The Indwelt Women Podcast

When Submission is Hard Mar 27, 2019

“Wives submit to your husbands in everything as to the Lord.”

Submit. In everything. Everything.

Ladies, I can hardly wrap my brain around that, let alone my heart!

I don’t know about you but submitting to anyone/anything just doesn’t happen naturally for me. I don’t want to submit. I want my plan. My agenda. My ways. My speed. My desires. My preferences and on and on and on.

But then you get married and, as a Christian women, the Bible instructs you to submit to your husband in all things.

My husband. Man. Human. A very good, respectable man, I’m sure. But still, a HUMAN!

I have this running argument in my head with God.

I am supposed to submit in all things to another human being. That blows my mind. I have this running argument in my head with God - submit to my husband in all things? This man who I see sometimes do things the way I don’t think things should be done? This man who can’t understand what it’s (truly) like to be a full time stay at home mom?!?!

This sort of submitting is almost painful for me. Don’t we all have an easier time submitting to someone who we know has experienced and gone through what we have gone through?

Have I beat this horse dead yet? So what do I do? I don’t want to just wrap a “pretty bow” with a nice Bible verse for this insanely hard thing we are called to do in a time and culture that gives us so many other options. This sort of marriage - loving, respectful, submitting is no joke. No small thing. If you’re married and trying to do it the right way, you know. So how do we as wives submit to our husbands in everything?

Submission is Trusting in the Lord

Ladies, for me, as much as I enjoy, love and respect my amazing husband, the ONLY truth that can help me do this is that God knows BETTER. THAN. ME. The truth is there are going to be times where I may follow my husband’s lead into something that doesn’t turn out the way I had hoped it would. Times where I will have to let go of something I don’t want to let go of. This isn’t to say my husband doesn’t let me have my way plenty. (If you know my outspoken self and my very soft spoken husband, you KNOW Rob lets me have most of the say). But what I am learning as I have been married for more years is that, yes, most of the time I can beg and plead my case to get my way and I will get my way but even if it’s something good I wanted, no true fruit comes from that! When I sin to get my way - disrespecting my husband with unkind words, manipulation or whining - God is not blessing those choices.

The fruit that comes from a marriage where husbands and wives are submitting to one another is beautiful. I think I’m beginning to see some of that. But for now, what I know is that my understanding of God’s love me is what guides me to obey. I have to trust that God really does love me and so obeying His ways WILL turn out to be for my best even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it.

It’s hard. In the midst of a culture that tells us we should always get what we want. Submitting to our husbands in big matters or small matters, our sinful nature is going to scream at us to fight our case. But if our God is good. If our God is the wisest being. If our God made us and knows what is best for us. If He loves us so insanely much to send His Son to take every single sin and hardship upon Himself then surely we can run to him for help. We can trust that this submission to our husbands WILL be for our good and we can run the race set before us because we have a good God that loves us.

Growing Steadfast Hearts Through Prayers Mar 20, 2019

Prayer is very important in the life of believers. We pray because we love God. We pray because God loves us and wants to spend time with us. Jesus accomplished many miracles after He prayed. Prayer was one of the last acts Jesus did. Whether you consider the garden prayer in John 17 as His last or the one on the cross found in Luke 23 verse 34, He prayed until the very end of His life on earth. The Bible says that He ever lives to intercede for us (Hebrews 7:25). If Jesus prays, so should we. The earlier we start developing a prayer life, the better.

One of the most important assignments mothers have is to prepare the hearts of their children to have an intimate relationship with God through prayer. Prayer is key to building that relationship with God because prayer is an act of faith. Hebrews 11:6 says, “without faith it is impossible to please God”. When we demonstrate our faith in God through prayer and listening to what God has to say about our lives, we not only please Him, we also build our trust and confidence that He hears us.

Knowing how to pour our hearts out to God and how to listen for direction from the Lord can help grow steadfast hearts in our children. Let’s face it, troubles come to all. Knowing how to turn to the Lord in times of trouble can help our children resist the urge to turn to substance abuse, help them recognize schemes of the devil, and help them learn how to rely on God’s provision in times of need.

Teaching our children to pray becomes a challenge when life’s demands keep us busy surviving. Fortunately, God has given us enough time in every day to do everything He has assigned for us to do. He has also given each of us a measure of creativity we need to make the most of every day. The following activities are simple strategies that will ignite passion in children to pray.

Creating A Prayer Journal

Start a prayer journal with your child. My adult daughter started a “Thankful Journal” with her second grader. They are learning to memorize Bible verses. It is very important to establish a routine of spending time with God. Journaling is an easy start. Use a composition book or spiral you purchase at the local discount store. Have your child personalize the cover and set it in a special place where it can be found. Mom, you need one as well. Journaling together at the end of the day is a great way to develop open communication with your child. Choose a Bible verse to learn each week or two weeks, depending on the age of the child. Teach your child how to turn the Bible verse into a prayer. Make prayer lists and write down prayers. Date the prayers and reflect on them from time to time. Have discussions about answers and be sure to thank God for them.

Praying Silent Prayers

Talk about Hannah (1 Samuel 1) who prayed silently in the temple. The people around her couldn’t hear what she said, but God did and He answered her prayer. Play “Guess what I’m Thinking”. Ask the child to guess what you are thinking. Of course, they won’t be able to guess, this is an open door to help children learn that God can hear our thoughts (Proverbs 15:11). This means they can pray any where and at any time. Prayer is not limited to a night time ritual. Children need to understand that God is listening to us and He cares about what we are doing. God will listen to our prayers no matter where we are and we can pause to pray whenever we feel the need.

Praying for Leaders

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,
for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.

— 1 Timothy 2:1-2

Talk to children about government leaders they may have heard about on the news or learned about at school. Create one cut stars, write the names of the government leaders, teachers, school staff, church leaders, anyone the child wants to include. Post the stars in the child’s room or designated “prayer room” at home. This reminds the child to pray. Mom and child can pray together.

Praying for those in need

Talk to children about how our prayers can help others. To demonstrate how one simple act can reach someone else, make a folded fan together. If there is time, decorate a sheet of paper before folding the fan. Both mom and child make their own fan. After the fan is completed, sit back to back and take turns fanning yourselves. “Can you feel the air from the fan behind you?” James 5:16 encourages us to pray for one another and our persistent prayers will make a difference.

Creating Psalms & Songs Together

The book of Psalms is full of prayers that are songs. Children love to create rhymes. On the commute to or from school, grocery shopping, or while shopping, try to create words that rhyme with the first line of a memory verse from a Psalm. For example, Psalm 77:11 & 12 (NIV) reads, “Lord, I will remember what You did. Yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will spend time thinking about everything You have done. I will remember all of your mighty acts.” This is clearly a prayer of thanksgiving. Turned into a rhyme would be

Lord, I remember what you did

Your miracles of long ago.

I will think about everything You have done

And will remember the mighty miracles You show.

Sing and dance freely while getting dressed or undressed. These will create moments of joy and laughter. Remember, Proverbs 17:22 says, “a merry heart does good like a medicine”.

Prayer Walks

Did you know there is a verse in the Bible about beautiful feet? Most children don’t. This activity can lead to discussions about praying for neighbors, churches, communities, and schools. Isaiah 52:7 declares that “beautiful are the feet that carry the good news and proclaim peace and salvation.” Having prayer walks around the neighborhood is great way to teach children how to cover their city with prayer. If an indoor activity is needed, trace and cut out family foot prints. Write Isaiah 52:7 on the prints and decorate them. Hang the up to remind each other to pray for your community and local church.

These are just a few activities to start building prayer habits that will last. Children will learn how to communicate with God, pray for others, and develop a consistent prayer life. While these activities involve mom and child, don’t forget to invite Dad. Remember the popular quote “A family that prays together, stays together” (Fr. Patrick Peyton).

Girl, Start Apologizing: Living in Light of the Gospel Mar 13, 2019

“Follow Your Heart.”
”You’ve Got This.”
”Be the Hero of Your Own Story.”
”She Believed She Could So She Did.”
”Do More of What Makes You Happy.”
”Girl, Stop Apologizing.”

These all seem like harmless, happy little mantras...but that’s what makes them so dangerous. Our society is grossly focused on self, but what does the Bible have to say about our ‘you can do it, power of positive thinking’ culture?

“Follow Your Heart”

Well, friend, I hate to break it to you, but our hearts are evil (Jeremiah 17:9).

Our natural, sinful bent that began in the garden is to love things that will lead us astray, and to put self above all.

For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.”

— 2 Timothy 3:2-5, ESV

Ouch. Any of these sound familiar? This is what our hearts are capable of.

So when we’re tempted to follow our hearts, let’s cling to the Word to remind us who we really are: sinners in desperate need of a Savior, in desperate need of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit (Titus 3:4-7), and In desperate need of a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

“You’ve Got This”

I’m exhausted just thinking about this one.

I am regularly overwhelmed by my responsibilities as a wife and mother, and I don’t know about you, but I am so thankful that I am not meant to go through this life relying on my own strength. That I don’t “got this.” That my insufficiency is a beautiful invitation to lean into Christ’s perfect sufficiency. That his grace is sufficient for me, and that when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). That when my heart is overwhelmed, there is a rock that is higher than I (Psalm 61:2).

“Be the Hero of Your Own Story”

This is probably the hardest one for me to reckon, because to say that I pale in comparison to the true hero of my story is so far beyond an understatement that I don’t even have the words.

Sisters, we have a hero, and HE is not us.

Jesus Christ who knew no sin yet became sin so that in him we might be the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21).
Jesus Christ who humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8).
Jesus Christ who lived the perfect life that we could never live (1 Peter 2:22) and bore our sins in his body and died the excruciating death that we deserved (1 Peter 2:24).
Jesus Christ who conquered death (1 Corinthians 15:54-56, 2 Timothy 1:10).
Jesus Christ who is able to save the uttermost, who always lives to make intercession for us (Hebrews 7:25).
Jesus Christ who is ALIVE (Matthew 28:6).

He is the hero of my story, and I pray that he is the hero of your story, too.

“She Believed She Could So She Did”

Well, this one is squashed way back in Exodus 20:3, in the first of the Ten Commandments. “You shall have no other gods before me.”

When we believe in ourselves we are deceived at best and idolaters at worst. The only power we have is the power of Christ that lives in us through the free gift of salvation that we receive by faith alone, by grace alone, through Christ alone.

Our justification should not lead us to self-sufficiency, but to worship (Ephesians 2:8).

“Do More of What Makes You Happy”

God does not call us to happiness, he calls us to holiness (1 Peter 1:14-16).

Jesus gives us a beautiful example to follow in his parable of the Good Samaritan. I seriously doubt that it made him happy to go out of his way to care for a robbed and beaten man who most definitely would not have done the same for him, but he had compassion.

He tended to the man’s wounds, carried him to shelter, and paid to ensure his safety during his recovery. He showed mercy.

And we are called to live our lives in this manner (Luke 10:33-37). To count others more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3), to care for the least of these (Matthew 25:35-40), which many times will require putting ourselves and our happiness on the back burner.

“Girl, Stop Apologizing”

Girl, most days I can’t even make it past breakfast without needing to apologize to my husband or one of my children for my selfish attitude.

I am not advocating that we apologize for every little way that we fall short daily, despite our best efforts, but rather for putting ourselves and our motives first.

The only thing we should do unapologetically, is to live our lives in humble obedience to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

We are called to the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18) and more often than not, this will require compromise on our part.

We are:

ambassadors for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:20), peacemakers (Matthew 5:9);
called to bear the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23);
called to live peaceably with everyone if at all possible (Romans 12:18);
called to live highly interruptible lives.

The problem is that we are sinners, and the posture of our hearts is tuned to our own selfish desires. We are called to count others as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3), and not to see them as potential disruptions in our way as we’re seeking to live the life of our dreams. The only thing we should do unapologetically, is to live our lives in humble obedience to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

So, you see dear friend, none of those happy little mantras will work, and I’m not asking you to take my word for it, the Bible tells us so. They tune our hearts to make ourselves the object of our affections and ambitions. They give us the completely false delusion that we are in control. They completely wreck our theology. Our only hope in life and death is to deny ourselves daily and to take up our cross to follow Christ in humble and complete submission (Luke 9:23).

The answer is not to work harder or to believe in ourselves, but rather to find rest for our weary souls in him, where the yoke is easy and the burden is light (Matthew 11:28-29). This is the heart of the gospel, and we should live our lives in light of it.

Bible Literacy: Essential for Biblical Womanhood Feb 27, 2019

When we think of biblical womanhood, we typically think of how we act, how we dress, our church attendance, or maybe we even think about our reputations. We think of holding ourselves to a certain standard of morals or service in our communities. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these things. We should desire to act biblically, dress modestly, worship corporately, and serve others. But if these are the first things that come to mind when we think of biblical womanhood, then I’m afraid we’re missing the point. Biblical womanhood begins in God’s Word. This is where we truly learn what it means to be godly women. This is God’s chosen medium for revealing his character to us, giving us wisdom, and bringing us to know what true worship is. If we are to present our bodies as a living sacrifice, I submit to you that this includes our minds.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God.

— Romans 12:1, ESV

I have not come to this conclusion because I have been the model of biblical womanhood…quite the opposite. I have come to this conclusion because as a wife and mother who did not take the time and effort to immerse myself in God’s Word before this season of life, I often feel unprepared and inadequate. But there is good news for me, and for you, too, if you find yourself in a similar situation, and that good news begins in Genesis and ends in Revelation. The inspired Word of God himself presents to us the faithfulness of Abraham, the wisdom of Solomon, the steadfastness of Job, and the courage of Paul. Every story on every page declaring the glory of God and pointing us to Jesus.

How are we to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength when we haven’t gotten to know him through his word? The answer, simply put, is that we cannot. Dr. David Martyn Lloyd-Jones said that “If we believe that the Scripture is indeed the Word of the Living God, then we must read it all.” When we take bits and pieces out of the context of the whole of Scripture, we not only fail to understand it correctly, but we strip it of it’s redemptive power. When we immerse ourselves in God’s Word, and study it with our minds so that it can fully penetrate our hearts, we find ourselves armed and ready to be submissive wives and diligent mothers, caring neighbors and loyal friends, able to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

— Deuteronomy 6:5, ESV

We will be prepared when trials and temptations come. They will come, and this is where God does his best work. He is not caught off guard when troubles come. He meets us in our mess and he transforms us in ways that only can be accomplished by suffering. We will learn to see suffering as his vehicle for sanctification…his vote of confidence in us.

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

— Philippians 4:12-13, ESV

Will it be difficult to navigate our Bible study as wives and mothers? Yes, but we serve a great high priest, so let’s draw near to the throne of grace with confidence. This is the kind of access Jesus purchased for us with his blood.

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

— Hebrews 4:14-16, ESV

Will we have to pray for discernment as to how to use our time? Yes. Sometimes this will look like studying our Bibles while our children play independently, and sometimes it will mean getting down on the floor and playing with them instead. Some days it will mean waking up an hour early to have our quiet time with the Lord, and some days it will mean getting that extra hour of needed rest so that we are able to care for our families as we should. No matter what this looks like for you day to day, God gives wisdom generously when we ask in faith.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

— James 1:5, ESV

Sisters, we cannot be content to let others do the soul sanctifying work of reading, comprehending, and interpreting the Scriptures for us.

As Matt Chandler says, “If you’re not confident in the authority of the Scriptures, you will be a slave to what sounds right.” God’s Word is not something that we can afford to be wrong about. We cannot become a generation of women who don’t know our Bibles. I know the appeal of turning to a commentary as soon as we don’t understand a passage, especially when that author is more educated and wiser than us, but in doing this we’re settling for another fallible human being’s opinion without first coming to grips with the text ourselves. I know that we want to get as much from his word as quickly as we can, but I think that God wants us to wrestle with it. I think that makes the aha moments along the way that much sweeter.

We are commanded to love God with all of our hearts and minds, not someone else’s. Let’s taste and see that the Lord is good and let’s keep running back for more because he has provided us with a proverbial feast in his Word. Maybe you’re not where you want to be in terms of your Bible study, your walk with the Lord, or maybe you’ve even abandoned Jesus for lesser pursuits. No heart is too hard for God to turn to flesh and through Jesus your failure is never final.

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God.

— Ezekiel 36:26-28, ESV

God named Sarah the Mother of Nations when she was ninety and barren. Jesus called Peter a rock when he was merely a pebble who denied him time and again. He does not see us the way we see ourselves and he does not leave us where we are. He is making all things new, even me and you.

Proverbs 31, Ephesians 1, and Resting in Jesus. Feb 13, 2019

There she is, with her crafty hands and her industrious mind. Her business sense and her toned arms. Her perfect advice and spotless reputation. Her image is always in front of me...taunting me, challenging me, frustrating me. The standard she sets is just out of my reach.

You know her, too, I bet. We all live in the shadow of The Proverbs 31 Woman.

Oh, those twenty-two verses that describe the woman I want to be. I want to be that hard-working, that honorable, that good at...well, at everything. Doesn’t she seem practically perfect at every. single. thing?

She does seem perfect, but I realized something recently. Those verses describe what she does, not who she is. This passage is a collection of verbs: she does, she looks, she works, she brings, she rises, she gives.

But what about the adjectives? Where are the words that describe who a godly woman is?

Those are found in Ephesians 1. I've underlined them below.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us. In all wisdom and insight He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the times, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things on the earth. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will, to the end that we who were the first to hope in Christ would be to the praise of His glory." (verses 3-12, NASB)

There is more to the Proverbs 31 woman than meets the eye. How is she able to do all the things she does?

Because of who she is.

Look closely at those describing words in Ephesians 1. If you are a Jesus-follower, those words are describing you.

The believer described in Ephesians does not find her identity in the things that she does, and neither should we. She finds her identity in who her Savior tells her she is, and then she behaves accordingly. The actions of a godly woman are evidence of her sanctification. Her behaviors don't have value simply because they are noble. They have value--eternal value--because she is redeemed.

The actions of a godly woman are evidence of her sanctification.

Because the Proverbs 31 woman is chosen, she does. Because she is blessed, she looks. Because she is holy and blameless, she works.

What about you? When you read Proverbs 31, do you sigh and wish you could be more like her? Do you wish you could be as productive and wise and admirable as she is? Oh, sister, this holy chapter was never meant to be discouraging, or to add to our already-overwhelming daily to-do list. In fact, it never even indicates that this woman accomplished all these tasks in a day. It is a description of her sanctification; she accomplished these things throughout her lifetime.

She accomplished them because she has placed her fear and trust in the Lord (Prov. 31:30), not because she is some sort of spiritual superwoman. In whose strength are you working--yours, or the Lord’s?

In whose strength are you working—yours, or the Lord’s?

The bolded words in that section of Ephesians above describe our Holy Father. He is blessed, loving, kind, glorious, gracious, wise, and sovereign. That's the Magnificent Creator Who tells us who we are, and Who enables us to bring Him glory through what we do. It is His strength that is available to us. Do you know Him, friend?

Sister, you can rest. Rest in what Jesus has accomplished for you on the cross. You don’t have to strive. You don’t have to earn His love or acceptance. Ephesians 1 tells us that, if we are His, we already have those things in full. Let us resolve to stop trying to earn what we’ve already been freely given, and just respond to those gifts in grateful obedience.

I am thankful for the example of the woman described in Proverbs 31. But, from now on, I also want to be an Ephesians 1 woman. Because what I do is born out of who He tells me I am. And it is all for the praise of His glory.

Trusting God with Discipling Littles Feb 06, 2019

It’s the area of my life in which I most want to be successful, yet feel the most inadequate...discipling my children.

I want it to be effortless, for the right words to flow from my lips like honey at the perfect moment, cemented into my toddlers’ brains forever, waiting and ready to be recalled in a moment ten years from now when they need it.

So, I do what any “good” mom would do. I look for the best discipling resources, I read them all the Bible stories and books about Jesus, I catechize, I play Bible verses set to fun music.

Amid trying to serve my children, I become self-reliant. And I am reminded of a woman who tried to take matters into her own hands.

Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.

— Genesis 16:1-2, ESV

At this point in the story, God has promised Abram that he will make of him a great nation. He has shown him the land that his offspring will possess. He has assured him that a member of his household will not be his heir, that his very own son will be his heir. God has made a covenant with Abram to bless him with more offspring than there are stars in the sky. But Sarai isn’t convinced.

She thinks God needs her help.

She feels the need to ‘do something’ to move this plan along.

And here I am, sitting in my three-year old’s bedroom floor trying my best to get him to recite the books of the Pentateuch, instead of trusting God for the salvation of my children. Instead of praying to the salvation of Israel to save my children’s souls,

I, like Sarai, try to help God out.

Now, I am in no way saying that God has promised to save my children like he promised to bless Abram with countless offspring. I am, however, saying that he can be trusted. That his plans cannot be thwarted.

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

— Job 42:2, ESV

That he is sovereign over every detail of our lives, and our children’s lives.

Whatever the Lord pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps.

— Psalm 135:6, ESV

That he is a good, good father. And that no effort on our part is going to make the difference in our children’s hearts and minds.

Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help and rely on horses, who trust in chariots because they are many and in horsemen because they are very strong, but do not look to the Holy One of Israel or consult the Lord.

— Isaiah 31:1, ESV

That he abounds in steadfast love and faithfulness.

The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

— Exodus 34:6, ESV

And that we do not have to carry the burden of saving our children.

That burden rests solely on the perfectly sufficient shoulders of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

It has already been accomplished through his perfect life, finished work on the cross, resurrection, and his ever present intercession for us at the right hand of the Father.

Will I continue to disciple my children to the best of my abilities? Yes.
Will I do my best to take advantage of the countless opportunities God blesses me with every day to image him? Yes.
Will I pray that my beautiful blue-eyed boys will come to know the Lord, and to love and serve him with their whole hearts? Yes.

But my confidence will not rest in my own performance. My confidence will rest in the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. The Father who has shown himself to be faithful to generation, after generation, after generation.

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

— Genesis 18:4, ESV

The Joy Marie Kondo Can't Spark Jan 30, 2019

Drawing from the collective insights of Marie Kondo, Joanna Gaines and many other home management experts, I rearranged our living room, drove out the clutters and carefully arranged my new different-sized throw pillows on the couch. I set out a new area rug and a console table that turned this space into a cozy welcoming home.

I took a step back and admired how beautiful our living room looked right now - so much tidier, so much prettier.

In my new found joy, I stepped away to attend to other household duties, only to come back minutes later to a living room that looked nothing like how I left it:

the throw pillows dumped on the floor like garbage;
the rug not in its rightful place;
and candy wrappers littered all over the console table.

The verdict was clear: my children were here.

I let out a frustrated grunt and begrudgingly reset the status of the living room.

The joy that Marie Kondo sparked was now long gone;
instead it was replaced with anger and frustration.

A Temporary Joy

Yes, a de-cluttered, tidied and thoughtfully decorated home does spark joy but it is only temporary because it is manufactured by man.

What our souls are longing for is the true joy that only Jesus can provide.

Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

— Hebrews 12:2

The day Jesus was crucified, he was motivated by a joy that was set before him.

Every whip that scarred Jesus’ body;
every step that Jesus took as he carried the cross;
every pounding of the nail that Jesus felt as he was nailed to the cross…
all these Jesus endured because of the joy that was to come when the work of redemption for you and me was finished.

When Jesus was seated at the right hand of the throne of God, he entered into God’s joy and he didn’t keep that joy to himself.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

— John 15:9-11

Our Forever Joy

According to Thayer’s Greek Lexicon, a dictionary that helps us understand the original text of the Bible, to have our joy be full means to have our joy be made complete in every particular. Our joy is to be rendered perfect.

A complete and perfect joy cannot be taken away as it says in John 16:22, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”

a joy that cannot be robbed of by a messy house;
a joy that is sealed in Jesus.

When we receive Jesus into our hearts, we also receive this joy that Jesus endured for.

This is a joy that cannot be robbed of by a messy house;
this is a joy that is sealed in Jesus.

We cannot let Satan distract us with the promise of earthly ‘joy’ that we forget about the joy Jesus has already given us.

Let our hearts be reminded of the love of Christ, allowing us to see clearly the joy that comes from our heavenly dwelling place.

That is a joy that not only sparks but stays lit for eternity.

Action Steps:

In Jesus’ name, ask the Father to restore in you the joy that comes from a heart dwelling in Christ’s love.
Seek forgiveness from your family members if you had sinned in your frustration due to a messy house.
If you haven’t received Jesus into your heart, I encourage you to do so and let His joy be made full in you. Share with a trusted Christian friend about your decision to follow Christ; or, you can message me here.

God’s Grace in Toddler Tantrums Jan 22, 2019

“No! I don’t want mom to go! I don’t like mom!”

On this particular morning, the words being screamed from my stubborn toddler cut to the heart.

Typically, three-year-old tantrums elicit feelings of frustration and anger. But today, I just stared out the car window as the whole family drove to run errands - all while my daughter continued to cry that she did not want me there and did not like me.

My husband laid a gentle hand on my knee and reminded me that she did not really know what she was saying.

“Yes, but she needs to know that her words can hurt.”

She sniffled snotty tears and whimpered “but I just don’t like you”.

So, I calmly turned around, looked her in the eye and told my illogical toddler that her words hurt mom’s feelings. I told her I felt sad because I love my family and spending time with them all – including her. She sniffled snotty tears and whimpered “but I just don’t like you”.

Looking back on this family scene – one that will be too familiar when my toddler turns into a teenager – I cannot help but think I have thrown the same tantrum toward my Heavenly Father time and time again. How many times have I said with my course of action, “No! I don’t want You! I don’t like You!” How many times have I grieved the Father’s heart, rejecting His presence? We have been enacting this scene since time immemorial …

“And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9, ESV

Our original parents planted the seed of stubborn rebellion that bursts out of my toddler and cuts my heart just as it cuts our Lord’s heart. And yet, He calmly whispers that He loves me and just wants to be with me. He whispers it to my toddler’s heart too. And yours.

I am convinced that the sole purpose for toddler tantrums is God’s tangible way of showing us just how ridiculous, illogical and stubborn I am. I cannot count how many times I have been humbled by God working through my children to reveal my own sinful, selfish heart. His grace to me through tantrums feels unwanted in the midst of them – yet, I know He is lovingly pruning my rebellious heart in the middle of Target with a toddler on the floor or in my kitchen with food flung everywhere.

So, how can I put these truths into practice when I’m carrying out my daily mothering tasks? I pray that God would work through me His own attributes …

“But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” Psalm 86:15, ESV

The Old Testament describes God as being “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” eight times (Bible Gateway, ESV). I ask God that this phrase would describe myself and my parenting. I am not there in the least! It is so much easier and satisfying (in the moment) to yell out my frustration. But oh, how it makes everything much worse (and therefore difficult) and full of regret when the moment passes. I pray God will continue to shape my heart into the mold He set before us in the person of Christ – a humble, obedient servant slow to anger and abounding in love.

Just as my children’s’ behavior are tangible examples of my sinful heart, God can use my parenting to show my children tangible examples of His love. Will I accept His good graces like toddler tantrums to humble me, to prune my selfishness and transform me into a mom whose primary response is slowness to anger and steadfast love? I pray that I will and that He will provide the strength to continue when the days are long and the tantrums terrible.

#048: How to Teach Children Humility Jun 13, 2018

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#047: A Simple Trick to Spending Intentional Time with Your Spouse After Kids May 30, 2018

The Dating Divas - A great resource for spending meaningful time with your spouse.

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Sorry, Mama, Mother's Day is Not All About You May 09, 2018

Enjoy Mother’s Day with a God-centered heart, not a self-centered heart

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**Indwelt TV** Apr 20, 2018
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Introducing the Indwelt Women Academy, an online Bible study community created with your busy momlife in mind. Unpack and dive deep into the Scripture in bite-sized chunks (10-15 minutes a day) and get accountability from other women like you. Study the Word of God anytime anywhere and make Bible reading a daily habit.
What is inside the Indwelt Women Academy? This video gives you an inside look at the online Bible study community created with your busy #momlife in mind. Sign up today here.
"I know I'm supposed to read the Bible but I don't have time!" I get it - you are always busy doing something and the house is rarely quiet, where in the world are you supposed to get some quiet time in the Word?
If you've ever been overwhelmed with HOW to read the Bible or WHERE to begin, this is the video for you!
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With this simple 3-step method, you will read the Bible for all its worth even in your busy season.
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In your crazy busy mom life, you may be tempted to push "Bible reading" off of your to-do list. But your motherhood comes with a great God-given purpose and mission, making it precisely why this is THE season to read the Bible.

#045: Do You Have People Who Are In The Mess With You? Apr 18, 2018

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#044: My Favorite Bible Study Tools + How to Use Them Apr 11, 2018

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Fear Not: A Bible Study on Anxiety for Moms Apr 04, 2018

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#042: How to Read the Bible with Inductive Bible Study Method Mar 28, 2018

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#041: 6 Tips on How to Find Time to Read the Bible as a Mom Mar 21, 2018

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#040: God's Purpose for You as a Stay at Home Mom Mar 14, 2018

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#039: Let Go and Let God: Surrendering Control to the Lord with Jillian Jones Mar 07, 2018

Super excited to have my friend Jillian Jones join me on the podcast today!

She is sharing her journey of God's faithfulness as she went through pre-term labor and a Deep Vein Thrombosis diagnosis.

Highlights from this episode:

- How to let go of control
- The piece of truth she held onto as she fought fear and control
- Hardships are not the end of your story; they are the beginning.

Subscribe: iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher
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#038: When Your Husband is Not a Believer - God's Faithfulness in Unbelieving Spouses Feb 28, 2018

Kathleen Krueger is a freelance writer and owner of Crafter of Words LLC. She also is a mentor to other freelance writers who are just beginning or want advice on growing their business.
She has been married to husband Steve for 42 years. They have two grown daughters and 8 grandchildren. Kathleen has been a Bible teacherof both children and adults, as well a leader in prayer ministries in her church and community. Outside of her writing business, Kathleen is known for her poetry and involvement in the arts community.

Connect more with Kathy on her website, Facebook and Twitter.

#037: Living in Freedom in a Comparison-Prone World Feb 23, 2018

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#036: Crushed by the Load: How to Go From Mental Overload to Stillness of Heart Feb 14, 2018

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#035: Gospel Hope For the Woman Who Feels Not Enough Feb 08, 2018

Join us for an encouraging episode where we dive into why we are not meant to be enough and how Jesus fills the gap for us.

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#034: Do You Hear What God is Trying to Tell You? 3 Ways to Clear the Noise and Discern His Will Jan 05, 2018

Join me for an episode where we talk about how we can act like a 3-year-old toddler throwing a fit because we're not getting what we want; and how, in the middle of kicking and screaming, we don't hear what God's been trying to tell us all along; and what we can do to actually listen to God.

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#033: Are Your New Year's Resolutions Motivated by Your Desires or God's?: How to make 2018 a Spirit-Powered, Christ-Centered, and God-Directed year. Jan 01, 2018

Tune in for a practical and get-to-the-heart episode of how we Christians should approach New Year's Resolutions, or any kind of goal-planning for that matter, so that we may live for His Glory throughout the year.

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#032: A Boy Mom's Response to the #MeToo Movement Dec 21, 2017

In the wake of the #metoo movement, what is our response as moms who are Christ-followers, who are trying to raise up God-fearing men?
Join me for a practical episode on the 4 P's of raising godly men who will live out godly manhood and respect their sisters in Christ.

#031: The Case of Mom Bullies: Why We All Do It and What is the Gospel Hope Dec 14, 2017

It is not hard to find attacks, criticisms, and bullies among moms on social media. Why are we tearing each other apart when we are all simply trying to do what's best for our children? Tune in today for an episode of peeling back the layers and getting to the heart of why, deep down, we are all mom bullies, and what is the Gospel hope for us.

#030: Meeting God at the Lowest Point, with Cara Brzezicki Dec 07, 2017

Join me for an emotional journey as my friend Cara shares her story of walking through her son's SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). Even though the days were dark, there was no lack of God's faithfulness through it all.
Tune in and be encouraged today.

#029: Does God Have All of You? 5 Reasons Why You Might Be Holding Back Dec 05, 2017

In the season of anticipating Christ's birth, I want to be bold and ask you: Does God have all of you? Are you a woman who says "YES, LORD!"?
Today, we will look at the 5 heart issues behind why we might be holding back from God.

#028: A Still Heart for Christmas: Drawing Near to Jesus in a Chaotic but Joyous Time Nov 30, 2017

In anticipation of Christmas, there is joy but there is also stress and overwhelm. When the to-do list seems never-ending, we need to be near to Jesus for a still heart. Tune in for a few verses to meditate upon every day leading up to Christmas and let the Prince of Peace overflow your heart with His Peace.

To go deep into His Word this Christmas, get the bite-sized Advent Bible study designed for your busy life. Learn more at indweltwomen.com/shoppe

#027: How to Cultivate a Heart of Gratitude All Year Around, Not Just on Thanksgiving Nov 22, 2017

Thanksgiving is easy to do when the season calls for it, but what about the rest of the year? Tune in to this episode for 2 simple + practical steps on how to have a changed and grateful heart all year round.

#026: Drops of Grace in Trials & Suffering with Katie (I Choose Brave) Nov 17, 2017

Katie of I Choose Brave opens up about her journey through a pregnancy loss and how even though it was hard, she'd found no lack of God's Grace through it all.

Listen to the episode.png — **#025: How to Uproot the Lies in Our Thought Closets: A Guide to Guard Our Minds** Nov 13, 2017

*Disclosure: Some of the links on this site may be affiliated which means I earn a commission at no cost to you should you make a purchase via the link. All opinions are 100% my own.*
Do you have a lot of weeds in your thought closet?
As I was pulling weeds in our strawberry garden, I was thinking how I had A LOT of weeds to pull. The weeds saw the opportunity to take roots as soon as it got warmer, they sprouted up and soaked up every drop of water and sunshine. They grew strong and tall, before I knew it I had an abundance of weeds.
If you think about it, our minds work the same. One "little" lie takes root in our minds, if we don't uproot it and replace it with truth, it will grow strong and soon enough it will go into seed, spreading the little lie into a big garden of lies.
And you know what happens to the plants surrounding the now-strong weeds? They get choked to death, pretty much, by these weeds. If we ignore the lies in our thought closet, they will grow strong and kill all the sound truths we have.
How to Identify the Lies
**Investigate your sins** - Your sins are great indicators for what lies you're believing in. **The sins we commit are the fruit of the lies rooted in our hearts**. By taking a really good at our lies, we should be able to work backwards and find out what started it all.
For example, my husband works really long hours. I've been hoping and praying for a new job for him for a *long* time. I started to get frustrated when he was still at this long-hour job; I wanted to push all the new opportunities in his face. And when he said no, I would get irritated and depressed.
"We're never getting out of this season!"
"Doesn't he want to be home more often?!"
"He doesn't care about us!"
These are the lies that would float in my head.
Investigating my irritation and depression, it became more apparent to me that my hope lied in this "new job". *If only Grant would get a new job, our life would look a lot better.* While a new job *might* have Grant home more, there's no guarantee! My hope lied in an earthly perishable thing instead of in God who's faithful and is *the* Provider!
Knowing what lie was rooted in my heart helped me use Scripture to uproot the lie and set my heart back on track.
**Know the Truth** - **You don't know what's false unless you know what's true**. I love Jen Wilkin's illustration about this: the FBI agents are to sit down and *really* study the real bills. They know the real ones so well, so inside out, that when they encounter a counterfeit they know instantly it's a fake. That's how we ought to be with God's Word. **We need to immerse ourselves in God's Word and grow in it so much so that when Satan tries to whisper lies to us we know instantly he's speaking nonsense.**
As busy women, especially if you're a wife and/or a mom, finding time to *really* study the Word is probably a struggle for you. If that's you, don't be discouraged, there are lots of tools that can help you. At Everleigh, for instance, we have bite-sized Bible Study Guides that you can use for 5-10 minutes a day for your daily Bible reading. It's short and sweet but deep and meaningful. It will shift your eyes from self to God; from Satan's lies to God's truth. Let this Bible Study tool help you grow in God's Word so whenever the father of lies tries to deceive you, you know instantly it's a lie.
I want the Bible Study Guide!
Another great resource for replacing lies with truth is the Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Women by Patricia A. Miller. It is categorized into different topics so you can quickly look up verses that you can use to meditate on.
*Do you have weeds in your thought closet that you need to kill RIGHT NOW? What truths do you need to replace the lies with?*

Indwelt Women Podcast: a podcast for Christian moms and wives. — **#024: Are You an Angry Mom? Two Reasons Why We Discipline Out of Anger** Nov 09, 2017

Here is my confession: I'm an angry mom.
Well. I want to say I'm a recovering angry mom.
I know I get angry a lot around my children and I'm trying to surrender my anger.
Now that I have that off my chest, what about you?!
Are you an angry mom?
Do you yell at them more than you talk to them gently?
Do you display annoyance or irritation more than you display affection?
If someone were to broadcast your interactions with your kids, would they cringe or would they see a display of God's grace and truth?
I believe we all love our children; we would do anything to give them the best. So why do we struggle with being kind to our children, whom we love so dearly?
**I believe it's because we are self-focused.**
My Kids Are In The Way of What I Want
Okay, probably no one actually says that out loud. But if you think about it, that's really the mindset you have: **you want something but your kids are keeping you from getting it.**

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?

