The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle - Anna Runkle

Childhood Neglect And The Attraction to Partners Who Don't Care Nov 20, 2024

It’s a terrible thing when parents ignore and neglect a child for whom attention, love and security are just as important as food and water and oxygen. If you grew up starved for comfort, you may find yourself now, as an adult, trying to make do in relationships where you get almost nothing back. And the hardest part is, you can’t let go. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman whose parents physically and emotionally abandoned her, and now she pines for a man who doesn't care for her at all.

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Why Your Traumatized Self CRAVES ORDER Nov 18, 2024

When you’ve lived through abuse, neglect, bullying, hardship and getting ostracized, it becomes hard to think. Your life gets chaotic. Your feelings overwhelm you. It’s hard to keep track of time or take proper care of yourself. And your space gets cluttered. What your wounded self is craving is *order,* where all the elements of your life can fall into place, into a flow that helps you to mentally and emotionally, function and to physically re-regulate. I’ll show you a simple exercise to get started with gently introducing order in your day, but first, I want to talk about the concept of order, and what it looks like when it’s not working.

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Obsessive Love and Limerence Ruin Real Hope of Love (4-Video Compilation) Nov 17, 2024

Your mind plays tricks on you when you fall in love with someone who says flat out they don’t want a relationship. This absent character, present only as an electronic voice or a digital image but never as a real person at your side who loves you -- can be the perfect blank canvas for lament fantasies. “If only we could be together…” that’s what the limerent thinks, never doing the math to understand that the person clearly, openly strongly tells you that will never happen. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos where I answer letters from people struggling with obsessive love and limerence.

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Your Affair is Over But The Damage Is Still There Nov 15, 2024

It’s easy to think that when a period of intense trauma in your life is over, you should be fine. But the trouble is, AFTER traumatic experiences you can be extremely vulnerable, not just to people who want to manipulate you, but to your own, trauma-driven pattern of self-deception. Healing takes time, and sometimes the gravity of your mistakes becomes real to you later. In this video, I respond to a woman searching for ways to overcome the guilt she feels in the aftermath of an affair.

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If You Work Hard to Heal But Happiness Is Nowhere in Sight, Try THIS Nov 13, 2024

Everybody loves transformation stories where someone has a horrible life of struggle and addiction and trauma – and then ONE good thing happens and EVERYTHING is happy ever after. It sounds good on social media but does not help those of us who are trying to FREE ourselves from the trauma-driven problems of the past. In reality, the wounds of trauma are still there even after you begin changing your life. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who has worked hard to heal but feels lonely, hopeless, sad and angry. You might benefit from hearing my advice.

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It Takes Inner Power to Do the Work and Change Your Life Nov 11, 2024

Trauma during childhood can teach you to "give away your power" through self-destructive tendencies, people pleasing, and an urge to flee conflict, responsibility, and intimacy. To heal trauma, you need your POWER. Here, I share a hugely popular video from my archives on the steps to take to build the stamina, resilience and insight needed to sustain the work of healing Childhood PTSD.

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The Real Reason Your Trauma Symptoms Come Back (4-Video Compilation) Nov 10, 2024

When we're talking about trauma, a "trigger" is a stimulus that sets off Childhood PTSD symptoms -- in particular, dysregulation. In this 4-video compilation I share four of my most popular videos about common - but often overlooked -- triggers that YOU may be experiencing now. When you learn to calm your triggers, your life gets freer and more choices are open to you.

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If Marriage and Kids are What You Want, Here’s What to Do Nov 08, 2024

If your heart's desire is to marry a man and have children but you keep dating men who don't want quite the same thing, it helps to get VERY clear about what you want and to change the way you date. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who has been sabotaging what she really wants in long-term relationships that can't bring her the future she seeks. Hear my clear advice for how to change the pattern and date in a way that supports the creation of the lasting, committed love and family want.

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Why “Just Going with the Flow” Falls Short of Giving Meaning Nov 06, 2024

We’re surrounded by the noise of IDEAS about how to live life – “it’s all about self-discipline,” “just let go,” – “Do senseless acts of kindness” – “learn the joy of saying no.” All these ideas are in conflict with each other, so if you don’t have a burning light inside of who you are, they all just lead to confusion and emptiness. And this is especially true for people who were punished or ostracized by their families – emotionally neglected and “directionally neglected” by parents who refused to “see” their children and help them develop their interest. Yet, like all people, those of us with past trauma are called to break out of that empty identity – and this involves leaving your comfort zone sometimes – to become the more vivid and purposeful person you KNOW you are, so that your life can at last come into full color. In this video, I respond to a woman who feels empty, and who is ready to break out of the blank identity she grew up with.

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Childhood Trauma Robs Your Spirit. Here's How to Get It Back Nov 04, 2024

So many people are walking through their lives with a crushed spirit. All their hope confidence, or the inner power to do anything more than to just survive has been taken from them. They’ve forgotten who they really are, they avoid connection, and they now struggle to detect the difference between right and wrong. When your spirit is intact – you don’t put up with mistreatment. And you don’t give up on life, because your vision of what you want in your life is very PRESENT for you, In this video I teach about how your spirit can get harmed -- what that looks like, how some people get stuck in this limited state, and what you can do to recover fully and live the happy and connected life you know you were mean to have.

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Overcome Hardships and Change Your Life (4-Video Compilation) Nov 03, 2024

When we talk about the wounds of childhood trauma, many people focus on the pain, the tragedy, the long-term limitation some of us have struggled with. But the good news is, healing is possible. In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos that list tips and strategies to overcome the wounds of the past and to quickly progress toward a happier, more connected life.

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"Spiritual Bypassing" Means Justifying Giving 10x More Than You Get Nov 01, 2024

People who are ashamed or unhappy with their relationships often come up with creative ways to justify the fact that not only do they stay, but they pour out massive amounts of love, time and money that will likely never be reciprocated. The story they tell themselves is often described as “spiritual bypassing.” It’s a way to dress up big mistakes as meaningful accomplishments. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who speaks in a glowing way about her role caring for an avoidant man who is drowning in trauma, who, with his kids, has become totally dependent on her.

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Trauma-Driven Choices That Destabilize Your Life Oct 30, 2024

It’s normal for people who were abused or neglected in childhood to create quasi-relationships where they’re somewhat loved, but also harmed. When you stay for a long time in a situation you can't emotionally bear, healing yourself means uprooting everything you know (and with kids) that's especially hard. In this video, I respond to a letter from a mother who has raised her child with a man who sleeps with many other people, and now, to free herself from pain, she must face what it requires.

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Great Friendships Grow When You Master These Skills Oct 28, 2024

So many people struggle to find and keep and deepen good friendships with good people. Yet research shows that the people you hang out with have a bigger effect on how your life goes than just about anything else. They influence the choices you make. They influence the standards you set for yourself. They influence the other people you're going to meet, yet who teaches you how to make and keep good friends? Many parents didn't model it for our generation. In this video, I teach you practical friendship skills that will serve you the rest of your life.

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Heal These Common Trauma Symptoms That Block Advancement Oct 27, 2024

How can you get ahead when trauma from your past inhibits your ability to work? Trauma symptoms can limit your productivity, damage your work relationships, and prevent you from taking necessary actions to advance and enjoy your career. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about CPTSD at work and teach the top symptoms that need healing so your career can rocket forward.

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How to Break Free of ENTANGLEMENT With Exes Oct 25, 2024

Entanglement happens in relationships where there is a) emotional messiness, b) fear of leaving the relationship even when that's what you want, and c) one or both people are trying to justify things behaviors that harmed the relationship in the first place. Entanglement tends to go in circles -- an attachment that’s more driven by desperation than commitment, so it tends to make both people feel crazy, In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who was traumatized as a child and finds herself unable to leave a relationship that's made her miserable.

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What It Means When He's "Monogamous With His Mother" Oct 23, 2024

Sometimes our childhood experiences make us WAY too good at overlooking our own needs, prompting us to "donate" all our time and effort to the life of someone else, who can’t or won’t return the favor. One kind of emotional unavailability, defined in the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, is a man who is what he calls “monogamous with his mother.” This is a deep kind of dysfunction that only the man himself could ever fix. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who loves such a man. My response may not be what she wants to hear.

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Your Clutter May Be A Trauma Symptom Oct 21, 2024

Every video I make is based on an idea I’ve got floating around in my mind, connected with healing from childhood PTSD. And I literally never know in advance if my viewers are going to resonate – sometimes they don’t. But there's something about this video that made it go viral FAST. And I’m sharing it here in hopes you can give feedback: What is it about this video that made it SO POPULAR? Here it is.

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Stop the Damage From These Parents Now (4-Video Compilation) Oct 20, 2024

One of the really hard things about narcissistic abuse is that a parent may have randomly punished and neglected you, and left you confused about what anything means. People with CPTSD often have a hard time seeing that their parents' behaviors were not their fault -- that as children, they didn't do anything wrong and nothing could have made their parents love them properly. This blind spot can undermine your ability to be happy and flourish – especially in terms of the people you let into your life. In this four-video compilation, I share 4 of my most popular videos based on letters from people whose parents are narcissists.

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Why No One Believes Your Feelings Are Platonic Oct 18, 2024

Some of the best friendships in your life will be with people where there's a risk that ONE of you will be attracted to the other. When there’s no attraction, there’s no problem. But because many of us are not always honest about our true feelings, we can go a LONG time pretending to be a friend when what we’re really doing, is feeding our need for romantic excitement through an emotional affair. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who claims she's in a legitimate friendship but everyone else says it's an emotional affair.

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Early Trauma Taught You to Pretend Nothing's Wrong Oct 16, 2024

When you grow up emotionally neglected, it’s not uncommon that you’ll be drawn to people who neglect you and dismiss your feelings just like your parents did. Getting small and silent around this kind of thing is a trauma symptom, and you don’t have to go along with it. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is dating a man whose parents make her feel uncomfortable with their loud and sexually inappropriate behavior. Her boyfriend pressures her to act like nothing is wrong.

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An Interview With Dr. James Pennebaker Oct 14, 2024

If you've sought help for trauma-related symptoms you were probably told you needed to TALK about it. But a growing body of research shows that one of the most effective therapies for healing depression, anxiety and trauma is WRITING. In this video, I interview James Pennebaker, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. My work has been informed by his work since I first began Crappy Childhood Fairy, and this year I got to meet him in Austin and ask a thousand questions. This video was recorded later. Dr. Pennebaker's visionary work has been evaluated in more than 2000 peer-reviewed studies showing that writing is not only therapeutic but has lasting physiological, psychological and emotional benefits that can be measured after just one session.

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Why Relationships Only Work When You Have Boundaries (4-Video Compilation) Oct 13, 2024

People with Childhood PTSD often struggle to speak up for themselves, or face conflicts where others aren't treating you well. This may have injured your ability to see things as they are. To read the room. To understand where people are coming from when they say one thing, but do another. This denial may have trained you to express your wishes, and then to become surprised and angry and CONFUSED when other people don’t recognize what you thought was a "boundary." In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos about boundaries -- what they are, and why healthy boundaries are absolutely necessary for healthy relationships of any kind.

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What To Do When You Don't Know What You Really Want Oct 11, 2024

I get hundreds of letters from viewers on this channel every month – way more than I can answer, and when I’m choosing which letters I’ll answer here on YouTube, sometimes I decide NOT to answer a letter, but THEN IT STARTS TO HAUNT ME. I keep thinking about the person, and thinking about their story – and the mystery of their struggles, but also the preciousness of their future. And you know what, the most haunting letters are the ones that often end up being the most powerful for all of you here. And I first discovered that a few years ago, when I finally shared THIS woman’s incredible letter, which I originally titled, “How to Know What You Really Want.” and BOY did it strike a nerve. Here it is.

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Extreme Limerence Needs Strong Intervention Oct 09, 2024

Obsessive love tends to kick up when your life is bleak, and you have frail connections with people and activities you love. Limerence is when that feeling becomes like an addiction, but sometimes, the obsession can drag you into a deeper mental health crisis. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who finally caught feelings for someone, but now her life is falling apart.

The Signs of Limerence: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3PbqblT

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CPTSD Could Be the Reason You Struggle to GET THINGS DONE Oct 07, 2024

Everyone procrastinates sometimes. But for people who were abused or neglected as kids, there are extra factors that can make procrastination much, much worse. The things you’re not dealing with can take over your life, hold you back, make you depressed that you’re stuck, day after day, in the same old rut - like paralysis. In this video, I'll explain why this happens, and show. you how to gently restart your productivity.

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Why Childhood Trauma Blocks Connection (4-Video Compilation) Oct 06, 2024

More people than ever are isolated and lonely People who have lived through trauma, especially in childhood, may have suffered neurological changes that make connecting even harder. And once you are in a relationship, it can cause you to fall into trauma-driven patterns that ruin closeness. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos about loneliness-- what causes it, how to heal it, and how healthy solitude can be part of your healing.

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Abuse, Neglect, and the Suppression of Intelligence Oct 04, 2024

Early trauma can do tremendous damage to your ability to think, learn and remember, and one reason is the neurological dysregulation that often results from abuse and neglect in childhood. There is an injury – a developmental delay in the ability to listen and form ideas, and process them, and it often seems to get worse when we’re under stress. Trauma isn’t the cause of ALL cognitive impairment, but healing the dysregulation can go a long way toward recovering your natural powers of intelligence. In this video, I respond to a letter from a man who senses that he is "slow" mentally, and that it's cost him opportunities all his life.

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Either Way, Fixating on Changing Your Partner Hurts You Both Oct 02, 2024

One way that childhood trauma hurts your ability to have a healthy relationship is by halting your emotional development. When your parents threaten and ignore you, you have only your child’s mind to interpret why they are doing this, and how to cope with it. Some people shut down emotionally, which obviously isn’t good for adult relationships later. And some people fixate on GETTING the love they are so hungry for. And even with a good partner they can’t really be present or FEEL the love they’re given because there’s an emptiness inside that they’re SURE their partner is causing. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who suspects that nothing her boyfriend does will ever feel like enough for her, and she’s questioning if the problem is her… or him.

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What to Do When They Push Their Views On You Sep 30, 2024

Opinion bullies have been running around, enjoying a new sense of unlimited power for several years now, trashing good and decent people, shunning things like discussion, inquiry and debate. It’s shocking how many people are willing to sacrifice basic respect and good will in order to demand they get their way -- and that everyone agrees with them. This is both a symptom of trauma, and a cause of trauma. Opinion bullies retraumatize themselves, they traumatize everyone else – especially those of us who were silenced and bullied by abusive parents in the past. Here are my tips to stand up to opinion bullies -- and to do it so gracefully, you avoid burning relationships to the ground.

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Childhood Bonds With Parents Drives You Now (4-Video Compilation) Sep 29, 2024

When you weren’t loved properly as a child, your brain will tell you that the first person who is kind to you is the ONE, and you have to be with them, and you have to be with them NOW. CPTSD and attachment wounds can push you to attach instantly with someone you don’t even know. And often, after you’ve lost all boundaries, you start to see that the other person is NOT what you thought. But your attachment wound will keep you from leaving, and keep you blaming yourself for why THEY treat you so badly! In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who rushed into a relationship and is now left alone and in pain. Hear why it's so important to heal this tendency and come back to reality.

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Boyfriend’s Insensitive Comment May Not Be the Problem Sep 27, 2024

One thing that hurts relationships is comparing your partner to others. But something that ALSO hurts relationships is discarding them when they make a mistake. In this video, I respond to a letter from a young woman who was devastated by her boyfriend’s comments about his own exes.

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Their Life Is a Mess and THEY BLAME YOU Sep 25, 2024

Even if you survived the trauma of abusive or neglectful parents, it’s very likely that your brother or sister or someone else in the family absorbed the chaos, and their trauma-driven behaviors end up hurting you again and again. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who must decide whether to help her suffering siblings, even though she risks getting sucked into their drama.

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10 Ways Past Trauma Suppresses Income (How to Change This Now) Sep 23, 2024

One thing trauma experts don’t talk about enough is the connection between growing up with trauma – and UNDER-EARNING. This is a huge problem for so many of us with CPTSD. And when you’re underearning – it can be hard to see clearly why that’s happening, and what you can do to get your income UP to a fair and sufficient level. This is part of healing too. In this video, I’m sharing one of the most popular videos in my archive that lists 10 ways past trauma can hold your income down, and what you can do right now to change that forever.

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Why Your Productivity is a Roller Coaster (4-video compilation) Sep 22, 2024

If you're rebuilding your life after trauma, you may have experienced "Productivity Crashes" -- my term for when you emotionally collapse (and often physically retreat) after big, courageous accomplishments. Too often, people with CPTSD struggle to follow up on their successes; or get stuck in "freeze mode" for long spells, or avoid advancing their careers because it feels too overwhelming. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos of trauma's impact on productivity.

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The Abusers Are Gone, But The Hurt Still Needs Healing Sep 20, 2024

It’s human nature to require justice. Somehow we NEED to know in our bones that the kind of harm that was done to us as children is NOT RIGHT, and should not have happened, and someone should have come to our aid. And yet the people who harm kids rarely take responsibility for it. So many of us never get an apology, or we lack the basic support of a family, or get shamed and ostracized by them. And still, even though you can clearly feel the empty place inside sometimes – you find a way to heal and go forward.

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Why You Shouldn’t Wait for an Apology Sep 18, 2024

Living through a rough childhood, it’s hard not to hope that ONE day, the parents who neglected you and made life chaotic will SEE – they’ll come around and admit what they did, and how they didn’t take care of you, and they’ll tell you how sorry they are. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who wants to heal, but imagines that only when she gets an apology can she ever be free of the wounds of trauma. Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: FREE PDF Download: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I

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Why Malignant Narcissists Love CANCEL CULTURE Sep 16, 2024

Abuse and violence are crimes, but having your own opinion is an essential part of trauma healing. Those who grew up with narcissistic abuse were forced to conform, comply. People who "cancel" others almost always think they are doing something heroic for the benefit of others. But in fact, cancel culture is a game run by narcissists, where destroying other people -- at any cost -- is a source of self-worth and status. In this video I teach why cancel culture is self-perpetuating, rewarding those who participate and threatening those who leave with the very sort of attack they once led upon others. The only way to stop it is to refuse to take part and instead defend those who are slandered. I'll teach you how.

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CPTSD & The Feeling You Can't Connect (4-video compilation) Sep 15, 2024

People who were abused or neglected as children long to feel a sense of belonging. But it's an almost universal symptom of CPTSD to feel like you can't connect with others. You may feel like you don't belong in with groups, that people ignore you, or for reasons you can't explain, you struggle to form good friendships. Few understand the way CPTSD is an injury to the ability to connect to other people; in this 4-video compilation I talk about trauma-driven loneliness, and practical steps you can take to heal.

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There's Something Appealing About Partners Who Disappoint Sep 13, 2024

Trauma in your childhood gives you a blind spot that makes it easy to become attached to people who are AVOIDANT – they pull away when you try to pull close, they don’t GET it about being present for someone, or honoring them on special occasions. Avoidant people can do some parts of relationships really well, but over time, they can leave you feeling neglected, disrespected and alone. But what is it about them that makes it FEEL, at first at least, that it works so well? Is there something about their indifference that is HELPFUL to those of us with trauma? Is it even possible to be happy when someone seems to intentionally disappoint you all the time? My letter is from a woman I’ll call Marilyn, and she writes…

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How to End Limerence Before You Destroy Everything Good Sep 11, 2024

Once in a while, I get a letter seeking my advice that’s so serious I’m not sure if I should read it on YouTube. Usually I decline, but in the case of a letter I received just a few days ago, I couldn’t stop thinking about the danger that everyone is in, and thought I’d better tell the letter writer – who asked me to be as harsh as I needed to be – the URGENT TRUTH. Hear my advice to a man about to destroy his family and his life over a fantasy he can "save" vulnerable women.

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What to Tell MDs Who Just Don’t Get It About CPTSD Sep 09, 2024

For a lot of people who were abused or neglected in childhood, going to the doctor is a huge trigger. The questions they ask, the fact that they need to TOUCH you, and the control they have over whether or not you get to HAVE help at all – it can feel overwhelming, invasive, accusatory, demeaning, invalidating. Most doctors – even though they are trained – don’t yet have a meaningful, working knowledge of the ADULT effects of childhood trauma. In this video I talk about the gap in what is *known* about the adult effects of childhood trauma, and the way it is acknowledged and treated. I leave you with clear recommendations you can share with your doctor the next time you visit, to make sure they understand how past trauma affects your health today.

