The Love Doc Podcast - Dr. Sarah Hensley

Episode 24 | Unoffendable Oct 29, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In Episode 24: “Unoffendable” of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into a candid exploration of our modern, easily-offended culture and the toll it takes on our nervous systems and resilience. She reflects on how people today are quick to take offense at differing opinions, which often disrupts our emotional balance and has created a deeply divided society. While Dr. Hensley emphasizes that true atrocities—such as murder, sexual abuse, and human trafficking—should rightfully offend us all, she raises concerns about the rise in offense over differences in thought and belief. This, she argues, is eroding respect and open-mindedness in society. Dr. Hensley introduces the importance of emotional resilience versus emotional suppression. She’s clear: she is not advocating for suppressing emotions but promoting emotional resilience. This means developing the capacity to accept others’ views, even when they differ from our own, without offense or alienation. She encourages introspection, urging listeners to question why certain things offend them. Offense, she explains, arises when we feel triggered or violated, highlighting the need for self-understanding as a way to manage these responses. In a thought-provoking segment, Dr. Hensley explains Terror Management Theory, which suggests that when our values or identity feel threatened, it subconsciously evokes fear of mortality, making us feel defensive and offended. Her aim is to help listeners understand that choosing offense can narrow our minds and breed hate, especially in the age of online exchanges where it’s easy to react harshly from behind a screen. Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley emphasizes that these principles are vital in our closest relationships—particularly with partners, family, and friends. Constant offense, she warns, can rob us of joy and precious time. Instead, she encourages a spirit of curiosity, asking listeners to lean into understanding rather than immediate judgment. By challenging not just others’ thoughts but our own, we can foster genuine connection and potentially gain new insights. As Dr. Hensley wraps up Episode 24: “Unoffendable”, she drives home the importance of looking inward. She advocates for listeners to pause and reflect on why certain things offend them, encouraging them to get curious about others’ points of view rather than reacting. By exploring differing perspectives, she suggests, we can gain valuable insight into our own beliefs and responses. Her hope is that this practice can foster greater empathy and understanding, ultimately helping to bridge divides and bring us closer together in a more united world.

This episode serves as both a challenge and a reminder from Dr. Hensley to practice resilience, self-reflection, and compassion in a world quick to divide.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The spirit of offense in today's culture.

· The toll that being easily offended takes on the nervous system.

· The importance of creating grit and curiosity in our children so that can be open minded to others points of view.

· What happens when we become offended.

. Terror Management Theory. What is it and how does it apply to offensiveness.

. The importance of gaining control and clarity around our offensivness within our most imtimate relationships.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Are you becoming too easily offended?

· Are you able to recognize when you are offended and how it affects your day to day life?

· How can I create more grit and curiosity within myself in order to teach my children the same practices?

. How am I allowing offensivness to affect my most important relationships, and in turn how is it affecting my body and mind?

. How can I gain more insight around why certain things offend me?

Episode 23 | Raising Secure Children Oct 22, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 23 “Raising Secure Children,” Dr. Hensley delves into how attachment theory is not just relevant to romantic relationships but also plays a critical role in parenting. She explains that our attachment styles directly affect our children’s attachment styles, which can shape how they choose romantic partners in the future. Dr. Hensley emphasizes that achieving your own attachment security is essential for raising secure children.

The episode begins with Dr. Hensley reflecting on what she would have done differently as a parent, starting with the importance of choosing the right partner. She highlights that secure individuals tend to attract secure partners, while insecure individuals often attract others with insecure attachment styles. Dr. Hensley notes that this choice of partner not only influences attachment but also affects overall life happiness and success.

Raina shares a personal story about how triggers from a past relationship impacted her parenting recently. She discusses a situation where her unresolved emotional pain affected her interaction with her son. Raina describes the guilt she felt but focuses on the repair process, where she admitted her mistake to her son and explained that she is still working through her own challenges. Dr. Hensley stresses that mistakes in parenting are inevitable, but secure parenting lies in how we repair those mistakes—similar to how conflicts are resolved in romantic relationships.

Dr. Hensley goes on to explain that our nervous systems remember trauma, which is why repairing emotional rifts with children is crucial. Children constantly seek emotional safety from their caregivers, so it’s important to show them that parents are human while ensuring that they don’t remain dysregulated or uncertain about the stability of the relationship. Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of teaching children how to regulate their emotions and modeling accountability when parents make mistakes.

She also discusses parenting tactics she would avoid, starting with the “cry-it-out” method. Dr. Hensley admits she used this method with her first child but now challenges the approach, arguing that it can negatively impact a child’s nervous system and attachment security. She critiques sleep training specialists who promote this tactic, citing the scientific connection between crying it out and attachment insecurity.

Another parenting pitfall Dr. Hensley would avoid is dismissing or punishing a child’s emotions. She explains that phrases like “You’re fine” or “Get over it” can invalidate a child’s feelings and hinder their emotional development. Instead, she recommends guiding children through the process of understanding and labeling their emotions, which aids in emotional regulation and prevents suppressing feelings, which can lead to avoidant attachment. Dr. Hensley provides a real-life example of how she helps her daughter process big emotions, emphasizing the importance of validating a child’s experiences.

As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley talks about teaching children how to feel and energetically move their emotions through their bodies. This practice, she says, is key to mood regulation, physiological health, and helping children develop a deeper awareness of their bodies. She also underscores the value of teaching children to set boundaries confidently so they grow up knowing how to prioritize their own needs and desires, rather than becoming people-pleasers.

The episode wraps up with a discussion about the importance of teaching accountability. Dr. Hensley encourages parents to show children how to apologize sincerely, without shifting blame or including excuses. Raina and Dr. Hensley conclude by reiterating the significance of parents working on their own attachment security to model healthy, secure behavior for their children. They emphasize that it’s never too late to start teaching children what secure attachment looks like and how to nurture it.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· How attachment plays a role in how we parent our children.

· The importance of choosing the correct partner to have or raise children with.

· The importance of how we repair emotional situations with our children

· The importance of teaching children emotional regulation.

. Things Dr. Hensley would have done different or would never do on her quest to raising secure children.

. The importance of reaching your own attachment security in order to raise secure children.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Are you allowing your own attachment wounds to influence how you parent your children?

· Is your relationship with your current or ex partner influencing how you parent your children?

· How can I start attuning to my children's emotional needs better?

. Am I dismissing or even punishing my children's emotions at times?

. Am I teaching my children how to set appropriate boundries and how to take accountability?

Episode 22 | Our Walks with God Oct 15, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 22 – “Our Walks with God” In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Hensley and Raina take a deep dive into their personal faith journeys and how they became the strong Christian women they are today. They start by addressing the backlash they’ve received for speaking openly about their faith in previous episodes and dedicate this entire episode to explaining why their faith is so important.

Right from the beginning, they provide a disclaimer, encouraging listeners who may not be interested in the topic to skip this episode without judgment. However, they also invite anyone who is curious about how people, including them, develop such strong faith to stay and listen.

Dr. Hensley draws powerful connections between psychology and spirituality, highlighting how many psychological principles have roots in the Bible. She shares her belief that God speaks to us through our thoughts and that while He doesn’t interfere with free will, He gives us the chance every day to align with Him or with opposing forces.

The episode then shifts to their personal stories, with both women reflecting on their upbringings. They also openly admit that their faith hasn’t always been easy. They discuss their past struggles, often questioning God’s existence, and wondering why bad things happen to good people. Dr. Hensley offers a candid, human perspective on these questions.

Midway through, Dr. Hensley shares a transformative experience from a “Be in Health” retreat where she underwent deliverance. Initially skeptical and fearful, she describes how deliverance healed her from pain and debilitating vestibular migraines, leaving her feeling like a new person. This experience also deepened her understanding of the connection between spirituality, physiology, and psychology.

