The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - BBC Radio Four

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Fit the Sixteenth Jan 11, 2021

The episode begins with Arthur, who has been "diverted" by Agrajag, who claims that Arthur has killed previous incarnations of him hundreds of times. He also claims to have been the bowl of petunias that materialised into existence in Fit the Third. Eventually it transpires one of the deaths was at Stavromula Beta, where someone tried to assassinate Arthur, and he ducked, hitting Agrajag. Arthur however has never been there. Agrajag cries "I've brought you here too zarking soon", but decides to attempt to kill Arthur anyway.

Arthur and Agrajag struggle, and Agrajag dies. Arthur escapes from the Cathedral of Hate, to which he had been diverted, by running into a passageway in the mountain. He notes that he has somehow ended up with the wrong bag—one he lost on Earth many years ago. He trips, and falls, only to discover that he is flying. He experiments with flying for a while, only to be hit in the small of the back by the party which Ford and Slartibartfast are attempting to enter.

The party is flying as well, and Ford and Slartibartfast are on a ledge around the building, not being permitted entry due to the lack of a bottle. Arthur remembers that his bag contains a bottle of Retsina, and this gets them entry. They see Trillian and Thor at the party, where Thor is chatting Trillian up.

They quiz people trying to find the Silver Bail, and discover that it has been instantiated as an award (a Rory) for the Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word Fuck In A Serious Screenplay. Before they are actually able to find it, the Krikkit robots appear, massacre the party-goers and take the Silver Bail.

Arthur tricks Thor into walking out of the building by challenging him to fight, leaving Trillian with no choice but to come with them. The Krikkitmen now have all the parts of the Wikkit Key, and Slartibartfast notes that their next move must be to go to the Wikkit Gate itself and try to intervene.

Broadcast on BBC Radio 4, 12 October 2004

Cast:

The Book: William Franklyn
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Slartibartfast: Richard Griffiths
Trillian: Susan Sheridan
Thor: Dominic Hawksley
Agrajag: Douglas Adams
Award winner: Bob Golding
Woman with the Sydney Opera House Head: Joanna Lumley
Party Doorman: Paul Wickens
Announcer: John Marsh

Fit the Fifteenth Jan 04, 2021

Slartibartfast shows Ford and Arthur an Informational Illusion about the Krikkit Wars and the Wikkit Gate, and that the game of cricket on Earth is a "racial memory" of the Wars. Investigating further, they discover that the Krikkitmen, a previously peaceful people, built their first spaceship in a year, after a spaceship landed on their planet. The planet and its sun had been previously obscured in a dust cloud that left the Krikkitmen unaware of the existence or even possibility of existence of stars. It is considered remarkable that they constructed a working ship in just a year. After they saw the rest of the universe existed, they decided to annihilate it.

Meanwhile, on the Heart of Gold, Zaphod Beeblebrox hears the noise of thousands of people saying "Wop". He intercepts them on the bridge, where he is told they want the "Golden Bail", the ship's Infinite Improbability Drive. They take it, shoot him, and leave.

Back on Slartibartfast's ship, Ford and Arthur watch the Krikkit War Crimes Trial, presided over by Judiciary Pag. Pag's sentence is that Krikkit will be locked in an envelope of "Slo-Time", until the universe has ended, when it will be released, thus saving the universe from attack from Krikkit, and allowing Krikkit to exist in isolation after the end of the universe. However, a Krikkit ship escaped.

Slartibartfast notes that parts of the key to the Wikkit Gate, sealing the envelope of Slo-Time, have been re-appearing. After a failed attempt to recover the Wooden Pillar (the Ashes), Slartibartfast plans to go to a party, to locate the Silver Bail. Ford disagrees with this objective but agrees with the concept of going to a party. They teleport from the ship.

Arthur does not materialise with Ford and Slartibartfast, but elsewhere, in a gloomy room, with signs such as "DO NOT BE ALARMED. BE VERY VERY FRIGHTENED, ARTHUR DENT". The episode ends on a cliff-hanger, with the previously unintroduced character of Agrajag saying "Bet you weren't expecting to see me again."

The episode includes several Guide interludes, notably the story of Lallafa the poet, and a description of Brockian Ultra-Cricket.