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Childhood Trauma and Damaged Perception (4-Video Compilation) Sep 08, 2024

As a child you developed the ability to use "magical thinking" to cope with abuse and neglect, but NOW, as an adult, it just might be blocking you from ever escaping troubled relationships, finding inner strength, and living a full life. In this 4-video compilation I share four of my most popular videos about damaged perception and how it makes us vulnerable to believe lies. Hear my advice on how to restore clear thinking and develop intuition you can trust.

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Here’s How You Know It’s Time to Tell Him You’re Into Him Sep 06, 2024

You have a friend you’re secretly in love with. You thought you had to act like just a friend, to keep them as a friend, because you were sure they would never have feelings for you. That could be true, or could be your low self-esteem talking. What if all this time, they were pretending to be just a friend too? Should you risk telling them how you feel? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has hidden her feelings for her male friend, and has begun to suspect he *might* be in love with her too.

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How Trauma Makes It Hard to Recognize What’s Really Happening Sep 04, 2024

When traumatized people date, it’s easy to detach from reality, and create elaborate constructs that explain why other people do what they do, and why we feel hurt by it – without having to actually admit what's really happening. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is feeling confused (a tell-tale sign you've been "soft-ghosted" when the person she's dating is treating her badly.

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You May Be Signalling to Others That You Feel “Less-Than” Sep 02, 2024

Even if you're good at acting confident, you may be giving off signs that you feel "less than" other people. Low self-esteem can have the effect of pushing good people away from you, and this in turn makes it harder to grow in confidence. In this video from my archive, I teach about what I call "the underdog effect" -- the unspoken signals you may be giving off, that you don’t feel good about yourself, and what you can do to free yourself from trauma energy and relate to other people freely, as yourself.

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They're Not Into You, So You Love Them MORE (4-Video Compilation) Sep 01, 2024

People neglected as children sometimes spend their WHOLE life longing for love – chasing it, fighting for it, and never having it, all because of an attraction to unavailable people. This includes people who are married and can’t really be with you (but string you along), or people who flat out aren’t into you. Yet your wounds from childhood make you the perfect person to give all your energy, love and self-esteem to them -- basically for free. In this video I share four of my most popular videos where I answer letters from my YouTube audience about the pain of loving unavailable people. Hear my teaching about how to heal from the past, and change your pattern so your life can become open to full and real love that lasts.

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Family Emotional Abuse and The Lifelong Sense of Disconnection Aug 30, 2024

It’s a terrible form of abuse when whole families gang up on one person. Sometimes it’s scapegoating, where they blame you for problems you never caused. Sometimes it’s just plain bullying and cruelty, and of course it leaves terrible wounds, even when you KNOW the abuse was about them, not you, and even when you’ve worked hard to create a good life for yourself – you can end up feeling disconnected from people. And if that’s you, I want you to let in that a) other people’s abuse doesn’t define you and b) healing is possible. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Amelia, and she writes..

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How to Keep Narcissistic Parents From Controlling Your Life Aug 28, 2024

Some people get consumed by narcissistic loved ones they’re trying to stay connected with. Other people get off the treadmill by going no contact. But a lot of people are in the middle, with a mix of concern, and a desire to help – with total exasperation, feeling drained and fed up with the narcissist’s endless demands for attention and free labor. There IS a way to keep an eye on relatives who – left to their own devices – would consume ALL your time and energy. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who needs a way to help but also protect herself. Hear my advice -- a strategy for children of narcissists.

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This Mindset Strengthens You to Overcome Childhood Trauma Aug 26, 2024

I have a secret portal that allows me to see and understand what childhood trauma does to people -- the different patterns it follows, and which kinds of people end up making rapid progress, and which ones stay stuck. I get this insight from letters and YouTube comments -- thousands of them. And there are basically two kinds of comments: One is the kind that comes from people who are very stuck in their early trauma. The second kind comes from people who are actively recovering; by studying how they approach it, you can learn strategies that support your own CPTSD healing.

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Emotional Dysregulation Damages Relationships (4-Video Compilation) Aug 25, 2024

If you grew up hurt by your parents -- neglected, not heard, not seen – chances are good that you get emotionally dysregulated. This means your nervous system reacts to stressors with EXTRA strong emotions. When most people would be hurt, you’re devastated. When you fall in love feels ENORMOUS. And getting angry (unfortunately for the people who love you) can turn into RAGE. In this 4-Video Compilation I share some of my most popular videos on emotional dysregulation -- what it does, how to notice when it's happening, and what you can do to heal it.

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Trauma Makes Us Feel "Different." But Is It True? Aug 23, 2024

A lot of us who grew up with trauma have trouble shaking off the feeling that we’re somehow different than non-traumatized people. It seems sometimes like everyone else seems to know how to act, what to say, how to be connected -- but that we never got the memo. Do you ever feel like that? In this video I talk about the feeling among people who were abused and neglected as kids that we are "different" -- which part is imagined, and which part of it just might be real.

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Don’t Let Manipulative “Poly” Friends Push You to Self-Abandon Aug 22, 2024

Everyone MUST be free to pursue the relationships and the way of life that makes them happy. Provided what they are doing is legal, we can’t condemn them. But even though some behaviors are legal, it doesn’t mean they aren’t destructive to others -- I’m talking about bullsh**ing vulnerable people into having intimate relationships that are NOT in their best interest, and that they don’t really want. If you grew up abused or emotionally neglected, you may be easy to gaslight in this way, where you need some contact with people so badly, you talk yourself into a role where you’re not respected. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who thought she set boundaries around her desire for monogamy, but now finds herself entangled with a polyamorous man with whom she was set up by a polyamorous mutual friend, and she's just found out THEY are having a relationship.

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5 Ways a Lack of Attunement Keeps You From Connecting Aug 19, 2024

So many people are feeling blocked from connecting with other people. If you find yourself trying and trying, but nothing seems to lead to friendship or people even seem to be pulling away from you, there might be a problem with your *attunement* – your ability to sense another person’s openness, or to “read the room". In this video I'll tell you signs that your attunement to others may be isolating you, and ways you can fine-tune your ability to be present with others and form better relationships.

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Avoid These Self-Centered Behaviors (3-Video Compilation) Aug 18, 2024

It's popular to call out relatives and ex-partners as narcissists, but what about the self-centered behaviors and thinking that are common in people traumatized as children? In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about the way ordinary people may exhibit narcissistic behaviors. These traits can make life hard while they're untreated, but with healing, you can change!

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Your Partner’s Behavior is Trauma-Related, But It’s Still Not OK Aug 16, 2024

One very bad sign that someone is losing themself in an unhappy relationship, is that they write to me about their partner and how wonderful they are, then tell me all about their partner’s traumatic past -- and then list all the ways their partner is mistreating them. It's as if they don't want me to see the facts. Trauma might be an explanation for someone cheating and stonewalling, but it’s not an excuse and justifying it because the abuser was traumatized could be a way you gaslight yourself. My letter today is from a man who is dating a woman whose trauma wounds are damaging the relationship, and he writes:

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S*x Work Thrives On Dissociation and Blocks Your Healing Aug 14, 2024

Unpopular opinion, but so-called “adult entertainment” could not exist if there weren’t a steady supply of people who were abused as children, and skilled at shutting themselves down emotionally so that other people could use them for “pleasure.” It’s one of many ways that manipulative people – or those they have manipulated – like to normalize an obviously demoralizing and harmful way of treating people. This industry isn’t just driven by trauma, it’s a bonfire of new trauma, and it can do mortal damage to a person’s ability to have close and committed relationships. In this video I respond to a woman who thinks she must choose between her gritty job, and her controlling boyfriend.

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Isolating to Manage Stress is a Trauma Symptom Aug 12, 2024

There’s an almost universal symptom that people who grew up with trauma will tend to exhibit - and it’s a sense of isolation. Either you feel isolated even with people, or you literally isolate. Shutting people out feels like it's the right, best, most self caring thing you can do sometimes when you're under stress. But if you think that's a good thing, it's probably your trauma talking. Learn why people with Childhood PTSD find socializing so disabling, an what you can do to feel more ease and comfort in social situations.

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Limerence Is Toxic Fix for Lonely, Joyless Life (4-Video Compilation) Aug 11, 2024

If you were emotionally neglected as a child, you may be extra-prone to direct your romantic energy toward people who are not with you. It’s the consequence of an injury to our neurological development, and it can have terrible consequences for you and the people who love you. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos about limerence, and how to heal the obsessive pull of "love" where there is no love.

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Walking on Eggshells So THEY Feel OK Means It’s Time to Go Aug 09, 2024

Just because someone got a credential to practice therapy doesn’t necessarily mean they’re mentally stable, or able to prioritize the attention that you deserve, over whatever it is they’re feeling. If you had a parent who neglected you or exhibited narcissistic traits, you may have a blind spot for this behavior in others. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who finds herself in an enmeshed and toxic relationship with her therapist, and feels paralyzed and disoriented about what to do.

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What “I’m Not Ready For a Relationship” Really Means Aug 07, 2024

So many of us who grew up with trauma live as “divided selves” – longing for real love, but playing along to keep people around who DON’T want that – not with us, anyway – but who are happy to soak all our attention and time Iand of course, sex). Your ability to believe you can change how they feel by giving them all you've got – but never honestly finding out how THEY feel about you – is a classic ADULT manifestation of emotional neglect in childhood. And as long as those old wounds are driving you, you’re going to end up with same kind unreliable love that was what you had to settle for as a child. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is trying to flip the script on a partner who isn't "ready."

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Some People Lash Out. Others Shut Down. Which Are You? Aug 05, 2024

When we talk about trauma symptoms, we talk a lot about strong feelings, acting out and emotional dysregulation. But there’s this other side of how trauma wounds and CPTSD can control your behavior, and it’s through *self-suppression*. In this video I teach the signs that your trauma is driving to suppress yourself. You may be surprised how much it applies to you!

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How Trauma Makes It Hard to See What's Real (4-Video Compilation) Aug 04, 2024

When it comes to healing CPTSD, there's abundant advice and hundreds of treatments, but they rarely take into account that trauma wounds make it difficult to learn, process, remember, and categorize information. When your thinking is distorted, it's hard to tell what is your responsibility and what is not -- and to recognize choices available to you in each situation. In this video I share four of my most popular videos about ways childhood trauma can distort your thinking, and how you can re-empower yourself to see clearly and take smart actions to change your life.

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How to REALLY Declutter Reminders of the Painful Past Aug 02, 2024

A huge number of people who lived through trauma have ended up with a LOT of physical clutter. And because clutter can hold you back, it’s a good thing when you release belongings that you’ve held onto that you DON’T need, that you can’t use, and that only bring you a sense of stress and obligation. But what about the old letters, gifts and cards that remind you that a) your family actually loved you and b) that they also totally mistreated you? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is weighing whether she WANTS these items in her house. Is she just being sentimental, or is keeping these items a way to remind herself that the bad things really happened?

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Why It's Hard to Tell if a Friendship is Good (Or Toxic) Jul 31, 2024

If you’re like a lot of people who grew up with trauma, you feel most comfortable with friends who also had trauma – people who struggle at times with the same trauma-driven problems you’ve struggled with. These people can feel like HOME for us – until we start to heal from trauma, and their actual flaws become more visible to us. Should you try to stay friends when the other person’s actions are PUSHING you away? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is trying to decide if staying friends with someone whose actions make her cringe.

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If You Had Trauma in Childhood, Healing This Will Change Your Life Jul 29, 2024

There is a massive, almost universal trigger for Childhood PTSD symptoms – and you probably have it (even people who were not traumatized sometimes have it). It is HURRYING. We all do it. But when you have Childhood PTSD, hurrying very easily turns into overwhelm, and can trip you up and sabotage the most important things in your life. In this video I teach you what you can do -- even though you're busy -- to prevent this trigger from kicking in and pushing you into dysregulation.

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Heal Insecurity-Driven Relationship Patterns (4-Video Compilation) Jul 28, 2024

People who were neglected as children often struggle to form stable, lasting relationships. One big reason is insecure attachment -- a wound of trauma (particularly neglect) that creates a chronic sense of anxiety that you're not wanted, or you are about to be abandoned. You might RUSH in and get enmeshed with someone you just met, or exhaust yourself trying to be good enough for people who are emotionally unavailable. In this 4-video compilation I share four of my most popular videos on childhood neglect and insecure attachment. Learn what this looks like, and why it's so important to begin healing so you can finally be loved at last.

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Believing You’re Responsible to Fix Them Is Why It’s Not Working Jul 26, 2024

The reason I say codependency is so destructive to everyone it touches is that A) it drains the person who has abandoned themselves to become entirely focused on fixing another person, and B) the person being fixed is NOT fixed -- and doesn’t like it, and will usually leave. But that’s not what it FEELS like when you’ve been showing up in good faith with someone who is ambivalent toward you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose heart is breaking, and she's finding out what the problem was all along.

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Stop Pretending You Don’t Need Love Jul 24, 2024

When people want a “just-sex” relationship, they can hardly resist the lure of traumatized people who will pour out pure gold from their heart and yet suffer in silence that their “friend with benefits” never returns their love. Neglect in childhood does that to people – makes you feel ashamed that you want and need something more than a fling – it scares you into thinking that you better just settle for whatever you can get. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who (sadly) is throwing away years of her life, longing and suffering and blocking any chance that real love can find her.

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These Triggers Are Telltale Signs You Were Neglected and Ostracized in Childhood Jul 22, 2024

It's painful for a child to be left out, ignored and never included. This counts as trauma, and leaves behind telltale signs in the form of triggers in adulthood. You may find yourself reacting strongly with anger, anxiety or self-abandonment when people overlook you or disappoint you now, in adulthood. Unfortunately, this aspect of CPTSD can destabilize relationships or push you to bond with partners too quickly. Hear my list of signs and triggers that indicate wounds from neglect and ostracization in childhood.

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Effects of Neglect, Abandonment & Chaos In Childhood (4-Video Compilation) Jul 21, 2024

If you were neglected or abandoned as a child, or your home life was full of chaos, you may still feel the effects through a pattern of triggers that push your nervous system into a dysregulated state. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos about CPTSD triggers that are common -- but most people haven't connected them with early trauma.

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Trauma Wounds Trigger Dissociation and "Flight" When You’re Loved Jul 19, 2024

Imagine finally finding someone who loves you as you are. And after so many painful attempts to find love, THIS person is right by your side and wants to be with you. So what is it in people who grew up with trauma, that the presence of someone THIS good, can shut you down, and make things feel "not real"? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman with CPTSD who finds herself feeling more numb and detached, the more she is loved.

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How Trauma Bonds Wreck Your Mental Health Jul 17, 2024

Even rats will get obsessed if you alternate kindness with abuse. So it isn’t any wonder that people who grew up with trauma would have a tendency to fall in love even HARDER when the people who say they love you suddenly kick you out the door. Non-traumatized people recognize this as abuse by an unstable and selfish person. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who is 100% determined to get his ex back, even if it requires him to delude himself.

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Here are Signs No One Listened To You in Childhood Jul 15, 2024

Children normally learn to handle themselves in the world from their parents. If you were ignored, you had to figure things out by yourself using a child's logic. In adulthood, you may find yourself going into a stress response when you try to communicate, especially when expressing emotions, or setting boundaries. This cold be a sign you weren't listened to. as a child. In this video I lay out several signs that are common in adults with CPTSD, and specifically, who weren't listened to when they were small.

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Free Yourself From Your Family's Dysfunction (4-Video Compilation) Jul 14, 2024

If you were born to sick people who neglect you, exclude you, and they couldn't give you proper care or protect you from harm, it was only natural for you to feel as a child that your family's shame was yours too. In this four-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about the harms that come from growing up in dysfunctional families -- whether you were shamed, left out, or otherwise disempowered, you can heal.

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If Love Is What You Want, Here’s What to Do Differently Jul 12, 2024

When someone writes to me and says “I’m dating this guy,” I learned to understand that “DATING” for some people means “just having sex.” No friendship, no commitment, no talking about real things, no helping each other through tough times JUST. SEX. So it breaks my heart when someone with the ordinary understanding of dating gets walked all over by someone who uses the LANGUAGE of love to take what they want, and then ridicule their partner for having feelings at all. This is so bad for people who grew up with trauma, who are so vulnerable to blaming themselves and thinking they’re not good enough when an emotional shoplifter activates romantic love in them. In this video I respond to a man who is ready to raise his standards for who he dates, and what the purpose of dating is.

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Childhood Trauma, Lost Identity and RAGE Jul 10, 2024

People who were neglected in childhood often turn out with a false identity that they were pressured into by parents who couldn’t see who they were AT ALL. This a pattern I’ve come to recognize in hundreds of letters I receive. There’s a developmental delay, almost, in forming a sense of self – of knowing your preferences, what make you make happy, what you long for. Some people just imprint on another person, a boyfriend or girlfriend. Other people flame out, burning themselves out by trying and trying. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose parents still don't "see" her and she's enraged -- which is holding her back.

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Watch This And Find Out How Far You've Come (Further Than You Think!) Jul 08, 2024

Watching videos about trauma can take you down a rabbit hole of bad memories, scary diagnoses, and fears and doubts about whether life will better for you. Chances are, you’re ALREADY getting better, and in this video I teach you the signs that your healing may be well underway. Watch this and soak up validation and encouragement for all the hard work YOU do to transform your life after trauma.

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How To Stay Sane When You Fall In Love (4-video Compilation) Jul 07, 2024

Nothing ruins new love like an agenda. If you grew up with trauma, you may end up romantically attached to people before you've gotten to know them, but there's a better way to date! In this four-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos for people with CPTSD who want to change trauma-driven dating patterns and find real love at last.

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Obsessive Love Can Cross The Line Into Dangerous Delusion Jul 05, 2024

I get letters from people who claim to want to heal from limerence – which is an addiction-level romantic obsession with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. But sometimes, the letter itself feels toxic to me – like they want to tell me about their limerence and PRETEND they want help, when what they really want to is to tell anyone who will listen ALL ABOUT their obsession. Limerence has to be fed to keep it going, and so normally, I won’t feed it. People know I’m tough on this. So normally when I get the feeling that someone is in danger, or putting someone else in danger, I refer them immediately to professional help. Which is what I did with this letter writer. But for everyone who struggles with limerence, I believe you may find it helpful to HEAR what limerent thinking sounds like in someone else. In this video I respond to letter from a man who is experiencing the distorted thinking that is common with limerence.

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Unhealed Disorganized Attachment Triggers Emotional Abuse Jul 03, 2024

A Disorganized Attachment style is a trauma wound that can drive you to LONG for love and then push it away again and again, every time you feel irritated, or vulnerable, or disappointed. Childhood trauma is almost always the cause of this, and THAT wasn’t your fault. But when you need to manage your well being by constantly breaking up with someone, and then trying tto get them back, you are creating chaos and instability, and almost certainly give them trauma wounds in the process. The push and pull generates a trauma bond, where a previously happy and strong person gets so weakened by the emotional abuse that they can’t seem to stay away. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who wonders if two people swirling in this drama can ever change.

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Do This to Lift Your Mood Immediately Jul 01, 2024

Life will always have hardships, but everything you do to improve your life will run aground unless you know how to also lift your mood. It's not just happy talk. In this video I teach actions you can take right away to start feeling better, and to gradually change your life.

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Yes, Anger Can Be Healthy But NOT Like This (4-Video Compilation) Jun 30, 2024

** Anger is a natural emotion. It exists to activate you in the face of danger, and as a response to unjust treatment. Anger is healthy... unless it gets stuck in a loop and can't be processed into either action, or memory. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos on the proper role of anger in our lives, and how unchecked anger can become an obstacle to healing CPTSD.

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Happiness Begins When You Know What You're Here For Jun 28, 2024

Everyone longs to live a purposeful life. You need intuition and persistence to discover what you're here to do, but childhood trauma can block this awareness, and keep you feeling trapped and unable to find your purpose. In this video I respond to a letter from someone who feels lost; hear my advice for steps to take to find and live your life's purpose.

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People Who KNOW They're Inflicting Emotional Damage Need to Hear THIS Jun 26, 2024

There's an urban legend out there that if you think you might be a narcissist, you're not a narcissist. Many people display narcissistic behaviors at times, and are wise to be aware and work on that. But in this video, I share I letter from a man who believes he's a narcissist and almost sounds like he wants to stop hurting others. Is he trying to change, or does he find his own hurtful behaviors "interesting?"

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The Real Reason It's So Hard to Recover from Childhood PTSD Jun 24, 2024

Abuse and neglect in childhood can set in motion lifelong trauma symptoms. The people who hurt you are 100% responsible for this harm, and it's good if you can acknowledge that it's not your fault. It's also true that in adulthood, many of us continue to retraumatize ourselves with what I call "self-defeating behaviors." These are the habits and tendencies that can suck you right back down into dysregulation and lead you into MORE trauma in your life. In this video I walk you through the most common self-defeating behaviors; are any of these still active in your life?

