The Consumers

Latest Episodes:

25: Campbell's | The Consumers Ep. 25 Mar 11, 2025

Show notes

This week, the guys take a deep dive into Campbell’s—yes, the iconic soup brand. Their friend John Brase hooks them up with some sweet swag, and they couldn’t be more appreciative. Greg shares an inspiring story about never giving up on your dreams, while Tim and Sean take note. Meanwhile, Tim and Greg debate an important question: Just how much of an Eddie Haskell is Sean?
They explore the history of Campbell’s, spanning all the way from Napoleon to Andy Warhol. They also share their favorite Campbell’s classics and veer into medical side topics like lupus, ADHD, and thyroid eyes—could Sean have all three? Listener comments are as hilarious as ever, and the guys weigh in on what their audience should officially be called. Plus, a tasty surprise arrives in the P.O. box.

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24: Girl Scout Cookies | The Consumers Ep. 24 Mar 04, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, the Guys take a deep dive into the world of Girl Scout Cookies. But first, they kick things off with a wild mix of topics—nicknames, past Starbucks mishaps, and even a nod to The Golden Girls. Then, it's all about the cookies: their history, the recipes, and, of course, the heated debate over favorites (and just how much they should cost). Later, Greg puts Sean on blast—has he secretly been selling cookies door to door? Tim shares a legendary DJ gig with Tone Loc, and the crew reacts to some hilarious listener comments. And with a Cheesecake Factory rep on the way, one question remains—can Sean get fired twice?

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23: DQ | The Consumers Ep. 23 Feb 25, 2025

Show notes

This Dairy Queen episode kicks off with a birthday celebration for Tim. Sean and Greg share their recent casino adventures—and their less-than-stellar encounters with pit bosses. The guys break down what makes a great story (Greg prefers his short). Next, they take a deep dive into the origins of Dairy Queen and the unique charm of Texas locations. Their old pals Mookapotomis and Dustin Nickerson get mentions. Plus, is The Coterie the right name for The Consumers group? The listeners weigh in. As always, Sean introduces another freshly minted word of the week.

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22: Planters |The Consumers Ep. 22 Feb 18, 2025

Show notes

The podcast is evolving, and with that, we reunite with Randy Cash. Greg might still be recovering from a past spill, while Sean passionately defends the wonders of steam cleaning. The crew takes a deep dive into the history of Planters, with Tim dropping some serious Mr. Peanut knowledge. Lou Ferrigno gets a well-deserved shoutout—turns out, he’s still very much on the map. Listener mail from the Consumers PO Box delivers some top-tier surprises, and the guys reflect on what inspired them to start comedy. To wrap things up, Sean asks the big question: "What is Tourette’s?"

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21: Pepperidge Farms | The Consumers Ep. 21 Feb 11, 2025

Show notes

It is Pepperidge Farm Day! Things got a little dicey in Virgina. Randy takes another
beating for his private label proclivities. After a 73 episodes hiatus, Tim tries another
“Mmm Mmm Good” joke. Sean’s word of the week may become an integral part of the
podcast. Greg thinks 250 x 4 equals One Million; Sean’s grammar is an
embarrassment, and Tim struggles with the letter “S”. Tim and Sean double down on
the “Greg’s a bully” talk. We might have a new sign-off!

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20: Nerf | The Consumers Ep. 20 Feb 04, 2025

Show notes

It’s the long-awaited Nerf episode and we love it. Sean is heartbroken but hanging in there. Maybe he deserved it for making his sister cry back in the day. Tim and Greg bring up an old argument. Randy and Sean referee. Sean takes wordplay to another level. We are very proud. Sean checks out for a few minutes. When you offer to buy at Starbucks, Greg has a couple go-to bits.

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19: Ben & Jerry's w/Zoltan Kaszas | The Consumers Ep. 19 Jan 28, 2025

Show notes

Zoltan Kaszas, Ben, Jerry… It’s a loaded episode. Sean is an emotional wreck over
the Bills game and it turns out, that was probably a good hunch. Greg had a run-in at
Starbucks and Sean fights for him. We find out Tim is ice cream royalty. A lot of talk
about whether Tim’s “DC is the capitol of Virginia” comment last week is the dumbest
thing uttered in the history of the pod. Greg’s tongue is tied – probably 8 Mushmouth
moments. Greg tells some stories about Freddie D, his club owner mentor. Tim makes
a couple attempts at a Deadhead impression and will not reveal his inspiration. The
new shirts make an appearance. Tim foolishly risks our relationship with
Mookapotamus. The fans continue hate on the set and our guest sticks up for us.
Watch Zoltan’s latest special here!

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18: Uncrustables | The Consumers Ep. 18 Jan 21, 2025

Show notes

This week, the guys take a deep dive into the world of Uncrustables. Sean kicks things off by celebrating the Bills big win, while Greg shares a hilarious tale about his misadventures with a hybrid car. The trio dive into some big questions: Are Uncrustables throwing shade at Jif, and what’s the secret behind their runaway success? Sean pitches patenting his shirts, but does he have the "flash of genius" it takes? The verdict comes in quick. Plus, a new word of the week shakes things up. Uncrustables take center stage in the NFL, but can they legally own a whole sandwich? And in a shocking twist, the St. Louis Arch weighs in on the show.

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17: Otis | The Consumers Ep. 17 Jan 14, 2025

Show notes

This week, the guys take a deep dive into the history of elevators—but not before debating their "lower limit" for rating random restaurants. Greg sounds the horn (literally), and they tease the possibility of new merch with a special design inspired by Sean’s math. A heated discussion ensues: could Skippy ever sponsor the show? Greg isn’t exactly on board.
They also tackle some big questions: Why are some elevators so painfully slow? And what are the risks (and myths) about elevator safety? Along the way, they reminisce about a chaotic go-karting experience and question whether it’s worth trying again. Finally, the team contemplates whether their signature sign-off—“You have the right to charge your phone, and you have been consumed”—still fits.

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16: Bass Pro | The Consumers Ep. 16 Jan 07, 2025

Show notes

Sean and Josh take a trip down memory lane, sharing stories of opening for bands, while Tim reflects on how Ludo perfectly timed their hits for radio. Sean might have discovered the ultimate on-stage water, and Josh teaches the crew how to scale a fish before recounting a lonely late-night encounter at a McDonald’s drive-thru. Tim revisits a memorable road trip with Greg, where they stumbled upon the eerie remains of a Ruby Tuesday. Meanwhile, the guys debate whether Tim is secretly rocking Lululemon... Sean also shares memories of his first gig at The Funny Bone, and the group unanimously agrees: Groundhog Day is a cinematic masterpiece.

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