Broadcast on BBC Radio 4, 5 October 2004

Cast:

The Book: William Franklyn
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Slartibartfast: Richard Griffiths
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Wikkit Voice: Dominic Hawksley
Agrajag: Douglas Adams
Eddie the Computer: Roger Gregg
Judiciary Pag: Rupert Degas
Krikkit Man One (and Mancunian Correcting-Fluid Magnate, uncredited): Michael Fenton Stevens
Krikkit Man Two (and Krikkit song by): Philip Pope
Krikkit Man Three: Tom Maggs
Henry Blofeld: Himself
Fred Trueman: Himself
Announcer: John Marsh

Fit the Fourteenth Dec 21, 2020

Arthur and Ford arrive at Lord's Cricket Ground on the sofa that they had caught in the previous episode. They have arrived in the final Test Match in the Ashes, in the middle of the field. A policeman apprehends them, and they retire to the pavilion.

Watching the match, Arthur drinks some tea and glances upon a newspaper. He notices the date on the newspaper, and realises that it was from the day before the Earth was demolished. A ball lands in Arthur's bag, and when the fielder comes to collect it, Arthur decides to keep it.

With the planet about to be demolished again, they then look for another lift from the planet. They discover a spaceship, hidden by a "Somebody Else's Problem field", hidden behind a screen.

The game finishes, with England winning the Ashes, and Slartibartfast joins Arthur and Ford. Slartibartfast explains that he has arrived because "something terrible is about to happen". He walks to the centre of the cricket pitch, and asks to be given the Ashes saying that they are "vitally important for the past, present and future safety of the Galaxy".

Another spaceship arrives. Eleven white robots, carrying bats, and wearing rocket pads on their shins (dressed like cricketers), come suddenly out, and start attacking the spectators and players with their bats, using them to hit grenade-like explosives at the humans present. They take the Ashes, say "we declare", and go back into their ship. Ford and Arthur catch a lift with Slartibartfast on his ship.

Meanwhile, Marvin is once again making conversation with a mattress. A similar ship to before arrives, and white robots get out and take Marvin's one remaining leg. After a brief while, they return and decide to take all of Marvin instead.

Broadcast on BBC Radio 4, 28 September 2004

Cast:

The Book: William Franklyn
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Marvin the Paranoid Android: Stephen Moore
Krikkit Robots: Dominic Hawksley
Slartibartfast: Richard Griffiths
Zem the Mattress: Andy Taylor
Walkie Talkie: Fiona Carew
The Boy: Theo Maggs
Wowbagger: Toby Longworth
Deodat: Bruce Hyman
Henry Blofeld: Himself
Fred Trueman: Himself
Announcer: John Marsh

Fit the Thirteenth Dec 14, 2020

Arthur wakes up in a cave on pre-historic Earth (thus ignoring the events of the Secondary Phase), on the day, four years after he last saw Ford Prefect, that Ford arrives back. Ford carries news that he has detected disturbances in the "space-time wash", and that they might be able to escape. The disturbance turns out to be an old sofa, which materialises in a field. They chase the sofa as it runs off, and then are transported elsewhere.

Zaphod and Trillian are on the Heart of Gold, without Marvin. Zaphod is extremely hung over, and upset that Trillian is dismissing the events of The Secondary Phase as a "psychotic episode". Trillian wishes to do something and is getting increasingly annoyed at Zaphod. After preparing a fabulous meal, and Zaphod still refusing to come out of the bathroom, she teleports away, telling the ship to "transport me the hell out of Zaphod Beeblebrox's life."

Meanwhile, Marvin is on a swamp on Sqornshellous Zeta, conversing with the native life-forms, mattresses. He is circling around and around on one leg, while his artificial (i.e. replacement) leg is stuck in the swamp.

Broadcast on BBC Radio 4, 21 September 2004

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones and William Franklyn
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Wowbagger (and Vogon Captain, uncredited): Toby Longworth
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Trillian: Susan Sheridan
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Marvin the Paranoid Android: Stephen Moore
Eddie the Computer: Roger Gregg
Zem the Mattress: Andy Taylor
Announcer: John Marsh

BONUS: Kaleidoscope - Hitchhiker's Guide Special - 1980/01/21 Dec 07, 2020

The BBC Radio 4's arts magazine programme Kaleidoscope previews the forthcoming BBC TV adaptation of The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Presenter Colin Ford talks to comedian Rob Buckman.
Originally broadcasted on 13 January 1980.