— James 4:1

For example:
You want sleep. When your little one gets up in the middle of the night refusing to go back to sleep, this fire of anger consumes you like a wildfire... or,
You want to host a beautiful gathering at your home. But your little one spills Kool-aid all over the floor MINUTES before your guests arrive, and so you bark at your kids and grumpily wipe up the mess... or,
You want to be on time for church but your little one JUST. WON'T. GET. INTO. their car seat, and so you yell and you threat.
These things that you want are probably good things. I'm not saying it's bad to want sleep (*I love sleep, in case anyone is wondering. Plus, we all need sleep.*), but the question is more on the heart level: "**is your desire for ______ causing you to sin against your children?**"
I encourage you to take a minute and recall the last time you yelled at your kids, what did you want at the moment? What were the underlying motives for your annoyance/irritation? Did you want to control the outcome of doing certain things? Did you want to appear put together?
Ask God to search your heart, mama. Confess and repent; and ask your children for forgiveness.
*PS if you need help examining your heart, these 20 questions by Tim Keller might help you.*
Your Kids' Disobedience is Not a Personal Offense to You
This is something I learned this year. Often times, **when I lash out in anger or when I discipline out of anger, it's because I look at my kids' disobedience like a personal attack.**
I look at it like it's them vs. me. I look at it like they are against me.
This can be confusing because they *are* disobeying me. However, their disobedience ultimately is not against me. **Their disobedience is ultimately against God**. You as a mom is the tool that God uses to minister to your kids' hearts. When your kids disobey or disrespect, it's because they have an authority issue with God. It's not you.
So now, when my kids disobey or disrespect, I need to keep that in mind otherwise I will be consumed by my anger and I will discipline out of anger. They are not intentionally plotting out schemes to make me angry. They are sinners at heart and they are opposed to God's authority.
PS - If you want to learn more about this subject, I recommend Paul Tripp's book Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family. I've learned a lot from Paul Tripp and I know this book will bless your family, too.
God's Grace and Truth on Display
**When we shift our focus from self to God, we will see that parenting is not about us.**
It is not about us looking good with well-behaved, well-rounded children.
**It is about being an instrument in God's hand to shepherd our children's hearts.**
There are plenty of moments when you don't feel like reinforcing discipline *yet again*.
There are plenty of moments when you look at your kids and you just want to scream.
Don't let your feelings trick you.
Those moments are moments of God's grace showing you your children's hearts need to be tuned up so that they will be guided by The Lamp.
In Paul Tripp's words, *"It's never a hassle, it's never an interruption, it's always grace."*
God loves your children so much, He wants to use you to lead them back on the right track.
I believe that when we look at parenting with a God-focused lens, when our children are disobedient, we will less likely lash out in anger but use this moment of grace to guide our children back on the way they should go.
I want to encourage you to make a choice today:
**Will you shift your focus from self to God and become an instrument to tune your children's hearts to God?**
Have you enjoyed this episode?
Subscribe today so you don't miss out on future encouragement + practical wisdom!
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*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

Craft a Community — **#022: How to Be Jesus' Hands + Feet This Christmas: Ideas to Bless Others and Be Christ's Ambassadors** Nov 02, 2017

Christmas is one of my favorite seasons of the year.
But if I'm being honest, it's so easy to completely miss the point.
In the midst of all the pies, presents and endless hours of Christmas movies, **where is Jesus in our celebration?!**
Jesus is the reason for the season; He is the reason we get to celebrate the gift of eternal life.
So how about we do something different this year?!
How about we commit to not pushing Jesus to the back burner this Christmas?
How about we shine a spotlight on Him and spread His hope, **love, and joy to all those around us?!**

*This podcast episode is sponsored by Craft A Community.*
A few ideas on becoming His Hands + Feet this Christmas:
BE VISIBLE.
**Don't hide behind closed doors. Open your home and invite people in!** Your home doesn't have to be perfect to invite people in. In fact, it will only make people uncomfortable if it's "perfect" because they're too busy thinking they'll ruin something in your home! Christ-centered hospitality is all about opening your heart to others. It's about accepting one another just as you are.
So, be visible and open your home:
**Invite the kids on your block over to make Christmas cookies together!** I'm sure their parents would love to give their children something to do because... winter = cabin fever.
**Invite people over to assemble Operation Christmas Child boxes together!** Fill shoe boxes full of toys and they will be sent to over 100 countries around the world. These boxes will bless many children and are used as a tool to share the Gospel. Find out more about Operation Christmas Child here.
**Invite people over for a Christmas-related craft project!** My friend Kate over at Craft A Community wants to help you build real + authentic community in your own town. Get a few ladies over, make some crafts together and start building life-giving friendships! If you're not crafty, no worries, Kate takes care of all the prep work for you! She gives you the supplies list and step-by-step tutorials for simple but fantastic craft projects. You just have to gather the ladies! That's it! It's a wonderful way to finally get to know the neighbors you always see but have yet to start a real conversation with.
**Make a meal for the Ronald McDonald House in your area.** A few years ago, my community group did it together as a service project and it was wonderful! What a blessing it was to be able to provide the families with a hot and hearty soup for the winter!
**Serve at Your Local Shelter.** Keep in mind it's more than just about giving them socks or warm coats. It's about spending time with the people who are at the shelter because a lot of times they are looked down upon, they feel disrespected. What a blessing it would be to just spend time with them, even just playing a board game. What a great way for them to feel loved and acknowledged!
**Host a Christmas movie marathon.** Invite families over for a Christmas movie or two. The kids can watch movies with popcorn while the adults chat! It's a great way to connect with each other or maybe even meet new people!
**Invite others into your home for the Christmas meal.** What a blessing it will be to invite widows over or people who don't have families around for the Christmas meal. You'll probably have leftovers anyway, right? ;)
A HEART, SOUL + MIND IN SYNC WITH JESUS.
Honestly, **we can do all the things in the name of Jesus, but if our hearts,** **souls, and minds are not transformed by the Word first, all that we do will end up feeling empty.**
Start by getting in the Word one verse at a time. You don't have to have an hour to read in order to have a meaningful quiet time. It can be as little as 10 minutes. As you read, ask yourself these questions to help you dig deep:
What is this text really trying to say?
What does this teach me about God?
What does this teach me about Jesus?
What does this teach me about myself?
How does this relate to the Gospel?
How can I live out the truth today in light of what I've read?
When you slow down and read one verse at a time, it really allows you to dwell in the verse.
That's what Indwelt Women is all about - we wanna help you dwell in the Word and be transformed in every area of your life!
If you are looking for a study guide that will help you dwell in the Word, give our Bible studies a try!
**Until this Friday at** **11:59pm** **CST, you can preorder the Advent study as well as the studies on James, Titus, and Proverbs 31.**
**Let these studies reorient your heart with Jesus so that all that you do is fueled by His Word.**
(Not to mention there are sweet perks for preorders like free shipping, free gift and extra discount!!)
Get your preorders in before the bonus perks expire here.
I'm praying that all of us Indwelt Women will become Jesus' hands + feet this Christmas and will touch many hearts, especially those who don't know the Lord.
Have you enjoyed this episode?
Subscribe today so you don't miss out on future encouragement + practical wisdom!
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*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

Indwelt Women Podcast with Maggie Baker. Guest speaker: Shanna Noel of Illustrated Faith. — **#021: Connecting Creativity and Faith with Shanna Noel: Giving God Glory Through The Creative Gifts He Has Given You** Oct 30, 2017

Join me for another episode on The Indwelt Women Podcast where Shanna Noel of Illustrated Faith and I talked about how to use the creative gifts God has given us for His Glory.
We talked about:
How connecting with God can look differently for everyone because God made us each uniquely;
How creative Bible journaling has changed Shanna's faith, marriage and motherhood for good;
How it's really about connecting with the God of creation, not about making a fabulous piece of art.
How/where to start Bible journaling;
What is Bible journaling.
For Bible journaling resources, visit Illustrated Faith for blog posts, ideas, and supplies.
Connect with Shanna over on Instagram @illustratedfaith and @shannanoel
Have you enjoyed this episode?
Subscribe today so you don't miss out on future encouragement + practical wisdom!
**Subscribe on iTunes, Google Play or Stitcher.**
*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

Indwelt Women Podcast - a podcast where Christian women find biblical truth and encouragement for their faith, marriage and motherhood. — **#017: Standing Firm in Christ in the Battle of Anxiety with Lilah Higgins** Oct 17, 2017

Maggie: Hey, hey, welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast. Today we have a special guest with us. She is the brain and the creative behind the brand The Higgins Creative, she takes her fine art training into the online space. She works with purpose-driven brands and brings them beautiful and intentional designs. She likes her coffee iced and she enjoys opening her home to the people in need of encouragement. I'm so excited to chat with her today because she is going to share her journey of anxiety and how God's been faithful through it all. Without further ado, please welcome Miss Lilah.
Lilah: Hi, Maggie! Thanks so much for having me!
Maggie: For sure! Would you introduce yourself a little bit more?
Lilah: Yeah! For work, I'm a brand designer. I work with online entrepreneurs - mostly coaches, some lawyers - people who have that kind of influencer... uh... shoot, what's the word I'm looking for. People who are influencers in certain areas.
Maggie: Experts and gurus.
Lilah: Yeah, experts and gurus. Exactly. People who have a certain niche they're talking to. They provide resources like free resources, downloads and all the way up to coaching programs. So yeah, it's tons of fun. I kind of fell into brand design it wasn't something like "I wanna be a brand designer when I grow up." I had fine art training, kind of my whole childhood. I had a sort of apprenticeship situation with a really skilled teacher and we kinda dove into every sort of fine art medium. So I've done everything but throw on a wheel. I've never had a chance to do that with pottery. But, yeah, besides that, every other medium we've at least touched on and we've learned on and so along with history, concepts and theory behind design. So yeah, I've kinda migrated that to the online world.
When my husband and I got married - we married right out of high school - we had babies right away - and I had decided I wanted to work but I didn't know how to make that happen in a way that I could still be home with him and I could still be present as a wife and not have to go to a job. I actually went to trade school for aesthetics and makeup; I worked for 10 months as an aesthetician. I was an employee - I wasn't self-employed and I realized after I left that job that I'd probably never be an employee again. Haha. I was homeschool, my parents had their own business; they had so much freedom in our family life, I've never known how to go to a 9-to-5 and be satisfied.
About 10 months ago, we brought my husband on full-time so he helps me with the business and he helps raise the babies and manages the house, which is awesome. It's awesome to live the way we want. Our days are not super structured, the kids go to preschool from 8 to noon, sometimes a little later. We get to work in those times and then when they come home we can just be present parents and do stuff as a family. It's been fun! It's been quite the journey.
Right after my son, I had postpartum - he's our oldest. I got pregnant with my daughter quickly after that. The postpartum kinda melted in itself into anxiety. It's something I still struggle with, I've had an awful week actually and I'm like, "oh, great, I have to go talk on a podcast about anxiety." Haha. But yeah, I've been in therapy, I've done different supplements and natural remedies. It's just something I manage, something I live with. My goal is always to not have to get on medication, to not ever let it get so bad that I need the medication, which is inevitable sometimes, but I like to do everything I can to prevent it from happening. So, yeah, that's me in a nutshell, I guess :)
Maggie: Cool. I almost went to art school but my dad was like, "um, I'm not spending all this money for you to go to art school." Before we get into your anxiety journey, can we backtrack a little bit - talk about what it was like for you growing up. Did you know about God? What was your relationship when it comes to God?
Lilah: Yeah. My parents got married and my dad was Catholic - he grew up in a Catholic church. My mom was a Christian but hadn't really moved into the lifestyle of a Christian, for the lack of a better word.
Maggie: Wasn't following.
Lilah: Yeah, wasn't following. By the time they finally got married, they had rededicated. My dad had gone to Harvest Crusade, they had rededicated not only their lives but also their marriage to Jesus and follow the Bible. So I've always been in it. My parents would volunteer and be involved in the church for as long as I can remember. My mom and my sister and I have this joke that we can never be a part of anything without actually helping to run it. When we go in, we kinda go all in. My parents have always been involved in ministry in some ways. My dad ran his own business for a while so he was really free to be able to do that and be involved.
I think, I don't remember this, but I think I was 5 and I was just sitting on the couch and asked, "what do you have to do to know Jesus?" Or, to be able to walk in it, or can I make it my own and what do I have to do. I remember other times in my life - like, junior high and then high school - where I was like, "okay, is this gonna be my parents' faith and I'm just doing it because I've grown up with it or do I actually wanna make this decision and continue doing it regardless of what my parents say."
So I remember 2 times where I kind of made it my own. This is my own faith because this is what I believe. My husband is the same; he's always been in it. His parents were in the church when he was a kid. He didn't really remember the time when he committed to Jesus. So, God got us early. I remember as a kid I was kinda disappointed in that because I was like, "I don't have this cool story where I was in drug, I was sleeping around, I had all this bad stuff but God totally redeemed me.
Maggie: Did you have anyone influencing you? I know you were always in church. What made you so reflective and think about your spirituality?
Lilah: Yeah, in high school I was really blessed with women who had gotten into my mess. I can think of 5 on top of my head who weren't just, "oh, I'm here if you need to talk." but they were like, "okay, what's going on? You gotta talk to me about this." It really pushed me in my faith and in how I was acting and the way I was living. They really corralled me and helped me to stay on that path that I knew I wanted to be on, but as a young, emotional teenager I wasn't able to stay on by myself. So I had these women in my life who were older - they were moms, they were 40. They weren't my peers but they looked back on that season of life and were able to speak to me in that season of life. It was really really good.
And then we got married and moved out of state. I had no one. I had my mom and my sister. But, with your family, it's hard to really find accountability and really get deep because there'e too much ties. So it was a season of... for two to three years after we got married where we had no one. I remember times when we would come home from church and we would just cry on the bathroom floor together because we just felt so alone. Church is supposed to be that place where you go to get connected and get filled and have that mutual family feeling but we just didn't have that for the first couple of years. Finally we made a move within state to a different town and we found our church and our people, so now I have people in my mess all the time. Haha. It was definitely a desert season but I feel like God had that there for a reason because it really bonded us as a couple and us as a family because we were having kids at that time. We were building, structuring this family that we needed to have a core befroe we started to let other people into that. It was good; it was really hard tho.
Maggie: Sure. I can't imagine. **So you mentioned that you had postpartum anxiety - have you always struggled with anxiety before that?**
Lilah: It runs in my family, as far back as we can record. So I have always expected it to be there. I probably had anxiety in high school but it hadn't manifested a whole lot. With postpartum... with my son, they tell you, it's your first kid, you don't know what postpartum looks like, just watch out for signs where things are different, how you feel things you don't normally feel, or having thoughts you don't normally have. That type of thing.
The first 3 months with my son, I was on air. I was so happy, I was blissful. That was the time where I was the most blissful. It was a struggle for me to accept that we had kids so young. We were trying not to but we accidentally had them twice. People laugh at me. They're like, you know how it happens, right? I'm like, yeah, I know, but I was trying not to. Haha.
Maggie: God's timing.
Lilah: Yeah. My pregnancy was hard. I was sick every single day up until the day I had my son. By the time I had him, I was so happy I didn't have to be sick. I was so happy to not be pregnant anymore. I had him almost totally naturally. I had a little bit of a pain killer towards the end but I was able to experience all those... the rush of hormones, all those happy feels. So it was about 5 months after I had him. I was like, why do I feel so terrible all of a sudden? It was like a switch flipped. I didn't want to hold him. I didn't want to go out. I didn't want to do anything. It took me about a week to realize this is not going away. I remember calling my doula, I was like, "Is this normal? The baby blues is supposed to happen in the first month but this is rough and this is like 5 months after he was born." And she was like, yeah, you can have postpartum 5 months after.
So my husband, he was so cute, he made me walk every single day. I literally was held up in the house because I was breastfeeding; I didn't want to go out, I just wanted to stay in a comfy bra and hang out. It was awesome but then I realized, I don't go outside ever. So he made me walk every day, luckily it was in the middle of the summer so we were able to do that.
I started taking St. John's Wort and vitamin D because I was just deficient. I honestly think it was part depression that happened after you have kids but the other part was I was so obsessed with him as a human that I was caring for that I just forgot to take care of myself.
I remember being thirsty all the time because I was breastfeeding but I just wouldn't caring for myself. So once we started doing that, it took about a month and it started to fade and I was able to function again.
But then, after my daughter, fast forward about 18 months, I had her and the anxiety kicked in. It was like obsessive where I was worried about them dying in all these morbid ways. Thoughts were reeling in over and over and over in my head. I finally went to therapy a year ago. We did some reprocessing, we did some EMDR, which is this awesome sciency, techy thing which I won't get into too much. It's really cool because you can equip your old memories and process it with both sides of your brain. And then you reroute the neurons in your brain. So instead of a feeling causing you to act a certain way, you end up rerouting that so that feeling doesn't cause you to act that way. It's really cool so I definitely recommend it if it's something that you feel is needed in your life.
We also talked about my expectations for myself and how much stress I put on myself to act a certain way, to be a certain way. So kind of just talking about my whole life and learning about myself, my tendencies and how I can manage that - it's so insightful and so interesting. And I'm kind of a geek when it comes to science type stuff and what's happening to the human bodies. It was half intriguing and half... I really had to work through a lot of stuff. So yeah, that really helped a lot. I still battle with it every day but I'm able... I'm equipped to handle because I have an arsenal of tools, whether it's meditation or songs I can repeat over and over, Scriptures I can memorize, different things I can eat that will help... all of that together helps me manage it so I'm able to function.
Maggie: So you mentioned you started going to therapy last year - how old was your daughter at this point?
Lilah: She would've been 2.5.
Maggie: So you walked through anxiety for 2.5 years after your daughter was born.
Lilah: Yeah, it took me a while to acknowledge it. But yeah, I think it was from the time she was born.
Maggie: Were you in denial? Or were you just not aware that this was happening to you?
Lilah: Um... I think I was not aware. I think I... I mean, my kids are 18 months apart. I had an 18-month-old and a newborn at one point. People ask me, how did you get through it? I'm like, I don't know. It's all such a blur, it was like, let's just get through the day and so to be able to take a look at myself and acknowledge that I wasn't feeling the ways that I should, I didn't have time or the energy to do that. It wasn't denial, I just didn't have time for this right now. Can we just get through the day and try to make some sort of resemblance of a sleep schedule so I can function physcially. Haha.
Maggie: Haha. Yeah. My boys are 19 months apart so, yeah, I totally get what you're saying!
Lilah: Yeah, you get it. It's rough. You just, I don't know, you just push through. I have friends who have kids that are 12 months apart, you just get through the day. Make sure everyone lives, make sure everyone eats and you just do what you have to do to survive for that season.
Maggie: Yup. I don't care about mismatched socks, I don't care about messy hair, as long as they survive, I'm okay. Haha.
Lilah: Haha, yup, and they know that they're loved.
Maggie: Yup! Haha. So, tell me about your relationship with God as you walk through this anxiety journey.
Lilah: Um, my whole lifelong relationship with God always has this same theme where when I'm feeling vulnerable, when I'm feeling scared, I tend to push God away. Not in a you're-not-real or you're-not-there kind of way, but in a God-I-know-you're-gonna-handle-this-but-I-don't-wanna-feel-what's-going-on right now. Like, "I don't want to have a relationship where I have to be open and honest with you; You're the Lord, I'll let you do your thing. Just let me not feel what's going on." So that's kind of been my whole life. Like, "I trust You to take care of me. I trust You to take care of me. I know You have my good in mind. But I don't wanna open up and look at You as a Father and give You that part of my heart that hurts and groans."
That's where He's always calling out of me. He's always like, "I need that part, too. I need you to tell me this is hard. I need you to let me know how you're feeling. Don't bottle it up for me. Don't just say 'I trust You, it's fine. Do what You want.'" But actually have that raw open relationship where I don't know what it's gonna happen. That kind of defines my whole relationship with God. I know He's big. I know He can handle this but don't take my heart, don't make it hurt. That's kinda where I struggle to give Him. And the times that I do, there's so much reward and so much grace and peace. I experience that but it's so hard for me. Like, can't we just be this side-by-side-buddies? Do we really have to look at each other and feel all the feels. Can we just be buddies and trust each other? I'm a total feeler. An example is the times when I do have to lean in to God is all the stuff going on in the world that I can't fix. You know, there's stuff with Charleston, there's stuff in the Middle East, there's stuff all over; there's more kids in India than parents to take care of. That kind of stuff - I'm such a feeler and if I get into that... I can't watch the news unless I'm mentally prepared to take in the information and not feel. Because it'll just take me out. I'll just spend the day in bed because there's kids in India I can't save. So that's a good example of when I turn to face Him and face the stuff in the world and let it permeate my heart and let myself feel it, I feel it so much and so I have to be really careful with what I'm letting in. And often times, I'm like, "No, God, You can't get in there right now because I'll be a mess."
**Maggie: So, how has God taught you to let go of that, to have you give Him all of you?**
Lilah: He puts people in my life who get into my mess. He shows me that those people are safe, He gives me a peek into how my heart can have transparency with Him because He knows my heart. I know He knows. But He wants me to tell Him where my heart is at.
Maggie: Right.
Lilah: He puts people in my life who are not afraid to ask those questions and look at my heart in a way that's actually transparent and real and raw. I feel like He does that in a way that tells me this is what it should be like, this is why you shouldn't be afraid.
Maggie: I know this wasn't included in the list of questions I sent you, but do you have a story of God meeting you in the valley of anxiety?
Lilah: Yes. Haha. It's funny to have anxiety and be a business owner because small businesses are probably the most insecure, stressful ways you can live. Haha. Because sometimes I don't know when the next client is gonna come. So there was this time, it was not long after I'd hired my first coach, Dana. I had just invested in her, we hadn't really started yet and I was scared because we didn't really have the money to afford her and we just did. So, I had a dream - I have really weird and crazy morbid dreams - but there were always really vivid, I'm a very visual person, you know, it gets the best of me sometimes. So I had this dream and I usually don't think much of my dreams because sometimes it involves ax murders or something crazy like that. Haha.
Maggie: Haha. A teen novel.
Lilah: Haha yeah, I actually have some book ideas out of my dreams. Anyways, I know this dream was from God because I woke up and I felt Him talking to me. So I was in a different women's body, basically, I had kids and an abusive husband. Different kids and different husband from my real life, they were older; it was like a totally different situation than my own family currently. I was in the middle of sneaking them out one night. It had been in a season of my life where I was terrified because I had just booked a coach and I was just like, "God, is this what You want me to do? Is that the right choice? Is this the path You want me on." And I was questioning whether to have a business at all. I get one of those seasons about once a quarter where I'm like, maybe I should close everything down and get a job. Haha.
But, yeah, in this dream, I was this mom. I was trying to pack up all my stuff and sneak out because we were getting to the point where we were scared for our lives. We snuck out and I remember we got far enough away that he couldn't get us. I don't know what that meant exactly, if we were running or walking or on a plane. But I remember the feeling that I had when I was like, "I can survive, I can make this work because of my business."
I woke up and I was sobbing like someone had died. I was like, what was that? That was weird because it felt very real but I knew it wasn't me. And I knew it wasn't like God telling me to leave. But He's like, "you have to stay here. I need you here because someone is gonna need what you have to say so that they can have that confidence that you experienced. When you were like, 'I can do this because I have a solid business that can support us as a family without my husband.'"
So there was this reassurance that regardless of my anxiety, regardless of what I was worried about, regardless of my own fear in starting my business and in helping women to move their businesses forward, God was like, "I need you here. Someone needs what you have to say."
Some woman somewhere, I don't know if I've reached her yet or not, but some woman somewhere needs me to encourage her, to move forward, to not be afraid, to know that she can get on her own.
When I'm in those seasons where I'm like, should I just quit? He'll remind me of that dream; He'll bring it up. He's like, nope, I still need you here.
I don't know if it's one person, I don't know if it's a million people, but I know at least for now this is where I'm supposed to be regardless of my anxiety.
Maggie: So when you feel like those anxious feelings and thoughts are coming up, do you have a piece of truth that you're preaching to yourself so that you'll fix your eyes on God instead of letting your emotions take over you?
Lilah: Yeah, we've actually been studying Romans at church; my husband and I are doing the She Reads Truth study on Romans. In Romans 8, which is where we currently are, I've been repeating this verse over and over.

As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,
nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

— Romans 8:36-39

We are more than conquerors. Yes, we face death all day long - you're fighting this anxiety, you're struggling with feeling inadequate, you're struggling with your own sins, whatever it is, you're facing that all day long. But above all these things you are more than a conqueror.
It is one of my favorite songs, too, the Desert Song, where it says, "this is my prayer in the desert when all that's within me feels dry."
It talks about how I'm a conqueror and co-heir with Christ so on His promise I'll stand.
Those verses, I can pick out every single one of those verses for the seasons I've been through. At the very end, it says, "I know I'm filled to be emptied again. The seed I receive I will sow."
I've been in seasons where cash is flowing, the clients are coming, people are happy and I feel like I have a purpose. And then I've been in seasons where the cash isn't flowing and the clients aren't happy and people are struggling and I'm struggling and I don't feel adequate.
"I'm filled to be emptied again. The seed I receive I will sow." so in those good times, sowing for the good times; and the bad times hoping for the good times. That I find the comfort in. We are more than conquerors; we are co-heirs. We can face death all day long and still be conquerors.
Maggie: I love the Desert Song for when I'm going through bad times. It really does give me hope and give me the strength to hold onto and hold onto God Himself.
Lilah: Yeah and it reassures us that there's a time for everything. There's a time where it's gonna be good. There's a time where it's gonna be bad. There's a time where you're gonna be struggling, you're gonna be in the fire, you're gonna be in the battle. But know that it's normal.
I know I get caught up in the prosperity gospel thinking where I'm doing all these things so everything else "should" be falling into place. But sometimes it doesn't. When I have the mindset of "if this, then that", then it's my fault when it doesn't happen. When I'm able to say, there's a time for everything - sometimes life is hard, sometimes life is good. It takes the pressure, the stress and the guilt off of me. I'm just gonna walk through this season and it's okay if things are hard, or if I make mistakes. There will be a season when it gets good again.
Maggie: It's true. There's a season for everything. I mean, Scripture says we will face trials and sufferings. Not if, but when.
Lilah: Yeah, that's John 16:33 where it says:

In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

— John 16:33

It's already done. You're already conquerors even though you're facing death all day long.
Maggie: Yeah. It's so true. So much hope in that. Oh, I was gonna ask, you mentioned that there are some practical steps you take as you heal from anxiety - well, not heal, but like, walk through it... overcome it...
Lilah: Manage.
Maggie: Yup, manage. Can you share what those steps look like?
Lilah: Yeah! **The first step is acknowledging that you have i**t. Not just "I'm broken" but "what now?" There's actually physical, emotional, mental and memory and experience... everything that has compiled to cause this to be your reality. Most of those things are not your fault; most of them are chemistry and the experiences and trauma you've been through. Even for myself, my therapist calls it a T traumas, I've never been in a situation where I'm abused or had anything awful happen to me, but your body will still process certain things as trauma. So acknowledging what is happening to you in your reality right now, how you're viewing your life and yourself, it's not necessarily your fault. There's a lot of factors that go into that, so starting to study yourself and study your thought patterns, study why you're acting/reacting the way that you do, and try to trace back to what caused it in the first place.
**Getting someone in there to help you evaluate those things and give you an outside perspective is also helpful.** I know with anxiety that leads to depression, basically, your anxiety is triggering these thoughts over and over and over and over again. The depression comes in and you feel guilt. So you think a thought and then you feel guilty and the cycle repeats. It brings you to a place of hopelessness and desperation where you can't get out of that thought loop but it started with anxiety; it started with a neuropathway that rerouted the wrong way.
I find that journaling out negative thoughts is really helpful. I have a friend who makes me do that. We'll read them to each other and that's so hard. When you realize how mean you are to yourself, I did it the other day, I had been awake for 10 minutes and I had a half-a-page of thoughts that were negative about myself. Things that you think about yourself but you would never ever say to another person but we're so mean to ourselves.
When you have anxiety, it's when those thoughts won't stop repeating. So doing stuff like journaling, getting your thoughts out and reading them to a friend will be hard but helpful.
Maggie: Yeah. I find journaling really insightful because a lot of times my thoughts are in my head. But as soon as I write them down and I would read them, I'd be like, "what?! This doesn't make sense! Why do I think this?!" And as soon as I see the lies that I have in my head, I can match the truth to each one. I'll be like, okay, this is totally not true; here's what God says.
Lilah: Yeah. Exactly. I find it helpful to journal out your negative thoughts and then counter each of those thoughts with the Truth because we know the Truth. We know it when we see it. Even if we don't know what verse it's from, you know what's true. I wrote this down in my journal that God doesn't love me any less when I'm doing wrong and He doesn't love me any more when I'm doing good. HIs love for me never changes; He's always all in, unconditional, full-on adoration. There are times when He wants me to do certain things or when He has certain hopes for me that I don't carry through. But it doesn't change my value of self to Him. I so believe that. There are times when I think God is punishing me because I didn't do what I should've done but that's not true. He doesn't love me any less when I make mistakes but I can't earn any more of His love either.
So, yeah, writing out the negative thoughts is something I've been doing the last few weeks. Because when you write them out, you see them. But if you don't, they are stuck in there and they trigger anxiety or fight-or-flight or panic attacks.
Also, meditation is really good. I rarely just stop and take an evaluation of where I'm at. That's really hard to do for me. It's really helpful when I meditate. I have Headspace which is a non-woo-woo app that walks you through how to calm your mind and what you need to focus on. So that's really helpful.
Maggie: **So if someone is walking through anxiety, what encouragement would you give her?**
Lilah: You're not alone. The way you feel is not abnormal. Most people, to some extend, at some point in their lives, struggle with how you're feeling right now so find some people who will look at the situation you're in and not judge you, who will give you actual tangible help. Even if it's just sitting next to you on the couch while you cry. You just need people in your life because the natural tendency when you feel the way you feel, you wanna isolate. Isolation is the easiest way to knock us down. So get people around you, no matter how awkward it is or how hard it is. You need people. Reach out to me, I'm happy to give you some hope and help you work through some things. There are people out there who care for you. So yeah, reach out to people is my first advice because that leads to other things like accountability and prayer and people who are there in your mess and will point you back to God.
Maggie: And let's say, **I have a friend that is having anxiety but I don't know how to love on her. What would you advise I do?**
Lilah: Good question! That's great - I'm so glad you asked. So, how to be there for a friend with anxiety. **Show up instead of just saying "I'm here for you if you need anything"**. Show up with a chocolate bar or a carton of ice cream. I have a friend, she's super empathetic and intuitive, she just messaged me yesterday and asked, "are you okay? I feel like you've been through a rough season." So I was like, "I have been!"
**She didn't give me any advice; she didn't tell me how to fix it**. She just said, "I just noticed and wanted to check in with you." She just checked in and that made me feel so loved. It helps a lot to know that she's thinking of me.
I just had a friend who dropped off a giant care package for us. It had toys for my kids and some things I mentioned I needed. My husband had been complaining how he could never keep a comb in his drawer so she bought him 8 combs. So gifts like that, or just showing up, or texting "hey, I'm getting pizza tonight, I'm gonna bring you a pizza. You don't have to eat it but I'm gonna put it in your fridge so you have food." - really tangible ways you can just step in and love them. Not just be like "I'm here if you need anything" because they don't know what they need.
Maggie: Right.
Lilah: They need someone to get in their mess and mess with them so that they get out of that guilt and that desire to be isolated because they feel so terrible about who they are.
Maggie: That helps. I know I have friends that struggle with that.
Lilah: Yeah and stepping in and doing something shows that not only you care and you're willing to do something for them, but it also shows that you listen. You're actually doing something that's gonna be helpful. I have a bit of a tie with miscarriage - I've never had a miscarriage - but I lost a brother. My mom lost a son so I've always known about the after-effects of miscarriage. We actually did a Kickstarter page a couple years ago for a keepsake box, it's named after my brother so it was really sweet. People are always like, **how do you talk to someone with a miscarriage? Well, you just show up with some flowers.** Knock on the door and walk away. You just step in and try to listen to what would be helpful for them. Because maybe your friend doesn't want you to just show up, maybe she wants a text. You can ask, **"this is a tangible way I see can be helpful, is that okay with you if I can do that?" Not just an open-ended "tell me what you need".** I've found that to be the most helpful and meaningful to people.
Maggie: Yeah. And I think it might help to know what the other person's love language is. A lot of times, like you said, I don't know what would be helpful. I don't know what to think right now. I don't even know what to feel. So if you know my love language, that might help to give me some love.
Lilah: Right. I love that.
Maggie: So, do you have a verse you've been dwelling on recently?
Lilah: Yes. So that verse in Romans is a recent one. But honestly, the verse John 16:33 is my life verse. That is the verse I held onto in postpartum - I really just need to make it a tattoo and have it on my body.
So in the Scripture where Jesus is talking to His disciples about all the bad stuff that's going to happen before He comes back, everyone is just sitting there, so depressed. And Jesus said, I told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world.
In one of the translations, the word "take heart" actually translates to undaunted. My journey out of postpartum kind of surrounded that word. That word was kind of the theme, I guess you can say. What does it mean to live undaunted? Jesus came so we can have an abundant life, not just life but life to the full. So what does that word mean? To be undaunted, to be truly living as God wants you to and as God designs for you to. Obviously, it does not mean that everything will be peachy all the time - Jesus says, I told you that these things are gonna happen, things are gonna get hard. The disciples got martyred. They went through what our generation of Americans probably won't experience. But He says I told you these things so you can have peace. They were probably just like, "what?" Because Jesus was like, I have overcome the world. I've beat that. I've already done it. It's already finished. So be undaunted. Explore what it means to live in an abundant and undaunted way.
Maggie: So, let's switch gears a little bit. What does the rest of the year look like for you? For your business? for your family?
Lilah: Um. We have some business trips coming up, we're going to the Boss Mom Retreat in October for my birthday.
Maggie: Oh, it's your birthday!
Lilah: Yeah, we fly on my birthday. Um. Honestly, we don't plan. I know we wanna try to get up to Montana, we're like 30 miles from the boarders. There's this town with some women I wanna meet. And then we've got some friends up there we wanna see, too. For the business, we are re-opening our design mentorship program. The students are total rockstars. I'm so proud of them. They've taken everything I said and expanded on it. They've done so well. We'll be re-opening that in the middle of September. And then I've got clients booked out for September, which is nice. I like to have clients booked a couple months in advance. It's comforting. And then... I don't know what we're doing for Christmas. We should plan that. I should probably take December off, actually. Um. We signed up for CrossFit, which is fun. Hopefully, we will be really buff.
Maggie: Haha! I'll be waiting for pictures.
Lilah: Haha! I promise I won't become one of those people on Instagram. But I know I'll be kinda proud the day I realize I have mom arms. I've always had a thing for mom arms. I've never had them. So if I get those, I might share a picture. Hah!
Maggie: Alright. Can't wait to see that. Hah! So if we want to hang out with you more, where can we find you?
Lilah: Yeah, our website is thehigginscreative.com; you can friend me on Facebook, I don't generally post controversial/political/annoying stuff so usually business-related or mental health-related. I'm just Lilah Higgins on Facebook. You can send me an email. I'm also on Voxer. I do enjoy that a lot because that is less time-consuming. So yeah, you can reach out to me however you feel like you want to because I'm happy to chat with you and get to know you.
Maggie: Thank you so much, Lilah, for chatting with us and sharing your journey!
Lilah: Yeah! Thanks for having me! I don't always get asked to do podcasts on personal stuff so this was super fun :)

Indwelt Women Podcast - a podcast for Christian women on faith, marriage, and motherhood. — **#016: Hard is Not the Same Thing as Bad with Abbie (M is for Mama): Finding Joy in the Midst of Motherhood** Oct 13, 2017