To wrap up, Dr. Hensley delves into how her healing experience led her to explore the psychology of healing, uncovering profound parallels between the two disciplines. She emphasizes her practice’s inclusivity, where clients are welcome to choose between Christian or secular approaches to coaching, stressing the importance of acceptance and respect for all faiths. This episode is a vulnerable and insightful look into the personal walks of faith that have shaped these two women’s lives and their work.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· How each host experienced religion and spirtuality growing up.

· Emphasized acceptance if you prefer to not listen to this episode.

· The parallels between spirtuality and psychology.

· Each host personal story of how and when their fiath shifted.

. Deliverance and how Dr. Hensley personally experienced it through "Be In Health" a personal retreat that she attended that healed her pain and changed her life.

. The importance of acceptance and how Dr. Hensley practices both a secular and spirtual coaching strategy for her clients. She allows the client to choose which they prefer.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Are you allowing your personal upbrining around faith to interfere with your relationship with God.

· Even if you aren't a Christian, is this episode worth listening to in order to explore a deeper understanding around faith?

· How can I start seeing the similarites in psychology and spirtuality, and how can I combine the two to make my relationships stronger?

. Am I afraid to be on fire about my faith for fear of turning people away?

. Regardless of my faith perspective, could Dr. Hensley's coaching strategies be right for me?

Episode 21 | Pop Psychology is Not Psychology Oct 08, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 21: "Pop Psychology is Not Psychology." In this episode, Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher break down several misconceptions and misuses of psychological concepts that are often spread through social media and pop culture.

“Not everyone you dislike is a narcissist.” Dr. Hensley explains how narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is difficult to diagnose and measure, primarily because individuals with NPD are often manipulative and lack self-awareness. NPD exists on a spectrum, and while some people may show narcissistic traits, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have NPD. She encourages listeners to revisit episode 10, “Are They a Narcissist?” to learn the differences between narcissistic traits and attachment insecurities.
“Not every unpleasant experience is trauma.” Trauma is highly nuanced and specific to each individual’s perception and experience. Labeling every unpleasant event as trauma can actually undermine one’s nervous system and create a victim mentality. Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss how their generation has raised children with an aversion to all discomfort, resulting in a generation with poor coping skills. Dr. Hensley advocates for attachment-based parenting and shares tools she used with her own children, emphasizing the importance of teaching regulation as a foundation for resilience.
“Having needs does not make you co-dependent.” Dr. Hensley breaks down the difference between expressing needs and being co-dependent. Raina shares a personal story about her son and his young relationship, illustrating that stating your needs doesn’t make you a bad partner—sacrificing them to keep the peace, however, may indicate co-dependency.
“Disagreeing does not mean someone is gaslighting you.” Disagreements are a normal part of communication, and differing perspectives don’t necessarily equate to gaslighting. Dr. Hensley explains that people view reality through their own lenses, shaped by experiences and upbringing. Just because someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean they are trying to manipulate you; they may simply be trying to convey their reality.
“Not all conflict is abuse.” The hosts tackle the misconception that any form of conflict is abusive. Dr. Hensley highlights that voice inflation is a normal part of heated discussions and does not equate to abuse. She shares her own boundaries around conflict in her marriage, such as not tolerating yelling, cursing, physical aggression, or threatening divorce. Through her personal experiences, Dr. Hensley gives listeners a clearer picture of what abuse actually looks like.
“Taking offense is not being triggered.” Being unoffendable is a key skill for regulating attachment insecurities. Dr. Hensley explains that being offended by someone’s words on social media doesn’t mean you’re being triggered. Understanding what a true trigger is—something that activates deep-seated trauma or unresolved issues—is crucial for emotional regulation.
“Everything does not need to be normalized.” “Normal as in common does not always mean normal as in healthy,” Dr. Hensley states. The hosts discuss the societal push to “normalize” things that may not be healthy, sometimes confusing social acceptance with psychological wellness. Dr. Hensley emphasizes that some behaviors we try to normalize might be indicative of mental illness.
“Speaking like an HR memo is not self-awareness.” Dr. Hensley shares a personal anecdote about falling into “teacher mode” in her own marriage and how her husband has to call her on it. She then realizes that it creates distance rather than connection. Speaking in an authoritative or clinical tone, even with good intentions, can come across as detached and lack vulnerability. Dr. Hensley wraps up by advising listeners to seek professionals who are well-versed in real psychological principles. She warns against the proliferation of self-proclaimed experts on the internet and encourages her audience to research credentials and ensure they’re working with someone who has the proper education and expertise. Tune in to this episode for a thought-provoking discussion on the difference between genuine psychological understanding and the oversimplified “pop psychology” narratives that dominate social media.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· What is pop psychology.

· Not everyone you dislike is a narcissit.

· Not every unpleasant experience is trauma.

· Having needs does not make you co-dependent.

· Disagreeing does not mean someone is gaslighting you.

. Not all conflict is abuse . Taking offense is not being triggered. . Everything does not need to be normalized. . Speaking like an HR memo is not self-awareness. . The importance of finding trained and educated professionals in the field of psychology that can help you on your healing journey.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Are you allowing pop psychology to influence your feelings?

· How is social media influencing your ideas and knowledge around mental health?

· How can you take each of the topics discussed in this episode and digest them to ensure you are not allowing pop psychology to influence the way you feel and act?
. Are you seeking out credible resources and doing your due diligence when it comes to finding the correct mental health professional?

Episode 20 | Taking Back Your Personal Power Oct 01, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 20: "Taking Back Your Personal Power." In this compelling episode, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the concept of personal power, highlighting that no one can truly "take" our power; instead, we often surrender it, many times without realizing we’re doing so. Dr. Hensley explains that certain relationship dynamics, especially those involving a narcissist or a dismissive avoidant, are more prone to creating a sense of lost power for one partner. Dr. Hensley gives an example used by a fellow influencer, called "The Namless Narcissit" Narcissists, how he explains that narcissiste don’t try to control to achieve specific outcomes but rather as a way to prove to themselves that they can. This creates a dictatorial dynamic where the partner being dictated to often feels powerless and trapped.

Dr. Hensley shares a vulnerable moment from her own life, discussing a recent experience where she found herself feeling desperate to regain her own sense of power. Admitting to returning to therapy, she explores the ruminating thoughts and the reasons behind her perceived loss of power. She emphasizes the importance of finding a good therapist—one who doesn’t reinforce victimhood but instead helps clients understand that surrendering power is ultimately a choice. Therapists should challenge clients to take ownership of their decisions and help them reclaim their autonomy.

Dr. Hensley then explores how different attachment styles manifest in relation to personal power. She notes that dismissive avoidants are typically the ones dictating the tone of the relationship and rarely visibly surrender their power. In contrast, anxious attachment styles, such as anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant who lean anxious, are more likely to give up their personal power, leading to increased anxiety and emotional turmoil.

As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley discusses what a healthy balance of power looks like in relationships. She outlines three key components of balanced power: (1) both partners taking personal accountability for their behaviors, (2) avoiding blame-shifting, and (3) not getting trapped in rumination or self-pity. Furthermore, maintaining a balance of power includes equitable distribution of daily responsibilities and the ability to pick up slack without building resentment. When both partners can approach these behaviors with mutual respect, grace, and humility, the power dynamics within the relationship remain balanced, fostering a healthy and thriving partnership.

To wrap up, both Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher share personal anecdotes about reclaiming their power and using failed relationships as opportunities for growth. They emphasize that taking back one’s power means being secure in who you are and setting boundaries that limit access to oneself to only those who are willing to reciprocate honor, love, and respect. Ultimately, reclaiming personal power is about stepping into your authentic self and reinforcing your self-worth in every relationship dynamic.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The difference in someone taking your personal power and surrendering it.

