The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 219: Divorce Tips From Kids with Grace Casper Jun 01, 2023

Show notes

When it comes to divorce and our children, there are things that, as adults, we are not thinking about. Wouldn't it be great to understand a kid's perspective as we traverse divorce? This week, Grace Casper, a child of divorce, joins me to share insights and practical tools parents can use to guide children before, during, and after divorce.

Grace became a child of divorce at age eight. Since then, she's wanted to help families through the divorce process. She is now 24 years old and runs Divorce Tips from Kids. She is also the host of the podcast, "Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew," and author of the upcoming book, "Dear Parents: Notes From a Child of Divorce."

Featured topics include:

Understanding covert emotional abuse and its destruction (4:15)
Double Abuse®: what it is and how it exacerbates a victim's trauma (15:48)
Why it's important for victims to recognize when Double Abuse® is happening to them so they can gently exit the conversation and find a new circle of support (24:24)
Some examples of Double Abuse® in the media (34:29)
How to support and show up for a victim using the healing model of compassion (37:36)
You cannot take care of yourself if you are being traumatized by Double Abuse® (52:08)

Learn more about Annette Oltmans:

Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette's personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University's Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities."

Resources & Links: Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-217-understanding-double-abuse-with-annette-oltmans/

Private Coaching with Kate

The M3nd Project Website Tools and Resources from The M3ND Project The M3ND Project on Facebook The M3ND Project on Instagram The M3nd Project on YouTube The M3nd Project on Twitter Abuser. Narcissist. Sociopath. with Annette Oltmans Covert Emotional Abuse with Annette Oltmans

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Episode 216: Find Me the Money! with Tracy Coenen May 11, 2023

Show notes

Tracy Coenen returns to the show to talk about hidden money, secret spending, and how to win the money you deserve in your divorce. Tracy is a forensic accountant and has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years. She finds money in corporate fraud cases, high-net-worth divorces, and other financial shenanigans. In this episode, she shares information about the ways money can be hidden and how to assert your autonomy, take control, and reach a fair and deserved settlement.

Featured topics include:

Why it is important to be mindful of the language used around money and divorce. (4:16)
Tracy talks about her new book, Find Me The Money!, and how it aims to empower women to win a fair divorce settlement. (7:39)
How to know if your spouse is hiding money, and some ways money can be hidden (such as a secret credit card) (9:59)
The five secret thieves of divorce: shame, betrayal, isolation, insecurity, and overwhelm (15:06)
Innocent spouse relief: what it means and how it plays into the divorce process (26:20)
How to reconcile winning the money you deserve versus the hurdles you'll need to jump to win it - is it worth it? (35:19)

Learn more about Tracy Coenen:

Tracy Coenen has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn't always want to be a forensic accountant. With a dream of one day being a prison warden, Tracy went to Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI to get a criminology degree. A class on financial crime investigations reminded her how much she loved Encyclopedia Brown books as a kid. She continued her criminology degree, but added accounting and economics courses so she could sit for the CPA exam… and here Tracy is, finding money in cases of corporate fraud, high net worth divorce, and other financial shenanigans.

Resources & Links:

Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-216-find-me-the-money-with-tracy-coenen/

Join me TOMORROW, May 12th, for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split.

A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Tracy's website Tracy on Instagram Tracy on TikTok Episode 190: Becoming Your Own Forensic Accountant with Tracy Coenen

Episode 215: The Secret to Getting Along, with Gabrielle Hartley, Esq. May 04, 2023

Show notes

Gabrielle Hartley returns to the show to discuss the secret to getting along with others! Gabrielle is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee,

a divorce attorney, online mediator, founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book, "The Secret to Getting Along and Why It's Easier Than You Think," is available for pre-order.

Gabrielle says that when you learn the steps of getting along, there is nothing more satisfying than being in agreement. Listen to this episode to hear how meeting your deepest emotional needs will lead to resolving conflict.

Featured topics include:

The framework of Gabrielle's YES Method and how it encourages people to get along (12:50)
Knowing when to shelve a conversation and take space (19:30)
If you can understand what the other person really needs, you can settle almost any argument (24:47)
Gabrielle explains what she means when she says, "Defensiveness is the enemy of resolution." (32:42)
The VIR protocol: visualizing how you want things to be (36:14)

Learn more about Gabrielle Hartley, Esq.:

Gabrielle Hartley is co-chair of the American Bar Association Mediation Committee,

a divorce attorney, online mediator, founder of The Private Divorce Solution, and author of "Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate." Her new book "The Secret to Getting Along and Why It's Easier Than You Think" will be released this May. She offers a weekly newsletter, The Conflict Code" and hosts The Better Apart Blog and is a frequently quoted media expert in the peaceful divorce realm (The New York Times, Vice, WNYC, Forbes, Psychology Today,etc.) Gabrielle is former court attorney to NYS Supreme Court Judge Jeffrey Sunshine.