Maggie: Hey, welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast. This is Maggie Baker - we have a special guest with us today. She is the gal behind the blog M is For Mama. She is a wife; she's a mom. She loves color; she loves to decorate and she is the co-owner of the shop Paint and Prose. I have brought her on today to talk all things Jesus and motherhood. Let's welcome Miss Abbie.
Abbie: Hi there!
Maggie: Hello! Thank you so much for spending time with us this morning!
Abbie: I'm excited to be here.
Maggie: Yay! For those of us that may not be familiar with you, can you introduce yourself a little bit more?
Abbie: Okay, so my name is Abbie - we've already covered that, obviously. I'm a mom of 7 - well, mama, everyone calls me mama. I have an 11 1/2-year-old, a nine-year-old that will be 10 in November, so they're 18 months and 3 days apart. And then the 6-year-old will be seven in November - they are three years and 6 days apart so we're big on those really even increments for a while there and then I have almost a 5-year-old twins - they'll be 5 in 3 weeks. They are identical twin girls and I have a 2.5-year-old and I have a 7.5-month-old in the house.
I don't know what bored is :) I haven't seen anything resembling bored or boredom for a long time and I'm good with that. If you had told me that I was gonna be a mama to seven kids 20 years ago, I don't think I would've fallen over it in shock; I just kinda could've cocked my head to the side and been like, "Huh! Okay." Because I certainly wasn't opposed to having children and I definitely had an idea my head always that the Lord is in charge of how many children I would have. But the concrete number of seven would have been really overwhelming.
So, thank the Lord He only gives them to you one at a time, or in my case, 2 sometimes. But you can kinda do that in a gradual way. So the last 11.5 years have been lots of babies.
I'm not a crunchy granola mommy type, but I enjoy certain aspects of that like clean eating. Right now I'm doing a challenge called Whole 30 with my best friend Lindsey. I've had all but one of my babies at home, the first one was at the hospital - not a bad experience at all - but I just discovered very quickly that I'm super independent and I don't like people checking on me, I don't like IVs in my arms at all, I don't like the hospital bed and I've just always been a healthy person so I hadn't spent any time in the hospital before so it's kind of a drawing experience so I decided to check out home birth.
So I had all my kids from then on at home, including my twins which was my best birth ever. I'm a fitness instructor. I have been for 10 years now - well, almost, 9 years. Nope, nope, 10, I was 5 months pregnant with my second when I started teaching fitness classes. So I love fitness; I grew up playing every sport that was practically available in East Texas which is where I live. So no lacrosse, no water polo, nothing fancy like that. But lots of soccer, softball, and basketball, pick up games and tennis and stuff like that. And I still really love to move.
I love color. I love to decorate. I love frugality so I'm never gonna buy anything very expensive; I'm always going to cross-reference everything, it's probably gonna come from a thrift store or the extra 60% off clearance rack or whatever. That's a thrill for me; I enjoy looking for treasures and finding really great deals knowing that the room I put together is peaceful and enjoyable and pretty but it also didn't cost me a lot of money.
So I guess another thing to know would be that we're actually finishing up our second DIY house. My husband is a computer programmer but he also is a very talented builder. People a lot of times are like, whoa, those don't usually go together; usually it's computers and do software. He grew up with a dad who had a construction company; he kinda taught him how to build. He and his dad are a dynamic duo. They could honestly do more than what I've seen crews of men can do in a whole week. They really work well together with the way they work. So that's kind of been our big baby for the last two years other than the real babies. We homeschool. We have a homeschool co-op we go to one day a week, and my mom actually comes in and helps homeschool two days a week, which is amazing. She is incredible and I'm so blessed to have her close by; she's my best friends. So everybody down to the twins homeschool at this point. So that's kind of like a nutshell although not a very small nutshell. That's a lot of information about me.
Maggie: I love it. Sounds like there's a lot going on so **how do you navigate motherhood through all that when you still have a really small baby at home?**
Abbie: You know, as much as I've got going on, **most of it is centered around my home**. I don't go to MOPS, I don't go to Bible studies - I'm not opposed to them but I don't attend any at this point. We have a very consistent routine so I teach fitness classes in the afternoons.
My oldest three go to my mom's house - I told you she's amazing - every Thursday night after she homeschools them during the day. They ride home with her and sleep there and then we have dinner at my in-laws' house with my mom and my sister-in-law and brother and their two kids. Saturdays are usually spent working on the house; Sundays are major days of rest, we go to church and then we spend all day together as a family.
So we do a lot together and I've trained my children to help a lot. I don't fold and put away laundry, ever. I don't do morning dishes, I don't scrub a lot of toilets because at this point with an 11-year-old, a 9-year-old and a six-year-old, and even the 5-year-olds, they do a lot of the picking-up and helping, so I guess **my answer to that would be routine and keeping it close to home, kind of making the main thing the main thing, if that makes sense.**
Maggie: Yeah, totally! I have a question to follow up: how do you train up your kids to help you? I'm assuming starting from a young age, right?
Abbie: Yes, on the one hand I love the effects of training; on the other hand I kind of despise the process like the very beginning part where they literally can't do anything. It is so grueling, you desperately want to be just kind of pointing at something and saying "you know you can see it" but they are so little they really can't just pick it up.
But I have seen firsthand how sticking with this in that area pays off now.
You know, **it's a process but it's just about being consistent**.
Maggie: When you mentioned that you don't go to MOPS and you don't go to Bible study - and I'm pretty sure that's the case for a lot of moms out there - but they still desire to connect with God and they still need to draw near to Him so do you have any **tips on how to still be in God's word in the midst of motherhood?**
Abbie: So I think I posted about this the other day on Instagram and people were just like "yes, amen!": If you wake up early, they will wake up early - and it does not matter how many times they sleep till seven (I have early risers; they rarely get past 6:30, which is okay. But if it's 5:30 - not okay - they have to go back to bed.)
Let's say that they sleep till seven miraculously for a week. The very moment I think "yes, they're trained to sleep till seven." I will wake up at 5:45 and they will wake up at 5:43 - they just will! I don't know if that's Satan or if that's the Lord sanctifying you or if it's a combination of His allowing or what.
But I will say that family Bible-reading is our jam. Gather every morning and we read from OneYearBibleOnline.org (they also have physical Bibles if you prefer that); we have a prayer time and everybody that talks has to pray. It doesn't have to be complicated. It could be "Thank you, Jesus, for today; help us not to fuss or fight."- that's usually how the four-year-olds pray.
I do get Bible-reading to myself as much as I can. I work with girlfriends on memorizing verses together; I work with my kids on memorizing verses. I try to snatch moments throughout the day; I was just listening to an audio version of the Bible while I was doing dishes this morning - but the main way we get a large chunk of God's word is when we do it as a family.
**Maggie: How do you keep the young toddlers busy while you're reading the Bible? Or trying to keep them not to rip them apart?**
Abbie: Right. So the twins are almost 5; for about a year they have been required to sit still and listen without any toys. And I think there's a lot that goes on with motherhood in terms of we psych ourselves out. We think they can't, they're hyper, they can't sit still, this is not gonna happen. The first week of trying to make it happen feels like war and not worth it. I'm sure the last seven days of Bible-reading time may have felt like a joke, like what am I even doing here? I could hardly get the words out.
Yet there are always seems to be this shift of almost... not magical but spiritual maybe. You just keep praying through it and there's a shift and one day they do better and then the next day they do better after that. So they are required to sit still. The 2-year-old can play with toys quietly on the rug; if you can't be quiet you have to sit on my lap which is actually way less fun for me than it is for them. Haha. And then you know the baby is either asleep or playing. So I would say just starting early and pushing through those days when it feels like "why am I doing this?!"
Maggie: Yeah! And in that post, you also mentioned joy because you were getting frustrated that you wanted to have a quiet time but then your babies woke up and so **how do you stay joyous when life is just crazy with little ones?**
Abbie: Well, I don't... sometimes... for sure. I'm not gonna claim that I always feel joyful. And I can definitely tell where something is affecting me more than others - sometimes it's just hormonal. Sometimes when hormones are crazy and I can tell that normally this wouldn't bother me but right now it is. Even knowing that, recognizing that like, "you know what, I'm a little bit off right now." It's not necessarily just giving yourself grace but being intentional like, stop, take deep breaths, go outside and stand on the porch, stop doing the thing that's not working and do something else instead that brings joy. Move around. Wiggle it out. Whatever it takes to get yourself back to a moment where you have the perspective which is **these children are incredible blessings from the Lord; they may be driving you bonkers right now but that's only right now. Ultimately there's no place I would rather be**. So just reminding yourself of the truth over and over again and then asking the Holy Spirit to do that too.
Maggie: That reminds me of the hashtag you use pretty often that is **"hard is not the same as bad" - is there a story behind that? How did you arrive at this understanding that just because it's hard doesn't mean it's bad?**
Abbie: Right. I don't feel like my life is hard. I think probably a lot of people *think* that my life must be hard because there are a lot of children involved, but I have food, I have children that love me, I have a husband that loves me, I live in a free country - I don't have any imminent danger or persecution. We read a lot of Voice of the Martyrs, which if you are not familiar with it, it is an incredible organization that reaches out to Christians that are suffering and persecuted all over the world.
It's such a huge perspective changer. These women that are forgiving their captors; they're forgiving people who attacked them, who took their husbands away and killed their children. I mean, you just come back to, I'm sorry but this temper tantrum is just really not that bad.
In this moment I may feel emotionally overcome, I may feel like I can't do this anymore, but a big dose of perspective when you step back and say, "Really? I can't handle a 2-year-old tantrum? Then how the world is the Lord ever going to, you know, entrust me with something that is truly great?" You know? I think of the parable of the talents: what you are entrusted with and what you're going to do with it. The more gold you have the more responsibility.
And so I think probably the first time I said it was with my best friend Lindsey. We were walking the trails and we're talking about stuff - she has an autistic daughter and I was having twins that were just melting down every day in the car, just screaming, literally; they had a hard time for almost 2 years. Every car ride - we drive every day because I teach almost every afternoon. We drove for 30 minutes one-way and so for an hour every day I was getting screamed at. I remember just thinking, **"Lord, my nerves are so shredded right now by this. But it actually isn't that bad. I can tell you're shaping me in this."**
And I remember saying words like, you know, people say how things are hard all the time but hard is not the same thing as bad. And I stopped and I heard myself say that and I thought, "well, that's basic." But I needed to remind myself of that constantly. And apparently, other people need the reminder too because it's probably one of the most resonant things that people tell me that I say.
Maggie: Yeah, I saw that quote and I was like, "yep! That is so true!" Just this week especially, it's been hard for me with whiny kids and a needy dog. I was just like, "Oh my Gosh, I can't handle this!" But hard is not the same thing as bad! There's so much worse going on out there this is just peanuts. **So, how has motherhood sanctified you in the last 11 years of mothering?**
Abbie: Oh my goodness. I don't think that I wouldn't necessarily think of myself as a super selfish person. Well, we don't tend to think of ourselves in that way, so pretty much everybody would say that, but **it has put up a mirror to my self-centeredness like nothing else.**
I didn't grow up with a lot; we were pretty poor. My dad had to work 13-hour days and my mom didn't work; she actually homeschooled us. So to be able to do that we just didn't eat out, we didn't do fancy thing ever really. I didn't feel deprived growing up at all but I felt grounded. You know, I'm not like, "Hey, you know, I don't expect much. I'm not a fancy person. I'm not an entitled person."
**But then you have children and you realize just how entitled you are** because you think you're entitled to... you know, just like what I was talking about the other day, and that's 11.5 years in - you think you're entitled to a quiet time. Or, you think you're entitled to a little bit of space, "stop pulling on me", "stop pulling my hair", "would you just nurse the normal way, you crazy baby"
But honestly **we have no rights as Christians; we are not entitled to anything**. Our model is Christ, who being in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but he laid his life down for us and took on a horrible death. And so when you look at that model, we see Jesus wrapping a towel on his waist and washing his disciples' feet which is the lowliest job and accepting people who were lowly and despised.
And so I knew all of that, you know, head knowledge but it wasn't until I had kids and found myself frustrated with them when they didn't do what I wanted them to do or you know enduring potty training issues - that sounds funny but one of mine had major issues for a year. I didn't think he would ever quit and so just coming out of that and seeing the Lord's goodness in shaping me and giving me more patience - I'm not a naturally patient person. I can wait for things for a long time - I'm not a I-have-to-open-the-present-now type of person but if I ask you to do something I need you to do it now; that's kind of my attitude. Or "this doesn't make sense; this is ridiculous; you're crying over nothing." - that will come out of my mouth, for sure, sometimes. And so just realizing logic doesn't have anything to do with this right now. This is not about you getting to your deadline or this is about the Lord saying "this little child is your responsibility and your opportunity to love, what are you gonna do about it?"
A lot of times what I did with it, especially early on, was not super godly even when I thought it was. I was really hard on my firstborn and I wish I could go back and be so much more easy-going with him. You know, I think probably you'll find this out later since you have little bitty kids that you are a different mama with your third or fourth or if you have five or whatever than you are with your first because you think... you either don't know what you're doing or you think you've already figured out and then you learn exactly how much you don't know.
Maggie: Hm. That makes me think, okay, how harsh have I been with my first one. Haha. Do you have any stories of God meeting you right in the mess of motherhood? I'd love to hear.
Abbie: Oh my goodness. Sure. And, obviously, I'm a talker and so let me try and boil it down to one. I think probably the thing that I just mentioned: one of my kids having potty training issues. There were times when he didn't go for a week and I remember sitting on the bathroom floor and literally holding onto his little legs because he couldn't get down until he went - because we were in that state - (and just for those who are worries, he was fine. We talked to the doctor. He was not in any danger of digestive issues. He was just afraid.) That sounds so silly but I cried out to God so fervently during this time; I mean it was just gibberish like "Oh, Lord, please. Oh Lord, please! Please!" You know, just over and over again.
And just, again, that fear of "what if he's like this forever?" Even knowing that it probably wasn't even true, feeling like that could possibly happen, that this could last forever. But the peace that I got from the Holy Spirit has been so near to me, even though it's something that was such a basic kind of young mothering thing. It was just so reassuring that the Lord cares about all the little details of our lives.
Maggie: Yeah. That's so true! **If you have to look back on your journey of mothering, do you see a constant theme of God showing up His character or His promises?**
Abbie: Probably it would just be that when He says that when you train up a child the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it - he is giving you tangible truths to hold on to. I talk about training a lot and I know it makes me sound like such a non-fun mom, haha. But we have a lot of fun, we do; we do a lot of enjoyable things in our house.
But I just feel like I am constantly clinging to the promise as I'm praying for these children, as I consistently go back and show them the error of their ways, as the Lord consistently shows me mine, that He is revealing His truth to me in His Word which is you stay on the straight and narrow path, you hide God's word in your heart, you do the training, you wake up and you do it again. It really does produce not just results because that sounds very business-like, but it produces a softer heart and it peels away the layers of stubbornness and pride. Really, it says "Create in me a clean heart, O God." - every single time you catch yourself in the moment of mothering where you think, "I have just screwed up so badly, Lord. I'm just the worst."
And He goes, "well, that may be true but you've got this next minute to start over again and my promises still stand. Go back to the truth. Go back to what you know is right. Let me show you moment by moment rather than expecting a big revelation.
Maggie: Yeah, His mercy is new. Just last week I was like, "oh my gosh, is it bedtime yet?" But then I was like, wait a minute, why am I thinking this? His mercy is new every minute. I can just go to God right now instead of hoping for a new day, a new beginning.
So I saw your post that you posted a couple of weeks ago. You talked about how your goal is to teach your kids to reflect God's goodness and love in a world that desperately needs to know that they're sinners and they have fallen short of the glory of God.
That is really important for us moms to teach our kids but some days it's hard enough to just survive, to just go through the day, so what encouragement do you have for moms to really feed their babies' souls instead of just feeding the body?
Abbie: Yeah! I remember feeling, when my kids were really little, the biggest gap I have between kids is 3 years and 6 days. I say this all the time: as much as things can get chaotic and there's a lot going on around here because there are nine people in this house, I still feel like that my hardest mothering moments were when I just had two - *just* had two, haha - because A) I didn't know what I was doing - I still don't but at least I have some coping mechanisms. Haha!
B) I was a lot more selfish and I was expecting more time to myself. We were doing a lot of house-building and so I was kind of single-mothering in a lot of ways. Sean would work all the time and so it was just.. it was a lot! I remember feeling weird talking about the Bible, even though I grew up with it. I remember feeling awkward like ridiculous that this 2-year-old would judge me for bringing things back to Jesus. That's ridiculous.
But really, they don't care. Their hearts are so open and soft when they're little. And so I think I just forced myself to constantly bring it back to Jesus. We read from the children's Bible as a family; each night we would pray over our meal; just basic little things but when they would sin, I would try to address the heart of the issue in the simplest terms possible like "you have sin in your heart. Sin is a desire, or like when you want to do bad things and we want Jesus to help us with that so let's pray about it." Like a 15-second prayer "Dear Jesus, please help me to do better next time when I wanna take my brother's toy."
And I felt so silly, I'm not gonna lie. I felt so silly for the longest time when I did that. I haven't had a lot of contact with children growing up. I only had one older brother and other than helping in the nursery, I didn't have a lot of contacts with talking to them but the more I did it - just same way with everything else in life - the more it became a habit and the more it became a normal feeling. At this point, almost constantly, we are talking about Jesus. I'll say "Praise the Lord!" or I'll say "this is like the Bible verse that we're learning" or if they're sinning or if I'm sinning, I'll say, "you know what, guys, I need to apologize. I am not doing what Jesus wants me to do."
So just **His praise being constantly on your tongue and His Word constantly on your lips.** The less you think of it in terms of something separate that you do, the more it becomes that way I guess.
Maggie: Yeah I love what you said about building a habit in us. I'm the same way - I didn't have a lot of contact with little kids growing up and then I also didn't grow up in a Christian home so when it comes to talking to my kids about Jesus I'm like, "uhhhhhh." Yeah, I feel silly when... cause I'm trying so hard to connect all the little things to Jesus and then my 2-year-old is like, "what?!" But, at this point, when they're so little, it's not really about them understanding but it's more about building the habit in me and practicing how to connect the dots so that when they're older and can understand, then they'll see the dots and connect the dots.
Abbie: Yeah! And sometimes they're the ones connecting the dots for you. They're turning around saying, "mama, that is exactly what we talked about yesterday in Bible reading" or, you know, sometimes it's a little more convicting, "mama, I didn't do that because I was afraid you were gonna yell at me or get upset at me." And I'm like, yeah, they saw it; they saw my sin.
Maggie: Yep. Do you have a verse you always come back to when you feel overwhelmed by motherhood or just life in general?
Abbie: Ah, yeah, yeah. Galatians 6:9. Absolutely. It says don't grow weary doing good because if we persevere we will reap the harvest. It says in the proper time we are going to reap. The Lord knows what that proper time is. That is pretty much my life verse. We have it as a Paint and Prose print, along with the Hard is Not the Same as Bad, those are our 2 biggest sellers because I think moms constantly need these reminders. Do not grow weary of doing good. If you do persevere, there's going to be a harvest. Because if we are doing this for nothing, or even just for well-behaved kids, even if they're just going through the motions, that's pointless. But if we are raising up future impactors for Jesus, future gospel sharers, that's encouraging, that's the goal of what we're striving for.
Maggie: Yeah. **Have you seen little snippets of some of the fruits of your labor? Of you laying the foundation?** I know you have an older kid - an 11-year-old - have you seen those fruits of labor?
Abbie: Yes, oh my goodness, yes. Okay so he is super sensitive, super emotional, very compassionate but the sensitive and emotional parts can skew self-indulgence. And so when he was little and he's my first, I was really hard on him, and other than my twins he's probably my most empathetic and emotive. And so I didn't know what to do with him. I'm really pragmatic; I'm not overly emotional. I have emotions, I'm expressive, if we were on a video I'm using my hands all the time and making faces all the time. But I don't get overly worked up and let my emotions take control usually.
So having one like that right off the bat I had to learn - well I didn't have a mothering style - I learned a different mothering style than I thought I would use with him and I constantly adjusted it. There were times when I just thought, I don't know what this kid is gonna be like, I don't know if I'm ever gonna reach him. I mean, he's amazing in some ways and in other ways he's still amazing but they weren't the amazing that I liked. They weren't my kind of amazing if that makes sense. So watching me change so that I appreciate the amazingness that I didn't before as much and then watching him grow, I can remember - and it was definitely gradual - so he sucked his fingers when he was little. From 3 weeks on, we never gave him a paci. I was the no-paci first-time mom. (I'm all about pacis now.)
So, no pacis for him but he didn't care. He sucked his fingers since he was 3 weeks and he sucked them till he was four. We tried all kinds of different methods of getting him to stop and he just wasn't interested. We told him he could have a 4th birthday party if he would quit before his 4th birthday and he did! Just cold turkey and that was such a huge progress for him, such a milestone for him.
And then I remember I started teaching my kids to fold laundry so he would've been almost 2 because Della, my third, would've been a baby. The boys despised folding laundry, they thought it was the hardest thing they had ever done in their lives. Now they were four and six, or five and six, so they were really little and it was hard for them.
I remember they would just sob. I would sit down and teach them how to fold and then I'd come back and they hadn't done anything so then we would have to do discipline and then we would start all over. I remember one time when Ezra melted down because he would, he had these really strong meltdowns when he was younger. Really emotional - he'd be super joyful and then really, really, emotional.
I remember a meltdown over folding clothes, like big time, it was one of the worst I've ever experienced, and probably three months later, it had passed, he had matured even in those short months. And I remember him telling me not that much later when he was 7, "Mama, folding clothes is easy. I like folding clothes."
Nothing had changed about the folding, I mean, maybe he was a little better at them but his perspective had changed and matured because we had stuck with it and he kind of moved passed his little irrational hatred of it.
And now he's the type of kid that will be like "I went and got the baby up. I dressed him and I changed him. He's in his car seat and I have Theo's shoes on and I gave the twins snacks and we're ready to go!" That's not every day but if you told me that would happen when he was 2, I wouldn't have believed you. Haha.
Maggie: That's so sweet! I can't wait for that day.
Abbie: Yeah! I hear a lot of that. "I can't wait for that day!" Haha!
Maggie: Do you have any practical wisdom for other moms juggling between marriage and motherhood and homemaking and maybe even a job outside of the home?
Abbie: I really think routine is really important. I'm not a strictly scheduled person so when I say routine I don't mean you have to get up the same time every morning and do everything at the same time every single day. But if you have at least a basic structure for your children to follow, they do so much better, so much better. I am a habit lover and I am a creature of habit but again I'm not like... I know friends that are like it's 2 PM, down for nap; at 10 AM down for a nap. Or, 8:15 and they're all in bed.
We have looser kind of ranges for times during the day that things happen. There are days when they get skipped altogether or we're in town at the zoo so the baby doesn't get his nap or he naps in the stroller or the toddler doesn't get his nap. You know what, he may lose his mind later on in the day but the thing is **it's the exception rather than the rule.**
So a basic day for us would look like I usually get up around 6:30 with my toddler. The twins get up pretty soon after. We're gonna have breakfast; we're gonna do family Bible-reading; then we're gonna do our morning routines; we're gonna start school; we're gonna make lunch - I don't make lunch for everyone, in fact, I hardly make lunch for anyone at this point. They either make it for each other or themselves. I will be prepping dinner in the afternoon. The twins and Theo will be down for a nap or a quiet time and then we're gonna get ready to go to the gym. We'll have snacks. We'll get out the door. I'll teach. I'll have dinner prepped; come home, we'll have dinner and we will have some sort of family time, read the Bible and do bedtime routine.
And again, I don't do bedtime routine for them. I don't brush my children's teeth, they know when we say "go do bedtime routines", they take care of each other, the older ones take care of the younger ones; they take care of themselves if they can. They actually read the Bible to each other at night, which I think it's really cool for them to take ownership of that and then they go to bed.
Sometimes that's as late as 8:45, usually it's in the 8:15 range. I know you didn't ask about our daily routines but that's pretty loose, it's very fluid, but it's gonna be what each day looks like and I can't tell you how much my children enjoy knowing what to expect. It makes them much more able to cope with what they need to do next if that makes sense. If I'm throwing curveballs at them right and left, they tend to get kind of fractious.
Maggie: Yeah. There's a structure but then there's also freedom and fluidity within that structure. I like it. Oh. I was also gonna ask you about your shop that you co-owned with your best friend? When did you start it?
Abbie: We started 2 years ago in the summer so almost exactly 2 years.
Maggie: Nice! What is your mission? What do you really want to do? What is your dream?
Abbie: Honestly, we're both really busy; she has more businesses than anybody I know. My husband works with my brother; they have a family business together, they build houses and then I have Paint and Prose and then he has his own computer programming and I blog, all that good stuff. So within that kind of knowledge that we're all so busy, the goal originally was: I love words because it's called Paint and *Prose*. I'm the prose and she's the paint. She's an incredibly talented, classically-trained artist. We were both at the gym one day, walking on the tracks takling about how I use words on my blog but what could we do to combine the two for a creative outlet that would reach people and be a blessing and be just fun for us.
So it wasn't this grand scheme - it was more like an outlet and it's just kind of grown from there.
Maggie: I love it. If everyone wants to just hang out with you and connect with you more, where can they find you?
Abbie: At my house. Haha!
Maggie: Haha! In Texas.
Abbie: At my house or in the gym. Yeah. Haha.
Maggie: Perfect. Sweet. We'll travel down to Texas.
Abbie: Sounds good! I would actually love that.
Maggie: I actually haven't been to Texas so someday :) Someday I'll go down.
Abbie: Yep. You need to come. And you need to come to East Texas because there's lots of good parts of Texas but I think the classic view of someone who's never been to Texas is like tumbleweed and cowboy hats and horses and desert. But where I live it's green and humid but not like dry-you-out-hot and very much not what people picture as Texas at all.
Maggie: I like it. Well, thanks so much for spending time with me. I have definitely learned a lot from you. Thank you for your encouragement!
Abbie: Oh, you're so welcome! Thanks for having me on!
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#015: 8 Ways to Pursue Your Husband in the Bedroom Oct 09, 2017

Disclosure: Some of the links on this site may be affiliated which means I earn a commission at no cost to you should you make a purchase via the link. All opinions are 100% my own.

Men like sex.
Period.
I'm not stereotyping them. It's how they're wired.
(If you want to read more into this subject, I recommend For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It helped me understand how Grant is wired.)
So if you want to pursue your husband, you can't neglect his needs in the bedroom.

PS I talked about the deeper reason why your husband craves sexual intimacy with you in the last episode, listen/read here.

Why is it important to pursue your husband in the bedroom?

1) To Protect Your Husband from Falling into Temptations

Sexual sin goes from committing adultery to having sexual thoughts about someone you're not married to. While committing sexual sins (like all sins) is one's choice and thus it is his/her responsibility, you as a wife can help your husband tremendously from falling into temptation.
For my own marriage, Grant has told me that if we've been so busy we haven't been intimate for a certain amount of time, while he hasn't fallen into sin (thank God, seriously), he does notice the temptations around him more. When a man is satisfied from within his marriage, his eyes are less likely to wander looking for a way to satisfy his hunger outside of his marriage.

Disclaimer: I've said this before but I will say it again: it is ultimately your husband's responsibility to resist temptation. It is not your job to keep him from falling into sin, however, you can help him significantly in his resistance. You can help him stand even stronger in the face of temptations.

So I encourage you to have an honest discussion with your husband about this. The goal of the conversation is to find out how you as his wife can help protect him from temptations. Be openhearted and ask for God to prepare your heart. Ask him questions like:

- Has there been a time when you feel more vulnerable to sexual temptations? Why?
- What can I do to help you resist the devil in this are?
- Are you satisfied with the frequency of sex? Do you want more?
- What makes you happy in the bedroom?
- What turns you on? What turns you off?

2) To Protect Your Marriage

Protecting your husband from falling into temptations can protect your marriage. In addition, it protects your marriage by maintaining your oneness.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

— Genesis 2:24

As soon as you both say "I do", you are ONE.
Your oneness in marriage can be manifested in different ways, one of which is sexual intimacy.
Sexual intimacy strengthens the bond you have as one unit; it builds a hedge up against outside threats.

This "hedge" takes regular upkeep, otherwise it will become weak and lose its protection.
How does your hedge look like? Has it been neglected? Or is it nice and strong?
Can you do a mental count of how many times you have been intimate the last month?
Can you say with confidence that your hedge is strong?

8 Ways to Pursue Your Husband in the Bedroom

I know that you're dead tired after pouring everything out during the day. But you might be surprised there are little things you can do that will bring sexy back.

Undergarment Audit - conduct a quick undergarment audit. Throw away bras or underwear that are old or have holes in them. Ditch the ones that the wires are poking out or the elastics have loosened. Then, ask your husband what kind of underwear he likes to see you in and go buy those.

Put That Lingerie On - most men are visually-charged. Putting a lingerie on will heat up the room quickly. (A word of caution: if you purchase lingerie online, make sure they don't mail you catalogs. This will protect your husband from looking at things he'd rather not see.)

Ditch the PJs - let's be honest - is there really a need for pajamas in the marriage bed? If you don't have kids, take advantage of this alone space you have and sleep in your birthday suit. This can be hard to do if you have kids who like to sneak into the bed with you. BUT, can you keep your sleepwear as minimalist as possible?

Play A Sexy Game - play a quick game that heat things up. Is there a quick video game you can both play? Whoever loses will take a piece of clothing off. Or you can play 20 questions - whoever loses will also take some clothes off. Dating Divas has some saucy ideas.

Create One-on-One Opportunities - can you arrange a surprise in-home date night? Or perhaps a one-night staycation at a nearby hotel? Or, if you stay at home, maybe your husband can come home for lunch when all the kids are in school or napping? Keep your eyes out and look for ways to spend time alone with your husband.

Afternoon Pick-Me-Up - Do you need to freshen up your hair? Do you need some energy bars to keep that energy up? Or maybe you need 10 minutes soaking in a bubble bath to recharge physically and mentally. Figure out what you need to feel rejuvenated and ready to connect with your husband, and go do it. If you need his help to make it happen, talk to him, ask him for help. When he understands your motives (or what it could lead to), I'm sure he'd be glad to help you.

Love Him Outside of the Bedroom - some of the quickest ways to turn your husband on are done outside of the bedroom. Love him through his love language, show him respect, speak encouragement into his life, ditch the nagging, etc. When you love him well outside of the bedroom, the sparks inside the bedroom will shine even brighter.

Ask Him - At the end of the day, you don't know what truly turns him on until you ask him. I encourage you to ask him using the questions I mentioned earlier in this post. Or, download a free copy of Nurture Your Marriage: 56 Meaningful Questions to Ask Your Husband. It facilitates an open conversation with your husband about various topics, one of which is sexual intimacy. Many wives, whether they are newlyweds or have been married for 10+ years, have benefited from this free resource.

Allie Casazza Minimalistic Motherhood — **#013: How to Live a Minimalistic Momlife with Allie Casazza** Oct 02, 2017

Maggie: Hello, welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast and this is Maggie Baker. I am super super super excited to have our guest on today. I have been having a girl crush on her from afar for quite a while now and I just love what she does: she is an expert when it comes to living simply but also on purpose - that is something that I believe we all need but we don't know how to actually make it happen and so I'm so excited to have her on today so she can share her wisdom and tips and tools on how to make it happen. Without further ado, let's welcome Miss Allie!
Allie: Hi! Thank you so much for having me!
Maggie: I'm super excited to have you on! Can you introduce yourself a little bit?
Allie: Sure! My name is Allie Casazza, I say it in every interview because most people don't know how to say this weird Italian last name. I am married - I just celebrated 10 years of marriage with my husband.
Maggie: Congratulations!
Allie: Thank you! We met in junior high school so I have known him most of my life; we have four kids: my only daughter Bella, 8, my son Leland, 6, Hudson is 5, and Emmett, another boy, he is about to turn three. He is my Halloween baby. At the time of this recording, he's gonna be 3 in about a month. That's my family.
I work from home, I run my blog, my business, AllieCasazza.com - I'm the creator of Your Uncluttered Home which is a decluttering course; I am the co-host of The Purposeful Home Podcast. There's a lot that I've kinda got my hand in from the business world but really what I'm most known for is just my philosophy of minimalism as it relates to mothers.
Minimalism has become a trend over the last few years - the last two years I'd say - and it's funny because it's been a part of my life for about five or six years now. But the reason it's become such a the trend and it's funny because most of the leaders in the minimalist niche are single, no kids, not married, and it's just so funny to me - I'm grateful that they're spreading this message but it's funny because you can tell the way they deliver the message and the way they teach it is like you don't have anyone making messes in your house. It's easy to be a minimalist when you only have one dog.

It is such a gift for moms to just quiet the clutter and focus on the family.

I believe that a lot of moms need minimalism more than anybody in this earth. And it's funny because a lot of people will approach me and say something like, "It's such an oxymoron - minimalist in motherhood? That's impossible." for people
People who think that tend to have the wrong idea about what minimalism really is and what it's about. It is just my passion; **it is such a gift for moms to just quiet the clutter and focus on the family** so that's what I do, that's the main blood flow.
Maggie: I love it so you kinda brought up - it's been a trendy thing to go minimalistic and all that. For us Christ followers, why should we pay attention to that? Is it biblical?
Allie: Yeah, absolutely! I actually pulled a couple of verses up that I wanted to refer your listeners to. Minimalism is biblical. One of my blog post - which has just gone super viral, which I'm so grateful that it did because the message really needs to be heard, I think.
There's a lot about stuff in the Bible and it's funny because it's one of those topics that I don't think anybody is really paying attention to that or maybe they're not looking for it, especially in America. There's just this culture of "all the things", "more stuff", "bigger houses and storage facilities" making over $1 billion per year. Our houses are so large; I drove the other day and it's funny because I was actually looking because I have a thousand kids and I need a big house like that but I was driving around and saw the signs for these upcoming houses, starting at whatever price that's way too much because I live in Southern California. It was like 6 to 9-bedroom houses and I just thought, okay, six is a lot; that's probably the biggest I would ever do and I would probably be miserable because I like smaller spaces. But 9 bedrooms?! I could adopt two families the same size as mine and feel very overwhelmed by that much space.
Our homes are getting bigger. Everything is growing and expanding and now we have storage facilities and it's just like so much and there's actually a lot in the Bible on this topic.
Specifically, in Luke, there are several verses. One of them always sticks out to me, it's Luke 12:15: "Take care, be on your guard against all covetousness. For one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
I think that may be the new international translation, I'm not sure but I love this translation. It says the word abundance in there too. Because if you're familiar with all of my site, I use that word a lot.
We are called to an abundant life and I think a lot of the times women tend to think that motherhood is the exception to that. That it's all about servitude and not doing what you want to do, not taking care of yourself and giving your kids the gift of everything.
The Bible says very clearly your life does not consist in the abundance of how much stuff you have, how big your house is, how much you fill the walls.
Also in Luke 12, "Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
That's just 2 verses - there are several that are close to my heart all the time for when I'm speaking on this topic but even just those two - that's incredibly straightforward talking about stuff, talking about our heart as it relates to staff. And so for me, minimalism is much much much much less about having white walls, succulent on my countertops and one IKEA couch and we mostly sit on the floor with our legs crossed.
It's not that stereotype minimalist, the popular view of minimalism that we mentioned earlier with no real reason for minimalism. But for us, oh my gosh, it's just about this gift of an abundant life, a life focused on the people you love and the people you serve and the people that are close to you and your home and in the outside world, too. Focusing on experiences with them instead of things.
**Every single thing in your home takes something from you.** I feel like the Scriptures I just read are so very pointed and obvious that Jesus did speak to us about this and it's easily overlooked because it feels unimportant, especially in America; but it is important, it does matter, it is biblical. We are called to be un-tied to our earthly possessions.
Maggie: For sure. I love it. it's so true and a lot of times **when we keep pursuing stuff we get clouded by those things and we can't really see God Himself, we can't really be available and present to do what He wants us to do.**

When we keep pursuing stuff we get clouded by those things and we can’t really see God Himself, we can’t really be available and present to do what He wants us to do.

Allie: Absolutely, you know, I think if you have kids and have people in your house, you're gonna have clothes that need to be washed, dishes to be loaded in the dishwasher. These things they're never going to end but how much more do we create for ourselves just by having an abundance of stuff we don't need and then that's more picking up, more putting away, more dusting or organizing; a weekend spent catching up and organizing the toy room again or whatever.
It's a needless task you're always doing again; that's time we could be spending in his presence, that's time we could be pouring into our kids. We don't get a lot of weekends with our kids so we could be out doing something; it's money saved; it's time spared; no more cleaning up after this life that you wish you were actually living.
Maggie: That is so true. So, we want to declutter and all that but if we truly want to keep it decluttered, I think we really need to tackle the root issue. Do you see why we've become such a culture of acquiring more and more and more and more and more?
Allie: Yeah, I think about this a lot because I deal every day with women who have chronic issues with collecting things and having a hard time letting go. I feel like it just keeps stacking onto itself - the idea of keeping up with the Joneses and another thing I see is people coping with life with their stuff.
Maybe you came from a poor family and so it makes you feel very safe when you shop, when you have money to burn, money to spare, or maybe you don't but you would act like you do. Anyways it makes you feel safe somehow. I mean we can get into that all day but I think that there's a lot of heart issues that are leading us to be very overwhelmed with our stuff; sometimes it's keeping up with the Joneses, sometimes it's dealing with some insecurities from your past or your present time, sometimes just filling the void that you know is only God shaped and there's a lot of issues but basically I do feel like it stems from different kinds of heart issues. Everyone is different but it's usually something like that.
Maggie: When it comes to getting rid of stuff, what are the common problem areas that you see in a cluttered home?
Allie: Toys, kids stuff; I think moms feel guilty limiting that. A lot of women I speak with will say things like, "well, it's not mine, it's theirs." But you're the mom and you bought them. Or you got them from someone else or whatever the situation is.
You're not scarring your kids by limiting their toys. I encourage everyone listening to research this for themselves. There was this German study that was done - there have been many many scientific studies done on children and toys - and every single one repeatedly points to the fact that **kids play much better with** **less** **options**. They getting overstimulated and overwhelmed.
And so find nothing but freedom in letting go of your kids' toys, you're doing them - and yourself - a huge favor. So that's one area that is usually pretty over cluttered and very difficult for people to work through.
And then I would say the other two is just the day-to-day things like laundry and dishes. It never ends because you have set up a home in which it can never end again. Now you're always gonna have to wash things because you have a family, but the fact is **less** **clothes is less likelihood of you getting this massive amount of laundry you have to spend the weekend catching up on.**
Simplifying the dishes and not having four spare sets in your main cupboard so it doesn't continue to add to the pile of dirty dishes. Simplifying that eliminates it so that you're just doing your normal routine, rinsing the dishes at the end of the day. There's a lot of control we have, I think we can act like martyrs sometimes. "Oh, it just never ends!" Well, it won't ever end but you can definitely take it into your own hands and make it a lot simpler for yourself.
Maggie: Yeah, definitely. And you kinda mentioned it but can you elaborate a little more on the practical tips on how to tackle these areas and keep them uncluttered for good so that they don't keep coming back?
Allie: Yeah, I think there're a few different key questions that I usually give people in specific areas. But just more in general, I think it really helps... well, first of all, I just want to say I'm not a fan of the whole "does this spark joy" thing. I feel like, again while I'm so glad that any voice for minimalism is a positive voice, I feel like that doesn't really get to the root issue. It also brings up a lot of issues like, okay, well this screwdriver does not spark joy but I need it to fix things. I think it's just not really a problem solver; I think it avoids the heart especially as a Christian woman. It avoids dealing with these verses are saying. I think we need to look at the heart and pull out that root.
So for me, usually asking my students things like **"when was the last time that you remembered using it?"** More often than not, it's like crickets because they don't remember. If you can't remember it's probably been a while. It's kinda like an eye-opening kind of realization of putting it in perspective.
And then "**does this item help me live a purposeful simplified life**?" My journal that I keep in my purse? Yes, I jot down ideas when they come to me; it helps me run my business on the go - absolutely. The 35 T-shirts in my drawer? No, I can definitely pare back there.

Does this item help me live a purposeful simplified life?

If you don't mind, I would love to go over a couple of key points for dishes and laundry, just to help them get started.
Maggie: Please, go ahead.
Allie: Yeah, it's just because everybody struggles with those; it's such, like, constant.
Maggie: Yes! And the thing is, for me, I was not taught how to do homemaking, how to organize, and so I get so overwhelmed and so yeah I would love your wisdom and tips and tools.
Allie: Yeah, absolutely! And that's a great place to start, too, because with either of those areas - laundry, dishes, and toys are the top three areas where you're going to see an immediate difference and an immediate return on your investment of time because you use those things and they interact with you day-to-day, so it's easy to be like, "oh, I really notice I have more time this week!"
So, for dishes, I did touch on it a little bit before but think about where you keep your plates and your bowls - your basic eating-ware - usually it's in one cabinet in your kitchen and it's all kind of together, like you're setting up your kitchen and all the plates go together and all the bowls above that, they all kind of stay together.
But usually people have many different sets of dishes and bowls - I don't know why, almost everyone, I think I had one person when I used to clients and she was the only person that I've ever interacted with that didn't have multiple sets of spare dishes. I don't know why but we all have extra dishes. And it's so funny, you have four people in your house why do you have 12 dishes? Are you hosting elaborate parties that are not paper plate status all the time? It's funny most people have multiple sets of dishes, so what happens when you have your kitchen organized where they are all in one cabinet is: science shows this - it's very interesting to read about this, too, so maybe this is something you guys can back to and Google - but **human beings always opt for the path of least resistance**.
So If somebody needs a clean dish in your house, no matter how many freshly rinsed, totally fine usable plates are next to the sink, they're going to reach into the cupboard for a fresh one because they know it's clean and it's just right there. This is how you end up with that massive pile of dishes at the end of every day and you're like "how does this happen? We only ate one meal here today! What the heck?!"
That's how it happens: it adds up every snack, every cup of coffee, you know, another afternoon cup of coffee, another drink of water, "I forgot which glasses I used last night, I'll just get another one." It adds up and up and up. So, get rid of the spare dishes - you don't need them. If you are in some situation where you do need them like you host a weekly gathering or something like that, that's fine, keep the dishes but don't store them in the same cupboard. Pick a different one, like the one closer to the bottom half of your counters. I, at one point, just had my spare set, in case I ever hosted something, boxed up with bubble wrap in the garage because I never ever used it but I didn't want to not have any other dishes than just ours.
So there's always an alternative but just simplify your life; that's one such a small - almost obvious kinda life hack - but most people have this lightbulb moment of "oh my gosh, it totally makes sense." and so they try it. It doesn't even take time, just the next time you do the dishes, just move the other ones somewhere else. And you'll notice so much more time so it is much much better to kind of like quickly wash or rinse your dishes after you use them in the drying rack outside of the sink and then reuse them.
It's much easier to have to rinse them off that way after you use them than it is to be able to grab a bunch of other ones and add that huge pile up at the end of the day. And really it is the same for everything. I think for laundry, you know, people always ask me **"well if I get rid of my clothes, aren't I gonna have to do laundry even more?"**
And my answer is always "what would you rather have? Would you rather get yourself in a nice rhythm that makes you feel strong and in control and confident and happy where you're doing a load of laundry every morning or as you go about your day? And then by the end of the day, you have them folded or put away.
Or would you rather have drawers and dressers and hangers full of clothes you don't need because most of us only wear 20% of our wardrobe 80 percent of the time, and have the ability to build up that laundry mountain that sucks up your weekend or your nighttime and the only time you have to spend with your family?"
And that's the perspective that most people are like, "oh, I know which I'm gonna pick." because none of us want to willingly volunteer our free time to something as stupid as laundry. And so, you know, you have that control; it's just a perspective switch that some people need most of the time; it does not need to take up your whole life, you know, we got a lot of clothes. We have four kids and a husband who does a lot of physical things - he's always getting dirty, always working out and sweating and having to change amd all that and so it's like, I get it, it's never-ending seemingly. But I know I can never really get so behind and that's a really good feeling.
Maggie: Yeah, totally, I am swimming in the laundry right now because my husband does construction and so he always has clothes - dirty clothes, muddy clothes and so, especially in the winter because, you know, there are different layers, so that really doubles the laundry and so yeah, I always feel overwhelmed.
Allie: Well, and when somebody gets sick, like today, my kids are all sick and one of them is throwing up and I knew right when that happened, okay well we're about to get into a bunch of laundry. But it feels good to know that, you know, with rhythms and just simplifying everything - my stuff and my time - I'm not dreading "oh my gosh, I already have five hampmers full of clothes and now the comforter! That's gonna throw everything off!"
**Minimalism just makes life have more breathing room and white space so when something does, you know, mom** **life,** **if something happens it's not the end of the world. That's not even really a stress point.**
Maggie: Yeah, totally!
Maggie: I love these practical tips. I would love to have them keep coming, I have three other problem areas that when I asked my community, they're like, 'okay, top three: paper clutter, sentimental items and clothes." Well, we've kinda touched on clothes but yeah I would love some tips on how to get these areas tackled.
Allie: Yeah! Sentimental items - that's a really good one because it's just... when you get the heart involved in anything, especially the mother heart to baby stuff, It's SO hard and so just to give a couple of examples with sentimental stuff. You know, I think people think automatically I'm not sentimental just because of what I do. And it's funny because I'm very sentimental but you know I have, like, okay there used to be this box of my daughter's baby stuff because she's my oldest so she's my first baby. When I was on my journey in minimalism, I came to the box cause I've already avoided it, I've already done everything else in the house. This needs to happen now, so what I ended up doing was I removed my memories from the things.
I'm getting rid of this pile of Bella's baby clothes, that doesn't mean that I have no memory of her. So usually that's what I say to people who are struggling. Now for me, just to get a little bit personal, with that box of baby stuff, it was very hard for me because when Bella was born I got hit with postpartum depression really bad. It got to the point where it affected me physically and I was really ill, I couldn't get out of bed and I just didn't have a connection to her. I didn't care when she cried, it was like months of this detached time and it got so bad that, you know, through therapy I kinda realized my brain went into this protection mode and deleted some memories of that time so I'll look at my daughter as a baby and think "I don't remember that". So when you have something like that, people have stuff like that all the time, like her husband passed away or something like that, it's even worse because I'm going to the baby stuff saying things like, "okay, I'm getting rid of the stuff from Bella being a baby" that doesn't mean I'm erasing the memory.
I was depressed so that's even worse and this guilt comes in and the thing is that, especially as a Christian woman, again you can't rely on things like that, you can't keep things out of fear or guilt or dread or sadness or depression because you're just holding yourself back. That's only one box of stuff, if that's all I'm gonna keep, that's fine! But then where's the boundaries for the next box of stuff? For grandma's stuff and grandpa's stuff? And your son's stuff? it never ends so for me, minimalism will make you deal with a lot of your behind-the-dark-door stuff and just use it as an opportunity - I encourage you to run to Jesus and deal with the heart of it.
And so, going back to the box of Bella's stuff, I ended up dealing with my stuff, I'm just like really seeking healing, I let go of everything of hers except for my belly book when I was pregnant with her and this little white dress that she wore when she was dedicated. So, you knkow, huge box full of stuff verses a journal and one dress that, I'm hoping, cause you know, it's vintage and it's adorable, I'm hoping it'll get used later and it's just sweet to have it.
**Less doesn't mean none, that's my point.**
It doesn't mean you have no sentimental stuff, it just means that you're intentional about your space. Sentimental stuff can be used; a lot of people have things like vintage China sets from their grandmothers and they just put them on display and they gather dust. They don't like them but they can't use them so they're just there. Use it! It is just plates! If you like them and you want to keep them, use them! Who says you can't eat dinner on fine China? It reminds me of something special, you know, I think there's just a lot of fear and these unwritten rules that are silly and that we follow a sentimental thing.so no work for your staff or for your heart issues you know less
So, work through your stuff, work through your heart issues. You know, less does not mean none, and consider using it. Don't let sentimental things hinder you.
But also don't start there either. Save sentimental stuff for when you've gained momentum, like you've done your dishes and your laundry and your toys and your master bedroom and your closet and then like, okay now that you know who you are when it comes purging stuff, then do the sentimental stuff.
Maggie: Yeah, that should be the last.
Allie: Yeah, definitely, it was for me and I felt very confident - I knew who I was, I knew my key questions, I knew the effects of minimalism had on me as a mother and my family and my home and it was so great. I really wasn't going to keep much of anything that was gonna get in the way of that.
Maggie: Yeah and I think, at this point, everyone listening is ready to go, ready to purge stuff, but what about our spouses? How do we get them on board because... what if they want to keep a lot of the stuff that we want to grow away?
Allie: Yeah, and that happens a lot. I would say that's probably the top problem that people that I speak with right into. You know, the thing is, just like with anything else, we can only control ourselves. We cannot control somebody else and I think, I always think about, like, okay, going back to Proverbs 31 woman, and I don't know if you've read The Power of the Praying Wife and things like that, it kind of gives you a heart check in this area.
What a blessed husband you would have if you decided that you didn't need to impose your values or impose what is currently getting excited and lighting you up, the thing you're really into right now but you didn't impose that on him. We don't have to get our husbands on board with every single thing we do, you know, I can go and start Whole 30 tomorrow and I don't even need to have my husband even know what it is or be on board with it.
That is a choice I can make and to do for myself so **with minimalism when it has to do with your shared space, don't nag, don't push, don't force - it doesn't do anything except make it even harder in the future for him to get on board.**
So for me, in the beginning, I didn't know minimalism was even a word that it had anything to do with this. I thought it was an art style or something, but I had just kinda stumbled upon this idea of **"what if I got rid of all the things that are taking all my time, so I can actually enjoy my motherhood?"** and as I'm pursuing it and figuring it out and finding that it worked on. My husband came from a childhood that led him to - I do not use the word hoarding lightly but it was legit hoarding - and I mean just like a garage full of little random things and knickknacks that were of the utmost importance and "going to be used in some project one of these days" but they're there for years.

What if I got rid of all the things that are taking all my time, so I can actually enjoy my motherhood?

It was all over our house. It was kind of hidden in closets and drawers. He was very very resistant at first and for about two years of my journey, he was very resistant and so we came up with a compromise where he could have the garage and our closet, the master bedroom closet, to do whatever he wanted, he could keep whatever hr wanted. It could be messy, it didn't matter. You have your space and that's a lot of space, the garage is huge but "is it okay with you because after explaining this is changing my life, it is changing my heart and it's making me a better mom, it's making me enjoy my days more. This is how overwhelmed I've been. You know, you've seen it. You've taken a lot of the grunt of it. This is changing my life so is it okay with you if all the areas of the house that affect my day, if I can have free reign to simplify. Anything that's yours I'll just throw it in the garage, is that cool with you?" And that was like, "okay, yeah, let's do that."
And so we went on that way for a couple of years and honestly I could've gone on that way my entire life and been totally happy with that setup because it didn't bother me, I knew that I wasn't nagging and ruining my marriage over this - that's not worth it - he can be his little hoarding self over there but the stuff that affected my day with the kids, I could do what I needed to do. I got rid of all my stuff and all the kids' stuff and we had free days that's why I started my business - I had free time, if you can beleive that, with that many kids. It was amazing.
Eventually, we had this one move where it cost us a bunch of extra money and a bunch of extra days just because of his stuff. And so we had this realization of "um, please help me." Since then he's been on the bandwagon with me. It gets better.
Maggie: Yeah, I think, don't push, don't nag; if it truly changes you, your husband will see it and he's gonna want to be on board because he wants that for himself too.
Allie: Exactly, and then, like I said even if he never had, I know I can say with a 100% confidence that I would've still started this business, I still would've been, you know, Allie Casazza, the minimalist one. I still would've done it and pursued it because it didn't bother me. My days were so freed up that I have free time and able to do what I love and I mean this is so amazing, it's so nice when your husband gets it and he's on board but it's not a necessity. We shouldn't be the ones trying to force it.
The same thing goes with a lot of other people in our lives, too. If relatives are pushing back, and they don't like it; they feel limited with toys and stuff. We are not the ones who should be forcing anyone to get on the same page as us. Just do your thing, have healthy boundaries but just your family and leave everyone else alone.
Maggie: Totally. So what other resources do you recommend if we want to learn more about the practical steps to decluttering our homes and live simply but also purposefully?
Allie: I really love Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist. He is one of the only other minimalist, kind of an expert, that I really agree with everything that he has to say. Being a guy, too, he's logical and just like "well, here's a box. Here's what it is and here's how you can do it." I tend to be a little bit more emotional-based, getting to the heart behind it all. But he's just got this awesome blog that I always point people to BecomingMinimalist.com.
And then my site, too. I've been blogging for years about this and there's just an archive of videos and blog posts and downloads, all kinds of stuff. So there's really no shortage of anything.
**You can get overwhelmed easily so I would say, go learn the research, do all the things, but pick one thing to start with.**
Maggie: Totally. And you also have courses?
Allie: Yes, I do! So just kind of in response to my audience, like blog posts are great but I would really like it if it was all spelled out. So my course, my main course, is called **Your Uncluttered Home**. It is massive. It's about 11 hours of content - audio lessons and video lessons and PDFs of the a to z of minimalism for your home and what that lifestyle change looks like for dealing with your husband, dealing with relatives, dealing with Christmas time and birthdays, and paperwork and Google Drive filing systems and every room in the area your house - totally decluttered from step a to step b.
And then I've got a smaller course at a lower price and a lot less content. Sometimes I feel like women just get so overwhelmed, they don't even know where to start; life is just like this nonstop tornado that they're trying to survive. So that course is called Unburdened, it's kind of like the beginning of minimalism for your whole life. We simplify reaching goals, we simplify your meals and we simplify a little bit of clutter in your home but a lot of schedules and calendar stuff. It's like getting a grip on your whole life when you feel like it's just really out-of-control.
Maggie: Love it. I will include the links in the show notes and if we want to hang out with you more in the social media world, where can we find you?
Allie: I am on Instagram. I am always really honest that I have to be on Facebook, it's part of my job but I've delegated that to my social media manager. I hate Facebook so much but on Instagram, it's always me. I'm there every day. My username is Allie_thatsme. That's where I share day-to-day staff and that's probably the best place to connect with me.
Maggie: Love it. Thank you so much for spending time with us and sharing all your wisdom and tips and tricks. I love it.
Allie: Yeah! Thank you again for having me. This was awesome.

Indwelt Women Academy - Online Bible Study Community for Christian Women with daily Bible readings and authentic community. — **#013: How to Live a Minimalistic Momlife with Allie Casazza** Oct 02, 2017

Maggie: Hello, welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast and this is Maggie Baker. I am super super super excited to have our guest on today. I have been having a girl crush on her from afar for quite a while now and I just love what she does: she is an expert when it comes to living simply but also on purpose - that is something that I believe we all need but we don't know how to actually make it happen and so I'm so excited to have her on today so she can share her wisdom and tips and tools on how to make it happen. Without further ado, let's welcome Miss Allie!
Allie: Hi! Thank you so much for having me!
Maggie: I'm super excited to have you on! Can you introduce yourself a little bit?
Allie: Sure! My name is Allie Casazza, I say it in every interview because most people don't know how to say this weird Italian last name. I am married - I just celebrated 10 years of marriage with my husband.
Maggie: Congratulations!
Allie: Thank you! We met in junior high school so I have known him most of my life; we have four kids: my only daughter Bella, 8, my son Leland, 6, Hudson is 5, and Emmett, another boy, he is about to turn three. He is my Halloween baby. At the time of this recording, he's gonna be 3 in about a month. That's my family.
I work from home, I run my blog, my business, AllieCasazza.com - I'm the creator of Your Uncluttered Home which is a decluttering course; I am the co-host of The Purposeful Home Podcast. There's a lot that I've kinda got my hand in from the business world but really what I'm most known for is just my philosophy of minimalism as it relates to mothers.
Minimalism has become a trend over the last few years - the last two years I'd say - and it's funny because it's been a part of my life for about five or six years now. But the reason it's become such a the trend and it's funny because most of the leaders in the minimalist niche are single, no kids, not married, and it's just so funny to me - I'm grateful that they're spreading this message but it's funny because you can tell the way they deliver the message and the way they teach it is like you don't have anyone making messes in your house. It's easy to be a minimalist when you only have one dog.

