The Good Enough Mother

Latest Episodes:

100. What is the Essence of 'Good Enough'? Bridging Child and Adult Psychology with Dr Tanya Cotler Sep 06, 2023

Show notes

In this episode, we dive into the concept of the "good enough mother" from the perspective of Dr Tanya Cotler, who is a Clinical Psychologist, author, and speaker specializing in reproductive mental health, infant mental health, and parent-child attachment. Tanya has studied the work of Winnicott (who is the creator of the concept of ‘the good enough mother’) extensively and offers a unique lens and insight having expertise in BOTH child and adult psychology. We dive into unpacking what ‘good enough’ actually means, the process of attunement mismatches and rupture-repair cycles in a child’s development, and how intentional and unconscious repair contribute to building trust, resilience, and frustration tolerance in children. We centre the mother in our conversation to shift a child-focused lens, and I ask Tanya about her experience with what it’s like to work with both adults and children in the context of reflecting on these theories. Tanya shares insights from her nearly 20 years of clinical and research experience, and she offers us a key takeaway we can put into practice as good enough mothers, for the benefit of both our children and ourselves. Episode show notes: https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast100 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcotler/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tanya.cotler Website: https://drtanyacotler.com/

99. Embracing Challenges Beyond The ‘Early Years’ of Motherhood with Amy Taylor Kabbaz Aug 25, 2023

Show notes

In this episode, Amy Taylor-Kabbaz and I delve into the intricacies, beauty and challenges of mothering ‘beyond the early years’, and share parts of our own personal mothering journeys to demonstrate the ongoing nature of matrescence. Amy's insights from her lived experience and work as a matrescence activist, cast a light on the imperative need for all-encompassing support systems that envelop mothers throughout their journey. We talk about the impossible ‘balancing act’ when it comes to mothering children at different ages and stages, and how we continue to nurture ourselves and a sense of our own identity while trying to meet our children’s varying and various needs. We hope that our conversation points to the vital significance of sharing stories among mothers and having spaces where we can be heard, as well as how we can learn from other mothers who are in different stages of motherhood than we may be. Amy articulates how storytelling can become a vehicle for healing, growth, and cultivating a profound sense of solidarity amongst mothers, and emphasizes the potential and possibility for matrescence as a powerful catalyst for personal growth, healing and transformation. If you’re interested in supporting mothers on their matrescence journey, check out Amy’s groundbreaking Mama Rising Offering, which encapsulates her unique coaching and support framework for mothers transitioning through matrescence. Amy’s program is now open for enrolment until August 30th, 2023. Learn more by heading to - https://mamarising.net/open/ Connect with Amy on Instagram: @amytaylorkabbaz and @mamarisingmovement or email Amy at atk@amytaylorkabbaz.com Learn more about this episode and see key quotes at: https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast99

98. Birth, Trauma, and Maternity Reform: Alecia Staines on Her Decade of Advocacy Aug 03, 2023

Show notes

*Please note that this podcast discusses obstetric violence, rape, and trauma. ** If you would like to lodge a submission to the Birth Trauma Inquiry via The Maternity Consumer Network, head here: https://form.jotform.com/231841360678864 To lodge directly, head here: https://www.parliament.nsw.gov.au/committees/inquiries/Pages/lodge-a-submission.aspx?pk=2965 . . . Alecia Staines is a passionate advocate for improving the maternity care system and has been working in this space of political advocacy for a decade. She is also a classroom teacher, childbirth educator, yoga teacher, founder of Maternal Consumer Network, and mother of 5. In this conversation Alecia provides an overview of some of the key problems she sees within the maternity system, how she works both within the system and outside of it, in order to advocate for institutional change. Alecia is active in working to address structural inadequacies, as well in supporting individuals through education, trauma-informed practices, and more. We talk frankly about the challenges in initiating structural and social change, and I ask for Alecia’s insights as to how she’s navigated these challenges and sustained herself over the course of her career and volunteer work. Alecia reflects on the bureaucratic obstacles that exist in the maternity system, the prevalence of birth and obstetric violence, the importance of respectful communication within healthcare, and the foundational role that birth plays in ‘setting us up’ for motherhood. We talk about the ripple effects of birth trauma on relationships and society and discuss healing, the power of story-telling, vagal toning, social power dynamics, paternalism, hierarchies, and the need for reform. . . . Alecia has a range of online and face to face offerings, including her Vagal Toning for Birth Trauma Course. All available at www.aleciastaines.com.au https://www.instagram.com/alecia_staines/ Reach out to The Maternity Consumer Network: https://www.maternityconsumernetwork.org.au/ https://www.instagram.com/maternity_consumer_network/ Australia's first consent training for maternity health professionals: https://www.maternityconsumernetwork.org.au/about-6 Better Births presentation from Alecia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7FQtT37XDU Check out Alecia’s podcast: Birth, The Forgotten Feminist Issue Show notes for more links and information from the show: https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast98 . . . If you find aspects of this podcast conversation raises difficult feelings for you, please reach out for support. Support lines Australia - https://www.panda.org.au/ - 1300 726 306 @pandanational @lifelineaustralia @13yarn UK - https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/ - 0808 1961 776 USA - https://www.postpartum.net/ - Text “Help” to 800-944-4773 (EN) The EU/EEA - Mental health helpline - 116 123