While writing her first book, Better Apart; The Radically Positive Way to Separate (HarperCollins2019) she realized that we all need to get along better in all facets of our lives. Gabrielle developed the YES Method based on more than 25 years working as a top divorce lawyer and mediator.

The Secret to Getting Along was recently selected as a Next Big Idea Club must-read and her Tedx Talk on her strategy has been viewed over 62 thousand times.

Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-215-the-secret-to-getting-along-with-gabrielle-hartley-esq/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno

Gabrielle's website Gabrielle on Facebook Gabrielle on Instagram The Secret To Getting Along and Why It's Easier Than You Think The Secret To Getting Along is Easier Than You Think TEDx Talk

TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: COZY EARTH

Cozy Earth is the world's foremost source of high-quality, authentic bamboo viscose bed linens. Listeners can enjoy this exclusive offer from Cozy Earth today: Receive 35% off site-wide when you use the code "DSG" at CozyEarth.com! Thanks to our sponsor, Cozy Earth, and thank you, listeners, for supporting this show!

Episode 214: Navigating Step-Family Relationships with Dr. Jeannette Lofas Apr 27, 2023

Show notes

This week, Dr. Jeannette Lofas joins me to discuss why the step-family unit differs entirely from a traditional family. She explains why the science, rules, and roles of the step-family are uniquely distinct. Dr. Lofas also shares insights and advice about how to make the step-family structure work for your changing family, following divorce and remarriage.

Jeannette Lofas, Ph.D., is a pioneering authority in stepfamily relationships, divorce, remarriage, and children. She is also the founder and president of the Stepfamily Foundation -- the first organization in the world devoted solely to the problems and challenges encountered in step relationships.

Featured topics include:

The step-family cannot and will not function as an intact family (12:03)
Why identifying roles in the step-family system and defining rules is important (13:41)
The role of the step-mother or step-parent (15:24)
Dr. Lofas shares some of the rules of the step-family (22:19)
The issue with the phrase "blended family" (28:07)

Resources & Links: Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-214-navigating-step-family-relationships-with-dr-jeannette-lofas/ Join me for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split. Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist The Stepfamily Foundation Dr. Lofas on Instagram Dr. Lofas on LinkedIn A Conversation about the film, Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno

Learn more about Dr. Jeannette Lofas:

Dr. Jeannette Lofas (Ph.D., LCSW) is a therapist specializing in stepfamilies. Dr. Lofas herself is a divorcee, successfully remarried. (She is also a stepchild and a stepmother.) She has been helping stepfamilies for more than four decades and said there is not a question she hasn't answered.

Dr. Lofas believes that the stepfamily does not and cannot function as a biological family. Author of four books, she has deep and specific knowledge of the science of the stepfamily system where the roles and rules are very different from traditional marriages. More an expert consultant than a traditional therapist, Lofas offers an approach which is actionable, practical and solution based to help you succeed in this different dynamic. She defines responsibilities and contributions for every member of the stepfamily and teaches communication skills, focusing on positivity, manners, visitation, the prior spouse, co-parenting and more. Dr. Lofas believes solutions come from education about how to manage stepfamily relationships – and she speaks to everyone in the family. Lofas is also a Certified Divorce and Co-Parenting Mediator.

Lofas is former TV reporter/film critic for ABC, NBC and CBS.

In her linked in profile she provides some background as to how she became a stepfamily expert:

"When I remarried I found myself lost and in conflict within my own new family. I was amazed to find that my beloved husband sided with his four girls rather than me. Before we got marred his girls and I were best of pals. I was devastated. My husband and I began fighting over his not taking my side, discipline, putting his children before me, and my 10-year-old son.

Dismayed I contacted every therapist in the state and then began to call all over the US. There was no one there. Having come out of TV on air broadcast news and being an experienced interviewer I turned to looking for and talking to others in similar situations. From that information I created my first book. LIVING IN STEP: A Remarriage Manual.

As a result people started asking me for advice. I decided to make a career transition and to counsel people who had remarried with children. My reputation as a writer and counselor spread so that I was invited as a guest on such TV programs as Oprah, Montel Williams, The Today show, CBS Morning News and Fox. I have also been interviewed by periodicals such as the NY Times, The Ladies Home Journal (Woman of the Month) and Vogue to name a few.

I live in constant gratitude and delight watching my client families grow from chaos and conflict to laughter and love."

Dr. Lofas is the recipient of a 1995 presidential award for her 'outstanding efforts in strengthening step relationships across America' and is president of the Stepfamily Foundation https://www.stepfamily.org/, a not-for-profit that she founded in 1976. She is the author of Living In Step, with Ruth Roosevelt, McGraw-Hill, 1976; He's OK, She's OK: Honoring the Differences Between Men & Women, Tzedakah, 1995; Family Rules, Kensington Books, 1998; and Stepparenting, 3rd Edition May 2004, Citadel Books, one of the largest selling books of its kind.