It is such a gift for moms to just quiet the clutter and focus on the family.

I believe that a lot of moms need minimalism more than anybody in this earth. And it's funny because a lot of people will approach me and say something like, "It's such an oxymoron - minimalist in motherhood? That's impossible." for people
People who think that tend to have the wrong idea about what minimalism really is and what it's about. It is just my passion; **it is such a gift for moms to just quiet the clutter and focus on the family** so that's what I do, that's the main blood flow.
Maggie: I love it so you kinda brought up - it's been a trendy thing to go minimalistic and all that. For us Christ followers, why should we pay attention to that? Is it biblical?
Allie: Yeah, absolutely! I actually pulled a couple of verses up that I wanted to refer your listeners to. Minimalism is biblical. One of my blog post - which has just gone super viral, which I'm so grateful that it did because the message really needs to be heard, I think.
There's a lot about stuff in the Bible and it's funny because it's one of those topics that I don't think anybody is really paying attention to that or maybe they're not looking for it, especially in America. There's just this culture of "all the things", "more stuff", "bigger houses and storage facilities" making over $1 billion per year. Our houses are so large; I drove the other day and it's funny because I was actually looking because I have a thousand kids and I need a big house like that but I was driving around and saw the signs for these upcoming houses, starting at whatever price that's way too much because I live in Southern California. It was like 6 to 9-bedroom houses and I just thought, okay, six is a lot; that's probably the biggest I would ever do and I would probably be miserable because I like smaller spaces. But 9 bedrooms?! I could adopt two families the same size as mine and feel very overwhelmed by that much space.
Our homes are getting bigger. Everything is growing and expanding and now we have storage facilities and it's just like so much and there's actually a lot in the Bible on this topic.
Specifically, in Luke, there are several verses. One of them always sticks out to me, it's Luke 12:15: "Take care, be on your guard against all covetousness. For one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
I think that may be the new international translation, I'm not sure but I love this translation. It says the word abundance in there too. Because if you're familiar with all of my site, I use that word a lot.
We are called to an abundant life and I think a lot of the times women tend to think that motherhood is the exception to that. That it's all about servitude and not doing what you want to do, not taking care of yourself and giving your kids the gift of everything.
The Bible says very clearly your life does not consist in the abundance of how much stuff you have, how big your house is, how much you fill the walls.
Also in Luke 12, "Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
That's just 2 verses - there are several that are close to my heart all the time for when I'm speaking on this topic but even just those two - that's incredibly straightforward talking about stuff, talking about our heart as it relates to staff. And so for me, minimalism is much much much much less about having white walls, succulent on my countertops and one IKEA couch and we mostly sit on the floor with our legs crossed.
It's not that stereotype minimalist, the popular view of minimalism that we mentioned earlier with no real reason for minimalism. But for us, oh my gosh, it's just about this gift of an abundant life, a life focused on the people you love and the people you serve and the people that are close to you and your home and in the outside world, too. Focusing on experiences with them instead of things.
**Every single thing in your home takes something from you.** I feel like the Scriptures I just read are so very pointed and obvious that Jesus did speak to us about this and it's easily overlooked because it feels unimportant, especially in America; but it is important, it does matter, it is biblical. We are called to be un-tied to our earthly possessions.
Maggie: For sure. I love it. it's so true and a lot of times **when we keep pursuing stuff we get clouded by those things and we can't really see God Himself, we can't really be available and present to do what He wants us to do.**

When we keep pursuing stuff we get clouded by those things and we can’t really see God Himself, we can’t really be available and present to do what He wants us to do.

Allie: Absolutely, you know, I think if you have kids and have people in your house, you're gonna have clothes that need to be washed, dishes to be loaded in the dishwasher. These things they're never going to end but how much more do we create for ourselves just by having an abundance of stuff we don't need and then that's more picking up, more putting away, more dusting or organizing; a weekend spent catching up and organizing the toy room again or whatever.
It's a needless task you're always doing again; that's time we could be spending in his presence, that's time we could be pouring into our kids. We don't get a lot of weekends with our kids so we could be out doing something; it's money saved; it's time spared; no more cleaning up after this life that you wish you were actually living.
Maggie: That is so true. So, we want to declutter and all that but if we truly want to keep it decluttered, I think we really need to tackle the root issue. Do you see why we've become such a culture of acquiring more and more and more and more and more?
Allie: Yeah, I think about this a lot because I deal every day with women who have chronic issues with collecting things and having a hard time letting go. I feel like it just keeps stacking onto itself - the idea of keeping up with the Joneses and another thing I see is people coping with life with their stuff.
Maybe you came from a poor family and so it makes you feel very safe when you shop, when you have money to burn, money to spare, or maybe you don't but you would act like you do. Anyways it makes you feel safe somehow. I mean we can get into that all day but I think that there's a lot of heart issues that are leading us to be very overwhelmed with our stuff; sometimes it's keeping up with the Joneses, sometimes it's dealing with some insecurities from your past or your present time, sometimes just filling the void that you know is only God shaped and there's a lot of issues but basically I do feel like it stems from different kinds of heart issues. Everyone is different but it's usually something like that.
Maggie: When it comes to getting rid of stuff, what are the common problem areas that you see in a cluttered home?
Allie: Toys, kids stuff; I think moms feel guilty limiting that. A lot of women I speak with will say things like, "well, it's not mine, it's theirs." But you're the mom and you bought them. Or you got them from someone else or whatever the situation is.
You're not scarring your kids by limiting their toys. I encourage everyone listening to research this for themselves. There was this German study that was done - there have been many many scientific studies done on children and toys - and every single one repeatedly points to the fact that **kids play much better with** **less** **options**. They getting overstimulated and overwhelmed.
And so find nothing but freedom in letting go of your kids' toys, you're doing them - and yourself - a huge favor. So that's one area that is usually pretty over cluttered and very difficult for people to work through.
And then I would say the other two is just the day-to-day things like laundry and dishes. It never ends because you have set up a home in which it can never end again. Now you're always gonna have to wash things because you have a family, but the fact is **less** **clothes is less likelihood of you getting this massive amount of laundry you have to spend the weekend catching up on.**
Simplifying the dishes and not having four spare sets in your main cupboard so it doesn't continue to add to the pile of dirty dishes. Simplifying that eliminates it so that you're just doing your normal routine, rinsing the dishes at the end of the day. There's a lot of control we have, I think we can act like martyrs sometimes. "Oh, it just never ends!" Well, it won't ever end but you can definitely take it into your own hands and make it a lot simpler for yourself.
Maggie: Yeah, definitely. And you kinda mentioned it but can you elaborate a little more on the practical tips on how to tackle these areas and keep them uncluttered for good so that they don't keep coming back?
Allie: Yeah, I think there're a few different key questions that I usually give people in specific areas. But just more in general, I think it really helps... well, first of all, I just want to say I'm not a fan of the whole "does this spark joy" thing. I feel like, again while I'm so glad that any voice for minimalism is a positive voice, I feel like that doesn't really get to the root issue. It also brings up a lot of issues like, okay, well this screwdriver does not spark joy but I need it to fix things. I think it's just not really a problem solver; I think it avoids the heart especially as a Christian woman. It avoids dealing with these verses are saying. I think we need to look at the heart and pull out that root.
So for me, usually asking my students things like **"when was the last time that you remembered using it?"** More often than not, it's like crickets because they don't remember. If you can't remember it's probably been a while. It's kinda like an eye-opening kind of realization of putting it in perspective.
And then "**does this item help me live a purposeful simplified life**?" My journal that I keep in my purse? Yes, I jot down ideas when they come to me; it helps me run my business on the go - absolutely. The 35 T-shirts in my drawer? No, I can definitely pare back there.

Does this item help me live a purposeful simplified life?

If you don't mind, I would love to go over a couple of key points for dishes and laundry, just to help them get started.
Maggie: Please, go ahead.
Allie: Yeah, it's just because everybody struggles with those; it's such, like, constant.
Maggie: Yes! And the thing is, for me, I was not taught how to do homemaking, how to organize, and so I get so overwhelmed and so yeah I would love your wisdom and tips and tools.
Allie: Yeah, absolutely! And that's a great place to start, too, because with either of those areas - laundry, dishes, and toys are the top three areas where you're going to see an immediate difference and an immediate return on your investment of time because you use those things and they interact with you day-to-day, so it's easy to be like, "oh, I really notice I have more time this week!"
So, for dishes, I did touch on it a little bit before but think about where you keep your plates and your bowls - your basic eating-ware - usually it's in one cabinet in your kitchen and it's all kind of together, like you're setting up your kitchen and all the plates go together and all the bowls above that, they all kind of stay together.
But usually people have many different sets of dishes and bowls - I don't know why, almost everyone, I think I had one person when I used to clients and she was the only person that I've ever interacted with that didn't have multiple sets of spare dishes. I don't know why but we all have extra dishes. And it's so funny, you have four people in your house why do you have 12 dishes? Are you hosting elaborate parties that are not paper plate status all the time? It's funny most people have multiple sets of dishes, so what happens when you have your kitchen organized where they are all in one cabinet is: science shows this - it's very interesting to read about this, too, so maybe this is something you guys can back to and Google - but **human beings always opt for the path of least resistance**.
So If somebody needs a clean dish in your house, no matter how many freshly rinsed, totally fine usable plates are next to the sink, they're going to reach into the cupboard for a fresh one because they know it's clean and it's just right there. This is how you end up with that massive pile of dishes at the end of every day and you're like "how does this happen? We only ate one meal here today! What the heck?!"
That's how it happens: it adds up every snack, every cup of coffee, you know, another afternoon cup of coffee, another drink of water, "I forgot which glasses I used last night, I'll just get another one." It adds up and up and up. So, get rid of the spare dishes - you don't need them. If you are in some situation where you do need them like you host a weekly gathering or something like that, that's fine, keep the dishes but don't store them in the same cupboard. Pick a different one, like the one closer to the bottom half of your counters. I, at one point, just had my spare set, in case I ever hosted something, boxed up with bubble wrap in the garage because I never ever used it but I didn't want to not have any other dishes than just ours.
So there's always an alternative but just simplify your life; that's one such a small - almost obvious kinda life hack - but most people have this lightbulb moment of "oh my gosh, it totally makes sense." and so they try it. It doesn't even take time, just the next time you do the dishes, just move the other ones somewhere else. And you'll notice so much more time so it is much much better to kind of like quickly wash or rinse your dishes after you use them in the drying rack outside of the sink and then reuse them.
It's much easier to have to rinse them off that way after you use them than it is to be able to grab a bunch of other ones and add that huge pile up at the end of the day. And really it is the same for everything. I think for laundry, you know, people always ask me **"well if I get rid of my clothes, aren't I gonna have to do laundry even more?"**
And my answer is always "what would you rather have? Would you rather get yourself in a nice rhythm that makes you feel strong and in control and confident and happy where you're doing a load of laundry every morning or as you go about your day? And then by the end of the day, you have them folded or put away.
Or would you rather have drawers and dressers and hangers full of clothes you don't need because most of us only wear 20% of our wardrobe 80 percent of the time, and have the ability to build up that laundry mountain that sucks up your weekend or your nighttime and the only time you have to spend with your family?"
And that's the perspective that most people are like, "oh, I know which I'm gonna pick." because none of us want to willingly volunteer our free time to something as stupid as laundry. And so, you know, you have that control; it's just a perspective switch that some people need most of the time; it does not need to take up your whole life, you know, we got a lot of clothes. We have four kids and a husband who does a lot of physical things - he's always getting dirty, always working out and sweating and having to change amd all that and so it's like, I get it, it's never-ending seemingly. But I know I can never really get so behind and that's a really good feeling.
Maggie: Yeah, totally, I am swimming in the laundry right now because my husband does construction and so he always has clothes - dirty clothes, muddy clothes and so, especially in the winter because, you know, there are different layers, so that really doubles the laundry and so yeah, I always feel overwhelmed.
Allie: Well, and when somebody gets sick, like today, my kids are all sick and one of them is throwing up and I knew right when that happened, okay well we're about to get into a bunch of laundry. But it feels good to know that, you know, with rhythms and just simplifying everything - my stuff and my time - I'm not dreading "oh my gosh, I already have five hampmers full of clothes and now the comforter! That's gonna throw everything off!"
**Minimalism just makes life have more breathing room and white space so when something does, you know, mom** **life,** **if something happens it's not the end of the world. That's not even really a stress point.**
Maggie: Yeah, totally!
Maggie: I love these practical tips. I would love to have them keep coming, I have three other problem areas that when I asked my community, they're like, 'okay, top three: paper clutter, sentimental items and clothes." Well, we've kinda touched on clothes but yeah I would love some tips on how to get these areas tackled.
Allie: Yeah! Sentimental items - that's a really good one because it's just... when you get the heart involved in anything, especially the mother heart to baby stuff, It's SO hard and so just to give a couple of examples with sentimental stuff. You know, I think people think automatically I'm not sentimental just because of what I do. And it's funny because I'm very sentimental but you know I have, like, okay there used to be this box of my daughter's baby stuff because she's my oldest so she's my first baby. When I was on my journey in minimalism, I came to the box cause I've already avoided it, I've already done everything else in the house. This needs to happen now, so what I ended up doing was I removed my memories from the things.
I'm getting rid of this pile of Bella's baby clothes, that doesn't mean that I have no memory of her. So usually that's what I say to people who are struggling. Now for me, just to get a little bit personal, with that box of baby stuff, it was very hard for me because when Bella was born I got hit with postpartum depression really bad. It got to the point where it affected me physically and I was really ill, I couldn't get out of bed and I just didn't have a connection to her. I didn't care when she cried, it was like months of this detached time and it got so bad that, you know, through therapy I kinda realized my brain went into this protection mode and deleted some memories of that time so I'll look at my daughter as a baby and think "I don't remember that". So when you have something like that, people have stuff like that all the time, like her husband passed away or something like that, it's even worse because I'm going to the baby stuff saying things like, "okay, I'm getting rid of the stuff from Bella being a baby" that doesn't mean I'm erasing the memory.
I was depressed so that's even worse and this guilt comes in and the thing is that, especially as a Christian woman, again you can't rely on things like that, you can't keep things out of fear or guilt or dread or sadness or depression because you're just holding yourself back. That's only one box of stuff, if that's all I'm gonna keep, that's fine! But then where's the boundaries for the next box of stuff? For grandma's stuff and grandpa's stuff? And your son's stuff? it never ends so for me, minimalism will make you deal with a lot of your behind-the-dark-door stuff and just use it as an opportunity - I encourage you to run to Jesus and deal with the heart of it.
And so, going back to the box of Bella's stuff, I ended up dealing with my stuff, I'm just like really seeking healing, I let go of everything of hers except for my belly book when I was pregnant with her and this little white dress that she wore when she was dedicated. So, you knkow, huge box full of stuff verses a journal and one dress that, I'm hoping, cause you know, it's vintage and it's adorable, I'm hoping it'll get used later and it's just sweet to have it.
**Less doesn't mean none, that's my point.**
It doesn't mean you have no sentimental stuff, it just means that you're intentional about your space. Sentimental stuff can be used; a lot of people have things like vintage China sets from their grandmothers and they just put them on display and they gather dust. They don't like them but they can't use them so they're just there. Use it! It is just plates! If you like them and you want to keep them, use them! Who says you can't eat dinner on fine China? It reminds me of something special, you know, I think there's just a lot of fear and these unwritten rules that are silly and that we follow a sentimental thing.so no work for your staff or for your heart issues you know less
So, work through your stuff, work through your heart issues. You know, less does not mean none, and consider using it. Don't let sentimental things hinder you.
But also don't start there either. Save sentimental stuff for when you've gained momentum, like you've done your dishes and your laundry and your toys and your master bedroom and your closet and then like, okay now that you know who you are when it comes purging stuff, then do the sentimental stuff.
Maggie: Yeah, that should be the last.
Allie: Yeah, definitely, it was for me and I felt very confident - I knew who I was, I knew my key questions, I knew the effects of minimalism had on me as a mother and my family and my home and it was so great. I really wasn't going to keep much of anything that was gonna get in the way of that.
Maggie: Yeah and I think, at this point, everyone listening is ready to go, ready to purge stuff, but what about our spouses? How do we get them on board because... what if they want to keep a lot of the stuff that we want to grow away?
Allie: Yeah, and that happens a lot. I would say that's probably the top problem that people that I speak with right into. You know, the thing is, just like with anything else, we can only control ourselves. We cannot control somebody else and I think, I always think about, like, okay, going back to Proverbs 31 woman, and I don't know if you've read The Power of the Praying Wife and things like that, it kind of gives you a heart check in this area.
What a blessed husband you would have if you decided that you didn't need to impose your values or impose what is currently getting excited and lighting you up, the thing you're really into right now but you didn't impose that on him. We don't have to get our husbands on board with every single thing we do, you know, I can go and start Whole 30 tomorrow and I don't even need to have my husband even know what it is or be on board with it.
That is a choice I can make and to do for myself so **with minimalism when it has to do with your shared space, don't nag, don't push, don't force - it doesn't do anything except make it even harder in the future for him to get on board.**
So for me, in the beginning, I didn't know minimalism was even a word that it had anything to do with this. I thought it was an art style or something, but I had just kinda stumbled upon this idea of **"what if I got rid of all the things that are taking all my time, so I can actually enjoy my motherhood?"** and as I'm pursuing it and figuring it out and finding that it worked on. My husband came from a childhood that led him to - I do not use the word hoarding lightly but it was legit hoarding - and I mean just like a garage full of little random things and knickknacks that were of the utmost importance and "going to be used in some project one of these days" but they're there for years.

What if I got rid of all the things that are taking all my time, so I can actually enjoy my motherhood?

It was all over our house. It was kind of hidden in closets and drawers. He was very very resistant at first and for about two years of my journey, he was very resistant and so we came up with a compromise where he could have the garage and our closet, the master bedroom closet, to do whatever he wanted, he could keep whatever hr wanted. It could be messy, it didn't matter. You have your space and that's a lot of space, the garage is huge but "is it okay with you because after explaining this is changing my life, it is changing my heart and it's making me a better mom, it's making me enjoy my days more. This is how overwhelmed I've been. You know, you've seen it. You've taken a lot of the grunt of it. This is changing my life so is it okay with you if all the areas of the house that affect my day, if I can have free reign to simplify. Anything that's yours I'll just throw it in the garage, is that cool with you?" And that was like, "okay, yeah, let's do that."
And so we went on that way for a couple of years and honestly I could've gone on that way my entire life and been totally happy with that setup because it didn't bother me, I knew that I wasn't nagging and ruining my marriage over this - that's not worth it - he can be his little hoarding self over there but the stuff that affected my day with the kids, I could do what I needed to do. I got rid of all my stuff and all the kids' stuff and we had free days that's why I started my business - I had free time, if you can beleive that, with that many kids. It was amazing.
Eventually, we had this one move where it cost us a bunch of extra money and a bunch of extra days just because of his stuff. And so we had this realization of "um, please help me." Since then he's been on the bandwagon with me. It gets better.
Maggie: Yeah, I think, don't push, don't nag; if it truly changes you, your husband will see it and he's gonna want to be on board because he wants that for himself too.
Allie: Exactly, and then, like I said even if he never had, I know I can say with a 100% confidence that I would've still started this business, I still would've been, you know, Allie Casazza, the minimalist one. I still would've done it and pursued it because it didn't bother me. My days were so freed up that I have free time and able to do what I love and I mean this is so amazing, it's so nice when your husband gets it and he's on board but it's not a necessity. We shouldn't be the ones trying to force it.
The same thing goes with a lot of other people in our lives, too. If relatives are pushing back, and they don't like it; they feel limited with toys and stuff. We are not the ones who should be forcing anyone to get on the same page as us. Just do your thing, have healthy boundaries but just your family and leave everyone else alone.
Maggie: Totally. So what other resources do you recommend if we want to learn more about the practical steps to decluttering our homes and live simply but also purposefully?
Allie: I really love Joshua Becker of Becoming Minimalist. He is one of the only other minimalist, kind of an expert, that I really agree with everything that he has to say. Being a guy, too, he's logical and just like "well, here's a box. Here's what it is and here's how you can do it." I tend to be a little bit more emotional-based, getting to the heart behind it all. But he's just got this awesome blog that I always point people to BecomingMinimalist.com.
And then my site, too. I've been blogging for years about this and there's just an archive of videos and blog posts and downloads, all kinds of stuff. So there's really no shortage of anything.
**You can get overwhelmed easily so I would say, go learn the research, do all the things, but pick one thing to start with.**
Maggie: Totally. And you also have courses?
Allie: Yes, I do! So just kind of in response to my audience, like blog posts are great but I would really like it if it was all spelled out. So my course, my main course, is called **Your Uncluttered Home**. It is massive. It's about 11 hours of content - audio lessons and video lessons and PDFs of the a to z of minimalism for your home and what that lifestyle change looks like for dealing with your husband, dealing with relatives, dealing with Christmas time and birthdays, and paperwork and Google Drive filing systems and every room in the area your house - totally decluttered from step a to step b.
And then I've got a smaller course at a lower price and a lot less content. Sometimes I feel like women just get so overwhelmed, they don't even know where to start; life is just like this nonstop tornado that they're trying to survive. So that course is called Unburdened, it's kind of like the beginning of minimalism for your whole life. We simplify reaching goals, we simplify your meals and we simplify a little bit of clutter in your home but a lot of schedules and calendar stuff. It's like getting a grip on your whole life when you feel like it's just really out-of-control.
Maggie: Love it. I will include the links in the show notes and if we want to hang out with you more in the social media world, where can we find you?
Allie: I am on Instagram. I am always really honest that I have to be on Facebook, it's part of my job but I've delegated that to my social media manager. I hate Facebook so much but on Instagram, it's always me. I'm there every day. My username is Allie_thatsme. That's where I share day-to-day staff and that's probably the best place to connect with me.
Maggie: Love it. Thank you so much for spending time with us and sharing all your wisdom and tips and tricks. I love it.
Allie: Yeah! Thank you again for having me. This was awesome.

Listen to Indwelt Women Podcast on iTunes, Google Play and Stitcher! — **#012: 20 Ways to Pursue Your Husband (And Keep the Sparks Alive!)** Sep 28, 2017

I've shared before *why* we should pursue our husbands even more so than when we were dating.
Today, I wanna give you practical ideas on how to pursue your husband and keep the sparks alive.
*PS Some of these links may be affiliated which means I earn a commission at no cost to you should you make a purchase via the link. All opinions are 100% my own.*
1) **Put your pointing finger down**. You can't pursue your husband if you're too busy pointing out his flaws.
2) **Lay yourself down**. This is about *you* pursuing your husband as his wife, not about how well he's doing pursuing you. Your marriage will not grow if you're always keeping score.
3) **Pray**. Pray for God to help you, to open your eyes to see him how God sees him.
4) Find out what his love language is and **speak it at least once a week**.
5) **Thank** him - for his leadership, his sacrifices, his love and service.
6) **Encourage** him. He needs reminders from you (whose opinion he values *a lot*) that he's doing a great job and on the right track. I have a fun freebie for you right here if you need help with some encouraging verbiage.
7) **Study** him. You can't pursue him if you don't know anything about him. Observe him, ask questions, learn a new thing about him every month. For starters, I have some questions typed up for you so you can ask meaningful questions and learn more about him. Download it for free here.
8) Do things with him. Men and women bond very differently. Women bond over conversations while men bond over doing things together. Find something that he enjoys doing and *do it with him* - with a joyful heart.
9) **Laugh** with him. Think about how fun it was to laugh with him when you were dating. Do something that's fun for both of you - watch movies, play board games, people-watching, surf Pinterest (I have a board on Pinterest just for funny things, check it out here), whatever.
10) **Serve** him. How can you make his day easier? Take care of a chore he hates? Stock his favorite beer? Give him a massage? Pursue him through acts of service.
11) **Love his family**. Is there someone on his side of family you can love on? It can be as simple as making a phone call and catching up with them. Or it could be sending them a care package. His family makes up a big part of who he is, you can show your appreciation to your husband through loving the people who brought him up.
12) **Give him grace**. While we all want our husbands to lead well, they are not perfect. They fall, they mess up, they make stupid mistakes. But because of Jesus, there's grace for that. Give him the grace he needs and make your marriage a safe place he can be vulnerable in.
13) **Initiate in the bedroom**. Men and women are wired differently. He will appreciate it a lot if you'd initiate. (If you'd like a book on this topic, check out For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It helped me a ton in understanding how Grant's mind works)
14) **Satisfy his appetite**. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I didn't realize how true this is until I got married. Give him his favorite food and you will have his attention. (Here's my Pinterest food board if you need new food ideas.)
15) **Prioritize date night**. *Always* put your husband before your kids - that means protecting the time you have with your husband. Schedule a weekly date night and don't talk about the kids during date night. We've got 52 fun date night ideas for you right here.
16) **Give him your full attention when he speaks**. This gets harder and harder in such a digital world but this tell him, "you're important. I'm listening." Your phone can wait.
17) **Greet him joyfully when he comes home**. A warm welcome lights up any heart. Period.
18) **Surprise** him. Surprises take planning and thoughts - it's a good way to tell him "I was thinking of you and I wanna put a smile on your face." A few ideas on surprising him: drop by his workplace at lunch, plan a child-free night just for you two, or give him a trip to see his best buddies who live afar.
19) **Pray *with* him and *for* him**. Have prayer time together. Be his prayer warrior and lift him up in your prayers. God works mightily when prayers come from a covenant He united.
20) **Be there for him**. There's gonna be ups and downs in life. Stand *alongside* your husband, be there for him; don't turn your back on him. Let him know you will walk through the valley with him hand in hand.

I wanna hear from you:
What would you add to the list?
What comes natural to you and what is difficult for you?
Have you enjoyed this episode?
Subscribe today so you don't miss out on future encouragement + practical wisdom!
**Subscribe on iTunes, Google Play or Stitcher.**

Everleigh Company Blog 20 Ways to Pursue Your Husband and Keep the Sparks Alive #Christian #Women #Resource #Tips #Ideas #Encouragement — **#012: 20 Ways to Pursue Your Husband (And Keep the Sparks Alive!)** Sep 28, 2017

I've shared before *why* we should pursue our husbands even more so than when we were dating.
Today, I wanna give you practical ideas on how to pursue your husband and keep the sparks alive.
*PS Some of these links may be affiliated which means I earn a commission at no cost to you should you make a purchase via the link. All opinions are 100% my own.*
1) **Put your pointing finger down**. You can't pursue your husband if you're too busy pointing out his flaws.
2) **Lay yourself down**. This is about *you* pursuing your husband as his wife, not about how well he's doing pursuing you. Your marriage will not grow if you're always keeping score.
3) **Pray**. Pray for God to help you, to open your eyes to see him how God sees him.
4) Find out what his love language is and **speak it at least once a week**.
5) **Thank** him - for his leadership, his sacrifices, his love and service.
6) **Encourage** him. He needs reminders from you (whose opinion he values *a lot*) that he's doing a great job and on the right track. I have a fun freebie for you right here if you need help with some encouraging verbiage.
7) **Study** him. You can't pursue him if you don't know anything about him. Observe him, ask questions, learn a new thing about him every month. For starters, I have some questions typed up for you so you can ask meaningful questions and learn more about him. Download it for free here.
8) Do things with him. Men and women bond very differently. Women bond over conversations while men bond over doing things together. Find something that he enjoys doing and *do it with him* - with a joyful heart.
9) **Laugh** with him. Think about how fun it was to laugh with him when you were dating. Do something that's fun for both of you - watch movies, play board games, people-watching, surf Pinterest (I have a board on Pinterest just for funny things, check it out here), whatever.
10) **Serve** him. How can you make his day easier? Take care of a chore he hates? Stock his favorite beer? Give him a massage? Pursue him through acts of service.
11) **Love his family**. Is there someone on his side of family you can love on? It can be as simple as making a phone call and catching up with them. Or it could be sending them a care package. His family makes up a big part of who he is, you can show your appreciation to your husband through loving the people who brought him up.
12) **Give him grace**. While we all want our husbands to lead well, they are not perfect. They fall, they mess up, they make stupid mistakes. But because of Jesus, there's grace for that. Give him the grace he needs and make your marriage a safe place he can be vulnerable in.
13) **Initiate in the bedroom**. Men and women are wired differently. He will appreciate it a lot if you'd initiate. (If you'd like a book on this topic, check out For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. It helped me a ton in understanding how Grant's mind works)
14) **Satisfy his appetite**. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I didn't realize how true this is until I got married. Give him his favorite food and you will have his attention. (Here's my Pinterest food board if you need new food ideas.)
15) **Prioritize date night**. *Always* put your husband before your kids - that means protecting the time you have with your husband. Schedule a weekly date night and don't talk about the kids during date night. We've got 52 fun date night ideas for you right here.
16) **Give him your full attention when he speaks**. This gets harder and harder in such a digital world but this tell him, "you're important. I'm listening." Your phone can wait.
17) **Greet him joyfully when he comes home**. A warm welcome lights up any heart. Period.
18) **Surprise** him. Surprises take planning and thoughts - it's a good way to tell him "I was thinking of you and I wanna put a smile on your face." A few ideas on surprising him: drop by his workplace at lunch, plan a child-free night just for you two, or give him a trip to see his best buddies who live afar.
19) **Pray *with* him and *for* him**. Have prayer time together. Be his prayer warrior and lift him up in your prayers. God works mightily when prayers come from a covenant He united.
20) **Be there for him**. There's gonna be ups and downs in life. Stand *alongside* your husband, be there for him; don't turn your back on him. Let him know you will walk through the valley with him hand in hand.

I wanna hear from you:
What would you add to the list?
What comes natural to you and what is difficult for you?
Have you enjoyed this episode?
Subscribe today so you don't miss out on future encouragement + practical wisdom!
**Subscribe on iTunes, Google Play or Stitcher.**

**#010: 7 Truths to Remember in the Newborn Days** Sep 21, 2017

Hey, hey, welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast! This is Maggie Baker.
Today we're going to talk about 7 truths to remember during the newborn days.
Here's why it's important: when we are in this new season of welcoming a new baby, emotions can run high and I know for myself, having had two kids, I did not like the newborn days. Especially with my first one. I was sleep deprived and my emotions were running high and I got irritated really easily. And, you know, these emotions if we let them, they could dictate what we do and all that and a lot of times if we let emotions guide us we don't remember the truth that God has given us.
So I want this episode to be a reminder of the truth, of the promises that God has given us especially for these newborn days. So let's dig right in.
Truth #1: God loves your baby more than you ever could
This baby that you've been waiting for is finally here. The baby is so beautiful and so loved and you're just staring at the baby while it sleeps. And then all of a sudden, it hits you. You realize the weight of raising a brand-new human. **The well-being of this beautiful baby is now in your hands.** This baby could turn out to be the most influential human being or it could be a total wreck. And gosh, you hope it won't be the latter.
**This pressure could break you if you let it** which is why it's so important to remember that this baby that you so love, that this baby you wanna give your best to is so so loved by God.
In fact, **God loves your baby exponentially more than you ever could** so much so that he sent Jesus to take your baby's place so that He could have an eternal relationship with your baby.
John 3:16 says, "for God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
God did it for you, God did it for your baby that you have in your arms right now. That truth is so freeing because it takes the pressure off of you because your baby is in good hands which is the second truth that I want you to remember.
Truth #2: Your baby is in good hands
Because God loves your baby, you know for a fact that your baby is in good hands. Your baby is in the hands of the one who created the universe. Your baby is well taken care of by the Heavenly Father who created him or her.
Psalm 139: 13-14 says, "for you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well."
And guess what? God knitted you in your mother's womb and in the same way He knitted your baby's parts in your womb. He knows your baby inside out; He created your baby. Your baby is well taken care of because he has a Heavenly Father who loves him, who knows and who wants the best for him. I want you to sit in that truth, knowing that this pressure, you don't have to bear it all on your shoulder, you can submit it to Jesus and let Him take the load.
Truth #3: Feed your baby's soul
The third truth that I want you to remember is **as you feed your baby's body don't forget to feed its soul**. You have been given the privilege of influencing your child's life. While you nourish your child physically and mentally, don't forget to feed him spiritually.
Deuteronomy 6:7 says, "you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise."
Scripture says teach your child about God all the time you can pass on the legacy of faith in Christ and you maybe thinking, well my baby is just two weeks old he doesn't even know what his name is, isn't it too early to start teaching him about God?"
Well, yes, it's true that your baby doesn't even understand the English language but at this stage **it's really more about building the habit in you. It's about you practicing how to teach your child about God.**
I don't know about you but it doesn't come natural to me to connect everyday life things to God and to the Gospel. I have to try really hard and so if I don't start practicing now I might be missing out on chances to point my kids to the light when they're older and can understand deeper things.
So it's really all about giving ourselves the opportunity to practice, to talk about God, to connect everything to God starting now.
Another reason to start now is if you don't start now you may not start later. It's the mindset of "oh, I'll do it later". Well, by the time later comes along, your child may already be packing up for college. I'm not trying to be harsh but I'd rather not take chances procrastinating in one of the most important things you can teach your child so please start the habit now. It's never too early to start talking about God. Start now.
Truth #4: God is not asking you to be a perfect mom
With Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest, we see a lot of how other moms are doing and what they're doing. We always see, "oh look at that, she's making all these organic homemade food or she has this and this and this for their kids." It's so easy for us to get into the comparison trap and only think about what we're *not* doing or it's easy for us to feel like we have to do all these things that these moms are doing. The thing is God is not asking you to be a perfect mom. He is asking you to do all things for His glory. He is asking you to teach your child about Him like Deuteronomy 6:7 says and He is asking you to embody the grace and truth found in Jesus Christ.
When you look at motherhood through this lens, you will realize that you don't really have to be all to your kids. You don't have to try to be the person that you're not. Embrace who God made you. Embrace this season of life you're in. And maybe this is not your first baby, maybe you already have three or four kids at home and so trying to do all these things is not always possible.
S I want you to just lay down this burden and this pressure to be the perfect mom. Lift it up to Jesus.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:30, "for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Take His yoke, take His burden. It is not as heavy as this other Instagram mom that you're following.
Truth #5: You are of great significance
The 5th truth I have for you is: what you do have great significance.
You are given a calling to steward the soul that God knitted Himself, a soul that God has a great purpose for.
You are laying the foundation and raising this child up to do what God has planned for him. Don't let your feelings deceive you into thinking that what you do is not worth anything. Don't let Satan deceive you into thinking that.
Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
What you are doing is a legacy. You are building a legacy that can get passed on generations after generations. Don't overlook what you do even if you feel like you're only changing diapers, nursing or giving the baby a bottle.
All these little things build up to the big moments. All these little moments will lead to growing a person that is going to fulfill God's plans for him
Truth #6: Your worth is not in checking off your to-do list
Your worth is not in how many tasks you checked off on your to-do list today.
Your worth is not in how tidy you keep your home. Your worth is in the righteousness Jesus has bought you with His blood.
2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "for our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin. So that in him, you might become the righteousness of God."
Your righteousness has already been fulfilled in Jesus. You don't have to try to do all these things to be approved by men. You are already approved by God - the One who created the universe. The one who created you.
**In His eyes, you are perfect because of Jesus. Don't try to do all these things in an attempt to get approval by men, by these men that God created.**
Remember your righteousness is in Christ and you are well loved and well approved in His Eyes.
Truth #7: Your way is not the higher way
The 7th truth that I want you to remember is that **your husband, or other family members of yours, can love and care for your baby just as well.**
This is a truth that I needed when I first became a mom. I knew how long my firstborn would nurse for, I knew how he liked to be rocked, I knew how he preferred to have one arm sticking out of his swaddle. I knew these things because I was always with him.
And so when other people, my husband included, tried to care for the baby. On the inside, I was critical of how they were taking care of my baby.
Don't get me wrong - **yes, I did know more about my baby because I spent the most time with him. But it doesn't mean that the way my husband was caring for the baby was wrong.**
Just because I'm the mom and I know all the little things about the baby and his routine, it doesn't make my way the higher way. **My husband, while he did things a little differently when he was taking care of our newborn, he loved on our son in his own unique fatherly way.**
In the same way, your baby's grandmother can love on your baby in her own unique way. The baby's uncle can love on your baby in his own unique way.
**Your way is not the only way to love and care for your baby.**
1 Corinthians 12:14 says, "For the body does not consist of one member but of many."
We're all trying to love and care for your baby and we can all contribute to the well-being of the baby in our own unique ways.
So don't disregard or dismiss how people are trying to love your baby. We are all bringing our own unique love to this baby.
And what a blessing it is that your baby is so loved by so many family members. Think about that. There are babies out there that don't have families. They are orphans and they don't have anyone that loves them.
So it really is a blessing that your family loves your baby so much. I want you to look at it from a different perspective and really see it as a blessing and embrace it.
Closing Thoughts
I'm praying for you that you will become such a reflection of God's grace and truth in your children's lives. Actually, let me just pray for you right now:
Dear, Lord. I lift up the women listening to this podcast right now, especially those with new baby in their homes. I pray that You will watch over these families. I pray that You will watch over the souls of these babies, of these moms, that they will not let Satan's lies to guide them. I pray that they will not let their emotions to guide them but rather they would fix their eyes on Your truth, on who they are in Christ, knowing that they are in good hands, that their babies are in good hands, that all you care about is that they would do this motherhood thing wholeheartedly for You and for your glory, to reflect Christ, to be Christ's ambassadors and to teach their children all about You. That's what matters. That is what it boils down to, Lord. I just lift up these moms to you. I pray that they will become such a reflection of Christ as they raise up children and I pray for these children that they will run after your heart as they grow and they will become such great Christ ambassadors as well. I pray these things in Jesus' name, Amen.
Thank you for tuning in! Have you enjoyed this episode?
For more encouragement and practical wisdom rooted in His Word, subscribe today on iTunes, Google Play and Stitcher.
*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

**#009: Tried and True Method to Financial Freedom with Sami Womack** Sep 18, 2017

Maggie: Hey, hey, welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast. This is Maggie Baker. I am so excited to have our guest on today. She is a budgeting coach, she is the blogger behind A Sunny Side Up Life, and she is here to inspire you to live abundantly through budgeting, through intentional living and positive thinking. She also has a free 5-day email course to help you jump start into budgeting so be sure to jump on that here.
So Sami has been on such an incredible journey to be intentional with her finances and she's here to share more about her story. I'm gonna leave her to share her story with you so without further ado, let's welcome Sami.
Sami: Hi! Thank you, Maggie, so much. I'm so excited to be a part of your podcast and I just think it's a great thing that you're doing. I love the whole Christian aspect and for moms, I think that's so important and so I just love everything that you're doing with your podcast. I'm really excited to watch your podcast grow. Thank you so much for having me.
Maggie: Aww thank you! :) I'm happy to have you on here! For those of us who may not be familiar with you, could you introduce yourself a little bit more?
Sami: Yeah! I'm Sami Womack, like Maggie said, I blog at A Sunny Side Up Life. I have a really great FB group that's kind of my love. It's A Sunny Side Up Life Community and it's just full of women who are taking steps to live abundant lives and gain financial freedom and really support each other.
I am married. I have 3 kids. We started this financial freedom journey about 3, 4 years ago just trying to get a budget, just trying to get everything under control and get out of a lot of debt.
When we first started, our debt was almost half a million dollars. It was $490K to be exact.
It was two houses, it was a piece of property, it was credit card, medical bills, taxes; it was pretty much everything you could think of. And we just decided that we were tired of living in this financial survival mode. So we got a handle on it and through God's timing it worked out! I started blogging about it and now I'm coaching other women and other families to learn the lessons that I learned.credit card, medical bills, taxes; it was pretty much everything you could think of. And we just decided that we were tired of living in this financial survival mode. So we got a handle on it and through God's timing it worked out! I started blogging about it and now I'm coaching other women and other families to learn the lessons that I learned.
I recently came out with a full course to teach other women in one nice little place and it's been an amazing journey to get to share our journey and our lessons with all these other women.
*Full Disclosure: Some of the links on this site may be affiliated which means I earn a commission at no cost to you should you make a purchase via the link. All opinions are 100% my own.*

