The Greatest Generation

Eight Years’ Worth of RumChata (ENT S2E15) Feb 17, 2025

When the Vulcans and the Andorians start fighting over the same shitty planet, Captain Archer gets called in on special diplomatic duty and no one really knows why. But when Shran releases a hostage and tries to open a conversation with Ambassador Soval, Suzie Plakson breaks rank and reveals she’s a war-hungry anti-Vulcite. Which superhero do you want at a sex party? Who is logicing like a fox? Will Shran ever sleep again? It’s the episode that got a little overcooked.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

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Twatcasted (ENT S2E14) Feb 10, 2025

When T’Pol is feeling a little green under the gills, Dr. Phlox starts telling professional lies to advance the treatment of her terminal condition. But when the Vulcans find out about her stigmatized status, there’s barely time to measure the man before one of their doctors blurts out both of their secrets. Which character is least likely to beat around a bush? What’s the number one thing about soap? Who is starting to make a pattern out of taking off his shirt? It’s the episode that somehow got the Australian dubs.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

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Shuttlepod Haram (ENT S2E13) Feb 03, 2025

When Commander Tucker gets shot down on a solo mission, there just happens to be a moon for him and his attacker to crash land on. But when they have to work together to get a message to the Entrepreneur, Captain Archer mounts a joint rescue operation and comes by his diplomatic success with the Arkonians honestly. Which classic 90s movie needs a punch-up? Why might Trip want to get more things done in his life? Is there something else you should always do before dinner? It’s the episode that goes hard on the R.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

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Music Festival Math (ENT S2E12) Jan 27, 2025

When the Entrepreneur’s entire crew compliment has to move into the ship’s nacelles, the dangerous storm and the lack of personal space puts everyone on edge. But when the alien visitors who warned them about the wave turn out to be AWOL deserters, the militia men trying to steal the ship almost take their game of pollo with Captain Archer too far. What’s an everyday thang for Dr. Phlox? Does Reed have a support animal? Which new subbasement of Archer’s character has now been explored? It’s the episode that’s only half Under Siege.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

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Center-Frame Knuck (Star Trek: The Motion Picture) Jan 25, 2025

This episode is part of a project called the Star Trek Pod Crawl. We’re a group of Star Trek podcasts raising money for science education by banding together and making special episodes about some of our favorite Star Trek films. Join us in supporting the National Center for Science Education and check out all other great podcast episodes in this series by visiting StarTrekPodCrawl.com

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy.

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

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The Paul Reubens Screening Room Theater (ENT S2E11) Jan 20, 2025

When Commander Tucker gets voluntold to repair an alien cryo-chamber, the beautiful woman inside turns out to be both a prisoner and a prissy storybook princess. But when they make their escape and land on a bog planet, a roll in the mud gets them to a place of mutual affection. When is Archer a good captain? What’s the next step after the international sign for choking? Who is guilty of Bob Dylan decision making? It’s the episode that contains a Menk, a Padma, and a wolf.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

The Rick Berman Hat Trick (ENT S2E10) Jan 13, 2025

When Hoshi and Trip take their very first transporter ride, Commander Tucker goes first and Hoshi feels shaken up when she rematerializes on the ship. But when no one is listening and she starts to actually disappear, her extremely anxious dream logic reveals what she thinks about her colleagues. What special skill does Linda Park have on the back of her headshot? How much hot water is available on the NX-01? Which is the most dangerous prop ever seen on Star Trek? It’s the episode that makes residue info a very sad word.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Spa Day Waterboard (ENT S2E9) Jan 06, 2025

When the Entrepreneur pulls up to a swirly space system, the radiation it emits strickens the crew with a variety of mundane obsessions. But when T’Pol is unaffected and has to navigate them out, Reed being his regular self makes it possible for them to escape. What’s Ro Laren’s favorite episode of Enterprise? Who is the Chief O’Brien of the NX-01? Why don’t Vulcans bowl? It’s the episode that leaves it the Greatest Gen way.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Reverse Scotty (ENT S2E8) Dec 30, 2024

When an away team returns from a pre-warp field trip, Reed realizes he didn’t do an idiot check before loading back into the shuttlepod. But when they return for the communicator with predictably terrible OPSEC, getting punched in the face repeatedly make the potential for cultural contamination so much worse. What does D’rone have for breakfast every morning? How else is Commander Tucker like a bloodhound? Which host scraps nasty? It’s the episode that carefully considers the implications of a beaded curtain.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

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Tow Truck Face (Gremlins 2 Bonus Episode) Dec 25, 2024

When a new batch of gremlins graphically burst out of Gizmo’s back, Billy and Kate do everything they can to keep them from overrunning the Clamp Center. But when some experimental mutagens create a bevy of mutant gremlins, they threaten to overrun the streets of New York City. Is bat gremlin the gremlin we deserve, and not the gremlin we need? What’s the business model for the animal testing facility? When do we get an Aliens vs Gremlins franchise? It’s the episode that needs 25% more Futterman.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy and this episode was edited by Rob Adler

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

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Hardline Dill (ENT S2E7) Dec 23, 2024

When a secret mission from the Vulcan High Command brings another of T’Pol’s past lives into focus, Captain Archer acts like a petulant baby until she invites him along to help out. But once they find Menos on an icy moon, T’Pol’s pickle-brine memories test the developing trust between her and Archer. Where do Vulcans keep their information? What’s one thing everyone knows about seat belts? Which type of trivia is in short supply? It’s the episode that’s been harboring pickle resentment.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Untrustworthy Hair (ENT S2E6) Dec 16, 2024

When the Entrepreneur stops at a deuterium mining colony, the very stressed out miners don’t seem willing to sell. But when Trip offers to help with facility repairs, Archer insists on teaching a man how to murder his bullies. Which cartoon character definitely has bodies? What could these Klingons use more of? Why is T’Pol keeping her badass-ness under a basket? It’s the episode that establishes a slickback timeline.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Freudian Slip ‘N Slide (ENT S2E5) Dec 09, 2024

When Captain Archer brings Porthos on an important diplomatic mission, peeing on a sacred tree earns the Kreetassans another elaborate apology. But when the pathogen Porthos picked up turns him into a puppet, Dr. Phlox starts digging into the psychology of Archer’s hot-headed reactions. Does the actor who plays Porthos have a side hustle? Who is a roll-off danger in a biobed? What will make a comeback on iPad 17? It’s the episode that’s dead inside in different ways.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Fool Me Twice Beam (ENT S2E4) Dec 02, 2024

When the Entrepreneur puts out a general distress call, what they get back are coordinates for a repair station nearby. But when they show up to find that nobody’s home, the price might seem too good to be true but the ship’s torpedos finally get to save the day. What’s the best way to mask the smell of fireworks? Where can you still find a Bunn coffee maker? Was it time to kill off Mayweather? It’s the episode that arrives pre-shaved!

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

One of the One-Wayest of Holes (ENT S2E3) Nov 25, 2024

When the Entrepreneur wanders into an invisible minefield, a great big bomb blows open the ship before a second mine gets stuck to a sensitive part of the hull. But when Romulans arrive and start making threats, Reed’s near-death experience trying to diffuse the ordinance doesn’t bring him closer to the crew. What makes the A220 a great plane? Where is Reed’s hurt locker? Why do Starfleet spacesuits need a butt zipper? It’s the episode that has made up its mind about Reed.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

6pm Tits (ENT S2E2) Nov 18, 2024

When Captain Archer and Commander Tucker ask T’Pol for a good dinner story, she tells them about the ancient Vulcans who crashed on Earth before first contact. But when her great-grandmother’s rescue doesn’t arrive for many months, one of the Vulcans learns to love the bomb while the others can’t wait to get off Sputnik-era Earth. What are the two things you can gamble with? Who was the original hawk tuah? Which modern invention is part of the texture of our reality now? It’s the episode that makes everyone feel like a lecherous creep.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Duraflame Money (ENT S2E1) Nov 11, 2024

When Captain Archer and Agent Daniels are stuck in the future, they scrounge up the raw materials to communicate with the past. But with Suliban in control of the Entrepreneur, Commander Tucker hot wires everyone’s doorbells so that Hoshi can Die Hard through the vents to retake the ship. Which art project is dripping glue? What takes more technique than people give it credit for? Who should have voiced the last time on? It’s the episode with an auto-destruct-shaped hole in its heart.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Quantum Cliff (ENT S1E26) Nov 04, 2024

When the Entrepreneur arrives to make contact with a matriarchal culture, their careful shuttlepod approach results in blowing up the damn colony. But when the crew is in shock and can’t explain what happened, Daniels takes Captain Archer time traveling to prove their innocence with evidence from a cloaked Suliban ship. What needs to be added to the whiteboard at New Star Trek HQ? Which character is starting to give serial killer vibes? How should Archer break the news to the Paraagan home world? It’s the episode that makes a strong case for sex tourism.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Coma Wood (ENT S1E25) Oct 28, 2024

When an obviously rigged lottery decides who gets to go down to Risa, Captain Archer checks into his villa and starts peeping on an age-appropriate neighbor. But after Reed and Tucker’s encounter at the club leaves them stripped, hungover, and embarrassed, Hoshi’s aspirational vacation is the only one that ends without consequences. How is Risa like Europe? Where should Porthos have been for this story? What has Brode never promised? It’s the episode that’s always packing a swimsuit.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Structural Bees (ENT S1E24) Oct 21, 2024

When the Entrepreneur picks up a distress signal from Clancy Brown’s ship, they stop to help with repairs and he invites them to postpone their vacation again. But when Captain Archer’s reputation leads Trip to think they may have been honey-potted, the implications of taking sides in other peoples’ wars is something they finally start to consider. Why are new construction hives so much less desirable? What’s the problem with a tactical napkin deployment? Is there an advantage to wearing velvet robes in the desert? It’s the episode that’s just trying to avoid a My Girl situation.

P1 Link: www.ewb-dc.org/projects/sierra-leone

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

A Thousand Bottles of Baby Oil (ENT S1E23) Oct 14, 2024

When the Entrepreneur gets an Uber mission that delays their trip to Risa, the Vulcan Ambassador who comes aboard is a pretty cool old lady. But when her rap sheet puts the ship at risk, Archer finally gets need-to-know status just in time to learn a not very salacious secret. What should Reed do with the ship’s torpedos? Where are new Greatest Gen conspiracy theories popping up? Is there a beauty standard for Vulcan eyebrows? It’s the episode that starts a campfire in engineering.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Planet Cum (ENT S1E22) Oct 07, 2024

When some free-floating space ropes find their way into the Entrepreneur’s cargo bay, several crew members get caught up in a sticky situation. But when Reed can’t blast the alien into releasing its hostages, Hoshi and T’Pol start communicating just in time to return the ropes home. How is the popcorn technology of the future superior? Which department got wagged by the production dog? What’s the written form of Cumese? It’s the episode that was made for us.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Friend Dead, Shitty Parking (ENT S1E21) Sep 30, 2024

When Archer and Mayweather wake up in an internment camp, their preconceptions about the Suliban diaspora get shattered by the prisoners they meet. But when Colonel Grat comes down hard on the Captain’s sense of justice, the ambiguity of their escape plan goes completely unexplored. What does Kevin Uxbridge wear on a blind date? Which character could have helped this story? When is solitary confinement actually a reward? It’s the episode that’s pretty sure it’s better to be free to be fucked than to be not free to not be fucked.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Hog First (Greatest Trek Film Fest: Alien 1979) Sep 26, 2024

When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!

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Greatest Trek is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea

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I Got Into Loaf for This? (ENT S1E20) Sep 23, 2024

When Tom Bergeron comes aboard for a segment of Hot Ones In Space, he tells the crew about a crashed vessel that has the raw materials they need. But when the away team shuttles down and T’Pol discovers a grow-op behind a panel wall, the marooned survivors they meet have a secret in need of a punch-up. What’s the Mike of the Alpha Quadrant? How should Kes hair be interpreted? Which allium knows things about you? It’s the episode with an impromptu taste test.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Blue Bonch (ENT S1E19) Sep 16, 2024

When an artifact of unknown origin knocks out the entire crew, one underwear-clad Commander Tucker remains conscious in the decon chamber. But when the criminals come aboard with their heist carts and Santa sacks, Captain Archer plays their hierarchy to his advantage while Trip tries to yes and. Where could paper-based old person games help tell this story? What’s the turkey of Enterprise? Who has the thirstiest website? It’s the episode with a very disorganized pile of women.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Idiot Meat (ENT S1E18) Sep 09, 2024

When the Entrepreneur happens upon a rogue planet, they bring their night-vision monocles down to the surface and find their dad’s friend’s campsite. But when Captain Archer meets a super hot wraith who needs saving in the jungle, leveling the hunting field becomes his top priority. What technology should be available to us in 2024? How do you get Drayjin meat to fall off the bone? Which type of ball kick is the most satisfying? It’s the episode that definitely lives up to its title.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

And check out these online communities run by FODs: Reddit | USS Hood Discord | Facebook group | Wikia | FriendsOfDeSoto.social

Jackoff Book Club (ENT S1E17) Sep 02, 2024

When the Entrepreneur gets a hail from some unusual Vulcans, Captain Archer invites them aboard for some chicken marsala. But when T’Pol gets curious about their walk-and-chew-gum-at-the-same-time philosophy, a very hard sell from Tolaris lands her in sicksbay. Who wants to shoot ropes in Ben’s childhood bedroom? Is there a diet Riker among the crew? What does a trackball say about a work station? It’s the episode where Robert Pine didn’t stick around for a moral reckoning.

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The Greatest Generation is produced by Wynde Priddy

Social media is managed by Rob Adler and Bill Tilley

Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia

Friends of DeSoto for: Labor | Democracy | Justice

Discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen and find us on social media:

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Sub-Innocent Crushing (ENT S1E16) Aug 26, 2024

When Tucker and Reed return from an away mission to find wreckage from the NX-01, their busted shuttlepod systems leave them stranded with just a few days of air. But when facing their mortality in different ways leads to very un-immaculate vibes, getting drunk and blowing up their engine are two of the three things they can agree on. What do power strips next to the bed indicate? Where’s the bathroom on the shuttlepod? Which of these two drunks is also a Shimoda? It’s the episode with a pink lipstick problem.

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Gruel Bumps (ENT S1E15) Aug 19, 2024

When T’Pol takes the fall for the Andorians attacking P’Jem, Captain Archer’s final attempt at a hang gets them both kidnapped by rebels. But when the crew’s rescue mission gets Tucker and Reed jumped too, Shran’s sense of indebtedness pays out double for the Entrepreneur. What heightens the urgency of being tied up with a colleague? Which food prep is best left to the professionals? How do you save money on a casket? It’s the episode that rockets Worf to the middle.

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Double Dong Window (ENT S1E14) Aug 12, 2024

When the Entrepreneur finds an alien ship sinking into a gas giant, the away team gets trapped in its gravity well due mostly to Captain Archer’s general thirstiness. But when his white knight routine doesn’t work out (again), finally doing his Klingon homework gives him the upper hand. Which is the only black void on the NX-01? What gets Porthos off? Where are all the brass instruments? It’s the episode that’s misophones vs. everybody.

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His Face Is Like a Swimming Diaper (ENT S1E13) Aug 05, 2024

When the Entrepreneur hails a ship that doesn’t respond, Captain Archer decides to grab the sickly aliens aboard and bring them back for treatment. But when the cure for their genetic malaise creates an ethical dilemma, Dr. Phlox has his first professional disagreement with Captain Archer. How do you get a Doctor into your social circle? What’s not a good reason to get into a relationship? Who was on vacation during this production? It’s the episode without any writhing, legions, or pustules.

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Yell at Me Daddy (ENT S1E12) Jul 29, 2024

When Captain Archer tries to hail a mysterious alien ship, it leaves without hitting triangle on the Entrepreneur. But when it returns for a noisy scan that leaves the ship stranded, Archer starts to have some doubts about space exploration without key weps. What are Yuban coffee cans good for? Does Ben have a favorite order at any given restaurant? Who always reads the room? It’s the episode that identifies and then destroys the most pleasing shape in science fiction!

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Plain-Clothes Docent (ENT S1E11) Jul 22, 2024

When the Entrepreneur stops to ‘sup some aliens at a stellar nursery, one of the guests they invite aboard knows exactly how to save them from destruction. But when crew member Daniels claims to be from the future, Captain Archer has to decide which time traveler to trust. Why would a person bring two things to a party? What’s the wrong order of beers for a power hour? Who is smarter than Captain Archer? It’s the episode with multiple Star Trek Discovery spoilers!

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Look at How They Massacred Our Nausicaans (ENT S1E10) Jul 15, 2024

When the Entrepreneur gets sent to help a freighter in distress, its acting captain is a bit of a base-model Toyota Corolla enthusiast. But when a friendly check-in from a Maritime standpoint starts seeming more suspicious, Captain Archer outlaws frontier justice and Mayweather convinces his boomer twin to release the Nausicaan hostage. What’s the most painful part of adapting to life in LA? Is Captain Ryan a Captain Josh? Which story needs the Petkoff treatment? It’s the episode with a very short Death Wish.

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The Civet of Akaali (ENT S1E9) Jul 08, 2024

When the Entrepreneur gets within range of an inhabited planet, an away team shuttles down to learn more about its plain-ass inhabitants. But when another alien on the DL has contaminated the town with lube, Captain Archer finds a secret bunker and shuts his mining operation down. Who isn’t scared of a handheld crossbow? Does Trip have another area of expertise? What’s the 18th rule of Greatest Gen? It’s the episode that is officially discouraging the practice of Krafting.

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Chekhov’s Banality (ENT S1E8) Jul 01, 2024

When Enterprise discovers a great big comet, Captain Archer sends a team to get a closer look. But when a personal matter involving T’Pol threatens her future on the ship, her professional opportunities may be frozen as well. What color is an embarrassed Vulcan? How many dick pics is a doctor allowed to have? Does IDIC apply to snowmen? It’s the episode that is enshrined into the Star Trek Foley Work Hall of Fame!

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Gotta Hover in Science Fiction (ENT S1E7) Jun 24, 2024

When Captain Archer wants to visit a tragically chill monastery, the away team beams down just in time for a hostage situation. But when the Andorians can’t find the hidden technology they’re looking for, a strategic beating and fire fight leads everyone to the reliquary. What was Roxann Dawson’s boldest directing choice? Which encyclopedia doesn’t have any translucent pages? How did Archer boost his likability score? It’s the episode that updates IDIC to IDIODIC.

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Diller Hoof Soup Company (ENT S1E6) Jun 17, 2024

When the Entrepreneur goes looking for a long-lost colony, they find a group of cafeteria Novans living in real Star Trek caves. But when the dumb-dumbs can’t understand why they’re slowly becoming irradiated, moving them to another continent soothes Captain Archer’s vanity. When does Malcolm Reed win? Why is the Hungarian rec basketball team so fragrant? What’s going to be good for the health of the ship? It’s the episode with a pristine polar region!

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A Shower Veg (ENT S1E5) Jun 10, 2024

When Commander Tucker gets assigned to fix an alien ship, he finally chills out and starts smelling the grass. But when his unexpected pregnancy is more Junior than Aliens, not even a girlfriend shirt could hide the pregnant person tropes. Where does a pantsless dance club rank on a list of first impressions? Who has the standards and practices memo on those nips? What would make Enterprise 2,000% better? It’s the episode that still wants a Star Trek World.

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Drain the Cave (ENT S1E4) Jun 03, 2024

When there’s a big blue dot outside the Entrepreneur’s windows, Captain Archer can’t resist taking a team down to trample the Strange New World. But when camping Trip Tucker turns into acid Trip Tucker, T’Pol plays along for her chance to shoot him in the chest. Whose hair is an extra character in this story? Which Star Trek patter is not 5 by 5? Where is Archer currently on the likability scale? It’s the episode that knows it doesn’t have the right stuff.

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Beagle Liver (ENT S1E3) May 27, 2024

When the crew of the Entrepreneur is already bored, finding a haunted house vessel seems worth strapping up to explore. But when the horror show inside makes Hoshi’s bad day worse, the world’s smallest space explosion won’t save them from their globulin. Why exactly is Sluggo not well? In what way is Captain Archer like an aging relative? How do you play the America’s Test Kitchen drinking game? It’s the episode where liquid dog shit is a metaphor!

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Neither Oobie Nor Doobie (ENT S1E1 & E2) May 20, 2024

When Captain Archer takes advantage of a diplomatic incident to get his new crew their first deep space mission, no one gets along with the Vulcan science officer assigned to be their chaperone. But when some squishy aliens kidnap a Klingon from Enterprise, T’Pol must take command to get the mission over the finish line. How bizarre is a sci-fi bazaar at this point? Which sandwich resembles Trip Tucker? Will this ship go down with the captain? It’s the episode that paints without masking first!

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To The Podcast (Voyager Series Retrospective) May 13, 2024

When Voyager wrapped up leaving everyone wanting more, pitching some spicy alternate endings could have avoided the All Good Things comparison. But if there’s no extra time to make a finale truly great, expectations shouldn’t be too high for for a Star Trek podcast either. Why exactly is local news suffering? How did the writers’ room launder Neelix’s character? Whose personal development was the most grating? It’s the episode that never says no without a number.

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The Action Is the Vegetable Broth (VOY S7E25 & 26) May 06, 2024

When Admiral Janeway has the sads on the anniversary of Voyager’s homecoming, she decides time travel is the best way to do a finale. But when Captain Janeway spreads the cheeks of a Borg-infested nebula, only vase face could decide the outcome of another shortcut home. Who needs to check for flight simulator updates? How did the loaf constrain the stakes? What’s at the bottom of the PAW Patrol kiddie pool? It’s the episode that keeps Marvin Berry in its thoughts.

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Lennies of the World Unite (VOY S7E24) Apr 29, 2024

When Dr. Mark is forced to go undercover by the Overlookers, he starts impersonating his colleagues and almost incites a mutiny. But when a kidnapped Captain Janeway would rather be sacrificed than saved, Dr. Mark goes eggy and doesn’t wait for a second opinion before making his confessions. What makes for a bad fire season in Southern California? Who is doing Voyager’s safety audits? Why does Tom Paris have a George Constanza wallet? It’s the episode that should have killed Vorik.

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No One’s Paying For Perpetuity Around Here (VOY S7E23) Apr 22, 2024

When Voyager finds Talaxians living in a rock, the Delta Flyer crashes there just in time for a demolition notice. But when Dexa and Brax take a liking to Neelix, he helps them draw a line in the regolith that only a Prime Directive breach could resolve. Which is the rarest Yeager? Do these Talaxians need an Iceland app? What’s the best way to avoid dancing at a wedding? It’s the episode that’s always down for a pierogi party.

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Drape Knuck (VOY S7E22) Apr 15, 2024

When a shuttle trip to a conference takes a predictable turn, Chakotay and Seven find themselves in an environment where the only way to make lifesaving inventions is out of household materials. But when Tom Paris gets forced to go to traffic school, he’ll have to sacrifice points on his license to save the day. Is it okay to call young people ‘primitive’? Can you start a fire with juice and rocks? What is the Bakula Modifier? It’s the episode that’s attached to a hunter gatherer.

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So Many Bubbrles (VOY S7E21) Apr 08, 2024

When Voyager gets a mission from Admiral Philip Baker Hall, Harry Kim tracks down the ancient probe on an irradiated planet. But when the away team encounters bagMEN on the surface who give the Vidiians a run for their money, all it takes is some medical treatment and odor eaters to make their planet habitable again. Which adjustment might be too nippular for the costume department? Who has a dolly grip look? How much loaf can the transporter handle? It’s the episode that wants to launch more menacing probes!

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All Crust, No Loaf (VOY S7E20) Apr 01, 2024

When Voyager starts communicating in real time with the A-Quad, Dr. Mark takes the opportunity to deeply offend his colleagues. But when he’s finally convinced to revise his work, an episode within an episode barely has time to make any good law. Which vessel is ideal for champagne consumption? When is it ok to stop trying to hook new viewers? What does “let me know what you think” actually mean? It’s the episode where the alcohol shoe is on the other foot!

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Cancel the Coin (VOY S7E19) Mar 25, 2024

When it’s take your nepo child to work day, the lil’est De Lancie shows up on Voyager. But when Aunt Kathy’s new curriculum doesn’t set the boy straight, continuum-level consequences finally get through to him in the end. How did this episode affect Keegan De Lancie’s career? Is there a Cal Hudson scale for disappointed dad? Who does LeVar Burton need to avoid at a conference? It’s the episode where no one died on a toilet!

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Coffee is for Silent People Only (The Hunt for Red October) Mar 21, 2024

When a satellite catches Red October in Polijarny inlet, Jack Ryan starts earning Sky Miles faster than he can spend them. But when he upstages the overhead projector guy in a high level briefing, he gets stuck trying to figure out exactly how the Soviet sub captain plans to ‘dump’ his crew. Why is Admiral Greer handcuffed to that creep? Will Seaman Jones find the stealth sub before his antiquated printer gives away their position? How are you supposed to pack when your mission orders are behind two layers of security? It’s a special thank you episode that could potentially save you four hundred billion quarters.

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Quid Pro Dome (VOY S7E18) Mar 18, 2024

When Seven goes for the record on the holodeck instead of staying at her post, Voyager takes heavy damage and the simulation starts overloading her brains. But when she’s caught in the act by Dr. Mark, he introduces her to the idea of work/life balance but fails to admonish her terrible crimes. What do you get when you pimp the toast? Which slash fiction did this story inspire? How has Star Trek failed men across the decades? It’s the episode where the burlap belies the smash.

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Irish Guests (VOY S7E17) Mar 11, 2024

When BLT’s abduction goes bad, it’s up to Neelix to remind her that the life she used to have on Voyager is better than the one she has now. But when Chakotay attempts to make the same case with Captain Janeway, her new lover could lose more than his security deposit. How much water does it take to qualify as a wet cohost? Is there any limit to what a desperate person would do for love? What can industry learn from assembly line lobotomies? It’s the episode that doesn’t need souvenirs to remember it!

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Hot Tiki Drinks (VOY S7E16) Mar 04, 2024

When most of the crew finds gainful employment on a planet with great public transportation, everyone seems to enjoy their new jobs, though no one can remember how they got there. But when Commander Mark and his minions track down the missing crew, their behavior gets creepy and with no memory of Voyager, their suspicions are hard to overcome. Does the UK have its own meat nectar? What’s the fallen samurai hair of establishing shots? Who deserves a raise at the flirt factory? It’s the episode that spared us the stabby stuff!

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Bad Grain Thresher Mindset (VOY S7E15) Feb 26, 2024

When Voyager gets sucked through a donut hole and into a void, it’s another space mugging and the crew has no way out. But when Captain Janeway starts building an alliance by giving away the store, her principles cause a stir but ultimately earn her some valuable new friends. How do you know when it’s door day? Does Garon have a passion outside of work? What could Neelix do to actually improve morale? It’s the episode where powders are wet all over the place!

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It Seems Like a Plumbing Issue (VOY S7E14) Feb 19, 2024

When Voyager finds a D7 full of very religious Klingons, they blow up their ship after learning BLT is pregnant. But when the fetus’ DNA also cures their deadly virus, the nearest barren planet looks perfect for their new empire. When is cleaning up poop like wiping your nose? Which drink is in honor of Dr. Star Trek? What did Kahless like to eat for breakfast? It’s the episode with a new ship’s surgeon!

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To Smash His Hope Nuts (VOY S7E13) Feb 12, 2024

When Voyager gets involved in an execution milk run, Tuvok shoots the hostage and starts building the cellblock of his dreams. But when Dr. Mark talks Seven into a nanoprobe donation, a killer with a new conscience only deepens her need for atonement. Who always looks like he’s on an emotional knife’s edge? What’s the secret to a great Keanu? Which was the hardest job of Yediq’s entire career? It’s the episode that totally forgot BLT was pregnant!

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Hosting Trauma (VOY S7E12) Feb 05, 2024

When an unforced error by John Torres makes BLT react badly to her new parasite, she’d rather go Gattaca in the holo research lab than listen to the people who care about her. But when she reprograms Dr. Mark to schism her in sicksbay, the suction cups come out and only childhood trauma can earn her forgiveness. What do gender reveal parties look like on a Federation starship? Who’s the morale officer of the family? How deep a hole can BLT dig? It’s the episode with too much headboard!

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A Very Wet Inferno (VOY S7E11) Jan 29, 2024

When Voyager gets hit by a chronometric banger, no one but Chakotay can move from shard to shard. But when he takes bun Janeway hostage and starts rebuilding her a bathtub, Seska stands in the way of restoring the correct timeline. Does Darwin the dog have a favorite movie? What makes a holiday puzzle diabolical? Who on the ship needs really good spatial reasoning? It’s the episode that has Kazon nostalgia!

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Guilt Bank (VOY S7E10) Jan 22, 2024

When the Mornhammered continues and Dr. Mark is in deep, his poor judgement with the holos puts BLT at risk. But when Iden starts going from candle store to cult leader, the Doc Kivas Fajos him for yet another disciplinary conversation with Captain Janeway. What’s the hydroxychloroquine of the Biden administration? Is there anything worse than flesh-colored tights? Does Paramount+ do anything well? It’s the episode that finally repays the long lost Coco-no-no!

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The Other Throat Goat (VOY S7E9) Jan 15, 2024

When Dr. Mark gets swiped by a group of social holo-justice warriors, their vision for living free from Hirogen harassment puts him on the lookout for volleyball and colloidal silver. But when a double-barrel episode of Voyager proves too much for one Mornhammered episode to contain, Greatest Gen history gets made live on videotape. Which type of drink never gives head? Why aren’t all Hirogens ten feet tall? What’s the most important rule about yoga wear? It’s the episode that hasn’t remembered anything in fifteen years!

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Syndicated Acne (VOY S7E8) Jan 08, 2024

When Harry Kim talks his way into command of baby’s first away mission, his Nick Burns approach to management is doing no one any favors. But when Icheb misunderstands BLT’s interest in rock climbing for romance, he tries to let her down easy after blowing up his scanner in a very steamy Jeffries tube. Do starship windows have emergency levers? Who isn’t taking advantage of the luxury of cilantro? What’s the best part of making lasagne? It’s the episode that’s hitting all the low notes!

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Food Cuck (VOY S7E7) Jan 01, 2024

When Dr. Mark gets keistered during an attack on the Delta Flyer, Mark Seven gets a little too comfortable with their anti-photonic captors. But when the holodecks on Voyager become diplomatic fodder, Paris discreetly prescribes Tuvok a terrible crime. What’s Vulcan employment law w/r/t Pon Farr? Is there any gay panic to be found in this story? Who has a total subjugation blindspot? It’s the episode that wants Jeri Ryan to explore The Poehler Region!

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Nasty Little Roast Freak (VOY S7E6) Dec 25, 2023

When Commander Harkins forces Barclay to take a week off, he follows Troi on vacation and realizes he’s been suspicious of his ex. But when a completely different Barcláy materializes on Voyager, the crew takes a more trust than verify approach and barely escapes a Ferengi lobe-enlargement plot. What is the mistletoe of the body? Which book should Star Trek publish next? Does Voyager need an additional staff policy? It’s the episode that’s too titillating for UPN!