97. Nurturing the Next Generation: A Revolution in Infant Mental Health with Dr Greer Kirshenbaum Jul 18, 2023

Show notes

In this episode I speak with Dr Greer Kirshenbaum - a neuroscientist, doula, educator, and author of her newly released book: "The Nurture Revolution: Grow Your Baby's Brain and Transform Their Mental Health through the Art of Nurtured Parenting.” Greer shares with us revolutionary science about the power of nurturing in infancy - which is defined as the first 3 years of life. Throughout Greer’s book and this episode, Greer dispels common myths surrounding the care and nurture of babies: including social narratives about self-soothing, sleep training, temperamental differences between our babies, and the level of control we really have over how our children behave, feel, and react. We dive into a discussion of epigenetics and how we are influenced by ancestral experiences. I share my favourite parts of Greer’s work that have revolutionised my own understanding of childhood - and motherhood. In this episode you’ll learn about the links between mental health, infancy, our stress-system, and nurture as a practice. We also discuss toxic cultures of ‘low nurture’ and talk about Greer’s concept of ‘nurtured empathy’ for both our babies and ourselves. Please share this episode with anyone you know who is involved in the care and nurture of infants, and the care and support of parents, and check out more about the episode including key quotes and where to buy Greer’s book. You can find more about Dr Greer here - https://www.nurture-neuroscience.com/ Instagram: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/nurture_neuroscience_parenting/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NurtureNeuroscience/ Episode show notes for quotes and where to find Greer's book: https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast97

96. The Economy of Motherhood and Being Played the ‘Fool’ with Tess Wilkinson-Ryan May 29, 2023

Show notes

Are we being ‘duped’ by our current cultural conception of what it means to be a mother? In this episode, I speak with Tess Wilkinson-Ryan who is a law professor and moral psychologist at The University of Pennsylvania Carey Law School. Tess is the author of her recently released book: FOOL PROOF: How Fear of Playing the Sucker Shapes Ourselves and the Social Order―and What We Can Do About It. The book is on the psychology of feeling duped or betrayed, exploring the human experience of feeling like a ‘sucker’, and we focus our conversation on one particular chapter of the book: Mothersucker. Tess shares how motherhood can be like playing a relentless public goods game (she explains what this is in the episode) in which a mother's job is to contribute, but everyone else gets to play whatever strategy they want and benefit from her work while she remains undervalued and taken for granted. We unpack the discrepancy between the cultural promise and social rewards of motherhood with what mothers then experience, and Tess shares research into the bias and discrimination that mothers face. This conversation explores the relationship between individualism and care-work, the ways mothers are socialized into patriarchal motherhood, collectivism, the allocation of resources, the economy of motherhood and more. We also explore the dynamic between an individual mothers’ life, psychology and decision-making, with the broader social-cultural-moral context of motherhood that she is living within. You can find more about Tess here - https://twitter.com/tesswilkry or https://www.tesswilkinsonryan.com/ Purchase Tess's Book: Fool Proof: How Fear of Playing the Sucker Shapes Our Selves and the Social Order—and What We Can Do About It: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/fool-proof-tess-wilkinson-ryan?variant=40485173723170 Episode shownotes: https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast96

95. Decoding Cultural Messages of Motherhood and The Good vs Bad Mother May 14, 2023

Show notes

In this episode I reflect on the context of Mother's Day and how cultural messages are communicated to us about motherhood and how this affects our sense of self and identity. I reflect on developing our skill of perceiving and picking up on the cultural messages we're sent, placing them within a broader social context, cultivating greater self-compassion to lessen guilt and self-judgement, and how this is key to reducing comparison, competition, and disconnection between us and other mothers. In the episode the research I reference when reflecting on differing interpretations of how feminism has treated mothers comes from Associate Professor Julie Stephens and her work on 'postmaternal thinking'. I refer to another episode of the podcast that I released on the 'fish tank' of motherhood model - go back and find this episode as number 89. You can find the 3min animation explaining the theory here: https://drsophiebrock.com/thefishtankofmotherhood Find information on and the graphic of The Good Mother Bad Mother Binary concept here - https://drsophiebrock.com/conceptualmodels Find a replay of my talk at The Oath Summit on Maternal Anger here - https://youtu.be/epvnQKxI72I . . . The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification runs once a year and enrolment for the 2023 round of the course is open until Thursday 18th May. Email info@drsophiebrock.com if you have any questions and secure your place here: https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