Maggie: I love it! Can you dive a little bit deeper into what made you come to that decision to be more intentional with your finances? What was happening at the moment? What was going through your mind and your emotions?
Sami: Oh, my gosh. Well, it kind of got to a point where we had no choice. It was kind of like arock bottom situation. I tell this story a lot: my husband actually works offshore. He works out on the east coast and we live in Texas. So he flies back and forth and works on a boat.
We were due to have our second daughter and we had to induce because of his work schedule. It was time for him to fly home, I think, 2 or 3 days before she was born, and we didn't have money for the plane ticket even though she was a planned baby.
We ended up maxing out the credit card. We had about two, three hundred dollars available and it let us go over that max and buy this $900 flight, I guess it was because it was one transaction.
That was a moment where we were like, what if that transaction wouldn't have went through? We had no other ways for him to get home. To realize that he could have missed our daughter's birth - we planned her and we still weren't financially secured enough to plan to save that money, we had no emergency fund, we had nothing.
Even so, when we were at such a rock bottom place, she was about 9 months old before I actually even set up a budget. So we lived in that rock bottom for about 9 months. Until, one night, I just felt it on my heart to start googling and start Pinteresting and look up what a budget is, how it even works.
It just kind of grew from there. We started being intentional and we started saying, hey this is really working, we were hitting goals and life got easier and easier and easier as each debt went away. We were like, I think we're on to something. It just kinda grew from there! :)
Maggie: That must have been really stressful! I can't even imagine!
Sami: Oh, yeah! Especially in those postpartum months and adjusting from one baby to two babies, I feel like that's always the hardest. So yeah, it was a very dark year.
Maggie: How did it affect your marriage if you don't mind sharing?
Sami: Amazingly, in every way possible, at first my husband is more of the spender, the free spirit, he works very very hard to provide for our family. He sacrifices a lot, you know, being away from us for as much as he is. So he very much has this idea of, well I work really hard for this money. And I had the same idea because he does work really hard for this money. And so for the first 6 months he did feel a little bit of a strain, he did feel like I was being his mother saying he couldn't buy these things.
But he started to see what it was doing for our family, he started to seee the bright future, the promises, and so he came around and now he's just as into it as I am. It allowed us to connect, it allowed us to get better at communicating. When you start to share your goals again, when you start to dream again like you did when you were dating, like you did before you had kids... you know, when kids come along and bills and all that, you stop dreaming together. We get so in this survival mode, trying to get all the kids fed and all that, so this really allows us to sit down and dream together. we're achieving goals together and that's amazing. It was hard. It kind of made it harder for a little while but it got better and the payoff is so so great.
Maggie: Totally! And I think when it comes to getting our finances in check, we all have the desire to do that but then we don't really keep working at it. But I think if we choose to go back to God's Word, if we choose to look at finances from His perspective, I think that has more motivation for us to keep working at it. So from a biblical standpoint, why is it important for us Christ followers to manage our resources well?
Sami: It's kind of like what you said. You know, I feel like God brought my husband and I together. I feel like He blessed us with our three children, I don't feel like He would put our family together to struggle. He blessed us with our children, He gave us them to look after in this life, why would He want our kids not to have a great life? I believe God has called us to live an abundant life, He has blessed us with not only our children but our talents, the things we're good at. He wants us to grow those talents, He wants us to live the best possible life that we can. Not only that, so many people want to help others. They want to be generous. Especially with all these hurricanes, all these things that are going on lately, our hearts just go out to those people that are affected by tragedies, tragedies that are happening every day, and we can't help them if our family isn't taken care of. So when we get to the point when we have a lot enough savings account where we can just make a huge donation and help others, not just taking care of our family but taking care of others, I feel like that's what God wants us to do. Why would He want us to struggle, He wants the best for us, so I feel like He's given us talents to use in our jobs to create a better life for our family,
Maggie: yeah, so what do you see as common weaknesses or even some lies that we believe in about money?
Sami: I've experienced these a lot as we went through these years. People that we know personally have treated us a little differently, they might not even realize that they do it. But they would make little comments. And I think a lot of times people perceive people who desire money as bad, or greedy or all of these words. So it's almost this negative persona if you desire money, if you make money one of your goals. They think you're supposed to make helping others your goal, you're supposed to make getting closer to God as your goal, and so as soon as you put money as your goal, it's like you're automatically perceived as an evil person. I just don't think that's true at all. I think, you know, we have a responsibility to take care of our families and others, and I think a lot of people see having money goals as greedy, and that's just not true. I think that makes us very weak, I think that puts something in between us and I think people perceive money as something distant from God and that's not true at all.
Maggie: yeah, it's something that I struggled with, especially in the beginning as I was building up my business. I wanted to make money not because I wanted to hoard money, I wanted to replace my husband's income so that he doesn't have to do this 12-hour job everyday. I want to pull him home so that he can spend more time with our sons, so that our sons will remember what their dad is like instead of having him work all the time, you know?
Sami: Exactly.
Maggie: I struggle with that. It's not like I'm hoarding money, I want to be able to have a little bit more resources so that my husband will be a little more present and also so that we give more abundantly.
Sami: Exactly! And that's kinda how we feel about my husband. He's gone for 3 weeks and home for 3 weeks. So essentially half the year, he's done this for 11 years. He's missed so much - if your work schedule falls on Christmas, he's gone. If it falls on a birthday, you know, you go when it's your time to go! That's kind of how we are. We're not saving money to be greedy, we're saving it to do great things. We're saving it to give our kids an education, and to stay closer as a family, and eventually to be able to help others in a big big way that is in our plans in the future.
Maggie: Yeah, it reminds me of a verse that says, "the love of money is the root of all evil." (1 Timothy 6:10) It's not just the money itself. Money can be such a great tool to do many things that God wants you to do. So what are some fruits that you've been able to reap since committing to get out of debt, since committing to become more intentional with your finances?
Sami: First of all, like I mentioned, the strength in our marriage. It's probably my number 1 - it's gotten us so much closer as a family. I think the reasons behind us getting closer as a family is because we're gained so much contentment and we've kind of done this journey hand in hand with minimalism. We have purged so much. We have recently downsized our house significantly from 3200 square feet to a little over 600 square feet in order to save more. And not only that but to be closer as a family in this tiny house.
And so, it's gained us so much contentment. Our kids are so appreciative of the things they have because they don't get treats as often as they would have, you know, if we would've been still living our old life. And along with that, it's simplified our life; it's calmed our life down, we're not chasing chasing chasing whatever it is. We've learned to stay home more and find joy more in the simple things. It's kind of a surprising benefit. At first I thought it was gonna be a punishment to never go out to eat, that it was gonna be a punishment to not go on these fancy vacations but it's just not true. You learn so much contentment. You learn to really appreciate the nights in, just watching a movie with popcorn. Things like that. I think those are really underestimated in how precious those are. Because those are the memories we're going to have when you look back and when your kids look back.
Maggie: Totally! It reminds me of this survey or this study that someone did about what kids remember the most about their parents. It's the little things that they remember, not the big vacation fancy things that they remember, but it's the everyday life that they get to share with you.
Sami: Yeah, it's remembering that mom took me outside and we had a picnic. My kids love just going to the park and the park is free! You know, things like that! They love the simple things, they love the time spent and so the more we get all of us together, it seems like we have more free time because we're not spending our free time stressing and arguing over money. There's not a pit in the stomach kind of feeling anytime you buy groceries. You can say, "yeah, you can throw in a packet of cookies," you know, when you're at the grocery store. They love that! That's like Christmas to them.
Maggie: Yeah! Totally! And I think that is such a controversial message to the culture. I think right now everyone is like buy buy buy, purchase purchase purchase, they're always chasing after the next thing and finding that fulfillment but really you just gotta scale back and really be grateful for the simple things you've been blessed with! So, I have a question, it's common for people to think that you have to be making a lot of money in order to successfully get out of debt, that if you're living paycheck to paycheck then you don't have that room in your budget to throw extra money towards your debt. What do you think of this statement?
Sami: Well, I kind of agree in a way that you can't really get ahead when you are living paycheck to paycheck. We weren't even living paycheck to paycheck, it was like 3 or 4 days before payday and our bank account would be negative. We would just hope and pray that the electric bill would just stay pending. So we were totally in that place. The key is to hit pause and take that time to really evaluate what is going on. Find that extra money - I think a lot of times, we think there isn't that extra money when it's there somewhere. I'm not talking about $100, I'm talking $5 or $10. Sometimes that's where you have to start.
Start with your smallest debt. Well, before that, start with a little savings account. And then go to that smaller debt. Sometimes, that is $5 or $10. Like you've cut $5 or $10 in coupons and so you're going to stash that $5 or $10 towards your debt. Sometimes that's where you really start - it's a slow start and people don't really like to hear that - but when you are really really tight, that's where you start.
Some people are fortunate enough to be able to really shake things up like we did - we're selling our house. We actually had 3 pieces of real estate, we had our old house that we were using as rental income, we were able to sell it. That helped so much. That other property that was going to be for our business but we ended up not using it for our business, we were able to sell that. I've seen people sell their cars and do crazy things like we did.
This isn't forever. I'm actually - at the time of recording this interview - I'm finishing up the last lesson of my course. I was saying, guys, this isn't forever. This is a very short season of life and if you have to do without a second vehicle, it's a very short season of life. But also, some people are like, I've literally done everything, we're about to go hungry if we cut back anymore. So that's when I say, remember this is a short season of life, let's see where you can earn extra money. **Those are the only 2 things you can do. You can cut back your expenses or you can earn more income.** Those are our only choices.
So if you feel like you've cut back as much as possible, this is the time to work overtime, to pursue a career that will earn you more. Or, a lot of stay at home moms, they have amazing opportunities - the internet is right there, there are so many online jobs. There are blogging opportunities - blogging is huge. There are so many companies you can work with online. You can sell your craft projects on Etsy. There's Facebook classified where you can sell things whenever it's a different holiday. You can babysit, you can do all these things.
You can do what I do: I work a lot when my kids are asleep. I mean, honestly, I have 3 kids and my oldest is 6. My kids are very little. A lot of times I work when they sleep. That's what we do to get to where we're going. There are people who work 2nd jobs. If you feel like you've cut back as much as you can, your only other choice is to make money.
Maggie: Yeah, I definitely agree! I definitely feel the same, I feel stuck because I already cut down a lot of the expenses. We don't have a car payment, our phone plans are really cheap, they're like half of what people pay. And we don't have cable. I've already cut down on these expenses, I don't have any more to cut! So you're right - minimize your expenses and maximize your income. That's how you create that room to throw extra towards your debt. And with the online world, the possibilities are endless.
Sami: Yes!
Practical Steps to Take Control of Your Money
Maggie: So, what are some practical steps when it comes to getting our finances in check? I feel like this is something that we know we should do but we're never really taught how to do it.
Sami: Exactly! I was the exact same way. I'm pretty much self-taught.
So basically, **the first step is to find that extra money**. Cut back where you can and find that extra money where you can - do both, ideally.
**Be very intentional when you do find that extra money.** People say a lot "once my credit card is paid off, I'll be able to do..." But then they come to that day when their credit card is paid off and they say "well, we're gonna take this little trip to celebrate" And then 2 or 3 months go by and they're like, "where did the money go?!" When you do cut back or when you do earn extra, be specific and be very intentional about where it's gonna go.
**Get an emergency fund set up.** It can be very little depending on your family's situation, usually about $500-$100, pick a number that you will feel really comfortable with. For some people, $500 is plenty; for some other people, it might be $1000.
**Cut up those credit cards.** If you've decided to get out of debt but then your roof leaks and you have to use your credit card or get a loan for it, you're going to be crushed and you'll give up.
So get that emergency fund set up and **work on your smallest balance of the** **debt**. Take every single dollar you're able to cut back, every single dollar you're able to earn extra, and anything that happens to be left over, even if it's $5, you take that $5 and make a $5 credit card payment. You'll get your debt gone little by little, starting with the smallest balance one. The reason to start with the smallest one while continuing paying the minimum on the other ones is because we especially moms we often multitask, you think you're being so productive but you're just a hot mess running around trying to do 5 things at once. Focus on one thing at a time, throw all your effort and extra money into that one debt. When it's gone, you're gonna be on cloud 9 and you're gonna be able to go to the next one. You'll be so motivated when you see the first one gone.
Maggie: Yeah! I like what you said about being intentional even if it's as small as a $5 payment. I feel like a lot of times we overlook that and we go, "oh, hey, I'll just get myself a cup of coffee!" But big things become big things because they're a collection of small things, if that makes sense?
Sami: Yes! That little by little progress, it adds up quickly! If you think $5 a week, that's $20 a month! If I passed $20 on the sidewalk, I would pick it up! So, you know, that's nothing to be ashamed of if that's how you start off. That's better than nothing!
Maggie: Totally! What other steps do you have when it comes to getting your finances in check?
Sami: I would start with my **free 5-day email course**. It is basically about spending, it's called **Take Control of Your Spending**. Because honestly, I think our spending is the area we have the most control over. It's the most flexible. A lot of times we can't argue what our electric bill is, we can tell our kids to turn the lights off but at the end of the day we have to pay the electric bill.
But with our spending, we have so much more control over it. This is the area that gets abused the most and yet has the most control over. So in the course we work on tracking your expenses. We work on getting your categories organized, we work on where you can cut back after you can see where your money is really going. And then where can we be intentional about this money. We do all of this in the course of this 5-day email course. You might be really surprised if you've never tracked your spending before.
Maggie: Yeah, I think that's step 0 when it comes to getting out of debt or budgeting. A lot of times we don't realize $5 went here, $5 there, and then a month went by and turned out a total of $100 went to Casey's. **So how do you keep yourself motivated when you're working towards financial freedom?**
Sami: This is honestly my most popular blog post by far because this is the hardest thing: we're really great about getting worked up the first time. It's like making new years resolution in January, talk to us in April and we're like, "what new years resolution?" So staying motivated is the hardest. So I say **make it fun! Make it a challenge and remember why you started in the first place.**
A lot of us, if we're moms, our reason is our kids or our husbands. We wanna send our kids to college or we wanna go on vacation. I encourage my ladies to write it down somewhere - your fridge, your bathroom mirror - and remember why you started in the first place.
Then establish a written plan. If you write it down, you're so much more likely to actually accomplish it.
**And then work towards your goals every single day.** A lot of us if we're stay at home parents, we feel like we're not contributing financially. It feels stuck, like we know we're in this situation but we can't do anything. So work towards your goals every single day - and I'm talking very little things, like staying under your groceries budget, clipping coupons, babysitting, selling extra things you don't need around the house. Doing little things so you feel like you're contributing, this can help motivate you in the long months or even years of paying off this debt.
Plus **using visuals can be helpful.** You can pin on Pinterest all day long for debt payoff or for savings. There are people who use charts, there are people who use jars where you transfer rocks from one to another. Some people cut paper chains like how kids countdown for Christmas. There are so many awesome visuals. If we're tangible learners, those are the things that will help motivate us.
Also, **celebrate the small wins.** Like what we were saying, $5. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Remember to be proud of yourself, even for little things like that. Having a little celebratiion, maybe you splurge for steak at the grocery store when you hit a big increment with debt payoff. Say you get $1000 paid off and you celebrate with a steak dinner. Celebrate and be proud of the progress you've made.
**Realize that time is going to pass one way or the other**. If your debt is paid off in 4 years, that's just 4 years! You're gonna be 4 years older, your kids are gonna be 4 years older. You can spend that time doing nothing about your debt or you can spend that time being productive. Either way, that time is still gonna pass. We can't stop time. Choose the time we have to be productive with it.
**Flip that mindset that this is not a punishment, this is simply a journey.** We get ourselves in this debt. No one forced our hand to swipe that credit card. No one forced our hand to sign that mortgage or that car loan. We got ourselves into this mess, we're gonna get ourselves out. Nobody is punishing us. We did this.
**Surround yourself with some really good motivation.** If we don't have good motivation, if we don't have good support - that's the beauty of the internet, there are so many groups you can join - there are things like this, like an uplifting podcast to listen to. There're YouTube videos, there are books, there are blogs, there are people out there doing what you're doing. Find them. Connect with them. Feed off of their energy. That's one of the reasons why I love my FB community. It's just full of women who are doing exactly what we're doing. They are there to uplift you and encourage you. You can share your struggles. You can share your wins. They will be there to support you.
Maggie: I do love your community. I feel less alone when I'm in the group.
Sami: Yes! There are such sweet ladies and we're just growing and growing - I love it! :) So yeah, those are my tips. Staying motivated is important. Pick which of those that speak to you and just go with it.
Maggie: I saw a post that you posted last week and I wanna make sure you talk about (it just came to my mind). I totally resonated with the post. A lot of times, when people want to start budgeting, when they want to get out of debt, they go "okay then I'm just not gonna go to the movies at all, I'm just not gonna have any fun at all" But that doesn't work!
Sami: Right! Yeah! That's a really great blog post which was actually inspired by one of my readers. She was like **"I really wanna do this but I feel like if I cut out all my fun I'm going to go crazy"**
The truth is you will go crazy! You're a human. You're not supposed to be perfect. So, yes, budget in a little fun. Even if it's free fun, make sure you're having fun along the way. It's probably gonna be a long journey, it's probably gonna be a couple years for most of us if not longer.
What I did was sneaking in little things. Let's say you have your groceries budget, you've clipped $5 worth of coupon. Throw in a little nail polish, throw in a magazine - it doesn't have to be every single week. Or grab some fresh flowers - they are my go-to - I would spend $3-$5 on fresh flowers and I would look at those flowers and I would go, "you're okay, you're gonna get through this week!" We were eating hamburgers again instead of steak, but we'll be okay because we have these flowers. Or doing little free date nights, or really cheap date nights, free things for your family, and just remember to be intentional about these things. You don't have to go to Disney World to have fun with your family. You can go to the park and that's okay! You will go crazy if you don't do anything fun.
Maggie: Yeah, it won't work!
Sami: Yeah, it won't work and you'll give up.
Maggie: You've mentioned in the beginning about your husband being the bigger spender. I'm sure that's not the only case for lots of our listeners. **So how do you get your spouse on board especially if they are bigger spenders?**
Sami: Right. I actually have a lesson on this in my course. I actually had my husband help me co-write it. I'm like, okay what really worked for you?
So **first of all, not pushing**. I think that's the ultimate because our goal here is to make our family stronger, not to pull our family apart, not to pick a fight between you and your spouse. Go about it very lovingly and very positively. If he's not on board, you might have to do it alone for a little while, and share the updates with him. Go like "oh my gosh, I came in $20 under budget on this item. Can you believe it, that's so awesome! I can throw it towards our debt!" Or, "look at how fast this balance is going down! Can you believe it?"
So just stay really positive and I think most husbands want what's the best for their families ultimately, even if they are a little stubborn. Ultimately, they want their wives to be happy; they want their kids to have a great life. So I think eventually they will see the benefits.
One of the best things for us is to sit down and create a shared goals list. For him, he was like, "okay, if I go without for 2 or 3 years, I get this awesome thing once we're out of debt." He saw that on paper, even though it was a few years away, he had a goal, he had a vision. He had the potential of spending a lot of money on something really fun.
So we sat down. We shared our hearts, we shared our dreams of what we wanted for the future. I think letting us both be heard that he knew I was working towards his goals and he was working towards mine. That's one of those things that really strengthened our marriage.
For him, he had always wanted a boat. There's a lake within an hour in any direction you drive, so we have a lot of lakes and fishing in the area. So he said, "when we get out of debt, I would really like to have a boat. It doesn't have to be expensive." Our boat is like 20 years old but it's nice and he loves it. He cannot believe that's his real life! We worked really hard to get to where we are. We sold a lot of things. We moved. We did all these crazy things and here we are he has his boat!
He got to live his dream! So I think if you realize, "oh my gosh, if I get out of debt, I can have a boat! Wow, that's totally worth it!" I think you'll get your husband to come around that way. Show him you have a really bright future. We have a lot of great things to look forward to. Don't you wanna retire when you can still walk? Don't you want all these great things? So yeah, that was really really huge for him.
Maggie: **So we've kind of touched on the mistakes people make when people are trying to get out of debt. Do you see any other ones that you wanna mention?**
Sami: First of all, like I mentioned, saving that emergency fund of $500-$1000. A lot of times people get really excited about paying off their debt, they get really motivated and they jump straight into paying off their debt and they don't save for that emergency money. But then if you get a flat tire and you have to get your credit card back out, that's gonna hurt. I know people get really excited and they want to get their debt paid off but **don't skip over that step of saving an emergency fund.** Because when you need it, you're gonna be so glad that you have it.
**Not being focused.** Being too scattered. Trying to multitask, trying to work on 2 or 3 debts is not going to be productive. So focus on one at a time.
Another thing that I see is **people not challenging themselves enough.** They're still not cutting back enough. They have this guilty that their family is going to do without; they're going to suffer if they don't go out to eat every single night. They don't challenge themselves enough; they don't take themselves seriously enough to realize that this is their life, they get one chance at this life. We've got to do it well. We have a responsibility. We're called to this life for a reason. Our children are placed in our care for a reason. We have to take it seriously. We have to challenge ourselves. We have to realize that it's a very very short season. We can roll up our sleeves for a few years and it will make worth it.
Maggie: Totally! You've kind of mentioned the free email course to get people's spending under control. **Let's say people go through that and they're ready to a better steward of God's resources. So now what? What other resources can they use?**
Sami: Inside this free course, **I give** **free spending** **worksheets. I also offer free debt worksheets.** Or, you can get all those worksheets as a big pack and I sell those for a very cheap price. Those are worksheets that I use personally. If they're ready to get organized, they can do that.
I'm also just launching my full course, it's **a go-at-your-own-pace kind of course**. It's 30 lessons. The first 10 we work on the why, the mindset, there will be a video of me giving you pep talks through each topic. Like, for couples, what to do if you're married. A lot of the tips I just shared with you are in the lesson. What to do with your kids. What to say to your friends and family. Things like that.
The next 20 lessons we really work on the how. We'll be rolling up our sleeves and working through the how to do everything. It's very step-by-step.
It's designed for you to get through it in 30 days. Most of them are 5 to 10 minutes long, the longest is maybe 20 minutes. It's designed for a busy mom to do first thing in the morning, or during nap time or after the kids go to bed.
You can get through it in 30 days or even faster. Or, if you have a newborn baby and you're not sleeping, and you need to 2 or 3 months to get through it, that's totally fine too!
But they are very short simple lessons. They have very actionable tips. All the worksheets are in there. I help you set up every single worksheet. There is no guess work. It's very simple and designed for the overwhelmed mom. It's what I wish I had 4 years ago when I first started this journey.
I'm very excited about it. I've gotten so many pre-order enrollment students. We're launching now and we're really excited to get some ladies in there.
We're gonna do some live group coaching program in there. Live streaming videos where ladies can ask questions and connect. We're really really excited about it.
It's very affordable. It's honestly worth a lot more but I totally get that this is when you need it the most. This course, I feel like it's worth $100 or $150, but it's way way cheaper than that so it's able to work into everyone's real life.

Maggie: What words of encouragement do you have for wives who are in the pit of drowning in debt?
Sami: First of all, just remember you're not alone. I still remember those days of scrolling Facebook just to not feel alone, looking for people to reach out to. That's why I started my community, to remind these ladies that you're not alone. I feel like God gave you the life He gave you. He helped you find your husband who you're supposed to find. He blessed you with your children. He gave you this life you're given. He didn't give it to you on accident. Also, He didn't give you your struggles on accident. It's all part of a greater plan. When you're in the thick of it, it's very hard to get that aerial view. It's very hard to see why this is happening to you.
That's a prayer I often said. I was angry at God like, "why did you give me this struggle?" And I look back, and I think, if I never had that struggle, I would've never reached these thousands of ladies that I'm now helping.
You don't know why. And sometimes we're not supposed to. So just realizing that God doesn't make mistakes. If He's placed a struggle in your life, He wants to teach you a lesson, He wants to challenge you, He wants to make you better. You will come out of it better and stronger because of it. So don't feel like anything in your life is a mistake. Don't feel like you're wrong for struggling. Stay strong and realize you're not alone. A lot of women have been there and a lot of women have made it through!
Want to hang out with Sami more? Find her on Facebook and Instagram!
Sami has so generously given all Indwelt Women readers and listeners a $10 coupon to her full course, The Sunny Money Method.
If you are ready to tackle your money and get it under control. you have to get this course!
I'm going through it alongside you. You don't have to be afraid to look at your bank accounts anymore. Let's face this giant and be better stewards of God's resources.
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*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

Listen to The Indwelt Women Podcast by Everleigh Company — **#007: Beauty From Brokenness with Dana Marie: Seeing God's Glory Through Trials & Sufferings** Sep 11, 2017

Maggie: Hey hey welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast. Today we have a very very special guest with us. She is a singer-songwriter; she's speaker and a faith-based blogger.
I found her on Instagram a while ago and I was immediately drawn to her not just because of her talent in music but also there's a common theme in her music and that is Jesus.
That is so attractive to me because you don't find that every day and so I am so excited to have her on today and she's going to share her story about how God redeemed her and how God showed her the love and the grace He has for her. Without further ado, please welcome Miss Dana Marie.
Dana: Thank you so much! I'm so happy to be here!
Maggie: I'm so excited! For those of us that may not be familiar with you, can you tell about a little bit more about yourself, like where did you grow up, etc?
Dana: Yeah! I grew up in Chicago Illinois, just north of the city and I've been living in Nashville for last year and 1/2 almost 2 years. I'm really back and forth between Chicago and Nashville since my home base for my music is in Nashville.
I was in the Greek Orthodox Church when I was growing up and I was kind of between that and the Catholic Church. I always felt like God was really just pursuing me my whole life and it wasn't actually until about a year and a half ago that I really feel like I met the Lord and make Him my Lord and Savior which was such a turning point in my life.
You know, I had this context of religion in my background but I wasn't really looking at Him in that way. But really opening up the Bible and Him coming alive in my life has changed everything.
It was kind of a crazy experience. But other than that, just as an intro, I know we can talk about that later. But, yeah, I'm a singer-songwriter and I also speak about the story that God has placed in my life so that He can make Himself known.
And I like to write. I like to blog and I'm working on a book and a few extra things behind the scenes are going on.
So I guess it's kind of like a collage of a person, there's not really one thing that defines me as I'm sure you'd understand.
Maggie: I mean, God is not boring so He's not gonna make our lives boring. So, can you tell me a little bit more about when you're growing up - you mentioned how you grew up in a Greek Orthodox and also a Catholic home. That is such an interesting mix. Did you grow up learning about Bible stories? Were you interested in this at all?
Dana: Absolutely! So we grew up, I don't know if any of your listeners have a context where they're coming from that's sort of like a very religious background.
Maggie: I think it's a hodgepodge of everything. I didn't grow up in a Christian home so...
Dana: Okay, so you get it! So yeah, it was like... I mean it's hard to explain unless you've been there but it's almost like you're using these Bible stories but the priest is sort of in charge of it. It's what it seemed like and it wasn't really urged or encouraged for us to read the Bible. It was like "oh that's cool if you do it" but it wasn't something that was like really placed upon our lives, so it was just interesting because I always was like, okay well if I'm a good person if I'm kind and loving towards my neighbors then.that shows God in my life.
And you know, of course, our kindness shows God but that's not what we're saved by, right? It's all about him and I feel like I didn't have that knowledge or that context base growing up in a religious community. It was almost like Jesus was the flavor of spirituality whereas now... I like to say to people when I am trying to describe this experience that He always was a huge part of my life, like I went to Catholic schools and did youth ministry in my Catholic Church but He never had my life if that makes sense? He wasn't the Lord of my life.
Maggie: So you were kind of just living life but He was not your Lord and Savior.
Dana: Exactly. I thought He was but not until I really opened up the Bible and read and understood what he did in the context of it and was honestly I think that the Holy Spirit had to come into my heart and just give me that passion to read and really brought the Word alive in my life and that's what I kind of met him for the first time when I thought I knew Him my whole life. It was amazing. It really changed everything.
Maggie: So, just from reading your story on your website, I understand that there are quite a few years of trials and sufferings that really changed your view of Jesus. Can you share a little bit more about that?
Dana: Absolutely! So I've got a kinda crazy story, I guess. It starts off with being diagnosed with Crohn's disease when I was nine. It was pretty well managed my whole life until when I was about 17 years old.
I had my first boyfriend and, you know, up until this point and during this point I was very driven to save myself for marriage - as most Christian girls are - it was a big value in my life and I was just a little bit naïve about boys and trust and all that and I ended up being date raped by my first boyfriend and so this was obviously a really scary time and just a lot of shame came up in my life at this time.
I hid it from everyone; I blamed myself. And then about a year later - still keeping it all in - I experienced the same thing as a freshman in college. At this point I was just completely torn up and it's funny because I think date rape is different in the way that you are not being approached by some stranger in a dark alley. It's someone that you know and trust and so honestly I really took it all on myself and didn't see where God was at that time in my life to be honest and I didn't have that context of him as my Lord at that time so it was very dark and so, unfortunately, a few months after that second attack I attempted to take my life and so this is a very dark time. Thankfully, it did not work obviously I'm still here.
I had really amazing support from my family and friends. I like to look back on that time and see that the Lord was pursuing me towards him and His love through His body which was the hands and feet of my family and friends. So after that, I was just working on the healing process there and I'm kind of... when you get to a point a few years after something like that happens and you're kind of just like, "okay, I can function. I'm still here. I'm alive." So you just go on.
A couple years after that my body really started to give out and it became really really bad. Long story short, I had to have my colon removed. When they remove your colon, you're left with a permanent ostomy bag. So I had an ileostomy which is this bag that's gonna be with me for the rest of my life that's on my stomach and that's how I have to empty my bodily waste. When I was going through it at the time, I thought it was gonna be really disgusting and now, you know, years later it's okay but that time it was just so heavy. It was such a weight and I was just like, "Why is all this happening? why am I going through all this? What is the point?"
I like to tell the story about being in the hospital that night and having the surgeon come in and just telling me that I have to live with us for the rest of my life. As a 24-year-old I was like, "You've got to be kidding me. This is not happening. Hasn't enough already happened?! Don't I get something out of life now that I've already survived this other hard stuff." So I was totally going through that kind of emotional issue.
He left the room and I was kind of just left to myself. Around four in the morning, I was just in and out of sobbing and all of a sudden I just really felt like the Lord was with me and He just asked m, "Dana, what are you so afraid of? What is the biggest fear here?"
And I just told Him, you know, I realized the thing I'm most afraid of is to lose my ability to love and be loved.
At that moment it was like this lightning bolt and He was just like, **"Well, you're never gonna lose that because you're never gonna lose me."**
That was when I kind of had my experience like Paul when he was in prison where he's like shackles on and shackles off. I was like holy cow, this is the best news ever. **I can lose any part of my life but I'm never going to lose him.**
It's funny because this was before I even knew Him completely as my Lord and Savior. I just knew that He was all I needed so it was like He was planting theses seeds in my life and showing me that He was truly all I needed and it was almost like I didn't even know how to explain it. But I knew He was all I needed and years later I found out why.
So yeah, He really just set me on this path of being able to look at my pain and see what he was making of it. It was like this beautiful mosaic that he could create out of the pieces.
Maggie: Can you tell us more about when you were going through the attacks and depression. At the point where was God - I know He wasn't your Lord and Savior at that point but you knew about Him - so where was He in your journey? How did you try to cope with everything that was happening?
Dana: Honestly, it was sort of a blur at this point but I know that having my friends and my family here was huge. I think that there's something to be said for vulnerability and you can see it in Jesus as our Lord. He was so vulnerable and so strong. His ability to allow Himself to be put on the cross, that is such vulnerability. When I look at that, I was like, "okay, if I can be vulnerable and I can be wounded, that's actually where our strength comes from."
I actually started to become more involved in my church's youth ministry at the time and started to share my story. In sharing it I found it really help other women who have gone through something similar but maybe didn't open up about it.
Helping other people to feel that weight off their shoulders was really a blessing to me at that time and I feel like God gave me that to see how much just being vulnerable and giving away what our deepest shame is and opening up about it really is our freedom.
I think that was really what helped me at that time. Again it was like these seeds are planted for me now knowing Him.
Maggie: So when you were in the hospital, that was when God really spoke to you. What happened after that? Did you have a period of time where you were still processing things or was it like immediately, "Yes, Jesus is the one that I need."?
Dana: So, it was interesting. At that time I was like, okay, well, the context that I had was that I'm going to make something beautiful of this brokenness.
And so from there that's when I started to share my story and I started blogging about having an ostomy and being sick and not necessarily in a religious context. It was not actually until I moved to Nashville when I was away from my friends and my family. It was just me and God. It was such a good time for me to just get away to myself and really seek out what I felt He had for me. So I ended up at this church in Nashville; it was a biblically-based church. It was just a really beautiful place and I started going.
It was funny because I would go to the Catholic mass on Sunday and then I would go to this church later. Because I felt like I had to have mass there was such an amount of guilt and shame. Catholic guilt is so real, girl.
So I felt like I had to have my foot kinda still in the mass while I was exploring this Jesus who was so alive today.
It was so funny because I would do both like every Sunday and then all of a sudden it was like what am I doing here? I just became more convicted over time and I realized that I was really more concerned my whole life by being religious. It was all about me. So I had to repent of all that and realize, my gosh, I never knew you. I didn't know who you were but you've been there all along. It was just so cool to see, looking back, it was that moment when I was like, oh my gosh, you are my Lord. You're my savior. I had to really unclench my fist and be like, okay, it's all about you; it's not about me. It's not about how good I am. It's not about how kind I am or about how service oriented I am. But it's all about you. And that was such a huge shift and so it was just a crazy moment and really beautiful though.
Maggie: So, when did you start your musical journey because I know that you're using the gifts and talents that God has given you and you're singing for him - which I love - so can you tell us more about what made you start this journey?
Dana: Absolutely! So all of this is sort of intertwined together. But I have been involved in music like my whole life. I used to dance to musicals and all the choirs when I was little through high school and college. After I graduated from college, I was like, okay it's time to grow up now. Music is cute but what's that gonna do, right? So I really left it to the way side.
And you know when I was sick I was really just trying to explore different ways to find some joy and creativity to distract me from having the heaviness of the situation.
So I turned back to music and I started taking guitar lessons and all of a sudden these songs just started pouring out of me. I don't know if you're a country music fan but I love country and that is kind of what started to pour out. I love country because... well, it's funny because when I was little I hated it. But these songs would come out of me that were really storytelling songs and they sounded a lot more like country. So anyway I started playing and singing around Chicago in different open mic nights and different performances that I started getting hired for.
And then I entered into this contest through a radio station here and I ended up getting into the top 3 and I got to open for Jenna Kramer, she's one of my favorite country artists so that was such an honor and super exciting.
So after that it really opened up my realm of possibilities. I was like, oh my gosh, maybe I can do something with this. So that's when I made the executive decision to move down to Nashville.
Before I moved down there, it was crazy how this band just got together and they helped me to form a band and we are playing down on Broadway which is the downtown of Nashville. So that's what I was doing full time in Nashville for the first 6,7 months.
At the same time that is when I was having this is one-foot-in-the-Catholic-Church-and-one-foot-in-the-Belonging, which is the church that I went to.
It was so funny because I think Jesus needed to take me down to Nashville and rid me of myself so that He could come in and clean my heart and make it for Him.
When I was convicted of who He was in my life, I actually stopped music altogether for about another six months. I would do a little here and there, I would do some recording but I stopped because I was like, "if this is not for you then who's it for?" and I realized my own selfishness and pride in that. It was just a really humbling time.
I'm so grateful for that though because if I didn't go to Nashville to chase that dream, I wouldn't have met Him.
It was so cool because I had this period of going anonymous and in that time of getting into the Word and getting to know Him, really opening myself to the Lord, "I don't care what you have me do in this life as long as it's what you want. If you wanna use this gift that I have with music, that's awesome. If not, that's awesome, too." because nothing is worth it without Him.
It's cool because over time I do feel this is something I'm called to do. I started to explore how I could combine everything together so I started this ministry program called Hope Rises Ministry.
It is literally in the seedling stage right now. But I've got support from other musicians. I want to go into churches to speak to other women and really fill them with this hope that rises, sharing my testimony, and worshipping together, workshopping, talking about our identity which is so important.
And then I've got some online programs, live events and retreats coming up that are associated with the ministry. It's really just about filling women with the confidence and the authority that comes from being His.
I think that is - I mean, I could cry just thinking about it - how much of the knowledge of who we are in Him has changed everything in my life because it was like **I was always seeking something or someone to show me and affirm me that I was good.** But instead, being able to lay down into His promises and into who He is, instead of who I am, it's been the most humbling and yet most joyful experience. It's changed everything - there are no words for it. And I'm so passionate about helping other women to get to that point as well.
Me: Yeah - that is such an important message for women - for girls - nowadays.
If someone - a 17-year-old girl - comes up to you now after you speak or after you sing, what encouragement would you give to her? What would you say to her if she's also in this stage of trying to find her identity in her body image, in finding love, what would you say to her?
Dana: You know, I think it would be a longer conversation than just a few words.
I think it all begins with seeking Him first.
Just like the same with my music, I love country - I still write country, I have a few that are coming out - but if that was the only purpose to what I was doing, it wouldn't be right.
**If I didn't seek Him first, everything else would be empty.**
I myself before I knew Him and sought Him out, I was in a lot of relationships that were not fruitful and not equally yoked.
But when we know the Lord and we're confident in what He says about us, then we can live in such a way that is so liberating and wild. We can be wild for Him, we can be on fire for Him. And we can also be so free because we are safe and secure.
So I think finding that security in Him by getting in the Word every single day, but for a lot of girls - especially when I was 17 - I wouldn't have known how to get in the Word. So I think getting into a women's group, letting other women pour into you and seeing how others have done it, is really important.
**One of the things I love to do is take out a piece of paper and write down all of the lies that I've been told.** Because, Maggie, I think when we get it out, it's no longer in us and it has no authority over us.
I think it's so important to recognize those are the lies. We have to know that anything that is hurtful, alienating or making us feel alone, or unloved is a lie.
If we can voice those and just write them down. It's so powerful.
**The best part - my favorite part about it - is turning that piece of paper over and going through one by one and praying the opposite.**
What I do with that is I take the Scriptures and put them on Post-It notes and have a little prayer room - a war room - and just speak the truth to myself.
**Just because you are His, doesn't mean you don't have bad days or bad seasons.**
You know, just yesterday I had this funk where I was like, "ahhh, there's just so many unknowns!" But I just had to keep pouring truths over:
"She is clothed in strength and dignity" - That one I just keep saying over and over again.
At first, I didn't feel it. But it's not about feeling it, it's about speaking the truths over and over again. He's so good and faithful, He will make you feel it eventually.
Maggie: Yes! That is so important for us women because we tend to be led by feelings. It's so important to preach to ourselves over and over again what is the truth. And I love what you're doing with the prayer journaling. A lot of times it helps me to think, "okay, these are the lies and these are the truths that counter-argue everything. And then also, a lot of it is in my head, so as soon as I write them down, and I'd be like, "wait a minute, why am I even thinking this?! This makes no sense!"
So if someone is going through exactly what you were going through with the hardships, what encouragement would you give to her?
Dana: Honestly, when people hear my story - everyone has a story, first of all - **one of my favorite things to say is everyone has an ostomy because everybody has this thing that they think is so gross and so shameful. But it's actually not.** I can contest to this, in case anybody out there thinks an ostomy is gross, it's not. It's not disgusting, it can be difficult but it's not gross so don't be afraid.
But I think when you have trials - as we all do - I mean, I'd be really surprised to find somebody without some kind of pain in their lives. I don't want people to compare their trials and go, "I didn't go through that so I should just put my pain away"
That's not it at all.
Whatever it is that is giving you pain, even if it's just minimal, it doesn't matter. **What's cool about pain is that the Lord can give us purpose through that.**
Look at him as the perfect example - what He went through for us is the perfect gift for us of all times. That took a lot of pain. He went through so much to have something beautiful.
In Romans 5:3 says we rejoice in our sufferings. Suffering produces endurance and it goes on to talk about character so I'm like, you know what, I wanna learn from my suffering, I wanna squeeze the water out of it and get everything out and not be afraid of the pain - it's crucial because I think most people are afraid that if they start crying they'll never be able to stop.
But when you start to let it out, you'll realize there is an end to it. **Joy is on the other side.**
Maggie: There's freedom.
Dana: Yes! There's so much freedom. If you just look at the resurrection, there was joy on the other side of that pain.
Take your suffering - first of all, I'm sorry it has to hurt - but I'm also grateful for all of our sufferings.
**Because I think we have an opportunity to use it as something beautiful, as a way to feel closer to Him and as a way to cling to Him.**
A lot of people who don't use their suffering or if they ignore it, they don't have any context of why we need Him.
But I think suffering is something you can use - it can go either way - it can either be used for anger and numbing out or it can be used in a way that is so fruitful, filled with compassion and His gifts. It is such an opportunity!
**If you're going through something right now, that's awesome. Take this opportunity and let Him shine.**
Maggie: A way I like to look at it is that **I'm so stubborn and prideful that if the sky doesn't get dark enough I won't be able to see the stars.**
A lot of times we may throw pity parties for ourselves whenever we go through trials and sufferings but **the trials and sufferings are not the** **end** **of you, they're not the end of your story. they're actually just the beginning, if you would look at how God can redeem** **you;** **when you look at how God has been faithful, you may not realize it but He has been faithful, He has been trying to draw you closer.**
**Your story doesn't end with a trial, it actually starts with "BUT GOD..."**
Dana: Yes! That's so good!
Maggie: So what does the rest of the year look like to you? I know you have a lot on your plate with your music and your ministry.
Dana: Yeah! I've got a lot of things going on. I've also got some stuff going on with my personal relationship. Some exciting things are coming I probably shouldn't talk about it yet. Haha. Kind of waiting on that to fully come to fruition. But, yeah, we're just figuring out where we're gonna end up. It's such a funny time of unknowns, in terms of where we're gonna go and the timing of everything. But it's been so good. It allows me to relinquish the control and really submit to our Lord who is a so much better shepherd of that.
Maggie: Oh my gosh, I remember when my boyfriend at the time - we knew we were gonna get married - I was just waiting for him to pop the question. That waiting period was just dreadful.
Dana: Okay, I'm glad that you're with me. Haha.
Maggie: I totally understand. Yeah, those 6 months of waiting, I was just like, "when is he gonna ask?!?! What if he's never gonna ask?!?!"
Dana: Haha girl, yes. Besides that, for Hope Rises Ministry, my hope is to go into churches and go into women's groups. I've done a little bit on a smaller scale - not under that name but just on my own - actually a lot of it in the years past.
As I'm waiting to get booked - so if there's anyone out there who wants me to come to their church, let me know! But as I'm waiting patiently, I just kind of realized, "Dana, you don't have to wait to start that.
That's why I brought this online. There's FB live, there's Instagram live. We've got all these things. So that's what I'm working on right now.
There's this program I'll have available to you when this podcast airs. It's gonna be this free program that'll help women if they feel broken. If we think about a broken heart, we think of a relationship ending.
But I think with all these different things we've talked about - traumatic experiences, I think they really end with a broken heart. So what do you do with a broken heart? How does God redeem it? That's what this awesome program is all about - I'm so excited about it.
I'm also working on new music. I've got 3 new songs coming out. They're actually not new songs - I've been singing them for the last year.
Maggie: They're official.
Dana: Yes - officially recorded. Coming soon to iTunes near you. Other than that, I'm working on a book and a blog. So yeah, there's a lot of things going on behind the scenes.
Maggie: That's awesome - I cannot wait! If our listeners want to connect with you more, where can they find you?
Dana: Yeah! My website is lovedanamarie.com
I like to call it my digital front porch so come on over, I'll pour you a glass of digital lemonade and we'll hang out. And then you can always reach me over at Instagram @danamarieofficial
Yeah, Instagram is my favorite place to hang out. You can also check out FB but the hub is lovedanamarie.com
Maggie: Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your story really truly embodies what I want to encourage women with. This is one of the BUT GOD segments of the podcast, where women share their stories of how God showed up mightily in their lives. Your story truly embodies that. So thank you so much for sharing. I'm sure our listeners are encouraged.
Dana: thank you so much :)
Thank you so much for tuning in! Have you enjoyed this episode?
Subscribe today on iTunes, Google Play or Stitcher!
*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

Listen to the Indwelt Women Podcast.png — **#004: 10 Questions to Study Your Husband** Aug 31, 2017

