edition actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast! Join Yubi (DM), Kitty (Nerium [Meredith]), ed (Taro), and Gary (Natalia) on a wild and thrilling journey through the homebrew world of Alfallen where magic is rare and the cogs and gears of technology are starting to clank into life.
In this episode our heroes wake to find themselves in a bit of a predicament, and with new powers - some asked for, some not - starting to reveal themselves...
See also: A complete inability to comprehend basic architecture, magic goats, synergy stairs, and a dangerously almost-deadly fight.

[This episode has been transcribed!]

Episode 1 Preview Jan 09, 2018

A D&D 5th Edition play podcast, get excited for The Mortal Path launching January 17th!

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