The Good Enough Mother

Latest Episodes:

21. Seven Sleep Myths (Part II) Feb 02, 2020

Show notes

This episode offers insight into what the research says on sleep training practices and frames the struggle with baby sleep as a structural and cultural one, rather than a purely individual one. I try and move the debate away from the divisiveness it can cause within motherhood, towards fostering compassion for parents while calling sleep training marketing tactics to account. I detail 7 ‘myth busters’ of infant sleep assumptions that include information on infant feeding, sleep spaces, ‘sleeping through’, and self-soothing. I argue for a move away from the either/or approach of prioritizing the caregiver OR baby’s wellbeing. We need to maintain the importance of attachment and responsiveness for babies, as well as support, rest, and empathy for mothers. I advocate for a cultural adjustment of expectations around baby sleep and a shift in where we focus our support and inquiry.

20. Sleep... To the Brink of Despair, and Through. (Part I) Jan 27, 2020

Show notes

Sleep is one of the most loaded and controversial topics you can discuss within motherhood. There is judgement regardless of whether you sleep train or not, and I firmly believe all mothers are doing the best with the information and support they have available to them at the time. I know that not getting quality sleep can have severe impacts on our health and quality of life, but I want to shift the conversation away from the ‘either/or’ paradigm about putting baby or Mum ‘first’. We need another way. This episode is part 1 in a two part series, and this part shares the sleep journey I’ve been on with my daughter. I speak the unspoken parts of sleep training and critique sleep training industry and culture for an exploitation of tired and vulnerable parents, approaching this from a place of compassion and empathy for mothers. We navigated through 18 months of frequent and distressed waking before finding answers that helped my daughter’s sleep. But this journey taught me surprising (and sometimes challenging) lessons about myself as a mother and woman, and has instilled in me a passion for education about biologically normal patterns of baby and toddler sleep. I think we need an overhaul of our current social and cultural model when it comes to the topic of motherhood and sleep! Stay tuned for part 2 where I dig into the research and the core of my argument, taking you through 7 myths of infant sleep that I believe need calling out and changing. Mentions: Sophie Acott from Sleep, Play, Love. Nourishing The Mother.

18. Responsiveness, Rage, Rupture and Repair Jan 13, 2020

Show notes

In this episode I delve into research and evidence behind why the way we parent is so important – from a neurobiological perspective. I talk about polyvagal theory and why it’s important to understand as a parent, and the scientific benefits of holding our babies. I share research that gives insight into the interplay between genes and environment in our children’s development, and the power of touch and connection. I acknowledge the challenges involved in this way of mothering as a caregiver and delve into the topics of rage and anger as a mother. I bring our focus back to the body and on accepting the inevitability of ‘ruptures’ in our connection with our children, but on the enduring and restorative function of ‘repairing’ these connections.

17. (Re)claiming our Power as Good Enough Mothers Jan 05, 2020

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This episode is about injecting passion, energy, and power into you as listeners and as mothers. I open up difficult and controversial conversations around the lack of evidence-based information and practice that underpin many of our mainstream understandings of parenting and child-rearing. I talk about the paradoxical ways that in being ‘good enough’ mothers we can both strive to grow while also being content with where we are. We not only let go of the ideal of perfect motherhood when we embrace being good enough as we are, but this is also an act of resistance. And through this resistance of external standards of ‘perfection’ we are modelling for our children how to be authentic, flawed, resilient, whole human beings. In this episode I discuss all of this and more, and hope to communicate the ways that we can both critique socioeconomic structures that make our lives as mothers harder, while also encouraging you to reclaim your maternal power even as we live within these structures.

16. Creating Purposeful Habits for 2020 Dec 29, 2019

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The move into a new decade is a great opportunity to harness this time and energy to be intentional about what you want for the year ahead and who you want to be. In this episode I share with you the intentions I set for 2019 – which ones worked and why, and which ones failed, and why! I think an important part of moving forward consciously is to look back at where we have been. Not with judgement, but with curiosity to see what we can learn to support our growth moving forward. In this episode I share 5 strategies for setting and living out your intentions, goals, or ambitions for the year ahead. Accompanying this episode a free goal guide that you can download here https://linktr.ee/thegoodenoughmother