· The most prevelant relationship dynamic where one partner feels a loss of personal power.

· The importance of therapy, specifically good therapy, where the therapist does not reinforce victimhood, but instead helps you understand that surrendering personal power is a choice.

. How the different attachment styles surrender thier personal power.

. What a healthy balance of power looks like in relationships.

. Real life examples from both host on how they reclaimed thier personal power after failed relationships.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· Are you choosing to surrender your personal power?

· How are you losing your personal power based on your attachment style?

. In what ways are you and your partner balancing power dynamics in your relationship?

· Is staying in a state of victimhood stripping you of your personal power?

. How can you reclaim your personal power and once and for all become securely attached?

Episode 19 | Nervous System Regulation with Expert Guest Dana Doswell Sep 24, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 19: "Nervous System Regulation with expert guest Dana Doswell." In this powerful episode, Dr. Hensley welcomes special guest Dana Doswell, a nervous system expert and mentor. Dr. Hensley begins by sharing how much she’s learned from Dana’s expertise in nervous system regulation, expressing deep gratitude for the transformative knowledge that has not only enhanced her personal life but also strengthened her professional practice.

Dana takes us back to the beginning of her journey, explaining how she first became aware of her own low-level nervous system dysregulation. Like many high-functioning, successful individuals, Dana describes how she went through life ignoring the signals her body was sending her—until a complete nervous system collapse forced her to seek help. She candidly discusses how traditional talk therapy only provided short-term relief, leading her to explore deeper interventions.

Her search led her to discover polyvagal theory, which became a turning point in her healing journey. Dana delves into how she realized the disorganization of her nervous system and how somatic work—integrating the body into the healing process—became essential. This discovery ignited her passion for studying evolution, psychology, neuroscience, and somatic healing, which she applied directly to her own life with profound results.

Dr. Hensley then shares her parallel journey, explaining how her personal experiences similarly inspired her to dive into spiritual, somatic, and nervous system healing, eventually shaping her work to help others heal.

Dana highlights one of the most profound lessons she learned in her studies: the impact of shame on the nervous system. She discusses in detail how shame, particularly within the context of religion and basic bodily functions, deeply affects our bodies and behavior. Dana emphasizes the need to acknowledge our basic physiological needs and accept our "animalistic" nature, a fundamental step in healing an overtaxed nervous system that’s often overlooked.

She further explores the concept of "functional freeze," a state many high-functioning people find themselves in. Because high performers often attach their self-worth to their productivity and intelligence, they struggle with feelings of failure when they try to rest, triggering nervous system dysregulation.

The conversation then turns to the topic of retraumatization and the role that rumination plays in nervous system imbalance. Dana provides practical, step-by-step guidance on how to address rumination from a somatic perspective, offering techniques to locate and resource the feelings in different parts of the body.

Dana concludes by sharing that the best way to understand and regulate your nervous system is through relationships—whether that’s with a partner, yourself, or even objects in your environment. She explains how every relationship has a "flavor," and that flavor influences how your nervous system responds.

Dr. Hensley wraps up the episode by highlighting that the key to nervous system regulation is to deshame your experiences. Both women express their gratitude for the conversation, and Dr. Hensley shares ways for listeners to connect with Dana on social media. This episode is rich in insights on nervous system health, offering valuable tools for both personal and relational healing.

You can find Dana Doswell, Nervous System Regulation Expert & Mentor on social media @danadozzyy or see all her services at www.danadozzy.com.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· Dana's background and how she became an expert and mentor with nervous system regulation.

· How her learnings of somatic healing and the polyvagal theory played a big role in her own nervous system healing journey.

· The role that shame plays on nervous system deregulation.

. How high functioning, successful people sometimes end up in functional freeze and nervous system collapse.

. Why and how rumination is such a large component of nervous system deregulation and how to deal with it.

. The impact that realtionships with everything around you have on the nervous system.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· Are you acknowledging and meeting your basic physiological needs like when you have to use the bathroom, or when you are thirsty or hungry?

· How are you allowing shame into your life in turn disregulating your nervous system?

. Are you experiencing some level of functional freeze?

· What flavor are you giving to the relationships to the people and things around you?

. How can I seek help and safety to heal my nervous system once and for all?

Episode 18 | How to Handle the Haters Sep 17, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 18: "How to Handle the Haters." Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher respond to their first negative podcast review. The criticism accused them of only discussing heterosexual relationships and being overly focused on their Christian faith. Dr. Hensley addresses this by clarifying that attachment theory is a universal framework, unaffected by gender or sexual orientation. Whether in same-sex or opposite-sex relationships, attachment behaviors remain consistent. Though both women have shared their own experiences as heterosexuals, they emphasize their inclusivity of all genders and sexual orientations.

Raina also humorously addresses a claim in the review regarding her husband’s influence over her reproductive choices, setting the record straight that such decisions are entirely her own. Both hosts laughed at the assumption and used the moment to assert their independence.

The episode then tackles the criticism about the role of Christianity in their podcast. Dr. Hensley acknowledges her faith but explains that she provides both spiritual and secular approaches in her coaching, respecting the beliefs of her clients. She asserts that while her faith is part of her identity, it doesn’t dictate her coaching unless requested by the client.

The conversation then shifts toward how to handle negative comments or "haters" in general. Dr. Hensley ties this to attachment security, highlighting the importance of not internalizing others' judgments. She shares personal stories of dealing with criticism and emphasizes the power of showing up authentically. She explains that secure attachment allows people to accept rejection without it affecting their self-worth, and that curiosity toward others' negative behavior can often reveal their own insecurities and pain. The episode concludes with Dr. Hensley’s advice: Don’t let the haters dictate your emotional state, and choose joy despite negativity. By embracing secure attachment, listeners can free themselves from being offended by the ignorance and hate of others.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The negative review and how it affected both Raina and Dr. Hensley.

· Setting the record straight on the comments in the negative review.

· How attachment insecurites are not gender specific, nor sexual orientation specific.

. How Dr. Hensley approaches her Chritian perspective within her practice.

. The importance on achieving your attachment security when dealing with haters and/or offensiveness.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· How are you allowing others to dictate your joy based on what they may say or think about you?

· How often are you allowing people who may differ from you to offend you?

. How can you lean into people with more curiosity versus reactivity?

· Are you allowing someones narrative of you to ruminate in your own thoughts?

. Do I need Dr. Hensley and her resources to achieve my attachment security?

Episode 17 | Post Separation Abuse Sep 10, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 17: "Post Separation Abuse." In this deeply personal and raw episode, Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher delve into the harrowing reality of post-separation abuse, particularly when children are involved. They shed light on the abuse that often continues long after separation or divorce, manifesting in ways that are often overlooked or misunderstood by the justice system.

Dr. Hensley and Raina draw from their own experiences, providing a candid discussion on how the justice system failed them in the aftermath of their separations from their children’s fathers. They recount how the courts, lacking proper professionals equipped to handle the emotional complexities of post-separation dynamics, tend to revictimize families. The episode explores the challenges surrounding child custody, time-sharing, and financial arrangements, revealing how the system frequently falls short of protecting those most vulnerable—especially the children.

Challenging common misconceptions, Dr. Hensley debunks the notion that post-separation abuse is solely a male-to-female phenomenon. She highlights cases where women are the abusers post-separation, suggesting that in these instances, they may have been the abusers during the relationship as well. This perspective invites listeners to rethink the narratives often presented in cases of domestic and post-separation abuse.

The discussion then turns to reactive abuse, where Dr. Hensley explains how extreme stress and provocation can drive individuals to act violently, often in ways that are completely out of character. This phenomenon, she argues, is a critical aspect of understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships and the fallout that can occur even after separation.