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Tragically Low T (VOY S7E5) Dec 18, 2023

When Doctor Mark gets stolen from sicksbay by an unscrupulous feline trader, he’s sold to an alien hospital and put to work immediately. But when he takes great umbrage with the Dinaali health insurance system, he John Q Publics a heartless administrator by using his own rules against him. What’s the best way to write a Star Trek character? Who hates Gregory Itzin? Which host admits to light embezzlement? It’s the episode that swore an oath to great sauce!

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Not Bathtub Serious (VOY S7E4) Dec 11, 2023

When members of the crew start going into comas, Tuvok takes the case and falls in love with the mystery assailant. But when he realizes he’s the one melding Maquis into a mutiny, a loyalty test by Chakotay puts him in position to take back the ship. Which muscles are ripped after 500 episodes? What’s the most common type of bruise? Where were they storing all the Maquis garb? It’s the episode where vanity is logical!

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Could I Smash a Zealot? (VOY S7E3) Dec 04, 2023

When Paris and Kim meet a lady who likes impulse drive, she fits the Delta Flyer with a wooden shoe so they can enter the big race. But when BLT decides not to get left behind again, she takes the worst seat in the house and brings their relationship problems along for the ride. When do you know mistakes were made? Why aren’t there more white uniforms in Star Trek? What’s the most enjoyable way to use a Q-Tip? It’s the episode that loves the Doc’s balls!

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The Turd of an Unknown (VOY S7E2) Nov 27, 2023

When the li’lest Borgs leave Voyager for good, Icheb stays aboard to try to Wesley Crusher his way onto the bridge. But when Seven’s cortical node goes on the fritz, her pupil ends up on the trolly tracks where a sacrifice is the only way to save her life. Which body part is the most problematic for gash? What do screenwriting manuals say about Icheb’s brother? How many iPads does it take to make a point? It’s the episode with a very specific tear dangle!

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The Flattest Pyramid in the Universe (VOY S7E1) Nov 20, 2023

When the Borgified dustbuster club infects the beef cube’s central plexus, the Queen starts losing track of Zeros and counters with an ultimatum to force them back. But when Captain Janeway orders the garden center shut down for good, it keeps the resistance movement alive but kills any hope for Seven and Axum. Were there better cliffs to hang from over the summer break? Who thought he could get away with hearting a boob picture? What’s a sure sign of desperation on Voyager’s bridge? It’s the episode that gets that special Darmoky treatment!

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You Do Not Want to Be Laughing at the Loaf (VOY S6E26) Nov 13, 2023

When Seven starts visiting a garden center in her dreams, the people are familiar and they’re asking for her help. But when the Borgs Queen goes medieval to try to shut down Unimatrix Zero, Captain Janeway plans a dangerous away mission to the Borgs’ coolest cube. What percentage of the ship is available for sexual dalliances with Harry Kim? Why were there so many civilians at Wolf 359? Did Axum do anything wrong? It’s the episode that’s only giving you half of a reason to tune in at any given moment.

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Emergency Modelo (VOY S6E25) Nov 06, 2023

When Voyager cuts power to drop off a mysterious passenger, Neelix gets field promoted to storyteller for the li’lest Borgs. But when the details of his tale don’t hold up under scrutiny, there’s no way to know whether the spooky stowaway was real. What are the rules of a regulation power hour? Where are morning margaritas allowed? How do you translate fucked up on scotch to fucked up on Topo Chico? It’s the episode that’s seeing Voyager in a different light!

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A Peepee Poopoo Based Star Trek Podcast (VOY S6E24) Oct 30, 2023

When Doc Holoday gets bad news from Jupiter Station, he mails himself there to try to impress his dada. But when Dr. Z turns out to be a terrible patient, it takes a conspiracy from Barclay and Troi to bring them together. Which type of prison will Chakotay be sentenced to? What’s the most troubling thing anyone has ever come up with in Star Trek? Why program Haley with such specific kinks? It’s the episode that confirms Doc Holoday wears Ron DeSantis shoes!

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Freshening up the Hallway as She Goes (VOY S6E23) Oct 23, 2023

When Burlap Kes shows back up on Voyager, time travel is her motivation for a trip down memory lane. But when Prime Kes convinces herself that she wasn’t groomed by Captain Janeway, she finally warms up to the idea of returning home. Which planet has the slowest orbit around its star? Why aren’t Vidiians interested in Ocampa guts? What do plants in the airponics bay crave? It’s the episode that has a few new security measures to suggest.

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The Medkit Device Is a Chode (VOY S6E22) Oct 16, 2023

When BLT and Ensign Kim crash on a planet full of theatre nerds, their life becomes art, layered with nesting-doll suspense about the ending. But when Voyager locates the Delta Flyer on the day of the big play, BLT leaves the bronze age in peace with an especially dramatic beam out. What makes coleslaw a meal? Is there a St. Louis twist on ambrosia salad? Why aren’t there more survival stories involving ropes? It’s the episode that has tragedy, time, and stamps!

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That’s My Canadian Car (VOY S6E21) Oct 09, 2023

When a band of celebrity impersonators start tarnishing the Federation’s good name, Captain Janeway tries to patch things up while BLT hunts down gremlins on the ship. But when it turns out the same person is responsible for both problems, beaming her into Voyager’s brig lets the crew turn the con on the con artists. How strong is the antiperspirant placebo effect? Does the Cal Hudson scale hold up to a giant combadge? What was LeVar’s inspiration for really bad uniforms? It’s the episode that never buys anything from the porch!

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Dark Matter Deer Blood (VOY S6E20) Oct 02, 2023

When Captain Janeway takes an interest in the ship’s biggest losers, a dangerous away mission is her prescription for bringing them back into the fold. But when the Delta Flyer gets away from her and the mission turns into a disaster, letting the dark matter aliens remain a mystery is preferable to letting a jerk end up the hero. What will you never get from a hotel room? Who is the Leah Brahms of the Delta Flyer? How long does the Janeway have to wait for her soup? It’s the episode that would take a no-broken-glass time loop any day of the week!

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A Nike Shoebox Full of Pathogen (VOY S6E19) Sep 25, 2023

When the Voyager crew tracks down Icheb’s parents, Seven’s own trauma makes her hesitant to trust them. But when the family reunion escalates from awkward to xenocidal, Captain Janeway changes her mind about needing to let him go. What is the job of adults at a science fair? Is there a fancier name for a sewer pipe? Why do the Borgs hate Yivel? It’s the episode that wants to get Seven a pair of Dr. Martens.

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Rocking Kobali Bush (VOY S6E18) Sep 18, 2023

When Ensign Kim’s old flame shows up on Voyager, her melting face doesn’t stop him from making a move. But when moody-as-hell middle school borgs overwhelm Seven of Nine, Chakotay suggests adapting her parenting style to a more spontaneous type of fun. Why is Jhet'leya’s loaf still warm? Who does Star Trek want you to fall in love with? When do borgs start growing tubules? It’s the episode that adds a dead chick to Harry Kim’s body count!

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Bros Before Holos (VOY S6E17) Sep 11, 2023

When the Fair Haven villagers lose their obliviousness algorithms, they start conspiring against the Voyager crew. But when Captain Janeway gives Michael Sullivan a glimpse of her world, they convince the townsfolk their relationships are worth saving. What’s the correct response to a calendar reminder? Did Killmannin only exist on TV? Which is the best variation of “we need to talk”? It’s the episode that misses the arch!

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Ratchet Cube (VOY S6E16) Sep 04, 2023

When the Delta Flyer gets captured by the li’lest Borg collective, Seven beams over to find neonatal drones holding the away team hostage. But when Ensign Kim starts throwing wooden shoes into the cube’s shield generator, the standoff over Voyager’s deflector pushes Captain Janeway toward a moral dilemma. What could be worse than a botched circumcision? Is Mezoti more Newt or more Samara? Who gives the keynote at SpaceyCon each year? It’s the episode with an avoidable case of pink eye!

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Two Fighters, One Match (VOY S6E15) Aug 28, 2023

When Seven and Tuvok use their shore leave for a busman’s holiday, no one understands why they aren’t interested in Tsunkatse. But when their brat gets blown up and they’re conscripted into the ring, Seven’s only choice is to fight for their lives on the USS UFC. How do you know who does bar the hardest? Can J.G. Hertzler refuse loaf? Where does Neelix do diplomacy? It’s the episode in conflict about brining all the things!

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Kevin Lives! (VOY S6E14) Aug 21, 2023

When a disheveled away team returns from a particularly grueling milk run, there’s no explanation for the nightmares and flashbacks that start plaguing the ship. But by the time they find the ancient memorial responsible, real memories of war have traumatized the crew. Would following protocol have avoided this whole situation? Is it ever the right time to ‘well actually‘ a gift? What’s the best thing about NuTrek? It’s the episode that wouldn’t lose its cool at baggage claim.

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Stick Man Arms Race (VOY S6E13) Aug 14, 2023

When aliens of dubious superiority show up in Voyager’s sicksbay, they’re so taken by the EMH’s singing that they invite him to perform on their home world. But when Doc Holoday’s concert earns him a taste of fame, his willingness to leave Voyager puts his most important relationships at risk. How did Marc Maron do it all those years? What constitutes groupie behavior? Why pivot away from children’s classics? It’s the episode that knows what it feels like to wear a metaphorical clown suit!

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Long Zipper Energy (VOY S6E12) Aug 07, 2023

When Voyager wanders way too close to another weird space phenomenon, they get written into the mythology of a rapidly evolving culture. But when they can’t break free of the bagel planet’s orbit, the Doctor’s away mission goes way beyond just photographs. What’s the use case for a hotel IV? Can anyone live on a diet of Haribo gummies? Is there an obvious purpose to an astronaut’s crotch zipper? It’s the episode that puts another good bit on temporary loan!

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The Seven Year Shit (VOY S6E11) Jul 31, 2023

When the crew gets wrapped up in a new holodeck program, even the Captain isn’t immune to its quaint Irish charms. But when Katie takes things too far with the character mods, her Irish goodbye leaves Michael heartbroken at the pub. Does the worst hotel in Vegas have a tagline? Is Indiana weather just for ambience? What’s available in the vending machine at an assisted living facility? It’s the episode that redefines team building!

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Dialogue Massage (VOY S6E10) Jul 24, 2023

When Lieutenant Barclay loses himself in another holodeck obsession, Counselor Troi is on hand to help him work through his fantasy of saving Voyager. But by the time Admiral Paris is ready to hear Reg out, he’s already gone rouge to connect Starfleet Command with Voyager. Exactly how old is Neelix the cat? Who is the most fascinating character in this story? Did Barclay miss his calling? It’s the episode with a secondary antagonist!

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Potato Gun Energy (VOY S6E9) Jul 17, 2023

When Seven starts watching too much cable news at night, her brains get overloaded and she Jakes the Delta Flyer. But when her conspiracy theories shake the trust between Janeway and Chakotay, coming together to compare notes puts everyone back on course. Which is the most dangerous room in any house? Why does Tash get a medical exam in engineering? What’s the best vehicle for poison? It’s the episode that keeps its copy of The Joy of Sex in a cookbook stand!

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Curtain Jerkin’ (VOY S6E8) Jul 10, 2023

When Voyager discovers an ancient spacecraft from Earth, the crew starts nerding out over the module’s mysterious fate. But when Chakotay is guilty of taking the exploration too far, Seven’s mission within a mission shows her what humanity’s history is worth. What’s the best way to store lewd materials? Is more detail needed on the stakes of subspace? Where should the Captain always get the last word? It’s the episode that’s totally on board with being pro-Star Trek!

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Fig Newton Planets (VOY S6E7) Jul 03, 2023

When Voyager slips into an alien’s underspace without asking, they have to find parking on an irradiated planet where they’re faced with the drawbacks of cryotech. But when Seven wakes up a battalion of perfect murderers, Janeway’s knack for counter intelligence leaves two species fighting an ancient space battle. Who will be first to market with direct-to-consumer cryopods? What do all Blue Alert eps have in common? How many ways can you wipe? It’s the episode with no context for its sleep stats!

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Skinny Lennie (VOY S6E6) Jun 26, 2023

When Tuvok gets zapped coming back from an away mission, his life gets much simpler as he gets closer than ever to Neelix. But when Captain Janeway threatens a race of paranoid xenophobes, it’s a Tuvix-level loss when she gets her Chief Tactical Officer back. Which bone of contention can also be a studio decoration? When is it too early for a walkable Piña Colada? What’s the ultimate Greatest Gen question? It’s the episode that discovers a bi-directional space butthole!

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Brone Blown (VOY S6E5) Jun 19, 2023

When Paris falls in love with a rust bucket from the junkyard, it’s clear that no one else can appreciate her sculpted lines. But when Alice goes Hal and tries to murder BLT, Tom’s attempt to escape gets him covered in rave ropes. Do all sales people have a particular vibe? What is an emergency pack actually for? Where is the show’s science fiction curiosity? It’s the episode that just needed one more thing!

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Full of Nipple Pickles (VOY S6E4) Jun 12, 2023

When Doc Holoday lets his imagination run wild, it’s all horny colleagues and superman shit until he can’t wake up from his daydreams. But when a peeping Grimace gets in trouble with his middle manager, the ECH has to figure out how to actually sit in the big chair. What is the manifesto writer’s fallacy? Is the same thing always missing in the uncanny valley? Why is Janeway so forgiving of the Doc’s fantasies? It’s the episode that confirms Barclays are everywhere!

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Star Trek Podcast of the Dead (VOY S6E3) Jun 05, 2023

When BLT’s near-death experience includes a vision of her mother’s dishonor, she’s willing to die again if it means springing her mom from Gre'thor. But when she can’t cheat Kortar and it’s the afterlife or eels, choosing to live means finally tossing her bat’leth overboard. Where’s the line when it comes to Klingon cultural appropriation? Which community is disappointed in the show’s practical effects? Is Nek’lhr a more likable character than Neelix? It’s the episode where Voyager is hell!

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Biff Yeager’s Regional Ice Complex (VOY S6E2) May 29, 2023

When Seven gets jumped by her Ex-B family, she reconnects to find missing memories from their past. But when it turns out she did them dirty on Dagobah, reckoning with her decisions shows her more about herself. What do casinos have that hockey rinks don’t? Are all real-world elevators missing a crucial feature? What’s the saddest part about eating Borgs? It’s the episode with questionable items in its luggage!

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Hair Mutiny Trigger (VOY S6E1) May 22, 2023

When Captain Janeway and Chakotay can’t agree on an enemy, Captain Ransom has his eye scales removed by a San Diego beach babe. But when Janeway isn’t down to hang bindle with the slimers, it’s Bosch who goes rouge and stages mutiny on the Equinox. What’s the biggest physical fuck you? Does a former terrorist have credibility as a guidance counselor? Are certain conditions required to fall in love at the club? It’s the episode that doesn’t want you to murder!

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Nook Conspiracy (VOY S5E25) May 15, 2023

When Voyager crosses paths with the USS Equinox, their crew brings a dusting of mirror-universe energy aboard. But when it’s Captain vs Captain and Janeway pulls firepower rank, Doc Holoday checks their research lab for Canadian girlfriends. What’s the cost of a big crank? Which guest actor has the Gyllenhaal effect? When is it ok to open carry at a funeral? It’s the episode that would never comment on a Slimer’s appearance.

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Thermonuclear Dick Pic (VOY S5E24) May 08, 2023

When Doc Holoday gets possessed by a weapon of mass destruction, Captain Janeway is ready to blow up the damn ship rather than let the missile reach its target. But when a partial EAM isn’t enough to stand down condition 1SQ, Lawyer Kim makes a convincing case for the bomb to change its mission. Where does Jenkins store her soup? How are the Star Trek caves like a warm bath? What precipitated the change in available cakes at the Congressional commissary? It’s the episode with weird cylindrical problems!

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The Bruce McGillification of Our Unhoused Neighbors (VOY S5E23) May 01, 2023

When Seven of Nine gets recruited for a classified time mission, finding Voyager’s saboteur takes her all the way back to Utopia Planitia. But when past Janeway meets up with future future Braxton, even 30 years of 20th-century suffering doesn’t absolve his time crime. In what arena is Ben equivalent to Michael Jordan? Where does Seven keep her tricorder? Who is the Bono of the crew? It’s the episode that barely remembers Lieutenant Carey!

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The Banger of Progress (VOY S5E22) Apr 24, 2023

When Captain Janeway unearths some uncomfortable truths from a genealogy search, the myth-making of her family tree makes the branches grow all weird. But after the owner of an ancient bookstore has a section for everything besides romance, Janeway will have to decide just how important her heroine’s reputation is. What was the last book you sold? Do dick mistakes run in the family? Is there anything worse than an oatmeal cookie opinion? It’s the episode that’s really good for a Tuesday afternoon!

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Sonic Dick Shower (VOY S5E21) Apr 17, 2023

When a visiting diplomat comes aboard to evaluate Voyager’s purity, Neelix can’t stand between him and the ship’s many vices. But when Doc Holoday offers to tutor Seven on dating and romance, the feelings he catches end up teaching him a lesson about infatuation. Who is the Pig-Pen of Star Trek podcasters? Why would anyone move out of the city? What’s the best way for a bar to bend? It’s the episode that introduces a mind-shattering metaphor!

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Star Trek Podcast Measuring Contest (VOY S5E20) Apr 10, 2023

When the Malons get behind on their starship maintenance, a break down creates a situation they can’t fix up on their own. But when Voyager rolls up to play tow truck, the ship they’re there to help becomes a total loss. Are the Malons horny for danger? What’s so bad about being caught meditating? Despite all her rage is BLT still just a rat in a cage? It’s the episode that really needs to SEO that shit!

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The USS Lenny (VOY S5E19) Apr 03, 2023

When Jason Alexander shows up to galaxy brain Voyager’s paradox, Captain Janeway doesn’t know what to make of his chill energy and dubious moral character. But when he tries to barter his solution for Seven of Nine, Janeway sets a trap that puts the Think Tank under fire. How far would Sesame Street go for ratings? Is there a blackout period for enjoying puzzles? What kind of debacle can kill a car company? It’s the episode that added another word to the list of muted terms!

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Grandpa's Cum Cave (VOY S5E18) Mar 27, 2023

When Chakotay is trapped in a boxing dream stuck inside a flashback, he does all that he can to float like an Alshain and sting like a Denevan parasite. But when it turns out Voyager is stuck inside yet another anomaly, things start to get chaotic. Do holographic boxing gloves still smell gross? Why does Boothby need a side hustle in a post-scarcity society? Do the chaotic bros hang out in chaotic space? It's the episode that pulls no punches, but maybe should have.

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Promo for Greatest Trek / Flop House Crossover! Airplane II: The Sequel! Mar 21, 2023

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Monogamish At Most (VOY S5E17) Mar 20, 2023

When Voyager goes to goo and the honeymoon is off, a scientific mystery turns into an existential crisis for the remaining members of the crew. But after a too-late decision by Captain Janeway leads to a lot of Lantreeing around, the bleakest tragedy of all is a vague computer entry. Does the comm badge serve additional functions in the 24th century? What’s ok to steal from your wife? Could the back of Tuvix’s head be even more horrifying? It’s the episode that’s not great to look at during.

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The Locus of Spice (Factory Seconds E2 - Bonus Episode) Mar 15, 2023

When Ben and Adam bring their second helping of Factory Seconds out from behind the paywall, they learn one entree is actually two and leftovers are part of the deal. But a hit segment has to get left out this time, so they get to know The Americana and its regulars instead. What’s it like to live the Bublé lifestyle? How many appetizer sections does this menu have? Where is The Cheesecake Factory prepared to challenge the palate? It’s the episode that uses a green onion ribbon rating system!

The Booty-Pleasing Trolly Problem (VOY S5E16) Mar 13, 2023

When Ensign Kim’s crush turns into a diplomatic sexual incident, Captain Janeway tears him a new one and orders him to break it off with Tal. But when the stakes don’t turn out to be life-threatening and Tal’s instinct for exploration leaves Harry lovesick, a mixtape from Doc Holoday is the only treatment he’ll accept. Why isn’t Mega Maid on the Ships of Sci-fi poster? What was Riker doing off screen in TNG? Which is the worst type of order to break? It’s the episode with a wealth of beach towels!

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No Less Than Most of an Ass (VOY S5E15) Mar 06, 2023

When Captain Janeway starts fiddling with her comm badge, a risky heist to steal Borg technology leads to a Locutus 2.0 situation with Seven. But after reliving her assimilation through the USS Raven’s logs, an ultimatum from Dax’s ex-girlfriend makes Seven willing to stay in Borg City. What’s the most shocking reason to be in a closet in Silver Lake? Where should you not fall asleep when you have an 8am class? Which crew member celebrates Captain Janeway Day? It’s the episode that’s more Grizzly Man than Gorillas in the Mist.

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Tripping THE Balls (VOY S5E14) Feb 27, 2023

When a shiny bleached space butthole seems too good to be true, it turns out to be a nicotine-stained space whale that makes everyone’s horny fantasies come to life. But when Voyager gets swallowed up and only the Doc and Naomi remain, Seven’s loafy-faced Canadian boyfriend comes aboard to play Ahab to her Job. Who has the skills to out hack Harry Kim? Can sparkling wine be used to commit a war crime? Has pizza ever been a viable fooling-around food? It’s the episode that’s made for Gen Z!

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The Poop Sombrero (VOY S5E13) Feb 20, 2023

When an away team gets sucked into a space sinkhole, they crash another shuttle on a dangerous desert planet. But when they meet Tank Girl and she makes Tuvok the object of her affection, lessons from his youth keep him from falling off the logic wagon again. What do giant spiders taste like? Do all young Vulcans go through logic puberty? Is the neck-pinching nerve always in the same place? It’s the episode with all the gongs and bells!

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Friendship Bidet (VOY S5E12) Feb 13, 2023

When a holographic war breaks out on Planet X, Captain Janeway gets into character to help unstick the ship. But with the safeties permanently off for the visiting photonic gangsters, an alliance with Captain Proton is their best chance to defeat Chaotica. How far down does the Bolian bifurcation go? Could Fek'lhr’s Robot ever learn to love? Who is the sexual Milhouse of Voyager? It’s the episode that brakes for goth girls!

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Spare the Battle, Spoil the Child (Voyager S5E11) Feb 06, 2023

When Doc Holoday realizes he’s missing some memories, an investigation leads to a conspiracy theory that isolates him from the crew. But when Captain Janeway reconsiders and allows a footage review, her suffering—not a factory reset—turns out to be the cure for his spiral. Who hid Greatest Gen’s light under a bushel? Is Bob Dylan still alive in the 24th century? Which turds are no big deal? It’s the episode with blood on the carpet!

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Buffer Broth (VOY S5E10) Jan 30, 2023

When Captain Janeway falls for a fantasy fascist, she offers him asylum and safe passage out of Devore space. But as Kashyk gets closer to finding what he’s looking for, Janeway’s two-handed dedication to the mission saves Voyager and the Brenari refugees. What is Mahler code for? Why isn’t museum putty being used on the ship? Can face chicken shit be turned into face chicken salad? It’s the episode that’s down to pound!

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Leola Root Gruel (VOY S5E9) Jan 23, 2023

When Tom Paris finds a cause that fulfills his childhood dreams, BLT eggs him on to get a 30-day break from their relationship. But when Paris goes rouge in the middle of Captain Janeway’s diplomacy, she’s ready to bomb the Delta Swimmer but settles for jerking Tom’s leash instead. What does a carpeted cell say about the prisoner? Is there a column B in the Prime Directive? Where will you never find any regrets? It’s the epistolary episode with a mathy pivot!

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The Metaphor Has Been Mengele’d (VOY S5E8) Jan 16, 2023

When BLT starts wearing an anime lizard shawl, everyone is up in arms over Doc Holoday’s Cardassian consultant. But even after BLT declines treatment on principle, Captain Janeway makes a call that sends shockwaves through the crew. Should something else have been added to this episode’s warning cloud? What question are we sending to the The Delta Flyers podcast? How deep is BLT’s well of I-told-you-so energy? It’s the episode made for FOBPs!

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Process of Elimination (VOY S5E7) Jan 09, 2023

When Seven is full of people who are really excited about improv class, Captain Janeway is willing to get risky to help her crew member escape the voices. But when Species 6339 didn’t develop a cure for their biological weapon, BLT is the only person actually helping shut down the infected vinculum. Which fruit has the highest floor and the lowest ceiling? What’s the secret to destroying a Borgs cube? Should we teach the Federation xenocide controversy? It’s the episode with opposite water problems!

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Gary’s Glitter (VOY S5E6) Jan 02, 2023

When Chakotay and Kim are the only survivors of a terrible math accident, they’re ready to go to extreme measures to set things right for Voyager. But when Captain La Forge shows up to stop their plan, survivors’ guilt leads to an all-in bet on changing history. Who is the fax machine of this episode? Has Garrett Wang won every single Star Trek prop auction? Did Harry kill someone for this mission? It’s the episode that predates the Christopher Nolanification of time travel!

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The Meryl Streep of Ferns (VOY S5E5) Dec 26, 2022

When an ion storm buries the Delta Flyer under 30 kilotons of poisonous rock, Samantha Wildman is seriously injured and no one remembered to bring emergency supplies. But with Neelix playing babysitter back on Voyager, his own familial trauma keeps him from being honest with Naomi. Why doesn’t fantasy look good inside of science fiction? Where did Naomi Wildman learn how to hate? When did the grassy self eulogy fall out of favor? It’s the episode that pulls out all the horticultural stops!

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Crank Attack Koi (VOY S5E4) Dec 19, 2022

When Chakotay lands a high-stakes date, he charms her all the way to a third location for intel on Species 42069. But even after some light desecration of Billy’s corpse on Voyager, Captain Janeway believes she can negotiate both peace and freedom with an old friend from Starfleet HQ. What is Boothby’s final frontier? Should Klingon martinis be served in distinctive glassware? Why isn’t there more guy talk in Star Trek? It’s the episode that imagines what goes on in the bathroom on Pon Farr night at the Vulcan nightclub!

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Finishing Freighters (VOY S5E3) Dec 12, 2022

When the crew races to complete Tom’s new hotrod shuttle, BLT is busy fighting her way through a bit of a bum out. But when her holodeck habits get put on blast, facing her losses is the only way to save the Delta Flyer. Could a food item turn Ben & Adam into the new Rush Limbaugh of podcasting? Which captain does Roxann Dawson share a costume with? What’s in the pipeline for Podshop.biz? It’s the episode that does bananas both ways!

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Swiss Army Bathroom (Gremlins - Holiday Special) Dec 09, 2022

When a bumbling inventor gives a live animal to his son as a present, obeying the strict rules for its care becomes a challenge. But when the town is overrun by the animal’s mutated progeny, it’ll take more than breaking the rules of flash photography to save the town from their mischievous wrath. Is Gremlins in the Back to the Future cinematic universe? Which film achieves "Peak Cates"? Is the provenance of Mrs Deagle’s ceramics evil? It’s the episode that chooses the fun path to death!

Tubules on the Collar (VOY S5E2) Dec 05, 2022

When a transporter accident spawns a Borg fetus in Voyager’s science lab, Captain Janeway lets it gestate just to see how things turn out. But when One hits puberty ahead of schedule, his interest in the collective becomes a concern for Seven. Is it possible to over baffle? Has Mulchaey been living under a rock? Who has the butt for jodhpurs? It’s the episode driven mad by the tell-tale freestyle machine!

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Complex Capitalist (VOY S5E1) Nov 28, 2022

When Voyager is two months into traversing another space obstacle, the crew is struggling with the idea of two more years in the void. But when they meet a Captain Planet villain who offers them a shortcut, Captain Janeway weighs the vortex against her own need for redemption. What kind of person would marry a bit murderer? Were the Hirogen wrong about everything? What makes Janeway’s ready room classy? It’s the episode that never misses an issue of Kojak Fancy!

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The USS Donger (VOY S4E26) Nov 21, 2022

When a conehead hitchhiker with shaved ears comes aboard, his knack for languages helps Captain Janeway decipher the encoded message from Starfleet. But when a rendezvous with the USS Shovel makes their situation seem too good to be true, the crew is forced to reckon with everything Arturis represents. Are Frisbee-based games still fun without the cocaine? Does Star Trek need better cargo continuity? Can revenge look like lechery? It’s the episode with soft rock yacht bangers!

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Sammys Jankis, the Podcast (VOY S4E25) Nov 14, 2022

When there’s no way around a Wrath of Khan nebula, Captain Janeway is forced into a questionable decision about whom to leave in charge of the ship. But when a fellow traveller brings horny pioneer energy aboard, Seven’s reality testing problems worsen into her darkest fears. What course should Doc Holoday actually be teaching? Why does Neelix always martyr himself for the party? Who needs to evoke a national tragedy to blast? It’s the episode that’s gone ham with the McRibs!

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The Lightning Bidet Treatment (VOY S4E24) Nov 07, 2022

When Voyager runs out of gas in the middle of a road trip, their pit stop at a hostile planet gets them more than just deuterium. But when the ship gets stuck in the swamp of sadness, an unexpected genetic exchange puts them back on the road home. Which dremel do we all worship? What’s the worst way to do chores? Did the Star Trek caves get a promotion? It’s the episode with 100 Thomas Rikers and BLT’s thumb!

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Vaskan Deferenses (VOY S4E23) Oct 31, 2022

When an alternate version of history paints Captain Janeway as Dark Karen, Doc Holoday shows up centuries later to set the record straight. But when the narrative gets flipped and Daleth turns out to be the asshole, an angry mob trashes the Museum of Kyrian Heritage in protest. What’s the next step after the combadge comes off? Which profession has the driest bits? What’s the most dangerous kind of banger? It’s the episode in leather gloves and a black turtleneck!

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Jazz Tea (VOY S4E22) Oct 24, 2022

When Chakotay gets surprised by another beautiful space lady, Captain Janeway makes herself scarce for the rest of the episode. But when it takes too long for the first officer to loosen up, Curneth’s forgetful beam blocks a second chance with Kellin. Is Paramount going to pass on another great pitch? What have the Borg been skipping in their assimilations? Why is there a cul de sac on a starship? It’s the episode that could have been helped greatly by a deep V!

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Rhetorical Bathtub (VOY S4E21) Oct 17, 2022

When scans detects the Omega phenomenon, Voyager pulls itself over for a dangerous, need-to-know mission. But even though Seven finds spirituality in the particles, Captain Janeway opts to leave a planet and its people without their salvation. Does the Omega Directive need better PR? Why aren’t just-in-case goodbyes more common? What happened to the Greeks? It’s the episode that woke up like this!