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Focusing Too Much on Others Damages Your Life (4-Video Compilation) Jun 23, 2024

Many people misunderstand what codependency actually is -- a compulsion to donate all your focus to another person's life, and then to try to control them and extract your happiness from the hope that THEY will change. In this compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about codependency and the ways people with trauma are particularly vulnerable to it. If you know the signs, you can stop codependent tendencies before they ruin your relationship and drain everything good from your life.

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How Casual Sex TRICKS YOUR MIND Jun 21, 2024

Here’s something I WISH I had known when I was younger, so YOU can avoid some of the mistakes I made that cost me years of happiness. Casual sex sounds like it’s ordinary and fun and not a problem, and evidently that’s true for a lot of people. But if you have attachment wounds (and this is especially for young women) the emotional bonding that sex is designed to produce in you, can happen in a matter of hours, chaining your emotions and your vision for your life to one person who you don’t even know. You can lose decades in your life sad, pining, hoping, trying to make things work with someone who was never compatible with you. In this video I respond to a letter from a young woman can’t help but give her beautiful, adoring energy to someone who is happy to take it from her.

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The Constant Push/Pull of Their Affection Grinds You Down Jun 19, 2024

Healthy people run screaming from avoidant partners. But there’s something about neglect in childhood that primes you to fall harder for someone when they constantly pull you in and then push you away. At first see it, and it gives you pause. But if you stay with them, and you keep hoping that THIS time will be different, your thinking and perception will begin to distort, until you actually believe that THEY are the victim and YOU are causing them to emotionally hurt you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who wonders how she can improve her relationship with an avoidant partner.

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The "Upper Limit Problem" Hits When You're Taking Big Steps UP Jun 17, 2024

It's hard to explain, but just when you're accomplishing positive things in your life, obstacles and discouragement appear your path in the form of criticisms, attempts to stop your work, and self-sabotage from within. Author Gay Hendricks calls this "the upper limit problem." I call it "the nefarious force": Those of us with CPTSD seem especially susceptible to it, and it seems to be strongest right when you are beginning to shine. In this video I share what happened to me recently when I was working hard on a new project -- including how I overcame it, and what you can do to stay focused and strong while you continue to grow, heal from the past and accomplish great things.

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If It Doesn't Help You Re-Regulate, It Probably Won't Help (4-Video Compilation) Jun 16, 2024

We now know there's an underlying trauma symptom that drives almost all the others: Neurological dysregulation. And until you learn to notice it and get re-regulated, it can hold you back and complicate every part of your life. In this four-video compilation I share four of my most popular videos on dysregulation.

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CPTSD Partners Only Change When THIS Happens Jun 14, 2024

Anyone with CPTSD can admit (if we're honest) that our symptoms can be VERY hard on those who love us. We lash out and become emotionally dysregulated, and we sometimes mistakenly believe that others are CAUSING us to to feel the massive waves of anger and and grief that come welling up from the wounds of the past. Healing work helps us gain clarity and wisdom, but if we're not there yet, we sometimes believe that others SHOULD be able to fix us. And the worst thing THEY can do is to try to take responsibility for that. It's a toxic cycle that blocks both people from happiness. In this video I respond to a comment left by a woman on my YouTube channel, who asks how she can better support her emotionally abusive partner.

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Limerence For Someone Who Rejected You IS a Form of Avoidance Jun 12, 2024

Your mind plays tricks on you when you fall in love with a long-distance loner who says flat out they don’t want a relationship. This absent character, present only as an electronic voice or a digital image but never as a real person at your side who loves you -- ican be the perfect blank canvas for lament fantasies. “If only we could be together…” that’s what the limerent thinks, never doing the math to understand that the person clearly, openly strongly tells you that will never happen. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who obsesses on an avoidant man, but who is actually avoiding their life?

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Don't Let Childhood Trauma Define Who You Are Jun 10, 2024

There’s a big mistake that people who were traumatized as kids make when they’re trying to heal, and unfortunately it can stop your progress. When you're working on healing, there’s a temptation to “identify” as a traumatized person, and focus heavily on what happened to you, how it's harmed you, and what the diagnoses might be of the people who hurt you. Having an explanation for your troubles is such a relief and can feel good... at first. In this video I share why I believe it’s a bad idea to allow trauma to be so central to your identity, or your life story.

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Here's What It Really Takes to Find a Match (4-Video Compilation) Jun 09, 2024

Trauma during childhood can damage your powers of discernment, leaving you vulnerable to choosing immature, unavailable, and even abusive partners who drag your life down. How can you override the limitations of CPTSD, to choose a good partner, and work out the inevitable bumps in the road? In this four-video compilation I shsare some of my most popular videos on the subject of good relationships, and how people with Childhood PTSD symptoms can gradually build this capacity to know what is good and real.

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How to Tell Your Friend They are Driving You Crazy Jun 07, 2024

Sometimes close friendships fall apart, and even though you try to work on them and accommodate the other person’s quirks, their behavior drives you nuts. You try talking about it, but it only leads to conflicts. You try ignoring the problem but it only gets worse. So then what do you do? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who can't tell if her friend is the unreasonable one, or if SHE is.

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Your Boundaries Get Foggy When You’re Grieving and Lonely Jun 05, 2024

People with Childhood PTSD in the past often become uncertain of themselves, confusing behaviors that LOOK like love with the real thing, and then finding themselves entangled with manipulative people who want to take their energy. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has given her emotional energy to someone who isn't giving what they promised. Learn how CPTSD healing can advance when YOU set boundaries.

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For Healing Trauma, Venting Your Rage is Overrated Jun 03, 2024

If you had childhood trauma, and you’ve sought help for the problems it’s caused you in your life, you may have been told that you needed to get in touch with your ANGER to heal. If you've been suppressing your rage, venting anger can feel great... at first. But for many people with Childhood PTSD, getting pushed to go deeper into anger can be a dangerous assumption. The fact is, people who were abused or neglected in childhood can tend to get emotionally dysregulated -- feelings can go from a normal level to a surge level VERY suddenly ---- for seemingly no reason. In this video I teach why anger feels like medicine in the moment, but can turn quickly into poison for your life.

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Heal Your Anxious Attachment Style (4-Video Compilation) Jun 02, 2024

When you need love desperately, it's easy to fill in the gaps and attach to people who turn out NOT to have love to give, and this in turn can activate your CPTSD symptoms. This is one of the ways an "anxious attachment" style can sabotage your trauma healing work. In this four video compiliation, I share some of my most popular videos on anxious attachment, how it manifests, and what to do to overcome its influence your relationships.

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Can An Emotional Affair Become The Real Thing? May 31, 2024

Past trauma has a funny way of driving us into the worst kinds of relationships. A warm body or a diamond ring can feel like a little island of respite from the ocean of fear, shame and loneliness that often overwhelm's people with Childhood PTSD. So what happens when you wake up after the wedding and discover that real love is nowhere insight – or nowhere in the marriage, anyway. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is having an emotional affair that shows signs of being the relationship where she belongs. But can a good relationship every really result when it begins in secrecy and lies?

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Don't Let Trauma Keep You Stumbling Through Life May 29, 2024

Even if you grew up in a neglectful or abusive household, it’s not too late to create a vision for what you want in your life, and what you want in a relationship. Too often, those of us with CPTSD cast around for a partner with no clear sense of what would be good for US. We’re driven by how partners see us, and how they feel about us, focusing entirely on keeping them from leaving. When you have a vision for your life and what you want, it changes who you meet and how the dynamic plays out. In this video I respond to a woman who is struggling to know what she wants in her relationship.

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"Emotional Sobriety" Makes Trauma Healing Faster and More Sustainable May 27, 2024

While many people think the goal of healing is to feel MORE of your feelings, people with Childhood PTSD more often need emotional self-regulation. There are short-term strategies and changes you can make in your life that make it easier to stay emotionally steady. If strong emotions hurt your relationships, "Emotional sobriety" is a way of life that may help you to feel your feelings fully, without lashing out or freaking out, which is so common in people with CPTSD. In this video I teach about the concept of emotional sobriety, and step you can take to stay more emotionally balanced, and support your overall efforts to heal trauma from the past.

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Don't Waste More Time on Trauma Healing That's Not Working for You May 26, 2024

If you're living with the effects of Childhood PTSD, you've probably had to work extra hard to accomplish things that come easily to non-traumatized people. But everything gets better when you find an approach to healing that works for YOU. It can take trial and error to find effective treatment, but don't give up! In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos about smart steps you can take to heal CPTSD symptoms faster.

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Blame-y Apologies Are Worse Than No Apology May 24, 2024

If you’ve struggled in your life with self esteem, or making good friends, chances are good that there are some damaged and dysfunctional relationships in your past. If you’re like many of us with CPTSD, you may feel confused about whether you owe an apology. Apologies can be healing for them AND for you -- IF you get them right. In this video I respond to a letter from someone in 12-step recovery who misunderstands the purpose of "making amends." I share tips for how and when to apologize -- and how to avoid common pitfalls that bad apologies can bring.

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It Doesn't Involve Sex, But It's Still a Secret May 22, 2024

An emotional affair is a relationship where a person already in a marriage or committed relationship has a secret life with another person, that isn’t exactly sexual, but it’s highly charged with romance. Charged enough that both parties hide and lie about what’s going on. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is keeping her relationship secret, and the unspoken truths that no one will acknowledge are making her miserable.

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Watch Out For These CPTSD Beliefs That Ruin Relationships May 20, 2024

The problem with growing up with neglect and abuse is that it can drive your thinking, constrict what you believe is possible for your life, and make you see only what is ugly in the world. These are what I call trauma-driven beliefs. I can often predict who in my programs is going to make tremendous progress quickly, and start changing their lives – and who is going hit a wall. And the people who get stuck at the wall are those who are attached to their trauma-driven beliefs. In this video I teach you about common beliefs that block healing and ruin connections, and what you can do to change them.

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Trying to Please Others Makes NO ONE Happy (4-Video Compilation) May 19, 2024

If you grew up with an abusive or neglectful parent – and especially if you were the oldest child -- you may have learned to dance around and do everything in your power to make Mom stop being sad. You may have erased your feelings and needs and instead poured ALL YOUR ENERGY into the parent. People who have done this often have a hard time getting perspective on it, and realizing that no parent should be draining the life out of a child just so THEY can feel OK. The parent’s needs are never met through this, but worse, the child completely loses any sense of self. And having no sense of self is bound to generate unhealthy adult relationships that continue the cycle. In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos on ways to set limits, stop people-pleasing and become your real self.

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Why It's So Hard to Face Reality About People Destroying Your Life May 17, 2024

There’s this strange thing that happens to families when one member falls into destructive addiction. We know that addicts’ thinking gets distorted, and they fall into denial and lying and blaming and sometimes stealing. That’s what you’d expect. But, as I know so well from bitter experience, the “presumably sane” people who LOVE the addict ALSO succumb to distorted thinking and toxic behavior – and they fall into denial, and lying, and blaming, and maybe not stealing – but losing themselves amidst the drama. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose reaction to the chaos makes the family dynamic more damaging than it already was.

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No Sense of Self Comes From Childhood Neglect May 15, 2024

A chaotic and neglectful family life can deprive a child of forming an identity – not just who they are, but what they like, and what they might like to pursue in their lives. In adulthood, you may try to fill this empty space with relationships – or rather, the IDEA of a relationship – to give you direction and a sense that your life matters, and that you’re REAL. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Bea, and she writes:

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CPTSD and The Curse of Loneliness: How to Heal May 13, 2024

There’s a symptom of trauma that is common in everyone, but it’s almost universal for people who were abused or neglected as children. It's a haunting sense of loneliness, and not fitting in, that can make any effort to connect with people extra stressful. This is not just an emotional hurt. Abuse and neglect caused an injury to your ability to connect with other people. If this happened to you, you were robbed of what every person rightfully deserves – to be well treasured and lovingly guided into the realm of human connection that’s all around you.

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Heal These Trauma Wounds and Watch Your Productivity Soar May 12, 2024

Have you ever struggled to get even basic things done, like get to work on time, put wet laundry in the dryer, or make a phone call? Everyone procrastinates sometimes, but for people who were abused or neglected in childhood, procrastination can take over your life and hold you back. In this four-video compilation I share some of my most powerful videos about CPTSD, productivity and procrastination -- why it happens and what to do.

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Male/Female Friendships Are Tested When One of You Gets A Partner May 10, 2024

If you're a woman and you say your "close male friend" is just a friend, one test of your true feelings is how you feel when he gets into a relationship, and how she feels about you. A lot of people will gaslight the girlfriend, or blame the boyfriend for not standing up to her, but often there’s something else going on here. My letter today is from a woman

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Some CPTSD Partners Can’t Read the Signs You Need Support May 08, 2024

A history of abuse and neglect can make a person crave extra emotional support. But when both partners have CPTSD, communication can be fraught and feelings of abandonment can turn into hours-long processing sessions. Can you teach a partner to listen to the needs you express? In this video I respond to a letter from a man who loves his partner in every way, but suffers when he works so hard to express his needs, and then doesn’t get the results he wants.

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Stop Agreeing to Stay Vague, Undefined & Unfufilled! May 06, 2024

If you had trauma in childhood, you may find yourself feeling that you have to hide how you feel in a dating relationship, and pretend you're "fine" when in fact you feel manipulated and hurt. Maybe you fear you'll look foolish or drive away what little love is available. But it's never worth faking a relationship just so you don't have to be alone. Being open and honest about how you feel and what you want is the most direct path to actually have what you want. In this video, I describe how a lack of clarity plays out in relationships, and steps you can take to stand up for yourself and build the relationship you want.

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CPTSD Overloads Your Nervous System (4-Video Compilation) May 05, 2024

One in three people (and even more among people with CPTSD) report that most days they feel completely overwhelmed -- emotionally, mentally and in terms of all they have to do in a day. Just about everyone has lost at least SOME of their power to FOCUS during the last decade. For many, it’s become much harder to feel alert and peaceful inside, and to get things done. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos on Clutter and Overwhelm, with tips on how YOU can recover your full potential to focus, take a

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The Price of Losing (or Keeping) Hurtful People in Your Life May 03, 2024

It’s natural to want a loving connection with your own parents. When one or both of them have either abused or neglected you, and they continue to undermine and criticize you, it can be hard to know what to do when the parent who hurt you KEEPS hurting you. Even if you love them – even if you wish you could have a good relationship -- keeping them in your life can make it a LOT harder to heal. And after you go no-contact, and you still feel pain about not seeing them. In this video I respond to a letter from a man whose mother is pushing to reconnect, and he must decide whether to open the door to her.

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Childhood Neglect and the Attraction to People Who Don't Care About You May 01, 2024

*LIVE Webinar May 14. Recover Your Vision of The Life You Want: https://bit.ly/3ifhJ8U* *Do You Have CPTSD?* Take the QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0 Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY *** Extreme neglect in childhood – where adults literally don’t care for you appropriately, can lead to a kind of emotional “leakiness” where -- even though you’ve created a good life and set goals as an adult, -- you feel disconnected from people when when they are close to you. For people with CPTSD, that memory of NOT being cared for can creep into every situation – you feel it with people you date, with friends, you feel it at work or school, and if it’s not healed, it will cause you to get into and STAY in relationships where, in fact, you’re NOT cared for. In this video, I respond to a letter from a man who is repeating the pattern of his childhood and is ready to change.

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Hint: It's Not Because You "Want to Re-Create Your Childhood" Apr 29, 2024

People who were emotionally or physically neglected, or literally abandoned in childhood often find themselves getting left by partners over and over again. The reasons feel mysterious when it's happening to you. But this is how CPTSD can damage your ability to form healthy relationships AND your perception about why this happens. In this video I explain common behaviors and thinking patterns that may be dooming your relationships from the beginning.

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Change These Habits to Heal Damaging CPTSD Symptoms (4-Video Compilation) Apr 28, 2024

Everyone knows that abuse and neglect in childhood can have negative effects on us as adults. But there's a taboo around admitting the damage we do to ourselves with our own trauma-driven behaviors. it's not your fault you were abused or neglected, and it's not your fault it left you prone to these common problems in life. But today, the only person who can change this pattern is you. In this 4-video compilation I teach about common self-defeating behaviors for people with CPTSD -- what they look like, how they drag you down and re-trigger old wounds -- and what to do to begin healing.

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Trauma Can Blind You to the Power YOU Have to Change Apr 26, 2024

It’s easy to get sucked into terrible relationships with people who treat you badly, especially for people who were mistreated and neglected as children. You may find yourself with narcissists, manipulators, liars and people who just plain grind your spirits down. But so long as you stay hyper-focused on what’s wrong with THEM and what THEY did – the more you may come to see yourself as helpless – and the longer you may be participating in the sabotage of your own future. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman with CPTSD who has not yet learned to take charge of her healing and her life.

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Limerence Flares Up When Life Feels Empty and Sad Apr 24, 2024

Romantic obsession with someone you can’t have is a sneaky, life-wrecking toxin – almost a drug that feels great at first and *seems* like if you could just have that person, your life would go from empty... to amazing. This "drug" treats pain. And the drug wears off, and next thing you know the “solution” you’ve found has just swept like a massive mudslide through everything good in your life. Can it ever be true that this *one* person you wanted but lost, is the missing element in your life that explains why you’ve been sad so long? Maybe, if you know the signs. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who can't stop thinking about an ex.

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Do This to Heal Broken Red-Flag Detector Apr 22, 2024

If you look around all the friends and partners who you've led into your life and you discover there's kind of a high proportion of people who bring trouble and danger into your life --- guess what? Your red flag detector is broken. It's supposed to be sounding the alarm when when bad or dangerous people try to walk into your life. You're supposed to get a bad feeling -- an aversion to soul-sucking people and situations that are toxic for you. But for people with CPTSD, who were abused and neglected in childhood, learning to spot trouble BEFORE it gets in your life is an essential part of healing.

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This Trauma Symptom Hurts Others The Most (4-Video Compilation) Apr 21, 2024

Abuse and neglect in childhood can leave its mark on your ability to regulate your emotions. They come out too strong, causing you to lash out, burst into tears, panic or fall madly in love at an intensity that doesn't fit the circumstances. This is often the result of changes in children's developing brains. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos on emotional dysregulation, and teach tips for how to recognize dysregulated responses before you damage relationships, with practical tips for how to contain intense feelings until you can express them in a healthy way.

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It’s When The Terror ENDS That Trauma Survivors Sometimes Break Down Apr 19, 2024

Living through a traumatic childhood takes extraordinary survival skills. You shut down, act tough, dance around to make other people happy, even when it means losing yourself. Sometimes the pain of all you’ve been through doesn’t show up until after the trauma ends. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is reckoning with a lifetime of abuse that has now affected her children – and her emotional dysregulation with the first good partner she’s ever had.

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Some People Are Not Wired to Experience Romantic Love Apr 17, 2024

Most of us who have ever had a relationship have fallen love, and most of us have also had someone not love us back. But what if you’re with someone who WANTS to be with you and loves you, but they say they don’t feel IN LOVE with yoU? What does this mean? And is there ever hope that their feelings will change? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is torn by pleas from her boyfriend to stay with him, even though he's not in love with her. Could he be "aromantic?"

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The Great Love You Crave Is Not a Fantasy Apr 15, 2024

Your Childhood PTSD symptoms have likely created a lifetime of problems in relationships -- choosing unavailable people, clinging to bad relationships or avoiding love altogether. But the reason you long for a real love -- a "great love" even -- is because you were born to love and be loved. How does a person move past the hurts of the past and learn, at last, to love?

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Early Trauma Can Make It Hard to Connect and Commit (4-Video Compilation) Apr 14, 2024

People who lived through trauma in childhood often develop an "avoidant" attachment style, which can be hard for their partners who may crave reassurance, commitment, and frequent expressions of affection that don't come easily to avoidants. In this 4-Video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about being avoidant, dating an avoidant, when the avoidance is "too much" and how relationships can work when one partner is avoidant.