94. Undoing & Recreating: A Mother's Journey from 1 to 2 Children with Emily Adler Mosqueda May 02, 2023

Show notes

In this episode I speak with Emily, bilingual/bicultural mamá of two, pediatric Speech-Language Pathologist, Clinical Assistant Professor and Supervisor of graduate speech-language students, and the author of "Unexpected: A Postpartum Memoir." Emily shares the challenges she went through in becoming a mother of two, and the journey she went on with her mental health, construction of identity, and exploration of what it means to mother. Emily completed The Motherhood Studies Certification in 2021 and shares how the context and content of Motherhood Studies and supported and expanded her understanding of her own experience of motherhood, and how this work is now integrated within her career. We talk about the socialization of mothers, examination of maternal expectations - particularly when transitioning from 1 to 2 children - and how to ‘speak back’ to the inner critique we’ve internalised from patriarchal motherhood that polices our feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. From this conversation, you’ll hear about the ways that big life transitions can usher in both disorientation but also potential for immense growth, self-learning, and expansion as we ‘undo’ in order to ‘recreate’. Emily’s book and work encapsulate both the grief and love, vulnerability and power, breaking down and breaking through that can be part of our experience of motherhood. Purchase Emily’s book: https://www.emilyadlermosqueda.com/book Unexpected: A Postpartum Memoir “Repeat mothers are assumed to know what to expect during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period. Unexpected: A Postpartum Memoir is the moving, raw account of a second-time mother who finds herself struggling for the first time with postpartum depression, anxiety and motherhood itself. Only as a mother of two does Emily find herself unable to ignore the impossible tempo of motherhood. At eight-months postpartum, Emily finds motherhood to be punctuated with unexpected sensations of irritability and feelings of rage all lathered in immobilizing guilt and shame. Readers witness the author’s personal evolution through her internal review and deconstruction of self and her examination of maternal expectations. It is through this journey of examining and feeling that truly opens up the unexpected possibilities of understanding and what it means to be content in motherhood." https://www.emilyadlermosqueda.com/ . . . Doors are now open for enrolment into the 2023 round of The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification, starting May 22nd. Head here for more info -https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

93. The Gift of Maternal Ambivalence: Embracing Complexity to Build Connection with Dr Margo Lowy Apr 17, 2023

Show notes

In this episode, I talk with author and psychotherapist Dr Margo Lowy, exploring the concept of maternal ambivalence – an often-silenced but integral part of the mothering experience. Maternal ambivalence is defined as many conflicting feelings or contradictory feelings that can exist at the same time. In her book, "The Maternal Experience: Encounters with Ambivalence and Love", Dr Lowy further develops the concept of maternal ambivalence into being part of a new ‘language of maternal love’ and explains how maternal ambivalence is an integral part of our mothering that can actually strengthen maternal love. Learn why this is the case, the reasons why maternal ambivalence remains a cultural taboo, and how to start embracing maternal ambivalence to connect more deeply with your child/ren and yourself. Connect with Dr Lowy’s work further at www.drmargolowy.com and her Instagram @drmargolowy See show notes at - https://drsophiebrock.com/podcast93

92. When you feel like you’re drowning in Motherhood - with Amanda Connell Mar 06, 2023

Show notes

Often, there can feel as though there is a conflict between the ways we would like to parent, and the social and structural forces that shape and influence our everyday lives as mothers. Amanda Connell from Spilt Milk Psychology joins me in this conversation to discuss the ways so often, our ‘needs’ as mothers are framed as being in competition with the needs of our children. Negotiating this and finding space for our ‘selves’ is therefore connected with the idea that we need to be separated from our children – to have time away from the to ‘come up for air’. We challenge this narrative and the pressure mothers face to always centralize our children and place their needs above our own. Amanda offers us examples and tools for how we can learn to build our own ‘oxygen tank’ to ‘breathe under water’, and honour the ambivalence that is part of mothering. We talk about toxic positivity, how to teach our children how to deal with disappointment, strategies to cultivate self-compassion, and much more. Amanda has a range of offerings for professionals and the general public which will be launching soon from her website spiltmilkpsych.com/

91. The Importance of ‘Failing’ Our Children Feb 07, 2023

Show notes

In this episode I speak to some criticisms of the concept and application of ‘good enough mothering' as an approach to parenting. Some of us can have a reaction of: 'good enough?, why would I want to be JUST good enough as a parent?'. For those who identify as perfectionists, who feel the 'high stakes' nature of parenting, who are feeling guilty and not enough, and pressure to constantly do/be more as a mother, this episode offers a reprieve and an invitation to consider a perspective shift that can lighten the load we so often feel as mothers. I share both some of the research and my own personal reflections as a mother on why I find 'good enough mothering' a valuable tool and perspective for both us and our children.

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