Today we're going to talk about something fun - we're going to talk about 10 questions you can use to study your husband.
Before we get into the 10 questions, let's talk about why it's important to study your husband.
A short quick answer is that when you got married, your husband didn't come with a study manual.
But in all seriousness, we're called to love and respect our husbands, and how are we supposed to do that if we don't know our husbands?
You might be thinking, "what do you mean I don't know my husband? Of course, I know him. I married him!"
Yes, you know your husband in regards to the big core values that he believes in. You know that he likes to sleep on this side of the bed, you know that he likes his coffee this way.
What I'm talking about today is the little things that can change according to the seasons of life you're in; the little things that can change because of how he sees things differently now; how, because of the experiences that God has given him, it has changed his perspective in life.
So these are the questions that would be good to ask your husband every year... maybe every couple years, because life has changed.
So in that sense, when we know our husbands inside out according to the seasons of life we're in, we will be better equipped to love and respect our husbands.
I'm going to give you 10 questions you can ask your husband today, to study him, to get to know him better in this season of life so you can nurture your marriage, grow your marriage and love him better.
Let's dig in.
By the way, this might be an episode that you want to pop your headphones in if you have little ones around you or you might wanna wait until nap time because there might be some material that you don't want little ears to hear.
**Question #1: Have I been encouraging to you when you needed it the most? If so, what did I do? If not, what could I have done to lift you up?**
Here's why this question is important: we each have our own ways of feeling loved and encouraged - that specific way may not be how our husbands feel encouraged.
A lot of times we do things to people that are natural to us.
What I mean by that is: if I feel encouraged by words, by words of affirmation, then it's really natural for me to write cards to other people, to write letters to other people or to send text messages of encouragement to other people.
The thing is if you apply that in your marriage, that may not be received as well as you intend it to be. Because your husband may not see words of affirmation as encouraging as you do. You know what I mean?
I'm not saying that words of affirmation are bad. I'm saying your husband may not find words of affirmation as encouraging as you do.
That is why I have this question for you: "Have I been encouraging to you when you needed it the most?"
I want you to find what your husband finds the most encouraging because it might be different than what you find the most encouraging. You might think you've been encouraging your husband all this time, but he may not actually be receiving it as fully as you intend it to be.
And this is also a good time to figure out - if you don't know it yet - figure out your husband's love language. Because that is going to help you find out how you can love your husband better.
[Link: Love Language with Dr. Gary Chapman]
There's a quiz on their website; both you and your husband can take the quiz and find out your different love languages.
Because a lot of times you have different ones. For me, my top ones are quality time and physical touch. For my husband, it's words of affirmation and physical touch. So kinda the same but a little different.
Question #2: What do you wish I would do more often? Pray for you? Pray with you? Speak the truth to you?
This kind of goes along with what I just talked about with encouraging your husband.
This will help us find out if what we've been doing hasn't been as effective as we want it to be.
This is also a good time to find out if we talk a little too much, or maybe we try to correct our husbands too much, maybe we try to fix the problem, fix our husbands, too much.
I also want to make a note: these questions are deep questions. They're not the every day "oh, how's the weather" kind of question.
So before you ask your husband these questions, I want you to spend some time in prayer. I want you to ask God to prepare your heart because some of these questions facilitate such an open conversation you might hear something you didn't want to hear, you might find out something that makes you go, "Oh?! Is that what you think?!"
I don't want you to feel offended. I want you to go into the conversation with an open heart, with a heart that is humble, willing to learn and willing to change if that is what it calls for. So I just wanted to throw it out there.
Question #3: Is there anything you'd like our kitchen to have in stock at all times?
This is a fun question.
I'm sure you've heard of how people say "the stomach is the way to a man's heart" - I find that to be really true, having been married for five years.
So my husband does physical labor. A lot of times after a long day at work, it will be nice for him to come home and relax with a bottle of beer.
He's not saying he needs it in stock at *all* times. It would just be nice sometimes if he's had a long day, that he can just relax with a bottle of beer.
This is a fun question to ask because a lot of times I am the one who goes grocery shopping, and you know, because I'm the one who goes grocery shopping, I'm getting what I like. A lot of times I forget about what he likes.
So it's a good reminder to know what he wants, what he likes to have in the kitchen that he can just grab whenever he comes home from work.
Questions #4: Do I own any undergarments that you wish I'd get rid of?
This is a fun one, I think, just to get a sense of what he likes and what he doesn't like when it comes to undergarments.
Because I'm pretty sure you want him to think you're sexy, right?
And sometimes we might be holding on to some undergarments that he doesn't find attractive.
So this question would be great for figuring out what he likes and what he doesn't like.
Questions #5: Are there any undergarments you wish I'd own or wear more often?
This is kind of the same with the previous question to figure out what he doesn't like that you already own and what he wants you to wear more often that you already own, or, something new that he wants you to have.
Question #6: What is important to you in creating a restful home?
This question has been very beneficial to me when it comes to our home.
Grant and I grew up in very different homes in a sense that his home was always very tidy and organized; and for me, uh, it was very... *eclectic*...? Haha. It was not tidy at all.
So even though our house now may not be super, super messy, in Grant's mind, it is messy because he grew up in a more tidy home. It may not even bother me at all because this is how I grew up.
But this is our home now. This is our new home after we have become one and so I want to create a home that Grant can come home to and relax. It'll be a safe haven for him.
One way to create that is to make it relaxing for him so that when he comes home, he can really take a breather, he can really breathe out, recharge and get ready for the next day.
So when you ask him, ask him what are the 3 most important requirements when it comes to creating a restful home.
This is also going to help you as a homemaker because you can get so overwhelmed by *all* the things you need to do to run a home, right?
But if you just focus on the top 3, especially for the days when you just can't get anything done, if you just do those 3 things, you know you've got your husband covered.
He will at least find it somewhat relaxing because you've covered his 3 most important areas.
For my household, the 3 most important areas are the kitchen sink, the dining table, and the bedroom.
Those areas I try to keep clean, tidy and organized as much as possible especially right before my husband comes through the door.
I have found this really helpful to me as a homemaker because I am not constantly overwhelmed by having every little corner of the house cleaned and tidy.
Question #7: Describe what hospitality look like to you
This is an important question because you are two people living under the same roof; you're two people likely coming from different house/family environment growing up.
For myself, my home was a very much closed home. We almost never had any guests over.
But for Grant, his family had an open door policy. Anyone can just drop by. They always had lots of people over so he's totally used to that.
So when we first got married, we came to an agreement: Okay, how often are we going to have guests over. How often are we going to have people over for meals; how often are we gonna have game nights.
Because what we don't want is for someone to not be comfortable with how often you have guests over and then get burned out. So this question would be great for you to find out what that rhythm looks like for your family based on your own personalities and how you grew up.
Also, keep in mind what Gospel community looks like to you. What does Gospel hospitality look like to you?
God is very hospitable. He has a home - a room - for us in heaven.
So keep this mind and figure out how you can model after God and also stay true to how He's made you, how He's wired you so you don't get burned out, so you don't get a bad taste in your mouth about hospitality.
Question #8: Are you happy with our date nights lately?
Date nights involve two people. But sometimes it's easy to do things that just make one person happy and kind of neglect the other person.
This question would be a good reflection on how you guys are doing with date nights, to see if you tend to do things that only one person of the relationship likes.
Question #9: Do you want to share the duty of planning date nights?
This is an area I need to improve upon because I get the false sense that because he's the guy he needs to do all the planning for date nights. That is wrong. That can put a lot of pressure on him.
Just because he's the leader doesn't mean that he has to do all the planning.
As a wife, I can help share the load if I help plan date nights sometimes.
Question #10: How can I be praying for you right now?
As hard as it is for us to accept it, we *are* selfish people.
We do think about ourselves more than we think about others.
This question will help us put our focus back on God and put our spouses above ourselves.
This will help us focus on how we can serve our husbands better, how we can love on them better, how we can respect them better.
So I really encourage you to ask him right now. Text him, call him, whatever.
Ask him the question "how can I be praying for you right now?".
Spend a couple minutes in prayer.
I encourage you to do this regularly, maybe once a day, that would be perfect haha! Maybe once a week. Make it a regular part of your life. This is going to bless your marriage a lot.
You, as his wife, are very powerful; when you lift him up in prayers, it makes the prayer even more powerful. So, go ask him, right now.
These are the 10 questions you can ask your husband to study him today. But, hey, if you want to study your husband even more, why stop there, right?
I have a resource for you that is FREE, that you can download, you can print it off. So that you can keep asking your husband questions to grow your marriage, to nurture your marriage.
These questions would be great for date nights, too, because these will open up honest and deeper conversations than just "how's your day?" "good."
They are also great for when you're driving to visit your in-laws. I did that with Grant a couple times. We had a 2-hour conversation and it was wonderful. I want you to have that kind of conversation with your husband, too, so download it right here with the link below.
Download your FREE 56 questions to study your husband here.
*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

Listen to the Indwelt Women Podcast — **#003: Stay at Home Moms, Your Job is Just as Hard as Your Husband's** Aug 02, 2017

Stay at home moms, I wanna tell you something I wished someone would have told me when I first started staying at home. What you do day in and day out is *just as hard as your husband's day job outside of the home*. Because when you don't have the right perspective, you will cut yourself short of the rest you need in order to love your family in the most loving and joyous way. How do I know? Cause I've been there.
My husband does physical labor. He works 11-12 hours a day, 5 days a week; and on Saturdays he works till 2. That sums up to a total of over 60 hours a week.
That's a lot of physically-draining work. Most nights he comes home tired and spent.
I, on the other hand, stay home with the kids. I get up early to write before the kids get up and I write when the kids are taking their naps. Throughout the day when they're awake, I sprinkle work in as I see fit. But mostly, I'm feeding them, playing with them, running errands with them, and taking them places to burn off the energy.
For someone who's never taken care of kids allll day long, you'd think, "so, what's the problem here? What's so exhausting about it? Sounds like a vacation to me."
Well, I can tell you that taking care of littles is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining.
When you have little kids with you all day long, you're not *just* playing with them. It's not all rainbows and sunshine and unicorns. You're disciplining them; you're training them. Your limits are getting pushed as they push your button again and again. You get *lots* of precious opportunities to get sanctified throughout the day. Seriously.
So a lot of times, by the end of the day, I'm tired and spent.
I want some time to myself... without an energetic little person doing flips over my shoulder... without a whiny little person whining about whatever it is he can't seem to live without.
So I draft out this plan in my head: as soon as when he walks in I'm gonna peace out. *See ya*.
Well, maybe not quite literally. But - you know what I mean - I *really* want some alone time to recharge.
**But as soon as my husband walks in, I see how tired and drained and exhausted he is - how he just wants to unwind *by himself* - in that moment, I think, how could I peace out?** I don't need some time to myself, right? I can do this. I've been doing this all day long anyway, I can handle another couple hours before the kids go to bed.
This whole scenario would repeat itself time after time for weeks. And in those weeks, I gradually become less and less patient; I yell more and more. The expectation I have for myself as a mom - the gentle in spirit, the opening her mouth with wisdom, the teaching of kindness on her tongue - that kinda mom? Well, it's pretty much nonexistent at this point. I'm more of a grumpy-old-man-who's-ticked-off-at-everything kind of mom.
Standing where my heart is (this grumpy old man place) and looking at where I want my heart to be (this gentle, loving, joyous, patient, kind, heavenly place)... I feel like an onlooker from far away like I probably won't reach that destination. I feel downcast... I feel hopeless.
You can't compare your husband's hard with your hard
Mamas, you don't have to go down this rabbit hole of wanting time to recharge but feeling guilty for taking time to yourself and for feeling hopeless when you can't get that me-time.
It starts by **adopting the right kind of view of what you do day in and day out**.
You are not babysitting your children. You are caring for them and teaching them to go according to God's way. You are building up godly characters who you prayerfully hope will follow God with all their hearts some day. **It is not rainbows and sunshine. In fact, it is emotionally, mentally and spiritually draining**. And you can't continually do this without rest, without refreshing your soul.
Your husband works hard but so do you. Your husband could use some time to unwind but so do you.
You can't compare your husband's hard with your hard. No one wins. Because his kind of hard work is a different kind of hard than yours. **Both are hard work. Both require time to recharge.**
I'm not asking you to peace out as soon as your husband walks through the door. That is probably not loving nor helpful. But. Talk to your husband, work something out where you'll have a devoted time to get unfrazzled and refreshed. Make it a regular part of your life so your battery isn't sucked dry. Because you ***need*** that rest. You can't go on like this forever. It doesn't work that way.
A few me-time ideas that have worked for my family
Keep in mind that these are ideas that have worked for my family *at times*. As life changes we adjust. Your family works differently but I hope these ideas might spark some light bulbs in you.
**I sneak out of the house Sunday morning before everyone is up.** I spend a couple hours at a coffee shop. Read my bible and do whatever gives me joy. This works because then I don't feel like I'm taking away from my family time. Because, my family is still asleep.
**I schedule me time in advance.** After I lay the kids down for their naps on Saturday/Sunday, I leave the house for a couple hours. That way I don't feel like I'm putting too much on my husband's shoulder and he can kinda relax too when the kids are napping.
**I stay up late when everyone is in bed.** In the quiet hours at night, it can be incredibly refreshing to just be alone. Sometimes I browse the internet. I've also heard of moms who clean during this time, it's therapeutic.
**Swap me-time/play dates with local mom friends.** If you feel like you need some alone time to yourself, your local mom friend probably feels the same way. It might be a good idea for you to watch her kids for a couple hours this week so she can recharge. And then next week she'll watch yours so you can recharge as well.
Mamas, don't let yourself go too long without refreshing your souls. Your job is too hard and too important NOT to get recharged. Go ahead and put that on your schedule this week to recharge.
*Photo Credit: Alabaster Jar Photography*
*Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas*

#002: Is Pride Destroying Your Marriage? Jul 28, 2017

Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas

For the sin of their mouths, the words of their lips,
let them be trapped in their pride.

— Psalm 59:12

When I read this verse about pride, I think of the proud standing in the middle of a glass box, contained.
The proud refuses to lay down her pride.
The walls of this glass box become thicker and thicker, muting the words of those around the proud.
With the thickening walls, the distance between the proud and her spouse becomes greater and greater.
Strife happens more and more; dysfunction becomes the pattern of life until one day either her spouse walks away or the proud climbs out of the box and never returns.

The picture I just described, I don't think anyone wishes it for their marriage.

And yet, if there's unrepented pride residing in our hearts, that's where our marriages are headed.

The going rate for divorce (even within the Christian community) is 50%. FIFTY!

It is outrageous. I wonder how many of these marriages were affected by unrepented pride, and how many of these marriages could have been saved if the proud would lay down their pride.

Before I go on, let me say that I understand it takes two to tango. Please don't go into defense mode and list out alllll the ways your husband has been prideful (or sinful in other ways) in your marriage. Today, I'm only talking to you the wife. I want this to be a conversation between just you and me. Don't think of this as me pointing my fingers at you. Think of this as an open conversation over coffee, doing a heart check on each other because our common goal is to glorify God with our everything.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Pride goes before destruction,
and a haughty spirit before a fall.

— Proverbs 16:18

One’s pride will bring him low,
but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.

— Proverbs 29:23

Love the LORD, all you his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful
but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.

— Psalm 31:23

Let's do a quick Inductive Bible study here.

Based on these verses,
- what do you observe to be true about pride?
- What is the outcome of one's pride?
- What does God think of pride?
- what will happen if there's pride in the marriage?

As these verses tell us, no good things come from pride, but only destructions and downfalls.

Melting Pride with the Right View of Self

In the book The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Tim Keller says pride is being "overinflated, swollen, distended beyond its proper size".

C.S. Lewis explains in Mere Christianity that, "pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about."

Pride is the competitiveness of having more than the next person;
it is the need to prove we are important and worthy.

While pride is destructive, God can melt it away if we look at how He views us.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

— 1 Peter 2:9

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

— Ephesians 2:10

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will,

— Ephesians 1:11

Looking at these verses, make note of everything that talks about who you are to God.

You are His chosen one.
You are a royalty belonging to the Kingdom of God.
You are God's special possession.
You are His Masterpiece.
You are made for good works that God handpicked for you before you were even born.
You are the beneficiary of His inheritance.

In God's eyes, you are the masterpiece He cannot be more proud of.
His ultimate opinion of you makes it unnecessary for you to one-up others.
You are important and worthy of Him - that's all that matters.

Coming to the Throne of Grace

So how should we respond if we have pride in our hearts?
Come to the throne of grace and repent.

You are never too far gone for God's Grace to reach you.
God opposes the proud but embraces the humble.

Will you make the choice right now to lay down your pride at the feet of His Throne and see yourself with God's eyes?

After your repentance, go to your spouse and ask for his forgiveness.
Ask him to pray for you that you will stay humbled; pray that he will forgive and forget and won't hold it against you.

Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ
and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.

— Philippians 3:8-9

Tried and True Easy Recipes for Meal Drop-Offs Jul 26, 2017

Taking a break from the Christ-centered wife series, I wanted to share a few tried-and-true recipes that will make for great meal drop-off options because... it's new baby season! (These recipes are great even for kitchen newbies!)

When Grant and I first got married, I was reluctant in bringing meals over to families with new babies.

Because I was just starting to learn how to cook myself! I wasn't confident enough to bring a meal over to someone else. They might end up having to order pizza or something because I feared it would taste that bad. Haha!

But looking back, I think I'd missed out on lots of opportunities to bless others.

Providing a new family with a meal is not just about giving them yummy food, it's about the body of Christ serving each other in times of need, not out of obligation, but out of love for Christ our King.

If you're a kitchen newbie, you're probably eager to serve your brothers and sisters in Christ but you're still nervous about your cooking skills.

So. I thought I'd share a few recipes that I've tried myself.
These recipes are easy to follow and the food is delish! They've certainly got my husband's approval even if it's the first time I'm making them. So, here they are :)

Bruschetta Chicken Pasta Salad

Chicken Alfredo Baked Ziti

Lemony Spring Pasta Salad

One-Pot Creamy Sausage Pasta

Balsamic Roasted Veggies

Kielbasas and Potato Skillet Dinner

Hawaiian Roll Ham Sliders

Try them out and let me know how they turn out! :)

LIVE Online Bible Study - Study the Bible with me! Jul 24, 2017

Hey, friend, how about we study the Bible together?

For the next 4 Saturday mornings (starting 7/29/2017), we are going to hang out on FB LIVE studying the Word with our new Proverbs 31 study. And I'd love for you to join me! (it's free, yo!)

Each week we will read about 5 verses together and we'll share what we've learned from these verses.

PS - even if you can't be there live, the replay will be there for you to watch at your convenience ;)

Some of the best ways I've grown in God's Word is when I learn with other women, so I can't wait to see how we'll all grow after these 4 weeks together!

If you don't have a copy of the Proverbs 31 study - No worries.
For anyone who joins the live online Bible study, you will receive the eBook copy for free.
#wut
Yes. If you wanna study the Word with me, I will give you the tools you need!

This online Bible study is gonna be great! I hope you're as excited as I am!!

Also - let's not keep this a secret. Will you invite your friends?
Share this post on FB so they can save their seats + get the eBook for freeeee.

I'm so excited. Can't wait to see you there.

Wives, Your Husband is Not Your First Love; God is. Jul 07, 2017

Photo Credit: Alabaster Jar Photography

Wives, your marriage is your most important earthly relationship.
But when your husband takes the seat of God's throne in your life, that is when idolatry takes place.

When Good Intentions Turn Sinful

I recently received an email from a lady named Kesha who shared how God revealed to her an idol of her heart:

I've utilized practically every resource imaginable to work on my improving and repairing my marriage. I've prayed and have been waiting for a lasting breakthrough to occur, but to no avail. Recently I've asked myself why do I see God answering my prayers and working in other areas of my life but not my marriage? What am I doing wrong?

It was during church yesterday that the answer came to me. I'd forgotten about my first love. I've placed so much focus and emphasis on my husband and my marriage to the point where I've inadvertently made them idols. Nothing should be prioritized over my relationship with God. I realize that I can do nothing without Him.

Last night I prayed and asked God to forgive me and to renew my heart and mind to pursue Him with as much zeal as I have in fixing my marriage. I have to be intentional in making time to study the Bible and prioritizing my relationship with Him.

Do you see yourself in Kesha's story? I know I do.

Please don't hear me say that it's bad to work on your marriage. That's not what I'm saying.
What I do mean to say is that often times we start off with wonderful intentions: we want to nurture our marriage; we want to grow in it. But, as time goes on, instead of seeking God with your husband, you are now tunnel-visioned on your husband. Instead of running towards God with your husband, you have now sidetracked onto a dead end path.

I often find myself on this dead end path, especially when it comes to maintaining our home to my husband's liking. I get frustrated when I don't meet his "standards".

So I want to caution you by asking you the hard question: do you put your husband above God?

No Other Gods

You shall have no other gods before me.

— Deuteronomy 5:7

When we put our husbands above God, we turn them into our idols - our gods.
But God's Word has said we can't do that.

Why is that?!
Because God knows that:

all good things come from Him,
apart from Him we can do nothing,
apart from Him is where sin breeds.

Keeping God Your First Love

So how do we keep God our first love? By spending time with Him in His Word.

God wrote you a love letter, study it. Chew on it. Meditate on it.

Make it your first priority to learn more about God through the Bible.

If you want to learn some basic Bible-reading techniques, we have a short online Bible Basics Workshop that will help you learn and practice those techniques.

If you need help making your quiet time less overwhelming and more refreshing - because you have a busy schedule or because you have little ones interrupting you - whatever the reason is, give our bite-sized Bible studies a try. Our upcoming study on Proverbs 31 is perfect for you. Dwell in His Word in manageable chunks (one verse at a time, to be exact) and learn what a biblical wife looks like. Get your copy today here.

Friend, God gave you a beautiful blessing of marriage. Be careful not to turn your good intentions into sinful idolatry.

5 Ways to be a Respectable Wife Jul 05, 2017

In preparation for the Proverbs 31 study, one thing stood out about her: she has shown me that one way to show her husband respect is to be a respectable wife herself. Let's take a look at her life and see what a respectable wife looks like.

Let the wife see that she respects her husband

— Ephesians 5:33

Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land

— Proverbs 31: 23

Scripture has called us to respect our husbands, but notice how the Scripture talks about her respect for her husband: "let the wife see"

Respect is not just a thought/feeling we have towards our husbands. We're supposed to show it so that our husbands and those around us can see that. But how do you do that? Looking at the life of the Proverbs 31 lady, I've gathered 5 things you can do to be a respectable wife.

The Prerequisites to a Respectable Wife

Dress Modestly - It is hard to define modesty as it looks a little different for everyone. But I will say that a good way to judge is by asking yourself: are you dressing attractively or are you dressing to attract? It is also a good idea to ask a trusted friend who dresses modestly herself; ask her about the clothes you wear and if she thinks they're immodest.

Open Your Mouth with Wisdom - The Proverbs 31 lady portrayed this beautifully. A part of why she is such an admirable and respectable lady is because she spoke wisely. She understood that there was a time to speak and a time to stay silent. She knew what to say and what not to say. She was not hasty with her words but she was careful and spoke eloquently. If this is an area of struggle for you, I encourage you to study the book of Proverbs - it talks a lot about the wisdom of words. I also have a Speak Life Challenge to help you build your husband up with your words.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

— Proverbs 31:26

Talk To and About Your Husband Respectfully - Have you ever met a woman who talks brashly about her husband? What was your initial impression on this woman? Did you find her respectable? Probably not. Every marriage has its challenges, but talking to and about your husband rudely will only bring disrespect to both you and your husband.

Work with a Willing and Joyful Heart - We see it throughout Proverbs 31. Not only did the lady work hard, she worked with a willing and joyful heart. She was not lazy; she was not complaining; she was not bitter about the kind of work she was doing. Having a joyful heart applies to both stay-at-home-moms and women who work outside of the home. Working with your whole heart for the glory of God is a godly and respectable character that we should seek to grow in.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.

— Colossians 3:23

Her Heart is Home-Driven - When you read Proverbs 31, you see this lady who is a wife, a mom, and a business owner. She loves and serves selflessly for her family and for those in need in her community. With all that she does, you can see where her heart is - her home. What she does centers around the home which has earned her respect in her town.

I have loved learning from Proverbs 31. It is such an important passage for women of God to learn what biblical womanhood looks like and how to apply it in their own lives.

Do you want to learn more from the Proverbs 31 lady? Download our FREE mini Bible study on this very chapter in the Bible!

I want my free mini Bible study!

Episode 001: Evergreen Christian Marriage Advice Jul 01, 2017

This is part of a blog series: The Blueprint of a Christ-Centered Wife.
Follow us as we look at the theologies behind your missional role and the practicalities on how to make it a reality in your life right now. This is gonna be great!

Podcast music: Sunny Holidays and Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas

Before Grant and I got married, I had received some advice that has proven to be wise counsel in our own marriage over the years.

So I thought I'd share them with you today. Whether you're a newlywed or you've been married for a while, I hope you would find them helpful for your own marriage as well.

Ditch the PJs

The marriage bed is one of the best places to strengthen the bond of your marriage. If you could, especially in the newlywed years, try to sleep in your birthday suit (wink wink).
[Side note: I've written about 8 ways to pursue your husband in the bedroom, read it here.]

Practice Making Babies

On the note of marriage bed, practice making babies... over and over again.

Study Your Husband

I'd imagine you want to love and respect your husband as much as you can, right? The best way to do that is by studying your husband. Know what builds him up; know what he needs in different circumstances. I have a sweet booklet (for free!) that will help you study him, get it here.

Study What a Godly Wife Looks Like

God has a great purpose for you when you got married. Don't waste this privilege to reflect Christ in your marriage by learning more about being a godly wife and how you can grow in that through His Word. Proverbs 31 is a good place to start - check out our Bible study on this chapter here.

Only One of You Can Be Crazy At a Time

When two sinners are in one room, they will annoy each other.
#funfact
#sarcasm
This may sound weird but if you both agree on this: that only one of you can be crazy at a time, you could save yourselves some arguments.

Here's what I mean by "crazy" - you are acting "crazy" when you're not bearing the fruits of the Spirit. So think anger, frustration, grumpiness, bitterness, etc.

As a married couple, you will notice really quickly when your husband is acting "crazy". That should give you a warning sign that he is not in the Spirit right now. Instead of reacting to him angrily (which does NOT help, I guarantee), calmly talk to him, hold his hands and pray for him.

This takes lots of self-control. But if it results in a strengthened marriage between you two, it's worth it.

Forgive and Forget

When two sinners are in one room, they will sin against each other.

When sin happens, we should follow in Jesus's footsteps to graciously forgive and intentionally 'forget' his sins, meaning you consciously decide on not to use it against him in the future. This includes bringing it up to him and talking badly about him in front of other people.

This is crucial for a healthy marriage relationship and also a great way to reflect God's grace and forgiveness.

PS - If you are in an abusive relationship, please talk to the elders at your church. Get help. Depending on your circumstances, you might even have to be separated from your husband for a while to keep yourself safe from further harm and to allow time for your husband to get help and to repent.

Pray for Your Husband More Than You Talk About His Problems

When two sinners are in one room, you will clearly see the sins of his life and how he should change.

But here's the problem in talking to your husband about his sins:
It may not be received well. He may perceive you as critical or nagging.

So instead of pointing out his sin every time it occurs, talk to God first.

Bring all your thoughts and emotions to Him.
Let Him do the changing of your husband's heart, not you.
Ask Him for the right time to bring up your husband's sins.
Ask for a calm and peaceful heart when you do talk to your husband.
Be the powerful praying wife for your husband and lift him up in your prayers.

Engage in a Gospel Community

While your marriage is a private relationship, you need a support system that will point you to the Truth and pray for you. Being in a Gospel-centered community is how you can get such support.

There are a few ways to get community as a couple:
1) Get involved with a small group at your church - Grant and I meet weekly with other families. It has been a great way for us in our walks with Jesus as a couple and also individually.
2) Have an older couple mentor you - Having another couple to come alongside you and provide a safe place for you to share your struggles and to help you grow in a godly marriage will be very beneficial for you and your husband.

Pursue God First

We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). We can't love our husbands the way He loves us if we don't draw from the source of love ourselves.

Make it your commitment to pursue God first; abide in Him and He in you.
Even if you're just reading for 5-10 minutes at a time, the consistency of getting in the Word will bring fruit to your life.

PS - if you need some tools to help you get in the Word consistently, give our bite-sized Bible studies a try. They're perfect for your busy season because you only read one verse at a time. But the guided questions will help you dig deep even in just a short amount of time. Snag your copy today here.

You are not Your Husband's Holy Spirit Jun 26, 2017

Did you know God treasures a wife of noble character?
In fact, in Proverbs 31:10, it says that an excellent wife is far more precious than rubies?
Rubies are some of the highest-valued colored stones in the world.
If you live out your role as a wife with noble respectable character, in God's eyes you are worth more than some of the most expensive jewels.
You know what that tells me about your role as a wife? It tells me that you are not just a wife; God made you a wife with a purpose and a mission; it is not an afterthought.
Your role as a wife can carry great value... if you live it out with purpose and mission.

For the next few weeks, we will begin a new series called: The Blueprint of a Christ-Centered Wife.

We will look at the theologies behind your missional role and the practicalities on how to make it a reality in your life right now.

Are you excited? I hope you are because this is gonna be great!!

I saw the oh-so-familiar look on his face.

Our guests were going to arrive in a few hours and my husband was having anxiety over how our house looked, whether we had everything prepared, etc.

His anxiety stressed me out in an instant.
The joy of hospitality was now - poof - gone; instead, I became angry - no - furious.
I wanted to scream at him.

You are His Helper, Not His Holy Spirit

A misconception that I have about my role as Grant's wife is that I'm supposed to help him like the Holy Spirit does.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

— Genesis 2:18

Here in Genesis 2:18, God was giving Adam a helper fit for him.
And then we see the word "helper" again in John 14.

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever,

— John 14:16

It's easy for me to connect these two seemingly-obvious-dots.
But if we take a deeper look into the Word, we'll see that they're not talking about the same thing.

In the Bible's original manuscript, the word "helper" that God used just before He created Eve is not the same word He used when He was talking about the Holy Spirit.

The word used for Eve was 'ezer. It means help, aid.

The word used for the Holy Spirit was paraklētos. It means an intercessor, consoler, advocate, and comforter.

According to Blue Letter Bible's Lexicon on the word parakletos, the word was used in the Bible as one who pleads another's cause before a judge.

I'm supposed to help my husband, to aid him in his roles God has called him to. But I'm NOT an intercessor for him before God.

I, in my sinful nature, CANNOT intercede for my husband before the ultimate Judge. I am just as guilty as my husband before the God of all. Who am I to plead for his cause when I should be judged right next to my husband?!

Interceding for my husband is not my job. That is Jesus's job.

A Head-Heart Disconnection

So what are you supposed to help with, now that you know you're not your husband's Holy Spirit?

When my husband was overwhelmed by anxiety just before our guests arrived, I wanted to scream at him:

Being hospitable is not about having a perfect house. It's about opening our home and our hearts to people.
Stop freaking out about this! This is just a party for a one-year-old!

I'm thankful that God kept my mouth shut so I didn't actually scream at my dear husband.

You know what I would've achieved by screaming at him? Nothing.
It would've done nothing.

After the party was over and I was not angry anymore, we talked about how this weekend went. Bringing up the subject of anxiety and hospitality, I said in the moment when he was anxious, he should've done a heart check.

What he responded gently with was a light bulb moment for me.

He knew that he needed a heart check at the moment. But what he needed from me was not a "go do a heart check" command. He needed his wife to come alongside him, take his hands and pray for him.

You see, he had the head knowledge that God had sovereign control.
His problem was his heart.
His heart did not have God on his throne.
His heart did not believe what the head believes.

Friends, I would guess that if your husband is a follower of Jesus, he probably also has a disconnection problem.

He knows the Truth but his flesh - his heart - has a disbelieve.

Point Him to the Light

Wives, I wanna encourage you to step down from the role of convicting your husband, of telling him what you think he should do.

I want you to gently grab his hands and bow your head with him.
Pray for him. Point him to the light. Ask the Holy Spirit to change his heart.
Because only God can change his heart.

God is the only One who can filter the lies in your husband's heart and fill him up with the fruits of the Spirit.

Your role, as his wife, is to stand alongside him and help him see that light.
That's what a helper does.

Learn More About Being a Godly Wife

Do you want to learn more about being a godly wife? Download your FREE mini Bible study on Proverbs 31! You'll be sure to learn and grow in becoming the Proverbs 31 lady.

I want my free mini bible study!

Give Thanks to the Lord: Recounting the Ordinary Tales of His Extraordinary Deeds [Day 5] Jun 16, 2017

Continuing in the series, I invite YOU to share your ordinary tales of His extraordinary deeds.

Let's be a body of Christ who come together and share all the great things He has done for us.

Share your story today with #HisWonderfulDeeds (and be sure to tag me @everleighcompany); let's FLOOD social media with His great deeds so that the body of Christ can marvel at His greatness together and that nonbelievers can see that He is GOOD.

What will YOU share today?

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If I had to use one word to describe the coming of our youngest son, Levi, it'd be protected. I might not have understood it at the time, but now I see God's protection over Levi and I.

Rocky Road

The pregnancy started off nice and smooth.
I had some morning sickness but not as bad as when I had Z. I had some pregnancy aches and pains but nothing intolerable.

Time seemed to pass so quickly with this pregnancy, probably because my then-young toddler kept me busy.

When I was about 28 weeks pregnant, however, I learned that my father had passed away thousands of miles from me (you can read that story here). We had originally planned to visit my parents who lived in Hong Kong at the time later that year. But this radically changed our plans.

We changed our plane tickets and we were ready to head to Hong Kong. But one visit to my OBGYN changed everything.

I told my doctor about my plan to fly and she thought she'd check my dilation just to make sure everything would be okay.

Well.

"You're 1 cm dilated," my doctor said.

She advised that while it'd been a healthy pregnancy and I did dilate early with Azariah at about 36 weeks, there was still a risk to consider: should I go into labor on the long flight (16 hours to be exact), that could potentially harm my baby and I.

I remember driving home from the doctor's office and crying.

For the good of the baby and myself, it was better to stay in the country. But it also meant that I would miss my father's funeral.

It was an easy decision but at the same time it was not.

God's Protection

We were so blessed with families and friends who loved us.

About 2 weeks later at 30 weeks pregnant, I showed more signs of preterm labor. I was advised to be on bed rest to keep the baby from being born prematurely.

Immediately, people at church started praying for us and the baby. Friends and family put together a meal schedule and a schedule to help watch our then-17-month-old boy.

We were well protected and provided for in this season. Every week we celebrated being one more week pregnant until we hit the safety zone at 36 weeks.

Levi, our youngest, was born safe and sound at 39 weeks.

Praise. God.

Looking Back

When I was on bed rest, I wondered: would the baby have been okay if we had gone to Hong Kong? Maybe I should have gone anyway.

But looking back now, I know it was all God's plan and a part of His protection.

If I had gone back, all the walking and hustling and running errands would probably put me in labor at 29 or 30 weeks pregnant. Hong Kong is a big city where public transportation is the way to go. We would've been walking a lot to get from point A to point B, which is not good for a pregnant lady already showing signs for preterm labor.

For about 2 weeks, Grant's cousin got to watch Azariah for me because she was in transition between graduation and the start of her career. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. Her help was significant in giving me the freedom to just rest.

I'm so thankful that our Levi entered this world safe and sound. God is indeed our protector.

This is my recounting of my parents' ordinary tale of His extraordinary deeds.
Share YOUR story with the hashtag #HisWonderfulDeeds.
Let's shout from the rooftop and flood social media with His wondrous works so all nation will see that He is GOOD and give Him the praise He deserves!
What will YOU share today?

Give Thanks to the Lord: Recounting the Ordinary Tales of His Extraordinary Deeds [Day 04] Jun 12, 2017

Continuing in the series, I invite YOU to share your ordinary tales of His extraordinary deeds.

Let's be a body of Christ who come together and share all the great things He has done for us.

Share your story today with #HisWonderfulDeeds (and be sure to tag me @everleighcompany); let's FLOOD social media with His great deeds so that the body of Christ can marvel at His greatness together and that nonbelievers can see that He is GOOD.

What will YOU share today?

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Last week, I talked about how God brought me and my brother closer to Him. Today, I wanna tell you my parents' story.

Purposeful Suffering

My dad was a Buddhist and my mom became one under my dad's influence. They were not super religious but, still, they practiced some aspect of Buddhism. Once a year, we'd go to the New Year gathering, "praying" for the year to come. In our living room, we had a little cupboard with Buddhism scripts written in it and it would just sit there.

Fast forward to when I came home from college for summer, my parents seemed to be a little more religious in their Buddhism practice. They now would "pray" to that cupboard before they left the house and after they came home; they wanted to be thankful they had been kept safe. (To this day, I'm still not quite sure what led to this practice...)

Less than a year later, I became a Christian and I remembered their Buddhism practice. I began praying for their salvation.

Fast forward to November 2014, my parents traveled all the way to Iowa to welcome the arrival of their first grandson. They stayed with us during their 3-month stay and Grant and I did what we could to be a testimony to them.

This was also the time when I noticed a decline in health for my father. He had lost a lot of weight and he was constantly using the bathroom. Something wasn't right.

Even though my mom had prompted him to go see the doctor for his health, he declined. He didn't want to know if something was wrong and he didn't want a hospital bill. But his body couldn't take it.

He was admitted to the hospital in June 2015 because he was in so much pain. Upon a physical examination, the doctor delivered the bad news: my dad had colon cancer.

He refused to undertake any treatment for it; he didn't want to go through the grueling treatment of chemo and radiation. I don't blame him but we couldn't just watch him die and do nothing.

He was laying on his hospital bed one day when we video-chatted. Desperate for him to agree to being treated, tears were running down my face.

God made you a warrior. Don't give up quite yet. Jesus will give you the strength to endure this. I remember saying.

At the end of our conversation, he agreed to go through the treatment.

Since then, my brother and I were encouraging him and pointing him to Jesus when he got scared. I had friends at my church praying for my dad - both for his health and his salvation.

God Answered

I don't remember exactly how long after he agreed to go through treatment when my mom told me the great news: my dad had decided to give his life to Jesus!

I. Was. Overjoyed.

But that wasn't it!

My mom had also decided to give her life to Jesus!

What a double blessing!!

While I'm sad to tell you that my dad had passed away in March 2016 shortly after he stopped responding to the treatment, I rejoice in the fact that I know where he's at right now.

He is in HEAVEN with Jesus!!

He is in the best place ever and he will be there forever WITH JESUS!

Even though the last few months of his life was hard, I am encouraged and comforted because:

1) God welcomed him into His Kingdom before he died.

2) God made BEAUTY from this ugly ashes of cancer. Yes, it saddened me that my dad suffered from cancer, but his suffering was not for nothing. His suffering had a purpose and that is to bring him to the Lord. That, is PRICELESS.

3) When God planned for years to save me, He didn't stop there. He saved my brother just 4 years later. And then He saved my parents just 2 years after that. He saved my whole family! I am so very thankful for His amazing wondrous works that saved my whole family.

If you have a family member that doesn't know the Lord yet, I hope this story of God's amazing redemption encourages you. Don't stop praying for your family. Seek to be the light in their lives and keep praying for them! I pray that God will open the eyes of your family members and that they will surrender their lives to Jesus!

This is my recounting of my parents' ordinary tale of His extraordinary deeds.
Share YOUR story with the hashtag #HisWonderfulDeeds.
Let's shout from the rooftop and flood social media with His wondrous works so all nation will see that He is GOOD and give Him the praise He deserves!
What will YOU share today?

Give Thanks to the Lord: Recounting the Ordinary Tales of His Extraordinary Deeds [Day 03] Jun 09, 2017

This week and next, I invite YOU to share your ordinary tales of His extraordinary deeds.

Let's be a body of Christ who come together and share all the great things He has done for us.

Share your story today with #HisWonderfulDeeds (and be sure to tag me @everleighcompany); let's FLOOD social media with His great deeds so that the body of Christ can marvel at His greatness together and that nonbelievers can see that He is GOOD.

What will YOU share today?

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Remember how God provided us a house in my post two days ago? Well, His Good Work didn't stop there.

God Uses His People

When my brother came to live with us, he was not a believer. And so prior to his arrival, Grant and I were praying for his salvation and for opportunities for us to share the Gospel with him.

From time to time we would get opportunities to have spiritual conversations with him. Sometimes, we even got to talk about Jesus. But mostly, we just tried our best to live out the Gospel and tried to handle any conflicts as best as we can according to the Bible.

At first, he didn't seem to care. But when the second semester rolled around, he began to ask more questions. We even got to study the Bible together!

In April 2014, we left for vacation for two weeks. But I noticed some change in my brother when we came home.

He had ordered a brand new Bible and he was listening to a Christian radio station allll the time.

#what?!?!

At this point, I wasn't sure if he had given his life to Jesus or not. But I was hopeful.

He traveled home soon after our vacation ended. I was concerned that the summer would be a stumble block in drawing him closer to God so I connected him with my dear friend, Stephanie, from home.

And one day, I got the best news.

God's Saving Grace

Turns out: Stephanie took my brother to church and they had a conversation where Stephanie found out that my brother had accepted Christ back in April, when Grant and I were on vacation! And he didn't even bother to mention it to us! #whodoesthat?!

I was in awe that God had used our little house and our relationship with my brother to bring him into His Kingdom!

This is my recounting of His wonderful deed! My brother's story of salvation wasn't "dramatic" but it was still a beautiful story of God's grace and redemption. I am honored to be a part of that!

What is YOUR story of His wonderful deed? Use the hashtag #HisWonderfulDeeds on social media and share it with the world! (Be sure to tag me @everleighcompany so I can see)

Give Thanks to the Lord: Recounting the Ordinary Tales of His Extraordinary Deeds [Day 02] Jun 07, 2017

This week and next, I invite YOU to share your ordinary tales of His extraordinary deeds.

Let's be a body of Christ who come together and share all the great things He has done for us.

Share your story today with #HisWonderfulDeeds (and be sure to tag me @everleighcompany); let's FLOOD social media with His great deeds so that the body of Christ can marvel at His greatness together and that nonbelievers can see that He is GOOD.

What will YOU share today?

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We Had a Need

When God prepares for you what you need BEFORE you even realize your need, you can only stand in awe and praise God for His Goodness.

Today, I'll be sharing how God provided us with a HOUSE shortly after we were married.

When Grant and I got married, we were living in a 2-bedroom apartment. All was well but it was time to think about other options, because my brother was gonna stay with us and go to the university in town.

We either needed to get a 3-bedroom apartment or get a house.

A 3-bedroom apartment would've been really expensive for this overpriced college town. However, I did not want to get a mortgage when we were trying to pay off our student loans.

But God Knew What We Needed

One day we were visiting friends at the house that Grant used to live in when he was in college, and they told him he had some mail - one of which was from the retirement account Grant had when he was working for the university.

When he saw how much he had in the account, his jaw dropped and the wheels started turning:

The money in the retirement account could be used as a down payment because we were first time homeowners and - guess what - the amount is exactly the down payment we needed to afford a house!

#whaaaaa

Here's what was amazing about this whole thing:

1) If our friend had already moved out of the house, we wouldn't have been visiting them, which means that the mail would probably have been tossed away. Gone forever.

2) AND If God hadn't provided Grant with a job at the university to begin with, he wouldn't have had a retirement account.