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Is It Cheating to Take a Job with Boundary-less Employer? Apr 12, 2024

Charming and powerful employers have a knack for tempting people who are desperate for a big break in their career. They can offer money, fame, and connections that you might never access again. But if the price is to operate a sexually charged and boundary-less environment, what is the real price of working for them? My letter today is from a woman whose longtime partner Sometimes the most creative, brilliant people are also the HARDEST to have in your life. They bring success, fame, money, and FUN into your life, and of COURSE it’s wonderful to have those things. But creative supernovas don’t always respect boundaries – and as a result, their FIERY-NESS can be the very thing that burns down everything in your life. So what do you do? My letter today is from a woman I’ll call VAL, who has been offered a complicated opportunity of a lifetime. And she writes:

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Don’t Let Wounds of Neglect Trample Any Possibility of Love Apr 10, 2024

t’s common in our culture for people to sleep together almost as soon as they meet. And people act like that’s fun and easy, and only foolish people can’t handle it, or think it should be avoided, in favor of something better. So for people who grew up neglected and abused, there’s a contradiction – their attachment wound is crying for someone to love them and STAY and not leave, but the culture of casual sex tells them this is too much to expect. This doesn’t heal until you face it for real, so real love can grow. My letter today is from a woman a woman who has felt pressured to abandon herself and what she wants, so that she can have any tiny bit of affection she can.

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Don't Let CPTSD Block You From Becoming Your Full and REAL SELF Apr 08, 2024

Trauma in childhood can leave with obvious problems, but also a subtle tendency to hide your authentic self, and to avoid reaching for big goals that are important to you. In this video I share common reasons why people who were abused in childhood will cope try to manage their vulnerability by playing small. I'll teach you strategies to gradually step forward and big "bigger," braver and more true to who you are and what you want in life.

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You're Madly In Love But Pretend to Be "Just a Friend" (4-Video Compilation) Apr 07, 2024

Limerence is the name for an obsessive infatuation that becomes more like an addiction to someone who cannot or will not be with you. It's especially common in people who were emotionally neglected as children, who will often go to any lengths to avoid losing HOPE that their love may someday be returned. They will pretend to be a friend, and lie about their true feelings, knowing on some level that disclosing the truth would instantly end the other person's willingness to spend time together. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos about the cost of pretending you DON'T love someone, and what to do to restore hope in your life of finding an available person with whom you can build a fulfilling, reciprocal love.

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Childhood Trauma Corrupts Your Thinking and Pushes You Into Danger Apr 05, 2024

No matter how much you pull yourself together after a childhood full of abuse and neglect, the injury of trauma will TRY to suck you back into horrible dynamics of your childhood without you even realizing it. Your trauma-driven thinking will like to you that a clearly bad situation will be different "next time." In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is thinking about reconciling with an abusive husband, for all the wrong reasons.

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Unhealed Trauma Compels You To Cling to Horrible People Apr 03, 2024

There are two terrible ways that self-centered parents can wound you in the way you have relationships – and in particular, when they didn’t take an interest or support the unique little person that you were, and they didn’t help you learn to detect and say NO to mistreatment. And if this happened to you, you may find yourself struggling to have friends, and when you do get a friend, you’ll tolerate terrible treatment from them – and end up believing it’s your job is to hide that it hurts you. In fact, this disconnect can prevent you from seeing that this is a bad person and you need to get away, but your TRAUMA will tell you the problem is you. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Ranette, and she writes:

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Evidence Shows Only a Few Treatments Are Effective Apr 01, 2024

If you've tried to get help for problems related to Childhood PTSD, you've probably tried many approaches to healing, and chances are, none of them really worked. In this video I teach about common approaches to healing childhood trauma, and the big reason why only some of them are effective.

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Healing Trauma Changes Your Relationship to Money (4-Video Compilation) Mar 31, 2024

Growing up poor, abused or neglected can leave you struggling in adulthood to develop a good career and earn what you are worth. In this 4-video compilation I share four of my most popular videos about trauma, work and income, and how people with Childhood PTSD can heal and grow their career lives and achieve financial security.

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Here's Why Excessively Focusing on Others Keeps You Alone Mar 29, 2024

The irony about a codependent person is that, while they’re focusing excessively on someone else, they’re actually absorbed in themselves. And one sign that someone is codependent toward you CAN BE that you feel VERY irritated and invaded by a loved one’s excessive focus on you. They hover, they get in your business; it feels impossible to have boundaries around them. They say it’s just because they love you but Something feels OFF. Sometimes codependency is an urge to fix you – but sometimes it’s not about you at all. It’s about THEM. And that’s the dirty secret of codependency – it can actually be one face of self-centeredness. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is learning this the hard way.

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Religious Cults Produce Damaged People Who Don’t Know Who They Are Mar 27, 2024

Not all childhood trauma comes in the form of neglect or physical abuse. One of the most insidious forms of trauma is when parents brainwash children to override their own common sense – to ignore what their eyes and ears tell them, to live in fear, and to live under the constant threat of ostracization for breaking an impossible set of rules. In this video I respond to a woman who has mostly extricated herself from an abusive religious cult, but is still mentally trapped by in a belief she must stay with her abuser.

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How to Free Yourself From Constant Doubt and Worry Mar 25, 2024

Fear is an inner obstacle that stands between you and all you hope to do, or have or become. I’m talking about “fear” in the broadest sense – an anxiety, or an inhibition inside that stops you from freely living and authentically: Instead, you doubt yourself. You feel mortified every time you say what you really think. You stay small. Yet there is so much nonsense out there about what fear is -- but very little that teaches you how. In this video I'll teach you exactly how to get free of unnecessary fear.

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These Skills Attract Great Friends to Your Life (4-Video Compilation) Mar 24, 2024

Having a few good friends is a great blessing in life. But if you grew up with trauma, you may have had trouble finding and keeping friendships with people you love and respect. This is partly because of abuse and neglect can harm your sense of feeling connected -- and partly because people with CPTSD can't always see the red flags that uncaring "friends" are mistreating them. In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos about upgrading your friendships.

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Neglect in Childhood Pushes You to Expect Real Bonds Too Soon Mar 22, 2024

A big reason why people who were neglected as children struggle to form stable, lasting relationships is because of insecure attachment. You might RUSH in and get enmeshed with someone you just met – and then freak out when it becomes clear that just because you’re sleeping together, the commitment and predictability of a real relationship isn’t there – or isn’t there YET. If you’re not clear what you want – not just in your mind but in your words and actions – you are unlikely to get what you want. And the shame of it is, you may be pushing away perfectly good people, who like you, but are put off by the odd behaviors that come out of you when you’re trying to hide how confused and freaked out you are. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who feels crushed that someone she's just begun dating isn't "there" for her.

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CPTSD And the Urge to "Help" Those Who Hurt You Mar 20, 2024

Sometimes neglectful parents make it necessary for kids to figure out EVERYTHING on their own. How to get by, how to get their needs met, how to stay safe. If you grew up like this, I’m going to guess it’s been hard for you to recognize who, among the people you know, really has your best interest at heart. And this shows up in your life relationships where someone mistreats you, but you stay – maybe you even keep saying how grateful you are to have anyone at all to be there for you. And this wound of neglect can also show up as a strange inversion – where in the PAST you took care of everything for yourself. But once you bond with a partner, no matter how aloof or unavailable they are, you keep wanting to take care of everything for THEM. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who gives her ALL to a partner who gives nothing back.

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CPTSD Makes It Hard to Choose What's Best For You Mar 18, 2024

One thing that can be really hard for traumatized people is the pressure they feel when they make decisions. It's easy to make terrible mistakes when your trauma has control of your thinking. The decisions you make in your life will play a huge role in how your life turns out, who you’ll become, how happy you’ll be. But all this can be jeopardized because PTSD from childhood can drive you, unconsciously, toward BAD decisions – it can influence who you’ll marry, who you’ll break up with, where you’ll work, where you’ll quit, who your friends are, the way you express yourself when you’re angry, what you think is possible for you in your life. In this video I teach ways abuse and neglect in childhood can limit your life through trauma-driven decisions -- and how you can heal.

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Learn to Recognize Ashamed Feelings, and Get Free Mar 17, 2024

Some people treat shame as a problem. And sometimes the belief that you've done something wrong is imagined, and needs to be released. It's easier though, when you address what I call "earned shame" -- things you did or failed to do that cause you ongoing regret, that you'd like to change and make better. In this 4-video compilation I share some of my best videos on the topic of Shame, and how people with CPTSD, who lived through childhood trauma can heal mistakes and release heavy feelings of guilt.

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Don't Let "Friends" String You Along with Confusing Possibility of Love Mar 15, 2024

When you’re into someone but you hide how you really feel, because you know they’re not really available, and you pretend you’re just friends. Don’t be surprised when the reality of the situation smacks you down. People who were traumatized as kids are particularly vulnerable to this “just friends” behavior. And unhealthy people can detect that in us – the way we see what they just did and -- and how we pretend it didn't affect us. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is getting strung along by a "friend" with JUST enough hope to keep her from leaving.

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CPTSD and the Belief You Have to Hide Your Love Mar 13, 2024

For people didn’t dare express themselves or cry or have needs when they were kids – it’s a hard road growing up and learning to BE in a relationship for real. You were trained that your true feelings were unspeakable, so you keep quiet. Wanting more love or attention feels shameful and so you pretend you need nothing. The cost of this is that people with too little to give you get to be in your life at all. And the ones you really love, you risk losing. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who may be jeapardizing her relationship by creating the impression she doesn't care.

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Here's Proof This Power to Heal From Trauma Is Already Yours Mar 11, 2024

There’s no common understanding of how adults are supposed to heal trauma from childhood – how that happens, where it comes from, what exactly you should do when you want to overcome all the problems that go with CPTSD. And so if YOU are trying to heal from abuse and neglect in childhood – and all the way that’s played out in your life and is still holding you back, it’s not surprising if you feel lost, hopeless, and not helped by what you’ve tried. Don’t be hopeless. There’s hope! Healing really is possible.

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Surprising Changes That Help with CPTSD (4-Video Compilation) Mar 10, 2024

So much information about CPTSD focuses on the past and what other people have done. If you're feeling stuck, try focusing on changes YOU can make in your life today to reduce symptoms and feel calmer, more focused, and more in charge of your life. In this 4-video compilation, I share videos about changes you can make to move your trauma healing forward faster.

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The Icky Feeling When Someone is Limerent on YOU Mar 08, 2024

When someone is romantically obsessed with you, they usually will try to hide it. But make no mistake, you can feel it and if you’re not into them, it does not feel good. Limerence is the word for when a person infatuated so badly with someone who isn’t interested in them, that it becomes like an addiction – very destructive for the limerent person’s life. But it’s also harmful to the person who is the “limerent object” – that’s the word for a person someone else is limerent ON. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Romy, and she writes:

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How Trauma-Driven Thinking Pushes You Into TRAPS Mar 06, 2024

A history of trauma can leave you defenseless against terrible mistakes. When you feel confused and you find yourself hiding the truth of your life from the people who care about you, you may be in a dangerous state of denial. Denial is a destructive force, and when you’re in it, you can’t see it. Everything depends on reaching out for help. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who is psychologically trapped in an exploitative "marriage." Hear my advice for how to wake up and get support to prevent more damage to her life.

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Out-of-Control Childhood Can Lead to Controlling Behaviors Now Mar 04, 2024

Nobody likes people who are controlling. Sometimes we all have to put up with controlling people because we have no one else to support us, or we need money, or, most often, because trauma trained us to tolerate control. But when you grew up with trauma, there can also be a tendency to BE controlling – maybe because you grew feeling things were so out of control it’s now like a reflex to hold people down, to make them predictable and “safe.” That’s not good either. In this video I teach about CPTSD and controlling behaviors that can hurt relationships.

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These Triggers Are Connected With Neglect in Childhood Mar 03, 2024

Trauma in childhood is caused by more than "abuse." Being neglected -- by parents or by your peers and community - can be just as damaging to well-being. In this 4-video compilation I share some of my most popular videos about neglect and the types of triggers that often result, potentially causing you to feel separate, anxious and isolated throughout your life. Healing is possible! In this video I teach you how to recognize triggers and begin healing them.

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Non-Romantic Maladaptive Attachment Can Fixate You on Anyone Mar 01, 2024

LIMERENCE HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS "an involuntary potentially inspiring state of adoration and attachment to a limerent object (LO) involving intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings and behaviors -- from euphoria to despair, contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation". While not inherently sexual, limerence is almost always romantic in nature. However, it’s very possible to have adoration to the point of intrusive thoughts show up in an attachment to parental figures, or authorities, or friends. In this letter I respond to a woman experiencing limerence for a mother figure.

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Trauma Healing Requires ACTION Feb 28, 2024

If you’ve ever tried to get help for struggles in your life related to childhood trauma – you may have been told, pressured even, to spend time and money talking about the past – even if you’ve talked about the past or years -- even when you don’t feel that’s the problem right now. and even if you’re desperate to work on present problems, so you can be happier. There's a time to talk about what happened and a time to work on present day problems. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who feels ready to stop talking and get to work on changing her life.

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Remove These Common Roadblocks to Trauma Healing Feb 26, 2024

Be careful what you *believe* about Complex PTSD, because a lot of information out there is outdated and outright WRONG. When you read or seek professional help, I urge you to be very THOUGHTFUL about what information you let in. It's so important that you know the truth about what causes it, what it feels like, and what you can do to heal (it's better news than you might think!). In this video I talk you through the most common mistakes people make in their healing, and why it's so important to find GOOD information that DOES help you.

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Common Symptoms You Didn't Know Are Trauma-Related (4-Video Compilation) Feb 25, 2024

Some signs of trauma in your childhood are well known and easy to recognize in yourself. But some may be new to you. You may have gone through live feeling shame about your social awkwardness, or your behavior around romance, or your difficulties keeping focused on your own life and not getting sucked into the others' problems. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos on unusual symptoms of Complex PTSD.

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Too Much, Too Soon Ruins Your Chance to Get to Know Someone Feb 23, 2024

The way people date in our culture is like throwing spaghetti at a wall. It’s driven by attraction, it goes very fast toward sex, and then (especially if you have CPTSD or attachment wounds because of neglect in your childhood) you’re left totally dependent on the person to come through with the Steadfast love and commitment you expected to find you. But it’s actually very rare that real love finds you this way. What trauma may have taken from you is the clarity and discernment to KNOW what kind of a relationship you want, and then to use dating – not spaghetti – to help you find it. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has rushed in to relationships and wonders why it doesn't turn to love.

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Childhood PTSD Makes You Confuse “Wants” With “Boundaries” Feb 22, 2024

A lot of people with Childhood PTSD were fed a steady diet of denial: Bad things things were happening and even if the parents weren’t DOING the bad things, they were incapable of noticing that something was terribly wrong. This may have injured your ability to see things as they are. To read the room. To understand where people are coming from when they say one thing, but do another. And Denial may have trained you to express your wishes, and then to become surprised and angry and CONFUSED when other people don’t deliver. In this video I respond to a woman who is confusing *stating* her boundaries, with enforcing her boundaries.

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CPTSD and The Sense of Disconnection Feb 19, 2024

If you were neglected or abused when you were a kid, and you’ve struggled all your life to feel like you’re truly included in groups, this is a classic trauma symptom. Feeling like you don’t belong could happen to anyone, but it’s especially common in people who didn’t receive adequate time and love and connection from their parents. In this video I talk about the way this sense of disconnection begins, how it manifests in adult life, and what you can do to begin healing it.

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Childhood Neglect and the Wound to Your Self-Esteem (4-Video Compilation) Feb 18, 2024

When parents don't validate or support their children to confidently express themselves and solve life's problems, the wound to self-esteem can last a lifetime. Healing CPTSD involves recognizing and changing the feeling that you're no good, you don't belong, and you need to play small to avoid pain. In this four-video compilation I teach how early trauma can wound your confidence, and what you can do to heal and try again to find joy and accomplish goals for success in your life.

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To Experience REAL Love, Heal the Wounds From Parents You Couldn’t Save Feb 16, 2024

Here’s the hard truth about the wounds of CPTSD and trauma: Some of the things you didn’t GET as a child, can’t be fixed directly. We can’t go back in time. We can’t be children again to receive the proper love and care we needed then. And we can’t save people we lost. But we CAN learn to fill our lives with love and support NOW, and start working on the triggers, and the distorted thinking, and the self-defeating behaviors that are the natural byproduct of trauma in your childhood. When you do, it changes your thinking, your relationships, and your capacity to recognize red-flag people (vs people who can truly love you back). In this video I respond to a letter from a man who is attached to a woman who keeps him at arm's length, but won't let him go.

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Attachment to Married or Long-Distance People Keeps You Always Alone Feb 14, 2024

For people who were neglected as children, there’s this very damaging tendency to fall in love, but with the wrong people – those who are married, or so far away the whole relationship is online, or those who are not INTO you. If you’re very, very early in the healing process, it will seem like unavailable people just seem to HAPPEN to you. The truth is both wonderful and hard to hear. People with CPTSD often attach to those people because that’s what you’re attracted to. Our attractions are shaped when we’re tiny children, we can’t help it. But just because you’re attracted to a person who is trouble for you doesn’t mean you have to ATTACH to them. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call AVERY, and she writes.

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CPTSD Triggers Set Off Three Types of Reactions: Here's What to Do Feb 12, 2024

Intense emotional reactions are common in people who were abused or neglected in childhood. They are set off by triggers (stimuli that cause neurological dysregulation), which then prompt emotional reactions, which then can lead to self-defeating behaviors. The behaviors are where you may be keeping your life stuck, and keeping yourself retraumatized. How can you stop? Focus on the reaction. Most emotional reactions fall into three categories In this video I teach how the sequence happens -- from trigger, to reaction, to behavior, and how you can identify YOUR reaction pattern so you can better target your healing efforts.

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Emotional Neglect and the Lure of Unavailable People (4-Video Compilation) Feb 11, 2024

Growing up without adequate time and care from parents is a form of trauma. In adulthood, it can leave you prone to choosing partners who ALSO starve you for love and attention. Whether you're fallen for someone who can't love you properly, or who is completely unavailable, your attachment to people who can't love you back will keep you stuck in grief, longing and isolation. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular responses to viewers' letters, coaching them to heal the attachment wound that keeps retraumatizing them.

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Painful Romantic Obsession Means It’s Time for Damage Control Feb 09, 2024

It’s normal and common for people who were neglected or abandoned in childhood to fall deeply in love with people who make them feel abandoned and unwanted ALL over again. That’s what limerence is – an obsession or infatuation with someone you can’t have – that becomes a full on addiction. And like all addictions, it can destroy everything meaningful in your life. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman how has let limerence run her life, and needs a way to change.

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Trying to “Save” The People You Date Helps No One Feb 07, 2024

The “Savior Complex” is a horrible obsession, where instead of getting to know someone and seeing if there is harmony and potential for you as friends or as partners – you immediately imagine a version of them that is DIFFERENT than what they are. And then you set about trying to make them INTO that imaginary person you have in mind. You might call this "helping" them, or "healing" them (for people with CPTSD, this is almost always the expression of a trauma wound), but really what’s going on is manipulation and control. It’s not really about helping them with something they require – it’s about helping you to relieve an anxious emptiness inside, and in the end it will take a toll on both of you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has a compulsion to "heal" people who are not available for a relationship.

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Childhood Trauma Damaged Your Ability to Tell What's True Feb 05, 2024

The trauma symptom that’s easy to recognize in other people, but SO hard to recognize in ourselves, is damaged perception. Childhood PTSD can make you unable to discern what is true and not true. You can't tell what is your responsibility and what is not your fault, when you’re in danger and when you're just anxious. You end up always doubting yourself -- trusting the wrong people, and failing to see red flags. In this video I teach you the signs that your perception is damaged, and walk you through a step-by-step process to get it back.

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Obsessive Love Has Roots in Childhood Trauma (4 video-compilation) Feb 04, 2024

Limerence is the term for obsessive love for someone you cannot have; it's more than a crush and more than being in love. As it gets stronger, it takes on the characteristics of an addiction. Some say the propensity toward limerence is genetic. Among the hundreds of letters I receive from people suffering with romantic obsession, most had an alcoholic parent, or parents who otherwise could not provide the loving care and attention that a person needs to form healthy attachments. In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos featuring letters from viewers.

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Your Path to Success Opens When You Heal These Trauma Wounds Feb 02, 2024

Many of us who were abused or neglected as kids are forced to keep our lives small, neglecting the best part of all we can become. Going for big goals takes vulnerability, persistence and the ability to connect with people with calm emotions. If you have CPTSD, any one of these can feel impossible. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who can only be successful if she's willing to promote herself and be SEEN. Hear my advice to break through the wounds of trauma so she can shine!

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Raging, Blaming, & Justifying Your Behavior Won’t Heal Relationships Jan 31, 2024

Part of healing from trauma is getting to the point where you can HONESTLY take responsibility for your behaviors (and trauma can activate some harsh behavior!). But just because bad things happened to you in the past, doesn’t mean it’s OK to lash out, or cop out, or try to control other people. Blaming other people, or “parts” of yourself is only going to push the people you’ve further away. If you want good relationships with other people, you’re going to have to do the hard work of honestly facing yourself – not just the way you were hurt, but the way you hurt others –and taking steps to change.In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who wants a better relationship with her daughter, who keeps blocking contact with her.