The impact of post-separation abuse on children is a central theme in the episode. Dr. Hensley emphasizes the long-term effects on children who are used as pawns in their parents' conflicts, which can lead to significant emotional and psychological problems as they grow up. She explores the psychology of abusers, who often manipulate reality to the point of believing their own lies, perpetuating a cycle of abuse that can have devastating consequences for their children.

Dr. Hensley also distinguishes between attachment issues and personality disorders, such as narcissism, explaining how the latter can make co-parenting nearly impossible. She argues that the court system is often ill-equipped to recognize these psychological nuances, leading to decisions that may not be in the best interest of the children. The episode underscores the need for professionals trained in psychology, rather than solely relying on legal experts, to make informed decisions in family court cases.

As the episode draws to a close, Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss the deep injustices within the family court system, particularly the ease with which false allegations can be weaponized to alienate and control. Raina shares her own painful experience of being falsely accused, detailing the profound impact it had on her and her young son.

In the final segment, Dr. Hensley advocates for systemic change, calling for the inclusion of doctorate-level professionals, skilled in psychological assessment, in family court proceedings. The episode concludes with a powerful message: the ultimate goal must be to protect the children, ensuring that they are not collateral damage in the ongoing battles between their parents. This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the complexities of post-separation, offering crucial insights into the emotional and psychological challenges that persist long after the end of a relationship.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· What is post separation abuse.

· How the justice system fails certian people who are dealing with post separation abuse.

· Post seperation abuse is not soley a male to female phenomenon.

. The difference in abuse and reactive abuse.

· The impact of post serparation abuse on children.

. Dr. Hensley's opinion on how to change the leagal system to properly advocate for the victims of abuse and post separtation abuse.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· Are you dealing with post separation abuse?

· Are you someone who has used your children as a pawn in the family court system?

. How can you start becoming a better co-parent for the sake of your child or children?

· Are you seeking the proper resources to deal with your post seperation abuse?

. How can Dr. Hensley help you in your post separation abuse journey?

Episode 16 | What it Looks and Feels Like to be Securely Attached Sep 03, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 16: "What It Looks and Feels Like to Be Securely Attached." In this insightful episode, Dr. Hensley explores the profound transformation that occurs once you achieve secure attachment. She begins by discussing the inner peace and resilience that come with attachment security, providing listeners with a glimpse into the deep sense of emotional stability that emerges. Drawing from the core components of her hybrid group coaching program, Dr. Hensley offers a clear roadmap to secure attachment.

The episode starts with an in-depth discussion on nervous system regulation, highlighting its pivotal role in achieving secure attachment. Dr. Hensley then reveals a powerful, often closely-guarded secret: meta-cognition. She explains how gaining conscious control over your thought patterns enables you to retrain your brain and provide your nervous system with new experiences of love, safety, and connection.

Dr. Hensley also covers crucial concepts such as cognitive distortions and catastrophic thinking, noting that many of her clients discover how their thoughts are predominantly negative, creating feelings of insecurity within their relationships. She emphasizes that mastering these skills begins with everyday self-talk. Only by practicing these techniques daily can you successfully apply them in moments of emotional trigger, especially within romantic relationships.

A key takeaway from the episode is Dr. Hensley’s "The Two Question Test" for challenging your thoughts: "Is this thought true?" and "Is this thought productive?" She encourages listeners to reframe any thought that doesn’t pass this test.

As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley dives into the powerful emotions of shame and rejection, explaining how they keep us trapped in a dysregulated state. She reveals that shame is a major barrier to secure attachment, often fueling feelings of unworthiness and blocking emotional growth.

In closing, Dr. Hensley outlines practical ways to begin regulating the nervous system and releasing the burden of shame. She explains the scientific basis for achieving attachment security, underscoring its importance not just for mental health, but for overall psychological amd physical well-being. She wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to build their capacity for secure behaviors, which she explores in greater depth in her course and hybrid group coaching program.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· What does Secure Attachment feel like.

· The two biggest components in secure attachment: nervous system regulation and meta-cognition.

· How negative thinking keeps you stuck in attachment insecurities.

· The role that shame plays in nervous system disregulation.

· In depth tools and ideas around how to regulate your nervous system and start achieving attachment security.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· What does your inner voice sound like?

· Are you able to consciously capture your thoughts?

. What are some childhood wounds that are contributing to your attachment insecurities and keeping you stuck from acheiving your attachment security.

· Is shame keeping you stuck, and are you shaming yourself for feeling shame?

. How can you start the practice of observing and taking authority of your thought world?

Episode 15 | How Poor Self Image is Affecting Your Relationships Aug 27, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 15: "How Poor Self Image is Affecting Your Relationships." Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the pressures that modern social norms place on self-image. They discuss how both women and men are harder on themselves than ever before, constantly critiquing their appearance in the age of Botox, fillers, and testosterone injections. In a candid conversation, Dr. Hensley and Raina openly admit that they have both had Botox and lip filler, sharing how their husbands have questioned their motivations for these choices.

The episode takes a personal turn as Dr. Hensley and Raina reveal their own struggles with self-image and how it has impacted their self-worth and relationship choices. They explore how a lack of self-esteem led them to choose unhealthy partners and stay in toxic relationships in the past. Dr. Hensley also sheds light on the often overlooked issue of men's body image struggles, sharing her husband's experiences and discussing how men, too, can be victims of abuse—both topics that are rarely acknowledged in society.

The conversation then shifts to the root causes of self-image issues, including the influence of upbringing and the way caregivers' views on appearance can shape a child's self-perception. In this heartfelt and vulnerable episode, both hosts reflect on their ongoing battles with shame, negative self-talk, and perfectionism, emphasizing that healing is a journey they are still on. Toward the end, Dr. Hensley and Raina tackle the trending topic of weight loss injections, discussing their own experiences with these interventions and how emerging research suggests they might help release inflammation in those with severe trauma, who often hold onto stress hormones like cortisol. They conclude the episode by stressing the importance of not idolizing beauty and self-image above one's relationship with self, partner, and God, and they encourage listeners to let go of the pursuit of perfectionism.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· How social norms are affecting your self image.

· How both women and men are under tremendous pressures to keep up with social norms.

· How poor self worth leads to poor partner choices and staying in toxic, unhelathy relationships.

· The root causes of poor self image issues.

· How to let go of the pursuit to perfectionism.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· How are you speaking to yourself?

· What does your internal voice sound like?

. Are you allowing poor self image to affect the way you treat your partner and children?

· Are you idolizing beauty?

. Are you placing how you look above relationship to self, relationship to partner, and relationship to God?

Episode 14 | Why We Choose the Partners We Choose Aug 20, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 14: "Why We Choose the Partners We Choose," Dr. Hensley delves deep into the psychology behind partner selection, focusing on how attachment styles influence our romantic choices. She begins by explaining how each attachment style—, the fearful avoidant, the anxious pre-occupied, and the dismissive avoidant, —guides us toward certain types of partners, often driven by subconscious wounds formed in childhood.

Dr. Hensley provides an in-depth analysis of the dynamics between fearful avoidants and dismissive avoidants, exploring why fearful avoidants are often drawn to partners who exhibit avoidant, narcissistic, or even abusive behaviors. She emphasizes how these dynamics are rooted in unresolved childhood needs, where the subconscious mind seeks to recreate familiar scenarios in an attempt to achieve a "happy ending."

One of the key points Dr. Hensley discusses is how attachment insecurities can lead people to confuse anxiety with chemistry, resulting in strong attachments to the wrong individuals. She further examines the dismissive avoidant attachment style, shedding light on why dismissive avoidants choose the partners they do, and the patterns that emerge in these relationships.