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Reference Lawnmower (VOY S4E20) Oct 10, 2022

When Voyager encounters a starship with experimental technology, they rescue its pilot and offer to help with repairs. But when Steth makes a mess out of Tom Paris’ life, a return to the way things were starts to look good from a distance. What can bring on the rages during mail call? Why did Ben make an impromptu trip to the Pacific garbage gyre? Who will soon be the target of a scientific prank? It’s the episode with an entire department dedicated to lift and bounce!

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Sweater Buff (VOY S4E19) Oct 03, 2022

When the allies start planning their holographic D-Day, Janeway and Karr agree to a ceasefire. But when Turanj opts for Nazi ideology over a less murderous vision for the future, he ends up falling into Janeway’s trap and getting the ultimate lesson in diplomacy. Where can you find the best fries in Los Angeles? Did Voyager make the arch obsolete? What’s the best part about camping with Klingons? It’s the episode that’s definitely taking a Brode on the eve of battle!

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Deep in the Nook (VOY S4E18) Sep 26, 2022

When Hirogens capture Voyager, they transform the ship into a giant holographic hunting ground. But with the safeties off, Karr’s violent historical reenactments are taking a toll on the crew. How diverse is the Bane diaspora? What could possibly be hidden in a baguette? Does Ensign Kim have FOMOHO? It’s the episode that’s got loaf for days!

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Asshole Rashomon (VOY S4E17) Sep 19, 2022

When an unlikeable arms dealer gives Captain Janeway the hard sell, his dealings with Voyager leave a bad impression on the crew. But when a crime is alleged and Seven and Kovin remember things differently, the Doc‘s regression therapy leads to an explosive outcome. Who does Ben want to replace him on the podcast? Is Seven habituated to ringing doorbells now? What do you bring to a gun fight with a weapons dealer? It’s the episode with eye-dolphin continuity!

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A Grocery Store Full of Charlies (VOY S4E16) Sep 12, 2022

When an isolated member of Species 42069 climbs aboard, Captain Janeway dictates compassion over the objections of everyone involved. But when Seven’s budding individuality leads to another shocking incident, Janeway decides to ground her in an effort to avoid further diplomatic damage. How does a homeowner deal with grocery store levels of cardboard? Would a loose mallow spoil? What do Hirogen women like to do for fun? It’s the episode that‘s inside the panopticon!

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Friend to the Brass Plaque (VOY S4E15) Sep 05, 2022

When Voyager picks up snatches of a reply from the A Quad, Captain Janeway is willing to trespass to download the rest of the message. But when Seven and Tuvok get claimed as relics, Janeway joins the Hirogens in being helmet-painting pissed. Why does Echo Park Lake run thick in the summer? Would any amount of signage be sufficient for your typical package-delivery person? What’s The Greatest Gen promise w/r/t technobabble? It’s the episode with a gift from the estate of Judith B. Raskin!

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EMH Mark Dick (VOY S4E14) Aug 29, 2022

When Seven finds a way to communicate with the Alpha Quadrant, Doc Holoday gets tapped to become Voyager’s message in a bottle. But a stormy trip to the U.S.S. Prometheus reveals just how far he’s come w/r/t his program. Does Chakotay have a thing for powerful women? Do Romulans look good with a widow’s peak? Who was the inspiration for the Doc’s additions? It’s the episode that stans a legend!

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The Modesty Arch (VOY S4E13) Aug 22, 2022

When the crew of Voyager starts dreaming about the same person, they must figure out if they’re under attack or just overslept. But when the man of their dreams becomes the monster of their nightmares, they’ll have to fight back in both the dream world and the real world. What color is your alert? Is there a limit to how long a person can hold out before cohabitating? How dangerous are the consequences of pre-celebration? It’s the episode that falls into the “dump” category or the “class” category!

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Couldn’t See the Forest for the Ropes (VOY S4E12) Aug 15, 2022

When Neelix dies in the cold open and comes back to face life after no afterlife, a dubious trip with Chakotay only pushes him closer to the ledge. But when looking inside himself isn’t the answer, a more holistic approach helps him see his value through the eyes of Voyager’s crew. How far west will Trethewey travel? Do you wait a day before replicating memorial flowers? Is Neelix the one who’s guilty of Hollywood bullshit? It’s the episode that knows what it has to do.

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Fortune Favors the Flying Machine (VOY S4E11) Aug 08, 2022

When the Voyager gets jacked, Leonardo DaVinci gets snatched like a chain, along with the ship’s computer core. But when they arrive at Planet SoCal, they get extremely confused about what their priorities should be in recovering their stuff. Why don’t more aliens look like members of Slipknot? How much was the talc budget for LDV on this episode? Where does Tau keep his genitals? It’s the episode that wants to take to the sky, but can’t get its mind out of the gutter.

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Overdressed Caesar (VOY S4E10) Aug 01, 2022

When someone bumps into BLT while she’s out shopping, it causes a surprisingly fraught diplomatic incident. But when the punishment for her thoughts does not fit the crime, Tuvok will have to get to the lobotom of her case before it’s too late. Have we done enough to honor emotional first responders? What does Neelix do about his urges? Did you forget about the tough buds? It’s the episode that’s spoken almost entirely in entendre!

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Hairy Fingers with a Galaxy Brain (VOY S4E9) Jul 25, 2022

When Captain Janeway decides to ditch the nebula and try her luck in open space, she defies the Doc and endangers herself one too many times. But while Chakotay downgrades to season-one status, Paris saves the two-parter by sending Janeway what she needs to finally go down with the ship. What type of role play is Kevin into? What would Taffer find in Annorax’ walk-in? Why isn’t the year of hell an actual year? It’s the episode with tiki quantity and quality!

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The Zahl Leads are for Eradicators (VOY S4E8) Jul 18, 2022

When some Ring Pop enthusiasts start rewriting history, their device creates some serious turbulence for Voyager. But when the shockwave pushes the crew into a new reality, they'll risk everything to learn how the time weapon can be defended against. How many centuries would it be appropriate to put up with the job title “Lackey” before you ask for a promotion? Why don’t they use porcelain in starship construction? Why are they called the Zahl? It’s the episode where we’ve synchronized our sewer problems.

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Liberate the Washlet (VOY S4E7) Jul 11, 2022

When invisible aliens board Voyager and begin their secret experiments on the crew, the symptoms are all over the place. But once Captain Janeway discovers the intruders’ awful plans, she gambles with their lives in a high stakes game that she’s never lost. Who’s really suffering here? How sturdy do you need an elastic waist band to be? Are they horny, or is it aliens? It’s the episode that’s all jack off machines and skeletons!

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A Flying Jack Off Machine (VOY S4E6) Jul 04, 2022

When Seven picks up a re-Borgifying signal, her escape from Voyager puts her in dangerous territory w/r/t the B’omar Sovereignty. But when the flashbacks lead to USS The Raven, uncovering memories of her family’s assimilation puts her back on track towards humanity. What kind of voicemail greeting would a bird specialist have? Who invented the hypoSpray? Is there a toilet in Seven’s alcove? It’s the episode with an unnecessary article in its name!

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Red Crud Continuity (VOY S4E5) Jun 27, 2022

When a lonely holographic man sends a distress call to Voyager, the EMH convinces the captain to risk his mobile emitter on an away mission. But when Harry Kim and Seven of Nine are teamed up for another engineering project, the episode becomes a cocktail of horniness and fear. Does Neelix charge a corkage fee for cakes? What happens when you go down the long ladder? Is it okay to do bits on organics? It’s the episode that’s hanging butt!

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The Brone Zone (VOY S4E4) Jun 20, 2022

When Chakotay crash lands among the trunks, he strays into the fullness of a clash against The Kradin. But in the soon after, he’ll have wrestle his trembles in order to nullify the nemesis or be nullified himself. Are there any university athletic programs dedicated to specific muscle groups? Why was Chakotay in the black book? Is pre-warp the same as pre-blow out? It’s the episode that steers clear of the trunks!

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Unscrupulous Colonic Irrigator (VOY S4E3) Jun 13, 2022

When the Day of Honor turns into the worst day of BLT‘s life, it takes a brush with death for her to be honest with herself and Tom Paris. But when the Caatati escalate from late-night charity commercial to armed robbery, Seven offers an unexpectedly human solution to their predicament. Is it mostly blood in the blood pie? Does oxygen deprivation cause romantic feelings? Why aren't there more Alan Altshuld types? It’s the episode that’s not done hazing Seven of Nine.

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Not Totally Un-Wan (VOY S4E2) Jun 06, 2022

When the Voyager’s newest crew member starts rejecting her implants, it puts Rick Berman into a real panic. But when the EMH tries to remove her robot parts, Kes will be the key to freshening things up. Is the Voyager going to get moved into the rag bucket? Did Star Trek invent yoga pants? Why doesn’t the gift trigger horny warp? It’s the episode that’s limp and soggy because of improper ventilation.

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Idiot Bioship (VOY S4E1) May 30, 2022

When Chakotay changes course on Captain Janeway’s plans, it will leave The Borgs marooned on a planet and Species 42069 off the hook. But after Janeway wakes up and the dust settles, the aftermath of their conflict leaves Seven of Nine feeling some separation anxiety. Do you have to shave your head before taping a Dustbuster to it? What can’t you do in a strip club AND a Borgs ship? How many snakes can fit in a can? It’s the episode that is fine with that which is not fine!

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Boilerplate Borg (VOY S3E26) May 23, 2022

When Voyager arrives in Borg space, the crew finds the collective getting roughed up by an even more dangerous enemy. But Janeway’s plan to make a deal with the devil gets her more than she bargained for in pushback from Chakotay. Does the Doc have limited drawer space? Can Kes still freshen people up? Is Species 55378008 even worse than Species 8472? It’s the episode with a momentous Maron!

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Tax Document Bindle (VOY S3E25) May 16, 2022

When BLT goes rummaging in the Voyager’s main computer, what she finds is so scandalous it could reset Mayquees/Starfleet relations to Season 1. But when everyone starts getting in on the game, the boss enemy becomes something truly dangerous. Are those deeper Vs than normal? What would Dr. Freud have to say about having a Mexican Standoff with one’s self? Is it possible to get a holographic woman pregnant? It’s the episode that’s dopey and not zippety-doo-dah.

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All Hat and No Loaf (VOY S3E24) May 09, 2022

When people start disappearing all over Voyager, their replacements can’t explain why they’re trading places. But by the time the big takeover is revealed, it may be too late for the crew to warm up to their new surroundings. Do golfers get tips? Does using the transporter have to feel so itchy? How many credits do you need to shoot a food replicator weapon? It’s the episode that ties a brown ribbon to the trees!

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Palpatineasaurus (VOY S3E23) May 02, 2022

When a local paleontologist pitches his Distant Origin Theory, the implications w/r/t common ancestry are too hot-blooded for the Voth's Ministry of Elders to handle. But even with Chakotay serving as both lawyer and living proof, Gegen still has to renounce science and take up metallurgy. Is umbrella comedy insurance available through the company policy? Have the indignities visited upon Skulk Hogan finally come to an end? Is there a rotting apple still cloaked in Voyager’s science lab? It’s the episode that has DINO DNA!

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Infinite Butts in Infinite Combinations (VOY S3E22) Apr 25, 2022

When the Doctor plays house in the holodeck, his fantasy family life is uniquely disgusting to BLT. But when the ship encounters some anomalies that could get Janeway more coffee and Chakotay more nachos, Paris will have to become good friends with Eddy. What happens when you cross the Children of the Corn with the Brady Bunch? What do you do when your teenage son gets into Kliemo culture? Why isn’t the crew exploring the correlation between the disappearance of the anomaly and the disappearance of BLT’s braid? It’s the episode where we measure the Talaxian Champagne from the desk.

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Trapezoidal Back Rub Coupon Book (VOY S3E21) Apr 18, 2022

When Kes moves through time she does it every bit as good as a man, she just does it backwards. But when it turns out an attack by an unknown enemy is the reason for her de-aging, she’ll have to go back to the beginning to save the future. What do you get for grandma? If you didn’t know, would you know? How fast should you pip after your captain dies? It’s the episode that buys museum putty by the barrel!

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Deep Deep Dimp (Crimson Tide - Bonus Episode) Apr 15, 2022

When one of Worf’s ancestors seizes control of some of the photon torpedoes' ancestors, Commander Hunter gets an on the job audition to work for one of the toughest sub captains in the navy. But when his Von Causewitz term paper comes back with a bad grade, the conflict between them becomes an inferno that the stream from a Jack Russell terrier cannot put out. What’s the punishment for stealing shots of a nuclear submarine? Is the navy seriously going to look the other way on Hackman pointing a gun at a sailor? Was it Kurt Jurgens or Hardy Kruger? It’s the episode in which supporters from MaxFun Drive 2017 helped us establish that Crimson Tide IS canonical Trek!

Deep-V Casual (VOY S3E20) Apr 11, 2022

When Harry gets his DNA test results back, the news about his Roddenberry-inspired heritage gets revealed in a strikingly public way. But when he learns the hard way that men don’t last too long on Taresia, he’ll have to play dirty to make it off the planet alive. Are there any regular mirrors in Star Trek? Has Harry been wearing Taresian genes under his human genes this whole time? Why are Starfleets so stuck up about drugs? It’s the episode that uses all parts of the boy buffalo.

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Amaretto Cookie (VOY S3E19) Apr 04, 2022

When Voyager stops to help with a planet’s armageddon situation, the crew discovers that’s no asteroid, it’s The Etanian Order’s plausible deniability! But when a shuttlecraft rescue mission to the surface ends predictably, a nearby space elevator is the only way back up through the ionosphere. Is 5,000 people a lot of people? Are coal-based hobbies a bad look? Do Neelix and Tuvok not remember they were the same person last season? It’s the episode that really smacks the rock!

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The Locutus Apology (VOY S3E18) Mar 28, 2022

When Doc Holoday starts experimenting with grafting geniuses onto his personality, the results are off-putting. But when his bedside manners become more hands-on than usual, one big slip up could take Kes down with him. Why are we getting so many seafood advertisements on social media? Where’s the worst place for a docking port? Can the Hippocratic oath absolve a doctor of his sins? It’s the episode that is also Kes’s dad!

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Borg Dewormer (VOY S3E17) Mar 21, 2022

When Chakotay crash lands on a planet in conflict, he’s assimilated back to health by a co-op with a dark secret. But connecting with Riley puts Voyager at risk when a nearby Borg Cube gets the self-destruct treatment. Why is this co-op so into volleyball? Which side is up on a cube? Do the Borgs not have olds? It’s the episode that puts on the Liberace records!

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Premature Koon-ut-so'lik (VOY S3E16) Mar 14, 2022

When Ensign Vorik gets fresh with the chief engineer, his blood boils like a man who’s been freshened up by Kes. But when he puts his horny on main, he spreads a little bit onto BLT—with disastrous consequences for crew safety! Was the Bieber thing just a phase? Why aren’t Starfleet officers allowed to wear jet boots anymore? If Kevin Uxbridge wrote a book, who would be his ghostwriter? It’s the episode where we reveal we’ve been playing Rock Paper Scissors the entire time.

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Chakotay Butt (VOY S3E15) Mar 07, 2022

When it’s talent show day on Voyager, Janeway and Chakotay are the only ones who remember the loop. But when a pushy family member invites Janeway to a presentation about the afterlife, the strife she’s made to endure means there will be hell to pay. What’s the best-case scenario for being stuck in a time loop forever? Should a captain ever be in the venue after doors? Is there any attendance-optional meeting worth going to? It’s the episode that puts the important information in the parentheses!

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Hawaiian-Style Gagh (VOY S3E14) Feb 28, 2022

When Harry goes to Tuvok for relationship advice, his holocrush develops an unexpected interest in Vulcan Jenga. But when Marayna can’t be deleted, the crew has to fight for their lives at the luau. Did Neelix really do his ethnographic research? Did Robert Picardo learn nothing from Quentin Tarantino? Did Vorik change his hair again? It’s the episode with a pineapple motif!

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Snitches Get Cryostitches (VOY S3E13) Feb 21, 2022

When the illusion of Neelix’s utility to the mission is finally shattered, he turns to crime to secure his position. But when an alien drug dealer’s murder implicates the Voyager crew, they might lose their supply of some of the Delta Quadrant’s best party drugs. Is becoming Tuvix worse than going to jail? Where on the doll can you find Pergeum? Is Tom Paris really just Nicholas Locarno? It’s the episode where quick’s the word and sharp’s the action!

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Biff Inches (VOY S3E12) Feb 14, 2022

When Voyager encounters a virus infecting an alien race, The Doctor is uniquely suited to cure the ill. But when the outbreak becomes bigger than anyone was expecting, Captain Janeway will have to bare arms in order to defeat it. What are the food rules on a shuttlecraft? Does Neelix make the milk flow? What’s the worst monster sound? It’s the episode that puts hands on hips!

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She’s Just Not That Into Q (VOY S3E11) Feb 07, 2022

When Q shows up with a romantic overture for the captain, only a lady Q will be able to divert his attention. But when a war in the continuum implicates judicial precedent set onboard Voyager, the crew will have to cosplay to preserve the Qunion. What is it about camping that Captain Janeway enjoys so much? What kind of Continuum was Milton Berle packing? Why did this episode keep Tipper Gore up at night? It’s the episode that accommodates guests with a fold-out bit!

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Diplomatic Broth (VOY S3E10) Jan 31, 2022

When Kes helps a dying widow grieve, her commitment to being a generous host is taken advantage of. But when she leaves Voyager and takes a shuttlecraft with her, Neelix is the only one relieved that her actions aren’t self-motivated. What’s the perfect airport food? Are there “power moves” for transporter operators? How rare is the two-handed mind meld? It’s the episode that fills the clip show device!

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Trust Loins (VOY S3E9) Jan 24, 2022

When the EMH is taken holo-hostage, it will ironically come with a newfound freedom. But when Starling absolutely insists on destroying the future to get even more obscene wealth in the past, the Voyager crew will have to contemplate becoming marooned in time instead of space. Would you trade the Obama presidency for more of Rain Robinson in Voyager? How could BLT stay undercover on Earth past the late 90s? What are the qualities of an impressive hench? It’s the episode that’s using common gaslighting tactics to preserve the timeline.

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Hair Brave (VOY S3E8) Jan 17, 2022

When Voyager fights a ship from the future, their battle results in a draw. But when both ships find themselves in the past, there’s plenty of time for a do-over. Does Star Trek hate hippies? Are we sure there was a second X-Files movie? What do you do with a lost chihuahua? It’s the episode that does not let the ball fall through the paddles!

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You Can’t Huah On the Pickup (VOY S3E7) Jan 10, 2022

When Kes gets separated from her tour group she wanders into a bad part of the Star Trek caves where the only restaurants are serving Worf lighting. But when Janeway embarks on a spiritual quest to save the young Ocampan, she’ll learn the true meaning of Festivus. Is Chakotay’s entire goal to avoid being Captain? What’s the one thing that Rick Steves has kept from his audience this entire time? What is Crossfit? It’s the episode where we learn that the only way to fight umbrage is with more umbrage.

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Gagh Dream (VOY S3E6) Jan 03, 2022

When B’elanna Torres starts sleeping through her alarm, her vivid dream life makes her work life difficult. But when she realizes that their alien visitors are responsible, their terrible secret won’t stay in the dark for long. What is a “Dry Maron”? Have we come up with the next great merch item? Who is on the leaderboard of awful aliens? It’s the episode that misses an alien social cue!

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An Actor of a Certain Boob (VOY S3E5) Dec 27, 2021

When Ferengi are found on a planet in the Delta Quadrant, the way they got there might get the Voyager crew home. But when Captain Janeway gets bogged down with exposing their megachurch, the path home is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. What’s the most suggestive pants pattern? Who brings change to the club? Is there anything that beats hitting a gong? It’s the episode where the prep is no guarantee of success!

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A Hornet’s Nest in a Tube With a Snake (VOY S3E4) Dec 20, 2021

When his fancy hobby leads the doctor’s matrix to start degrading, he becomes a bumbling idiot who soon won’t be able to provide medical services to the crew. But when the cure might be worse than the disease, it will be up to Kes and his doppelgänger to save him. Is the Doctor the youngest member of the crew? What species is the clown alien? Why doesn’t the captain always whip out the victory ponytail at the end of the show? It’s the episode that bails before it’s cool to bail.

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Shingle on a Shingle (VOY S3E3) Dec 13, 2021

When Kim is thrown into an alien prison for a crime he didn’t commit, Paris is already familiar with the rules. But when Voyager’s initial plan to rescue them fails, Janeway slides into a backup plan with a little more firepower. Which hairstyle punches the best? How much better is the REAL Sandrine’s? Are beans on the menu? It’s the episode that goes from wan to wand!

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Tantric Lobotomy (VOY S3E2) Dec 06, 2021

When a piercing blue nebula digs up a repressed memory in Tuvok, he’ll need to meld his way out of another problem. But when he offers Janeway a walk-on, nonspeaking role in Star Trek VI, she’ll come face to face with a part of her security chief’s CV that he wishes he could forget. How can you remember a memory that you don’t remember? Is Tuvok cake? What is the solution to religious extremism? It’s the Coco Nono episode that’s pre-mixed and ready to go.

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Over the Shoulder Caveman Holder (VOY S3E1) Nov 29, 2021

When the marooned Voyager crew resorts to stomach-turning survival tactics, they’ll have to come to terms with fear being the mind-killer. But when Seska’s paternity plan becomes diluted by Doc Holoday’s resistance group, reuniting the crew with their ship will depend on help from an unlikely source. Can there be too many pinecone stickers on a shuttlecraft? What does the orange hat in a cubicle REALLY mean? How prime is the directive? It’s the episode that takes all the S-villians off the board!

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Sodium Pinecontothal (VOY S2E26) Nov 22, 2021

After receiving an emergency FaceTime from Seska, Voyager changes course because you've gotta see the baby. But when the trap is better laid than even the Voyager crew can prepare for, they realize too late that they're all out of duck repellent. What would a vision quest order at a bar? Which cliff are we gonna hang off of? How would the Doctor begin a letter to Commander Maddox? It’s the episode where we put the Maron after the end credits.

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Tub Thicc (VOY S2E25) Nov 15, 2021

When Janeway and Chakotay get a couple of nasty bug bites, they’re quarantined on a planet in order to find a cure. But when the ship is ordered to leave them behind, it’ll take more than some tub time to make the Voyager crew feel good about that decision. Where is the shuttle? Will we ever know what the ducks mean in The Sopranos? How much steam and foment is needed for a successful mutiny? It’s the episode that’s all gherkins, all the time!

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Logically Non-Monogamous (VOY S2E24) Nov 08, 2021

After a transporter accident merges the ship’s oddest couple into one odder single, Janeway and the crew are desperate to lower the overall weirdness on the ship. But as the search for answers drags on, the needs of the one start to make a case that might outweigh the needs of the many. Is the back of Tuvix’s head a meme from an early Internet shock site? Will people prefer the new, less piquant approach to tactics and cuisine? What’s Kim’s clarinet going to smell like after this mission? It’s the episode that asks, did Neelix have a cinnamon roll in his pocket, or was he just happy to merge with Tuvok?

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Where Did All These Pencils Come From? (VOY S2E23) Nov 01, 2021

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They Had Oobie Doobie Thrust Upon Them (VOY S2E22) Oct 25, 2021

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A Clip Show Inside A Clip Show Inside A Clip Show (Welcome to the Greatest Generation!) Oct 21, 2021

Listen to The Greatest Generation today! We've reviewed every single episode of Star Trek The Next Generation and Star Trek Deep Space Nine, and we're currently working our way through Star Trek Voyager.

And listen to The Greatest Discovery as well! It's our new Star Trek podcast covering all the new series, from Discovery and Picard to Lower Decks and Prodigy. We also have episodes where we interview cast members, return to old episodes from TOS and TAS, and explore the cultural impact of Star Trek on culture, but, you know, with jokes.

Meaty Kings (VOY S2E21) Oct 18, 2021

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Meet the Neighbors: Dead Pilots Society x The Greatest Generation Oct 14, 2021

The Greatest Generation and Dead Pilots Society got together to celebrate MaxFun Block Party!

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The Asteroid is Talaxian Culture (VOY S2E20) Oct 11, 2021

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Kitten Balm (VOY S2E19) Oct 04, 2021

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I Wish I'd Been Born a Piller (VOY S2E18) Sep 27, 2021

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Tinker Toothpick Bottle Opener Spy (VOY S2E17) Sep 20, 2021

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Got Dome From the Back (VOY S2E16) Sep 13, 2021

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Excitement Panic (VOY S2E15) Sep 06, 2021

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Critical Kazon Theory (VOY S2E14) Aug 30, 2021

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Make or Die (VOY S2E13) Aug 23, 2021

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Acid Rain Man (VOY S2E12) Aug 16, 2021

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Message in a Buoy (VOY S2E11) Aug 09, 2021

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Corpse Compass (VOY S2E10) Aug 02, 2021

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Local Backzip (VOY S2E9) Jul 26, 2021

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The Dark Side of the Golden Rule (VOY S2E8) Jul 19, 2021

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Blowoff Transference (VOY S2E7) Jul 12, 2021

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“Tax Documents” (VOY S2E6) Jul 05, 2021

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Impulse Champagne (VOY S2E5) Jun 28, 2021

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My Neck, My Back, My Reproductive Sack (VOY S2E4) Jun 21, 2021

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Bad Hire (VOY S2E3) Jun 14, 2021

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Who You Callin’ Ogla? (VOY S2E2) Jun 07, 2021

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Tasteful Ship Nudes (VOY S2E1) May 31, 2021

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Lower Dorks (VOY S1E15) May 24, 2021

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Culinary Objector (VOY S1E14) May 17, 2021

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If You Can’t Handle Me at my Worst, You Don’t Deserve Me at my Durst (VOY S1E13) May 10, 2021

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A Low Key Locutus (VOY S1E12) May 03, 2021

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Tantric Beowulf (VOY S1E11) Apr 26, 2021

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Trapportunity (VOY S1E10) Apr 19, 2021

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(A Return To) Horny Trek (VOY S1E9) Apr 12, 2021

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You Can Have Cold Feet When You’re Dead (VOY S1E8) Apr 05, 2021

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Hanging Beam (VOY S1E7) Mar 29, 2021

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Doc Holoday (VOY S1E6) Mar 22, 2021

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Nebula MAN (VOY S1E5) Mar 15, 2021

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The Kitchen Conn (VOY S1E4) Mar 08, 2021

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Galaxy Hall Pass (VOY S1E3) Mar 01, 2021

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Too Much Entendre (Voyager S1E2) Feb 22, 2021

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The Bathroom Cloaca (VOY S1E1) Feb 15, 2021

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Mount Allamaraine (DS9 Series Wrap-up) Feb 08, 2021

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The Prophet Goodbye (DS9 S7E25 & 26) Feb 01, 2021

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Casa de Tain (DS9 S7E24) Jan 25, 2021

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Lights On (DS9 S7E23) Jan 18, 2021

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A Charade for Dignity (DS9 S7E22) Jan 11, 2021

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It Could Be Bajillions (DS9 S7E21) Jan 04, 2021

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The Necropahmicon (DS9 S7E20) Dec 28, 2020

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A Pod that will Live in Infamy (DS9 S7E19) Dec 21, 2020

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The K’Dechdel Test (DS9 S7E18) Dec 14, 2020

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Daxes are Gonna Dax (DS9 S7E17) Dec 07, 2020

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Tribble Dentata (DS9 S7E16) Nov 30, 2020

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Cheesesteak Handshake (DS9 S7E15) Nov 23, 2020

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Tentacle MAN (DS9 S7E14) Nov 16, 2020

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The K’Pruder Film (DS9 S7E13) Nov 09, 2020

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Biker Pixie Dreamgirl (DS9 S7E12) Nov 02, 2020

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Taint Miners (DS9 S7E11) Oct 26, 2020

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Daddy Vicc (DS9 S7E10) Oct 19, 2020

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Miracle Measuring Contest (DS9 S7E9) Oct 12, 2020

When Colonel Kira is spirited away to Empok Nor, she finds Gul Dukat has become the leader of a Pah Wraith-worshiping religious cult. But when the birth of a child there reveals suspicious parentage, his followers will have to decide if it’s a miracle, or one spoon that hasn’t fallen far from the tray. Who is advising the parents these days? What’s the best position for prayer? Where’s the worst place on the station for a meeting? It’s the episode where we make some future plans!

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The Klingon Jukebox Doesn’t Take Quarters (DS9 S7E8) Oct 05, 2020

When the Little D does a supply drop at a Federation forward operating base, they get more frontline action than they bargained for. But when their position is about to be overrun, Sisko hatches a plan to hoist the Jem’Hadar on their own Jem’Petards. Why isn’t Quark wearing cargo pants? How close is AR-558 to LV-426? How do you get cauliflower ear-energy? It’s the episode that likes the free, fresh wind in its hair.

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All Sparks, No Girders (DS9 S7E7) Sep 28, 2020

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Lethal Minestrone (DS9 S7E6) Sep 21, 2020

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Amish Makeover (DS9 S7E5) Sep 14, 2020

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Break The Internet, T’Kumbra (DS9 S7E4) Sep 07, 2020

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Covered in Talc (DS9 S7E3) Aug 31, 2020

When Ezri Dax has a run-in with Worf, the crew of DS9 begins to wonder who will counsel the counselor. But when Garak fills up her appointment book, she’ll have to decide if the billable hours are worth it. What’s the name of the place where a tailor works? Does For Some Reason Jake finally have a chance with a love interest? How absorbent is a therapist’s couch? It’s the episode that has two doorbells!

Coincidentally Ankylosaured (DS9 S7E2) Aug 24, 2020

When the Dax symbiont’s new hosts invites herself on the Sisko family road trip, she gets more than the spiritual guidance she bargained for. But when The Sisko starts flashing back to the 50’s, he has to decide whether his medium is paint or pencil. How does Sisko decide what is and isn’t the will of the Prophets? Who would win in a game of chicken, Kira or Beltbuckle? Has Odo gotten to second base yet? It’s the episode with hosts who seem a little too chill for war. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Trill Wills (DS9 S7E1) Aug 17, 2020

When Captain Sisko gets a new job, the hours are almost murder. But when his father’s shady past is unearthed, an impromptu family vacation is suddenly on the menu. How long does it take to recover from a lethal break-up? What’s the deal with a mesh bar? Is that table a Founder? It’s the episode that proves we’re not that kind of nerd!

The Brown Eye to Cardassia Prime (DS9 S6E26) Aug 10, 2020

When the stores on DS9 start stocking the shelves for the Gratitude Festival earlier and earlier every year, only a big confrontation between the Pah Wraiths and the Prophets can set things straight. But when The Sisko’s mission to savagely thrust into the very heart of the Dominion comes in conflict with the will of the prophets, he’ll have to defy them to keep his pips. What is Admiral Beltbuckle’s job? In what decade does Worf’s exercise program take place? Are Quark and Bashir friends? It’s the episode that’s like manga: it’s good in a pinch. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

This Charm is a Bucket (DS9 S6E25) Aug 03, 2020

When the captain of a Federation ship crash lands on a distant planet, it’s up to the Little D to truck it out there on a rescue mission. But when there’s a long way to go and a short time to get there, no one is sure if they will make it in time to save her life. What do we do about our unchecked boxes? Why do felons have bridge privileges? Which sets are the wet sets? It’s the episode that ends MaxFunDrive 2020!