15. Embracing and Transforming Holiday Dysfunction Dec 22, 2019

Show notes

This time of year and the festive season can bring pressure, expectation, sadness, a bubbling of grief, intense gratitude and joy, and so much more. Often, the emotional and physical load of organizing communities and families in this season falls on mothers’ shoulders. I encourage you to think of yourself as a ‘rebellious mother’ this festive season, offer some tips on how to embrace this idea, and recount research around what makes for a ‘happy’ holiday season. I talk about the importance of co-regulation and what to do when your children (and you) become dysregulated in social settings. In cultivating self-awareness around our triggers, we can come to see how we can flip our understanding of dysfunction to be purposeful for our own growth, self-development, and practice of gratitude and perspective.

14. Love, Loss, Hope Dec 15, 2019

Show notes

Note: Trigger warning that there is discussion of my Dad’s death and some of the acute challenges that came with his illness. If you’re a listener with MND/ALS or support a loved one, please be mindful of this and know that you can reach out for support. There is a power in story-telling that goes far beyond what we recognize and acknowledge. It is the thread that ties us together as human beings and I believe narratives have the power to transform and inspire. In this episode I share a personal story from my family. It includes the story of how my parents came to be together: the greatest love story I’ve ever known. I talk about how my Dad went from the depths of depression to finding hope and a renewed sense of love and life through my Mum, and how together, they took on the biggest fight of their lives. Dad’s terminal diagnosis of Motor Neurone Disease gave him 3-5 years to live. Together they fought against the ravishes of the deteriorating disease, stripping my Dad of all independence, but he continued to live a thriving and rewarding existence: for 20 years. Their story demonstrates the importance of perspective. The power of love. The lifeline of hope. The realities of grief as a part of life. And the ultimate importance of never giving up. I hope from this you draw inspiration, strength, and resilience that you can enact in your own life.

13. Mum Guilt Dec 09, 2019

Show notes

Feeling guilt as a mother is almost part of an initiation process into modern day, intensified motherhood. There can be guilt from the moment of conception right through to being the mother to an adult child and a grandparent. Mothering more than one child is laden with feelings of guilt at the obvious impossibility of meeting every child’s needs right when they arise. This episode unveils what I think Mum-guilt is really about. I encourage greater self-awareness about what your feelings of guilt actually mean, and warn against the dangerous aspects of guilt that perpetuate a cycle of self-censoring judgement, and keeps the myth of idealized, perfect motherhood going. I offer 3 strategies for how to flip the narrative of your guilt to see it as purposeful, and come up with your own version of ‘good enough’ mothering. Reframing our understanding of maternal guilt can be fuel for transformation, remind us of our inherent power and agency as women, and encourage acceptance of our feelings of ambivalence that are an normal part of mothering.

12. How to Value and Shift your Emotional Labour Dec 02, 2019

Show notes

You acquire certain skills when you mother children, and ‘maternal thinking’ is one of them. I describe this concept to you as a way of re-valuing the work of motherhood, and relate it to the weight of responsibility mothers carry in caring for children and running a household. This weight can be talked about in terms of ‘emotional labour’ and the ‘mental load’, and also relates to ingrained and ongoing sexism. I draw on research to explain the critical yet invisible burden of these responsibilities that is largely carried by mothers. In doing so I delve into a discussion of ‘maternal gatekeeping’, why it may keep you feeling stuck and alone, and how it relates to the pressures of ‘perfect motherhood’. I finish by speaking about the gendered division of care and domestic labour and the fraught nature of ‘choice’.

11. Toddler Tantrums Nov 24, 2019

Show notes

Big emotions from our little humans can make this season of motherhood so challenging, and parenting from a place of respect and self-awareness can often feel like an uphill battle. In this episode I dispel some of the myths of toddlerhood to give you insight into neurologically typical, ‘normal’ developmental capacity for young children to regulate their emotions. I reveal why ‘tantrums’ are purposeful and why you might like to actually encourage them! I critique some of the ‘peaceful solutions’ sold to mothers that buy directly into the ‘good mother’ myth, while giving personal insight into my greatest ‘discipline’ challenge as a mother. This episode is designed to alleviate guilt, lessen feelings of stress and anxiousness around disciplining, and give you some step by step tools you can try out to ground you on a path of connection with both your child, and yourself.

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