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When You First Date Them, Look For These Signs Jan 29, 2024

We talk a lot about "red flags" that tell you someone is NOT a good person to date. But what are the signs that someone has the right characteristics to become a good partner? In this video I list the signs to look for in the first few dates. If you have a history of relationships with partners who are emotionally unavailable, inappropriate matches for you, or abuse, you'll want to know these "green light" signals that a person is worth getting to know better.

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Neurological Dysregulation: The Hidden Trauma Symptom You MUST Heal First Jan 28, 2024

Trauma from childhood is associated with brain and emotional dysregulation that can cause a host of other CPTSD symptoms in adults. In this 4-Video compilation, I share my most popular videos on Dysregulation -- what it feels like, what causes it and how learning to re-regulate it can help you feel calmer and more focused, and increase your success in healing.

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UNFREEZE Your Nervous System To Get Stuff Done Jan 26, 2024

All over the world, people who were abused or neglected in childhood are procrastinating, and thinking they are the only one. Freezing up, getting stuck, and struggling to get work done is common for people with CPTSD. And as long as you look at it as just laziness or a character flaw, you might be making the procrastination worse. trauma and the "freeze response" just might set you free. In this video I respond to a letter from a man whose business is at risk of failure because of his trauma-related symptoms.

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Avoidant People Are Often Drawn to People They Can't Have Jan 24, 2024

Avoidance is a style of relating to other people, often driven by past trauma, that can make you feel overwhelmed and anxious even thinking about connecting with other people. If you’ve ever dating an avoidant person, you know how painful it can be to feel like you can never pin them down for plans, or get a commitment from them. And just when relationships start to feel like they’re going somewhere, the avoidant person will disappear for days or weeks at a time. Avoidants pull away from closeness, even when they want it. And ironically, what avoidant people are sometimes drawn to, is people they can’t have. There’s a weird kind of safety for avoidants in a relationship that can’t go anywhere. My letter today is from a woman I’ll call Amelie. And she writes:

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Socializing is Stressful for People with CPTSD; Is it Controlling Your Life? Jan 22, 2024

Growing up in a chaotic and dysfunctional family can leave you with a wounded ability to connect. And if you have this, you may have the tendency to cling to relationships, or you might respond to things that trigger your connection wound by running away. This is avoidance. And If you've ever fled from a partner, or a friend or family member who cared about you, you know how painful this is -- how intense the need is in the moment, and how terrible it feels later. Learn the signs that trauma-driven avoidance may be blocking your ability to have relationships and enjoy your life -- and what you can do to start healing.

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Why You Cling The Most to People Who Treat You You The Worst Jan 21, 2024

Neglect and abandonment in childhood can leave you with "crossed wires" -- when someone you love mistreats you, you may feel the uncontrollable urge to make them happy -- to make them love you, even if it means abandoning yourself. In this "best of" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos on the subject of CLINGING in relationships.

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The Cost of Making Other People the Center of Your Life Jan 19, 2024

If you grew up fearing that you were in danger from your own family, you may have developed a strong sense that YOU were responsible to make everyone safe and happy. You’ll see children do this sometimes – completely abandon their own needs because they’re so worried that their mom or dad will not be OK. Your parent not being OK is an existential threat to a kid. It’s hard to imagine you can survive it. But if something doesn’t happen to help you take BACK your identity, you run the risk of giving away your whole life to this imagined need you THINK other people have. My letter today is from a woman who struggles with the belief that if she takes charge of her life, other people will not only hate her, but they'll be destroyed.

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CPTSD Healing Requires Freedom From Others’ Agenda Jan 17, 2024

The idea that finding the right person will solve all your problems dies hard in the minds of traumatized people. If you were abused or neglected as a child, it can be difficult in adulthood to resist the lure of a relationship – any relationship – as a solution to the feeling that you’re unlovable, alone and lost about what kind of a life you want. This vagueness is like a barn door that’s left open. And what gets IN is other people's agenda. How can you get your life back, and know what you want? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who needs to get her life back, and get clear on what she wants.

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What I Learned in 25 Years of Recovery Jan 15, 2024

12-Step fellowships can be powerful places of healing and connection. But not everyone who goes, gets something out of it. How can YOU get the most of your meetings? Here are 30 lessons I learned from 25 years in the program I attended (for families of alcoholics).

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CPTSD and the Urge to Cling To Bad Relationships (4-Video Compilation) Jan 14, 2024

Neglect and abandonment in childhood can leave you with "crossed wires" -- when someone you love mistreats you, you may feel the uncontrollable urge to make them happy -- to make them love you, even if it means abandoning yourself. In this "best of" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos on the subject of CLINGING in relationships.

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If It Leaves You Sad and Empty, it May Be Time to Let Them Go Jan 12, 2024

If you grew up emotionally neglected, it takes strength to end a breadcrumb relationship. That’s when you’re with someone who gives you JUST enough communication and affection to keep you hooked into them – and nothing more. Ending that kind of relationship is a no brainer when you’re working to transform your life. But what about when you’re in a crisis? Should you take any love you can get, or risk losing the only bits of support you’ve got, right when you need people the most?

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To Heal Trauma, Stop Fitting Yourself to Unacceptable People and Situations Jan 10, 2024

It takes strength to end a breadcrumb relationship – that’s when you’re with someone who gives you JUST enough communication and affection to keep you hooked into them – and nothing more. Ending that kind of relationship is a no brainer when you’re working to transform your life. But what about when you’re in a crisis? In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is trying to decide if she should take any love she can get, or risk losing the only bits of support she's received from someone who is *maybe* in her life.

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Heal Dysregulation To Bring Calm To Your Emotions and Your Nervous System Jan 08, 2024

There’s a CORE symptom of trauma that most people don’t know about. It’s very strong and can limit your whole life. It’s not only associated with trauma. But it’s almost universal in people who were traumatized as children, and it drives virtually every other trauma symptom. Until you’ve learned to identify and heal it, it’s hard to change the other symptoms. In this video I teach the basics of neurological dysregulation -- what it is, what it feels like, and what you can do to re-regulate your emotions and nervous system.

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What to Do When You're Not Getting Better Jan 07, 2024

Many people with Childhood PTSD have tried countless treatments for trauma and still haven't found what worked. Could therapy be right for you? That may depend on WHO you choose to help you -- the wrong therapist could send you off course. But how do you know what to look for? And is talk therapy always the right choice for people who were abused and neglected?

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This Trauma Wound Makes You Crave Love, Then Run Away Jan 05, 2024

Some people are insecure and anxious in relationships - this is a style of attachment where you constantly seek validation and love because you can’t stop fearing the person will leave. Some people have a more avoidant attachment style: They don’t like commitment, they can seem cold, and they can be quick to leave relationships as soon as it gets uncomfortable. But the hardest attachment style of all – where a person is both fearful AND avoidant – what is called “disorganized attachment." In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who swings between her intense longing for love and then shutting down and pulling away.

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CPTSD Can Cause You to "Go Unconscious" In Hard Relationships Jan 03, 2024

It's easy, when you grew up with trauma, to go unconscious in relationships. Even though you feel like things are fine and you tell everyone things are fine – a big part of you has left the building. There are a number of reasons this happens – but it’s usually a mix of abuse or neglect from the past – where you taught yourself to DENY that you’re unsafe – and a fear of facing reality in PRESENT time because you’re terrified of how you will ever live if the relationship ends. My letter today is from a man I’ll call Chris, and he writes:

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CPTSD is a Wound That Makes It So Hard to Connect Dec 29, 2023

If you grew up emotionally neglected, your parents may not have helped you develop a strong sense of self. If they didn't "get" who you were, and they didn't offer validation, you may find yourself confused about the sense of disconnection you feel around other people. Is it a trauma symptom? Are you around the "wrong" people? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who finds herself feeling disconnected from the people who have ended up in her life, but she's not sure why.

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How to Build The Life You Want (Even Though They Didn't Tell You HOW) Dec 27, 2023

People who grew up poor want the same good things in life as anyone else, but if you grew up with parents who were dysfunctional or neglectful, you may not have been shown how a person can use their talents to earn a decent living. Left to figure out everything by yourself, you may have ended up with poverty thinking, hoping a lottery ticket or lawsuit would finally take away the financial strain in your life, instead of learning skills and meeting people who might help you find fulfilling work that supports you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has reached for a better life for years, but now feels stuck with children and a job that keeps her from the work she loves.

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The Number One Reason Traumatized People Pull Away Dec 25, 2023

Isolating is an almost universal symptom of PTSD from childhood – or for anyone with wounds from trauma. There’s what it looks like from the outside. But the real reason you silate may not be becuase you want to be alone; chances are, you long for love and connection, and to belong in a community of friends. Find out in this video the REAL reason why traumatized people tend to hold themselves apart from others.

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The Real Reason The World Needs You To Heal From Trauma Dec 24, 2023

When you first start healing CPTSD, simply feeling a little better seems like the most you could ever hope for. You DO need to feel better, but you were meant for SO much more. In this four-video compilation I share some of my best content about discovering your gifts and stepping up into your true purpose in life.

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CPTD Makes You Fill Your Life with Half-Relationships Dec 22, 2023

One of the worst wounds a parent can inflict on a child is to not recognize them as distinct person -- not caring about their unique needs and their strengths, and not helping them to recognize these in themselves. If you were neglected in this way, one way it can show up is as "romantic clutter" -- a tendency to form partial relationships with people you half-love, who only partially love you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has CPTSD, and for whom the pattern continues.

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Childhood Neglect and The High Cost of Trying to Be “Good Enough” Dec 20, 2023

If you were neglected as a child, you may still be acting on a belief that if you could only be nice enough, your parents would have transformed into the loving, caring adults you needed. This coping mechanism helps many kids who had trauma to survive, but now that you're an adult, you may still be suppressing your real self in hopes you can make the people you date love you and stay with you. Has it worked? In this video I respond to a woman who keeps getting rejected, despite her best efforts to be helpful and "nice" to her partners.

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To Be a Light in Hard Times, Ask Yourself This (and Take Action on the Answers) Dec 18, 2023

We are living through upside-down times. People who used to be friends attack each other over opinions they can barely express. Where we once had unity, we face division. It’s hard to know what you can trust, or whom to believe. In times like this, we are called to be the BEST people we can be -- but how? A powerful exercise you can do is to consider what you are avoiding. In this video I name common strengths that we are all tempted to avoid -- and how to embrace them so we can help others to heal and belong.

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Overcoming Trauma is a Step by Step Process (4-Video Compilation) Dec 17, 2023

When we talk about childhood trauma, so much of the focus goes onto the past -- what happened, and who did it. This is important, but healing can't really take place until you learn to focus on -- and CALM -- present day symptoms and solve the life problems that are so common for people with CPTSD. In this "best of the Fairy" compilation, I share four of my most popular videos detailing strategies you can use to heal symptoms and transform your life.

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CPTSD Blinds You to Signs They Are TAKING From You But Don't Care Dec 15, 2023

Something beautiful about people is that we are designed to delight in others – to connect and bond with them, and sometimes, to fall in love and give our whole heart. CPTSD can distort that natural process of finding someone to love, and mislead you into attaching to people who cannot love you back. If you have trauma-driven boundary problems, they are happy enough to take advantage and leave when they are done. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who feels ripped off and heartbroken, but is ready to learn how to change his dating pattern so that he can find real love.

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CPTSD Wounds Can Make You Worry Constantly, Even When Things Are Fine Dec 13, 2023

Learning to love a partner is a huge and happy accomplishment for those of us who lived through abuse and neglect in childhood. Trauma wounds don't end in childhood; early abuse and neglect can leave us with trauma-driven behaviors that re-traumatize us and prevent healing. It can take time to release old patterns and change your life. In this video I respond to a woman with a harsh past who now struggles to find peace in her relationship, even though she is loved and supportive.

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This Form of Writing Is Effective For Healing Trauma & Physical/Mental Health Dec 11, 2023

If you had childhood trauma and you’re still relying on conventional approaches to heal, you may still be suffering with symptoms and losing hope that healing can happen. Talking about your traumatic experiences may NOT be the best way to heal from what happened to you in childhood. In fact it can activate neural circuits related to the *stress response* – that make it harder to think, harder to focus and next to impossible to process your emotions! But there's a better way. In this video I talk about 30 years of research that shows that writing about traumatic experiences has powerful healing effects. I highlight the recent podcast from Andrew Huberman @hubermanlab, summarizing the work of Dr. James Pennebaker (and subsequent peer-reviewed studies based on his work).

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Putting All Your Focus On Another Person's Problems Robs You of a Happy Life Dec 10, 2023

Some people can't focus on anyone but themselves. But others can't focus on themselves and instead become entirely focused on another person's problems -- their feelings, their shortcomings, and how unhappy they make you. This is codependency -- when you lose perspective on your own life and your own needs, and "implant" your will into someone else. Codependents are hooked on the belief that if the other person would only change, they would be happy. instead, they end up tired, resentful and isolated. In this four-video "Best of the Fairy" compilation, I share tips for how to recognize codependent tendencies in yourself and others, and what to do to heal.

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No, You're Not Obliged to Lend an Ear to Troubled "Friends" Dec 08, 2023

A true friend is someone who cares about you, and is interested in you, and supports what is best for you. They don’t get to tell you what to do, they don’t get to mercilessly criticize you, and they don’t get to use you as an emotional dumping ground and demand that you keep listening. If you have CPTSD, you may find you’re often on the receiving end of that, and you think you’re obliged to be support people who are doing things that morally abhorrent to you. But this is NOT what friendship is. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman whose problem friend demands that she keep listening -- and that she not "judge" her terrible behavior.

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Neglectful Parents Condition You to Love Unavailable People Dec 06, 2023

If you grew up without the attention and love of good parents, you may find yourself with symptoms of Complex-PTSD. One of the worst symptoms is an attraction to people who can’t give you attention or love. You see the red flags, but you become attached anyway. Until you've healed that attachment wound, you may find yourself getting your heart broken again and again. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who found out early in a dating relationship that his partner was not available, but couldn't stop attaching. Heal trauma-driven patterns and find real love at last.

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When Past Trauma Has You Stuck, Do This Dec 04, 2023

If you’re living with trauma-related symptoms from abuse and neglect in childhood, you’ve had to work extra hard for things in life that come more easily to other people. Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is a type of PTSD that comes from chronic, intense stress, usually (but not always) in childhood. You might already know you have it, and you might be working hard to heal it. But if you’re like many people with CPTSD, your healing feels stuck, and you're afraid you your life may never get better. In this video I lay out ten steps you can take to accelerate your healing. Everything gets better when you find an approach to healing that works for you! Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

FIRST Get The Trauma Out Of Your Life, THEN Help Others Dec 01, 2023

For people who grew up with abuse and neglect – it’s a HUGE DAY when you finally break free of that family of origin. You actually have a barrier up against their ability to keep hurting you. You're safe, and only way they can get into your life again is when you CHOOSE to connect with them. But there’s this one huge complication, and it’s when there are other family members – especially minor children – who are still stuck in that house, and still going through what YOU used to go through. In this video I respond to a letter from a young woman who's torn between getting her own life stable, and saving her younger siblings from trauma.

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How To Break Your Obsession With Winning Impossible Love Nov 29, 2023

When you weren’t loved properly as a child, it’s very, very common to become romantically involved in “complicated” relationships – where YOU’RE longing for something monogamous and committed and THEY’RE just jerking you around. With parents who were self-centered or who put you down, it’s no wonder you developed the ability to see great potential in people who are basically broken. The brutal truth is that every day you spend pouring your energy and your love into someone who can’t really DO a relationship with you, you’re blocking the possibility of real love coming into your life. How can you tell if someone is worth “working with” through tough times, and when you’re wasting your time? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose boyfriend is dragging her along through a lingering attachment to his ex.

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After Terrible Things Have Happened, Here's How to Build A HAPPY LIFE Nov 19, 2023

Bad things happen in everyone's life. For some of us, a history of abuse and neglect in childhood produces common, trauma-driven symptoms that hold us back. Even if you've endured trauma and tragedy, it's possible to heal the past, calm the symptoms and build the happy, functional, love-filled life you deserve. In this "best of" compilation, I teach about practical steps you can take to start solving problems and feeling happier today.

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Stop Reactivating Trauma Wounds With "Partners" You Never See Nov 13, 2023

If you grew up neglected or abandoned, it's very likely you developed an attachment wound, and this can drive you into relationships with people who aren’t available, aren’t good to you, and aren't necessarily someone you even LIKE! One way that people with Childhood PTSD are affected by this is through long-distance relationships that don't fulfill their need for companionship and love. My letter today is from a woman whose attachment wounds drove her to rush into relationships with someone she doesn't know well; her fear of being alone keeps her clinging to someone far away who is rarely interested in her. Hear my advice to stop the pattern and change her life.

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Staying Stuck in Bad Jobs, Bad Relationships FEELs Like The Safe Choice: Here's Why Nov 10, 2023

Being STUCK means you know you’re in a bad place, but you don’t have the power to do anything about it. Most people get stuck sometimes, but those who were abused or neglected in childhood have extra susceptibility to staying in bad jobs and harmful relationships. It may be driven by financial insecurity, health problems, shame, fear of being alone, low self-esteem, or the freeze response. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who KNOWS she's in a bad situation but struggles to take action and change her life.

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What to Say to Doctors Who Don't Understand Childhood Trauma Nov 08, 2023

The long-term effects of trauma on virtually every aspect of health has been well known for more than 20 years. But still, few clinical professionals understand the broad effects of trauma or which treatments have been shown to be effective. The result includes lack of appropriate treatment, missed diagnoses, innaccurate diagnoses, and shaming of people with a clear pattern of symptoms by clinicians see only their own assumptions about their patients. I provide tools to help educate your doctor so that you can be understood and receive appropriate care.

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How Good Boundaries Set You Free to Enjoy Your Relationships Nov 06, 2023

Many of us who grew up in dysfunctional families struggle to recognize or create boundaries that work. You may be fed up with people who ignore your stated boundaries, or you fear setting any boundaries at all, fearing people will find you controlling, and avoid you. In this "best of" compilation I teach about what a boundary is, how bounadaries can be confused with controlling others, or avoiding discomfort, and why setting healthy boundaries sets you free to enjoy your relationships.

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Their Behavior Generates Insecurity And Obsession In YOU Nov 03, 2023

When you date a Love Addict, YOU become their drug. At first they can make you feel like the most special, beautiful person, and all the pain and loneliness in your life was for a reason, because NOW, finally, you real true love has come along. Love addicts LOVE the feeling of being that for you. But they can't sustain it, and that's why dating them is such a roller coaster of highs when they love you, and lows when they totally disappear. The horrible thing about love addiction is that is spreads -- now YOU are the one who can't think of anything else. My letter today is from a woman whose life is now falling apart because she's hooked on a love addict.

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Neglect In Childhood Primes You to Eroticize Abandonment Nov 02, 2023

When your parents didn’t love you properly, the feeling of falling in love is often followed by a dramatic lapse into insecurity. When they pull away it has a spooky, deep emotional power for you. And it’s very easy to confuse that dark feeling with something it most definitely is NOT... LOVE. In fact, people in a state of limerence often say they are "confused," though it's easy to see from the outside that the confusion is between the reality they WANT to see, and the disappointing TRUTH. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who senses that she may have fallen again into the dark water of limerence.

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Some People Feel Betrayed When YOU Heal Your Trauma Oct 30, 2023

Many people in your life really do want the best for you, but there are others who act as if you've done a terrible thing by working on your trauma. It's as if they want and need you to stay hurt and victimized, basically forever. They’re not always even conscious of what they’re doing, but you can sure feel it. They'll make criticisms disguised as "help": When you make positive changes, they warn you about trouble ahead, as if they just want to knock you down a peg. You DON'T need to be knocked down. It may be that there are people in your life (still) who just don't want you to heal. In this video I bring back a popular video from the past that guides you spotting these tendencies in family and friends, so you can stay strong and carry on with overcoming trauma.

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Childhood Neglect And The Feeling That You Can Never Belong Oct 27, 2023

Childhood PTSD is, in essence, an injury to the ability to connect with other people. So it's no surprise that abuse and neglect in your childhood may have left you with a feeling that no matter what you do, you never quite belong in groups. In this "best of" compilation, I share videos that will help you understand that the feeling of being an outside is not a quirk of yours, or a failing. It's a feeling (and an experience) that is common for traumatized people, and with practice, it can be healed.