Cro-Magmolly (DS9 S6E24) Jul 27, 2020

When Molly O’Brien falls in Ghostbusters 2 goo, she grows up real quick. But when Miles and Keiko can’t convince her to share her toys, they’ll have to let her fly free to show their love. When your civilization dies out, what’s the etiquette about turning off all your technology? What kinds of cereals were available three hundred years in the past? Can Odo shoot? It’s the episode where, for good measure, we sit on this. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Novelty Sombrero (DS9 S6E23) Jul 20, 2020

When Quark has to attend an important business meeting, Dr. Bashir helps him prepare. But when the “flash cards” he’s been given become less of a benefit and more of a distraction, the future of Ferengi female liberation is put into doubt. Is “Margot Tennenbaum” a compliment? How low should Ferengi dresses go? Are there ANY limits to Dr. Bashir’s medical practice? It’s the episode that cranks up the white noise machines!

There’s No Uhuras in Red Squad (DS9 S6E22) Jul 13, 2020

When a Noh-Jay Consortium business trip runs afoul of a Jem’Hadar attack wing, only the Little V can save them. But when the no grownups allowed crew start to indoctrinate Nog, it’s up to Jake Sisko, boy reporter, to bring everyone back to their senses. What’s the big deal about sunrise on the moon? Don’t those pills belong in a museum? What amenities are available in a Starfleet escape pod? It’s the episode that is thermally cool, but not socially cool. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Bajoran Ragnarok (DS9 S6E21) Jul 06, 2020

When Captain Sisko steals an ancient stone tablet from Bajor, it becomes a problem both diplomatically and conversationally. But when he decides the relic belongs smashed on the ground and not in a museum, its destruction triggers an ancient conflict that threatens Major Kira, Jake, and the station itself. What does the Betazoid military wear to battle? Why are people buying one-armed busts? How old is too old for a trundle bed? It’s the episode that serves up the jokes hot and ready!

Nodding on the One and the Three (DS9 S6E20) Jun 29, 2020

When Dr. Bashir brings the whole team to check out his new holosuite program, he unwittingly puts Odo on a collision course for Kira’s heart. But when the star of the program becomes the only person Odo can turn to for dating advice, the flowering relationship is a little bit Minuet and a little bit Moriarty. Is Vic fully functional and programmed in multiple techniques? How much have these holo-babes had to drink? Do the writers just want to quit doing Trek and make a show about the 50s?c It’s the one where our wive’s future husbands are reincarnated. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Casualty Friday (DS9 S6E19) Jun 22, 2020

When Captain Sisko gets interviewed by Errol Morris for a documentary about the Dominion War, it’s a chance for him to get everything off his chest. But when Sisko’s choice of conspiracy partners goes off-script, their plan will have explosive consequences. What’s the greatest distance ever measured? How evident is criminality on a hardness scale? How many vowels does it take to ruin a performance? It’s the episode that is fastidious about dental hygiene, but no other kind of hygiene.

Kayakodone (DS9 S6E18) Jun 15, 2020

When Dr. Bashir tries to duck out for a medical conference, Starfleet Internal Affairs probably saves his life by screwing up his plans. But when the hard nosed investigator seems to focus all the scrutiny on the doctor, he’ll need more than a bellyful of gagh to fight back. Does Chief O’Brien need a sponsor in KA? When do you start feeling the Kafka? Is Sloan just concerned with plot holes in old episodes? It’s the one where we pass the time by playing a little Solitaire. Donate to the Friends of DeSoto for Justice Fund Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow The Greatest Generation on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Wore Out the Netflix (DS9 S6E17) Jun 08, 2020

When Major Kira has the chance to go back in time to kill Gul Dukat’s girlfriend, she jumps at the chance. But when she gets too close to the target, she must decide if her second thoughts will give her greatest enemy some second chances. Is Worf more of a Raphael, or a Leonardo? Is it still time travel if Riker doesn’t say so? Where we’re going, won’t we need rules? It’s the episode that has more mommy issues than daddy issues.

Tongo Cuck (DS9 S6E16) Jun 01, 2020

When newlyweds Worf and Dax are ordered to take a road trip, they have a hell of a hard time agreeing on a podcast to listen to. But when O’Brien uses Dax’s absence to try to get in on Quark’s standing tongo game, Bashir will have to fall in love with a different golden substance. How do you plan a honeymoon when men are from Q’onoS, and women are from Trill? Where’s the beef between O’Brien and Quark? If you hit triangle over a Jem’Hadar, what kind of loot do they have? It’s the episode that reiterates, once and for all, that we didn’t know. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

R U Trying to Talk Kanar RE: Damar 2 Me? (DS9 S6E15) May 25, 2020

When Chief O’Brien goes undercover to infiltrate a multi-level crime syndicate, he begins to see the advantage of working with his friends. But when his secret identity becomes something he can’t sell, his downstream employees may be stuck holding the bag. What makes a person “look Starfleet”? Why are Bolian banks robbed so often? Do pets like to watch? It’s the episode that finally comes up with a great comic book idea!

Ennui About Un-Wee or Worf Poem Blueballs (DS9 S6E14) May 18, 2020

When the Rubicon takes Dax, O’Brien and Bashir into a very chilly anomaly, the runabout and crew are subject to shrinkage. But when a marauding tick interrupts this extremely silly science, it’s up to these three pipsqueaks to save the day. What happens to Ketricel when it’s concentrated like this? Does the Dominion practice a form of federalism? How’s the soft swirl in the Defiant’s mess hall? It’s the episode where we hit, and then we run. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

The Littler The Fruit, The Sweeter The Juice (DS9 S6E13) May 11, 2020

When Captain Sisko begins to take the losses personally in the war against the Dominion, he questions whether or not he’s up to the task. But when he’s transported to a world where somehow things are worse, he’ll discover whether he’s “tuff enuff” for future challenges. Can you just take any lemon you can reach? What’s the worst thing you can get away with saying after inhaling helium? Is there a secret ingredient to Ben Sisko’s jambalaya? It’s the episode that’s a real student of the game!

May the Fourth…Suck It (DS9 S6E12) May 04, 2020

When everyone’s favorite barfly goes to Lurian Sto’Vo’Kor, Quark secures the funeral contract, not to mention the estate of the deceased. But when he starts getting blasts from Morn’s past, he wishes he could go back to getting blasts from the hammer. How many denominations of gold pressed latinum exist? Why doesn’t Morn look human? How do you open a bank account with puke? It’s the episode where paying a teen really backfires. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

The Best Ass in Starfleet (DS9 S6E11) Apr 27, 2020

When Captain Sisko and Gul Dukat re-enact Enemy Mine, they have some real disagreements about who should play which part. But when the mission to save them repeatedly beams up a bunch of nobodies, hope may be lost before Sisko’s life. When do you get over a bad salt experience? What is the worst-designed piece of Starfleet equipment? Is Captain DeSoto a leg man? It’s the episode that is a trillion percent trustworthy!

This That Is My Dick (DS9 S6E10) Apr 20, 2020

When the leader of the entire Ferengi Alliance puts Quark in charge of rescuing Moogie from the Dominion, he has to put together a crack team of Ferengi to aid him in the mission. But when the infiltration squad fails basic training, they revert to what they know best: making deals. Do Vulcans get a lot of work done? Why does Empok Nor have a Kangol logo? What’s the Ferengi to Jem’Hadar exchange rate? It’s the episode that calls back ALL the Ferengi. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Thirsty for Friendship (DS9 S6E9) Apr 13, 2020

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Vagrant Bareil (DS9 S6E8) Apr 06, 2020

When Kira is having a tough time finding a dinner party date, she never expects one to beam in from the Mirror Universe. But when her new man proves spicier than the guys she typically dates, his appetite for Kiras might not be satiated by just one. Is there any man on DS9 that’s good enough for Major Kira? Do they get multidimensional transporter devices from Star Wars? What’s the best part of a religious ceremony to steal someone’s seat? It’s the episode where we wore the worst possible shirt to school on 9/11. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Deprivation is First Base (DS9 S6E7) Mar 30, 2020

When Worf and Dax decide to have their wedding on DS9, the noise complaints from their bachelor and bachelorette parties are nearly constant. But when Martok’s wife threatens to ruin their big day, it’ll be up to Captain Sisko to play relationship counselor. What ever happened to Tom Hanks comedies? How crucial is finding your register? What’s the station’s policy on getting a fresh couch? It’s the episode that everyone’s doing this week!

Are You There Prophets? It’s me, The Sisko (DS9 S6E6) Mar 23, 2020

When the Federation fleet sails into the teeth of battle, only corny poetry can gird the spirits of the Little D crew. But when the battle goes much better for the Federation than is generally known, Dukat tries to clinch victory in the funnest way possible. What is Admiral Beltbuckle doing that’s more important than this? What is the Cartwright/Metallica Dialectic? What’s the quickest way to stink up the Great Link? It’s the episode where we kick a ton of ass before being murdered in thirty seconds. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Faking Flaccid (DS9 S6E5) Mar 16, 2020

When Team Starfleet needs a win in the final seconds, it’s Captain Sisko drawing up the plays for Admiral Beltbuckle. But when Odo loses track of how much time is on the game clock, the Little D will need a Hail Mary of a plan. What’s a good second option for nighttime bathroom trips? Do loose lips sink ships (even when you’re on the ship)? Can we launch a shirt right now? It’s the episode that christens week one of #MaxFunDrive 2020 with a drink!

Admiral Belt Buckle (DS9 S6E4) Mar 09, 2020

When Sisko is reassigned to a desk job at Starbase Threeblahblahblah, the Little D is going to take his soup thermos, and do missions without him. Meanwhile, on DS9, the first big action by the Resistance Club inadvertently reveals what Leeta loves about Rom. Is Changeleader going to lose respect for Odo when she sees his toy collection? Does Nog also work as a waiter in the Little D’s mess hall? How much linking do you have to do before you’re labeled a ‘problem linker?’ It’s the episode where Jake gets a new moniker. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

An Entire Premise Evening (DS9 S6E3) Mar 02, 2020

When Jake tries to Max Fischer his way into another extracurricular activity at the station, the other members of the Resistance Club take great umbrage. Meanwhile Worf fights a new enemy: the umbrage of his abandoned son Alexander. Is the big spoon the good spoon or the bad spoon? Yes…but is it art? How close is Shavasana to Sto’Vo’Kor? It’s the episode where we’re offered a drink and we ask why. 🖖 Get tickets to GreatestGenKhan II: Star Trek III! 🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Dr. Jazz Horse (DS9 S6E2) Feb 24, 2020

When Sisko crashes his crew’s tick into the broad side of a planet, the girders go flying. But when the Vorta there starts playing both sides of the conflict, tensions become inflamed. When is a warm seat the last straw? Which episode title is off-limits? What’s the coke-iest movie? It’s the episode that that needs a carpet cleaner!

Data Season One Hair (DS9 S6E1) Feb 17, 2020

When the seventh fleet is slaughtered, the crew of the Little D are rerouted to Starbase for reassignment. But when Sisko and his people are reassigned, they’re going to take the fight directly to the white. How carefully does Damar have to watch his back? What’s a “sympathy when?” Should Sisko have been a worse father to Jake? It’s the episode where we impulse-buy the tropical fruits. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

A Sitting D (DS9 S5E26) Feb 10, 2020

When Captain Sisko finally reaches the limit of his tolerance for ticks in the Alpha Quadrant, he breaks out the matches. But when he decides to evacuate DS9, his scorched wormhole policy neglects to include roll call. Is there anything worse than being asked out by Odo? Who’s on Jake duty? Is that it for Keiko? It’s the episode that is either very wise or conveniently dumb!

The Kanar 3 Meeting Room (DS9 S5E25) Feb 03, 2020

When Jake hatches a plan to cheer his dad up, it becomes a teachable moment for Nog to explain why money is good. But when the Noh-Jay Consortium is outbid, what seemed like a simple trip to the village store becomes a nearly interminable item-collection quest. What’s the last part of the brain to die from oxygen deprivation? How does one identify Jeffrey Combs in public? How many loyalty points does Weyoun earn for his stay at DS9? It’s the episode where the A storyline really seems like it’s a B storyline. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

It’s Always Your Birthday at the Klingon Restaurant (DS9 S5E24) Jan 27, 2020

When Chief O’Brien needs to go on a parts run, he takes a runabout to a pick and pull salvage station. But when it turns out the place is protected by racist Cardassians, what was once O’Brien’s simple maintenance project turns into building warriors out of engineers. How many people has Worf killed? What’s the best camera trick to make your station look bigger? Where is the Setlik 3 O’Brien action figure? It’s the episode enjoyed by the weirdo at the library!

Get It, Player (DS9 S5E23) Jan 20, 2020

When the Maquis throw one last Hail Mary, it might be Klingon footballs they’ve flung toward Cardassia. But when Ben Sisko gets an old enemy out of jail to stop them, it’s not Alcatraz they’ll have to break into. Did it really take this long to think of cloaked missiles? Why does Morn want to die nude? What’s Nog’s suit size? It’s the episode where we are not feeling okay. Get a "The Warrior, The Legends" T-shirt! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Lt. Coffee (DS9 S5E22) Jan 13, 2020

When Dax insists on doing one more Star Trek before going to sleep, the crew agrees to squeeze it in. But when they must decide what to do about “Planet Progeny,” it’s a decision will keep them up at night. How much does a Klingon head weigh? Where are all the Bashirs? Has anyone seen Sliding Doors? It’s the episode that that gets its car egged every once in a while.

It Clears the Dance Floor (DS9 S5E21) Jan 06, 2020

When Martok gets commissioned to captain the worst ship in the Klingon military, Worf gets the honor of whipping the crew into shape. But when Dax starts to observe a certain lack of commitment among the crew, she’s the only one that can warn Worf of the true danger they are in. Does Worf even have a job around here? Who’s got the biggest arms in Star Trek? Is more fucking the solution to the Rotaran’s morale problem? It’s the episode where we’re 👏 back 👏 on👏 our 👏 bullshit! 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Quotient of Shame (DS9 S5E20) Dec 30, 2019

When Quark returns to his childhood home on Ferenginar, his old bedroom closet has been converted into something else. But when he finds his mother secretly canoodling with a powerful man, he can’t help but interfere in her affairs. Should Martok have an attorney on retainer? What’s the Ferengi whip called? Who do you give a space per diem to? It’s the episode that that proves there’s no ethics in podcasting!

You Can’t be a Legate in Tweed (DS9 S5E19) Dec 23, 2019

When Yaremfel syndrome threatens to kill Tekeny, his final act is to spill the tea on his political enemies. But when Kira learns that he’s just another Cardassian, she has a tough time bringing herself to record the priceless intelligence he has to offer. Who are the Dick Cheney and Dennis Hastert of the Dukat administration? What’s a Bashir Radler? What’s the correct attire for turning a teacup into a missile? It’s the episode Adam won’t remember recording! 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Swiss Army Bathroom (Gremlins Holiday Special) Dec 17, 2019

This is a special release of our previously donors-only 2017 holiday episode. Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah and happy Kwanza from Adam and Ben! When a bumbling inventor gives a live animal to his son as a present, obeying the strict rules for its care becomes a challenge. But when the town is overrun by the animal’s mutated progeny, it’ll take more than breaking the rules of flash photography to save the town from their mischievous wrath. Is Gremlins in the Back to the Future cinematic universe? Which film achieves "Peak Cates"? Is the provenance of Mrs Deagle’s ceramics evil? It’s the episode that chooses the fun path to death! 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Support the production of The Greatest Generation. Music by Adam Ragusea & Dark Materia Follow Adam and Ben on Twitter, and discuss the show using the hashtag #GreatestGen! Facebook group | Subreddit | Wiki Sign up for our mailing list!

Bar Goals (DS9 S5E18) Dec 16, 2019

When Quark becomes inspired by a Nicolas Cage movie, his career change forces a Face/Off against law enforcement on the station. But when his Lord of War routine makes his friends Gone in 60 Seconds, he finds himself between The Rock and a hard place. Did Odo shower after his night with Alyssa? How competitive are Starfleet leave benefits? Is Yoshi O’Brien a flour baby? It’s the episode that’s flashy craft!

He’s The Dick & The Rubber (DS9 S5E17) Dec 09, 2019

When Odo meets a femme who’s visiting the station, he quickly discovers that she’s more fatale than she appears. But when the crew goes into gossip overdrive, it becomes clear that this woman is jacking much more than just into computers. What does it cost to bring your own honey stick to Quark’s? How does the categorical imperative apply to coffee shops? Is there such a thing as a Klingon Restaurant Health Inspector? It’s the episode where the edible takes hold. 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Yeomans are for Fucking (DS9 S5E16) Dec 02, 2019

When Dr. Bashir’s parents discovered they had a Ralph on their hands, his paste-eating was cured at the genetic level. But when those same parents accidentally reveal their conspiracy at his workplace, he has a difficult choice to make. What’s the worst thing you’ve eaten at a job? Is service industry experience a prerequisite for having a kind face? How difficult is arguing a case before a “judge ex machina”? It’s the episode that’s the stuff of fantasy and/or nightmares!

Zeal for Ziyal (DS9 S5E15) Nov 25, 2019

When Dukat makes a Faustian bargain with the Dominion, it comes out of left field for the entire crew of Deep Space Nine. But when the station’s imprisoned crewmen place all their hopes of escape on Garak’s shoulders, he’ll have to overcome his deepest fears to get the job done. Is Sisko trying to do a big-budget reboot of Wolf 359? Is Prison Asteroid the Jem’Hadar equivalent of Risa? Does Worf ever think it’s not a good day to die? It’s the episode where the banging continues. 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Raktajino is for Closers Only (DS9 S5E14) Nov 18, 2019

When Garak receives a call for help from the Gamma Quadrant, Sisko throws him the keys to a runabout (as long as Worf drives). But when the wormhole begins dumping ticks all over DS9, Sisko decides to seal it up, which would leave them marooned on the other side. Do we ever pre-plan the ding? How does Dukat get onto the station unannounced? Does Worf have CTE? It’s the episode that reveals a big move!

Shampoo Holocaust (DS9 S5E13) Nov 11, 2019

When the Captain goes undercover in the Star Trek caves, it’s finally time for him to toast one of his enemies. But when the pillow fight of arguments takes an ugly turn, a badly damaged Defiant is the only ship Starfleet can use to stop the Mayquees. Does the Bajoran Militia offer paid maternity leave? What would Dr. Freud say about the symbolism of firing on one’s own hologram? Do Michael Eddington and Norah Satie shop at the same stores? It’s the episode where we go back for the jokes because we accidentally categorized our show as comedy. 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Liquor Sherpa (DS9 S5E12) Nov 04, 2019

When Major Kira begins the birthing process, Odo is coincidentally also “with child.” But when complications arise during their entries into the world, daddy issues strike both parents at once. Does anybody get off from comedy edging? Will O’Brien miss both of his children’s births? Where do you start measuring a Changeling? It’s the episode that’s as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti!

Once a Vigilante, Always a Vigilante (DS9 S5E11) Oct 28, 2019

When someone in the neighborhood starts killing nursing students, only those nursing students are in fact former members of the Shakaar Resistance Cell, only one Major can stop the killing. But when she doesn’t stop the killing, Kira sets out to do a little killing of her own. What does the second button do under Ira Steven Behr’s desk? Would CPR work on someone who’s been cremated? What would it take to make Kira fear a transporter? It’s the episode where we find out what Iron Mountain is for. 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

The Bajoranchelor (DS9 S5E10) Oct 21, 2019

When Captain Sisko enhances a piece of Bajoran artwork, it begins a trip of mind-expanding exploration. But when a lenient Admiral lets Sisko skip a drug test, it means he might not ever come back down from his high. Who decides on carpet for a holosuite? What does Quark’s Bar smell like? How long does it take to come down off of Spire Shrooms? It’s the episode that might agree with Kai Winn!

The Work of Idiots (DS9 S5E9) Oct 14, 2019

When Odo finally gets an excuse to remand Quark into Federation custody, he’s remarkably incurious about whether the bartender is even guilty. But when an Orion bomb strands them on Planet Yosemite, the old adversaries will come to form a bond that only camping can forge. What kind of discipline does Jake have? Is shrapnel redundant in a runabout bomb? Would capitalism have forced Jake and Nog to work things out? It’s the episode that gets us all pruny. 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Also What My Wife Says (Wrath of Khan - Bonus Episode) Oct 10, 2019

When a new tour’s tickets are on sale, Ben and Adam decide to share a rare bonus episode with the public feed. But when their live show about Wrath of Khan is recorded in a synagogue, these vulgar podcasters will face their biggest challenge yet. Will Kirstie Alley become a main cast character? Will Ben’s organs be harvested by the Space Force? What kinds of security clearances do the Friends of DeSoto have? Its the episode where we Brando right onstage in a house of worship. Heat do GreatestGenTour.com to get tickets to our upcoming live shows!

The Sistine Chapel of Foreheads (DS9 S5E8) Oct 07, 2019

When a pattern of dangerous off-station conference attendance emerges, it’s Sisko, Odo, Dax and Garak caught in the storm this time. But when it’s revealed that the story they experienced was all a dream, the fallout from their shared experience is all too real. Are there rules for a jailbreak? What’s your price for being creeped out? Are constraints a good thing? It’s the episode that’s worried about bungling it!

The Violent Honeymoon Period (DS9 S5E7) Sep 30, 2019

When they take a sex vacation to Risa, several of their crewmates invite themselves on a runabout that probably would have been destroyed if Worf and Dax had it to themselves. But when Worf becomes interested in attending timeshare sales pitches, the vacation does not go well, Enterprise. Can the shaft blister? Which of your two hosts is more amorally renegade? Where has that planetary weather remote been? It’s the episode that comes in a leg lamp amount of packing material. 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

When You Do Time Crime, You Have To Do The Time Crime Time (DS9 S5E6) Sep 23, 2019

When the time travel police show up to interrogate Captain Sisko, the story he tells them is full of callbacks. But when the crew goes back in time to save Captain Kirk’s life, their reverence for him becomes referential. Would you buy what The Traveler is selling? Can a banger cause moral outrage? What do you mean? It’s the episode that wants to meet everyone!

An Amélie (DS9 S5E5) Sep 16, 2019

When Keiko returns from a trip to Bajor, it’s more than just chocolate bonbons that have gone to her head. But when she am become dead man switch, it will take more than seventeen fingers of whiskey for Miles to cope. When was the last time you owned jean shorts? Is Bajor a right to work planet? What’s a good slogan for Twitter? It’s the episode that makes the case that Rosalind Chao is better than Daniel Day Lewis. 🖖GET TICKETS TO GREATEST GEN KHAN II: STAR TREK III🖖 Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Emergency Field Urine (DS9 S5E4) Sep 09, 2019

When Jake makes Dr. Bashir the subject of a writing assignment it feels like he’s shot himself in the foot, creatively. But when they’re dropped into a war zone and days away from rescue, he’ll find out if the pen is mightier than the bat’leth. Do all ships in Starfleet get their own workout shirts? Where’s the ideal place to park a runabout? You do believe me, don’t you dad? It’s the episode where we lost the belt.

Up Your Worf and Around the Corner (DS9 S5E3) Sep 02, 2019

When Quark’s old flame returns to the station, Worf becomes the galaxy’s least likely dating consultant. But when the lady’s security detail decides the Ferengi is a threat, Worf will need to puppet Quark via harmonica holder. Is Major Kira a unicorn? What’s the worst movie to see on a first date? Are there any scenarios for which Quark doesn’t have a honey stick? It’s the episode with the sad drink and the happy drink. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

USS Patio (DS9 S5E2) Aug 26, 2019

When a Jem’Hadar tick is found buried in a very sensitive area, Captain Sisko and company must tweeze through the wreckage. But when a Vorta appears with a bunch of her friends, Sisko becomes suspicious about what they’re covering up. Is grief something a character can earn? What are the rules of a portmanteau? Will the Federation ever declare war against the Jem’Hadar? It’s the episode that makes us look like a couple of chimney sweeps!

Chekhov’s Poké Ball (DS9 S5E1) Aug 19, 2019

When Sisko recruits Odo for a dangerous mission in Klingon Space, he’ll have to try a whole new kind of shape shifting. But the all-night party at Gowron’s HQ takes its toll, and the whole team struggles to remember their Klingon lessons. What’s the flair minimum to work on Dukat’s ship? How’s Odo coping with all his new glands? How is Worf not a dead giveaway? It’s the episode where we’re off IPAs, and into a barrel of blood wine. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Gowron Tweeted (DS9 S4E25) Aug 12, 2019

When Odo comes down with an illness that Dr. Bashir can’t cure, Changeleader invites him to her new home on Golden Pond. But when it turns out Odo’s punishment is more of a life sentence, everything is about to get harder for him. How do you know when Archanis is on the table? Is aggressive flirtation a kind of science fiction? Is Kira being punished too? It’s the episode that uses every Instagram filter!

Until Your Face is as Blue as Your Shirt (DS9 S4E24) Aug 05, 2019

When a runabout with precious cargo sustains a banger, Bashir plays a cup and ball trick with Miles and Keiko’s unborn child. But when Quark gets a bad diagnosis, the Ferengis find themselves involved in yet another harebrained latinum scheme that could spell the end of Quark’s Bar. Is there some way Kira could save O’Brien a click? What does Brunt actually want to do with the pucks? Did Quark have an actionable religious epiphany? It’s the episode with the wall-eyed headboobs. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Mother Kevorkian (DS9 S4E23) Jul 29, 2019

When a planet full of disease-punished people are discovered, the inhabitants have lost hope for a cure. But when Dr. Bashir’s street magic special gets poorly reviewed, it sets up a conflict between him and the doctor in charge. How do you say that doctor’s name? Do you need consent for mustard? Is that pylon okay? It’s the episode that we’ll keep working on for the rest of our lives.

Measure Twice, See if You’re Cut Once (DS9 S4E22) Jul 22, 2019

After the station’s pylon gets cut right off, the crew will have to team up with some extremely unlikely allies to hoo ride on the Jem’Hadar responsible. But as the mission progresses, the alliance only serves to highlight divisions between the Federation and the Dominion. Does Worf subscribe to a three day rule for missions on the Little D? Is Weyoun a jealous boyfriend to Omet’iklan? Why does O’Brien have boobs in his final letter to Keiko? It’s the episode where we get obsessed with straw-ripping. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Hard to Hide a Gun in a Bathrobe (DS9 S4E21) Jul 15, 2019

When Kasidy Yates is accused of smuggling for the Maquis, Captain Sisko doesn’t believe it. But when the evidence becomes incontrovertible, hers is just the first in a series of double-crosses he’ll experience that day. Where are all the octo-pip admirals? Is Ben anti-karaoke? What does a Cardassian bathrobe look like? It’s the episode that smells good…through a door!

Write Horny, Edit Sober (DS9 S4E20) Jul 08, 2019

When Troi’s mom comes down with a case of baby bump, it’s up to Odo to devise a legal strategy to let her keep her late-in-life child. But when Jake Sisko makes friends with the wrong puff of gold glitter, a novel isn’t the only thing that starts coming out of him. Why does Odo get no respect? Could Tavor Kell design a room uncomfortable enough for Worf? Where did Jake learn his fancy penmanship skills? It’s the episode where we bid a fond farewell to a character we’ve grown to love. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

I Am Not Your Mom (I Am “Malibu” Your Mom) (DS9 S4E19) Jul 01, 2019

When Jake Sisko is abducted and taken into the Mirror Universe, it feels more like a family vacation than a trip to a dangerous place. But when the good times give way to forced labor, it’ll be more than the viewer who is owed an explanation for how things work there. Is the “Jake Knuck Era” over? Are the punches louder in the Mirror Universe? What’s the exchange rate on betrayal? It’s the episode that we did live for 450 people on YouTube!

Toolbox Full of Dildos (DS9 S4E18) Jun 24, 2019

When the Chief comes home from a diplomatic trip, he’s got about 20 years more memories than he bargained for. But when a disgraceful secret from those memories threatens to push him over the edge, it will take the whole crew to keep him from self-dustbusting. Does Bashir practice any form of medicine other than memory wipes? Is Muñiz angling for the Chief’s job? Can you phaser out a bad aftertaste? It’s the episode we recorded while rocking twenty years of beard growth. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

The Cal Hudson Altitude (DS9 S4E17) Jun 17, 2019

When Worf stands trial for bad aim on the battlefield, he lawyers up with Captain Sisko. But when it’s clear that the prosecution is making a target of Worf, it will be up to Odo to discover the evidence needed to exonerate him. How fragile is an iPad? Who is “the pippiest admiral”? Shouldn’t a violent witness be handcuffed? It’s the episode where we confuse the Dabo girls’ names.

Dartboard Daddy (DS9 S4E16) Jun 10, 2019

When the wormhole spits out an old ship, the survivor wants to take Sisko’s job and force Kira to play with modeling clay. And while change at home is testing the O’Brien marriage, social change is testing Sisko’s willingness to relinquish his status as a holy man. What are your secret single slob behaviors? Is Odo a cafeteria Bajoran? And speaking of cafeterias, is it gonna take a caste system for someone to want to sit with Ben and Adam in the lunch room? It’s the episode that flagrantly disregards the golden blood test. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Hair Metal Pinkertons (DS9 S4E15) Jun 03, 2019

When Rom gets an earache, Dr. Bashir puts more into his head than just medicine. But after the employees of Quark’s go on strike, concessions of any kind are hard to come by. What is Dr. Bashir collecting in those thermoses? Who’s got nostalgia for the D? Is Morn a scab? It’s the episode you’ll want to listen to after being sick in bed.

Weeaboo But For Klingons (DS9 S4E14) May 27, 2019

When Kern makes a pit stop at the station on his way to Sto’Vo’Kor, he asks Worf for more than just gas money. But when Dax catches wind of the Klingon rite and puts a stop to it, brotherhood, Worf’s loyalty to Starfleet, and Bashir’s loyalty to the Hippocratic oath will all be tested. What kind of ice dispensers do Klingon warships have? Why doesn’t O’Brien want Kira to ‘grab the fruit’? Where’s Worf’s balls chair? It’s the episode where the pool water gets thicc.

Klingon Thirst Trap (DS9 S4E13) May 20, 2019

When Major Kira gets assigned a diplomatic mission, she’s given a chaperone that turns it into a career-redeeming move. But when the Klingons insult the size of his ship, Gul Dukat overcompensates big time. How far away is a believable nose? Do all drain cleaners look alike? Why are high school stages so wide? It’s the episode that really gets its hooks in you!