3) God made Grant work at the university for just long enough and for the retirement money to compound just enough that it covered the down payment for a starter home!

CRAZY!!

Even though our house is a fixer upper, it is nothing like what you'd see on Pinterest, but how God provided this house for us is much more beautiful than anything that'll perish!

This is my recounting of the ordinary tales of His extraordinary deeds.

What will YOU recount today? Share with #HisWonderfullDeeds on social media today (and tag me @everleighcompany!)

Give Thanks to the Lord: Recounting the Ordinary Tales of His Extraordinary Deeds Jun 05, 2017

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds

— Psalm 9:1

We have a 2.5-year-old in the house, since before he could talk, we've been trying to teach him to give thanks whenever people give him gifts or do him a favor. It's been so sweet that we've seen the fruit of the training; often times he will say "thank you" without even us prompting him to.

For a lot of us, we've also been trained at a young age to say "thank you" to people. But what about God? What about when God showers us with blessings and makes all things work for our good? Quite frankly we don't always give Him the thanksgiving He deserves.

In light of that, in the next couple of weeks, we are going to anchor in this verse Psalm 9:1. We are going to give thanks to the Lord with our whole heart. We are going to recount all of His wonderful deeds. I encourage you to participate. Let's fill our minds with thanksgiving; let's flood social media with His wonderful deeds so people, especially those who don't know Him yet, will see that He is good. When you share on social media, be sure to use the hashtag #HisWonderfulDeeds so I can see your posts and give thanks with you!! Let's do this!!

My Tale of His Extraordinary Deeds

Today I'm going to recount His extraordinary deeds in how He orchestrated my life to bring me closer to Him. I was born and raised in Hong Kong but I finally gave my life to Jesus at the age of 21 in Iowa City, IA. That's 7712 miles from where I grew up. There are several instances (that I know of) that led me to Iowa City. This is my attempt to recount his wondrous deeds.

Instance 1

In late 1980's, there was an immigration wave in Hong Kong.
To give you a little background, Hong Kong at this point had been a colony of the British government for about 90 years. The agreement between the Chinese government and the British government was that Britain would return Hong Kong to China after a 99-year 'lease'.
In 1989, the two governments finalized their plans to return Hong Kong to China, people started to panic. The people in Hong Kong ware afraid of the changes that could take place because of the switch. So, if people could afford to immigrant, they would.
My parents were seriously considering moving to another country as well. In fact, they were talking with an immigration attorney and had begun the paperwork process to move to Canada.
I could have been a Canadian and I could've had a totally different life story should my parents continued with that process. But my father backed out, considering all the hardships that would come with immigrating to a different country speaking a language he was not fluent in.
And so, we stayed in Hong Kong.

Instance 2

I went to Catholic schools pretty much all my life (except for college). I remember distinctively sitting in a Religious Studies class in 5th grade, hearing about these Bible stories, and thinking, "these are just fictions; they're not real." I was definitely blinded to see God but God turned things 180 later in my life, which I will get to in just a little bit.

Instance 3

Not long after, I started to become obsessed with everything US-related: Hollywood movies, TV shows, music, I even subscribed to popular teen magazines. Up until this point, I was taught British English AND I was not good in English at all; I flunked many of my tests and quizzes. But, because of my US-obsession, I began to teach myself American English. I listened to an American radio

Instance 4

Around 8th/9th grade, I was determined to leave my hometown Hong Kong. The highly competitive academic environment in my hometown was just too much. I wanted to study somewhere with a slower pace and where they speak English. I looked into England, Australia, Canada and, of course... the US.
England was too expensive, Australia was all right, Canada was too cold, and the US was not cheap but I had relatives in California - perfect.
And so I had my heart set on going to California for college.

Instance 5

Around the same time I was preparing to go to the US, God put in my life a dear friend who was (and still is) a faithful follower of Jesus. Her name is Stephanie. Even though my heart was hard, for years she'd encourage me to seek Christ; when it was time for me to leave Hong Kong for college, she gave me her Bible, which I've kept all this time.

Instance 6

My road to California was not smooth sailing... I had to convince my dad. Fearing this was an impulsive decision and ended up with lots of wasted money, my dad was reluctant in letting me go. (I don't blame him - I told my parents I wanted to take piano lessons when I was in 3rd grade. They bought me a piano and put me in lessons; 3 short years later I was done and the piano sat in the living room collecting dust...) But my mother convinced him of my determination to study abroad - it wan't gonna be a short-lived passion of mine because I had made so much preparation ahead of time. I had to study for tests, apply for a visa, research what colleges to apply to, fill out the applications, figure out the accommodation, etc. Because of that, my dad granted me permission.

Instance 7

In July 2007, I boarded a plane headed out for the infamous Southern California. I was so excited but also so nervous - I had been a sheltered little girl at this point and I was gonna face the world on my own. Turned out, my time in California was not like what I had imagined. I had trouble finding people I could talk to/relate to; I was by myself a lot. I was lonely. I was desperate for friends. On top of that, my relationship with my host family/landlord was awful; we had lots of miscommunication and we didn't handle conflicts well. And then there was also other issues with family. So my dream of studying/living in California turned out to be some of the loneliest and most depressed time of my life. But God had a purpose for this. If I didn't have as crappy of a time as I did in California, I wouldn't have left. By the time my sophomore year rolled around, I wanted to leave. So I applied to transfer to any colleges not in California. Oregon... Iowa... Virginia... Pennsylvania... these were all contenders.

Instance 8

After months of college transfer application and waiting, Oregon and Iowa accepted me. I was gonna go to Oregon because it sounded cooler. But my mom kept telling me that Iowa had a better business school (which was what I was going for). I remember getting on Iowa's website and looking at the pictures (because at this point I had never been to Iowa and so of course the pictures would give me a good judgment of what it's like there.), I could feel a sudden heart change. It was weird. It was like someone flipped a light switch; all of a sudden, I'm now quite okay with the idea of going to a school in the middle of nowhere. Looking back now, I can confidently say it was God who changed my heart in that moment.

Instance 9

My first year at Iowa, I applied to live in the dorms - because I had never lived in a dorm before and it sounded like an experience you must have when you're in college. I opted in for getting my roommates randomly chosen for me because I knew nobody at Iowa, which turned out to be one of the best decisions ever. I met Emma, who has been a dear friend since. She was the friend I had been searching for for the last couple of years. She was friendly and genuinely wanted to get to know me. She took me to Cru, a Christian college ministry, and introduced me to her friends - including my now-husband - I finally found friends that I had been longing for at Cru. They weren't cold and distant; they were warm and caring. Even though I was still hard-headed about God at the time, I kept going back to Cru because of them.

Instance 10

I hung out with my friends from Cru a lot, which God used to show me of His existence. In my first semester at Iowa, I became more and more curious about God. How my friends lived their lives for God sparked a thought in me, "maybe there IS a God." As the days went by, I asked Emma more and more questions. During that winter break, Grant (my now husband) introduced me to Chelsy. Our friendship grew quickly. A few short weeks after we initially met, Chelsy answered more spiritual questions of mine for three HOURS and at the end of it I accepted Christ into my heart. Chelsy has been such a dear friend and a mentor in my walk with Jesus, I wouldn't have been where I'm at in my faith without her influence.

Closing Thoughts

Bam. There it is. I finally saw my need for Christ and surrendered my life to Him.

I'm sure there are more great things God has done to bring me closer to Him; but as far as I can tell (and remember), this is how my story goes.

It has not been easy. Especially my time in California, but as hard as it was, in retrospect I'm so glad it happened. If I had had a great time in Cali, I wouldn't have left. If I didn't leave Cali, I wouldn't have met so many great friends (and my husband!) and I wouldn't have given my life to Jesus.

Through my story, I can tell you that God works all things for good, even if there was trials and sufferings at times.

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Starting today, I invite YOU to share your ordinary tales of His extraordinary deeds.

Let's be a body of Christ who come together and share all the great things He has done for us.

Share your story today with #HisWonderfulDeeds (and be sure to tag me @everleighcompany); let's FLOOD social media with His great deeds so that the body of Christ can marvel at His greatness together and that nonbelievers can see that He is GOOD.

What will you share today?

When Someone Else's House is Better Than Yours May 26, 2017

I walked in to my friend's new house, immediately I thought, "their house is so much nicer than ours."

Catching myself for having such a thought, I pushed it aside and proceeded to chat with my friend and catch up on life. But as the conversation went on, I couldn't help but have these little sneaky thoughts that pop up in my head:

Look at that bright airy kitchen! Looks just like a Fixer Upper kitchen!
There's so much room in here!
We're about the same age and they could afford this house. If only we were more financially established, perhaps we could have afforded this.

Darn. Those. Thoughts.

I hated having those thoughts but pushing them off to the back of my mind doesn't work. I need to surrender them to the Lord.

Discontentment Loves Neglected Poisoning Thoughts

The little pop up thoughts I had at my friend's house? They're poisoning; they pollute my mind and if I don't confront them, they will breed discontentment. Instead of rejoicing always like we're commanded to in 1 Thessalonians 5:16, I'm now murmuring always.

If only I had been offered a higher paying job!
If only God would give us another house!
If only God would give us more money!

Instead of seeing what God has already given me as blessings, I see what God didn't give me and I blame God.

Neglected poisoning thoughts breed discontentment.

Lord, Take My Sinful Thoughts

So what do we do with these annoying sinful thoughts? We surrender them at Jesus's feet.

take every thought captive to obey Christ

— 2 Corinthians 10:5

We can try to manage those thoughts; we can try to ignore them but nothing will kill discontentment until we take our thoughts captive.

When we lay our comparisons at Jesus's feet, we are telling God, "I'm sorry for losing sight of You, O Lord. Forgive me for ever forgetting the grace and the abundance You have lavished on me. Take these toxic thoughts out of me. You are my Shepherd. You give me what I need when I need it. I shall not want."

Friends, we are too blessed to be bogged down by our sinful comparison thoughts. We are too blessed that it'll be a shame we can't see how God has blessed us. Let's take our thoughts captive and surrender those toxic thoughts to Him.

Letting Go the Pride of Mothering May 24, 2017

Photo Credit: Alabaster Jar Photography

This might be a hard pill to swallow. But I think it needs to be addressed, not to condemn you but to shed a light on something you might need to surrender to God.

As mothers, we are constantly giving to our children.
There's no denying that we know more about our kids than other people, but when it seems like no one else can do a better job than we do, it gives pride a dangerous room to grow.

What is this pride of mothering?

The pride that only we - and us the mothers only - know how to take care of our kids. As a result we:
a) become control freaks when other people, even our own husbands, are watching the kids, or
b) we don't even allow other people to watch our kids because they won't do as good of a job as we do, or
c) when someone is watching the kids and they make a mistake you become hyper critical.

Why do we have this pride?

An inflated or a deflated view of self leads to this pride.

When we have an inflated view of self, we believe that our way of mothering our children is more superior so much so that we will sin to protect it. For example, when you are away from the kids and your husband, or your mom or whoever, is watching the kids. You wonder what's going on at home; you wonder if your husband could handle your kids; you wonder if your husband has "messed up" the routine you've set up for your kids.
I want you to take a step back and examine your heart - even if your husband is not caring for the kids the way you do it, does it mean his way is wrong? Is his way of caring sinful? If it is sinful, then you should absolutely have a talk with your husband. But if it's not, perhaps you should let it go.

On the flip side, when we have a deflated view of self, we are self-conscious about how we mother. We second-guess ourselves and it feels vulnerable, it feels uncomfortable. We don't like how it feels therefore we go into hyper-drive to keep this self-consciousness hidden through control and criticism. Anyone who threatens to unveil this insecurity will be deemed as enemy.
I see this all the time on social media. One mom makes a particular mothering decision, another mom comes in and tears her apart. Every mom is different; every child is different; every family goes through different seasons of life that require making different choices. We need to accept that just because they don't make the same choice as you, it does not mean your choice is wrong.

The Antidote to Pride in Mothering

How should a Christian follower handle this pride? We must first:

Recognize that God is the giver of all and all that we are - He gives us blessings; He gives us wisdom and knowledge.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

— John 15:5

Confess and Repent - When Jesus said "it is finished" on the cross, we were broken free from this chain of pride. The pride of mothering has no hold on us. Instead we have been clothed in Jesus's humility. Let's go to the throne of God, lay down our pride and put on the humility Jesus gave us.

Replace pride with humility - Through prayers and holding on to the truth, we can surrender our prideful hearts and God will fill them with humility instead.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

— Romans 12:3

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

— 1 Peter 5:5

Cultivate a thanksgiving heart - Gratitude helps us give credit where credit is due. It helps us turn our eyes from self to God. Establish a habit where every time you do something, you will also say a prayer of thanksgiving. For example, every time you brush your teeth you thank God for the blessings He has given you. Or every time you get in the car you give Him praises for all that He has done for you. Determine a trigger so you can establish a habit of thanksgiving.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.

— Philippians 4:4

Heavenly Treasure Bank Statement | Everleigh Company | Biblical Encouragement and Practical Resources for Christian Women | Christian Blog — **Stay at Home Moms, Your Job is Not Any Less Important Than Your Husband's** May 18, 2017
*Photo Credit: Alabaster Jar Photography*
I had lies in my thought closet that contributed to me thinking I wasn't worthy; it made me think staying at home with the kids was not an important task. I thought my contribution to my family wasn't as important as my husband's.
*I couldn't be more wrong.*
Mama friend, your job is not any less important than your husband's. The contribution you're making to your family **cannot be measured by dollar amounts**.
**The treasure is stored up in heaven.**
Your Heavenly Treasure Statement
Following the format of a bank statement, I'm going to show you how much treasure you're storing up in heaven.
Description..................................................Deposit
Disciplining your child..............................Godly character development
Teaching your child about God.............Making disciples
Extending grace to your child...............A living testimony of God's Grace for your child
Forgiving your child..................................A living testimony of God's forgiveness for your child
Apologizing to your child when you mess up......God's humility on display
Taking care of a sick child.......................A living testimony of sacrificial and selfless love
Meal-prep and laundry.............................A living testimony of how God gives us our daily bread and clothes us
Comforting a teething baby...................A living testimony of how God comforts us

The list could go on and on...
Mama friend, your job is **not** any less important than your husband's.
Don't let Satan's lies tell you otherwise. Replace the lies with God's truth.
What you do day in and day out *has* significance in it.
You are a living testimony of God's character and His promises; that, my friend, is worthy more than silver and gold.

How to Build Intentional Friendships as Sisters in Christ May 15, 2017

Do you have sisters in Christ in your life that ask you the hard questions? That go beyond the small talk level to see how you're REALLY doing?!

I'm so blessed to have a few women in my life that do that for me. Over the years, we have grown deeper friendships because we aren't afraid to ask each other the hard questions, we aren't afraid to be vulnerable with each other.

I wanna encourage you today to seek out those women in your life that you wanna have deeper friendships with. Initiate the friendship, be intentional and ask the meaningful questions. I pray that as time passes, you'll also have such a bond that is strong because of the Lord.

The Hard Questions

Intentionally seek to really know your sisters in Christ through these questions:

1) What has God been teaching you lately? - We don't always take the time to reflect, we just go go go. But taking a moment and putting our focus back on God, it helps us take a step back and look at the big picture - look at what God is doing in our lives. It changes our perspectives from self-focused to God-focused.

2) How are you and (their spouse's name) doing? - Marriage is the most important earthly relationship. But we don't always keep our friends accountable in this area, perhaps we just assume things are going fine or we don't wanna appear 'nosy'. But here's the thing: if marriage is so important but so hard at the same time, why are we not making sure our friends' marriages are on the right track? By taking an honest look into each other's marriages, we can pray for each other, we can speak the truth to each other. Think about how powerful and helpful that can be for marriages!

3) How are you doing as a mom? - Same concept with the last question. This simple question could invite our mama friends to open up how the hardships of being a mom, especially if you're a new mom. Ask in a genuine caring way and I'm sure she will open up :)

4) Is there anything you've been struggling with lately? - Sometimes I might be struggling with something but I don't even know where to begin to vocalize it. So if someone asks me this question, I feel like I can just go right into the issue. It'll help me open up.

5) How can I be praying for you? This is another good way to see what's going on in your friend's heart. It'll also give you a chance to speak truth to her life if that's what she needs.

Do you have strong friendships with other women? How did you get there? I'd love to hear your stories!

If I See My Husband Through God's Eyes May 08, 2017

Photo credit: Alabaster Jar Photography
This post is inspired by our latest Indwelt Bible Study Guide: Zealous. Click here to learn more about the Study Guide.

If I were to adopt an eternal perspective, how differently would I see my husband?

If I see my husband through God's eyes, I would see...

... a child of God greatly loved by the Father.

... a child the Father so loved that He was willing to die for.

... a child of God whose sins have been washed clean.

... a man that God has great purposes for.

... a man that is never out of God's reach for grace.

... a man that is never out of God's reach for forgiveness.

... a man that is made like Jesus.

... a man whose greatest delight is in God.

... a man who has no reason to worry about anything in life.

... a man that God will be faithful to all the days of his life.

... a man that has been blessed with spiritual gifts.

... a man that God will carry through the desert.

How differently would you see your husband if you were to see him through God's eyes?

If I See My Marriage through God's Eyes May 05, 2017

Photo credit: Alabaster Jar Photography
This post is inspired by our latest Indwelt Bible Study Guide: Zealous. Click here to learn more about the Study Guide.

If we were to adopt an eternal perspective, how different would our marriages be like?
If I see marriage with God's eyes, I would see...

... a beautiful union of two children of God that reflects the intimacy among God the Father, Christ the Son and the Holy Spirit.

... Christ's faithfulness to the church as I commit to my spouse till death do us part.

... God's forgiveness as I forgive my spouse's sins.

... God's grace as I give and extend grace when we mess up.

... God's redemptive power as He restores the hurs and brokenness in our marriage.

... a lifetime of opportunities to be sanctified in Jesus because we will magnify each other's sins.

... God's sovereignty in orchestrating two people's lives and weaving us together.

... God's goodness for blessing such a wonderful man to me.

... God's unconditional love as my spouse loves me in spite of my imperfections.

... that my joy does not come from how happy my husband makes me but in how I delight in God.

If you were to see your marriage with God's eyes, what would you see?

Introducing Zealous + Giveaway May 01, 2017

Annnnnnd it's here.

Our 2nd addition to the Indwelt Bible Study Guide series - Zealous: Ready for Good Works as a Wife and Mom is officially released today!! Wooohooooooo!!

I'm super super pumped about this one, you guys. It's got loads of word studies to help you dig deeper; it's got tons of questions that prompt you to go beyond surface level and learn more about God and learn more about how you can apply the Truth into your life as a wife and/or a mom. It's super practical and I can't wait for you to get your hands in these!! Get a copy sent to your door today!

grab your copy right here

To celebrate the release, we're gonna have a giveaway!
One lucky winner will be chosen randomly and take home a PERSONAL SIGNED COPY to Zealous: Ready for Good Works as a Wife + Mom.
Please enter the giveaway below:

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Everleigh Company Biblical Encouragement and Practical Resources for Christian Women Excerpt from Indwelt Bible Study Guide Zealous Ready for Good Works as a Wife and Mom — **Are You Kind to Yourself? Replacing self-talk with God-talk** Apr 28, 2017
*This article is partially excerpted from our all-new Indwelt Bible Study Guide: Zealous. To learn more about the Study Guide, please visit here.*
A couple days ago, I talked about being a kind mom. Today I wanna focus on *you*.
**On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 the highest, how kind are you to yourself in your thought life?** Do you self-sabotage with criticisms and judgments? Do you focus on the bad more than the good?
For me, I'm not kind to myself at all. I'm hyper-critical. And the dangerous thing is: *it's really subtle*. Whenever things would go bad or whenever I do something "dumb", my mind immediately jumps to thoughts like these:
"Wow, that was dumb. Really? How could you be so stupid?"
"What were you thinking? That was dumb!"
"That was the stupidest thing ever."
Often times, I catch myself dwelling on these thoughts and falling into this bottomless pit of believing *maybe I AM that dumb.* If you find yourself having self-sabotaging thoughts, you need to replace them with the Truth immediately... and over and over again.
How Sabotaging Self Talk Ruins You

And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

— Mark 7:20-23

According to Strong's Definitions, "defile" can also be translated into "pollute". What a strong imagery that is!
**What we think of ourselves pollute us**. Period.
We need to assess closely what enters our minds so we can take every thought captive and replace each one with the Truth. But how do we do that?
Take Every Thought Captive & Replace Lies with Truths

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

— Philippians 4:8

take every thought captive to obey Christ.

— 2 Corinthians 10:5

We are commanded to think what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Whenever you catch yourself thinking of things that don't go under any of these categories, say a quick prayer and surrender it to God. And then replace or rephrase the thought with one that IS true/honorable/just, etc.

To put this into practice, let's spend a few minutes checking your heart:
- Grab a piece of paper and draw a vertical line in the middle.
- On the left side, write down what you think of yourself negatively.
- On the other side, write down the Truths that prove you wrong. Write down what God thinks of you according to Scripture.
Let the truths sink in. Immerse yourself in it. Repeat it to yourself day in and day out. Let your mind be renewed so you'll see yourself as God sees you.
To help you with this exercise, feel free to use this chart excerpted from our latest Indwelt Bible Study Guide, Zealous.

to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

— Ephesians 4:22-24

be transformed by the renewal of your mind.

— Romans 12:2

Matching our thoughts to God's will take time. But by doing so consistently, you will slowly see a renewal of your mind in thought patterns and also in your actions and speech.
*Is this something you struggle with? What verses help renew your mind?*
**Additional resource:**
1) Jennifer Rothschild has a message on Revive Our Hearts about our thought closet. I have benefited from her teaching greatly. Check it out here.
2) I have some journal pages you are welcomed to download and print off as many as you want for your own personal prayer journaling use. Download it here.
*This article is partially excerpted from our all-new Indwelt Bible Study Guide: Zealous. To learn more about the Study Guide, please visit here.*

Everleigh Company Biblical Encouragement and Practical Resources for Christian Women | Indwelt Bible Study Guide Zealous Ready for Good Works as a Wife and Mom Prayer Prompt — **When Your Husband Doesn't Lead** Apr 24, 2017
As Christian women, we long for our husbands to take the lead in our homes. We want them to lead our families spiritually - praying with us and for us, opening up the Bible with the kids and initiating spiritual conversations.
But what if he doesn't?
A Wife's Role When Her Husband Doesn't Lead
**Pray for him** - One of the most powerful things you can do for your husband right now is to pray for him. Pray for his leadership, pray for his heart to desire God. The Scripture talks about leadership qualities in Titus 1:7-9.

For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.
He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

— Titus 1:7-9

I encourage you to pray these qualities over your husband consistently. While you're at it, also pray for guidance on how God can use you to encourage you husband specifically.

To help you pray for your husband, I have these prayer prompts excerpted from our all-new Indwelt Bible Study Guide (Zealous: Ready for Good Works as a Wife + Mom). Download them right here.
*To learn more about the Study Guide, please click here.*

**Check your own actions/speech** - I want you to take a moment and humbly examine your own actions and speech towards your husband. **Ask God to reveal to you if you've been demeaning, nagging, disrespectful towards your husband.** Sometimes the reason why a man doesn't lead is because whenever he attempts to lead, he's met with criticism and discouragement from his wife, and so he quits trying. So I encourage you to seek God humbly and see if you've been discouraging your husband from leading. If God does reveal to you your sin in this area, I pray that you will find the boldness and the humility to confess to your husband and seek forgiveness.
**Let go of your expectations** - Sometimes we may not recognize our husbands' leadership when we're so focused on how we *think* they should lead. Take a step back, surrender your expectations to God and become a student of your husband's. Find out what his leadership style is and encourage him as he leads.

Bible Basics Workshop.png — **How to Get More Out of Your Time in the Word** Apr 21, 2017

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

— 2 Timothy 3:16-17

God's Word is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training us. But we don't always feel like we've gotten something out of our quiet time. Sometimes we seem to desire more and want more than what we understand on the surface level. *Does this sound familiar to you?*
If it does, I have something perfect for you!
I'm so excited to announce the **Bible Basics Workshop: Get More Out of Your Time in the Word is now open for enrollment**!

In this **self-paced**, **short and sweet** workshop, you will:
- get a beautifully designed workbook
- learn several Bible-reading techniques that help you go beyond surface level
- get to practice the techniques right away with exercises
- bonus tips
The doors are open now. Get your workbook here:

Bible Basics Workshop2.png — **How to Get More Out of Your Time in the Word** Apr 21, 2017

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

— 2 Timothy 3:16-17

God's Word is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training us. But we don't always feel like we've gotten something out of our quiet time. Sometimes we seem to desire more and want more than what we understand on the surface level. *Does this sound familiar to you?*
If it does, I have something perfect for you!
I'm so excited to announce the **Bible Basics Workshop: Get More Out of Your Time in the Word is now open for enrollment**!

In this **self-paced**, **short and sweet** workshop, you will:
- get a beautifully designed workbook
- learn several Bible-reading techniques that help you go beyond surface level
- get to practice the techniques right away with exercises
- bonus tips
The doors are open now. Get your workbook here:

A Life Ready for Good Works + Accepting Pre-Orders Apr 14, 2017

What does a life of "good works" look like for a wife and/or a mom?
How does a wife pray for her husband?
What should a mom teach her children?
How can a wife and/or a mom live life in a way that makes the Gospel attractive to others?
These are some of the questions we'll explore as we unpack the book of Titus in our all-new Indwelt Bible Study Guide, Zealous: Ready for Good Works as a Wife + Mom, releasing on May 1st.

As I was preparing to write this Study Guide, it jumped out at me how powerful our roles as wives and moms can be. As wives, we can encourage our husbands to be the godly men they ought to be. As moms, we can lead our children and teach them the way they should go according to the Word. More importantly, the way we live our lives can make great testimonies about God to others who don't know Him yet. These are tremendous roles that will make huge impacts. I'm so excited for wives + moms to dive right into this book with me.

If this is your first time hearing about the Indwelt Bible Study Guide series. Here's a quick summary. It is a series of Bible Study Guides that are:
- in bite-sized, manageable and easy-to-digest chunks, making it great for busy moms who struggles with finding time to read the Word
- great for digging deep. Because you're only dwelling on one (or two) verse at a time, you're really dwelling on that verse. You're digging deep, discovering more about God, about yourself and how you can apply the verse into your life right now.
- not your typical Christian devotionals. With each verse, you will be prompted to ask the Holy Spirit "what is God trying to teach ME through this verse?"

I've received great testimonies about our first ever Study Guide that we released back in January. Whitney says, "The questions really help you dig deep even with a short amount of time. I’m so thankful for this resource." Lori, a mom of 2 little ones, says, "My time in the Word has felt more refreshing than it has in a long time. The reflection questions have really helped my heart connect with the word and I found myself coming back to the concepts again throughout my day/week." I'm super excited to see how Zealous, our 2nd Study Guide, will impact wives + moms who long to connect with God.

Now Accepting Pre-Orders

Zealous: Ready for Good Works as a Wife + Mom will be released on May 1st.
But I'm happy to announce that we are now accepting pre-oders.
All pre-orders receive a personal signed copy.
Secure yours right now.

I want my signed copy!

How to Grow in Sound Doctrine Apr 07, 2017

Sound doctrine takes time and discipline to grow. But with the right tools/resources, you will certainly grow in this area. Slow and steady wins the game ;)

Read the Bible for What It's Worth - The Bible includes everything essential God wants us to know for this life. It's our life-book. We should not take it lightly and read it like a magazine. I believe in taking our time to ponder and dwell on the passage verse by verse (ahem, hence the bite-sized Indwelt Bible Study Guide. Wink wink.) In addition, asking deeper questions will allow you to dig deeper and learn more about God. If you want to learn how to read the Bible for what it's worth - how to have more fruitful quiet time - be sure to sign up for our Bible Basics workshop. It's a free training that teaches you Bible-reading techniques so you can find out what God really wants to teach you through the text.

Sign Me Up for the Workshop! Sign Me Up for the Bible Basics Free Workshop! Name * First Name Last Name Email Address * How Did You Hear About Us? Friends & Family Facebook Instagram Pinterest Other

You're awesome!! Can't wait for you to dive right into the workshop! Be on the lookout for an email from me :)

Footnotes & Cross References - Take advantage of the footnotes, cross references and summary sections in your Bible. They can be very helpful in giving you more understanding of the text. In addition, it's a good idea to invest in a Study Bible that gives even more information on the cultural and historical background of the passage. We've used The ESV Study Bible, The NIV Archaeology Study Bible, and The Apologetics Study Bible.

Read Commentaries - Commentaries have given me an in-depth look into the Word. They give me new insights and sheds new light on God and myself. A lot of commentaries are long and meaty so, as a busy mama, don't be afraid to pace yourself. Commentator Matthew Henry is my go-to (I read them on Blue Letter Bible), but I've also benefited from John MacArthur's commentaries.

Read Books Supported with Sound Doctrine - In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis makes it easy for readers to understand basic doctrines. Mark Driscoll also digs into the topic in his book Doctrine: What Christians Should Believe. These are great supplements to help us understand sound truth.
(If you prefer listening to a book rather than reading it, I recommend Audible. My husband has been listening to audio books through Audible for years. Based on your membership status, you get credits each month that can be used towards audio books. Here's the link if you wanna give it a try.)

Listen to Podcasts/Sermons Supported with Sound Doctrine - I like listening to podcasts when I'm driving. It's a great way to sneak some great teaching in to your every day. Some of the podcasts/sermons I listen to are: Revive Our Hearts, Donna Otto, The Gospel Coalition, The Village Church, Desiring God.

Ask Questions - No questions are stupid questions. Chances are what you want to ask someone has asked before. So don't be afraid to seek answers for questions that will strengthen your biblical knowledge. If you haven't already, I invite you to join our Facebook group Indwelt Women where you are welcomed to ask questions about the Bible, your walk with Jesus, marriage, motherhood... basically anything. It's also a safe space where you can share your joy and burden with sisters in Christ. Get inside the group for some daily encouragement now!

I want to join the group!

To read why it's important for moms to know sound doctrine, please visit this post here.

Motherhood & Sound Doctrine: Why Is It Important for Moms to Know Sound Truth Apr 05, 2017

The last couple weeks, as I've been writing the next Indwelt Bible Study Guide on the book of Titus, it strikes me how many times "sound truth", "sound doctrine" or "self-control" appear in the text. God repeats words that are important - so how does sound truth apply in our lives as moms? Why is it important for us moms to know sound truth?

Why Should Moms Learn Sound Doctrine?

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.

— Psalm 119:105

The Word is Our Lamp - Whether we know it or not, we are always searching for answers and guidance. For nonbelievers, some turn to horoscope, some turn to Tarot cards. But as Christ followers, we know that God's Word is truth (John 17:17). The Bible is our manual of life; it teaches us everything we ought to know about living life on Earth. If we want to know how to mother well, the Bible is our source of guidance.

For the LORD gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;

— Proverbs 2:6

Our Wisdom Comes From God - Our wisdom comes from the Lord. Period. It is through His wisdom we know how to apply His word into our lives. In 2 Chronicles chapter 1, it is recorded that Solomon, the son of David, sought God in prayers and asked for wisdom so that he could govern his people. (2 Chronicles 1:1-17) We as moms have also been blessed with people that we have authority over - our children. To know how to practically teach our children according to the Truth, we first need to know the Truth. And along with God's wisdom, we can lead our children in the Truth.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

— Deuteronomy 6:6-7

We are to diligently teach our kids about God - One of the most important task we have as moms is to teach our children diligently about God's Word. How are we supposed to teach if we don't know God's Word in the first place? I'm not saying we need to have perfect knowledge of the Word before we can teach. That's absolutely not what I'm saying. But we should seek to grow in our knowledge of the Word and teach our children what we know.

Next Steps: Free Training on Bible Reading Basics

How are you feeling, mama friend? Are you ready to grow in your knowledge of sound doctrine so you can teach them to you children? What challenges do you face in this area?

In the next couple weeks, we will explore deeper into the topic of motherhood and sound doctrine. We will also offer a free training on Bible-reading techniques so you can be better equipped in reading and teaching the Word. Don't wanna miss the free training? Sign up below to get notified when it's live!

Notify Me! Bible-Reading Techniques Free Training Name * First Name Last Name Email Address * How Did You Hear About Us? Friends & Family Facebook Instagram Pinterest Other

Thank you! We'll keep you posted about the free training!

Academy Pin 02.png — **Finding Time to Make Disciples as a Busy Mom** Mar 29, 2017
As wives and mothers in 2017, we are asked to wear way too many hats than we have time for. But if we strip everything down to the core, if we go back to the basic of what we're asked to do, we were first asked to *go and make disciples*. You may be thinking, "where the *heck* am I going to find time for that?!" Let me encourage you that you do... in the day-to-day tasks you're *already* doing.
Why is it Important to Make Disciples?

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

— Matthew 28:19

They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

— Titus 2:3-5

"Make disciples" means to teach, to instruct.
Based on these verses, as women we are to teach younger people about God; we are to teach younger women how to love their husbands and children, how to be self-controlled, pure, devoted to their homes, etc.
We are called to teach in our actions and speech so that God's Word may be evident in our lives, believed, and passed on.
Ain't Nobody Got Time For That
Before you throw this out the window thinking you have no time for this, let me encourage you that you absolutely do... if you **blend disciple-making in your everyday life**.
Ask yourself, "what is a task I can do *with* another person?" Can you go grocery shopping with a lady friend? I know from my experience that it's a great way to spend time with a friend and allow deeper conversations to take place. Not saying every time you go get potatoes you're discussing deep theological questions. But by spending more time together, you're giving each other a chance to talk beyond the surface level.
In addition to grocery shopping, here are some activities/tasks you could do while you make disciples:
Laundry
Dishes
Taking the kiddos to the park
Freezer meal batch-making
Canning
Bread-making
Weeding
Little Disciples at Home
As a mom, you've blessed with little disciples - your children - within your home.
**Motherhood is missional discipleship**. From the time they enter into your home to the time they leave the nest, you're given opportunities to make known to them who God is and what His promises are. You can teach them the fruits of the Spirit and how to do good works for the Lord. These are the golden years that God has given you to prepare your children for adulthood, for following God's Will as an adult. The clock is ticking - are you seizing these years to teach your children diligently?

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

— Deuteronomy 6:7

Raising children in God-glorifying ways is hard but you don't have to do it alone.
Come join our Facebook group where 190+ women are also running after God's heart and making disciples. Let us encourage you and lift you up. Request to join here.
Hungry for quality time in the Word?
Join this online created with your busy #momlife in mind!

Conversation Starters for Family or Small Group Gatherings by Everleigh Company — **Conversation Starters for Families or Small Group Gatherings** Mar 27, 2017
At the end of the day, you and your family has sat down for a meal.
You want to engage in a conversation more meaningful than "how was your day?",
but you feel like you've maxed out your brain capacity that you can't think of anything else to say.
Or, people are at your house for a small gathering but you're so tired you can't think of what to say to start a conversation... Does this sound familiar to you?
I've totally been there.
When our desire to engage is there, but our brains just won't cooperate,
we could use a little outside help to get conversations going.
Here I've round up some conversation starters that I like,
and maybe you'll find them helpful, too!
**The BUG** - It stands for the good, the bad, and the unexpected. Asking "what was something good, bad, and unexpected that happened to you today?" is a great way to go beyond "how was your day". It will give you a more in-depth look into how the day *really* went.
**Highlight vs Lowlight** - "What was the highlight and lowlight of your week?". This is another way of pulling back the curtains and getting to the heart of the person you're talking to.
**What has God been teaching you?** - We're constantly in a "go, go, go" mentality that we don't always stop and think what God's been teaching us. So by asking this question, it helps the other person hit the pause button and ponder what God's been pressing on their hearts. It's a great way to point people back to God in a distracting world.
**What have you been reading lately?** - This question is not meant to shame anyone who hasn't been reading the Bible. We all go through times when it's hard for us to get into the Word (which, by the way, if this is what you're struggling with right now, you should totally get a copy of the Indwelt Bible Study Guide.) This question is meant to **keep us accountable**; it reminds us the importance of going back to the Word and drawing from the living water in order to do life well. If the person you're talking to hasn't been reading the Word much, perhaps you could encourage them or help them get back to reading. Remember: we are one body of Christ; we are here to uplift and help one another.
In addition to the questions above, I have created for you some conversation starters great for small group settings. They are great ice breakers and keep things from getting awkward.

Some of the questions included are:
"What do you want to be known for in life?"
"What is the best gift you've ever received?"
"What qualities do you treasure most in a person?"
You can Download it for free now because I like you and I wanna give you free stuff ;)

Christian Bible Verse iPhone Wallpaper City on a Hill by Everleigh Company — **Bible Verse iPhone Wallpapers [Community Edition]** Mar 21, 2017
Dress up your iPhone with these pretty wallpapers to remind you of the Truth!

Christian Bible Verse iPhone Wallpaper Iron Sharpens Iron by Everleigh Company — **Bible Verse iPhone Wallpapers [Community Edition]** Mar 21, 2017
Dress up your iPhone with these pretty wallpapers to remind you of the Truth!

Serving Your Community With Your Unique Gifts Mar 20, 2017

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them.

— Romans 12:4-6

You have been blessed with precious gifts and talents; it gives God great honor when you delight in your gifts and use them fully. So what gifts do you have? In particular, what can you do with them to serve your community?

What Gifts Do I Have?

Before you can serve your community with your unique gifts, first you need to know what those gifts are. The funny thing is that's often the question that people have a hard time figuring out themselves.

To find out what gifts you have, you can take quizzes to help you find out what personality, strengths and weaknesses you have. I have taken the Myers-Briggs test and the Strength Finder test.

Another effective way is to ask your spouse, your friends and your family. Ask them, "what kind of gifts and talents do you see in me?", "what's a good way for me to serve my community using my gifts?". With their third-person point of view, they will give you a clearer idea on what your gifts are.

What better way to find out what your gifts and talents are than to ask Him who created you? Spend some time in prayer, asking God what gifts and talents He's given you. Ask Him how He wants to use you in your community. Ask Him to give you opportunities to serve in the community.

How to Serve Your Community

Now that you've found out what gifts and talents you were created with, what can you do to bless your community with those gifts? Since there are tons of different gifts, it's hard for me to specify a particular gift here. But I've categorized them into different types of skills. I hope they will give you some new ideas on how to serve your community with what God has given you! (PS if you need help coming up with ideas for your particular gift, feel free to email me here.)

Creative Skills

Give at-risk or low income kids music or instrument lessons
Take photos for families at the children's hospital
Teach a crafty skill at the women's shelter
Create marketing graphics for your local charity

Organizational/Analytical Skills

Organize the pantry at the food bank
Organize your church's closets/pantries
Analyze your local charity's website data

Leadership/Teaching Skills

Teach a Sunday School class
Teach elders how to use a computer at the nursing home
Lead a service project
Lead a women's prayer group or a Moms In Prayer group

Administrative Skills

Offer to do data entry for your church or your local charity
Plan an event for your church
Organize your church's directory
Update inventory at your local shelter
File paper work for your church office

These are just ideas I'm throwing out. One of the best ways to know how you can serve is by asking the people you want to serve - "I have _______ skill. What can I do to serve you?" I'm sure they'll be glad you asked.

Have you had experience serving your community with your unique gifts? I'd love to hear about it! Please feel free to share in the comments below :)

How to Help Those Who Are Hurting Mar 15, 2017

We live in a broken world.
Heartbreaking, or even infuriating news, seem to be everywhere we turn.
In a broken world, there are inevitably people who are hurting. Lots of them.
And if we are to be involved in a community, we are sure to encounter people who are hurting.
The question is:
What do we Christ-followers do? How do we help? How do we point them to God?

Listen more than you talk - Often times we are so eager to help that we don't listen carefully. We talk, talk, talk and we jump into conclusion. But what we say might not actually be what the hurting needs at all! Or sometimes we don't know what to say so then we just say empty words as fillers. Whatever it is, if you're not sure what to say, the rule of thumb is stay quiet and listen. You can always come back to the subject matter after asking God for discernment and seeking wise counsel from other people.

Be patient - Should change need to take place in the hurting's heart, don't expect it to happen overnight. More often than not, change takes time. It takes the renewal of the mind through God's Word and the Spirit's help to make lasting change. Be patient and allow God to work in their hearts in His timing.

Be gracious - As you wait on God's timing, be gracious to the hurting. Show them what God's grace looks like. If you struggle with this, think of how patient and gracious God has been with YOU as He molds you and sanctifies you.

Give lots of biblical encouragement - Offer lots of encouragement in the Word. Lead them back to the Scriptures that give them everlasting hope, peace, and comfort. Help them learn how to find hope in God's Truth.

Pray with and for them - " The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16 Pray with the hurting and for the hurting is some of the best ways you can help them. Also take this opportunity to teach the hurting how to pray if they are new in the faith.

Shower them with love - Show them they are worthy and loved. Remind them over and over again how God sees them.

Point them to the Truth with grace - Sometimes you need a "truth talk" - laying out something about the hurting that might be hard to swallow. Pray before your conversation takes place; always use Scriptures in the right context and approach the conversation with lots of grace. One doesn't know how amazing God's grace is without first knowing what they deserve and you can't deliver this message well without grace.

Connect them with biblical counseling - If no progress is made or if you feel like you need more help, connect the hurting with biblical counseling. Through biblical counseling, the hurting can receive intensive discipleship that helps them heal. I encourage you to not "dump" them to the counselor. Be the hurting's advocate - meaning continue encouraging them and pointing them to the Truth.

We are the light of the world. Let's be the light and show them God's goodness when the hurting is asking, "if God is so good, why is this happening to me?"

A Gospel Community is not a Social Club Mar 13, 2017

When I was 28 weeks pregnant last year, my father passed away... 7000 miles from me.
And, I wasn't able to attend his funeral because of preterm labor; I needed to be on bed rest.
While the circumstances were not easy, God surrounded me and my family with people that uplifted us in lots of prayers. They took care of my family's physical needs like meals and laundry. They watched my then-18-month-old. They were (and still are) my Gospel community.

What is a Gospel community and how is it different from a social club?

A Gospel community is intentionally doing life together in God's Grace and Truth.
Different from a social club where conversations only go skin deep, a Gospel community builds deeper relationships. It shares your joy when life is good, it weeps with you when life is tough.
It is where hard questions are asked because they care about you, it is where they will bend over backwards to serve you because they love you.
Such community is a reflection of Christ's followers as one body of church. We all have different functions, gifts and talents but we all work beautifully together when we seek to give God the most glory - that is why we need Gospel community in our lives.

Why do we need a gospel community?

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.

— 1 Corinthians 12:12

For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

— Romans 12:4-8

Together as ONE body, we learn more about the Scriptures from the ones gifted in teaching; we are encouraged by those who are aptly with their words; we are more motivated to live out the Gospel by those who are natural leaders. We are stronger as one unit and that is a beautiful design ordained by God. If you should say that you don't need such a community, you are going against God's intention.