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If You "Throw" Love At Unavailable People, It Could Be From Wounds of Neglect Oct 25, 2023

People neglected as children sometimes spend their WHOLE life longing or love – chasing it, fighting for it, longing for it, and never having it, all because of this -- an attraction to unavailable people. This includes people who are married and can’t really be with you (but string you along), or people who flat out aren’t into you. Yet your wounds from childhood make you the PERFECT person to give all your energy, love and self-esteem to them, basically for free. In this video I respond to a woman who is trapped in a painful affair with a married man, who seeks help ending it, and preventing this from ever happening again.

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How to Set Boundaries When They're Obsessed With Their Next Love Object Oct 19, 2023

Ever get the feeling you're just an accessory for a friend who is romantically obsessed? They WANT to hang out with you, and they love to tell you about the emotional rollercoaster of their latest romance. But what do you do when you realize they don't really see you or hear you or care about you. To them, you’re an instrument for them, to get what they want. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has watched her friend cycle through obsession after obsession -- and who wants to get out.

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When Too Many Bad Things Happen At Once, DO THIS To Hold On, Stay Strong Oct 16, 2023

There are times in your life when so many bad things happen at once, that you go into what I call a "trauma storm." The shock to your nervous system of those traumatic events is so overwhelming, that you lose your normal structures and habits that allow you get through hard times, and instead you just kind of slip into crisis mode: You can’t function, your daily routine is all over the place, your mental stability is in jeopardy, and you're emotional, exhausted, and in danger of pushing away the people who normally would be your support system. You can't always control the traumatic events taking place, but you can take steps to help your nervous system stay balanced during hard times. In this video I list simple steps you can take to stop the storm so instead of A breakdown, you can face the hardship, care for yourself and take constructive actions.

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Why You Didn't See The Red Flags Oct 15, 2023

When you're first dating someone, it can be easy ONLY to see what you love about them. If you grew up with abuse or neglect, you may have a blind spot where obvious signs of trouble are waving in your face, and the cost to your happiness can be devastating. In this "best of" compilation I include videos about some of the WORST partners out there -- and why we choose them, and why it's SO hard to leave.

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Why You Fall For Unavailable People Oct 11, 2023

The need for love and security is SO strong that some people will do *anything* to feel like they’re in a relationship. If you attach to people you know are unavailable, and then structure your life around that person -- your hopes and plans -- hoping to preserve the feeling that they really are THE ONE, it's important you watch this video. I respond to a letter from a woman who hopes that by loving someone unconditionally, she can win their love in return.

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When You Can't Understand Why You KEEP Making Similar, Destructive Choices Oct 06, 2023

It’s normal for people who were traumatized as children to be drawn to people who are trouble. Maybe feel foggy when you meet someone you feel attracted to, or you rush into relationships, and you ignore signs that getting together with this person is a really bad idea. It's normal for people with CPTSD to feel confused when they are confronted with evidence that someone would be bad for you; it's as if your brain shuts down and then you make the destructive decision to go forward anyway. The illusion is that this string of unfortunate events just HAPPENED to you (you can't see that you chose it). And when enough trauma and enough heartbreak has happened, the need for that next relationship to WORK OUT becomes so great, it’s like an addiction. It’ll drive you toward your worst thinking, and right into that same unhappiness. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who just might be a love addict.

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The Real Story of Why I Quit Talk Therapy Oct 02, 2023

If you seek help for the symptoms of Complex CPTSD, you will generally be steered toward talk therapy, and often, medication. But these two standard modes of treatment may not be will targeted for trauma symptoms. In my case, they made me worse, not better. In this video I share an excerpt from one of my most popular videos, "Why I Quit Therapy," to explain what it was like for me, the reasons we NOW know therapy doesn't work for many traumatized people, and what DOES work.

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Neglect in Childhood Taught You to FIT Yourself to Unacceptable People Oct 01, 2023

If your parents harmed you when you were small, you may have developed a coping mechanism that allowed you to accept mistreatment; you learned to just "make it OK" in your mind. But when this gets carried into adulthood, it becomes a maladaptation I call Crapfit. In this "best of" compilation, I share lessons and letters from people with CPTSD who are fitting themselves to horrible partners, jobs and friendships. Hear my advice for setting new and higher standards yourself, and stopping the CRAPFIT.

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How to Take Space From Difficult People FOR NOW (While You Decide If It's Forever) Sep 29, 2023

Getting distance from your family of origin can be a powerful way to accelerate your healing from past trauma. You may be clear you want it to be permanent. But if you're feeling guilty and unsure if you should do it, there's a way to take space for as long as you need -- without drama, without debate, and without committing to a permanent boundary. You get to decide, one day, or one year at a time. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who suspects she needs to end contact with her mother, but the guilt she feels is blocking her clarity.

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Expecting New Partners to "Meet Your Needs" Will Push Them Away Sep 27, 2023

People neglected and abused in childhood are prone to fantasize about the perfect person and perfect love. But this habit can separate you from the chance to have a real relationship with someone who loves you. The unmet needs of your childhood can't be met by a partner, and your hunger for validation and unconditional love can be a turnoff in an early dating relationship. In this video I respond to a man who has been single for more than a decade since his divorce, and is close to giving upon his lifelong hope of finding true intimacy.

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Hiding Others' Abusive Acts Desensitizes You: That's What They Want Sep 26, 2023

It's as if there is a veil of unconsciousness that prevents us from remembering or telling the truth about sexual abuse -- or acting to defend abused children when we know abuse is happening. In this video, I talk about the first time I ever lied about being abused. For many people, covering for abusers (so we don't get abandoned, attacked, fired or cancelled) becomes so habitual we are desensitized to it. We stay silent, and say only what you're supposed to say. This is one reason why the extent of sexual abuse in industries and institutions such as the Catholic Church is STILL emerging -- and why child sex trafficking has proliferated in recent years. Our culture struggles to face this, because it's painful and sometimes dangerous to speak up. It's as if we want to stay asleep: Is this why there is controversy about the film "Sound of Freedom, which seeks to reawaken us about horrors -- the scope and explosive growth -- of child trafficking? (Trafficking, btw, is a euphemism for enslavement for the purpose of pimping out children for sex with adults). What can explain the number of people attacking this film, and attempting to block you from seeing it? Why do people use this issue to vilify political enemies? We MUST make it our common purpose to fight sexual abuse and trafficking in all its forms. It's never easy to face terrible truths, but it begins with healing our own shame and trauma.

Neglect in Your Childhood Trained You to Pretend You're OK Sep 24, 2023

If your parents made it a problem that you needed their love and attention, you may have have internalized the belief that there's something wrong and dirty and shameful about you and your feelings. In families where the expectation of loyalty and honesty only created horrible arguments, you may have trained yourself not to need loyalty and honesty -- not to expect much -- and to never admit that you long for someone to love you and commit to you. What tends to happen with these damaged expectations is that you DON'T receive love and commitment in your adult relationships. This is the tragedy of what our culture calls "The Cool Girl." In this "best of" compilation I share a series of excerpts from videos where I teach the path to recovery for women and men who are overcoming childhood trauma, and learning to expect and recognize the full and committed love and partnership.

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Feeling Manipulated & Discarded Is Your Sign to Get Away Sep 22, 2023

When you didn’t get cared for properly when you were little, it’s hard to READ other people – to detect the difference between a friend and someone merely being friendly. So many of us NEED a friend so badly, there’s pressure on the relationship from the beginning to believe it will work. And when it doesn’t, it can feel devastating. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman whose new friend seems more interested in using her as a stepping stone to more friends; now our letter writer feels tricked and left out. Hear my advice for detecting when friends are using you, and what to do when things start getting weird.

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"Fawning" Is A Trauma Response That Leaves You Vulnerable to BAD TREATMENT Sep 20, 2023

Fawning is when you make yourself small, or act "nice" and like you're not hurt, as a way to cope with mistreatment. It's a fantasy that by being selfless, kind and helpful, you can make bad people be kind to you. It’s a common pattern for traumatized people that can keep old trauma wounds active, and keep you from healing. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who keeps finding herself with hurtful, hateful people, and is ready to change her pattern.

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When You Heal These Behaviors Everything Gets Better Sep 18, 2023

Abuse and neglect in childhood may seem like the worst thing that's happened to you. But many people with CPTSD multiply the damage with a pattern of behaviors that keeps the trauma alive. Thankfully, healing is possible. Here's a list of self-defeating behaviors that can re-traumatize you -- followed by a description of the joy and ease possible when you heal the pattern.

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Life FEELS Chaotic To People with Childhood PTSD, But Control Isn't The Answer Sep 17, 2023

If you grew up with trauma, you are likely to have close relationships with both CONTROLLING people and OUT-OF-CONTROL people. Both cause problems, and both can drive you to have a overly-strong need to control relationships and situations (which drives people away). In this "best of" compilation, I highlight some of the ways that people with CPTSD develop control issues -- often without even knowing it -- and how you can learn to relax your grip on others' behaviors, and focus more fully on healing your own life.

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Your Attractiveness Grows When You Heal Your Unmet Childhood Needs Sep 15, 2023

People whose partners have CPTSD often become confused about the meaning of "support." When should you tolerate yelling, ghosting, and intensive criticism, and when is this just too much? In this video I respond to a letter from a man who is trying earnestly to support his partner, whose behavior has become emotionally abusive.

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How a Lack of Boundaries Makes You Invisible and Alone Sep 13, 2023

If you grew up with an abusive or neglectful parent – and especially if you were the oldest child -- you may have learned to dance around and do everything in your power to make Mom stop being sad. You may have erased your feelings and needs and instead poured ALL YOUR ENERGY into the parent. People who have done this often have a hard time getting perspective on it, and realizing that no parent should be draining the life out of a child just so THEY can feel OK. The parent’s needs are never met through this, but worse, the child completely loses any sense of self. And having no sense of self is bound to generate unhealthy adult relationships that continue the cycle. How can you break out and become your real self? How to Be a Better Friend, Free Download: https://bit.ly/3WS0475 Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

Your Career Advances Quickly When You Heal These Trauma Symptoms Aug 27, 2023

Too many people with Childhood PTSD are held back by trauma symptoms that damage their ability to envision their future, form positive work relationships, and maintain the focus and physical energy needed to get ahead. But healing from your trauma symptoms frees you, and allows you to use the determination and inner resourcefulness common in people who were. abused and neglected as children. In this "best of" compilation, of my videos on the subject of work, I teach the most important symptoms to heal, and share stories from individuals who were challenged on the job by the wounds of their past, and learned to overcome them.

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My Response to PESSIMISTS and MORE Answers to Great Questions from the Comment Section Aug 25, 2023

Every day, I read the comments and questions of hundreds of viewers on my YouTube channel. Sometimes the questions make me angry. Sometimes I want to give the person a hug! In this video I respond to some of the most challenging and interesting questions about Childhood PTSD and how we heal, one by one.

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Limerence Confuses Your Ability to Tell What's REAL Aug 23, 2023

It’s a horrible feeling when you THINK someone is interested in you and flirted with you, and then you respond in what you THINK is the same vibe – and THEY FREAK OUT. People who were emotionally neglected as kids have a hard time reading other people’s feelings and intentions as it is. But when limerence is at play (the obsessive, addictive form of love for someone you can’t actually have) it can make it almost impossible to know if someone is interested in your, or if you’re weirding them out by confessing your love. Do you ever get completely torn up inside with this kind of confusion? In this video I answer a letter from a woman who THOUGHT a coworker returned her strong attraction. Find out what happened when you told him how she felt, and hear my advice to heal her perception and to move forward with confidence.

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How to Tell If Your Relationship is Suffering Because ONE of You Is Codependent Aug 22, 2023

Codependency sucks the life out the person who can't help but try to extract their own happiness by changing another person. If you believe you'd be happy IF your partner (or relative) would do what you believe is best, you need to watch this video.

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Learn My Top Tips for Healing Past Trauma and Changing Your Life Aug 06, 2023

So much content on trauma is about WHAT HAPPENED. It's true that acknowledging the past is important, but real healing happens when you can notice your CPTSD SYMPTOMS and use strategies to calm your trauma reactions and make positive changes in your life. In this "best of" compilation I share my top videos on how you can stop the drama and transform you life after trauma. Heal Trauma in Just One Year? Download pdf : https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

Working Harder Than Most Other People COULD Be Over-Functioning Aug 04, 2023

Overfunctioning is a trauma reaction where a person does TOO much – too much work, too much managing, too much trying to compensate for other people being unsafe, unloving and unreliable. It’s a survival mechanism that can be destructive to your health and your relationships. And, people end up resenting overfunctioners – especially if they are underfunctioners! Not having a hundred things to do can make an overfunctioner feel anxious, so no matter how much we swear we’re going to slow down soon, we often don’t. But is it really so bad to work harder than most other people? Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

If Others' Success Fills You With Pain, Here's What to Do Aug 02, 2023

When you were never loved enough in the first place -- and then you witness someone else getting really, really loved – it can tear down all the defenses you’ve built up in order to cope with the painful absence of love in your life. If you have Childhood PTSD, you may be hiding from that pain because if you were to actually face the losses -- the breakups, the bad choices, feelings of shame or guilt -- you fear it would be unbearable. And so out of protection you stay in denial. But then something happens where you just CAN’T hide from it anymore. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who can't help feeling miserable at someone else's wedding. How To Prepare For a Great Relationship. Download PDF - https://bit.ly/43SH8aV Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

These Five Phases Show You Where You've Healed CPTSD and What's Next Jul 31, 2023

If you’re not making progress healing from the effects of a traumatic childhood, it’s very likely, that whatever you were told to do is not working for you.There's an old way the world sees trauma and treatment, and there’s an emerging, research-based approach.In this video I talk about that emerging approach, and how I’ve come to understand and work with people who are progressing through five distinct phases of trauma healing. In this video you'll learn what they are, and be able to identify where YOU are in the process. Heal Trauma in Just One Year? Free Download: https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

Why It's So Hard to Tell When Someone Else Is The Problem (and When It's Just You) Jul 30, 2023

If you were neglected, manipulated, or gaslighted as a child you may still be struggling to be sure if a hurtful situation is a) someone mistreating you or b) your imagination. Until you heal trauma-driven wounds to your perception, you may be prone to indecision and self-doubt. In this "best of" compilation of my videos on CPTSD and Damaged Perception, I teach how the problem manifests, and how to gradually heal and affirm your perception so you can make better choices and move forward with confidence. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

Attachment Wounds Rob You Of The Feeling of “Home” Jul 28, 2023

There’s a deep need in every one of us to have a parent who deeply loves us. Where THEY are, is where we derive the feeling of HOME. And sometimes, as we grow up and go out on our own, when times get rough - the love of that parent and the existence of that place, provides an anchor - a shelter where we can return for comfort and strength.So many of us with Childhood suffer with a vague sense of emotional homelessness, either because we lost that parent too soon, or we never had them in the first place. Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

How Abandonment Wounds Trick You Into Staying With People Who Mistreat You Jul 26, 2023

If you grew up emotionally neglected, you may have learned to ignore and override clear information that someone is mistreating you. At first you feel hurt and angry when they do it; you try to set a boundary and pull away. But soon, this other part of you starts making you think that it’s YOU who’s the bad one -- that you’re just expecting too much, or you’re being too unforgiving, or you're just making trouble where there isn’t any trouble. THAT is how abandonment wound can distort your thinking and trap you in terrible situations. You CAN heal. In this video I respond to a letter from a single mother in a long-term dating relationship with a man who is dismissive and occasionally cruel. Hear my advice on how to STOP going back to him, and restart her life. How To Prepare For a Great Relationship, DOWNLOAD PDF: https://bit.ly/43SH8aV Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

The Limerent Flip: Facing Rejection Becomes So Unbearable You Stay Obsessed Jul 21, 2023

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Limerent obsession with someone you can't have can become more than harmless little fantasy -- especially if they give you signals that there's HOPE. Limerence is basically an addictive tendency to POUR your life’s energy into the IDEA of a relationship that doesn’t really exist (or not like you think it does). When you know in your bones someone’s not into you you might TRY to face reality and move on, but what can happen is what I call a Limerent FLIP. And that flip can keep you trapped, in love with something that doesn’t exist, and draining any kind of happy future right out of your life. So how can you tell if there’s actually hope, or if you’re FLIPPING?

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People Neglected in Childhood Can't See BIG HOLES In New Relationships Jul 19, 2023

Rather than creating a happy life, people with trauma from childhood wait for the ideal relationship to come along and MAKE them happy. You may catch yourself believing that if you could JUST find the right person, or say the right thing, everything would work in your life. But when your identity isn't developed and you don't know how to be happy, your life is full of holes. This is when people with CPTSD may try to use "emotional spackle," filling in the holes by ignoring red flags and opening their hearts as IF the other person is wonderful and reciprocates their feelings. But imagining there is love where there is no love brings grave disappointment. How can you see clearly, and reserve your heart until the time -- and the person -- is right?

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Signs You Weren't Listened to As a Child Jul 17, 2023

Kids are supposed to learn how to 'be" in the world from their parents. If you were ignored, you had to figure things out by yourself using a child's logic. If you tend to go into a stress response when you try to communicate (especially around your emotions and your boundaries), it could be a sign that you weren't listened to as a child. In this video I lay out several signs that are common in adults with CPTSD, and specifically, who weren't listened to when they were small.

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Hyper-Intense Reactions to Stress Damages Relationships; Here's What to Do Jul 16, 2023

Abuse, neglect and other traumatic experiences from your past can cause nervous system changes that cause your emotions to come out stronger than other people's. Rage, panic, or passionate attachment to others can get so oversized that they ruin relationships and damage others' trust in you. In this "best of" compilation I teach you why this happens, and how to regulate your nervous system, so you can have the full range of emotions, but not be drowned by them.

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Why fantasy hurts your ability to form REAL relationships Jul 16, 2023

Magical thinking is a symptom of trauma. It helped you when you were small to imagine a life that was safe and welcoming for you. But if the habit of distorted thinking around romantic relationships continues into adulthood, you may find that it's impossible to form a real, lasting, mutually committed relationship. In this "best of" compilation, I share some of my most popular videos where I teach how to spot your own magical thinking patterns, and how to get real and communicate clearly and perceive accurately WHAT another person feels for you, what they intend, and whether dating them makes sense. If you have CPTSD, this video could save you years of heartbreak and loneliness.

Heal trauma-driven patterns and find real love at last: Learn More about my Dating Course http://bit.ly/3IBbrv7

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com

LIMERENCE: Major Losses Trigger Obsessive Love Jul 14, 2023

Based on all the hundreds of letters I get – the background stories about abuse and neglect in childhood, and the present day struggles to form loving, committed relationships – it’s clear to me that limerence is the fruit of emotional neglect. We get too good at seeing love where there is no love, and if we don’t heal, it continues into adulthood, becoming worse in times when we’re isolated, grieving, and chronically stressed. In this video I respond to a letter from a Ukranian refugee devastated when a new relationship fizzled out.

Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Dating Life? Take the QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh

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Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW
Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf
Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Drama-Free Strategies to Keep Family Members From Ruining Your Day Jul 12, 2023

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

*** What do you do when you're forced to be face-to-face with the person who traumatized you when you were small? Do you confront them, warn them, talk in advance? Ignore them? In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who will be attending a family gathering, where she'll see her father for the first time after years of no contact. Hear my suggestions for strengthening her boundaries to avoid trouble, while enjoying the day. Difficult People in Your Life?

Try These NINJA BOUNDARIES: https://bit.ly/3YCnpZJ

***

Friendship Skills For People Who Didn't Learn This At Home Jul 10, 2023

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

***

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family (especially if your parents didn't have strong social skills) there’s a high probability that finding good friends and developing close friendships has been hard for you. The lack of good friends can devastate your life over time: You end up isolated, lonely and vulnerable. Having people who love you and “get” you is a factor in your physical and mental health. Not having friends is a big setback, and if this has been a struggle in the past, you've been robbed you of the life you deserve in some ways already. In this video I break down, step by step, actions you can take to find better friends and sustain more fulfilling friendships over time. Learn Better Friendship Skills.

FREE Download: https://bit.ly/3WS0475

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How to Heal Your Trauma-Driven Thinking So You Can Make Better Decisions Jul 09, 2023

A history of abuse and neglect in childhood affects how you think, what you believe, and how you act. This is a major factor that explains why people with CPTSD seem to make self-sabotaging decisions, ruining opportunities and repeating terrible mistakes you swore you'd never do again. In this "best of" compilation, I share a collection of videos where I teach about identifying trauma-driven decisions and thoughts, and how to support yourself in order to make better choices and change your life.