Odo Needs a Dad (DS9 S4E12) May 13, 2019

When First Minister Shakaar pays a visit to the station, Odo and Worf will have to figure out how to collaborate as security men. But when the Constable’s crush on Kira starts to impact his job performance, he sets himself up for a Japanese warrior level defeat. If a baby killed Shakaar, would it become First Minister? When is Kira flirting? Is something stopping Quark from getting a different apartment? It’s the episode that makes it clear that Kira is a real Neffie Beaumont type. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Back to One (DS9 S4E11) May 06, 2019

When what Captain Sisko thought was a changeling takeover turns out to be a Federation power grab, it’s somehow even more difficult than before to know who his friends are. But when Admiral Leyton’s coup d'état breaks down like a Coupe DeVille, his plans to pave over paradise are jeopardized for good. Can you wear a com badge to the brig? Are guile and paradise mutually exclusive? What is “The Greatest Gen Promise”? It’s the episode that reaches through the brood!

Tour Diaper (DS9 S4E10) Apr 29, 2019

When changelings bomb a diplomatic conference, Ben Sisko heads to Earth to try to prevent a war. But when it turns out his own father looks like Admiral Cartwright, the Khitomer vibes really get out of control. Is Dax prank-flirting with Odo? Is religion a good topic of conversation for the workplace? How did they convince the assholes to leave Earth? It’s the episode that can’t decide whether it’s grieving or doing bits. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Hoofs in the High Stakes Area (DS9 S4E9) Apr 22, 2019

When Garak walks in on Dr. Bashir during a holosuite session, he witnesses a level of prurience that was best kept private. But when lives depend on their ability to keep the session going, they’ll have to think about a baseball program to maintain their edge. Why does Bashir choose “easy” difficulty? How do you tell the difference between satire and a mistake? Did we miss the auction for fingernails? It’s the episode that’s not a punch up.

It’s a Neutral Sausage (DS9 S4E8) Apr 15, 2019

When Worf teams up with Dax and Kor to liberate a Klingon relic from the GQuad, his life suddenly feels like it has a purpose. But when that selfsame relic starts to exhibit One Ring-like properties, it’s anyone’s guess who will survive their long trip in the Star Trek Caves. How are we supposed to keep track of Worf’s pariah status? What’s the best way to have a moderate amount of fun in Vegas? Is Dax more racist against Vulcans than Ben is against Lethians? It’s the episode where we go where no targ has gone before! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Alleged Loughlin (DS9 S4E7) Apr 08, 2019

When Quark gets a new RV from his cousin, he decides his first drive should be a road trip taking Nog to college. But when a blowout leaves them stranded in an unfamiliar place, their timing couldn’t be worse. What should you always wash after buying from a garage sale? How quickly can a person absorb the entire history of human kind? When do you know an episode is a comedy? It’s the episode that’s gonna be chillin’ over in crafty!

They Really Spent on the Sparks (DS9 S4E6) Apr 01, 2019

When the Little D can’t advance in the game without doing an escort mission, they descend into a submarine trope salad to hunt some ticks. But when a Disaster level of crew separation takes place, it might fall to Quark to save the ship. What’s the best holiday to eat a Canada goose? Why is Hanok so thirsty for surrender? How do you serve up Captain Jellico realness? What good is a jaunty lining in a jacket if you’re not going to show it off? It’s the episode that rests for as long as it needs to in shavasana pose. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! It’s the MaxFunDrive! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Uncle Magic (DS9 S4E5) Mar 25, 2019

When a lover from Dax’s past visits Deep Space Nine, the rest of the crew expects some tension between them. But after their scientific collaboration results in personal fireworks, they’ll have to decide if imperiling their futures as Trill symbiotes is worth the risk. What is average, really? How do you turn crying into kissing? What would “Season 1 Bashir” do? It’s the episode that stretches the tension taffy!

Emotionally Vulnerable for the Lulz (DS9 S4E4) Mar 18, 2019

When a familiar face brings Kira news from the scrap yard, she’s back on a cold case from before the end of the occupation. But when the Cardassians catch wind of the news, she’ll have to team up with Dukat to beat up some Storm Troopers. Should you give musical instruments to your friend’s children? How do you tell the difference between guts and robes? Is Dukat gambling in his own Game of Buttholes? It’s the first week of #MaxFunDrive 2019! Our goal is 2,000 new and upgrading supporters. If we hit the goal, we’re going to build a Millenium Falcon lego set and drop it off something, and we’re going to make a short documentary about the whole thing! Become a supporter now to get instant access to our bonus content and help us achieve our goal. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! It’s the MaxFunDrive! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

#ColonGoals (DS9 S4E3) Mar 11, 2019

When Worf notices a bootleg Morn, he begins to slip into his bad security habits. But when O’Brien and Bashir get taken prisoner by some Jem’Hadars, finding a cure for bad habits might be the only way the Doctor can save them. What are the steps in Ketracel Anonymous? What’s the downside for Chief O’Brien of being able to skip all those banquets? Do Jem’Hadars even have chill to harsh? It’s the episode where we did so much research we found out Quark’s last name! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Barely Legal (DS9 S4E2) Mar 04, 2019

When Ben Sisko vanishes in a freak workplace accident, his son Jake is left without anyone to hug. But when a much older Jake jumps at the chance to change the past, he must be willing to o destroy his present, and with it the writing career he’s always wished for. Are costumes clothes? What rhymes with “gardener”? Does a television set need a geometry consultant? It’s the episode recorded and edited from podcast jail!

Tout Suite Goop Sweep (DS9 S4E1&2) Feb 25, 2019

When the Klingons’ plan of “Stop, Frisk, and Blood Test” raises the tensions near the wormhole, Worf must find out their true motivations before it’s too late. But with Gowron personally leading the armada, Sisko must depend on guile (as well as a DS9’s newly installed torpedo launchers) to repel their attack. What’s the one thing NOT worth waiting for? Who is the red phone? Where do they keep the old uniforms? It’s the episode that plays some rough darts!

O’Brien Fingers Bashir (DS9 S3E26) Feb 18, 2019

When the Little D is deployed to the frontier of the federation, nobody is initially suspicious that Jake Sisko seems to now be a Starlfleet Admiral. But when aliens we’ve never heard of threaten war with the Federation, it’s the diplomats you really have to be worried about. Is the Defiant on its way to Vertiform City? Why does Eddington want to kill the Doctor? What kind of predicament would make you wish you’d become a barber? It’s the episode that finally hits the Jeffries tubes from the right angle. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

(Straight out of) Episode 74 (DS9 S3E25) Feb 11, 2019

When Jadzia Dax assembles her friends for a symbiote bar mitzvah, everyone is invited. But when some guests overstay their welcome, it’s up to Dax to convince Kerzon that the party’s over. What’s the most boring video game? Which actor may be “too scary for tv”? Does Darien Wallace fuck? It’s the episode where we did it on the first take!

Tomb of the Unknown Dick (DS9 S3E24) Feb 04, 2019

When Kira is confronted with the prospect of the most awful person possible becoming the head of her planet’s government, that news comes with a mission from that same awful person. But when she tries to repo some farm equipment from her old terror cell, it’s more than just pizza ovens in peril. What character in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure was most foundational to the host’s sexualities? Should Sisko have joined O’Brien for darts a long time ago? How long does a resistance refractory period last? It’s the episode that gets a John Doman rookie card in mint condition. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Space Dish (DS9 S3E23) Jan 28, 2019

When a secret investment scheme by Quark’s mother is laid bare, it makes everybody else in her family uncomfortable. But when a freighter captain visits DS9, it’s apparent to everyone that Commander Sisko is looking to give her docking ring preferential treatment. What is dumb for a Ferengi? Do tomatoes have cores? Where’s Leeta in all of this? It’s the episode that’s going to confuse a lot of people “who don’t listen to both.”

The Red Hammer Diaries (DS9 S3E22) Jan 21, 2019

When a bend-at-the-waist hug, leads to a father/son sailing trip, the Sisko men get to cranking. But when the adventure threatens to provoke a diplomatic incident, they’ll have to keep their new hobby in a bottle. Why is Dax cock-blocking Bashir? What’s a super comfy long-term sleeping solution? Can Chief O’Brien get “I love you, man” drunk? Romulan scientists are so vain, they probably think this discovery’s about them. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Ask the Husnock (If You Can Find Any) (DS9 S3E21) Jan 14, 2019

When Enabran Tain devises a military strategy straight out of the Admiral Hanson playbook, the fight does not go well. But when their plan to splash the Founders puddle gets them all wet, Garak must choose between escaping with his friend or going down with the ship. How do you pronounce Enabran? What do you do when you have too much bag? Are you a thermos or a jacket person? It’s the Ginuwine “Pony” album of podcasts!

You Went A to F U (DS9 S3E20) Jan 07, 2019

When an attempt is made on Garak’s life, it’s not just tailoring paraphernalia that gets blown out into the open. But when the Cardassian spy stops dissembling and the Tal Shiar stops playing chess, the potential conflict takes on a Spaceball One sense of scale. Is Quark finally fulfilling his debt to society? How big a threat are the Romulans now that they can walk two abreast? Do the Star Trek caves have mattresses on the floor? It’s the one where Garak Jazz Hands take on an ominous overtone.

Uncle Terrans (DS9 S3E19) Dec 31, 2018

When Commander Sisko gets taken to the Mirror Universe, he makes strong choices w/r/t “the right thing to do” vs. “the Mirror Universe thing to do.” But when confronted face to face with his Prime Dead wife, his mission begins to suffer from a case of performance anxiety. Is the human brain capable of grappling with the sexual morality of multiple universes? Are the Pakleds in charge? Should we be getting more cut fruit in our diet? It’s a feel-good version of politics that you wish existed.

A Sarlacc Type of Mouth (DS9 S3E18) Dec 24, 2018

When Garak is in the midst of soundly defeating Bashir in a round of Birthday Chess, Quark introduces a scary man to the doctor. But when that man goes rummaging in Bashir’s personal space, that space turns out to be more personal than he originally bargained for. How many boba teas did Altovar drink during production? What distinguishes good hand loaf from bad? What does Colm Meaney think of stuffed crust pizza? What are some tennis ball brands? It’s the episode that establishes the existence of a terrible roadside attraction called Mount Bitmore. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Top PtaQ (DS9 S3E17) Dec 17, 2018

When Chief O’Brien gets irradiated, the side effects are disorienting. But when his premonitions predict danger for DS9, he’ll have to rely on the only person he can trust: himself. How dangerous is the ceremonial garter throw? Is Sisko Kira’s “work husband”? Could Wyatt Miller be involved? It’s the episode that just puts a patch on the blowout.

Let Go and Let Horse (DS9 S3E16) Dec 10, 2018

When a mysterious stranger gives Quark blue oomox (bluemox? bloomox?), the ne’erdowell bartender is forced to room with Rom. But when the Nagus makes Maihar’du cry, Quark will risk everything to get Zek addicted to snuff again. Are we ever going to stop hearing about these stem bolts? Do Star Trek’s various giant, silent valet characters ever hang out? What’s the best board game to play with the desiccated remains of Ferengi? It’s the episode where we find out that the Prophets are just like us. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Resting Prophecy Face (DS9 S3E15) Dec 03, 2018

When Cardassian scientists arrive on DS9 with a plan to communicate through the wormhole, it’ll take more than a Bajoran with a picket sign to stop Commander Sisko’s mission. But when prophecy turns into reality, O’Brien and the Cardassians must work past their differences in order to save the day. How many Peck’s Bad Boy films are in the Marvel cinematic universe? In which quadrant is the bedroom? What is the half-life of embarrassment? It’s the episode that doesn’t blink. Ever.

A Hundred Duck-Sized Odos (DS9 S3E14) Nov 26, 2018

When Kira and Odo borrow a Starfleet runabout they get stuck doing Starfleet work. But when the mission turns into a crisis, Odo will have to decide if he believes Kira’s performance. Does Odo have a butt? Which side of the iron curtain is the best venue for metamorphosis humor? Does O’Brien have a kayak kink? It’s the episode that adds a fifth rule of Greatest Genquisition. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

A Very Tough Kouign Aman (DS9 S3E13) Nov 19, 2018

When an age appropriate love interest for Jake Sisko appears looking for a date, it’s love at first sight. But when the A story starts publicly humiliating the B story at the dinner table, the crew of DS9 is left stuck with the bill. Does the Kai have upgrade status on Bajoran transport ships? Are interstellar geopolitics a part of a healthy medical recovery plan? Which cast member do you trust an entire page of dialogue to? It’s the episode that requires a brain transplant to enjoy.

Not Purple Sports Car Success (DS9 S3E12) Nov 12, 2018

When Ghosts and Gimme’s team up to take over the DMV, initially only the Dims will support their cause. But when the Defiant starts to drain its supply of time travel particles, the Chief rolls a three-sided dice. What are good demands when you’ve got that big hostage energy? Are hippies weird or high? Where’s the soot? It’s the episode we recorded on our way into the eight figure club! Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

They Found Him in Berkeley, They Left Him in Berkeley (DS9 S3E11) Nov 05, 2018

When a freak transporter accident disappears Commander Sisko, Dr. Bashir and Dax, Chief O’brien is a little concerned. But when the away team appears at a critical time in the past, the death of a crucial historical figure has them scrambling to save the timeline. Is Brenner Information Systems a part of the Terminator movie universe? What’s the street value of a clown costume? How do Ferengi eulogize each other? It’s the episode that has a really cool tribal armband tattoo that we’d love to show you.

No Atheists in a Bajor Hole (DS9 S3E10) Oct 29, 2018

When a couple of the crew welcome their long-absent lovers back, everyone’s favorite ambassador to hate crashes the festival. But when the polarity of the station’s boners is reversed, only the passionless Doctor Bashir can save the day. How much coffee should you drink before sex? Is Bajor’s spiritual homogeneity the product of a horrifying and bloody religious war? Is Quark awesome at canasta? It’s just another episode from the human interest story of Star Trek podcasts. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Big Commander Energy (DS9 S3E9) Oct 22, 2018

When the Federation’s most popular commander beams aboard DS9 for a little R&R, the crew believes he’ll be making the station his own personal Risa. But after he starts throwing the D around too aggressively, the most sensitive parts of the galaxy are in danger of being punished. Where can you get a dope-ass tamale? Is Cal Hudson’s true legacy sartorial? Do the Cardassians take a dump without a plan? It’s the episode that chooses the wrench!

Mid-Brand Cigarette (DS9 S3E8) Oct 15, 2018

While trekking in the gQuad, Sisko and the gang encounter a disappearing reappearing planet whose inhabitants Dax finds very bonable. But while her relationship with one of the locals flowers, back at on the station, Quark’s depravity takes a turn for the worse. Does the Defiant need a dongle to disappear? Why is the makeup department neglecting Dax’s neck? Why do people keep going on these non-date dates? It’s the episode where we try out mid-90s flirtation. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

Pubescent Combadge (DS9 S3E7) Oct 08, 2018

When Chief O’brien trips DS9’s security system, the station’s car alarm triggers a very hostile form of lockdown. But when the crew get covered in “buts,” they may have to collaborate with an unlikely ally. Are there ANY new poop euphemisms? Why would anyone wear their communicator in an anti-Hudson configuration? Is embarrassment lethal? It’s the episode recorded with back-turned confidence!

You Can Kill Them With Embarrassment (DS9 S3E6) Oct 01, 2018

When a familiar purple haired lady returns to the station to fool Quark twice, he takes the bait and brings more than just shame on himself. But when part of the acquisition becomes Odo’s charge, the station’s safety will have to rest on the Lycine Contingency. Is Sisko’s parenting style inspired by Larry Miller? Do clothes make the man, and if so, why is this kid in a ninja costume? Should we be concerned about how Odo has decorated Chez Bucket? It’s the episode where the crew gets handed a win in a pelican case. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets! Support the production of The Greatest Generation.

She Puts the Beige in Bajor (DS9 S3E5) Sep 24, 2018

When Major Kira is given an unwanted makeover, her aestheticians give her the hard sell on accepting her new look. But when she begins to question their motivations, she’ll have to depend on those she hates the most to get her out of this mess. How do you defend against a “look dunk”? What are the seats you should choose for your wife on an airplane? Do you ever want to get handsy with the loaf? It’s the episode that makes us question our very identities!

Be The Industrial Mixer You Want To See In The World (DS9 S3E4) Sep 17, 2018

When Jadzia whips out some treacly keyboard skills at a dinner party, she puts the Siskos in an awkward position. But as her life turns into a bad episode of Fool Us with Penn and Teller, it starts to seem like Dax may have forgotten more than just her level of musical proficiency. Which host is in the pocket of Big Pun? Are Dax and Sisko chess hipsters? How does anyone get any shuteye on the Defiant? It’s the episode where we find out who’s Charlie Brown, and whose balls he’s trying to kick. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Secret Silk (DS9 S3E3) Sep 10, 2018

When Keiko quits her job, Chief O’Brien must throw out the manual in order to fix the problems in their relationship. Meanwhile, after Quark gets into a bar fight with a drunk, his punishment requires that he defend himself both physically and mathematically. How can you tell if it’s a split diopter shot? What does Minkus look like today? Who is the best person to talk to about your domestic problems? It’s the episode that’s fine, really.

Remmick Levels of Intensity (DS9 S3E2) Sep 03, 2018

When Odo finally discovers Planet Bucket, his curiosity takes the form of an interrogation of his goopy species. But when the rest of the gang returns to the station, they find the Federation negotiating a peace treaty that’s even worse than the one they have with the Cardassisans. Does a golden handshake count as watersports? Do Bunkbed Mark II Shuttles have rear windows? Are the Changelings just a cult? It’s the episode where the hosts take a deep dive on blasting butt. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Perplexing Volume (DS9 S3E1) Aug 27, 2018

When midlife crisis Ben Sisko rolls up to the station in his brand new ride, he can’t wait to show the crew what’s so special under the hood. But when he invites them on a trip around the block with him to show it off, the feedback from their neighbors is surprising. Where do we stand on Big Almond? How do we verify if “Scepter is Authentic”? Why can’t you go through the wormhole cloaked? It’s the episode where we decide where a “yes, and” belongs.

It’s Like Her Hair Is A Cookie (DS9 S2E26) Aug 20, 2018

When Nog and Quark barge into a Sisko family vacation, Jake insists they tune the radio to the Ferengi station. But when their Gamma Quadrant camping trip brings them in contact with two brand new kinds of alien, we set aside comedic things and head into the darkness. Do Commanders get shallower deep-Vs than Captains? Is that lady using a prodigious amount of spray, or is it an ear thing? Do Galaxy Class starships compare bridge size? It’s the episode where we talk about our big trip to the inside of a certain pocket. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Anachronistic Mustache (DS9 S2E25) Aug 13, 2018

When Chief O’brien has his vacation plans derailed by the Cardassians, he goes from runabout seat to dentist’s chair in short order. But after his lackluster accommodations on Cardassia Prime are relayed back to Commander Sisko, it’s up to the crew of DS9 to get him rebooked elsewhere. Is there an “Alexander Bubble”? What are the three rules of Greatest Gen? Is Odo stuck in the uncanny valley? It’s the episode that ignores the very spacious “back of a runabout”!

Orb Refractory Period (DS9 S2E24) Aug 06, 2018

When Vedek Bareil gets a powerful Kai Election, Kira gets fairly hot under the collar. But when Vichy allegations start getting tossed around liberally, the Bajoran Papacy might go to someone who can cause Keiko some real problems. How do you pronounce a French thing? How could we have made that Michael Dukakis photo-op worse? Is wet leather an important waypoint on the path to nirvana? It’s an episode that will double down on last week’s challenge to unsubscribe. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Conspiracy (Plus Ten Years) (DS9 S2E23) Jul 30, 2018

When Major Kira and Doctor Bashir get a flat tire while going through the wormhole, the nearest exit takes them to a place that looks like home. But when they arrive, they find O’Brien responding to his life in the same way he always has. What can’t you give away in prison? Is Bashir just a dorky Dad? Is John Roderick from the Mirror Universe? It’s ten pounds of episode in a two pound bag!

20 mg Gummies Throughout (DS9 S2E22) Jul 23, 2018

When a headache seems more serious than normal, Garak’s traditional evasiveness begins to stand in the way of Bashir’s ability to keep him alive. But when the doctor goes on a B & E to help his friend, he may end up condemning the tailor to a life of pure misery. Why doesn’t Dax manscape her house plants? Does Quark have a nonstick coating on that loaf? Is Odo’s true calling as a Roto-Rooter? Its the episode where we are very careful not to ‘pull a Richard.’ Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Little Beef, Little Pork (DS9 S2E21) Jul 16, 2018

When Calvin Hudson walks Commander Sisko through his plan to leave the Federation, his fugitive turn has implications that will last well past laundry day. But when Gul Dukat rides shotgun for the mission to bring him to justice, Sisko’s allegiances become complicated. What is the unified theory of non-Starfleet uniforms? Why are there so many farmers in Star Trek? Is there a question you should never ask a Lyft driver? It’s the episode where all of the host’s movements are motivated!

But Enough About My Butt (DS9 S2E20) Jul 09, 2018

When Male-Pattern-Baldness-Barclay commits an act of terrorism, Station Commander Sisko hits the road with an old frenemy. But when everyone in the DMZ starts using cheat codes, loyalties are tested and well-treated prisoners are dying. What is Cal Hudson telegraphing with that low com badge placement? Does Gul Dukat have resting threat voice? It’s the episode where we go on an Excellent Adventure, but stop short of going on a Bogus Journey. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

The Loaf Forgives All (DS9 S2E19) Jul 02, 2018

When the Klingon chapter of the Dead Sons Club holds a meeting on DS9, Dax goes way back with some of the board members. But when the plan for the next meeting leads to a far away planet and a Scarface-like enemy, it forces her to choose between her career at Starfleet and an oath to her friends. Which X-Men side-scroller character are you? What’s the person version of object permanence? Is loaf just a way to get around an insensitive makeup decision? It’s the episode where we look at each other during, again!

The Sooner We End This Episode The Sooner I Can Stop Looking At You (DS9 S2E18) Jun 25, 2018

When their brand new ship takes a lot of body damage, some radical Cardassians put in at the station for a buff-out. But when the pilot turns out to be an old friend of Quark’s, his interest in her becomes more than academic. What does Quark get out of giving oral? Is ‘bloody dress’ a fashion statement or a metaphor? Could Odo ever safely impersonate a table at the Promenade’s Chili’s Too location? It’s the episode where we find out what’s in it for Adam.

A Really Remarkable Sign (DS9 S2E17) Jun 18, 2018

When a new arrival is greeted on DS9, he is warmly welcomed by everyone except for the person he’s there to see. But when a rodent infestation starts kicking the crew’s butts, the issue becomes a problem for more than just the food service vendors on the promenade. Why does anyone go “full Geordi” anymore? Should we take the mono-myth back to the drawing board? What’s the worst gift your mom has ever given you? It’s the episode that pitches a new health conscious t-shirt that no one will buy!

A Real Haranguing or Banging Conundrum (DS9 S2E16) Jun 11, 2018

When Dax and Odo find a techno-donut, it’s only the first clue in a very Star Trek mystery. Back on the station, Jake gets his first job and Quark tries to job Kira while Vedek Bareil tries to get a job of his own. Could Odo Riker an ankylosaur? Why are the Bjorans so willing to give up the jumja? What’s a good ratio of walls to holes? It’s the episode that shucks before it shaves. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

The Crystal Direction (DS9 S2E15) Jun 04, 2018

When Sisko and O’Brien discover a crashed freighter on a desolate planet, they find the hat enthusiast survivors have formed a society around their unhinged leader. But when they discover that hotboxing is being used as a form of punishment, it’s up to O’Brien to discover the secret of why no one can escape. Do Adam and Ben need an eye exam? What wouldn’t we give for a Juan Ortiz box of DS9 cards? Does a hand phaser have a setting for wood? It’s the episode where we don’t hate you, we hate how nude you’ve made us become!

Act-Drunk Adjacent (DS9 S2E14) May 28, 2018

When O’Brien comes home from a security conference hosted by warring Gamma Quadrant aliens whose names are hard to remember, he falls victim to the classic dangers inherent to all Starfleet convention goers. But when his relationship with Keiko gets back into its old groove, he realizes that something is very wrong. What’s the exchange rate of Vanderpump To Trek? Shouldn’t the the Chief’s first step be to check for nubbins? How can one confirm when Uxbridge is authentic? It’s the episode that trades the promise of success and responsibility with a toilet plunger. Come see us live on tour with Greatest Gen Khan🎉🎉🎉! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Apropos of Nothing (But Sort of What We Were Talking About) (DS9 S2E13) May 21, 2018

When an alien race that REALLY doesn’t like Shake Weights decides to liquidate their gym, Dr. Bashir and Chief O’Brien are there to help. But when those in charge want to change the scope of the project, it’s up to Commander Sisko to take a break from his buffet long enough to investigate the matter. Who are the “Geordi & Data of DS9”? What is Colm Meaney’s “Con Face”? Why is there so much implied gluttony? It’s the episode that shares the hosts’ favorite Judith B. Raskin park bench quotes.

We’re Really Luxuriating in this Maron (DS9 S2E12) May 14, 2018

A doctor to whom Odo bears a striking family resemblance arrives on Deep Space Nine with a gift-wrapped mystery for his former lab animal. But when the team’s road trip to Planet Bucket unleashes a gassy banger, it’s not clear which member of the away team gets the worst side-effects. What’s the best drug to take when listening to the Melota Remix? What is motivating Sisko’s dimmer decisions? Is a female’s love interest something we can really categorize as a ‘dilemma?’ It’s the episode where we show our whole soft spot. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Knuck Spanx (DS9 S2E11) May 07, 2018

When the probability on DS9 gets out of whack, a new gambling hall across from Quark’s Bar may be to blame. But when O’Brien and Keiko start getting along, THAT’s the point when the crew becomes suspicious. How many liters of Odo are there? Does O'Brien prefer to play with himself? Where’s the knuck? It’s the episode that’s a real weird bit of business.

One Horn Player Does Not Make an Artist Community (DS9 S2E10) Apr 30, 2018

When frumpy refugees come through the hole, Kira has to stop finishing Sisko’s sandwich. But when the houseguests start threatening to extend their stay, Bajor is confronted with a potential avalanche of skin flakes. Is an opaque door the only thing that will get Adam and Ben back into square jobs? !s the hotel discount at Se7enCon a good deal? Is “hey, you like hip-hop?” an effective pickup line? It’s the episode that might need to get a referral to a specialist. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

They Went to Jake Clips (DS9 S2E9) Apr 23, 2018

On the anniversary of a significant event in Federation history, Sisko falls for a woman who keeps ghosting him. But after an awkward conversation at a dinner party, their fantasy romance goes nova. Is Jennifer Sisko reanimated, somewhere? Could a marriage be a “correctable situation”? Why doesn’t anyone want to take shore leave on DS9? It’s the episode where one of the hosts is still numb!

The Canoe Has Ridges (DS9 S2E8) Apr 16, 2018

When Quark finds himself in a real film noir situation, it jogs memories with very muted colors for Odo. But when the case connects to events from the past, the sets get even smokier. Did Bajoran jewelers ever go through a modernist design period? What is Rom ever even doing? Are the Siskos being written off the show? It’s the episode where we goo through all the doors. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Slickback Emeritus (DS9 S2E7) Apr 09, 2018

When Quark brokers a deal with someone who has a severe case of “bad guy face,” he needs help from a coworker. But when Rom discovers what she’s been hiding under her bed, it forces Quark to choose between his moral and legal codes. Why does the promenade close? What’s the best pretzel in the game? Is Morn is a hobo? It’s the episode that recounts our frequent history of make-out erasure!

Chekhov’s Nose (DS9 S2E6) Apr 02, 2018

When Dr. Bashir tries to give a new ensign “The Brahms Treatment,” he actually manages to charm her. But when she and Dax are taken hostage with Quark, she briefly turns her weakness into a strength. What’s the worst bodily substance in microgravity? Has Dax just been jackin’ it for the last 150 years? How does science work? It’s the episode that retrofits as much of the podcast as possible for ADA compliance. HELP SUPPORT US IN THE #MaxFunDrive AT MAXIMUMFUN.ORG/DONATE! Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Prophets!

Lennying It to Death (DS9 S2E5) Mar 26, 2018

When a Cardassian boy bites Garak, it’s hard to blame him. But when Sisko and Bashir investigate further, their digging into the child’s Ancestry.com profile reveals some troubling facts w/r/t the "warphanages" on Bajor. Is the costume department “hattero-normative”? Does Gul Dukat watch the show? Are those Nilla Wafers? It’s the episode that thinks things are bathrooms that aren’t bathrooms!

We Get Worse in Both Directions (DS9 S2E4) Mar 19, 2018

When Quark prays for bandits to take over the station, he gets more than a sticky gym sock. But when they come for Jadzia’s ankylosaur (anklyosaur?), the crew has to make fists with more than their toes. Are these Klingons seeking the right thing? How much are they charging these days at Vulcan supercuts? Are there any good tricks for finding Mareel’s loaf? It’s the episode where we trade honey sticks for latinum. Follow The Game of Buttholes: The Will of the Profits!

Limp Swagger (DS9 S2E3) Mar 12, 2018

When the Bajorans seek to occupy Deep Space Nine, they arrive to find it nearly deserted. But when Sisko trusts the wrong messenger with the true nature of the coup, it’s up to his scrappy band of Jeffries tube rebels to fight off a legion of corduroy catbasket-clad soldiers before time runs out. What’s the first thing you should do after unboxing a RealSisko™? Who brings a guitar to a campout? Is Morn smart or dumb? It’s the episode that questions our own heroism!

A Lotion for Everything and Everything in its Lotion (DS9 S2E2) Mar 05, 2018

When a new first officer begins his career on DS9, the old one has a lot of emotional goodbyes to say. But when Quark is deputized by Odo, the mystery of What’s Even Happening gets blown wide open. Which Avenger is Jake Sisko reminding us of? Is Kira as sweaty as Ben thinks? Is the Three Day Rule Lifestyle a pyramid scheme? It’s the episode where we throw all orb continuity out the window. Follow the board game! www.gagh.biz/game

Irish Wank (DS9 S2E1) Feb 26, 2018

When an ex-investment banker is sentenced to hard labor in a resort town, Major Kira goes behind enemy lines to rescue him. But when the stories he tells the tourists don’t end up holding any water, it’s up to Bajoran leadership to decide whether to keep his legend alive. What is proper "stream etiquette"? Why are dance crew contests still a thing in the 24th century? What are Klingon food safety rules? It’s the episode that questions the age limit on holosuites.

Space Butthole Curriculum (DS9 S1E19) Feb 19, 2018

When a fundamentalist religious leader comes on board the station, Keiko inherits more than the wind. But when one of her husband’s wrenches goes missing, his work wife starts to keep him on his toes too. Who ate all the M&Ms out of the trail mix at the Craft Services table? What happened to the popsicle continuity in this episode? Does Neela want the jumja? It’s the episode where we teach the controversy.