Dr. Lofas counsels clients from around the world.

Episode 213: A Conversation about the film Split UP: The TEEN Years with Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno Apr 20, 2023

Show notes

How will your choices about divorce affect your children now and in the future? The creator of the films Split and Split UP: The TEEN Years, Ellen Bruno, says, "The connection between how parents frame the changing family, separation, and divorce profoundly impacts kids." Split UP: The TEEN Years documents the experiences of teenagers with divorce. Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno join me in this episode to discuss this new film and share their insights and takeaways for parents and children.

Split UP: The TEEN Years is comforting, poignant, and deep. The children in these films are the best teachers. They provide the opportunity to see how families experience divorce and its impact on children.

Featured topics include:

The impetus for creating the films Split and Split UP: The TEEN Years (6:27)
How the movie gives parents an unfiltered look into how this experience feels for children (10:58)
The choices you make in your divorce now impact children for the rest of their lives (11:45)
The greatest gift we can give our children is to rise up, take the high road, and keep them at the center of the divorce (14:37)
When the family begins to change, it is important to remind kids that "They are wanted, they are loved, and this is not their fault." (33:34)

Join us for a special Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event on Friday, May 12th! To secure your spot and get all the details, visit http://kateanthony.com/split.

Learn more about Christina McGhee and Ellen Bruno:

Christina McGhee, MSW, is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed book PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids and the founder of divorceandchildren.com.

Ellen Bruno is an award-winning documentary filmmaker based in San Francisco. With a background in international relief work, Ellen's films have focused on issues at the forefront of human rights.

Resources & Links:

Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist Should I Stay or Should I Go Program - Special Offer! Get $50 off the program, plus a ticket to Split UP: The TEEN Years screening event! Offer available until April 24th. Visit kateanthony.com/kids for details.

TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: COZY EARTH

Episode 212: Your Divorce Roadmap: The Stages and Phases of Divorce Apr 13, 2023

Show notes

Solo Episode alert!!

After over a decade of working with thousands of women, I've become really good at mapping out the entire divorce process and pinpointing where on that map someone might land. I've become so good at it that I actually created something I'm calling The Divorce Roadmap. In this episode, I share the three stages of the Roadmap: Awareness, Action, and Moving On, and explore the various phases within each stage. Divorce journeys are almost never linear, they ebb and flow and have hard times and times when things fall neatly into place. Knowing where you are on your journey can help you prepare for what's to come. If, after listening to this episode, you have found yourself somewhere along the map described, I have resources for every phase and every stage. Download your free Divorce Roadmap today!

Resources & Links:Information and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-212-your-divorce-roadmap-the-stages-and-phases-of-divorce Download The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast Curated Podcast Playlist The Divorce Roadmap Grit & Grace Coaching Program How to Not Fuck Up Your Kids Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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Episode 211: Walking an Impossible Line: Talking Honestly with Your Kids About Their Other Parent Apr 06, 2023

Show notes

"Mom, did Dad cheat on you?" If and when your child comes to you with questions about why you and your ex are divorcing, do you know how you plan to respond?

This week, Christina McGhee joins me to talk about how to walk the line between not gaslighting your children versus not throwing a co-parent under the bus or telling children truths that might be too hard for them to hear. In this episode, you'll hear practical strategies for maneuvering this complex situation.

This is an important episode for any parent going through a divorce or experiencing hardships in their relationship. As you listen, please remember to allow yourself grace as you walk this difficult journey with your kids.

Featured topics include:

How to communicate with kids about the 'whys' around the ending of your marriage (4:55)
A reminder that you do not need to give a full accounting of your marital issues (13:20)
Meet your kids where they're at, and focus on their feelings. (14:08)
You don't need all of the answers in order to have a conversation with your children. (20:58)
Think before you speak and consider: Do you need to share certain information because your child should hear it or because you feel the need to tell it? (23:02)
How to respond when your child says their co-parent is not emotionally available to have a conversation or listen to them, and how to help your kids learn to cope. (25:28)

Learn more about Christina McGhee:

Christina McGhee, MSW is an internationally recognized divorce parenting expert, speaker, and author. While splitting up is undeniably hard, Christina believes divorce doesn't have to equal devastation for families. She feels with the right kind of information and support, parents have the ability to be a child's absolute best resource when families change.

Throughout her career, she has educated both parents and professionals on how to minimize the impact of divorce on children. In her book, PARENTING APART: How separated and divorced parents can raise happy and secure kids, Christina offers parents useful strategies for dealing with the "real-life" everyday challenges of coparenting.