As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley shifts focus to what happens when a securely attached person enters your life. She highlights the red flags of attachment insecurities and explains how, once you achieve attachment security, these red flags become more apparent, leading to a natural aversion—or "the ick"—toward unhealthy relationships.

In the second half of the episode, Dr. Hensley dives into the characteristics and feelings that arise when the "right" person, or a securely attached partner, shows up in your life. She discusses how recognizing this kind of healthy connection is crucial for building fulfilling and lasting relationships. Dr. Hensley’s passion shines through as she expresses her mission to help as many people as possible find attachment security, ultimately leading them toward more meaningful and loving relationships.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· Why each attachment style chooses the partner they choose.

· What role the subconscious mind plays on partner choice.

· An in depth review of the most common attachment insecurity dynamic Dr. Hensley sees in her practice, the FA/DA dynamic.

· The confusion between anxiety and chemistry.

· What it looks like and feels like to attract someone who is securely attached.

. Dr. Hensley's mission on helping as many people as possible find healthy, lasting, and fulfilling relationships.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· What types of partners am I attracting?

· What childhood wounds have contributed to my partner choices and am I trying to rewrite a happy ending to my childhood trauma?

· How are my attachment insecurities contributing to my partner choices?

. How can I start becoming securely attached so that I can start attracting a secure partner?

Episode 13 | What Happens to the Brain After Relational/Emotional Trauma Aug 13, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 13: What Happens to the Brain After Relational and Emotional Trauma. In this insightful episode of "The Love Doc Podcast", Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher explore the profound impact that relational and emotional trauma has on the brain, particularly when abuse is involved. Dr. Hensley takes listeners on a deep dive into the neurological science behind trauma, focusing on the roles of the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, and the hippocampus.

Dr. Hensley explains how these critical areas of the brain are affected by trauma, describing in detail how they may grow or shrink in response to sustained emotional stress. This transformation within the brain can lead to significant consequences, such as poor impulse control, heightened anxiety, depression, memory loss, and even addiction. The episode also includes personal reflections from both Dr. Hensley and Raina Butcher, as they share their own experiences with relational trauma. They discuss how some memories remain vivid while others fade, offering a personal perspective on the impact of trauma on memory.

The discussion progresses to the effects of retraumatization, where Dr. Hensley uses the analogy of breaking an arm in the same place to illustrate how the brain becomes more susceptible to re-injury if and when it is exposed again to any level of emotional trauma. Even though the impact of retraumatization might not be as severe, it can trigger a resurgence of specific issues or ailments within the body, particularly due to the reactivation of existing neural grooves.

As the episode wraps up, Dr. Hensley emphasizes the interconnectedness between brain health and the central nervous system. She underscores the importance of healing the brain to improve overall nervous system function, thereby reducing the risk of disease. The episode concludes on a powerful note, with Dr. Hensley and Raina highlighting the importance of healing for the sake of future generations. They stress that providing children with emotional stability and teaching them about the value of secure attachments is one of the greatest gifts a parent can offer. Tune in for an episode that blends scientific insight with heartfelt personal stories, all aimed at helping listeners understand the profound effects trauma has on the brain and the importance of healing.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· How each part of the brain is affected by relational/emotional trauma.

· How emotional/relational trauma on the brain lead to things like anxiety, depression, poor impulse control, and even addictions.

· What happens to the brain and how it reacts when there is a retraumatization.

· The effects the brain has on the central nervous system.

· How healing the brain and central nervous system can reduce the risk of disease.

. The importance of healing relational/emotional trauma for future generations.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· How has/is my relational/emotional trauma affecting me?

· Have I experienced memory loss due to my emotional trauma?

· Am I currently focused on the correct work to heal my nervous system and train my brain to know when I am experiencing a true threat to my well-being?

. How can I explore further healing for my own well-being and the well-being of my children and future generations?

Episode 12 | Dating in the Modern World Aug 06, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 12: Dating in the Modern World. In this insightful episode of "The Love Doc Podcast," Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher delve into the complexities of modern dating. Recently married, both hosts reflect on their own experiences from just a few years ago, noting how challenging the dating scene was—and likely even more so today. Dr. Hensley highlights the struggles faced by those with insecure attachment styles, particularly the dismissive-avoidant. She explains how their limited emotional needs can complicate the use of dating apps, often leading to ghosting without explanation. The hosts share personal stories about their own challenges with dating apps and how they eventually met their husbands. Raina Butcher recounts her organic meeting with her husband, prompting Dr. Hensley to offer listeners practical advice on meeting potential partners outside of dating apps. Dr. Hensley provides extensive guidance on approaching someone you're interested in. She offers concrete tips for initiating conversations and gauging mutual interest, as well as advice on enhancing attractiveness on dating apps. Drawing on the science of attraction, she discusses common physical traits that tend to be appealing.

Wrapping up the episode, Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of earning your attachment security in the dating process. She warns that those with anxious attachment often mistake red flags for chemistry and describes how avoidants may come on strong initially only to pull away later. With both issues contributing to the complexities of the dating world. Both hosts discuss how achieving secure attachment helps in recognizing red flags and avoiding time-wasters, ultimately attracting the right partner.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The complexities of the dating world.

· Why the dismissive avoidant does what they do in the dating phase of a relationship.

· Organic ways that you can meet someone.

· Attraction science and what makes someone attracted to you based on physical appearance alone.

· Why ghosting is never okay.

. The importance of achieving your attachment security in the modern dating world.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· Are dating apps working for me?

· Am I putting myself out into the world in a way that would allow for me to meet someone organically?

· Does my dating app profile reflect an appearance that someone would find attractive?

. Am I securely dating? Meaning am I showing up as my honest, unapologetic self, while also being honest with others? If not, is it time to work on healing my attachment wounds so that I can attract the right partner?

Episode 11 | Let Them Jul 30, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 11: Let Them. In Episode 11 of "The Love Doc Podcast," Dr. Hensley explores the concept of "let them" and its profound impact on relationships. She begins by addressing the common question she encounters in her practice: "How do I get my partner to [insert behavior]?" Dr. Hensley emphasizes that trying to change someone else's behavior is futile. Instead, she advises listeners to "let them" show up in their chosen way and then evaluate if that behavior aligns with their needs and desires. If it does, the relationship can flourish. If not, she discusses healthy ways to move on. Dr. Hensley explains that secure individuals do not abandon their own needs or compromise their desires in a romantic relationship. She delves into how different attachment styles struggle with the idea of "letting them." Fearful avoidant and anxious preoccupied individuals often grapple with high anxiety and fear of rejection, making it difficult for them to relinquish control. On the other hand, dismissive avoidants often fail to create an emotionally safe environment for their partners. The episode underscores the importance of achieving attachment security to navigate these complex dynamics.

Continuing, Dr. Hensley highlights how modeling secure behavior can positively influence a more insecure partner, sometimes bringing about substantial change. She stresses the significance of setting boundaries and then being comfortable with others' perceptions of you and the relationship you share. By "letting them" hold their own narratives, you can find peace and freedom in living your truth. This of course does not go without your own self reflection to ensure that you are also showing up in a healthy, secure way. Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher share personal anecdotes about friends and ex-partners they have had to let go, allowing these individuals to maintain their own (sometimes erroneous) narratives.

The episode concludes with Dr. Hensley addressing a popular question: "How do I get my ex back?" She breaks down the science of attraction and offers practical steps to assess whether rekindling a past relationship is worthwhile. Dr. Hensley also introduces her upcoming course, "How to Get Your Ex Back," set to release this fall. In the end, both Dr. Hensley and Raina Butcher emphasize the importance of letting go of people and things not meant for you, making room for what truly is. They reflect on how finding their own attachment security and practicing "letting them" ultimately led them to a deep sense of self love and to finding their husnands.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The ideas and importance behind the statement "let them."