Loaf is on the Pillow (DS9 S1E18) Feb 12, 2018

When a man with a mysterious past beams onto DS9 to see a doctor, the only treatment he gets are accommodations in the brig. But when the crew begins to doubt the person’s true identity, Kira must come to grips with what she really wants out of their relationship. Which DS9 character would you FMK? What are the sexual ethics of the holosuites? Is there a best pre-murder meal to order from a take-out window? It’s the episode that has no lollipop b-story!

Pins & Limp Thread (DS9 S1E17) Feb 05, 2018

When a Klingon’s dying breath is to proclaim victory, the crew get dramatic about it. But while Odo becomes even more perplexed than normal about his colleague’s behavior, they’re cutting the phone lines and reenacting the death throes of a dying civilization. Should colleges and universities divest in Valeria? Is O’Brien going to have to get used to doing it in front of other people? Where is Quark in the cum hierarchy? It’s the episode where we go “full tube” to preserve our privacy.

Cotton Candy Thundercloud (DS9 S1E16) Jan 29, 2018

When Lwaxana Troi visits DS9, she’s not the only diplomat causing problems for the crew. But when Odo turns to putty in her hands, it becomes a moment of truth for the both of them. Are "social charisma" and "work charisma" different things? Does “picnic” mean grabbing something other than a basket? What is a Yamato Truther? It’s the episode NOT sponsored by a garbage can company!

Consensual Mornhammer (DS9 S1E15) Jan 22, 2018

When characters from imagination and fantasy start arriving without a ship, it ruins bedtime for Deep Space Nine. But when llamas turn into bangers, the crew’s dreams turn into nightmares. Does Writer Salad make a filling meal? What’s Jake going to do with that baseball bat? Will Adam ever learn how to pronounce ‘denouement?’ It’s the drunken episode that nobody asked for (and the episode that will probably get us kicked off Maximum Fun).

Bajoran Gothic (DS9 S1E14) Jan 15, 2018

When Nog and Jake inherit a boat load of a Cardassian condiment, they propose a deal where anything more than nothing should be a win. But as Major Kira oversees the construction (and then the destruction) of an out of the way Bajoran Pizza Kitchen franchise, her gamble on diplomacy has her losing her shirt. Is Morn packing a hammer? What ever happened to “Genital Knees”? Is there anything higher than empire? It’s the episode that dares you to eat a sauce you don’t understand!

A Troubling Amount of Knuck (DS9 S1E13) Jan 08, 2018

When Sisko is presented with a perfect opportunity to redeem his reputation as a diplomat, he fails to recognize it for what it is. Meanwhile, Chief O’Brien is trying to keep a safe distance between himself and the doctor and failing miserably. How many clown shoes fit in the average bag? Is this old man set in his ways, or is the whole town? What’s the problem with Jake Sisko? It’s the episode with sub-Nagilum-level effects.

A Box that Does the Work (DS9S1E12) Jan 01, 2018

When Kai Opaka makes an unscheduled visit to DS9, Commander Sisko, Major Kira and Dr. Bashir take her off the station as soon as possible. But when their Winnebago crashes onto “Planet War,” one of them will be unable to leave. Do humans in the 24th century have super eyesight? Does the promenade have a Claire’s? What’s the greatest amount of emotion depicted in Star Trek? It’s the episode that’s grandfathered into immortality.

Hesher Emeritus (DS9 S1E11) Dec 25, 2017

When a pair of twins use their prominently placed keisters to smuggle an egg onboard the station, a deal brokered by Quark goes sideways and a man is killed. But when the prisoner shows Odo his necklace, the shape-shifter has a chain reaction. Is Lieutenant Toast a character that exists to save work doe the payroll department? Is this episode meant to be a stirring tribute to the makeup designer’s deceased father? Are these guys gum commercial twins or beer commercial twins? It’s the episode where we open ALL the presents and do ALL the ass jokes.

Heavy Lies the Lampshade (DS9 S1E10) Dec 18, 2017

When an extremely droopy Tony Robbins convenes a group of Ferengi economic minds, scheming for profit in the Gamma Quadrant is their top priority. But when he chooses Quark as his successor, the bartender is thrust from his comfortable place behind the scenes into a spotlight that proves dangerous. Where are the eyes supposed to go? Why would a Vulcan steal homework from a Ferengi? What are the chances that Rom has a nice apartment? It’s the episode that turns on Find My Friends!

Vaguely Nutcrackery (DS9 S1E9) Dec 11, 2017

When diplomats from the Gamma Quadrant head straight past a good premise, they wind up in Quark’s bar. But when the Ferengi act like Ferengi, the stakes are raised for the staff of DS9 in the worst way possible. Are the Wadi elves or sharks? Is O’Brien just going to spend the rest of Season 1 on an air mattress at his mother-in-law’s house? Is Major Kira our emotional proxy? It’s the episode that is paid for with swag from a natural history museum gift shop.

A Choice of Incompetence (DS9 S1E8) Dec 04, 2017

When Dr. Bashir witnesses the death of a dangerous criminal, the officer in charge of his capture presupposes that...maybe he’s alive? But when a new lieutenant has some fresh ideas w/r/t station security, Odo struggles to ensure their working relationship doesn’t get burnt. When is a super dumb Bela Lugosi voice ever a good idea? How long should you have to wait before dispensing corporal punishment? Is it a good time to start killing characters? It’s the episode that ravaged us all!

Rura Penthe™ Brand Gavel (S1E7) Nov 27, 2017

When some sneaky aliens decide to out-creep Dr. Bashir, they attempt to abduct Jadzia. But when the trial begins, it’s unclear if she’s an ankylosaur or a floor mat. Can Odo be Christmas Lights? Is Klaestron 4 a “mask and gloves” planet? How do you direct Nana Visitor? It’s the episode with all the great older ladies.

Achilles’ Ear (DS9 S1E6) Nov 20, 2017

When Vash returns from the Gamma Quadrant with a sack full of toys, she brings back with her a person who knows when she’s asleep and when she’s awake. But when an auction for the quadrant’s hottest item starts causing bangers all over DS9, it’ll take more than a six finger discount to end the bidding. What kinds of holosuite programs does O’brien use to unwind after work? Have we seen ear diddling before? Is Vash more of a “cowboy” or “medium single” type? It’s an episode that was written for the wrong series!

Puts the Chew on the Other Ass (S1E5) Nov 13, 2017

When the station encounters its first Gamma Quadrant alien, they send the handyman down to make First Contact. But when the alien’s pursuers show up, starfleet is forced to relax its policy about gunfights on the Promenade. Is #MeToo going to still be a thing hundreds of years from now? Why does that beverage cart have googly eyes? Is the Predator canonical Flash Gordon? It’s the episode where we become each other’s extravagance buddies.

Nurk Goatse (DS9 S1E4) Nov 06, 2017

When the inhabitants of DS9 come down with a case of flop-sweat aphasia, O'Brien has to be thinking that the sexy part comes next. But when the word salad is followed by a deadly main course, Kira turns to kidnapping as a last resort. Does the Federation have enough people to fix DS9? Is it possible to hug the sick out of someone? Can Odo turn himself into cat litter? It's the episode that does not enjoy a gentle touch.

The Red Bucket (DS9 S1E3) Oct 30, 2017

When a Barnaby lookalike gets a decidedly unhappy ending on the holodeck, Constable Odo becomes the prime suspect. But when the kids of Deep Space Nine use the distraction to do pranks around the station, it’s up to a very unlikely character to teach them a lesson. What do we do about movie talkers? What’s the difference between where a Bajoran keeps their genitals and where they put them? Is Odo’s relationship history more problematic than Geordi’s? It’s the episode that’s pro Vichy Bubble.

A Real Meet Scary (S1E2) Oct 23, 2017

When Bashir makes friends with a man who is obviously a spy, the subterfuge, like the tailoring, goes way over his head. But when 90’s hair Bajorans start importing suspicious cargo, the crew will have to take risks far greater than hiding in a changing booth after store hours. Who’s your hall pass from the cast? Has DS9 overcompensated for the potted plant issue? What are Lursa and B’etor hiding with their boobs? It’s the episode where we really strain the portmanteau.

Wormhole Ambergris (S1E1) Oct 16, 2017

When a reluctant and somewhat recalcitrant Ben Sisko is given command of the worst neighborhood in Starfleet, a tone is set for a very different kind of Trek. But when the locals identify him as potentially playing a major role in their religion, the commander's commitment to his job comes roaring back. Is the space station a metaphor for urban Detroit? Did someone tell Nana Visitor that she was going to be the star of the series? Is Picard looking at Sisko’s junk? It’s the episode where we trade Picard’s Beavis and Butthead for Sisko’s Woo!

Vermeer as a Brand (TGG Retrospective) Oct 09, 2017

When Star Trek: The Next Generation trots out its greatest ambassador for a special retrospective episode, it's only fair that The Greatest Generation does the same. But when the hosts start arguing over the best and worst episodes of the series, it could take more than an intergalactic cheerleader to put their relationship back together. Where did Frakes get his wardrobe? Are Members Only jackets cool again? Is this educational programming? It's the episode that takes advantage of what pretty ladies we are.

Welcome to The Greatest Discovery (Bonus Episode) Oct 07, 2017

The Greatest Discovery Episode 1: Oopsie-Daisy Murder When a precursor to the Argus Array gets a hole poked in it, the Federation sends its B-team: the USS SHEzhou. But when executive officer Michael Burnham pokes a hole in a nearby Klingon, the situation escalates quickly. Is Sarek the only Vulcan teacher? Has Georgiou given Burnham too much latitude? Is Saru the COB of this episode? It’s the episode that lights a beacon that can be seen across the galaxy.

Greatest Generation Forever (S7E25) Oct 02, 2017

When Captain Picard starts slipping through time, his sanity is called into question. But when Q shows up to blame him for the creation of a space-time butthole, Picard must unify the crews of his past, present and future in order to save humanity. Does Star Trek First Contact bubble bath have an expiration date? Does Worf have a holodeck eating disorder? What does all this have to do with Joel Schumacher’s Batman films? It’s the episode that’s the end of one thing, and the beginning of another!

It’s Like They Skinned Rowlf (S7E24) Sep 27, 2017

When Lieutenant Ro is sent on a mission to infiltrate the Maquis, it’s just another late-Season 7 daddy-issues episode. But when the conflict between her loyalty to the Federation and her hatred of Cardassians comes to the fore, Picard doubles down on his inappropriate workplace behavior. Is Beverly the ship’s greatest disease vector? Are Starfleet officers the narcs of the Alpha Quadrant? How are we supposed to sympathize with Bajorans when all they eat are wraps? Everybody knows that the Federation are the good guys, but what this episode presupposes is, maybe they’re not?

Pizza Place Tough Guy (S7E23) Sep 25, 2017

When a clump of crazy straws sets up shop inside the wiring of the Enterprise, the ship’s holodeck programs become self aware. But when the characters begin to endanger the ship, they attempt to take back control by playing by their rules. Who's got time for canapés? Is there something going on between Jellico and Nechayev? Does the Parrot Army have anything to do with any of this? It's the episode where we finally decide what Riker's favorite sexual position is.

Young Liza Minnelli & Old Billy Eichner (S7E22) Sep 20, 2017

When a mysterious probe delivers a holographic Daimon Bok to the Enterprise, it’s a revenge served lukewarm. But when Picard discovers he may have unknowingly sired a son, the ship drops everything to save the beautifully coiffed boy. Is “farmer” the most eccentric job you can have? Does Picard need to start keeping a loaded DustBuster under his pillow? Why stop work on an amazing invention five minutes before you’re done? It’s the episode where Maury Povich takes a turn as co-host.

Butter Knife Bat'leth (S7E21) Sep 18, 2017

When Worf and Alexander take a field trip to a Klingon renaissance fair, an assassination attempt is foiled, and an old family friend appears to help. But when Alexander decides not to go to Klingon summer camp, his mentors must face the possibility that he'll never become the warrior they want him to be. Are Eric's balloons here to stay? What does a Klingon scented candle smell like? Which one is Lursa and which one is B'Etor? It's the episode that knows where to get the raw materials.

Warp Salieri (S7E20) Sep 13, 2017

When Admiral Nechayev comes aboard, Picard would almost rather be relieved of command than carry out her orders. The mission coincides with Wesley’s Spring Break, and he’s eager to do some sweet bong rips to get out of the funk he’s been in. Who's the George of TNG? Why not deploy the Paul Sorvino Solution? Was anybody woke in the 90s? It’s the episode with all the pan flute. COOL!

Four Octaves of Intelligence Range (S7E19) Sep 11, 2017

When Worf fires a photon torpedo that goes off course, Picard and Data go on a road trip to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Dr. Crusher’s cure for Lt. Barclay’s flu ends up being a step in the wrong direction. How many arboretums are there? Is Nurse Ogawa’s relationship moving too fast? Is Kevin coming to Deep Space Nine? It’s the episode that’s a really beautiful tableau.

Taking It Out on the Wall (S7E18) Sep 06, 2017

When a nacelle engineer totally puts himself into his work, Worf and Troi are tasked with investigating the circumstances of his death. But when Troi starts displaying some similarly troubling feelings, it's up to Worf to keep her from going over the edge. Is LiveJournal a compulsory part of a Starfleet career? Where's the boldest place to kiss someone for the first time? Are there special phasers for the elderly? It's the episode that's only slightly better than Ben Affleck's first film!

Emphatically Vaginal (S7E17) Sep 04, 2017

When Data’s attempt to become a sculptor coincides with the ship encountering a rogue comet, eldritch emanations from the heavenly body cause him to take his exploration of an ancient art form way too far. Now the Entrepreneur is in ruins, and the only way to save it is for Picard to go incognito. Did we just witness an ice life genocide? Did Worf and Geordi doom the ship by leaving a torpedo next to an open flame in engineering? Should Picard just blow up the damn ship? It’s the episode that pauses at vag on its way to treble clef.

Gruffness Quotient (S7E16) Aug 30, 2017

When Data crash lands on "Planet Renaissance," he starts performing feats of strength and sells dangerous cargo to the blacksmith there. Meanwhile, Counselor Troi studies for a test where her answers have life-threatening consequences. Who's ever seen Space Rangers? What is the loaf of the week? Should we change the show's logo? It's the episode that suffers from mechanical amnesia.

A Greek Chorus of Noxzema Commercial Kids (S7E15) Aug 28, 2017

When Riker and Troi embark on a quarterly crew evaluation, four fresh-faced ensigns are pitted against each other to see who will get promoted, and who will be voted off the island. But when the Captain takes a special interest in big-dogging a familiar young Bajoran, the competition turns deadly. What does a staff meeting in Ten Forward sound like? Is Worf the best manager on the ship? Is Troi running a long con to get more face time with Lavelle? Its the episode that will serve as a time capsule for post-tour Adam and Ben to understand what pre-tour Adam and Ben were really like.

Leotard Conversation (S7E14) Aug 23, 2017

When Beverly’s grandma wills her an erotic candle, her eye color isn’t the only thing that changes. But Troi and Picard grow increasingly suspicious when she starts dressing like an old. Is this mayor what would happen if the Dark Crystal puppets grew up? Where do babies come from? Was Nagilum an MRA? It’s the episode where we come to loggerheads over podcasting fluid.

Any Pixel in a Storm (S7E13) Aug 21, 2017

When Worf’s brother sends word of pending calamity at the Diet Mintakan planet he’s living on, the Enterprise is there to stand bravely and selflessly by as a young civilization is winked out of existence. But when Dr. Rozhenko sneaks some refugees aboard, the only way to prevent a full blown Prime Directive violation is for Worf to dress up as Carl Weathers. How are these holodeck outages going to affect the ship’s first officer? What’s the best window treatment on which to preserve a historical record? Why isn’t Worf respecting proper hugging etiquette? It’s the episode that is almost entirely dedicated to Paul Sorvino pasta sauce.

Spit Roast Big Dogging (S7E12) Aug 16, 2017

When an Admiral from Starfleet Intelligence comes aboard, the Entrepreneur has to cut its holiday celebration short. But Riker’s misgivings about the mission and the man leading it boil over when a terrible, and very un-Roddenberry secret is uncovered. Is the Hood the Siberia of Starfleet? What is the top Riker? How is the Federation going to smooth this over with the Romulans? It’s the episode where Adam and Ben go to war with each other.

Friends of DeSoto (S7E11) Aug 14, 2017

When the Enterprise investigates a misaligned telescope on one of the great arrays, Worf begins experiencing some problems focusing. But when his issues at work spill over into his home life, his wife(!) helps him get back to where he belongs. Do amputees finish ahead of people who are bad at bat'leth? What kind of camping can you do in a shuttlecraft? Is there such thing as "the ultimate man-spread"? It's the episode that proves there's no floor drains in a shuttlebay.

The Symphony of My Life is Flatulence (S7E10) Aug 09, 2017

When a federation planet is a bit backed up, the Entrepreneur crew pull on their rubber gloves and get to work. But when one of the scientists starts insisting she’s Data’s mother, the mystery goes more than medium-deep. What’s the perfect can? Is this canonical phaser? Will we ever record sober again? It’s the episode where Data’s similarities to Ronald Reagan really start to trickle down.

A Very Pronounced Headmouth (S7E9) Aug 07, 2017

When the Entrepreneur goes on a search an rescue mission in a part of space with strange properties w/r/t fields, the situation gets hot in a global sort of way. A strangely loafed pair of siblings have gone Greenpeace on all local spaceships, and it’s up to Picard to deal with their inconvenient truth. When are the Ferengi going to get back to their Vegas residency? Can you Jake your own ship? Does Leonard Maltin review adult films? It’s the episode that’s a hyperbaric chamber preparing us for our trip to rock bottom.

Prick For Prick (S7E8) Aug 02, 2017

When Picard and Beverly are abducted and fitted for mechanical nubbins, they start to share more than a mutual love of breakfast. Back on the ship, an extremely paranoid ambassador is trying to build his own bat cave in one of the condos. Does this episode take place in an alternate brunchaverse? Is Worf picking up extra shifts in the transporter room because he’s short on scarves? Is Picard getting a write-off for that Action Jacket? It’s the episode where we finally finish the ‘card bit’…or do we?

All Plenty, No Horn (S7E7) Jul 31, 2017

When Lwaxana Troi drinks from a telepathic firehose, it gives her a wicked headache before putting her into a coma. But when Deanna Troi's investigation results in the discovery of a dark family secret, she must find a way to escape the prison constructed within her mother's mind. What is the easiest stitch? How do you comb your hair around temple loaf? Who does the gardening in the arboretum? It’s the episode that doesn’t have as many good ideas as the number of shows we have to do.

A Murder Weapon Waiting to Happen (S7E6) Jul 26, 2017

When a new Warp Core is installed, Geordi and Data spend a surprising amount of time on the phone with tech support trying to get it running. The stress really gets to Data, causing him to have bizarre nightmares. Is that super 90’s guy at the conn during third shift now? What are gas prices like in the Federation these days? How hard is it to find an erotic bakery in LA? It’s the episode where we fill up a cup holder.

Perfect Warburton (S7E5) Jul 24, 2017

When Picard turns up alive, he "kills" Commander RIker before taking command of the pirate ship. But when the Enterprise puts Data in charge of the rescue mission, workplace conflicts arise for both crews. Is pain a good leadership style? Where does Picard keep his dog tags? How do dye packs work? It's the episode where we run out of torpedoes.

Foam Stone Holocaust (S7E4) Jul 19, 2017

When Picard turns up dead, the Entrepreneur’s new captain is a vengeance-motivated Riker with total mission discretion. But it’s not long before Riker himself is captured, leaving the ship in Data’s capable, detachable hands. How much disbelief can this show get us to suspend? What’s the best way to maintain your Rimforest? How deep in the lineup do they go before the Entrepreneur doesn’t have a qualified captain? It’s the episode where we tie a red bandana around our bust of Big Rod.

A Hat Under a Hat (S7E3) Jul 17, 2017

When Geordi starts dabbling in virtual reality, his Batman costume makes it look a lot cooler than it should. But when what he experiences in the virtual world starts to have real-world consequences, he must choose between a dangerous mission and the acceptance of a difficult truth. Does Picard screen calls with a text message? What is honey mustard dressing made of? Is there a burn past the 3rd degree? It's the episode that doesn't waste a side on coleslaw.

Botany Babe (S7E2) Jul 12, 2017

When a number of ambassadors for the athleisure movement come aboard, they pair off with crew members while the captain climbs in a suspicious shuttle to their homeworld. But when Picard’s shuttle runs right into a planet and he’s rescued by a space babe, diplomacy is the last thing on anyone’s mind. Why is that roast so hard to cut? Why can Adam do dad jokes with relative impunity? Was remastering Season 7 for HD what broke the studio and caused them not to care? Why is Troi getting a sex ed lesson while that kid is in the room? It’s the episode where Adam does deep research in an effort to keep the show fresh.

A Fun Face for Science Fiction (S7E1) Jul 10, 2017

When the Enterprise crew gets fooled for the tenth time by a kidnapped-and-taken-over Data, the skeleton crew left aboard the ship is their only hope. But when Geordi is subjected to "enhanced acupuncture," their survival depends on rebooting Data's programming. What is a Biff Yeager Unit? Does a replicator have an emergency rationing mode? What happened to Borg gender parity? It's the episode where we interview LeVar Burton!

Be Quiet, Grandpa (S6E26) Jul 05, 2017

When the Entrepreneur investigates a trashed outpost, the Borgs return, and they’ve gone from suck to blow. Now the entire crew—and we mean the entire crew—has to go to San Diego to rescue their missing Android. Is Data’s combat program based on MacGruber? How many shift rotations do they have on Dennis Eckersley’s ship? Is Einstein just a frumpier Twain? It’s the episode with incredibly durable plating.

Trucker Hand (S6E25) Jul 03, 2017

When Picard, Troi, Data and Geordi return from a road trip in a Federation RV, they discover that the show’s leitmotif of bad conference luck has befallen the Enterprise. But when they find their ship and crew buffering in space, it will take contributions from everyone - yes, even Deana Troi - to save them. Have you ever been "pigeon happy"? Do older ensigns begin their training at Art Instruction Schools? Is there such a thing as impression creep? It's the episode that's suffering from temporal narcosis!

A Throbbing, Turgid McGuffin (S6E24) Jun 28, 2017

When Lieutenant Riker finally gets picked up after eight years of perfecting his jack-kata in seclusion, he finds out that a perfect copy of him has been living his life, neglecting his girlfriend, and making choices in his career. Now the full-bearded yellow shirt is trying to win back Troi, complete the mission, and take down a few hands of poker while he’s at it. Is Night Bird a sex move? Which Riker has the more gruesome second quarters? What’s the saddest onion? It’s the episode that was recorded on a dark and stormy night.

Just For Mensign (S6E23) Jun 26, 2017

When Worf tampers with a smoke detector in his quarters, he's given a leave of absence to think about what he's done. But after a DNA test comes back positive for "deity," this new leader's presence creates political problems for the Klingon empire. How attached is Worf to his loaf? Can a holodeck babysit a child? Is Mr. DNA also Clippy? It's the episode that's like one long dead-air joke.

Aggressively Flavorless (S6E22) Jun 21, 2017

When Beverly loses her job as Chief Medical Officer, Guinan can feel the storm coming in her joints. The Doctor proceeds to Rashomon the story of her dismissal to the mysterious bartender, in one of the most peculiarly structured episodes yet. Did Dr. Crusher start getting into subspace to be close to her son? Did the Vulcan Science Academy get woke? Can hats violate the laws of physics? It’s the episode where we fall in love with a dreamy police detective.

(A Man With) Very Suspicious Loaf (S6E21) Jun 19, 2017

When Commander Riker’s mind is compromised on a dangerous mission, his jailers convince him that the life he knew aboard the Entrepreneur has been a fantasy. But when the firewall he’s erected to preserve his sanity begins to crack, Riker must keep his edge or risk finishing his reality too soon. Is the Entrepreneur a Seattle-chill type place? How deep is too deep to bow? Is that a Cardassian pillow? It’s the episode you can think of in a pinch, to keep you in the game.

You’ll Know We’ve Reached the Bottom (S6E20) Jun 14, 2017

When Picard’s archaeology mentor comes aboard bearing gifts, it gives him a bad case of career FOMO. And when the professor wraps his Previa around a tree, the captain feels compelled to use it as an excuse to avoid a potentially perilous conference. Is TNG the secret source of contemporary baby names? Did that Cardassian bridge go up someone’s nose? Why didn’t they ever explain why that ship asplode? Can we get through a plot about the theory of panspermia without making puerile jokes? It’s the episode where Adam really commits to his tentacle fetish.

Planet Scorcher (S6E19) Jun 12, 2017

When Captain Picard falls for a pointy coworker, the harmony of their relationship reverberates throughout the ship. But when things heat up on a nearby planet, Picard must make a choice between saving some lives and extinguishing their romance. What's the least Kevin-y impression? Is the Hood the only place you can be truly safe? Who's had the worst life on the show? It's the episode with a decidedly non-Naked Gun love story.

A Man, A Plan, A Barion Sweep – Entrepreneur! (S6E18) Jun 07, 2017

When the Entrepreneur is getting sprayed for space bugs, the entire crew disembarks for a local planet famous for its incessant smalltalk and picturesque horse riding trails. But when a ruthless group of criminals try to steal the nastiest stuff that comes out of the ship’s reactor, only JL Pipes can stop them. How often do the ship’s flight attendants have to do a brief safety demonstration? What other ‘hand stuff’ did Picard learn from Sarek? Is this just Wars trying to pull a heist on Trek? It’s the episode where chattiness is punishable by death.

LoJack Worf (S6E17) Jun 05, 2017

When Worf is taken prisoner behind enemy lines, he turns his incarceration into a Cool Hand Worf-type situation. But when the inmates start regarding their farm implements as the weapons they are, the warden increases Worf's sentence...to death! Do Klingons have two-factor suicide authentication? Why does Worf fall in love so easily? What's the most offensive portmanteau? It's the episode that looks a lot better at night.

He’s Not My Android (S6E16) May 31, 2017

When alien technology and indigestion trigger parallel daddy quests for Data and Worf, one goes fully suicidal while the other goes full Rambo. All this is set against a tense backdrop of Captain Picard doing some aqueduct diplomacy and Dr. Crusher doing something decidedly naughty in Quark’s holosuites. Is Deep Space 9 well-lubricated enough for that space butthole? Did Farmer Hoggett get horribly burned in a fire? Under what circumstances is it OK for Worf to go on an unsanctioned black ops mission behind enemy lines? It’s the episode with the seven stages of podcast preparation.

The Bell Curve of Mountain to Armus (S6E15) May 29, 2017

When Captain Picard spills an awful lot of pasta sauce on the front of his uniform, the all-powerful Q gives him an opportunity to make out with his hot friend from college. Now he has to play a round of Would You Rather where the choice is a sword to the heart or having a boring joe job. Does Wolf 359 go in the Picard column or the Q column? Why all the impalements? What does Predator Hair Metal sound like? How can Marta be so comfortable as the last clapper? It’s the episode that needs a universal translator for the word ‘embarrassment.’

Li’lest Bɿeadbox (S6E14) May 24, 2017

When Troi blacks out at a raging psychology conference, she wakes up having made some poor decisions the night before. Now she’s got to do a very dangerous walk of shame across the bridge of a Romulan war ship! Are the breadboxes the most or least kinky uniform? How far in advance do you need to book an appointment with Mr. Mot? How does Barash figure into all this? It’s the show that might have Ben’s most embarrassing admission yet.

Pretty Rough for a First Timer (S6E13) May 22, 2017

When the Entrepreneur investigates a murder at the end of a breakfast buffet line, a very small station has a very big problem. But when the deceased officer's diary turns Geordi's investigation into titillation, Commander Riker has to step in between "a rock and Geordi's place." How much do you resent a roommate bringing a dog? Which cast member is an acceptable loss? Does this represent the end of the "Star Trek is a place" theory? It's the episode that's on a civilian-clothed date.

He’s A Real Evil Boy (S6E12) May 17, 2017

When the Entrepreneur’s holodeck tries going for a deep callback, the crew is once again facing a villain that can defeat Data. Now a man who should be inside the computer is wandering all over the ship and causing all kinds of trouble. Did Q steal that book? Is Picard trying his equivalent of ‘giving the chocolate’ to Moriarty? Who gives Guinan the most hat-envy? Everybody knows that holodeck peril is a snooze-worthy premise. It’s an episode that presupposes, maybe it isn’t?

No Stranger to Terrible Implants (S6E11) May 15, 2017

When Captain Jellico relieves Commander Riker of duty, his mission becomes finding the next best hot shot shuttlecraft pilot. (Unfortunately, that's not Geordi.) Meanwhile, Captain Picard is subjected to a form of torture that many would find WAY over the line. How many channels does Gul Madred get on that remote control? What would it take before Riker considered mutiny? How much bun is safe to show on TV? It's the episode that leaves the show a bit better than we found it.

A Reverence for the D (S6E10) May 10, 2017

When Picard and the Entrepreneur crew break up, but he can’t move out for a few weeks, things get awkward. Meanwhile there’s a new captain aboard to Hackman the shit out of Riker’s Denzel. What is this mission anyways? How do you keep it 💯 with the Cardassians? Is being the good guys mutually exclusive with being the smart guys? It’s the episode where we get serious about Greatest Gen Con Twenty Seventeen 📢📢📢.

Business Casual Station (S6E9) May 08, 2017

When the Entrepreneur rolls up on a pretty basic space station, the crew attempts to gauge if the mining being done there is up to snuff. Unfortunately, questions about "what constitutes life" get in the way of their review, and Commander Data misbehaves again. What's under a Klingon's beard? How many classes does Worf teach? Where did the rocks come from? It's the episode that's not as cute as WALL-E.

Back to the Future-Level Breast Loaf (S6E8) May 03, 2017

When Geordi tries to jump start the Entrepreneur with Data’s battery, it causes some glitches in Worf’s playthrough of Red Dead Redemption. Now all the NPCs are Data, and Data is all the NPCs, and nobody can find the reset button. How deep is the shallow end of the R-rated pool? Is there anything more honorable than murdering Barclay? Its the episode where we play our own drinking game. #Problematic #BonsallBlaming

Captain Potter (S6E7) May 01, 2017

When a Previa containing Captain Picard, Ensign Ro, Guinan (and some other minor character) are transformed from the proud adults we've come to know into children, it becomes a great time for an enemy to hijack the Entrepreneur. Unfortunately, these hijackers are NOT smarter than a 5th grader. What is the worst ring tone? Why doesn't young Picard have an inner monologue? What's the market like for a used Galaxy Class starship? It's the episode that's working in shifts.

The Deep End of the Pool (S6E6) Apr 26, 2017

When the Entrepreneur’s new internship program is announced, the first participant is a brilliant orphan who fits right in. But when she starts showing off her I Dream of Jeannie impression, the crew’s most hated god-thing shows up to reprise his role as judge, jury and executioner. How did the costume department spin cloth out of cotton candy? What does being adopted have to do with fighting a warp explosion with your bare hands? Why does Gates get all the hair? It’s the episode we’ll be a little bit embarrassed to talk about at our high school reunions.

