The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Blame Shifting - A Powerful Tool for the Covert Narcissist (Special throwback Episode) Mar 21, 2024

Show notes

f you don't tell me to do it, then it is your fault that it didn't get done. If you tell me to do it, then it is your fault if it doesn't go right.
Have you ever heard these words or experienced these attitudes? Covert narcissists are SO good at dodging responsibility.
I used to wonder why he wouldn’t even choose the restaurant for our dinner. Many years later, I discovered that he wouldn’t choose so that nothing could ever be his fault. Why would he not make the plans for our vacation? But yet he would be so mad at me for the plans I made. He would not make the plans so that nothing would ever be his fault. And yet he would be mad at me because everything was my fault.
He didn’t help do the chores around the house because he didn’t want to do it wrong and make me mad. So he just did nothing! In his mind, then I could not be mad at him because he didn’t do anything wrong.
Blame shifting is a common weapon for a covert narcissist. If you are listening to this today - stop taking the blame for their faults. Stop taking responsibility for their stuff. You are not doing them or yourself any favors. They have their life to live. They have their own to answer for. Don’t let them lay this on your shoulders anymore!!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Strengthening Your Narcissist Immune System Mar 17, 2024

Show notes

We all have an immune system inside us. Its purpose is to fight harmful substances that enter the body. It builds a defense against invaders by keeping a record of every germ it has ever defeated so it can recognise and destroy the invading germ quickly if it ever enters the body again. This drastically limits the amount of harm an invader can do if they do manage to get in. In order to function properly, the immune system has to be able to tell the difference between invader cells and non-invader cells. So the system is constantly learning and evolving.

So what if we had a narcissist immune system?

An adaptive system that learns about previous exposure and protects us going forward. You already have this type of system. Let's learn how to maximize its potential! It is time to build narcissist resiliency.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Narcissism Spectrum (Special Throwback Episode) Mar 14, 2024

Show notes

Narcissism is not a clear cut issue. It isn’t a yes or no answer. It is an extremely complicated issue. One minute you can feel like you have a grasp on it, and the next minute that grasp simply disappears.

You can think you finally understand it and then be at a loss for words in trying to explain it to someone else. “I got it. This makes sense,” you think. The next day you wake up, and everything is all jumbled up again. What really is narcissism? Is this really how he/she is acting? Are they or are they not a narcissist?

Yes they are! Well, maybe they aren’t. No, they can’t be. Yes, they definitely are! Around and around we go inside our own heads.

Narcissism is not a pass/fail test. It isn’t you either are or you aren’t. It just isn’t that simple.
Narcissism is on a spectrum, with extreme codependency on one end and extreme narcissism on the other. In a very simplified explanation, codependency is putting everyone else’s needs far above your own, unable to care for your own needs. Narcissism is putting your own needs far above anyone else’s, unable to care for anyone else’s needs.
This spectrum is not static. People fluctuate on it. Just because you see narcissistic traits does not automatically mean your partner or family member is a narcissist. Equally true, just because you see some compassionate moments does not automatically mean that this person is not a narcissist.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism Q&A with Eleanor Marks Mar 10, 2024

Show notes

In this brand new series, I am doing a Q&A session with Eleanor Marks. We are answering questions that come directly from my Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. Today we begin with two questions.
John asks for tips and help on recovery in the early part of this journey, for help on how to heal.
Self-care is crucial when it comes to healing. Doing things such as journaling, meditating, and educating yourself are all vital steps on this journey. Challenging our own imperative thinking, such as "I should this or that," "I must do this better," and so on, takes the pressure off our own shoulders and gives us the breathing space we need for healing.
Maren asks I would like to know how best to handle a child who is so worried about hurting her father's feelings that she'll lie to not make him feel sad. He apparently feels sad quite frequently and she feels responsible.
Our kids go through much of the same confusion that we do. They work extra hard to keep the peace with the narcissistic parent too. Unlike adults, they do not have the life experience to figure out what is going on. Their cognitive dissonance lasts much longer. Finding ways to validate the compassion inside of them while also helping them to not taking responsibility for the manipulative parent is a tricky balance. One that will ebb and flow throughout the developing years of a child.
These are great questions. I hope you benefit from the episode. We will be doing more of these joint sessions. Join the Facebook group to follow the conversations there.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/covertnarcissism

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Story of Hope: Taking Pride in the Little Things Once Again Mar 07, 2024

Show notes

Today’s guest Dave shares his enjoyment is trimming the bushes in front of his house because now it is HIS house. After going through over two years of the divorce process, he finds peace for himself and his kids. He admits that it is incredibly difficult to celebrate this as he is flooded with sadness at the trajectory of his marriage. At the same time, though, he chooses to embrace the quiet peacefulness of his home.