· Addressing how the statement "How do I get my partner to" is the wrong approach when entering coaching.

· "Let them" behave how they choose to behave, then take inventory of how this aligns with you own wants and needs.

· The difference between how insecure attachment styles struggle with the idea of "let them" versus the securley attached.

· Letting go of certian people in your life and the narrative they may have about you and the relationship you shared.

. Is the effort on trying to get your ex back warrented and if so steps and advice on how to do so.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· Are anxiety and a strong need to control things standing in the way of your true healing?

· Does it bother you when someone thinks poorly of you when you try to set an appropriate boundary?

· Have you stated your needs and wants compassionatley and then let them (your partner) show up, and then taken real inventory? If so, how is your partner showing up for you?

. Are you holding onto your relationship simply so you can hold onto the narrative that you feel is the right one? Sometimes it is okay to be the villian in someone else's story as long as it grants you your peace and freedom.

Episode 10 | Are They A Narcissist? Jul 23, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 10: Are They a Narcissist? In this enlightening episode of "The Love Doc Podcast," Dr. Hensley dives into the complex world of narcissism. Drawing from a rich array of perspectives, including social psychology, evolutionary psychology, developmental psychology, and clinical psychology, Dr. Hensley explores the intricate nature of narcissism and why it’s such a widely studied yet frequently misunderstood field.

Dr. Hensley begins by examining the various theories that explain how narcissism develops in individuals. She highlights how the term "narcissist" is often overused in contemporary discourse, leading to confusion between narcissistic traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This distinction is crucial, as NPD can be both over-diagnosed and under-diagnosed. True narcissists possess a remarkable ability to manipulate those around them, including their therapists, making accurate diagnosis challenging.

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing how romantic relationships can exacerbate narcissistic traits. Dr. Hensley explains that the degree of perceived threat within these relationships can amplify existing narcissistic behaviors, complicating the dynamics between partners. One of the highlights of the episode is Dr. Hensley's in-depth analysis of attachment styles and their potential to be misinterpreted as NPD. She clarifies that attachment behaviors, while sometimes similar to narcissistic traits, are rooted in changeable behaviors that primarily manifest in romantic relationships. In contrast, true narcissism permeates all areas of a narcissist's life, including relationships with authority figures.

Dr. Hensley also sheds light on the differences between overt and covert narcissists, offering her perspective on which type she considers more dangerous. This segment provides listeners with a nuanced understanding of how narcissistic behaviors can vary widely and the specific risks associated with each type.

Throughout the episode, both Dr. Hensley and her co-host, Raina Butcher, share their personal experiences with narcissists, adding a relatable and practical dimension to the discussion. In the final segment, Dr. Hensley addresses the profound impact of narcissism on children, emphasizing how narcissists often use their children to exert control and manipulate, resulting in deep psychological scars.

Dr. Hensley and Raina conclude the episode with a message of hope, providing practical advice and resources for those dealing with narcissistic abuse. They emphasize that understanding and addressing narcissism can lead to healthier relationships and personal growth. Join Dr. Hensley and Raina Butcher for this compelling and insightful exploration of narcissism, offering valuable perspectives for anyone navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals.

Disclaimer: None of the material contained herein is medical advice. The advice and perspective that Dr. Hensley suggest are strictly that of opinion with highlights of scientific research.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The science behind narcissism.

· The theories that explain how narcissism develops.

· The threat that narcisstic traits play in our romatic relationships.

· The difference between behaviors of specific attachment styles and the narcissist.

· The difference between the overt and covert narcissist.

Consider/Ask Yourself

· What are the differences between Narcissitic Personality Disorder and narcissitic traits?

· Is your partner a true narcissist or do they just have attachement wounding and insecurities?

· If dealing with a narcissitic partner how can I seek intervention for myself and my children?

Episode 9 | Settling the Confusion between the Fearful Avoidant and the Dismissive Avoidant Jul 16, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 9 (announced as Episode 8 in audio): "Settling the Confusion between the Fearful Avoidant and the Dismissive Avoidant." In this enlightening episode Dr. Hensley delves deep into the often misunderstood world of attachment styles, focusing specifically on the Fearful Avoidant (FA) and the Dismissive Avoidant (DA). While their names suggest similarity, Dr. Hensley reveals the significant differences in the behaviors and motivations underlying these two styles. Dr. Hensley meticulously describes how the Fearful Avoidant (FA) exhibits both anxious and avoidant behaviors due to a complex mix of fear and anxiety, often oscillating between seeking closeness and sometimes pushing away when they feel betrayed. This oscillation can be heavily influenced by various factors, including the attachment style of their partner. In contrast, the Dismissive Avoidant (DA) maintains distance primarily as a means of preserving independence and autonomy, showing little interest in emotional closeness.

Through vivid examples and detailed explanations, Dr. Hensley highlights the typical dynamics seen in FA/DA partnerships. These relationships are often marked by one partner's pursuit of intimacy and connection, which can manifest as anxious behaviors or even aggression, while the other partner retreats further into avoidance. This push-pull dynamic creates a cycle of misunderstanding and frustration, leaving partners feeling perpetually out of sync. Drawing from her extensive experience in relationship coaching, Dr. Hensley shares how she navigates these complex dynamics in her hybrid group coaching program. She provides actionable tools and strategies to help couples achieve a balance that honors both the DA's need for autonomy and the FA's desire for intimacy. Through structured guidance and support, she helps partners break the vicious cycle and cultivate a harmonious and fulfilling relationship. Join Dr. Hensley in this episode as she unpacks the intricacies of these attachment styles and offers practical solutions for creating lasting change and deeper connection in romantic partnerships.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visist the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The behaviors of the Fearful Avoidant.

· The behaviors of the Dismissive Avoidant.

· The subconcious wounds that each attachment style expereinces and why.

· The Fearful Avoidant/ Dismissive Avoidant romatic relationship dynamic and why it is one of the most complex.

· Ways in which the FA/DA romatic relationship dynamic can make it work.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Are you more Fearful Avoidant or Dismissive Avoidant?

· How have your childhood expereinces and relationship to your caregivers influenced your attachment style?

· Based on which attachment style that you relate to the most, are there ways in which you are willing to change to help with the outcome of your romatic relationship?

· How committed are you to make the changes necessary to heal your attachment style?

Episode 8 | Be Kind but Take No Shit Jul 09, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 8: Be Kind but Take No Shit. In this compelling continuation of our two-part series, we dive deeper into the critical topic of how to cope when someone wrongfully hurts you. While the previous episode centered on the Faith perspective—emphasizing forgiveness, kindness, and holding strong to scripture as a way to stay out of the spirit of revenge and bitterness—this episode shifts focus to the essential practice of setting hard boundaries when someone wronfully hurts you.

Join Dr. Hensley as she explores the art of being kind while taking no shit. She delves into the importance of establishing boundaries, recognizing when it’s time to set them, and understanding what these boundaries look like. Drawing on both psychological insights and biblical teachings, Dr. Hensley illustrates how even Jesus advocated for lovingly setting boundaries. With raw honesty, Dr. Hensley shares her personal journey of dealing with a recent painful experience. She explains how she enforced consequences for the wrongful actions of others toward her and her family, embodying the principle of being kind but firm.

As the episode continues, Dr. Hensley touches on why setting boundaries can be particularly challenging for those with attachment insecurities and how fear can hinder a persons ability to set, and stick to a boundary, sometimes resulting in them being unable to protect themselves from being hurt over and over. She explores why boundary setting is so important for both the person setting the boundary and the person that the boundary is set against. She gives concrete, real life examples of what a boundary looks like, and even what to say in particular situations within romatic relationships. Prepare to be empowered by this authentic episode, which will inspire you to establish your own personal boundaries, enabling you to live a life where you remain kind but uncompromising.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visist the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· What it looks like to stay kind, while also taking no shit.