Munch Longevity (S6E5) Apr 24, 2017

When Commander Riker can't get enough sleep, his stamina for duty is called into question. But after having his arm swabbed for DNA by a bunch of lobster-handed aliens, the Enterprise crew decides to set up their holodeck for a CSI-style investigation. What is the Nubbin campaign policy? How long will scissors be a thing? Are Picard and Lt. Jae dating? It's the episode recording from a Shimoda-themed keg party!

The Good Chills (S6E4) Apr 19, 2017

When a dustbuster club gets on BART, they find one old rider who’s had some of his own Entrepreneur adventures. Now they’ve got to find a way to help this hopeless old fit in with their hip new ship. Where does the rubber meet the worldbuilding road? What job skills wouldn’t be obsolete after several decades? What did Guinan think her job was when everybody lost their memory? Was that a dip to black or a dip to commercial? Its the one with the green podcast fluid.

A Funereal Disease (S6E3) Apr 17, 2017

When an important diplomat and his mother hitch a ride to a peace negotiation, her hostility toward Counselor Troi is palpable. But when the diplomat uses Troi's mind as his mental toilet, leaving the seat up is the least of her concerns. What attracts Craigslist roommates? How big is Worf's knife block? How much white-out did the line producer have? It's the episode that's "Apparently..."-level bad.

Legit Fangoria (S6E2) Apr 12, 2017

When the Entrepreneur finds another broken down scout ship, Barclay’s clever plan to get over to the ship doesn’t go unpunished. Thrown into a paralyzing inner struggle, the only way the young lieutenant can confront his fear of being swept up in the matter stream is by grabbing onto a turd for dear life. When was the last time Reg or Miles used conditioner? Where are the admirals who have been in the shit? Did Barclay take a page from the Chaotic Bro playbook? It’s the episode that will trigger a deluge of complaints from the Betazoid alternative medicine community.

Mad Pleating (S6E1) Apr 10, 2017

When the Enterprise crew is hot on the trail of some inter-dimensional murderers, they can't help but dress for the occasion. But when the second in a two part episode (which could really have been three, or only one) devolves into an incoherent mess, we decide to rewrite it ourselves. What is the one impression we refuse to do? What do Data snitches get, if not stitches? How much less is less, and how much more is more? It's the episode that does not lack conviction!

The Manure is the Only Thing That’s Missing (S5E26) Apr 05, 2017

When an overdramatic tour guide reveals a Data head at the end of some San Francisco sightseeing, the Entrepreneur crew is thrust into a tense temporal thriller. But before long, the tone shifts, and the show returns to its roots of daring viewers to come back after their summer break. Are we going to get the rest of our socks in the next episode? Why is Data a liar in this episode? It’s an episode that starts off in an Undiscovered Country, but gets lost in Back to the Future Part III.

You Do Not Want to Get the Creams Confused (S5E25) Apr 03, 2017

When Captain Picard is zapped by a probe from a long-lost culture, the bridge crew doesn't try to move his body. But after he starts to like the soup within his hallucination, everyone starts to wonder if their captain will ever regain consciousness. Where's the perineum, really? How do you stay looking busy during a workplace medical emergency? What's the best way to ask a houseguest to leave? It's the episode we're recording from the desert southwest!

Grief Procrastination (S5E24) Mar 29, 2017

When the Entrepreneur pulls off the road to help a broken down Romulan ship, Geordi and Ro go missing. Now Data has to plan a funeral, and really only talks at length about that with Worf. How many breadboxes does one ship need? Who has the best orange wedges between the transporter chief, the helmsperson, and the backup doctor? Have Doctor Crusher and Geordi ever hung out? What’s the right karaoke song to whip out at a friend’s funeral? It’s an episode with headcanon we had to practice for with a toothbrush.

You Don't Name The Cow (S5E23) Mar 27, 2017

When an away team finds the sad, sole survivor of a crashed Borgs ship, the Enterprise crew re-thinks whether or not they want to put an offer down on a property. But after Dr. Crusher nurses him back to health, Geordi develops feelings for him, which is problematic for a variety of reasons. What is Guinan's security clearance? How honest should Geordi's Tinder profile be? What is the "King Fly"? It's the episode that has an asterisks next to it in the record book!

Queen of the Slickbacks (S5E22) Mar 22, 2017

When the ship drives some of its wheels over a wet lawn, things start to slow down. If that wasn’t boring enough, our focus is almost entirely on a couple of cherubic little girls running around sensitive areas of the ship. Why doesn’t Ogawa have a back-zip yet? How do you get to be a forty year-old ensign? Should Alexander be playing with his loaf like that? It’s an episode that Ben was very embarrassed to watch in public.

No More Lead in the Pencil (S5E21) Mar 20, 2017

When the Entrepreneur makes an unscheduled stop on the way to a passenger's destination, the diversion puts more than the ship's 5-star rating in jeopardy. But when a giant Glassybaby in the cargo bay falls over, its contents prove to be irresistible to just about everyone on board (except those with a special conscience). Who's working the bag check on the Enterprise? Is the marimba the most romantic instrument? What qualifies as a tragedy? It's the episode that will force you to take a cold shower, afterwards!

Mud Bath Nightmare (S5E20) Mar 15, 2017

When some stripper glitter starts clogging critical ship systems, the Entrepreneur crew have a much worse problem to deal with—and she has kompromat on the show’s writers. In what way does this differ from Burning Man? What’s wrong with Adam’s chili recipe? Is the ship’s computer rejecting the premise of the episode? How is Minister Campio ever gonna get a square job when he has all those crazy tats? It’s the episode that separates the Pee-Wee from The Boys.

Resting Grief Face (S5E19) Mar 13, 2017

When Captain Picard returns to Earth to give a commencement speech at Wesley (The BOY?!) Crusher's academy graduation, no one stops to consider what happened LAST time he was in the Terran system. Meanwhile, Wesley's entire squadron is under investigation after an accident kills a teammate. Is it possible to hear embarrassment? Should you always start a speech with a joke? How much loaf are you allowed to bring through customs? It's the episode that's as comfortable as possible, at the expense of looking good.

A Previa Dealership (S5E18) Mar 08, 2017

When the Entrepreneur asplode, this one Sonny and Cher song keeps playing over and over again, and it’s giving Geordi a headache. The crew starts to become aware that there may in fact be a glitch in the Matrix, and the clock is ticking on coming up with a good escape plan. Why doesn’t the ship have any crumple zones? What’s the best way to ruin the film Undercover Brother? Does Riker have a little bit of palsy? It’s the episode that establishes Frasier as Canonical Trek.

The Husk Shot is Verboten (S5E17) Mar 06, 2017

When the Entrepreneur finds an area of space that does not conform with the crew's preconceptions, they aren't sure which pronouns to use to describe it. They face a similar challenge addressing a race of people inhabiting a nearby planet, which inspires Commander Riker to employ some Pea Soup diplomacy. Can we finally be funny about a serious story? How do you get stink off of a main character? What color is Worf's boogie board? It's the episode that features a brand new Previa!

Didn’t Even Consider the Bangers (S5E16) Mar 01, 2017

Worf’s run of bad back luck continues, and this time it’s a prognosis worse than death for the carpet-clad warrior. Now Dr. Crusher is desperate to stop another space Mengele from using Worf as a loafy Guinea pig, and Riker is disgusted with the Klingon’s fatalistic belief system. Is the ‘bay the only thing Worf hates more than doors? Are all spinal surgeons this Sajaky? Why are all of Picard’s opinions so chill? It’s the episode with the Ron Canada drinking game.

The Polar Region (S5E15) Feb 27, 2017

When the Enterprise responds to a distress signal sent by an ugly starship, they decide to rendezvous with it in a dark planetarium. But after their away team returns acting strangely they start a firefight in ten-forward, where no glass table is safe. How far will O'brien go to avoid dinner with Keiko? How much prep is involved in trying a new orbit? Can a transporter help with "going clear"? It's the episode where we open some fresh cards!

Lipizzaner Stallions All the Way Down (S5E14) Feb 22, 2017

When the crew forgets who they are, an extra voice is added to the mix, confusing even the most careful radio listener. The ship is running silent on a critical mission to take out a hated enemy, but when Picard gets an itchy buoy-floating finger, the XO threatens mutiny. Is MacDuff using Riker’s battle bridge as his sleeping quarters? Who is typically armed when working on the bridge? Is the bad guy grosser, or less gross than Remmick? It’s an episode that can only be heard, and never seen.

Alt Biosphere (S5E13) Feb 20, 2017

When the Enterprise crew tracks the path of some interstellar star trash, they discover a biosphere built inside an outlet mall. But when their genetically engineered population thinks about hitching a ride out of the way, Captain Picard has to decide how long to delay their decision. Why is everyone okay with eugenics all of a sudden? Who is at the top of the Moab IV food chain? Could we talk about John Hurt for a minute? It's the episode that's really a "Ron Canada Drinking Game."

Hundred Proof Star Trek (S5E12) Feb 15, 2017

When some aliens with very upsetting temple loaf hitch a ride, Troi wakes up in a coma after one of them forces himself inside her mind. Unaware of the crime or its gravity, the crew tries to figure out what’s causing senior staff to slip into comas one by one. Is Riker really a horrible person? Did Marina Sirtis really punch that guy? It’s the episode that is almost impossible to make jokes about.

Thrift Store Data (S5E11) Feb 13, 2017

When Data rescues the only survivor from a wrecked starship, his feats of strength are so impressive that the boy can't help but want to be like him. But when his android burlesque goes deeper than just getting a new haircut, the story about what happened on his ship gets called into question. What do you do about blown sideburns? Who wrote an insult in Troi's yearbook? What is the capitol of Nebraska? It's the episode the final chapter of "The Slickback Trilogy."

Male Pattern Loaf (S5E10) Feb 08, 2017

When the Entrepreneur takes part in an exciting propulsion experiment, Worf is distracted by the demands that fatherhood has thrust upon him. His son Alexander is coming to live on the ship whether we like it or not. Is the scientist an alien, or just a guy who didn’t listen to his dermatologist? Is stealing a thing when there are replicators? Why is that one toy so ubiquitous in medical environments? Its a show of false starts and big farts.

A Big Fan of Scarcity (S5E9) Feb 06, 2017

When a burlap clad professor from the 26th century pulls his doorstop up to the Entrepreneur, they take a detour from rescuing an imperiled planet to fill out his questionnaires. But when he starts taking the five finger discount on all the ship’s tricorders, the previously credulous crew gets angry. Will Geordi’s tauntaun freeze before he reaches the first marker? Why couldn’t Guinan have cleared this whole thing up? Is this guy here just to do historical booty calls? It’s an episode that really asks a lot of us.

A Pun Hiding in Plain Sight (S5E8) Feb 01, 2017

When Captain Picard finds Ambassador Spock on Romulus, he attempts to talk him into returning home before their next meal. Spock demurs, and instead chooses to visit a ramen place everyone's raving about. Meanwhile, Commander Riker goes to a karaoke bar with Worf, whose interpretation of an opera song is not a hit with the audience. Do Trekkers have to choose between "Old Testament Rod" or "New Testament Rod"? What is an HHHHJ? It's the episode where Adam messes up his audio!

Fractionally Loafier (S5E7) Jan 30, 2017

When Admiral TKTKTK gives Picard an emergency message, it’s news nobody wants to hear: It looks like Ambassador Spock is being a rebellious teen. Now the Captain and Data will have to go to Romulus to make sure there’s a chaperone at the party Spock went to. Meanwhile, the Entrepreneur is trying to figure out what the pawn shop was thinking when they sold a ship that the Vulcans were still making payments on. Is this how Picard talks to customer support? What does Romulan Burlesque look like? Are all great strategists also stuffy pricks? It’s the episode where Data and Picard bring all the things.

Werebear PTSD (S5E6) Jan 25, 2017

When Commander Riker returns from holiday on Risa, he's totally obsessed with playing "Suck Disk." But when Wesley (The Boy?!) sees how dumb-looking the glasses are, he turns his sights on an age-appropriate co-worker instead. Which sexual subculture are you into if you display a horga'hn AND credit cards? What color is Worf's apron? How many Coogi sweaters are in Wesley's closet? It's the episode where we've given up dessert flirtation games!

A Tour of Bangers (S5E5) Jan 23, 2017

When the Entrepreneur takes a smoke break in-between Uber missions, the ship is afflicted by some of the biggest bangers yet. The scattered crew have to do what they do best: solve problems that only crazy television writers could think up. What will befall all the extra glass tables in Ten Forward? What Christmas Pageant did these kids come from? Will Data’s suicide wish finally come true? What’s Worf going to do with the placenta? It’s the episode where our wives pull a Jeep out of a ditch.

The Pudding Button (S5E4) Jan 18, 2017

When the glass pinecone that Data’s brother has been hanging around with makes an unwanted reappearance, it dashes Riker’s hope of post-curry coitus. Starfleet is quick to dispatch a rare old lady-scientist to debate everybody about the relative merits of revenge. Is Captain Picard turning into Burke? Who should shampoo Adam’s crotch? Will she turn Data into an even weirder real doll? You don’t need to be an empath to know that this episode is not in its right mind.

The Shelby Treatment (S5E3) Jan 16, 2017

When "The Bad Girl of Starfleet" beams aboard the Entrepreneur, the crew treats her like an outcast. But when a sneaky admiral assigns her a secret mission, her true nature is revealed. How do you get an appointment at Starfleet Supercuts? How does Guinan know when you need her? Just what is Starfleet Uniform Code, anyway? It's the episode that's one big love letter to Michelle Forbes.

Hiding the Judd (S5E2) Jan 11, 2017

When the walls fall at Shaka, Kiazi’s children’s faces get really wet. The beast is at Tanagra, but it’s anyone’s guess where Darmok and Jalad are w/r/t the ocean. Will Zinda’s face be black and his eyes red? Who, if not Mirab, is going to unfurl these sails? Is Uzani’s army going with the fist open or the fist closed? Is the river Temarc in winter or what? It’s the episode that opens Sokath’s eyes.

The Phoenix Problem (S5E1) Jan 09, 2017

When the Enterprise chooses the flashpoint of a Klingon civil war to begin the galaxy's biggest game of Cat's Cradle, Klingon Jake's future in the empire is at stake. But when Captain Picard's most dramatic "Apparently..." story comes back to haunt him, it's up to Commander Data to take command of a little ship with a secret strategy. Does the Sutherland have a clip show machine? What's the name of the captain from Crimson Tide? It's the episode where lose all our feminist credibility by playing a terrible game that we're extremely ashamed of.

Love Those Puffs (S4E26) Jan 04, 2017

Worf’s honor and civil war hang in the balance when Captain Picard is called back to Qo’nos to be a witness on Gowron’s ketubah. But there’s a not-so-sneaky Romulan sneaking around, and the Duras Sisters are eager to ruin the big jacket-putting-on ceremony. Is that Klingon Jake? Is Guinan the best marksman on the Entrepreneur? Does ‘Romyarlan’ work? How does it affect the monitors if you sharpen a pencil on a Klingon ship? It’s Part One of a two episode arc about how close to death Ben can be and still record a podcast.

Canadian Cute (S4E25) Jan 02, 2017

When a workplace romance ignites between Data and a co-worker, the nebula they're studying isn't the only place where the fireworks are going off. But when dark matter starts getting flung at the ship, Captain Picard must arrange for a tow to get the Entrepreneur out of danger. Can you get satisfaction from a dark button? What happens when you go "full Nic Cage"? How do you clean a carpet stain that's REALLY in there? It's the episode that sounds like the hosts are fighting.

That’s How You Grow Creepy Chickens (S4E24) Dec 28, 2016

When Geordi gets Manchurian Candidated by Romulans, Data has to do a whole lot of research to uncover the plot, and we suspect that a Klingon ambassador might be from Shaolin Island. Is Deanna hitting on Geordi? Is Chief O’Brien the most potted of all the plants on the ship? Why is Data downrange when they test-fire the gun for ballistics? It might be the most racist episode of Trek yet.

Confiding in a Blender (S4E23) Dec 26, 2016

When Dr. Crusher falls in love with a gassy diplomat, her attraction only goes skin-deep. That doesn't stop Commander Riker from attempting a sexual conquest that has, up until now, been strictly off-limits. How long are you locked up for Grand Theft Body? Is there such a thing as a "sexual matrix"? What's Riker packing, anyway? It's the episode that suffers from a case of body whiplash!

Not Quite as Boob-y (S4E22) Dec 21, 2016

When Lwaxanna Troi gets the hots for an alien scientist, she throws diplomacy out the window to chastise his species end of life practices. It’s a great deal from Picard who gets to spend a blessed episode out of her crosshairs. Why did the makeup department let this guy’s loaf get smeared that badly? Is that sun-explosion effect from iMovie 2? How do you roast a Husnock? It’s our gift-touchdown episode.

More Labial Than Chihuly (S4E21) Dec 19, 2016

When a non-OEM part installed during their last starbase visit leaves the Enterprise by the side of the road, the crew looks for someone to blame. But when the crew's investigation moves a patsy into their crosshairs, it turns out that he's guilty of something totally unrelated. Is an elephant's foot the most unlucky foot? When is it appropriate to show your ass in court? Do you have to pay extra for dialogue? It's the episode that's all ends, and no means.

Duke Gingersnap (S4E20) Dec 14, 2016

When Captain Picard’s vacation fling comes aboard, his carefully cultivated facade of paternalistic authority begins to break apart. Then, instead of us getting a series of events exploring the ramifications of that, Q shows up and ruins everything. Which early 90s celebrity was John De Lancie taking his hair cues from? Why did they give Geordi the guitar? What compelled the writers to humiliate their characters like this? It’s the episode where there must have been a free castle set, because why else would it have ever been written?

A Special, Weird Kind of Losing (S4E19) Dec 12, 2016

When Lieutenant Barclay gets struck by lightning by an alien probe, he starts solving problems all over the ship. But when he starts sticking things into the computer that don't belong there, it's up to the crew of the Entrepreneur to unplug him. What is a bursar? How do you build a plane in mid-air? Isn't it always best to be friends with your ex? It's the episode that won't get you invited back to game night.

Pretty Chill for Assimilating Aliens (S4E18) Dec 07, 2016

When Starfleet officers that five years previously were all on the same mission as Geordi start returning to the scene of the crime, disappearing crewmen is suddenly more than just a figure of speech. Now Geordi has to contend with the idea that he too may develop a dreaded case of lobster claw. Can Geordi CSI this mystery before it’s too late? Can’t Worf just put The Club on all the Previa’s steering wheels? Can Data stop reminding everybody that he’s an android? Where were they storing that Clip Show Device? It’s the episode that answers the question, why not Zoidberg?

It Isn't Quite Spooky, But It Is Upsetting (S4E17) Dec 05, 2016

When the Enterprise responds to a distress call sent by a ship full of dead bodies, what the away team finds over there keeps everyone up at night. But when sleep issues threaten to kill everyone on the ship, it's up to Counselor Troi to find a solution that may have something to do with her weird pot dreams. Is this episode a sequel to The Naked Now? Will a B-plus Pacino impression cut it on this podcast? Could Riker's hair be an instrument for measuring the crew's health? It's the episode that's basically Nagilum's wet dream.

So Zesty (S4E16) Nov 30, 2016

When the woman who unwittingly modeled for Geordi’s favorite real doll boards the ship, the Chief Engineer is scrambling to understand why she isn’t as receptive to his romantic overtures as her lookalike. To make matters worse, an alien pot pie has been tossed at the ship, and the crew is having a heck of a time cleaning it off. Why won’t the Captain ever let Worf raise the shields? What ever happened to that calzone? Is this whole thing Guinan’s fault? It’s the episode where TNG goes full MRA.

It's Why You Join Starfleet (S4E15) Nov 28, 2016

When Commander Riker gets injured on a first contact mission, his alien doctors examine all kinds of appendages they aren't familiar with. But while making sure he recovers as fully as possible, the leaders of the planet must decide if they want to enter an exciting, spacefaring future, or stay in the cold, microwave-less past. What is an "Implied Riker"? How many writing credits does it take to break a script? Does Riker "first contact and tell"? It's the first episode back from our tour and we have SO much to catch up on!

Buffalo Troi Voice (S4E14) Nov 23, 2016

When the entire crew passes out after traveling through a wormhole, the evidence starts to finally persuade them that Data is the gravest threat to the ship that they face on an ongoing basis. Now Picard has to go all Dixon Hill on everybody’s ass until he can get some answers. Will Data be stripped down to his wires? Where the hell was Guinan during this whole thing? Why can’t Worf be bothered to implement any basic security procedures? It’s the episode where Troi huffs some green paint.

Rotten with Ziggurats (S4E13) Nov 21, 2016

When "the devil" starts dropping bangers on an entire planet, it's up to Captain Picard to help fiddle their way out of a terrible contract. Unfortunately, his attire is completely inappropriate for the occasion. How many ziggurats are right for an agrarian society? Can an android get his tongue stuck on a frozen flagpole? Who's got Uri Geller vibes? It's the episode where the hosts go "fully-biblical"!

A Honda Del Sol-Type Starship (S4E12) Nov 16, 2016

Now that we’re finally into the meat of the series, we can really start digging into what matters most about Star Trek: The Next Generation: O’Brien and Keiko’s weird marriage. Why have they never talked about what foods they like? What does the Chief even like about Keiko? Why is she marrying him when his career is clearly in the sonic toilet? It’s the episode where we keep up with the Cardassians.

Chiaroscuro, All The Way Down (S4E11) Nov 14, 2016

When a Vulcan diplomat needs a ride into Romulan space, the Enterprise is her UberXL (if only to transport her giant Pope hat). Meanwhile, people are doing things that they think will make Chief O'Brien happy, with disastrous consequences. Is O'Brien in an arranged marriage? Is it hard to stay together when your ship is named "Divorce"? Does Data have "Incognito Mode"? It's the Nebuchadnezzar of bottle episodes!

A Hat Big Enough For The Occasion (S4E10) Nov 09, 2016

When Troi’s special power slips away from her, she wastes no time in throwing in the towel. It’s looking like the crew will need to get by with Guinan as the counselor. What’s up with communicator continuity in this episode? Is this the right bag to pack twelve iPads in? It’s the episode where we find out how pollination works, but also that Ben is kind of an idiot.

A Smattering of Loaf (S4E9) Nov 07, 2016

When a twist beginning crash lands Captain Picard and young Wesley Crusher (The Boy?!) onto a desolate planet, the constant bickering drives the third wheel of their group to drink. It's too bad Commander Riker is too busy taking out someone else's trash to mount a timely rescue mission. What does it take to get a 6 star Uber rating? Are children chained inside the saucer section? Is this how radiation works? It's the episode where we introduce a new mountainside sculpture to our repertoire!

The Fart Cave (S4E8) Nov 02, 2016

When Riker inhales the wrong gas, his memory of the last sixteen years is wiped. He is the captain now, but he has no idea how he got there! Da fuq is Riker asking this turbo lift? Why is Worf so hunchy? Did they get that mask at the Halloween store? It’s an episode with one of the all time bad buttons.

The P'tachlin Group (S4E7) Oct 31, 2016

When Worf's ex-girlfriend beams onboard with the son he didn't know he had, it starts to affect his performance at work. Their domestic conflict has to take a back seat in the storyline when a diplomatic conflict heats up between two factions warring for control of the Klingon Empire. Is it appropriate to send an Evite to a political summit? How bad of a year do you need to have to forget that you were almost murdered? What's the most effective way for HR to approach a Klingon about his behavior? It's the episode we recorded from an internet ghost town!

It’s That Tight (S4E6) Oct 26, 2016

Tasha Yar’s estranged sister doesn’t just look like Sarah Conner, she’s the Enterprise’s only hope to help save some abducted crewmen. But her affiliation with the Confederacy has everyone on edge. Did these street gangs get their jewels from Logan’s Run? What Skynyrd songs does this fusion reactor have? What happened to that chip clip that used to be at the craft services table? It’s the episode that marks our formal entrée into 90’s haircast.

The Most Suggestive Instrument (S4E5) Oct 24, 2016

When an old friend of Dr. Crusher's bails on their plans, she thinks he might have fallen on the ship and can't get up. But as her story begins to unravel, squints of suspicion abound from an unbelieving (and shrinking) Enterprise crew. How difficult is a three-finger handshake? Are scarves a good substitute for grass? How old is your oldest friend? It's the episode that came back from the dead!

The Gordian Sock (S4E4) Oct 19, 2016

When the Enterprise crew finds a human survivor aboard a wrecked Talarian ship, the young man wants to be roommates with Captain Picard. Unfortunately, Picard's quarters is filled with glass tables and a knife collection. Why can't Picard recognize when someone goes "full vineyard"? Does "asymmetrical loaf" indicate a breakthrough in alien makeup design? Is a vest of bratwurst this year's hit Halloween party costume? It's part two of The Slickback Trilogy!

You Never Go Full Clipshow (S4E3) Oct 17, 2016

When an innocent prank puts a little boy’s life in danger, it’s not great timing for Data’s dad to hijack his mind, and by extension the whole ship. Things go from bad to worse when Data’s brother Lore shows up, and Soong is blinded to Lore’s fairly blatant evilness by fatherly love. What was that situation on the Pakled ship like? What’s gonna happen when Data is up in the stirrups? Where do you buy those blankets for protecting an elevator on moving day? It’s the Klumpiest episode yet!

No Pathos in a Bowl Cut (S4E2) Oct 12, 2016

While the ship is being duct taped back together after a certain ‘incident,’ the crew takes some time to dredge up grievances with their loved ones. For Picard, it’s his stridently conservative brother. For Worf, it’s his embarrassing parents. For Wesley (the boy?!) it’s an old holo tape of his dad’s that isn’t as exciting to find as that sounds. Are replicators just microwaves? Does retirement still make people crazy in the 24th century? It's the episode where we speculate about what ever happened to Jim Shimoda.

The Hammer Loop (S4E1) Oct 10, 2016

When Commander Riker fires on a ship containing Captain Picard, it's finally clear why he passed up all those other promotions. But when facing an enemy who knows all his best moves, the newly-promoted Riker must resort to some unorthodox techniques to save the human race. Where is the USS Hood? What is a "personal banger"? How do you dispose of a pip? It's a great episode buried in a pile of garbage!

Nice Implants (S3E26) Oct 05, 2016

When a hot shot young commander starts angling for Commander Riker's job, it is fortuitous timing that Captain Picard gets kidnapped by the Borgs. The newly-promoted Riker plays it cool while doing everything he can to get him back, but when Picard shows up on FaceTime with some gaudy new implants, he decides to end their relationship. What is the Borgs' target demographic? Is Commander Shelby giving off Ivanka Trump vibes? Does losing Picard qualify as "acceptable losses" to Worf? It's the episode where we do an unnecessary Indiana Jones roll!

Mount Knuckmore (S3E25) Oct 03, 2016

When the Enterprise beams aboard the mysterious survivor of a space ship crash, it's up to Dr. Crusher to nurse him back to health. But when the patient starts placing his "gifted hands" upon some of the crew, Captain Picard must decide if his crimes can be so easily wiped away. What does Geordi's VISOR smell like? Where can we get a "Body Glove Wetsuit O'Brien" action figure? Is this Worf's idea of dating? It's the episode where the hosts prefer the blue Powerade.

Yub Yub (S3E24) Sep 28, 2016

Send help! I’m trapped in a podcast factory and they’re forcing me to write a capsule for an episode featuring Ferengis AND Lwaxana Troi!

Kool-Aid Jacuzzi (S3E23) Sep 26, 2016

When a legendary Vulcan diplomat starts acting strangely ahead of an important conference, the Enterprise crew chalks it up to old age. But when his brand of mental disability becomes contagious, glass tables around the ship aren't the only thing in jeopardy. Can we workshop a worse throw-to-title scene? Is this episode "canonical Ghostbusters 2"? What happens to a kid at a bar fight? It's the episode where we learn, "Never mind-meld with your heroes."

Nice (S3E22) Sep 21, 2016

When a con man abducts commander Data, his only ways to pass the time are trying to smile and trying to sing to a hand puppet. The Enterprise crew’s only hope is to start taking Geordi’s conspiracy theory website seriously. What century has the best bubblegum smell? How anti-semitic is this whole deal? Is her chin messed up because alien or because surgery? It’s an episode that has fewer small hand jokes than it probably should.

Magazine in the Woods (S3E21) Sep 19, 2016

When a problematic engineer takes out his frustrations on the holodeck, everyone questions the protocol of recreating real crew members there. But after the ship's glassware is threatened, the fragility of the rest of the Enterprise systems are exposed. Why can't you just transfer your problems to the USS Hood? How do you responsibly dispose of your old pornography? Is Geordi not the creepiest guy on the ship anymore? It's the episode where "trouble always follows."

Space Pinecone (S3E20) Sep 14, 2016

When low rent Michael Rapaport comes aboard, the Enterprise finds itself in a race to capture a living starship that the Romulans really want. Will putting Rapaport on suspension stop the mayor from breathing down Picard’s neck? How big can a banger get? What's this proctology exam going to turn up? It’s an episode where Ben and Adam have creative differences about the show.

Captain's Knuck (S3E19) Sep 12, 2016

When Captain Picard needs a backrub, Doctor Crusher prescribes a vacation. Trouble is, the all-inclusive resort Commander Riker recommends appears to be "full service," and the pages in his book aren't spill proof. Can Picard go "chest to chest" with Riker? Is there any job on the Enterprise dangerous enough for red pants? What is "low knuck"? It's the episode where we prescribe to "The Maron Rule."

So, This Monica Lewinsky (S3E18) Sep 07, 2016

When Picard is re-re-re-body snatched and replaced by an insane impostor, the crew goes through the same routine of misgivings-leading-to-mutiny that they always do. Meanwhile, the real Captain has to escape from space jail with a blue cadet, an ersatz Nausicaan, and a big fan of Australian opera. Who will wind up doing the corny monologue jokes in this episode? Will Wesley let Picard hit on Beverly? Where we gonna poop? It’s the episode where Picard turns the music up to eleven.

Backyard Benihana (S3E17) Sep 05, 2016

When the Klingon exchange program gives the Enterprise a very hostile second in command, it's up to the crew to fall in line or risk being murdered in a turbolift. The new guy's meatloaf looks familiar, so he and Worf take a trip to visit their old stomping grounds to dispute an old family controversy. What's the mortality rate in a Klingon hospital? Is it a good idea to "sprinkle the dog" around when you meet new people? Should the hosts take holidays off? It's the episode that was almost called, "Don't Be a Menace to the Klingon Homeworld while Wearing Your Robe in the Hood"!

Android Splash (S3E16) Aug 31, 2016

When Data has a child out of wedlock, the Captain is furious. But when an Admiral from Child Protective Services decides to come take away the bouncing baby android, Picard goes into full blown lawyer mode. What are Riker’s intentions towards Data’s daughter? Can Picard just routinely defy Starfleet? It’s an episode with more Kevin Uxbridge than the Kevin Uxbridge episode.