Fit the Twelfth Jan 25, 1980

Disaster! Our hapless hitchhikers, Lintilla, and her clones are attacked by Brontitall Foot Warriors. Chaos ensues when the Lintillas meet Allitnil and his clones. Ford and Zaphod attempt to take over the working space ship only to find that there is a crew on board. They are whisked away from Brontitall and find themselves in from of the man who is running the Universe. He tells them that it was Zaphod who arranged the demolition of the Earth in order to put in the space bypass. Arthur is not pleased.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect and Varntvar The Priest: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Lintillas and Android Stewardess: Rula Lenska
The Allitnils: David Tate
Poodoo: Ken Campbell
Autopilot and Zarniwoop: Jonathan Pryce
Marvin the Paranoid Android and The Man in the Shack: Stephen Moore
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Fit the Eleventh Jan 24, 1980

Ford and Arthur explore their new planet and find a spacecraft park full of abandoned spaceships. One appears to be in reasonable condition. Lintilla has excavated found a complete layer of shoes below the surface of the planet.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Lintilla (and two clones): Rula Lenska
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Bird and Footwarrior: John Baddeley
Hig Hurtenflurst: Marc Smith
Film Commentator and Computeach: David Tate
Pupil and Marvin the Paranoid Android: Stephen Moore
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Fit the Tenth Jan 23, 1980

Once again, the Infinite Improbability Drive allows the Heart of Gold to escape. The ship ends up in a cave 15 miles above the planet Brontitall. Arthur falls out of the cave onto the back of a bird. This bird lives on a statue of Arthur himself. He discovers the archeaologists, the Lintillas.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Eddie the Computer: David Tate
Marvin the Paranoid Android: Stephen Moore
Bird One: Ronald Baddiley
Bird Two and Footwarrior: John Baddeley
The Wise Old Bird: John Le Mesurier
Lintilla: Rula Lenska
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Fit the Ninth Jan 22, 1980

The hitchhikers find that a Vogon fleet has been following them. The Vogons appear to be waiting for something before blowing them up. This is fortuitous since the Heart of Gold's computer has been programmed by Arthur to solve the problem of why he should ask for real tea instead of synthesized tea. The ship is therefore defenceless.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect/Ventilation System: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Vogon Captain: Bill Wallis
Marvin the Paranoid Android/Vogon Guard/Gag Halfrunt: Stephen Moore
Eddie the Computer/Vogon Guard/Vogon Computer: David Tate
Nutrimat Machine: Leueen Willoughby
Zaphod Beeblebrox IV: Richard Goolden
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh
One of the singing robots (uncredited): Geoffrey Perkins
Another of the singing robots (uncredited): Paddy Kingsland

Fit the Eighth Jan 21, 1980

Zaphod is taken to the Frogstar, the most evil world in the galaxy. His punishment is to enter the Total Perspective Vortex. Meanwhile Ford flags down a passing spaceship, however it crashes when landing and a volcanic eruption ensues. The two hitchhikers become trapped in a cave. At the last moment they are rescued by Zaphod in the Heart of Gold, he having survived the almost always fatal Total Perspective Vortex.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Roosta: Alan Ford
Frogstar Prisoner Relations Officer/Eddie the Computer: David Tate
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Gargravarr: Valentine Dyall
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Fit the Seventh Dec 24, 1978

Arthur and Ford are marooned on Orfintlewoodle (Earth). Zaphod also escapes from the stolen spaceship and makes his way to Ursa Minor Beta, to the offices of the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. Marvin appears and they are once more in peril when Frogstar fighters begin to bomb the offices. Later the building is removed from the planet and taken to the Frogstar itself.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect/Frogstar Robot/Air Traffic Controller: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Marvin the Paranoid Android and Gag Halfrunt: Stephen Moore
Arcturan Number One: Bill Paterson
Arcturan Captain/Radio Voice/Receptionist/Lift: David Tate
Roosta: Alan Ford
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

What became "Fit the Seventh" actually started as a "Christmas Special" episode, and an early draft included a reference to the holiday, though the episode, as transmitted, does not. Five further episodes, to complete the second series (later retitled "The Secondary Phase") were commissioned in May 1979. These final five episodes (the last on radio until 2004) were 'stripped,' or broadcast on each of five days in a single week in January 1980.

Fit the Sixth Apr 12, 1978

Zaphod's stolen ship is the personal cruiser of the admiral of a Haggunenon battle fleet. The crew are organic and evolve constantly. Soon the ship is hazardous to our hapless travellers as the crew evolve in a hostile manner. Ford and Arthur escape back millions of years and arrive on a Golgafrincham Space Ark, full of froxen middle men. The ship crashes into a primitive planet.