· Ways in which Jesus and scripture spoke about setting firm boundaries.

· When is the right time to set a boundary and what does a firm boundary look and sound like.

· Why setting boundaries for specific attachment styles is so difficult.

· Why boundary setting is so important in all of your relationships.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Are you able to set the correct boundaries with the people in your life?

· Are you being your partners doormat and in turn enabling your partner's behavior by not setting firm boundaries?

· Are you setting boundaries out of bitterness, rebellion, or as a way to seek revenge against someone who hurt you?

· How committed are you to your boundaries? Are you setting them and staying stedfast in your follow through, regardless of the natural consequences?

Episode 7 | How to Cope When Someone Wrongfully Hurts You (Part 1) Jul 02, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 7: How to Cope When Someone Wrongfully Hurts You (Part 1) In this heartfelt episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the faith perspective on coping when wrongfully hurt by someone. Drawing from a current, profoundly painful personal experience affecting her family, Dr. Hensley shares candid real-life examples of how she navigates the challenging emotions of hate, fear, and the desire for revenge. She emphasizes the importance of transcending these feelings by embracing the spirit of God. Dr. Hensley delves into specific Bible verses that have provided her solace and guidance during times of heartache and loss of control. She also integrates a psychological perspective, offering practical tools to manage your thoughts and regulate your nervous system during distressing situations. This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their faith and find spiritual strategies to cope with pain. Dr. Hensley’s insights help listeners move from the flesh to the spirit of the Lord, fostering inner peace and resilience.

**Disclaimer:** Dr. Hensley’s practice encompasses both spiritual and secular approaches. She welcomes all faiths, including those without religious beliefs, and is committed to providing perspectives tailored to individual preferences.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The right ways to cope when someone hurts you.

· How to escape your flesh and move into the spirt and word of God to heal.

· Psychological perspecitves of how to cope when someone hurts you.

· How the different attachment styles deal with the pain of when someone wrongfully hurts them.

· How to overcome feelings of hate, fear, and wanting to seek revenge.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· How are my thoughts contributing to feelings of hate and fear when someone wrongfully hurts me?

· Am I seeking the word of God in my healing journey?

· Have I had ruminating thoughts around seeking revenge against the person who hurt me?

· How is my attachment style contributing to me staying in my flesh instead of seeking the word of God?

Episode 6 | Understanding How You Want to be Loved Through Your Attachment Style Jun 25, 2024

Episode 6: Understanding How You want to be Loved Through Your Attachment Style. Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In this insightful episode of "How Do You Want to Be Loved," we delve into the profound ways people seek and experience love based on their attachment styles. Drawing from our personal journeys in marriage and past relationships, we reflect on how each relationship has been a stepping stone in understanding our own needs and desires, ultimately leading us to our wonderful husbands.

Dr. Hensley, expands the conversation by emphasizing that truly loving your partner goes beyond the five love languages. She explains that these languages are just the beginning, a surface-level understanding. To genuinely connect, one must delve deeper. For example, a Fearful Avoidant might cherish gifts, but not just any gift—they desire something unique that mirrors their individuality, showing that you truly see and understand them. Dr. Hensley highlights the importance of studying your partner, gathering insights, and learning to avoid their triggers. This attentive approach, focused on meeting your partner's specific needs, is essential for a thriving relationship. She underscores the necessity of earning attachment security, which involves a radical self-discovery journey and a mindset shift from "how do I get them to" to "what is it about me that accepts this circumstance."

Further, Dr. Hensley discusses the power of "speaking life" into your relationship. This means actively communicating with your partner about how they wish to be loved, what feels good to them, and how you can love them better. Co-host Raina Butcher wraps up the episode by affirming Dr. Hensley's insights and sharing the tangible results her clients have achieved through her guidance. Dr. Hensley's expertise in teaching people how to love one another authentically is not just theoretical; it's transformative. Join us for this episode to explore how understanding and nurturing attachment styles can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections in your relationships.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· How each attachment style prefers to be loved.

· Why Attachment Style is the number one predictor of people's love needs.

· How the five love languages are only the surface of understanding how someone wants to be loved.

· The deeper meaning behind all the love languages.

· How to avoid your partners triggers so that they feel more loved.

· How to gather data and take inventory on your partner so you can discover on a deeper level how they prefer to be loved.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· How is that you prefer to be loved?

· Is your partner willing to understand how it is that you prefer to be loved?

. What is the deeper meaning of your love language?

· Are you actively working on avoiding your partners triggers as a way to show them that you see and understand them.

· Are you speaking up to what your needs are, so that your partner is aware of how you want to be loved?

· How important is it to me that I achieve my attachment security so that both mine and my partners love needs are met?

Episode 5 | Living in Victimhood Jun 18, 2024

Episode 5: Living in Victimhood

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 5 “Living in Victimhood," is where we delve into this profound and often painful topic. Join Dr. Hensley as she draws from both her extensive coaching experience and her deeply personal journey to explore why some people get stuck in a state of victimization while others rise above it to experience post-traumatic growth. In this emotional and revealing episode, Dr. Hensley opens up about her own struggles with victimhood. She shares intimate stories of her past, candidly discussing how she played a role in her own victimization and the steps she took to break free from it. Her vulnerability offers listeners a rare glimpse into the person behind "The Love Doc," showcasing her resilience and determination to transform her pain into a powerful tool for helping others. Dr. Hensley also dives into the psychology behind victimhood, explaining the pathologies that keep individuals trapped in a cycle of suffering. She explores the factors that lead some people to experience post-traumatic stress, while others find a way to grow and thrive after trauma. Through real-life examples from her coaching practice, Dr. Hensley illustrates common patterns of victimhood and provides actionable strategies to overcome them.

This episode is not just about understanding victimhood; it's about empowering listeners to recognize and break free from their own cycles of self-victimization. Dr. Hensley's personal triumph story serves as a beacon of hope, demonstrating that it is possible to heal, grow, and transform even the deepest relational traumas into a source of strength and purpose. Tune in to Episode 5 of "The Love Doc Podcast" for a heartfelt, insightful, and inspiring conversation that will challenge you to look within, confront your own victimhood, and embark on a journey towards healing and empowerment. Don't miss this opportunity to connect with Dr. Hensley on a deeper level and gain valuable insights that can help you or someone you love break free from the chains of victimhood.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· Victimhood and why some people get stuck in it.

· Why some people experience post traumatic growth versus post-traumatic stress after a traumatic event.

· How victimhood is an antidote for our pain.

· The difference between being a victim and a volunteer.

· How the different attachment styles live in victimization.

· How to overcome victimhood within your own relationship.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· How have a contributed to my own victimhood?

· Am I looking within to understand and evaluate my own choices to stay in a perpetual state of traumatization?

· Have I been using victimization as an antidote to my pain?

· Am I shaming myself into healing? (Shame and healing do not mix)

· How is my attachment style contributing to me staying in a place of victimization?

Episode 4 | Why Women Won't have Sex with their Husbands/Partners Jun 11, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In this enlightening episode Dr. Hensley delves into a controversial topic that many couples struggle with: the decline in sexual intimacy over time. She begins by exploring why attraction and sex come so easily during the dating phase of a relationship, but often wane as the relationship matures. Dr. Hensley highlights a significant gender difference in sexual experiences, focusing on the primary reason many women lose interest in sex with their husbands. She explains that unmet attachment needs lead women to feel emotionally unsafe, which in turn affects their desire for sexual intimacy. To fully understand this episode, listeners are introduced to key concepts of attachment. Dr. Hensley details how different attachment style dynamics, such as Fearful Avoidant/Dismissive Avoidant and Fearful Avoidant/Fearful Avoidant, impact sexual intimacy when it comes to their individual needs. She also discusses why both men and women seek sex for validation, albeit for different reasons. The episode covers several critical points: - The challenges women face in experiencing pleasure during sex. - The roles of feminine and masculine energy in sexual intimacy. - The characteristics of the wounded masculine energy versus true masculine energy, emphasizing the importance of a man being a trusted decision-maker, who deeply understands and sees his wife.