Sinister Turtlenecks (S3E15) Aug 29, 2016

When a butthole in space expels a version of the Enterprise from the past, the crew we've come to know are changed in ways no one can perceive - except for Guinan. In this alternate reality, the Klingons are eating the Federation for breakfast, and Captain Picard has to decide whether or not to send the visiting ship back to its own time. Could Worf be a "secret old"? Shouldn't Yar be due for a promotion by now? Is Ben's dog okay? It's the episode with no logic in it at all!

I Hate Manure (S3E14) Aug 24, 2016

When Riker gets accused of murder, Picard fights his first officer’s extradition the only way he knows how: by putting together a few days of holodeck Rashomon. The situation gets dire when radiation starts turning the ship into Swiss cheese. Why doesn’t Data compare Picard’s art style to potato Jesus? Is there any explosion Chief O’Brien can’t pull an away team out of? Is Riker secretly a total madman? It’s an episode in which our grievances with certain other Star Trek podcasts are laid to bed, and then inflamed anew.

XXXL Merkin (S3E13) Aug 22, 2016

When Q appears on the bridge naked and powerless, the Enterprise crew begrudgingly grants him asylum as they troubleshoot an Armageddon-sized problem for a planet in trouble. But as Data teaches him what it's like to be human, one of Q's old nemeses plans its revenge while he's the most vulnerable. How does Q decide his bodily proportions? What's the safest restaurant appetizer? Who is "Malibu Q"? It's the episode that's just a total mess. Sad!

Wet Jerky 🍆🍆 (S3E12) Aug 17, 2016

When Dr. Crusher is kidnapped while having lunch on a hostile planet, the Enterprise crew finds themselves in the middle of a dispute between outdoor mall architects and cave aficionados. It isn't long before Beverly diagnoses the terrorists with a transporter-related illness, which is unfortunate given how enjoyable transporting sounds to them. Why is everyone afraid of Dr. Crusher? Did Kevin Uxbridge leave a special gift for Geordi? Do quilted breadbox covers come in a child's size small? It's the episode where we receive a very threatening package!

The Supersoldiers Have Come Home to Roost (S3E11) Aug 15, 2016

When Rambo Jason Bourne in Space breaks out of a penal colony with a boring name, the Enterprise crew become U.S. Marshals. It’s a hard target search of the star system and the ship that turns up more than the locals had bargained for. When did Farmer Hoggitt grow that molestache? Is Roga Danar the frontman of a rock band called Breadcrumbs of Destruction? Its an episode we recorded in the afterglow of a truly awesome karaoke performance.

Cuban Missile Crisis in Space (S3E10) Aug 10, 2016

When a Romulan tries to pull a Hunt for Red October, Picard has to decide whether to take the Federation to the brink of war. When the guy gets on board, it really puts a cramp in Picard and Data's rehearsal schedule. How hard is it for the Enterprise crew to trust these admirals after Conspiracy? If Picard is Jack Kennedy, does that make Tomalak Khrushchev? Can Patrick Stewart maintain his status as Scenery Chewer In Residence? It’s the episode where we finally break into the 90s.

Pre-Enlightenment French Nobility-Type Poison Fears (S3E9) Aug 08, 2016

When the Enterprise is dispatched to the scene of a tossed outpost, the crew must moderate a dispute between a group of rowdy professional wrestlers and their elderly grandparents. Captain Picard's diplomatic strategy is to pour brandy and chill, but an alien seductress has more on her mind than meets the eye. Can rank be determined by the depth of a deep V? Is the podcast gaining our hosts membership into "the lifestyle"? It's the episode with 50 phaser blasts!

Speaking of Feet (S3E8) Aug 03, 2016

When the Enterprise plays host to a ‘hole’ auction, Riker gets in on the action, leaving Troi to be pursued by Lloyd Braun. It isn’t long before he’s creepily touching her hair. Is a deep vee and a male gaze the only sure way to attract 24th century women? How do you bang in a bunkbed shuttle? Can Riker’s dog be bigged? It’s the episode that turns a previously three dimensional character into a flat one!

Secretly Jacked (S3E7) Aug 01, 2016

When the Enterprise drops off a Dustbuster Club on a planet besieged by plot-forwarding radiation, the away team loses track of Geordi and beams up an injured Romulan instead. Stuck in a hole and slowly going blind, Geordi's fate lies with an ally who discloses some troubling opinions about eugenics. How careful do you have to be when a Romulan pulls you over? Can gaberdine wick away moisture before the chafing starts? Is this the start of Riker's drinking problem? It's the episode where Worf is made to disclose his donation status.

Slathered in Middler (S3E6) Jul 27, 2016

When the ship gets stuck in some mud, Geordi is the only person onboard ship who gets put to work on saving the crew. Naturally, he makes himself a virtual girlfriend to help out along the way. Will Picard try to steal her like he stole Minuet? Has Chief O’Brien found the best way yet to kiss Picard’s ass? Was Geordi just drunk the entire time? It’s the episode where Adam talks about an uncomfortable date he went on.

Ghost Mom (S3E5) Jul 25, 2016

When an away team accident kills a member of the Enterprise crew, it's up to Captain Picard to deliver the bad news to the newest member of the orphan club. Their grief doesn't last for long, because the fallen crew member reappears and promises a new life for the son she left behind. Is there such a thing as a bloodless Klingon ceremony? Why does Wesley (the boy?) have his own room? Is there more than one way to get a Natural Yeager? It's the first episode of the "Slick Back Trilogy"!

Hella Conservative (S3E4) Jul 20, 2016

When a cloaked observatory gets hit with a banger, the Enterprise needs to step on the gas to rescue some more gray haired scientists before the Prime Directive gets violated. On their arrival, the Enterprise crew just can’t help but violate it themselves, and violate it over and over. It should come as no surprise that this involves Riker going around the planet in a deep vee. Can Picard get out of this by making up a new religion? Did the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer wig get reused? Does Worf’s least favorite lightning have a great Hollywood agent? It’s the episode that Ben recorded while hopped up on DayQuil.

Space Weasel (S3E3) Jul 18, 2016

When the Enterprise discovers the aftermath of an attack on a planetary colony, they become suspicious of the two elderly survivors shacked up in the nicest house on their block. These survivors also seem unusually obsessed with their landscaping, which catches Commander Riker off-guard. But when Counselor Troi gets a bad song stuck in her head, the crew starts to wonder if there's something sinister going on inside their Malibu home. How many scarves is a reputation worth? Is there such thing as a lethal amount of guile? Why won't Captain Picard tell anyone what he's thinking? It's the episode where we play ALL the music.

One Terrible Element (S3E2) Jul 13, 2016

When a race of Hefty bags wants to tarp over a planet with 15,000 humans living on it, the Enterprise has to consider taking them on a Kid Rock cruise. The only crewmember immune to the local radiation is Data, so he beams down only to find an obtuse demagogue with a weird voice is running the place, and the guy doesn’t believe that the Hefty corporation even exists. Is Data a secret practitioner of rave hand jive, or does he just have invisible balls to play with? Why is Gosheven sounding so thirsty? Are Lenny and Carl on loan from The Simpsons? It’s the episode in which we award some T-shirts.

Thinking About Baseball (S3E1) Jul 11, 2016

When the Enterprise breaks down while conducting a science mission, Wesley (the boy?) is at fault. Unfortunately, he observes the Chaotic Bro code of silence, which forces the dumpy professor in charge of the experiment to take matters into his own hands. What does it mean to get "The Frakes"? Do we or don't we want to be in the pocket of Big Rodd? How many pips does Jame Gumb have? It's the episode where we do ALL the impressions!

Terrible, Terrible Clip Show (S2E22) Jul 06, 2016

When Riker gets some DNA in him, it’s not just from another romp on the holodeck. Unfortunately, the STD test comes back positive and it's a race against time to save his life. Dr. Pulaski hatches a plan to make Riker re-watch episodes of the show that would even make Captain Picard shudder. Is Chief O’Brien trying to give Pulaski a heart attack? Is Troi going to be ok when Riker’s most erotic dreams leave her in the lurch? Is the Captain ever going to recover from being bald-burned? It’s our most ill-advised episode yet, and the one that took by far the most work!

A Tat for Every Tit (S2E21) Jul 04, 2016

When the Enterprise engages in war games, their opponent is the biggest WOPR of them all: Commander Riker. Unfortunately for Captain Picard, Riker's team includes Ensign Crusher (the Boy?), and a threat from an unexpected foe. Who gave Picard a hickey? Is one of Riker's crew giving off Laura Dern vibes? What are the chances of getting a "Natural Yeager"? It's the episode with excellent finger dexterity!

Level 69 (S2E20) Jun 29, 2016

When unfrozen caveman Klingons are about to thaw out in a nice suburban neighborhood, Starfleet sends their sexiest emissary to try to talk Picard into a murder-based solution to the problem. Tensions rise when Worf can’t keep his cool around his lab partner, but Troi has some zit popping videos on her iPad that help everyone calm down. Is Data the ship’s best cock-blocker? Is K’Ehleyr going to get picked in The Bachelor? Is Worf a cigar store Indian? It’s the episode in which we try to get CBS to jerk our udders.

Covered in a Fish (S2E19) Jun 27, 2016

When the Enterprise goes on Uber-duty for a couple of fish people, Lwaxana Troi drops by for a visit. Then, things somehow get even worse when Captain Picard bails on the show and hides in the holodeck. Is Troi's mom more destructive than Q? Is Pacifica the galaxy's Howard Johnson hotel? Why don't more guest stars get "The Tesh Treatment"? Plus, we announce a t-shirt contest! It's the episode that's an embodiment of an HR violation.

Diminished in Ways We Can't Even Imagine (S2E18) Jun 22, 2016

When Dr. Pulaski covers for Worf, he returns the favor by showing her what sex is to him. Meanwhile, the ship rescues some Space Irish from some kind of Space Blight before heading off to find their long lost cousins. How dangerous is a Klingon toilet plunger? Why is the transporter beaming people up with the ground underneath them? What are the downsides of phasering your own clone? It's the episode that forced us to bow to the absurd!

USS Dumpy (S2E17) Jun 20, 2016

When the Enterprise answers a distress call from a ship full of Lennies, the crew's instincts are to offer assistance. Unfortunately, the Pakleds pet Geordi a little too hard as he's tending to their problems. Meanwhile, the captain and Wesley (the BOY?) go on a road trip in the Previa so Picard can have a "little procedure." Could Toto have improved this episode? Who are the rank pips really for? Can we do this show in a hot tub? It's an episode that's like a Sci-Fi version of "Of Mice and Men"!

Karate Stance Bean Flickin’ (S2E16) Jun 15, 2016

Picard gets super salty when Q kidnaps him in a stolen Previa, but things go from bad to worse when the ship gets frisbeed into the path of the galaxy’s shittiest Rubik’s Cube. Does Guinan have the only locking door on the ship? Why are the Borgs so interested in the Jim Shimoda Memorial Corner? Is the crew even ready to go on star treks? It’s a very special episode of Borg Maury.

An Appropriate Mount (S2E15) Jun 13, 2016

When the Enterprise explores a sector full of about to explode planets, the crew decides to put Wesley (the boy?) in charge. But when Data decides to turn the sensors on high, the results interrupt Captain Picard's private "chaps time." Is Worf in a death cult? Where can our listeners send their corrections? Can't Picard do better than a Continental breakfast for his meetings? It's the episode with a very special WiFi password!

Klingon Bar Mitzvah (S2E14) Jun 08, 2016

When Riker’s daddy comes aboard, his sexual magnetism finally meets its match. After a few days of bickering, it all comes to a head in an American Gladiator match that gives Code of Honor a run for its money in the racism department. What was Worf’s job interview like? Can the ship's three most socially inept crewmen throw a good party? Will Riker take Picard’s advice on a new way to get off? It’s the episode where Adam opens some cards of his own!

Malibu Picard (S2E13) Jun 06, 2016

When the Enterprise finds an IKEA shuttlepod floating in space, they (what else?) bring it aboard for a closer inspection. What they find inside is a very tan, extremely well-rested clone of Captain Picard whose body, unlike the original Picard, does not respond well to stimulants. How will Wesley (the boy?) tell them apart? What's the cost of destroying a Galaxy-class starship? Why didn't Riker season his eggs before serving them? It's the episode where we bring booze to brunch!

Pajama Bottom Dumpy (S2E12) Jun 01, 2016

When the crew beams a big pile of ship aboard, they decide to beam down to a planet with a frozen fart-based atmosphere to investigate. The DustBuster club quickly find themselves trapped in a nightmare vacation to Vegas. Is Worf behind the lack of door locks on the Enterprise? Is Picard's love of trashy novels distracting him from mounting a sincere rescue operation? Is playing along with a bad book the only way to escape it? It’s the episode where we declare that we’re here to defend democracy, not necessarily to practice it.

Fleet of Dorks (S2E11) May 30, 2016

When the Enterprise crosses the neutral zone to touch dongles with another Galaxy-class ship, it soon becomes infected with a computer virus that threatens to kill everyone onboard. But rather than "turn it off, then turn it on," the crew troubleshoots the problem by doing a little light archaeology. Did the USS Yamato get infected by Nagilum? Does Wesley (the boy?) have a direct line to Captain Picard? What is a "Dirty Data"? It's the episode broadcast to you from Shimoda Corner!

Wesley's Chick Magnet (S2E10) May 25, 2016

When Wesley meets an age-appropriate romantic partner, Picard is put in a foul mood. To make matters worse, the Enterprise’s 5 star Uber rating is at risk. While Worf and Dr. Pulaski have both met their match in a mean old lady, The Boy is going on dates and offering chocolate to his new friend, but she has a secret second ‘look’ that might be a deal breaker. Is Guinan the ship’s best counselor? Did the Sand People from Star Wars do VO work on this episode? Is Salia one of the aliens that left a big pile of Armus on Vagra II? It’s the episode where Wesley learns romantic karate from the masters.

Data's Reproductive Rights (S2E9) May 23, 2016

When the Enterprise stops off at Starbase 173 for routine maintenance, Captain Picard reacquaints himself with an old flame hoping to JAG him off. But it's courtroom drama instead of bedroom action on the docket when a hotshot commander threatens to take Data apart to learn how he works. Is it possible that Riker has a better poker face than Data? Is busting a chair across a woman's teeth Picard's idea of sex? It's the episode where everyone gets a little "Moody Geordi".

2 Chaotic 2 Bro (S2E8) May 18, 2016

When Riker takes a temp position on a Klingon ship, it’s ironically the Enterprise that contracts a venereal disease. While the Commander is attempting to arrange an interspecies three-way, the ship develops a rash and uncomfortable discharge. Fortunately, the sequel to Chaotic Bro is on the case. Will Wesley (the boy?) finally try vaping? Did that rust come from some bad decisions made in late-80s San Francisco? What does the Carfax report look like on the IKS Pagh? We might change the veto rule! This is madness!

Space Mengele (S2E7) May 16, 2016

When the Enterprise encounters a ship full of dead seniors, their immediate concern is the smell. Their investigation leads back to a science facility where experiments in genetics have taken a dangerous turn, creating a race of non GMO-free people. How many cans of soup can a starship hold? Is Star Trek anti-science? Is Chief O'Brien a con artist? It's the episode that has plenty of handrails!

A Case of the Spaceys (S2E6) May 11, 2016

When Data's grandpa is diagnosed with an incurable illness, he doesn't express much grief, and in return, his grandpa steals his body and makes a play at immortality. It would have been a perfect plan, but the old man was set in his ways, and really doesn't know how to act in a modern, professional starship setting. Will the crew catch on that Data is once again not who he claims to be? Will Data's bad behavior get him locked up in Rura Penthe? Can he pass a Voight-Kampff test? It's the episode where the Star Trek trading cards prove that they're worth what you pay for them.

Dick Valet (S2E5) May 09, 2016

When the Enterprise has to transport Ginger Jesus to a peace negotiation between some ersatz Klingons, his sexual super-magnetism is a distraction for some of the crew. Their 5-star Uber rating is seemingly in the bag until his cadre of helpers is killed on an away mission, forcing the diplomat to talk only with his hands. Are these the worst alien effects we've seen? What's a job interview like for a bathroom attendant? Do they still have Pier 1 in the future? It's the episode where we return to Anybody Canyon!

No Joke Is Getting Out Alive (S2E4) May 04, 2016

When the world's shittiest Han Solo breaks down within hailing range of the Enterprise, the women of the ship are extremely hospitable to him. Meanwhile, Data is desperately trying to learn the secrets of comedy by playing the holodeck on fast forward. Then a bunch of squabbling aliens with extremely retrograde beliefs surrounding procreation and marriage beam aboard and somehow make Data's storyline seem fun by comparison. Is Worf in charge of keeping Riker's harem safe? Is Terri Hatcher playing her character from Desperate Housewives? Is a cigar just a cigar? It's the episode that dissects the frog, and we might not be equal to the challenge.

A Long Walk for a Dick Joke (S2E3) May 02, 2016

When Data and Geordi get some down-time, they use it like no one else would: playing Sherlock Holmes on the Holodeck. But when Geordi sets the computer's difficulty settings to "All-Madden," Moriarty begins dropping bangers all over the ship, and has become an adversary more powerful than either of them expected. What is a warrior's hat? Is Dr. Pulaski a functional syntheholic? What does it sound like when Data takes a dump? It's the episode recorded in karate stance!

The Inbred Q (S2E2) Apr 27, 2016

When the Enterprise finds a hole in space, nobody is more excited to explore it than Commander Riker, but after it envelops the ship, he (and everyone else) learns a powerful lesson about consent. Once inside, they're faced with an adversary acting like a six-year-old holding a magnifying glass over an ant colony. Will Captain Picard finally get his opportunity to go down with the ship? Will Ensign Haskell get another line of dialogue? Is Worf's holodeck routine even raunchier than the First Officer's? It's the episode where almost half of the jokes die (which is within acceptable limits)!

Worf Don't Preach (S2E1) Apr 25, 2016

When Counselor Troi becomes unexpectedly pregnant, the Enterprise crew has a ton of questions: "When did this happen? "Who's the father?" and "How quickly can we abort it?" Troi makes it clear she's keeping it, but there's no time for a baby shower because this baby grows so fast that it's born in only a few days. After another few days, it's tall enough to go on the rides at Disneyland! How big will this kid get? Where is Riker's "leaning wall" when he needs it? Why does Ben have a restraining order from the Olson twins? It's our season 2 premiere!

Five Dollar Carnival Guitar (S1E26) Apr 20, 2016

When Data and Worf beam some popsicles aboard the Enterprise, the doctor thaws them out, which treats the whole ship to an unfrozen caveman legal drama. And that's not to mention all the starbases and outposts that are being disappeared, presumably by Romulans, along the edge of the Neutral Zone. Picard quickly gets to the end of his rope when one of his primeval passengers tries to get involved in galactic politics. Will Data and his new friend pick up any "pit woofies"? Will Troi manage her day well enough to be on the bridge for contact with hostile aliens? Will Worf ever learn to live in a world with locked doors? It's the last episode of the worst season of our favorite show, and we send it off in style!

Effectively Gross (S1E25) Apr 18, 2016

When Captain Picard's old friend sends him a "U up?" message in the middle of the night, it's enough to send the Enterprise back to Earth to investigate evidence of a Federation conspiracy. There, the crew is reunited with some familiar faces: Inspector General Dexter Remmick and Admiral Gregory "Roundhouse" Quinn. Does Dytallix B cause hair loss? Is Picard impervious to being "Picosby-ed"? Who keeps putting all these glass coffee tables on board starships? It's a super-sized podcast where we make the case for writing future Star Trek episodes!

The Riker Collection (S1E24) Apr 13, 2016

When Captain Picard's fencing match gets cut short by a bad case of deja vu, the Enterprise crew is forced to grapple with his romantic regrets, not to mention a temporal catastrophe that threatens the entire quadrant. Their investigation leads to a fringey German scientist, who married Picard's ex-girlfriend. Will Beverly's deep jealousy impact her obligation to keep the scientist alive? Is Data already old enough to need a reacher-grabber? Will the captain finally have a sexual encounter with a consenting adult? It's the episode where we discover that we'd be great future accordion players!

Metamucil and Printer Ink (S1E23) Apr 11, 2016

When Counselor Troi's driver puts their shuttlecraft into a ditch on planet Vagra II, it's up to the Enterprise to play the part of AAA. It's just too bad that Armus is there, blocking their way and being a real jerk about it. Did Worf hedge his bet on Tasha Yar? Why are business trip conferences still a thing in the future? Did Leland T. Lynch "Argyle" himself off the show? It's the episode where we turn tragedy into comedy!

Interplanetary Rubberband Men (S1E22) Apr 06, 2016

When NPR turns us down for a Sunday slot, we turn our attention to the most egregious episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that Nancy Reagan ever wrote. The Enterprise once again is playing host to squabbling aliens, but this time the shifty rednecks come with a twist: they're hooked on drugs. Bad drugs. Will the glittery Aryans get high on their own supply? Can Tasha Yar persuade Wesley (The Boy?) to keep on the straight and narrow? What would the Prime Directive have to say about the CIA supplying crack to the inner cities? It's the episode with one of the most abstract Drunk Shimodas yet!

The Clearasil of Freedom (S1E21) Apr 04, 2016

When the Enterprise is sent to look for the missing USS Drake, Commander Riker is stoked to meet up with an old friend of his from Degrassi High. Unfortunately, when an away team searches for clues on a nearby planet, they discover that ship and crew were killed not by boring rap music, but by a sophisticated weapons system built out of sex toys. How does Captain Picard know parkour? Why is Vincent Schiavelli so great in everything he's in? Will Geordi be happy to know that Dr. Crusher knows so much about roots? This is one episode that's not expendable!

A Warrior Is Coming (S1E20) Mar 30, 2016

When the Enterprise discovers a busted up freighter in the Neutral Zone, they find the only surviving passengers are some Klingons who are far from neutral. These survivors follow the well known convention that any group of three Klingons have to have names that start with K, which is why Worf doesn't quite fit in with them. Worf's inner struggle becomes outer struggle as the survivors commit party foul after party foul all over the ship. What parts of the Klingon uniform are secretly weapon components? Why does Worf keep yelling at the ceiling when Klingons die? Where's Troi? And what should the crew do with all these bodies? It's the first episode to really test whether we can make good pod about good show.

Chaotic Bro (S1E19) Mar 28, 2016

When Wesley Crusher (the boy?) begins his Starfleet entrance exams, he's got two things on his mind: overcoming his greatest fear, and overcoming a terrible Pee-wee Herman-style haircut. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Admiral Quinn and Lieutenant Commander Remmick are investigating a possible conspiracy, and pissing off the crew in the process. Is "The Riker Maneuver" mostly about testicular health? What is the punishment for Grand Theft Shuttlecraft? And just what the hell is a sher-RAHHHHD? It's our final episode before NPR syndication!

The Takeover (S1E18) Mar 23, 2016

Terraforming hasn't had this big a PR problem since the Genesis Project! The Enterprise crew arrives at Valera III for a science lecture, but wind up mounting an investigation into murder most foul, with the chief suspect being a brilliant scientist (whose resemblance to a Bond villain is more than skin deep). The shocking truth is revealed when Geordi and Data look down a deep hole without Riker there to show them the ropes. When the indigenous life form of Velara III gets to set trippin' with the ship, it inspires your micro-brained hosts to air out their frustrations about Internet commenters mentioning other Star Trek podcasts. It's the episode where Adam and Ben start a rap feud with another show!

Horn of Plenty (S1E17) Mar 21, 2016

The Enterprise crew is excited to meet the mythical Aldeans until they propose a classic "children for information" exchange, but when Commander Riker balks at the deal they take some kids anyway. This is a real problem for Captain Picard, because Wesley (the boy?) is among their victims. Why'd the Aldeans take only the white kids? How long can Picard go without Wesley? Didn't we already fix the ozone layer? It's the episode where there's no calculus allowed!

Soft Foods and Laxatives (S1E16) Mar 16, 2016

Admiral Mark Jameson has one last job before he gets out of the Federation for good: negotiate the rescue of some hostages from his arch enemy. Jameson's just got one problem: he's weighed down by tons of silly putty that's been troweled onto his face. Fortunately, an alien de-aging drug has him getting younger (and sweatier) by the minute. Will the despotic Karnas believe that Jameson is who he claims to be? Can Picard and the crew ever trust Starfleet if their top brass is made of melting strawberry yogurt? And what's it like to go a little too hard with pills at a hipster dance party? We answer these questions, plus Adam tells a shameful story about the time he invested in Star Trek trading cards.

Going Number Three (S1E15) Mar 14, 2016

When the Enterprise pulls into a starbase for some maintenance, the Bynars are there to help with some Holodeck upgrades - which Commander Riker is all too keen to experience first hand. Unfortunately, Captain Picard crashes his party, and it turns out three is too many for Riker's 'bone. Meanwhile, the Bynars have taken the ship on a test drive back to their homeworld, with Picard and Riker becoming accidental stowaways. Will we ever know what's in the weapon's room? Why isn't it harder to set the self-destruct sequence on a starship? And why can't Starbase 74 keep their ships from being stolen? It's the episode where we unequivocally define "moose knuckle," once and for all!

This Isn't A Plot, This Is A Holodeck Program! (S1E14) Mar 09, 2016

Riker never had it so good when he and the away team arrive on Angel One, a planet of statuesque babes and feeble mini-men who could never fight in his weight class. But trouble is brewing as a handful of Federation citizens have shacked up with the local gals, putting Picard in a tough position as far as the Prime Directive is concerned. Speaking of positions, Riker is going through his repertoire with Sarah Connor, the smoldering demagogue that runs the whole planet. Will Wesley (the boy) get in trouble for beaning Picard with a snowball? Will Worf's sneezes break the ship? Can Picard pry Riker away from the planet-sized sexual conquest of all sexual conquests? It's the episode where we argue about Federation immigration policy!

The Legend of Argyle (S1E13) Mar 07, 2016

When the away team beams down to the charred ruins of a desolate planet, they find body parts strewn everywhere that end up belonging to Data's twin brother, Lore. After assembling him they find out that like all pairs of twins, one is good and one is evil. But after giving Lore the full, unsupervised run of his ship, Picard is most concerned with Data's loyalty. The crew needs to figure out whose side he's on fast, because there's a glass pinecone that is bent on destroying the ship. Will Tasha Yar sleep with Lore, too? Will killing a tree save them? It's the episode where we finally inherit the "Shut up, Wesley!" drop (and relay a story we heard about our favorite actor, Biff Yeager)!

The Ultimate Redshirt (S1E12) Mar 02, 2016

When Captain Picard has a big linguistics test to study for, he decides to procrastinate in the holodeck instead. Disappointing everyone, he chooses a program about a 1940's-era private detective, so Data, Dr. Crusher, and a random crew member join him. Turns out, there's a malfunction and people in the holodeck aren't shooting blanks anymore, which would be a real problem if Picard had been able to get Beverly up on his desk like he wanted to. Will the Enterprise ever fix the door problem? What does holodeck gum even taste like? It's the episode where we give everyone a little dusting of Drunk Shimoda.

The Bayless Connection (S1E11) Feb 29, 2016

When Wyatt (the guy from the music video for "Take On Me") beams aboard the Enterprise to marry Counselor Troi, Commander Riker realizes that he won't "be gone in a day," and it really puts him in a foul mood. It doesn't help that Troi's mother is getting into people's heads, and the combination of Wyatt's creepy Glamour Shots-style drawings and the arrival of an alien ship mean that the wedding plans are off the rails in a hurry. What is "80's hot" anyway? Does big hair qualify as formal attire? Can Troi's mom see inside Riker's head, and does she want to? It's the most 80's episode yet, and we're forced to review it!

Who’s The Big Dog Now? (S1E10) Feb 24, 2016

When Q returns to amuse himself with the Enterprise crew, all hell breaks loose when he gives Riker his powers. Why doesn't Riker immediately return to Rubicun III to make himself god of the Edo? Why does Geordi have to be so damn creepy? What is Worf's idea of sex, anyway? And finally, we do something with our episode vetoes.

You’re Welcome, Ladies (S1E9) Feb 22, 2016

When Captain Picard abandons a perfectly good ship full of Pelican cases, the Ferengi are nice enough to return it to him. Meanwhile, he's reminded of an old crime (which has nothing to do with Wesley), and gets a massive headache in the process. Finally, we introduce the "Picosby," and nothing is ever the same. Be sure to listen all the way to the end for a brand new listener-submitted Drunk Shimoda song!

Rockin' Knuck (S1E8) Feb 17, 2016

When the crew takes shore leave on a planet inhabited entirely by late night Cinemax adult movie stars, it appears to be a bouncy, floppy paradise for the away team. Too bad Wesley (the boy?) learns the hard way about how much these people care about landscaping. It's an episode that leaves almost nothing to the imagination!

Fish vs. Dog (S1E7) Feb 15, 2016

When Worf gets shocked working on an electrical panel, he learns a hard lesson about what happens when you try to do a union guy's job. Meanwhile, a bunch of Cantina Aliens are exploiting the "no door locks" policy on the Enterprise. Later, Data takes up smoking a pipe, and Picard demonstrates the advantages of backing up his information into the cloud. Endings don't get more abrupt, especially for Engineer Singh.

Generally Human (S1E6) Feb 10, 2016

When the Enterprise crew throws the keys to the ship to The Traveler, he drives it farther out than its ever been before. That is not cool to Captain Picard, who wants to go home immediately. That bit of engineering would be a whole lot easier for The Traveler if he didn't also have lobster-hands. Finally, Ben makes an embarrassing admission about his relationship to Wesley that could change our view of him forever. It's the episode where we finally realize our potential as the two Beethovens of podcasting!

The A-Team of Away Teams (S1E5) Feb 08, 2016

The Ferengi do an e-brake slide into the series (and into our hearts) after the show finally adds to the alien facial putty budget. Meanwhile Riker, having just read The Art of War, will not shut up about it. And when he grabs some alone time on the planet's surface, it becomes clear that the planet is attracted to all sources of power...even his. It's an episode where we've finally achieved "podcast mastery"!

Gagh.biz (S1E4) Feb 05, 2016

Tasha Yar inadvertently breaks up a happy marriage, then gets into a UFC-style fight to the death with "the other woman." If that story isn't intriguing enough, it's also terribly racist! Also, why is everyone okay with kidnapping? Where is Worf? Finally, we discuss names for a website we don't need or want.

Ep 2: Drunk Shimoda (S1E3) Feb 01, 2016

The Enterprise crew gets "space drunk" while young Wesley Crusher's science experiment traps him and Assistant Chief Engineer Shimoda inside Engineering. Will the crew stop boning each other long enough to save the ship? Is the "scarf economy" real? Why hasn't this show been cancelled yet? All these topics, and more, on The Greatest Generation.

I Don’t Feel Comfortable With Children (S1E1&2) Jan 25, 2016

Our premier episode as we set out on our journey to watch every episode of Star Trek The Next Generation.

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