Has Past Trauma Affected Your Ability to Connect? CONNECTION QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3LcjDD8

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Why Traumatized People Struggle With Friendships (and How You Can Heal) Jul 07, 2023

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

***

It's common for people who grew up emotionally neglected or exposed to trauma to have difficulty finding friends and maintaining friendships. Sometimes we choose unreliable people; sometimes we (unintentionally) push good poeple away. In this "best of" compilation I share a series of videos highlighting common challenges for people with CPTSD.

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Sometimes Your Strength is The Reason They Turn On You Jul 05, 2023

Have CPTSD? TAKE THE QUIZ: http://bit.ly/3GhE65z

FREE COURSE: The Daily Practice: http://bit.ly/3X1BrE0

Website: http://bit.ly/3CxgkRY

***

To avoid responsibility for their own actions, abusive parents sometimes make one child into a scapegoat, and siblings follow suit. Scapegoat suffer horribly, but getting pushed out of the family sometimes means they demonstrate more strength and success in life than those who we kept in the family fold. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman trying to make sense of the fact she was rejected by every family member. Difficult People in Your Life?

Try These NINJA BOUNDARIES: https://bit.ly/3YCnpZJ

Emotional Dysregulation Ruins Even The Best Relationships Jul 03, 2023

If you grew up neglected, chances are good that when you’re under stress, you get emotionally dysregulated -- your nervous system reacts to stressors with extra strong emotions. When most people would be hurt, you’re devastated. When you fall in love it feels enormous. And getting angry, unfortunately for the people who love you, can turn into RAGE. Emotional dysregulation is not exclusive to Childhood PTSD, but it’s a very common and very destructive symptom. And perhaps more than any other truama symptom, it ruins relationships and kills dreams. The good news is, healing is possible, and in this video I teach you how.

Try the FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Demoralization: How to Resuscitate The GOOD In You & Recover Faith In The Future Jul 02, 2023

To be “Demoralized” means to be deflated of all that makes you strong – to have too many bad and discouraging things happen to you until you lose your mental clarity, and lose your drive to bring good into the world. It includes disempowerment, but it takes it one terrible step further – to where you lose your awareness of what is GOOD, and what is right. The most important first step of healing is to recover your faith that GOOD is real, and it matters. Heal Trauma in Just One Year? https://bit.ly/3JrPdvx Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Crisis-Stage Codependency: How You Know It's Happening Jun 29, 2023

Codependency may feel like a personality quirk but it can grow much, much worse. Codependency can snowball into a crisis-level distortion of thinking that -- unless you heal -- drags down your life (and the lives of others). In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who finds herself pregnant and dependent upon an undependable and possibly dangerous partner, but cannot see the role she must play to get to safety.

Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Dating Life? Take the QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Anxious Attachment Style: Overcome Your Urge to MERGE and CLING in Early Relationships Jun 26, 2023

People neglected or abandoned in childhood often have an anxious attachment style in adulthood, growing frantic while dating a new person to extract security and connection, before they get to know the other person. The result can be off-putting for partners and can ruin any chance of finding real love. In this video I respond to a letter from a young woman whose first date starts well, but ends in the same disaster she's created before. Hear my tips for healing attachment wounds and pacing the dating process to avoid pushing good people away.

Is Past Trauma Affecting Your Dating Life? Take the QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3EUy8Yh

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Narcissistic Traits vs. 'REAL' Narcissism Jun 23, 2023

Many people traumatized as children show TRAITS of narcissism. Part if this is learned from narcissistic parents, and part develops to compensate for trauma wounds. In this "best of" compilation I bring together my most popular videos on traits of narcissism -- in ourselves and others -- and letters from people raised by narcissistic parents.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Heal Your Avoidant Attachment Style Before It Drains Your Life of Love and Meaning Jun 22, 2023

People are triggering, especially if you who were traumatized in the past. One way to manage your triggers is through avoidance -- living in isolation, holding loved ones at arms length, or going through the motions of a connected life but never feeling connected at all. In this "best of" compilation of my videos on avoidance, I teach about the signs to look for in yourself and others of avoidance, with practical steps to begin to heal.

Has Past Trauma Affected Your Ability to Connect? CONNECTION QUIZ: https://bit.ly/3LcjDD8

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Heal Chaos and Overwhelm: DECLUTTER Every Part of Your Life Jun 16, 2023

A cluttered living space is one common sign a person has been affected by past trauma. But Complex-PTSD often manifests as a similar kind of chaos and overwhelm in your thinking, your relationships, your emotions and the way you spend your time. Learn how you can declutter your thinking, your friendships, your calendar and yes -- your physical space. Try My Ultimate Mental Decluttering Technique Free -- The Daily Practice: https://bit.ly/3Y4263I Website: https://bit.ly/3Nyg7nt

The EMPTINESS You Feel Is Trying to TELL YOU Something Jun 09, 2023

I received several letters this week (the fifth week of lockdown) about the ache of emptiness that's getting hard to escape. Is real love even possible for people with CPTSD? Here's my answer.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Brain Dysregulation: How to Know If It's Happening (and What to Do About It) Jun 06, 2023

Adults who experienced early trauma are prone to dysregulation of the brain and nervous system, especially in response to stress. Dysregulation, in turn, can trigger (or exacerbate) depression, anxiety, illness, addiction and emotional outbursts. So clearly, learning to re-regulate is the first step in healing the effects of Childhood PTSD.

10 Emergency Measures to Re-Regulate: https://bit.ly/3ogTEkM

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Trauma Wounds FLARE UP When You Begin Dating (Especially When They're Wonderful) Jun 02, 2023

When you meet someone really wonderful, do you fall into consuming anxiety about whether it will work out -- to the extent that it damages any hope of having a relationship? This is not uncommon, and is one manifestation of CPTSD. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has gradually gotten to know a good man, and has just begun to date him. As soon as she was sure the feelings were reciprocal, the panic set in. Listen to her story and my advice to her to save this budding relationship while she still can.

Download my FREE guide to the signs that tell you someone is "partner material." https://bit.ly/3KYOxP1

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Trauma Is a Multiplier for Isolation & Loneliness: Here's What to Do May 30, 2023

In the post-pandemic age of the internet, more people than ever are isolated and LONELY. People who have lived through trauma, especially in childhood, may have suffered neurological changes that make connecting even harder -- until you learn to heal. In this episode, I teach about trauma-driven loneliness -- what causes it, how to heal it, and how healthy solitude can be part of your healing. Has past trauma affected your ability to connect with people?

Download my free Connection Quiz here: https://bit.ly/3GLul0F

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Do You Procrastinate MORE Than Most People? Here's What to Do May 26, 2023

Getting things done is a HUGE problem for many people, especially with the neurological effects of trauma complicating your ability to focus, to maintain consistent energy levels, and to handle emotional upsets that are bound to happen from time to time. In this "best of" compilation, I share strategies for overcoming procrastination and "action paralysis." Learn how you can overcome limitations from the past and accomplish important goals that make you happy.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

These Triggers Are “The Tell” That You were Neglected and Ostracized As a Child May 23, 2023

Abandonment triggers can get activated when you feel rejected, overlooked, left behind and ostracized: If you grew up physically or emotionally neglected, abandonment wounds may damage relationships and professional opportunities. How can you tell if YOUR abandonment wounds are active? In this episode, I teach about the triggers that are common for people who carry wounds of abandonment and ostracization.

You Can Try the Healing Techniques I mention in this episode here: FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3A3v5dH

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Once Paralyzed By Fear, It's time to Reactivate Your REAL SELF Now! May 19, 2023

As a child you developed coping mechanisms to tolerate abuse and still keep your precious spirit intact. People with Childhood PTSD often internalize the hateful messages they received, and struggle to change their lives for the better. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who speaks to herself in the same cruel way her father once did. Hear my advice to her on how CHANGE the pattern of self-attack, and take positive actions toward a fuller and happier life.

You Can Try the Healing Techniques I mention in this episode here: FREE Daily Practice Course: https://bit.ly/3A3v5dH

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

If You Struggle To Maintain Good Relationships, THIS Is why May 16, 2023

In this "best of" compilation of earlier episodes, I teach about the ways Childhood PTSD and CPTSD can disrupt your ability to find, grow and maintain good relationships. Sit back and enjoy!

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Healing Past Trauma Is How You End the Evil Cycle & Shine GOODNESS On All May 12, 2023

When destructive people harm children, they literally introduce evil into those children's lives. Unless trauma is healed, this evil -- this harm -- is very likely to be passed from person to person, and generation to generation. It can STOP with you! Learn how healing trauma is the most important step you can take to transform yourself and change the course of history.

Learn a practical way to release resentful and fearful emotions: Take my free Daily Practice course here: https://bit.ly/3A3v5dH

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Fantasy Love & Under-Earning = ESCAPE Reactions to Early Trauma May 09, 2023

Emotionally immature and neglectful parenting may have left you with a huge developmental gap -- a failure to thrive -- unable to envision or pursue the future you need and deserve.The urge to ESCAPE is a normal response to trauma, and can show up as limerent obsession with someone you can't have, working in low-paying jobs that can never support you, and waiting for someone to come along and put your life on track. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman who is isolated in a job that doesn't pay the bills, who is longing for someone to scoop her up and help her feel like she's part of a family. Are you ready to radically heal your life?

Download my free worksheet ONE YEAR TO HEAL here: https://bit.ly/3DX1iWx

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Here's How to Communicate What YOU Want So People Respect You May 05, 2023

If you grew up with trauma and dysfunction you probably didn't learn how to recognize, communicate and hold your boundaries. In this "best of" compilation, I teach what boundaries ARE, why people often don't respect them and how to manage your words and actions so that people can't violate the limits you set for yourself and how you're treated. A lack of boundaries may be the BIG reason why you isolate yourself from others.

Take my Connection Quiz here: https://bit.ly/3GMCgdX

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

Burned Out, Resentful, and Busy All The Time? You Might Be an OVERFUNCTIONER May 02, 2023

Some people "underfunction" -- they struggle to get motivated, finish tasks, or pursue what they really want in life. But the opposite traits can be just as limiting: Overfunctioning is the name for when you take on more than your share of responsibility. You pay more than your share. You help people who haven't asked for help (and who could help themselves). You have an overdeveloped sense that YOU know best what others should eat, think and do. But overfuncitoning is a trauma-driven behavior, and leads to burnout, resentment and alienation for the people you love. Find out what it looks like and how you can start healing.

Are you dysregulated? Download my QUIZ here: https://bit.ly/3MJFZwA

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Send your questions & comments to: Hello@CrappyChildhoodFairy.com

You Think You're Helping, But You're Actually Pushing Your Friend Away Apr 28, 2023

It's not easy watching a friend make choices that YOU think are terrible mistakes. You might be right, but that doesn't mean it's helpful or supportive to keep pushing your advice on them. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has lost a friend whom she tried to warn about a job decision they were making. Finding out why I teach that believing you know BETTER than a peer how they should is a huge friendship mistake.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You can access my Connection Bootcamp course right here: https://bit.ly/3GLul0F

These Trauma Reactions Trigger Self-Defeating Behaviors Apr 25, 2023

Everyone has self-defeating behaviors, and everyone gets triggered sometimes. But if you grew up with abuse and neglect, it can be hard to control the emotional reactions that erupt when you're stressed, and this can lead to even stronger self-sabotaging actions. So much of the damage from childhood trauma lies in this trigger/emotiona/behavior sequence that can take place over and over throughout your life. But you can heal that sequence so that you can handle stress WITHOUT slipping into old patterns that have held you back. In this podcast I tell you how.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Download '16 CPTSD Behaviors That Sabotage Your Success': https://bit.ly/3MLVdkO

The Real Reason Your Friends Bail When You Need Them Apr 21, 2023

People who were emotionally neglected as children often find themselves by people who (you guessed it) emotionally neglect them: They don't want to hear you when it's your turn to talk. They don't want to help you when you need help -- even though you've helped THEM many times. If you find yourself hurt and resentful that your friends are self-centered, the change begins with you. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who wonders why her friends are like this; hear my tips for how she can change this pattern and enjoy reciprocation with good people who care.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Succeeding at Work You Love is a Powerful Part of Trauma Healing Apr 18, 2023

Work and career are important to success and happiness. But trauma from your childhood can trigger behaviors that block your advancement and ruin opportunities. In this podcast, I teach common trauma-driven behaviors behaviors that can hurt your work life, and how you can change and heal.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Stop Giving Away The INNER POWER You Need to Heal Your Trauma Apr 14, 2023

Trauma during childhood can teach you to "give away your power" through self-destructive tendencies, people pleasing, and an urge to flee conflict, responsibility, and intimacy. To heal trauma, you need your POWER -- the power to take care of yourself, to take action, and to hold boundaries against mistreatment by others. In this podcast, I teach about 20 ways that people with CPTSD sometimes give their power away -- and what to do to build it BACK.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You can access my Dating and Relationships course right here: https://bit.ly/3odjqGr

Past Trauma Could Be Why You Struggle to Get Things Done Apr 11, 2023

How hard do you work to keep your life on track? Some people with past trauma find they take on too much, while others are disorganized and procrastinate, hide from responsibilities, struggle to move forward toward goals. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman with CPTSD. She was forced to take on adult responsibilities as a child, and today finds herself under-functioning, and is ready to change the pattern.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

No More Fitting Yourself to Unacceptable People And Situations! Apr 07, 2023

When you were a kid, you had no choice but to adapt yourself to whatever neglectful hurtful treatment you received. But now that you're an adult, it's time to shed your ability to "Crapfit" -- my word for when you fit yourself to unacceptable people and situations. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who wants her boyfriend to treat her with more care and respect. But he doesn't seem to get the message. Hear my advice to help her stop crapfitting!

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

You can download "10 Things Romantic Manipulators Say" right here: https://bit.ly/3od3xzY

How to Hold Boundaries Kindly, Without Apology Apr 04, 2023

If you were raised by an emotionally unstable parent, you had no choice but to accept their chaotic life choices, lack of boundaries and ever-changing rules. This was a survival strategy for you, but now it's time to clarify for yourself YOUR needs, preferences and values -- and develop boundaries so loved ones can no longer take those away from you. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who is ready to set boundaries with her impulsive, demanding mother, but needs help preparing for the explosive emotions likely to follow.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Do You Procrastinate MORE Than Most People? Here's What to Do Mar 31, 2023

Getting things done is a HUGE problem for many people, especially with the neurological effects of trauma complicating your ability to focus, to maintain consistent energy levels, and to handle emotional upsets that are bound to happen from time to time. In this "best of" compilation, I share strategies for overcoming procrastination and "action paralysis." Learn how you can overcome limitations from the past and accomplish important goals that make you happy.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Facing Your Shame Lets You Heal It or Change It Mar 28, 2023

You may have been told that shame is just a way that bad people try to make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes this is true, but the harder kind of shame is "earned" shame -- where you feel badly about something you said or did, or failed to do. The trouble is, most of us are afraid to face shame feelings. "Shame shifting" is my term for when you feel shame and can't face it, so immediately begin to look for who to BLAME. Blame may make you feel better in the short term, but it hurts other people and stops YOU from facing yourself -- releasing shame where you can and amending mistakes you made in the past.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

The Destructive Attraction to Unavailable People: How to Heal Mar 24, 2023

One of the most brutal but deceptive symptoms of Childhood PTSD is the romanticization of unrequited love. Loving, available partners seem boring, while those who don't want you seem to represent a higher realm of being, and give you (if only in fantasy) the experience of great love and emotion. The compulsion to love unavailable people will rob you of all happiness, and any chance of real love. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who pours her life into creative collaboration with a man far younger who is not interested. Even while asking for help, she is caught in denial. Hear my answer to help her get free.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

Casual Sex Culture Is Toxic For People Who Were Neglected/Abandoned In Childhood Mar 21, 2023

"Cool Girls" are women who appear to feel relaxed and happy about "friends with benefits" relationships, and to have no expectations that get in the way of commitment-free sex. There's a lot of social pressure to be "cool," but for people who were neglected or abandoned as children, acting cool is a charade meant to cover what they've been told is shameful -- a desire for a serious and monogamous relationship. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman who has been brainwashed to believe her expectations are the problem. Hear my suggestions to get real with herself and change her entire approach to dating.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

The Trauma Won't Stop Until YOU Break the Cycle Mar 17, 2023

A history of abandonment in childhood makes you prone to attach to people who abandon you and worse. But focusing on the REASON for the pattern is an explanation, but not a solution. If your pattern is terrible relationships, you will keep having them until you get the power to live, and the will to change. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who is in her second abusive marriage; hear my advice to her for how to face what's happening, change her pattern, and salvage her future.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

If You Are Struggling To Connect With REAL Friends, You're Probably Doing THIS! Mar 14, 2023

If you're feeling alone, lacking friends or feeling that the friendships you have are shallow, fragile, or hurtful, you may be experiencing one of the most common signs that trauma in your childhood has affected you. Abuse and neglect can leave a lasting wound that makes connection with others difficult. But you CAN heal friendship wounds. In this compilation, I teach common ways you may be hiding who you really are, pushing friends away, or clinging to friendships that make your life harder. I teach how you can heal the underlying hurts, and free yourself to find the right people who "get you" and who support you in creating a happy, fulfilling life.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

Enroll in my Courses or Membership: https://bit.ly/3HP5qcf

10 Ways People With Childhood PTSD Self-Sabotage Mar 10, 2023

How many of your problems today were a) caused by things that happened to you in the past versus b) caused by trauma-driven behaviors that you haven't yet been able to change? You can't change the past but you CAN begin to change the habits and patterns that keep causing pain your life -- broken relationships, failed projects, lost opportunities. In this episode, I list ten common ways people who were neglected or abused sometimes sabotage their own success and happiness -- and what to do to break the cycle and start building a good life.

Take my FREE Course or Quizzes: https://bit.ly/40M2YeW

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Trauma Wounds Flare When You Try To Be Part of Groups? Here's How to Heal. Mar 07, 2023

People who were abused or neglected as children long to feel a sense of belonging. But when you join a group, you may often find you struggle to feel like you're truly a part of it -- and you may find excuses to stay on the periphery, or to leave. Few understand the way CPTSD is an injury to the ability to connect to other people; in this episode, I talk about what that feels like, and practical steps you can take to heal.

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Stop Playing Small: How to Recognize Partners Who Can Love You Mar 03, 2023

People who were traumatized as children often grow up to either avoid relationships or to choose unavailable people who not only leave them unfulfilled but blocks them from meeting appropriate, available people who might add happiness to their lives. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has never experienced more than fleeting relationships and knows that to find love; she'll have to choose differently. But how?

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LIMERENCE: Obsessing on Unavailable People Is an Escape from Your Own Life Feb 28, 2023

People neglected as children often find themselves drawn to partners who have an avoidant attachment style -- emotionally cold, often withdrawing love and connection unexpectedly, triggering anxious partners to blame themselves and work overtime to make the relationship work. In this podcast, I respond to a woman whose avoidant ex-partner wants to try again -- while he dates other women. Find out how I help her set boundaries and shed guilt about her role in the relationship's demise.

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LIMERENCE & Lost Love: What Happens When Your Ex Comes BACK? Feb 24, 2023

Past abuse and neglect can leave you vulnerable to the idea of a GREAT LOVE: The feeling that someone special is out there can keep you depressed, longing, and unable to form close relationships with people who are in your life now. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who has been cheating on her husband with her EX-husband, and though the ex is never really coming back, she can't let go. I'll teach concrete steps to recognize this kind of limerent relationship and to STOP mental obsession.

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Accept Them or Leave, But Stop Fighting Loved Ones Who Refuse to Change Feb 21, 2023

SO many of my letter writers were raised by alcoholic parents; it's rare that any of them recover, change their self-destructive behavior, or acknowledge the harm they caused. When such a parent is dying, is it wise to demand they stop drinking in order to receive your help? In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who is exasperated with her mother, who has cancer and flat-out refuses to stop her drinking and smoking.

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How You Unconsciously Signal to Others You're Not Partner Material Feb 17, 2023

People traumatized as children often struggle to name, hold and express their boundaries, especially when isolated and lonely. This can lead you to attack your own needs and expectations, and to cooperate with people who lead you on with hope of a relationship, but who only want to feed off your romantic energy and make you a "side-chick." In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman who fears that if she shuts the door on this type of friends-with-crumbs-of-benefits, she'll have no one.

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Do This To Get The Most Important Things DONE Now Feb 14, 2023

Almost everyone struggles with procrastination sometimes. But people who were traumatized as children, the most important work of your life may never get done because your instinctive reactions to stress, criticism and potential rejection can feel paralyzing. There is a way forward and in this podcast, I break it down, step by step so you can become productive, focused and full of energy to live your life.