The CNG group coaching session was pivotal for him. He began these groups just as he was beginning his discovery of covert narcissism and continued through much of his divorce process. During this time, he discovered the incredible value in helping others who are living this. As you are removed from the emotional heaviness of someone else’s situation, gaining perspective on their situation is easier to do. At the same time, it helps you to see your own situation in a new light.

For more information on the CNG group coaching sessions, please visit www.covertnarcissism.com

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Our Kids Need Us Mar 03, 2024

Show notes

Welcome back. I am again talking about covert narcissism, and in specific, parenting with a partner who is showing the traits of covert narcissism. These kids go through a lot. Everyone has wounds from childhood. This is true. But the more educated we can become about the types of wounds and specific nature of the wounds, the better we are able to heal our own wounds and also the better we are able to help our children.

I cannot express enough how important it is to live a life of growth, recovery, healing, self-reflection, accountability, vulnerability in front of your kids. Children learn by mimicking those around them. They copy behaviors to find what works for them and what doesn’t.

So in this situation, you already have one parent who is manipulative, coercive, controlling, passive aggressive, hyper sensitive, overly reactive, and taking no personal responsibility. Often in these homes, the non-narcissistic parent over-compensates. We try to control what our kids see and experience. We try to fix everything. We try to deny the reality that they are already living with the narcissistic parent in an effort to protect them from it. We try to be “perfect” for them.

What we are missing though is that our kids don’t need perfect, they need human!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Breaking the Internal Chains of Abuse (Special Throwback Episode) Feb 29, 2024

Show notes

Memories can absolutely haunt victims of covert narcissistic abuse for years!! They trigger us, causing massive internal reactions. Anxiety, tension, pain in the gut, shaking, twitching, upset stomach, increased blood pressure and heart rate, panic attacks, and so on.
All of this from a simple memory that still haunts you today. This is PTSD and can create problems for years, decades, even the rest of your life.
December 2nd was a significant day in my world with my covert narcissistic husband, who is now my ex. This year I was purposeful about breaking those memories and turning that date around in my world. Here is my story!!
Remember, you are stronger than you know! You can break these internal chains too! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

5 Effects of Covert Narcissistic Parenting on Our Kids Feb 25, 2024

Show notes

Covert narcissistic parenting has a massive effect on our children! It leaves gaping holes in their development, which can haunt them for the rest of their lives. And they have NO clue in the early years. They don’t see the abuse in those really young ages, but they certainly feel it.

Kids aren’t stupid, They know how they feel. They experience their feelings, even if they can’t verbalize them yet. They know when they feel loved and when they don’t. They know when they feel accepted and validated and when they don’t. But they are missing one key ability, the ability to lay blame where blame belongs.

There seems to be a pre-written script that will play out in most of these kids' lives, if not all. They will blame themselves, and this self-blame is so incredibly damaging!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Stories of Hope: Take a Sabbatical Feb 23, 2024

Show notes

I'm drowning in a world of narcissism. I think about it the minute I wake up, all day long, and the last thought before I fall asleep. It is all consuming. Never in my life have I ever absorbed as much information as I have on covert narcissism. I have watched every video, read every book, listened to every podcast, talked to anyone who would listen.

I just can't think about this any longer. Not one more thought. I just don't have it in me. I have nothing left! I can’t read another word! I have no room left in my brain. No space for one single thought more. It’s full. I’m full. I’m done. I need a break! But how? I don’t even know how to stop thinking about it, about him, about the abusive behaviors, the why, the how, the kids, the effects. How do I turn my brain off for a while?

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
Are you searching for people who get it?
Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
Are you running in circles in your mind?
Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com

Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert Narcissism and the Parent Label Feb 18, 2024

Show notes

"I am the mom! I know everything and am right about everything."

"I am the dad! I know how to handle life. Don’t tell me what to do."

It is true that parents know more than kids, yes. It is also true that parents have more life experience and thus can reason through things more than kids can. Sure. However, parents don’t know everything. They are not always right. Unless of course, you are a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists hide behind images that they believe give them superiority and status. Becoming a parent simply adds to their label repertoire. They wear that parent label as though it now means they are the dominant ruler of their kingdom, and the kids pay a price for this.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.