The Fifth Column

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**The Fifth Column**

Your weekly rhetorical assault on the on the news cycle, the people who make it, and occasionally ourselves. Kmele Foster (Freethink), Michael Moynihan (Vice), and Matt Welch (Reason) talk and laugh and drink their way to at least quasi-sanity in a world gone mad, often with the aid of clean and articulate guests. Weekly Members Only subscription edition often comes with listener mail and professional-quality (if inappropriate) singing. Analysis. Commentary. Sedition.

www.wethefifth.com

Latest Episodes:

Members Only #216 - Unbearable and Untenable Jul 02, 2024

Show notes

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com

* Miracles of indigenous science

* Why is Matt talking about Kevin Costner so much?

* Aaron Sorkin solves January 6th

* Norm on Bob Uecker

* Matt revisits his…bad night

* The Biden sitch

* James Carville on masculinity and “communities of color”

* How do you guys manage to watch this crap?

* QAnon all the time

* Sam and Diane, but not funny

* The block of humans called voters

* “Total…

Members Only 🔓 UNLOCKED 🔓 #215 - The Hindenburg Debate, The Hindenburg Fifth Recording, and The View From Atlanta (w/ Alex Thompson) Jun 28, 2024

Show notes

Oh dear. Yeah, that debate. Obviously. One would have to be a very successful, very delusional Substacker to think otherwise. But the night was about to get much, much worse. Moynihan, Welch, and Friend of the Fifth (former Rep.) Peter Meijer decided to record a quick reaction pod at 1am, after a collective 542 drinks. That…didn’t work. And that’s not what you are about to hear, although some devious editor appears to have dropped random clips of one particular Fifth host (Matt) into this episode, purely to bully him and amuse our bullying listeners. So as Welch recovered today, Kmele and Moynihan (a champion drinker, at this point immune to hangovers) grabbed star Axios reporter Alex Thompson, just back from the spin room in Atlanta, to try to make sense of it all. Note: This was supposed to be a subscriber-only episode, but between the clips of Matt doing his Foster Brooks impression and Alex being insightful and entertaining, we opened it up to all. You’re welcome. Now go subscribe so we can get Welch into a fancy Malibu rehab.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

#461 - Trump/Biden II, Electric Boogaloo Jun 27, 2024

Show notes

So our podcasting platform just launched an AI feature that scans your recording and automatically generates “show notes.” We gave it it try. These are the results, with a few important corrections.

“The conversation begins with some light banter and discussion about rap music. [Human ed note: This was before we started, so it isn’t included in the episode, but it did feature Kmele speculating about John Lennon shooting Bob Dylan]. They then transition to talking about the upcoming presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden. They discuss the format of the debate and their expectations for how each candidate will perform. They also touch on the COVID-19 pandemic and the conflicting information about masks and vaccines. The conversation ends with a humorous discussion about Matt Welch being a 'MAGA' supporter. [Human ed note: Humorous??] The conversation then shifts to the recent primary race between Jamaal Bowman and Eliot Engel, [sic] with a focus on the role of AIPAC and the effectiveness of negative ads. The hosts also criticize the performance and tactics of certain politicians in the 'squad'. Finally, they mention the fire alarm incident and the overall lack of support for Bowman in his district. [Human ed note: Here, the AI produced 800 words about our Julian Assange conversation]. The hosts end the conversation with some lighthearted banter about upcoming episodes. [Human ed note: Incorrect. We talked about Crocodile Dundee being a cokehead who created the crack epidemic]

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

Members Only #214 - Sunday *Bloody* Sunday Jun 26, 2024

Show notes

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com

Every second Sunday of the month, the lads fire up Zoom and do a (mostly) Q&A show for subscribers only. It’s very fun, often a bit messy and chaotic, and full of listeners expressing love, disbelief, dismay, and often delivering Strom Thurmond- like filibusters. So for you subscribers who couldn’t make it on June 9, we revive the Zoom recording just to…

Members Only #213 - I Don't Know About Y'all... Jun 24, 2024

Show notes

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com

* Imagine if Bill Cosby was an Islamophobic dog

* Cringefest in the Bronx

* Jamal and AOC

* Sleeve rolled up, stool in hand, unemployment on the horizon

* AIPAC is everywhere!