Written by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Trillian: Susan Sheridan
"B" Ark Captain and Caveman: David Jason
Number One and Management Consultant: Jonathan Cecil
Haggunenon Underfleet Commander/Number Two/Hairdresser: Aubrey Woods
Marketing Girl: Beth Porter
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Music: Oxygène by Jean Michel Jarre; Volumina by György Ligeti; Volkstanz from Einsteig by Gruppe Between. The regular ending music is replaced with What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong.

Fit the Fifth Apr 05, 1978

A timely explosion on Magrathea fires the crew millions of years forward in time. They arrive in Milliways, the Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe. Marvin is there, having remained on the planet until Milliways was built. Zaphod steals another spaceship.

Written by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Trillian: Susan Sheridan
Garkbit/The Great Prophet Zarquon: Anthony Sharp
Compere (Max Quordlepleen): Roy Hudd
Marvin the Paranoid Android: Stephen Moore
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Music: Melodien by György Ligeti; The Engulfed Cathedral from Snowflakes are Dancing by Isao Tomita; A Rainbow in Curved Air by Terry Riley; Wind on Water from Evening Star by Fripp and Eno.

Fit the Fourth Mar 29, 1978

The planet is not dead. Engineers are at work making a new Earth to replace the one that was destroyed five minutes too early. The Earth was built by incredibly advanced beings we know as mice as an organic computer for calculating The Question to meaning of life. They want Arthur as a short cut to find out the meaning directly from his brain. The police arrive to get back the stolen space ship.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Slartibartfast: Richard Vernon
Deep Thought and Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Trillian: Susan Sheridan
First Computer Programmer/Bang Bang/Magrathean PA Voice: Ray Hassett
Second Computer Programmer: Jeremy SR Browne
Cheerleader and Majikthise: Jonathan Adams
Vroomfondel and Shooty: James Broadbent
Frankie Mouse: Peter Hawkins
Benjy Mouse: David Tate
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh (introductory announcement only)
Announcer (uncredited): Brian Perkins (closing announcement only)

Music: A Rainbow in Curved Air by Terry Riley; Moon City from In Search of Ancient Gods by Absolute Elsewhere; Mikrophonie I by Stockhausen.

Fit the Third Mar 22, 1978

The Heart of Gold enters orbit around Magrathea, a near-mythical dead planet once famed for its construction of custom-designed planets. Zaphod insists on landing, despite the automatic defenses. After a vicious attack, they fire the infinite probability drive and land safely. But all is not well - Slartibartfast is alive and kicking.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Eddie the Computer: David Tate
Trillian: Susan Sheridan
Recorded voice and Slartibartfast: Richard Vernon
Sperm Whale (uncredited) and Marvin the Paranoid Android: Stephen Moore
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Music: Kotakomben from Einsteig by Gruppe Between; Space Theme from Go by Go; Continuum (Ligeti) by György Ligeti; Oxygène by Jean Michel Jarre; That's Entertainment; Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd; Rock and Roll Music by The Beatles; Wind On Water from Evening Star by Fripp and Eno; Over Fire Island from Another Green World by Brian Eno

Fit the Second Mar 15, 1978

Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect are thrown off the Vogon space ship by the captain, having been subjected to hearing Vogon poetry. Once again they are rescued, this time by Zaphod Beeblebrox, on the ship The Heart of Gold. Also on board are Marvin, the permanently depressed robot, and the only other survivor of the human race, Trillian. As Zaphod had stolen the ship the cops are after them.

Cast:

The Book: Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz: Bill Wallis
Vogon Guard: David Tate
Eddie the Computer: David Tate
Trillian: Susan Sheridan
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Mark Wing-Davey
Marvin the Paranoid Android and Gag Halfrunt: Stephen Moore
Announcer (uncredited): John Marsh

Music: "Wind on Water" from Evening Star by Fripp and Eno; A Rainbow in Curved Air by Terry Riley; Poppy Nogood and the Phantom Band by Terry Riley; Cachuaca by Patrick Moraz.

Fit the First Mar 08, 1978

Arthur Dent discovers his house is to be bulldozed to make way for a bypass. Later he finds that Earth is to be destroyed as well. He escapes on a Vogon spaceship with his friend Ford Prefect.

Cast:

The Book (narrator): Peter Jones
Arthur Dent: Simon Jones
Prosser and Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz (Vogon Captain): Bill Wallis
Ford Prefect: Geoffrey McGivern
Lady Cynthia Fitzmelton: Jo Kendall
The Barman: David Gooderson

Music: "Journey of the Sorcerer" from One of These Nights by The Eagles; Lontano by György Ligeti; A Rainbow in Curved Air by Terry Riley; Volumina by György Ligeti.