How has Gospel community influenced my spiritual growth?

For me, most of my spiritual growth probably comes from being involved in a Gospel community. (And I must say that I've been very blessed with Christ-centered communities since becoming a believer 7 years ago.)

From the very beginning when I was still a new Christ follower, I was given a journal for my prayer time. God knew what I needed to grow in prayers. I wrote out my thoughts and prayers day after day, it was (and still is) the best way I connect with God. My dear friend who led me to Christ taught me so much about the Bible, about how to pray, about what it looks like to be a godly woman, to live out the Gospel. She has blessed my walk with Jesus in tremendous ways.

I've also loved the diversity from my communities. I've watched parents discipline their children in gracious but truthful ways. I've seen what it looks like for a married couple to pursue God together, to build a family upon the Cornerstone. The legacy they are building for the Gospel not only gets passed on to their children, but also to fellow Christians who are seeking to do what's right in God's eyes.

How do we find a Gospel community?

Do you want a group of people who love you and make you love God more? A tribe that supports you in any way they can? Now, you might be thinking, "where do I find such an awesome community?!"

Start with your local churches - go to their websites and look at their statement of faith. Do they view the Bible as the Word of God without error? Do they believe in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ? When their belief aligns with the Gospel, reach out and see if they have small groups within their congregation. Ask if you could visit the small groups so you can find one that fits well for you and your family.

Building your own Gospel community - sometimes you might be in an area that lacks Gospel communities, if that's the case you might wanna prayerfully consider building your own. Before you panic and run the other way, let me reassure you that it doesn't take a gifted leader to build a Gospel community. All it takes is a commitment to live out your oneness as a body of Christ. If you have a home, will you consider opening your home and welcoming other brothers and sisters in Christ? Will you intentionally seek out other believers and do life with them? If you take that initiative in building a community that gives God glory, I believe God will bless you.

One extra note - Don't feel like you have to have a close relationship with someone already to have a Gospel community with them. A lady that gave us a meal when I was on bed rest last year, I hardly ever talked to her. I didn't really know her personally and yet she showed love thru sending us a wonderful meal of spaghetti and meatballs. I'm forever grateful for her action and I won't forget that.

Practical (& Budget-Friendly) Ways to Bless Your Community Mar 06, 2017

Last week I talked about some ways to be a light to non-believers in your community.
Today, I want to share with you some practical and budget-friendly ways to bless your community.

Babysit - The couple next door could probably use a date night without kiddos. Or maybe there's a single parent that's desperate for some me-time. Can you babysit their little ones for a couple hours so they can recharge? As a mama of 2 myself, I know that'll bless my socks off :)

Share a Meal with the Elderly - We have a retired lady living next to us and we got to share a meal with her one night. It was great learning more about her and hearing all the stories about the neighborhood we live in! Often times, it doesn't take much to bless older people. Simply spending time with them will make their day!

Bring a Meal to New Parents - I cannot tell you how much it blessed us when friends & family brought us meals during the newborn stage. Not having to worry about what to cook took a huge load off our shoulders! If you choose to bless new parents with a meal, I encourage you to also consider watching their baby for a little bit so they can take a nap or take a shower! They will love you forever. For reals.

Volunteer - What non-profit organizations are located in your community? How can you get involved using your gifts & talents? If you're crafty and you live close to a children's hospital, they can probably use some handmade blankets or knitted hats for their little ones. Ronald McDonald House would be a great way to get your kids involved as well.

Host a Casual Play Date - Is there a stay-at-home mom in your neighborhood? More often than not, she is probably craving for community. You can brighten up her day by inviting her and her kids over for a little play date! I'm sure she'd love to have adult conversations with someone!

Raise Funds for Your Local Charity - A lot of times local charities have 5K Walk/Runs or Fun Runs to help raise money. Will you consider being a part of it? That'll be a great way to be active and support a cause you believe in!

Become a Safe Family - Being a Safe Family means that you provide support for vulnerable children whose families are going through a crisis in your community. By providing a caring environment for the children tempmorarily, you keep them safe and out of foster care. For more information on becoming a Safe Family, please visit their website.

Pass Out Blessing Bags to the Homeless - There's tons of blessing bag ideas on Pinterest. Basically you put together some toiletries in a big Ziploc baggie and give them to the homeless in your neighborhood. This is a great way for your kids to be involved and learn how to be a blessing to others!

Make Cookies - Pass out homemade cookies to your neighbors or at your police station shows that you care. Plus I'm sure your little ones would love to help make some cookies ;)

Leave Beverage/Snacks for the Delivery Guys - I saw this on the internet awhile ago and I thought it was such a great idea! This lady left some bottled water along with some snacks at the door for the people delivering mail/packages. What a brilliant idea to say "thanks" to those busy running around all day?!

Have you blessed your community recently? I'd love to hear your story! Feel free to share in the comments below :)

Being a Light to Non-Believers in Your Community Mar 03, 2017

You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.
You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.
Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

— Matthew 5:13-16

Almost 10 years ago, when I was a young, spoiled, naive girl living in California far away from my family, I had a rough time learning how to be an adult and face the cruelty of this cold self-centered world.
Family relationships were messy and heartbreaking. I had hardly any friends I truly connected with. I was lonely; I was hurt.

I wasn't a believer then but God put in my life, even for just a very short period of time, a light that touched my heart and comforted me.
I met this lady through school who needed to talk with someone from a different culture for a class project. So for weeks we would meet up at a local diner and talked.
She listened to me talk about life in an oriental culture; she even took me to a church event she was going to.
One day, bearing the weight of everything going on, I broke down and she wrapped her arms around me, letting me cry into her shoulders.
Not long after, I moved to Iowa to continue my college education and we lost contact.
But to this day I still remember how she was a light to me at just the right moment.
Knowing Jesus now, I give thanks to God for putting her in my life.

I'm telling you this story to give you a first-person account of the impact this lady did to me, a non-believer then.
I want to encourage you that there is nothing so little that God can't use to shine a light on others.
When we enter the Kingdom through Jesus Christ, we are given a new identity in Christ.
We are forgiven; our hope is in Him; and we are set apart.
We are now the salt and the light of the world.
Christ's light shines through us. We are the messengers between Christ and non-believers.
In Matthew 5:16, we are given a great task - to let our light shine before others so that they may see God in us and give glory to Him.
We're not meant to hide our light and keep it a secret. Instead, we are called to magnify it as much as possible so that more will come to the Kingdom because of it.

No matter where you are located, you can be the light to the non-believers in your community. You can make an impact for the Kingdom.

Ways to Connect with Non-Believers

Before you can be the light, perhaps you need to first be friends with someone who doesn't believe.
Often times in the Christian bubble, we hardly know anyone who doesn't believe.
But I assure you opportunities are there if you're looking.

Volunteer - Volunteering is a great way to meet new people and you'll probably meet someone who doesn't believe in the Bible. Places to volunteer: local hospitals, food banks, shelters, Ronald McDonald House, libraries, local events.

The moms of your kids' BFFs - Some of the moms might not be Christians. Invite them over for a play date. Ask them questions. Show that you want to be more intentional about the friendship instead of just being acquaintances.

Get to Know Your Neighbors - Chances are most of your neighbors aren't believers. Create opportunities to talk to your neighbors. Invite them over for a meal or a play date if you have kids close in age.

Coworkers - Have you realized how much time you spend with your coworkers? Maybe you don't work, but what about your husband? If you (or your husband) have a typical job, it means that you spend at least 40 hours at week with your coworkers. That's a lot of opportunities to get to know them.

Ways to Be the Light to Non-Believers

Listen to Their Stories - People love telling their stories. In this fast-moving digital era, we don't always stop and get passed "how are you doing?". As Christ's followers, we can be a light through learning about their stories. By taking the time to listen, we show that we care.

Ask Good Questions - Going along the lines of listening to people's stories, asking good questions is another way to show that we care and we want to get to know them.

Be a Giver - A generous heart is like a light in darkness; it warms up those nearby. You don't have to be rich to give. You can be a giver of your time or resources you already have. Perhaps your neighbors could use a date night, can you give a couple hours of your time watching their kids so they can enjoy some alone time without distractions? Or maybe your coworker is moving soon and they could use help packing or loading up the moving truck. The bottom line is: how can you be a blessing to those around you with what God has blessed you?

Zip Your Mouth - It is always easier to spot the sins in others' lives and we need to be careful of when we bring the sins into light. There's a time to speak and a time to keep our mouths shut. Plus, if we're not watchful, words can come off as judgmental which will not soften any non-believers' hearts. If you're unsure of when/what to speak, stay silent. Go to God first and discern whether or not you should bring the matter into light with grace and truth. Never be hasty with your words.

Extend Grace & Forgiveness - We are in the Kingdom of God because we were extended grace and forgiveness. When God forgives us, He also forgives the person we're angry at. It would be prideful of us to withhold what was freely given to us all. Ask God who are the people in your life (especially the non-believers) that you need to forgive and be gracious to? Also ask for discernment on how the conversation should take place.

Do you have stories of how God used you to be a light? Please share in the comments because I'd love to hear about them!!

15 Fun Excuses to Have People Over and Grow Your Community Mar 01, 2017

Holy moly, it's March already!! How is it possible?!
I had a lot of fun exploring all things pursuing our husbands last month, and this month I wanna talk about pursuing community.
A community of people who love you, pray for you and support you during the ups and downs in life.

Why Does Having a Community Matter?

Because Jesus didn't create us to be lone rangers.

God Himself is a community. The Trinity consists of God the Head, Jesus the Body and the Holy Spirit. They have been together since the beginning of time.
If time is an indication of community intimacy, the Trinity is a reeeal tight community.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.

— 1 Corinthians 12:12

God created us in His image. Like God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, we are created to be ONE body of many members.
Each body part has its own function. They work beautifully together for a greater goal and they cannot be independent of each other.
As brothers and sisters in Christ, when we strive to give God the most glory, beautiful communities and friendships will be born. We will become strong as a community, our bond is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12); and we will be iron that sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).

Some of you at this point might be reluctant in building friendships with others.
Perhaps you've been in a hostile relationship. Perhaps you've been hurt.
Yes, sometimes, relationships are messy and even hurtful. But the joy you find in God when you've overcome the hardships is worth it.

What Are Some Ways to Seek Out Community?

Friendships don't just happen. Sometimes you have to create those opportunities to get to know people. Some of the quickest ways are by having people over. In addition to movie nights or grill-outs, here are 15 fun excuses you can use to invite people over and grow your community. Keep in mind things don't have to be fancy; they don't have to be Pinterest-worthy. It's about getting to know people better, not about getting on the cover of Better Homes and Garden.

Freezer Meal Batch-Making - Have a few ladies over and batch make some freezer meals together! You can talk while you prep the meals and everyone goes home with some freezer meals ready for their families! This is also a great idea to make freezer meals for someone about to welcome a baby in their family! Talk about the blessings of home-cooked freezer meals in the newborn sleep-deprived days!

Harvest + Canning - This is a great idea for people with a great harvest of veggies. One year we had a lot tomatoes so I made cans of pasta sauce with a dear friend. Good times.

Teach Someone a Skill - The friend I made pasta sauce with? She taught me how to sew a pillow. Do you know someone who's been dying to learn a new skill? Teach them if you know exactly what they want to learn!

Play Date - As simple as a play date can be a great way to get to know other moms in your community!

Cook a New Cuisine Together - Make sushi together or try out some Indian cuisine. The meals don't have to turn out perfect. Just enjoy your company.

Have a tea party - A few years ago, the ladies in my small group from church got together for a little tea party. We got dressed up a little, enjoyed some tea, chit-chatted and had a blast. Fancy British fascinators optional ;)

Endless Pies for Pie Day - Celebrate 3/14 with a pie potluck! Everyone bring their own pies and perhaps a board game or two can follow?

Jewelry Swap - We all have some jewelries or accessories lying around that we don't wear anymore, right?! Call up your friends and do a swap! Swapping books is a great idea, too! (Some people do clothing swap but a jewelry swap might be a better idea if your friends vary in sizes.)

In-Home Workout Videos - One time a couple girlfriends were over and the topic of fitness came up. We ended up doing a spontaneous workout session watching a YouTube video. It was so much fun. The one we watched is by Leslie Sansone. I recommend her videos cause they're great for people with various fitness level. Plus, they're easy to follow.

Simulcast a Conference - Several Christ-centered events have done simulcasts before: Hillsong Conference, Revive Our Hearts Conference, Biblical Counseling Conference. This is a great way to learn or worship together!

Plant a Garden Together - How about a community garden right in your backyard? How sweet would it be to share the fruits of your labor together! Some easy-to-plant veggies are potatoes, butternut squash, tomatoes and bell papers.

Try Out a New Kitchen Gadget - Some good friends of ours love to cook. They've invited us over to try out their smoking gun and donut maker. Fun times!

Wine and Cheese Blind Tasting - Have friends bring over some wine and cheese they've never had before. Together you'll get to blind taste a bunch of new cheese and wine!

TV Marathon - This doesn't have to do done in one day, especially if you have little ones! Pick a show to watch together once a week. This will give you an excuse to see each other and connect. Some of our recent favorites: Poldark, Sherlock, Victoria, Limitless.

Gather for a Cause - There are several charities that allow you to bless others with goodies, like Operation Christmas Child and Restore Innocence. Have your friends bring goodies over and together you can pack up a goodie box or two for people in need.

What are your favorite ways to gather people together? What would you add to the list?

**An Encouragement for the Wives** Feb 24, 2017
I wanted to spend a few minutes encouraging you today to never stop pursuing your husband because Christ never stops pursuing YOU. Please watch the video message from yours truly :)
Don't do live alone. Join our community of 150+ women who want to support you and pray for you. Request to join our Facebook group Indwelt Women here.

Pursuing Your Husband Through Self-Care Feb 22, 2017

Half way through the month, we've explored many practical ways of pursuing your husband from having fun and unique date nights to showing love through his love language.
These are all things we do to our husbands, but there are some things we can do to ourselves that will help pursue them.
That is through taking care of ourselves according to our husbands' preferences.

As wives and mothers, we are called to take care of our husbands, our children and our homes.
But if we're not well, whether it be physically, emotionally or spiritually, we cannot take care of our families well.
For me, I hate being sick. Not just because I don't wanna feel miserable, but because I can't really care for my family when I'm laying in bed sick.
I love the quote that says, "You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first."
How true is that?!
Often times, when I don't read the Bible or when I haven't had a me-time in a while, I become short with my kids. I yell and I spank out of anger - not something I wanna do at all.
But if I spend a couple hours reading the Word and/or strolling through my favorite local consignment store, I come home refreshed and my heart is at a much better place - I am ready to jump right back to serving my family in love.
By taking care of ourselves, we are taking better care of our families.
Besides, I want people to respect my husband because I carry myself in a graceful, polished manner ;)

Honey, Do You Like My Hair Done This Way?

When it comes to self-care, I wanna encourage you to take your husband's preference into serious consideration because some of what you do can be used as means to pursue your husband.

We've talked a lot about pursuing our husbands this month - a lot of it is about lifting him up and helping him become the man God wants him to be and also about prioritizing him and making him feel loved, valued, and respected. Some of the biggest and easiest ways of doing so is through dressing ourselves in ways that your husband finds attractive.
Does he like your hair done a certain way?
Does he prefer your natural hair color?
Does it drive him crazy (in a reaaally good way. wink.) when you wear a certain underwear?
It is important to consider his preferences because he's the man you're ultimately trying to please. You're not married to the latest trend; you're married to your husband.
Here's what I'm not saying: I'm not saying that you can only dress in ways your husband finds attractive. I'm not saying you cannot have your own personality/preferences in your appearance. My point is that when you take an extra effort to care for yourself in ways that your husband loves, not only will you be able to care for your family better, it will also do your marriage good.

Here's an example: I love skinny jeans but my husband loves me in a fitted t-shirt and flared jeans. And so when I'm shopping for jeans, I'll look through both their skinny jeans and flared jeans collection. If there's a pair of flared ones that I like, guess what, I buy them and wear them around Grant and he can't get his hands off me. True story.

So here's what you can do today: ask him what he likes.
Find out what he prefers. Pick one and make it happen this week.
To help you get started, here's a list of questions you can ask your husband.

1) How do you like my hair done?
2) What do I wear that you find the most attractive?
3) What do you find unattractive when it comes to how I dress/wear my makeup?
4) Do you like the perfume I wear? Is it too strong?
5) Is there an undergarment you wish I'd get rid of?
6) What type of underwear do you want to see me in?
7) Would you prefer my nail colors to match my outfit?
8) Do you prefer my private part shaved?

In addition to asking him questions and finding out what he likes, here are some bonus ideas for self-care:

1) Go through your undergarments, throw away the old and unsexy ones. Get new ones that will turn your husband on. (One word of caution: if your husband struggles with provocative images, I'd recommend refraining from ordering through Victoria's Secret's online store. I say that because they will mail you their catalogs frequently once you order online. So if you wanna protect your husband's eyes, make a trip to the mall instead of ordering online.)
2) Paint your nails - It's amazing how painting my nails can make me feel so polished. It's a mood booster! (I prefer the nail colors from Essie and Rimmel. I find them to be more chip-resistant, because... #momlife.)
3) Use hair serum - this is a quick way to add shine and smooth out the frizzy hair so you look more put together in seconds.
4) Use dry shampoo - let's be honest. There are days we don't shower, when that's the case, dry shampoo will be your best friend because it absorbs the grease in your hair and freshens up your hair.
5) Ask your husband or a friend to watch the little ones for a couple hours - having this me-time will allow you to come home feeling refreshed and ready to love on your family.
6) Be active - exercising keeps you in shape. Your body will also release endorphins which will lift your mood up and release stress. These are all great reasons to be active.

Pursuing your husband can be as easy as taking care of yourself well. So don't forget about yourself, friend ;)

PS On a related note, I highly recommend listening to my friends' podcast episode on Bringing Sexy Back After Stretch Marks & Diaper Duty. It's a great listen!

Pursuing God With Your Husband Feb 17, 2017

Imagine you and your husband have tied your shoes together.
You can't go anywhere very far unless he moves with you.
But if your steps are in sync and you have the same destination in mind, you can go very far.

What is it like for you two when it comes to pursuing God?
Are your steps in sync or do you keep tripping over each other because you're not acting as ONE?

Back in the fall of 2013, Grant and I were ready to have kids.
(To be honest, I had been ready for a while before Grant was. But God surely gave me peace about waiting for Grant to be ready as well.)
For months we'd wait with much anticipation, hoping to see 2 pink lines.
7 months passed and we were still waiting.
I started to question my body, "is there something wrong with me?!"
"Are we one of the few infertile couples?!"
After meeting with my OBGYN doctor who reassured me sometimes it just takes awhile to get pregnant, Grant and I held our hands and prayed together.

And guess what? We got pregnant right after we prayed as ONE.

God heard our prayers. He granted us our desire.
And I strongly believed it was because we sought Him as one.

This is why I encourage you to pursue God together as a married couple.
You have become ONE as soon as you were married.
It only makes sense for you to pursue God together as one unit.

How to Seek God Together When You Don't Have Time

With a little creativity, it is totally doable.

Family Prayer Walk/Hike
Pray with your husband as your kiddos are busy burning their energies off. Boom.

After Dinner Coffee Hour
Carrie of He Says She Says sits down for coffee with her husband every night after dinner.
I encourage you to steal her idea and be intentional in setting aside an hour after dinner for you and your husband to talk and pray.
It might take a few days for your kids to get used to this new normal, but if you're consistent in protecting this time, your marriage will reap great benefits from it.
[Of course, you can totally customize this. If the morning hours work better for ya, go for it. Or, perhaps, you're not big into coffee. How about tea? Beer? Protein shake???]

Commute + Communicate
Is there a commute you take with your husband regularly?
My in-laws live 2 hours away and we visit them probably (at least) once every 2 months. My children are still at the age where they nap in the car, so we try to be on the road during nap time. That way we get some quiet time to talk, pray and read the Bible together if we feel led.

Dedicate a Seek + Pray Date Night
Perhaps instead of dong something fun for date night, your marriage could use a time dedicated to praying and seeking after God. Get a babysitter and go somewhere quiet without many distractions and just pray. Grant and I have done that and it was always very refreshing.

If Your Husband Does Not Believe...

I realize that not every one reading this has a husband that also believes in God.
If that's you, I encourage you to become your husband's fiercest prayer warrior.
Pray for his salvation without ceasing.
I know God hears and I know God wants everyone to enter His Kingdom.
So don't give up on hope. Pray, pray, and pray.
God can work mightily and turn your husband's heart toward Him.

In short, don't neglect the power you have as one unit.
Your marriage (and your kids, really) will benefit greatly if you seek after God as ONE.
How will you pursue God together this week?

40+ Ways to Speak His Love Language Feb 15, 2017

We are the most natural in speaking our own love language.
Interestingly enough, our husbands often speak a different love language.

When we love through our own love language but the other party doesn't seem to receive the love like we expect them to, we can experience hurt and sometimes conflicts can arise.
To avoid that, we should learn to speak our husbands' love language so that our love is received well.

Practical Ways to Speak His Love Language

Physical Touch

Give him massages (full body/back/scalp/foot)
Give him "just because" hugs + kisses
Give him hugs + kisses as you thank him
Hold his hands when you're talking to him
Have your leg be touching his when you're sitting together
Brush his back when you're sitting together
Run your fingers through his hair
Look him in the eyes when you talk

Acts of Service

Do his chore
Pack his lunch
Take his car in for an oil change
Take his car for a car wash
Is there something he's been procrastinating? Can you do it for him?
Run errands for him
Help him with a house project
Take his suit to the dry cleaner

Words of Affirmations

Write him an encouraging letter
Slip a note in his lunch bag (we have these 30 gorgeous notes you can print off)
Brag about him in front of his friends & family
Text him something that affirms him 5 days in a row
Praise him in front of your kids
Thank him for the sacrifices he makes for the family
Following Philippians 4:8, write down everything about him that is pure, true, just, worthy of praise, etc and give it to him
Ask his friends & family to write something they appreciate about him

Quality Time

Surprise him with a date night
Surprise him with a getaway or a staycation
Go for a walk in the woods with him
Share an appetizer at a piano lounge
Invite friends over for a game night
Don't look at your phone when he's in the room
Have lunch with him on a weekday
Do something he enjoys without complaint
Spend time with his side of family

Gifts

Make a special dessert or drink for him
Surprise him with a trip to see his best buddies
Take him to a fancy restaurant
Get him his favorite candy
Give him a fruit tree/shrub
Name a constellation after him
Surprise him with tickets to see his favorite sports team
Stock up on his favorite beer

How to Pursue Your Husband When He's Away A Lot Feb 13, 2017

Pursuing your husband is not easy,
it's even harder when he's away a lot.
If this is your season right now, I'm right there with you.
My husband works a lot of hours each week,
making family time few and precious.
But be assured that pursuing him is totally doable!!

Before I get to the practical stuff, I want to encourage you that:

For everything, there is a season.
This is probably just one of the seasons you're in.
Remember life is made up of many different seasons.
It may be hard now but God is faithful; when it's the right time, He will bring you out.
While you're in this season, figure out how to use this time fully.
Ask God what He wants to teach you and how He wants to use you.
Perhaps now would be a good time to invest in friendships with other wives in the same season as you.
Or perhaps now would be a good time to disciple a younger woman of faith.
Ask God how you could use your time well when your husband is away.

Make a mental note of what God's been teaching you.
Not only is He sanctifying you in this process, He can also use you to encourage other wives who are going through the same thing.
Write it down in your journal if it will help you remember better.
I know for me I've been blessed by other women who have gone through what I'm going through (regardless of what it is), I know He can use YOU to bless others as well.

Don't take your frustrations out on your husband.
I know It's hard when he's not home.
I know you feel like a single parent when you have little kids to take care of and train up.
But if it's hard for you, it's probably hard for him too.
Don't get lost in your frustrations and forget that you're a team.
Lay down your pointing finger and figure out how to BE one.

Practical Ways to Pursue Your Husband When He's Away A Lot

Study him.
Pursuing your husband starts with knowing him. Keep a journal and write down everything you've learned about him. Observe him and ask him questions. Don't stop just because you feel like you know everything about him after 10 years of marriage. People change - you might be surprised to learn a new thing or two about him. To help you study your husband, I have 50+ questions typed up for you that cover a variety of topics. Download it for free here.

Text him something fun, encouraging and affirming.
We have this awesome freebie for you that gives you 30 gorgeous picture-text to send to your husband. They are fun and encouraging texts that affirm him in what he does, shower him with love and are... saucy (wink wink). These fun texts will help you pursue him even if he's hundreds of miles away. Get the picture-texts for free here.

Take advantage of technology
Technology brings people closer, it can certainly bring you and your husband closer!

There are multiple apps that allow you to make audio and/or video calls for free (even if you're in different countries). IE What'sApp, Skype, Line, FaceTime.
Use stickers or GIFs when you text. I love how they show your personality and it is just so much fun when you use them.
Play a game together. There are games that you can both participate in even if you're not online at the same time. Back when I was in college, I'd play Draw Something and Words with Friends with Grant (remember these apps that took over the internet for a while?!?!) Go to your app store, search "multiplayer games" and you might find something you both enjoy :)
Send pictures of what you're up to! Connecting can be as simple as that :) Sometimes I send Grant photos of the kids if we're out and about or if the kids are doing something cute.

Start a convo journal
I've heard of couples who do this: because the husband packs his own lunch to work, the wife sticks a little journal in there. The journal is for little conversations they have and the husband can write in it during his lunch break. How cute is that?!

What about you? How do you pursue your husband when he's away a lot?

Why You Need a Gospel Community for Your Marriage Feb 10, 2017

In the book Song of Songs, there's a group of friends who rejoiced with and protected the married couple.

We also need such friends in our lives to help celebrate our marriages and help protect them.
We're not meant to do life alone. Especially when it comes to marriage - one of the most important relationships we have - we need all the support we can get.

When we surround ourselves in a Gospel community who cares about our marriages, we have people who:
- speak truth to us, and help us filter out our emotions so we can think logically.
- encourage us, and
- help us and pray for us.

Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another

— Proverbs 27:17

I know for myself that my friends have definitely helped me grow in my marriage during the last 5 years.

If you're not in a Gospel community, I encourage you to seek one.
Here's a couple ways you can plug yourself into Gospel community.

Ways to Plug Yourself into Gospel Community

1) Be involved in a community group with a church that believes in the Gospel
"Shop around" for a church that teaches the Truth - the first step in doing so is to visit their website and read their statement of faith.
Once you've identified churches with sound doctrines, visit them physically and ask them about community groups (or small groups). Try them out and see if

2) Spend time intentionally with friends who believe in the sacredness of marriage
Grant and I spend every Monday evening with our guy friends and girl friends respectively. It's a time set aside for us to connect with them. The structure is super casual - sometimes we just talk about what we're going through, sometimes we read a book together, sometimes we just pray. The point is to spend time together - learning, growing and encouraging each other. I'm very thankful for this group because they've been there for us through the ups and downs and they've definitely spoken truth to me when I needed someone to talk some sense into me.

What to Do When You're in Life Transitions

Maybe you've been in a great Gospel community but you're currently in transitions.
Maybe you've been trying to find solid Christ-centered community but have yet to find one.
If this is the case, I want to encourage you to persevere. Pray for God to put godly women in your life. And then pray again. And again. And again. And again. At the right timing, He will put you in the right community.

While nothing beats real life interactions, an online community can also be a great way to connect with other Christ-centered women when you're in transitions.
We have a private Facebook group called Indwelt Women where women like you get encouragement daily and pray for each other. It's such an awesome community we'd love to have you join us. Become a part of the group here.

How to Fight Less and Be on the Same Team as Your Husband Feb 08, 2017

You can make him his favorite food,
you can make him the happiest man in the bedroom,
but, some days, when nothing seems to lift his spirit up,
that's when you need to be his prayer warrior more than ever before.

...they are no longer two but one flesh.

— Matthew 19:6

Grant and I just celebrated our 5th anniversary (say whaaa?!).

In our 5 years of marriage, we've walked through patches of dry land.

There were days when I've felt unheard because he didn't seem to register what I was trying to tell him.

There were also days when I've felt helpless because nothing I did seem to lift his spirit up.

If you've been married for even just a short amount of time, you know what I'm talking about.

You wanna be helpful, you wanna make him happy, you want the best for your marriage but you have no idea what you can do to help.

I want to share a word of wisdom/warning:
if you get frustrated in situations like this, do not - I repeat, do not - channel your frustrations at him.

By doing that, you are only drawing a bigger wedge between you and him;
by doing that, he is more likely to withdraw from you and you are more likely to have conflicts.

Not something you wanna do, right?

Yes, it can be frustrating (I've totally been there), but here's what you can do instead.

1) Instead of vocalizing your thoughts to him, lay them all down to God.

God knows what's going on. God knows what's on your heart.
Knowledge it to Him and let Him filter your emotions.
Holding on to frustrations will do nothing, but surrendering it to God will give you the freedom to really help your husband.

2) Become your husband's prayer warrior.

When you take out your frustrations at him, you become his enemy standing against him.
But when you become his prayer warrior instead, you have now come alongside him.
It shows him that you are on his side, that you will walk through this difficult season with him.
By showing him you're on the same team through thick and thin (like you promised in your wedding vows), he will draw closer to you.
This storm that you're in will less likely tear you down because you are together.

Are you ready to be his prayer warrior?
It doesn't take much. All it means is that you commit to lifting him up in prayers.
Pray regularly for his heart, for his well-being on his behalf.
God who eagerly listens to you will hear you and answer you.

I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
incline your ear to me; hear my words.

— Psalm 17:6

To establish the habit of praying regularly for your husband, I suggest designating a time/place that you frequent on the daily basis.

Do you wait in the pick up line at your kid's preschool? That might be a good time to pray for your husband.
Do you stop at Starbucks' drive thru every morning? Say a quick prayer for your man as you wait.
Do you do a load of laundry every day? Make it a habit to pray for him as you fold his clothes.

The point is to sneak prayers in during your regular activity.
(Cause I know it's hard trying to find an extra 5 minutes to sit and pray for him.
For us mamas of small kids, it probably won't happen.)

By establish this habit, you have become his prayer warrior every day.

Friends, we are called to pray without ceasing.
There will be seasons when there's really nothing you can do to change your circumstance except to pray.

Make it your choice to be your husband's prayer warrior and be his best support.

And I'm super excited to see how God works mightily in answering your prayers.
Be sure to share with me any prayer praises either by leaving a comment here or by emailing me at maggie@everleighcompany.com

52 Fun, Unique, Budget-Friendly Date Night Ideas Feb 06, 2017

Last week we talked about prioritizing time with our husbands, we could do that through having weekly date nights.

Don't worry about coming up with date night ideas, we'll take care of that for you.
Here's 52 fun, unique and low budget ideas for you so you can enjoy time with your husband every week this year.

Disclosure: Some of the links may be affiliated which means I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you should you make a purchase via the link. All opinions are 100% my own.

1) Create your own family crest using a generator like this one.

2) Create your family monogram wax seal logo

3) Go on a prayer walk

4) Write letters for you children to open when they're 18

5) "Design" your dream home on Pinterest, Houzz or FloorPlans.com

6) Go to a restaurant and only order appetizers & desserts

7) Wine & cheese blind tasting
Each take $15 and purchase wine & cheese you've never had before. Come home and do some blind tasting.

8) Go geocaching

9) Play GeoGuessr - this is super fun. Grant and I would spend hours playing. It drops you at a random spot (could be anywhere in the world) and then you have to figure out where you're at based on StreetView images.

10) Create your own meme (you can use free photo editing sites like Canva or PicMonkey)

11) Give each other massages

12) Binge watch a show you both enjoy
A few of our recent favorites: Poldark, Victoria, Limitless, Sherlock, The Man in the High Castle, Newsroom. (Except for the explicit language in the Newsroom, these are all "clean" shows.)

13) Read a book together
We've enjoyed the Hunger Games series, the Divergent series.

14) Listen to a podcast together

15) Listen/watch a sermon together
I recommend sermons from Desiring God, Village Church and our local church Grace Community Church.

16) Create a family photo book and gift it to grandparents
Services from Blurb or Chatbooks allow you to create easy photo books.

17) Go line dancing
There's this local bbq place where we live and they have free line dancing lessons every Thursday night - super fun!!

18) Create a bucket list on Pinterest (here's ours.)

19) Go rock climbing

20) Draw each other's portrait

21) Make a terrarium

22) Make rock candies

23) Do random acts of kindness around town

24) Visit a winery or a brewery
We have personally visited these: Cedar Ridge Winery, Fireside Winery (it's where we hosted our rehearsal dinner!), Tassel Ridge Winery (we celebrated our engagement here)

25) Write a book together

26) Ask him fun questions
We like Gary Chapman's 101 Conversation Starters for Couples.

27) Get to know his heart by asking him deep, meaningful questions with this free download.

28) Take the StrengthsFinder test

29) Learn a new language together
There are tons of apps on language learning. To name a few: Duolingo and Mango.

30) Try to break a Guinness World record

31) Put together a care package for military kids

32) Make your own beer or wine

33) Make sushi together

34) Put together a box for Operation Christmas Child

35) Watch a TED talk

36) Take a class on Skillshare

37) Put a puzzle together

38) Camp out in the backyard

39) Wrestle
Just make sure your man is gentle with you ;)

40) Learn Morse code and write each other a secret message

41) Learn basic survival skills
Not gonna lie - this was totally inspired by the Hunger Games. Partly because I think I'd be the first to die out in the woods.... haha

42) Learn sign language

43) Go paddle boarding

44) Play 20 questions... with a twist (saucy alert!)
Whoever loses will take a piece of clothing off. Play till someone is in their birthday suit.

45) Create your own themed playlists on Spotify

46) Read the "news" on Onion

47) Have a Nerf gun war

48) Play Scavenger Hunt in your house

49) Make homemade ice cream

50) Dream up your retirement

51) "Vacation" somewhere using Google Earth and Google Map street views.

52) Take a biology class... on each other (wink wink)

Everleigh Company Nurture Your Marriage with 56 Meaningful Questions to Ask Your Husband — **Pursue Your Husband and Keep Your Marriage Strong** Feb 01, 2017
I've seen it:
Boy and Girl falls in love and gets married.
Now husband and wife they work to build their family together.
Soon after, one... two... three... kids join the family.
Husband is busy making a living to support family.
Wife is busy keeping the little ones happy and healthy.
As the years pass, husband and wife talk less and fight more.
The kids have grown and left the house.
Husband and wife are now just roommates sharing the living space,
they don't know each other anymore.
For any marriage to have that story is one too many.
But sadly that is more common than we think.

Let marriage be held in honor among all.

— Hebrews 13:4

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

— Matthew 19:6

Marriage is honorable.
God designed your marriage to be a beautiful union. Don't neglect this covenant and put it in the back of your mind.
Satan, your marriage's enemy, is out to attack. He will pull you apart if you're not careful.
Yes, it is easy to be distracted by constant demands from little ones at home, but don't let that stop you from putting your husband first.
**You need to pursue your husband to:**
**Keep your marriage strong**
**Minimize Satan's negative impact**
I have this nifty way to remind you what your priorities should look like:
In alphabetical order...
God
Husband
Kids
Love God first and your love for your husband will be even stronger.
When your marriage is strong, your kids will benefit from it.
As we dive deeper into this subject this month, let it be our goal to pursue our husbands like no other (yes, even after kids).
We are gonna explore:
How to pursue our spouses
How to help build our men up
How to help him become the man God made him to be
How to pursue God with your husband next to you
It's not just about having date nights, it's about pursuing the love of your life.
To help you make him feel valued, appreciated and wanted, you need to **know** him first.
You can get to know your husband deeper through conversations.
If you're anything like me, you're probably too busy or too tired to converse in a meaningful way at the end of the day,
which is why I've created a resource for you so you don't have to come up with what to ask.

This **FREE** download gives you 56 meaningful questions that dig deep into your husband's heart.
It asks **questions that don't get asked every day, covering topics like faith, home, intimacy, etc.**
It gives you a platform to **get to know each other more** and **grow your relationship**.
Snag your free download right now so you can pursue your husband **today**.
I want the questions!

The #1 Thing You Need to Pursue Jesus Jan 30, 2017

This month I've been sharing tips and resources to help you spend more time with Jesus.
You can read them here, here and here.

But I need to be honest with you and you might hate me for it:

I could give you ideas after ideas about how to get more time with Jesus,
but if your heart is not in it,
nothing of what I say will impact you in any way.

You've got to be disciplined in your pursuit of Jesus.

If you're like me (I'm a total feeler), you may rely on your feelings for when you'll read the Bible.

But pursuing Jesus is not just a touchy-feely thing,

it takes discipline; it takes self control and obedience.

Some days the feelings might come rushing at you, but some days they may not be there at all.

That's when we need to be obedient in nurturing our relationship with Jesus.

When you pick up the Bible instead of neglecting it, your obedience will be rewarded.

And the feelings will come, trust me. (It also helps if you pray for the desire to read His Word)

Let me share with you some verses that will help you in spiritual disciplines.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

— Psalm 63:1

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

— Jeremiah 29:13

For it is no empty word for you, but your very life, and by this word you shall live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to possess.”

— Deuteronomy 32:47

but his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

— Psalm 1:2-3

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

— 2 Timothy 3:16

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

— Colossians 3:16

I know - I know - that if you're in the busy season of young children, you don't get much time to read.

But let it be a blessing in disguise.

You only got 5 minutes? Perfect. Use those 5 minutes to dwell on ONE verse.

Just ONE. Let yourself immerse in the Word, dwell on it, meditate on it, chew on it.

If you could use help using the little pockets of your time to read the Word,
you need our Indwelt Bible Study Guide: Bite-Sized Study for Wrung-Out Moms.

It is designed to break verses down into 1 to 2 verses at a time, and that's all you read for the day.

Let the Study Guide help you dwell richly in the Word of God one verse at a time.

Learn more about the Study Guide here.

Everleigh Company Indwelt Bible Study Guide Bite Sized Study for Wrung Out Moms #BusyMoms #BibleReading #Resource #Christian — **When Mommy Needs a Time-Out** Jan 27, 2017
I look at my toddler who's throwing a fit,
kicking and screaming on the floor,
anger flares up in my heart like a wild fire.
I yell back at him with as much attitude as a teenager,
and he screams even harder ignoring my "effort" trying to stop his nonsense.
Regret fills my heart.
*I blew it again.* I thought.
*Mommy needs a time-out.*
You see, I find it profound - me a sinner called to steward and raise a precious soul that God has made.
Who am I to lead such a precious being?
And yet, God willingly blesses me with TWO children.
God knows for a fact that we cannot do anything unless we abide in Him.
And He gives us what we need to do what He's called us to do.
When we put 2 and 2 together, we get this conclusion:
In order to shepherd our children well,
we need to abide in Him and draw wisdom + grace from Him.
Without Him, we blow up. We mess up.
That's what I mean when I said mommy needs a time-out.
I need God to intervene my heart when I want to sin in my anger.
I need God's Word to keep me grounded in His Truth.
Mama friend, will you give yourself a time-out when you blow it?
Will you let God filter your heart and put peace in it?
If you struggle with getting time reading the Bible,
I get it.
I've been there.
**You feel stuck.** You feel like you don't really have time to dig in to the Word unless the kids have grown up.
You don't have to feel that way, friend!
**There IS a way to get quality time in the Word even in the midst of crazy busy #momlife.**
**I created Indwelt Bible Study Guide: Bite-Sized Study for Wrung-Out Moms just for that reason.**
It came from my own desire to get soul-refreshing time reading the Bible and connecting with God.
After having 2 kids under 2, Bible-reading was a struggle.
Weeks would go by before I had a quality quiet time.
But that had got to stop.
Because we cannot do motherhood *well* unless we're abide in Him.
We cannot abide in Him if we're not even in the Word!
That's why I decided to write Indwelt Bible Study Guide, taking a bite-sized approach to reading the Bible so it's manageable and easy-to-digest, so it makes sense for this stage of life.
Don't miss out on deep connections with God, friend.
Start reading the Study Guide for just 5 minutes today and let the Spirit work within you.
Your family will thank you.
Get your Indwelt Bible Study Guide here.

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Submission is Trusting in the Lord

Creating A Prayer Journal

Praying Silent Prayers

Praying for Leaders

Praying for those in need

Creating Psalms & Songs Together

Prayer Walks

“Follow Your Heart”

“You’ve Got This”

“Be the Hero of Your Own Story”

“She Believed She Could So She Did”

“Do More of What Makes You Happy”

“Girl, Stop Apologizing”

A Temporary Joy

Our Forever Joy

Action Steps:

How to Identify the Lies

My Kids Are In The Way of What I Want

Your Kids' Disobedience is Not a Personal Offense to You

God's Grace and Truth on Display

BE VISIBLE.

A HEART, SOUL + MIND IN SYNC WITH JESUS.

Why You Should Keep Going to Church

How to Minimize Distractions

Why is it important to pursue your husband in the bedroom?

8 Ways to Pursue Your Husband in the Bedroom

Respect is a Verb

Rejection, Rejection, Rejection

It's a Two-Way Street

Truth #1: God loves your baby more than you ever could

Truth #2: Your baby is in good hands

Truth #3: Feed your baby's soul

Truth #4: God is not asking you to be a perfect mom

Truth #5: You are of great significance

Truth #6: Your worth is not in checking off your to-do list

Truth #7: Your way is not the higher way

Closing Thoughts

Practical Steps to Take Control of Your Money

Showered in His Faithfulness

Where is God in YOUR STORY?

How to be Filled with His Rest

Question #1: Have I been encouraging to you when you needed it the most? If so, what did I do? If not, what could I have done to lift you up?

Question #2: What do you wish I would do more often? Pray for you? Pray with you? Speak the truth to you?

Question #3: Is there anything you'd like our kitchen to have in stock at all times?

Questions #4: Do I own any undergarments that you wish I'd get rid of?

Questions #5: Are there any undergarments you wish I'd own or wear more often?

Question #6: What is important to you in creating a restful home?

Question #7: Describe what hospitality look like to you

Question #8: Are you happy with our date nights lately?

Question #9: Do you want to share the duty of planning date nights?

Question #10: How can I be praying for you right now?

Download your FREE 56 questions to study your husband here.

You can't compare your husband's hard with your hard

A few me-time ideas that have worked for my family

Houston, We Have a Problem

Melting Pride with the Right View of Self

Coming to the Throne of Grace

When Good Intentions Turn Sinful

No Other Gods

Keeping God Your First Love

The Prerequisites to a Respectable Wife

Ditch the PJs

Practice Making Babies

Study Your Husband

Study What a Godly Wife Looks Like

Only One of You Can Be Crazy At a Time

Forgive and Forget

Pray for Your Husband More Than You Talk About His Problems

Engage in a Gospel Community

Pursue God First

You are His Helper, Not His Holy Spirit

A Head-Heart Disconnection

Point Him to the Light

Rocky Road

God's Protection

Looking Back