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How To Know What You Really WANT Feb 10, 2023

How do you know when something is RIGHT for you? If you were traumatized as a child you may have lost the ability to sense "rightness" -- a true fit with someone you love, a job or decision. It's hard to know when a choice is your hearts desire and when you are motivated by someone else's agenda, or a need for security. When this happens, you can end up with a life that feels wrong and is full of regret, and that’s exactly what happened to a woman whose letter I'm answering in this podcast. We talk about the one she lost, her fierce regrets, and what she can do to discover the life that will truly make her happy.

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How to Break the Spell of Trauma Bond Relationships Feb 07, 2023

Can you be addicted to a person? If romantic relationships turn to obsession, especially after they're over, it's time to heal trauma bonds that "hook" you into people who are selfish, manipulative, and who "blow hot and cold." In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a man who struggles to detach from an ex who tries to keep him at arm's length but hooked on her all the same.

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Healthy People Look for These Characteristics in YOU Feb 03, 2023

Trauma clutters our lives and emotions with habits and behavior that drive away healthy people; this might explain why you perceive there are "no good people out there." To attract and connect with healthy people, prepare by brightening your "cab light." This is a metaphor for the characteristics (that healthy people seek in a partner) that signal psychological health and emotional availability. In this podcast, I walk through parts of life that may need a tune-up to shine your light and attract good prospective partners.

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CPTSD: Why You Cling to People Who Mistreat You Jan 31, 2023

When someone mistreated you, have you ever responded with a desperate attempt to win their love, attempting to completely change yourself into the person you THOUGHT they wanted? That is a destructive form of distorted thinking that is common in people who grew up with abuse and neglect. When someone is abusing you, the LAST thing you need is to abandon yourself -- to deny your perception and give away all your power. In this podcast, I answer a letter from a woman who fights to be reunited with an ex who discarded her and support her in finding a new way forward.

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CPTSD & Attachment Styles: Partners Who Trigger Abandonment Wounds Jan 27, 2023

People neglected as children often find themselves drawn to partners who have an avoidant attachment style -- emotionally cold, often withdrawing love and connection unexpectedly, triggering anxious partners to blame themselves and work overtime to make the relationship work. In this podcast, I respond to a woman whose avoidant ex-partner wants to try again -- while he dates other women. Find out how I help her set boundaries and shed guilt about her role in the relationship's demise.

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Codependents THINK They're Just Being Nice But Here's the Brutal Reality Jan 24, 2023

It's common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect to find themselves in codependent relationships. People use the term casually but being codependency fosters emptiness, poverty and rage. How can you tell if it's YOU or the other person who is bringing this to the dynamic? What role does CPTSD and childhood trauma play in developing codependency? In this podcast, I describe the brutal reality of codependent relationship dynamics and the price people pay until they heal.

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What to Do When They Don't Respect Your Wishes About Drugs and Alcohol Jan 20, 2023

You are allowed to set boundaries around other people's drinking and drug use -- but what does that mean? In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman whose partner agreed not to smoke cigarettes or weed but has now slipped twice. She dreads leaving him but worries his broken promises will never stop. Hear my advice for dealing with other people's substance use and what I learned from the addicts in my life.

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When Your Trust Is Broken, Past Trauma Flares (Here's What to Do) Jan 17, 2023

CPTSD conditions you to become depressed, confused, and sometimes paralyzed in the face of betrayal. In this podcast, I respond to a letter from a woman whose husband has been poking holes in their condoms, sending her into a spiral of confusion. Learn how trauma from childhood symptoms can be healed when you face lies and deception.

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Codependents THINK They're Just Being Nice But Here's the Brutal Reality Jan 13, 2023

It's common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect to find themselves in codependent relationships. People use the term casually, but being codependency fosters emptiness, poverty, and rage. How can you tell if it's YOU or the other person who is bringing this to the dynamic? What role does CPTSD and childhood trauma play in developing codependency? In this podcast, I describe the brutal reality of codependent relationship dynamics and the price people pay until they heal.

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Here's What It FEELS LIKE When Your Nervous System Is Dysregulated Jan 10, 2023

Dysregulation is a core symptom of Complex-PTSD. If you had a rough childhood, you may have thought these symptoms were your fault -- personal failings that you're ashamed you haven't changed yet. Once you know the normal signs that childhood trauma has impacted you, you can drop the guilt and learn to adopt workarounds that help you re-regulate and solve life's problems.

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How to Radically Change Your Life In Just a Year Jan 04, 2023

People with past trauma are often told that healing will take a LONG time. Some problems do take time, but others can be solved quickly by asking yourself the right questions. And solving one hard problem can pave the way for more positive changes that weren't possible before. In this podcast, I teach a powerful thought exercise that guides you toward actions you ALREADY KNOW you will stop negative patterns, heal trauma responses and change your life.

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These 10 Truths Clear Up Trauma-Driven Thinking and Empower You to Heal Jan 03, 2023

When it comes to healing CPTSD, there's abundant advice and hundreds of treatments, but few signs that any of it can truly change your life. If you're ready to move forward with your own recovery from past trauma, here are ten truths that will help you recognize and discard disempowering information and create an approach that works for YOU.

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Before You Ruin Another Friendship, Listen to THIS Dec 30, 2022

People who were abused and neglected as children often have more than their share of conflict and ruined friendships. In this episode, I teach the ways CPTSD can drive behaviors that damage your relationships, and what to do to heal.

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The REAL Reasons People Keep Breaking Up With You Dec 27, 2022

You may have been told that the reason people keep breaking up with you is because you're actually TRYING to recreate abandonment trauma from childhood. But what if the real reason is that Complex PTSD is driving your behaviors, and causing you to push people away? Here are tips for identifying why this keeps happening.

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Why It Feels Like The Person YOU CAN’T HAVE Can Make You Happy Dec 23, 2022

Infatuation with someone you can't have when it becomes overpowering enough, is called "limerence." It produces a fantasy that helps you escape what is tedious or sad in your life. But the addictive thoughts can only drain your energy and harm your real-life relationships. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has fallen in love with a caregiver who comes to the house to help her ailing husband. Find out what steps I teach to overcome limerence and restore fulfillment and happiness to life.

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Don't Argue or Fight With a NARCISSIST - Do This Instead To WIN EVERY TIME Dec 20, 2022

Opinion Bullies are narcissists who attempt to shame and control people who don't agree with them, and who refuse to be controlled. We once recognized them as the "mean drill sergeant" archetype by now they are everywhere; people with trauma wounds can be deeply triggered and prone to hide from bullies, rather than fight back. How can you hold your ground, and maintain your composure and your voice in the face of this behavior?

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Loneliness & Trauma Make You CLING To New (and Unhealthy) Relationships At ANY Cost Dec 16, 2022

Attachment wounds and the terror of being alone can drive you to rationalize HOLDING ON to broken people who have already left you. This common CPTSD symptom is one of the most destructive, draining you of happiness, the possibility of real love, and worse. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman trying to salvage a four-week relationship with a man who is in the midst of a dangerous mental health breakdown.

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He's Not In Love With You Yet: Here Are Signs to Give It More Time Dec 13, 2022

"I love you, but I'm not sure I'm IN love with you." If your partner says this, does it mean it's never going to work? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who has a good dating relationship but is worried her boyfriend's lack of zeal signals doom for the future. How can you tell if a relationship is worth more time?

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"Waking Up" Out of Romantic Obsession: How to Heal Dec 09, 2022

Limerence -- unrequited love that's obsessive and consuming -- can seize your mind and control your emotions. What happens when you "wake up" and realize you feel embarrassed about how your obsession affected the person on whom you were limerent, and everyone who witnessed your irrational behavior? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman who hasn't yet shaken off a feeling of shame about past limerence toward someone still in her social circle.

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You Long For A Great And Real Love Because You Are Meant to Have It Dec 06, 2022

Your Childhood PTSD symptoms have likely created a lifetime of problems in relationships choosing unavailable people, clinging to bad relationships or avoiding intimacy altogether. But the reason you long for a real love -- a "great love" even -- is because you were born to love and be loved. How does a person move past the hurts of the past and learn, at last, to love?

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Narcissistic Abuse: These Characteristics Make You Vulnerable Dec 02, 2022

When a partner manipulates and controls you, withholds love and demands fidelity -- these are signs of narcissistic abuse. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman struggling to finally close the door on an ex who behaves like a cult leader and must heal her vulnerabilities to cut him off for good.

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CPTSD and The Aversion to Decent People Who Treat You Well Nov 29, 2022

People who grew up in dysfunctional, neglectful families often find themselves attached to people who are LESS functional than themselves, and uncomfortable around people who are kind, decent, and living their lives well. Given that friends and associates are an important factor in how our own lives turn out, why would we sabotage ourselves like that? In this episode, I respond to a commenter with an interesting suggestion WHY good people feel "wrong" for us.

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Emotional Intoxication vs Emotional Sobriety: How to Heal A Little Each Day Nov 25, 2022

People who were abused and neglected as children sometimes struggle to stay emotionally "regulated." Part of healing is to learn to self-regulate; this is a skill that, in substance recovery programs is called "Emotional Sobriety." Is it the same with trauma? In this episode, I talk about ways to determine when you're emotionally "intoxicated", how to become emotionally sober, and the signs that you're making progress.

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How to Apologize Beautifully Nov 22, 2022

You know how when people give you a bad apology it makes you feel worse? Here's how to apologize the good way, the way that actually makes things better.

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CPTSD & The Toxic Love of Unavailable Partners: How to Get Free Nov 18, 2022

When you were starved for love and attention as a child, it harmed you emotionally, psychologically, and neurologically, even if the wounds didn't show. Neglect can cause problems connecting with people, detecting red flags, and discerning when a person has your best interests at heart (and who is just using you). In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who is worn out from a four-year relationship with a man who sees her just once a week for a few hours. Hear how I help her read the red flags and make a plan to change her life.

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Childhood PTSD Makes It Hard to Discern Good Partners: Here Are Some Signs Nov 15, 2022

Childhood PTSD can make all relationships seem frustrating and sometimes confusing, even when they're good. Is it your trauma symptoms, or is someone just not a good fit for you? In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman in a long-term relationship who finds herself reluctant to commit, AND reluctant to leave. Listen to my suggestions for her to determine if her boyfriend is a "keeper."

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These CPTSD Treatments Don't Work. Here's What Does Nov 11, 2022

When it comes to Complex PTSD, research has shown almost no definitive pattern of effectiveness associated with any particular approach to treatment. Thousands of practitioners and agencies claim that they treat the effects of childhood trauma, but do their approaches work? In this episode, I go through some of the popular treatments available and tell you what we know about them.

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Why I Quit Therapy Nov 08, 2022

If I had it to do over again, I would have stopped going to therapy long before I did. Most commenters on this channel told me they felt the same way; a few were astonished and wanted to know more. In this video, I explain WHY therapy not only didn't help me heal from Childhood PTSD / CPTSD, but how it put me at risk. Be sure to watch until the end! I talk about what DID enable me to heal, and the need for more self-determination around our own healing.

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CPTSD Therapists - Here's What To Look For Nov 03, 2022

So many people who endured abuse and neglect as children are STILL waiting to find real help for their trauma-related problems today. You hear people say “oh you should go to therapy --it totally changed my life!" and you think "I WISH I could find something like that but WHERE?" In this podcast, I teach you ten qualities to look for in a therapist who can help you heal from CPTSD.

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LIMERENCE: To Heal Obsession, Heal Wounds of Neglect Nov 01, 2022

People whose childhood emotional needs were neglected are often drawn into "limerent" relationships -- an infatuation or obsession with someone unavailable, uninterested, or unknown to you. This consuming kind of love (that gives nothing back) can devastate your happiness and leave you chronically isolated. In this episdoe, I answer a letter from a woman who has loved a man she barely knows for years. Find out how to spot the signs of limerence, and what you can do to heal.

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Magical Thinking Saved Your Childhood (But NOW It's Ruining Your Life) Oct 28, 2022

As a child, you developed the ability to use "magical thinking" to cope with abuse and neglect, but NOW, as an adult, it just might be blocking you from ever escaping troubled relationships, finding inner strength, and living a full life. In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who endured profound neglect as a child and has used magical thinking to tolerate rejection and grief as she lives in the house of an ex for who she still has romantic feelings.

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LIMERENCE: Abandonment Wounds Cue Partners to Discard You Oct 21, 2022

Any loss of a parent can leave an emotional wound on a child that affects them all their lives. How many times have you fallen for someone, only to find that you weren’t valued, your existence was a secret to someone's "real" relationship, relegating you to the status of "side chick?" The consequences of this pattern don’t just draw you to the wrong person; the pattern leads to behaviors that drive away good people who would otherwise seek a relationship with you. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman trying to find a way to either forget or transform a relationship with a man who treats her as a secret girlfriend.

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12 Common Symptoms of CPTSD from Childhood Oct 18, 2022

You may have suspected that abuse and neglect in your childhood still affects you now, or that you developed Complex PTSD as a result of what happened. Here are 12 signs of CPTSD that you can compare to the symptoms you experience.

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Why Hurrying is a Major Trigger for People with Childhood PTSD Oct 15, 2022

Hurrying is a huge trigger for CPTSD symptoms, amplifying dysregulation and all the other common side effects experienced by adults who grew up neglected or abused. Hurrying can increase anger and panic, and drain your ability to focus. And although you may think it is not possible to live without hurrying and overwhelm, you can teach yourself to notice when they're happening and slow, way down.

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Trauma Causes Emotional Dysregulation: Here's How to Heal It Oct 14, 2022

"You've got to learn to feel your feelings" is not always helpful advice for people who grew up with neglect and abuse. Emotional dysregulation is a common, normal, adult symptom of of complex PTSD that can make emotions too big, too intense, and even destructive to your life. Here's how to notice when your emotions are dysregulated, and what you can do to re-regulate them.

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Accepting Crumbs in Relationships is a Survival Strategy from Childhood Oct 09, 2022

Love is powerful: Even people whose parents exploited them still feel love, still long to be loved. Surviving abuse depended once on tolerating and fitting yourself to people who could not fully love. As an adult, this tendency keeps you trapped in half-love relationships. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a woman whose partner holds her at arms length with a lingering connection to his ex.

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These Dating Red Flags Mean STOP Oct 06, 2022

People who were traumatized in the past can be blind to dating red flags -- or you see them but ignore them! Here are 12 signs that someone is either unavailable, not into you, or just plain BAD for you.

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12 Signs That Someone Could Be a Great Partner For You Sep 28, 2022

You've heard of red flags, but what are the signs that someone might be a great partner? In this episode, I list what I call "green lights" - the signs that someone has what it takes for a good relationship.

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Do People TRIGGER You? CPTSD and Why We ISOLATE Jul 27, 2022

People who grew up with trauma in childhood often have a strong tendency to ISOLATE. One major reason is that interactions with people are TRIGGERING. Here are some of the common reasons people trigger us, with tips on how to CALM triggers and build more CONNECTION and social freedom.

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Magical Thinking Saved Your Childhood (But NOW It's Ruining Your Life) Jul 27, 2022

As a child, you developed the ability to use "magical thinking" to cope with abuse and neglect, but NOW, as an adult, it just might be blocking you from ever escaping troubled relationships, finding inner strength, and living a full life. In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who endured deep neglect as a child and has used magical thinking to tolerate rejection and grief as she lives in the house of an ex for who she still has romantic feelings.

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CPTSD Blinds You To Relationship RED FLAGS Jul 27, 2022

The problem with Childhood PTSD is that when we fall in love, the traumatized part of our brain kicks in and hijacks perception, driving us to to cling when it's time to step back, or even run. How can you change your trauma-driven dating patterns, and open the door to real love?

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Childhood PTSD and Loneliness -- How to Begin Healing Jul 27, 2022

Childhood PTSD is, in essence, an injury to our ability to connect with others. That's why so many adults who were traumatized as kids struggle with relationships, feeling disconnected in relationships or avoiding any deep or lasting connections. In this episode, you'll hear an expert from my online course, "Healing Childhood PTSD," you can learn about how early trauma impacts our ability to connect and walks you step by step toward the path of healing.

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LIMERENCE: Abandonment Wounds Cue Partners to Discard You Jul 27, 2022

Any loss of a parent can leave an emotional wound on a child that affects them all their lives. How many times have you fallen for someone, only to find that you weren’t valued, your existence was a secret someone's "real" relationship, relegating you to the status of "side chick?" The consequences of this pattern don’t just daw you to the wrong person; the pattern leads to behaviors that drive away good people who would otherwise seek a relationship with you. In this episode, I respond to a letter from a young woman trying to find a way to either forget or transform a relationship with a man who treats her as a secret girlfriend.

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Are You RE-Traumatizing Yourself? 16 Self-Defeating Behaviors Common with Childhood PTSD. Jul 27, 2022

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LIMERENCE: To Heal Obsession, Heal Wounds of Neglect Jul 27, 2022

People whose childhood emotional needs were neglected are often drawn into "limerent" relationships -- an infatuation or obsession with someone unavailable, uninterested, or unknown to you. This consuming kind of love (that gives nothing back) can devastate your happiness and leave you chronically isolated. In this episode, I answer a letter from a woman who has loved a man she barely knows for years. Find out how to spot the signs of limerence, and what you can do to heal.

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How COVERT AVOIDANCE Makes Your Life EMPTY Jul 27, 2022

If your life feels empty and lonely, despite the fact that you do all the things that are supposed to fill up your life -- you might be a COVERT AVOIDER. This is common for adults with CPTSD, who grew up with abuse and neglect. You might have a good career, you’re friendly, you’re interesting, there are people in your life -- but if you feel like nothing is CONNECTING, if it's all superficial and not giving you happiness, it’s time to ask yourself if you’re secretly AVOIDING your own life.

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Most CPTSD Treatments Don't Work. Here's What Does. Jul 27, 2022

In this EXCERPT from my most popular online course, Healing Childhood PTSD, I summarize new research demonstrating that conventional CPTSD treatments for the effects of childhood trauma are not likely to work -- and I teach about what DOES work.

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Five Steps to Protect Yourself from Opinion Bullies Jul 06, 2022

We're all sick and tired of people who not only push their opinions, but demand that you agree with them! People with CPTSD are particularly vulnerable to losing themselves in the presence of people who's agenda (or opinions) are stronger than theirs. Here are five steps to strengthen yourself against "Opinion Bullies."

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CPTSD and Visiting Family: Ten Tips for Self Care Jul 06, 2022

Lately, a lot of people who grew up with childhood trauma are going “no contact” with their families and loved ones. I hear people talking about it with relief and sometimes a sense of accomplishment. For many people, the abuse was egregious and may be ongoing; in these cases, walking away for good may be necessary and courageous. For others, going no-contact is an emergency form of self-protection that, over time, may not need to be permanent.

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Some People Don't Want You to Heal from Your Childhood Trauma Jul 06, 2022

You’ve probably noticed this: While there are people out there working for solutions and supporting those of us who want to recover from the effects of abuse and neglect in childhood, there are a large number, right in our midst, who want you (who think they NEED you) to stay damaged and a victim forever.

What can you do to distance yourself from discouragement and negativity? In this episode, I teach strategies to stay strong and avoid the temptation to stay stuck, so that others won't leave you.

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Your Red Flag Detector is Broken Jul 06, 2022

If you look around all the friends and partners you’ve let into your life... and discover that there’s a high proportion of troubled people and jerks, guess what? Your red flag detector is broken! It’s supposed to be warning you when bad people try to walk into your life (this goes for bosses and jobs too) you’re supposed to get a bad feeling, a sense of aversion to people and situations that are going to hurt you!

What shuts down that crucial function, is abuse and neglect in your childhood. It’s not your fault that this happened. But now it’s you and only you who can start healing that red flag detector!

People with Childhood PTSD and CPTSD too often go through life either alone, or in relationships where we’re not loved, not safe, and NOT HAPPY. If you’re wondering why you keep attracting people who are either not functional, not "into" you, or outright hurtful to you -- you’re going to listen to this episode. I'll tell you the steps it takes to change the signals you're sending to help the RIGHT person find you.

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Get Out of Brain Fog Jul 05, 2022

Brain fog is common for people who grew up with abuse and neglect -- that feeling of fuzzy-headedness, loss of focus (and sometimes memory) that make it a struggle to enjoy life and reach goals. Brain fog is one of the worst symptoms of Complex PTSD, yet it’s almost never talked about. Here are three powerful ways to break through and get back your mental clarity.

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Three CPTSD Behaviors that Push People Away May 27, 2022

Survivors of abuse and neglect in childhood often struggle to form and maintain good relationships. Trauma can injure our capacity to connect, but the bigger problem is that we have trauma-related BEHAVIORS -- sometimes subtle -- that push people away. In this episode, I talk about three common behaviors in adults with CPTSD, that could be blocking your ability to enjoy authentic, two-way connection with friends or potential partners.

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