Dr. Hensley provides a broad perspective on what a happy marriage with a healthy sex life looks like and concludes by offering specific insights into what each female attachment style needs for sexual intimacy and emotional safety. While acknowledging the controversial nature of this topic, Dr. Hensley aims to help couples achieve true sexual intimacy, leading to a beautiful and healthy sex life. Tune in for an episode filled with valuable insights and practical advice for rekindling the spark in your long-term relationship.

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

· The gender difference with sexual needs.

· One of the main reasons why wives won’t have sex with their husbands.

· The different attachment style pairings when it comes to sexual intimacy needs.

· How feminine and masculine energy play a role in sexual intimacy.

· What the wounded masculine looks like versus the true masculine.

· What each female attachment style needs to experience sexual pleasure and emotional safety.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

· Am I contributing to my partners emotional safety to keep our spark alive?

· Have I ever used sex as a band aid to avoid bigger problems in our relationship?

· What does it mean for my wife to experience true sexual pleasure? Hint: it is more than just a physical need.

· For husbands: am I being the emotional leader in my household?

· For wives: am I allowing my husband to take on a leadership role or am I criticizing him too much?

· What are my partners attachment needs and am I contributing to meeting them?

Episode 3 | How Does this Hurt You? Jun 04, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In a profound exploration of relationship dynamics, *The Love Doc* podcast presents Episode 3: "How Does This Hurt You?" Dr. Hensley embarks on a transformative journey into the heart of conflict resolution, revealing how a single question can hold the key to unlocking deeper understanding and connection in romantic partnerships. The episode opens with Dr. Hensley's poignant reflection on the transformative power of asking the question, "How does this hurt you?" Drawing from her own personal experiences, she shares a compelling real-life example of how this simple yet profound question allowed her to dismantle her own trigger cycle with her husband, leading to breakthroughs in communication and emotional intimacy. Listeners are invited to explore how this question serves as a catalyst for empathy, compassion, and curiosity within relationships, offering partners the opportunity to truly see and hear each other's perspectives. Through vivid storytelling and insightful analysis, Dr. Hensley illuminates how embracing vulnerability and openness can pave the way for resolved conflict resolution and deeper emotional connection. Delving deeper into the complexities of relationship dynamics, Dr. Hensley unpacks why so many couples find themselves trapped in never-ending conflict cycles. She shines a light on the destructive nature of defensiveness and the tendency to perceive one's own reality as the only truth, ultimately leading to stagnation and disconnection in relationships. As the episode unfolds, Dr. Hensley offers practical strategies and tools for breaking free from the cycle of conflict and forging a path towards lasting resolution and harmony with your partner. From fostering active listening skills to cultivating a mindset of empathy and understanding, listeners are empowered to navigate conflict with grace and compassion. By the episode's conclusion, listeners are equipped with a newfound understanding of the transformative power of vulnerability, empathy, and open communication in romantic partnerships. Through Dr. Hensley's expert guidance and heartfelt wisdom, *The Love Doc* podcast Episode 3 serves as a beacon of hope for couples seeking to heal, grow, and thrive in their relationships.

What is covered:

Dr. Hensley’s real life experience on how she used this question with her husband.
How this question translates into showing empathy towards your partner in the mist of conflict.
How this creates space to show love and compassion towards your partner versus defensiveness.
How this question creates space for introspection and growth with you and your partner.
Letting go of offensiveness.
How conflict should create more closeness and trust in your relationship.
Why so many couples get stuck in the never ending conflict cycle.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

What is your level of offensiveness/defensiveness within conflict?
Are you considering how the things you say may hurt your partner?
Are you willing to apologize within conflict?
Be the change you want to see in your relationship.
Why does being right within conflict matter so much to you?
Reality is subjective.
How can I be non-defensive enough to ask my partner the question of “how does this hurt you”?
Am I allowing my thoughts to ruminate and make me more defensive with my partner?

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Episode 2 | Unveiling the Subconscious Mind May 28, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In the captivating second episode of *The Love Doc* podcast, listeners are taken on an enlightening journey into the depths of the subconscious mind. Dr. Hensley, a specialized social psychologist and host of the show, delves into the intricate workings of this elusive part of the brain, unraveling its mysteries and shedding light on its profound influence on our relationships and emotional well-being. The episode begins with a comprehensive exploration of what exactly the subconscious mind is, backed by solid scientific research and insights. Dr. Hensley breaks down complex concepts into digestible chunks, offering listeners a clear understanding of the subconscious and its role in shaping our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Drawing from years of coaching experience and psychological expertise, Dr. Hensley highlights the profound impact that our early caregivers and childhood wounds have on the development of the subconscious mind. Listeners are invited to reflect on their own upbringing and how it might have influenced their subconscious patterns and beliefs. As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley unveils the fascinating ways in which the subconscious mind comes to the forefront during times of conflict, illuminating why it can be so challenging to access and understand. Through compelling examples and real-life anecdotes, listeners gain valuable insights into their own subconscious processes and how they manifest in their relationships. One of the most compelling aspects of the episode is Dr. Hensley's exploration of how the subconscious mind operates with each attachment style, but perhaps the most anticipated moment of the episode comes when Dr. Hensley shares powerful strategies for hacking the subconscious mind, empowering listeners to become more securely attached individuals in their relationships.

What is covered:

What is the subconscious mind and the science behind it.
Why the subconscious mind controls nearly 90% of human behavior.
How our childhood wounds imprint the subconscious mind.
The impact our caregivers have on the subconscious mind.
The different sections/types of the brain.
How the subconscious mind operates with each attachment style.
Understanding how to hack the subconscious mind.

Consider/ Ask yourself

How am I responding in conflict?
What are some childhood wounds that are influencing my subconscious mind?
Are there things I need to forgive my parents for?
Is my attachment style influencing how I behave during conflict?
How can I start dismantling my own trigger cycle in order to be a better partner and parent?

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Episode 1 | Should I Stay or Should I Go? May 21, 2024

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

In the debut Episode of The Love Doc Podcast, "Should I Stay, or Should I Go" Dr. Hensley and Raina Butcher explore the timeless dilemma of whether to remain in a relationship or to part ways. Drawing from her expertise in attachment theory and relationship dynamics, Dr. Hensley examines the various factors that contribute to relationship satisfaction and longevity. Listeners will learn to recognize signs of a healthy relationship, understand red flags indicating it may be time to move on, and gain valuable insights into the decision-making process when it comes to matters of the heart. Listeners can expect engaging discussions, expert insights, and actionable advice that will empower them to make informed decisions about their relationships and personal growth. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visist the links below and follow her on social media.

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout

Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder

Instagram: @the_dating_decoder

Facebook: The Dating Decoder

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

What is covered:

The trauma bond and how the brain operates within a trauma bond
The cycle of intermittent reinforcement
Toxic hope
The different psychological pathologies that create toxic environments
The psychological science behind infidelity
Why each attachment style cheats

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Dr. Hensley’s two non-negotiables……. Is there emotional, physical, sexual or financial abuse happening in the relationship? Has there been repeated infidelity?
What does emotional and financial abuse look like?
What have you and your partner already tried?
How committed is your partner to the process of improving your relationship?

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