* Violent psycho extremists for peace

* The war won’t end until Jake Tapper’s kids are properly harassed

* Shift back to the center, Dems

* Laying hands on homeless people

* Homeopathy is fake, btw

* Geniuses …

#460 - The Return of Ol' Icy Balls Jun 21, 2024

Show notes

After a very brief hiatus—apologies, but all is explained in the first five minutes of this episode—the lads are back. And there will be a flood of new content in the coming days, to make up for our testicular tardiness (also explained in the first five minutes of this episode). Also note: this episode was plagued by technical difficulties, but we hope, through the magic of editing, that you won’t notice.

* The procedure

* The politicization of late night continues apace

* This is our territory

* Alt weeklies that weren’t alt

* Trump’s long “All In” interview

* Could the debate move voters?

* Don’t pretend to be working class

* Louisiana and the Ten Commandments

* Actually, covet your neighbors wife

* Tell us about your culture: “Diet Coke and Starbucks and Dunkin’s”

* Who did MM see at dinner?

* Happy Juneteenth?

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

#459 - The Horns of Hamas / Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (w/ Olivia Reingold) Jun 14, 2024

Show notes

* Getting Drudged

* Getting the spray

* This new color isn’t working

* Olivia amongst the Hamasniks in Union Square

* Tearing up notebooks, airhorns in the ear…stuck in the middle of a protest

* Hey hey ho ho shitty chants have got to go

* Did any journalists reach out?

* What if this was a Trump rally?

* Legally blonde

* You’ll be in a Trump camp

* “Racial conspiracy theories”

* I mean, you gotta understand where they’re coming from…

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

#458 - Free Everyone! Support No One! Jun 06, 2024

Show notes

* Some unpopular opinions

* Raise your hand if you’ve ever lied to the government

* Fetterman and Real Time

* Are you *addicted* to Marijuana???

* Who are the victims here?

* Excessive sentencing is bad, even for bad people

* Victims: Alex Jones? Hunter Biden? DJT???

* Biden is totally fine and thinking otherwise is the end of democracy

* Joe Scarborough is the worst

* Let’s all pretend that everything is normal, ok?

* Scarborough casually defames two journalists

* Washington Post loses a trillion dollars, hires more whites

* The WNBA reality show

* I knew James Baldwin. Baldwin was a friend of mine. And you, Ibram, are no James Baldwin

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

Members Only #212 - Whatever It Is, I’m Against It (Spaceships and Boobies) Jun 03, 2024

Show notes

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com

* No matter what it is or who commenced it…

* MAGA Hawaii

* Inflatable gallows

* The eye of the horrible Stormy

* It’s a bird! It’s a Qassam! No…it’s the Blonde Zionist!

* Dronez: The Hunt for El Chigon

* Listener email: Working class kid makes good. Will his kids go soft?

* Your kids want to be rich

* Back in my day…..

* Bad IRA comparisons from supposedly smart people

* Jerry Sein…

#457 - The Witch Trials of Alvin Bragg, The End of Vice, The Beginning of Reflector (w/ Matt Boll & Andy Mills) May 30, 2024

Show notes

A double-album worth of great content this week. Start off with Moynihan talking to Matt and Kmele about his Free Press piece charting the collapse of Vice and him forthcoming piece charting the collapse of the Black Panther Party. Then the lads chat about the weirdness of the New York Trump trial, Israel in Rafah, and lots more. And stick around for Kmele’s conversation with the Lennon-McCartney, the Lieber and Stoller of podcasts, Matt Boll and Andy Mills, the duo who brought you The Witch Trials of JK Rowling, among other modern audio classics. They’re back with a new series called Reflector, a “show about the strange experience of being human.” We don’t know *exactly* what that means, but we absolutely guarantee that it will be a work of unparalleled brilliance. Check out episode one here.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

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