One of her core beliefs is that divorce doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you a parent going through a bad time. Because she is passionate about helping parents get through that bad time, Christina also maintains an active coaching practice that allows her to work with Moms and Dads all over the world.

Most recently, Christina launched an online program, Coparenting with Purpose. Designed to provide moms and dads with an easy, convenient way to access critical information, it's filled with practical tools and solutions for managing the most common coparenting problems.

Additionally, she has contributed to several other media projects as a featured expert, a content consultant, and a writer/producer. Currently, she serves as a consulting producer and subject matter expert for the documentaries SPLIT: A film for kids and their parents and Split UP: The Teen Years, two compelling films that let kids know they're not alone and normalize the many feelings and experiences children and teens encounter when parents part.

Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, and in print around the US and abroad. A few places you may have seen her are TODAY Parents, the BBC, The Times, and Parents Magazine.

Married for over twenty-seven years, Christina and her husband live outside of Houston, Texas. As a mom of four (two bonus and two bio) children, she has acquired extensive on-the-job training as a chauffeur, negotiator, short-order cook, scheduler extraordinaire, and finder of all things lost. To find out more, check her out at divorceandchildren.com

Resources & Links:Information and links may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-211-talking-honestly-with-your-kids-about-their-other-parent Our monthly live Q+A, Coffee Klatch with Kate, is happening next Tuesday, April 11, at 9:30 am Pacific / 12:30 pm Eastern. Register here!Grit & Grace Coaching Program Private Coaching with Kate Christina's website Parenting Apart, Christina McGhee Christina on Facebook Christina on Instagram Christina on LinkedIn Episode 209: Sex Addiction, Cheating, and Betrayal with Dr. Rob Dr. Cocchiola's Protective Parenting Program

Thank you to our Sponsor: Cozy EarthCozy Earth is the world's foremost source of high-quality, authentic bamboo viscose bed linens. Listeners can enjoy this exclusive offer from Cozy Earth today: Receive 35% off site-wide when you use the code "DSG" at CozyEarth.com! Thanks to our sponsor, Cozy Earth, and thank you, listeners, for supporting this show!

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Episode 210: SLAY Your Negotiations with a Narcissist with Rebecca Zung Mar 30, 2023

Show notes

Rebecca Zung returns to the show to share her expertise on narcissism and negotiation. Rebecca is a Narcissism Negotiation Expert, founder of the SLAY negotiation method, popular YouTuber, and one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation.

In this episode, Rebecca sheds light on what it's like to have a partner who is a narcissist and what happens when you want to get out of the relationship. She also shares valuable advice on dealing with a narcissistic ex who launches a smear campaign about you, describes her SLAY negotiation method, and debunks some myths. This episode contains insightful advice and value for anyone looking to break free from a narcissistic partner or ex-partner.

Featured topics include:

What it's like to have a partner who is a narcissist, and what happens when you want to get out of the relationship (3:36)
When your narcissist ex launches a smear campaign about you: never defend, explain, justify, or overshare (11:09)
Rebecca busts some myths about narcissists, including "narcissists just want to win." (24:40)
How to slay your negotiations with a narcissist (27:43)
Certain things are negotiable, and certain things are not: what is not negotiable is your self-respect and your value as a human (38:21)

Learn more about Rebecca Zung:

Rebecca Zung is a Narcissism Negotiation Expert, founder of the SLAY negotiation method, popular YouTuber (more than 20 MILLION VIEWS in less than 2 years), and one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a "Best Lawyer in America", as "Legal Elite" by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell. She is the author of TWO bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor. Her perspectives are in high demand by television and print outlets, as she has been featured in or on Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio, Good Day New York, and CBS Los Angeles among others. Now, she is continuing to serve through her very popular YouTube channel, media appearances, podcast, articles, and on-demand programs such as S.L.A.Y. Your Negotiation™ with a Narcissist, SLAY the Narcissist in Family Court, and Breaking Free™ Divorce Masterclasses.

Resources & Links: Links and information may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-210-slay-your-negotiations-with-a-narcissist-with-rebecca-zung/

Register to join Kate on the 2nd Tuesday of Every Month for a Live Q&A Session Grit & Grace Coaching Program Rebecca's website Pre-order Rebecca's upcoming book, Slay the Bully Rebecca's Free Crush My Negotiation Worksheet Rebecca on Facebook Rebecca on Youtube Rebecca on Instagram Rebecca on Linkedin Rebecca on Tiktok Rebecca on Twitter

TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: THE REVISED SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? PROGRAM

An online coaching program designed to help you make the right decision about your marriage…once and for all. In this groundbreaking online coaching program, you'll unlock the support, education and deep transformational work you need to finally answer to your most burning question: should I stay or should I go?

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